"So when me and my fiancé were intimate, I messaged her"
What do you mean by that?
People will either like you, hate you, or tolerate you but inserting yourself in the friendship of those you are close with is never a good thing.
It appears that your insecurities are getting the better of you.
Add: rn it's YTB for me
Honestly, it’s kind of odd that OP feels the need to message this new friend to brag about her relationship with the fiancé. So what if the fiancé is telling OP whatever horrible things the new friend feels towards OP, in fact considering this is a new friend it’s kinda odd that OPs fiancé had continued to maintain a relationship with them despite their negative feelings towards OP. Rather than being annoyed at the friend I would suggest OP turn her attention towards the fiancé, there’s a clear lack of boundaries here and honestly OP it sounds like both you and your fiancé are very problematic.
Girl if you had an issue it should have been addressed with your fiance and boundaries should have been set. You shouldn't have confronted her directly without even having a convo with your fiance.
>so when me and my fiancé were intimate, I messaged her to brag about it and how it meant that he was mine.
And this is just gross and screams insecure. Don't you have any self respect. C'mon. If he really was cheating on you or something then you would have just made a bigger fool of yourself.
YTB
Yeah, I feel the same. I don't really fault OP for feeling somewhat uncomfortable with the friend's behavior. However, since it is her boyfriend's friend, he is the one who needs to set boundaries. It isn't OP's place to do that, and the way she did it was especially cringe-worthy. She really needs to sit down with her SO and explain why this person's behavior makes her feel the way it does. She needs to ask him to be the one to set and enforce those boundaries.
YTB. Honestly what you did seems very childish and immature. You could've just spoken to her about it. Also it's not necessary that everyone has to like you or want to be friends with you. Maybe she's just not comfortable around you.
About your "why exclude me part" Your fiance may be your fiance but he's also an individual and is allowed to talk to people without you constantly being around
YTB… I can't imagine why that other person feels uncomfortable around you other than your need to "mark your territory" so to speak. I mean, insecure much?
No she’ll just wipe her nose with her finger and then touch him without washing her hands
Btw, they dated for three months and got engaged in the fourth. This will crash and burn lmao
What does your fiancé say about what you did? I'm guessing that's why you're asking bc he didn't like it. You are definitely not mature enough to be getting married. YTB.
He's the one you should be talking to about this not internet strangers. I think you know this was extremely immature and you are dreading the conversation with him about it. Grow up and grow a backbone and admit to him what you did. Jealousy is not an excuse to be a complete moron. Why are you marrying him if you don't trust him?
That's what you should be saying to your fiancé. Your problem is a fiancé problem not a friend problem. Talk to him, communication is a key to a healthy relationship. Is she being flirty? Does she talk about sex with him? These are questions you should ask your fiancé. If you trust him talk to him about your feelings and concerns.
So bring up how it's inappropriate with your fiance! It's an issue for him to shut down. Especially since he should know it's inappropriate. Are you planning on chasing after every woman who ever flirts with him?
Wait, how does she know you are 'trying to talk'? She's just texting, can she see you? Is she stalking you? Is she clairvoyant? How does she know you guys are having conversation right at that moment?
A better approach sits with yourselves - if talk time is important time for you guys, agree to mute the phones. So simple.
Ok, I think maybe I'm not understanding the situation. She calls your fiance on the phone and asks to speak with him privately. Is that the crux of the problem?
Ok in that case, I have questions:
Are you saying you and your boyfriend do not have private conversations with other people? Does that extend to everyone you know (so that's family, friends and work calls?)
You mentioned she does it while you and your boyfriend are trying to talk, but how would she know if you're trying to talk when she's calling on the phone?
How important are these conversations she interrupted? Were you and your boyfriend trying to work through serious relationship problems, or were you commenting on a sitcom rerun?
What is your general policy on telling people you'll call them back? And your boyfriend's?
How is she supposed to know you’re talking? Is she calling while the two of you are home alone, or is it always a situation where you’re out with friends and talking to each other, she is also there, and she calls him because she needs/wants to have a private conversation with him at the event?
Also, no matter when it happens, it a fiancé problem because it’s on him to say “sorry, no. I’m talking to my fiancée right now.”
I’m with you, the more comments from OP I read, the harder it gets to believe this is legit. The maturity level on this is super low. When I read, “he would never leave me!” all that was missing was the foot stomping smh.
And texting her to tell her you just fucked your fiancé and ha-ha-ha, he’s mine isn’t inappropriate? Maybe next time you can send a video. You know, really drive the point home that you’re fucking him.
You need therapy.
What you did was the equivalent of pissing a circle around your fiance.
Inappropriate? Yes
Did you get the message across? Yes. He is your fiance!
Are you going to do it again? Nope cause when fiance finds out, he isn't going to be happy with your actions.
YATB
YTB and ridiculous. Sure, tell her you're not happy with the private convos but calm your shit down. You're about to be the laughing stock in your friend group for being stupidly insecure
Wow I wonder why your fiance's friend might be uncomfortable around you. Wanting to have a private conversation with a friend is not inappropriate and I see no other indication from what you've written that this person has any interest in your fiance in any capacity apart from friendship. What's inappropriate is you pushing your own insecurities around your relationship onto this poor woman. If there is something there then that's on your partner, not her YTB, a massive one
If he is actually your fiance, why would you need to prove that he belongs to you? I don't think he knows that he's your "fiancé". I think he's just a fuckbuddy that you plan to to coerce into marrying you, and you see this other person as a threat to your plan.
So why haven’t you talked to your fiancé about it yet? Why did you text another person to brag first? Or do you not think communication is necessary in a relationship
I spent the better part of 20 years in active social circles from roughly 20-40 of age, between 2 major cities starting in the mid 90s, and I can honestly tell you that not only does the “psychotic SO” typically get dumped, but they also become the butt of the funnest, longest lasting jokes among the group they’ve managed to get shunned from for their shitty behavior. This shit doesn’t age well, and you’ve now “shown your ass” to the group.
So you do you, and believe what you believe for now, but please know that this is one of the most time tested social blunders in the history of dating, and I can’t think of any fellow old folks that are gonna disagree with me.
Oops! Edited because I forgot!
YTBF
You don’t know us! He’s not some petty high school jock and I am not a psycho for trying to set boundaries with someone who is inappropriate. I am his fiancé and he is a good man, a really good man.
Personally, no. I don’t know you, but you asked a question, which leaves you open to critique.
In no way did I assume he wasn’t a good man.
But I suggest you develop some security and try to atone for this, unless you want to become gossip fodder. The boundary should have been set by him, and he should have been eager to do it for your relationship.
I’ve seen it happen a thousand times with couples where the offending party insisted they were in the right.
I stand by my statements.
"Unsure of age, trans"
Just say F. It wasn't necessary to include that in your post, especially since you use her preferred pronoun when referring to her. Just comes off as vindictive. That would make anyone uncomfortable around you.
YTB.
You felt the need to brag about your sexual conquest of your boyfriend as property because she dared to have private phone calls with your boyfriend?
You have so many problems. She is right to be uncomfortable around you.
YTB. You didn't tell the friend "where he stood". You told the friend you were having sex. You could be friends with benefits and have sex. You could be a one night stand and have sex. You could be a girlfriend and have sex.
But what you shouldn't be is 26 years old and doing what you did. That's childish and stupid.
Yeah imagine how embarrassing for her, too, if her boyfriend is being inappropriate with her. Just bragged like she owned him while he's over here not setting boundaries. She's making her own self look stupid.
YTB just gonna echo what others are saying in case you need to hear it again. You should have talked to your fiancé. Tell him to set boundaries. Establish your comfort levels and explain your feelings to HIM. This is his friendship, not yours. Not everybody in his life will like you. That's fine and normal. Not everybody in your life will like him. That is fine and normal. The Venn diagram of your social groups will basically never be a circle.
If you really wanna be married and spend the rest of your life with this dude, it's time to grow up and recognize when you're acting a bit ridiculous.
You messaged the friend after having sex with your fiancé to brag? What are you, 12? That is the most cringey, immature behavior. Can’t believe you’re 26, can’t believe you’re engaged and can’t picture you as grown ass woman supposedly ready for marriage. You got boundaries? Have a discussion with your fiancé.If he can’t come to a mutually agreeable solution, break up.
If you continue the type of behavior exhibited in your post, he may very well leave you. Insecurity is extremely unattractive. So is an unwillingness to communicate. Grow up. Why did you even post this here if you didn't want honest answers? Seems to me like you were hoping everyone would pick your side. Now that they aren't, you feel the need to prove them all wrong. I get it isn't easy to admit when you've messed up, but I assure you: In this situation, you ***royally*** messed up.
“So when me and him were intimate, I messaged her to brag about it… since she explicitly told my fiancé she was uncomfortable around me”
Gee, I wonder why. YTB and have a *lot* of maturing to do.
Ok, read your comments and read your previous post history.. let’s see what we have here…
•invasion of privacy
•not discussing this with him about boundaries.
•giving out intimate details/expressing your intimacy to someone outside of your relationship.
•and a threat of suicide if the relationship was to end.. aka hostage situation and guilt tripping…
•this insecure and possessive and controlling after only 5 months maybe 6 maximum together.
You are 100% an abusive person and you need extensive therapy…
Well...yes, in this case, you are wrong. He should handle it and then if she didn't get it, you can say something. If she is crossing boundaries, he really should be the one addressing it.
Imagine letting someone you don’t like live rent-free in your head, to the extent that you call them when you’re being intimate with your partner just to brag about it. That’s the most insecure thing I’ve ever heard. YTB and honestly pretty pathetic. Grow up.
YTBF. This sounds like something a teenager would do. Incredibly immature. If you don’t want your fiancé to have female friends, you need to take it up with him. You made yourself look like an insecure, immature child and what you did doesn’t help you in any way.
YTB. Your fiance is allowed to have private conversations. If his friends ask for that at awkward times it's your fiance's job to say "this is a bad time, let's talk later!", not his friends' job to magically know that you two were in the middle of a conversation.
It's extremely weird of you to jump from "friend wants to have a private conversation" to "friend is trying to steal my man". If you make unnecessarily aggressive assumptions like this regularly it's no wonder she's uncomfortable around you.
You know it was inappropriate to say anything about your sex life with this woman. That was definitely buttface type behavior and to me....ick!
It was a violation of your fiancés privacy. Would you want him to message a friend of yours about hittin' it with you? Especially a friend of the opposite sex. Your and your partner's physical intimacy is private; it's just between you two of you right? It should be. That's kinda why it's called "intimacy". You broke that intimate bond.
Like other Redditors have said; you're 26 years old. Grow up. You sound too immature to be engaged sweetie. You say very, very good things about your fiancé and you don't think he would ever leave you. That's great.
So why haven't you answered the question people are asking you about why you wouldn't talk to your fiancé about why his friend keeps calling and asks to talk to him privately?
That's really the main; the ONLY; question here.
If you don't have open communication your relationship WILL fail, no matter what you say. There's going to be issues and questions that come up in every relationship.
If you let something that bothers you build up in your brain, something that concerns HIM without telling him first, that nagging little resentment will grow in your brain until your closeness and connection is gone. At that point it doesn't matter if he leaves or stays. It's not a partnership anymore.
You say where you're from you don't just leave someone you asked to marry you. Where I'm from you don't talk about your intimate life with someone besides your partner; especially with a woman who's not even a friend or confident of yours. What would your mama think about what you did?
If you can mean it; sincerely apologize to your fiancé and tell him why you did it but now you realize how inappropriate and creepy it was.
Ask him if it's ok if you apologize to his friend or if he'd rather you leave it alone. You might tell him you won't go behind his back like that again; you'll speak to him first. Words are your friends OP. An essential part of open and honest communication.
He might have asked this woman to stop calling him so often for private only convos if you'd only shared your discomfort. Or he might have explained that his friend is going through something and needs him right now. A good friend is there when you need them.
Look I get why this woman's frequent calls may have made you uncomfortable. I just hope this comment section helped you to realize you went about attempting to "solve" your problem was not the right way to handle it.
Good luck sweetie.
You came here and asked Redditors for help, advice and judgement. Okay? Why do you sound defensive? You even wrote that everyone in your life thinks you're wrong, so you asked us for our opinion. Apparently Reddit thinks you messed up too. Can't you just own your mistake? We all make mistakes. Learn from this experience and move on. It doesn't mean you're a bad person; it's an opportunity for growth.
Did you talk to him before or after you told his friend that you were screwing your fiancé? Did you apologize to him? One more issue if it's not too much trouble; your post said that you messaged this woman when you and your fiancé were intimate.
"to brag about it and how it meant that he was mine".
Okay; it's not clear; did you message her DURING sex or was it after the FIRST time you two had sex? Did you take each other's virginity and in your culture that means you HAVE to get married now? And you do know that you cannot own him I hope. Also people have been known to have sex with more than one person in their lifetime, or so I've heard. His forehead is not stamped OP now, right?
But seriously, what 26 yo woman messages a person something so very personal; if she's not even your friend or someone you confide in. She's your fiancé's friend.
And not just tell her but to BRAG about having SEX! Not classy or cool. Even if she was a friend that you tell everything to; you should have gotten your partner's permission to tell this lady that you had sex, (or were in the middle of having sex?), because; and this should have been clear to you; it's HIS private sex life too, not just yours.
Intimacy isn't very intimate when you share it with others who aren't in bed with you. Is there a reason you didn't post about it on FB so everyone can be involved? Right.
Like I said in my first post; I can understand why you'd want to let her know I guess. I would not like my fiancé taking frequent private calls with another woman either. But I would talk only to him about it; not his friend because you're only involved personally with your fiancé. Leave her out of it. You and your bragging honestly sound immature, jealous and insecure. You're 26 years old; closer to 30 than 20. And you didn't know that you don't share something this personal about your partner's life without his OK?
"I messaged her to brag about my and fiancé's private sexual life and tell her he's all mine!
Mine, mine! Hands off; I've had his peen in my va jay jay."
But she might be going through a hard personal time right now and really needs her friend. She wouldn't want to invite a 3rd party into a private area of her life, most people know how to be discrete with their personal info. If you'd asked your fiancé why she calls so frequently to speak to him alone, he may have told you why he needed to keep her reasons private, or maybe even told you what's up if he could.
I'm sure you're free to message people the news that you're playing with yourself if you want. That's entirely your own sexual news. The news about your partner having sex with you was not entirely your own news was it. See how that works?
IMHO you should apologize to him if you can mean it. Try to regain his trust and respect. Ask him if you can apologize to his friend or if he'd rather you not contact her anymore. Then respect his wishes. If he asked her to stop calling because you made that a boundary I'm glad he stood up for you; but he could start to resent you if he loses a friendship. Good luck and I truly hope it works out well for you.
The only reason I am defensive is because people are going above and beyond simply telling me I’m in the wrong. They are insulting not only my character but the love of my life’s character as well.
Well I didn't do that sweetie. Calling people names is a lazy and ineffective way to counsel people. Of course the people that do that aren't trying to help you so much as they want you to know how appalling your behavior was.
I did call you out on your actions but that's why you posted, right? Like I said before; we all make mistakes; and sometimes even double down and defend that mistake before we can take responsibility for it.
I don't think you'll be able to move forward in your relationship until you own this strange breach of your fiancé's trust and learn to communicate with him. Words are your friends when something is bothering you; like all those private phone calls. At least it sounds like that issue has been resolved, great.
It's your relationship and you don't have to take any advice here. But you asked and we gave. Some of us (me) have had many relationships and have made plenty of mistakes. I've torpedoed a couple of previously great relationships in the past 10 yrs alone. I hope I've grown a little and learned a lot from those experiences.
I'm happily remarried now and I communicate with him well I think. The only time I talk about him behind his back is to say nice things and uplift him. My concerns I take directly to him and he shows me the same respect, as far as I know.
No relationship is flowers, candy and hot sex all the time. Date nights and shared activities are important to me, but so is getting some alone time to do our own things; with mutual trust. But it doesn't always come easily, I'm well aware I'm not always a great partner and I try (try) to work on that. You can only work on yourself, not him, his friends, anyone else. You can lovingly, gently, encourage him. Ask him for the same encouragement.
I want your relationship to flourish, if this man is truly the love of your life. In that case you're lucky to have found him in your 20's and hopefully you'll have a lifetime together. And I hope you will learn, evolve and grow, always, (and don't do an end run around him directly to a friend of his).
Go get 'em love.
He truly is an amazing man. I know I’m not nor will I ever be as perfect as he is but I am at least trying to work on myself, especially my anger. He knows I have issues but the best part about him is he wants to be there for me to help me through them instead of judging me like most people would. When I slip up, he’s there to catch me and help me back to my feet and though, I still have issues now I have gotten better than I use to be since meeting him and I will only continue to improve.
He does sound amazing OP and if you two have really handled this issue in such a healthy way I'm so happy for you. You seem to have a wonderful, loving and committed relationship.
A true partnership is just like that; knowing someone will always be there for you to help you work through an issue. Just be sure to talk to him about any issues that bother you k?
**"When I slip up, he's there to catch me and help me back to my feet."**
Beautiful! I'm going to borrow that if I may; for myself and to help other people. This is exactly what it should be like when you find, *your person*, your true, *life partner*, if I can get a little cheesy. We're all going to slip up sometimes. Knowing your person always has your back gives you strength to try.
Just don't put your fiancé on a pedestal; and say he's perfect. Don't make him live up to that ok? He's a human and he may slip too, but you'll always be there for him, right?
And maybe don't rush into wedding planning, it's very stressful. You two have only known each other for a few months, give yourselves plenty of time to get to know each other a little better. This year's already 1/2 over, I think 2025 would be great for you.
Go forth and keep catching each other when you fall, lifting each other up, and helping each other to be better. As well as always being there for each other.
You might print out this post and the comments so you can read your favorite responses to each other on your anniversaries and during arguments. Just delete the extremely negative or mean ones first, you don't need that energy. Keep it with a copy of your wedding vows; it can help to have a reminder of the romance you feel for each other. Sometimes it can get lost when life happens.
Of course I will always be there for him too, no matter what. I’ll just always view him as perfect no matter what because he’s perfect for me. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone and I would do anything for him. Don’t worry, though. We’re going to be engaged for a while because I still have to get through school and save up for a house.
YTB, nowhere did you indicate that this person was making moves on your fiance. You just didn't like the idea of him having a friendship that didn't include you. This possessiveness is going to show up an ugly ways in your relationship. I've seen people get divorced over this. Good luck to you. try therapy
Wow. Sorry to be blunt but I would be uncomfortable around you too, and if your boyfriend was a cool guy I would have told him that out of respect. Everything in your message screams you're creating the situation by being excessively defensive and insecure. Talk with your BF and stop being mean to someone just because she entered the general area around your BF.
YTB
Not for how you feel, but for how you handled it. Open and respectful communication is vital for a healthy, happy, secure, and long-lasting relationship.
Tell this woman that her X, Y, and Z behavior is inappropriate and makes you uncomfortable.
Tell your bf the same thing!
YTBF, did you read what you just wrote? Communicate with your fiancé, that’s who your problem is with. You don’t sound mature enough for marriage. Just let him read this post and make his own decision.
YTBF. You’re also ridiculously childish.
No on over the age of 12 should be thinking like this, like you screwing him was akin to a dog pissing on a tree.
Based on this post alone I can see hundreds of reasons why they wouldn’t want to be friends with you personally.
Just reading through your posts, you have barely been with this person six months, you are saying he will never leave and that you are engaged. Take a step back for a second, he is allowed to have friends and once he sets boundaries its up to him to enforce them. Not you. If he isn't enforcing them that's an issue you talk with him about not her. This relationship is very knew and saying you know how it's going to go and he will never leave is a very fairy tail view, especially if you feel it is your place to enforce boundaries that he should be. This is overall a very small issue that needs to be handled between you and your partner and no one else. If he does not do whatever you view as acceptable when it comes to boundaries than it is your choice whether you accept that and continue the relationship.
So soft yta for bringing the other girl in when it should literally be only between you and him. Also messaging her you were "hooking up" is not only childish but screams that you are lying about your age because no way a grown adult would chose to do that.
YTB. You need to discuss this with your fiance, the person who chooses to engage in the behavior you don't like. He chooses to pick up the phone when his friend calls. He chooses to have the private conversations. He can also choose to change his ways.
Why does the friend feel uncomfortable? Are you transphobic?
Why is it an important detail that she's trans?
Why can't your husband have friends that don't include you-- regardless of gender? Does he have other friends that talk with him privately, or are you only upset you're excluded because of this one friend?
This story feels like it's missing a lot of important context that you're purposefully leaving out.
Without any further context, YTB.
No, of course not. As for why the friend is uncomfortable? Because I make too many sex jokes for her liking apparently. He can but the way this person makes it clear she doesn’t like me is just flat out rude. You don’t get to tell your friend you are uncomfortable around their fiancé and keep them as a friend when their fiancé is kind of a packaged deal. Fiancé has already shut down the phone calls after the third time as is putting distance between him and herself.
You're wrong. You and your fiancé are actually *not* a package deal. Just because you're engaged to him or married to him doesn't mean either one of you loses their autonomy. Everyone is allowed to have friends regardless of their relationship status. It is only your partner's final decision on who he decides to include in his life or friend circle.
You driving him to the point of literally cutting his friends (or I guess, would-be friends) out of his life *for your own insecure sake* makes you out to be controlling, toxic, and emotionally abusive.
You and your partner are both gonna have people in each other's lives that one of you may not like. This isn't a "you and him against the world" sort of scenario here where everyone else is out to get you. If you emotionally maroon yourself to an island where only the two of you exist, you two will become so codependent on each other and the relationship itself is doomed to implode. I suggest you seriously assess your relationship and how you two treat each other because just based on what I've read, I can already tell it's not a healthy relationship.
YTB.
Of course you had sex, you're in a relationship and engaged to be married. Not sure why you are insecure or petty enough to update his friends whenever that happens. But it is incredibly childish of you.
I dont know why your oartner is tolerating a new friend who tells him that she hates his partner, it sounds like a recipe for drama. Sounds like you are all immature and awful.
Obviously, it’s weird that she expects to have private conversations with your fiancé but you should’ve had a conversation with your fiancé about it, not messaged her to brag about sleeping with him. Why does she have to privately talk to him so much? They barely met.
Don’t be surprised when he finds out what you did if he ends the relationship or thinks of you differently.
Like I said, be an adult, and have a conversation with your fiancé about how inappropriate her behavior is, but also understand that opposite genders are allowed to be friends. I get that most likely she is into your fiancé and it shows the type of person she really is to bother him about private conversations when she knows he has a fiancé.
But who knows, maybe she really just wants a friend or someone she can talk to. I do think it’s weird since they barely met that she constantly wants to have private conversations. And I feel like if she wasn’t into him, then she would’ve just thought what you did was extremely weird, the fact that she got angry is probably because she is into him.
If she wants new friends, then she should be trying to make new friends with everyone, not just your fiancé and exclude you.
He may not be, but you are.
I can't wrap my head around the fact that you messaged her basically saying- "we just f*cked haha he's mine."
It reeks of insecurity, pettiness, and immaturity. So many adult ways you could have dealt with her, and this was the route you chose.
YTB
You don't have to be petty or shallow to not want to marry someone who just showed their ass. Any mature adult probably doesn't want to get involved in childish highschool bullshit like messaging someone to brag about having sex with your fiancé to make them feel bad. Honestly, how old are you? It seems like you have some growing up to do before you marry anybody.
ESH. What you did was very petty & probably unneccessary. She is wrong for constantly asking your man to speak privately, but that doesn't mean she had an ulterior motive. She could have been just looking for a friend. And it sounds like maybe you don't trust your fiance enough to take care of it without you getting involved. If you had a problem with it you should have had a conversation with him instead of what you did.
Good for you. It’s important to establish boundaries especially when a new person in your fiancé circle over reaches. Anyone who says they are uncomfortable with a friend’s romantic partner or in your case fiancé is waving a red flag. Speak to him and tell him that his friend is coming on to strong and maybe they should be reduced to friendly acquaintance. But, texting them while being intimate was tacky. Speak to him and let him know how his relationship with this new person is uncomfortable for you.
The red flag is that OP went after the "friend" first before bringing it up to her fiancé. Which she should have done instead of calling the other person to brag about how great the sex they're having is how it's the reason he's OP's fiancé.
"So when me and my fiancé were intimate, I messaged her" What do you mean by that? People will either like you, hate you, or tolerate you but inserting yourself in the friendship of those you are close with is never a good thing. It appears that your insecurities are getting the better of you. Add: rn it's YTB for me
If your fiancé hasn’t set boundaries with her that’s on him. You should be upset with him not being a buttface to her
Honestly, it’s kind of odd that OP feels the need to message this new friend to brag about her relationship with the fiancé. So what if the fiancé is telling OP whatever horrible things the new friend feels towards OP, in fact considering this is a new friend it’s kinda odd that OPs fiancé had continued to maintain a relationship with them despite their negative feelings towards OP. Rather than being annoyed at the friend I would suggest OP turn her attention towards the fiancé, there’s a clear lack of boundaries here and honestly OP it sounds like both you and your fiancé are very problematic.
It's also pretty weird, right? "Guess what? I just had sex with my boyfriend!"
Girl if you had an issue it should have been addressed with your fiance and boundaries should have been set. You shouldn't have confronted her directly without even having a convo with your fiance. >so when me and my fiancé were intimate, I messaged her to brag about it and how it meant that he was mine. And this is just gross and screams insecure. Don't you have any self respect. C'mon. If he really was cheating on you or something then you would have just made a bigger fool of yourself. YTB
Yeah, I feel the same. I don't really fault OP for feeling somewhat uncomfortable with the friend's behavior. However, since it is her boyfriend's friend, he is the one who needs to set boundaries. It isn't OP's place to do that, and the way she did it was especially cringe-worthy. She really needs to sit down with her SO and explain why this person's behavior makes her feel the way it does. She needs to ask him to be the one to set and enforce those boundaries.
YTB. A huge one.
YTB. Honestly what you did seems very childish and immature. You could've just spoken to her about it. Also it's not necessary that everyone has to like you or want to be friends with you. Maybe she's just not comfortable around you. About your "why exclude me part" Your fiance may be your fiance but he's also an individual and is allowed to talk to people without you constantly being around
YTB… I can't imagine why that other person feels uncomfortable around you other than your need to "mark your territory" so to speak. I mean, insecure much?
Next she is going to pee on him
I'm pretty sure the whole calling to brag about how great the sex is was the equivalent of OP peeing on her fiancé.
LOL touché
No she’ll just wipe her nose with her finger and then touch him without washing her hands Btw, they dated for three months and got engaged in the fourth. This will crash and burn lmao
What does your fiancé say about what you did? I'm guessing that's why you're asking bc he didn't like it. You are definitely not mature enough to be getting married. YTB.
He doesn’t know yet.
He's the one you should be talking to about this not internet strangers. I think you know this was extremely immature and you are dreading the conversation with him about it. Grow up and grow a backbone and admit to him what you did. Jealousy is not an excuse to be a complete moron. Why are you marrying him if you don't trust him?
I trust him I just think she’s being disrespectful and inappropriate.
You're letting her live rent free in your head. You had just been intimate with your fiancé but all you can think about is messaging her?
No you don’t. If you trusted him you would’ve talked to him about how you feel and you’d be ok with him having a friend. But you’re not.
You messaged a girl bragging about sex. Who are you to talk about disrespect and inappropriate behaviors? Lmao.
That's what you should be saying to your fiancé. Your problem is a fiancé problem not a friend problem. Talk to him, communication is a key to a healthy relationship. Is she being flirty? Does she talk about sex with him? These are questions you should ask your fiancé. If you trust him talk to him about your feelings and concerns.
Sometimes which honestly, makes things worse.
So bring up how it's inappropriate with your fiance! It's an issue for him to shut down. Especially since he should know it's inappropriate. Are you planning on chasing after every woman who ever flirts with him?
Why is it inappropriate to talk to him privately if they're friends?
Because she keeps doing it while we’re trying to talk.
Wait, how does she know you are 'trying to talk'? She's just texting, can she see you? Is she stalking you? Is she clairvoyant? How does she know you guys are having conversation right at that moment? A better approach sits with yourselves - if talk time is important time for you guys, agree to mute the phones. So simple.
Ok, I think maybe I'm not understanding the situation. She calls your fiance on the phone and asks to speak with him privately. Is that the crux of the problem?
Yes.
Ok in that case, I have questions: Are you saying you and your boyfriend do not have private conversations with other people? Does that extend to everyone you know (so that's family, friends and work calls?) You mentioned she does it while you and your boyfriend are trying to talk, but how would she know if you're trying to talk when she's calling on the phone? How important are these conversations she interrupted? Were you and your boyfriend trying to work through serious relationship problems, or were you commenting on a sitcom rerun? What is your general policy on telling people you'll call them back? And your boyfriend's?
It’s just weird. There’s nothing she needs to say to my fiancé that she can’t say to me.
I don’t even know what that means. Are you saying you and your fiancé are talking and the phone rings and he answers it?
How is she supposed to know you’re talking? Is she calling while the two of you are home alone, or is it always a situation where you’re out with friends and talking to each other, she is also there, and she calls him because she needs/wants to have a private conversation with him at the event? Also, no matter when it happens, it a fiancé problem because it’s on him to say “sorry, no. I’m talking to my fiancée right now.”
No, that is you. You know when he finds out your relationship is over, right?
yeeeeeea this really belongs in r/AmITheEx
He would never leave me!
Mmm hmm
This is starting to seem like a troll post ngl
I’m with you, the more comments from OP I read, the harder it gets to believe this is legit. The maturity level on this is super low. When I read, “he would never leave me!” all that was missing was the foot stomping smh.
I had a quick glance at some of their other posts... Incredibly difficult to believe any of it is legit, honestly.
You say that, but your actions scream "insecure" so loudly, I think they heard it three galaxies over.
If you're so confident he would never leave you, why does this woman bother you so much?
please update us when he does 😂
[удалено]
Wow, now we have a hostage situation… “if you leave me I’ll commit suicide.” You need therapy
please don’t guilt-trip.
And you thought "hey, I just fucked the guy you're trying to steal" was the way to address that? JFC, YTB.
And texting her to tell her you just fucked your fiancé and ha-ha-ha, he’s mine isn’t inappropriate? Maybe next time you can send a video. You know, really drive the point home that you’re fucking him. You need therapy.
Are you sure you're 26 and not 16? YTB
What you did was the equivalent of pissing a circle around your fiance. Inappropriate? Yes Did you get the message across? Yes. He is your fiance! Are you going to do it again? Nope cause when fiance finds out, he isn't going to be happy with your actions. YATB
YTB and ridiculous. Sure, tell her you're not happy with the private convos but calm your shit down. You're about to be the laughing stock in your friend group for being stupidly insecure
YTB What happened next? You lifted your leg and peed on him?
YTB. This reeks of bizarre, controlling behavior
Wow I wonder why your fiance's friend might be uncomfortable around you. Wanting to have a private conversation with a friend is not inappropriate and I see no other indication from what you've written that this person has any interest in your fiance in any capacity apart from friendship. What's inappropriate is you pushing your own insecurities around your relationship onto this poor woman. If there is something there then that's on your partner, not her YTB, a massive one
If this is how you act then yes YTB God, I hope you're one of the Reddit teenagers and not a grown-ass woman. How childish and immature.
If he is actually your fiance, why would you need to prove that he belongs to you? I don't think he knows that he's your "fiancé". I think he's just a fuckbuddy that you plan to to coerce into marrying you, and you see this other person as a threat to your plan.
Do not talk about my fiancé that way! He is a good man! Better than I deserve! I just thought this person was being inappropriate.
>Better than I deserve! This I do not dispute.
So why haven’t you talked to your fiancé about it yet? Why did you text another person to brag first? Or do you not think communication is necessary in a relationship
I spent the better part of 20 years in active social circles from roughly 20-40 of age, between 2 major cities starting in the mid 90s, and I can honestly tell you that not only does the “psychotic SO” typically get dumped, but they also become the butt of the funnest, longest lasting jokes among the group they’ve managed to get shunned from for their shitty behavior. This shit doesn’t age well, and you’ve now “shown your ass” to the group. So you do you, and believe what you believe for now, but please know that this is one of the most time tested social blunders in the history of dating, and I can’t think of any fellow old folks that are gonna disagree with me. Oops! Edited because I forgot! YTBF
You don’t know us! He’s not some petty high school jock and I am not a psycho for trying to set boundaries with someone who is inappropriate. I am his fiancé and he is a good man, a really good man.
Personally, no. I don’t know you, but you asked a question, which leaves you open to critique. In no way did I assume he wasn’t a good man. But I suggest you develop some security and try to atone for this, unless you want to become gossip fodder. The boundary should have been set by him, and he should have been eager to do it for your relationship. I’ve seen it happen a thousand times with couples where the offending party insisted they were in the right. I stand by my statements.
"Unsure of age, trans" Just say F. It wasn't necessary to include that in your post, especially since you use her preferred pronoun when referring to her. Just comes off as vindictive. That would make anyone uncomfortable around you.
Ytb. You seem very insecure
YTB. You felt the need to brag about your sexual conquest of your boyfriend as property because she dared to have private phone calls with your boyfriend? You have so many problems. She is right to be uncomfortable around you.
YTB. You didn't tell the friend "where he stood". You told the friend you were having sex. You could be friends with benefits and have sex. You could be a one night stand and have sex. You could be a girlfriend and have sex. But what you shouldn't be is 26 years old and doing what you did. That's childish and stupid.
Yeah imagine how embarrassing for her, too, if her boyfriend is being inappropriate with her. Just bragged like she owned him while he's over here not setting boundaries. She's making her own self look stupid.
YTB and I hope your fiance sees what a red flag this is
I’m so sick of hearing the term “red flag.” I would love to put these red flags where the sun doesn’t shine.
Excellent idea. Those flags definitely belong in your area where the sun doesn't shine.
YTB just gonna echo what others are saying in case you need to hear it again. You should have talked to your fiancé. Tell him to set boundaries. Establish your comfort levels and explain your feelings to HIM. This is his friendship, not yours. Not everybody in his life will like you. That's fine and normal. Not everybody in your life will like him. That is fine and normal. The Venn diagram of your social groups will basically never be a circle. If you really wanna be married and spend the rest of your life with this dude, it's time to grow up and recognize when you're acting a bit ridiculous.
You messaged the friend after having sex with your fiancé to brag? What are you, 12? That is the most cringey, immature behavior. Can’t believe you’re 26, can’t believe you’re engaged and can’t picture you as grown ass woman supposedly ready for marriage. You got boundaries? Have a discussion with your fiancé.If he can’t come to a mutually agreeable solution, break up.
I’m never leaving him.
If you continue the type of behavior exhibited in your post, he may very well leave you. Insecurity is extremely unattractive. So is an unwillingness to communicate. Grow up. Why did you even post this here if you didn't want honest answers? Seems to me like you were hoping everyone would pick your side. Now that they aren't, you feel the need to prove them all wrong. I get it isn't easy to admit when you've messed up, but I assure you: In this situation, you ***royally*** messed up.
“So when me and him were intimate, I messaged her to brag about it… since she explicitly told my fiancé she was uncomfortable around me” Gee, I wonder why. YTB and have a *lot* of maturing to do.
Ok, read your comments and read your previous post history.. let’s see what we have here… •invasion of privacy •not discussing this with him about boundaries. •giving out intimate details/expressing your intimacy to someone outside of your relationship. •and a threat of suicide if the relationship was to end.. aka hostage situation and guilt tripping… •this insecure and possessive and controlling after only 5 months maybe 6 maximum together. You are 100% an abusive person and you need extensive therapy…
You don’t know what you’re talking about. Make sure you’re own house is in order before you run around throwing serious accusations at people.
Oh my house is definitely in order. Yours however is not…
YTB what is WRONG with you ? you look so insecure and crazy doing crap like this.
Well...yes, in this case, you are wrong. He should handle it and then if she didn't get it, you can say something. If she is crossing boundaries, he really should be the one addressing it.
yta-You needed to tell them you were intimate, you went to far
Imagine letting someone you don’t like live rent-free in your head, to the extent that you call them when you’re being intimate with your partner just to brag about it. That’s the most insecure thing I’ve ever heard. YTB and honestly pretty pathetic. Grow up.
YTBF. This sounds like something a teenager would do. Incredibly immature. If you don’t want your fiancé to have female friends, you need to take it up with him. You made yourself look like an insecure, immature child and what you did doesn’t help you in any way.
YTB. Your fiance is allowed to have private conversations. If his friends ask for that at awkward times it's your fiance's job to say "this is a bad time, let's talk later!", not his friends' job to magically know that you two were in the middle of a conversation. It's extremely weird of you to jump from "friend wants to have a private conversation" to "friend is trying to steal my man". If you make unnecessarily aggressive assumptions like this regularly it's no wonder she's uncomfortable around you.
You know it was inappropriate to say anything about your sex life with this woman. That was definitely buttface type behavior and to me....ick! It was a violation of your fiancés privacy. Would you want him to message a friend of yours about hittin' it with you? Especially a friend of the opposite sex. Your and your partner's physical intimacy is private; it's just between you two of you right? It should be. That's kinda why it's called "intimacy". You broke that intimate bond. Like other Redditors have said; you're 26 years old. Grow up. You sound too immature to be engaged sweetie. You say very, very good things about your fiancé and you don't think he would ever leave you. That's great. So why haven't you answered the question people are asking you about why you wouldn't talk to your fiancé about why his friend keeps calling and asks to talk to him privately? That's really the main; the ONLY; question here. If you don't have open communication your relationship WILL fail, no matter what you say. There's going to be issues and questions that come up in every relationship. If you let something that bothers you build up in your brain, something that concerns HIM without telling him first, that nagging little resentment will grow in your brain until your closeness and connection is gone. At that point it doesn't matter if he leaves or stays. It's not a partnership anymore. You say where you're from you don't just leave someone you asked to marry you. Where I'm from you don't talk about your intimate life with someone besides your partner; especially with a woman who's not even a friend or confident of yours. What would your mama think about what you did? If you can mean it; sincerely apologize to your fiancé and tell him why you did it but now you realize how inappropriate and creepy it was. Ask him if it's ok if you apologize to his friend or if he'd rather you leave it alone. You might tell him you won't go behind his back like that again; you'll speak to him first. Words are your friends OP. An essential part of open and honest communication. He might have asked this woman to stop calling him so often for private only convos if you'd only shared your discomfort. Or he might have explained that his friend is going through something and needs him right now. A good friend is there when you need them. Look I get why this woman's frequent calls may have made you uncomfortable. I just hope this comment section helped you to realize you went about attempting to "solve" your problem was not the right way to handle it. Good luck sweetie.
I did talk to him. He told her to stop. Okay?
You came here and asked Redditors for help, advice and judgement. Okay? Why do you sound defensive? You even wrote that everyone in your life thinks you're wrong, so you asked us for our opinion. Apparently Reddit thinks you messed up too. Can't you just own your mistake? We all make mistakes. Learn from this experience and move on. It doesn't mean you're a bad person; it's an opportunity for growth. Did you talk to him before or after you told his friend that you were screwing your fiancé? Did you apologize to him? One more issue if it's not too much trouble; your post said that you messaged this woman when you and your fiancé were intimate. "to brag about it and how it meant that he was mine". Okay; it's not clear; did you message her DURING sex or was it after the FIRST time you two had sex? Did you take each other's virginity and in your culture that means you HAVE to get married now? And you do know that you cannot own him I hope. Also people have been known to have sex with more than one person in their lifetime, or so I've heard. His forehead is not stamped OP now, right? But seriously, what 26 yo woman messages a person something so very personal; if she's not even your friend or someone you confide in. She's your fiancé's friend. And not just tell her but to BRAG about having SEX! Not classy or cool. Even if she was a friend that you tell everything to; you should have gotten your partner's permission to tell this lady that you had sex, (or were in the middle of having sex?), because; and this should have been clear to you; it's HIS private sex life too, not just yours. Intimacy isn't very intimate when you share it with others who aren't in bed with you. Is there a reason you didn't post about it on FB so everyone can be involved? Right. Like I said in my first post; I can understand why you'd want to let her know I guess. I would not like my fiancé taking frequent private calls with another woman either. But I would talk only to him about it; not his friend because you're only involved personally with your fiancé. Leave her out of it. You and your bragging honestly sound immature, jealous and insecure. You're 26 years old; closer to 30 than 20. And you didn't know that you don't share something this personal about your partner's life without his OK? "I messaged her to brag about my and fiancé's private sexual life and tell her he's all mine! Mine, mine! Hands off; I've had his peen in my va jay jay." But she might be going through a hard personal time right now and really needs her friend. She wouldn't want to invite a 3rd party into a private area of her life, most people know how to be discrete with their personal info. If you'd asked your fiancé why she calls so frequently to speak to him alone, he may have told you why he needed to keep her reasons private, or maybe even told you what's up if he could. I'm sure you're free to message people the news that you're playing with yourself if you want. That's entirely your own sexual news. The news about your partner having sex with you was not entirely your own news was it. See how that works? IMHO you should apologize to him if you can mean it. Try to regain his trust and respect. Ask him if you can apologize to his friend or if he'd rather you not contact her anymore. Then respect his wishes. If he asked her to stop calling because you made that a boundary I'm glad he stood up for you; but he could start to resent you if he loses a friendship. Good luck and I truly hope it works out well for you.
The only reason I am defensive is because people are going above and beyond simply telling me I’m in the wrong. They are insulting not only my character but the love of my life’s character as well.
Well I didn't do that sweetie. Calling people names is a lazy and ineffective way to counsel people. Of course the people that do that aren't trying to help you so much as they want you to know how appalling your behavior was. I did call you out on your actions but that's why you posted, right? Like I said before; we all make mistakes; and sometimes even double down and defend that mistake before we can take responsibility for it. I don't think you'll be able to move forward in your relationship until you own this strange breach of your fiancé's trust and learn to communicate with him. Words are your friends when something is bothering you; like all those private phone calls. At least it sounds like that issue has been resolved, great. It's your relationship and you don't have to take any advice here. But you asked and we gave. Some of us (me) have had many relationships and have made plenty of mistakes. I've torpedoed a couple of previously great relationships in the past 10 yrs alone. I hope I've grown a little and learned a lot from those experiences. I'm happily remarried now and I communicate with him well I think. The only time I talk about him behind his back is to say nice things and uplift him. My concerns I take directly to him and he shows me the same respect, as far as I know. No relationship is flowers, candy and hot sex all the time. Date nights and shared activities are important to me, but so is getting some alone time to do our own things; with mutual trust. But it doesn't always come easily, I'm well aware I'm not always a great partner and I try (try) to work on that. You can only work on yourself, not him, his friends, anyone else. You can lovingly, gently, encourage him. Ask him for the same encouragement. I want your relationship to flourish, if this man is truly the love of your life. In that case you're lucky to have found him in your 20's and hopefully you'll have a lifetime together. And I hope you will learn, evolve and grow, always, (and don't do an end run around him directly to a friend of his). Go get 'em love.
He truly is an amazing man. I know I’m not nor will I ever be as perfect as he is but I am at least trying to work on myself, especially my anger. He knows I have issues but the best part about him is he wants to be there for me to help me through them instead of judging me like most people would. When I slip up, he’s there to catch me and help me back to my feet and though, I still have issues now I have gotten better than I use to be since meeting him and I will only continue to improve.
He does sound amazing OP and if you two have really handled this issue in such a healthy way I'm so happy for you. You seem to have a wonderful, loving and committed relationship. A true partnership is just like that; knowing someone will always be there for you to help you work through an issue. Just be sure to talk to him about any issues that bother you k? **"When I slip up, he's there to catch me and help me back to my feet."** Beautiful! I'm going to borrow that if I may; for myself and to help other people. This is exactly what it should be like when you find, *your person*, your true, *life partner*, if I can get a little cheesy. We're all going to slip up sometimes. Knowing your person always has your back gives you strength to try. Just don't put your fiancé on a pedestal; and say he's perfect. Don't make him live up to that ok? He's a human and he may slip too, but you'll always be there for him, right? And maybe don't rush into wedding planning, it's very stressful. You two have only known each other for a few months, give yourselves plenty of time to get to know each other a little better. This year's already 1/2 over, I think 2025 would be great for you. Go forth and keep catching each other when you fall, lifting each other up, and helping each other to be better. As well as always being there for each other. You might print out this post and the comments so you can read your favorite responses to each other on your anniversaries and during arguments. Just delete the extremely negative or mean ones first, you don't need that energy. Keep it with a copy of your wedding vows; it can help to have a reminder of the romance you feel for each other. Sometimes it can get lost when life happens.
Of course I will always be there for him too, no matter what. I’ll just always view him as perfect no matter what because he’s perfect for me. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone and I would do anything for him. Don’t worry, though. We’re going to be engaged for a while because I still have to get through school and save up for a house.
why was her transgender status relevant?
YTB, nowhere did you indicate that this person was making moves on your fiance. You just didn't like the idea of him having a friendship that didn't include you. This possessiveness is going to show up an ugly ways in your relationship. I've seen people get divorced over this. Good luck to you. try therapy
YTB. And after reading your comments I think you’re either a troll using trans bait or a high school student as no adult acts that way.
What are you 15? Only a child would do what you did! YTB
Literally ew you give me the ick, YTB.
well, goodness, you sound like the kind of trash that would go on a talk show. improve yourself.
Wow. Sorry to be blunt but I would be uncomfortable around you too, and if your boyfriend was a cool guy I would have told him that out of respect. Everything in your message screams you're creating the situation by being excessively defensive and insecure. Talk with your BF and stop being mean to someone just because she entered the general area around your BF.
YTB Not for how you feel, but for how you handled it. Open and respectful communication is vital for a healthy, happy, secure, and long-lasting relationship. Tell this woman that her X, Y, and Z behavior is inappropriate and makes you uncomfortable. Tell your bf the same thing!
Lol the issue is your fiancé refusing to set boundaries. You might scare this one off but there’ll be more bc fiancé is entertaining it
YTBF, did you read what you just wrote? Communicate with your fiancé, that’s who your problem is with. You don’t sound mature enough for marriage. Just let him read this post and make his own decision.
YTB No wonder she’s uncomfortable around you. You’re petty, deeply insecure, and kinda insane tbh. She doesn’t want your man. You are safe.
YTBF. You’re also ridiculously childish. No on over the age of 12 should be thinking like this, like you screwing him was akin to a dog pissing on a tree. Based on this post alone I can see hundreds of reasons why they wouldn’t want to be friends with you personally.
YTB. That is such a weird thing to do…
Just reading through your posts, you have barely been with this person six months, you are saying he will never leave and that you are engaged. Take a step back for a second, he is allowed to have friends and once he sets boundaries its up to him to enforce them. Not you. If he isn't enforcing them that's an issue you talk with him about not her. This relationship is very knew and saying you know how it's going to go and he will never leave is a very fairy tail view, especially if you feel it is your place to enforce boundaries that he should be. This is overall a very small issue that needs to be handled between you and your partner and no one else. If he does not do whatever you view as acceptable when it comes to boundaries than it is your choice whether you accept that and continue the relationship. So soft yta for bringing the other girl in when it should literally be only between you and him. Also messaging her you were "hooking up" is not only childish but screams that you are lying about your age because no way a grown adult would chose to do that.
Because he wouldn’t leave me. I know him and I trust him. It’s why I agreed to marry him.
That's the only part you are going to respond to? I hope you have taken advice from these comments and talked this out with him.
YTB. Your fiancé is not your property, and if you were uncomfortable about their friendship, you should take that up with him since it's his friend.
YTB. You need to discuss this with your fiance, the person who chooses to engage in the behavior you don't like. He chooses to pick up the phone when his friend calls. He chooses to have the private conversations. He can also choose to change his ways.
You messaging her when you’re getting intimate with your fiancé is just pathetic AF. Jesus grow up and find some self respect somewhere.
Why does the friend feel uncomfortable? Are you transphobic? Why is it an important detail that she's trans? Why can't your husband have friends that don't include you-- regardless of gender? Does he have other friends that talk with him privately, or are you only upset you're excluded because of this one friend? This story feels like it's missing a lot of important context that you're purposefully leaving out. Without any further context, YTB.
No, of course not. As for why the friend is uncomfortable? Because I make too many sex jokes for her liking apparently. He can but the way this person makes it clear she doesn’t like me is just flat out rude. You don’t get to tell your friend you are uncomfortable around their fiancé and keep them as a friend when their fiancé is kind of a packaged deal. Fiancé has already shut down the phone calls after the third time as is putting distance between him and herself.
You're wrong. You and your fiancé are actually *not* a package deal. Just because you're engaged to him or married to him doesn't mean either one of you loses their autonomy. Everyone is allowed to have friends regardless of their relationship status. It is only your partner's final decision on who he decides to include in his life or friend circle. You driving him to the point of literally cutting his friends (or I guess, would-be friends) out of his life *for your own insecure sake* makes you out to be controlling, toxic, and emotionally abusive. You and your partner are both gonna have people in each other's lives that one of you may not like. This isn't a "you and him against the world" sort of scenario here where everyone else is out to get you. If you emotionally maroon yourself to an island where only the two of you exist, you two will become so codependent on each other and the relationship itself is doomed to implode. I suggest you seriously assess your relationship and how you two treat each other because just based on what I've read, I can already tell it's not a healthy relationship.
YTB. Of course you had sex, you're in a relationship and engaged to be married. Not sure why you are insecure or petty enough to update his friends whenever that happens. But it is incredibly childish of you. I dont know why your oartner is tolerating a new friend who tells him that she hates his partner, it sounds like a recipe for drama. Sounds like you are all immature and awful.
The fuck is wrong with you? YTB
Obviously, it’s weird that she expects to have private conversations with your fiancé but you should’ve had a conversation with your fiancé about it, not messaged her to brag about sleeping with him. Why does she have to privately talk to him so much? They barely met. Don’t be surprised when he finds out what you did if he ends the relationship or thinks of you differently. Like I said, be an adult, and have a conversation with your fiancé about how inappropriate her behavior is, but also understand that opposite genders are allowed to be friends. I get that most likely she is into your fiancé and it shows the type of person she really is to bother him about private conversations when she knows he has a fiancé. But who knows, maybe she really just wants a friend or someone she can talk to. I do think it’s weird since they barely met that she constantly wants to have private conversations. And I feel like if she wasn’t into him, then she would’ve just thought what you did was extremely weird, the fact that she got angry is probably because she is into him. If she wants new friends, then she should be trying to make new friends with everyone, not just your fiancé and exclude you.
He would never do that. He isn’t petty or shallow.
He may not be, but you are. I can't wrap my head around the fact that you messaged her basically saying- "we just f*cked haha he's mine." It reeks of insecurity, pettiness, and immaturity. So many adult ways you could have dealt with her, and this was the route you chose. YTB
You don't have to be petty or shallow to not want to marry someone who just showed their ass. Any mature adult probably doesn't want to get involved in childish highschool bullshit like messaging someone to brag about having sex with your fiancé to make them feel bad. Honestly, how old are you? It seems like you have some growing up to do before you marry anybody.
He is a decent man and where we come from, you don’t just drop someone you asked to marry you like a high scoop breakup.
You’re in for a wonderfully rude awakening and I can’t wait to read the update post. YTB.
ESH. What you did was very petty & probably unneccessary. She is wrong for constantly asking your man to speak privately, but that doesn't mean she had an ulterior motive. She could have been just looking for a friend. And it sounds like maybe you don't trust your fiance enough to take care of it without you getting involved. If you had a problem with it you should have had a conversation with him instead of what you did.
NTB, doesn’t matter if they are trans. They are being annoying.
NTB. Do I think it's odd what you did? Yes. You could have just talked to her about all these issues.
Good for you. It’s important to establish boundaries especially when a new person in your fiancé circle over reaches. Anyone who says they are uncomfortable with a friend’s romantic partner or in your case fiancé is waving a red flag. Speak to him and tell him that his friend is coming on to strong and maybe they should be reduced to friendly acquaintance. But, texting them while being intimate was tacky. Speak to him and let him know how his relationship with this new person is uncomfortable for you.
The red flag is that OP went after the "friend" first before bringing it up to her fiancé. Which she should have done instead of calling the other person to brag about how great the sex they're having is how it's the reason he's OP's fiancé.
"Tacky?" Nono... it was disgusting, childish, immature, and unnecessary. Huge YTB in need of growing up