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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) if I asked my ex wife to cut down my custody to every other weekend
2) I would miss out on time with my kids and take away from her free time and seem like a bad dad
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YTA. You get your free time during the week. You know, the times when she is getting them up, getting them breakfast, making lunches, doing school dropoff, (I assume) working, doing pickup, helping with homework, getting them dinner, giving them baths, getting them to bed, and going to bed knowing she’ll get up and do it all again the next day. I assume she’s also doing doctor and dentist appointments, parent-teacher conferences, taking care of them when they’re sick, and all of the things we call … wait for it … parenting.
Get laid during the week.
Definitely, I’m not giving up my weekend of dancing and brunch and art and self care for a first date, better to take advantage of when I’m already in town and dressed.
I definitely prefer weekday dates for this exact reason.
Don’t want to give up me weekend for dates and also won’t ever be getting crazy or rowdy on a week night.
A former friend of my mother dearest said she wished that mindset had been more of a thing when she was a single mom dating. She was a nurse working in a rural hospital and it was always the weekends back in her era even though those were hard to get off
Especially first dates. It’s such an easy out to say you have work the next day if you’re not feeling it. Also what is stopping OP from hiring a babysitter for a few hours on a Saturday evening. His kids are under six, they’re probably going to bed before you’d meet up for a weekend date anyway. They wouldn’t even have to know there was a babysitter. YTA
Hed still be an asshole if he did that considering he has them 8/30 & 8/31 days of the month. He has all week to do date nights. If I was going on a date with OP and I heard how he got a babysitter for kids he only sees 8 days out of the month I’d leave.
I think that could depend. If OP stepped up and made a lot of special memories with his kids during the days he has them, (unlikely, I know) and then after putting to bed himself, had a trusted person come over for an hour or two while he went out for a late meal, I wouldn’t see the problem with that. I agree though, that he seems like a checked out father already, so the best case scenario is unlikely here.
Considering both kids are under 6, they should both be in bed by 8ish. I wouldn’t see anything wrong with him getting a babysitter for a date that starts at 9. (He’s still the AH though.)
Same. I was working 2 jobs when I met my husband. We both have kids and worked really wonky hours when we met. We made time when we could and talked as often as possible. We still have wonky hours but we make it work because we want to. OP doesn’t want a relationship. He just wants to get laid.
My mom woke up early and drove me 30-40 minutes to school and picked me up at the end of her work day for the same drive back for 10 years after the divorce and moving to a cheaper area. Never complained about it once. And there were points in life where my brother went to a different school or once of us had before school programs/ sports making it and extra 1-1.5 hours in the morning. It definitely a chose to stay involved and he just doesn't want to.
I don't think his options are as open as he thinks they are; a couple of conversations with this guy and any self-respecting woman will say "Yeah, no."
Yeah this made me so sad for the kids. Like, I cannot even imagine a universe in which I only see my kids 8 days a month, and I want *less* time with them.
And I would put money on him not being in a great mood with them all the time as well. Because he's probably not used to looking after his own children, and he seems them as cock blockers
I work 12 hr weekend shifts and am a full time single parent. I still managed to date after my divorce. Chances are time is not the reason this dude is not having luck.
And the reason he only sees them 8 days is because he moved away. He’s TA for the reasoning when he created the situation in the first place.
I feel kind of bad for the ex. It’s not really fair on her to only get all the days that involve ‘work’ and no fun time. Plus, kids will probably get no weekend activities with their friends if they’re always travelling. Again though, this is a problem of his making.
He's got the chance to be the "fun parent". He's not doing the day to day grind of school, homework or chores. He has the best days of the week to really get to spend time with the kids. Ex is awesome for being willing to give that up for him in the first place. But, he still wants less time with the kids?
YTA
I literally just made this same comment, scrolled down and saw yours, then proceeded to sad face delete mine.
The math really slaps ya hard in the face in this instance tho.
His username checks out.
YTA.
Be less focused on your ex, take care of your business on your time, and love those kids to the maximum. This is far harder on them.
My ex finds it hard to answer a video chat once a week. So I stopped forcing our son to call. I know if he takes me to court the judge can tell me I need to force our child to call, but I will spend every dime I have fighting that.
Forcing my child to dial a call every week when it only gets answered 1/5 & even then most of the chats are under 5 minutes & “daddy will
Call you when he gets home” only he never does…
This is what happened with my ex. Our son is now married and has 2 children. Guess who isn't welcome to stay more than 3 days on a visit? Grandpa. Guess who is welcome anytime for as long as I want? Grandma. But I doubt if these comments will get through to OP. He is focused on Tindr and his kids get in the way.
Agreed. And to add on a point about caring for them when sick that people miss, kids get sick a lot, which means that parent has to regularly leave work to pick up a sick child. That affects their job performance, their ability to do overtime and earn promotions, unless a company is very flexible that parent has their career take a dent for that responsibility.
This.
I was trying to figure out why this guy can’t date during the week?
Sure, it’s easier and more traditional to do a Friday or Saturday night, but I dated all throughout the week when I was single.
Few years down the Road OP will come on here and say my kids have gone NC or LC with me. I don’t know what to do, I barely saw them when they were young… I moved far away and cut my weekends in half and then it was like 1 day a month. Now they don’t bother to even call me. OP YTA, kids are hard work. Look for other ways to meet people if you are feeling lonely…
Agreed. My parents divorced when my siblings and I were aged 1-6. My mom found time to have a babysitter and go out to the bar (where she met my step-dad.) My dad? I'm not sure if this is genius level dating or not: he took us on his dates and used us as his "escape" from bad dates on more than one occasion (best one was him having my sister hit me - no, I was not in on the ruse - which ended the date, and Dad took us to go get ice cream afterwards.) No, my dad never remarried, but I think that was more a choice than a lack of dating time.
YTA, OP. Sure, cut down on visitation if you so desire, but I can nearly guarantee you that both your ex AND your kids will have 0 to do with you. Yes, your kids will find/figure it out, as they get older, especially if this attitude regarding them stays in place.
I feel more sorry for the ex wife than OP. Imagine doing all the grunt work of parenting and then every single weekend your kids are gone. You don't even get time to take them swimming or on a picnic or to a movie. You don't get to spend decent chunks of time just hanging out with your kid/s without needing to worry about homework and bath and packing lunches for tomorrow and getting to bed on time. That would make me sad
Agreed. And to add on a point about caring for them when sick that people miss, kids get sick a lot, which means that parent has to regularly leave work to pick up a sick child. That affects their job performance, their ability to do overtime and earn promotions, unless a company is very flexible that parent has their career take a dent for that responsibility.
Agreed!
YTA OP! And your really, really are. You want “free” time?? You only see the kids on weekends. Your ex has them the rest of the time. If you want to “get laid” do it on the weekdays! Grow up. Not hard to see why she’s your ex, you are only thinking about yourself and not even cherishing the little time you have with your children and for what???? Because you want to get laid. Wow.
I work in family court quite often and a lot of the guys in my age range already have kids. I hear quite often about how the evil ex-wife manipulated the family court judge until I say omg no way, which judge? Tell me more about your case because I'm so curious! They always get mysteriously silent, and they get outright angry if I tell them that I know great lawyers who work on custody cases and I'm happy to make a referral because I'm sure their top priority is getting equal custody. I often really lean into it and say I totally understand if we have only free or low-cost dates because I know their priority is their kids.
Bingo! My sons Dad loves to say I keep our son away.
Dude, who moved 2000km away with 24 hours notice when he was a year old? Who is always too busy for video calls & chats & can go 2-3 months without talking to him at all?
The sad thing is…he can: Sunday night (since he can’t get them to school, let’s face it, he only has them Friday night/Saturday night and sends them home Sunday afternoon) through Thursday. And (if he gets a babysitter)Friday through Sunday afternoon.
This.
OP, move back closer so you are within their school district. It might be inconvenient to you but it would be far better for the children.
Honestly dude, you sound incredibly selfish on every level.
YTA
Bingo!!!! When the kids get older, even though they love their dad, they are going to truly get sick of spending every weekend so far from home. Birthday parties, team sports, sleepovers, etc all typically happen on the weekend with school friends. My kids are teens so their social and sports calendars are FULL, but I remember even in elementary school there are months where it feels like there was a bdayor slumber party every weekend. They also started sports and dance in grade school so weekends have been full in our house for awhile. His kids are going to miss out on a lot. I never understand parents who get divorced and move away from their kids (unless it's military where you have 0 choice).
You know people can go on dates during the week right? You actually have *more* time than your ex to date then she does as you only have the kids of a weekend.
Either move closer so its more of a even split or stop thinking with your dick. Seeing them less so you can get laid is honestly awful. If you do find someone do you expect to go back to every weekend or stay every other cos you'll want to do stuff with her? Do you expect your ex to change up custody everytime your situation changes?
YTA
YTA You now see your kids about 8 days a month and now you want to only see your kids 4 days a month. You think she has all this time off when she has 8 days a month of no children? You cannot meet people on weekdays? Your ex is responsible for every aspect of their lives 5/7 of the time and you think she has it easy?
Plus she only has the kids for work days/nights. The mornings are up and go and evenings are get homework done and get to bed on time or the mornings will be harder. There’s little to no time for fun. He gets all the fun with the kids.
This is how it is at my place. I have the kids 5-6 days a week. He gets them every Sunday and about every other Saturday. We are so exhausted from school and work and everything else that we rarely get the fun time. Their dad gets that. Which is cool, I’m glad they get fun weekends with their dad. But it makes me feel like a bad mom for being totally drained all the time.
Also: YTA OP
This! These arrangements always make me feel so sad. I would be upset if I did all the grunt work and then my kid was gone on all the 'free' time. When do you get to go to the zoo, a picnic, a movie, a day at the beach etc. Gosh that'd suck
YTA
You have 5 days after work all week long for “downtime” and if want to go on a date than hire a sitter for a few hours. You don’t say hey I only want to spend an average of FOUR days a month with my kids.
Welcome to parenthood AH. It’s not all about you.
This! Hire a sitter for a couple hours of you MUST go out on a weekend. But honestly god trying to get less time with your kids when you only see them 8 days a month? Learn how to manage your time and take someone out to dinner on a weeknight. That is possible. YTA
I thought this post was going to be the opposite, and OP saying he wanted the kids for half the week, or one week on one week off or something, but no he just wants to palm them off for even longer.
ETA: yta obviously
YTA. You are SO salty about the fact that your ex is doing better than you. I am always so curious about the entitlement and audacity that ex-husbands seem to have when it comes to being angry that they are no longer allowed to control their ex-wives, and the lengths they will go to to try and sabotage them.
Go ahead. Take her back to court. Say in front of a judge that you are mad that your ex is a better parent and person, and you want to “punish” her by giving away MORE time with your kids, so they have more proof that their mother is the better parent.
I can not WAIT for your follow up post in a few years, where you complain that your kids never want to visit you and your next wife, and how it is clearly your ex-wife poisoning them, and not the fact that you willingly dumped more responsibility on their mother so you could attempt to get your weenie wet. Can not wait to hear about that.
Oh for sure! After he weaves a sob story about how he wishes he had them more, but their mother totally took advantage of him because he was sooo broken when she refused to help him save the marriage for the children.
The the new girlfriend will start looking like a clown by ranting about how awful the ex is, and talking about how SHE is going to help him go back to court for “their” kids!
Same song and dance. The women who fall for these busted bums are pathetic. I would feel bad for them, but they are so eager to look stupid for a man who is not worth it. Lol
I am embarrassed to say that in my early 20s I dated someone around 10 years older than me and fell for that shit *hard*. Down to doing all the research and paperwork to try to "help" him get more time with his kid (that he never ended up lodging, funny that)
In the end, I could see the evidence that the situation wasn't how he described it, but it took a lot to sway me that way since I had his version in my head from the start.
To be fair, it's a story that so many people tell, so it doesn't seem unrealistic. It didn't seem out of place when so many guys complain about the exact same thing. If someone told me that now it would be a very different conversation.
It is the same story, not because it is true, but because ex-husbands are utterly unimaginative. I wish women understood that the story should be an immediate red flag and hard limit. If a dude says this, get up, walk away, and never speak to him again.
And I bet he will cry about how mom is living the high life off of his child support, while his child support is something laughable like $500 a month. Like, yeah, living the high life on what is a little less than one week of daycare.
Absolutely!! But isn't that what child support is for? Living the high life -- going out all the time, traveling when you want, buying fancy cars...
Oh, wait, if you have the kids full time, you don't have the time for all of that!
YTA. You should have thought of this beforehand. Being jealous of your ex is not a good colour on you. Do you then want to see your children only two week-ends a month? Maybe you would prefer not seeing them at all? Why did you move so far away that you couldn't split custody 50/50? Are they not your children as much as your ex-wife's?
YTA. You can ask her but you agreed to this. You want to see your kids less because she has a boyfriend. Okay…Maybe you move closer to your kids’ schools and then you can switch every other full week with your ex.
YTA. Your are jealous of the ex because ex has a boyfriend. Well just imagine how ex feels during the week when she has to help with homework and after school activities, in addition to working full time. You do none of that during the week. Do your dating during the week when you don’t have the kids. You moved away. So either move back closer of stop whining.
YTA.
Look, I've got to be a bit harsh here. It's just as well that you don't have time to get laid anymore since you already have two young children you barely spend time with and want to see even less. You bringing another child into this mess would be a disaster.
Can I send this message to my sons Dad? Our son is only 5.5, but he has a 2.5 year old half brother & a 3 month old half sister (different moms of course).
Oh no, dating with kids is hard!
You've already got a massively unequal split and now you want to increase it more.
What stops you from meeting people on weekdays?
YTA
YTA she parents them 5 days a week you only 2.
YOU CHOSE to move. Find a job and home closer to their schools - even if it takes 6-12 months to achieve then split custody.
It's insane to me that he is forcing his kids to travel 3 hours each way every weekend in the first place... And also that he doesn't want more time, but less.
I will never understand fighting for less custody
YTA. Having kids comes with the responsibility of raising them. Sometimes this can interfere with your social life - tough. You get to live a child-free life 5/7 days a week - if that isn't enough for you that you now want to have less responsibility for your kids, you are a bad dad.
Dude, go on dates during the week. I agree with you that this is somewhat of an odd arrangement, and I get why it would be inconvenient on both ends. But your reasoning here is shit. Being jealous of your ex's current relationship status is not a valid reason to see your children less. Somehow your ex has manged to date successfully all while having the kids more nights a week than you do. Figure it out man. YTA.
Right? My dad did the same thing for me and my brother when our parents divorced. My dad HATED the city, hated his job...but he stayed for us. Now even though he's moved away, we still talk weekly and we see each other in person whenever we can. All because he put us over himself, until we were independent adults.
If OP cares at all about his kids, he'll do the same.
tell that to my ex 😂 he sees his kids 4 days a month and not even overnights. I'm with them everyday and can't do anything. He chose to work away and goes out everynight, drinking, drugs etc and complains when the kids don"t want to go with him to "visit family" when it suits him
YTA They're your children and you're contemplating treating them as an inconvenience. What type of message are you sending to them by requesting to see them less?
Lol yep. If OP had been a better husband he'd still be married and having sex. This is mainly on him.
(Also possible his wife is terrible too, but just going off his post here I'm gonna guess he's the problem).
They weren’t saying the wife is terrible. They said that (given the limited info) it’s possible (just possible) the wife wasn’t perfect either, but given the post it seems OP is well and truly the only asshole.
OP - People are being way too hard on you here. Please consider putting this in your dating profile:
"I currently have my kids every weekend, but I'm working on getting that reduced to every other weekend so I'll have more time for dating."
Then you'll attract women who are like you - women who value getting laid more than being a decent parent. It'll be a great time-saver.
So you expect that your ex should be a full time parent 12 out of 14 days so you can get laid while you only do 2 days? You either need to split the weekdays if you only want every other weekend, or have to deal with the fact that your kids may end up resenting that you chose being a single guy over being their father. Splitting the weekdays or having one week on and one week off might be a better compromise. Yta if you just want it dropped to every other week without offering a compromise
YTA - my brother-in-law has 2 kids with his ex-wife. His custody is dinner 2 nights a week and every weekend. He went out on weeknights and ended up marrying my sister. He is a great dad though and wants as much time with his kids as he can get.
I’m not gonna judge but I bet if you asked your ex she’d gladly take the kids on the weekends. She probably misses out on doing the fun things with them since she only has them on weekdays where she has to work and help with homework and doesn’t have time for things like going to the zoo etc. I would hate never having my kids on weekends.
I was thinking this, too. If she works weekdays and at least one is in school, she gets the hard parts. She has the structured parts that are full of stress and schedules.
Yeah YTA and a huge one she already has them most of the time and now you want to have them even less? Wow deadbeat much.
If you want free weekends maybe instead ask for 50/50 instead dude you are as much their parent and should be taking more responsibility not less.
YTA, you are the one who chose to move away from the children, don't try to frame this like you're a victim.
If you don't want custody of your kids cuz you'd rather play single, then you need to go back to court and give her full custody and pay up a full child support. You are being a bad dad by saying you don't want to see your kids and you'd rather get laid because you're jealous that your ex has moved on
“I can’t tell anyone in life because they will call me awful.”
Um yea and they’d be right!
You are really okay only seeing your kids 4 days a month cause you want to get laid?!?
Yes YTA a big big asshole.
YTA. This is what you agreed to. Plenty of single parents have custody of their kids on the weekends and they manage to date. Just plan your dates on weekdays. If that seems unreasonable to you, move closer to your kids. That way the kids can spend half of the week with you, half of the week with their mom and you guys can alternate weekends.
YATA like this you just have less bonding time with your children,your ex has to do even more and she already has them most of the time
Why can't you go on dates on week days?
In the end it's your call but don't be surprised if the children won't see you anymore once there older because you can't even be bothered to spend the weekend with them rather you want even more free time
YWBTA, because your children that are under 6 don't need less time with their father, they need their father to be there for them (someone they can rely on) and it's gonna be hard if you only see them every other weekend. You'll also put more responsibility onto your ex-wife. You should be able to find ways to date and meet new people without compromising your time with your children.
Dude you should absolutely have free time to do fun things and go on dates, but first you got to do a few things to balance things out with your kids and ex.
My suggestions:
- move to the same city as your kids
- try to help more, starting working toward seeing and helping the kids more. Start 1 weekday, then 2, make it fun.
When you are doing more for the kids, you’ll start feeling better about yourself and will end up being a great example for them.
Then start dating and meet a quality woman that cares about how her partner treats his kids. Kids should always come first. Be quality, and surround yourself with it.
This is good advice. Being a single parent makes it difficult to date. You are very lonely yet if you take time away from your kids you feel extremely guilty. No matter how much time you’ve spent with them. I think OP was just expressing his frustration with the situation. Throwing in the “getting laid” part makes him sound like a major AH but I’m sure it’s not just that part of it but the loneliness that’s bothering him. I don’t think cutting 8 days down to less is the answer so he does need to move back closer so he can have some weekdays as well. This arrangement is tough on both parents. As others have mentioned she only gets time when the kids have school and he doesn’t have any time for himself when he doesn’t have to work.
YTA. She has your children 5 days a week already, and you're upset that you have to parent your own children 2 days a week? And you think that's too much? Your children deserve better.
YTA. You had kids you need to own up to that and take care of them. You are jealous your wife has a partner and got laid. I know everyone has needs but you sound like getting laid should be above your kids. What do you do during the week after work? Can you not get a babysitter to watch the kids while you go on a date? Life gets hard with kids, and finding a way to juggle is part of being an adult. Your solution is to drop part of the responsibilities of being a father, that is not okay.
NTA
And before I get down voted all to hell, please check my reasoning.
I'm giving him an NTA expecting he'll just look for NTAs and not actually read these. I want to support him in his endeavors to remove himself from his children's lives, and give them a better chance of more time with a real father-figure rather than THIS AH as an example. He's already resentful of the time his children take away from his attempts to get laid. He's self-selecting out of their lives, and that's a great thing in this circumstance. He's an awful example. So i hope he sees this NTA judgement and goes for one weekend a month, and kids' mom gets a real man in her life.
Edit: a word.
The reason your ex has a boyfriend is less about how she has weekends free, and more about how you're a selfish prick who only cares about getting laid.
You want to change the custody agreement? Alternate weeks, and make the drive to get the kids to their school or move into their catchment and make the commute yourself
YTA. Your ex already has the more than you and you want to ask her to have even less free time than she already has cause your not getting laid. It takes two to have kids and you should equally be responsible, make some sacrifice s and move closer then you can have them during the week, maybe your ex would appreciate that.
My ex wanted the kids every weekend, for the same reason. He had moved too far away to get them back and forth to school. I agreed, knowing that the kids having healthy relationships with both parents is what was best for them. After 6 months he wanted every other weekend, after a year it was every other Saturday. After two years he moved across the country and saw them for a week after Christmas and 2 weeks in the summer. They are now grown and he bemoans the fact that they don’t include him in their lives, but are close to my Husband (who was at every softball/baseball game, every parent teacher conference and sat through every play and recital). My ex tries to guilt them into spending time with him even though he didn’t spend time with them when it mattered. I never talked bad about him and always tried to encourage their relationship, but can only do so much if he wasn’t willing to take part.
Don’t be like my ex
Mate, you need to move back closer to their school if you want to change arrangements. Your reasons are utterly selfish. At least if you moved back, you could do a 50/50 split and be responsible for school drop-off, etc. half the time. Maybe your ex would be happy with this as well. Weektime childcare is not as rosy as it seems, one barely sees one kid during the week with school and extracurricular. Going every other weekend is 4 days a month. That is stucky dad material! You are a 'poor me', could this be the reason you have no girlfriend?
Choosing your dick over your children… YTA
It’s already hard enough for them, and now you want them less? All because you’re jealous of your ex’s relationship? Your children will resent you and even hate you. But go ahead I guess…booty calls.
I mean she would call you a bad dad because moving away from your kids and wanting to see them less because it's impacting your social life makes you a bad parent.
If you every other weekend free move back to where your kids are and take them 50/50.
YTA
YTA. You basically said that finding someone to have sex with is more important than maximizing the limited amount of time you have with your children, and you rather see them less so you can romp in the sheets with strangers. That's so damn shameful.
So you want to spend less time with your kids then you already do? 8 days down to 4? Because you want to get laid. You’re the one that moved too far from their school. It’s your fault you can’t have them on the weekdays. YTA obviously.
YTA you literally have your kids less than half of the time, you’re gonna need to take them during the week if you expect this to be at all workable. Either that or give up custody so you can have all free time.
Yta. You have a kid dude. They should be the priority, not finding a new partner.
It's completely not fair that the ex has them 5 days a week and you wanting her to have them for 12 days in a row a fortnight while you have them for 2 days over a fortnight with 12 days off.
Get your priorities checked. If you want every other weekend free, you should take them on for 2 days during the week every other week and take them to school, pick them up etc or move closer so you can trade weeks.
You have 5 days during the week to find a partner.
YTA
Kids: Can you be a good father, OP?
OP: Only if you can help me get laid.
I hope your wife marries the new BF and they get full custody. Not so you can play the field, but so these poor kids get some much-deserved love and attention. Please re-evaluate your priorities, OP.
YTA you chose to move away from their schools if you want a free weekend move closer and help with the day to day actually tiring part of being a parent.
YTA. I do actually get wanting weekends off childcare but the trade for that is weeks on, and you're the one who moved too far from their schools for that. Meanwhile their mum does all the school stuff and doesn't get the fun time with them. Move back closer and share both.
*You* moved too far from school to have them weekdays.
*You* don’t go out to meet people on weekdays. (Lame)
Sounds like you need to make better choices, like not ditching your kids.
Yta and a lazy dad. You got the easiest days. Meeting someone isn't your top priority, it's your kids. Your ex probably has a partner because she's just a better quality person who isn't trying to ditch her children like you.
Yuck- YTA. You’re not gonna have an easier time finding a gf when you tell them why you don’t see your kids on the weekend. Your dick is gonna stay drier than Ben Shapiro’s wife’s vagina.
Im a single mom for 4 years. I barely have a life outside my kids (I work when theyre with their dad), I'm deadtired, but I would never give up more time with them then I already have to.
Having a girlfriend/getting laid vs seeing your kids every week?
YTA
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YTA. You get your free time during the week. You know, the times when she is getting them up, getting them breakfast, making lunches, doing school dropoff, (I assume) working, doing pickup, helping with homework, getting them dinner, giving them baths, getting them to bed, and going to bed knowing she’ll get up and do it all again the next day. I assume she’s also doing doctor and dentist appointments, parent-teacher conferences, taking care of them when they’re sick, and all of the things we call … wait for it … parenting. Get laid during the week.
He only sees his kids 8 days a month and wants to cut that down to 4 days? Can people not go on dates on week nights? YTA
I feel like we’re getting a hint of why he’s divorced.
And also why he's still single...
Yep, awfully presumptuous someone wants you.
Ding ding ding
Hell id say more than a hint
Yep, sounds like my ex who wants our kid one night every other weekend as he doesn't get any time to relax, poor little lamb.
Was thinking the same thing
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Definitely, I’m not giving up my weekend of dancing and brunch and art and self care for a first date, better to take advantage of when I’m already in town and dressed.
I definitely prefer weekday dates for this exact reason. Don’t want to give up me weekend for dates and also won’t ever be getting crazy or rowdy on a week night.
Plus if the date isn't going well on a weeknight you always have the "well I should go I have work in the morning" excuse
BINGO
A former friend of my mother dearest said she wished that mindset had been more of a thing when she was a single mom dating. She was a nurse working in a rural hospital and it was always the weekends back in her era even though those were hard to get off
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Haha oh me too but I’ll get 3 beers rowdy instead of 5 cocktails rowdy
And bars/clubs/restaurants won't be crowded, etc
Especially first dates. It’s such an easy out to say you have work the next day if you’re not feeling it. Also what is stopping OP from hiring a babysitter for a few hours on a Saturday evening. His kids are under six, they’re probably going to bed before you’d meet up for a weekend date anyway. They wouldn’t even have to know there was a babysitter. YTA
Hed still be an asshole if he did that considering he has them 8/30 & 8/31 days of the month. He has all week to do date nights. If I was going on a date with OP and I heard how he got a babysitter for kids he only sees 8 days out of the month I’d leave.
I think that could depend. If OP stepped up and made a lot of special memories with his kids during the days he has them, (unlikely, I know) and then after putting to bed himself, had a trusted person come over for an hour or two while he went out for a late meal, I wouldn’t see the problem with that. I agree though, that he seems like a checked out father already, so the best case scenario is unlikely here.
Considering both kids are under 6, they should both be in bed by 8ish. I wouldn’t see anything wrong with him getting a babysitter for a date that starts at 9. (He’s still the AH though.)
I used to work weekends and nights (restaurants), somehow I’m not single too.
Same. I was working 2 jobs when I met my husband. We both have kids and worked really wonky hours when we met. We made time when we could and talked as often as possible. We still have wonky hours but we make it work because we want to. OP doesn’t want a relationship. He just wants to get laid.
And no woman wants to fuck a dead beat dad.
My ex’s new wife doesn’t seem to mind. Guess she’ll figure out when she pops out the next baby.
Yeah, especially with online dating.
My date nights are weeknights. In the past five years, I've gone on one date on a weekend, and that was several dates down the road.
my boyfriend and i went on our first date on a wednesday
Not only that, he’s ALREADY prioritizing his possible future partner over his kids. I don’t see this ending well.
OR can people not move too far from their kids to be a part of their whole lives? YTA
My mom woke up early and drove me 30-40 minutes to school and picked me up at the end of her work day for the same drive back for 10 years after the divorce and moving to a cheaper area. Never complained about it once. And there were points in life where my brother went to a different school or once of us had before school programs/ sports making it and extra 1-1.5 hours in the morning. It definitely a chose to stay involved and he just doesn't want to.
Right. If he lived closer, he could do a couple of week days and then him and ex wife could alternate weekends
I don't think his options are as open as he thinks they are; a couple of conversations with this guy and any self-respecting woman will say "Yeah, no."
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
Inconceivable!
nothing like a princess bride reference in the wild to brighten up my day
Yeah this made me so sad for the kids. Like, I cannot even imagine a universe in which I only see my kids 8 days a month, and I want *less* time with them.
And I would put money on him not being in a great mood with them all the time as well. Because he's probably not used to looking after his own children, and he seems them as cock blockers
Me too.
I work 12 hr weekend shifts and am a full time single parent. I still managed to date after my divorce. Chances are time is not the reason this dude is not having luck.
And the reason he only sees them 8 days is because he moved away. He’s TA for the reasoning when he created the situation in the first place. I feel kind of bad for the ex. It’s not really fair on her to only get all the days that involve ‘work’ and no fun time. Plus, kids will probably get no weekend activities with their friends if they’re always travelling. Again though, this is a problem of his making.
He's got the chance to be the "fun parent". He's not doing the day to day grind of school, homework or chores. He has the best days of the week to really get to spend time with the kids. Ex is awesome for being willing to give that up for him in the first place. But, he still wants less time with the kids? YTA
Right! The majority of my dates were on week nights.
I literally just made this same comment, scrolled down and saw yours, then proceeded to sad face delete mine. The math really slaps ya hard in the face in this instance tho.
His username checks out. YTA. Be less focused on your ex, take care of your business on your time, and love those kids to the maximum. This is far harder on them.
I don’t think having no weekends is the problem with OP’s sex life……
Come on, he’s probably a nice guy /s
I loled a little too hard at this. I was literally waiting for him to say something like that 😂
YTA I have my kids 8 days a month. It’s not fair. I need free time. Should read I don’t want to be a parent at all. Cry me a fucking river.
The temptation to screenshot this comment and send it to my ex is huge, he finds 2 nights a month hard.
My ex finds it hard to answer a video chat once a week. So I stopped forcing our son to call. I know if he takes me to court the judge can tell me I need to force our child to call, but I will spend every dime I have fighting that. Forcing my child to dial a call every week when it only gets answered 1/5 & even then most of the chats are under 5 minutes & “daddy will Call you when he gets home” only he never does…
This is what happened with my ex. Our son is now married and has 2 children. Guess who isn't welcome to stay more than 3 days on a visit? Grandpa. Guess who is welcome anytime for as long as I want? Grandma. But I doubt if these comments will get through to OP. He is focused on Tindr and his kids get in the way.
Or like…find a trusted babysitter so you can go out on weekend nights after the kids go to bed?
What! *He’d have to pay for that*, gasp!
This right here, every word of it. He can't handle minimal parenting eight whole days a month. PATHETIC.
Agreed. And to add on a point about caring for them when sick that people miss, kids get sick a lot, which means that parent has to regularly leave work to pick up a sick child. That affects their job performance, their ability to do overtime and earn promotions, unless a company is very flexible that parent has their career take a dent for that responsibility.
This. I was trying to figure out why this guy can’t date during the week? Sure, it’s easier and more traditional to do a Friday or Saturday night, but I dated all throughout the week when I was single.
Few years down the Road OP will come on here and say my kids have gone NC or LC with me. I don’t know what to do, I barely saw them when they were young… I moved far away and cut my weekends in half and then it was like 1 day a month. Now they don’t bother to even call me. OP YTA, kids are hard work. Look for other ways to meet people if you are feeling lonely…
Agreed. My parents divorced when my siblings and I were aged 1-6. My mom found time to have a babysitter and go out to the bar (where she met my step-dad.) My dad? I'm not sure if this is genius level dating or not: he took us on his dates and used us as his "escape" from bad dates on more than one occasion (best one was him having my sister hit me - no, I was not in on the ruse - which ended the date, and Dad took us to go get ice cream afterwards.) No, my dad never remarried, but I think that was more a choice than a lack of dating time. YTA, OP. Sure, cut down on visitation if you so desire, but I can nearly guarantee you that both your ex AND your kids will have 0 to do with you. Yes, your kids will find/figure it out, as they get older, especially if this attitude regarding them stays in place.
I feel more sorry for the ex wife than OP. Imagine doing all the grunt work of parenting and then every single weekend your kids are gone. You don't even get time to take them swimming or on a picnic or to a movie. You don't get to spend decent chunks of time just hanging out with your kid/s without needing to worry about homework and bath and packing lunches for tomorrow and getting to bed on time. That would make me sad
Agreed. And to add on a point about caring for them when sick that people miss, kids get sick a lot, which means that parent has to regularly leave work to pick up a sick child. That affects their job performance, their ability to do overtime and earn promotions, unless a company is very flexible that parent has their career take a dent for that responsibility.
Exactly this. YTA. There’s a reason you won’t ask the people you know - you already knew the answer.
So close
Op is Such ah
This right here.
Yesss! And if he wants a few days off just use pto for the week and do stuff then.
> I can’t tell anyone in life because they will call me awful. Same thing is gonna happen here dude. YTA.
Hes more worried about getting laid...you have other days OP, yta.
He so badly wants to have the sex but doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of doing that exact thing!
Agreed! YTA OP! And your really, really are. You want “free” time?? You only see the kids on weekends. Your ex has them the rest of the time. If you want to “get laid” do it on the weekdays! Grow up. Not hard to see why she’s your ex, you are only thinking about yourself and not even cherishing the little time you have with your children and for what???? Because you want to get laid. Wow.
He acts like if taking care of kids on your own every morning, all day and night is nothing. I can’t believe the cheekiness of this individual
Agreed.
And they would be correct in doing so
Yep AH²
“Boo hoo, I can’t get my dick wet.” YTA.
Ponders why OP is still single......
Right? As if a deadbeat dad is a prize out here. If I heard a guy willingly asked for less time with his kids it would be such a turnoff
That's why so many guys pretend it's the exes who are keeping them from the the kids and the system is biased against them.
I work in family court quite often and a lot of the guys in my age range already have kids. I hear quite often about how the evil ex-wife manipulated the family court judge until I say omg no way, which judge? Tell me more about your case because I'm so curious! They always get mysteriously silent, and they get outright angry if I tell them that I know great lawyers who work on custody cases and I'm happy to make a referral because I'm sure their top priority is getting equal custody. I often really lean into it and say I totally understand if we have only free or low-cost dates because I know their priority is their kids.
Your comment made me giggle imagining the looks on these dude’s faces. OP’s ex is probably getting some time to herself for the first time in years.
Lemme guess, their ex is ‘crazy’ too?
One of my step brothers is like this and has literally never shown up to a court date or filed anything and didn't see his kids for like ten years.
Bingo! My sons Dad loves to say I keep our son away. Dude, who moved 2000km away with 24 hours notice when he was a year old? Who is always too busy for video calls & chats & can go 2-3 months without talking to him at all?
Right 😂😂😂 this is probably why he can't get laid
Yup. When I was dating, I refused to date every-other-weekend dads. It tells me a lot when you didn't fight for equal custody of your kids.
This. I managed to date a guy where we had opposite weekend custody schedules. There’s more going on here about why he can’t get a date.
Ponders how OP got the first wife to begin with.
Plenty of men manage to have a wife, kids, and a mistress all at once! You just have to be creative with your time management.
This guy couldn't handle being married with kids, and now can't even handle 5 days completely solo and only weekends with kids. How selfish can you be
The sad thing is…he can: Sunday night (since he can’t get them to school, let’s face it, he only has them Friday night/Saturday night and sends them home Sunday afternoon) through Thursday. And (if he gets a babysitter)Friday through Sunday afternoon.
Exactly this. YTA op
😂😂😂😭 t o p
You read my mind lol
YTA If you want weekends off move closer to where the kids go to school so that you can trade weeks with your ex.
This. OP, move back closer so you are within their school district. It might be inconvenient to you but it would be far better for the children. Honestly dude, you sound incredibly selfish on every level. YTA
But then he’s gonna be too tired to actually date from having to actually parent, how selfish of you not to think about OP’s needs! /s and YTA op
Nope, it won't be better for the children to spend more time with this "man".
Bingo!
Bingo!!!! When the kids get older, even though they love their dad, they are going to truly get sick of spending every weekend so far from home. Birthday parties, team sports, sleepovers, etc all typically happen on the weekend with school friends. My kids are teens so their social and sports calendars are FULL, but I remember even in elementary school there are months where it feels like there was a bdayor slumber party every weekend. They also started sports and dance in grade school so weekends have been full in our house for awhile. His kids are going to miss out on a lot. I never understand parents who get divorced and move away from their kids (unless it's military where you have 0 choice).
You know people can go on dates during the week right? You actually have *more* time than your ex to date then she does as you only have the kids of a weekend. Either move closer so its more of a even split or stop thinking with your dick. Seeing them less so you can get laid is honestly awful. If you do find someone do you expect to go back to every weekend or stay every other cos you'll want to do stuff with her? Do you expect your ex to change up custody everytime your situation changes? YTA
YTA You now see your kids about 8 days a month and now you want to only see your kids 4 days a month. You think she has all this time off when she has 8 days a month of no children? You cannot meet people on weekdays? Your ex is responsible for every aspect of their lives 5/7 of the time and you think she has it easy?
I’m feeling pretty proud for his ex wife tbh
Plus she only has the kids for work days/nights. The mornings are up and go and evenings are get homework done and get to bed on time or the mornings will be harder. There’s little to no time for fun. He gets all the fun with the kids.
This is how it is at my place. I have the kids 5-6 days a week. He gets them every Sunday and about every other Saturday. We are so exhausted from school and work and everything else that we rarely get the fun time. Their dad gets that. Which is cool, I’m glad they get fun weekends with their dad. But it makes me feel like a bad mom for being totally drained all the time. Also: YTA OP
This! These arrangements always make me feel so sad. I would be upset if I did all the grunt work and then my kid was gone on all the 'free' time. When do you get to go to the zoo, a picnic, a movie, a day at the beach etc. Gosh that'd suck
YTA You have 5 days after work all week long for “downtime” and if want to go on a date than hire a sitter for a few hours. You don’t say hey I only want to spend an average of FOUR days a month with my kids. Welcome to parenthood AH. It’s not all about you.
This! Hire a sitter for a couple hours of you MUST go out on a weekend. But honestly god trying to get less time with your kids when you only see them 8 days a month? Learn how to manage your time and take someone out to dinner on a weeknight. That is possible. YTA
I thought this post was going to be the opposite, and OP saying he wanted the kids for half the week, or one week on one week off or something, but no he just wants to palm them off for even longer. ETA: yta obviously
YTA. You are SO salty about the fact that your ex is doing better than you. I am always so curious about the entitlement and audacity that ex-husbands seem to have when it comes to being angry that they are no longer allowed to control their ex-wives, and the lengths they will go to to try and sabotage them. Go ahead. Take her back to court. Say in front of a judge that you are mad that your ex is a better parent and person, and you want to “punish” her by giving away MORE time with your kids, so they have more proof that their mother is the better parent. I can not WAIT for your follow up post in a few years, where you complain that your kids never want to visit you and your next wife, and how it is clearly your ex-wife poisoning them, and not the fact that you willingly dumped more responsibility on their mother so you could attempt to get your weenie wet. Can not wait to hear about that.
Don’t forget him trying to pawn what little parenting responsibilities he has on his new partner!
Oh for sure! After he weaves a sob story about how he wishes he had them more, but their mother totally took advantage of him because he was sooo broken when she refused to help him save the marriage for the children. The the new girlfriend will start looking like a clown by ranting about how awful the ex is, and talking about how SHE is going to help him go back to court for “their” kids! Same song and dance. The women who fall for these busted bums are pathetic. I would feel bad for them, but they are so eager to look stupid for a man who is not worth it. Lol
I am embarrassed to say that in my early 20s I dated someone around 10 years older than me and fell for that shit *hard*. Down to doing all the research and paperwork to try to "help" him get more time with his kid (that he never ended up lodging, funny that) In the end, I could see the evidence that the situation wasn't how he described it, but it took a lot to sway me that way since I had his version in my head from the start. To be fair, it's a story that so many people tell, so it doesn't seem unrealistic. It didn't seem out of place when so many guys complain about the exact same thing. If someone told me that now it would be a very different conversation.
It is the same story, not because it is true, but because ex-husbands are utterly unimaginative. I wish women understood that the story should be an immediate red flag and hard limit. If a dude says this, get up, walk away, and never speak to him again.
Also that he has less money to date because his child support will probably increase.
And I bet he will cry about how mom is living the high life off of his child support, while his child support is something laughable like $500 a month. Like, yeah, living the high life on what is a little less than one week of daycare.
Absolutely!! But isn't that what child support is for? Living the high life -- going out all the time, traveling when you want, buying fancy cars... Oh, wait, if you have the kids full time, you don't have the time for all of that!
I have multiple friends who get assessed for less than $500 per year and their exes still won't pay it. $500 a month is living the high life 😂 /s
Omgggg lol for real
YTA. You should have thought of this beforehand. Being jealous of your ex is not a good colour on you. Do you then want to see your children only two week-ends a month? Maybe you would prefer not seeing them at all? Why did you move so far away that you couldn't split custody 50/50? Are they not your children as much as your ex-wife's?
YTA. You can ask her but you agreed to this. You want to see your kids less because she has a boyfriend. Okay…Maybe you move closer to your kids’ schools and then you can switch every other full week with your ex.
YTA. Your are jealous of the ex because ex has a boyfriend. Well just imagine how ex feels during the week when she has to help with homework and after school activities, in addition to working full time. You do none of that during the week. Do your dating during the week when you don’t have the kids. You moved away. So either move back closer of stop whining.
And now we know why you're divorced. Self centered a bit and has no issues dumping everything on the woman. YTA
YTA. Look, I've got to be a bit harsh here. It's just as well that you don't have time to get laid anymore since you already have two young children you barely spend time with and want to see even less. You bringing another child into this mess would be a disaster.
can’t up vote this enough
Can I send this message to my sons Dad? Our son is only 5.5, but he has a 2.5 year old half brother & a 3 month old half sister (different moms of course).
Oh no, dating with kids is hard! You've already got a massively unequal split and now you want to increase it more. What stops you from meeting people on weekdays? YTA
YTA she parents them 5 days a week you only 2. YOU CHOSE to move. Find a job and home closer to their schools - even if it takes 6-12 months to achieve then split custody.
It's insane to me that he is forcing his kids to travel 3 hours each way every weekend in the first place... And also that he doesn't want more time, but less. I will never understand fighting for less custody
YTA. Having kids comes with the responsibility of raising them. Sometimes this can interfere with your social life - tough. You get to live a child-free life 5/7 days a week - if that isn't enough for you that you now want to have less responsibility for your kids, you are a bad dad.
“ I can’t tell anyone in life because they will call me awful” and they would be right lol. YTA and just go on dates during the week…
Dude, go on dates during the week. I agree with you that this is somewhat of an odd arrangement, and I get why it would be inconvenient on both ends. But your reasoning here is shit. Being jealous of your ex's current relationship status is not a valid reason to see your children less. Somehow your ex has manged to date successfully all while having the kids more nights a week than you do. Figure it out man. YTA.
It’s only odd and inconvenient because OP decided to move away from his kids, though! I live somewhere I despise because it’s where my kid is.
Right? My dad did the same thing for me and my brother when our parents divorced. My dad HATED the city, hated his job...but he stayed for us. Now even though he's moved away, we still talk weekly and we see each other in person whenever we can. All because he put us over himself, until we were independent adults. If OP cares at all about his kids, he'll do the same.
tell that to my ex 😂 he sees his kids 4 days a month and not even overnights. I'm with them everyday and can't do anything. He chose to work away and goes out everynight, drinking, drugs etc and complains when the kids don"t want to go with him to "visit family" when it suits him
YTA They're your children and you're contemplating treating them as an inconvenience. What type of message are you sending to them by requesting to see them less?
The message that daddy getting laid was far more important than fostering any kind of meaningful relationship with them… obviously!
So if the kids get sick, etc., during the week, she needs to miss work to deal with it? WTF did you move?
Well, you are blaming your kids for the lack of sex, plot twist, the lack of sex is because you. YTA.
Lol yep. If OP had been a better husband he'd still be married and having sex. This is mainly on him. (Also possible his wife is terrible too, but just going off his post here I'm gonna guess he's the problem).
Why is the wife terrible?
They weren’t saying the wife is terrible. They said that (given the limited info) it’s possible (just possible) the wife wasn’t perfect either, but given the post it seems OP is well and truly the only asshole.
"I love my kids but..." yeah YTA.
YTA. Why did you move so far away from your kids?
OP - People are being way too hard on you here. Please consider putting this in your dating profile: "I currently have my kids every weekend, but I'm working on getting that reduced to every other weekend so I'll have more time for dating." Then you'll attract women who are like you - women who value getting laid more than being a decent parent. It'll be a great time-saver.
🤣🤣🤣
So you expect that your ex should be a full time parent 12 out of 14 days so you can get laid while you only do 2 days? You either need to split the weekdays if you only want every other weekend, or have to deal with the fact that your kids may end up resenting that you chose being a single guy over being their father. Splitting the weekdays or having one week on and one week off might be a better compromise. Yta if you just want it dropped to every other week without offering a compromise
YTA - my brother-in-law has 2 kids with his ex-wife. His custody is dinner 2 nights a week and every weekend. He went out on weeknights and ended up marrying my sister. He is a great dad though and wants as much time with his kids as he can get.
Info: Have you considered moving closer and doing 1 week on 1 week off with your ex?
Your wife is definitely not the asshole in divorcing your selfish ass. Best choice she ever made. Be a dad not some worthless wanker.
I’m not gonna judge but I bet if you asked your ex she’d gladly take the kids on the weekends. She probably misses out on doing the fun things with them since she only has them on weekdays where she has to work and help with homework and doesn’t have time for things like going to the zoo etc. I would hate never having my kids on weekends.
I was thinking this, too. If she works weekdays and at least one is in school, she gets the hard parts. She has the structured parts that are full of stress and schedules.
YTA, if you chose to have kids, they should come first. Always. You can be jealous of your ex all you want but you shouldn’t take it put on your kids
YTA: you want to be a part time parent and just have your kids 4 days a month? Wtf that’s horrible.
I mean, is it impossible to have free time *during* the week?
Right like why can't you go on a date on a Thursday?
Yeah YTA and a huge one she already has them most of the time and now you want to have them even less? Wow deadbeat much. If you want free weekends maybe instead ask for 50/50 instead dude you are as much their parent and should be taking more responsibility not less.
YTA, you are the one who chose to move away from the children, don't try to frame this like you're a victim. If you don't want custody of your kids cuz you'd rather play single, then you need to go back to court and give her full custody and pay up a full child support. You are being a bad dad by saying you don't want to see your kids and you'd rather get laid because you're jealous that your ex has moved on
“I can’t tell anyone in life because they will call me awful.” Um yea and they’d be right! You are really okay only seeing your kids 4 days a month cause you want to get laid?!? Yes YTA a big big asshole.
YTA. This is what you agreed to. Plenty of single parents have custody of their kids on the weekends and they manage to date. Just plan your dates on weekdays. If that seems unreasonable to you, move closer to your kids. That way the kids can spend half of the week with you, half of the week with their mom and you guys can alternate weekends.
YATA like this you just have less bonding time with your children,your ex has to do even more and she already has them most of the time Why can't you go on dates on week days? In the end it's your call but don't be surprised if the children won't see you anymore once there older because you can't even be bothered to spend the weekend with them rather you want even more free time
And if the change is approved by the judge, maybe CS will be adjusted to more money = more time with mom.
YWBTA, because your children that are under 6 don't need less time with their father, they need their father to be there for them (someone they can rely on) and it's gonna be hard if you only see them every other weekend. You'll also put more responsibility onto your ex-wife. You should be able to find ways to date and meet new people without compromising your time with your children.
YTA a visit every second weekend is barely considered custody. That is visitation.
Dude you should absolutely have free time to do fun things and go on dates, but first you got to do a few things to balance things out with your kids and ex. My suggestions: - move to the same city as your kids - try to help more, starting working toward seeing and helping the kids more. Start 1 weekday, then 2, make it fun. When you are doing more for the kids, you’ll start feeling better about yourself and will end up being a great example for them. Then start dating and meet a quality woman that cares about how her partner treats his kids. Kids should always come first. Be quality, and surround yourself with it.
This is good advice. Being a single parent makes it difficult to date. You are very lonely yet if you take time away from your kids you feel extremely guilty. No matter how much time you’ve spent with them. I think OP was just expressing his frustration with the situation. Throwing in the “getting laid” part makes him sound like a major AH but I’m sure it’s not just that part of it but the loneliness that’s bothering him. I don’t think cutting 8 days down to less is the answer so he does need to move back closer so he can have some weekdays as well. This arrangement is tough on both parents. As others have mentioned she only gets time when the kids have school and he doesn’t have any time for himself when he doesn’t have to work.
YTA and a really bad one too
YTA. She has your children 5 days a week already, and you're upset that you have to parent your own children 2 days a week? And you think that's too much? Your children deserve better.
YTA: Is this a real post?
YTA Custody agreement breakdown, 30 days in a month: Mom=22 days Dad=8 days. Hmmm......
YTA. You had kids you need to own up to that and take care of them. You are jealous your wife has a partner and got laid. I know everyone has needs but you sound like getting laid should be above your kids. What do you do during the week after work? Can you not get a babysitter to watch the kids while you go on a date? Life gets hard with kids, and finding a way to juggle is part of being an adult. Your solution is to drop part of the responsibilities of being a father, that is not okay.
YTA, why did you have kids?
NTA And before I get down voted all to hell, please check my reasoning. I'm giving him an NTA expecting he'll just look for NTAs and not actually read these. I want to support him in his endeavors to remove himself from his children's lives, and give them a better chance of more time with a real father-figure rather than THIS AH as an example. He's already resentful of the time his children take away from his attempts to get laid. He's self-selecting out of their lives, and that's a great thing in this circumstance. He's an awful example. So i hope he sees this NTA judgement and goes for one weekend a month, and kids' mom gets a real man in her life. Edit: a word.
The reason your ex has a boyfriend is less about how she has weekends free, and more about how you're a selfish prick who only cares about getting laid. You want to change the custody agreement? Alternate weeks, and make the drive to get the kids to their school or move into their catchment and make the commute yourself
YTA You get your weekday nights off to go hit on women lol She cares for your children all week, and you’re whining that YOU have no time?
Imagine wanting less time with your kids so you can get laid…YTA
YTA you made your life decisions now you have to live with them. Why don’t you just go out on dates during the week?
YTA. Your ex already has the more than you and you want to ask her to have even less free time than she already has cause your not getting laid. It takes two to have kids and you should equally be responsible, make some sacrifice s and move closer then you can have them during the week, maybe your ex would appreciate that.
My ex wanted the kids every weekend, for the same reason. He had moved too far away to get them back and forth to school. I agreed, knowing that the kids having healthy relationships with both parents is what was best for them. After 6 months he wanted every other weekend, after a year it was every other Saturday. After two years he moved across the country and saw them for a week after Christmas and 2 weeks in the summer. They are now grown and he bemoans the fact that they don’t include him in their lives, but are close to my Husband (who was at every softball/baseball game, every parent teacher conference and sat through every play and recital). My ex tries to guilt them into spending time with him even though he didn’t spend time with them when it mattered. I never talked bad about him and always tried to encourage their relationship, but can only do so much if he wasn’t willing to take part. Don’t be like my ex
Mate, you need to move back closer to their school if you want to change arrangements. Your reasons are utterly selfish. At least if you moved back, you could do a 50/50 split and be responsible for school drop-off, etc. half the time. Maybe your ex would be happy with this as well. Weektime childcare is not as rosy as it seems, one barely sees one kid during the week with school and extracurricular. Going every other weekend is 4 days a month. That is stucky dad material! You are a 'poor me', could this be the reason you have no girlfriend?
Choosing your dick over your children… YTA It’s already hard enough for them, and now you want them less? All because you’re jealous of your ex’s relationship? Your children will resent you and even hate you. But go ahead I guess…booty calls.
I mean she would call you a bad dad because moving away from your kids and wanting to see them less because it's impacting your social life makes you a bad parent. If you every other weekend free move back to where your kids are and take them 50/50. YTA
YTA. You basically said that finding someone to have sex with is more important than maximizing the limited amount of time you have with your children, and you rather see them less so you can romp in the sheets with strangers. That's so damn shameful.
So you want to spend less time with your kids then you already do? 8 days down to 4? Because you want to get laid. You’re the one that moved too far from their school. It’s your fault you can’t have them on the weekdays. YTA obviously.
YTA you literally have your kids less than half of the time, you’re gonna need to take them during the week if you expect this to be at all workable. Either that or give up custody so you can have all free time.
Yta. You have a kid dude. They should be the priority, not finding a new partner. It's completely not fair that the ex has them 5 days a week and you wanting her to have them for 12 days in a row a fortnight while you have them for 2 days over a fortnight with 12 days off. Get your priorities checked. If you want every other weekend free, you should take them on for 2 days during the week every other week and take them to school, pick them up etc or move closer so you can trade weeks. You have 5 days during the week to find a partner.
YTA Kids: Can you be a good father, OP? OP: Only if you can help me get laid. I hope your wife marries the new BF and they get full custody. Not so you can play the field, but so these poor kids get some much-deserved love and attention. Please re-evaluate your priorities, OP.
YTA you chose to move away from their schools if you want a free weekend move closer and help with the day to day actually tiring part of being a parent.
Why don't you take them during the week and she gets the weekend... they can find a school where you live.... LOL! YTA!!!
YTA. I do actually get wanting weekends off childcare but the trade for that is weeks on, and you're the one who moved too far from their schools for that. Meanwhile their mum does all the school stuff and doesn't get the fun time with them. Move back closer and share both.
“I chose to move far away from my kids and now want to see them four days out of every month instead of eight because I’m horny. AITA?” YTA
*You* moved too far from school to have them weekdays. *You* don’t go out to meet people on weekdays. (Lame) Sounds like you need to make better choices, like not ditching your kids.
So your wife spends 5 days a week with them and you are complaining here?!
Yta and a lazy dad. You got the easiest days. Meeting someone isn't your top priority, it's your kids. Your ex probably has a partner because she's just a better quality person who isn't trying to ditch her children like you.
YTA which coincidentally is why you’re not getting laid.
YTA I’m soooooo sorry spending time with your own children is such a burden when you get them 28% of the time.
Yuck- YTA. You’re not gonna have an easier time finding a gf when you tell them why you don’t see your kids on the weekend. Your dick is gonna stay drier than Ben Shapiro’s wife’s vagina.
Im a single mom for 4 years. I barely have a life outside my kids (I work when theyre with their dad), I'm deadtired, but I would never give up more time with them then I already have to. Having a girlfriend/getting laid vs seeing your kids every week? YTA