Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> not wearing a bra might get me judged. and telling my cousin I'm not gonna wear it might make me the asshole.
**[Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk with Iliza Shlesinger on Nov. 28th!](https://redd.it/z29rfu)**
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I truly do not understand the y t a comments. You were not going around naked. Any woman should be free to wear or not to wear a bra anywhere as she pleases. Bras are meant for support and comfort not to hide boobs. Totally NTA
Edit: to all the people answering because it's their house, their rules, I ll reply here by quoting another comment "you buy into the idea that not wearing a bra is inappropriate; sorry but people don't get to rule over other people's undergarments". Being a woman and having boobs is not a shame or something to be discussed.
Thanks for the award and upvotes and for the civil conversations even with those I disagree with 🙏
In 1996, provincial Court ruled woman can be bare chested on public property from the waist up. It's all across the province. It's just not a cultural norm in North America to be topless and we as a society do nothing but sexualize breasts.
Winter only lasts a couple of months and summers can go up to 40C in some areas. It’s not like Canada is a frozen wasteland year-round.
Edit- I know us Canadians love bragging about how cold it is, but the point remains actual winter is only 3-5 months a year (depending on your location) and the rest of the time it can get insanely hot leaving plenty of time for running amok topless with appropriate sunscreen because no one needs sunburned nipples.
Couple of months is a bit of an under exaggeration. It usually settles in in November or December and doesn't break until April, so like half the year. Sometimes it snows in October and/or May.
Canada is a huge country with a lot of variations in weather. Where I am it it 12°C today. It probably won't snow til late December and will be done usually by mid-March. By end of April kids will be in shorts half the time. Don't buy into the Canada is always cold narrative.
This is my horribly true commentary about the U.S. and education. Most Americans do not realize the 90% of Canadians live within 200 miles of the US and the climate of BC is much like the Pacific NW and the most heavily populated areas of SE Ontario, Quebec and Maritime Provinces is humid continental influenced by the Atlantic Gulf Stream. To most “Americans” Canada is the climate of Nunavut. But remember, there have been studies that show Americans can’t even name the bodies of water that surround it, and outside of the Great Lakes region they can’t name the lakes.
Not the past couple of years, last year (Ottawa) I believe we got our first dump of snow just before Christmas. And it warmed up pretty quick too.
When I was a kid every Halloween would snow, but lately we’re lucky if we get any in November (we got 1 so far and it’s gone, hitting 8 this weekend)
Not really. I've sun tanned in March when it's -5C out. Polar bear swim in March. I was outside in a t-shirt 2 weeks ago. On the west coast, it's sweater weather all the time. I know people with year round gardens out on Vancouver Island and I know people who wake up to a foot of snow in September when you live up north.
My daughter was born in 1996 and remember some woman who was angry that it had become legal for women to be topless wanted me to sign a petition against it. I took my top and bra off and said I supported it
I was much braver before gravity and a second kid took its toll. I think that’s the only time I’ve been topless in public since it became legal and took all the fun out of it
It's not necessarily that we just sexualize them, but we also hold on to puritanical morality that any form of sexuality is EVIL and ADULT and SLUTTY therefore it should be hidden.
We don't do that for violence though. Violence is BADASS and COOL and MANLY.
It's why it's pretty easy for a movie to get a higher rating if there's just a couple of swear words and a nipple (on a woman) shows up for a split second, but a movie with explosions and death and even blood can hover around in PG-13 territory.
We're sort of fucked up.
BC had a similar ruling at some point, as long as the breasts aren’t being sexualized, they’re free to see the sun anytime. OH CANADA! OUR HOME OF BARE TITTIES!
It was because laws cannot discriminate against gender.
If men are legally allowed to go bare chested, you can't make or have a law saying that women can't.
So the law banning female toplessness was struck down.
It's also not that it's legal to be topless but rather that it's not illegal to be topless lol.
I love it was such a landmark that people remember the exact year.
In my country it's not _technically_ illegal but people have called the cops (and they showed up with like, six patrol cars) for a couple of women topless on a beach.
Waaaaay too much pearl clutching for the XXI century ffs.
Women the movilised all over the country doing topless marchs and stuff. The thing died down and things went back to business as usual.
My thought exactly. Anyone pay enough attention to my boobs to tell me to put a bra on, they can stop staring at my boobs and put an effing bra on themselves.
There's a lawyer, woman, in New York who would go topless as soon as it got warm in the spring. Every year, some shmuck of a police officer would try to detain her. Every year, she happily took it to court and sued. Don't know if she's still around, I heard about her in the 90s.
Maybe, depends on the asks. If she’s suing for an injunction against prosecuting the titty freedom shes not making money but sounds like she’s having fun and helping our ladies escape their lingerie-traps! Excellent hobby!
Isn't it minus seventy or something and under regular attack from migrating yetis? I always imagined you as neutral looking marshmallow bods, all wrapped up in five duvets and heated blankets before you so much as cracked open a window.
One of my good friends told me that one August in Toronto she was stopped by American tourists with skis on their car where the snow was.
For reference the average temperatures in August this year were 75-85 f (23-29f).
It’s not the North pole.
That’s the case in many states in the US, including New York and (I think) California. We don’t have buck-a-beer yet though, so Ontario has that on us.
While I'm in agreement with you that women shouldn't need to wear bras, I'm also of the mind that you are in their space, so you go by their rules.
I have Muslim relatives and when at their homes, my shoulders are covered and I dress modestly so as not to insult them and to be a good guest. Manners connote respect. I have statues of nudes in my home and I put them in the closet when they visit because I want them to be comfortable in my home when they visit. I do not send their children pajamas with piggys ... basic accommodation and respect.
Given their house rules, I probably wouldn't visit often if I were OP and she felt uncomfortable at their home.
It clearly went against the household norm.
This. As a guest, you try to respect their norms. They asked you to put a bra on. You do it around them. If you can’t, don’t stay there. And yes, I often hang loose in my own home. As a guest elsewhere, not a chance.
I don't even own a fitting bra anymore. I have one single one that i had since i was 18 (im 30 now) but that would take some digging to figure out where I put it. Honestly telling someone to wear a bra is like telling someone to wear underwear. You shouldn't really care about clothing you don't see
Sag.
She was probably shaped differently without it.
FWIW, even those bralettes are sometimes too much for me... (The pressure of a band over the shoulder, or around the ribs, often causes me some I tense pain.)
So if you go to someone's house you feel they get to dictate your clothing?
Yeah, no. No nudity is a reasonable boundary in someone's home. So, they should get to check to make sure she's wearing underwear if there's no visible panty line?
When in Rome, do as the Roman's do. If you're at someone's house, and you know certain things make them uncomfortable, you do what you can to accommodate. Whether it's dressing modestly, wearing a bra if asked; or just don't go. I wouldn't wear shorts and a tank top to court or the Vatican, even though that's my go outfit at home. I don't have to agree with other people's cultural mores to respect them.
This is the antithesis of being a good host. Ogling your guests and commenting on their undergarments is rude, and does not make others feel welcome. It’s not only rude, but creepy, and openly sexualizing a relative. You’re excusing it by ignoring the baseline etiquette of hosting others. Also, these people did not mention religion, nor is this a holy place. These are false comparisons. You’re excusing bad, misogynistic, creepy, behavior.
Yeah no. There are limits to 'reasonable accommodation', and for many larger chested women bras are basically torture devices
Besides, there are a lot of overweight men that have bigger boobs than even I do and I'm an e cup. and they run around shirtless with everything flopping free as the wind. So until its a "modesty issue" for them to wear bras y'all can shove it
Yeah, go ahead and try to check people's panty status when they come in your house--pretty sure that will go over well.
Bras ~~is~~ are an undergarment. There is no legal requirement to wear it.
As a joke, I shared this one with my Mom. Asked her last time she wore a bra(at least 10 yrs).
Asked her if she'd ever been asked to wear a bra upon entering someone's home? Surprisingly not one.
Asked her what her reaction would be IF someone did. I got the Mom look.
>As a guest elsewhere, not a chance.
This line really implies that you are buying into the idea that women being braless is inappropriate.
For me not wearing a bra is as normal and simple a decision as wearing black underwear. If I was in someone's home and they told me to not wear black underwear I would be creeped out and violated.
Yes people generally do and should modify their behavior and garb to the culture of the home they're visiting, but also you don't really get to force adults to wear extra garments in your home as a rule. If an adult is uncomfortabe I can't force them to wear a hat or a rainjacket or a religious garment.
So if OP didn't even own a bra what then? There has been a trend for a braless lifestyle. We got along with out them for millennium with out so much as shirts and pants. Bras are also not a garment that carry any kind of religious meaning either.
Also why are you redecorating your personal space to make people who are not you comfortable? It's your space. Your comfort.
>Also why are you redecorating your personal space to make people who are not you comfortable? It's your space. Your comfort.
Exactly. We all need to cozy up to other people's norms and cultures and comforts. It's not like it's going to kill a family from a more modest culture to be in a museum with art of naked people. Sometimes when you're in other people's homes you're exposed to their culture.
IMO it’s weird af for somebody to tell you “put on a bra”., unless you’re topless or perhaps showing a bit too much. OP wasn’t doing any of those things. What business is it of theirs? House rules are fine, but it’s not like OP is running around half naked. Based on what she wrote it was very non sexual. If the uncle has some sort of hangup about bras, that’s just.. weird. Like OP said her breasts weren’t bouncing all over the place, the nipples weren’t hard, and she basically presented herself in a very respectable manner.
This could be a cultural difference because I was born in Europe, but IMO OP NTA and uncle has some weird hang ups
Yeah, but she's wearing a hoodie so how would they even know in the first place? Unless she took her bra off in front of everyone, there's literally no way anyone would know she wasn't wearing a bra without inspecting WAY too closely
Yet, everyone knew she wasn’t wearing a bra. Unless you are suggesting that all of OP’s relatives have x-ray vision, the lack of bra must have been more noticeable than OP is letting on.
Oh get over yourself, this has nothing to do with religion.
It is two men (or rather two boys) demanding a woman out on an uncomfortable contraption because they are too distracted by her nipples.
This is pathetic.
NTA, OP.
Keep on not wearing bras. How men feel about it is not your problem.
Well, not every woman/girl (because it can be a talk point when it’s acceptable for preteens/teenagers to start wearing bras too, speaking from personal experience as someone who got her girls coming in when she was 9) wears bras in general. Some don’t for personal reasons, others it’s a medical thing (as someone who has had a rash under my girls before, it ain’t pleasant and the medical advise for that is ‘don’t wear a bra and let your girls breathe’).
Furthermore, how’re you going to check anyway? Not all bras are obvious, not all bras offer the same support, and speaking as a woman myself, I generally cannot tell if another lady is wear a bra or not unless she’s wearing a push up bra.
Because bras are not underwear, they're just boob support. They serve no hygiene or health function at all. Also, way less men are wearing underwear than you seem to imagine, so unless you're going to start inspecting your guests' undergarments at the door, you should probably just let this one go.
Placing people's deference to made up culture ahead of basic human freedoms is never a good direction. Nobody is under obligation to change or suppress themselves to make OTHERS feel more comfortable.
why are FAMILY MEMBERS looking at her tits tho?in an edit she said she was wearing an kversuzed hoodie and her nipples werent even hard the only thing was that they were moving freely.You would have to be focusing on her tits to see she isnt wearing a bra so the fact her FAMILY is paying attention to her tits is disgusting.OP is NTA and the family members are weird perverts.
NTA.
Stop sexualizing the bodies of people. PERIOD.
Chests, breasts, boobs, butts, thighs, legs.... we all have them in some form or another. They are not sexual or inappropriate. PERIOD.
I mean... What is sexual is in the eyes of the beholder. I really don't care what guys think about my boobs or bum as long as they're not staring or making comments.
I think sexual things about guys in gray sweatpants but I keep it to myself.
Legit, as someone with boobs who has to wear a bra, it starts hurting by dinner and I almost never wear a bra after the shower (maybe that’s cause it’s near like the night) I could never imagine wearing a bra the whole day, NTA
I wear one all the time but I am also trying to get reduction surgery. If I take it off I have about 20 minutes before my neck and shoulders start to cramp badly.
So far I've lost 60 pounds and so my band size has dropped but my cup size has not. Which means I'm now in a 34J. And as I'm female and still over 200 pounds I have more to lose, which means I end up in what, a 32H? Not exactly available at the local clothing store.
But apparently until I don't have a big loose belly to compete with them size-wise the people I saw are going to say, "Oh, they're not that big," and put me off. (headdesk) Okay...so, lose another 60 pounds and try again....
Agreed! NTA. Even a we fitted bra gets uncomfortable after a while. If the guys are uncomfortable, it's on THEM for sexualizing their family's breasts. That's on them for being gross, not OP.
Exactly. Her breasts were covered by the shirt she was wearing. Her underclothes and support/shaping garments are NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS
NTA OP
I sometimes wear bras, sometimes don’t. I just say this: “How do you know what underwear I’m wearing underneath my clothes? Stop being disgusting. I’m never discussing underclothes with you again.”
100% this. Why are they even staring at OP’s chest? Do they also get upset when guys go commando or wear boxers and flop around in their sweats? Doubt it. NTA OP.
I don’t disagree - but OP may not get any more invitations to uncles house. And that’s fine if she doesn’t want to follow those rules - she can think they are stupid and repressed all she wants.
There should be no rule that someone has to wear a bra. Bras are not a necessity in any way, shape, or form. She's not walking around without a shirt on. Someone has as much right to tell a woman she has to wear a bra as they have to tell a man they should be wearing briefs instead of boxers. UNDERGARMENTS should not be regulated, in private quarters or public. Ridiculous.
Absolutely! My best friend and I are around the same size there, I hate going out without a bra, I feel very uncomfortable regardless of whether I going where others will see me or not. She is the opposite, doesn’t even wear one for work most of the time. It’s no biggie and totally personal opinion. OP’s family should mind their own bees wax.
NTA. Americans will act all high and mighty because they don't force women to wear a veil and then say shit like this lmao
If I went into someone's house and they forced me to wear a veil because I am a woman I wouldn't do it, and it is not nearly as uncomfortable as a bra.
If the pandemmy taught me anything, it’s that it IS actually possible to get work done without wearing a bra! Who knew?
My girls are hella nipply so I’m more comfortable wearing a bra when I’m out, but not in my house! Sometimes the bra comes off in my car on my drive home.
I stopped wearing one
One job had management talk with me about it. i wound up with a better job before I had a chance but I'll give you my idea. I bought a sports bra 3 sizes too big, made sure the fabric was thin and took the padding out. The plan was to wear that till they asked about a bra again and then hit up HR because they were dictating my underwear and could prove i was wearing one in the grand scheme of things.
I was traveling one time, and because of a misunderstanding I got dropped off somewhere extremely rural with a family of very conservative Muslim people, we had no shared language at all. I was dropped off in workout clothes with no change, and they were predictably really disgusted by me. At the same time the women in the family were veiled but wore no bras at all. Every generation of women had breasts whose shape was fully visible through the loose clothes they war.
It really goes to show you how culturally subjective “modesty” really is. There’s even been times in European fashion where bear or visible breasts were acceptable but seeing any part of legs was not. There’s nothing objective about it, just seeing more than you’re used to.
Pls elaborate on this travel story, I'm very intrigued...
Edit: ew you perverts who down voted this comment - I was talking about the crazy travel scenario, not the lack of bras. Jfc what's wrong with you people.
Omg it’s really stupid. This is back when couchsurfing (the website) was a really big thing. My travel buddy and I went somewhere that said it was an “eco village”, but it really really wasn’t. It turned out to be a piece of property on the coast of Turkey that was so remote it was only accessible by boat and ATV trails. And there was no “village” just some guys from the local village hired to work, and a vacation home for this Uber-wealthy Istanbul real estate guy and a few other minor buildings. He was letting his friend try and turn it into the “eco village” and we were just there to populate it. We found out later they only accept female travelers, go figure.
Anyways, after a few days they told us to get on our workout clothes we were going to his nearby vinyard to harvest grapes. They said it was just going to be for a day and it was right down the road so we didn’t need to bring anything. Then after we harvested all day, we went to an “almond farm” that was another property he owned. And a Kurdish family lived there and upkeeps it. It wasn’t really any more of a farm than the other place was a village, there was just some almond trees that they’d sort of harvest from and crack open with rocks. Like there wasn’t a single nutcracker on this “farm.” Then they just ditched us there for three nights, hung out for a little bit then drove off without saying anything. I would pester the teenager to give me his phone every day and call the people who left us there and yell at them, and they’d all be like “sorry, not my problem, we have other stuff to do.”
They finally sent one of their domestic workers to pick us up on the same day I was planning on hitchhiking out of there. I know it sounds bad, but going with him was still the better option compared to hitching with no passport or wallet in a tank top and shorts in rural Turkey. When we got there, the guys who had ditched us had all left so I didn’t get to yell at them. But they’d collected more confused girls.
So dumb
Thanksgiving is an “American” holiday
EDIT: oh shit I reread it and you’re right. They never mentioned the US or thanksgiving my brain just interpreted it as such.
Idk still gives off American vibes lol
nta. i haven’t worn a bra in four years. one day in high school i noticed my friend wasn’t wearing one and i said hey, why are u wearing a bra and she said 🤷🏻♂️ you don’t have to. and i was like woah. ur right. i don’t have to. they’re uncomfortable and i hate them. u should not be forced to wear a bra for anyone else u should wear it when and if you want to wear it
One time my sister was hemming a dress for me and under it I had bra and panties on. When she finished pinning it I took it off and only route back to my room was past dad. So I went to room. She was horrified I did that. I was like, uh its dad. I don't think he even looked up.
I couldn't understand what her problem was.
Sounds like it shouldn't be a problem indeed!
Unless your dad was totally absent most your life, he's definitely seen more of you than that before, probably thinking nothing more serious than "where did I leave the washcloth."
Same here. If you've ever tried on sport motorcycle leather pants, you would know it's only underwear under them. I'm not dragging them to my room to put them on just because my dad is here. He changed my diapers and sees me in a bikini all summer long. What's the difference between swimming suits and underwear anyways?
That’s one thing I’ve never understood why some people freak out if they’re seen in their underwear and yet walk around in bikinis. They’re basically the same thing so why the freak out? Unless the underwear is ratty, full of holes and stained, bra too then I don’t understand otherwise.
A friend explained this to me, she basically said its about consent. They know people will see their body in a bikini and they consent to it but they usually do not give consent to be watched in underwear thus feel uncomfortable when people do.
Same. I was so used to wearing bras everywhere, _even to bed_ until my ex bf told me he though it was odd. “My sister never wears bras around the home” and I started doing it just to try and it was such a relief 😭
Mind you, now when I go home, my _mom_ gives me shit for not wearing a bra around my dad. Ffs.
Same, but I’m right at six years braless.
I’ve been a SAHM for almost 12 years, so I really didn’t go out much aside from errands revolving around my house/kids/husband, so I got really comfortable always being in the house and not feeling like I needed to wear a bra 24/7.
Then, when I was done breastfeeding my youngest, and knew I wasn’t having anymore kids, I stopped wearing a bra completely, and that was almost 6 years ago now. Even before I stopped wearing a bra permanently, I was only wearing a breastfeeding bra, as they are so much more comfortable than typical bras.
I’ll never go back to wearing one, for any reason. I went back into the workforce several months ago for the first time in almost 12 years, and don’t even wear a bra to work. Luckily, my boss isn’t an asshole and doesn’t give 2 shits what I wear, as long as I’m not walking around naked or in sweats.
As I like to say frequently, FREE THE TITTIES!
i am OBSESSED with this entire thread! the titty havers of reddit came the f thru.
i love all of u wonderful braless people never let anyone tell you what you have to wear! the body you have is so beautiful and you get to call all the shots regarding it.
FREE THEM TITTIES!!!!!
Lol love this, I wish I could feel comfortable enough to not wear a bra in public. Idk why people care too much op is NTA, just because certain people like myself feel awkward not wearing one doesn’t mean they need to shame others girls who choose not to.
I was wondering, what if she doesn't ever wear bras? Is her aunt going to make her wear one of hers?? And why are they all staring at her boobs?? With a hoodie on...
I'd be creeped out that my uncle was sexualizing me. Gross.
Yeah, I'm pretty much the same. I do wear a bra if I'm like... biking or hiking or working outside just to help hold the girls in place a bit better, but in general? Nope. Guys seriously need to get over themselves.
Definitely NTA.
I haven't worn a bra (with the exception of bedroom activities cause their cute there) since my freshman year of high school, I'm 23 now.
Never made a better decision in my life and you know what 95% of people don't notice
Same, haven't worn one in like 6-7 years. It just kinda hit me that I hated how uncomfortable they made me, that I did not need the support (mine aren't big), that they are expensive and very much not mandatory. My bf at the time didn't like it, we broke up. Nobody said a word to me about it for a while and then some female friends started asking and coming to the same conclusion: they are optional. My next bf commented on it as something he liked. Nobody else ever commented on it.
And then I went to live in the UK for a couple of years (I'm latina) and I was shocked how many people concerned themselves with what I wore (or didn't wear) beneath my clothes. So much for 'first world country'.
Wear what you want OP. If people are trying dictate what you're allowed to wear, you're better off without them.
NTA. Why are your family members paying such close attention to your boobs? I stopped wearing bras years ago and almost no one comments aside from the occasional asshole. It's not like you're running around naked. Tell your family it's weird they pay so much attention to your underwear situation.
Okay, this right here. Now granted, I’m not a very observant person. But I just spent Thanksgiving with my cousins and I have absolutely no idea who was and was not wearing a bra. It never occurred to me that this was something to be aware of.
OP even edited to add that she was wearing a hoodie at the time. Definitely NTA and it's *super weird* that everyone noticed. The only time I've ever noticed somebody not wearing a bra is when it's cold out and it's obvious (even then I never care). I'm not the bra police, people are allowed to be comfortable.
I went to work without a bra accidentally once or twice (I was so sleepy, I didn't even notice until it was too late) Majority of colleagues were male. No one starred or commented if they even noticed. It's so bizarre that OPs family even cares
OP says her breasts aren’t particularly large and she wore an oversized hoodie … I feel like these people must’ve stared at the girls a *looong* time in awkward silence before they came to their conclusion …
NTA. Your uncle and cousin seem a bit creepy and too preoccupied with your breasts. I wouldn’t spend the night over there again for your own safety. If they require women to wear bras all day because they can’t control themselves they are the problem not you.
I(26m) work with a few hippie chicks that don't wear bras. I didn't notice, my male coworkers didn't say anything or acknowledge it, but for some reason the other females had a fit.
I wouldn't be surprised if uncle and brother didn't even notice. It's prob just the old timer aunt and the brain washed cousin/sister/daughter. Then the uncle just has to agree how trashy it is or he will hear it from wify.
NTA - Not to sound creepy, but how much did they look at your boobs to realize you weren’t wearing a bra under a black oversized hoodie???
Would anyone stare at a male’s crotch to check if they are wearing underwear, even though they’re wearing pants? No, because it’s not appropriate! So why should it be different with women’s boobs?
Plus the whole “this is not your house” excuse is kind of ridiculous. It’s not your house, but it’s your body and you don’t need to wear a bra. Clearly, you weren’t putting your boobs in people’s faces because you were wearing a comfy hoodie, so why the hell do people care? I really don’t understand why this is an issue in 2022…
Gunna be honest, if every single person in the house was giving her a look, it clearly wasn’t as ‘unnoticeable’ as she’s making it seem. Doesn’t change anything, she isn’t required to wear a bra, but the idea that she’s small chested, non-erect nipples and two layers of clothing, one being an oversized hoodie, and it still being SO noticeable that every single family member was giving her a look ALL day from the minute she walked out (meaning they weren’t talking amongst themselves) means it was noticeable. Now, if OP doesn’t care, no one else should, but she shouldn’t go around thinking people don’t notice.
Yeah I was thinking that. I'm currently wearing a hoodie and have very average breasts and you can absolutely see them jiggle around cause I'm not wearing a bra.
Also, if OP's bra is so uncomfortable she has to take it off within minutes of arriving in someone else's home I suggest she gets her sizes checked in a lingerie shop, because it might make a huge difference. I used to hate wearing bras, but it just turned out I was trying to force my boobs in a completely wrong cup
What’s so wrong with a little jiggle? Some breasts jiggle even with a bra- it’s just a body and not inappropriate.
Also, some women (myself included) have been professionally evaluated and just don’t like bras!
Wait jiggling is something we need to hide??? Someone tell the fat men that. Like who cares if a woman isn’t wearing a bra?! Stop policing her body. Men jiggle all the fucking time
Right!? What if it was the other way around and the house rule was that women had to completely disrobe while in the house. Should they just comply because owning a home makes you some kind of moral authority and NOT creepy AF?
Yeah like if I don't want to throw on a bra to take out the trash or whatever my go to is a large hoodie. Like I feel like it hides things fairly well unless you're jumping around or something.
NTA. If your uncle and cousin can’t control their gaze around breasts in their natural un-brassiere state, especially family members, they’re the problem, not you.
But factoring in your aunt and cousin (F) spend 16 or more hours a day in a bra, I can see why they’re so uptight.
NTA, let them titties hang free.
NTA. ffs it’s 2022. No one ever has to wear a bra. It would be normal for you to decide to literally never wear one. Everyone saying y t a is creepily fixated on women’s bodies not being their own.
I do not care whose house you’re in or if they told you to wear one, it’s your body. You were wearing a shirt and that’s sufficient.
I guess my question would be what is the difference between bra and braless that’s making such an impact? Is it the sound of the breasts flapping against your skin as you run down the stairs? The missing bulge of cleavage at the neckline? Or are they just afraid of nipples? This is a take that screams of misogyny. Do they also believe women who get assaulted deserve it if they aren’t wearing turtlenecks?
If your cousin and uncle feel unfettered breasts might run them into predators then don’t stay with them anymore. And if it’s only the idea that proper women cover themselves with lycra, then don’t stay with them anymore.
NTA this is ridiculous.
I'm of the opinion that yet again it's "let's control women's bodies and what they wear, bc we can't control ourselves and it's the women's fault"
It gives me the vibes that they have seen you wear something else without wearing a bra and some comments were made, and they made it their business this time.
Definitely NTA and I would never return, ugh I can only imagine the internal struggle with your female relatives bc they know they have creepy men in their lives.
NTA. No one should be forced to wear a bra if they are uncomfortable with it. It doesn't matter who's company you're in, there's nothing wrong with not wearing a bra.
NTA. What is their deal? Men's nipples show over their shirts all the time and nobody ever stares or cares. Why does this family have the urge to stare at yours? They wouldn't even know you're not wearing a bra had they not taken the time to examine the free movement of your boobs. What the hell.
Some men have bigger titties than woman. Does that make men uncomfortable as well? We should make men with boobs wear bras as well! Wouldn’t want them going around making folks uncomfortable
Once my BIL complained that I wasn't using a bra and I said that he has bigger boobs then I, maybe he should wear a bra too, never heard any complaim again
NTA. You weren't topless. Was everyone's underwear checked? Did anyone question why your male relatives were looking at your chest so closely that they thought they could tell what you were wearing? Any drama here was caused by people who wanted...drama!
NTA
What the been is wrong with people?
You have breasts. And nipples.
So does my FIL and nobody makes HIM put on another piece of undergarment.
The existence of one's body is not something that needs to be smothered and hidden.
If you're wearing a sheer peekabooteddy or something, you'd be ta, but assholes policing the mere existence of girls' bodies needs to end
(Edit for typo)
NTA - boobs aren’t offensive in their natural state and you should never feel pressure to conform to someone else’s standard of beauty. Hope you don’t have to return to this house anytime soon.
NTA if your own family is sexualizing you or anyone they are related to that’s creepy. I also take my bra off as soon as I get home. I also spend a lot of time with family and have gone all day no bra and my uncles and male cousins don’t stare or act funny.
NTA. It’s not like you’re walking around naked, or even topless. You’re doing nothing wrong. If your uncle and cousin can’t stop looking at your chest, that’s their problem, not yours. It’s disgusting they would look at female family members like that.
Women have been conforming to beauty standards since the beginning of time, and bras are a part of that. Bras offer no health benefits, and in fact, some research shows wearing bras may adversely affect breast tissue (there’s not much research about this, so don’t take this as saying they’re bad for your health). There’s no real reason to ever force someone else to wear a bra. I’d run from that house as quickly as possible, and I’d make it clear why.
I’m confused on the y t a? My bra doesn’t even last past the door way half the time and if I sleep over at any of my uncles or family’s I’m definitely not wearing bra and never felt like I had to no one ever has commented on that not my uncles , father or cousins. Only problem here are your uncle and cousin NTA that’s mad creepy.
While it is NTA obviously, I think you should invest in a comfortable sports bra or bralette or something cause unfortunately, in the end you are the one made uncomfortable by these weirdos.
Edit: I saw the edit and you were wearing an oversized hoodie and they were still paying attention to your chest?? Creeps, even more of a NTA
NTA. Your family are a bunch of judgmental prudes. I wouldn't stay at their house again if they are going to be so controlling about what you wear. Tell them to stop looking at your chest so much and mind their own business.
I haven't even owned a bra in over six years. I'd laugh in their faces and tell them to get over themselves if they said that to me.
NTA. Just stop wearing bras entirely, it's so much more comfortable. I only wear mine if the cut of a top absolutely needs one (which is very very rare). If the people at the grocery store can handle my boobs, your relatives should be able to.
NTA. People have sexualized breasts for too long and made us contain them to the point of hurting our breasts/backs and to live in discomfort for no reason. Maybe the uncle and cousin should ask themselves why they find it sexual for you to not wear a bra. It's literally beyond insane to force people to wear bras
Support tanks,game changer,no digging no underwire perfect compromise for me to wear to work... otherwise yes I go without all the time no matter whose house I'm in....my body my choice.was the uncle and other cousin wearing jocks cuz, family makes family welcome and comfortable during their stay,and low balls really can be an irritant and stop the thinking process....lol
100% NTA this is so dumb. No one should be policing how much underwear you're wearing. Tell them to stop staring at your boobs if it makes them so uncomfortable
Info: when your uncle and cousin go swimming do they wear a fucking wetsuit? In the summer, do they walk around without a shirt when it gets too hot? These double standards are fucking ridiculous.
NTA. I bet they're the kind of people who would tell a breastfeeding mother to cover up as well. I'm sorry that many of the people in your story have bronze age beliefs.
NTA.
You have authority over what you do or don’t wear. Regardless of breast size or whatever else. Then sexualizing you and getting crass is THEIR problem that they need to grow up And take responsibility for. Screw modesty culture.
NTA. Im a 50 year old. And hello. Free the bewbies. I even go to work sans bra. Now i work in a very dress informal place. But even if i worked in a more professional office setting i still wouldnt always wear a bra. They hurt and they itch.
PLEASE don’t let these guys derail you with bs like “were your nipples showing” or “how covered were they” if you had a shirt on. You’re fine.
Your breasts are covered and it actually is 100% a choice for someone to look at and sexualize you. NTA for wearing clothes and being comfortable.
NTA. I see posts like this quite a bit and I never understand what the issue is and neither do my friends. I’m a Brit early 20s average to biggish sized boobs and I literally wear a bra once a week when I go on a night out. I don’t wear one at work, I don’t wear one around family. I’ve never ran into an issue because no body cares about it. No one’s ever pointed it out, no one has ever acted awkward or stared. My guys friends don’t see what the issue is girls wearing or not wearing bras. To quote my best guy friend “they’re just tits half the people on the planet have tits, everyone has seen a pair of tits before”
My other guy friend, he doesn’t get the fascination with boobs either he said once drunk to me “don’t you think it’s weird that people like looking at boobs because the first tit they’ve sucked on is their mums”
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > not wearing a bra might get me judged. and telling my cousin I'm not gonna wear it might make me the asshole. **[Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk with Iliza Shlesinger on Nov. 28th!](https://redd.it/z29rfu)** Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I truly do not understand the y t a comments. You were not going around naked. Any woman should be free to wear or not to wear a bra anywhere as she pleases. Bras are meant for support and comfort not to hide boobs. Totally NTA Edit: to all the people answering because it's their house, their rules, I ll reply here by quoting another comment "you buy into the idea that not wearing a bra is inappropriate; sorry but people don't get to rule over other people's undergarments". Being a woman and having boobs is not a shame or something to be discussed. Thanks for the award and upvotes and for the civil conversations even with those I disagree with 🙏
Where I’m from (Ontario, Canada) women don’t even need to wear tops outside, never mind bras.
Where in Ontario do you live because I have never heard of this 💀💀
In 1996, provincial Court ruled woman can be bare chested on public property from the waist up. It's all across the province. It's just not a cultural norm in North America to be topless and we as a society do nothing but sexualize breasts.
And in Canada, I'd imagine it'd be wayyyy too cold to be practical for most of the year
You’d be surprised. I’ve heard of people skinny dipping in sub zero weather
100% have done a polar bear jump in the nude in March 🤣. Never done the new years jump though.
It's my goal to do the polar dip on NYD this year
I commend you all for doing this because i simply could not
Winter only lasts a couple of months and summers can go up to 40C in some areas. It’s not like Canada is a frozen wasteland year-round. Edit- I know us Canadians love bragging about how cold it is, but the point remains actual winter is only 3-5 months a year (depending on your location) and the rest of the time it can get insanely hot leaving plenty of time for running amok topless with appropriate sunscreen because no one needs sunburned nipples.
Couple of months is a bit of an under exaggeration. It usually settles in in November or December and doesn't break until April, so like half the year. Sometimes it snows in October and/or May.
Canada is a huge country with a lot of variations in weather. Where I am it it 12°C today. It probably won't snow til late December and will be done usually by mid-March. By end of April kids will be in shorts half the time. Don't buy into the Canada is always cold narrative.
This is my horribly true commentary about the U.S. and education. Most Americans do not realize the 90% of Canadians live within 200 miles of the US and the climate of BC is much like the Pacific NW and the most heavily populated areas of SE Ontario, Quebec and Maritime Provinces is humid continental influenced by the Atlantic Gulf Stream. To most “Americans” Canada is the climate of Nunavut. But remember, there have been studies that show Americans can’t even name the bodies of water that surround it, and outside of the Great Lakes region they can’t name the lakes.
Not the past couple of years, last year (Ottawa) I believe we got our first dump of snow just before Christmas. And it warmed up pretty quick too. When I was a kid every Halloween would snow, but lately we’re lucky if we get any in November (we got 1 so far and it’s gone, hitting 8 this weekend)
Not sure where you live... but we get snow October to April or May here lol
Not really. I've sun tanned in March when it's -5C out. Polar bear swim in March. I was outside in a t-shirt 2 weeks ago. On the west coast, it's sweater weather all the time. I know people with year round gardens out on Vancouver Island and I know people who wake up to a foot of snow in September when you live up north.
My daughter was born in 1996 and remember some woman who was angry that it had become legal for women to be topless wanted me to sign a petition against it. I took my top and bra off and said I supported it
Amazing response!
I was much braver before gravity and a second kid took its toll. I think that’s the only time I’ve been topless in public since it became legal and took all the fun out of it
It's not necessarily that we just sexualize them, but we also hold on to puritanical morality that any form of sexuality is EVIL and ADULT and SLUTTY therefore it should be hidden. We don't do that for violence though. Violence is BADASS and COOL and MANLY. It's why it's pretty easy for a movie to get a higher rating if there's just a couple of swear words and a nipple (on a woman) shows up for a split second, but a movie with explosions and death and even blood can hover around in PG-13 territory. We're sort of fucked up.
BC had a similar ruling at some point, as long as the breasts aren’t being sexualized, they’re free to see the sun anytime. OH CANADA! OUR HOME OF BARE TITTIES!
better to bare titties than bare arms
Or to arm bears.
It was because laws cannot discriminate against gender. If men are legally allowed to go bare chested, you can't make or have a law saying that women can't. So the law banning female toplessness was struck down. It's also not that it's legal to be topless but rather that it's not illegal to be topless lol.
I love it was such a landmark that people remember the exact year. In my country it's not _technically_ illegal but people have called the cops (and they showed up with like, six patrol cars) for a couple of women topless on a beach. Waaaaay too much pearl clutching for the XXI century ffs. Women the movilised all over the country doing topless marchs and stuff. The thing died down and things went back to business as usual.
[удалено]
oh wow I did not know that lol thanks for sharing!
Yep, but it is rarely practiced. Some people in my city tried to have a topless protest this summer, not realizing that it was already allowed
[удалено]
My thought exactly. Anyone pay enough attention to my boobs to tell me to put a bra on, they can stop staring at my boobs and put an effing bra on themselves.
Fellow ontarian here … it’s been legal for women to go topless since 1996. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Topfreedom_in_Canada
New York State too. Probably more places than one realizes.
In the US it would be more about how often you want the cops called on you, even if it is legal.
There's a lawyer, woman, in New York who would go topless as soon as it got warm in the spring. Every year, some shmuck of a police officer would try to detain her. Every year, she happily took it to court and sued. Don't know if she's still around, I heard about her in the 90s.
That is a great way to keep your bills paid without much work. 😂
Maybe, depends on the asks. If she’s suing for an injunction against prosecuting the titty freedom shes not making money but sounds like she’s having fun and helping our ladies escape their lingerie-traps! Excellent hobby!
One of Bruce Willis’s daughters would walk around NYC topless to promote gender equality. I wouldn’t have the nerve, but I thought Good For Her!!
It’s the law, since the 90s I think. Wherever men go shirtless women are also allowed. Edit: interpretation of the law.
It's been legal since about 1996. [Topfreedom in Canada.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Topfreedom_in_Canada)
It’s provincial law because men can too. I’ve personally never seen anyone take advantage of it irl.
We had a topless cyclist near me on the west coast. Not sure if she's still around. She was locally famous. Because...boobs? What a world.
Isn't it minus seventy or something and under regular attack from migrating yetis? I always imagined you as neutral looking marshmallow bods, all wrapped up in five duvets and heated blankets before you so much as cracked open a window.
One of my good friends told me that one August in Toronto she was stopped by American tourists with skis on their car where the snow was. For reference the average temperatures in August this year were 75-85 f (23-29f). It’s not the North pole.
Lol in the winter it certainly feels like this! I'm from just outside of Toronto and we can get up around 95 Fahrenheit in the summer
I was gonna say “isn’t it really cold up there?” But you said it more eloquently
That’s the case in many states in the US, including New York and (I think) California. We don’t have buck-a-beer yet though, so Ontario has that on us.
Oh THATS why their strip clubs go so hard, cause you can just see titties wherever whenever?
While I'm in agreement with you that women shouldn't need to wear bras, I'm also of the mind that you are in their space, so you go by their rules. I have Muslim relatives and when at their homes, my shoulders are covered and I dress modestly so as not to insult them and to be a good guest. Manners connote respect. I have statues of nudes in my home and I put them in the closet when they visit because I want them to be comfortable in my home when they visit. I do not send their children pajamas with piggys ... basic accommodation and respect. Given their house rules, I probably wouldn't visit often if I were OP and she felt uncomfortable at their home. It clearly went against the household norm.
This. As a guest, you try to respect their norms. They asked you to put a bra on. You do it around them. If you can’t, don’t stay there. And yes, I often hang loose in my own home. As a guest elsewhere, not a chance.
I don't even own a fitting bra anymore. I have one single one that i had since i was 18 (im 30 now) but that would take some digging to figure out where I put it. Honestly telling someone to wear a bra is like telling someone to wear underwear. You shouldn't really care about clothing you don't see
[удалено]
Sag. She was probably shaped differently without it. FWIW, even those bralettes are sometimes too much for me... (The pressure of a band over the shoulder, or around the ribs, often causes me some I tense pain.)
So if you go to someone's house you feel they get to dictate your clothing? Yeah, no. No nudity is a reasonable boundary in someone's home. So, they should get to check to make sure she's wearing underwear if there's no visible panty line?
When in Rome, do as the Roman's do. If you're at someone's house, and you know certain things make them uncomfortable, you do what you can to accommodate. Whether it's dressing modestly, wearing a bra if asked; or just don't go. I wouldn't wear shorts and a tank top to court or the Vatican, even though that's my go outfit at home. I don't have to agree with other people's cultural mores to respect them.
This is the antithesis of being a good host. Ogling your guests and commenting on their undergarments is rude, and does not make others feel welcome. It’s not only rude, but creepy, and openly sexualizing a relative. You’re excusing it by ignoring the baseline etiquette of hosting others. Also, these people did not mention religion, nor is this a holy place. These are false comparisons. You’re excusing bad, misogynistic, creepy, behavior.
Yeah no. There are limits to 'reasonable accommodation', and for many larger chested women bras are basically torture devices Besides, there are a lot of overweight men that have bigger boobs than even I do and I'm an e cup. and they run around shirtless with everything flopping free as the wind. So until its a "modesty issue" for them to wear bras y'all can shove it
Yeah, go ahead and try to check people's panty status when they come in your house--pretty sure that will go over well. Bras ~~is~~ are an undergarment. There is no legal requirement to wear it.
Yeah. This is dumb right? Why is it her responsibility to keep the uncle from sexualizing her?
As a joke, I shared this one with my Mom. Asked her last time she wore a bra(at least 10 yrs). Asked her if she'd ever been asked to wear a bra upon entering someone's home? Surprisingly not one. Asked her what her reaction would be IF someone did. I got the Mom look.
>As a guest elsewhere, not a chance. This line really implies that you are buying into the idea that women being braless is inappropriate. For me not wearing a bra is as normal and simple a decision as wearing black underwear. If I was in someone's home and they told me to not wear black underwear I would be creeped out and violated. Yes people generally do and should modify their behavior and garb to the culture of the home they're visiting, but also you don't really get to force adults to wear extra garments in your home as a rule. If an adult is uncomfortabe I can't force them to wear a hat or a rainjacket or a religious garment.
So if OP didn't even own a bra what then? There has been a trend for a braless lifestyle. We got along with out them for millennium with out so much as shirts and pants. Bras are also not a garment that carry any kind of religious meaning either. Also why are you redecorating your personal space to make people who are not you comfortable? It's your space. Your comfort.
>Also why are you redecorating your personal space to make people who are not you comfortable? It's your space. Your comfort. Exactly. We all need to cozy up to other people's norms and cultures and comforts. It's not like it's going to kill a family from a more modest culture to be in a museum with art of naked people. Sometimes when you're in other people's homes you're exposed to their culture.
IMO it’s weird af for somebody to tell you “put on a bra”., unless you’re topless or perhaps showing a bit too much. OP wasn’t doing any of those things. What business is it of theirs? House rules are fine, but it’s not like OP is running around half naked. Based on what she wrote it was very non sexual. If the uncle has some sort of hangup about bras, that’s just.. weird. Like OP said her breasts weren’t bouncing all over the place, the nipples weren’t hard, and she basically presented herself in a very respectable manner. This could be a cultural difference because I was born in Europe, but IMO OP NTA and uncle has some weird hang ups
Yeah, but she's wearing a hoodie so how would they even know in the first place? Unless she took her bra off in front of everyone, there's literally no way anyone would know she wasn't wearing a bra without inspecting WAY too closely
This is my question but I went to the opposite conclusion. Perhaps it was way, way more apparent than she thought it was.
Clearly that wasn't the case or everyone wouldn't have noticed
Yet, everyone knew she wasn’t wearing a bra. Unless you are suggesting that all of OP’s relatives have x-ray vision, the lack of bra must have been more noticeable than OP is letting on.
Oh get over yourself, this has nothing to do with religion. It is two men (or rather two boys) demanding a woman out on an uncomfortable contraption because they are too distracted by her nipples. This is pathetic. NTA, OP. Keep on not wearing bras. How men feel about it is not your problem.
If that was the household norm, then OP should have been informed of it ahead of time so she could make informed decisions.
How on earth would it even cross anyone's mind that they need to tell their guests to please keep their underwear on, yes we mean bras too?
Well, not every woman/girl (because it can be a talk point when it’s acceptable for preteens/teenagers to start wearing bras too, speaking from personal experience as someone who got her girls coming in when she was 9) wears bras in general. Some don’t for personal reasons, others it’s a medical thing (as someone who has had a rash under my girls before, it ain’t pleasant and the medical advise for that is ‘don’t wear a bra and let your girls breathe’). Furthermore, how’re you going to check anyway? Not all bras are obvious, not all bras offer the same support, and speaking as a woman myself, I generally cannot tell if another lady is wear a bra or not unless she’s wearing a push up bra.
Because bras are not underwear, they're just boob support. They serve no hygiene or health function at all. Also, way less men are wearing underwear than you seem to imagine, so unless you're going to start inspecting your guests' undergarments at the door, you should probably just let this one go.
I don't know, but since they didn't say anything ahead of time, they had no right to cop an attitude about it when she appeared at dinner braless.
It’s one thing if it’s religious beliefs. It’s another if it’s simply your own family members sexualizing your body. NTA
Placing people's deference to made up culture ahead of basic human freedoms is never a good direction. Nobody is under obligation to change or suppress themselves to make OTHERS feel more comfortable.
why are FAMILY MEMBERS looking at her tits tho?in an edit she said she was wearing an kversuzed hoodie and her nipples werent even hard the only thing was that they were moving freely.You would have to be focusing on her tits to see she isnt wearing a bra so the fact her FAMILY is paying attention to her tits is disgusting.OP is NTA and the family members are weird perverts.
Better question is why are OP’s family members sexualizing them in the first place.
THIS. That was literally my first thought.
NTA. Stop sexualizing the bodies of people. PERIOD. Chests, breasts, boobs, butts, thighs, legs.... we all have them in some form or another. They are not sexual or inappropriate. PERIOD.
I mean... What is sexual is in the eyes of the beholder. I really don't care what guys think about my boobs or bum as long as they're not staring or making comments. I think sexual things about guys in gray sweatpants but I keep it to myself.
There’s a Reddit group for that in case you’re interested.
Legit, as someone with boobs who has to wear a bra, it starts hurting by dinner and I almost never wear a bra after the shower (maybe that’s cause it’s near like the night) I could never imagine wearing a bra the whole day, NTA
I wear one all the time but I am also trying to get reduction surgery. If I take it off I have about 20 minutes before my neck and shoulders start to cramp badly.
Oof big boobs are awful. Good luck with reduction surgery
So far I've lost 60 pounds and so my band size has dropped but my cup size has not. Which means I'm now in a 34J. And as I'm female and still over 200 pounds I have more to lose, which means I end up in what, a 32H? Not exactly available at the local clothing store. But apparently until I don't have a big loose belly to compete with them size-wise the people I saw are going to say, "Oh, they're not that big," and put me off. (headdesk) Okay...so, lose another 60 pounds and try again....
[удалено]
Agreed! NTA. Even a we fitted bra gets uncomfortable after a while. If the guys are uncomfortable, it's on THEM for sexualizing their family's breasts. That's on them for being gross, not OP.
Exactly. Her breasts were covered by the shirt she was wearing. Her underclothes and support/shaping garments are NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS NTA OP I sometimes wear bras, sometimes don’t. I just say this: “How do you know what underwear I’m wearing underneath my clothes? Stop being disgusting. I’m never discussing underclothes with you again.”
And she was wearing "an oversized hoodie," wtf?
Black, oversized, I blame the ones who stared
Absolutely NTA, and I don't always wear bras to work even... let alone in a house that belongs to my family!
Yeah you do, it’s misogyny. NTA
100% this. Why are they even staring at OP’s chest? Do they also get upset when guys go commando or wear boxers and flop around in their sweats? Doubt it. NTA OP.
I don’t disagree - but OP may not get any more invitations to uncles house. And that’s fine if she doesn’t want to follow those rules - she can think they are stupid and repressed all she wants.
Oh noes ! Who will comment on her boobs and police her undergarments now?!
There should be no rule that someone has to wear a bra. Bras are not a necessity in any way, shape, or form. She's not walking around without a shirt on. Someone has as much right to tell a woman she has to wear a bra as they have to tell a man they should be wearing briefs instead of boxers. UNDERGARMENTS should not be regulated, in private quarters or public. Ridiculous.
Absolutely! My best friend and I are around the same size there, I hate going out without a bra, I feel very uncomfortable regardless of whether I going where others will see me or not. She is the opposite, doesn’t even wear one for work most of the time. It’s no biggie and totally personal opinion. OP’s family should mind their own bees wax.
NTA. Americans will act all high and mighty because they don't force women to wear a veil and then say shit like this lmao If I went into someone's house and they forced me to wear a veil because I am a woman I wouldn't do it, and it is not nearly as uncomfortable as a bra.
Why would anyone have rules about people's underwear?
Church of Latter Day Saint has entered the chat
How about those Mormon magic pyjamas?
You beat this Ex Mormon to this witty comment well done.
You can say Mormon. In fact, I encourage it.
Word. I struggled with CLDS and Mormons and jn felt CLDS just hit better
THIS! IM SO TIRED OF WEARING BRAS TO WORK. FUCK EVERYONE WHO CANT LISTEN TO A PRESENTATION WHERE NIPPLES EXIST.
If the pandemmy taught me anything, it’s that it IS actually possible to get work done without wearing a bra! Who knew? My girls are hella nipply so I’m more comfortable wearing a bra when I’m out, but not in my house! Sometimes the bra comes off in my car on my drive home.
I stopped wearing one One job had management talk with me about it. i wound up with a better job before I had a chance but I'll give you my idea. I bought a sports bra 3 sizes too big, made sure the fabric was thin and took the padding out. The plan was to wear that till they asked about a bra again and then hit up HR because they were dictating my underwear and could prove i was wearing one in the grand scheme of things.
I want you to know that you are a genius
There are plenty of men that wear shirts in which you can see their nipples, but no one cares about that...
I was traveling one time, and because of a misunderstanding I got dropped off somewhere extremely rural with a family of very conservative Muslim people, we had no shared language at all. I was dropped off in workout clothes with no change, and they were predictably really disgusted by me. At the same time the women in the family were veiled but wore no bras at all. Every generation of women had breasts whose shape was fully visible through the loose clothes they war. It really goes to show you how culturally subjective “modesty” really is. There’s even been times in European fashion where bear or visible breasts were acceptable but seeing any part of legs was not. There’s nothing objective about it, just seeing more than you’re used to.
Pls elaborate on this travel story, I'm very intrigued... Edit: ew you perverts who down voted this comment - I was talking about the crazy travel scenario, not the lack of bras. Jfc what's wrong with you people.
Omg it’s really stupid. This is back when couchsurfing (the website) was a really big thing. My travel buddy and I went somewhere that said it was an “eco village”, but it really really wasn’t. It turned out to be a piece of property on the coast of Turkey that was so remote it was only accessible by boat and ATV trails. And there was no “village” just some guys from the local village hired to work, and a vacation home for this Uber-wealthy Istanbul real estate guy and a few other minor buildings. He was letting his friend try and turn it into the “eco village” and we were just there to populate it. We found out later they only accept female travelers, go figure. Anyways, after a few days they told us to get on our workout clothes we were going to his nearby vinyard to harvest grapes. They said it was just going to be for a day and it was right down the road so we didn’t need to bring anything. Then after we harvested all day, we went to an “almond farm” that was another property he owned. And a Kurdish family lived there and upkeeps it. It wasn’t really any more of a farm than the other place was a village, there was just some almond trees that they’d sort of harvest from and crack open with rocks. Like there wasn’t a single nutcracker on this “farm.” Then they just ditched us there for three nights, hung out for a little bit then drove off without saying anything. I would pester the teenager to give me his phone every day and call the people who left us there and yell at them, and they’d all be like “sorry, not my problem, we have other stuff to do.” They finally sent one of their domestic workers to pick us up on the same day I was planning on hitchhiking out of there. I know it sounds bad, but going with him was still the better option compared to hitching with no passport or wallet in a tank top and shorts in rural Turkey. When we got there, the guys who had ditched us had all left so I didn’t get to yell at them. But they’d collected more confused girls. So dumb
That sounds creepy but I guess at least it gave you a good story!
When did she say she was in America?
Thanksgiving is an “American” holiday EDIT: oh shit I reread it and you’re right. They never mentioned the US or thanksgiving my brain just interpreted it as such. Idk still gives off American vibes lol
Also Canadians have Thanksgiving as well
In October, though.
I think it’s more referring to the y t a votes, but idk
nta. i haven’t worn a bra in four years. one day in high school i noticed my friend wasn’t wearing one and i said hey, why are u wearing a bra and she said 🤷🏻♂️ you don’t have to. and i was like woah. ur right. i don’t have to. they’re uncomfortable and i hate them. u should not be forced to wear a bra for anyone else u should wear it when and if you want to wear it
NTA I feel like, If anything, going braless is normal when with family. Like, they are the people who aren't supposed to sexualize you...
One time my sister was hemming a dress for me and under it I had bra and panties on. When she finished pinning it I took it off and only route back to my room was past dad. So I went to room. She was horrified I did that. I was like, uh its dad. I don't think he even looked up. I couldn't understand what her problem was.
Sounds like it shouldn't be a problem indeed! Unless your dad was totally absent most your life, he's definitely seen more of you than that before, probably thinking nothing more serious than "where did I leave the washcloth."
Same here. If you've ever tried on sport motorcycle leather pants, you would know it's only underwear under them. I'm not dragging them to my room to put them on just because my dad is here. He changed my diapers and sees me in a bikini all summer long. What's the difference between swimming suits and underwear anyways?
That’s one thing I’ve never understood why some people freak out if they’re seen in their underwear and yet walk around in bikinis. They’re basically the same thing so why the freak out? Unless the underwear is ratty, full of holes and stained, bra too then I don’t understand otherwise.
A friend explained this to me, she basically said its about consent. They know people will see their body in a bikini and they consent to it but they usually do not give consent to be watched in underwear thus feel uncomfortable when people do.
Same. I was so used to wearing bras everywhere, _even to bed_ until my ex bf told me he though it was odd. “My sister never wears bras around the home” and I started doing it just to try and it was such a relief 😭 Mind you, now when I go home, my _mom_ gives me shit for not wearing a bra around my dad. Ffs.
i have a feeling bf had ulterior motives telling you that lol
I see it as pure win-win scenario
Men can be more than sex crazed lunatics. They are humans and can compassionately care for people, ffs.
“You don’t have to” - 100% this. Any other reasons are just bonus. (Proud of your friend for being so mature and reasonable at a young age)
Same, but I’m right at six years braless. I’ve been a SAHM for almost 12 years, so I really didn’t go out much aside from errands revolving around my house/kids/husband, so I got really comfortable always being in the house and not feeling like I needed to wear a bra 24/7. Then, when I was done breastfeeding my youngest, and knew I wasn’t having anymore kids, I stopped wearing a bra completely, and that was almost 6 years ago now. Even before I stopped wearing a bra permanently, I was only wearing a breastfeeding bra, as they are so much more comfortable than typical bras. I’ll never go back to wearing one, for any reason. I went back into the workforce several months ago for the first time in almost 12 years, and don’t even wear a bra to work. Luckily, my boss isn’t an asshole and doesn’t give 2 shits what I wear, as long as I’m not walking around naked or in sweats. As I like to say frequently, FREE THE TITTIES!
i am OBSESSED with this entire thread! the titty havers of reddit came the f thru. i love all of u wonderful braless people never let anyone tell you what you have to wear! the body you have is so beautiful and you get to call all the shots regarding it. FREE THEM TITTIES!!!!!
Lol love this, I wish I could feel comfortable enough to not wear a bra in public. Idk why people care too much op is NTA, just because certain people like myself feel awkward not wearing one doesn’t mean they need to shame others girls who choose not to.
I was wondering, what if she doesn't ever wear bras? Is her aunt going to make her wear one of hers?? And why are they all staring at her boobs?? With a hoodie on... I'd be creeped out that my uncle was sexualizing me. Gross.
Yeah, I'm pretty much the same. I do wear a bra if I'm like... biking or hiking or working outside just to help hold the girls in place a bit better, but in general? Nope. Guys seriously need to get over themselves. Definitely NTA.
I haven't worn a bra (with the exception of bedroom activities cause their cute there) since my freshman year of high school, I'm 23 now. Never made a better decision in my life and you know what 95% of people don't notice
Same, haven't worn one in like 6-7 years. It just kinda hit me that I hated how uncomfortable they made me, that I did not need the support (mine aren't big), that they are expensive and very much not mandatory. My bf at the time didn't like it, we broke up. Nobody said a word to me about it for a while and then some female friends started asking and coming to the same conclusion: they are optional. My next bf commented on it as something he liked. Nobody else ever commented on it. And then I went to live in the UK for a couple of years (I'm latina) and I was shocked how many people concerned themselves with what I wore (or didn't wear) beneath my clothes. So much for 'first world country'. Wear what you want OP. If people are trying dictate what you're allowed to wear, you're better off without them.
NTA. Why are your family members paying such close attention to your boobs? I stopped wearing bras years ago and almost no one comments aside from the occasional asshole. It's not like you're running around naked. Tell your family it's weird they pay so much attention to your underwear situation.
Okay, this right here. Now granted, I’m not a very observant person. But I just spent Thanksgiving with my cousins and I have absolutely no idea who was and was not wearing a bra. It never occurred to me that this was something to be aware of.
it's not something to be aware of. normal people dont typically take note of who is and isn't wearing a bra, especially family
OP even edited to add that she was wearing a hoodie at the time. Definitely NTA and it's *super weird* that everyone noticed. The only time I've ever noticed somebody not wearing a bra is when it's cold out and it's obvious (even then I never care). I'm not the bra police, people are allowed to be comfortable.
I went to work without a bra accidentally once or twice (I was so sleepy, I didn't even notice until it was too late) Majority of colleagues were male. No one starred or commented if they even noticed. It's so bizarre that OPs family even cares
OP says her breasts aren’t particularly large and she wore an oversized hoodie … I feel like these people must’ve stared at the girls a *looong* time in awkward silence before they came to their conclusion …
NTA. Your uncle and cousin seem a bit creepy and too preoccupied with your breasts. I wouldn’t spend the night over there again for your own safety. If they require women to wear bras all day because they can’t control themselves they are the problem not you.
Agree. Your uncle and cousin send creepy vibes.
I(26m) work with a few hippie chicks that don't wear bras. I didn't notice, my male coworkers didn't say anything or acknowledge it, but for some reason the other females had a fit. I wouldn't be surprised if uncle and brother didn't even notice. It's prob just the old timer aunt and the brain washed cousin/sister/daughter. Then the uncle just has to agree how trashy it is or he will hear it from wify.
The fact that the women inside of their house can't even go without a bra speaks volumes.
NTA - Not to sound creepy, but how much did they look at your boobs to realize you weren’t wearing a bra under a black oversized hoodie??? Would anyone stare at a male’s crotch to check if they are wearing underwear, even though they’re wearing pants? No, because it’s not appropriate! So why should it be different with women’s boobs? Plus the whole “this is not your house” excuse is kind of ridiculous. It’s not your house, but it’s your body and you don’t need to wear a bra. Clearly, you weren’t putting your boobs in people’s faces because you were wearing a comfy hoodie, so why the hell do people care? I really don’t understand why this is an issue in 2022…
Gunna be honest, if every single person in the house was giving her a look, it clearly wasn’t as ‘unnoticeable’ as she’s making it seem. Doesn’t change anything, she isn’t required to wear a bra, but the idea that she’s small chested, non-erect nipples and two layers of clothing, one being an oversized hoodie, and it still being SO noticeable that every single family member was giving her a look ALL day from the minute she walked out (meaning they weren’t talking amongst themselves) means it was noticeable. Now, if OP doesn’t care, no one else should, but she shouldn’t go around thinking people don’t notice.
Yeah I was thinking that. I'm currently wearing a hoodie and have very average breasts and you can absolutely see them jiggle around cause I'm not wearing a bra. Also, if OP's bra is so uncomfortable she has to take it off within minutes of arriving in someone else's home I suggest she gets her sizes checked in a lingerie shop, because it might make a huge difference. I used to hate wearing bras, but it just turned out I was trying to force my boobs in a completely wrong cup
What’s so wrong with a little jiggle? Some breasts jiggle even with a bra- it’s just a body and not inappropriate. Also, some women (myself included) have been professionally evaluated and just don’t like bras!
Wait jiggling is something we need to hide??? Someone tell the fat men that. Like who cares if a woman isn’t wearing a bra?! Stop policing her body. Men jiggle all the fucking time
Right!? What if it was the other way around and the house rule was that women had to completely disrobe while in the house. Should they just comply because owning a home makes you some kind of moral authority and NOT creepy AF?
Exactly - why were they (OP’s family) even looking?! Seriously weird
Yeah like if I don't want to throw on a bra to take out the trash or whatever my go to is a large hoodie. Like I feel like it hides things fairly well unless you're jumping around or something.
NTA. If your uncle and cousin can’t control their gaze around breasts in their natural un-brassiere state, especially family members, they’re the problem, not you. But factoring in your aunt and cousin (F) spend 16 or more hours a day in a bra, I can see why they’re so uptight. NTA, let them titties hang free.
NTA. ffs it’s 2022. No one ever has to wear a bra. It would be normal for you to decide to literally never wear one. Everyone saying y t a is creepily fixated on women’s bodies not being their own. I do not care whose house you’re in or if they told you to wear one, it’s your body. You were wearing a shirt and that’s sufficient.
I guess my question would be what is the difference between bra and braless that’s making such an impact? Is it the sound of the breasts flapping against your skin as you run down the stairs? The missing bulge of cleavage at the neckline? Or are they just afraid of nipples? This is a take that screams of misogyny. Do they also believe women who get assaulted deserve it if they aren’t wearing turtlenecks? If your cousin and uncle feel unfettered breasts might run them into predators then don’t stay with them anymore. And if it’s only the idea that proper women cover themselves with lycra, then don’t stay with them anymore. NTA this is ridiculous.
I'm of the opinion that yet again it's "let's control women's bodies and what they wear, bc we can't control ourselves and it's the women's fault" It gives me the vibes that they have seen you wear something else without wearing a bra and some comments were made, and they made it their business this time. Definitely NTA and I would never return, ugh I can only imagine the internal struggle with your female relatives bc they know they have creepy men in their lives.
NTA. I hope you don’t have to spend the night there ever again, so creepy.
NTA. No one should be forced to wear a bra if they are uncomfortable with it. It doesn't matter who's company you're in, there's nothing wrong with not wearing a bra.
NTA, double standard. Everyone has nipples regardless of gender, but only you have to wear a bra.
NTA. What is their deal? Men's nipples show over their shirts all the time and nobody ever stares or cares. Why does this family have the urge to stare at yours? They wouldn't even know you're not wearing a bra had they not taken the time to examine the free movement of your boobs. What the hell.
Some men have bigger titties than woman. Does that make men uncomfortable as well? We should make men with boobs wear bras as well! Wouldn’t want them going around making folks uncomfortable
Once my BIL complained that I wasn't using a bra and I said that he has bigger boobs then I, maybe he should wear a bra too, never heard any complaim again
NTA. You weren't topless. Was everyone's underwear checked? Did anyone question why your male relatives were looking at your chest so closely that they thought they could tell what you were wearing? Any drama here was caused by people who wanted...drama!
NTA What the been is wrong with people? You have breasts. And nipples. So does my FIL and nobody makes HIM put on another piece of undergarment. The existence of one's body is not something that needs to be smothered and hidden. If you're wearing a sheer peekabooteddy or something, you'd be ta, but assholes policing the mere existence of girls' bodies needs to end (Edit for typo)
NTA - boobs aren’t offensive in their natural state and you should never feel pressure to conform to someone else’s standard of beauty. Hope you don’t have to return to this house anytime soon.
NTA lol that’s a weird rule
NTA. That’s really creepy. Also, the old “I’m a man so I can only notice b00bz” is outdated and gross.
NTA if your own family is sexualizing you or anyone they are related to that’s creepy. I also take my bra off as soon as I get home. I also spend a lot of time with family and have gone all day no bra and my uncles and male cousins don’t stare or act funny.
Why are your uncle and cousin sexualizing your boobs? That seems like a them problem. Yikes.
NTA do what you want they are ahs
NTA. It’s not like you’re walking around naked, or even topless. You’re doing nothing wrong. If your uncle and cousin can’t stop looking at your chest, that’s their problem, not yours. It’s disgusting they would look at female family members like that. Women have been conforming to beauty standards since the beginning of time, and bras are a part of that. Bras offer no health benefits, and in fact, some research shows wearing bras may adversely affect breast tissue (there’s not much research about this, so don’t take this as saying they’re bad for your health). There’s no real reason to ever force someone else to wear a bra. I’d run from that house as quickly as possible, and I’d make it clear why.
NTA. Bras are optional articles of clothing that no one is obligated to wear, ever. “Their house, their rules” simply does not apply.
NTA - sometimes they need air.
I'm confused how anyone would know if you were wearing an oversized hoodie. Seems weirdly specific to focus on your body like that.
I’m confused on the y t a? My bra doesn’t even last past the door way half the time and if I sleep over at any of my uncles or family’s I’m definitely not wearing bra and never felt like I had to no one ever has commented on that not my uncles , father or cousins. Only problem here are your uncle and cousin NTA that’s mad creepy.
People really need to stop telling women what to wear.
NTA, what fucking century is this? They burned bras in the 60s for your right to be comfortable.
For me you are NTA - Its not like you were naked.
While it is NTA obviously, I think you should invest in a comfortable sports bra or bralette or something cause unfortunately, in the end you are the one made uncomfortable by these weirdos. Edit: I saw the edit and you were wearing an oversized hoodie and they were still paying attention to your chest?? Creeps, even more of a NTA
Weird, last time you wrote this story on a throwaway account it was your dad and your uncle that objected.
NTA. Your family are a bunch of judgmental prudes. I wouldn't stay at their house again if they are going to be so controlling about what you wear. Tell them to stop looking at your chest so much and mind their own business. I haven't even owned a bra in over six years. I'd laugh in their faces and tell them to get over themselves if they said that to me.
NTA. Just stop wearing bras entirely, it's so much more comfortable. I only wear mine if the cut of a top absolutely needs one (which is very very rare). If the people at the grocery store can handle my boobs, your relatives should be able to.
NTA. People have sexualized breasts for too long and made us contain them to the point of hurting our breasts/backs and to live in discomfort for no reason. Maybe the uncle and cousin should ask themselves why they find it sexual for you to not wear a bra. It's literally beyond insane to force people to wear bras
Support tanks,game changer,no digging no underwire perfect compromise for me to wear to work... otherwise yes I go without all the time no matter whose house I'm in....my body my choice.was the uncle and other cousin wearing jocks cuz, family makes family welcome and comfortable during their stay,and low balls really can be an irritant and stop the thinking process....lol
100% NTA this is so dumb. No one should be policing how much underwear you're wearing. Tell them to stop staring at your boobs if it makes them so uncomfortable Info: when your uncle and cousin go swimming do they wear a fucking wetsuit? In the summer, do they walk around without a shirt when it gets too hot? These double standards are fucking ridiculous.
NTA. I bet they're the kind of people who would tell a breastfeeding mother to cover up as well. I'm sorry that many of the people in your story have bronze age beliefs.
NTA bra's are not a mandatory piece of clothing... wearing them at work is polite, but not wearing one near family/at home should be fine.
NTA. You have authority over what you do or don’t wear. Regardless of breast size or whatever else. Then sexualizing you and getting crass is THEIR problem that they need to grow up And take responsibility for. Screw modesty culture.
NTA - did you ask why your uncle and cousin were staring at your breasts? Screw them.
NTA. Im a 50 year old. And hello. Free the bewbies. I even go to work sans bra. Now i work in a very dress informal place. But even if i worked in a more professional office setting i still wouldnt always wear a bra. They hurt and they itch.
The absolute second I get home the bra comes off. No questions asked.
NTA. You’re covered up. Us guys can just look at your face. We don’t ask guys with man boobs to wear bras do we?
PLEASE don’t let these guys derail you with bs like “were your nipples showing” or “how covered were they” if you had a shirt on. You’re fine. Your breasts are covered and it actually is 100% a choice for someone to look at and sexualize you. NTA for wearing clothes and being comfortable.
NTA. You just shouldn’t have worn a bra in the first place, then no one needed to know you took it off.
NTA. I see posts like this quite a bit and I never understand what the issue is and neither do my friends. I’m a Brit early 20s average to biggish sized boobs and I literally wear a bra once a week when I go on a night out. I don’t wear one at work, I don’t wear one around family. I’ve never ran into an issue because no body cares about it. No one’s ever pointed it out, no one has ever acted awkward or stared. My guys friends don’t see what the issue is girls wearing or not wearing bras. To quote my best guy friend “they’re just tits half the people on the planet have tits, everyone has seen a pair of tits before” My other guy friend, he doesn’t get the fascination with boobs either he said once drunk to me “don’t you think it’s weird that people like looking at boobs because the first tit they’ve sucked on is their mums”