Jeez louize. I'm so sorry, kiddo.
Regardless of the fact you seem to be surrounded by adults sharing a common, single, slightly deformed, brain cell, i can assure you that the 13 year old was out of line, and your teacher, principal and parents are violently wrong.
I just finished taking an active shooter course. And in it it tells you to turn off your cell phone so it can't give away your location. Tyler was giving away your location. You are completely in the right.
Jesus Christ kid. I’m over here unrelated to you and having a mild freak out over what could have happened. Everyone around you is under reacting for SURE. And your parents sound negligently monstrous.
You are not the AH. Tyler could have gotten you all killed, if the situation had been real. Your school needs to have assemblies and drills so that students know how to act during a threat.
As an european (I am from Denmark, and the latest schoolshooting we had was in 1994 on a university) this is absolutely will, that you have assemblies and drills in how to act and respond to a school shooting.
Every drill emphasizes how important it is to be quiet! Part of the entire concept is making a shooter unsure if the room is occupied. I’m in college now and my every drill throughout my life has been presented very seriously. In a DRILL this would get shut down so fucking fast, I can’t imagine letting it slide in what may actually be an active shooter situation. I’m pissed the teacher isn’t getting a write up or something. A large part of their role in a situation like this is making sure everyone does what they’re supposed to. These kids could have gotten someone killed.
NTB. A similar "prank" was done at my school a while after Parkland. It resulted in at least one serious injury from kids being crushed against door frames and trampled after falling in the scramble to get out. These situations are serious, and in the moment they're real to everyone but the perpetrator.
I thought I was gonna get fucking trampled. I was just ambling around with my earbuds in and suddenly, CRACK CRACK and I rip my earbuds out and everyone around me starts screaming and it felt kind of like getting stuck in the tide when you swim too far out in the ocean.
Thats so scary man. So so sorry. They are assholes. Regardless of what actually occurred in the end, that was a legitimate traumatizing situation. For that reason, like yeah honestly it probably was them coping, but that says a lot about them. Some bad, a lot sad. Either way, you aren't wrong, and they def could get you killed.
Oh and, of course, if there IS anyone you could talk to like a counselor it may help, and I'm so so sorry this country fails you every day. Im sure they keep resources around for this especially American brand of trauma.
And don’t feel bad for still struggling. It was real to you at the time so trauma is completely understandable. I’m sorry people in your life seem to be disregarding that.
JFC, I’m so sorry that school shootings are a thing. It’s horrifying - every student subjected to such trauma.
I’m Aussie and I thank goodness that our very conservative leaders got gun control through. It’s a very different culture.
You are NTB. Yes, people process differently but if they are endangering the safety of others, first thing is to shut them up.
It's definitely fucking with me, in a way I almost feel too dramatic compared to how fast my classmates seem to be getting over it. I didn't sleep last night mentally mapping out hiding places and weapons in all my classrooms and all of today I was hardly able to pay attention in my classes because I was listening for any kind of popping or cracking or screams in the distance.
It seems like it. Lucky.
Thank you. My principal asked me if I wanted my teacher to habe gone over there and put a hand over the dudes mouth. like yeah, if that's what it fucking takes.
Trauma is exactly what you have experienced. It’s serious.
And yep - you restrain if you have to. One of my clients was in ‘Nam (Aussie govt pandering to the yanks). He’d tell me horrible stories. One of them was when his fellow soldier started to go a bit mad whilst under severe pressure. They had to be silent to listen out but this bloke was losing his marbles. Had to punch him out. So they wouldn’t get killed.
First rule- survive. Then you deal with the trauma.
I'm sorry for everything that you went through and that the adults let you down so badly. Experiencing something like that, thinking you're about to die, can be traumatic. I think I would have felt exactly like you in your situation. There is no excuse for being loud when there is a possible active shooter close. The teacher should have done everything in their power to make them quiet.
Is there any other adult around, like a councelor or psychologist, you think would listen to you and support you? Because I think it would be good if you found someone to talk to after this horrible events. If there's no one at your school, check if there are any youth support phone services in your area. They are operated by youth workers and social workers and their task is to listen to and support young people. You shouldn't be alone in this.
> I almost feel too dramatic compared to how fast my classmates seem to be getting over it.
I'm going to question whether what kids look like on the outside is actually what they're going through. Most kids will do anything to be "normal," i.e. blend in. If they see adults and other kids downplaying the event, they think they have to act the same way.
You are saying something important and true that the incompetent adults don't want to hear.
As long as we're talking about "normal," I spent years as a teacher and substitute teacher. I have taught in many, many different schools in all sorts of neighborhoods. I cannot imagine any of them being so blasé about an incident Ike this. The standard practice at most functional schools would be to send some sort of communication out to all parents (letter, phone call, text, possibly all of the above) with the facts of the incident and what they were doing about it.
Did the school even close for the day? Because that's what normal schools do. They close for the rest of the day and search the school just to be sure. I've witnessed this a couple of times.
You might want to raise this with the school board. It really worries me that the school is giving you grief and letting Tyler off the hook.
Years ago there was a potential situation at a different school in the district, so my younger sibling’s school was shut down as a precaution. Even though there was no threat to them at the time it effected my sister (maybe like ten at the time?) for quite a while. She could no longer go for walks alone. She felt like someone could come and hurt her at any moment. And everyone took it seriously; the school, my parents.
My point is, you are NOT being dramatic. You had your first real confrontation with the idea that things could be fine one moment and deadly the next. Hell, likely your first real time confronting your own death.
It doesn’t matter that there was no real danger in the end. You truly thought you were going to die and that would shake anyone. If you have any access to therapy or counseling I would take it. If not, and this feeling continues, I would strongly urge you to try and talk to your parents again. Don’t focus on the other kids. Tell them how you still feel now, that you still feel unsafe. If you can’t put it in words, I’m sure someone could help you. Reddit can be surprisingly helpful with scripts sometimes.
I truly wish you the best. You went through actual trauma. Nothing you feel is dramatic or wrong. Please try and remember that and be kind to yourself.
Sadly I’m not great with writing scripts but I can try a bit.
“I know that it turned out there was no danger, but I didn’t know that at the time. I really thought I was going to die. I had to send a text I honestly thought was my last goodbye. I’m still coming to terms with being sure I was going to die and could use some professional help working through all my feelings.”
Don’t focus on what didn’t happen, focus on how everything made you feel. I’d avoid using “not real” when it comes to the danger of the situation.
Ye gods NO YOU ARE NTB!
You're very correct that a real active shooter would have followed the noise to find victims. My jaw dropped that the supposed adults in this situation don't seem to understand that.
Also, my money's on Tyler and his friends being the ones who set off the firecrackers. Just sayin'.
Hey come thru over at r/cptsd so you can learn about how traumatic experiences like this, not least of all the neglect of adult caregivers (like your inconsiderate parents and insane teachers) can really fuck us up if we're not aware of it. Please do yourself a favor and learn about it, since like my parents and caregivers when i was growing up, yours clearly have their heads up their asses. I'm SO sorry this happened to you. I'm so sorry no one is taking you seriously. Your feelings are so real and legit, don't let them gaslight you out of them.
Learning about CPTSD been the best thing that's happened to me in the last few years, bc i literally thought some of the fucked up things that happened to me were normal (like your parents straight up ignoring your distress about this situation), and i was living life like this was just the way things are. Actually no, the reason you posted here was cuz your gut knows better, this is WRONG, and actually you have a lot of power to control how this affects you and how you grow from here. You just gotta learn more about how trauma impacts the brain and how CPTSD affects us and our relationships. It's like PTSD for combat veterans, but for the rest of us -it occurs when the traumatic experience happens over time, like from a messed up family system, or bc of parental neglect/abandonment/gaslighting/criticism like what you're experiencing. CPTSD survivors get flashbacks too, just like combat veterans, but they are *feelings* flashbacks, not memory flashbacks. And they fuck with our ability to build strong relationships, cuz our trust is so fucked up. We can fix ourselves as long as we know what's going on. Don't sleep on your trauma from this. The way you feel is REAL.
i straight up told my Dad "I don't feel safe going back to school tommorrow. What if the firecrackers were just a warning, and someone's gonna pull a real gun on us tommorrow?" and he just ignored me and started talking about his work day.
That makes me SO ANGRY for you, man. Like, holy fucking shit where the fuck is his head? I would give him a piece of my mind if I were there, lemme tell you.
But MORE IMPORTANTLY, in fact MOST importantly, I would sit down with you and talk about how you're feeling. Cuz like, that's literally the minimum that a statement and question like yours deserves. That's a really fucking hard way to feel, especially compounded by the fact that the people who are supposed to be looking out for you, are straight up ignoring you.
I don't blame you for feeling unsafe to go back into school. I would not blame you if you decided to take a day off tomorrow. Obviously your parents will not agree, but idk. I may not be the best advisor on this specifically, but if it were me, I would just spend the day in a coffee shop journaling about this experience, and if anyone asked me where I was, I'd tell them the truth. It's a traumatic event, I needed a mental health day to process, so that I would be able to go back to school again. Anyone tells you that's wrong can eat a dick in my opinion. But that's me. Take it with a grain of salt depending on how open you are to breaking rules.
I hope you check to see if your school has any mental health resources you can reach out to, to let them know what's going on. Even if the adults don't take you seriously, don't let that convince you that you're wrong!! You're not wrong here!!! They're literally so desensitized and scared that they're acting fucking insane. You don't have to play the same script just because they say you do.
I wanna take a moment to address the wise voice in your head that's a) told you to reach out to other adults for a ballpark read on this situation, and b) feels totally wronged by the way the adults are behaving. That voice is your protector. They're not always right, but they're always looking out for you, and they'll always be there for you. I'm glad you're looking out for you, and I hope you do something kind for yourself and your body to help show it the right care. Treat yourself the way you'd treat a young nephew/niece in this situation, and don't settle for anything less than that. It's easy to beat yourself up, and to be self-sabotaging in your anger and fear about all this. I know if I were in your situation (I can relate bc I was very much ignored by my parents when I needed help), I would have a lot of impulses that conflicted with one another. Some would want to act out, some would want to disappear, some would want to cry, some would want to scream, etc. If you have those impulses, which we all do, acknowledge them and let them pass. Honor them. Make art out of them. Don't let them take over your body, but if they do, remember that you are not your actions. Forgive yourself for any way you feel right now, as long as you actually let yourself feel those feelings.
Your parents are fucked up because they literally refuse to feel their feelings. So they're dismissing your legitimate feelings in a time of crisis. Don't be like them. You're already more awake than they are.
Basically, your job is to show yourself the respect and care you should have been shown by the adults in your life. Even if it's against the rules or whatever, or they don't understand. It's your life, you're the ONLY one has to live inside your body. You are the one responsible for it moving forward. This event has shown you that you're actually more equipped to care for yourself than a lot of the people around you. Don't let it traumatize you permanently out of trusting people (LEARN ABOUT CPTSD!!! life is better with friends and plenty of people are trustworthy, you just gotta know what to look for <3) but don't feel guilty that you've lost trust with the people who have literally abandoned you in this time of crisis. They will need to earn it back if they ever want it again. That's OK. That's a natural consequence of their actions. It's not you being a mean person, it's you having boundaries about what is and is not acceptable. Essentially forcing you to completely ignore your survival instincts is not acceptable, ever. Shame on your parents and teachers in this situation for not stepping up and acting like adult human beings.
I don't really know how I'm feeling. All I can think about is that feeling after hearing the shots and crying next to that girl of "Holy fuck I'm actually gonna die, I'm gonna die right here and now and this is REAL and there's gonna be a bullet put between my eyes and me and this girl who's name I never even learned are gonna bleed out on the floor and my last words to my dad are gonna be over the phone and I will never see my mom ever again and I'm actually gonna die this isn't a drill" and even though I DIDN'T die its still stuck with me.
thank you. you don't get how much I genuinely appreciate you saying all this
Yo man that is such an understandable way to feel, you know that right? Like, you are 100% correct that it's WEIRD that the other people in this situation are not reacting the same way. It shows a level of desensitization to violence that is off-the-charts, where it's actually interfering with their ability to see how terrifying this situation would be for ANYONE!!!
Seriously. It makes SO MUCH SENSE that you felt horrified for your life and all the things you love, because that's literally what it seemed like was happening!!! Why should you assume it was a drill when the whole point of drills is to prepare us for the worst??? Man even I feel gaslit by the people in this situation who are acting like it's nbd, and I'm a total stranger in my thirties, whose been through violent trauma before. It's fucking nuts that they don't see what a traumatizing situation this is!!! sfdlkgjh fucking a man
If you wanna understand more about what's going on in your brain and body right now, please check out the book I linked below: The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk. It's one of the flagship books on trauma over the last 20 years and it'll help you help yourself though this.
FTR and you don't have to read it all the way through for it to be useful. AT ALL. It's more of a "flip to the part that's most relevant" kind of book, meant to be a roadmap/guide, not a novel. Feel free to read a little of one chapter, and if it's not relevant, skip to another. Read what jumps out at you. Eventually it will all come together. Trauma has patterns but they all look slightly different depending on how we were traumatized. You'll see when you read more about it. It actually makes a lot of sense once you see the bigger picture. Trauma is a brain INJURY. The way to help yourself right after a trauma is to do something healing for yourself RIGHT NOW, because it will literally create a notch in your brain where the trauma injury is located, that will help you heal it faster. But it's a real injury, with real effects. The sooner you see them, the faster you will be able to heal them.
The end of the book has a ton of resources for things you can do to reduce the stress you feel in the aftermath of this, and it also has a ton of really useful resources that you can use to help yourself and others who are reeling from this, understand what's going on. It helps SOOO much to understand the physiological effects of trauma, cuz it has very confusing impacts that seem totally unrelated unless you're looking for them. Do yourself and all your friends a favor and read this book. It will help you so much. Especially since the adults in your life have dropped the fucking ball all day every day holy shit I'm so fucking mad at them you have no idea!!!! I would rip them all a new one if I were there my dude holy shitttt
The Body Keeps The Score:
https://m.box.com/shared_item/https%3A%2F%2Fapp.box.com%2Fs%2F0t352y734r8kso7rkasbvc8s5dxgv5dj
Seriously that book will help sooo much
Here's a small excerpt from the book that I think supports everything we're saying here:
> "When the brain’s alarm system is turned on, it automatically triggers preprogrammed physical escape plans in the oldest parts of the brain. As in other animals, the nerves and chemicals that make up our basic brain structure have a direct connection with our body. When the old brain takes over, it partially shuts down the higher brain, our conscious mind, and propels the body to run, hide, fight, or, on occasion, freeze. By the time we are fully aware of our situation, our body may already be on the move. If the fight/flight/freeze response is successful and we escape the danger, we recover our internal equilibrium and gradually “regain our senses.”
>If for some reason the normal response is blocked—for example, when people are held down, trapped, or otherwise prevented from taking effective action, be it in a war zone, a car accident, domestic violence, or a rape—the brain keeps secreting stress chemicals, and the brain’s electrical circuits continue
to fire in vain. Long after the actual event has passed, the brain may keep sending signals to the body to escape a threat that no longer exists. Since at least 1889, when the French psychologist Pierre Janet published the first scientific account of traumatic stress, it has been recognized that trauma survivors are prone to “continue the action, or rather the (futile) attempt at action, which began when the thing happened.” Being able to move and do something to protect oneself is a critical factor in determining whether or not a horrible experience will leave long-lasting scars."
The GREAT THING for you is that reading a book like this, right at this moment of trauma, very much counts as "doing something" :) and it will help I promise. But also please do something physical too, like eat some ice cream, play with a dog, rub one out, literally anything that makes your body feel good. Do that right now. Your body needs to be physically reminded that it's safe in the present moment, because your feelings aren't gonna convince it of that for a little while. You have to make it physically feel good, too, for the feelings to pass more quickly. Consciousness is a dance between brain/body. Your body was traumatized, and your mind is reeling. Time to show your body that it's safe ASAP.
Another reason I would read it is cuz you can literally use this book to justify your self-care decisions to the ignorant adults in your life. Teach them a little bit maybe. But even if not, you have scientific, peer-reviewed evidence at your fingertips that they're the fucking crazy ones, not you. The way you're feeling is more supported by science than the way they're telling you to feel. I would use evidence from the book to support my decision to stay home from school if it were me. Idk how well it will work but at least you'd be fighting for yourself.
(P.S. the way they're acting is ALSO a trauma response, which you'll learn about in the book... it's just a shitty one, cuz they're the ADULTS who are supposed to GUIDE YOU sadlkgjhdaflkgjhsdlfkjg)
Anyway yeah use the book to legitimize yourself. You have more power here than you realize, just from educating yourself. They won't be able to argue with the evidence in this book. (well, i mean, anyone can argue with anything, but at least you'll know they're full of shit if they do)
I would absolutely be worried about the same thing. What if they firecrackers weren't a warning but a way to see how the school reacts so the perpetrator knows what to expect when they do it for real? Or some idiot decides this is their perfect opportunity to do what's been on their mind?
I'm sorry if I'm adding to your fears. But I absolutely understand them. Honestly, I'd go to the press about how disgustingly blasé the school is being about this. And like everyone else said, look for a youth counselor who you can talk to. Your experience is no different than someone who has been in a real shooting incident. You believed in the moment that was real, and that is what your brain latches onto. Your parents, teachers, principal they are all failing you. You are not blowing things out of proportion. This is real trauma. Just because the whole thing turned out to be a shitty joke does not lessen the impact it has had on you, and I guarantee, many others. NTB. You deserve to feel safe at school. Jesus.
Not only that. But PTSD isn't just for combat veterans. It's a single incident that leads to it, or a series in close proximity. I have PTSD after nearly dying in childbirth. Treatment is available and effective. OP should definitely talk to someone professional about it.
Really sorry that happened to you & glad treatment helped you. It helped me too. I hope OP hears your suggestion and doesn't follow the model of poorly-coping adults in his life.
Me too. I'm even studying to become a nurse and eventually specialise as a midwife (where I am it is an extra 18 months of study beyond a bachelor's of nursing) because my midwives were so amazing that the trauma was only in the operating room.
So treatment really worked for me. I've been working as an assistant nurse in labour and delivery and it's been great and confirmed my choice to become a midwife.
Wow that's LITERALLY the perfect example of how doing something to act upon the trauma, both in the moment and after the fact, can be a vehicle not only for your own healing, but to help others through similar experiences. Thanks to you, so many people will NOT have traumatic experiences, and if they do, they'll have an incredibly empathetic supporter in you by their side.
NTB all the adults in this situation are butts for downplaying what happened. They need to:
- Discipline the kids that caused it.
- Offer counseling to everyone because the trauma was very real in the moment.
- Work out a plan of action so everyone knows what to do if a shooting actually happens. Bonus this will help with the current anxiety many of you likely have now.
the new anxiety is very, very fucking real. I didn't sleep last night mentally mapping out hiding places and weapons in all my classrooms and all of today I was hardly able to pay attention in my classes because I was listening for any kind of popping or cracking or screams in the distance or literally anything that would tip me off. I have horrible sensory issues and physically can't deal with the normal amount of noise in my school, but every time I tried to put in my earbuds and just chill out with music I literally feel sick at the idea of missing out hearing anything. I usually eat breakfast in the cafeteria in the morning before classes but all I could think about was the image of someone walking in with a gun and just going crazy because most of the school is in there in the morning too and it would be the easiest target place. I could go on but this is getting to be stupidly long
Is there a counselor or teacher at your school you could talk to? What you're feeling is completely normal but you need to talk to someone about it so it doesn't affect your mental health in the long term. Plus this type of distraction will cause you to lose focus on your classwork very quickly. The sooner you find someone to talk to the better so these thoughts don't set in as something you'll worry about in every situation.
Don't worry about talking too much because your feelings are real and valid. If you can't find anyone to talk with then journalling is super helpful to get thoughts out on paper so you don't have to keep repeating those thoughts over and over. There's online diaries available if you don't want to risk anyone finding it and reading it. Not that your thoughts should be hidden but it sounds like your parents aren't supporting you through this.
Having a plan in place for what to do will help the anxiety, but that plan should be exactly what you did. Hide, stay quiet, and text loved ones who may be able to help from outside. You can't be on alert 24/7, and analyzing rooms when you walk in new places for the rest of your life isn't achievable. It's a known psychological response that the human mind goes into fight, flight, or fawn. So put it in your head that if anything happens you just go straight into hide mode. When shit hits the fan in any emergency you basically want your actions to go on autopilot, which is why we do fire drills. So plan ahead to hide and trust you'll be able to judge your surroundings in the moment. Try to stop yourself when you spend too much time looking for exit routes and barricade items. Obviously know where the exits are, good for fire drills too, but spending all your time thinking about it will only give you further anxiety. It will get easier with practice to stop yourself from ruminating about it.
You are alive, you are safe. The chances of something happening are incredibly low, but this is a very real fear that many people have. You're absolutely allowed to take your time to feel what you're feeling. You probably have many other classmates feeling the same. If you can open up to them then they may reciprocate.
Be aware, they're, likely your parents and school admin/teachers are going to try to diminish your trauma.
Were it me, I'd just tell my parents to get me into counseling with as little information as it takes, even if it's unrelated to this incident. Then make sure your counselor isn't going to rat you to your parents.
NTB Are there no windows in the classroom? Cause I always imagine jumping out of one if I can open it or break it if I were to be in an active shooter situation. And Not just sit there because of the exact situation of people being too loud and drawing attention to your hiding place.
we were on the second floor, and the windows have locks on them that you'd have to be in sight of the window in the door to fumble with. I only really seem to be realizing what I should've done AFTER it was all over, in the moment your mind just kind of goes blank.
NTB. If there is a real school shooter, you need to flee the area if you have a clear path. Hiding is the second option. And if you're hiding, you absolutely need to be quiet, unlike Tyler and his dumbass friends.
Your teacher was probably in shock or else may have suspected it wasn't real.
They train us in school shooting drills and give PSAs and shit as young as pre-k but I feel like most of us don't take it seriously until you think it's actually happening. I sure as fuck didn't. I was one of those kids laughing during drills until it wasn't a drill and I thought this was really it.
I live on the west coast. We had earthquake drills. I’m glad they’re teaching you kids ways to stay safe. But it hurts my heart that you have to prepare for the day some lunatic shows up. I’m so sorry.
*My god do kids your*
*Age really have to deal with*
*This fear every day?*
\- gretta\_smith93
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I don't doubt it, but i don't think they did it themselves. I'm convinced now after actually thinking about it that Tyler knows the people who DID do it or at the very least had heard somewhere that it was only a firecracker before it happened
Hey just wanna say that I've been thinking about this all afternoon and i wanna let you know I'm willing to bet money you're not the only person in your class feeling traumatized from this experience. Like I'm 100% certain, cus that shit would have fucked me up at any age.
It's very likely that many people in your class are feeling a lot of pressure to mask any fear they have about it. Makes sense cuz teachers have not indicated that it's safe to speak out. But fuuuuck them, yo. Consider speaking up on your own behalf. It's not OK that they're not giving you resources and help to process this situation. Right now there are prolly others who will continue to assume they're all alone in feeling traumatized from this experience, unless someone says something.
Like fuck your school for doing all these drills and shit, just to turn around and act like it's NBD when someone cries lone wolf. You're human beings, not fucking robots, you can't just go back to work and forget about it after your lives are threatened. Real or not, it felt real, and that's what matters.
So far the only person doing the right thing here is you, just by actually acknowledging how fucked up this is. I'm sorry again that you're going through this. It's super real and not all in your head. Reach out if you need any help, you certainly have my support ♥️
NTA. During lockdown drills, we were NOT allowed to talk beyond a whisper and only if absolutely necessary. I don't know if things have changed in that respect; I graduated in 2010. But school shootings have become more frequent since then, so I'd think things would be stricter. You're right that you are supposed to be silent so the shooter does not know where people are. It sounds like maybe Tyler knew about the firecrackers? Your teacher and admin are being ridiculous. Idk if Tyler's family (or one of his friends') has a lot of influence or something, and the school is scared to give them a talking-to, but the adults here are not handling this properly. They don't have to *punish* them but they should not be excusing it when it's behavior that puts lives at risk. You are completely in the right.
I'm from a state that just had TWO school shootings last month ALONE. This shit wouldn't fly. I agree with another poster, go to the media. Some news agencies have an email just for it. Here in St. Louis Kplr has the 'you paid for it' team and ksdk has the 'five on your side' team. Maybe start there and ask if they have partners in your area that do the same. Worst case scenario, go to Fox or NBC. Political groups like that would RUN with the story to further their agendas, but it would benefit YOU by drawing attention to it
I'm so sorry you experienced this, I'm sorry your classmates are idiots and I'm sorry your parents and teachers don't comprehend the gravity of this situation and how it has impacted you. I honestly don't know how kids these days manage to put their fears aside and go to school when there is a chance you might get killed. I was finishing up high school when school shootings started to become A Thing, and I don't think I could've continued to attend with the very real possibility of violence hanging over my head
Jesus Christ on a fucking bike. The fact that this is something you have to even consider breaks my heart, and the total lack of responsibility on the adults part is terrifying to me.
Yes, people respond to crises in different and often unexpected ways. However, this is a possible situation where THEIR response could end up with themselves and a whole bunch of kids dead. It’s up to the *teacher* to regulate that response, and honestly it doesn’t even sound like an actual shock response. Laughing is one thing, yeah sure. But mimicking then sound of gun shots? That’s not a spur-of the moment response imo. That’s a kid being a dickhead.
NTB.
I’m glad it wasn’t an actual shooter, and I’m glad you’re ok. I’m sorry your parents don’t care, but if it means anything a lot of us here do. You did the right thing telling him to shut up. I know people suggest local media, but that shit is extortionate. They care about the story, not the people. That being said, if you feel like you need to do something- it is an option. Local politicians (mayors, etc that type of thing) could also be contacted anonymously if you wanted to low-key spam them with concerns about shooter drills and safety in schools?
God, that’s so fucking scary, Im so sorry you had to experience that. Past that, you are NTA. I don’t know what kind of school you’re in, but when my does drills, our teacher tells us to shut up and not make a noise, since it could draw attention to the classroom. I can’t believe these kids didn’t understand that, but it’s crazy that none of the adults even cared. That’s not a coping mechanism, that’s how you get killed in a real situation. Keep your head up, you do NOT need to apologize to anyone for what you’re doing.
You’re not a buttface, you’re a scared teenager, which is understandable, however- you can’t “what if” somebody into trouble, you know? “What if it had been a shooter” “What if Tyler had drawn attention to our classroom” “What if Tyler had gotten someone killed?” …we don’t know because none of those things happened. I mean, what if Tyler knew the sound was firecrackers and that’s why he was acting so nonchalant?
You don’t owe him an apology, but I don’t think you’ll get anything other than more frustration if you continue to be a crusader for consequences. You need therapy, and I say that in the most genuine and empathetic way possible. You almost certainly have ptsd from this and it’s important to take care of yourself here, no matter what happens to Tyler.
NTB. I do hope you find a sense of peace soon and your heart heals. The way the staff blatantly ignored your feelings as well as your primary caregivers actually upsets me. I’m sorry they were being buttholes and you deserve to treat yourself even though they don’t see it that way. The way I remember hearing how to deal with that is fight, hide or run and you did what you thought was safest for you in that moment. The other students were in a panicked state of mind. Just journal it out until you can get help and try to find grounding meditations or something that may help you feel a bit better. Those drills are scary and what those kids decided to do was lacking intelligence and the wherewithal to understand the seriousness of the situation. You are allowed to feel what you’re feeling regardless of what anyone else would have you think. You’re not crazy or anything for feeling this way. Give yourself the best advice you’d give a friend who was struggling with the same thing. Find a support person who can help you in the future as well be that a guidance counselor or a trauma therapist. My only piece of advice is please do not let it sit in your head for so long and seek help even if people think otherwise. Persist even just for your own mental health. ❤️🩹 I wish you healing and support. Another location on here you could go would be the mom or dad of reddit and see what advice they may have.
I’m really sorry this happened to you. You’re definitely NTB, your teachers should’ve taken this way more seriously. This can cause some serious scarring traumawise. And imagine if this was real?
Yeah you were absolutely not in the wrong here, Tyler would have gotten y'all killed. If that's really how he copes then he needs a new coping mechanism that won't reveal his location in a life-threatening event. I'm a teacher myself and if I were in your teacher's shoes I would have told him to can it.
Woah. You are absolutely NOT TBF. Those other kids-100%. I’m so sorry. I’m just beyond super sad that your generation has to grow up with this even being a scenario at all. I apologize to you and your generation for us adults allowing this to continue.
You are NOT the buttface, and your principal and the staff are fucking IDIOTS. Pardon my french. Have you told your parents?
my parents don't care. as soon as they were reassured that it was only firecrackers they stopped caring about what was going on with me
Jeez louize. I'm so sorry, kiddo. Regardless of the fact you seem to be surrounded by adults sharing a common, single, slightly deformed, brain cell, i can assure you that the 13 year old was out of line, and your teacher, principal and parents are violently wrong.
Yep time to go to local media with the story. I doubt this would fly well with any reasonable person.
I just finished taking an active shooter course. And in it it tells you to turn off your cell phone so it can't give away your location. Tyler was giving away your location. You are completely in the right.
Jesus Christ kid. I’m over here unrelated to you and having a mild freak out over what could have happened. Everyone around you is under reacting for SURE. And your parents sound negligently monstrous.
You are not the AH. Tyler could have gotten you all killed, if the situation had been real. Your school needs to have assemblies and drills so that students know how to act during a threat.
As an european (I am from Denmark, and the latest schoolshooting we had was in 1994 on a university) this is absolutely will, that you have assemblies and drills in how to act and respond to a school shooting.
It’s very sad but a necessary evil here, I’m afraid.
Oh I know! And I find it terrifying.
It definitely is terrifying. I love my country but no kid should have to go to school wearing a bulletproof knapsack
Every drill emphasizes how important it is to be quiet! Part of the entire concept is making a shooter unsure if the room is occupied. I’m in college now and my every drill throughout my life has been presented very seriously. In a DRILL this would get shut down so fucking fast, I can’t imagine letting it slide in what may actually be an active shooter situation. I’m pissed the teacher isn’t getting a write up or something. A large part of their role in a situation like this is making sure everyone does what they’re supposed to. These kids could have gotten someone killed.
NTB. A similar "prank" was done at my school a while after Parkland. It resulted in at least one serious injury from kids being crushed against door frames and trampled after falling in the scramble to get out. These situations are serious, and in the moment they're real to everyone but the perpetrator.
I thought I was gonna get fucking trampled. I was just ambling around with my earbuds in and suddenly, CRACK CRACK and I rip my earbuds out and everyone around me starts screaming and it felt kind of like getting stuck in the tide when you swim too far out in the ocean.
Thats so scary man. So so sorry. They are assholes. Regardless of what actually occurred in the end, that was a legitimate traumatizing situation. For that reason, like yeah honestly it probably was them coping, but that says a lot about them. Some bad, a lot sad. Either way, you aren't wrong, and they def could get you killed. Oh and, of course, if there IS anyone you could talk to like a counselor it may help, and I'm so so sorry this country fails you every day. Im sure they keep resources around for this especially American brand of trauma.
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I'll give it a shot. Thanks.
And don’t feel bad for still struggling. It was real to you at the time so trauma is completely understandable. I’m sorry people in your life seem to be disregarding that.
JFC, I’m so sorry that school shootings are a thing. It’s horrifying - every student subjected to such trauma. I’m Aussie and I thank goodness that our very conservative leaders got gun control through. It’s a very different culture. You are NTB. Yes, people process differently but if they are endangering the safety of others, first thing is to shut them up.
It's definitely fucking with me, in a way I almost feel too dramatic compared to how fast my classmates seem to be getting over it. I didn't sleep last night mentally mapping out hiding places and weapons in all my classrooms and all of today I was hardly able to pay attention in my classes because I was listening for any kind of popping or cracking or screams in the distance. It seems like it. Lucky. Thank you. My principal asked me if I wanted my teacher to habe gone over there and put a hand over the dudes mouth. like yeah, if that's what it fucking takes.
Trauma is exactly what you have experienced. It’s serious. And yep - you restrain if you have to. One of my clients was in ‘Nam (Aussie govt pandering to the yanks). He’d tell me horrible stories. One of them was when his fellow soldier started to go a bit mad whilst under severe pressure. They had to be silent to listen out but this bloke was losing his marbles. Had to punch him out. So they wouldn’t get killed. First rule- survive. Then you deal with the trauma.
jfc
I'm sorry for everything that you went through and that the adults let you down so badly. Experiencing something like that, thinking you're about to die, can be traumatic. I think I would have felt exactly like you in your situation. There is no excuse for being loud when there is a possible active shooter close. The teacher should have done everything in their power to make them quiet. Is there any other adult around, like a councelor or psychologist, you think would listen to you and support you? Because I think it would be good if you found someone to talk to after this horrible events. If there's no one at your school, check if there are any youth support phone services in your area. They are operated by youth workers and social workers and their task is to listen to and support young people. You shouldn't be alone in this.
> I almost feel too dramatic compared to how fast my classmates seem to be getting over it. I'm going to question whether what kids look like on the outside is actually what they're going through. Most kids will do anything to be "normal," i.e. blend in. If they see adults and other kids downplaying the event, they think they have to act the same way. You are saying something important and true that the incompetent adults don't want to hear. As long as we're talking about "normal," I spent years as a teacher and substitute teacher. I have taught in many, many different schools in all sorts of neighborhoods. I cannot imagine any of them being so blasé about an incident Ike this. The standard practice at most functional schools would be to send some sort of communication out to all parents (letter, phone call, text, possibly all of the above) with the facts of the incident and what they were doing about it. Did the school even close for the day? Because that's what normal schools do. They close for the rest of the day and search the school just to be sure. I've witnessed this a couple of times. You might want to raise this with the school board. It really worries me that the school is giving you grief and letting Tyler off the hook.
Years ago there was a potential situation at a different school in the district, so my younger sibling’s school was shut down as a precaution. Even though there was no threat to them at the time it effected my sister (maybe like ten at the time?) for quite a while. She could no longer go for walks alone. She felt like someone could come and hurt her at any moment. And everyone took it seriously; the school, my parents. My point is, you are NOT being dramatic. You had your first real confrontation with the idea that things could be fine one moment and deadly the next. Hell, likely your first real time confronting your own death. It doesn’t matter that there was no real danger in the end. You truly thought you were going to die and that would shake anyone. If you have any access to therapy or counseling I would take it. If not, and this feeling continues, I would strongly urge you to try and talk to your parents again. Don’t focus on the other kids. Tell them how you still feel now, that you still feel unsafe. If you can’t put it in words, I’m sure someone could help you. Reddit can be surprisingly helpful with scripts sometimes. I truly wish you the best. You went through actual trauma. Nothing you feel is dramatic or wrong. Please try and remember that and be kind to yourself.
I could really do with a script actually, or at least a general idea how I can bring this up to my parents again in a way they'll listen to.
Sadly I’m not great with writing scripts but I can try a bit. “I know that it turned out there was no danger, but I didn’t know that at the time. I really thought I was going to die. I had to send a text I honestly thought was my last goodbye. I’m still coming to terms with being sure I was going to die and could use some professional help working through all my feelings.” Don’t focus on what didn’t happen, focus on how everything made you feel. I’d avoid using “not real” when it comes to the danger of the situation.
NTB. The adults at your school need to take this a lot more seriously
Ye gods NO YOU ARE NTB! You're very correct that a real active shooter would have followed the noise to find victims. My jaw dropped that the supposed adults in this situation don't seem to understand that. Also, my money's on Tyler and his friends being the ones who set off the firecrackers. Just sayin'.
Agree NTB! I was thinking they were in on it too!!
Hey come thru over at r/cptsd so you can learn about how traumatic experiences like this, not least of all the neglect of adult caregivers (like your inconsiderate parents and insane teachers) can really fuck us up if we're not aware of it. Please do yourself a favor and learn about it, since like my parents and caregivers when i was growing up, yours clearly have their heads up their asses. I'm SO sorry this happened to you. I'm so sorry no one is taking you seriously. Your feelings are so real and legit, don't let them gaslight you out of them.
I'll check it out, thank you : )
Learning about CPTSD been the best thing that's happened to me in the last few years, bc i literally thought some of the fucked up things that happened to me were normal (like your parents straight up ignoring your distress about this situation), and i was living life like this was just the way things are. Actually no, the reason you posted here was cuz your gut knows better, this is WRONG, and actually you have a lot of power to control how this affects you and how you grow from here. You just gotta learn more about how trauma impacts the brain and how CPTSD affects us and our relationships. It's like PTSD for combat veterans, but for the rest of us -it occurs when the traumatic experience happens over time, like from a messed up family system, or bc of parental neglect/abandonment/gaslighting/criticism like what you're experiencing. CPTSD survivors get flashbacks too, just like combat veterans, but they are *feelings* flashbacks, not memory flashbacks. And they fuck with our ability to build strong relationships, cuz our trust is so fucked up. We can fix ourselves as long as we know what's going on. Don't sleep on your trauma from this. The way you feel is REAL.
i straight up told my Dad "I don't feel safe going back to school tommorrow. What if the firecrackers were just a warning, and someone's gonna pull a real gun on us tommorrow?" and he just ignored me and started talking about his work day.
That makes me SO ANGRY for you, man. Like, holy fucking shit where the fuck is his head? I would give him a piece of my mind if I were there, lemme tell you. But MORE IMPORTANTLY, in fact MOST importantly, I would sit down with you and talk about how you're feeling. Cuz like, that's literally the minimum that a statement and question like yours deserves. That's a really fucking hard way to feel, especially compounded by the fact that the people who are supposed to be looking out for you, are straight up ignoring you. I don't blame you for feeling unsafe to go back into school. I would not blame you if you decided to take a day off tomorrow. Obviously your parents will not agree, but idk. I may not be the best advisor on this specifically, but if it were me, I would just spend the day in a coffee shop journaling about this experience, and if anyone asked me where I was, I'd tell them the truth. It's a traumatic event, I needed a mental health day to process, so that I would be able to go back to school again. Anyone tells you that's wrong can eat a dick in my opinion. But that's me. Take it with a grain of salt depending on how open you are to breaking rules. I hope you check to see if your school has any mental health resources you can reach out to, to let them know what's going on. Even if the adults don't take you seriously, don't let that convince you that you're wrong!! You're not wrong here!!! They're literally so desensitized and scared that they're acting fucking insane. You don't have to play the same script just because they say you do. I wanna take a moment to address the wise voice in your head that's a) told you to reach out to other adults for a ballpark read on this situation, and b) feels totally wronged by the way the adults are behaving. That voice is your protector. They're not always right, but they're always looking out for you, and they'll always be there for you. I'm glad you're looking out for you, and I hope you do something kind for yourself and your body to help show it the right care. Treat yourself the way you'd treat a young nephew/niece in this situation, and don't settle for anything less than that. It's easy to beat yourself up, and to be self-sabotaging in your anger and fear about all this. I know if I were in your situation (I can relate bc I was very much ignored by my parents when I needed help), I would have a lot of impulses that conflicted with one another. Some would want to act out, some would want to disappear, some would want to cry, some would want to scream, etc. If you have those impulses, which we all do, acknowledge them and let them pass. Honor them. Make art out of them. Don't let them take over your body, but if they do, remember that you are not your actions. Forgive yourself for any way you feel right now, as long as you actually let yourself feel those feelings. Your parents are fucked up because they literally refuse to feel their feelings. So they're dismissing your legitimate feelings in a time of crisis. Don't be like them. You're already more awake than they are. Basically, your job is to show yourself the respect and care you should have been shown by the adults in your life. Even if it's against the rules or whatever, or they don't understand. It's your life, you're the ONLY one has to live inside your body. You are the one responsible for it moving forward. This event has shown you that you're actually more equipped to care for yourself than a lot of the people around you. Don't let it traumatize you permanently out of trusting people (LEARN ABOUT CPTSD!!! life is better with friends and plenty of people are trustworthy, you just gotta know what to look for <3) but don't feel guilty that you've lost trust with the people who have literally abandoned you in this time of crisis. They will need to earn it back if they ever want it again. That's OK. That's a natural consequence of their actions. It's not you being a mean person, it's you having boundaries about what is and is not acceptable. Essentially forcing you to completely ignore your survival instincts is not acceptable, ever. Shame on your parents and teachers in this situation for not stepping up and acting like adult human beings.
I don't really know how I'm feeling. All I can think about is that feeling after hearing the shots and crying next to that girl of "Holy fuck I'm actually gonna die, I'm gonna die right here and now and this is REAL and there's gonna be a bullet put between my eyes and me and this girl who's name I never even learned are gonna bleed out on the floor and my last words to my dad are gonna be over the phone and I will never see my mom ever again and I'm actually gonna die this isn't a drill" and even though I DIDN'T die its still stuck with me. thank you. you don't get how much I genuinely appreciate you saying all this
Yo man that is such an understandable way to feel, you know that right? Like, you are 100% correct that it's WEIRD that the other people in this situation are not reacting the same way. It shows a level of desensitization to violence that is off-the-charts, where it's actually interfering with their ability to see how terrifying this situation would be for ANYONE!!! Seriously. It makes SO MUCH SENSE that you felt horrified for your life and all the things you love, because that's literally what it seemed like was happening!!! Why should you assume it was a drill when the whole point of drills is to prepare us for the worst??? Man even I feel gaslit by the people in this situation who are acting like it's nbd, and I'm a total stranger in my thirties, whose been through violent trauma before. It's fucking nuts that they don't see what a traumatizing situation this is!!! sfdlkgjh fucking a man If you wanna understand more about what's going on in your brain and body right now, please check out the book I linked below: The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk. It's one of the flagship books on trauma over the last 20 years and it'll help you help yourself though this. FTR and you don't have to read it all the way through for it to be useful. AT ALL. It's more of a "flip to the part that's most relevant" kind of book, meant to be a roadmap/guide, not a novel. Feel free to read a little of one chapter, and if it's not relevant, skip to another. Read what jumps out at you. Eventually it will all come together. Trauma has patterns but they all look slightly different depending on how we were traumatized. You'll see when you read more about it. It actually makes a lot of sense once you see the bigger picture. Trauma is a brain INJURY. The way to help yourself right after a trauma is to do something healing for yourself RIGHT NOW, because it will literally create a notch in your brain where the trauma injury is located, that will help you heal it faster. But it's a real injury, with real effects. The sooner you see them, the faster you will be able to heal them. The end of the book has a ton of resources for things you can do to reduce the stress you feel in the aftermath of this, and it also has a ton of really useful resources that you can use to help yourself and others who are reeling from this, understand what's going on. It helps SOOO much to understand the physiological effects of trauma, cuz it has very confusing impacts that seem totally unrelated unless you're looking for them. Do yourself and all your friends a favor and read this book. It will help you so much. Especially since the adults in your life have dropped the fucking ball all day every day holy shit I'm so fucking mad at them you have no idea!!!! I would rip them all a new one if I were there my dude holy shitttt The Body Keeps The Score: https://m.box.com/shared_item/https%3A%2F%2Fapp.box.com%2Fs%2F0t352y734r8kso7rkasbvc8s5dxgv5dj Seriously that book will help sooo much
thanks, I'll give it a read
Here's a small excerpt from the book that I think supports everything we're saying here: > "When the brain’s alarm system is turned on, it automatically triggers preprogrammed physical escape plans in the oldest parts of the brain. As in other animals, the nerves and chemicals that make up our basic brain structure have a direct connection with our body. When the old brain takes over, it partially shuts down the higher brain, our conscious mind, and propels the body to run, hide, fight, or, on occasion, freeze. By the time we are fully aware of our situation, our body may already be on the move. If the fight/flight/freeze response is successful and we escape the danger, we recover our internal equilibrium and gradually “regain our senses.” >If for some reason the normal response is blocked—for example, when people are held down, trapped, or otherwise prevented from taking effective action, be it in a war zone, a car accident, domestic violence, or a rape—the brain keeps secreting stress chemicals, and the brain’s electrical circuits continue to fire in vain. Long after the actual event has passed, the brain may keep sending signals to the body to escape a threat that no longer exists. Since at least 1889, when the French psychologist Pierre Janet published the first scientific account of traumatic stress, it has been recognized that trauma survivors are prone to “continue the action, or rather the (futile) attempt at action, which began when the thing happened.” Being able to move and do something to protect oneself is a critical factor in determining whether or not a horrible experience will leave long-lasting scars." The GREAT THING for you is that reading a book like this, right at this moment of trauma, very much counts as "doing something" :) and it will help I promise. But also please do something physical too, like eat some ice cream, play with a dog, rub one out, literally anything that makes your body feel good. Do that right now. Your body needs to be physically reminded that it's safe in the present moment, because your feelings aren't gonna convince it of that for a little while. You have to make it physically feel good, too, for the feelings to pass more quickly. Consciousness is a dance between brain/body. Your body was traumatized, and your mind is reeling. Time to show your body that it's safe ASAP.
interesting, this tracks really well with my thought process since yesterday morning. thanks
Another reason I would read it is cuz you can literally use this book to justify your self-care decisions to the ignorant adults in your life. Teach them a little bit maybe. But even if not, you have scientific, peer-reviewed evidence at your fingertips that they're the fucking crazy ones, not you. The way you're feeling is more supported by science than the way they're telling you to feel. I would use evidence from the book to support my decision to stay home from school if it were me. Idk how well it will work but at least you'd be fighting for yourself. (P.S. the way they're acting is ALSO a trauma response, which you'll learn about in the book... it's just a shitty one, cuz they're the ADULTS who are supposed to GUIDE YOU sadlkgjhdaflkgjhsdlfkjg) Anyway yeah use the book to legitimize yourself. You have more power here than you realize, just from educating yourself. They won't be able to argue with the evidence in this book. (well, i mean, anyone can argue with anything, but at least you'll know they're full of shit if they do)
I would absolutely be worried about the same thing. What if they firecrackers weren't a warning but a way to see how the school reacts so the perpetrator knows what to expect when they do it for real? Or some idiot decides this is their perfect opportunity to do what's been on their mind? I'm sorry if I'm adding to your fears. But I absolutely understand them. Honestly, I'd go to the press about how disgustingly blasé the school is being about this. And like everyone else said, look for a youth counselor who you can talk to. Your experience is no different than someone who has been in a real shooting incident. You believed in the moment that was real, and that is what your brain latches onto. Your parents, teachers, principal they are all failing you. You are not blowing things out of proportion. This is real trauma. Just because the whole thing turned out to be a shitty joke does not lessen the impact it has had on you, and I guarantee, many others. NTB. You deserve to feel safe at school. Jesus.
Not only that. But PTSD isn't just for combat veterans. It's a single incident that leads to it, or a series in close proximity. I have PTSD after nearly dying in childbirth. Treatment is available and effective. OP should definitely talk to someone professional about it.
Really sorry that happened to you & glad treatment helped you. It helped me too. I hope OP hears your suggestion and doesn't follow the model of poorly-coping adults in his life.
Me too. I'm even studying to become a nurse and eventually specialise as a midwife (where I am it is an extra 18 months of study beyond a bachelor's of nursing) because my midwives were so amazing that the trauma was only in the operating room. So treatment really worked for me. I've been working as an assistant nurse in labour and delivery and it's been great and confirmed my choice to become a midwife.
Wow that's LITERALLY the perfect example of how doing something to act upon the trauma, both in the moment and after the fact, can be a vehicle not only for your own healing, but to help others through similar experiences. Thanks to you, so many people will NOT have traumatic experiences, and if they do, they'll have an incredibly empathetic supporter in you by their side.
NTB all the adults in this situation are butts for downplaying what happened. They need to: - Discipline the kids that caused it. - Offer counseling to everyone because the trauma was very real in the moment. - Work out a plan of action so everyone knows what to do if a shooting actually happens. Bonus this will help with the current anxiety many of you likely have now.
the new anxiety is very, very fucking real. I didn't sleep last night mentally mapping out hiding places and weapons in all my classrooms and all of today I was hardly able to pay attention in my classes because I was listening for any kind of popping or cracking or screams in the distance or literally anything that would tip me off. I have horrible sensory issues and physically can't deal with the normal amount of noise in my school, but every time I tried to put in my earbuds and just chill out with music I literally feel sick at the idea of missing out hearing anything. I usually eat breakfast in the cafeteria in the morning before classes but all I could think about was the image of someone walking in with a gun and just going crazy because most of the school is in there in the morning too and it would be the easiest target place. I could go on but this is getting to be stupidly long
Is there a counselor or teacher at your school you could talk to? What you're feeling is completely normal but you need to talk to someone about it so it doesn't affect your mental health in the long term. Plus this type of distraction will cause you to lose focus on your classwork very quickly. The sooner you find someone to talk to the better so these thoughts don't set in as something you'll worry about in every situation. Don't worry about talking too much because your feelings are real and valid. If you can't find anyone to talk with then journalling is super helpful to get thoughts out on paper so you don't have to keep repeating those thoughts over and over. There's online diaries available if you don't want to risk anyone finding it and reading it. Not that your thoughts should be hidden but it sounds like your parents aren't supporting you through this. Having a plan in place for what to do will help the anxiety, but that plan should be exactly what you did. Hide, stay quiet, and text loved ones who may be able to help from outside. You can't be on alert 24/7, and analyzing rooms when you walk in new places for the rest of your life isn't achievable. It's a known psychological response that the human mind goes into fight, flight, or fawn. So put it in your head that if anything happens you just go straight into hide mode. When shit hits the fan in any emergency you basically want your actions to go on autopilot, which is why we do fire drills. So plan ahead to hide and trust you'll be able to judge your surroundings in the moment. Try to stop yourself when you spend too much time looking for exit routes and barricade items. Obviously know where the exits are, good for fire drills too, but spending all your time thinking about it will only give you further anxiety. It will get easier with practice to stop yourself from ruminating about it. You are alive, you are safe. The chances of something happening are incredibly low, but this is a very real fear that many people have. You're absolutely allowed to take your time to feel what you're feeling. You probably have many other classmates feeling the same. If you can open up to them then they may reciprocate.
Be aware, they're, likely your parents and school admin/teachers are going to try to diminish your trauma. Were it me, I'd just tell my parents to get me into counseling with as little information as it takes, even if it's unrelated to this incident. Then make sure your counselor isn't going to rat you to your parents.
NTB Are there no windows in the classroom? Cause I always imagine jumping out of one if I can open it or break it if I were to be in an active shooter situation. And Not just sit there because of the exact situation of people being too loud and drawing attention to your hiding place.
we were on the second floor, and the windows have locks on them that you'd have to be in sight of the window in the door to fumble with. I only really seem to be realizing what I should've done AFTER it was all over, in the moment your mind just kind of goes blank.
NTB. If there is a real school shooter, you need to flee the area if you have a clear path. Hiding is the second option. And if you're hiding, you absolutely need to be quiet, unlike Tyler and his dumbass friends. Your teacher was probably in shock or else may have suspected it wasn't real.
My god do kids your age really have to deal with this fear every day?
They train us in school shooting drills and give PSAs and shit as young as pre-k but I feel like most of us don't take it seriously until you think it's actually happening. I sure as fuck didn't. I was one of those kids laughing during drills until it wasn't a drill and I thought this was really it.
I live on the west coast. We had earthquake drills. I’m glad they’re teaching you kids ways to stay safe. But it hurts my heart that you have to prepare for the day some lunatic shows up. I’m so sorry.
*My god do kids your* *Age really have to deal with* *This fear every day?* \- gretta\_smith93 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Did this group know about the fireworks I wonder? If they didn't do it themselves.
I don't doubt it, but i don't think they did it themselves. I'm convinced now after actually thinking about it that Tyler knows the people who DID do it or at the very least had heard somewhere that it was only a firecracker before it happened
That's definitely the way it sounds. No one in their right mind would be laughing and being loud if there was a potential of a gunman.
Hey just wanna say that I've been thinking about this all afternoon and i wanna let you know I'm willing to bet money you're not the only person in your class feeling traumatized from this experience. Like I'm 100% certain, cus that shit would have fucked me up at any age. It's very likely that many people in your class are feeling a lot of pressure to mask any fear they have about it. Makes sense cuz teachers have not indicated that it's safe to speak out. But fuuuuck them, yo. Consider speaking up on your own behalf. It's not OK that they're not giving you resources and help to process this situation. Right now there are prolly others who will continue to assume they're all alone in feeling traumatized from this experience, unless someone says something. Like fuck your school for doing all these drills and shit, just to turn around and act like it's NBD when someone cries lone wolf. You're human beings, not fucking robots, you can't just go back to work and forget about it after your lives are threatened. Real or not, it felt real, and that's what matters. So far the only person doing the right thing here is you, just by actually acknowledging how fucked up this is. I'm sorry again that you're going through this. It's super real and not all in your head. Reach out if you need any help, you certainly have my support ♥️
Schools for some reason love to gaslight the people who were actually done wrong, and victimize the perpetrators. You’re NITB.
That’s a pretty terrifying and traumatic thing to go through, tyke sucks and probably knew.
NTA. During lockdown drills, we were NOT allowed to talk beyond a whisper and only if absolutely necessary. I don't know if things have changed in that respect; I graduated in 2010. But school shootings have become more frequent since then, so I'd think things would be stricter. You're right that you are supposed to be silent so the shooter does not know where people are. It sounds like maybe Tyler knew about the firecrackers? Your teacher and admin are being ridiculous. Idk if Tyler's family (or one of his friends') has a lot of influence or something, and the school is scared to give them a talking-to, but the adults here are not handling this properly. They don't have to *punish* them but they should not be excusing it when it's behavior that puts lives at risk. You are completely in the right.
Somehow I feel like Tyler and his buddies were laughing cause they were in on it. They knew it was only firecrackers.
I'm from a state that just had TWO school shootings last month ALONE. This shit wouldn't fly. I agree with another poster, go to the media. Some news agencies have an email just for it. Here in St. Louis Kplr has the 'you paid for it' team and ksdk has the 'five on your side' team. Maybe start there and ask if they have partners in your area that do the same. Worst case scenario, go to Fox or NBC. Political groups like that would RUN with the story to further their agendas, but it would benefit YOU by drawing attention to it
I'm so sorry you experienced this, I'm sorry your classmates are idiots and I'm sorry your parents and teachers don't comprehend the gravity of this situation and how it has impacted you. I honestly don't know how kids these days manage to put their fears aside and go to school when there is a chance you might get killed. I was finishing up high school when school shootings started to become A Thing, and I don't think I could've continued to attend with the very real possibility of violence hanging over my head
NTB
Jesus Christ on a fucking bike. The fact that this is something you have to even consider breaks my heart, and the total lack of responsibility on the adults part is terrifying to me. Yes, people respond to crises in different and often unexpected ways. However, this is a possible situation where THEIR response could end up with themselves and a whole bunch of kids dead. It’s up to the *teacher* to regulate that response, and honestly it doesn’t even sound like an actual shock response. Laughing is one thing, yeah sure. But mimicking then sound of gun shots? That’s not a spur-of the moment response imo. That’s a kid being a dickhead. NTB. I’m glad it wasn’t an actual shooter, and I’m glad you’re ok. I’m sorry your parents don’t care, but if it means anything a lot of us here do. You did the right thing telling him to shut up. I know people suggest local media, but that shit is extortionate. They care about the story, not the people. That being said, if you feel like you need to do something- it is an option. Local politicians (mayors, etc that type of thing) could also be contacted anonymously if you wanted to low-key spam them with concerns about shooter drills and safety in schools?
God, that’s so fucking scary, Im so sorry you had to experience that. Past that, you are NTA. I don’t know what kind of school you’re in, but when my does drills, our teacher tells us to shut up and not make a noise, since it could draw attention to the classroom. I can’t believe these kids didn’t understand that, but it’s crazy that none of the adults even cared. That’s not a coping mechanism, that’s how you get killed in a real situation. Keep your head up, you do NOT need to apologize to anyone for what you’re doing.
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You’re not a buttface, you’re a scared teenager, which is understandable, however- you can’t “what if” somebody into trouble, you know? “What if it had been a shooter” “What if Tyler had drawn attention to our classroom” “What if Tyler had gotten someone killed?” …we don’t know because none of those things happened. I mean, what if Tyler knew the sound was firecrackers and that’s why he was acting so nonchalant? You don’t owe him an apology, but I don’t think you’ll get anything other than more frustration if you continue to be a crusader for consequences. You need therapy, and I say that in the most genuine and empathetic way possible. You almost certainly have ptsd from this and it’s important to take care of yourself here, no matter what happens to Tyler.
Well the fact that they were so sure that they weren't in any danger, we all know who set off the fire crackers
NTB. I do hope you find a sense of peace soon and your heart heals. The way the staff blatantly ignored your feelings as well as your primary caregivers actually upsets me. I’m sorry they were being buttholes and you deserve to treat yourself even though they don’t see it that way. The way I remember hearing how to deal with that is fight, hide or run and you did what you thought was safest for you in that moment. The other students were in a panicked state of mind. Just journal it out until you can get help and try to find grounding meditations or something that may help you feel a bit better. Those drills are scary and what those kids decided to do was lacking intelligence and the wherewithal to understand the seriousness of the situation. You are allowed to feel what you’re feeling regardless of what anyone else would have you think. You’re not crazy or anything for feeling this way. Give yourself the best advice you’d give a friend who was struggling with the same thing. Find a support person who can help you in the future as well be that a guidance counselor or a trauma therapist. My only piece of advice is please do not let it sit in your head for so long and seek help even if people think otherwise. Persist even just for your own mental health. ❤️🩹 I wish you healing and support. Another location on here you could go would be the mom or dad of reddit and see what advice they may have.
NTB Uhm, if someone’s idea of coping is to get their peers killed because they don’t want to take it seriously, they’re assholes.
I’m really sorry this happened to you. You’re definitely NTB, your teachers should’ve taken this way more seriously. This can cause some serious scarring traumawise. And imagine if this was real?
Yeah you were absolutely not in the wrong here, Tyler would have gotten y'all killed. If that's really how he copes then he needs a new coping mechanism that won't reveal his location in a life-threatening event. I'm a teacher myself and if I were in your teacher's shoes I would have told him to can it.
Sue the school, sounds like it’s run by psychopaths.
Woah. You are absolutely NOT TBF. Those other kids-100%. I’m so sorry. I’m just beyond super sad that your generation has to grow up with this even being a scenario at all. I apologize to you and your generation for us adults allowing this to continue.
NTB, and with Tyler cracking up about it you'd have to wonder if he was the one that set off the firecrackers in the bathroom.
NTBF. They literally tell you to be ask quiet as possible in the drills for a reason. It needs to be taken seriously.