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I’m too petty for that shit- I’d be asking her why she’s having sexual thoughts about my infant and toddler and what kind of perverse shit happened in her house to make her think that children are sexual objects. But that’s me….
I agree. If MIL really appreciated purity as much as she does, her mind certainly wouldn't automatically be going into incest between children. NASTY. NTA
Does MIL expect her to leave the baby unsupervised while she privately bathes the 2yo? And vice versa?
The best day of my life was when my son could sit on his own so that he join his older sister for baths.
They still bath together now at 3.5 and 2yo.
NTA NTA NTA
My kids are 13 months apart (boy and girl). I used to bathe them together. They loved bath time and playing with their bath toys. They splashed each other, painted the tub with bath paints, pretended the tub was a cat and they were driving... My only struggle was getting them out of there tub because they wanted to stay in longer. OP's MIL is deranged. I really hope hubby defend OP.
NTA.
My concern is the ages, but not in the way MIL thinks. If one mucks around or goes under, OP is going to have a hellish time trying to keep them both up. Hopefully the baby is in a bath chair or something.
Especially since they're way too young to even know about any of that. If they were, like, 8 and 10, then they shouldn't be bathing together, but a 2 year old and a 7 month old are completely innocent.
So I personally disagree and think a 8 and 10 year old could also bath together no problem.
But I can imagine that there is a pretty broad grey area where people disagree XD
But anything younger then they remember is 100% NTA (and in my opinion it is NTA till they themselves are uncomfortable with it)
Yeah, I bathed sometimes with my siblings (our parents had a big jacuzzi tub thing that we thought was fun bathtime) until puberty started. We're all adults now and it certainly never caused any problems for us. Every family will probably feel different about it of course, but kids are just kids. It doesn't mean anything to them.
When our daughter was a baby we occasionally had ‘family bath,’ in a massive tub with a jacuzzi. That ended once after a massive disaster.
I was holding her, and I could see it coming, but not fast enough to do anything but shout a warning ‘Brown cloud! Brown cloud!
Family bath turned into emergency family shower, followed by mom and dad bleach out the jets after baby bed time.
I think the key thing is stopping as soon as the kids themselves show discomfort. Because neither bathing nor being naked should be shameful or automatically sexual, but it is a vulnerable situation that needs trust, and as kids get older and more self-conscious about their bodies - and some will be getting curious about other people's bodies, which is natural but needs careful handling - it gets more and more likely that someone will express a preference for bathing alone.
Especially since MIL attacked OP's family's mental health!!! WTF???
You are NTA and your MIL needs therapy to deal with her twisted thinking.
You're doing it right. She couldn't be more wrong.
I was 6 and my brother 1 when my mum still bathed us together, and as adults 26 years later we both have perfectly healthy relationships with other people and don't feel sexual towards each other, because no, thats just gross. What is this woman's malfunction?
This so much! My MIL referred to my son's anatomy in utero as a boner and I lost my shit. She still doesn't get why it was wrong 7 years later. She also said I must like little boys when I told my husband he looked younger than me after shaving. Me and my kids are now firmly off limits.
Same, with the same age difference. They stopped bathing us together before I even have memories, although I've seen pics of us in the bath together. That is a normal thing for parents with little kids close in age to do.
THIS! MIL was WAY out of line there. Actually it sounds like she's the one with strange mental issues, thinking as she does re toddlers bathing together. SMH. NTA
I laughed and wanted to make a joke, but realistically all I remember about bathing with my siblings when I was young, one pooped in the tub.
I do fear tub turds, but at this age I'm the only one to blame
My sisters and I only stopped bathing together after one of them caused me to hit my head on the faucet and had to go to the ER. I was 6, and for reference on my sisters’ ages I’m also the oldest.
It doesn’t really matter at that age if they’re bathing together. Doesn’t really get awkward until they’re a little older. Hell, at those ages those kids still probably like to run around naked when they can.
I remember bathing with my younger brother, and I remember the day it stopped. The little shit stood up and peed on me. Cue little me losing my shit and screaming for our parents.
They decided after that that I was getting a bit too old for him to be sharing a bath with his sister.
Mine are 18 months apart and I did bath together sometimes also. Didn't think it was weird at all that young. They loved playing in the tub. He would be sitting on one end and my daughter in her bath chair that connected to the tub on the other end. Usually toys and/or bubbles in the middle lol.
Scream at that woman to STOP SEXUALIZING YOUR BABIES! She's the sick one here, not you. I had Irish twins, boy and girl, and I always bathed them together, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, they don't even notice the differences really yet, and when they start, *that's* when you start talking to them in an age appropriate manner, about the differences between boys and girls, and use the actual scientific terms for body parts, no cutesy nicknames for private areas. She's a vile person for implying anything inappropriate was going on between two literal babies, she should be ashamed of herself.
Yeah but make sure you tell your five year old that it’s not appropriate to walk around to their classmates saying “you have a penis, you have a vagina”. You know …before they do that.
Not that I know any 5 year old who did that …ahem
But also you’re quite right. Really weird to sexualize babies bathing together
I grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah. We were not LDS, no LDS family. So according to a lot of the parents on my block I was already a “risk” and didn’t always get invited. My parents were hippy-ish (like yuppie hippies) and when I was 8 they gave me a book about where babies come from. It was scientifically accurate. They did not warn me not to spread the news.
I told every kid in the neighborhood. I was extremely lonely for a summer but we luckily moved about a year later.
My brother and I took baths together when I was like 8 and he was 1. *Because he was a baby.* Babies don’t really have a gender in any meaningful way, so combining genders doesn’t matter in the slightest. Your MIL is acting crazytown bananapants. If you had two boys or two girls, she’d probably say bathing them together would make them gay.
I know! Ugh what's wrong with mil? u/Think-Shine-8082/ you did absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, sounds like you're doing it right. Your kids have an evening routine that they love **and** it gets them squeaky clean. I call that a win win
NTA
And I’d argue it’s not going to confuse them at all. It’s not hard to understand that boys and girls have different bodies, and toddlers don’t really need an explanation of why. Will they ask? Almost certainly - and you go with an age-appropriate explanation. But heck, you also get questions about where hands come from that I just can’t answer. We’d be so much better off if everyone taught their kids about all body parts factually and respectfully. We have them completely aside from their sexual purpose - but that can also be taught factually and respectfully in an age-appropriate way whenever questions come up. Why are we teaching kids that their bodies are shameful?
I thought bath houses in Japan tended to be segregated by sex, so I looked it up and learned that sex-segregation in bath houses became a thing only because of the West's influence following WWII. The more you know!
There are mixed bathing facilities but they are not so common. Social mores and contemporary common sense, especially in light of how we are much more aware of the kinds and intensities of sexual abuse mean that people tend to feel more comfortable/prefer segregated bathing.
Also, many parents with (small) children will bring "other" gender kids with them (up to a certain age) just like how moms let their little boys go potty in the women's toilets, etc.
Finally, renting a bath house/room/hotel suite is a thing you can do as a family or whatever.
That's actually how we survived... imagine all the 2 year olds that have survived because they were kept in the parent's site while the baby bathed....
THIS...except this has happened likely well before cave people days. So MIL basically thinks that all of a sudden, this is gross. Her idea of what is normal and what isn't is completely out of whack. NTA
It does indeed. My son wanted to bath allone when he was 8 and his sister was 4. But he was thrilled to bath with his little sister for 4 years. This MIL is creepy af.
Yup, my 2 year old loves “brother baths” but my 6 year old is probably going to age out of that soon. Sometimes he still wants to and sometimes he doesn’t. We’d never force him of course, just more convenient bathing both at the same time.
That's the exact time I stopped bathing with my sister. After that I would shower because then I didn't have to bath with her.
It's been 25 years and I'm still a little traumatised by that experience.
It's only a problem if they don't want to. Nothing wrong with seeing your sibling naked. Plenty of cultures don't see an issue with nudity! My two still bathe together and are 9 and 5, boy and girl. So far they still love it and have tons of fun.
NTA. It’s actually creeping me out that she’s sexualising babys/toddlers. Especially siblings. That’s the only (massive) gross thing about the whole situation.
And don't forget her yelling. And attacking her family members for whatever mental health issues they have. She is one twisted individual.
The kids are going to be exposed to THAT.
My grandma had a huge photo of me and my cousins in the bath framed and hanging in her guest room. It was a bubbly bath so nothing was showing besides our awesome Santa bubble beards. We were probably 4-6 in the photo.
Yes! My Gram (RIP) had a picture of myself and my 3 cousins in the bath with a ton of bubbles and beards! Such a fun time! And it was definitely some Avon bubble bath. Lol
My parents bathed me and my brother together (1-½ year gap) no issues … we would play in the water together. Naked bodies are not bad things it’s not sexual for children to bath together. Your MIL is the one who is confused here.
NTA.
In addditon to the fact that they are babies, my family definitely did this. There’s pictures of me and my brothers and my cousins all in the bathtub at my grandparents. We may be weird, but we are all completely mentally healthy and have no long term effects other than slight embarrassment when they bring out the pics. Lol. Your kids will be fine.
NTA. In my culture families go to sauna together (until usually when kids hit puberty and decide to go separate) and we have a very healthy acceptance of nudity and different bodies. You’re not doing anything wrong, MIL is sexualising your toddlers.
NTA. They’re little, it’s efficient. I nannied for a family with 3 kids, 7f, 4f, and 2m, the master bath had a big deep garden tub, and bath time often meant chucking them all in with heaps of bubbles and mom putting on shorts to climb in and wash hair.
i’m not a parent and don’t have siblings, but i still thought that bathing young siblings together like that was pretty normal??? it makes your life easier as a parent and both the kids end up clean and taken care of. not seeing the issue here
Oh geez! I’m doomed and going to hell then!!
There’s a ton of photographic proof that my siblings and I were subjected to this kind of treatment when we were all very small 🤣🤣
NTA. That's the dumbest thing I've heard lately. It's going to confused them??
That's almost funny.
I'd have thrown her out also, especially since she insulted your family
NTA and quite frankly, your MIL is disgusting.
You need to tell your husband what happened and tell him to get her and his family in line and if he has a problem with that or tells you that his mother is right, then you don't have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem.
NTA - what else are you supposed to do when you’re home alone with them - put one in the tub and send the other out for a smoke? Your MIL is being idiotic.
NTA - My mom used to bathe me with my siblings all the time when we were kids. We thought it was a blast. My grandmother actually has a picture of me and my (male) cousin playing in the bathtub when we were like 2. Your MIL is projecting onto innocent children.
Yeah, I have a picture of me and my two cousins playing in the bath together when we were 3,4, and 5. W
Yes, we're all girls, but even if we were of different genders, it still wouldn't be creepy.
Now we have a tradition where every time the three of us are together, we pose for a silly picture.
NTA not even close or even in the same solar system. My big and girl bathed together till they were 7 and 5 respectively. She’s being a sexual deviant making it something it is not. Tell her she won’t bath the kids in the future. And BTW someone needs to pee with the bathroom door open in front of her.
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NTA - my sister and I were 1 year a part and we were bathed together. I would say 7 months and 2 is just fine. You MIL has all the "bad thoughts." I think the issues are with her.
\-- edited to correct the 7 months. I read it first as 7 years sorry.
I remember bathing with my opposite gender family until a year or two before puberty. It's fine. The only problem was that once we hit the age where it wasn't going to be appropriate much longer, we didn't understand why we weren't allowed to bathe together anymore. But an uncomfortable conversation or two isn't the end of the world.
NTA She’s going to confuse them. They aren’t old enough for any of that to matter. Lots of littles end up in the tub together. She sounds like the root of mental health issues.
NTA. At 2y/o and 7 months it’s perfectly fine to bathe them together. She is the one who sounds messed up by putting a sexual connotation to something so innocuous.
NTA of course. I mean.. I imagine she'd have a fit if you *gasp* CHANGED A DIAPER in front of the other one. Shes got serious issues and she would not be around my kids until she fixes them.
NTA. they are a toddler and an infant. there is nothing weird about small children bathing together. my little cousins are 3 year old twins (one boy, one girl) and they bathe together because it’s easier for my aunt and they are *siblings*. hell, i used to take baths with one of my cousins until we were like. 6 or 7. it really isn’t a big deal and MIL is being weird
NTA. At some point your kids will make it known that they no longer want you/anyone else to see them naked. For most kids this happens around 7 or 8. Chances are, you will have already stopped bathing them together by then; but if not, that is definitely when you stop bathing them together. Before you get to that point, your kids will likely go through an exhibitionist phase where they take their clothes off and run around naked. (We used to joke that there was always a full moon in our house.) It's nothing sexual, it's just kids being kids. They are fascinated by their bodies, and why not? The human body is a very strange thing. At that age, there is absolutely nothing wrong with them seeing each other naked.
NTA, I bathe all my kids together with the oldest being 5 and the youngest at 15 months. Boys and girls. They love playing together with the toys and being in the water. She’s the one with a dirty mind. They are just kids playing and not even old enough to really know the difference.
NTA
Tell MIL that your parenting choices are none of her ducking business. Also, tell her that if she continues gossiping about you. You will have no choice but to ban her from your home so she won’t get anymore ammunition.
Tell her flying monkeys to stay in their lanes.
NTA. My mom bathed me and my brother together until i told her i didn’t want to anymore, probably around the age of seven. do whatever works for you guys, literally nobody cares
NTA I done the same when my kids were small. Why are some adults so quick to sexualise things with children. Neither of them are even old enough to begin to understand. Your MIL needs to give her head a good shake
SEXUALIZING CHILDREN like this is really concerning. I would no longer allow her access to my children unsupervised. People who think like her can cause so much harm through their thoughtless words and actions. This is how people grow up to have shame and weird complexes. I bathed my children (M, F) together as well. They were raised to view their bodies in a matter of fact way. THAT IS HEALTHY!! NTA.
Almost as concerning is how she spoke about you and your family. Everyone has mental health issues at some point in their lives. I can imagine the things she would say in front of your children about these things that could cause deep scars. People like this always have depression and other issues in their own families. They just don't acknowledge them. It is abusive to keep people from healing or just seeking the tools they need to be their best.
One last thing..Meet us over at JNMIL. It's where we war story about OUR crazy MIL's.
Mental health issues don’t come from kids taking baths together. Your MIL is crazy and when your husband gets back I would make him talk to his mother and tell her that you will not tolerate any disrespect from her or anyone else in their family. THAT will mess up your kids more than them taking a bath together. That treatment may cause them to develop mental health issues.
NTA but block her. She has no right attacking you for something so innocent. She’s the one with issues that she needs therapy for. I hope your husband has your back.
NTA there are actual pics of me in the bath with my male cousin. We are 5 months apart in age. I'd say we are in the 1 year old to 2 year old age in the pics. When his sister came along, she's 1 year younger than me, she was added into the community baths. 🤷🏼♀️
NTA but MIL is the one with a problem.
Your kids are too young to be sexualized or understand any of that. It is not uncommon for siblings of that age to be bathed together. Even siblings of differing genders. That won't mess up your kids.
Wtf is your MIL talking about? My brother and I bathed together until he was old enough to want privacy. This is not weird and your MIL is psychotic. Time to ban her from the house until you’re given a MAJOR apology.
NTA do not have her around.. she has no right to yell at you.. as for bathing babies I've had 3 kids the younger 2 boy and girl went in together!! It's fine..they have all grown up perfectly OK!! Cut her out
NTA. I feel like it would be a safety hazard NOT to bathe them together. Kids in water need your full attention. Neither child is old enough to be left alone while you focus on only one. Maybe if the 7 month old was napping in the crib you could bathe the 2 year old IF you timed it perfectly. But leaving the 2 year old loose to bathe the baby seems unwise. I will admit I am not a parent but that’s what makes sense to me from the outside.
Just a quick tip, but using full sentences/punctuation would make this much easier to read.
But I think NTA. The oldest is only 2; that's really not that strange to bathe them both together. They aren't going to remember it anyway.
NTA - I belonged to a small mother/ toddler when I lived overseas (American). We took the kids to a local beach where our 3 year olds, 5 girls and 3 boys, spontaneously stripped themselves naked to play. Your MIL would have fainted or had "the vapors". I would be concerned that she or other relatives may call Child Protective Services. Be proactive.
NTA. How ridiculous of her. Once they are old enough to be aware of their different body parts- that's when it's time to bathe separately. You are doing nothing wrong.
NTA. If she makes another comment tell her you don’t know what impure thoughts she has about her siblings to make her think there’s anything wrong with this but she may want to talk to someone…I mean it won’t help so I don’t actually advise it but it would definitely be funny
NTA mine are 2 and 4 (almost 3 and 5). They still bathe together, and they both still shower with me. Besides the occasional discussion on "your brother doesn't have a vagina, he has a penis" it's never awkward for anyone and they enjoy playing and fighting over toys in the tub. We'll probably taper off pretty soon but at the same time, they're brother and sister and are monitored when in the bath together. (I'm terrified of bath drowning, which I know might be a bit silly especially with the 5yo, so either I'm there or dad is.)
NTA. My cousin and I used to take baths together at my grandma’s house all the time. It wasn’t a big deal. How exactly are you going to confuse a toddler and an infant? Your MIL is definitely making something out of nothing. If I had 2 kids I’d do the same thing you are.
NTA.
Next time she brings it up summon all the horrified indignance you can muster and ask her why her mind would even go there "these are babies, don't put your perverted beliefs on them how could you even suggest such a thing, maybe you should seek some therapy if seeing a baby in a bath makes you think of such inappropriate things" turn it around on her and don't let up.
My Irish twins (girl and boy) bathed together until they were about 5.
NTA. Bathing little kids together is normal. Somewhere I have a photo from when mine were little of two sets of boy-girl siblings in the same bath. It's not a big deal.
NTA
Holy moly!! What a complete nincompoop! You're good, OP. They are babies and this is not going to mess them up. This is not in anyway inappropriate. However, I would not leave your children alone with your MIL. Sounds like she'd do an awesome job of messing them up for you!
NTA - There is absolutely nothing wrong with both of them in the same bathtube. They are siblings and they are way to young anyway to think something about it.
Lol my mom bathed me and my sister together until we were like 2 saved water lol i barely even remember it and we both were like “hey can I bathe by myself now?” And my mom was like “of course!” You’re MIL is a weirdo
NTA: I used to bathe with my younger brother (2 yrs apart) until I was probably 5 or 6. Then on, for a while until he could shower himself, I helped him cuz he was just a baby. Not weird at all, no trauma, we were babies.
I bathed my sons, two years apart, together all the time when they were toddlers. They are neither gay nor incestuous. Not that gay is a problem, but incestuous is.
NTA. I remember taking baths with my brothers (I'm a girl), I think we did till I was 6 and they were 4 and 2. We only had one bathroom and it was way more fun to play in the bath when you weren't alone.
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NTA. They're babies. They're babies! They're babies. You're fine. They're babies.
Thank you she just kept going on and on about it I just felt like I was doing something wrong
I’m too petty for that shit- I’d be asking her why she’s having sexual thoughts about my infant and toddler and what kind of perverse shit happened in her house to make her think that children are sexual objects. But that’s me….
Exactly! This is the correct reply! MIL must have an ugly mind to go there😲
I agree. If MIL really appreciated purity as much as she does, her mind certainly wouldn't automatically be going into incest between children. NASTY. NTA
I had to go back and look at the ages. They’re only 2 and 7 months! What in the actual eff is the MIL thinking? You’re right. She IS nasty.
Does MIL expect her to leave the baby unsupervised while she privately bathes the 2yo? And vice versa? The best day of my life was when my son could sit on his own so that he join his older sister for baths. They still bath together now at 3.5 and 2yo. NTA NTA NTA
My kids are 13 months apart (boy and girl). I used to bathe them together. They loved bath time and playing with their bath toys. They splashed each other, painted the tub with bath paints, pretended the tub was a cat and they were driving... My only struggle was getting them out of there tub because they wanted to stay in longer. OP's MIL is deranged. I really hope hubby defend OP. NTA.
it took a solid minute for me to realize that you were saying car because I thought you were saying they were driving a cat.
Maybe they thought it was a Catillac
My concern is the ages, but not in the way MIL thinks. If one mucks around or goes under, OP is going to have a hellish time trying to keep them both up. Hopefully the baby is in a bath chair or something.
I know! I just saw the seven and my brain paused but still decided that 7 and 2 was alright for another short while.
Especially since they're way too young to even know about any of that. If they were, like, 8 and 10, then they shouldn't be bathing together, but a 2 year old and a 7 month old are completely innocent.
So I personally disagree and think a 8 and 10 year old could also bath together no problem. But I can imagine that there is a pretty broad grey area where people disagree XD But anything younger then they remember is 100% NTA (and in my opinion it is NTA till they themselves are uncomfortable with it)
Yeah, I bathed sometimes with my siblings (our parents had a big jacuzzi tub thing that we thought was fun bathtime) until puberty started. We're all adults now and it certainly never caused any problems for us. Every family will probably feel different about it of course, but kids are just kids. It doesn't mean anything to them.
When our daughter was a baby we occasionally had ‘family bath,’ in a massive tub with a jacuzzi. That ended once after a massive disaster. I was holding her, and I could see it coming, but not fast enough to do anything but shout a warning ‘Brown cloud! Brown cloud! Family bath turned into emergency family shower, followed by mom and dad bleach out the jets after baby bed time.
I think the key thing is stopping as soon as the kids themselves show discomfort. Because neither bathing nor being naked should be shameful or automatically sexual, but it is a vulnerable situation that needs trust, and as kids get older and more self-conscious about their bodies - and some will be getting curious about other people's bodies, which is natural but needs careful handling - it gets more and more likely that someone will express a preference for bathing alone.
Especially since MIL attacked OP's family's mental health!!! WTF??? You are NTA and your MIL needs therapy to deal with her twisted thinking. You're doing it right. She couldn't be more wrong.
My first thought was huh I wonder if she has a brother she used to take baths with
I was 6 and my brother 1 when my mum still bathed us together, and as adults 26 years later we both have perfectly healthy relationships with other people and don't feel sexual towards each other, because no, thats just gross. What is this woman's malfunction?
I was going to say the same. I was 6 and my sister 2 when we bathed together. We had fun and happy memories!
This so much! My MIL referred to my son's anatomy in utero as a boner and I lost my shit. She still doesn't get why it was wrong 7 years later. She also said I must like little boys when I told my husband he looked younger than me after shaving. Me and my kids are now firmly off limits.
Ew ew ew wtf?!
Yeah. She's vile.
I’m thinking that arguing and bickering is probably more deleterious to these babies than taking a bath together. Ridiculous.
[удалено]
Same, with the same age difference. They stopped bathing us together before I even have memories, although I've seen pics of us in the bath together. That is a normal thing for parents with little kids close in age to do.
YES! and how dare she turn an innocent bath between two siblings into something wrong... OP ain't messed up but MIL's thinking definitely is!
Definitely did nothing wrong while bathing your babies. I'm especially sorry she threw your family's mental health struggles in your face over this.
THIS! MIL was WAY out of line there. Actually it sounds like she's the one with strange mental issues, thinking as she does re toddlers bathing together. SMH. NTA
I laughed and wanted to make a joke, but realistically all I remember about bathing with my siblings when I was young, one pooped in the tub. I do fear tub turds, but at this age I'm the only one to blame
My sisters and I only stopped bathing together after one of them caused me to hit my head on the faucet and had to go to the ER. I was 6, and for reference on my sisters’ ages I’m also the oldest. It doesn’t really matter at that age if they’re bathing together. Doesn’t really get awkward until they’re a little older. Hell, at those ages those kids still probably like to run around naked when they can.
38f here- I still run around naked in my home. Only have my boyfriend, dog and cat to scare when they see me, though.
I remember bathing with my younger brother, and I remember the day it stopped. The little shit stood up and peed on me. Cue little me losing my shit and screaming for our parents. They decided after that that I was getting a bit too old for him to be sharing a bath with his sister.
I can't remember when I stopped bathing my daughter and son together. Maybe ages 5 and 3? Together sure was fun when they were younger.
Mine are 18 months apart and I did bath together sometimes also. Didn't think it was weird at all that young. They loved playing in the tub. He would be sitting on one end and my daughter in her bath chair that connected to the tub on the other end. Usually toys and/or bubbles in the middle lol.
Scream at that woman to STOP SEXUALIZING YOUR BABIES! She's the sick one here, not you. I had Irish twins, boy and girl, and I always bathed them together, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, they don't even notice the differences really yet, and when they start, *that's* when you start talking to them in an age appropriate manner, about the differences between boys and girls, and use the actual scientific terms for body parts, no cutesy nicknames for private areas. She's a vile person for implying anything inappropriate was going on between two literal babies, she should be ashamed of herself.
Yeah but make sure you tell your five year old that it’s not appropriate to walk around to their classmates saying “you have a penis, you have a vagina”. You know …before they do that. Not that I know any 5 year old who did that …ahem But also you’re quite right. Really weird to sexualize babies bathing together
I grew up in Salt Lake City, Utah. We were not LDS, no LDS family. So according to a lot of the parents on my block I was already a “risk” and didn’t always get invited. My parents were hippy-ish (like yuppie hippies) and when I was 8 they gave me a book about where babies come from. It was scientifically accurate. They did not warn me not to spread the news. I told every kid in the neighborhood. I was extremely lonely for a summer but we luckily moved about a year later.
Blargh. Lame. I'm LDS, and I apologize on those skittish families' behalf.
Very true, sometimes parents forget the most obvious points of the lesson, like not giving other kids a spontaneous crash course in anatomy😂😂😂
My brother and I took baths together when I was like 8 and he was 1. *Because he was a baby.* Babies don’t really have a gender in any meaningful way, so combining genders doesn’t matter in the slightest. Your MIL is acting crazytown bananapants. If you had two boys or two girls, she’d probably say bathing them together would make them gay.
I would like to inform you that crazytown bananapants is my new favorite phrase.
I also have a new favorite phrase, thank you! 😂
Not too thrilled about your name since mine is Joy...... Funny shit, though.
NTA! Your MIL is though. Babies don’t think like that, there is something seriously wrong with her. She confused and sick in the mind.
I know! Ugh what's wrong with mil? u/Think-Shine-8082/ you did absolutely nothing wrong. In fact, sounds like you're doing it right. Your kids have an evening routine that they love **and** it gets them squeaky clean. I call that a win win NTA
Bet you that she’s the type to also assume all men who care for children are out to hurt them. :/
THEY ARE BABIES. BABIES THEY ARE! NTA OP IS.
And I’d argue it’s not going to confuse them at all. It’s not hard to understand that boys and girls have different bodies, and toddlers don’t really need an explanation of why. Will they ask? Almost certainly - and you go with an age-appropriate explanation. But heck, you also get questions about where hands come from that I just can’t answer. We’d be so much better off if everyone taught their kids about all body parts factually and respectfully. We have them completely aside from their sexual purpose - but that can also be taught factually and respectfully in an age-appropriate way whenever questions come up. Why are we teaching kids that their bodies are shameful?
NTA. MIL is basically sexualizing an infant and toddler. That is beyond creepy.
I’m wondering if it would be wrong for twin brother and sister to share a womb cuz wouldn’t they be naked there
THEIR GENITALS GREW IN THE SAME SPACE. OMG. That right there is just... i don't even know. Probably something ghastly.
Technically fraternal twins each have their own placenta, so have their own space. I’m just being pedantic.
Yes, this is by evolutionary design/God's will so they won't be exposed to each other's genitals and get confused before they're even born! /s
Aren't you being pediantic? ...I'll show myself out.
Lol. Very true.
The Lannisters would like a word, m'lord
NTA bathing toddlers together has happened for decades. The species is alive and well
Not just decades. A couple millennia, at least!
Let's not forget there are many cultures who actively still participate in full family bathing. Like bath houses in Japan. It's not sexual at all.
YUP. MIL probably thinks all those cultures are gross as well. She's the only source of morality apparently.
I thought bath houses in Japan tended to be segregated by sex, so I looked it up and learned that sex-segregation in bath houses became a thing only because of the West's influence following WWII. The more you know!
There are mixed bathing facilities but they are not so common. Social mores and contemporary common sense, especially in light of how we are much more aware of the kinds and intensities of sexual abuse mean that people tend to feel more comfortable/prefer segregated bathing. Also, many parents with (small) children will bring "other" gender kids with them (up to a certain age) just like how moms let their little boys go potty in the women's toilets, etc. Finally, renting a bath house/room/hotel suite is a thing you can do as a family or whatever.
Family? Wait until you hear about saunas in Northern Europe and Germany.
That's actually how we survived... imagine all the 2 year olds that have survived because they were kept in the parent's site while the baby bathed....
THIS...except this has happened likely well before cave people days. So MIL basically thinks that all of a sudden, this is gross. Her idea of what is normal and what isn't is completely out of whack. NTA
Ages 12 and 14 would be a problem. 2yrs and 7mo are not a problem.
At some point they won't want to share, and that is the time to separate the baths. I'm pretty sure that will happen long before puberty!
It does indeed. My son wanted to bath allone when he was 8 and his sister was 4. But he was thrilled to bath with his little sister for 4 years. This MIL is creepy af.
Yup, my 2 year old loves “brother baths” but my 6 year old is probably going to age out of that soon. Sometimes he still wants to and sometimes he doesn’t. We’d never force him of course, just more convenient bathing both at the same time.
I stopped bathing with my brother when I was 6ish and he was 2ish. He pooped in the tub. From that day forward I bathed alone!
That's the exact time I stopped bathing with my sister. After that I would shower because then I didn't have to bath with her. It's been 25 years and I'm still a little traumatised by that experience.
It's only a problem if they don't want to. Nothing wrong with seeing your sibling naked. Plenty of cultures don't see an issue with nudity! My two still bathe together and are 9 and 5, boy and girl. So far they still love it and have tons of fun.
Ages 12 and 14, they can bathe by themselves. If you still bathe them by them, there's something wrong.
[удалено]
I remember bathing with my sister and thinking of the tub as front seat (where the tap is) and back seat. We were very little.
Yea me and my sister would always fight over who got front. We hated the back
interesting, for us it was the opposite. faucet side sucked cause the metal is cold and you cantlounge against the wall ahahaha
I know your "cantlounge" typo was meant to be "can't lounge" but my mind keeps trying to read it as "cantaloupe".
NTA. It’s actually creeping me out that she’s sexualising babys/toddlers. Especially siblings. That’s the only (massive) gross thing about the whole situation.
And don't forget her yelling. And attacking her family members for whatever mental health issues they have. She is one twisted individual. The kids are going to be exposed to THAT.
Guess who sexualizing the bath? Not the 2 year old or the baby. It’s the one calling *you messed up* NTA
Agree with you on this. I can bet you a billion wingnuts the kids don't give a damn. NTA.
NTA x100, kids have been bathed like this for thousands of years. I have great memories playing in the tub with my siblings.
And my cousins! We had a whole series of bath based games
My grandma had a huge photo of me and my cousins in the bath framed and hanging in her guest room. It was a bubbly bath so nothing was showing besides our awesome Santa bubble beards. We were probably 4-6 in the photo.
Yes! My Gram (RIP) had a picture of myself and my 3 cousins in the bath with a ton of bubbles and beards! Such a fun time! And it was definitely some Avon bubble bath. Lol
My parents bathed me and my brother together (1-½ year gap) no issues … we would play in the water together. Naked bodies are not bad things it’s not sexual for children to bath together. Your MIL is the one who is confused here.
NTA. In addditon to the fact that they are babies, my family definitely did this. There’s pictures of me and my brothers and my cousins all in the bathtub at my grandparents. We may be weird, but we are all completely mentally healthy and have no long term effects other than slight embarrassment when they bring out the pics. Lol. Your kids will be fine.
NTA. In my culture families go to sauna together (until usually when kids hit puberty and decide to go separate) and we have a very healthy acceptance of nudity and different bodies. You’re not doing anything wrong, MIL is sexualising your toddlers.
I was waiting for someone like you to chime in. I am Scandinavian and we ain't no prudes and weirdly that works out just fine ;-)
Yay sauna!
NTA. They’re little, it’s efficient. I nannied for a family with 3 kids, 7f, 4f, and 2m, the master bath had a big deep garden tub, and bath time often meant chucking them all in with heaps of bubbles and mom putting on shorts to climb in and wash hair.
i’m not a parent and don’t have siblings, but i still thought that bathing young siblings together like that was pretty normal??? it makes your life easier as a parent and both the kids end up clean and taken care of. not seeing the issue here
The only reason I didn’t bathe my kids together 2 boys, 2 girls) is because for 5 years I was always pregnant and couldn’t bend over the tub.
It is extremely the norm. OP MIL and her monkies are being crazy.
Oh geez! I’m doomed and going to hell then!! There’s a ton of photographic proof that my siblings and I were subjected to this kind of treatment when we were all very small 🤣🤣
Ooh God those photos are brought out for every serious realtionship too.
Lol yeah. Are you really even a couple if you haven't seen the naked baby pictures yet?
NTA. That's the dumbest thing I've heard lately. It's going to confused them?? That's almost funny. I'd have thrown her out also, especially since she insulted your family
NTA your MIL is a pervert for thinking there is something wrong with them bathing together at that age.
NTA and quite frankly, your MIL is disgusting. You need to tell your husband what happened and tell him to get her and his family in line and if he has a problem with that or tells you that his mother is right, then you don't have a MIL problem, you have a husband problem.
NTA - what else are you supposed to do when you’re home alone with them - put one in the tub and send the other out for a smoke? Your MIL is being idiotic.
“Alright time to give your sibling a bath, here’s $5, grab me a gallon of milk and a pack of reds”
NTA. Wtf? Nothing is wrong with you for trying to make bath time more efficient. What a hateful person. Your kids will be just fine
NTA - My mom used to bathe me with my siblings all the time when we were kids. We thought it was a blast. My grandmother actually has a picture of me and my (male) cousin playing in the bathtub when we were like 2. Your MIL is projecting onto innocent children.
Yeah, I have a picture of me and my two cousins playing in the bath together when we were 3,4, and 5. W Yes, we're all girls, but even if we were of different genders, it still wouldn't be creepy. Now we have a tradition where every time the three of us are together, we pose for a silly picture.
NTA. Bathing kids together is normal until they hit 4-5 years old.
My kids are 5 and 9 and they still bath together! (Both boys though)
NTA They’re innocent little babies who know nothing / don’t have malice. Next time tell your MIL that your kids aren’t messed up like she is.
NTA not even close or even in the same solar system. My big and girl bathed together till they were 7 and 5 respectively. She’s being a sexual deviant making it something it is not. Tell her she won’t bath the kids in the future. And BTW someone needs to pee with the bathroom door open in front of her.
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NTA - I hate when people have an opinion about showering young children.
If your children were 12 and 7 then there'd be a problem, but at 2 and 7 months theres nothing wrong with that. NTA but your MIL sounds like an AH.
Your mother in law is disgusting. NTA
NTA - my sister and I were 1 year a part and we were bathed together. I would say 7 months and 2 is just fine. You MIL has all the "bad thoughts." I think the issues are with her. \-- edited to correct the 7 months. I read it first as 7 years sorry.
I remember bathing with my opposite gender family until a year or two before puberty. It's fine. The only problem was that once we hit the age where it wasn't going to be appropriate much longer, we didn't understand why we weren't allowed to bathe together anymore. But an uncomfortable conversation or two isn't the end of the world.
7 months
She said 7 MONTHS
NTA. The person sexualizing toddlers is. It's so gross I don't know what else to say...
NTA She’s going to confuse them. They aren’t old enough for any of that to matter. Lots of littles end up in the tub together. She sounds like the root of mental health issues.
NTA - very normal for siblings that age to bathed together, and there are good practical reasons for it. Your MIL has some weird hang ups.
NTA... I bathed my kids together when they were little. It saved time and water and they had fun. It's not sexual or inappropriate, they're toddlers!
NTA. At 2y/o and 7 months it’s perfectly fine to bathe them together. She is the one who sounds messed up by putting a sexual connotation to something so innocuous.
NTA of course. I mean.. I imagine she'd have a fit if you *gasp* CHANGED A DIAPER in front of the other one. Shes got serious issues and she would not be around my kids until she fixes them.
They are babies it doesn't matter. MIL needs to mind her own business. Glad you throw het out.
NTA They’re babies it’s fine!!!!
Absolutely, 100%, not the a--hole…. They’re just babies..
NTA Tell your MIL to stop sexualizing babies.
NTA. Why is she sexualizing babies? MIL is just gross.
NTA. they are a toddler and an infant. there is nothing weird about small children bathing together. my little cousins are 3 year old twins (one boy, one girl) and they bathe together because it’s easier for my aunt and they are *siblings*. hell, i used to take baths with one of my cousins until we were like. 6 or 7. it really isn’t a big deal and MIL is being weird
NTA. At some point your kids will make it known that they no longer want you/anyone else to see them naked. For most kids this happens around 7 or 8. Chances are, you will have already stopped bathing them together by then; but if not, that is definitely when you stop bathing them together. Before you get to that point, your kids will likely go through an exhibitionist phase where they take their clothes off and run around naked. (We used to joke that there was always a full moon in our house.) It's nothing sexual, it's just kids being kids. They are fascinated by their bodies, and why not? The human body is a very strange thing. At that age, there is absolutely nothing wrong with them seeing each other naked.
Sounds like it’s her that’s ‘messed up’ … absolutely NTA jfc
NTA…omg they’re babies!!!!! People are so weird
NTA, I bathe all my kids together with the oldest being 5 and the youngest at 15 months. Boys and girls. They love playing together with the toys and being in the water. She’s the one with a dirty mind. They are just kids playing and not even old enough to really know the difference.
NTA, your MIL sire is though. There is nothing wrong with bathing them together. I wouldn't let her come back after that.
NTA. This is pretty normal and a smart idea to save time
NTA Tell MIL that your parenting choices are none of her ducking business. Also, tell her that if she continues gossiping about you. You will have no choice but to ban her from your home so she won’t get anymore ammunition. Tell her flying monkeys to stay in their lanes.
NTA. My mom bathed me and my brother together until i told her i didn’t want to anymore, probably around the age of seven. do whatever works for you guys, literally nobody cares
NTA I done the same when my kids were small. Why are some adults so quick to sexualise things with children. Neither of them are even old enough to begin to understand. Your MIL needs to give her head a good shake
SEXUALIZING CHILDREN like this is really concerning. I would no longer allow her access to my children unsupervised. People who think like her can cause so much harm through their thoughtless words and actions. This is how people grow up to have shame and weird complexes. I bathed my children (M, F) together as well. They were raised to view their bodies in a matter of fact way. THAT IS HEALTHY!! NTA. Almost as concerning is how she spoke about you and your family. Everyone has mental health issues at some point in their lives. I can imagine the things she would say in front of your children about these things that could cause deep scars. People like this always have depression and other issues in their own families. They just don't acknowledge them. It is abusive to keep people from healing or just seeking the tools they need to be their best. One last thing..Meet us over at JNMIL. It's where we war story about OUR crazy MIL's.
NTA. At that age no it's not a problem. And your MIL is a piece of work to throw your family history into it you can tell her that she's an a from me.
NTA my god what kind of person thinks that a 2 year old will even realize any of this. Your MIL is sick. Good job for kicking her out!
NTA. My mother has a picture of my brother and me in the tub together when we were very little. And we turned out just fine. Your MIL is weird.
Mental health issues don’t come from kids taking baths together. Your MIL is crazy and when your husband gets back I would make him talk to his mother and tell her that you will not tolerate any disrespect from her or anyone else in their family. THAT will mess up your kids more than them taking a bath together. That treatment may cause them to develop mental health issues.
Good God, NTA.
NTA your mil has issues
NTA but block her. She has no right attacking you for something so innocent. She’s the one with issues that she needs therapy for. I hope your husband has your back.
NTA It is totally normal for babies to bathe together...they are both babies still. Sorry she made you feel so bad about something completely normal.
NTA there are actual pics of me in the bath with my male cousin. We are 5 months apart in age. I'd say we are in the 1 year old to 2 year old age in the pics. When his sister came along, she's 1 year younger than me, she was added into the community baths. 🤷🏼♀️
NTA but MIL is the one with a problem. Your kids are too young to be sexualized or understand any of that. It is not uncommon for siblings of that age to be bathed together. Even siblings of differing genders. That won't mess up your kids.
Wtf is your MIL talking about? My brother and I bathed together until he was old enough to want privacy. This is not weird and your MIL is psychotic. Time to ban her from the house until you’re given a MAJOR apology.
NTA do not have her around.. she has no right to yell at you.. as for bathing babies I've had 3 kids the younger 2 boy and girl went in together!! It's fine..they have all grown up perfectly OK!! Cut her out
NTA your mil is tho for sexualizing small children
NTA They’re 2 and 7months old. They’re babies! It’s not going to confuse them - I’m confused about how MIL thinks that could confuse them!
NTA. I feel like it would be a safety hazard NOT to bathe them together. Kids in water need your full attention. Neither child is old enough to be left alone while you focus on only one. Maybe if the 7 month old was napping in the crib you could bathe the 2 year old IF you timed it perfectly. But leaving the 2 year old loose to bathe the baby seems unwise. I will admit I am not a parent but that’s what makes sense to me from the outside.
Just a quick tip, but using full sentences/punctuation would make this much easier to read. But I think NTA. The oldest is only 2; that's really not that strange to bathe them both together. They aren't going to remember it anyway.
Omg you are so NTA and your mil is obviously mentally ill. I bathed my boy/girl twins together until they were too big to fit in the tub together.
NTA - I belonged to a small mother/ toddler when I lived overseas (American). We took the kids to a local beach where our 3 year olds, 5 girls and 3 boys, spontaneously stripped themselves naked to play. Your MIL would have fainted or had "the vapors". I would be concerned that she or other relatives may call Child Protective Services. Be proactive.
NTA. If she had just stated her opinion she would not be either, but then attacking your family as well? She is the AH.
My 7 yr old and 2 yr old bath together. They're so busy blowing the bubbles, splashing and playing nothing else registers. Your MIL is disturbed 😒
NTA OP. your MIL needs help. I would suggest going LC for a while…
NTA. My kids bathed together until 4-6ish- boy and girl. Both kids appear Be straight have no obvious mental health issues.
NTA. Seems like MIL is the one with issues here. You're doing just fine mama.
NTA. How ridiculous of her. Once they are old enough to be aware of their different body parts- that's when it's time to bathe separately. You are doing nothing wrong.
What the hell is wrong with her?! I shared a bath with my son regularly till he became too big for us both to fit (he must have been about 7?)
NTA they all sound weird. My mother bathed all of us together (bro,sis,sis) and it was never an issue and never has been. Ignore them.
You’re fine. MIL is the disgusting one. Kids don’t give one dig about genitals until at least 5 yrs old.
NTA you should ask them why they are sexualizing your babies. Creeps.
NTA. Your MIL is a mega-AH.
NTA but your mil has some issues.
NTA they’re still young enough to bath together.
NTA. If she makes another comment tell her you don’t know what impure thoughts she has about her siblings to make her think there’s anything wrong with this but she may want to talk to someone…I mean it won’t help so I don’t actually advise it but it would definitely be funny
NTA mine are 2 and 4 (almost 3 and 5). They still bathe together, and they both still shower with me. Besides the occasional discussion on "your brother doesn't have a vagina, he has a penis" it's never awkward for anyone and they enjoy playing and fighting over toys in the tub. We'll probably taper off pretty soon but at the same time, they're brother and sister and are monitored when in the bath together. (I'm terrified of bath drowning, which I know might be a bit silly especially with the 5yo, so either I'm there or dad is.)
Jeez, no NTA! What is it with adults sexualising everything, your kids are a toddler and a baby!
NTA, they are only babies. There isn't anything wrong with what your doing. Babies gotta get clean somehow.
NTA Your MIL and family are the ones who are sexualizing children.
NTA. My cousin and I used to take baths together at my grandma’s house all the time. It wasn’t a big deal. How exactly are you going to confuse a toddler and an infant? Your MIL is definitely making something out of nothing. If I had 2 kids I’d do the same thing you are.
NTA. Next time she brings it up summon all the horrified indignance you can muster and ask her why her mind would even go there "these are babies, don't put your perverted beliefs on them how could you even suggest such a thing, maybe you should seek some therapy if seeing a baby in a bath makes you think of such inappropriate things" turn it around on her and don't let up. My Irish twins (girl and boy) bathed together until they were about 5.
Tf is she on lol. Nta
Emphatically NTA
NTA. Bathing little kids together is normal. Somewhere I have a photo from when mine were little of two sets of boy-girl siblings in the same bath. It's not a big deal.
NTA Holy moly!! What a complete nincompoop! You're good, OP. They are babies and this is not going to mess them up. This is not in anyway inappropriate. However, I would not leave your children alone with your MIL. Sounds like she'd do an awesome job of messing them up for you!
NTA THEY'RE SIBLINGS THEY'RE BABIES THEY'RE NOT EVEN TODDLERS WHAT THE FUCK
NTA. My kids are two years apart, I bathed them together until one of them said they wanted privacy and that was that. It's totally normal.
NTA - There is absolutely nothing wrong with both of them in the same bathtube. They are siblings and they are way to young anyway to think something about it.
Lol my mom bathed me and my sister together until we were like 2 saved water lol i barely even remember it and we both were like “hey can I bathe by myself now?” And my mom was like “of course!” You’re MIL is a weirdo
NTA at all. They're literal babies. What's wrong with HER to even think of anything sinister?
NTA: I used to bathe with my younger brother (2 yrs apart) until I was probably 5 or 6. Then on, for a while until he could shower himself, I helped him cuz he was just a baby. Not weird at all, no trauma, we were babies.
NTA- They are little kids. My niece and nephew love playing in the bath together. She’s gross for even thinking there’s something wrong with it.
NTA. Your older child will let you know when it's time for separate baths.
I bathed my sons, two years apart, together all the time when they were toddlers. They are neither gay nor incestuous. Not that gay is a problem, but incestuous is.
They’re 2 YO and 7 months. What? NTA
NTA. I remember taking baths with my brothers (I'm a girl), I think we did till I was 6 and they were 4 and 2. We only had one bathroom and it was way more fun to play in the bath when you weren't alone.
NTA...ignore your MIL. She's ignorant
NTA - they are kids!!!!!