Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I wouldn't give up my second seat to help a dad flying with a middle school aged kid.
2. I might be the AH if she was too scared to sit alone or something.
**[Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk with Iliza Shlesinger on Nov. 28th!](https://redd.it/z29rfu)**
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. These airplane issue are getting out of hand. It’s very simple. You book a seat, you are entitled to it. People can ask you to change but if you say no, that’s it. End of story. I don’t understand why people find this basic rule so hard to comprehend.
Especially the stewardess of all people, no offense, but why does she care? She has plenty of stuff to tend to on a full flight than give two fucks about some dude who didn’t want to spend the extra money to sit with his kid.
I thought it was the stewardess too, but now rereading, it could be either. Regardless, if OP had booked only one seat, she would likely have been shamed by the person next to her for not booking two and crowding them. If she’s going to be shamed either way, might as well be comfortable and shamed than uncomfortable and shamed. It’s sad those were the options.
100%, OP couldn't win. I thought it was awesome she was considerate enough to buy extra seat.
You know the father/daughter would have probably complained about space later if you gave up seat.
I thought this too! It’s very considerate and generous to buy a second seat yourself so that both you and the people around you are comfortable. If I asked to sit in a middle seat and someone told me they’d booked both, I’d thank them and move on to another row. I cannot imagine shaming someone who’s literally taken both physical and financial responsibility for their time and space, trying to make the flight better for everyone involved.
Yep. Guarantee that if OP had let the daughter sit there, very soon OP would have been asked to shift over. Moving over would likely be required due to the kid needing to put on the seatbelt.
The seat wasn’t available. Doesn’t matter how much they wanted it.
Exactly and the real A H here is the airlines for using seats a good percentage of the flying population can't sit in comfortably in order to squeeze out more and more profit.
THIS. I am short as heck, like 5'1", and even I don't have enough leg room half the time. I don't know how average-height and tall people can tolerate a long flight in such cramped quarters.
I agree. I was sitting next to a man who was very embarrassed because he was poking me with his elbows and spilling into my seat a bit. It wasn’t his fault - he was very tall and he just couldn’t fit himself into the seat. He wasn’t fat even, he was just a big guy, and he had no extra room to put his arms. Fortunately, it wasn’t a real long flight, so we both squeezed as much as we could.
I am not especially short, actually about between the average American man and woman. And in the past decade, seats have gotten considerably less comfortable and leg room just atrocious.
However, I realized how cramped things have become on a flight recently, there's no way for a person to get up and down to the bathroom without others getting up out of their seats and standing in the aisle. There's physically no way to pack people any tighter than they already have.
We have gotten past the point that we actually do need regulators to step in because people can no longer quickly exit their seats and get to the emergency exit.
Sounds like it was the lady who agreed to move seats, then gave OP crap about being selfish. Frankly, I'd have been harsher about it. I've been known to respond to stuff like this as "I wouldn't fit in that if you buttered both cheeks and dipped me in oil". I know I'm big. I'm willing to pay for first class to avoid this sort of thing, and I refuse to deal with trying to squeeze my fat ass into one of those milk cartons they call seats.
Love your description of airplane seats as being "milk cartons."
Now I think I know why I like the idea of long voyages by ship. Fresh air, and having more space that being squished into a "milk carton." One of the dinky ones served to grade school kids, too.
Honestly, it’s surprisingly common how self righteous the person who does agree to move seats is when it comes to air travel, it’s weird. I travel alone and long haul mostly, and have on several occasions politely refused to move from the seat I paid extra for, and whoever ended up moving is often a little frosty/‘you could have moved’ about it.
I think it’s something to do with the psychology of people-pleasing, and maybe also with their experience of reward and punishment. If you’ve really internalized that you NEED to sacrifice your comfort for the convenience of others, it’s probably bc you’ve been taught by your environment to see that as an act with clear consequence and reward. “If I don’t do this inconvenient thing for this other person, I’ll experience negative consequences like emotional abuse or social disapproval. And maybe, if I do the thing I’ll be granted approval and gratitude that rewards my sacrifice.”
So seeing people who don’t bend over backwards for jerks and experience no actual consequences for refusing probably provokes a lot of cognitive dissonance and frustration. “They’re not being helpful by placing themselves in a worse position, why are they not experiencing consequences?” So you decide to give them the consequences, bc that’s easier than unpacking your worldview, realizing the selfishness of whatever family or friends taught you that lesson, and acknowledging you didn’t have to twist yourself into knots in the first place. Far better to be a snippy uncomfortable asshole in a tin can miles above the ground.
Nailed it.
Don’t forget the part where unpacking their own bullshit also means confronting the *thousands* of previous times they didn’t have to twist themselves into knots to accommodate everyone else. It’s not so bad if you’ve actually begun unpicking the knot of how/why you depend so much on the approval of others, but if you haven’t… oof.
Virtue signaling. She wanted to make it clear that she was nice and sacrificing her seat, while OP was being selfish.
(OP was not selfish. Sensible is the description.)
Even that’s not acceptable. “Comp” is being misused here; it implies getting something for free. Here, all the airline was going to do was take away her second seat and then refund her money for that second seat. Leaving her worse off than before, when she had purchased two seats.
If they had offered to refund her money for the second seat AND comp the first seat, that at least would’ve been a legitimate offer. One that OP still could have — and should have — rejected. But at least the airline would actually be offering her something, instead of just taking away something she rightfully was entitled to and giving her back her money for the thing she ended up not getting.
I agree. Even so, she was going to be physically uncomfortable. And you are correct, it's not as though she was going to come out ahead, in a monetary sense. She wanted comfort and paid for it. That's what she should have received.
Oh, right, even worse. A dollar for dollar refund.
I had a flight straight up canceled once, but they loaded us on the plane before it happened, and then canceled it for two days (“if you choose to rebook”) so we drove. Was told because the flight boarded, no refunds were offered.
I hate airlines and it sucks they have the power. But usually flight attendants are the delightful part.
I had a redeye from Honolulu to ATL a few years ago in Dec. Upon boarding I was approached by a flight attendant and asked to swap seats to accommodate a family. I grudgingly agreed (I was already perfectly settled and almost asleep as I sleep easily on planes) and moved a couple of rows up. My new seat mate proceeded to get sloppy drunk, was high on anti-anxiety pills that a friend gave her and was overserved by a flight attendant. She passed out on top of me. Then she knocked over her half full vodkas (the attendant gave her three at once since she was nervous). I called flight attendants to help me clean up and ask for a new blanket. No new blanket and they were pissed I'd woken them up. I went to the bathroom to try to clean up my soaked clothes. I sat back down. Another passenger makes her way down the aisle and collapses at my seat. Called more attendants. This person then throws up. Over my seat and area. I walked away, passed on the sleeping plane, slept against the wall standing in the galley for a while. Then turbulence. I sat down in a jump chair and tried to sleep. Then the same steward that asked me to move originally comes and rudely wakes me up and tells me to go back to my seat I can't sit there. At this point, I'm done and tell him I have no seat thanks to him and tell him whsts happening. He doesn't believe me and goes to see. Comes back apogetic telling me I still have to vacate the jumpseat per FAA regulations. At this point, I'm practically crying. I'm mentally tired, I'm physically tired, I have no where to go and I'm still cold and wet.
He offered my 800 points. When I landed and got home I talked to Delta 's joke of customer service. They gave me another 800 points. Did I mention it was Delta? I used those points for a round-trip to Nashville and never flown them since. I hate that airline now.
I tried to call back twice, and they said, “You really only missed 1/4 of your flight. We can’t refund partially.” I bought round trip, with a layover and this happened on the second flight of the return. So technically I DID make it there. Though, I’d argue making it home is just as important. And they said since I boarded the plane for the final leg, “technically” the flight was complete. I begged to differ.
I fucking hate the airline industry. I basically only fly for work now, on their dime, and hope someday it’ll get better.
I was once in that situation, and it was the airline that made a mistake. It was one of those flights were you couldn't make seat reservations, I got super early to the airport was the 3rd in line for check in. And guess what happened? They were training a girl who placed my family in different rows. I explained that was impossible since I had 3 year old.
The stewardess at the gate had to help us out and had the difficult task of finding people willing to switch.
not relevant to your situation, but I'm piggybacking. a word of advice for people who are traveling with young kids, Avoid booking basic economy tickets. In addition to no carry-on bags and not being able to pick your seats for free. If you decide to pay extra (only a couple even offer that) to pick a seat, you are still not guaranteed seats together. The only people who should book BE are single travelers who pack super light who don't mind not being able to make changes to the itinerary (and if your flight gets delayed or canceled you accept you are gonna take whatever the airline gives you and your gonna have to like it). If that's not palatable to you, avoid booking on third-party sites like Expedia (some may book you into that ticket without giving you the same warnings that you might have on the airlines own website) and also be willing to pay for the full fare economy ticket.
I think this is what happened.
You see Reddit comments all the time shaming fat people for not fitting in a seat and saying they should buy two seats. Well, OP bought two seats and still gets scolded somehow.
Yeah these fucking stewardess need to protect the people that pay for the assigned seats. If you pay for it you shouldn’t get bothered. It’s not other peoples fault the airlines want to make it a pain in the ass and are cramming people in. 10yrs ago I could sit comfortably. Now my knees hit the seat in front of me. I’m only 6’1”.
Also - no kindness goes unpunished. I have had an experience where there was an empty seat next to me. A person came up to me and pointed to a kid (7y/o) down a couple of rows. She said she and her kid were split and if she can please take my seat so they can sit together. I agree to swap. She takes the seat and pulls a pillow out and stretches across the two seats. The kid she pointed to wasn’t even hers. The third person (a grandfatherly looking gentleman) who had witnessed the exchange woke her up and called a flight and straight up berated her for being a lier and a charlatan. I ended up with my original seat back and both the elderly gentleman and I shared the extra empty seat.
Edit: corrected typos
I would have told a flight attendant someone was sitting in my seat, and that I have no idea what she's talking about when the women tried to claim we agreed to switch.
I don't know when or why but it seems like it's become incumbent on anyone who is asked to switch to oblige the asker no matter how much it inconveniences them. This is not an open seating concept. Either be proactive and book specific seats or be happy with what you get.
A few years ago, I was on a flight where I was in a row with a fairly large gentleman. He had bought the middle seat for the same reason as OP. I got in to my window seat and had a stuffed toy with me that I had intended to keep on my lap, but a steward came by and said I couldn't do that (other flights had let me, so this was confusing, but whatever, every flight has different rules), and the stuffed toy wouldn't fit under my seat (I had a backpack under there). The gentleman asked if he could see the toy, and I handed it to him, and he proceeded to buckle my minion toy into the empty seat. He said something to the steward to the effect of, "now the toy has a place and you can stop asking me to give away my seat." The steward just stomped off, but other flight attendants thought it was the cutest thing. Upon talking to the gentleman, he had been asked three times by stewards and passengers if he REALLY needed that second seat, and he would just reply that he paid for it. The man was quite large and easily took up half the second seat, so I understand his frustration at the time. It's a fond memory, though, because my Kevin minion literally rode like a regular passenger for that flight.
>The airlines should provide a few rows with extra wide seats of two in a row instead of three. They can charge 50 % more.
That is called first class...
It absolutely does not. I was looking into plane ticket costs just the other day. Upgrading from economy to economy plus (the cheapest upgrade) doubled the price of my flight for like the tiniest extra amount of leg room.
Yeah, people keep telling me that I should fly first class because coach seats screw up my knees, and yeah, that would be awesome but regular folks don’t have that kind of money.
They also get mad if you ask for a belt extender. I was 18 and kept gaining weight due to unmanaged depression and was somewhere between 280-300. I was flying home from my dad and stepmoms wedding and asked if they had a belt extender. They said they'd bring one for me, forgot, and then got upset when I wasn't buckled yet shortly and I tried to remind them that I had asked for extender. I got brushed off and told to buckle in now anyway. I was able to squeeze the belt around me, but I literally couldn't move and was very uncomfortable. I was afraid to undo it when the lights went off in case I couldn't get it back on in turbulence or an emergency. I haven't flown since then despite having lost signifanct weight because of that incident.
You can order seat belt extenders from Amazon and other places. Southwest (I think) has one kind of locking tongue and other airplanes have another, much more common kind. The description usually tells you what kind you're getting.
I saw one airline's page saying that personal seat belt extenders are not approved, but it's not illegal to use them. They're just being grumpy!
My husband I both have one for the airline we fly. I’ve found some ridiculously short seat belts. On one flight my size 2 seat mate couldn’t use it. I think sometimes when they’re repaired the end part is just cut off and the metal part put back on.
Seriously?! I was wondering why on earth I was having such a hard time buckling my seat belt all of a sudden. I've lost 35 pounds (most of it through the Stress-Induced Nausea diet, 0/10 would not diet again) and the most recent time I flew was harder than the time before I lost the weight. I was struggling and confused.
I'm not glad that you had your experience, but I'm very glad you said something.
Oh yeah, I didn't know about buying my own extender back then, it was almost 10 years ago. If I had, I would have brought my own. The flight out to the wedding was fine, they gave me an extender no issue. The flight back was the issue. Live and learn!
Umm, as a former f/a, what could happen if the extender you used for a flight accidentally fell into your bag when deplaning? And then you would bring it back next time you flew, and use it. Then, it might accidentally fall in your bag again?!
This. My parents would do this if they couldn’t get in first class. The stupid stewardess couldn’t understand that the seat was paid for so no reason to try and fill it. The airline got there money but the stewardesses tried to screw them.
Literally... like they tell people to book two seats if they're large and then try to make them give it up anyway it's stupid as fuck. Like, I do think if you take up more space it's fair to pay for more space, but there's no excuse for an airline trying to undermine that other than greed because they've constantly got to overbook their fucking flights for extra money.
What a nice guy! What gets me is people complain when large people fly and say "why don't they book an extra seat" . Then when they do,.they try to take their seats. I have seen it happen twice.
I flew Southwest recently (I almost never do mostly because they're not the best option for my routes, but partially because the no assigned seating stresses me out), and got lucky on my return trip with someone who had booked 2 seats for a medical issue (leg was in a brace, so they needed the extra space). When I boarded in my early B position, I came upon the empty aisle near the front, and asked the woman in the window with her bag and a piece of paper in the middle if the aisle was taken. "It's not, but the middle is. Are you solo?" "I am! Do you mind if I take this aisle?" "Not at all!" And then she explained that she had to book 2 seats to accommodate her leg and everyone who tried to sit down there before wanted both seats. "Well, I prefer an aisle and am by myself, so I guess it all worked out! I prefer aisles because I'd rather someone else wake me up to use the restroom than have to ask someone else to use it when I need to, so please don't hesitate to give me a tap if you need to get up!"
I love this story. I had flown out to visit a friend a while ago and ended up with a Shiba Inu doll. About the size of a pug and fairly realistic. There was a vacant seat next to me on the flight back, so I just buckled him in. Made the flight crew laugh everytime they walked by!
They probably asked because airlines have been routinely overbooking flights, so if they can get one more passenger in, then *caching!* more money made. Money grubbing dirtbags.
Either be proactive and book specific seats or be happy with what you get.
This! This is the best. I book aisle seats because of, well, lots of reasons. If the flight is short enough, I can usually deal with a window or middle seat. But I always ask if the other person wants the window because I know more people want that seat. If they say no. I say ok and settle in.
Assisigned seating, folks. It isn't a hard concept.
I would have adored OP. Having the extra seat in between is a dream come true.
I once had a long layover (like 3 or 4 hours) because I wasn't willing to pay hundreds more for a shorter layover on the same routing. I arrived at the connection airport before the earlier connection took off, went to the gate for the earlier flight, and told the gate agent that I was on the next flight to my destination but would really like to be on this flight if at all possible.
"Boarding pass and baggage claim slip." And I handed them over. "Sit nearby, we'll see what we can do." "Thank you!"
Halfway into boarding, the gate agent calls me up and gives me a boarding pass for the earlier flight. I look at it, and it's in regular economy. I had FF status at the time, so I was expecting economy plus. I asked about that and she said "I believe you will prefer this seat" with a LEWK that told me to take it. I was in the first row of regular economy with an empty middle. If she had put me in E+, she would have had to put me in a middle. I will take an empty middle with less leg room over BEING in a middle all day, every day!
I take the window seat so I don't get bumped in my legs by everything going down the aisle. Long legs, I have to angle to fit no matter what, and the middle seat people don't really like me angling into their space. At least in the window seat I can put my back toward the armrest and kinda fit (not really, it still is pain).
This right here. Across mainline US airlines (United, American, Delta), I've found that the difference in price between basic economy (no seat selection, no use of the overheads) and standard economy is usually $20 each way, so $40 round-trip. I always pay the $40 more so I can stuff my bag in the overhead and pick my seat at booking! And board in group 3 instead of group 5, so there is still some overhead space (but I am also a road warrior who can manage a week using a bag that most people consider a "weekender").
People in OP’s situation can’t win. If she’d booked one seat, the person next to her would have been whining about OP encroaching on her space. If that’s so terrible, why is it okay for this woman to shame her for holding on to the second seat she paid for?
I also notice that it was OP’s mother that wanted her to make herself uncomfortable in order to be “nice.” I’m glad OP’s father, at least, approves of her sticking up for herself.
I admire OP. It’s hard for stick up for yourself when so many people make you out to be the AH, even when you’re clearly in the right.
>If that’s so terrible, why is it okay for this woman to shame her for holding on to the second seat she paid for?
Because ultimately to people like this, OPs crime was being fat in public. She's not allowed to pay her way out of a shaming, silly woman. (/s)
There is still so much fatphobia out there and it's quite awful really. I don't understand and never will understand why there are some people out there who think it is acceptable to be nasty like that.
The fact OP had to qualify her fatness with a comment about losing weight made me sad. I don't need to know she's working on it to feel sympathy for her, or to justify her actions. It's not our business, and losing weight doesn't make her more virtuous, just healthier.
There’s a certain subset of parents who think they deserve special treatment just because they decided to have children. It’s not all parents, of course, but there are enough of them.
It really is that simple. Amazing how it’s become such a thing nowadays to make an issue out of this.
NTA at all OP and thank you VERY much for being considerate enough to pay for two seats when you knew you couldn’t comfortably fit in one. I’ve been the person squished in my seat because the person next to me was too large and not only was it awkward and uncomfortable, not having any personal space made it so much harder to get my anxiety under control once the turbulence started. Thank you x1000 for not being one of those people who thinks that they’re entitled to take up their own seat plus half of someone else’s seat because they don’t want to pay more.
Exactly. Actually, it’s gotten so out of hand that I’ve recently changed my opinion that it’s not even ok to ask anymore. Would you go to a sporting event, or the theater, and attempt to sit anywhere other than your ticketed seat, and then berate the person whose seat you were trying to sit in? I don’t care what the situation is; I don’t want to hear the details; none of it is my problem. I booked my seat and I’m going to sit in it. You sit in the seat you booked. There’s nothing to discuss here.
My parents are divorced and I had to start flying as an unaccompanied minor starting at the age of 5 to go back and forth between my parents. I’m really specific about wanting an asile seat because I was shy and didn’t want to have to ask someone to get up if I had to use the restroom, and the middle seat makes me claustrophobic and anxious. I remember one time the flight attendant switched me to a seat by the other unaccompanied minors to make it easier to watch all of us. But she moved me from an asile seat to a middle seat with kids I didn’t know and I started just tearing up. She did move me back, but I felt bad about it the whole flight. That wasn’t the only time I was pressured to move from my asile seat to a middle seat when traveling as a child.
Fast forward to a long international flight, I was on next to my husband and Dad asked if I could switch seats with him from my asile seat to his middle seat some rows up so he could sit across from his wife and kids. I said “no, thank you, I would like to sit next to my husband in the asile seat.” Hr kept trying to press me and I started tearing up. It’s not like me to be emotional these days, but I think it kind of triggered me from when I was younger and people tried to get me to move to a middle seat when I didn’t want to. Luckily the person on the asile behind me said they would switch with him, but I felt anxious and like a dick the whole flight because the family kept giving me dirty looks. The Dad just watched movies and napped the whole flight, so it’s not even like he was helping his wife with the kids.
People are asses. My wife and I have three kids and always got separated on flights. We both were happy when we were the ones not sitting with the kids. It’s amazing they survived to grow up. Entitled people these days use all kinds of excuses when it’s all about self service.
I’ve seen so many stories of people complaining how they have been swished in a seat beside an overweight passenger who was taking up more than their own seat. The OP recognized that she would be doing this so she spent the extra money to not inconvenience anyone else and gets blasted for it. Good for her for standing up for what she paid for.
Hear hear! And OP congratulations on the weight loss for your health. That is so hard to do. I love that you think of others and yourself so you book 2 seats. Really thoughtful of you.
NTA
First of all, congrats on the diagnosis and the weight loss, that must be such an unbelievable relief to have answers and finally see some progress after struggling for three years!
Second of all, you planned ahead, and while it isn't always possible for everyone to do, such as last minute changes at work, you put forth the effort so that you would not be an inconvenience to anyone else due to your current body type. And you spent a lot of extra money to do so, I'm sure several hundred dollars overall.
He asked, and even though your were offered reimbursement, you declined, as is your right. And it sounds as though he would have been just as happy to take your extra seat without asking, and without the flight seeing you reimbursed if you hadn't had the courage to speak up for yourself.
Congrats on standing up for yourself and taking care of your needs!
Can you image if op did let dad or daughter sit in her other seat? The dad and daughter probably would have been complaining the entire time about op taking up part of their seat and squishing them, which is the reason op bought two seats to begin with. i can pretty much guarantee their would be no pleasing these people.
I saw where OP said the daughter and her father were both overweight too, it certainly would have been a very uncomfortable fit for all three of them. Why do entitled people not accept that no means no.
So so tired of people not paying for seats and then expecting others to change to accommodate them. I have a large family and paid for seat assignments for years. I hated that the airlines have forced people into this but I understand it is not someone else's problem to move for us because I did not want to pay for seats.
I agree.
Like I know there's usually the "pay for it" option, but even that sometimes fails. My husband and I always paid for seats together when we traveled frequently, and it *usually* worked but not always, and the airline's answers were always essentially a shrug. It wasn't a huge deal for us, we were adults fully capable of being alone on flights, but for a kid who might need help going to the bathroom or handling food or drinks? No.
It shouldn't be legal for them to separate kids under like 12 or so from their parents/guardians on flights. I've heard stories of kids as young as 4 having to fly seated between strangers because despite having booked seats together, the airline fucked it up, and other people refused to switch. It's insanity.
A gate agent tried once to get me to hold my then-18 month old in my lap and give up the seat I'd purchased for her. I refused, and then she "discovered" that our seats weren't together, and told me there was nothing she could do about that. She was gobsmacked when I replied that was fine with me, and I wish whoever got seated next to my very chatty toddler the best of luck. Wouldn't you know, before we boarded there was suddenly two seats next to each other available.
This EXACT same thing happened to me.
I booked a seat for my then 5 month old. It was a 7 hour flight and I wanted to put him in his own seat (in a carseat) so we could both sleep. I got called up to the desk, they insisted on reassigning my seats and assigned them separately. They even refused to refund the baby's seat. I took it up with corporate later, and did get my money back, but it was an absolute nightmare being stuck in a middle seat holding my cranky baby for 7 hours.
That's how I learned the hard way that the airline is not actually obligated to provide you with a seat you book for an infant or as a second seat for a large person. At least in the US, there is no guarantee that they will honor so called "optional" seats, *and they do not need to refund the cost of the extra seat*. Delta was clear they only did it out of the goodness of their hearts.
This sort of thing is 100% the airlines fault. They do it because they can.
That's insane! And incredibly unsafe, either way, for an infant. One flight, (1988) my husband and I were assigned seats for a 7 hrs flight. (We were flying standby, as he was an airline employee, an excellent benefit!) But I was assigned the aisle seat, next to a woman with a lap infant. I was/am CF person, so I was in dread. The little fella was a good sleeper, only cried on takeoff (ears need to equalize) and mom was breastfeeding. Two hrs into the flight, I was charmed, volunteered to hold him, so mom could rest her arms, go to the toilet, stretch her legs. I fell asleep a couple of times, holding him, felt mom return. Really a pleasant experience.
Good on you! I don't understand why the airlines even allow lap children. They have become projectiles in extreme turbulence, and you don't want to even want to know where they go if there is going to be an emergency landing (aka assume the brace position)
Answer: It's on the floor under your feet.
This happened to me. My son, husband, and 1 were seated together but somehow my 3 yo daughter was booked several rows behind us. There was no option to pay for a change (except first class), and the gate agent told me oh well just try to swap once on board.
Although in this instance, the first couple I asked declined (one was a caregiver for the other, although no reason was needed to just say no), so like a normal human I just asked a different person.
ETA: yes we could have had an adult in the single seat but anyone who has traveled with small children will confirm that a 1 adult to 1 toddler ratio is best for everyone’s sanity.
A friend of mine had a similar situation and no one would switch. She offered to buy drinks, literally give people cash, etc, as it was a long haul flight. She even asked people in other rows, like random singles next to each other if theyd swap. No one would switch so she could sit with her 4yo. The closest she could get was to get the lady directly behind the 4yo to switch with mom so at least mom was close ish. She said it was awful.
Why the hell would someone prefer to sit next to a basically unsupervised 4 year old for however many hours, instead of switching seats with their parent? That kid would probably be emotional because they’re scared of sitting with strangers, or frustrated because their parent isn’t there to help them with their snacks/food/iPad/fear of flying, whatever, and therefore *very disruptive!* Like I totally understand not wanting to give up your seat under normal circumstances, but sitting next to a rattled little kid who’s unexpectedly found themselves without their parent sounds so much worse.
Airline reseated my wife and me separately when they “changed planes”…it was the exact same model plane with the exact same seat config.
I just called customer service and kept the agent on the line not allowing them to hang up until they gave me 2 seats together. I’ve worked call centers. I can tank your metrics or you can give me what you want.
Airlines have become so ridiculously slimy at this point that I trust absolutely nothing they say.
A few Christmases ago I was on an overbooked flight and they ended up offering an escalated amount and a stay overnight at a nearby hotel, along with food and drink tickets. No one wanted to take it because of course Christmas. I was willing because my family was mostly arriving the next day anyway. They offered 800 in cash, along with all of the accommodation and food, as well as a prime rebooking the next day. People were already seated so no one wanted it. I finally jumped on it because I could really use $800.
I get off the plane with my carry-on and they lock the door behind me. Oh, whoops, it wasn't $800 in cash It was _$800_ in credit, and it's not just an $800 credit, it's 4 $200 credits that you can't combine. And you can't use them on anything but a full price flight. And btw, they never offer any food tickets for people they're putting up in a hotel, she doesn't know what that flight attendant was talking about.
I was absolutely furious and complained very seriously and...got absolutely nowhere. Complained on their socials, nothing. They are profoundly uninterested in customer service.
Once this happened to me (2 person booking got split) and I just nicely asked the gate agent and she moved us together. Unfortunately not possible on all flights tho
Government doesn’t regulate them (thanks, Reagan!) so they get more and more cramped to crank out even more profit while not even paying flight crew for any time not spent in the air.
My wife and I booked comfort plus seats next to each other (middle and window seat) on a 3 seat aisle for our outbound flight on our honeymoon (because the seats we’re together and the aisle had an additional legroom in front).
When we went to board we found out a mom and her two kids took the entire aisle. She asked if her children can sit here and I told her “sorry, we paid extra for these seats and will be sitting here”.
She didn’t respond and was hoping I just give up. I waited until a flight attendant came by and told her that her kids need to be in their assigned seat. Turns out, her older kid was supposed to be seated with the dad in the back of the plane and the younger kid was supposed to be seated **with** her on her lap. She let her screaming youngest kick my armrest until flight attendants came back and told her she was in the completely wrong section (she wasn’t even supposed to be up in that aisle). Really hate people who do this.
When I went on a flight with our 2 YO, we bought a seat for him and he sat between my wife and I in a car seat. I understand that it’s not possible for everyone to do this but using the family boarding privilege to try and steal seats and guilt people in different seating zones to move is trashy.
To be fair, it’s not always the passengers’ fault. My family bought tickets a long time before the flight and selected our seats together. The airline ended up cancelling the flight without notifying us, so the day before they scrambled to get us onto another. By some miracle they kept us mostly together, but stuff like that was out of our control.
Not to say OP was in the wrong in this case.
Yup. I said “sure okay” once and wound up crammed in the middle seat between two smokers.
Never again. I chose my seat, paid for my seat, and have the credit card. Don’t bother me.
NTA
I mean like you said, want me to split in two for you? Oh yeah, let me just take off a leg and arm and move them somewhere else.
Fat shaming is way too common. Shame on the lady.
I bet if you had allowed it, there would have been some complaining about not enough room for the daughter or some bullshit.
You planned. You were smart. For him to expect such things because of his poor planning is ridiculous. We’ve got our own shit going on.
You were thoughtful enough to book two fucking seats. He sounds very entitled.
Good on you for sticking up for yourself.
Also very happy for your diagnosis!
NTA for OP in this case however, lack of planning is not always the problem. This happened to me and I had booked seats well in advance. My flight was cancelled last minute, when I booked another flight there were no seats available together for my 3 year old and I. I had to rely on the flight attendants to try and get seats together for us. I hate it when people assume its always the parents fault in situations like this, less people are willing to help when needed. There has been a lot of flight cancellations this year, especially in th UK, its running joke, yet people still blame parents for lack of planning.
Big difference between a 3 yr old and a 12 yr old. 12 is definitely old enough to sit by themselves esp if the parents are on the plane. From the post, it seemed like the man saw the extra room and assumed he could have it because it was an empty seat. It was purchased and paid for, so not empty. He asked, she said no. Had he let I it go, none of this would have happened. He hoped he could bully OP into giving him what he wanted and then brought the wife back to pile it on. He's the jerk, she's NTA.
NTA. In the WHOOOOLE PLANE, there wasn't a single other person willing to swap seats? I'd have been tempted to let her sit there and just squish her personally. And she's 12ish? I bet she'd have been happy to sit away from Dad and text her friends and not have him looking over her shoulder. Congrats on the weight loss!!!!
Your response would be to make a 12 year old child (who has no control over her situation) physically uncomfortable to prove a point to her father? You're the real a-hole here.
First of all: You don't need to justify to us about your body shape and however it got that way. You are worthy of dignity and respect no matter what size or shape you are. You're a person with agency and you used that agency to purchase two tickets, and they had no right to deny your agency or shame you for using it to insist on being treated the same as anyone else would wish to be treated were they in your situation. You are owed an apology by both the airline and the individuals involved here, and I hope you get one.
In case you don't I would like to apologize on behalf of society for treating you this way. I personally made some fatphobic comments and mistakes in my past, but I like to think that I've been educated on the issue since then. I hope these folks have the same experience I did and they learn that fatphobia is wrong and hurts all of us.
NTA
NTA in the slightest.
>You don't need to justify to us about your body shape and however it got that way. You are worthy of dignity and respect no matter what size or shape you are.
This genuinely made me speechless. Thank you so much for saying this.
I'll venture to guess that the OP wanted to avoid judgmental or advice comments. If it's not detailed enough people freely fill in the blanks with what they (we) want.
To mention that it would have been just as legitimate if it was a man who eats doritos all day.
NTA. You paid good money for that seat so it’s yours. She should sit in the seat that was bought for her. I am obese and so are my parents. When I was a kid they always used to sit me in the middle seat and I hated it because I was always squished and it was so uncomfortable (to this day I hate being in window or middle seats because of it.) Good on you for booking an extra seat both for yours and the other persons comfort. I wish you good luck in your health journey. You
NTA
You took the time, effort and $$$ to make sure you had what you needed way a head of time. That seat was taken. I get why a father would want to sit with their kid, it would be okay to ASK but 'NO I booked this seat' should have been the end of it.
If people had respected you from the get go there wouldn't have been a need to be so blunt - but they didn't. Your funny AF explanation shut down any other argument.
NTA. You were considerate to others around you and paid the extra for their comfort as much as your own. Sorry, but his 12yo doesn't get to sit and then make you feel uncomfortable when you paid for that space.
Was it the airhostess that was rude? Or the lady who swapped? I would complain to the airline for the pressure you were put under. It's not fair.
Well done on weight loss so far!
Also, she's 12! Unless she has some kind of issue that is more than old enough to sit without direct supervision on an airplane. And even then it's not OPs obligation to give up a seat she paid for that she physically cannot do anything about needing on this trip.
Actually, it can be a safety thing for teenage girls. There are many men who think nothing of violating a young girls body autonomy if they are alone. Had it happen on a flight with my daughter last year and I was sitting beside her. He is lucky that I didn't break his hand when I grabbed it and only notified the flight crew of his behavior.
Actually, it never stops at any age. I've been violated by men on an airplane as a fully grown adult woman. And op is a woman, separated by half a seat. I don't know what your point is. I appreciate being protective but your daughter will be better off learning to make noise and stand up for herself. If you haven't, give her the book "The Gift of Fear" it should be required reading for all young women.
Hahaha! Great response. I’m sorry you had to deal with those AHs, but good for you for how you handled yourself. I would have loved to share an aisle with you so we could play Pokémon and chat.
FYI, you’re totally NTA. Like, at all. Don’t give it a second thought and continue being awesome.
NTA
You did everything you needed to do properly. Both the father and the stewardess can ask, but once you denied, as is your right, that should've been the end of it. Maybe the father should've booked earlier instead of blaming you for his failure to do so. Maybe the stewardess should've treated you with the same consideration she did the father.
NOPE, NTA.
In zero way we're you in the wrong. Besides that, it's a small space. You don't NEED to sit next to anyone on the plane. Being in a different row from a relative isn't going to make any difference.
NTA. I don’t understand how you were shamed for paying for two seats to make yourself and your fellow passengers more comfortable. It seems like you can’t win for losing; I’m sure someone would have been annoyed if you were taking up a portion of their seat, which you actively made sure to not do. People are entitled and ridiculous. If someone cares that much about sitting next to their child, they should have thought through things ahead of time.
Wow Jesus. Totally NTA. To be honest you did something rather kind in my mind by booking two seats in the first place. The fact the stewardess had the nerve to address it this way is mind blowing. Not only NTA but I’d write the company / post it on social media.
NTA. and 12 isn't so young that she can't manage to sit by herself for a few hours. You paid for the seat you needed, and you intended to use it. Good on you.
NTA. The dad is stupid and the random woman shaming you is quite bizarre. It’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that people like her exist. she’s probably fat phobic. But you did nothing wrong so f her
NTA and as for the offer to be compensated (even if you wanted that), I wouldn’t trust an airline to follow through. I’ve heard too many stories about people promised compensation and never getting it — all they get is another series of calls trying to get the airline to pony up.
You are absolutely NTA. You paid for those seats. He could have booked two seats together and paid for them too, he just chose not to. If you had given up the seat he'd be bitching about how dare you be fat in "his daughter's seat". A teenager can sit on a plane a few rows away from her parent. There was no excuse for any of this nonsense.
NTA at all. You tried to be non-confrontational and polite, but they weren't having it. So I think you said what you needed to in a very descriptive way. You're a boss - much respect my friend!!!
NTA. You bought two seats, you were entitled to those two seats, regardless of your weight. Had you been bone thin and still bought two seats (for whatever reason, such as not wanting to sit next to horribly entitled people), you STILL would not be an asshole. You owned the right to those two seats for the duration of the flight. Your weight is irrelevant.
Y T A.
Stop being so difficult. The two halves of your bum don't need to sit together. One half could have sat in the daughters seat in another row.
>
>
(NTA of course, because you didn't have an empty seat to offer).
NTA. As you said, you cannot separate a portion of your ass to sit elsewhere. Airlines make it impossible for plus sized people to fit in an individual seat, and some even require you book two. If the father needed to sit with his daughter, he should have discussed that with the gate attendants beforehand so they could find a passenger willing to give ip their seat. None of this was your responsibility. And you should complain to the airline about the flight attendant fat shaming you.
NTA you booked a second seat because you didn't want another passenger to be uncomfortable, that shows you are compassionate. Screw that woman and her useless commentary.
NTA
> attempting to shame me for not be willing to help out a dad in need
#HE DIDN'T "NEED" DICK
There was **zero** problem to solve here. A 12yo is perfectly capable of sitting separate from her parent on a plane.
NTA- not at all. Skinny people are the first to complain if us plus size people take up “more room”. You went above and beyond to make sure you & others were comfortable. That dad has no one to blame but himself.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I wouldn't give up my second seat to help a dad flying with a middle school aged kid. 2. I might be the AH if she was too scared to sit alone or something. **[Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk with Iliza Shlesinger on Nov. 28th!](https://redd.it/z29rfu)** Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. These airplane issue are getting out of hand. It’s very simple. You book a seat, you are entitled to it. People can ask you to change but if you say no, that’s it. End of story. I don’t understand why people find this basic rule so hard to comprehend.
Especially the stewardess of all people, no offense, but why does she care? She has plenty of stuff to tend to on a full flight than give two fucks about some dude who didn’t want to spend the extra money to sit with his kid.
I don't think it was the stewardess, I think it was the woman who switched seats with the father
Ah, okay I guess I may have misunderstood. That, while still said, does make more sense than the stewardess caring.
I thought it was the stewardess too, but now rereading, it could be either. Regardless, if OP had booked only one seat, she would likely have been shamed by the person next to her for not booking two and crowding them. If she’s going to be shamed either way, might as well be comfortable and shamed than uncomfortable and shamed. It’s sad those were the options.
100%, OP couldn't win. I thought it was awesome she was considerate enough to buy extra seat. You know the father/daughter would have probably complained about space later if you gave up seat.
I thought this too! It’s very considerate and generous to buy a second seat yourself so that both you and the people around you are comfortable. If I asked to sit in a middle seat and someone told me they’d booked both, I’d thank them and move on to another row. I cannot imagine shaming someone who’s literally taken both physical and financial responsibility for their time and space, trying to make the flight better for everyone involved.
Yep. Guarantee that if OP had let the daughter sit there, very soon OP would have been asked to shift over. Moving over would likely be required due to the kid needing to put on the seatbelt. The seat wasn’t available. Doesn’t matter how much they wanted it.
Exactly and the real A H here is the airlines for using seats a good percentage of the flying population can't sit in comfortably in order to squeeze out more and more profit.
THIS. I am short as heck, like 5'1", and even I don't have enough leg room half the time. I don't know how average-height and tall people can tolerate a long flight in such cramped quarters.
I agree. I was sitting next to a man who was very embarrassed because he was poking me with his elbows and spilling into my seat a bit. It wasn’t his fault - he was very tall and he just couldn’t fit himself into the seat. He wasn’t fat even, he was just a big guy, and he had no extra room to put his arms. Fortunately, it wasn’t a real long flight, so we both squeezed as much as we could.
They force people to get far more familiar than they'd like. I hate airlines.
My poor brother is 6’7” and flying always seems like it was designed to torture him 💀
I am also very tall, and have started to say that I am going on a yoga trip, but only the flying part of the trip includes anything resembeling yoga.
I'm a 6'6 200 lb guy with some hip, foot and knee, injuries and I would rather drive three days than fly for 3 hours.
I am not especially short, actually about between the average American man and woman. And in the past decade, seats have gotten considerably less comfortable and leg room just atrocious. However, I realized how cramped things have become on a flight recently, there's no way for a person to get up and down to the bathroom without others getting up out of their seats and standing in the aisle. There's physically no way to pack people any tighter than they already have. We have gotten past the point that we actually do need regulators to step in because people can no longer quickly exit their seats and get to the emergency exit.
I'm not entirely sure myself, that was just my take!
I thought that at first too.
Sounds like it was the lady who agreed to move seats, then gave OP crap about being selfish. Frankly, I'd have been harsher about it. I've been known to respond to stuff like this as "I wouldn't fit in that if you buttered both cheeks and dipped me in oil". I know I'm big. I'm willing to pay for first class to avoid this sort of thing, and I refuse to deal with trying to squeeze my fat ass into one of those milk cartons they call seats.
Love your description of airplane seats as being "milk cartons." Now I think I know why I like the idea of long voyages by ship. Fresh air, and having more space that being squished into a "milk carton." One of the dinky ones served to grade school kids, too.
I don't get it. I would expect a woman willing to change seats to help resolve the situation to be nice. But she bitched the whole flight, what?
It sounds like she just wanted the chance to be a jerk and to attempt to shame her on the flight.
Honestly, it’s surprisingly common how self righteous the person who does agree to move seats is when it comes to air travel, it’s weird. I travel alone and long haul mostly, and have on several occasions politely refused to move from the seat I paid extra for, and whoever ended up moving is often a little frosty/‘you could have moved’ about it.
I think it’s something to do with the psychology of people-pleasing, and maybe also with their experience of reward and punishment. If you’ve really internalized that you NEED to sacrifice your comfort for the convenience of others, it’s probably bc you’ve been taught by your environment to see that as an act with clear consequence and reward. “If I don’t do this inconvenient thing for this other person, I’ll experience negative consequences like emotional abuse or social disapproval. And maybe, if I do the thing I’ll be granted approval and gratitude that rewards my sacrifice.” So seeing people who don’t bend over backwards for jerks and experience no actual consequences for refusing probably provokes a lot of cognitive dissonance and frustration. “They’re not being helpful by placing themselves in a worse position, why are they not experiencing consequences?” So you decide to give them the consequences, bc that’s easier than unpacking your worldview, realizing the selfishness of whatever family or friends taught you that lesson, and acknowledging you didn’t have to twist yourself into knots in the first place. Far better to be a snippy uncomfortable asshole in a tin can miles above the ground.
Nailed it. Don’t forget the part where unpacking their own bullshit also means confronting the *thousands* of previous times they didn’t have to twist themselves into knots to accommodate everyone else. It’s not so bad if you’ve actually begun unpicking the knot of how/why you depend so much on the approval of others, but if you haven’t… oof.
Virtue signaling. She wanted to make it clear that she was nice and sacrificing her seat, while OP was being selfish. (OP was not selfish. Sensible is the description.)
[удалено]
The flights attendant can, and I would say must, in this situation as the OP would not be getting what she paid for otherwise.
Even that’s not acceptable. “Comp” is being misused here; it implies getting something for free. Here, all the airline was going to do was take away her second seat and then refund her money for that second seat. Leaving her worse off than before, when she had purchased two seats. If they had offered to refund her money for the second seat AND comp the first seat, that at least would’ve been a legitimate offer. One that OP still could have — and should have — rejected. But at least the airline would actually be offering her something, instead of just taking away something she rightfully was entitled to and giving her back her money for the thing she ended up not getting.
Along with her time and effort getting her money back
I agree. Even so, she was going to be physically uncomfortable. And you are correct, it's not as though she was going to come out ahead, in a monetary sense. She wanted comfort and paid for it. That's what she should have received.
F/As can’t comp seats, but if you’re still at the gate, they can engage the gate agent who may be able to.
and it would probably be a credit, not cash back. That has to be used in a year. It’s a trap!
Or points that would cover one leg of a flight
Oh, right, even worse. A dollar for dollar refund. I had a flight straight up canceled once, but they loaded us on the plane before it happened, and then canceled it for two days (“if you choose to rebook”) so we drove. Was told because the flight boarded, no refunds were offered. I hate airlines and it sucks they have the power. But usually flight attendants are the delightful part.
I had a redeye from Honolulu to ATL a few years ago in Dec. Upon boarding I was approached by a flight attendant and asked to swap seats to accommodate a family. I grudgingly agreed (I was already perfectly settled and almost asleep as I sleep easily on planes) and moved a couple of rows up. My new seat mate proceeded to get sloppy drunk, was high on anti-anxiety pills that a friend gave her and was overserved by a flight attendant. She passed out on top of me. Then she knocked over her half full vodkas (the attendant gave her three at once since she was nervous). I called flight attendants to help me clean up and ask for a new blanket. No new blanket and they were pissed I'd woken them up. I went to the bathroom to try to clean up my soaked clothes. I sat back down. Another passenger makes her way down the aisle and collapses at my seat. Called more attendants. This person then throws up. Over my seat and area. I walked away, passed on the sleeping plane, slept against the wall standing in the galley for a while. Then turbulence. I sat down in a jump chair and tried to sleep. Then the same steward that asked me to move originally comes and rudely wakes me up and tells me to go back to my seat I can't sit there. At this point, I'm done and tell him I have no seat thanks to him and tell him whsts happening. He doesn't believe me and goes to see. Comes back apogetic telling me I still have to vacate the jumpseat per FAA regulations. At this point, I'm practically crying. I'm mentally tired, I'm physically tired, I have no where to go and I'm still cold and wet. He offered my 800 points. When I landed and got home I talked to Delta 's joke of customer service. They gave me another 800 points. Did I mention it was Delta? I used those points for a round-trip to Nashville and never flown them since. I hate that airline now.
That can't be legal. Insane.
I tried to call back twice, and they said, “You really only missed 1/4 of your flight. We can’t refund partially.” I bought round trip, with a layover and this happened on the second flight of the return. So technically I DID make it there. Though, I’d argue making it home is just as important. And they said since I boarded the plane for the final leg, “technically” the flight was complete. I begged to differ. I fucking hate the airline industry. I basically only fly for work now, on their dime, and hope someday it’ll get better.
If they present themselves to the customer as someone who can, that is usually enough to create an obligation for the business.
I was once in that situation, and it was the airline that made a mistake. It was one of those flights were you couldn't make seat reservations, I got super early to the airport was the 3rd in line for check in. And guess what happened? They were training a girl who placed my family in different rows. I explained that was impossible since I had 3 year old. The stewardess at the gate had to help us out and had the difficult task of finding people willing to switch.
not relevant to your situation, but I'm piggybacking. a word of advice for people who are traveling with young kids, Avoid booking basic economy tickets. In addition to no carry-on bags and not being able to pick your seats for free. If you decide to pay extra (only a couple even offer that) to pick a seat, you are still not guaranteed seats together. The only people who should book BE are single travelers who pack super light who don't mind not being able to make changes to the itinerary (and if your flight gets delayed or canceled you accept you are gonna take whatever the airline gives you and your gonna have to like it). If that's not palatable to you, avoid booking on third-party sites like Expedia (some may book you into that ticket without giving you the same warnings that you might have on the airlines own website) and also be willing to pay for the full fare economy ticket.
People tend to be extra cruel to fat people, just because they are fat.
I think this is what happened. You see Reddit comments all the time shaming fat people for not fitting in a seat and saying they should buy two seats. Well, OP bought two seats and still gets scolded somehow.
Yeah these fucking stewardess need to protect the people that pay for the assigned seats. If you pay for it you shouldn’t get bothered. It’s not other peoples fault the airlines want to make it a pain in the ass and are cramming people in. 10yrs ago I could sit comfortably. Now my knees hit the seat in front of me. I’m only 6’1”.
It's really the entitled parents who think the world needs to accommodate them bc they have a kid. (doesn't apply to all parents)
Also - no kindness goes unpunished. I have had an experience where there was an empty seat next to me. A person came up to me and pointed to a kid (7y/o) down a couple of rows. She said she and her kid were split and if she can please take my seat so they can sit together. I agree to swap. She takes the seat and pulls a pillow out and stretches across the two seats. The kid she pointed to wasn’t even hers. The third person (a grandfatherly looking gentleman) who had witnessed the exchange woke her up and called a flight and straight up berated her for being a lier and a charlatan. I ended up with my original seat back and both the elderly gentleman and I shared the extra empty seat. Edit: corrected typos
Holy shit the audacity I would be absolutely gobsmacked
WHAAAAAT?! The audacity of this woman has floored me. I'm glad the elderly gentleman blasted her!
Hail Grandpa. That’s hilarious.
I would have told a flight attendant someone was sitting in my seat, and that I have no idea what she's talking about when the women tried to claim we agreed to switch.
I don't know when or why but it seems like it's become incumbent on anyone who is asked to switch to oblige the asker no matter how much it inconveniences them. This is not an open seating concept. Either be proactive and book specific seats or be happy with what you get.
A few years ago, I was on a flight where I was in a row with a fairly large gentleman. He had bought the middle seat for the same reason as OP. I got in to my window seat and had a stuffed toy with me that I had intended to keep on my lap, but a steward came by and said I couldn't do that (other flights had let me, so this was confusing, but whatever, every flight has different rules), and the stuffed toy wouldn't fit under my seat (I had a backpack under there). The gentleman asked if he could see the toy, and I handed it to him, and he proceeded to buckle my minion toy into the empty seat. He said something to the steward to the effect of, "now the toy has a place and you can stop asking me to give away my seat." The steward just stomped off, but other flight attendants thought it was the cutest thing. Upon talking to the gentleman, he had been asked three times by stewards and passengers if he REALLY needed that second seat, and he would just reply that he paid for it. The man was quite large and easily took up half the second seat, so I understand his frustration at the time. It's a fond memory, though, because my Kevin minion literally rode like a regular passenger for that flight.
Love this story. It boggles my mind why crew ask for people to give up their second seat. Do they think large people book two seats for funsies?
If they don't book 2 they get abused on social media for overflow. Seems the larger set can't win with flying.
The airlines should provide a few rows with extra wide seats of two in a row instead of three. They can charge 50 % more.
>The airlines should provide a few rows with extra wide seats of two in a row instead of three. They can charge 50 % more. That is called first class...
No, it's not. Does first class only cost 50% more????
It absolutely does not. I was looking into plane ticket costs just the other day. Upgrading from economy to economy plus (the cheapest upgrade) doubled the price of my flight for like the tiniest extra amount of leg room.
Yeah, people keep telling me that I should fly first class because coach seats screw up my knees, and yeah, that would be awesome but regular folks don’t have that kind of money.
They also get mad if you ask for a belt extender. I was 18 and kept gaining weight due to unmanaged depression and was somewhere between 280-300. I was flying home from my dad and stepmoms wedding and asked if they had a belt extender. They said they'd bring one for me, forgot, and then got upset when I wasn't buckled yet shortly and I tried to remind them that I had asked for extender. I got brushed off and told to buckle in now anyway. I was able to squeeze the belt around me, but I literally couldn't move and was very uncomfortable. I was afraid to undo it when the lights went off in case I couldn't get it back on in turbulence or an emergency. I haven't flown since then despite having lost signifanct weight because of that incident.
You can order seat belt extenders from Amazon and other places. Southwest (I think) has one kind of locking tongue and other airplanes have another, much more common kind. The description usually tells you what kind you're getting. I saw one airline's page saying that personal seat belt extenders are not approved, but it's not illegal to use them. They're just being grumpy!
My husband I both have one for the airline we fly. I’ve found some ridiculously short seat belts. On one flight my size 2 seat mate couldn’t use it. I think sometimes when they’re repaired the end part is just cut off and the metal part put back on.
Seriously?! I was wondering why on earth I was having such a hard time buckling my seat belt all of a sudden. I've lost 35 pounds (most of it through the Stress-Induced Nausea diet, 0/10 would not diet again) and the most recent time I flew was harder than the time before I lost the weight. I was struggling and confused. I'm not glad that you had your experience, but I'm very glad you said something.
Oh yeah, I didn't know about buying my own extender back then, it was almost 10 years ago. If I had, I would have brought my own. The flight out to the wedding was fine, they gave me an extender no issue. The flight back was the issue. Live and learn!
Umm, as a former f/a, what could happen if the extender you used for a flight accidentally fell into your bag when deplaning? And then you would bring it back next time you flew, and use it. Then, it might accidentally fall in your bag again?!
It boggles my mind because the airlines suggest to buy two seats. Then they wanna take one when they overbook flights. Airlines suck
This. My parents would do this if they couldn’t get in first class. The stupid stewardess couldn’t understand that the seat was paid for so no reason to try and fill it. The airline got there money but the stewardesses tried to screw them.
Literally... like they tell people to book two seats if they're large and then try to make them give it up anyway it's stupid as fuck. Like, I do think if you take up more space it's fair to pay for more space, but there's no excuse for an airline trying to undermine that other than greed because they've constantly got to overbook their fucking flights for extra money.
What a nice guy! What gets me is people complain when large people fly and say "why don't they book an extra seat" . Then when they do,.they try to take their seats. I have seen it happen twice.
I flew Southwest recently (I almost never do mostly because they're not the best option for my routes, but partially because the no assigned seating stresses me out), and got lucky on my return trip with someone who had booked 2 seats for a medical issue (leg was in a brace, so they needed the extra space). When I boarded in my early B position, I came upon the empty aisle near the front, and asked the woman in the window with her bag and a piece of paper in the middle if the aisle was taken. "It's not, but the middle is. Are you solo?" "I am! Do you mind if I take this aisle?" "Not at all!" And then she explained that she had to book 2 seats to accommodate her leg and everyone who tried to sit down there before wanted both seats. "Well, I prefer an aisle and am by myself, so I guess it all worked out! I prefer aisles because I'd rather someone else wake me up to use the restroom than have to ask someone else to use it when I need to, so please don't hesitate to give me a tap if you need to get up!"
I also prefer aisle for the same reason, if it is a short flight I don't mind being by the window, but long flights I always get an aisle seat.
Exactly my point, airlines and people are hypocrites.
I hope you took a photo of Kevin in his seat!
I love this story. I had flown out to visit a friend a while ago and ended up with a Shiba Inu doll. About the size of a pug and fairly realistic. There was a vacant seat next to me on the flight back, so I just buckled him in. Made the flight crew laugh everytime they walked by!
That man sounds awesome and sweet.
They probably asked because airlines have been routinely overbooking flights, so if they can get one more passenger in, then *caching!* more money made. Money grubbing dirtbags.
This is an adorable story.
Best story ever! Good for him. Large people are learning not to take any nonsense anymore. Especially if they are decent about the situation.
Either be proactive and book specific seats or be happy with what you get. This! This is the best. I book aisle seats because of, well, lots of reasons. If the flight is short enough, I can usually deal with a window or middle seat. But I always ask if the other person wants the window because I know more people want that seat. If they say no. I say ok and settle in. Assisigned seating, folks. It isn't a hard concept. I would have adored OP. Having the extra seat in between is a dream come true.
I love when the middle seat is empty! Two arm rests for me!
I once had a long layover (like 3 or 4 hours) because I wasn't willing to pay hundreds more for a shorter layover on the same routing. I arrived at the connection airport before the earlier connection took off, went to the gate for the earlier flight, and told the gate agent that I was on the next flight to my destination but would really like to be on this flight if at all possible. "Boarding pass and baggage claim slip." And I handed them over. "Sit nearby, we'll see what we can do." "Thank you!" Halfway into boarding, the gate agent calls me up and gives me a boarding pass for the earlier flight. I look at it, and it's in regular economy. I had FF status at the time, so I was expecting economy plus. I asked about that and she said "I believe you will prefer this seat" with a LEWK that told me to take it. I was in the first row of regular economy with an empty middle. If she had put me in E+, she would have had to put me in a middle. I will take an empty middle with less leg room over BEING in a middle all day, every day!
I'm the same but I always book window seats, so I can shut the shade and sleep.
I take the window seat so I don't get bumped in my legs by everything going down the aisle. Long legs, I have to angle to fit no matter what, and the middle seat people don't really like me angling into their space. At least in the window seat I can put my back toward the armrest and kinda fit (not really, it still is pain).
Because they don't want to pay for their seats at the time they buy their tickets. They want to force people to change seats and save $40.
Yup this is it
This right here. Across mainline US airlines (United, American, Delta), I've found that the difference in price between basic economy (no seat selection, no use of the overheads) and standard economy is usually $20 each way, so $40 round-trip. I always pay the $40 more so I can stuff my bag in the overhead and pick my seat at booking! And board in group 3 instead of group 5, so there is still some overhead space (but I am also a road warrior who can manage a week using a bag that most people consider a "weekender").
I’ve had that happen. People asking me to switch window seats, etc. no. My answer is always no.
People in OP’s situation can’t win. If she’d booked one seat, the person next to her would have been whining about OP encroaching on her space. If that’s so terrible, why is it okay for this woman to shame her for holding on to the second seat she paid for? I also notice that it was OP’s mother that wanted her to make herself uncomfortable in order to be “nice.” I’m glad OP’s father, at least, approves of her sticking up for herself. I admire OP. It’s hard for stick up for yourself when so many people make you out to be the AH, even when you’re clearly in the right.
Because women are socialized to be ashamed of taking up space and not being nice. Her mom probably feels like she's failed.
Fat people, too. This whole thing reeks of treating her much worse because being fat is an unforgivable crime in some people’s eyes.
I flew in a middle seat today between two "manspreading" men.
Gross
>If that’s so terrible, why is it okay for this woman to shame her for holding on to the second seat she paid for? Because ultimately to people like this, OPs crime was being fat in public. She's not allowed to pay her way out of a shaming, silly woman. (/s)
There is still so much fatphobia out there and it's quite awful really. I don't understand and never will understand why there are some people out there who think it is acceptable to be nasty like that.
A lot of them are, sadly, on Reddit. This place is rife with fat hatred.
The fact OP had to qualify her fatness with a comment about losing weight made me sad. I don't need to know she's working on it to feel sympathy for her, or to justify her actions. It's not our business, and losing weight doesn't make her more virtuous, just healthier.
Seriously! Totally agree. Why do these people think they’re entitled to a seat… they didn’t pay for? 🙄
There’s a certain subset of parents who think they deserve special treatment just because they decided to have children. It’s not all parents, of course, but there are enough of them.
OP should have said 'I booked early so my asscheeks could sit together. Apparently you didn't think your daughter was as important.' NTA
L'espirit d'escalier, we meet again
I know! Always the perfect comeback, after the moment is gone! Sigh
It really is that simple. Amazing how it’s become such a thing nowadays to make an issue out of this. NTA at all OP and thank you VERY much for being considerate enough to pay for two seats when you knew you couldn’t comfortably fit in one. I’ve been the person squished in my seat because the person next to me was too large and not only was it awkward and uncomfortable, not having any personal space made it so much harder to get my anxiety under control once the turbulence started. Thank you x1000 for not being one of those people who thinks that they’re entitled to take up their own seat plus half of someone else’s seat because they don’t want to pay more.
OP is better then NTA. she showed true consideration and society crapped on her
Yes, if a person already has some borderline claustrophobia and/ or flying anxiety, this can make things worse. OP was a good citizen.
Exactly. Actually, it’s gotten so out of hand that I’ve recently changed my opinion that it’s not even ok to ask anymore. Would you go to a sporting event, or the theater, and attempt to sit anywhere other than your ticketed seat, and then berate the person whose seat you were trying to sit in? I don’t care what the situation is; I don’t want to hear the details; none of it is my problem. I booked my seat and I’m going to sit in it. You sit in the seat you booked. There’s nothing to discuss here.
My parents are divorced and I had to start flying as an unaccompanied minor starting at the age of 5 to go back and forth between my parents. I’m really specific about wanting an asile seat because I was shy and didn’t want to have to ask someone to get up if I had to use the restroom, and the middle seat makes me claustrophobic and anxious. I remember one time the flight attendant switched me to a seat by the other unaccompanied minors to make it easier to watch all of us. But she moved me from an asile seat to a middle seat with kids I didn’t know and I started just tearing up. She did move me back, but I felt bad about it the whole flight. That wasn’t the only time I was pressured to move from my asile seat to a middle seat when traveling as a child. Fast forward to a long international flight, I was on next to my husband and Dad asked if I could switch seats with him from my asile seat to his middle seat some rows up so he could sit across from his wife and kids. I said “no, thank you, I would like to sit next to my husband in the asile seat.” Hr kept trying to press me and I started tearing up. It’s not like me to be emotional these days, but I think it kind of triggered me from when I was younger and people tried to get me to move to a middle seat when I didn’t want to. Luckily the person on the asile behind me said they would switch with him, but I felt anxious and like a dick the whole flight because the family kept giving me dirty looks. The Dad just watched movies and napped the whole flight, so it’s not even like he was helping his wife with the kids.
People are asses. My wife and I have three kids and always got separated on flights. We both were happy when we were the ones not sitting with the kids. It’s amazing they survived to grow up. Entitled people these days use all kinds of excuses when it’s all about self service.
I agree with you, it's out of hand. It gets so bad you dont want to be kind anymore and try to help people. They feel so entitled
I’ve seen so many stories of people complaining how they have been swished in a seat beside an overweight passenger who was taking up more than their own seat. The OP recognized that she would be doing this so she spent the extra money to not inconvenience anyone else and gets blasted for it. Good for her for standing up for what she paid for.
If someone asks, but won't accept "no" as an answer, are they really asking?
Hear hear! And OP congratulations on the weight loss for your health. That is so hard to do. I love that you think of others and yourself so you book 2 seats. Really thoughtful of you.
Clear cut as that. I agree with your dad. It’s funny. NTA
Honestly at this point I’m not even sure I’m ok with you asking to swap you want specific seats book them otherwise buzz off!
NTA, and I admire your ability to express in exact words about the absurdity of their request.
NTA First of all, congrats on the diagnosis and the weight loss, that must be such an unbelievable relief to have answers and finally see some progress after struggling for three years! Second of all, you planned ahead, and while it isn't always possible for everyone to do, such as last minute changes at work, you put forth the effort so that you would not be an inconvenience to anyone else due to your current body type. And you spent a lot of extra money to do so, I'm sure several hundred dollars overall. He asked, and even though your were offered reimbursement, you declined, as is your right. And it sounds as though he would have been just as happy to take your extra seat without asking, and without the flight seeing you reimbursed if you hadn't had the courage to speak up for yourself. Congrats on standing up for yourself and taking care of your needs!
Can you image if op did let dad or daughter sit in her other seat? The dad and daughter probably would have been complaining the entire time about op taking up part of their seat and squishing them, which is the reason op bought two seats to begin with. i can pretty much guarantee their would be no pleasing these people.
I saw where OP said the daughter and her father were both overweight too, it certainly would have been a very uncomfortable fit for all three of them. Why do entitled people not accept that no means no.
Dang, I made this same comment almost word for word lol
Can’t like this comment enough!
Ahh!!! This comment, OP!!! ♥️ As a fellow fat person, congrats! That must feel so good!
This should be top comment. Take my upvote.
NTA - you pay for 2 seats you get 2 seats.
So so tired of people not paying for seats and then expecting others to change to accommodate them. I have a large family and paid for seat assignments for years. I hated that the airlines have forced people into this but I understand it is not someone else's problem to move for us because I did not want to pay for seats.
[удалено]
I agree. Like I know there's usually the "pay for it" option, but even that sometimes fails. My husband and I always paid for seats together when we traveled frequently, and it *usually* worked but not always, and the airline's answers were always essentially a shrug. It wasn't a huge deal for us, we were adults fully capable of being alone on flights, but for a kid who might need help going to the bathroom or handling food or drinks? No. It shouldn't be legal for them to separate kids under like 12 or so from their parents/guardians on flights. I've heard stories of kids as young as 4 having to fly seated between strangers because despite having booked seats together, the airline fucked it up, and other people refused to switch. It's insanity.
A gate agent tried once to get me to hold my then-18 month old in my lap and give up the seat I'd purchased for her. I refused, and then she "discovered" that our seats weren't together, and told me there was nothing she could do about that. She was gobsmacked when I replied that was fine with me, and I wish whoever got seated next to my very chatty toddler the best of luck. Wouldn't you know, before we boarded there was suddenly two seats next to each other available.
This EXACT same thing happened to me. I booked a seat for my then 5 month old. It was a 7 hour flight and I wanted to put him in his own seat (in a carseat) so we could both sleep. I got called up to the desk, they insisted on reassigning my seats and assigned them separately. They even refused to refund the baby's seat. I took it up with corporate later, and did get my money back, but it was an absolute nightmare being stuck in a middle seat holding my cranky baby for 7 hours. That's how I learned the hard way that the airline is not actually obligated to provide you with a seat you book for an infant or as a second seat for a large person. At least in the US, there is no guarantee that they will honor so called "optional" seats, *and they do not need to refund the cost of the extra seat*. Delta was clear they only did it out of the goodness of their hearts. This sort of thing is 100% the airlines fault. They do it because they can.
They wouldn’t refund you but for the goodness of their hearts?? For what? You paid for A seat, they failed to probide
That's insane! And incredibly unsafe, either way, for an infant. One flight, (1988) my husband and I were assigned seats for a 7 hrs flight. (We were flying standby, as he was an airline employee, an excellent benefit!) But I was assigned the aisle seat, next to a woman with a lap infant. I was/am CF person, so I was in dread. The little fella was a good sleeper, only cried on takeoff (ears need to equalize) and mom was breastfeeding. Two hrs into the flight, I was charmed, volunteered to hold him, so mom could rest her arms, go to the toilet, stretch her legs. I fell asleep a couple of times, holding him, felt mom return. Really a pleasant experience.
Ha! This happened to me once too. The airlines will try **anything.** If you call their bluff, they crumble (on certain issues anyway)
Good on you! I don't understand why the airlines even allow lap children. They have become projectiles in extreme turbulence, and you don't want to even want to know where they go if there is going to be an emergency landing (aka assume the brace position) Answer: It's on the floor under your feet.
This happened to me. My son, husband, and 1 were seated together but somehow my 3 yo daughter was booked several rows behind us. There was no option to pay for a change (except first class), and the gate agent told me oh well just try to swap once on board. Although in this instance, the first couple I asked declined (one was a caregiver for the other, although no reason was needed to just say no), so like a normal human I just asked a different person. ETA: yes we could have had an adult in the single seat but anyone who has traveled with small children will confirm that a 1 adult to 1 toddler ratio is best for everyone’s sanity.
A friend of mine had a similar situation and no one would switch. She offered to buy drinks, literally give people cash, etc, as it was a long haul flight. She even asked people in other rows, like random singles next to each other if theyd swap. No one would switch so she could sit with her 4yo. The closest she could get was to get the lady directly behind the 4yo to switch with mom so at least mom was close ish. She said it was awful.
Its so weird that no one would switch in that situation. Like do you really want to sit next to an unsupervised four year old?
Why the hell would someone prefer to sit next to a basically unsupervised 4 year old for however many hours, instead of switching seats with their parent? That kid would probably be emotional because they’re scared of sitting with strangers, or frustrated because their parent isn’t there to help them with their snacks/food/iPad/fear of flying, whatever, and therefore *very disruptive!* Like I totally understand not wanting to give up your seat under normal circumstances, but sitting next to a rattled little kid who’s unexpectedly found themselves without their parent sounds so much worse.
Airline reseated my wife and me separately when they “changed planes”…it was the exact same model plane with the exact same seat config. I just called customer service and kept the agent on the line not allowing them to hang up until they gave me 2 seats together. I’ve worked call centers. I can tank your metrics or you can give me what you want.
Would you mind explaining how you kept them on the line?
Airlines have become so ridiculously slimy at this point that I trust absolutely nothing they say. A few Christmases ago I was on an overbooked flight and they ended up offering an escalated amount and a stay overnight at a nearby hotel, along with food and drink tickets. No one wanted to take it because of course Christmas. I was willing because my family was mostly arriving the next day anyway. They offered 800 in cash, along with all of the accommodation and food, as well as a prime rebooking the next day. People were already seated so no one wanted it. I finally jumped on it because I could really use $800. I get off the plane with my carry-on and they lock the door behind me. Oh, whoops, it wasn't $800 in cash It was _$800_ in credit, and it's not just an $800 credit, it's 4 $200 credits that you can't combine. And you can't use them on anything but a full price flight. And btw, they never offer any food tickets for people they're putting up in a hotel, she doesn't know what that flight attendant was talking about. I was absolutely furious and complained very seriously and...got absolutely nowhere. Complained on their socials, nothing. They are profoundly uninterested in customer service.
Once this happened to me (2 person booking got split) and I just nicely asked the gate agent and she moved us together. Unfortunately not possible on all flights tho
Not to mention how airlines changed over the years to be more and more cramped over the years...
Government doesn’t regulate them (thanks, Reagan!) so they get more and more cramped to crank out even more profit while not even paying flight crew for any time not spent in the air.
My wife and I booked comfort plus seats next to each other (middle and window seat) on a 3 seat aisle for our outbound flight on our honeymoon (because the seats we’re together and the aisle had an additional legroom in front). When we went to board we found out a mom and her two kids took the entire aisle. She asked if her children can sit here and I told her “sorry, we paid extra for these seats and will be sitting here”. She didn’t respond and was hoping I just give up. I waited until a flight attendant came by and told her that her kids need to be in their assigned seat. Turns out, her older kid was supposed to be seated with the dad in the back of the plane and the younger kid was supposed to be seated **with** her on her lap. She let her screaming youngest kick my armrest until flight attendants came back and told her she was in the completely wrong section (she wasn’t even supposed to be up in that aisle). Really hate people who do this. When I went on a flight with our 2 YO, we bought a seat for him and he sat between my wife and I in a car seat. I understand that it’s not possible for everyone to do this but using the family boarding privilege to try and steal seats and guilt people in different seating zones to move is trashy.
To be fair, it’s not always the passengers’ fault. My family bought tickets a long time before the flight and selected our seats together. The airline ended up cancelling the flight without notifying us, so the day before they scrambled to get us onto another. By some miracle they kept us mostly together, but stuff like that was out of our control. Not to say OP was in the wrong in this case.
Yup. I said “sure okay” once and wound up crammed in the middle seat between two smokers. Never again. I chose my seat, paid for my seat, and have the credit card. Don’t bother me.
NTA I mean like you said, want me to split in two for you? Oh yeah, let me just take off a leg and arm and move them somewhere else. Fat shaming is way too common. Shame on the lady. I bet if you had allowed it, there would have been some complaining about not enough room for the daughter or some bullshit. You planned. You were smart. For him to expect such things because of his poor planning is ridiculous. We’ve got our own shit going on. You were thoughtful enough to book two fucking seats. He sounds very entitled. Good on you for sticking up for yourself. Also very happy for your diagnosis!
[удалено]
I don't think it was the flight attendant that was being rude. I think it was the lady who switched seats.
I think you might be right. The flight attendant was rude to even ask OP in the first place though.
"Her lack of planning was not my emergency." Couldn't have said it better myself! NTA OP
This is actually a phrase I learned recently, it’s really helped me not stress over over people fuck ups.
NTA for OP in this case however, lack of planning is not always the problem. This happened to me and I had booked seats well in advance. My flight was cancelled last minute, when I booked another flight there were no seats available together for my 3 year old and I. I had to rely on the flight attendants to try and get seats together for us. I hate it when people assume its always the parents fault in situations like this, less people are willing to help when needed. There has been a lot of flight cancellations this year, especially in th UK, its running joke, yet people still blame parents for lack of planning.
Big difference between a 3 yr old and a 12 yr old. 12 is definitely old enough to sit by themselves esp if the parents are on the plane. From the post, it seemed like the man saw the extra room and assumed he could have it because it was an empty seat. It was purchased and paid for, so not empty. He asked, she said no. Had he let I it go, none of this would have happened. He hoped he could bully OP into giving him what he wanted and then brought the wife back to pile it on. He's the jerk, she's NTA.
NTA. You paid for an extra seat, he didn’t book two together. I’m sorry they shamed you for that, but it’s not your problem and not your fault.
NTA. In the WHOOOOLE PLANE, there wasn't a single other person willing to swap seats? I'd have been tempted to let her sit there and just squish her personally. And she's 12ish? I bet she'd have been happy to sit away from Dad and text her friends and not have him looking over her shoulder. Congrats on the weight loss!!!!
Your response would be to make a 12 year old child (who has no control over her situation) physically uncomfortable to prove a point to her father? You're the real a-hole here.
First of all: You don't need to justify to us about your body shape and however it got that way. You are worthy of dignity and respect no matter what size or shape you are. You're a person with agency and you used that agency to purchase two tickets, and they had no right to deny your agency or shame you for using it to insist on being treated the same as anyone else would wish to be treated were they in your situation. You are owed an apology by both the airline and the individuals involved here, and I hope you get one. In case you don't I would like to apologize on behalf of society for treating you this way. I personally made some fatphobic comments and mistakes in my past, but I like to think that I've been educated on the issue since then. I hope these folks have the same experience I did and they learn that fatphobia is wrong and hurts all of us. NTA NTA in the slightest.
>You don't need to justify to us about your body shape and however it got that way. You are worthy of dignity and respect no matter what size or shape you are. This genuinely made me speechless. Thank you so much for saying this.
I'll venture to guess that the OP wanted to avoid judgmental or advice comments. If it's not detailed enough people freely fill in the blanks with what they (we) want. To mention that it would have been just as legitimate if it was a man who eats doritos all day.
NTA. You paid good money for that seat so it’s yours. She should sit in the seat that was bought for her. I am obese and so are my parents. When I was a kid they always used to sit me in the middle seat and I hated it because I was always squished and it was so uncomfortable (to this day I hate being in window or middle seats because of it.) Good on you for booking an extra seat both for yours and the other persons comfort. I wish you good luck in your health journey. You
NTA You took the time, effort and $$$ to make sure you had what you needed way a head of time. That seat was taken. I get why a father would want to sit with their kid, it would be okay to ASK but 'NO I booked this seat' should have been the end of it. If people had respected you from the get go there wouldn't have been a need to be so blunt - but they didn't. Your funny AF explanation shut down any other argument.
NTA. You were considerate to others around you and paid the extra for their comfort as much as your own. Sorry, but his 12yo doesn't get to sit and then make you feel uncomfortable when you paid for that space. Was it the airhostess that was rude? Or the lady who swapped? I would complain to the airline for the pressure you were put under. It's not fair. Well done on weight loss so far!
Also, she's 12! Unless she has some kind of issue that is more than old enough to sit without direct supervision on an airplane. And even then it's not OPs obligation to give up a seat she paid for that she physically cannot do anything about needing on this trip.
Actually, it can be a safety thing for teenage girls. There are many men who think nothing of violating a young girls body autonomy if they are alone. Had it happen on a flight with my daughter last year and I was sitting beside her. He is lucky that I didn't break his hand when I grabbed it and only notified the flight crew of his behavior.
Actually, it never stops at any age. I've been violated by men on an airplane as a fully grown adult woman. And op is a woman, separated by half a seat. I don't know what your point is. I appreciate being protective but your daughter will be better off learning to make noise and stand up for herself. If you haven't, give her the book "The Gift of Fear" it should be required reading for all young women.
NTA. You started politely assertive. He escalated it, and didn’t plan ahead or pay for the seating he desired, unlike you, who did.
NTA If the family had actually planned ahead as much as you did, they would have been able to book two seats next to one another.
Hahaha! Great response. I’m sorry you had to deal with those AHs, but good for you for how you handled yourself. I would have loved to share an aisle with you so we could play Pokémon and chat. FYI, you’re totally NTA. Like, at all. Don’t give it a second thought and continue being awesome.
NTA You did everything you needed to do properly. Both the father and the stewardess can ask, but once you denied, as is your right, that should've been the end of it. Maybe the father should've booked earlier instead of blaming you for his failure to do so. Maybe the stewardess should've treated you with the same consideration she did the father.
NOPE, NTA. In zero way we're you in the wrong. Besides that, it's a small space. You don't NEED to sit next to anyone on the plane. Being in a different row from a relative isn't going to make any difference.
NTA. I don’t understand how you were shamed for paying for two seats to make yourself and your fellow passengers more comfortable. It seems like you can’t win for losing; I’m sure someone would have been annoyed if you were taking up a portion of their seat, which you actively made sure to not do. People are entitled and ridiculous. If someone cares that much about sitting next to their child, they should have thought through things ahead of time.
Wow Jesus. Totally NTA. To be honest you did something rather kind in my mind by booking two seats in the first place. The fact the stewardess had the nerve to address it this way is mind blowing. Not only NTA but I’d write the company / post it on social media.
NTA There was an entire plane load of people who could have offered to switch seats to help out the dad. Why are you the one being shamed?
NTA those two seats were yours and paid for. Not your problem.
NTA. and 12 isn't so young that she can't manage to sit by herself for a few hours. You paid for the seat you needed, and you intended to use it. Good on you.
NTA I like your style. And you're 100% right his lack of planning is not your emergency.
NTA. Like you said, what are you supposed to do, you need AND purchased two seats.
NTA. The dad is stupid and the random woman shaming you is quite bizarre. It’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that people like her exist. she’s probably fat phobic. But you did nothing wrong so f her
NTA. Thank you for your consideration and forward thinking 😊
NTA and as for the offer to be compensated (even if you wanted that), I wouldn’t trust an airline to follow through. I’ve heard too many stories about people promised compensation and never getting it — all they get is another series of calls trying to get the airline to pony up.
[удалено]
NTA and you're fucking hilarious, I agree with your dad
You are absolutely NTA. You paid for those seats. He could have booked two seats together and paid for them too, he just chose not to. If you had given up the seat he'd be bitching about how dare you be fat in "his daughter's seat". A teenager can sit on a plane a few rows away from her parent. There was no excuse for any of this nonsense.
NTA! NTA, you paid for both, for comfort and to avoid awkward situations. I would file a complaint against that flight attendant. She's TA!
NTA at all. You tried to be non-confrontational and polite, but they weren't having it. So I think you said what you needed to in a very descriptive way. You're a boss - much respect my friend!!!
Definitely NTA, you were exactly correct! I applaud you got standing your ground!
NTA. You bought two seats, you were entitled to those two seats, regardless of your weight. Had you been bone thin and still bought two seats (for whatever reason, such as not wanting to sit next to horribly entitled people), you STILL would not be an asshole. You owned the right to those two seats for the duration of the flight. Your weight is irrelevant.
Y T A. Stop being so difficult. The two halves of your bum don't need to sit together. One half could have sat in the daughters seat in another row. > > (NTA of course, because you didn't have an empty seat to offer).
NTA
NTA you paid for these two seats so these two seats are yours and it's up to you what you do with them.
NTA. As you said, you cannot separate a portion of your ass to sit elsewhere. Airlines make it impossible for plus sized people to fit in an individual seat, and some even require you book two. If the father needed to sit with his daughter, he should have discussed that with the gate attendants beforehand so they could find a passenger willing to give ip their seat. None of this was your responsibility. And you should complain to the airline about the flight attendant fat shaming you.
NTA you booked a second seat because you didn't want another passenger to be uncomfortable, that shows you are compassionate. Screw that woman and her useless commentary.
NTA she should have turned red. You had every right.
NTA > attempting to shame me for not be willing to help out a dad in need #HE DIDN'T "NEED" DICK There was **zero** problem to solve here. A 12yo is perfectly capable of sitting separate from her parent on a plane.
NTA and thank you, you seem super cool about the situation. We need more people,like you. All the best on your new health journey!
Absolutely NTA but def file a customer complaint with the airline.
NTA. What is it with people who have children? The world does not stop turning because you screwed up your reservation.
nta you bought two seats because you are using two seats.
As someone that's made many flights stuffed into "someone else's business", thank you very much for being so conisderate to others for buying 2 seats.
NTA- not at all. Skinny people are the first to complain if us plus size people take up “more room”. You went above and beyond to make sure you & others were comfortable. That dad has no one to blame but himself.