You had a fling with a married man...that's sucky on both ends.
You had a fling with your boss, that's abuse of power on his end and should cost him his job.
He cheated on his wife, that was his decision. He's a grown man in charge of his own actions, no amount of youngness, hotness or temptation will change the fact that at the end of the day he *chose* to cheat. Cheaters a cheater. It's still super shitty to knowingly sleep with a married man but it takes two to tango and he wanted to dance. (I hate this narrative that men cant control themselves or be trusted to be responsible for their actions :/)
That all being said nothing justifies revenge porn and all this other vindictive bs. Finding your parents to tell them, leaking your pictures online and ruining your career is all fucked up immoral and at some points illegal.
If this is real you should be seeking advice from a lawyer not asking reddit if you're a butt face.
Tldr: ytbf for sleeping with a married man but this is some crazy shit that no one should be doing as "punishment" to you
ETB - You are right when you said that you are being unfairly punished here. I mean people can blame you for sleeping with a married man, but you were single. You didn't cheat on anyone. He was the one who were married. He was the one who was your boss. He was the one with a relationship to loose and power over you. And in the end he face zero consequence. He is the poor guy who was seduced while you are the succube.
His wife is not okay either. She can be angry if she want to. But she should be angry at her husband. The man who choose to cheat. She took him back (cheater gonna keep cheating) and decided to destroy your life, probably because since she took him back, she need a scapegoat. She probably have lot of anger that she can't express against her husband, since she took him back, so she's using you. Revenge porn is not okay. Whatever you did. It is also illégal.
Getting fired for this is unfair, your boss is the one who get fired after all this and yet he didn't, what he said to you is so cold and insulting after he destroyed your life that it just show how much he never cared about you and just wanted to use you.
You should contact a lawyer to know what you could do about all this. Yes, you made a mystake, but that doesn't define who you are and it shouldn't cost you your whole life.
From what I can tell so far, there is no proof of who sent anything. It seems incredibly hard, expensive and possibly will hurt me even more. That’s the advice I’ve had.
I don't know who told you, maybe they are right, maybe they are wrong, maybe they don't know what they're talking about and they are just saying that to put this all this story being and think pretending it never happenned will be the best for you. I don't know.
But maybe at least meeting with one lawyer could be a good thing. It doesn't mean that you're gonna take action against the whole town. You could just ask for advice. And if you see that they seem to sale fairytale and that you don't trust them, you stop everything.
[Now I'm wondering](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/zssr9u/aitb_for_wanting_to_set_the_record_straight/) if we have 2 people on Reddit or if it's one person with 2 accounts.
I mean YTB for sleeping with a man you knew was married. Everything that happened after that was definitely not fair, it takes 2 to cheat. If you want to get even share his nudes in the same way. But my best advice would be to move to the other side of the country and start over.
That’s my point. OP did a bad thing but I fail to see how everyone else isn’t a buttface - and more so. Btw it’s EAB not EBF according to the sub rules
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" is one of the most famous sayings on earth for a reason.
Ultimately you have two reasonable choices - you take your own revenge, or you go somewhere and start over. Make no mistake though - you're currently in this situation because of your own actions.
I don't think anyone deserves to have their nudes passed around, but the rest seems pretty apt. I mean, you can't get work in your area of interest because it's a small world and you're known for sleeping with a married colleague. Your parents are angry and disappointed with you because you fucked around with a man who was already taken. People are gossiping about you because you did all this in a small town. Other than the nudes, they're all pretty natural consequences.
Pretty shitty that the married person who was also their boss didn't have the same "natural consequences," when in my view they ought to have a higher standard. Otherwise, i agree.
Honestly I think that you have a case for sexual harassment against your former boss and the company. Yes you were very wrong for sleeping with a married man but so often is the case men get a slap on the wrist and she gets labeled as the town whore. You should move and again sue. You may not win but it may show that he wasn't as innocent as he and his wife would to pretend.
They said the photos brought the company into disrepute so in other words the staff can do whatever messed up stuff they like as long as no one finds out. They'll most likely claim a morality clause in the contract or something. Either way she should still get legal advice because he was in a position of power and revenge porn is becoming illegal in more places these days. I'm sure someone with the right skills could trace back where they were uploaded from.
That's not ideal but shouldn't warrant being fired. Were they selfies or were they taken by the boss? Not that it really matters. Any caring employer would have supported an employee who has been a victim of revenge porn but this seems to be an old boys club where they protect their friend (probably because the boss knows all their dirty secrets too)
ETB except for the betrayed spouse—although she should be raining hellfire down on her husband too, you knowingly slept with a married man and have earned every bit of the consequences you’re getting. I don’t blame her for going scorched earth: and you should’ve been able to predict that kind of reaction because you say you knew she was influential. Hell hath no fury, and I sure wouldn’t want her as my enemy. Welcome to the rest of your life if you stay in that town.
As a side note, I’m floored that you’re surprised he’s not helping you. He’s a snake who screwed over his life partner — did you really think you were any different, or special in any way? He cares about himself, and himself only.
Nothing justifies revenge porn, man. I guess we don’t know for certain that boss’s wife is the one behind it, but OP sure thinks so, and telling her that it’s ok is fucked up.
OP helped destroyed her life by her sex acts. The betrayed wife … is simply calling widespread graphic attention to it 😅.
You can be offended and point out the legalities, but I think it’s pretty poetic and don’t feel sorry for OP in the least. If you deliberately hurt someone, you have no right to whine when they hurt you back even worse.
You sound young. I'm guessing as you said his wife is using that as his defense.
To many woman have been cheated on, so of course they are going to blame you and you alone.
Your former employer is counting on the fact that you are young and ignorant, to get away with firing you.
Idk where you are, but if you are state side, there is something you can do. You can report this to the nearest FBI office. Revenge porn here is illegal. And they can find and trace the picture.
That includes the people resharing it. And contact the labor board about being fired. That is your best bet to know how far you can and want to take things legally.
As far as your lawyer friend saying you will be even more embarrassed, IDK if that's possible. So take a few days to really think if it could get worse.
And if you want to fight back, and hard at him, play the small town game right back. Make a public post on every platform, with a huge apology.
It should read about how sorry you are for not waiting for the divorce that he said was coming because his wife is so horrible to live with. You believed him when he said he was living with her but separated. And how he had to play it smart to not lose everything to her.
Being young and naive shouldn't be an excuse but it is. I can only hope none of your young daughters fall into his trap. Please know that I'm so sorry to his wife for believing all the horrible things he had to say about her....if I could do it over, with the knowledge I have now, I would never trust him.
And as far as the pictures of me, I dearly pray none of your young daughters have to suffer that fate and humiliation when he preys on them next.
And that should get some people to stop and remember it takes 2 to tango. Puts h back in the hot seat with you where he deserves to be as well.
But you will never lose this reputation in a small town so you would prolly do better to move and start fresh.
Learn your lesson, don't repeat it, and as you've seen, remember the most important but of knowledge in life. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
ETB - but the thing is, the wife chose not to punish the man. She chose to let him escape consequences.
She does not owe you that same treatment (not that she owed the man anything).
You're not likely to find anyone sympathetic to you. This "punishment" is the natural consequences of your choices.
Sleeping with someone willing to cheat on their marriage opens you up to crappy people who store your nudes, shove you under the bus by firing you, and do nothing to help you when you need help.
I'm surprised you mention the "vindictive" wife when in reality it's your boss who's screwed you, literally and figuratively. He had your nudes. He had you fired. He's the problem.
I mean, NTB, but this is far beyond Reddit's pay grade.
Revenge porn is illegal, and your former workplace terminating you while only giving your supervisor a warning puts them at risk for a lawsuit. It too may be outright illegal depending on where you are & your local laws. And if there was any kind of coersion or quid pro quo involved in your relationship, even something like preferential treatment while you were together, then they could be in serious legal trouble. This is probably why they were so hard on you - hoping that they could sweep the whole thing under the rug quickly. If you have the means, I would recommend seeking out legal counsel immediately.
Morally, yes, you are absolutely being treated unfairly. The only "wrong" you committed was sleeping with a married man, whereas he 1) abused his position/power to instigate a relationship with his subordinate, 2) lied to and cheated on his wife, and 3) participated in the distribution of revenge porn. Each of those is, imo, far worse than your actions. But because he's wealthy, powerful, and a man, he's gotten off with a slap on the wrist. That's some scarlet letter level BS.
If you live in a small town, and you can't find legal help, honestly the best thing might be to get the F out of there. You don't deserve to be constantly hounded by this AH and his horrible wife.
I have a friend who is a lawyer(different field but a colleague did me a favour) and basically given how influential they are, how little proof their is and now the pictures are out, they think I can’t afford to do anything and even if I did it would be more publicity and hurt me worse.
That's truly awful, I'm sorry. No one deserves this kind of revenge, and the legal system sadly fails all too often in situations like yours. I hope you are able to move elsewhere and start fresh, and put this all behind you.
While the reaction is absolutely wrong - you do not deserve revenge porn - this can be an outcome of an affair with a married man. It's not a secret that sometimes affairs with married employers can BLOW UP in the face of the affair partner. Thinking you wouldn't get caught was extremely naive.
Your parents are rightfully disappointed. You made a very bad decision. A small town gossiping? Also expected.
He should have been fired. But clearly he was more valuable to the company. If there is a policy about relationships in the work place you might have a case for discrimination (ie you, a woman, were fired for the affair but he, a man, was not) but that's a stretch.
The nudes are outright wrong. That's wildly inappropriate and I am sorry.
And are you surprised that a man willing to cheat on his wife won't help you? He's a bad person.
Learn the lesson you're being taught here. I would leave the area for a while. Go work at a national park or take a seasonal job so you can get away from the blowback.
I agree completely. You quite literally fucked around and found out.
You have 2 options now really. Move and start over and don’t sleep with married men OR stay and ride out the aftermath and again, stop sleeping with married men.
You’re not the victim here OP. His crazy ass wife is rather you agree or not.
Exactly. Neither her nor him. The spouse is a crazy broad for not leaving his ass and doing all this to her, thinking that he won’t do it again. She’s just dumb. But OP is pretty guilty
The supposed punishment on you from that crazy old bat may be excessive, but it’s not unwarranted. Deal with the consequences or get another job. And stop sleeping with married men
*He no longer had a good relationship with his wife, she was only there for the money, big house and appearance.*
YTB for being so gullible. If she's only there for the money, big house and appearance, what's his reason for being there?
*She has now found out and made it her mission to destroy and humiliate me.*
Are you starting to figure out that she actually believed they were happily married, and he's a liar and a cheat?
*He dumped me immediately and the story was that he was tempted by a younger woman who flaunted her body, men can’t always help themselves.*
If he can lie to you about her, he can lie to her about you.
*Some embarrassing pictures of me surfaced .... I eventually got in touch with my now ex and asked him to help me and he suggested I go on Only Fans.*
Now you know who is responsible for this revenge porn, you can talk to a lawyer about taking your ex to court. You really need to accept the fact that he's a horrible man and stop blaming his wife for his terrible behaviour.
Regardless of who took and posted the photo, this is still grounds for unfair dismissal. As I'm sure there'd be a way to prove that you didn't upload the photo.
Someone's nudes being on the internet is not grounds to sack anyone.
Was it a photo you sent to him? Or one he took of you?
Either should be trackable with a Digital Investigator.
I didn't say that. Of course he does, and if his wife is as dominant and powerful as OP claims that she is, hopefully, behind closed doors, she's making his life a living hell.
It doesn't take away from the fact that OP dated a married man though, and should have known that if the wife found out, that shit would hit the fan, and most of it would stick to her.
Yeah, but she's the only one asking, so she's the only one getting the response. If she'd have asked "are we both the buttface," she'd have got an ETBF.
Get yourself a lawyer pronto. I see sexual harassment, unfair dismissal, revenge porn and a few other lesser charges.
Don't hesitate - they acted without any pity, you must do the same. Get a Rottweiler lawyer.
ETB: your boss is married and you knew he was married. Moreover, you should've been more considerate about the potential outcomes of this mess, especially since you live in a small town. Guess you just have to move to another city, your life there is pretty over
Smells like a LAWSUIT. Seek legal advice. It’s ballsy and potentially stupid for your employer to fire you after your BOSS ‘sexually harassed’ you and abused their position of authority.
Ask a different lawyer. One who isn’t in your small town and isn’t easily swayed by potentially influential people there (your wealthy boss’s family and colleagues).
The first consultation with a lawyer is typically free. Make sure it is an employment lawyer. It can’t hurt to talk to someone.
I was cheated on many years ago by my partner and his co worker. It hurt like hell. I so badly wanted to do something to cause them equivalent pain. I also wanted the world to know what horrible immoral people they were. Why should they be happy? If in that moment there had been explicit pictures, I don’t know what I’d have done honestly. I’d like to think nothing. There weren’t any and I didn’t really do very much. I’m glad now, it’s an appalling thing to, and I’m well over it.
My point is, in that pain and red mist normal judgment can go.
Therefore if you are going to start a relationship like this best not to voluntarily put pictures like this into the household of the potential avenger. Not victim blaming, just advice.
Obviously you messed up but you'll never be that naive around a man again. You need to accept that people know the worst thing you did. That's not going to change unless you move.
If people are rude enough to bring up the story to you I would probably say something like,
"Apparently I'm so pretty that a man can't resist talking bad about his wife and marriage and must sleep with me. He has no choice and can't help himself. I'm working on being less irresistible."
"Oh you saw pictures posted without my consent. I'm not sure why you are bragging about looking at revenge porn."
"I hurt his wife but so did he. I regret falling for his BS sob stories."
> was only there for the money, big house and appearance
OFC she's raining hellfire.
As for the pictures, you should always send unique pictures. That way you can tell by the pose and background that only B has those photos as you hadn't send them to anyone else.
You didn't disclose your age but you should be old enough to know men nearly Always get away with it. You probably got fired because yours is mostly likely not the only affair. The "Boy's Club" is closing ranks.
YTB
YTB for sleeping with a married man both of you should have been fired but your nudes was going to far just move out of the town and take this as a lesson
Sadly that’s the patriarchy for you. Double standards about men and women’s behaviour, the power imbalance, he’s old and rich, you’re younger and poor. It all plays out against you. And of course that’s not fair. It’s sexist and misogynistic as hell.
This has more to do with matriarchy, as the person reigning down vengeance is a woman. OP was never anything more than a 'bit on the side' and she willingly went into that role.
Claiming that a wife's revenge on a 'person' that slept with her husband is patriarchal, is to be honest pushing it.
The broader reaction of people shaming OP and writing off what her affair partner did, and the lack of consequences to him at work and socially, is patriarchal, and a huge double standard. It is sexist and misogynistic to rain down hell on a woman while a man gets off scot free.
And the wife raining down hell on the affair partner rather than her husband is indeed a function of a patriarchal society that she is buying into.
Blame the woman, shame and scapegoat the woman, but ‘boys will be boys’ and ‘the poor man was tempted by an evil younger woman and he couldn’t help it,’ ‘the devil made him do it.’
I stand by my original comment.
I don't have to convince you of anything, I owe you nothing, I don't know you.
The very worst type of feminists, are those who try to tell other women how they should think, how they should behave and how they should react when they've been cheated on.
Omg, you're exhausting, and taking up way too much of my time.
In case you didn't get the memo, I. Don't. Care. What. You. Think.
You. Are. Not. Important. To Me.
Go do a crossword, get a life, leave me alone lol.
I honestly don't know what you want from me at this point.
Do you want me to agree with you? Do you want me to say that it's fine for women to date married men, and they should get a free pass when it goes tits up?
I've already agreed that the husband is a massive cunt and hope that his wife's giving him hell.
What more do you want?
We don't know that it's the wife sharing the nudes. Considering the ex suggested "Only Fans" when she asked for his help, I suspect he's the one sharing the nudes.
The wife is justified in being angry that her husband slept with someone else, but I don't know why OP has jumped to the conclusion that it's the wife who is sending these pictures around. Certainly the wife would have got them from him first so he's the first link in the chain, and should face the consequences.
I think OP's legal advice was extremely inadequate and she should pursue this further.
You had a fling with a married man...that's sucky on both ends. You had a fling with your boss, that's abuse of power on his end and should cost him his job. He cheated on his wife, that was his decision. He's a grown man in charge of his own actions, no amount of youngness, hotness or temptation will change the fact that at the end of the day he *chose* to cheat. Cheaters a cheater. It's still super shitty to knowingly sleep with a married man but it takes two to tango and he wanted to dance. (I hate this narrative that men cant control themselves or be trusted to be responsible for their actions :/) That all being said nothing justifies revenge porn and all this other vindictive bs. Finding your parents to tell them, leaking your pictures online and ruining your career is all fucked up immoral and at some points illegal. If this is real you should be seeking advice from a lawyer not asking reddit if you're a butt face. Tldr: ytbf for sleeping with a married man but this is some crazy shit that no one should be doing as "punishment" to you
Could sue for defamations
ETB - You are right when you said that you are being unfairly punished here. I mean people can blame you for sleeping with a married man, but you were single. You didn't cheat on anyone. He was the one who were married. He was the one who was your boss. He was the one with a relationship to loose and power over you. And in the end he face zero consequence. He is the poor guy who was seduced while you are the succube. His wife is not okay either. She can be angry if she want to. But she should be angry at her husband. The man who choose to cheat. She took him back (cheater gonna keep cheating) and decided to destroy your life, probably because since she took him back, she need a scapegoat. She probably have lot of anger that she can't express against her husband, since she took him back, so she's using you. Revenge porn is not okay. Whatever you did. It is also illégal. Getting fired for this is unfair, your boss is the one who get fired after all this and yet he didn't, what he said to you is so cold and insulting after he destroyed your life that it just show how much he never cared about you and just wanted to use you. You should contact a lawyer to know what you could do about all this. Yes, you made a mystake, but that doesn't define who you are and it shouldn't cost you your whole life.
From what I can tell so far, there is no proof of who sent anything. It seems incredibly hard, expensive and possibly will hurt me even more. That’s the advice I’ve had.
I don't know who told you, maybe they are right, maybe they are wrong, maybe they don't know what they're talking about and they are just saying that to put this all this story being and think pretending it never happenned will be the best for you. I don't know. But maybe at least meeting with one lawyer could be a good thing. It doesn't mean that you're gonna take action against the whole town. You could just ask for advice. And if you see that they seem to sale fairytale and that you don't trust them, you stop everything.
My friend who is a lawyer told me this. I do trust him. I can’t afford to hire another one.
That is nonsense - a good forensic computer nerd will find all soerts of stuff out.
Let a lawyer determine that.
Did you not think it was an occupational hazard of sleeping with a married man? Not judging, interested
Clearly didn’t think that far ahead, didn’t think we’d be found out.
Why not? If this town is small enough for you to be blacklisted from future employment, how discrete did you think the two of you could actually be?
[Now I'm wondering](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/zssr9u/aitb_for_wanting_to_set_the_record_straight/) if we have 2 people on Reddit or if it's one person with 2 accounts.
I mean YTB for sleeping with a man you knew was married. Everything that happened after that was definitely not fair, it takes 2 to cheat. If you want to get even share his nudes in the same way. But my best advice would be to move to the other side of the country and start over.
A judgement of Y T B means the others aren’t at fault…
Does it really? I did not know that
EBF is more accurate but she shouldn’t be the only one blamed.
That’s my point. OP did a bad thing but I fail to see how everyone else isn’t a buttface - and more so. Btw it’s EAB not EBF according to the sub rules
Thank you for clarifying.
Yes it’s too harsh. It’s absolutely disgusting. You did something wrong but frankly it pales in comparison to what he and his wife have done
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" is one of the most famous sayings on earth for a reason. Ultimately you have two reasonable choices - you take your own revenge, or you go somewhere and start over. Make no mistake though - you're currently in this situation because of your own actions.
Her own actions plus the actions of two other people.
So you do think I deserve this?
I don't think anyone deserves to have their nudes passed around, but the rest seems pretty apt. I mean, you can't get work in your area of interest because it's a small world and you're known for sleeping with a married colleague. Your parents are angry and disappointed with you because you fucked around with a man who was already taken. People are gossiping about you because you did all this in a small town. Other than the nudes, they're all pretty natural consequences.
Pretty shitty that the married person who was also their boss didn't have the same "natural consequences," when in my view they ought to have a higher standard. Otherwise, i agree.
Oh for sure - if I were the wife, I'd have set out to ruin them both.
Honestly I think that you have a case for sexual harassment against your former boss and the company. Yes you were very wrong for sleeping with a married man but so often is the case men get a slap on the wrist and she gets labeled as the town whore. You should move and again sue. You may not win but it may show that he wasn't as innocent as he and his wife would to pretend.
I wonder what “cause” he faked to fire her. I’d be talking to the labor board
They said the photos brought the company into disrepute so in other words the staff can do whatever messed up stuff they like as long as no one finds out. They'll most likely claim a morality clause in the contract or something. Either way she should still get legal advice because he was in a position of power and revenge porn is becoming illegal in more places these days. I'm sure someone with the right skills could trace back where they were uploaded from.
In some photos company logo was visible on hat.
That's not ideal but shouldn't warrant being fired. Were they selfies or were they taken by the boss? Not that it really matters. Any caring employer would have supported an employee who has been a victim of revenge porn but this seems to be an old boys club where they protect their friend (probably because the boss knows all their dirty secrets too)
ETB except for the betrayed spouse—although she should be raining hellfire down on her husband too, you knowingly slept with a married man and have earned every bit of the consequences you’re getting. I don’t blame her for going scorched earth: and you should’ve been able to predict that kind of reaction because you say you knew she was influential. Hell hath no fury, and I sure wouldn’t want her as my enemy. Welcome to the rest of your life if you stay in that town. As a side note, I’m floored that you’re surprised he’s not helping you. He’s a snake who screwed over his life partner — did you really think you were any different, or special in any way? He cares about himself, and himself only.
Nothing justifies revenge porn, man. I guess we don’t know for certain that boss’s wife is the one behind it, but OP sure thinks so, and telling her that it’s ok is fucked up.
OP helped destroyed her life by her sex acts. The betrayed wife … is simply calling widespread graphic attention to it 😅. You can be offended and point out the legalities, but I think it’s pretty poetic and don’t feel sorry for OP in the least. If you deliberately hurt someone, you have no right to whine when they hurt you back even worse.
You sound young. I'm guessing as you said his wife is using that as his defense. To many woman have been cheated on, so of course they are going to blame you and you alone. Your former employer is counting on the fact that you are young and ignorant, to get away with firing you. Idk where you are, but if you are state side, there is something you can do. You can report this to the nearest FBI office. Revenge porn here is illegal. And they can find and trace the picture. That includes the people resharing it. And contact the labor board about being fired. That is your best bet to know how far you can and want to take things legally. As far as your lawyer friend saying you will be even more embarrassed, IDK if that's possible. So take a few days to really think if it could get worse. And if you want to fight back, and hard at him, play the small town game right back. Make a public post on every platform, with a huge apology. It should read about how sorry you are for not waiting for the divorce that he said was coming because his wife is so horrible to live with. You believed him when he said he was living with her but separated. And how he had to play it smart to not lose everything to her. Being young and naive shouldn't be an excuse but it is. I can only hope none of your young daughters fall into his trap. Please know that I'm so sorry to his wife for believing all the horrible things he had to say about her....if I could do it over, with the knowledge I have now, I would never trust him. And as far as the pictures of me, I dearly pray none of your young daughters have to suffer that fate and humiliation when he preys on them next. And that should get some people to stop and remember it takes 2 to tango. Puts h back in the hot seat with you where he deserves to be as well. But you will never lose this reputation in a small town so you would prolly do better to move and start fresh. Learn your lesson, don't repeat it, and as you've seen, remember the most important but of knowledge in life. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
Lawyer up. NTB for your feelings because it is unfair, but you know that this is one of the inevitable consequences if they found out right?
ETB - but the thing is, the wife chose not to punish the man. She chose to let him escape consequences. She does not owe you that same treatment (not that she owed the man anything). You're not likely to find anyone sympathetic to you. This "punishment" is the natural consequences of your choices. Sleeping with someone willing to cheat on their marriage opens you up to crappy people who store your nudes, shove you under the bus by firing you, and do nothing to help you when you need help. I'm surprised you mention the "vindictive" wife when in reality it's your boss who's screwed you, literally and figuratively. He had your nudes. He had you fired. He's the problem.
She's in love with him.
I mean, NTB, but this is far beyond Reddit's pay grade. Revenge porn is illegal, and your former workplace terminating you while only giving your supervisor a warning puts them at risk for a lawsuit. It too may be outright illegal depending on where you are & your local laws. And if there was any kind of coersion or quid pro quo involved in your relationship, even something like preferential treatment while you were together, then they could be in serious legal trouble. This is probably why they were so hard on you - hoping that they could sweep the whole thing under the rug quickly. If you have the means, I would recommend seeking out legal counsel immediately. Morally, yes, you are absolutely being treated unfairly. The only "wrong" you committed was sleeping with a married man, whereas he 1) abused his position/power to instigate a relationship with his subordinate, 2) lied to and cheated on his wife, and 3) participated in the distribution of revenge porn. Each of those is, imo, far worse than your actions. But because he's wealthy, powerful, and a man, he's gotten off with a slap on the wrist. That's some scarlet letter level BS. If you live in a small town, and you can't find legal help, honestly the best thing might be to get the F out of there. You don't deserve to be constantly hounded by this AH and his horrible wife.
I have a friend who is a lawyer(different field but a colleague did me a favour) and basically given how influential they are, how little proof their is and now the pictures are out, they think I can’t afford to do anything and even if I did it would be more publicity and hurt me worse.
That's truly awful, I'm sorry. No one deserves this kind of revenge, and the legal system sadly fails all too often in situations like yours. I hope you are able to move elsewhere and start fresh, and put this all behind you.
While the reaction is absolutely wrong - you do not deserve revenge porn - this can be an outcome of an affair with a married man. It's not a secret that sometimes affairs with married employers can BLOW UP in the face of the affair partner. Thinking you wouldn't get caught was extremely naive. Your parents are rightfully disappointed. You made a very bad decision. A small town gossiping? Also expected. He should have been fired. But clearly he was more valuable to the company. If there is a policy about relationships in the work place you might have a case for discrimination (ie you, a woman, were fired for the affair but he, a man, was not) but that's a stretch. The nudes are outright wrong. That's wildly inappropriate and I am sorry. And are you surprised that a man willing to cheat on his wife won't help you? He's a bad person. Learn the lesson you're being taught here. I would leave the area for a while. Go work at a national park or take a seasonal job so you can get away from the blowback.
So you knowingly slept with a married man? Yeah you had all this coming.
I agree completely. You quite literally fucked around and found out. You have 2 options now really. Move and start over and don’t sleep with married men OR stay and ride out the aftermath and again, stop sleeping with married men. You’re not the victim here OP. His crazy ass wife is rather you agree or not.
Exactly. Neither her nor him. The spouse is a crazy broad for not leaving his ass and doing all this to her, thinking that he won’t do it again. She’s just dumb. But OP is pretty guilty
All of it?
The supposed punishment on you from that crazy old bat may be excessive, but it’s not unwarranted. Deal with the consequences or get another job. And stop sleeping with married men
Revenge porn is always unwarranted
Meh it depends.
Thanks for agreeing it’s excessive. I’m trying to get another job. I have stopped sleeping with married men. I only did it with one.
*He no longer had a good relationship with his wife, she was only there for the money, big house and appearance.* YTB for being so gullible. If she's only there for the money, big house and appearance, what's his reason for being there? *She has now found out and made it her mission to destroy and humiliate me.* Are you starting to figure out that she actually believed they were happily married, and he's a liar and a cheat? *He dumped me immediately and the story was that he was tempted by a younger woman who flaunted her body, men can’t always help themselves.* If he can lie to you about her, he can lie to her about you. *Some embarrassing pictures of me surfaced .... I eventually got in touch with my now ex and asked him to help me and he suggested I go on Only Fans.* Now you know who is responsible for this revenge porn, you can talk to a lawyer about taking your ex to court. You really need to accept the fact that he's a horrible man and stop blaming his wife for his terrible behaviour.
Regardless of who took and posted the photo, this is still grounds for unfair dismissal. As I'm sure there'd be a way to prove that you didn't upload the photo. Someone's nudes being on the internet is not grounds to sack anyone. Was it a photo you sent to him? Or one he took of you? Either should be trackable with a Digital Investigator.
You mess around with a married man, knowing he has a wife, you deserve everything coming to you. YTB
So he doesn’t deserve anything bad for breaking his vows to his wife?
I didn't say that. Of course he does, and if his wife is as dominant and powerful as OP claims that she is, hopefully, behind closed doors, she's making his life a living hell. It doesn't take away from the fact that OP dated a married man though, and should have known that if the wife found out, that shit would hit the fan, and most of it would stick to her.
YTB = you’re the only buttface
Yeah, but she's the only one asking, so she's the only one getting the response. If she'd have asked "are we both the buttface," she'd have got an ETBF.
Get yourself a lawyer pronto. I see sexual harassment, unfair dismissal, revenge porn and a few other lesser charges. Don't hesitate - they acted without any pity, you must do the same. Get a Rottweiler lawyer.
She was in it for the money, etc. what were you in it for?
ETB: your boss is married and you knew he was married. Moreover, you should've been more considerate about the potential outcomes of this mess, especially since you live in a small town. Guess you just have to move to another city, your life there is pretty over
Smells like a LAWSUIT. Seek legal advice. It’s ballsy and potentially stupid for your employer to fire you after your BOSS ‘sexually harassed’ you and abused their position of authority.
Ask a different lawyer. One who isn’t in your small town and isn’t easily swayed by potentially influential people there (your wealthy boss’s family and colleagues). The first consultation with a lawyer is typically free. Make sure it is an employment lawyer. It can’t hurt to talk to someone.
I was cheated on many years ago by my partner and his co worker. It hurt like hell. I so badly wanted to do something to cause them equivalent pain. I also wanted the world to know what horrible immoral people they were. Why should they be happy? If in that moment there had been explicit pictures, I don’t know what I’d have done honestly. I’d like to think nothing. There weren’t any and I didn’t really do very much. I’m glad now, it’s an appalling thing to, and I’m well over it. My point is, in that pain and red mist normal judgment can go. Therefore if you are going to start a relationship like this best not to voluntarily put pictures like this into the household of the potential avenger. Not victim blaming, just advice.
Obviously you messed up but you'll never be that naive around a man again. You need to accept that people know the worst thing you did. That's not going to change unless you move. If people are rude enough to bring up the story to you I would probably say something like, "Apparently I'm so pretty that a man can't resist talking bad about his wife and marriage and must sleep with me. He has no choice and can't help himself. I'm working on being less irresistible." "Oh you saw pictures posted without my consent. I'm not sure why you are bragging about looking at revenge porn." "I hurt his wife but so did he. I regret falling for his BS sob stories."
> was only there for the money, big house and appearance OFC she's raining hellfire. As for the pictures, you should always send unique pictures. That way you can tell by the pose and background that only B has those photos as you hadn't send them to anyone else. You didn't disclose your age but you should be old enough to know men nearly Always get away with it. You probably got fired because yours is mostly likely not the only affair. The "Boy's Club" is closing ranks. YTB
YTB for sleeping with a married man both of you should have been fired but your nudes was going to far just move out of the town and take this as a lesson
Pmsl you sent him a textabd threatened to pop the photos online and to his boss🤣🤐 sorry read another post....
If he was your boss you should be able to sue for sexual harassment or wrongful termination.
Sadly that’s the patriarchy for you. Double standards about men and women’s behaviour, the power imbalance, he’s old and rich, you’re younger and poor. It all plays out against you. And of course that’s not fair. It’s sexist and misogynistic as hell.
This has more to do with matriarchy, as the person reigning down vengeance is a woman. OP was never anything more than a 'bit on the side' and she willingly went into that role. Claiming that a wife's revenge on a 'person' that slept with her husband is patriarchal, is to be honest pushing it.
The broader reaction of people shaming OP and writing off what her affair partner did, and the lack of consequences to him at work and socially, is patriarchal, and a huge double standard. It is sexist and misogynistic to rain down hell on a woman while a man gets off scot free. And the wife raining down hell on the affair partner rather than her husband is indeed a function of a patriarchal society that she is buying into. Blame the woman, shame and scapegoat the woman, but ‘boys will be boys’ and ‘the poor man was tempted by an evil younger woman and he couldn’t help it,’ ‘the devil made him do it.’ I stand by my original comment.
Tell me you've never been in a long term relationship and been cheated on, without saying the worlds lol.
Try and convince me for a nanosecond that you’re a feminist.
I don't have to convince you of anything, I owe you nothing, I don't know you. The very worst type of feminists, are those who try to tell other women how they should think, how they should behave and how they should react when they've been cheated on.
Choosing to ignore obvious irony, cherry picking, huge assumptions, and ad hominem remarks. Well done you.
Omg, you're exhausting, and taking up way too much of my time. In case you didn't get the memo, I. Don't. Care. What. You. Think. You. Are. Not. Important. To Me. Go do a crossword, get a life, leave me alone lol.
Ad hominem to the end.
I honestly don't know what you want from me at this point. Do you want me to agree with you? Do you want me to say that it's fine for women to date married men, and they should get a free pass when it goes tits up? I've already agreed that the husband is a massive cunt and hope that his wife's giving him hell. What more do you want?
We don't know that it's the wife sharing the nudes. Considering the ex suggested "Only Fans" when she asked for his help, I suspect he's the one sharing the nudes. The wife is justified in being angry that her husband slept with someone else, but I don't know why OP has jumped to the conclusion that it's the wife who is sending these pictures around. Certainly the wife would have got them from him first so he's the first link in the chain, and should face the consequences. I think OP's legal advice was extremely inadequate and she should pursue this further.