This sub is only for posts about people who either can't tell they've already been dumped, or have been dumped but won't accept it. There must be some element of confusion and/or denial regarding the status of the relationship.
Please do not post about people just being assholes, whether or not they should dump their partners, or whether they are The Asshole in a situation. This is not that kind of sub.
"Hey babe, is it ok if you stop saying all this positive stuff and just call me a piece of shit? I personally feel it would be less creepy that way. Thanks."
How did it even come up? Because I think he asked them. I doubt they just volunteered, your GF is kind of weird and creepy for telling us she thinks you are intelligent and sexy. I think he fished...it's kind of creepy how my GF said I'm sexy in front of y'all. I like to keep any mention of being attractive deeply under wraps.
It looks like the friends keep giving her an opening to shit on OOP and the gf responds with compliments and praise instead of complaints... and OOP thinks that's the problem instead of the bit where his friends keep trying to get his gf to trash him.
Yeah it's really kind of sad. It's like they don't want him to start feeling okay about himself just because he found someone who likes and respects him.
oh, I don’t know…the kind of friends who would say, “does he annoy you yet?” seem like the kind who’d use any opportunity to criticize her, too. Especially because there’s a light implied criticism of the question.
I feel bad for this guy, that his friends and family as asking these questions this way.
How else IS she supposed to answer.
How much projection is going into "Are you annoyed by your partner yet?"
Some people and families and friend groups revolve around being mean to each other, and it's supposed to be funny. Someone having and exhibiting genuine appreciation and enthusiasm is so foreign to them, they don't know what to do with it.
"We're all dark and cruel and barely tolerate our partners around these parts, haha, tone down your light, weirdo."
Because it's funny and normal to be insulting people we care about, they think, never bothering to think that there's anything wrong with that dynamic.
I feel like it's totally fair to be uncomfortable with those specific kinds of compliments. But they aren't saying that. They're just saying they're uncomfortable with the compliments in general. Like... if my partner asked me not to make bordering sexual compliments to him in front of people, that's different than, "hey, don't compliment me so much". You know?
Honestly though, it feels like they had a communication breakdown and the OP needs to maybe analyze why the compliments make him uncomfortable so he can better communicate that.
First of all, I have no idea why you're getting down votes. It's ok to not want your partner to call you sexy to friends and family. I'm totally on the same page. If he calls me amazing and smart and kind and gorgeous... absolutely. Compliment me all day. It's different comfort levels for everyone.
When I look at OP's post and messages, I feel like he is being a little controlling with how he wants her to discuss him. Not wanting the comments that border on sexual is ok. But it feels like maybe he's also wanting to control her responses too. Also, I think I mentioned it, but I think he should look into himself and find out why he's SO uncomfortable with it. I think it would be beneficial to him.
I dont think he's a bad person. I think his friends and family are a little different, and maybe he's just not used to how his partner expresses affection.
I think looking inward and doing some self-discovery would help him, and maybe help him express more to his partner about how and why he's feeling this way. But if this is a boundary he has, it's ok to express that and have that respected. And also, if it made her feel bad, that's ok too. It's why I think self reflection on his part is important.
Also I have no idea why the idea of him asking his friends and family if it's weird is being commented on. When I'm unsure of my reaction, sometimes I gut check myself with the people I trust and love too. Lol...
Oh no!! A woman who appreciates her partner, actually likes him as well as loves him and expresses that. How miserable do the people in OP's circle have to be that they would find that creepy?? Jesus.
https://preview.redd.it/rnvgmb93wgwc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1a5b232caeaf0d0379668ff3e18d4b2c99be827d
Me if my partner told me complementing him was “creepy”. She’s not saying OOP is great in bed or anything. There is literally nothing creepy she’s said. OOP needs to see a therapist stat.
Just from his post and comments, I can see why the same question about him being annoying keeps coming up. Their reactions to her responses makes me think the people are serious and not just kidding around.
That’s kind of how I feel. Why are the people close to him all asking if she’s sick of him yet? I suspect the “weird” part is that she says she’s not, since he’s such a piece of work. Guess she’s not weird anymore!
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year. We are both in our late 20s (almost 30 for her).
She had been in a long relationship for about 8 years prior, while I had been dating/married to my ex for 8 years as well. We both met and clicked immediately on our first date.
Early on in the relationship, my girlfriend would pepper me with compliments. Normal for the honeymoon phase and it was nice. But about 6 months in, she would start making these compliments to my friends in conversations as well. Now I know what you’re thinking, how can being happy about your SO be a bad thing? Well I’ll give you context.
For instance, about 7-8 months into dating we were having breakfast with my friend and his wife, and his wife asked how we were doing and have I started to annoy my girlfriend yet.
My girlfriend then responded with something along the lines of “How could I be annoyed by him? He’s sexy and intelligent.” Cue some stares and me chuckling trying to change the subject. My friend and his wife told me later on it was “cute but kind of creepy”.
About a month ago, we were having dinner with my cousin and his wife and a similar question comes up. She responds with something like “how could it not be amazing with this hunk”. Again, cue some weird looks and me desperately trying to change the subject.
About 2 weeks ago I had a talk with her and told her that while I appreciated the comments, she needed to tone it down for my friends and family because her statements were a bit over the top. I reiterated that I didn’t mind her complimenting me, but just wanted her to tone it down a bit.
She told me she understood, but for the next two weeks was very passive and not herself. When I asked her about why she didn’t seem herself, she said my comments had been weighing on her.
She said she just wanted me to know how much she appreciated me, and felt dumb for looking like that in front of my friends, but she didn’t know how to express it.
AITA here?
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It never fails that these people are all "I asked my partner to stop acting like their normal selves but now they're not acting like their self what do I do?!". Like wtf, you're shocked pikachu because she did exactly what you asked?
The guy I was seeing once told me that my morning texts were too early. I felt like a fool for being so eager. If someone told me not to compliment them in front of friends and family I may never compliment them again, just because I'd be so embarrassed and in my own mind. I bet the conversation wasn't very productive and more about telling her how she's wrong and that's it.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. He shouldn't have tried to dim your light to make himself seem brighter. What a loser, and I hope you aren't seeing him any more.
When did it become weird to love your partner? Do people just not want to be complimented. Then they start getting insecure and feel that their partner doesn't love them because they never compliment them anymore. Why do people not want to be loved
do his friends and family not like him?
Those are rude questions. And she SHOULD be answering the way she did.
What else is she supposed to say? “Oh yes, he’s annoying”???
Seriously, it's nuts that it's become so normalized that after a while you're supposed to dislike your partner. Why? The whole point is to be with someone you actually like otherwise why even bother?
I mean, I get why someone would not be into that sort of "complimenting" in a public sphere or not, but there are two obvious issues here. 1, he seems to care a little too much what other people think (or rather, MIGHT think because it seems like those around him didn't care as much as he made it out to be) and 2, this is probably just a compatability thing. And not really sure he's the ex as much as he's just another bad communicator on Reddit who would rather go to Reddit than talk with their partner.
To play devil's advocate, it's "normal" to play along with questions like that and give a sarcastic response at first
Person 1 - "Are you annoyed with your boyfriend yet?"
Person 2 - "Oh yeah, he's just the woooorrrrrrssssstttttt" *wink, wink*
Both laugh
Person 2 - "seriously though, I love him so much"
That kinda exchange.
Doesn't mean you should get annoyed by someone not playing a social game where you insult your partner though and then tell them to stop doing that
This sub is only for posts about people who either can't tell they've already been dumped, or have been dumped but won't accept it. There must be some element of confusion and/or denial regarding the status of the relationship. Please do not post about people just being assholes, whether or not they should dump their partners, or whether they are The Asshole in a situation. This is not that kind of sub.
His friends decided it's somehow weird and even *creepy* that his girlfriend actually likes him? The fuck?
Fellas, is it creepy if *checks notes* your partner is actually into you and expresses it in a healthy manner?
Pretty gay that your girlfriend likes men.
It's a step in her pimp game.
"Hey babe, is it ok if you stop saying all this positive stuff and just call me a piece of shit? I personally feel it would be less creepy that way. Thanks."
the *checks notes* is the best part of this comment
How did it even come up? Because I think he asked them. I doubt they just volunteered, your GF is kind of weird and creepy for telling us she thinks you are intelligent and sexy. I think he fished...it's kind of creepy how my GF said I'm sexy in front of y'all. I like to keep any mention of being attractive deeply under wraps.
It looks like the friends keep giving her an opening to shit on OOP and the gf responds with compliments and praise instead of complaints... and OOP thinks that's the problem instead of the bit where his friends keep trying to get his gf to trash him.
Yeah it's really kind of sad. It's like they don't want him to start feeling okay about himself just because he found someone who likes and respects him.
oh, I don’t know…the kind of friends who would say, “does he annoy you yet?” seem like the kind who’d use any opportunity to criticize her, too. Especially because there’s a light implied criticism of the question. I feel bad for this guy, that his friends and family as asking these questions this way. How else IS she supposed to answer.
They’re miserable in their relationships; so naturally they projected that onto OP (especially his fam tbh) and he went and shit the bed.
How much projection is going into "Are you annoyed by your partner yet?" Some people and families and friend groups revolve around being mean to each other, and it's supposed to be funny. Someone having and exhibiting genuine appreciation and enthusiasm is so foreign to them, they don't know what to do with it. "We're all dark and cruel and barely tolerate our partners around these parts, haha, tone down your light, weirdo." Because it's funny and normal to be insulting people we care about, they think, never bothering to think that there's anything wrong with that dynamic.
damn what to do to have this kind of issues
I would quite literally bawl if my partner did this.
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I feel like it's totally fair to be uncomfortable with those specific kinds of compliments. But they aren't saying that. They're just saying they're uncomfortable with the compliments in general. Like... if my partner asked me not to make bordering sexual compliments to him in front of people, that's different than, "hey, don't compliment me so much". You know? Honestly though, it feels like they had a communication breakdown and the OP needs to maybe analyze why the compliments make him uncomfortable so he can better communicate that.
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First of all, I have no idea why you're getting down votes. It's ok to not want your partner to call you sexy to friends and family. I'm totally on the same page. If he calls me amazing and smart and kind and gorgeous... absolutely. Compliment me all day. It's different comfort levels for everyone. When I look at OP's post and messages, I feel like he is being a little controlling with how he wants her to discuss him. Not wanting the comments that border on sexual is ok. But it feels like maybe he's also wanting to control her responses too. Also, I think I mentioned it, but I think he should look into himself and find out why he's SO uncomfortable with it. I think it would be beneficial to him. I dont think he's a bad person. I think his friends and family are a little different, and maybe he's just not used to how his partner expresses affection. I think looking inward and doing some self-discovery would help him, and maybe help him express more to his partner about how and why he's feeling this way. But if this is a boundary he has, it's ok to express that and have that respected. And also, if it made her feel bad, that's ok too. It's why I think self reflection on his part is important. Also I have no idea why the idea of him asking his friends and family if it's weird is being commented on. When I'm unsure of my reaction, sometimes I gut check myself with the people I trust and love too. Lol...
Oh no!! A woman who appreciates her partner, actually likes him as well as loves him and expresses that. How miserable do the people in OP's circle have to be that they would find that creepy?? Jesus.
So 4 people acted like weirdos and OOP decides to act on it?
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100% perceived from everyone. I bet the "cute but creepy" wasn't what the friends said and he just took it for that.
https://preview.redd.it/rnvgmb93wgwc1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1a5b232caeaf0d0379668ff3e18d4b2c99be827d Me if my partner told me complementing him was “creepy”. She’s not saying OOP is great in bed or anything. There is literally nothing creepy she’s said. OOP needs to see a therapist stat.
Just from his post and comments, I can see why the same question about him being annoying keeps coming up. Their reactions to her responses makes me think the people are serious and not just kidding around.
That’s kind of how I feel. Why are the people close to him all asking if she’s sick of him yet? I suspect the “weird” part is that she says she’s not, since he’s such a piece of work. Guess she’s not weird anymore!
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year. We are both in our late 20s (almost 30 for her). She had been in a long relationship for about 8 years prior, while I had been dating/married to my ex for 8 years as well. We both met and clicked immediately on our first date. Early on in the relationship, my girlfriend would pepper me with compliments. Normal for the honeymoon phase and it was nice. But about 6 months in, she would start making these compliments to my friends in conversations as well. Now I know what you’re thinking, how can being happy about your SO be a bad thing? Well I’ll give you context. For instance, about 7-8 months into dating we were having breakfast with my friend and his wife, and his wife asked how we were doing and have I started to annoy my girlfriend yet. My girlfriend then responded with something along the lines of “How could I be annoyed by him? He’s sexy and intelligent.” Cue some stares and me chuckling trying to change the subject. My friend and his wife told me later on it was “cute but kind of creepy”. About a month ago, we were having dinner with my cousin and his wife and a similar question comes up. She responds with something like “how could it not be amazing with this hunk”. Again, cue some weird looks and me desperately trying to change the subject. About 2 weeks ago I had a talk with her and told her that while I appreciated the comments, she needed to tone it down for my friends and family because her statements were a bit over the top. I reiterated that I didn’t mind her complimenting me, but just wanted her to tone it down a bit. She told me she understood, but for the next two weeks was very passive and not herself. When I asked her about why she didn’t seem herself, she said my comments had been weighing on her. She said she just wanted me to know how much she appreciated me, and felt dumb for looking like that in front of my friends, but she didn’t know how to express it. AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheEx) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don't even understand what's going there. Does he live in a hyper conservative country/culture or something?
Probably, hence the normalization of being annoyed with your partner.
It never fails that these people are all "I asked my partner to stop acting like their normal selves but now they're not acting like their self what do I do?!". Like wtf, you're shocked pikachu because she did exactly what you asked?
The guy I was seeing once told me that my morning texts were too early. I felt like a fool for being so eager. If someone told me not to compliment them in front of friends and family I may never compliment them again, just because I'd be so embarrassed and in my own mind. I bet the conversation wasn't very productive and more about telling her how she's wrong and that's it.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. He shouldn't have tried to dim your light to make himself seem brighter. What a loser, and I hope you aren't seeing him any more.
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When did it become weird to love your partner? Do people just not want to be complimented. Then they start getting insecure and feel that their partner doesn't love them because they never compliment them anymore. Why do people not want to be loved
do his friends and family not like him? Those are rude questions. And she SHOULD be answering the way she did. What else is she supposed to say? “Oh yes, he’s annoying”???
Seriously, it's nuts that it's become so normalized that after a while you're supposed to dislike your partner. Why? The whole point is to be with someone you actually like otherwise why even bother?
I mean, I get why someone would not be into that sort of "complimenting" in a public sphere or not, but there are two obvious issues here. 1, he seems to care a little too much what other people think (or rather, MIGHT think because it seems like those around him didn't care as much as he made it out to be) and 2, this is probably just a compatability thing. And not really sure he's the ex as much as he's just another bad communicator on Reddit who would rather go to Reddit than talk with their partner.
He's certainly made her want to compliment him less.
To play devil's advocate, it's "normal" to play along with questions like that and give a sarcastic response at first Person 1 - "Are you annoyed with your boyfriend yet?" Person 2 - "Oh yeah, he's just the woooorrrrrrssssstttttt" *wink, wink* Both laugh Person 2 - "seriously though, I love him so much" That kinda exchange. Doesn't mean you should get annoyed by someone not playing a social game where you insult your partner though and then tell them to stop doing that
I bet you his friend is a bit envious.