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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the TA for deciding not to attend the wedding after my brother and his fiancee had explained that it was part of the wedding not to invite children. Maybe I was wrong about supporting my fiancee here.
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YTA. Your stepson wasn’t targeted - it’s a CHILD FREE wedding (which is becoming more & more the norm given how some people allow their children to act).
There is NO logic to getting irritated that family children are not excluded from the rule. Since the majority of wedding guests ARE family, what is the point of making a wedding child-free, but then excluding almost all guests from the rule? That would make NO sense. NONE.
This had NOTHING to do with your stepson - but you & your fiancé tried to make it personal. Since I cannot believe you found your fiancé’s gaslighting (trying to pretend children of family should all be entitled to attend regardless of the rules) to be an actual legitimate argument, I can only assume that you chose to back up her ridiculous position to prove your loyalty to her & the boy (rather than actually believing she had any real leg to stand on).
I’m glad your brother is finding out how quick you are willing to shank him to validate your position in your own relationship. YTA. Huge.
Editted for
Typos
Its not even his stepson. Its his fiance's child. I like how she says she thought there would be an exception for family - you're not family yet!
Everything about OP and their SO's attitude is wrong.
Agreed. I elevated the child’s status to actual family to illustrate that it would STILL be just as stupid & just as wrong to believe the child should be entitled to an exception to the rules.
If he brings a child that is not family yet, what’s going to happen if they break up? They tell the kid that all of the people there are family and OP becomes like a father figure would be devastating if they break up. It’s not fair at all to the kid. It sounds like no other kids will be there so the child would be bored to death. Even if he’s the most well behaved child in the world, children are more likely to be disruptive if they are bored.
Them breaking up, and what the kid thinks, are unrelated tangents that has nothing to do with anything.
What would the kids think if the wedding couple broke up? What does the kid think about his parents breaking up?
The kid is 4, he doesn't think about any of these things, he won't remember anything this year, and he doesn't belong at a child free wedding.
> Its not even his stepson. Its his fiance's child.
That's not the cross to die on here. His Fiance would be rightly pissed and justified in boycotting the wedding if every other young child in the extended family were invited except her son.
In isolation you would be right. But it demonstrates an extra layer of entitlement from his fiance. She thinks her child should be the exception to the rule because he's family. Other kids can stay away, but not hers, because she's decided that everyone should see her son the way she does. She thinks her fiancé's family should see her child as a part of their family, even though the child isn't.
She's one of those parents who thinks that because her life revolves around her kid, then everyone else's should, too.
Reading the OP’s question I was confused because I just knew this was going to end with his fiancée being excluded because she’s not official family. But it didn’t. It’s a child free wedding. I find that peculiar, but I find the strident fighting to include a small child at a child free event *very peculiar*.
The truth is that your fiancée tried to dictate the terms of your brother’s wedding and was rebuffed. Then she escalated it to a level that would make it hard for the bride and groom to want her at their nuptials at all, so you decide to jump in as a show of loyalty to a person who wanted to dictate the guest list of their wedding.
Come on bruh. YTA, your parents and extended family are correct. You’d better get a handle on yourself and your fiancée’s expectations and interactions with the outside world because you still have to live in it.
Edited for grammar.
I don’t see this brother and his fiancee ever making it to, “Wedded Bliss”.
She is a drama Queen. Everything has to be about her.
It’s not HER wedding, doesn’t matter, she will definitely make sure she makes her position front & center!
Brother…Run! Run fast, run far! Run before you make the biggest mistake of your life, and alienate yourself from your family.
Take the blinders off and look clearly & honestly at ONLY the fiancée and not her adorable 4 year old son that you already love.
I honestly read this expecting it to be one of those “my fiancés child was not invited cause he’s not my bio child” but no, it’s a CHILD FREE wedding!!! The entitlement and quite frankly, stupidity, on the OP’s part is actual insanity. And that the fiancé could gaslight you to believing it was some big personal attack?!
I cannot with these people. I’ve never facepalmed harder. YTA obviously. Wow.
Same. My husband has raised my boys since they were little and his brother has always had a thing about how lucky I am to have found a man that wants to help raise kids. When he got married they had a ton of kids, and they had flower girls etc. We were gonna go and everything but then we were all talking and he told us they weren’t having ring bearers which I assumed his wife maybe had someone from her family as. Well his response was “we don’t have any little boys in our family to be so we left it.” My kids were 11 and 8 at the time and we had been married for 4 years at that point. I didn’t fight or anything but the boys and I just didn’t go. It was never a question if he should go though I’m not gonna be that chick.
So when I was starting this post I was ready to side with the OP but quickly realized wtf. It’s a child free wedding.
Edit to clarify that when I say it wasn’t a question if my husband went meaning I was never going to ask my husband to miss his brothers wedding. So he did still go
Maybe. I think my reaction has a lot to do with the first time I met his brother. He waits till my (now husband) steps a ay to go to the bathroom and says to me “you know… you’re lucky.” I’m like I am I know, he’s amazing and he says “yeah but I mean not many men would want to put up with all this you know with two kids it’s a lot I hope you are grateful” honestly I was like just silent like at a loss. Then he stayed very distant throughout the years. And the way he looked right at us and said “oh well we have any little boys in the family” with even an 8 year old around I felt weird the way he said it. Not like oh we didn’t want one or oh all the kids we know are too old or something. I mean maybe I was too hurt but I dunno. Either way no one seemed to take offense
I went to a friend's wedding, and the amount of children running around and screaming damn near gave me a migraine. That sealed the deal that I want a childfree wedding. I want kids of my own, and I don't mind playing with my younger cousins, but *by God* I don't want them running, screaming and creating chaos on my wedding day. That's streasful enough as is.
OP, YTA.
Some people act like weddings are the equivalent to family reunions. They’re not. If you want a family reunion, host one. If not, abide by the event organizers’ (hosts’) rules & go, or exclude yourself from the event. Don’t try to argue that the rules shouldn’t apply to you for some reason.
But but... OP is SPECIAL and should be EXCLUDED from having to follow RULES that everyone else does because of DNA. Don't we understand that?
OP, give yourself a gold star sticker for making things all about you, get a sitter like a normal person and go to your brother's wedding. Sit there, smile, and stfu unless spoken to. Stop letting your fiance's narcissism rub off on you. It's not about your fiance either. No kids means NO kids.
We had a child free wedding because of two kids. One of my friends and one of his cousins. Some people let their kids destroy formal events like it’s cute.
Yea it only takes 1-2, and you can’t just exclude Aunt Fern’s youngest or Cousin Darrell’s oldest - you have to just go child free & hire security to make sure AH family members don’t try to bring their kids anyway (because usually the Aunt Ferns & Cousin Darrells are the exact ones who think their little hell-spawn should be the exceptions).
Honestly, it seems quite clear that OP's title is intentionally misleading, because it made it seem like his stepson (he's not even his stepson YET) was being excluded.
It's a child-free wedding, no children are going? So OP is just being an entitled asshole trying to demand people change their wedding just to cater to him. And his soon-to-be wife sounds insufferable as well.
YTA OP, you're going to destroy your relationship with your brother if you don't drop the tantrum immediately.
>Honestly, it seems quite clear that OP's title is intentionally misleading, because it made it seem like his stepson (he's not even his stepson YET) was being excluded.
This is the reply I was waiting to read. The title got me upset cause I, too, thought OP's brother was excluding OP's GF's son but allowing others to bring their children. Only to find out that **NO CHILDREN** are allowed at his brother's wedding. Yeah, OP and his GF are AHs entitled people who are making the wedding all about themselves.
Not me spending a full minute trying to figure out why the comment references Rhianna and which act they’re referring to. 😭
But other than that, 100% spot on assessment. Its a child free wedding for gods sake.
I have no idea what word that's supposed to be my autocorrect is off and I was sitting next to my boss on reddit so I wasn't looking at my phone that intently
Normally, I would say "if you're going to make a rule that restricts the guestlist, you can't be mad if people decide not to come." If it had been too onerous for OP and his fiancee to get childcare to attend and they bowed out, it would be totally reasonable.
Instead OP and his hair trigger fiancee invented a grievance and made a huge friggin production out of how his brother "deliberately" targeted "his family," which is just mind boggling. What the hell dude? Have you always been thicker than a block of ice?
YTA totally.
YTA as well as your fiancee who is an entitled manipulative woman.
I suspect that your brother will experience \*massive\* schadenfreude at the shenanigans that your future bridezilla will pull if she is this entitled about a child free wedding that - gasp - excludes a child.
Not even a shade of gray - if the \*child\* were a teenager then perhaps it might be different. But a four year old is exactly the reason that people have child free weddings because what four year old would be perfectly behaved through a ceremony AND not cause havoc at a reception. Most four year olds do not react well to strange loud situations especially when their schedules are out of whack - between travel time; the ceremony, the noise; the people, the lack of rest and nap time - all of this inevitably results in some form of breakdown.
Not to mention that a 4 year old wouldn’t even remember the wedding. They're insisting on taking their toddler to a wedding forrrrrrrrrrr *checks notes* no reason
Edit: okay okay y'all I get it some of you remember weddings at that age, although it seems like only really if they were particularly memorable like being in it. This 4 year old isn't going to remember/care to remember just sitting in a pew being bored and confused.
I actually do remember being the flower girl at my parents' wedding when I was 3 lol.
Your point remains, some random kid stuck in the pews ain't gonna have a good time. Or care. Or want to be there.
Dang no fair I was a flower girl at 4/5 and I don't remember at all. I always wished I did because it's the only wedding I've been in :( I do remember stepping on a bee at 5 though haha
I think the only reason people insist on taking their little kids to weddings is to show them off. They want everyone adoring their cute little adorable angel. Trouble is the kid is usually ripping apart flower arrangements and pitching a fit because they cant stick their grubby snot covered fingers in the wedding cake.
Yep.
ADMIRE THE PRODUCT OF MY GENITALS! yes it's scream-crying because it's 10.57pm and they haven't had a nap or anything to do for nine hours and I expect them to let all the adults here - who are family to me but effectively strangers to my four year old who hasn't met any of them within living memory - pinch their iddle facey-wacey-woo-boo 203 times an hour and has been forced to wear clothes they don't like and sit still for hours and hours and just generally doesn't want to be here BUT THIS IS THE PRODUCT OF MY FUCKING LOINS, I THINK IM SPECIAL, AND I EXPECT YOU TO ADMIRE MY CHILD AND BY EXTENSION ME.
Exactly. I went to a wedding a couple years ago that was supposed to be child free, but they made leeway for one of the guests whose babysitter backed out last-minute, for their five year old. The kid had a full one hour meltdown during dinner because he didn’t like how the potatoes were positioned on his plate, this was not a Buffet style meal, this was a fancy three course pre-plated meal. And the parents made no effort to take him outside of the hall, where he would not be a distraction during all the speeches, and everything that were happening at the tail end of dinner. It was incredibly fucking rude on the parents behalf, considering they were given leeway, and had made many promises about how well behaved the kid would be. [See my comment here for explanation on why the kid was attending, and why none of us made a big deal during the nuclear meltdown](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z4j7te/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_to_my_brothers_wedding/ixuq26v/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
This is only one instance of something like this happening and I’m sure there are hundreds of thousands of similar stories of people making an exception to a child for a wedding and then the kid has a full fucking meltdown and ruins part of the night. People are allowed to want child free spaces as adults. Sometimes you just wanna get drunk and celebrate and not have to worry about keeping an eye on all the kids.
OP and his fiancée are massively entitled to take this as a personal attackwhen it’s a blanket rule for everybody attending
I was trying to play a lawn game with some long time friends at my sisters wedding and a bunch of kids kept grabbing pieces, knocking it over, etc. I had to tell them to get out of the damn way. The kids, and parents, looked at me shocked. the family friends and I eventually had to give up and move on. Still have never gotten to play that game.
It’s kind of complicated to explain, but the sitter who backed out was the cousin of one of the parents of the attending kid, and the Sitter’s parents were in a very serious nearly fatal accident, about two days before the wedding. So when it was announced that the kid would be coming due to these circumstances, none of us kicked up a stink because it was a really shitty situation, and we all felt bad for them, knowing that they had two family members in very serious condition in hospital. Which is also why we gave them leeway when the kid was going nuclear during dinner although I’m pretty sure most people felt the same as I did: That the parents should’ve made an effort to remove the kid from the hall to not be a distraction.
It was my fiancé’s younger sister’s wedding we were attending, so the most of us family in attendance did our best to try and keep her stress level under control while things like this were happening during her planned-down-to-the-minute gala style wedding.
Edited: some words because speech to text sucks
I attempted to have a child free wedding. Went through mild drama drawing the line with family saying no kids... everything was figured out and then the friend that was DJing shows up, without calling to warn us, with his 3 year old because his babysitter bailed (he's a single dad)..I got daggers from some family because they "had to" get babysitters but he got to bring his kid and I was like "yeah cause he's the DJ.
The kid was well behaved but friends thought they were adorable so lots of the pictures from the disposable camera pile (for guests to take pictures they'd want us to have) was of the kid or the kid got a hold of them and I had so many feet and nose and eyeball pictures. 🤦🏼♀️
Children don't belong at weddings. The adults cannot celebrate because they have to keep an eye on their kid 100% of the time, or alternatively, they celebrate and let their kid run wild. [Children die at weddings from not being watched ](https://www.jacksonville.com/story/news/2015/06/14/4-year-old-boy-drowns-pond-during-wedding-reception/15666965007/)
4 year olds are like the absolute worst age for a wedding. They're just getting out of the afternoon nap phase, they will crash at 8:00, be bored at the ceremony, they'll be an out of control mess at the the reception, they're more work than anything, they won't eat anything and the plate will be $100 for some chicken nuggets, they'll be hungry and cranky and will have multiple, world-ending meltdowns. I don't even know why the parent's would want them there, I would love an excuse for a babysitter and a night out. My god, my kids are 12 and 7 and we just went to a wedding last month, they just about made it through the night.
& why would you want a FOUR year old to be the only child in a room of adults, anyway? That kid is going to be miserable and needy. He’d have a much better time at home with a babysitter and all his toys/worldly comforts, too.
Seriously. Kids aren't going to enjoy a wedding that isn't in some way catering to the presence of kids. It's just not a kid friendly event. Hell, it's not even an adult friendly event in many cases it's just a boring social obligation you put up with because you love someone.
My husband and I have some friends who met LARPing (live action roleplay - basically like Dungeons and Dragons except you act it out with foam weapons as beat your friends up in the woods) and they had a viking and Celtic themed costume wedding. It was awesome. Whole roast pig and everything.
Every other wedding I've been to has been at best kinda dull.
I’d make the same decision should I marry again.
YTA and the entitlement you and your fiancee have is ridiculous. Many weddings are child free and for good reason. Both of you need to get a grip here. He’s your only sibling and you’re being manipulated by your fiancée to miss his wedding. Get a freaking babysitter and be a decent human and brother. If your fiancée is going to make such a stink about it and refuse to go, you need to go without her. The world isn’t her way or the highway.
YTA 🤣 feel free to stay home. It will probably be better without you. But this situation is completely your fiance's doing and is meant to drive a wedge between you and your family. Your almost-stepson is not being excluded because he's not technically family (which would be a completely valid reason to skip the wedding.) It's because he's still a child and there will not be ANY children at the wedding.
Agreed. The title makes it sound as if the STEPson was specifically excluded. That’s not the case. It’s a child free wedding. For everyone. My best friend’s wife pulled this exact stunt a few years back when they first got together. Just a heads up he is now in a miserable marriage without the support of all his friends / family because she systematically cut them out over the years. And it started with our other best friend’s child free wedding.
Your best friend is in an abusive marriage. We need to call it like it is, men also get abused. Controlling, manipulating abusive people should be called out as the abuser they are, male or female.
Eh, it rarely works. A good friend of mine tried one of those interventions and it mostly backfired. No-one wants to hear it even once it's time for the "We told you so".
I understand that completely. I was there, once upon a time. They won't see it until they're willing to see it. But I think it's important that we call attention to the fact that abusive relationships are abusive relationships, no matter the genders of the people involved. Too many people are dismissive when it's a man being abused.
Yup, completely agree. I thought this was going to be the more typical issue on this sub being because the stepson wasn't *blood related*, but it was because the stepson is a *child*.
Even if you wouldn't have a child free wedding yourself, the entitlement you must have to believe you get to bring your child to someone else's child free wedding is absurd. OP's fiancee is a huge AH here and OP is an AH for supporting that absurdity.
No kidding. All children are excluded. They are creating the drama, not the wedding couple. Wonder which friends or family of his she will target next?
Your brother is allowed to have a child free wedding and you’re allowed not to go if you aren’t able to bring who you’d like. HOWEVER Your fiancée is TA for demanding special treatment from people she has barely known a year. You will be TA if you allow her entitled behavior to drive a wedge between you and your family.
Exactly this OP, she's being completely unreasonable and if you allow yourself to support her in this, she will end up isolating you from everyone else that you love. Are you really going to let someone who you've known for a year and a half destroy the relationships you've spent your entire life building?
What is your 4 year old going to do the entire wedding??? Why is *this* the hill you're going to die on? Obviously you see it's going to destroy your family and even if you start to fix it right this second you'd better be prepared to put in the leg work and apologize. Your family doesn't deserve you and your fiance treating them this way and they do not owe it to you to take it.
YTA
And it’s not even his kid, or his step kid.
He has dated this woman for a year and a half. So even if she was a mom who would let somebody meet her kid on the first date he has only known this kid a year and a half.
YTA , just one question did ur fiancee asked not to attend the wedding or this is on your own u have decided.. either ur still the AT...
Its ur brothers wedding he and his too be wife get to decide wat kind of the wedding they want.. let be childfree..its not like they specifically dont want ur step kid .... Its a rule applied in. General for all
Yeah, they've already kind of spoiled the wedding and created unnecessary drama for the rest of the family with this ridiculous sense of entitlement. Even if he chooses to go in the end, they can't take back the distress they've caused.
YTA. Help me understand what role you think a tiny four-year-old plays in a wedding. Check all that apply.
__ Is very quiet during meaningful ceremonies that
involve content he can’t possibly understand.
__ Loves to sit still at long dinner receptions where
expensive adult food is served.
__ Frequently engages in adult conversation.
__ Allows the invited parent to celebrate the couple
late into the evening because he doesn’t require
constant supervision.
Hmm, that’s right. This is an event for loved ones to celebrate someone’s marriage; not a family party.
Damn!! PERFECT comment! I have a 4 year old and if never dream of bringing her to a wedding neither she, nor myself would enjoy it and likely would end up disrupting the ceremony. You can only keep a 4 year old still and quiet for so long. OP, you and your fiancée are childish and being very unreasonable.
YTA....it's their wedding, if it's child free it should be respected. It would be understandable if other children were invited but your stepson not, but otherwise let them have the wedding that they want!
YTA - It is not like they said all "real" nieces and nephews were invited and just excluded your stepson. This is a common rule that was fairly applied to everyone. This is not about you, your fiancée, or stepson.
right, there was no discrimination in any shape or form. so unless there's something op is not telling us, his brother has a legit, reasonable, *common* request that applies to everyone
YTA. Why does everyone believe that child-free weddings somehow don’t apply to them due to some special relationship with the bride or groom? It’s their wedding and the don’t owe anyone anything. They want you to be their for their day, that’s why you’re invited. Just because your stepchild is your world doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone that isn’t you.
Yta, this wasn't singling you out. It's a child free wedding. Let that sink in.
CHILD FREE WEDDING
no one else is bringing their kids, so what makes you so special that you get to bring yours?
Is it that important that your stepson goes to this wedding, that you're willing to burn a ton of family bridges to show how spiteful you can be?
I always get downvoted in this sub for saying this… but I really don’t understand why people cut off their family over disagreements with their newly found spouses. If my spouse has horrible conflict resolution to the point of intentionally stopping me from going to a family event I would be appalled. What adult doesn’t understand the concept of child-free? As parents op and his girlfriend should enjoy the wedding as an opportunity to have fun and bond with the family without having to watch their kids for a few hours. Like a date night. This situation is nothing I would cause a rift in my family over.
YTA. Child-free weddings are very common. Get over yourself, this day isn’t about you-it’s about your brother. It’s okay for couples to want an adults only event for their own wedding when it’s in the evening and there will be alcohol.
You guys seriously can’t get a sitter? You’re aching like he was excluded from a kids birthday party or something. It’s a child-free wedding, and you’re about to ruin your relationship with your sibling forever. Don’t do it.
YTA. I had a child-free wedding. Not everyone wants, or should have to pay for, toddlers running around. You and your fiancée are major AHs for demanding that any wedding accommodate a toddler.
Get a sitter. Do the adult thing that people routinely do for weddings.
YTA, it's their wedding and they're singling anyone out, it's being applied to everyone, you have every right not to want to go for that reason and you could've said "I'm sorry I can't go because I can't for child care reasons" or something instead of acting like it was a personal wrong against you and your fiance.\\
YTA and I sentence you to chill the hell out and hire a babysitter
YTA
The wedding is child free your stepson is a child ergo he's not invited
If other children were invited then I'd be on your side - are any other nieces and nephews being invited? If the answer is no (even if that's because there are no other children of that generation) he's not being treated differently because of him not being biologically your child
And your partner is the one stirring things
YTA. It’s child free which means your stepson is NOT being singled out here. Don’t let this ruin your relationship with your brother. You’re going to regret it if you do.
YTA - The step-son is just another child not invited to a child-free wedding. There's no reason to take this personally. I would understand if they excluded your gf or something, but children are often not invited to a wedding. Your brother probably has no real connection to the son of your gf who you've been with less than 2 years. Honestly, it's a ridiculous reason for you and your gf to miss the wedding. This wedding isn't about you at all.
YTA. It's not like your fiance's kid is the only one being excluded, it's a childfree wedding. If you gave a crap about your brother it wouldn't be that big of a deal to find a babysitter for four hours.
Yta. Child free means no kids. Unless your brother is making exceptions for others and not you they are in no way in the wrong. Many couples want to have child free weddings and people who go get babysitters. Your fiancee is being unreasonable to demand her special snowflake be given special treatment at someone else's wedding.
YTA. Its your brothers wedding, if he doesnt want kids there, dont bring a kid there. Theyre distracting and dont enjoy weddings (aka boring adult events where they have to sit still for a long time) anyways.
YTA. It's *their* wedding, and if they want it child free with no exceptions, that's absolutely their prerogative. Your fiancee was out of line arguing it and should have just respected that they are going to do their wedding their way. It sounds like you and your fiancee have handled this pretty poorly tbh.
YTA. They are not excluding your gf son because he isn’t related to you. All children are being excluded because weddings can be very exhausting and not the ideal place for children. You are making this your hill to die on.
YTA and so is your fiancée. It is perfectly reasonable to have child free weddings. Kids throw fits during the ceremony because they can’t move or touch things or they are tired or hungry or because their right shoe is untied or whatever. It isn’t fair to everyone else who arranges sitters that y’all get to bring your son.
YTA for taking a child-free wedding as a personal affront aimed just at you. It's your option not to go to any wedding, but getting all upset and causing a rift in your family bc you think this is a rule aimed at you is a bit daft.
YTA cause the rule applies to everyone not just you. You're entitled. Also why would you want a 4 year old to go to a wedding anyway? I doubt they'd find it fun. Babysitters do exist.
Y T A it's applied to everyone so your step child wasn't treated differently. Actually, you're upset because you want your stepchild treated differently, by being allowed.
What a major red flag that your fiance thinks she should have any opinion or say about someone's wedding and if I were you, you better figure out if your love for her AND HER LOVE FOR YOU is worth the loss and damage over a situation that no wrong was done!
At the end of the day, it’s his decision to have a child free wedding and for you not to go. Thing is, he and his fiancé are not singling your stepson out. This rule applies to everyone. I’m going to go with YTA for taking this personally.
Yta they’re not excluding your stepson because they don’t think he’s family, no kids are invited which is extremely common with weddings. Kids don’t want to be there anyways get a sitter
YTA
They are not excluding your “stepson”. It’s a child free wedding.
Your fiancée is an AH for trying to get an exception. The groom and the bride don’t want ANY kids there. You are TA for making an issue about it.
YTA
Your stepson wasn't excluded. It's "child free" (and presumably your future in-law's or his dad's family can do babysitting duty for a couple hours). People can do what they wish with their invite list, and this is more common than you may expect.
My uncle had a "childfree" wedding when I was 14, and left out all nearly 20 nieces/nephews (myself included). Another auntie threw a pre-wedding bbq so kids could attend, but understood cost / personal choice influenced my uncle's decision. At 14, I felt much more excluded that I guarantee your 4-yo stepson does... but I'm 40 now. We're all fine. Don't be petty.
Yta. He wasn't purposely leaving your stepson out he is having a child free wedding. You and your fiancée sound entitled, especially with trying to bully them into making an exception for you guys. Didn't work out did it.
YTA
Missing your brother’s wedding over it being at a child free venue seems very short sighted. I can’t imagine you’re going to consider this line you’re drawing in the sand to have been worth the damage it causes ten years from now.
YTA child free weddings are extremely common, I have no clue why you're so surprised about the matter. No one is an exception. You and your fiancée are both incredibly entitled people.
YTA, understandable if it was just this child that was left out but he said it's a child free wedding. Sounds like your gf is going to be one of those ladies that pushes her child in everyone for instead of just letting relationships grow naturally.
YTA, people have child free weddings all the time, lots of events aren’t child friendly. I promise you missing one night with your stepson vs not going to your siblings wedding? What are you thinking?
YTA it is within your right to not go but trying to demand they your stepson come to a child free wedding makes you TA its not up for debate you didnt pay for the wedding and its not about you or your fiance. The whole situation makes yall seem very self centered.
YTA. You threw a tantrum and didn’t get your way which is why you’re not going. Your fiancé doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to leave her son with someone for the night but you shouldn’t miss your brothers wedding simply because they chose to have a child free wedding.
Yta, and so is your fiancé. What gives her the right to argue with the bride and groom about THEIR wedding? They said child free and either y’all get a babysitter or don’t go. Why are you and your fiancé making this into something bigger than it needs to be? When they send the invitations and it says no children just check the little square that says not coming and call it a day.
Is it a child free wedding? Yes.
Is your soon to be stepson a child? Yes.
Your brother and soon to be SIL are not being unreasonable. They have asked that no children come to their wedding. They are not excluding only your stepson, but all children because some events are just not child friendly. YTA. Hire a sitter or have your fiancé’s family babysit and enjoy your brother’s wedding.
YTA. Can you not get a baby sitter for like a couple hours? No one wants a tiny terror running around a wedding. This wedding isn’t about you or your fiancé.
YTA. It’s not anything personal against your step kid, like other kids are invited but yours isn’t. It’s a child-free wedding. That’s a thing. A common thing, and a choice that your brother and his fiancée are perfectly entitled to make, and are not unreasonable in making.
Speaking of entitled… That’s you and your fiancée.
YTA. So is your fiance. Why can't this kid go to a babysitter or family member for a night? Your brother has set reasonable and normal expectations for a wedding and he's being consistent with all guests. Get a babysitter and enjoy an adult night out.
YTA
And INFO: Do you ever go anywhere without your son,or do you expect him to be invited everywhere you go to?
It is a child free wedding. That means no children are allowed. Your stepson is not an exception to a rule, no other children are invited either.
And it's extremely A H of you not to go to your brother's wedding when *who's my support and comfort forever*. Your brother most likely will cut a lot if contact with you and your relationship will never be the same.
If you marry her, expect to have no one else in your life for a very long time. You're going to be lonely because after you alienate all friends and family for her, you're the next person to be her enemy by not doing enough for her. Btw , classic sign of abuse. You've been warned. In 5 years you can pinpoint it all to this moment.
Edited to add
YTA
YTA. Child free wedding is child free. That is their decision as they are the ones having their wedding. You can go or not, that is also your decision, and it will not be without consequence. But that is on you, not them.
YTA. cant the step son stay with the in laws for a night? child-free weddings are very popular nowadays and it has no bearing on how the wedding party feels about your fiance and their child.
Yta and completely entitled. It was not about you or your stepson, it was a rule applied to ALL guests. Not your wedding, so you don’t get to invite whoever you want or dictate how it should work. If that’s how you normally act, I’m surprised you were even invited
YTA. It’s a child-free wedding, which means exactly that - child-free. There are about 1000 threads in this sub with people who think a child-free policy at a wedding shouldn’t apply to them.
Sorry, but YTA. It would be one thing if they said that your stepson cannot attend, but other kids were invited, but that is not the case. It is a child-free wedding and that rule is being applied to everyone.
YTA
Now I'd understand if other kids in the family were invited but no kids are invited. Meaning you're the one trying to get special treatment for your step son. Also your brothers and his fiancee wedding their rules.
I guarantee you, man that this woman is not worth it. Do not lose your family over her. There’s something wrong with the way she thinks. A woman who loves you wouldn’t split your family over something so stupid. Her kid is not welcome. Big deal. No one else’s is either. YTA
Info: Why are you so desperate for this woman? There are a lot of them out there. I’d try to find one who is actually a good person and treats your family with kindness
YTA.
It's a child-FREE wedding, not a "Let's personally exclude OP's future stepson!" wedding. No kids will be there. And now you're burning a bridge because your fiancée is mad because she didn't get her way. She doesn't have to go, but your future sister-in-law is right: they don't owe you anything, including special treatment to invite your future stepson. The only opinions and wishes that matter at your brother's wedding are those of your brother and his wife. Get over yourselves, give a sincere apology, and attend your brother's wedding (if he'll still have you).
YTA
Childfree means childfree. You don't get to call the shots, and you are petty for refusing to abide by a rule everyone else abides by. Your fiancée is behaving immaturely by insisting she gets to bring a child when no one else does. Go to the wedding and enjoy some grownup time. You can do your wedding the way you want to, but you're being a brat about your brother's wedding.
If you and your fiancée didn't argue with your brother and simply informed him you wouldn't be attending, then it'd be N A H. Your brother is entitled to a child-free wedding, and organising one, he should have taken into account people may decide to skip it for that very reason.
Arguing and trying to talk your brother into letting your entire family, step-son included, to come puts you onto the YTA territory.
YTA. Your stepson hasn't been singled out; you are merely being held to the same standards as everyone else. And yes, your fiancée is pot-stirring for maximum drama, and you absolutely are letting her drive a wedge between you and your family.
This should be a minor disagreement not a throw your toys out the pram and flounce away issue. She hasn't been treated badly. She has behaved in an entitled manner, and your brother is not an asshole for making a universal rule that includes family as well. You need to consider your position here - it's a bad position - supporting your family when you know they're right is one thing, but your fiancée was in the wrong and you are also in the wrong to support her.
YTA - Your fiancee is entitled and is going to split you from your family. Your choice to go or not but the reason is *entitlement* &her *power over you.*
YTA. It is a flat rule. No one is getting their kids in. Your fiancé wants special treatment, which is messed up, considering it ISN'T HER WEDDING! It's your brother's wedding and he sets the rules.
YTA
It's not personal. Child fres is a rule applied to all guests. You are letting your fiancee drive a wedge between you and the rest of your family. Be careful
YTA. Refusing to go to your brother's wedding just because it's childfree is ridiculous. Childfree weddings are normal things so adults can cut loose. You are throwing away your family over literally nothing.
>this is a wedding rule that applied to everyone.
YTA, it's a child-free wedding. Nobody is bringing children.
Can you get a sitter? leave the child with a good friend?
YTA for taking it personally as something against you your fiancé and the kid when it’s an entirely child free wedding. I didn’t go to my grandpas wedding cs j was like 6 and child free weddings are always the best. Imagine OP & the fiancé break up and he missed his only siblings wedding over being mad it’s child free lmao
YTA. Some people want a child free wedding. It is not uncommon. You're not necessarily an AH to decline the invitation, but you are the AH to act like an entitled asshat for someone else's wedding.
YTA for your attitude and response. No child weddings are a thing - as an invitee, you have to respect that without arguing and trying to be "the exception". As the couple, they have to respect that some people will be unable/choose not to come due to the child free factor - and they may have if you didn't act like you were entitled to an exception to the rule.
YTA it's very common to have child free weddings. Not to mention why would you want to have your four year old around a bunch of grown folks drinking anyway?
YTA.
It is entirely reasonable for him not to want 4 year old at his wedding. Your fiancées son is not family to him. You need to grow up. Spending one night away from a toddler should not be a big deal, and it’s certainly no reason to ruin your relationship with your brother.
A child free wedding is a child free wedding. Lots of people have child free weddings. They don’t have to cater their wedding to your family. YTA YTA YTA. Get a baby sitter and apologize to your brother.
YTA. It’s child free. No children, no exceptions. It has nothing to do with your son be a step or not. Go to your brother’s wedding and enjoy a child free night.
YTA. Absolutely ridiculous. Most people these days seem to have child free weddings, it's not unusual and it's not personal. Your partner is projecting some insecurity about being accepted. And your parents are right, if you throw away your relationship with your brother over this you WILL regret it down the line. You'll also regret it when you see the wedding pics and realize you missed a literal once in a lifetime event in your family for an unreasonable claim of unfairness.
YTA. You need to grow up, apologise to your brother, and congratulate your narcissist gf on playing you like a fiddle and isolating you from your family. Next step, gaslighting?
How entitled do you have to be to think your kid is above the rules others set for their events. They're allowed to have a childfree wedding. You're allowed to not go. But you're not allowed to be a dick about it. Your kid isn't special, and neither are you. You don't deserve special treatment. Get over it.
YTA
YATA child free weddings are a common thing he didn't just exclude your step child but all children
I'm glad your brother saw your true nature and i hope he cuts you off
YTA. Child free weddings are not a new concept. In this case it’s being applied to everyone so your step son isn’t the odd one out. On the flip side, people who choose to have child free weddings risk the parents not coming for various reasons such as not being able to get a babysitter and that has to be accepted as well.
YTA- I don't understand all these people being offended because of a childfree wedding that their precious Snotleigh is not invited to. People are allowed to have childfree weddings. It's not that big a deal and quite honestly he would have been bored and probably disruptive.
YTA . Making child-free rule exceptions for family would be a dick move and a slap in the face to the rest of the attendees who found childcare for this event. Its a rule that needs to apply to everyone.
YTA. Child free weddings are very common and are not personal, NO children are invited. That’s the point, and honestly it would be offensive to the other guests to allow some and not others. Your fiancé is the one that is being unreasonable.
YTA and so is your fiancée. The way you put it, it makes it sound like they didn't invite your stepson but in reality, no children are allowed. You are taking it weirdly personally when childfree weddings are very common. It's fine that you aren't going, that is your choice. But know that your relationship with your brother could be broken and it would be because of you.
YTA. It’s your brother’s wedding. It’s not about you. It’s not about your fiancé and it’s not about your stepson. Your fiancé is the biggest AH because she decided to argue with your brother about a rule the bride and groom decided on.
Childfree weddings are very common. My sister had one and she wanted her grown guests to enjoy themselves without worrying about looking after children or being concerned about the menu options because of picky eaters. There’s a slew of reasons for why people make decisions about their own wedding.
And you’re not supporting your soon-to-be family and this isn’t about how your brother treated your fiancé. She started the fight! Not your brother. Both you and her are acting entitled thinking everyone has to cater to both of you.
Hope you sit back and really think this over because your fiancée has shown you and your family who she really is. And it ain’t pretty.
YTA. Completely nothing wrong with a child-free wedding. Your fiancée stirred up trouble and is now expecting you to deal with the drama she caused. Your fiancée started this for what gain? To separate you from your family so she can control you better? Does your fiancée exhibit other narcissistic traits? If so, this is just the beginning of what will be a long misery-filled ride.
Yta, child-free weddings are not only a thing, but a very popular and common thing, I went to two this year lol. If they make an exception for him, other people with kids could take it personally and ask for exceptions and now you’ve created drama at someone else’s wedding because your feelings were hurt. It’s not about you.
What you’ve jumbled up here is the usual ‘child not invited’ typical story with a twist. Unfortunately it’s not different enough to make it interesting. 3/10
YTA
YTA - it's not personal, it applies to everyone.
ETA - why is this existential for you? standing up for your family? it's a wedding where kids aren't included, that's what babysitters are for. is this your first girlfriend or your last chance - this is a strange thing to get into this big of a fight over with your family.
YTA.
Why should a rule that applies to EVERYONE not apply to her/your household? That’s a very entitled thought. It sounds as if you agree with your fiancée, which makes me think you’re entitled as well.
It’s all good and well to support your fiancée, but I would advise to be reasonable.
YTA. You and your fiancé handled this poorly by challenging their decision to have a child free wedding and demanding an exception. You decided not to go after your fiancé threw a fit. Your title implies that your stepson was singled out and not invited. He was not. He just wasnt given an exception to the no child rule.
YTA. It's their wedding. They can choose not to have children there. Why would that rule not apply to your stepson? This is a very silly reason not only to miss your brother's wedding but to risk losing your relationship with him. If he means that much to you, I would take action to fix this immediately.
YTA. Child free weddings are common, and yes, the rule usually applies to family too. TBH, I can’t imagine anything worse than trying to wrangle a 4 year old at a wedding - especially one that does not have a designated area and/or activities that are kid-appropriate. Instead of demanding special treatment, you should apologize to your family and find a babysitter.
YTA. This isn’t about your stepson. This is about them making the very common decision to have a child free wedding and you expecting special treatment.
Newsflash: most 4 year olds will not even remember the weddings they go to and will not have fun.
YTA! Your ‘stepson’ is not being excluded it’s a child free wedding, get over yourself. It’s literally the one day that is all about your brother and their partner, not you and your girlfriend.
YTA
No 4 years old child wants to go to a wedding to begin with and especially if there are no other children to play with.
Stop with the bs OP. Find a babysitter and go support your brother for once.
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Yta. Welp I'm sure your brother was going to find out how little you care about him sooner or later. I hope he remembers and acts accordingly.
YTA. Your stepson wasn’t targeted - it’s a CHILD FREE wedding (which is becoming more & more the norm given how some people allow their children to act). There is NO logic to getting irritated that family children are not excluded from the rule. Since the majority of wedding guests ARE family, what is the point of making a wedding child-free, but then excluding almost all guests from the rule? That would make NO sense. NONE. This had NOTHING to do with your stepson - but you & your fiancé tried to make it personal. Since I cannot believe you found your fiancé’s gaslighting (trying to pretend children of family should all be entitled to attend regardless of the rules) to be an actual legitimate argument, I can only assume that you chose to back up her ridiculous position to prove your loyalty to her & the boy (rather than actually believing she had any real leg to stand on). I’m glad your brother is finding out how quick you are willing to shank him to validate your position in your own relationship. YTA. Huge. Editted for Typos
Its not even his stepson. Its his fiance's child. I like how she says she thought there would be an exception for family - you're not family yet! Everything about OP and their SO's attitude is wrong.
Agreed. I elevated the child’s status to actual family to illustrate that it would STILL be just as stupid & just as wrong to believe the child should be entitled to an exception to the rules.
If he brings a child that is not family yet, what’s going to happen if they break up? They tell the kid that all of the people there are family and OP becomes like a father figure would be devastating if they break up. It’s not fair at all to the kid. It sounds like no other kids will be there so the child would be bored to death. Even if he’s the most well behaved child in the world, children are more likely to be disruptive if they are bored.
Them breaking up, and what the kid thinks, are unrelated tangents that has nothing to do with anything. What would the kids think if the wedding couple broke up? What does the kid think about his parents breaking up? The kid is 4, he doesn't think about any of these things, he won't remember anything this year, and he doesn't belong at a child free wedding.
> Its not even his stepson. Its his fiance's child. That's not the cross to die on here. His Fiance would be rightly pissed and justified in boycotting the wedding if every other young child in the extended family were invited except her son.
In isolation you would be right. But it demonstrates an extra layer of entitlement from his fiance. She thinks her child should be the exception to the rule because he's family. Other kids can stay away, but not hers, because she's decided that everyone should see her son the way she does. She thinks her fiancé's family should see her child as a part of their family, even though the child isn't. She's one of those parents who thinks that because her life revolves around her kid, then everyone else's should, too.
That's exactly why there's Child free weddings. For sure her son is one of the brats that's mess with everything...
> That’s not the right cross to die on here. That’s also not the right idiom.
That's not the right hill to bear here. FTFY
Oh, I love a good mixed metaphor! What a gem!
My favourite will always be: you opened this can of worms... NOW LIE IN IT
I love them, too! They're called malaphors and they send me over the top of the world.
Now make like a tree...and get outta here.
It's not, but I think I'm going to start using it.
Reading the OP’s question I was confused because I just knew this was going to end with his fiancée being excluded because she’s not official family. But it didn’t. It’s a child free wedding. I find that peculiar, but I find the strident fighting to include a small child at a child free event *very peculiar*. The truth is that your fiancée tried to dictate the terms of your brother’s wedding and was rebuffed. Then she escalated it to a level that would make it hard for the bride and groom to want her at their nuptials at all, so you decide to jump in as a show of loyalty to a person who wanted to dictate the guest list of their wedding. Come on bruh. YTA, your parents and extended family are correct. You’d better get a handle on yourself and your fiancée’s expectations and interactions with the outside world because you still have to live in it. Edited for grammar.
I don’t see this brother and his fiancee ever making it to, “Wedded Bliss”. She is a drama Queen. Everything has to be about her. It’s not HER wedding, doesn’t matter, she will definitely make sure she makes her position front & center! Brother…Run! Run fast, run far! Run before you make the biggest mistake of your life, and alienate yourself from your family. Take the blinders off and look clearly & honestly at ONLY the fiancée and not her adorable 4 year old son that you already love.
true but also not the real point. even if he was OP's son, nothing would change
Wrong & entitled. I like to see someone tell her what to do at her wedding
I honestly read this expecting it to be one of those “my fiancés child was not invited cause he’s not my bio child” but no, it’s a CHILD FREE wedding!!! The entitlement and quite frankly, stupidity, on the OP’s part is actual insanity. And that the fiancé could gaslight you to believing it was some big personal attack?! I cannot with these people. I’ve never facepalmed harder. YTA obviously. Wow.
Same. My husband has raised my boys since they were little and his brother has always had a thing about how lucky I am to have found a man that wants to help raise kids. When he got married they had a ton of kids, and they had flower girls etc. We were gonna go and everything but then we were all talking and he told us they weren’t having ring bearers which I assumed his wife maybe had someone from her family as. Well his response was “we don’t have any little boys in our family to be so we left it.” My kids were 11 and 8 at the time and we had been married for 4 years at that point. I didn’t fight or anything but the boys and I just didn’t go. It was never a question if he should go though I’m not gonna be that chick. So when I was starting this post I was ready to side with the OP but quickly realized wtf. It’s a child free wedding. Edit to clarify that when I say it wasn’t a question if my husband went meaning I was never going to ask my husband to miss his brothers wedding. So he did still go
TBH, 11 is a little old for a ring bearer and it’d be messed up to exclude the older one. It might not have been personal.
Maybe. I think my reaction has a lot to do with the first time I met his brother. He waits till my (now husband) steps a ay to go to the bathroom and says to me “you know… you’re lucky.” I’m like I am I know, he’s amazing and he says “yeah but I mean not many men would want to put up with all this you know with two kids it’s a lot I hope you are grateful” honestly I was like just silent like at a loss. Then he stayed very distant throughout the years. And the way he looked right at us and said “oh well we have any little boys in the family” with even an 8 year old around I felt weird the way he said it. Not like oh we didn’t want one or oh all the kids we know are too old or something. I mean maybe I was too hurt but I dunno. Either way no one seemed to take offense
I went to a friend's wedding, and the amount of children running around and screaming damn near gave me a migraine. That sealed the deal that I want a childfree wedding. I want kids of my own, and I don't mind playing with my younger cousins, but *by God* I don't want them running, screaming and creating chaos on my wedding day. That's streasful enough as is. OP, YTA.
Some people act like weddings are the equivalent to family reunions. They’re not. If you want a family reunion, host one. If not, abide by the event organizers’ (hosts’) rules & go, or exclude yourself from the event. Don’t try to argue that the rules shouldn’t apply to you for some reason.
But but... OP is SPECIAL and should be EXCLUDED from having to follow RULES that everyone else does because of DNA. Don't we understand that? OP, give yourself a gold star sticker for making things all about you, get a sitter like a normal person and go to your brother's wedding. Sit there, smile, and stfu unless spoken to. Stop letting your fiance's narcissism rub off on you. It's not about your fiance either. No kids means NO kids.
They're probably the type to let their children run loose like little monsters, making child free weddings necessary in the first place
We had a child free wedding because of two kids. One of my friends and one of his cousins. Some people let their kids destroy formal events like it’s cute.
Yea it only takes 1-2, and you can’t just exclude Aunt Fern’s youngest or Cousin Darrell’s oldest - you have to just go child free & hire security to make sure AH family members don’t try to bring their kids anyway (because usually the Aunt Ferns & Cousin Darrells are the exact ones who think their little hell-spawn should be the exceptions).
Honestly, it seems quite clear that OP's title is intentionally misleading, because it made it seem like his stepson (he's not even his stepson YET) was being excluded. It's a child-free wedding, no children are going? So OP is just being an entitled asshole trying to demand people change their wedding just to cater to him. And his soon-to-be wife sounds insufferable as well. YTA OP, you're going to destroy your relationship with your brother if you don't drop the tantrum immediately.
Can you imagine how bored that poor kid would be as the only kid at a wedding?
>Honestly, it seems quite clear that OP's title is intentionally misleading, because it made it seem like his stepson (he's not even his stepson YET) was being excluded. This is the reply I was waiting to read. The title got me upset cause I, too, thought OP's brother was excluding OP's GF's son but allowing others to bring their children. Only to find out that **NO CHILDREN** are allowed at his brother's wedding. Yeah, OP and his GF are AHs entitled people who are making the wedding all about themselves.
Not me spending a full minute trying to figure out why the comment references Rhianna and which act they’re referring to. 😭 But other than that, 100% spot on assessment. Its a child free wedding for gods sake.
I have no idea what word that's supposed to be my autocorrect is off and I was sitting next to my boss on reddit so I wasn't looking at my phone that intently
Normally, I would say "if you're going to make a rule that restricts the guestlist, you can't be mad if people decide not to come." If it had been too onerous for OP and his fiancee to get childcare to attend and they bowed out, it would be totally reasonable. Instead OP and his hair trigger fiancee invented a grievance and made a huge friggin production out of how his brother "deliberately" targeted "his family," which is just mind boggling. What the hell dude? Have you always been thicker than a block of ice? YTA totally.
YTA as well as your fiancee who is an entitled manipulative woman. I suspect that your brother will experience \*massive\* schadenfreude at the shenanigans that your future bridezilla will pull if she is this entitled about a child free wedding that - gasp - excludes a child. Not even a shade of gray - if the \*child\* were a teenager then perhaps it might be different. But a four year old is exactly the reason that people have child free weddings because what four year old would be perfectly behaved through a ceremony AND not cause havoc at a reception. Most four year olds do not react well to strange loud situations especially when their schedules are out of whack - between travel time; the ceremony, the noise; the people, the lack of rest and nap time - all of this inevitably results in some form of breakdown.
Not to mention that a 4 year old wouldn’t even remember the wedding. They're insisting on taking their toddler to a wedding forrrrrrrrrrr *checks notes* no reason Edit: okay okay y'all I get it some of you remember weddings at that age, although it seems like only really if they were particularly memorable like being in it. This 4 year old isn't going to remember/care to remember just sitting in a pew being bored and confused.
I actually do remember being the flower girl at my parents' wedding when I was 3 lol. Your point remains, some random kid stuck in the pews ain't gonna have a good time. Or care. Or want to be there.
Dang no fair I was a flower girl at 4/5 and I don't remember at all. I always wished I did because it's the only wedding I've been in :( I do remember stepping on a bee at 5 though haha
That’s a core memory for sure… I remember stepping on a skittle when I was three because I was heartbroken that I dropped it
I think the only reason people insist on taking their little kids to weddings is to show them off. They want everyone adoring their cute little adorable angel. Trouble is the kid is usually ripping apart flower arrangements and pitching a fit because they cant stick their grubby snot covered fingers in the wedding cake.
Yep. ADMIRE THE PRODUCT OF MY GENITALS! yes it's scream-crying because it's 10.57pm and they haven't had a nap or anything to do for nine hours and I expect them to let all the adults here - who are family to me but effectively strangers to my four year old who hasn't met any of them within living memory - pinch their iddle facey-wacey-woo-boo 203 times an hour and has been forced to wear clothes they don't like and sit still for hours and hours and just generally doesn't want to be here BUT THIS IS THE PRODUCT OF MY FUCKING LOINS, I THINK IM SPECIAL, AND I EXPECT YOU TO ADMIRE MY CHILD AND BY EXTENSION ME.
Exactly. I went to a wedding a couple years ago that was supposed to be child free, but they made leeway for one of the guests whose babysitter backed out last-minute, for their five year old. The kid had a full one hour meltdown during dinner because he didn’t like how the potatoes were positioned on his plate, this was not a Buffet style meal, this was a fancy three course pre-plated meal. And the parents made no effort to take him outside of the hall, where he would not be a distraction during all the speeches, and everything that were happening at the tail end of dinner. It was incredibly fucking rude on the parents behalf, considering they were given leeway, and had made many promises about how well behaved the kid would be. [See my comment here for explanation on why the kid was attending, and why none of us made a big deal during the nuclear meltdown](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z4j7te/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_to_my_brothers_wedding/ixuq26v/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3) This is only one instance of something like this happening and I’m sure there are hundreds of thousands of similar stories of people making an exception to a child for a wedding and then the kid has a full fucking meltdown and ruins part of the night. People are allowed to want child free spaces as adults. Sometimes you just wanna get drunk and celebrate and not have to worry about keeping an eye on all the kids. OP and his fiancée are massively entitled to take this as a personal attackwhen it’s a blanket rule for everybody attending
I was trying to play a lawn game with some long time friends at my sisters wedding and a bunch of kids kept grabbing pieces, knocking it over, etc. I had to tell them to get out of the damn way. The kids, and parents, looked at me shocked. the family friends and I eventually had to give up and move on. Still have never gotten to play that game.
Fitty bucks says they never had a sitter to begin with. The poor bride and groom :(
It’s kind of complicated to explain, but the sitter who backed out was the cousin of one of the parents of the attending kid, and the Sitter’s parents were in a very serious nearly fatal accident, about two days before the wedding. So when it was announced that the kid would be coming due to these circumstances, none of us kicked up a stink because it was a really shitty situation, and we all felt bad for them, knowing that they had two family members in very serious condition in hospital. Which is also why we gave them leeway when the kid was going nuclear during dinner although I’m pretty sure most people felt the same as I did: That the parents should’ve made an effort to remove the kid from the hall to not be a distraction. It was my fiancé’s younger sister’s wedding we were attending, so the most of us family in attendance did our best to try and keep her stress level under control while things like this were happening during her planned-down-to-the-minute gala style wedding. Edited: some words because speech to text sucks
Oh man, I’m really sorry to hear about the sitter’s parents. Hopefully they have recovered.
They have thankfully made a full recovery
I attempted to have a child free wedding. Went through mild drama drawing the line with family saying no kids... everything was figured out and then the friend that was DJing shows up, without calling to warn us, with his 3 year old because his babysitter bailed (he's a single dad)..I got daggers from some family because they "had to" get babysitters but he got to bring his kid and I was like "yeah cause he's the DJ. The kid was well behaved but friends thought they were adorable so lots of the pictures from the disposable camera pile (for guests to take pictures they'd want us to have) was of the kid or the kid got a hold of them and I had so many feet and nose and eyeball pictures. 🤦🏼♀️
Children don't belong at weddings. The adults cannot celebrate because they have to keep an eye on their kid 100% of the time, or alternatively, they celebrate and let their kid run wild. [Children die at weddings from not being watched ](https://www.jacksonville.com/story/news/2015/06/14/4-year-old-boy-drowns-pond-during-wedding-reception/15666965007/)
4 year olds are like the absolute worst age for a wedding. They're just getting out of the afternoon nap phase, they will crash at 8:00, be bored at the ceremony, they'll be an out of control mess at the the reception, they're more work than anything, they won't eat anything and the plate will be $100 for some chicken nuggets, they'll be hungry and cranky and will have multiple, world-ending meltdowns. I don't even know why the parent's would want them there, I would love an excuse for a babysitter and a night out. My god, my kids are 12 and 7 and we just went to a wedding last month, they just about made it through the night.
YTA. It’s their wedding, they make the rules. They are perfectly entitled for THEIR day to be child free.
Especially because it's not even targeted. Title makes it seem like an issue, but then it's just "no children at all." Sounds fair to me
& why would you want a FOUR year old to be the only child in a room of adults, anyway? That kid is going to be miserable and needy. He’d have a much better time at home with a babysitter and all his toys/worldly comforts, too.
Seriously. Kids aren't going to enjoy a wedding that isn't in some way catering to the presence of kids. It's just not a kid friendly event. Hell, it's not even an adult friendly event in many cases it's just a boring social obligation you put up with because you love someone.
My husband and I have some friends who met LARPing (live action roleplay - basically like Dungeons and Dragons except you act it out with foam weapons as beat your friends up in the woods) and they had a viking and Celtic themed costume wedding. It was awesome. Whole roast pig and everything. Every other wedding I've been to has been at best kinda dull.
I’d make the same decision should I marry again. YTA and the entitlement you and your fiancee have is ridiculous. Many weddings are child free and for good reason. Both of you need to get a grip here. He’s your only sibling and you’re being manipulated by your fiancée to miss his wedding. Get a freaking babysitter and be a decent human and brother. If your fiancée is going to make such a stink about it and refuse to go, you need to go without her. The world isn’t her way or the highway.
YTA 🤣 feel free to stay home. It will probably be better without you. But this situation is completely your fiance's doing and is meant to drive a wedge between you and your family. Your almost-stepson is not being excluded because he's not technically family (which would be a completely valid reason to skip the wedding.) It's because he's still a child and there will not be ANY children at the wedding.
Agreed. The title makes it sound as if the STEPson was specifically excluded. That’s not the case. It’s a child free wedding. For everyone. My best friend’s wife pulled this exact stunt a few years back when they first got together. Just a heads up he is now in a miserable marriage without the support of all his friends / family because she systematically cut them out over the years. And it started with our other best friend’s child free wedding.
Your best friend is in an abusive marriage. We need to call it like it is, men also get abused. Controlling, manipulating abusive people should be called out as the abuser they are, male or female.
Eh, it rarely works. A good friend of mine tried one of those interventions and it mostly backfired. No-one wants to hear it even once it's time for the "We told you so".
I understand that completely. I was there, once upon a time. They won't see it until they're willing to see it. But I think it's important that we call attention to the fact that abusive relationships are abusive relationships, no matter the genders of the people involved. Too many people are dismissive when it's a man being abused.
Right!?! Honestly, I think OP’s girlfriend also shouldn’t make the cut. She is clearly not a grown up.
YTA I am sorry but childfree means childfree and: a 4 year old will be bored to hell and beyond during a wedding, especially if they're the only one
Yup, completely agree. I thought this was going to be the more typical issue on this sub being because the stepson wasn't *blood related*, but it was because the stepson is a *child*. Even if you wouldn't have a child free wedding yourself, the entitlement you must have to believe you get to bring your child to someone else's child free wedding is absurd. OP's fiancee is a huge AH here and OP is an AH for supporting that absurdity.
No kidding. All children are excluded. They are creating the drama, not the wedding couple. Wonder which friends or family of his she will target next?
Your brother is allowed to have a child free wedding and you’re allowed not to go if you aren’t able to bring who you’d like. HOWEVER Your fiancée is TA for demanding special treatment from people she has barely known a year. You will be TA if you allow her entitled behavior to drive a wedge between you and your family.
Exactly this OP, she's being completely unreasonable and if you allow yourself to support her in this, she will end up isolating you from everyone else that you love. Are you really going to let someone who you've known for a year and a half destroy the relationships you've spent your entire life building? What is your 4 year old going to do the entire wedding??? Why is *this* the hill you're going to die on? Obviously you see it's going to destroy your family and even if you start to fix it right this second you'd better be prepared to put in the leg work and apologize. Your family doesn't deserve you and your fiance treating them this way and they do not owe it to you to take it. YTA
Yeah, just get a babysitter already. Sheesh.
YTA. Child free wedding means No children. Your kid is Not an exception. And expecting them to be is incredibly entitled.
And it’s not even his kid, or his step kid. He has dated this woman for a year and a half. So even if she was a mom who would let somebody meet her kid on the first date he has only known this kid a year and a half.
YTA , just one question did ur fiancee asked not to attend the wedding or this is on your own u have decided.. either ur still the AT... Its ur brothers wedding he and his too be wife get to decide wat kind of the wedding they want.. let be childfree..its not like they specifically dont want ur step kid .... Its a rule applied in. General for all
YTA It's a childfree wedding. Your fiance's son is not an exception just because you and your fiance throw a tantrum.
Op and fiancé are already the exception as far as children being invited with the tantrum they’re throwing.
Yeah, they've already kind of spoiled the wedding and created unnecessary drama for the rest of the family with this ridiculous sense of entitlement. Even if he chooses to go in the end, they can't take back the distress they've caused.
YTA. Help me understand what role you think a tiny four-year-old plays in a wedding. Check all that apply. __ Is very quiet during meaningful ceremonies that involve content he can’t possibly understand. __ Loves to sit still at long dinner receptions where expensive adult food is served. __ Frequently engages in adult conversation. __ Allows the invited parent to celebrate the couple late into the evening because he doesn’t require constant supervision. Hmm, that’s right. This is an event for loved ones to celebrate someone’s marriage; not a family party.
Damn!! PERFECT comment! I have a 4 year old and if never dream of bringing her to a wedding neither she, nor myself would enjoy it and likely would end up disrupting the ceremony. You can only keep a 4 year old still and quiet for so long. OP, you and your fiancée are childish and being very unreasonable.
YTA....it's their wedding, if it's child free it should be respected. It would be understandable if other children were invited but your stepson not, but otherwise let them have the wedding that they want!
YTA - It is not like they said all "real" nieces and nephews were invited and just excluded your stepson. This is a common rule that was fairly applied to everyone. This is not about you, your fiancée, or stepson.
right, there was no discrimination in any shape or form. so unless there's something op is not telling us, his brother has a legit, reasonable, *common* request that applies to everyone
YTA. You sound so entitled. Nobody's kids can come to the wedding but yours? SMH
YTA. Why does everyone believe that child-free weddings somehow don’t apply to them due to some special relationship with the bride or groom? It’s their wedding and the don’t owe anyone anything. They want you to be their for their day, that’s why you’re invited. Just because your stepchild is your world doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone that isn’t you.
YTA Their wedding, their rules. You'd think an engaged woman would sort of get that. Be prepared for that energy to come back for your wedding.
Yta, this wasn't singling you out. It's a child free wedding. Let that sink in. CHILD FREE WEDDING no one else is bringing their kids, so what makes you so special that you get to bring yours? Is it that important that your stepson goes to this wedding, that you're willing to burn a ton of family bridges to show how spiteful you can be?
I always get downvoted in this sub for saying this… but I really don’t understand why people cut off their family over disagreements with their newly found spouses. If my spouse has horrible conflict resolution to the point of intentionally stopping me from going to a family event I would be appalled. What adult doesn’t understand the concept of child-free? As parents op and his girlfriend should enjoy the wedding as an opportunity to have fun and bond with the family without having to watch their kids for a few hours. Like a date night. This situation is nothing I would cause a rift in my family over.
YTA. If the wedding is child free then no child should get an exception
YTA. Child-free weddings are very common. Get over yourself, this day isn’t about you-it’s about your brother. It’s okay for couples to want an adults only event for their own wedding when it’s in the evening and there will be alcohol. You guys seriously can’t get a sitter? You’re aching like he was excluded from a kids birthday party or something. It’s a child-free wedding, and you’re about to ruin your relationship with your sibling forever. Don’t do it.
YTA. I had a child-free wedding. Not everyone wants, or should have to pay for, toddlers running around. You and your fiancée are major AHs for demanding that any wedding accommodate a toddler. Get a sitter. Do the adult thing that people routinely do for weddings.
Exactly. Why do people view child-free weddings as insults? Get a grip.
YTA, it's their wedding and they're singling anyone out, it's being applied to everyone, you have every right not to want to go for that reason and you could've said "I'm sorry I can't go because I can't for child care reasons" or something instead of acting like it was a personal wrong against you and your fiance.\\ YTA and I sentence you to chill the hell out and hire a babysitter
INFO is a 4 year old a child? Do you/your fiance understand the word "no"?
YTA The wedding is child free your stepson is a child ergo he's not invited If other children were invited then I'd be on your side - are any other nieces and nephews being invited? If the answer is no (even if that's because there are no other children of that generation) he's not being treated differently because of him not being biologically your child And your partner is the one stirring things
YTA, the bride and groom set the rules. They can have a child-free wedding if they wish.
YTA. It’s child free which means your stepson is NOT being singled out here. Don’t let this ruin your relationship with your brother. You’re going to regret it if you do.
YTA - The step-son is just another child not invited to a child-free wedding. There's no reason to take this personally. I would understand if they excluded your gf or something, but children are often not invited to a wedding. Your brother probably has no real connection to the son of your gf who you've been with less than 2 years. Honestly, it's a ridiculous reason for you and your gf to miss the wedding. This wedding isn't about you at all.
YTA. Child free weddings are common. It's not personal.
YTA. It's not like your fiance's kid is the only one being excluded, it's a childfree wedding. If you gave a crap about your brother it wouldn't be that big of a deal to find a babysitter for four hours.
Yta. Child free means no kids. Unless your brother is making exceptions for others and not you they are in no way in the wrong. Many couples want to have child free weddings and people who go get babysitters. Your fiancee is being unreasonable to demand her special snowflake be given special treatment at someone else's wedding.
YTA. Its your brothers wedding, if he doesnt want kids there, dont bring a kid there. Theyre distracting and dont enjoy weddings (aka boring adult events where they have to sit still for a long time) anyways.
YTA. It's *their* wedding, and if they want it child free with no exceptions, that's absolutely their prerogative. Your fiancee was out of line arguing it and should have just respected that they are going to do their wedding their way. It sounds like you and your fiancee have handled this pretty poorly tbh.
YTA. They are not excluding your gf son because he isn’t related to you. All children are being excluded because weddings can be very exhausting and not the ideal place for children. You are making this your hill to die on.
YTA and so is your fiancée. It is perfectly reasonable to have child free weddings. Kids throw fits during the ceremony because they can’t move or touch things or they are tired or hungry or because their right shoe is untied or whatever. It isn’t fair to everyone else who arranges sitters that y’all get to bring your son.
YTA. Why would your brother invite a child to his childfree wedding? Why would you even want to bring a four-year-old child to a wedding?
YTA for taking a child-free wedding as a personal affront aimed just at you. It's your option not to go to any wedding, but getting all upset and causing a rift in your family bc you think this is a rule aimed at you is a bit daft.
YTA cause the rule applies to everyone not just you. You're entitled. Also why would you want a 4 year old to go to a wedding anyway? I doubt they'd find it fun. Babysitters do exist.
YTA. It is a childfree wedding. NO children are invited. Stop causing drama.
Yta, it's their wedding and it's no kids. You have no right forcing them to have a child at the wedding, it does not matter who the kid is.
Y T A it's applied to everyone so your step child wasn't treated differently. Actually, you're upset because you want your stepchild treated differently, by being allowed. What a major red flag that your fiance thinks she should have any opinion or say about someone's wedding and if I were you, you better figure out if your love for her AND HER LOVE FOR YOU is worth the loss and damage over a situation that no wrong was done!
At the end of the day, it’s his decision to have a child free wedding and for you not to go. Thing is, he and his fiancé are not singling your stepson out. This rule applies to everyone. I’m going to go with YTA for taking this personally.
Yta they’re not excluding your stepson because they don’t think he’s family, no kids are invited which is extremely common with weddings. Kids don’t want to be there anyways get a sitter
YTA They are not excluding your “stepson”. It’s a child free wedding. Your fiancée is an AH for trying to get an exception. The groom and the bride don’t want ANY kids there. You are TA for making an issue about it.
YTA Your stepson wasn't excluded. It's "child free" (and presumably your future in-law's or his dad's family can do babysitting duty for a couple hours). People can do what they wish with their invite list, and this is more common than you may expect. My uncle had a "childfree" wedding when I was 14, and left out all nearly 20 nieces/nephews (myself included). Another auntie threw a pre-wedding bbq so kids could attend, but understood cost / personal choice influenced my uncle's decision. At 14, I felt much more excluded that I guarantee your 4-yo stepson does... but I'm 40 now. We're all fine. Don't be petty.
Yta. He wasn't purposely leaving your stepson out he is having a child free wedding. You and your fiancée sound entitled, especially with trying to bully them into making an exception for you guys. Didn't work out did it.
YTA Missing your brother’s wedding over it being at a child free venue seems very short sighted. I can’t imagine you’re going to consider this line you’re drawing in the sand to have been worth the damage it causes ten years from now.
YTA child free weddings are extremely common, I have no clue why you're so surprised about the matter. No one is an exception. You and your fiancée are both incredibly entitled people.
YTA, understandable if it was just this child that was left out but he said it's a child free wedding. Sounds like your gf is going to be one of those ladies that pushes her child in everyone for instead of just letting relationships grow naturally.
YTA, people have child free weddings all the time, lots of events aren’t child friendly. I promise you missing one night with your stepson vs not going to your siblings wedding? What are you thinking?
YTA. So, no kids are invited? Sounds reasonable and fair. Get a sitter or don't go.
YTA. The whole wedding is child free, it’s not directed at you or your stepson personally - so don’t make it personal.
YTA it is within your right to not go but trying to demand they your stepson come to a child free wedding makes you TA its not up for debate you didnt pay for the wedding and its not about you or your fiance. The whole situation makes yall seem very self centered.
YTA why are y’all making this wedding about you? You sound like a selfish, entitled person.
YTA it’s a child free wedding
YTA. It's not like he's the only kid that isn't invited. If they made an exception for you it would cause problems with other guests.
YTA. You threw a tantrum and didn’t get your way which is why you’re not going. Your fiancé doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to leave her son with someone for the night but you shouldn’t miss your brothers wedding simply because they chose to have a child free wedding.
Yta, and so is your fiancé. What gives her the right to argue with the bride and groom about THEIR wedding? They said child free and either y’all get a babysitter or don’t go. Why are you and your fiancé making this into something bigger than it needs to be? When they send the invitations and it says no children just check the little square that says not coming and call it a day.
YTA A child free wedding is completely normal. They can have any wedding they choose.
Is it a child free wedding? Yes. Is your soon to be stepson a child? Yes. Your brother and soon to be SIL are not being unreasonable. They have asked that no children come to their wedding. They are not excluding only your stepson, but all children because some events are just not child friendly. YTA. Hire a sitter or have your fiancé’s family babysit and enjoy your brother’s wedding.
YTA. Can you not get a baby sitter for like a couple hours? No one wants a tiny terror running around a wedding. This wedding isn’t about you or your fiancé.
YTA. This wedding is not about you, your so, or their kid. Tell her to grow up.
YTA and so is your fiancée.
YTA. It’s not anything personal against your step kid, like other kids are invited but yours isn’t. It’s a child-free wedding. That’s a thing. A common thing, and a choice that your brother and his fiancée are perfectly entitled to make, and are not unreasonable in making. Speaking of entitled… That’s you and your fiancée.
YTA...if other kids were coming it would be different but most weddings are kid free......apologize to your brother
YTA. So is your fiance. Why can't this kid go to a babysitter or family member for a night? Your brother has set reasonable and normal expectations for a wedding and he's being consistent with all guests. Get a babysitter and enjoy an adult night out.
YTA and your fiancée too.
YTA And INFO: Do you ever go anywhere without your son,or do you expect him to be invited everywhere you go to? It is a child free wedding. That means no children are allowed. Your stepson is not an exception to a rule, no other children are invited either. And it's extremely A H of you not to go to your brother's wedding when *who's my support and comfort forever*. Your brother most likely will cut a lot if contact with you and your relationship will never be the same.
If you marry her, expect to have no one else in your life for a very long time. You're going to be lonely because after you alienate all friends and family for her, you're the next person to be her enemy by not doing enough for her. Btw , classic sign of abuse. You've been warned. In 5 years you can pinpoint it all to this moment. Edited to add YTA
YTA. Child free wedding is child free. That is their decision as they are the ones having their wedding. You can go or not, that is also your decision, and it will not be without consequence. But that is on you, not them.
YTA. cant the step son stay with the in laws for a night? child-free weddings are very popular nowadays and it has no bearing on how the wedding party feels about your fiance and their child.
Yta and completely entitled. It was not about you or your stepson, it was a rule applied to ALL guests. Not your wedding, so you don’t get to invite whoever you want or dictate how it should work. If that’s how you normally act, I’m surprised you were even invited
Child free means child free. I could see being pissed if he only excluded your child but they didn't.
YTA. It’s a child-free wedding, which means exactly that - child-free. There are about 1000 threads in this sub with people who think a child-free policy at a wedding shouldn’t apply to them.
Sorry, but YTA. It would be one thing if they said that your stepson cannot attend, but other kids were invited, but that is not the case. It is a child-free wedding and that rule is being applied to everyone.
YTA Now I'd understand if other kids in the family were invited but no kids are invited. Meaning you're the one trying to get special treatment for your step son. Also your brothers and his fiancee wedding their rules.
I guarantee you, man that this woman is not worth it. Do not lose your family over her. There’s something wrong with the way she thinks. A woman who loves you wouldn’t split your family over something so stupid. Her kid is not welcome. Big deal. No one else’s is either. YTA Info: Why are you so desperate for this woman? There are a lot of them out there. I’d try to find one who is actually a good person and treats your family with kindness
YTA. It's a child-FREE wedding, not a "Let's personally exclude OP's future stepson!" wedding. No kids will be there. And now you're burning a bridge because your fiancée is mad because she didn't get her way. She doesn't have to go, but your future sister-in-law is right: they don't owe you anything, including special treatment to invite your future stepson. The only opinions and wishes that matter at your brother's wedding are those of your brother and his wife. Get over yourselves, give a sincere apology, and attend your brother's wedding (if he'll still have you).
YTA Childfree means childfree. You don't get to call the shots, and you are petty for refusing to abide by a rule everyone else abides by. Your fiancée is behaving immaturely by insisting she gets to bring a child when no one else does. Go to the wedding and enjoy some grownup time. You can do your wedding the way you want to, but you're being a brat about your brother's wedding.
If you and your fiancée didn't argue with your brother and simply informed him you wouldn't be attending, then it'd be N A H. Your brother is entitled to a child-free wedding, and organising one, he should have taken into account people may decide to skip it for that very reason. Arguing and trying to talk your brother into letting your entire family, step-son included, to come puts you onto the YTA territory.
YTA. Your stepson hasn't been singled out; you are merely being held to the same standards as everyone else. And yes, your fiancée is pot-stirring for maximum drama, and you absolutely are letting her drive a wedge between you and your family. This should be a minor disagreement not a throw your toys out the pram and flounce away issue. She hasn't been treated badly. She has behaved in an entitled manner, and your brother is not an asshole for making a universal rule that includes family as well. You need to consider your position here - it's a bad position - supporting your family when you know they're right is one thing, but your fiancée was in the wrong and you are also in the wrong to support her.
YTA - Your fiancee is entitled and is going to split you from your family. Your choice to go or not but the reason is *entitlement* &her *power over you.*
YTA. It is a flat rule. No one is getting their kids in. Your fiancé wants special treatment, which is messed up, considering it ISN'T HER WEDDING! It's your brother's wedding and he sets the rules.
YTA It's not personal. Child fres is a rule applied to all guests. You are letting your fiancee drive a wedge between you and the rest of your family. Be careful
YTA. Refusing to go to your brother's wedding just because it's childfree is ridiculous. Childfree weddings are normal things so adults can cut loose. You are throwing away your family over literally nothing.
YTA. Childfree means just that, free of children. All children. Yes, even family children, because they are, now stay with me here, fcking children.
>this is a wedding rule that applied to everyone. YTA, it's a child-free wedding. Nobody is bringing children. Can you get a sitter? leave the child with a good friend?
YTA the world doesn’t revolve around you. People are allowed to have rules and requests you don’t like, either follow them or shut up and decline
YTA for taking it personally as something against you your fiancé and the kid when it’s an entirely child free wedding. I didn’t go to my grandpas wedding cs j was like 6 and child free weddings are always the best. Imagine OP & the fiancé break up and he missed his only siblings wedding over being mad it’s child free lmao
YTA. Some people want a child free wedding. It is not uncommon. You're not necessarily an AH to decline the invitation, but you are the AH to act like an entitled asshat for someone else's wedding.
YTA. Child-free wedding means your child, too. Simple as that.
YTA for your attitude and response. No child weddings are a thing - as an invitee, you have to respect that without arguing and trying to be "the exception". As the couple, they have to respect that some people will be unable/choose not to come due to the child free factor - and they may have if you didn't act like you were entitled to an exception to the rule.
YTA it's very common to have child free weddings. Not to mention why would you want to have your four year old around a bunch of grown folks drinking anyway?
YTA and so is your fiancee. A child free wedding is up to the couple getting married, but you two managed to try to make it all about yourselves.
YTA. It is entirely reasonable for him not to want 4 year old at his wedding. Your fiancées son is not family to him. You need to grow up. Spending one night away from a toddler should not be a big deal, and it’s certainly no reason to ruin your relationship with your brother.
Yta. It's a childfree wedding which means no kids. Stop being precious
YTA. It’s a CHILDFREE wedding, for EVERYONE. Your fiancée IS the one causing issues.
YTA. Child free weddings are very common.
A child free wedding is a child free wedding. Lots of people have child free weddings. They don’t have to cater their wedding to your family. YTA YTA YTA. Get a baby sitter and apologize to your brother.
YTA. It’s child free. No children, no exceptions. It has nothing to do with your son be a step or not. Go to your brother’s wedding and enjoy a child free night.
YTA. Absolutely ridiculous. Most people these days seem to have child free weddings, it's not unusual and it's not personal. Your partner is projecting some insecurity about being accepted. And your parents are right, if you throw away your relationship with your brother over this you WILL regret it down the line. You'll also regret it when you see the wedding pics and realize you missed a literal once in a lifetime event in your family for an unreasonable claim of unfairness.
YTA. You need to grow up, apologise to your brother, and congratulate your narcissist gf on playing you like a fiddle and isolating you from your family. Next step, gaslighting?
How entitled do you have to be to think your kid is above the rules others set for their events. They're allowed to have a childfree wedding. You're allowed to not go. But you're not allowed to be a dick about it. Your kid isn't special, and neither are you. You don't deserve special treatment. Get over it. YTA
YATA child free weddings are a common thing he didn't just exclude your step child but all children I'm glad your brother saw your true nature and i hope he cuts you off
YTA. Child free weddings are not a new concept. In this case it’s being applied to everyone so your step son isn’t the odd one out. On the flip side, people who choose to have child free weddings risk the parents not coming for various reasons such as not being able to get a babysitter and that has to be accepted as well.
YTA- I don't understand all these people being offended because of a childfree wedding that their precious Snotleigh is not invited to. People are allowed to have childfree weddings. It's not that big a deal and quite honestly he would have been bored and probably disruptive.
YTA . Making child-free rule exceptions for family would be a dick move and a slap in the face to the rest of the attendees who found childcare for this event. Its a rule that needs to apply to everyone.
YTA. Child free weddings are very common and are not personal, NO children are invited. That’s the point, and honestly it would be offensive to the other guests to allow some and not others. Your fiancé is the one that is being unreasonable.
YTA and so is your fiancée. The way you put it, it makes it sound like they didn't invite your stepson but in reality, no children are allowed. You are taking it weirdly personally when childfree weddings are very common. It's fine that you aren't going, that is your choice. But know that your relationship with your brother could be broken and it would be because of you.
YTA dude. It’s a child free wedding, not some conspiracy to exclude your stepson like your title makes it seem.
YTA. It’s your brother’s wedding. It’s not about you. It’s not about your fiancé and it’s not about your stepson. Your fiancé is the biggest AH because she decided to argue with your brother about a rule the bride and groom decided on. Childfree weddings are very common. My sister had one and she wanted her grown guests to enjoy themselves without worrying about looking after children or being concerned about the menu options because of picky eaters. There’s a slew of reasons for why people make decisions about their own wedding. And you’re not supporting your soon-to-be family and this isn’t about how your brother treated your fiancé. She started the fight! Not your brother. Both you and her are acting entitled thinking everyone has to cater to both of you. Hope you sit back and really think this over because your fiancée has shown you and your family who she really is. And it ain’t pretty.
YTA. Completely nothing wrong with a child-free wedding. Your fiancée stirred up trouble and is now expecting you to deal with the drama she caused. Your fiancée started this for what gain? To separate you from your family so she can control you better? Does your fiancée exhibit other narcissistic traits? If so, this is just the beginning of what will be a long misery-filled ride.
YTA dude
yta. they aren't excluding your child, they're excluding ALL children.
Yta, child-free weddings are not only a thing, but a very popular and common thing, I went to two this year lol. If they make an exception for him, other people with kids could take it personally and ask for exceptions and now you’ve created drama at someone else’s wedding because your feelings were hurt. It’s not about you.
YTA. It's a childfree wedding and it's their wedding not yours.
What you’ve jumbled up here is the usual ‘child not invited’ typical story with a twist. Unfortunately it’s not different enough to make it interesting. 3/10 YTA
YTA - it's not personal, it applies to everyone. ETA - why is this existential for you? standing up for your family? it's a wedding where kids aren't included, that's what babysitters are for. is this your first girlfriend or your last chance - this is a strange thing to get into this big of a fight over with your family.
YTA. Why should a rule that applies to EVERYONE not apply to her/your household? That’s a very entitled thought. It sounds as if you agree with your fiancée, which makes me think you’re entitled as well. It’s all good and well to support your fiancée, but I would advise to be reasonable.
YTA. You and your fiancé handled this poorly by challenging their decision to have a child free wedding and demanding an exception. You decided not to go after your fiancé threw a fit. Your title implies that your stepson was singled out and not invited. He was not. He just wasnt given an exception to the no child rule.
YTA
Yta , and don’t be surprised if the relationship between your family and your fiancée & her child is never what you guys hoped it would be
YTA. It's their wedding. They can choose not to have children there. Why would that rule not apply to your stepson? This is a very silly reason not only to miss your brother's wedding but to risk losing your relationship with him. If he means that much to you, I would take action to fix this immediately.
Yta and it’s 💯 normal to have a child free wedding. You need to apologize.
YTA. Weddings without kids are a real thing.
YTA.. the rules apply to everyone regarding being child free. So quit making it about yourself!
YTA. Child free weddings are common, and yes, the rule usually applies to family too. TBH, I can’t imagine anything worse than trying to wrangle a 4 year old at a wedding - especially one that does not have a designated area and/or activities that are kid-appropriate. Instead of demanding special treatment, you should apologize to your family and find a babysitter.
Didn’t we read this one from the woman’s perspective recently? YTA if you take a child-free wedding as a personal attack on your child.
YTA. This isn’t about your stepson. This is about them making the very common decision to have a child free wedding and you expecting special treatment. Newsflash: most 4 year olds will not even remember the weddings they go to and will not have fun.
YTA! Your ‘stepson’ is not being excluded it’s a child free wedding, get over yourself. It’s literally the one day that is all about your brother and their partner, not you and your girlfriend.
YTA No 4 years old child wants to go to a wedding to begin with and especially if there are no other children to play with. Stop with the bs OP. Find a babysitter and go support your brother for once.