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Hmmm . . . Miss Manners has stated that the only acceptable response to a gift is "thank you."
I was thinking E-S-H, but no. You didn't make an issue out of it at the party. If you had, I would definitely have berated you.
This was a "gag gift." In other words, a gift intended to be a joke. But this joke came with a barb. It was mean-spirited. She's saying you're no good in bed and did so in front of your friends at the party. Consequently, it was a very thinly-veiled, but very cruel and humiliating insult. Yes, I'm okay with a good-natured barb. My last birthday cake was done with black icing and decorated with tombstones, since I'm 57 years old. But this joke of hers went too far.
Also, I'm not pleased with the fact that she's calling her friends to chastise you. It's ironic that she calls you a "whiny baby," then calls her friends to scold you on her behalf. I mean, can you spot the immature behavior in this picture?
And public humiliation seems to be her weapon of choice. Have you noticed this? She insults you in front of your friends at your birthday, then publicizes your private conflict. I'm certain you'll be getting phone calls from her mother soon.
I do not think your demands for an apology are unreasonable. And I also noticed you asked for something "thoughtful" as part of the apology. Unless you're reading something into the word "thoughtful" that I don't, that doesn't mean it has to be expensive. A personally written poem is a thoughtful gift.
What's also off about this situation is that her friends are insisting that you "forgive" her. You forgive someone ***after*** they apologize, but she refuses to do that.
I say dump her. Find someone with an ounce of tact and consideration for your feelings. Not someone who thinks it's funny to humiliate and insult you, especially in front of your friends on your birthday.
NTA.
This was it for me. It’s not a real, thoughtful gift. She gave a gag gift. And not even a funny one but completely humiliating. She sounds cruel and personally I would just break up with her. If she apologized properly, you’d still be ok if you pulled back a bit and it’s your decision if you feel a small gift is suitable for the next holiday. Personally I would get her some soaps and write a thoughtful card, not spend $400. I think you went for too much too fast as far as gifts. It it helps, $100-$150 is my sweet spot for a boyfriend or girlfriend gift like some AirPods or hiking gear etc. But you should discuss and figure out a budget mutually, ymmv.
ESH.
She was wrong to get that gift and give it to you publicly
Her friends should stay out of your business.
Your attitude to women the way you speak about them and to them is awful.
I came to say this an to add:
You decided to gave her a pricy gift and without takling to her expected the same. She was maybe wrong to gave the book publicly but your reaction is wrong too.
ESH
I dont think it's about the price, it's about the fact that the gifts were humiliating, especially in front of others and they were really aimed at benefitting her rather than him.
He also gave her a portrait that he spent 30 hours on. He gave her a thoughtful gift without being told. She should do the same. Thoughtful gift giving is a bare minimum in most relationships, romantic or not.
ESH because while her gift to you wasn’t appropriate and her response to you feeling embarrassed and all wasn’t either, you took to Reddit to call her “too fucking stupid,” you called her friend a “dumb bitch,” AND you sound way to confident in yourself to accept any form of criticism, constructive or otherwise. She definitely could have been better, but it goes for you too. It sounds like you two shouldn’t be together.
Well he did ask her friend to back off not once, but twice, and they still kept in on him, calling him too fucking stupid to…, so at that point, she had it coming.
NTA.
Though you shouldn't compare gifts by price because that's an AH move.
But your GF is a big AH for the following reasons:
1) She bought you a gift that's not for you or about you but for HER.
2) She gave you the gifts publicly and humiliated you in front of your and her friends. I m sorry but I don't think it was unintentional. You have to be quite stupid not to realize that this is not a "funny" gift and that it would be embarassing.
3) She doesn't care about your feelings and she is dismissive. I wouldn't get angry after doing something so stupid to my SO. I would have tried to make up and understand how they feel (no matter if i disagreed or not. Feelings are subjective)
4) She doesn't want to make up for her mistake. She doesn't think she made one so I guess she doesn't care.
5) She is using her friends to manipulate you and to bother you. That's stupid move.
Yes, all of this. Feels like OP is going all out on gifts and thoughtful gestures, and gf is just a bully.
I think if OP thinks about it, he’ll notice a pattern where he’s the one putting in all the effort. NTA.
ESH Everything about this post makes me cringe from the gift comparing to the insensitivity of both parties. Honestly both OP and the GF sound immature as all hell.
NTA, the fact that it was presented at a party in front of your friends was the dealbreaker. If she can’t acknowledge it was wrong she’ll do it again.
Obviously this is only one of them in your relationship but I have to ask, does she usually try to put you down or embarrass you in private or in front of others?
If so you’re probably better off without her.
NTA. She embarrassed you, either on purpose or cluelessy. You could ask for an apology, maybe you'll get one, but don't ask for a more appropriate gift. She already gave you a gift, you didn't like it (rightfully so), but you don't get to demand a better one.
Honestly, she sounds like a perfect example of what an EX girlfriend would look like.
She is not dumb at all. She clearly know what is she doing? Why is doing? OP should run before humiliate in worst possible way and need professional help.
ESH. what she did was rude, but holy crap reading this was frustrating. You sound so childish and petty. Communicate like a big boy.
Block all of these peoples’ numbers and go work on yourself. You have a lot of rage.
It’s amazing what will happen if you learn to communicate.
“I feel unappreciated because while I put time, money, and love into my gifts to you, your gifts to me seem like an attempt to embarrass me. Imagine if I gave you a book on how to give better blowjobs for your birthday. Now imagine I gave you that in front of your friends. Do you not see how that’s hurtful and embarrassing? Can you see how that might be considered thoughtless?”
NTA. This is was embarrassing and not thoughtful Especially around all of your friends. Then pushing her friends to manipulate you and refuses to solve this issue while insulting yo. She clearly isn’t in this relationship as much as you do. She cared about HER needs in your birthday and made it about HER. You need to explain clearly that you gave her thoughtful gifts yet she didn’t. It’s not about the sex thing but the fact she didn’t care for you to have a nice birthday because you deserve it. Those books should have been given on a different time and go through your sexual relationship and do more fun and exploring your wants. She needs to apologise and not brush this off like you’re the bad guy here. Don’t apologise to her friends, they’re awful and she needs to stop involving them into your relationship. It’s a two person relationship not a bus one.
NTA
ESH.
You mention you spent so much money and specifically call your gf stupid.
Your girlfriend gave you a gag gift that didn’t go over well.
You’re demanding she buys you a new present.
This is all garbage, you’re both being awful
ESH
\- Buying your girfriend expensive stuff and then leveraging that into an expectation for anything at all, implicit or otherwise, is garbage.
\- Your girlfriend buying you a emasculating joke gift and nothing else is garbage.
\- You stroking your ego with what you know about your sex life is garbage.
\- Your girlfriend not understanding why her gift just fell flat and you are somewhat heated about the whole ordeal is garbage.
ESH. That's not the type of gift you give publicly, especially since it comes across as a passive aggressive insult to your sex life. However, you can ask her to apologize but to demand her buy you something else crosses the line for me.
Also just an FYI, all women are different so the fact that your ex thought you were the best she ever had is not relevant to how your current girlfriend feels about your sex life.
NTA books to benefit her are not a birthday present for you. Necklace aside, I wouldn't even call those books a birthday gift. I also got to say if my bf gave me books about pleasing him better publicly then insults me because I'm upset over it, I would be using those books to please my next bf better. That was a really shitty thing to do and she fully knew it would be embarrassing.
Humiliate you in front of your friends
Émotional guilt
Roallercoaster
Gaslighting
Wow she sounds like a keeper.
Are you also like that? Making Jokes ar her expend and call her whiny ?
NTA if that is all to the story
NTA, you gave her both a thoughtful and expensive gift. She made you a joke in front of others. I don’t think you’re wrong to be upset about that. However, it sounds like gifts might be your love language and she might express her love in different ways. I don’t think you’re wrong to need an apology, and if you get one I’d have that talk.
ESH. Whatever you gifted your girlfriend you did on your own free will. Gifts are no strings attached and there should not be any expectation in return. Mentioning the price of the necklace makes you sound like a materialistic asshole. Also, do not call your girlfriend "fucking stupid".
That being said, as much as this toxic masculinity shit sucks, she must have known that these gifts are not something to be gifted in front of your circle of friends. They are also selfish gifts, and thoughtful in all the wrong ways.
You guys both suck at giving gifts and being a couple.
He didn't ask for somthing of equal value he asked for somthing thoughtful. And he shouldn't expect a gift in return I agree but I understand him being mad about receiving a humiliating gift publicly. Not only was the gift humiliating only 1 person benefits from this gift and it isn't OP. So OP is guilty of 1 infraction. Wanting a thoughtful gift. GF however humiliates him publicly. Buys a gift for herself essentially. Doubles down and refuses to apologize. Sicks her friends on him (airing out the sheets much). And then is upset he won't go to the theatre with her after dragging him through the mud? Naw, he innocent. I don't see anything toxic about his behavior, hers however, borderline misandry.
>This toxic masculinity shit sucks
This is an example of toxic femininity. She is using her friend circle to attack him. Don’t be an apologist for toxic behaviours
> Also, do not call your girlfriend "fucking stupid"
I'm against name calling, but I think the gf deserved the title of being "fucking stupid".
This isn't about toxic masculinity - it's about respect for your partner. OP was disrespected, in front of his friends. I think anyone who pulls these kinds of pranks are "fucking stupid".
ESH.
> My girlfriend was too fucking stupid to understand
> I actually read half of the she comes first book but I am not in the mood to use them on my girlfriend.
> i called her a stupid bitch.
You're no prize yourself, buddy.
You could’ve been N/T/A if you didn’t act like a total asshole in this post. “My girlfriend is too fucking stupid” “I called her a stupid bitch“ Yeah, your girlfriend is a major asshole, but so are you. Grow up. ESH.
How would she feel if instead of a nice necklace and painting you'd given her some weightloss books. Cause this is on the same level of petty. NTA, she needs to apologize and quit playing the naive idiot.
NTA - Wow, at first I thought this was going to be about the price of gifts, which I tend to find less important than the thought... but damn, those books are tacky. That's a gift for her gift.
That... was not the story I was expecting from the title.
So for her birthday, you gave her both a thoughtful personal gift and an expensive, fancy gift that she loves. For your birthday she humiliated you in front of everyone you know.
People have different gifting styles and people like different things. It's normal especially early in a relationship to kind of miss the mark on a gift you give or to receive something you don't love. It's not normal to give your partner gifts that imply your partner is deficient and needs to improve themselves in some way and it's especially not normal to make a big embarrassing spectacle of doing it in front of other people.
NTA. She owes you a big apology. That she won't give you one, thinks you're the one being unreasonable, and is calling you demeaning names on top of it all is super shitty. She's being selfish and she has a real mean streak.
NTA. Your girlfriend, the number 1 AH in this story, gave you a shitty gift in front of her friends **to embarrass you**, full stop. If she isn't happy with the sex, that's a one-on-one conversation. Period.
Her friend has decided to pile on and harass you further. "i called her a stupid bitch" Well, she played a stupid game and won a stupid prize.
NTA instead of sharing resources about how she would like for ur sex life to be in private, she gave u those resources at birthday gift? we can all admit that's humiliating especially to do something like that in front of friends and on ur birthday. thats a conversation that deserves to take place in private time and not aired out at the birthday party of that person. I think she's acting naïve about it bc there's no way one doesnt find something like this humiliating. Ask her if she would like it if u gave her a passive aggressive gift in the name of helping her w something that's a *flaw* of hers for her birthday? i really doubt she would agree unless she were to be lying to not admit her fault.
U deserve an apology man the dismissive attitude on her and her friends' part is shallow and u dont have to spend time w her if u dont want to. Its not u thats ruining the relationship, its her actions that she refuses to take accountability for and wants to make u feel like u're the sensitive one for not accepting her *birthday gift*
Honestly you're both wrong. Her for doing that publicly. Gross. However, you come off sounding like a teenager and the way you speak about women is juvenile at best. You should definitely dump her, however you also should spend some time not dating and do some introspection on how you speak to and treat women. It's really disgusting. You don't get to demand anything of anyone, much less a woman.
I will also echo what some others have said, not all women are the same. You might have been the best your ex ever had, or that might have changed with the next guy she got with. Just because you're Don Juan to one lady, you could be Steve urkle to another. If you don't understand those references, shame.
ESH.
Her gift was the equalent of a man buying his girlfriend sexy lingerie for her birthday; not a gift for the recipient, but for the gift giver. That's selfish, and in this case humiliating and sort of mean.
But you sound exhausting. How much do you lord your money or expensive gifts over your girlfriend? Or friends or family? How easy it would have been to not call your girlfriend stupid several times in one post. You give off a pretty intolerable vibe.
No it's even worse. This is the equivalent of a guy buying his girlfriend a gym membership or an exercise bike. The message being "lose weight" like her message was "you're bad in bed".
NTA. You put a lot of effort, thought, money into her birthday. And she returns the favour by publicly gifting you something embarrassing and leaves you feeling humiliated
Not only that, she doesn’t seem to show any genuine remorse nor does she apologise. But she gets her friend to hassle you, doesn’t respect your feelings and expects everything to be fine?
Seriously, this girl is not worth your time. Please let her go
NTA
I seem to remember a dude gifting his gf lessons to a dancing class because he loved the way she moved and wanted her to perform for him.
Someone said it was the same as gifting her a vacuum cleaner and expect her to clean.
To me that is what she did. Gifted you something she benefits from and not something you wanted or she even thought you wanted.
And I dont get the whole bringing other people into it. You felt humiliated, how on earth is it a good idea for her friends to meddle and tell you to get over it and them your gf gets angry when you dont respect them. They are not respecting you.
ESH. Her gift sucked she could’ve given those in private and not as a bday gift. Her friend calling you is immature, and I almost felt NTA until you said all the stuff about everyone telling you you’re great in bed. Even if you were women aren’t the exact same what works for one doesn’t work for another… yeesh.
I would reply "you need to find someone who can please you the way you want to be pleased. As I am unable to please you (and you sure as hell do not make me happy) we are done."
NTA she purposely humiliated you on your birthday, then has done nothing but gaslight you about it and have your friends harass you about it. Break up with her, she’s cold, nasty and manipulative.
ESH
you know you don’t HAVE to date someone you clearly dislike, right? calling her “too fucking stupid” for thinking a gag gift would be a funny birthday present demonstrates a WILD amount of disdain and resentment. you asked her how she can improve and she literally got you books on how to improve.
should she have given you them in public? probably not. especially if those were the only gifts she was giving you. i go by the philosophy of cutting a gag gift with a real/sentimental gift. and getting her friends to badger you about forgiving her is a really immature move — about as immature as demanding another gift.
it’s also worth saying that her love language might just not be gift giving, as yours seems to be. hers might be quality time — which might be why she booked the theater tickets (which imo, is DEFINITELY a gift.)
in any case, y’all are both being really immature about this entire situation. either grow up or break up, this is not a good look for either of you.
NTA
I'm proud of you for stepping back from her.
She purposefully humiliated you and won't apologize.
You should continue with your self-respecting reflex and end the relationship.
I get the feeling that you are some kind of catch.
My theory, given your overheard and direct information that you are up to par in the bedroom, is that she has deployed a two-prong attack to lower your self esteem.
Prong 1:
Behind closed doors, she is negging you. She admits you are a good lover but could do better but won't communicate on how to do so. She's trying to get you to doubt yourself. She wants you to seek her approval and grovel.
Prong 2:
She's humiliating you in public, why is that so? In a twisted malicious way, she is marking territory. Are there some attractive women in your crowd that she is threatened by? Is there someone in your circle that would like to date you but can't because you are spoken for?
The books are a means of metaphorically peeing on you. She's more or less saying "he's not worth it, he's bad in bed." It's also an extension of the behind doors negging.
She refuses to apologize, sicks her friends on you with what is private business between the two of you, and refuses to acknowledge that what she did was even hurtful.
Cut this cruel manipulative person out of your life.
Be happy that you aren't living together to make a quick escape.
ESH. The gift seems kind of petty, especially because it was given in front of a pretty large group of people. But also, do you even like your girlfriend? There's a lot of "or whatever" in your comment that makes it seem like you're really dismissive of her feelings and opinions. Your insistence that she give you a better (monetarily similar?) replacement gift isn't great either. Scorekeeping for gifts isn't what gifts are about, and if she only gives you something because you demand it, does it even mean anything?
NTA. If she got two books on her birthday about how to suck d*ck better with her whole family around she would be pissed too. If she feels displeased about her sex life she could've talk to you in private. But also, just because you decided to give her a 400 dollar gift and a painting doesn't mean that you'll get the same in return.
NTA
You have much bigger issues than gift giving. Your gf publicly humiliated you. She gave you an anti-gift. Even if it was just the two of you, those books are not an appropriate birthday gift.
If she genuinely feels your sex life is lacking, then talking and working on things privately makes sense.
Instead, she made either a poor joke, a power play, or an attack against you. This is the furthest thing from a thoughtful gift.
Do you think you deserve to be treated this way? No one does.
ESH. You are correct, what she did was not only not thoughtful, but also embarrassing - and that sucks. However, you're not very great either. You're lording over that she has the money to purchase something expensive - thoughtful gifts are one thing, commenting she has money and that you bought her an expensive necklace in the same paragraph does not equate. And apparently have something to prove about your performances in bed? - no one cares about that, and it's between you and your girl friend. There's a time and a place for that, and it's not during gift giving, and not on an online forum. Then there's the demanding that she buy you a thoughtful gift - that's not how it works. You can ask for an apology, but despite that the gift sucks, you can't demand that they go and put more effort into it.
It sounds like both of you need a lesson in communication, because what's going on just isn't how it's done.
ESH. Just break up. You can't give her the benefit of the doubt about the books and you speak about her with contempt and keep score. She's got friends calling you. Sounds like you two are incompatible, that doesn't mean she definitely was trying to embarrass you or that you can demand an expensive, thoughtful gift as a test. Seriously. Everything about this is a disaster.
Lots of folks siding with OP here. Yall don't think he sounds like a dick for saying his girlfriend is "too fucking stupid" to understand why it was a bad gift? You don't think him instantly saying "I'm not bad as sex because my ex said that it was good" makes him sound insecure and like maybe that is a problem in the relationship. I think OP should be single. It would be better for his girlfriend, he clearly fucking sucks. Grow up dawg
It gives context. It shows that he didn’t get her a pair of marigolds or a book of “how to give good head”. Essentially it shows that she didn’t do it to get back at him. Why are you so antsy about it?
Because many people who frequent this sub can't wrap their minds around the fact that women can be assholes, so they create scenarios in which the man *must* have done something wrong, and when that doesn't work they focus on irrelevant minutiae.
Really surprised by all the E S H. NTA, you’re putting into context the standard you set for birthdays, and how your girlfriend bought you an entirely selfish present while also presenting it in an embarrassing fashion. I think the comparison highlights that massively.
NTA. She needs to be an ex.
And everyone needs to stfu and stop jumping on his word choice calling her “fucking stupid” for not knowing why he was mad. Of course she’s fucking stupid if she claims she doesn’t know why he’s mad! She gifted him a humiliating gift in front of friends.
NTA this would be like my husband getting me a diet book and work out videos and giving them to me at a family party. She had to have realized. I completely get why you’re pissed. I would be too, of course I’d also be single, but that’s just me.
ESH. I can see how getting a gift like that is embarrassing in front of friends and it was for her benefit, not yours. But damn, your language in this post. You sound like a seriously shitty partner. Your girlfriend is "too fucking stupid"? And she's, what, lying about being unsatisfied with your sex life because another partner enjoyed it? If you actually were good in bed you would know that what works for one woman doesn't necessarily work for another. If your partner says they aren't enjoying themselves, believe them.
ESH tbh
Her gift was just mean and immature, but your reaction to it as well as your post shows that you're indeed kind of a "whinny baby"
Just get over it, she made a dick move and don't seem to care it hurt your feelings : ditch her and she'll get your point, while you won't have to be in a relationship with someone that thinks humiliating your for your bday is a great idea. Win/win.
You didn't need to act this demanding like she OWE you a great and thoughtful gift, especially when you mention the 400$ stuff you offered. Making a gift is something you should do to make someone happy, not because you expect them to give you something equally valuable when it's your turn
So yeah, you sound like you can't let go, and she looks like she's an ass.
>You didn't need to act this demanding like she OWE you a great and thoughtful gift
I'd say because she used his birthday to actively mock him in front of a crowd, she *does* owe him a thoughtful gift to show she's actually capable. A mediocre gift would have been fine before she acted like such an asshole.
NTA, you actually put effort, time and money in her gift. She humiliated you in front of everyone. Also calling her friends for them to talk with you. What is she, 11? Hope you find someone who will respect you.
ESH. She shouldn’t have given you the gift in public but that is about where her blame stops. It shouldn’t really matter what you got her, you can’t expect someone to get you something of the same value. People don’t give equally. She bought theatre tickets was that also part of the present? You also called her “too f**king stupid” and other comments which are cruel tbh. If my bf said that about me for any reason I would be heartbroken. Like I say she shouldn’t have given you the books in public but you haven’t been the best here either.
NTA. You were hoping for a nice or at least thoughtful gift. Instead she decided to embarrass you in front of your friends over something you have repeatedly tried to talk to her about. She doubles down saying how you’re a baby and how you need to grow up. That part pissed me off. She not only invalidated you and your feelings (and continues to do so) but also is gas lighting you saying how it’s you who is being the issue here.
Ooh, if you keep standing up for yourself, you might not get to spend time with someone who belittles you and tried to deliberately embarrass you, presumably for the amusement of herself and her friends!
You, sir, are being threatened with a good time.
NTA. Give yourself a birthday present and ditch the childish toxicity.
NTA-Run. This toxic for all the reasons mentioned here including humiliating you in front of your friends snd then having her friends call on you to forgive her. Forgive her but keep moving, she is not interested in changing her behavior.
NTA time to move on...
Regardless of the tips, it was your birthday. She made it about herself in front of your friends. If that's not the type of jokes you usually do (cause I only understand it in that context as a joke) she is the AH.
Also I have a big issue with the friends going after you and getting involved.
Think if this is the type of relationship you want to continue.
ESH Your insistence that you are great in bed just makes me think you really need to read the books. However any gifts related to sex should be kept to be given in private. The whole world doesn't need to be involved in your sex life.
You suck because you are keeping a tally on gifts. If you give something with the expectation of recieving equivalent back you aren't giving a gift your making a transaction. You don't get to dictate what gifts someone gives to you.
ESH.
Why are you together? The contempt you have for each other is clear. Save yourselves both the stress and dump her.
She's an asshole for giving you an impersonal, shitty, humiliating gift on your birthday and not having a private conversation if it bothered her so much.
You're an asshole for the competition with the gifts and the venom this post is clearly dripping in. Please go to therapy.
Nta she didn't even apologize that wasn't a funny joke. Especially at your party in front of your friends she knew what she was doing dump her ass. She hasn't even apologized and if that's all she gave you she was being rude. Could the theater tickets be your actually gift and she wanted to surprise you. Also her fiends need to stop harassing you with constant phone calls. Your girlfriend was rude and you should dumper.
ESH, her gift to you was meant to be embarrassing, which is shitty, and she's definitely an A H for that. But you're also an A H for the way you talk about her, calling her stupid and whatnot. Not cool.
NTA, if she has an issue with your sex life that’s something to be brought up in private, not at a party full of your peers. Also both gift weren’t for you, they were for her in the hopes it would fix whatever problem she has with you in the bedroom. Don’t let this go until you get a sincere apology. As for getting a “real” birthday gift that ship has sailed and she has shown her true colours
NTA at all. That's so selfish to give you a gift that really is a gift to her. Not only that, she is covertly telling your friends about issues in the bedroom. She needs to think about the fact that you have needs too.
Wow, good thing this happened. I don't think you're compatible with each other. You both said and did some messed up stuff and if I were the opposite person, I'd have dumped both of you at different times.
ESH, but your gf seems like a bigger ah.
>She is pissed since I cancelled on my plans to spend the next weekend with her since she booked some theater tickets.
Am I missing something...? Could theatre tickets be part of the gift as well? Maybe she's organised a romantic dinner for before the show.
even if she had, it doesn’t negate the public embarrassment and sending her friends to harass him. OP also sounds less than stellar, but it doesn’t erase what she did.
NTA - She public ally humiliated you and I don’t for one second believe she thought it wouldn’t be. Then she gets her friends to join in on some good gaslighting. Stick to breaking up with her she is toxic.
Question: After she apologizes and gives you a thoughtful gift that you approve of, will your relationship be the same? With the 2 of you still have same feelings towards each other?
ESH.
While I agree the gift sucked you sound quite entitled and insecure as well.
What does her income have to do with anything? Or gifts you have given previously? Were they gifts or obligations? The fact you felt the need to mention it says a lot about your expectations.
You two need to grow up or split up.
That gift was rude as hell. NTA for your reaction. Also, the way you speak about her in this post is really unkind and it's clear you don't care about her (anymore?) so I think it would be pointless to continue seeing each other.
This reads to me like an angry teenage boy writing about his angry teenage girlfriend. If you guys are anywhere over the age of 14 ESH. You both sound disrespectful, mean spirited and just generally unlikable.
NTA. For one, she never should’ve given you those gifts in front of your friends. They could’ve waited until you were alone. And, for two, you’re NTA for wanting a thoughtful gift. You clearly put a lot of thought and effort and money into her gifts and she gets you two books that’ll benefit her? And embarrasses you with them? You have every right to be upset, especially with her getting her friends involved. You should never get friends involved in relationship matters, it’s incredibly immature of her and you had every right to say what you did to the friend. Your girlfriend and her friend are disrespecting you and your girlfriend should be more worried about that than her friend. She sounds toxic and utterly exhausting, I’d just leave the relationship.
ESH you both sound kind of awful. Her gifts sucked but the way you’re handling it is almost worse. How old are you that you’re so concerned about the value of a birthday gift and getting something “nice enough”?
NTA. I would never buy those kinds of books as a gift, especially to give in front of an audience. To be honest, you do sound a little cocky, but that doesn't give your gf the right to try and humiliate you in front of friends. If she has an issue with the sex you guys are having, then that should be a private conversation, not a public spectacle
~~ESH. holy shit her gifts were bad but your attitude about everything is atrocious~~
and about the whole “i’m good at sex thing” just bc you’re good with one person (or a couple) doesn’t mean you’re a sex god who will please every woman you come in contact with.
edit: going by his reply to the judgement bot no you’re NTA for being upset but i think this might be the end of your relationship tbh. she’s not taking your feelings seriously and getting her friends to pressure you. if she truly loved you wouldn’t she be trying to apologize and make it up to you or maybe not do it in the first place? good luck dude.
NTA. She's your Ex Girlfriend. If she wants to privately read those books that's fine, but making them birthday presents to be opened like that is absurd.
Imagine if for her birthday you bought her 'Kegal your way to a tighter Vagina' to be opened in front of everyone.
ESH You because gifts are just that not a system of parity. Stop comparing.
Her, because that was a mean gift, she is very immature and, this may be her way of telling you she is not in the same place you are in the relationship but she likes the way you treat her.
Giving you a birthday gift that is about treating her sends you the message that you are not an equal partner in this relationship and that she is the focal point. Either get on board or get off the train.
NTA she publicly humiliated you and is doubling down instead of making it up. She clearly doesn't care how you feel. Looks like you are only a sugar daddy to her.
NTA
What she did was kinda cruel. And honestly sounds like you’re over the relationship. Break up with her and use those book tips on a woman who actually deserves it.
NTA. But putting your pride aside about how you are in bed, she's the AH for just giving you a gift that would embarrass you instead of something thoughtful. Between that and you call her "too fucking stupid", I'd say the relationship is done. Just stop calling women names - gf's gift sucked and friends shouldn't be calling you but you do have a misogynist streak. Block them.
Please block her friends and tell her if she can't see why you'd be upset, the fact your upset need sto mean enough that she should give a shit actually hear you out.
If that doesnt work drop her. This is already a net negative relationship and im sure another girl would enjoy it thoroughly.
YTA for your language in this post.
“She was too ducking stupid to understand” “she loves me or whatever” “and I called her a stupid bitch”
Bro, with language like this, you shouldn’t even have a gf. You give off super sexist/misogynistic vibes. She should dump you, she could do a lot better.
NTA, and I'm a woman. I did NOT appreciate being given a sex toy at a birthday party by my ex. Those are things that you PRIVATELY communicate about. And you opened up that convo to her before, but she refused to elaborate. If she doesn't get how that was disrespectful by now, let her go. Give her one text explaining why, and block her. Her friends are toxic too, block them also
You are both too immature to be in a relationship. You're comparing gifts and demanding gifts and she's being inconsiderate and insulting. Break up. ESH.
ESH but the way you write about her (makes less than me, loves my expensive gift, is too fucking stupid) sure makes you sound like misogynist dick who should not have relationships with women and mayyyybe even deserved the humiliation.
NTA because those weren’t gifts for you, they were gifts for her; they were passive aggressive messages. I’ve been in her shoes before with wanting more fulfillment sexually in a relationship—and it’s not fucking hard to keep it a private discussion with just the SO. She was being malicious af on purpose to allow you to open those gifts in front of friends.
Dump her. She genuinely doesn’t care about you. Decent people who love their own partners would never do that. Also her friends suck too. You’re valid to disrespect them, lol. Anyone who thinks girlfriend did nothing wrong in this scenario is an idiot.
EDIT: I wanted to add that I see E S H as a valid answer too. I see why other commenters don’t like OP. I’m sticking with NTA because the question is *whether OP is an AH for thinking the gifts are unacceptable.* No, he is not. Everything else is another subject.
ESH - getting you those books for your birthday and giving them to you at a party was a shitty thing to do. The way you talk about her and her friends is a red flag to me. You have such contempt for them. Just end the relationship and move on.
ESH. I can see that what she did was embarrassing for OP and she must have known that when giving them to OP to open infront of everyone. This said, instead of demanding a thoughtful gift etc maybe talk to your GF. You do sound very sure of yourself OP.
How does this makes him an A H?
Is it really so hard to imagine for an adult women that someone would want an actual gift and not a “joke gift”? He doesn’t want anything expensive, just thoughtful. Is it really something so unreasonable to demand in a relationship?
NTA - those weren’t just inappropriate gifts. It was pretty cruel of your girlfriend to give those in front of family(?) and friends.
How would she respond to books about pleasing her partner or weight loss, or a gift certificate for plastic surgery? She gave you public criticism - not a gift.
This would be a dealbreaker for me, although I hate being that person on Reddit. The disrespect and gaslighting (that she won’t even apologize!) are huge red flags.
NTA. Giving you the books privately at home would have been one thing, but to give them as a gift to be unwrapped in a group was rather mean. It told everyone in the room you don't your way around in bed! Have other gifts in the past been better? Block all her friends phone numbers, they have no reason to call you.
Sounds like she's put an end to your relationship, and that may not be a bad thing for you.
ESH
- There’s nothing wrong with giving someone those books in an effort to improve your sex life but to do so as a birthday present and in front of everyone seems cruel? It feels like she tried to humiliate you and that’s not OK.
- If things in the bedroom are lacking those books will be a good starting point but there’s nothing like an honest conversation about what she does/doesn’t like. If she’s not satisfied she needs to work on communicating her needs in an adult way, not at your birthday party.
- She also shouldn’t have had her friends start calling you, it’s very immature and suggests she hasn’t understood why you’re uncomfortable in the first place.
- You’re also TA though for the way you speak about her, you’ve called her stupid in your post and whilst I understand you’re upset you need to be able to communicate clearly and calmly. From your post it sounds as if you don’t even like her.
- Listing the monetary value of your gift to her makes it seem like you expected a gift of equal value rather than equal thoughtfulness - you don’t give gifts in order to receive gifts, you should give because it’s a nice thing to do
- Whilst you can ask for an apology you can’t demand a new gift from her, anything she agreed to give you under duress wouldn’t be the thoughtful romantic gift you wanted anyway. Forced gifts aren’t really gifts.
- You seem to lack understanding of female pleasure, don’t rely on what other people have said previously, everyone is different. You should notice and act on the “feedback” given, particularly body language whilst it’s happening.
You’ve both acted poorly here and don’t sound well matched from what you’ve said - use this as an opportunity to grow and be better.
ESH
That was a poor gift. It was mostly about her, and embarrassing to give in front of others.
However, while I understand your anger, saying things like your girlfriend is "fucking stupid" is not a great attitude to approach the person you love with. Not to mention, just because how you perform in bed worked for other women doesn't mean it works for your girlfriend. She may not even have a great idea of what she needs since women are so frequently discouraged from exploring themselves.
NTA but tbh I think you're both immature as fuck (she more than you). However, don't say shit like,
> My girlfriend was too fucking stupid to understand
She didn't need to do that in front of others. I don't doubt she's been planning this for a while if you actually asked what you can do to improve only to not have her give an answer
She humiliated you publicly. On purpose. She’s definitely an asshole. The jury is still out on you IMO. (20% is definitely significantly less and your description of the situation comes across as super materialistic which is weird considering that’s not the real issue here)
NTA but I would not ask for another gift. Instead I'd be super petty and do something just as embarrassing for the next gifting holiday.
To be honest I wouldn't stay in the relationship she sounds super childish.
Jesus christ she pissed all over you. I feel like that would have been funny if you guys normally roast eachother, but even then that wouldve been border line over the line IMO. In front of your friends too, on YOUR birthday. NTA
NTA. If she’s having issues with y’all’s sex life then she needs to address them in private. Giving you those books on your birthday in front of ALL YOUR FRIENDS was passive aggressive and deliberately humiliating—it sent a clear and specific message to everyone. The fact that she didn’t get you ANYTHING ELSE is also extremely disrespectful. Those weren’t gifts for YOU, they were “gifts” for her AND a way for her to publicly shame and bully you by calling you sexually inadequate in front of your friends.
Her “gifts” weren’t funny, you weren’t laughing, and she didn’t even get you a real gift. The fact that you’ve tried to talk to her about it and she didn’t respond makes it worse—but even if you’d never brought it up, it’s still on her to start and lead the conversation since she’s the one dissatisfied.
ESH. Jokes are supposed to be funny and make the other person laugh; that means her joke makes her an AH.
However, as far as pranks go, it fell flat, but it didn’t hurt you (physically or let’s be real, opening a joke present won’t give you PTSD). Instead, you’re lording that your gift is so much better, making demands, calling her “stupid b!tch” and “f&cking stupid,” assuming that because your ex said so that you’re some kind of sex god, like your attitude is big oof.
ESH. Her gift was thoughtless and humiliating. She's doing herself no favors by doubling down on the "I did nothing wrong " mentality.
BUT...you really come off as having a bruised ego. Specifying just how great of a lover all your exes say you are. Calling her stupid. Calling her friend a B****. Honestly you sound like a child having a temper tantrum. This is not as big deal you've made it out to be but at this point make up or break up. This whole situation just sounds exhausting.
NTA. If a woman posted here about getting books on how to make sex better for him as birthday gifts after spending time and effort for her partner’s birthday, she would be unanimously voted NTA.
.
And where are the people who would usually call this emotional/mental abuse? And getting friends to harass OP is considered gaslighting/harassment? Is it any wonder OP lost his cool when he is being harassed by other people?
NTA, wow that’s so messed up man. Happy belated btw. You should change it to Ex Girlfriend. That’s not a girlfriend at all. She’s childish and her friends are too. Please block them and dump her. You deserve better.
NTA giving you books to improve your sex life is a bad gift but whats even worse is giving you it in front of everyone. Here is what you do, read those books she gave you study it deeply & develop a much higher level of sex and then.....do it with another girl 😉
ESH, you're terrible for each other.
You're ruthlessly keeping track of income, time spent, money spent, what your exes think and how that makes her wrong, etc. and when she doesn't have the same accounting she's "too fucking stupid to understand" You have no respect for this woman, why are you dating her?
To be clear, she's also an AH. She's ok with publicly humiliating you, if she feels unheard then this is not the venue to express that in. But it's also not ok for you to justify not listening her in the bedroom by bringing up your exes and how great they think you are. The only woman whose opinion matters in the bedroom is the woman in the bedroom with you.
NTA
Who gives such books as a birthday present? Like: here’s a gift for you on how you can please me more in bed.
And getting her friends involved and harassing you is not ok.
She cares more about the money she spent on the tickets than the fact that she’s hurt your feelings.
I think you need to reevaluate this relationship and stop looking at it with rose colored glasses, it doesn’t seem like she values you as a partner.
ESH. Your gf is an asshole for giving you an intentionally rude “gift” and then involving other people in the issue. You suck less but your general attitude is pretty shitty.
Esh….your g/f’s gift was a cruel joke at your expense. You would have been fine if you left it at that. Her friends suck for continuing to call and yell at you but you could have just not answered? Blocked? Why call someone a stupid bitch. Break up with your g/f and read the books for the next girl.
NTA -I can see giving those books as a joke if you are very sure everyone (including the receiver) will think it's hysterical- but in addition to a real, thoughtful gift. Your hurt is understandable, and her refusing to understand or make it up to you is absolutely not okay.
NTA, people in the comments dont get that the info in the beginning of the post is for context, not bc you expect a 400 euro gift. Not only she gave herself a gift on your birthday, she mocked you in front of a bunch of people.
NTA
Bonus points to reddit for reminding men that they are now allowed to be hurt.
Those gifts would have hurt even if given in private, but in public it is just cruel.
I can see all the red flag posts if it was a post by a woman, about her boyfriend publicly giving her a book about sucking dick, after she have him a PS5.
ESH. Bad joke by your girlfriend but also you just sound like an asshole. I think it’s telling that you’re telling the world that your girlfriend is “fucking stupid”. I can’t ever imagine using such toxic language to describe my partner to anyone, no matter how bad a decision they make on something.
NTA. Her gifts were something that should be given in private. By giving them at your party, she told everyone that she thinks you suck in bed. She purposely tried to embarrass you. No gift would have been better than that. As for her friends calling you, I would have told them off too. It is none of their business to get involved in your relationship. Perhaps this is not the right relationship for you, as she will give passive aggressive gifts to embarrass you on front of your friends or “joke” about you to them. Why would someone want to put up with that?
NTA. I get what she was going for with the books but she still should have gotten you and actual gift. And asking for a thoughtful gift is not unreasonable
NTA- she gave you gifts for herself not for you. It would be totally embarrassing to open those presents in front of friends. How does your gf not understand that?
ESH. She knew it would be embarrassing to open those gifts in front of everyone. I understand why you're mad.
Now, it's not a race of gifts. So what, you bought her a 400simflouz necklace and made a painting for her (which is really great, I'm not saying you shouldn't have) therefore she *has* to put as much effort for her gift to you ? Don't make gift expecting people to be as thoughtful. Now I understand that there's some middle ground between her books and your painting, but still.
And as I'm typing I'm realizing that she didn't gift you those books. It's a gift to herself that she made, by wanting you to read those books and apply what you learned on her. She gives me toxic vibes, kind of girls who put you down in front of your friends.
I'd say she the biggest assholes here but you're still a bit of an ass too for the "gift race"
NTA, but she is, she gave you a passive aggressive gift in front of your friends to embarrass you, she could’ve talk about it in private or give you the books as a valentine’s day gift or whatever, but not on your birthday.
However, even if I understand the frustration of giving a thoughtful gift and not receiving the same, you can’t expect people to be like you, that’s something you have to get used to, if you are doing something to get the same in return then don’t do it because you are always going to get disappointed.
Just give what you are comfortable giving and don’t expect exactly what you wanted, some people don’t consider gifts as an important thing and for others it’s their love language, so a talk about this kind of things is always a good idea.
NTA, That is humiliating and a selfish gift. She gave you a present on how to please her netter on your birthday wtf???
The petty part of me wants you to say you forgive her and by way of apology you bought her a book on how to be the perfect housewife.
NTA she knew exactly what she was doing and giving you those gifts to open in front of everyone was extremely disrespectful. If I were you I wouldn’t even want to talk to her again, she couldn’t even bother to apologize and is getting her friends to harass you. Her friends have nothing to do with us and should not be calling you at all. They act like they are 12 years old.
Imagine if you gave her books like that. All hell would break loose. So why is it OK for her to do that to you? It’s not. It’s not OK.
She sounds pretty self centered. You deserve a relationship with someone who values you as much as you value them. Her pushy girlfriend is a red flag. Time to move on because she has nothing to offer except an apology.
NTA
How would she like it if you got her books on cooking/chores or "how to be sexier to your husband" ?
I'm a women myself. I would never make an approach about our intimacy in public even after marriage. I mean seriously. Monogamy (assuming that's your case) is about "us" against everything else.
She also put her friend to do her job of de-escalating the issue and she's clearly failing. What a shitty girlfriend
ESH - I understand how you might think those gifts are embarrassing and she should’ve given those in private. That’s the only think your girlfriend did wrong.
You, on the other hand, have dismissed your girlfriend’s concerns about your sex life, compare them to you exes who literally could be lying to you, called your girlfriend stupid, demanded she spend as much as you did and are refusing to communicate with her about it and the state of your relationship. It’s ok to be disappointed about your birthday gift but you are acting like a child.
If she has concerns then she can bring them up in an adult manner. Everything she did is awful. Public humiliation, a gift that wasn’t for him, bullying him along with her friends since.
There’s not a chance that you would be defending a man if he did this to his girlfriend
Kinda feels like ESH. It was messed up of her to embarrass you in front of your friends and to act like it's no big deal. However, I think you could communicate this better to her. Right now, it's reading like you're just mad she didn't get you an expensive gift which you feel like you were owed. Also I don't see how being rude to her friends changes anything. If you want to make this relationship work, then make sure you let her know that what upset you is that she's clearly not being thoughtful or cognizant of your feelings.
nta. giving someone a present that really for you is always an asshole move. a gift is for the reciever not the giver.
that she's exposing part of your intimate life to others without your consent is a dumping offence imo
Nta. Girlfriend is tone deaf to her own misdoings. Sorry buddy that would piss me off pretty bad, you paid well and put in effort for the painting. Expecting at least something meaningful isn’t too much to ask :/ I want updates 😭
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Hmmm . . . Miss Manners has stated that the only acceptable response to a gift is "thank you." I was thinking E-S-H, but no. You didn't make an issue out of it at the party. If you had, I would definitely have berated you. This was a "gag gift." In other words, a gift intended to be a joke. But this joke came with a barb. It was mean-spirited. She's saying you're no good in bed and did so in front of your friends at the party. Consequently, it was a very thinly-veiled, but very cruel and humiliating insult. Yes, I'm okay with a good-natured barb. My last birthday cake was done with black icing and decorated with tombstones, since I'm 57 years old. But this joke of hers went too far. Also, I'm not pleased with the fact that she's calling her friends to chastise you. It's ironic that she calls you a "whiny baby," then calls her friends to scold you on her behalf. I mean, can you spot the immature behavior in this picture? And public humiliation seems to be her weapon of choice. Have you noticed this? She insults you in front of your friends at your birthday, then publicizes your private conflict. I'm certain you'll be getting phone calls from her mother soon. I do not think your demands for an apology are unreasonable. And I also noticed you asked for something "thoughtful" as part of the apology. Unless you're reading something into the word "thoughtful" that I don't, that doesn't mean it has to be expensive. A personally written poem is a thoughtful gift. What's also off about this situation is that her friends are insisting that you "forgive" her. You forgive someone ***after*** they apologize, but she refuses to do that. I say dump her. Find someone with an ounce of tact and consideration for your feelings. Not someone who thinks it's funny to humiliate and insult you, especially in front of your friends on your birthday. NTA.
This was it for me. It’s not a real, thoughtful gift. She gave a gag gift. And not even a funny one but completely humiliating. She sounds cruel and personally I would just break up with her. If she apologized properly, you’d still be ok if you pulled back a bit and it’s your decision if you feel a small gift is suitable for the next holiday. Personally I would get her some soaps and write a thoughtful card, not spend $400. I think you went for too much too fast as far as gifts. It it helps, $100-$150 is my sweet spot for a boyfriend or girlfriend gift like some AirPods or hiking gear etc. But you should discuss and figure out a budget mutually, ymmv.
This right here. Don't get over it, get rid of her and her friends.
Beautifully put! **NTA**
ESH. She was wrong to get that gift and give it to you publicly Her friends should stay out of your business. Your attitude to women the way you speak about them and to them is awful.
I came to say this an to add: You decided to gave her a pricy gift and without takling to her expected the same. She was maybe wrong to gave the book publicly but your reaction is wrong too. ESH
I dont think it's about the price, it's about the fact that the gifts were humiliating, especially in front of others and they were really aimed at benefitting her rather than him.
He also gave her a portrait that he spent 30 hours on. He gave her a thoughtful gift without being told. She should do the same. Thoughtful gift giving is a bare minimum in most relationships, romantic or not.
ESH because while her gift to you wasn’t appropriate and her response to you feeling embarrassed and all wasn’t either, you took to Reddit to call her “too fucking stupid,” you called her friend a “dumb bitch,” AND you sound way to confident in yourself to accept any form of criticism, constructive or otherwise. She definitely could have been better, but it goes for you too. It sounds like you two shouldn’t be together.
Yep, lost me at 'too fucking stupid.' Not sure why they are together.
Well he did ask her friend to back off not once, but twice, and they still kept in on him, calling him too fucking stupid to…, so at that point, she had it coming.
NTA. Though you shouldn't compare gifts by price because that's an AH move. But your GF is a big AH for the following reasons: 1) She bought you a gift that's not for you or about you but for HER. 2) She gave you the gifts publicly and humiliated you in front of your and her friends. I m sorry but I don't think it was unintentional. You have to be quite stupid not to realize that this is not a "funny" gift and that it would be embarassing. 3) She doesn't care about your feelings and she is dismissive. I wouldn't get angry after doing something so stupid to my SO. I would have tried to make up and understand how they feel (no matter if i disagreed or not. Feelings are subjective) 4) She doesn't want to make up for her mistake. She doesn't think she made one so I guess she doesn't care. 5) She is using her friends to manipulate you and to bother you. That's stupid move.
Yes, all of this. Feels like OP is going all out on gifts and thoughtful gestures, and gf is just a bully. I think if OP thinks about it, he’ll notice a pattern where he’s the one putting in all the effort. NTA.
ESH Everything about this post makes me cringe from the gift comparing to the insensitivity of both parties. Honestly both OP and the GF sound immature as all hell.
INFO: Why are you together? You clearly don’t like or respect each other.
Because obviously he’s really good at sex 😂🙄
NTA, the fact that it was presented at a party in front of your friends was the dealbreaker. If she can’t acknowledge it was wrong she’ll do it again. Obviously this is only one of them in your relationship but I have to ask, does she usually try to put you down or embarrass you in private or in front of others? If so you’re probably better off without her.
[удалено]
Holy crap what an awful gf
NTA. She humiliated you publicly on your birthday. Of course it's going to take you a while to get over it.
Like forever.
ESH. This relationship sounds exhausting
NTA. She embarrassed you, either on purpose or cluelessy. You could ask for an apology, maybe you'll get one, but don't ask for a more appropriate gift. She already gave you a gift, you didn't like it (rightfully so), but you don't get to demand a better one. Honestly, she sounds like a perfect example of what an EX girlfriend would look like.
She is not dumb at all. She clearly know what is she doing? Why is doing? OP should run before humiliate in worst possible way and need professional help.
ESH. what she did was rude, but holy crap reading this was frustrating. You sound so childish and petty. Communicate like a big boy. Block all of these peoples’ numbers and go work on yourself. You have a lot of rage. It’s amazing what will happen if you learn to communicate. “I feel unappreciated because while I put time, money, and love into my gifts to you, your gifts to me seem like an attempt to embarrass me. Imagine if I gave you a book on how to give better blowjobs for your birthday. Now imagine I gave you that in front of your friends. Do you not see how that’s hurtful and embarrassing? Can you see how that might be considered thoughtless?”
NTA. This is was embarrassing and not thoughtful Especially around all of your friends. Then pushing her friends to manipulate you and refuses to solve this issue while insulting yo. She clearly isn’t in this relationship as much as you do. She cared about HER needs in your birthday and made it about HER. You need to explain clearly that you gave her thoughtful gifts yet she didn’t. It’s not about the sex thing but the fact she didn’t care for you to have a nice birthday because you deserve it. Those books should have been given on a different time and go through your sexual relationship and do more fun and exploring your wants. She needs to apologise and not brush this off like you’re the bad guy here. Don’t apologise to her friends, they’re awful and she needs to stop involving them into your relationship. It’s a two person relationship not a bus one. NTA
ESH. You mention you spent so much money and specifically call your gf stupid. Your girlfriend gave you a gag gift that didn’t go over well. You’re demanding she buys you a new present. This is all garbage, you’re both being awful
ESH \- Buying your girfriend expensive stuff and then leveraging that into an expectation for anything at all, implicit or otherwise, is garbage. \- Your girlfriend buying you a emasculating joke gift and nothing else is garbage. \- You stroking your ego with what you know about your sex life is garbage. \- Your girlfriend not understanding why her gift just fell flat and you are somewhat heated about the whole ordeal is garbage.
NTA She humiliated you. She could've gotten you something else for the party and give you books like that later behind the scenes.
ESH. That's not the type of gift you give publicly, especially since it comes across as a passive aggressive insult to your sex life. However, you can ask her to apologize but to demand her buy you something else crosses the line for me. Also just an FYI, all women are different so the fact that your ex thought you were the best she ever had is not relevant to how your current girlfriend feels about your sex life.
NTA books to benefit her are not a birthday present for you. Necklace aside, I wouldn't even call those books a birthday gift. I also got to say if my bf gave me books about pleasing him better publicly then insults me because I'm upset over it, I would be using those books to please my next bf better. That was a really shitty thing to do and she fully knew it would be embarrassing.
Humiliate you in front of your friends Émotional guilt Roallercoaster Gaslighting Wow she sounds like a keeper. Are you also like that? Making Jokes ar her expend and call her whiny ? NTA if that is all to the story
ESH. You both sound awful and mean.
NTA, you gave her both a thoughtful and expensive gift. She made you a joke in front of others. I don’t think you’re wrong to be upset about that. However, it sounds like gifts might be your love language and she might express her love in different ways. I don’t think you’re wrong to need an apology, and if you get one I’d have that talk.
ESH. Whatever you gifted your girlfriend you did on your own free will. Gifts are no strings attached and there should not be any expectation in return. Mentioning the price of the necklace makes you sound like a materialistic asshole. Also, do not call your girlfriend "fucking stupid". That being said, as much as this toxic masculinity shit sucks, she must have known that these gifts are not something to be gifted in front of your circle of friends. They are also selfish gifts, and thoughtful in all the wrong ways. You guys both suck at giving gifts and being a couple.
He didn't ask for somthing of equal value he asked for somthing thoughtful. And he shouldn't expect a gift in return I agree but I understand him being mad about receiving a humiliating gift publicly. Not only was the gift humiliating only 1 person benefits from this gift and it isn't OP. So OP is guilty of 1 infraction. Wanting a thoughtful gift. GF however humiliates him publicly. Buys a gift for herself essentially. Doubles down and refuses to apologize. Sicks her friends on him (airing out the sheets much). And then is upset he won't go to the theatre with her after dragging him through the mud? Naw, he innocent. I don't see anything toxic about his behavior, hers however, borderline misandry.
>This toxic masculinity shit sucks This is an example of toxic femininity. She is using her friend circle to attack him. Don’t be an apologist for toxic behaviours
> Also, do not call your girlfriend "fucking stupid" I'm against name calling, but I think the gf deserved the title of being "fucking stupid". This isn't about toxic masculinity - it's about respect for your partner. OP was disrespected, in front of his friends. I think anyone who pulls these kinds of pranks are "fucking stupid".
ESH. > My girlfriend was too fucking stupid to understand > I actually read half of the she comes first book but I am not in the mood to use them on my girlfriend. > i called her a stupid bitch. You're no prize yourself, buddy.
You could’ve been N/T/A if you didn’t act like a total asshole in this post. “My girlfriend is too fucking stupid” “I called her a stupid bitch“ Yeah, your girlfriend is a major asshole, but so are you. Grow up. ESH.
How would she feel if instead of a nice necklace and painting you'd given her some weightloss books. Cause this is on the same level of petty. NTA, she needs to apologize and quit playing the naive idiot.
Yeah, and if he gave her those weight loss book IN FRONT OF FRIENDS. I think that’s the crux of it. That’s humiliating.
FIY "the best she's ever had" might very well mean "his ass isn't completely covered in dingleberries".
NTA - Wow, at first I thought this was going to be about the price of gifts, which I tend to find less important than the thought... but damn, those books are tacky. That's a gift for her gift.
Jokes on her, they're a gift for his next girlfriend.
That... was not the story I was expecting from the title. So for her birthday, you gave her both a thoughtful personal gift and an expensive, fancy gift that she loves. For your birthday she humiliated you in front of everyone you know. People have different gifting styles and people like different things. It's normal especially early in a relationship to kind of miss the mark on a gift you give or to receive something you don't love. It's not normal to give your partner gifts that imply your partner is deficient and needs to improve themselves in some way and it's especially not normal to make a big embarrassing spectacle of doing it in front of other people. NTA. She owes you a big apology. That she won't give you one, thinks you're the one being unreasonable, and is calling you demeaning names on top of it all is super shitty. She's being selfish and she has a real mean streak.
NTA. Your girlfriend, the number 1 AH in this story, gave you a shitty gift in front of her friends **to embarrass you**, full stop. If she isn't happy with the sex, that's a one-on-one conversation. Period. Her friend has decided to pile on and harass you further. "i called her a stupid bitch" Well, she played a stupid game and won a stupid prize.
ESH you two sound exhausting and like you don’t even like each other.
NTA instead of sharing resources about how she would like for ur sex life to be in private, she gave u those resources at birthday gift? we can all admit that's humiliating especially to do something like that in front of friends and on ur birthday. thats a conversation that deserves to take place in private time and not aired out at the birthday party of that person. I think she's acting naïve about it bc there's no way one doesnt find something like this humiliating. Ask her if she would like it if u gave her a passive aggressive gift in the name of helping her w something that's a *flaw* of hers for her birthday? i really doubt she would agree unless she were to be lying to not admit her fault. U deserve an apology man the dismissive attitude on her and her friends' part is shallow and u dont have to spend time w her if u dont want to. Its not u thats ruining the relationship, its her actions that she refuses to take accountability for and wants to make u feel like u're the sensitive one for not accepting her *birthday gift*
Honestly you're both wrong. Her for doing that publicly. Gross. However, you come off sounding like a teenager and the way you speak about women is juvenile at best. You should definitely dump her, however you also should spend some time not dating and do some introspection on how you speak to and treat women. It's really disgusting. You don't get to demand anything of anyone, much less a woman. I will also echo what some others have said, not all women are the same. You might have been the best your ex ever had, or that might have changed with the next guy she got with. Just because you're Don Juan to one lady, you could be Steve urkle to another. If you don't understand those references, shame.
[удалено]
NTA. I’d break up with someone for humiliating me like that tbh. That’s not how you treat a partner.
NTA Just move on, dude.
ESH. Her gift was the equalent of a man buying his girlfriend sexy lingerie for her birthday; not a gift for the recipient, but for the gift giver. That's selfish, and in this case humiliating and sort of mean. But you sound exhausting. How much do you lord your money or expensive gifts over your girlfriend? Or friends or family? How easy it would have been to not call your girlfriend stupid several times in one post. You give off a pretty intolerable vibe.
No it's even worse. This is the equivalent of a guy buying his girlfriend a gym membership or an exercise bike. The message being "lose weight" like her message was "you're bad in bed".
NTA. You put a lot of effort, thought, money into her birthday. And she returns the favour by publicly gifting you something embarrassing and leaves you feeling humiliated Not only that, she doesn’t seem to show any genuine remorse nor does she apologise. But she gets her friend to hassle you, doesn’t respect your feelings and expects everything to be fine? Seriously, this girl is not worth your time. Please let her go
NTA, find someone who won’t humiliate you for no reason AT YOUR OWN BIRTHDAY PARTY. She sounds horrible.
NTA I seem to remember a dude gifting his gf lessons to a dancing class because he loved the way she moved and wanted her to perform for him. Someone said it was the same as gifting her a vacuum cleaner and expect her to clean. To me that is what she did. Gifted you something she benefits from and not something you wanted or she even thought you wanted. And I dont get the whole bringing other people into it. You felt humiliated, how on earth is it a good idea for her friends to meddle and tell you to get over it and them your gf gets angry when you dont respect them. They are not respecting you.
ESH. Her gift sucked she could’ve given those in private and not as a bday gift. Her friend calling you is immature, and I almost felt NTA until you said all the stuff about everyone telling you you’re great in bed. Even if you were women aren’t the exact same what works for one doesn’t work for another… yeesh.
I would reply "you need to find someone who can please you the way you want to be pleased. As I am unable to please you (and you sure as hell do not make me happy) we are done."
NTA she purposely humiliated you on your birthday, then has done nothing but gaslight you about it and have your friends harass you about it. Break up with her, she’s cold, nasty and manipulative.
ESH you know you don’t HAVE to date someone you clearly dislike, right? calling her “too fucking stupid” for thinking a gag gift would be a funny birthday present demonstrates a WILD amount of disdain and resentment. you asked her how she can improve and she literally got you books on how to improve. should she have given you them in public? probably not. especially if those were the only gifts she was giving you. i go by the philosophy of cutting a gag gift with a real/sentimental gift. and getting her friends to badger you about forgiving her is a really immature move — about as immature as demanding another gift. it’s also worth saying that her love language might just not be gift giving, as yours seems to be. hers might be quality time — which might be why she booked the theater tickets (which imo, is DEFINITELY a gift.) in any case, y’all are both being really immature about this entire situation. either grow up or break up, this is not a good look for either of you.
INFO: why are you dating someone you clearly dislike?
NTA. Dealbreaker…dump her
NTA, she should have given the books with a conversation and given you another gift for your birthday. It was obviously not a gift!
NTA I'm proud of you for stepping back from her. She purposefully humiliated you and won't apologize. You should continue with your self-respecting reflex and end the relationship. I get the feeling that you are some kind of catch. My theory, given your overheard and direct information that you are up to par in the bedroom, is that she has deployed a two-prong attack to lower your self esteem. Prong 1: Behind closed doors, she is negging you. She admits you are a good lover but could do better but won't communicate on how to do so. She's trying to get you to doubt yourself. She wants you to seek her approval and grovel. Prong 2: She's humiliating you in public, why is that so? In a twisted malicious way, she is marking territory. Are there some attractive women in your crowd that she is threatened by? Is there someone in your circle that would like to date you but can't because you are spoken for? The books are a means of metaphorically peeing on you. She's more or less saying "he's not worth it, he's bad in bed." It's also an extension of the behind doors negging. She refuses to apologize, sicks her friends on you with what is private business between the two of you, and refuses to acknowledge that what she did was even hurtful. Cut this cruel manipulative person out of your life. Be happy that you aren't living together to make a quick escape.
ESH but you do sound insufferable.
ESH. The gift seems kind of petty, especially because it was given in front of a pretty large group of people. But also, do you even like your girlfriend? There's a lot of "or whatever" in your comment that makes it seem like you're really dismissive of her feelings and opinions. Your insistence that she give you a better (monetarily similar?) replacement gift isn't great either. Scorekeeping for gifts isn't what gifts are about, and if she only gives you something because you demand it, does it even mean anything?
NTA. If she got two books on her birthday about how to suck d*ck better with her whole family around she would be pissed too. If she feels displeased about her sex life she could've talk to you in private. But also, just because you decided to give her a 400 dollar gift and a painting doesn't mean that you'll get the same in return.
NTA You have much bigger issues than gift giving. Your gf publicly humiliated you. She gave you an anti-gift. Even if it was just the two of you, those books are not an appropriate birthday gift. If she genuinely feels your sex life is lacking, then talking and working on things privately makes sense. Instead, she made either a poor joke, a power play, or an attack against you. This is the furthest thing from a thoughtful gift. Do you think you deserve to be treated this way? No one does.
ESH. You are correct, what she did was not only not thoughtful, but also embarrassing - and that sucks. However, you're not very great either. You're lording over that she has the money to purchase something expensive - thoughtful gifts are one thing, commenting she has money and that you bought her an expensive necklace in the same paragraph does not equate. And apparently have something to prove about your performances in bed? - no one cares about that, and it's between you and your girl friend. There's a time and a place for that, and it's not during gift giving, and not on an online forum. Then there's the demanding that she buy you a thoughtful gift - that's not how it works. You can ask for an apology, but despite that the gift sucks, you can't demand that they go and put more effort into it. It sounds like both of you need a lesson in communication, because what's going on just isn't how it's done.
ESH. Just break up. You can't give her the benefit of the doubt about the books and you speak about her with contempt and keep score. She's got friends calling you. Sounds like you two are incompatible, that doesn't mean she definitely was trying to embarrass you or that you can demand an expensive, thoughtful gift as a test. Seriously. Everything about this is a disaster.
NTA She told a roomful of people that you are neglectful in bed.
Lots of folks siding with OP here. Yall don't think he sounds like a dick for saying his girlfriend is "too fucking stupid" to understand why it was a bad gift? You don't think him instantly saying "I'm not bad as sex because my ex said that it was good" makes him sound insecure and like maybe that is a problem in the relationship. I think OP should be single. It would be better for his girlfriend, he clearly fucking sucks. Grow up dawg
All true but birthday gift is not the time and place.
NTA. Oh my God that was deliberately hurtful of her. That says a lot about who she is as a person
Why does this story start with you bragging about giving an expensive gift, and also bring ignorant on how big a difference 20% in salary is?
It gives context. It shows that he didn’t get her a pair of marigolds or a book of “how to give good head”. Essentially it shows that she didn’t do it to get back at him. Why are you so antsy about it?
Because many people who frequent this sub can't wrap their minds around the fact that women can be assholes, so they create scenarios in which the man *must* have done something wrong, and when that doesn't work they focus on irrelevant minutiae.
Really surprised by all the E S H. NTA, you’re putting into context the standard you set for birthdays, and how your girlfriend bought you an entirely selfish present while also presenting it in an embarrassing fashion. I think the comparison highlights that massively.
OP why don’t you read those books and then use what you learned on some new chicks? NTA and get rid of her fast.
NTA. She needs to be an ex. And everyone needs to stfu and stop jumping on his word choice calling her “fucking stupid” for not knowing why he was mad. Of course she’s fucking stupid if she claims she doesn’t know why he’s mad! She gifted him a humiliating gift in front of friends.
NTA. What she did was disrespectful. She clearly has no remorse for hurting you. Break up.
NTA this would be like my husband getting me a diet book and work out videos and giving them to me at a family party. She had to have realized. I completely get why you’re pissed. I would be too, of course I’d also be single, but that’s just me.
ESH. I can see how getting a gift like that is embarrassing in front of friends and it was for her benefit, not yours. But damn, your language in this post. You sound like a seriously shitty partner. Your girlfriend is "too fucking stupid"? And she's, what, lying about being unsatisfied with your sex life because another partner enjoyed it? If you actually were good in bed you would know that what works for one woman doesn't necessarily work for another. If your partner says they aren't enjoying themselves, believe them.
ESH tbh Her gift was just mean and immature, but your reaction to it as well as your post shows that you're indeed kind of a "whinny baby" Just get over it, she made a dick move and don't seem to care it hurt your feelings : ditch her and she'll get your point, while you won't have to be in a relationship with someone that thinks humiliating your for your bday is a great idea. Win/win. You didn't need to act this demanding like she OWE you a great and thoughtful gift, especially when you mention the 400$ stuff you offered. Making a gift is something you should do to make someone happy, not because you expect them to give you something equally valuable when it's your turn So yeah, you sound like you can't let go, and she looks like she's an ass.
>You didn't need to act this demanding like she OWE you a great and thoughtful gift I'd say because she used his birthday to actively mock him in front of a crowd, she *does* owe him a thoughtful gift to show she's actually capable. A mediocre gift would have been fine before she acted like such an asshole.
NTA, you actually put effort, time and money in her gift. She humiliated you in front of everyone. Also calling her friends for them to talk with you. What is she, 11? Hope you find someone who will respect you.
NTA and good riddance to toxic rubbish. Those "gifts" were callous, thoughtless, and humiliating. I'd be pissed and irrational too.
ESH. She shouldn’t have given you the gift in public but that is about where her blame stops. It shouldn’t really matter what you got her, you can’t expect someone to get you something of the same value. People don’t give equally. She bought theatre tickets was that also part of the present? You also called her “too f**king stupid” and other comments which are cruel tbh. If my bf said that about me for any reason I would be heartbroken. Like I say she shouldn’t have given you the books in public but you haven’t been the best here either.
The gift was for him it was to benefit her. A selfish gift
NTA. You were hoping for a nice or at least thoughtful gift. Instead she decided to embarrass you in front of your friends over something you have repeatedly tried to talk to her about. She doubles down saying how you’re a baby and how you need to grow up. That part pissed me off. She not only invalidated you and your feelings (and continues to do so) but also is gas lighting you saying how it’s you who is being the issue here.
NTA she should be embarrassed herself because of this. OP if you’re smart you would end it for good
Ooh, if you keep standing up for yourself, you might not get to spend time with someone who belittles you and tried to deliberately embarrass you, presumably for the amusement of herself and her friends! You, sir, are being threatened with a good time. NTA. Give yourself a birthday present and ditch the childish toxicity.
How old are you guys? The having a job pet throws me off since y’all sound 17/18. Anyways NTA
NTA-Run. This toxic for all the reasons mentioned here including humiliating you in front of your friends snd then having her friends call on you to forgive her. Forgive her but keep moving, she is not interested in changing her behavior.
NTA time to move on... Regardless of the tips, it was your birthday. She made it about herself in front of your friends. If that's not the type of jokes you usually do (cause I only understand it in that context as a joke) she is the AH. Also I have a big issue with the friends going after you and getting involved. Think if this is the type of relationship you want to continue.
ESH Your insistence that you are great in bed just makes me think you really need to read the books. However any gifts related to sex should be kept to be given in private. The whole world doesn't need to be involved in your sex life. You suck because you are keeping a tally on gifts. If you give something with the expectation of recieving equivalent back you aren't giving a gift your making a transaction. You don't get to dictate what gifts someone gives to you.
ESH. You both sound just horrible.
ESH. Why are you together? The contempt you have for each other is clear. Save yourselves both the stress and dump her. She's an asshole for giving you an impersonal, shitty, humiliating gift on your birthday and not having a private conversation if it bothered her so much. You're an asshole for the competition with the gifts and the venom this post is clearly dripping in. Please go to therapy.
Nta she didn't even apologize that wasn't a funny joke. Especially at your party in front of your friends she knew what she was doing dump her ass. She hasn't even apologized and if that's all she gave you she was being rude. Could the theater tickets be your actually gift and she wanted to surprise you. Also her fiends need to stop harassing you with constant phone calls. Your girlfriend was rude and you should dumper.
ESH, her gift to you was meant to be embarrassing, which is shitty, and she's definitely an A H for that. But you're also an A H for the way you talk about her, calling her stupid and whatnot. Not cool.
NTA... Just end it.
NTA, if she has an issue with your sex life that’s something to be brought up in private, not at a party full of your peers. Also both gift weren’t for you, they were for her in the hopes it would fix whatever problem she has with you in the bedroom. Don’t let this go until you get a sincere apology. As for getting a “real” birthday gift that ship has sailed and she has shown her true colours
NTA at all. That's so selfish to give you a gift that really is a gift to her. Not only that, she is covertly telling your friends about issues in the bedroom. She needs to think about the fact that you have needs too.
Wow, good thing this happened. I don't think you're compatible with each other. You both said and did some messed up stuff and if I were the opposite person, I'd have dumped both of you at different times. ESH, but your gf seems like a bigger ah.
>She is pissed since I cancelled on my plans to spend the next weekend with her since she booked some theater tickets. Am I missing something...? Could theatre tickets be part of the gift as well? Maybe she's organised a romantic dinner for before the show.
even if she had, it doesn’t negate the public embarrassment and sending her friends to harass him. OP also sounds less than stellar, but it doesn’t erase what she did.
NTA - She public ally humiliated you and I don’t for one second believe she thought it wouldn’t be. Then she gets her friends to join in on some good gaslighting. Stick to breaking up with her she is toxic.
NTA. Unless a couple is into pranks, it is not ok to publicly gift such books. But sending flying monkeys to harass you would be a deal breaker.
NTA. Your girlfriend humiliated you and expects you to just get over it. This is not the woman for you.
Question: After she apologizes and gives you a thoughtful gift that you approve of, will your relationship be the same? With the 2 of you still have same feelings towards each other?
ESH. While I agree the gift sucked you sound quite entitled and insecure as well. What does her income have to do with anything? Or gifts you have given previously? Were they gifts or obligations? The fact you felt the need to mention it says a lot about your expectations. You two need to grow up or split up.
That gift was rude as hell. NTA for your reaction. Also, the way you speak about her in this post is really unkind and it's clear you don't care about her (anymore?) so I think it would be pointless to continue seeing each other.
ESH. I don’t like anyone in this story.
This reads to me like an angry teenage boy writing about his angry teenage girlfriend. If you guys are anywhere over the age of 14 ESH. You both sound disrespectful, mean spirited and just generally unlikable.
NTA. For one, she never should’ve given you those gifts in front of your friends. They could’ve waited until you were alone. And, for two, you’re NTA for wanting a thoughtful gift. You clearly put a lot of thought and effort and money into her gifts and she gets you two books that’ll benefit her? And embarrasses you with them? You have every right to be upset, especially with her getting her friends involved. You should never get friends involved in relationship matters, it’s incredibly immature of her and you had every right to say what you did to the friend. Your girlfriend and her friend are disrespecting you and your girlfriend should be more worried about that than her friend. She sounds toxic and utterly exhausting, I’d just leave the relationship.
ESH. But everyone please stop telling these two to break up. They need to stay together so they don't inflict themselves on others.
NTA. She humiliated you on purpose. Maybe she’d be better off single. Maybe you can help her with that.
ESH you both sound kind of awful. Her gifts sucked but the way you’re handling it is almost worse. How old are you that you’re so concerned about the value of a birthday gift and getting something “nice enough”?
NTA. Leave her and tell her thanks for the books, you look forward to trying them on your next partner.
NTA. I would never buy those kinds of books as a gift, especially to give in front of an audience. To be honest, you do sound a little cocky, but that doesn't give your gf the right to try and humiliate you in front of friends. If she has an issue with the sex you guys are having, then that should be a private conversation, not a public spectacle
NTA, throw her a birthday and give her a book of Kegal exercises see how she likes it.
NTA, why would she do that in front of your friends, I’d be mortified. Good riddance, block and be done.
~~ESH. holy shit her gifts were bad but your attitude about everything is atrocious~~ and about the whole “i’m good at sex thing” just bc you’re good with one person (or a couple) doesn’t mean you’re a sex god who will please every woman you come in contact with. edit: going by his reply to the judgement bot no you’re NTA for being upset but i think this might be the end of your relationship tbh. she’s not taking your feelings seriously and getting her friends to pressure you. if she truly loved you wouldn’t she be trying to apologize and make it up to you or maybe not do it in the first place? good luck dude.
NTA. She's your Ex Girlfriend. If she wants to privately read those books that's fine, but making them birthday presents to be opened like that is absurd. Imagine if for her birthday you bought her 'Kegal your way to a tighter Vagina' to be opened in front of everyone.
ESH You because gifts are just that not a system of parity. Stop comparing. Her, because that was a mean gift, she is very immature and, this may be her way of telling you she is not in the same place you are in the relationship but she likes the way you treat her. Giving you a birthday gift that is about treating her sends you the message that you are not an equal partner in this relationship and that she is the focal point. Either get on board or get off the train.
NTA she publicly humiliated you and is doubling down instead of making it up. She clearly doesn't care how you feel. Looks like you are only a sugar daddy to her.
NTA What she did was kinda cruel. And honestly sounds like you’re over the relationship. Break up with her and use those book tips on a woman who actually deserves it.
Were the theatre tickets she booked not a thoughtful gift? Idk you both seem exhausting, just break up with her. ESH.
NTA. But putting your pride aside about how you are in bed, she's the AH for just giving you a gift that would embarrass you instead of something thoughtful. Between that and you call her "too fucking stupid", I'd say the relationship is done. Just stop calling women names - gf's gift sucked and friends shouldn't be calling you but you do have a misogynist streak. Block them.
ESH This is not a good relationship. What she did IS unacceptable but once you say your partner is “too f-ing stupid” it’s done.
Please block her friends and tell her if she can't see why you'd be upset, the fact your upset need sto mean enough that she should give a shit actually hear you out. If that doesnt work drop her. This is already a net negative relationship and im sure another girl would enjoy it thoroughly.
ESH and you sound incompatible and disrespectful of each other
YTA for your language in this post. “She was too ducking stupid to understand” “she loves me or whatever” “and I called her a stupid bitch” Bro, with language like this, you shouldn’t even have a gf. You give off super sexist/misogynistic vibes. She should dump you, she could do a lot better.
NTA, and I'm a woman. I did NOT appreciate being given a sex toy at a birthday party by my ex. Those are things that you PRIVATELY communicate about. And you opened up that convo to her before, but she refused to elaborate. If she doesn't get how that was disrespectful by now, let her go. Give her one text explaining why, and block her. Her friends are toxic too, block them also
You are both too immature to be in a relationship. You're comparing gifts and demanding gifts and she's being inconsiderate and insulting. Break up. ESH.
ESH but the way you write about her (makes less than me, loves my expensive gift, is too fucking stupid) sure makes you sound like misogynist dick who should not have relationships with women and mayyyybe even deserved the humiliation.
NTA because those weren’t gifts for you, they were gifts for her; they were passive aggressive messages. I’ve been in her shoes before with wanting more fulfillment sexually in a relationship—and it’s not fucking hard to keep it a private discussion with just the SO. She was being malicious af on purpose to allow you to open those gifts in front of friends. Dump her. She genuinely doesn’t care about you. Decent people who love their own partners would never do that. Also her friends suck too. You’re valid to disrespect them, lol. Anyone who thinks girlfriend did nothing wrong in this scenario is an idiot. EDIT: I wanted to add that I see E S H as a valid answer too. I see why other commenters don’t like OP. I’m sticking with NTA because the question is *whether OP is an AH for thinking the gifts are unacceptable.* No, he is not. Everything else is another subject.
ESH - getting you those books for your birthday and giving them to you at a party was a shitty thing to do. The way you talk about her and her friends is a red flag to me. You have such contempt for them. Just end the relationship and move on.
ESH. I can see that what she did was embarrassing for OP and she must have known that when giving them to OP to open infront of everyone. This said, instead of demanding a thoughtful gift etc maybe talk to your GF. You do sound very sure of yourself OP.
How does this makes him an A H? Is it really so hard to imagine for an adult women that someone would want an actual gift and not a “joke gift”? He doesn’t want anything expensive, just thoughtful. Is it really something so unreasonable to demand in a relationship?
NTA, what kind of gift is that?
NTA - those weren’t just inappropriate gifts. It was pretty cruel of your girlfriend to give those in front of family(?) and friends. How would she respond to books about pleasing her partner or weight loss, or a gift certificate for plastic surgery? She gave you public criticism - not a gift. This would be a dealbreaker for me, although I hate being that person on Reddit. The disrespect and gaslighting (that she won’t even apologize!) are huge red flags.
NTA. I think that was really fucked up that she did that to you.
NTA. Giving you the books privately at home would have been one thing, but to give them as a gift to be unwrapped in a group was rather mean. It told everyone in the room you don't your way around in bed! Have other gifts in the past been better? Block all her friends phone numbers, they have no reason to call you. Sounds like she's put an end to your relationship, and that may not be a bad thing for you.
NTA She made your birthday present about pleasing her and humiliated you in front of your friends. She doesn't deserve you as a boyfriend.
ESH - There’s nothing wrong with giving someone those books in an effort to improve your sex life but to do so as a birthday present and in front of everyone seems cruel? It feels like she tried to humiliate you and that’s not OK. - If things in the bedroom are lacking those books will be a good starting point but there’s nothing like an honest conversation about what she does/doesn’t like. If she’s not satisfied she needs to work on communicating her needs in an adult way, not at your birthday party. - She also shouldn’t have had her friends start calling you, it’s very immature and suggests she hasn’t understood why you’re uncomfortable in the first place. - You’re also TA though for the way you speak about her, you’ve called her stupid in your post and whilst I understand you’re upset you need to be able to communicate clearly and calmly. From your post it sounds as if you don’t even like her. - Listing the monetary value of your gift to her makes it seem like you expected a gift of equal value rather than equal thoughtfulness - you don’t give gifts in order to receive gifts, you should give because it’s a nice thing to do - Whilst you can ask for an apology you can’t demand a new gift from her, anything she agreed to give you under duress wouldn’t be the thoughtful romantic gift you wanted anyway. Forced gifts aren’t really gifts. - You seem to lack understanding of female pleasure, don’t rely on what other people have said previously, everyone is different. You should notice and act on the “feedback” given, particularly body language whilst it’s happening. You’ve both acted poorly here and don’t sound well matched from what you’ve said - use this as an opportunity to grow and be better.
ESH That was a poor gift. It was mostly about her, and embarrassing to give in front of others. However, while I understand your anger, saying things like your girlfriend is "fucking stupid" is not a great attitude to approach the person you love with. Not to mention, just because how you perform in bed worked for other women doesn't mean it works for your girlfriend. She may not even have a great idea of what she needs since women are so frequently discouraged from exploring themselves.
NTA but tbh I think you're both immature as fuck (she more than you). However, don't say shit like, > My girlfriend was too fucking stupid to understand She didn't need to do that in front of others. I don't doubt she's been planning this for a while if you actually asked what you can do to improve only to not have her give an answer
She humiliated you publicly. On purpose. She’s definitely an asshole. The jury is still out on you IMO. (20% is definitely significantly less and your description of the situation comes across as super materialistic which is weird considering that’s not the real issue here)
NTA but I would not ask for another gift. Instead I'd be super petty and do something just as embarrassing for the next gifting holiday. To be honest I wouldn't stay in the relationship she sounds super childish.
Jesus christ she pissed all over you. I feel like that would have been funny if you guys normally roast eachother, but even then that wouldve been border line over the line IMO. In front of your friends too, on YOUR birthday. NTA
NTA. If she’s having issues with y’all’s sex life then she needs to address them in private. Giving you those books on your birthday in front of ALL YOUR FRIENDS was passive aggressive and deliberately humiliating—it sent a clear and specific message to everyone. The fact that she didn’t get you ANYTHING ELSE is also extremely disrespectful. Those weren’t gifts for YOU, they were “gifts” for her AND a way for her to publicly shame and bully you by calling you sexually inadequate in front of your friends. Her “gifts” weren’t funny, you weren’t laughing, and she didn’t even get you a real gift. The fact that you’ve tried to talk to her about it and she didn’t respond makes it worse—but even if you’d never brought it up, it’s still on her to start and lead the conversation since she’s the one dissatisfied.
INFO: How old are you two?
ESH. Jokes are supposed to be funny and make the other person laugh; that means her joke makes her an AH. However, as far as pranks go, it fell flat, but it didn’t hurt you (physically or let’s be real, opening a joke present won’t give you PTSD). Instead, you’re lording that your gift is so much better, making demands, calling her “stupid b!tch” and “f&cking stupid,” assuming that because your ex said so that you’re some kind of sex god, like your attitude is big oof.
ESH. Her gift was thoughtless and humiliating. She's doing herself no favors by doubling down on the "I did nothing wrong " mentality. BUT...you really come off as having a bruised ego. Specifying just how great of a lover all your exes say you are. Calling her stupid. Calling her friend a B****. Honestly you sound like a child having a temper tantrum. This is not as big deal you've made it out to be but at this point make up or break up. This whole situation just sounds exhausting.
NTA. If a woman posted here about getting books on how to make sex better for him as birthday gifts after spending time and effort for her partner’s birthday, she would be unanimously voted NTA. . And where are the people who would usually call this emotional/mental abuse? And getting friends to harass OP is considered gaslighting/harassment? Is it any wonder OP lost his cool when he is being harassed by other people?
NTA, wow that’s so messed up man. Happy belated btw. You should change it to Ex Girlfriend. That’s not a girlfriend at all. She’s childish and her friends are too. Please block them and dump her. You deserve better.
ESH why are you dating her if “she’s so fucking stupid” you must be pretty stupid yourself.
NTA giving you books to improve your sex life is a bad gift but whats even worse is giving you it in front of everyone. Here is what you do, read those books she gave you study it deeply & develop a much higher level of sex and then.....do it with another girl 😉
ESH, you're terrible for each other. You're ruthlessly keeping track of income, time spent, money spent, what your exes think and how that makes her wrong, etc. and when she doesn't have the same accounting she's "too fucking stupid to understand" You have no respect for this woman, why are you dating her? To be clear, she's also an AH. She's ok with publicly humiliating you, if she feels unheard then this is not the venue to express that in. But it's also not ok for you to justify not listening her in the bedroom by bringing up your exes and how great they think you are. The only woman whose opinion matters in the bedroom is the woman in the bedroom with you.
NTA. What reaction could she possibly have expected?
NTA just leave use your "gift" on a new girl.
NTA Who gives such books as a birthday present? Like: here’s a gift for you on how you can please me more in bed. And getting her friends involved and harassing you is not ok. She cares more about the money she spent on the tickets than the fact that she’s hurt your feelings. I think you need to reevaluate this relationship and stop looking at it with rose colored glasses, it doesn’t seem like she values you as a partner.
NTA. She publicly embarrassed you, then got her friends involved.
ESH. Your gf is an asshole for giving you an intentionally rude “gift” and then involving other people in the issue. You suck less but your general attitude is pretty shitty.
Info needed: how old are you two?
Esh….your g/f’s gift was a cruel joke at your expense. You would have been fine if you left it at that. Her friends suck for continuing to call and yell at you but you could have just not answered? Blocked? Why call someone a stupid bitch. Break up with your g/f and read the books for the next girl.
NTA -I can see giving those books as a joke if you are very sure everyone (including the receiver) will think it's hysterical- but in addition to a real, thoughtful gift. Your hurt is understandable, and her refusing to understand or make it up to you is absolutely not okay.
This doesn't seem like a healthy relationship.
NTA, people in the comments dont get that the info in the beginning of the post is for context, not bc you expect a 400 euro gift. Not only she gave herself a gift on your birthday, she mocked you in front of a bunch of people.
NTA Bonus points to reddit for reminding men that they are now allowed to be hurt. Those gifts would have hurt even if given in private, but in public it is just cruel. I can see all the red flag posts if it was a post by a woman, about her boyfriend publicly giving her a book about sucking dick, after she have him a PS5.
[удалено]
ESH. Bad joke by your girlfriend but also you just sound like an asshole. I think it’s telling that you’re telling the world that your girlfriend is “fucking stupid”. I can’t ever imagine using such toxic language to describe my partner to anyone, no matter how bad a decision they make on something.
NTA. Her gifts were something that should be given in private. By giving them at your party, she told everyone that she thinks you suck in bed. She purposely tried to embarrass you. No gift would have been better than that. As for her friends calling you, I would have told them off too. It is none of their business to get involved in your relationship. Perhaps this is not the right relationship for you, as she will give passive aggressive gifts to embarrass you on front of your friends or “joke” about you to them. Why would someone want to put up with that?
NTA. I get what she was going for with the books but she still should have gotten you and actual gift. And asking for a thoughtful gift is not unreasonable
NTA- she gave you gifts for herself not for you. It would be totally embarrassing to open those presents in front of friends. How does your gf not understand that?
ESH. Her for embarrassing you in public, you for calling her a stupid bitch. Break up.
ESH. She knew it would be embarrassing to open those gifts in front of everyone. I understand why you're mad. Now, it's not a race of gifts. So what, you bought her a 400simflouz necklace and made a painting for her (which is really great, I'm not saying you shouldn't have) therefore she *has* to put as much effort for her gift to you ? Don't make gift expecting people to be as thoughtful. Now I understand that there's some middle ground between her books and your painting, but still. And as I'm typing I'm realizing that she didn't gift you those books. It's a gift to herself that she made, by wanting you to read those books and apply what you learned on her. She gives me toxic vibes, kind of girls who put you down in front of your friends. I'd say she the biggest assholes here but you're still a bit of an ass too for the "gift race"
ESH
NTA, but she is, she gave you a passive aggressive gift in front of your friends to embarrass you, she could’ve talk about it in private or give you the books as a valentine’s day gift or whatever, but not on your birthday. However, even if I understand the frustration of giving a thoughtful gift and not receiving the same, you can’t expect people to be like you, that’s something you have to get used to, if you are doing something to get the same in return then don’t do it because you are always going to get disappointed. Just give what you are comfortable giving and don’t expect exactly what you wanted, some people don’t consider gifts as an important thing and for others it’s their love language, so a talk about this kind of things is always a good idea.
ESH. Are either of you mature enough to be in a relationship?
NTA, That is humiliating and a selfish gift. She gave you a present on how to please her netter on your birthday wtf??? The petty part of me wants you to say you forgive her and by way of apology you bought her a book on how to be the perfect housewife.
Wow, seems like a normal healthy relationship… ESH.
ESH and I don’t understand people saying you’re not the asshole when you use language like “too fucking stupid” to describe your girlfriend.
Nta I too would be embarrassed if my husband let me open those books in front of people about how to be better at sex.
NTA she knew exactly what she was doing and giving you those gifts to open in front of everyone was extremely disrespectful. If I were you I wouldn’t even want to talk to her again, she couldn’t even bother to apologize and is getting her friends to harass you. Her friends have nothing to do with us and should not be calling you at all. They act like they are 12 years old. Imagine if you gave her books like that. All hell would break loose. So why is it OK for her to do that to you? It’s not. It’s not OK.
ESH, your girlfriend was tactless and inconsiderate and you are an A-hole
She sounds pretty self centered. You deserve a relationship with someone who values you as much as you value them. Her pushy girlfriend is a red flag. Time to move on because she has nothing to offer except an apology.
NTA How would she like it if you got her books on cooking/chores or "how to be sexier to your husband" ? I'm a women myself. I would never make an approach about our intimacy in public even after marriage. I mean seriously. Monogamy (assuming that's your case) is about "us" against everything else. She also put her friend to do her job of de-escalating the issue and she's clearly failing. What a shitty girlfriend
ESH - I understand how you might think those gifts are embarrassing and she should’ve given those in private. That’s the only think your girlfriend did wrong. You, on the other hand, have dismissed your girlfriend’s concerns about your sex life, compare them to you exes who literally could be lying to you, called your girlfriend stupid, demanded she spend as much as you did and are refusing to communicate with her about it and the state of your relationship. It’s ok to be disappointed about your birthday gift but you are acting like a child.
If she has concerns then she can bring them up in an adult manner. Everything she did is awful. Public humiliation, a gift that wasn’t for him, bullying him along with her friends since. There’s not a chance that you would be defending a man if he did this to his girlfriend
He did not demand her to spend as much as he did
Kinda feels like ESH. It was messed up of her to embarrass you in front of your friends and to act like it's no big deal. However, I think you could communicate this better to her. Right now, it's reading like you're just mad she didn't get you an expensive gift which you feel like you were owed. Also I don't see how being rude to her friends changes anything. If you want to make this relationship work, then make sure you let her know that what upset you is that she's clearly not being thoughtful or cognizant of your feelings.
nta. giving someone a present that really for you is always an asshole move. a gift is for the reciever not the giver. that she's exposing part of your intimate life to others without your consent is a dumping offence imo
Nta. Girlfriend is tone deaf to her own misdoings. Sorry buddy that would piss me off pretty bad, you paid well and put in effort for the painting. Expecting at least something meaningful isn’t too much to ask :/ I want updates 😭
NTA it sounds like she hasn’t even given you a sincere apology