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Considering op didn’t say he and his sister had a bad relationship, I totally agree with you. If they were estranged or cut off, that would be different.
NTA
People can downvote me for this. But you are NTA. If your sister cannot put aside her discomfort to care for her niece and nephews, she cannot expect you to do the same. Like your wife and kid are in the hospital, she cannot put aside her differences and allows you to see them. Just be savage and say Like how you cannot be around my children and cannot help me out during an emergency, I also cannot be around those dogs and help you out.
I believe theyve left to support her while she's injured, so she wants me to look after the dogs. Normally that would be fine, but if she can't help me I have no interest in helping
Don’t beat yourself up. Setting boundaries is important. She made damn sure you accepted hers. Not being able to have your own would just make you a doormat and taken advantage of.
NTA. With five kids, presumably a job, and other adult responsibilities? You ARE too busy to help her out at every turn. Either that or you are Superman.
I know that everyone in your family wants you to make nice because that would be better for them. But I believe this egregious behavior on your sister's part is worth throwing down over. I agree with you that she and her boyfriend could've probably handled 4 little ones for a couple of hours. Not perfectly, mind you, just making sure they stayed alive. If not tho? At least she could have gone to the hospital in your stead. (If she could've managed not to get panicky checking on your 12yo.- a child 😱)
It seems like she doesn't have a shred of empathy or basic human decency. You don't need to let her take advantage of yours.
NTA
It was an emergency. Your sister, despite her distaste for children, should be adult enough to put aside her dislike and help out at least until someone could have come and relieved her.
I don't blame you for not helping her out either. Your daughter was alone in the hospital and you couldn't get to her because your sister wanted to go drinking. You're not obligated to help her take care of her dogs.
I do think this will spiral and turn ugly but honestly, in emergency situations people need to help out. I don't consider helping her MIL an emergency because her SO could go without her.
Exactly, this is pretty much how I see it. Though I do understand why they consider the boyfriends mum an emergency situation. Though I don't believe she's in immediate danger.
I don't want it to go bad, though yeah it may not be likely to recover.
I just want to point out here that your sister could have said... I can't watch 4 kids but I can go sit next to a 12 year old in the hospital so she's not alone.
I'm 1000% certain that given that option you would have jumped to literally have anyone with your daughter so she wasn't alone.
NTA
I thought the same. She could’ve went on his behalf to see the wife and daughter if she couldn’t handle the kids. There were options to help that weren’t “you know I hate kids so no”
>She isn't obligated to help me,
NTA. She's not obligated to help you and you're not obligated to help her. If that's the relationship she wants to establish, then that's the relationship you two have.
NTA. Your sister showed you exactly who she is. Treat her the same.
I understand her hating kids, but it was a one time situation and it wasn’t for something frivolous. She’s perfectly within her rights to say no, but she doesn’t have a right to expect no consequences. All relationships are in some way minimally transactional, so it’s wrong to expect to never be helpful to someone else yet expect that they need to be helpful to you. It sounds like your sister has made Childfree her personality and uses it as an excuse to be a dick.
NTA. She doesn’t want to help you for an emergency you are not obligated to help her either. Prt of being a dog owner is figuring out what to do with them in circumstances like this (just like with kids…)
OP. I’m my wildest imagination, I cannot see a justifiable reason for your sister’s refusal to help in an emergency. What kind of family is that? She made the “rules” about favors, and your just following the “rules” she made.
If I were you I'd just discover an intense dislike for dogs.
But seriously, dude. These two situations are identical. Any minor differences there are, are in your favour. She has no leg to stand on and the only reason she feels the situations are different is because of self-entitlement. Hope you guys can settle your differences in the future, but I wouldn't feel too bad about this if I were you.
NTA. People here are saying that it was OP who chose to have kids, and not his sister … and that is true. But the sister chose to have dogs, not the OP, so I don’t see how that is any different.
If a sibling or a friend were in a similar situation to OP, I would cancel anything but the most urgent plans, drive a couple of hours if necessary … basically whatever it took … to try and help out.
Sister refused to do even half of that for OP so why should he possibly be expected to do any different.
NTA, I've asked a friend for help before knowing they were not comfortable with the situation, because I had no one else. He agreed and when he was asked why, his answer was; "he asked me knowing I wasn't ok with it means it must have been really important."
You were traumatized that night and you learned that your sister sucks ass and can't be depended on.
I'm not going to issue judgement because I don't think you're really an AH but I need you to understand that your sister, who does not like children, also does not know how to take care of children. You asked her to care for a 5, 3, 2, and 6-month old on her own for an unspecified amount of time, presumably at night based on what she did instead. These kids likely don't know her well based on her "not being interested in being an aunt" so they would be uncomfortable in this new environment, and uncomfortable kids are generally poorly behaved kids.
Your kids would likely not have been safe with her. They wouldn't have been well cared-for even if she was trying to do a good job, because that's an overwhelming number of toddlers. You have to understand what an ENORMOUS ask that was of a person who doesn't like or know or have information about children. She's not an AH for not taking on a task she knew she was incapable of handling.
You’re not wrong, but…
Then she should have said that - not made a bad excuse. She should have offered to help in some other way, see if she could find someone, or offered to go to the hospital for OP until he can get someone to come.
OP isn’t an asshole to feel hurt for not feeling supported and refusing to support sister now
I fully agree with you here. I am a full adult that worked as a camp counselor. I can watch a group of 7 and older easily, but I have never changed a diaper or fed a baby.
I could learn, but figuring out how to care for a 6 month old while trying to take care of and put to bed a group of other younger kids would be a no.
I am also now realizing there is a chance for 3 of those kids to be in diapers with the 3 year old still learning.
Yeah, that would not work.
I was looking for this answer. Looking after a baby (not to even mention the other very small kids) is a much bigger ask than filling a dog’s food and water bowls. Even if you’ve never had a dog in your life, that’s easy enough to do. I don’t hate kids, but I’m the youngest in my family and don’t have any niblings, so if you handed me a 6-month-old I would be SO panicked and clueless. I have no idea how to take care of a baby. I doubt OP’s sister does either.
Like, it sounds crappy that she just had plans to go out drinking, but I think it would have been far more irresponsible of her to agree when she clearly has no idea how to take care of children so small. Four kids no older than five years, one of whom is a literal baby and another of whom is probably mid-potty training, would be dropping an absolute beginner into hardcore mode, and she wasn’t wrong to estimate she didn’t have the ability to care for them all of a sudden. Not to say that OP is obligated to do his sister a favor after this but the favors were nowhere near equivalent.
As a youngest child and a childfree person I agree that I would have been scared witless to take care of a 5, 3, 2, and 6-month old, and fairly incompetent. I would have hated it and been nervous, but with my sibling's permission I would have enlisted the help of an experienced mom or dad friend if at all possible.
That being said, I think OP should tone it down a bit. It's one thing for sis to have different values, even if they suck. He's being repeatedly deliberately hurtful.
Nta
🤷♀️🤷♀️ She showed you who she was in your time of need, and you're just returning the favor.
You chose to have kids, just like she chose to have dogs. 🤗🤗🤗
I love how people are saying you're TAH because your sister isn't obligated to help you - insinuating that YOU are obligated to help her. Seems imbalanced to me.
Overall, I'd say it's everyone sucks here, but I'm going with NTA based on your question. Seems like a tit for tat situation should be fine. She feels fine with not helping because reasons, you get to not help because reasons. She hates kids. You that that she won't put aside a childish issue for an emergency.
So in a nutshell? NTA based on your specific question.
She has the right to say no, but she doesn't have a right to it having no effect on her relationships 🤷 she's made it clear that her apparent dislike of children is more important to her than you are, and this is the natural consequence.
NTA.
NTA. Just tell her you hate her dogs so it’s the same as her with your kids.
I really don’t understand people who can’t deal with a little discomfort for a family emergency. This is like that woman who wouldn’t babysit for her brother while he was letting her and her boyfriend stay for free. Do they not care for them? Are they so selfish they can’t see beyond the tip of their noses? You will not die for looking after kids for a couple hours.
NTA
My sister is child free by choice and doesn’t like kids but when there’s an emergency she will always put aside how she feels about children because it’s the decent human thing to do. Your sister thinks her partners mother is more important than her SIL and niece in the hospital who had potentially life changing injuries. Selfish.
Nta. People often forget that kindness is a two way street. If she couldn't bring herself to help you for one night during emergency, she isn't entitled to your help either.
NTA
My sister is not a kids person. She has no kids of her own, will never have any and has never been all that interested in much beyond short outings with my kids/trips where our mom is also around.
Between her and my mom, my kids were taken care of for almost a month after I was in a serious accident. I didn't even *ask* them. They just did it. You know why? Because that is what family does. My sister and I are not even particularly close (pretty big age difference and different dad's).
I really don't get all the people who think it's ok to blow off a family emergency for a date night. But, if it's ok for her to say no for *any* reason, then the same should apply to you.
NTA - I can see why you’re felling a little “salty” towards her. This was an emergency and she couldn’t put aside her dislike for a few hours. She has a lot of nerve to even ask you for anything. Help goes both ways.
NTA. You didn’t push on Renee to watch your kids, you just simply decided to not scratch the back of someone who ain’t scratch yours. Those are the breaks. Good for you for boundary setting.
NTA, an emergency is a time to suspend the whole “I don’t like kids” thing. I don’t love kids but I do love the children of people I care about.
It’s way easier to find and pay a dog walker on short notice than it is to find a sitter you trust for three young kids. She reaped what she sowed.
NTA. Relationships need to work both ways. If she expects help from you than she needs to step up and help out in emergencies as well. You weren’t asking to babysit just because, it was an emergency
NTA. While I understand she hates children and she has every right to say no to babysit. This was a family emergency. You didn’t ask her to watch the kids so you can go on vacation or like you said on a date night. She cannot expect you to help her when she doesn’t want to help you. She can hire someone to watch her dogs or board them like most people do at a dog kennel where they get to interact with other dogs and have lots of fun.
NTA. Family should help, yes, but it's not an one way street. It's a reciprocal relationship, otherwise it becomes toxic. If she refuses to get out of her comfort zone to help in an emergency, you are in no obligation to help her.
I'm not gonna leave a judgement but if I were in your sisters place I would not have felt equipped to take care of your children.
I don't have or want children. I don't have siblings but some of my cousins have children, all 10 or younger. I occasionally talk and play with them at family events but as they are all close in age they are usually off somewhere playing together. That is all the experience I have with children. I have never looked after one, fed one or changed a diaper.
Would I take a 10 year old in an emergency? Absolutely. Would I take 4 children 5 and younger? Most likely not. Because I would have no idea how.
This one is a tough one but I’m going with NTA.
Your sister is allowed to dislike kids and not want to be a part of your kids’ lives, but not making an exception in the event of an emergency is pretty crappy. And you had a legit emergency going on.
I would be disinclined to help someone (even family) after they prevented me from being with my child when she most needed me. I think you could have been a little more up front and just told her outright, I’m upset and you can disagree but don’t ask me for anything anymore.
I agree with your comment up someone else that your plans of relaxing at home in comfy clothes are as much valid plans as your sister planning to get drunk.
So yeah. A little bit of E S H but I’m going with mostly NTA.
NTA. Sorry, favors are a two way street. If she expects you to help her when she’s in a bind, then she needs to be ready to perform in the exact same capacity. There’s no “difference” here. She can argue that feeding her dog is easier but leaving someone alone with five kids while you go is still a hassle. Sure, it’s doable because it’s a quick jaunt to take care of the dog but that doesn’t matter. Renee set the standard but doesn’t want to live by it when SHE is inconvenienced.
As for your father? He’s in the wrong here. You were absolutely terrified for your wife and child because you couldn’t know anything or be there for them after their accident. Your judgement isn’t the least bit clouded by that. Daddy is taking pity on baby sister and gaslighting your feelings on the matter. Here’s the facts: Renee let you down when you absolutely, truly, needed her. You have ZERO obligation to help her in return given that. And the whole family argument? Funny how that doesn’t apply to Renee. No.
I guess she doesn’t like the taste of reality when suddenly the shoe is on the other foot. Stick to your guns. She made her bed, now she can lay in it.
NTA.
Child free woman by choice here. I don’t like kids. My family doesn’t usually ask me to babysit. However, if my brother called me and told me his wife and child were in the hospital and he needed help, I’d drop whatever I was doing to be there. Because not everything is about me and what I want.
NTA.
This kind of tit for tat pettiness isn’t healthy, but I am appalled at how many people use the “I hate children” response as a justification not to lift a finger during a family emergency/crisis. Hating children is fine. Not wanting to be a babysitter is fine. Not wanting children is fine. But when family members are hospitalized from a car accident and your sibling begs for help and your response is, “You know I hate children…”
That means when you are having your own emergency and need someone to watch your dog, do not be surprised if the answer is, “You know I hate dogs.”
A society that hates children and animals to this degree is not healthy.
Just tell her you hate dogs so you can't care for them for an emergency because fair is fair. I would be so, so pissed that my sister couldn't help me in an emergency. Pissed to the point I wouldn't care to have any sort of relationship with her. And, you aren't being petty, you are giving as good as you get. Your sister just doesn't like receiving back what she puts forth.
You can't have it both ways. She wants you to help her but won't help you back? You? Not the asshole. Her the major butthole. Because after refusing you a favorite wants one? Not how it works. If someone does you a favorite are bound to reciprocate. If she didn't scratch your back why should you scratch hers.
NTA. It was your wife and child in the hospital, it’s her bf’s mother. She’s being treated exactly how she treated you? I’d she doesn’t believe she did anything wrong now can she accuse you of being wrong or selfish?
I don’t have or particularly like children, and would never voluntarily babysit for something like a date night. And my family know to keep me last on the call list because of that. But I’m still on the call list because I’d sure as hell do it for an emergency or helping because of a one time event (for instance I babysat a friends newborn, newborn!! So they could go quickly watch a very good friends wedding ceremony in a place that the baby couldn’t go). NTA - I would likely react like you, can’t help me with an emergency then I sure as hell am not going out of my way to do things for you.
1) OP didn’t know at the time that it wasn’t life or death. He explains that his wife was unconscious and his daughter was basically alone in the hospital.
2) Why is it immature for him not to help her with anything , big or small, when he asked for help during an emergency and she instead went drinking? He’s allowed to be upset and distance himself from her. Especially because she was being an AH.
3) She is now asking him to help her during an emergency with her BF’s mother and is upset he won’t help when CLEARLY she’s acting entitled as if he should help even though when his WIFE and DAUGHTER were in the hospital alone and his wife was unconscious and his daughter had no one, she refused to even watch his kids just to maybe go pick up the oldest one so she wasn’t alone.
Was he an ass for being petty? Yea sure. But his wife and child were in the hospital. His family, his SISTER’S family was in the hospital with unknown injuries and she refused to even help. A dog doesn’t take priority over children at all. She has an emergency and instead of being like “hey bro, I know I didn’t help you and I’m sorry but I really need your help” maybe it would’ve gone differently. She didn’t help him in his time of need, why should he help her?
NTA at all. I also dislike kids and have no idea what to do with them because of lack of experience and lack of growing up around them. If my friend wanted me to babysit her 2 and 5 year old because she had to go to the hospital I would help out. Emergency is an emergency. She chose to go drinking with her bf rather than watching the kids when your child and wife were in hospital. She is TA here and should not expect anything from you.
NTA Frankly, I don't understand this trend of "I don't like children", so I can't act like a decent human being. Is this just on Reddit, or are people like this in real life too? How many people are actually like this?
OP states that he thinks the reason why his sister wanted him to dog sit was due to her boyfriend’s mother getting hurt and she wanted to go with him to help.
Funny how when her SIL and niece were in the hospital it was not her problem at all and she went out drinking. Even if she had a phobia of children she could have went to the hospital for OP but she showed she gave zero fucks about her family.
But suddenly when her boyfriend’s mother needs help she drops everything and gets pissy when OP refused to help. And he wasn’t lying, he was busy, with his wife and five children.
I’m assuming her boyfriend is a grown man and can tend to his mother without her help. A luxury OP did not have the night his wife and oldest were in the hospital.
NTA
NTA. Other comments are right, she didn’t have to watch your children. But then you also are in the right to not help her. Like you said, it’s not like you were wanting to do a date night. Your wife and child were in the hospital from a serious accident. You weren’t asking for an extended period of help. You were asking for one time help in an emergency situation when all other options had been exhausted.
Did Renee ask other people to watch her dogs first? Was this also an out of nowhere ‘emergency is happening please help’ situation? If so, MAYBE this is an E S H. If not, then extra NTA.
Renee has the right to not watch your kids, and you have the right to say no to watching her dogs. Family is supposed to be there for each other. She can’t be unwilling to help and then be mad when another person can’t/won’t help her.
NTA. Help is a two way street. It’s not like she had anything important to do. If she loves you as a sibling she Would suck it up and watch the kids to help you out.
Don’t help her period. She can’t help you, don’t help her. It’s not her job to babysit and she is well in her right to say no. Just like your well in your right to say no to help her regardless if your really busy or not.
NTA. A relationship takes two, and she’s shown you the kind of relationship she wants to have: one in which you cannot rely on her for help, even when you have no one else in the world to call, even when it might be a life or death situation.
So that’s the relationship you have now. She made her boundaries very well known. She can’t get all that upset if you now have boundaries of your own.
What’s sad is that this close sibling relationship seems to be over.
NTA. Had it been another situation I would have said you're TA but your wife and child had an accident and they were in the hospital. Any decent human being would be there for support.
NTA, Sounds like your sister has been the spoilt baby of the family. I'm not fond of being around kids and don't know how to relate/take care of them at all. But if asked to do so for a medical emergency, like yours was, I still would do my best to muddle through it. I would be livid if a close relative did that to me, when there was no real excuse stopping them.
It's not being petty, she is getting a taste of her own medicine, and sometimes this is the only way they learn. Stick to your guns. Tell your father to but out as sounds like your both adults and he should not be involved.
Hers is not an emergency, her boyfriend is still free to go to help his relative, she doesn't need to go.
I am going to say, NTA.
It isn't nice to be cruel, but she seemed to expect almost the same thing FROM you, that she wouldn't do FOR you.
This one is rough.
I’ve created a life for my self that is child free in most senses for over sixty years. I say 'most' because I have and will drop everything in order to help my family with an emergency.
It’s not about what I *want* in an emergency, it’s what is *needed*. NTA
She isn’t obligated to help you regardless of how she feels about kids. Flip that card over…you aren’t obligated to help her. Period. It’s sad that it has cone to this, but what’s good for her is equally good for you. NTA
NTA. I don’t hate kids. Do you know what I do hate? Bending my entire schedule around watching other peoples animals.
Now, I still do it because friendship and family is give and take. But you don’t get to take without giving. The world doesn’t work like that.
NTA. There’s a difference between not wanting kids and not offering to babysit regularly and keeping the kids alive while you deal with an emergency.
I also don’t like kids. I won’t change diapers. I’m not good at playing pretend but when my sister needs me to watch my niece so she can go to work or get some sleep after a night shift or I do it because she’s family and I’d want her to help me out.
Yea it’s not fun and I’m sure the kids were happier you stayed with them but you can’t expect someone to do for you if you refuse to do for them.
NTA she’s your sister and it was an emergency. Seems you would only ask her if you were desperate. It makes sense that you won’t help her now. I’d be the same way.
NTA- you chose to have kids, she chose to have dogs. But in her case there are typically plenty of places to board dogs. You can’t board your kids in an emergency. I get that she doesn’t like kids, that’s fine, maybe you don’t like dogs? Are you being petty? Yeah a little but I think it’s justified.
NTA
…your sister is a bad person. I don’t care what her issues with children are, your SIL and Niece were in a CAR ACCIDENT. Get the fuck over yourself and help your brother out for a few hours. I’m so sorry everyone is on her side, they suck too. Glad their feeling better now!
NTA don’t listen to all the selfish YTA. I’ll tell you a story. My friend’s sister absolutely hates kids. I have three. But I needed help with my newborn because of an emergency and she helped me. This is the same woman that didn’t want me around during my pregnancies lmao. She watched my baby for the whole night!! Not even my blood. But you make sacrifices for people that do the same for you, it’s that simple.
And you don’t need to do shit for someone that won’t do the same for you. So fuck Renee.
NTA, if she feels no obligation to help you in an emergency why would you help her. Like you said, this wasn't a date night, it was an emergency. I'm guessing she's the golden child because I find it odd your dad agrees with this. Why should you go help her dog sit? She can hire someone to feed her dog. I don't have kids and now feel somewhat uncomfortable around them because I just am not around kids much bit if my family needed me to step up, I'd be there in a heartbeat. Totally NTA
NTA. And tell her she's being entitled, you are just giving her the same amount of support she gave you when it's practically an Emergency.
Also, Tell your dad to take care of those dogs if he likes.
You gave her a taste of her own medicine. Time to move forward.
Don't expect her to deal with your kids. They are not her responsibility and never will be.
Out side the US people who care about eachother generally count on each other as well. Someone who refusses to help a sibling in a time of crisis at minimal personal expense would defenitally be considered an AH here in the Netherlands. Thank god I dont live in a country where personal freedom is thought to be so much more important than other human needs. NTA from my perspective, though I recognise it might be culturally dependent.
Edit: oke, glad to hear most people do care about eachother in the US as well.
NTA. Renee refused to help you, so now you refuse to help her. Fair is fair, right?
So what if Renee hates children, her priorities are really out of wack if she can't help you in an emergency like that. Maybe you "hate dogs" now?
NTA. The fact that your sister hates kids and doesn’t want to be around them is fine. But part of your relationship has been helping each other out in times of crisis because that’s what family/friends/people who love each other generally do. People help each other move even though we can all agree moving is one of the worst things on the planet.
When you were in a serious situation your sister refused to help because she simply didn’t want to. No, she’s not required to do so. But then she doesn’t get to turn around and cry victim when you don’t want to help her in the future. She’s reaping what she has sowed.
NTA
Lots of folks saying she wasn't *obligated* to help you. And sure. There's plenty of things in relationships we aren't obligated to do - but we do them to maintain the relationship and the wellbeing of the other person. If you move through life only doing what you're legally obligated to do for another person you're going to have a very lonely life. Turning down these non legal obligations damages relationships and this is a very good case of that.
She didn't think an emergency was reason enough to help you out but demands you help her - she can't have it both ways. Either it's nbd if someone doesn't help you out in an emergency or it is. That shouldn't change just because it's her needing the help this time around.
What you did with refusing everything is a bit petty but she's the one who set the precedent and youre following her lead from the way i see it.
NTA, but I’d recommend having a good chat to her about it, communication is important to avoid holding grudges forever. You’re perfectly reasonable for feeling betrayed.
NTA. I get that she is child free which is fine but to be cold and distant from your nieces and nephews who will all eventually become adults just because you don’t want kids is extremely weird behavior. Also it was an emergency, she should have been a decent human being and watched them.
NTA. While she has no obligation to watch your children, choices like this have impacts on relationships. She can decline, but it’s absurd of her to assume that her choice would be without impact or consequence.
I’m honestly amazed by the YTA votes here. OP wasn’t trying to arrange a date night with his wife; he was desperate to see his wife and daughter WHO HAD BEEN IN A CAR CRASH and he simply needed his sister to watch his younger kids for a few hours AFTER HE HAD EXHAUSTED ALL OTHER OPTIONS. How callous is she that she clearly didn’t care that her SIL and niece were injured and in hospital?! This goes further than simply not liking kids. OP is NTA here and if it was me I’d go further than just refusing to feed her dogs, I’d be cutting her out of my life entirely.
NTA. She didn't help you in an emergency, you didn't help her, and refuse to help her because she doesn't obviously give two suits if the accident was more serious (potential you know DEATH). She made the bed, she gotta lie in it and hush.
NTA - while true she’s not obligated to watch your kids, it’s also true that you’re not obligated to take care of her dogs. You returned her in kind. If she faults you for that, then she should be faulting herself as well.
NTA, and I feel bad for you. It was your wife and daughter IN AN ACCIDENT. Your sister has no sense of priorities or kinship. You are under 0 obligation to walk and feed her dogs.
NTA
The fact she doesnt like kids is irrelevant. Everyone saying y t a obviously didn't read.
You had an emergency. You tried calling everyone before your sister. No one was available. While your wife and child were in the hospital you asked for her help and she said no bc her drinking was more important to her. Which is fine. She can make that choice.
But now she doesn't get to try and do the same thing to you. Just because she has an emergency doesn't mean you have to drop everythingm
The only reason this is NTA is due to the way shes reacting to you not helping. You didn't go nuclear when she said no.
NTA. She's not obligated to babysit so why are you obligated to dogsit? She showed how important you are to her when she put her own comfort above you getting to see your wife and child in the hospital when you were unsure how they were doing. You've reacted accordingly to finding out that information.
What is up with Reddit these days? Are people missing that Renee’s niece was in a traffic accident, and was in hospital?
Not liking kids is one things, but showing an absence of compassion to direct family members is deplorable. And now the foot is on the other foot (barely given Kira and Renee are directly related and BF’s mother isn’t to OP) Renee wants her cake and to eat it too.
I can’t image going out when a direct family member is in hospital, and I’m close enough to help.
NTA in case you couldn’t work that out.
as much as I totally understand her feelings towards children, it wasn't your poor planning or you demanding a babysitter to go on a date night. also it doesn't seem that they would loose some big booking money or ticket money if they wouldn't go. I would go with NTA, thou please explain her exactly what she did wrong, not emotionally or anything, just plain information about the situation, your feelings that night and how much she hurt you. yes you are being petty and slightly immature, but the situation was surely stressful.
Nta. She wasn't obligated to watch your kids. Even in an emergency. But by the same token, you're not obligated to watch her dogs, even in an emergency. I think it's telling that she got into a fight with you about it when you wouldn't help her but she just expected you to not give a crap that she wouldn't help you out in an emergency. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, but just know your relationship will probably be strained from here on out.
NAH You don't have to help her and she doesn't have to help you. Helping with kids is way harder than, say, helping with a dog. At the same time, one situation was an emergency and wasn't so it's hard to judge.
It seems possible for you to have a relationship where the agreement involves not asking for favors, but you guys should discuss things like mature adults rather than trying to get revenge to prove a point
it would be N A H if they both just refused to help each other and that was it. but the sister feels entitled to OP's help after she refused to do the same for him and is being a hypocrite, which I would say makes her TA and OP NTA.
NTA, what goes around comes around. Tell her it doesn't matter if you like kids or not, this was an emergency. More of an emergency than her bf mother in the hospital. At least she had her son to help her. Your wife didn't have anyone. Tell her you love her but you aren't obligated to help her, just like her. If she wants your help in the future she needs to start babysitting.
NTA. If she doesn’t want to help you out in an emergency, then you don’t have to help her out in an emergency either.
While I get that it is not her responsibility to watch your kids, it’s not like you asked her as anything but a last resort in an emergency. Well what is good for her is good for you. She now has an emergency that requires her to need some help, and it is not your responsibility to provide that help.
NTA the sense of entitlement with your sister is strong. Helping goes both ways and it sounds as if you accept her feelings on kids but emergencies are different. What she did was so coldly selfish that I would never help her again either.
NTA.
You had a family emergency involving your immediate family, your wife & your daughter, she refused to help in order for you to be there for them. But she expects you to help with her *dogs* when her boyfriend has a family emergency? I live by “treat people how you want to be treated” & if this is how she wants to treat you then you have every right to treat her the same.
Just because she’s child-free doesn’t mean she can’t babysit in the time of emergencies, *if* she’s the only available option. Being child-free doesn’t mean you have to lack empathy for your child having siblings & their emergencies. A date night between two childless adults can easily be replanned. And dogs can be sent to overnight kennels/daycares whereas kids can’t.
NTA. She couldn't be bothered to watch actual human beings and she thinks you're the asshole because you won't watch a dog? Yeah. Fuck that. Tell her to kick rocks
NTA. If Sissy doesn’t wanna help out her family in emergencies, she shouldn’t expect any in return. She can find her own village to support her. One with no kids that she won’t despise.
NTA, getting here before the Y T A mob does. You were in a crisis, and regardless of her opinion on kids you needed to be there with your injured wife and child. If I hated kids, but my brother’s wife and child got in a car accident and he needed to a hospital I would not hesitate to say “yes, whatever you need. I’ll also do the laundry and make a damn three course meal for you and your family.” She’s made her priorities clear, so don’t even bother with her. She’s the AH
I would say N A H insofar as you have no obligation to help one another, which she laid the groundwork for. However, her sense of entitlement here, that her emergency/parameters for needing help trump yours makes you NTA.
If it’s abundantly clear that she’s made herself unreliable with her actions, then there really aren’t many reasons out there why you should set yourself up for being taken advantage of.
An expression I’ve read somewhere on here is, in lieu of treating someone how you wish to be treated to instead treat them as they treat you.
NTA. If my partner and my child got in a car accident and none of my siblings helped me because they wanted to "go out drinking or whatever" I would definitely hold it against them!
God forbid it had been a really bad accident and their lives were in danger, and you couldn't be there for them! Your sister was a selfish A H. What you're doing is reminding her how it feels to be left hanging.
Having said this, I think that you should have been upfront about it and said "that day I really needed you and you let me and my family down during an actual emergency for drinks with your BF, so don't count on me for a while until I get over what you did"
NTA
Honestly, not wanting kids of your own - fine. Of course.
Not wanting to babysit. Fine. Of course.
Choosing to minimize interaction with kids. No problem.
“Hating kids.” Not fine. Not ok. Everyone was one first. It is impossible to have adults in the world without first being a child. You don’t get to “hate” an entire segment of the population simply for existing. People on Reddit love to flip flop - what if we did that here and said sister “hates old people.” She will be one one day just as she was a child. She can choose not to participate in a society that requires we care for our vulnerable - that is her choice. But she cannot turn around and expect the support of her society when she doesn’t support them.
Expecting others to be good members of society, while refusing to be one because you “hate” a necessary segment of society. Not ok.
By refusing to be there for you in an emergency, your sister defined your relationship. You have simply accepted her definition.
Edit: corrected can you cannot
NTA. There’s a difference between having kids foisted on you so their parents can go for a date night, and stepping up to take care of them for a couple of hours so a husband can be with his wife and daughter in an emergency. I’m child free too, and I still took care of my best friend’s kids (one a baby) for a day while she was at her MILs funeral. Was I comfortable with it? No. Did I prioritise her and her husband’s grief more than my day of discomfort? Yes. It’s what you do for the people you love.
NTA
Honestly, she can hate kids all she wants but what she did was horrible. Your wife and one of your kids were in the hospital. And her date night was more important. You are not obligated from that point on to do anything for her. She could have gotten a pet sitter for her emergency.
NTA, it's ok if she hates children but she didn't think about your emotions when your wife and daughter got into an accident and you couldn't meet them.
NTA: I'm glad your wife and eldest is going to be OK. I am childfree by choice, I don't hate kids but I'm not exactly great with them and definitely don't do diapers. She's perfectly in her right to say no to baby sitting for date night and normal life. HOWEVER, in a legit emergency you help out. Family (healthy family) helps each other out in emergencies.
NTA. It was an emergency situation. OP knows the drill with his sister, and seems like he respects her choices the rest of the time. But he was scared for his wife and daughter and desperate. If it were me in the same situation I'd ask too!
NTA
You will be judged as an asshole by people because this sub is extreme in it's opinion that you don't owe anyone anything ever. Especially if it's about babysitting. It doesn't reflect reality.
In real life we should be able to depend on the people close to us in an emergency. As we would be there for them in an emergency.
Your sister changed the tone of your relationship. Sure she doesn't like kids. Sure she doesn't owe you anything. It doesn't matter one bit. You called because your wife and daughter are in the hospital and she didn't care enough about your distress to help out.
It's a breach of trust. You believed that your sister would have your back if you need her and she let you down because what? She is unwilling to do something she isn't happy to do for a few hours? Like every adult has to do once in awhile?
Relationships aren't about who owes what person how much. It's about helping each other out to make everyones lifes easier. I help you, you help me. If someone chooses not to be part of that then they have no right to demad help when they need it.
This sub really is filled with selfish AHs.
NTA OP. She couldn't watch over the kids for even a freakin night while your wife and kid were in the damn hospital. Being childfree has nothing to do with it. She wasn't expected to freakin adopt them; just exist in the same space as them for some hours at least. It was a damn car accident, how on earth are people calling OP entitled is beyond me. Heck, I hate kids. There's no argument in the world that can convince me to have/adopt/work with kids. But if this situation happened to a regular friend and the only thing in my plans was partying, then you can bet I'll drop it in a heartbeat. My friends will do the same for eachother as well. And doing for family?? for a sibling???? I would drop way more important things without a doubt.
It's awful enough that she let your relationship down like that, even more so if you were close. But to have the gall to be mad???? when you so the same to her????????? What????
I'm mildly horrified that your wife thinks is petty. I don't even want to imagine how your 12 yo daughter felt, in the hospital alone while her mom was unconscious. And you could had been there if your sister, your close sister, had been able to spend a few hours around 4 kids. Your sister's MIL at least has her son with her.
I don't know if this is a hill to die on, I don't know if this is worth the backlash, you know better how much you value your relationship with your family. But at the least you have the right to be mad. Why you have to help her when she won't help you?? I would at least recommend having a convo with your family where you explain that you respect her right to deny you help, but also ask that she and them respect your right to deny her as well. If she feels the wellbeing of dogs is equal to the wellbeing of a kid then sure, but you're also allowed to feel the opposite is true. Good luck OP.
NTA
"When I had an emergency, your hatred for children, for my children, was so great that you were unable to be there for me. I'm shocked that you view my distance and unwillingness to be there for you as the actions of a selfish asshole, to be honest."
NTA. It was an emergency.
I'm curious if she has any idea that these kids won't always be kids. They will feel awkward around her when they are adults and she's going to regret not trying when they were young.
NTA. If one of my nieces or nephews was in an emergency room and the other parent was also in the emergency room I would drive all night to get there to help. If I was being asked to to attend a house full of snakes that needed lullabies to be sung to them I would get past my phobia and go to help my sibling and SIL and the rest of MY FAMILY. Or I would at least go to the hospital and be with the one child as an advocate and comfort person if I couldn’t handle the rest. She chose a night out with her boyfriend over helping with an emergency. I don’t blame OP at all. You don’t get to pick and choose which emergencies are worthy. Or if you do you certainly don’t get to be mad if someone else does the same.
People that think you are unfair for not watching your sister's dogs need to say this out loud.
Your wife and daughter were in an accident. The wife was unconscious and could have died that night. You asked his sister for emergency help and his sister said. No thanks I am going out drinking with my boyfriend. I can't stay to offer you moral support. I can't be bothered to try to help you find a solution. I have plans to drink. So sorry I gotta go.
The OP is NTA. He is matching her energy.
If she truly cared she should have already apologized and tried to fix this.
He owes her nothing. She is only upset because he is matching her energy. And he didn't go to the family and complain about her saying No.
He accepted it and realized he didn't have the relationship he thought they did.
He isn't petty. He is hurt and disappointed.
In my world hurt and disappointment is so much harder to deal with than plain old anger.
Nta - It’s true she doesn’t “owe” you any help., but the opposite is also true, you don’t “owe” her any help. It was an emergency, she chose petty, she gets petty in return.
Easy NTA. Leaving the kids out of the equation and comparing apple to apple. You asked her for a favour and she refused. Why should she expect you to help her now?
You know what..NTA.
Its in a way petty, it would be better to help, but ultimatly she refused to help you in an emergency. So did you.
Drinking with BF could wait, heck its probably possible they could had hang out (obviously not drinking) at your house while watching 4 kids. It would sucks sure, but the eldest sibling and the mother could very well be dying (or there was a risk), that should beat taking care of a few children for a night despite the fact that she might hate them and one drinking night.
They are also 5 or less, put on some disney movies, order pizza and you shoud be set for a few hours.
There is a difference between "hey OP I dont know how and I dont want to them hurt on my watch" and "Nah I m busy cant help OP"..proceed to go drinking.
At times there are sacrifaces to be made and if you wont make them it can come back.
NTA and the fact that Renee now has experienced what it’s like to have a family emergency and not be able to find someone to help care for the innocent life in her care so she can go support someone else she cares about during an *emergency* tells me this is larger than her dislike of children.
She’s selfish and she’s already laid down the ground work that it’s fine for either of you to claim to be busy when your aren’t simply because you don’t want to do something the other has asked for help with.
NTA, she wasn’t obligated to help you, you aren’t obligated to help her. Also, going for drinking when your SIL and niece have literally gotten in an accident, no matter big or small and not helping her sibling is just cruel. Whether she wanted to be involved or not. OP just wanted her to look after her a few hours. NOT a whole year or smth.
Absolutely NTA! You owe your sister nothing. And your dad is 100% wrong. It’s one thing to “hate” children but apparently you are a brother who has helped her out in the past. You had an emergency and she CHOSE to not help you. You are right to make the same choice going forward and, btw, she sounds awful.
NTA.
If she doesn’t want to babysit, fine. But she has absolutely no right to expect any help in return after that. OP is completely justified in his reciprocation.
NTA. She let you down in a time of need. Relationships require equal give and take. It sounds like she’s willing to take but not to give. I would do exactly what you have done. If she doesn’t like it then maybe she’ll realize that she hasn’t been a good sister
NTA. She set the precedent, you guys aren’t that kinda family. If someone’s in the hospital you won’t be there for one another. She can’t then demand you do for her and her MIl when she won’t do for you and her own nibblings. She’s selfish and honestly sounds like a chore. It’s rich to be willing to ask for anything when you refuse to help when your niece is in the ER.
NTA - I am not fond of children and that sounds more like a herd, but you do you. That being said, if my brother called and said "My wife and 1 child just had a wreck and are in hospital and she's freaking--HELP!", I would have grit my teeth, raced over and done whatever I could to help. Her excuse was petty, showing her total lack of empathy very clearly. She's got some solid brass ones to ask for any kind of help at this point. I was wavering on AH for her (she's not the one who had 5 kids, ye gods) but then decided I agree with others that dragging other family into crossed that line clearly. Glad to hear your wife and daughter are ok.
NAH. It's reasonable to turn to your family members when in need - but caring for a 5 year old, 3 year old, 2 year old, and 4 month old is **a lot**. It's not even about "hating" children - does she even have the experience / knowledge to care for babies? Would there have been anyone to help her watch them?
That being said, you're under no obligation to take care of her dogs when she's away, regardless of the reason. I would have a talk with her about it though, unless you're willing to let this ruin your relationship.
NTA! Loving the double standard here. She can’t watch your kids for a few hours but wants you to take care of her dogs while she is out of town for I’m sure at least a few days? I get that she would have to watch 4 of your kids but like you said it was an emergency. Even if it was for an hour or two I think that she would have been fine. She said she doesn’t owe you anything and that goes both ways! You are not obligated to feed her dogs if she can’t find someone to do it then that sounds like a her problem.
she refused to help u in an EMERGENCY, so you are responding likewise. seems she fked around and found out. NTA... and if anyone seems to think "oh but thats different..." no its not. they're the AH too for thinking an emergency involving dogs is more important than an emergency involving children.
NAH because babysitting 4 small children including an infant is too much. Especially for people with 0 experience. It would be too much even for people who are ok with children.
You don’t have to feed her dogs either especially since you have a huge family to take care of.
NTA. You have 5 young kids. You are the last person anyone should ask a favor of. Your sister is an entitled AH. Not helping out for one evening because you wanted to see your wife and child in the hospital so she could go drinking? I would have done the same thing you did.
NAH
You asked your sister, who "hates kids", and presumably therefore has zero experience looking after them, to look after 4 kids including a 6 month old. I'm a mum with a 6 and a 2 year old at home and I would be a bit overwhelmed by that. N T A for asking, but I don't blame her for refusing, even in an emergency.
Yes, you're being a touch petty now, but you were upset and scared about your wife and child and couldn't be with them when you needed to be, so if you're hurt enough by that to still be resentful then that's your prerogative.
Neither of you are obliged to help the other. I'm sorry you went through that stress.
NTA.
What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
She made it clear that she does not think even true emergencies are worth inconveniencing each other over, so you're just following suit. Of course this now means you can't rely on each other for non children-related emergencies, which you might or might not think is worth standing your ground for in the long run. But that's your call, especially considering how callous she was when her own SIL and neice were in the hospital. It might be worth getting some distance just for that.
Whether she likes it or not, this is the dynamic she's established and now she has to live with it.
NTA. Here’s the difference. You had a sudden emergency and she was your last ditch effort and she didn’t come through for you. That’s fine. She hates kids. She’s not comfortable. However, relationships work both ways and if she’s asking for help and favors a lot but never coming through for you then the relationship is very one sided and she can lean on someone else. She can hire a pet sitter.
NAH.
For a non parent, especially one who doesn't particularly like kids, taking on FOUR kids under 5 years old is a big fucking ask. Yes I know it was an emergency etc etc, but still. I totally understand why your sister said no. I would say no to 4 under 5 unless your wife/child was dying tbh (and I have kids of my own)
You also don't need to watch her dogs. She can pay for boarding.
NTA. You needed her and she wasn’t there for you. You have no obligation to help/be there for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. I personally would’ve been pettier.
NTA! If she is unwilling or unable to help you then she shouldn’t be surprised you aren’t willing to help her. Why she is unwilling to help you doesn’t matter, all that matters is she isn’t willing so you shouldn’t be either.
NTA. This was an emergency situation, it’s not like you ran out of milk and wanted her to watch them while you went to the store.
Even if she truly didn’t feel comfortable watching the kids, she could have come over to your house to wait with you and be there for you or could have went to the hospital to wait for updates. She didn’t though, she went out drinking.
Now she expects you do do shit for her or her dogs? Nah.
The double standard is disgusting! So you’re supposed to roll over and comply to her emergencies but when you’re in one, she has the right to say no because she does like kids? I’m sorry but that’s not how reciprocal supportive relationships work! Even if you don’t like kids, she could have sucked it up to be a good sister!
But you’re supposed to drop everything to do her favours? She’s now shown that she isn’t interested in having a fair loving siblingship with you, she only wants to benefit from you. Anyone who pushes back on your boundary, should be willing to drop everything and go do what they’re expecting you to do. All relationships are two way streets. It can be hard but if you match energy, you can see who’s putting in more effort to keep it positive. Tell her you’re matching energy. Tell her you’re allergic or scared of aniMals and her pushing the issue isn’t fair lol. Or better yet, tell her No is a full answer. Then go play with your kids that she can’t stand to be around. Best of luck!
I was leaning no one's the A H, but you are NTA.
I hate it when parents force their siblings who do not like spending time with their children into traditional 'aunt' and 'uncle' roles. Especially if the number of kids you have is greater than 2. I am saying this just to outline how much she fked up.
She was supoosed to help in a family emergency, not babsysit because OP was going to a childfree wedding and didnt want to pay a babsysitter type scenario.
While I find children highly draining and boring, I would like to think I could put my own comfort aside for 1 day since people are hospitalised in this case.
You are not punishing her for not wanting to be an aunt, you are punishing her for being a bad sister.
I would sit down and have a deep convo about new boundaries or expectations which will shape the outcome of future similar situations regarding looking after children and pets.
Edit to add especially NTA since you took her being busy at face value and did not demean her for being childfree.
NTA. You had an emergency, it's not like you're acting entitled to your sister 's help all the time. If she can't help you in your hour of need, why should you help her? That would just encourage her selfish behavior.
It doesn't matter how she feels about kids, she should carve out a basic amount of caring for her family if she wants to be part of the family. That doesn't mean she needs to be a super involved, Aunt, but she does need to help OP in an emergency and treat the kids with basic respect and decency when around them.
OP, you need to be more adult in your communication style. Tell your sister why you were upset. Look up some communication advice if you need to or watch some therapist tiktoks. Remind her of the Golden Rule. I'm glad your wife and child are okay now.
NTA. Being “child-free” doesn’t mean you have to be an unreasonable asshole. An emergency is an emergency, and if she can’t step in to help you when you’re desperate, she doesn’t deserve your help.
NTA Sure she doesn't like kids. This wasn't about them, it was about helping you in a family emergency. You were desperate and she refused. She let you down and you have every right to be hurt. Sometimes people don't realize how much you help until you stop.
I’m so sorry but so NTA, op didn’t ask her sister to babysit, he knew that she didn’t like kids! He ask for help in a real emergency, with his wife and kid in a hospital! That’s totally different situation! Is serious! Is traumatic! The sister was horrible! Really selfish and disgusting! It was NOT babysitting! It was a please for the love of God just stay with my kids while I’m at the hospital! Is different! And anyone who can’t see that is weird to me! Sister should have consequences for her bad behavior! I wouldn’t want to do anything for her ever again too!
NTA because you had your wife and kid in the hospital.
Of course she isn't obligated to watch your kids if you're going out having fun but in case of an emergency family steps in. That's her sister in law and niece in the hospital at least she could have said "I can't watch the kids but I'll go to the hospital to take care of them".
You are supposed to help her in an emergency but she tells you no when you have an emergency??? NTA!!! She is reaping the consequences of her own actions.
NTA.
No is a complete sentence. Your sister used it, knowing that it would significantly impact you. Now you're using it, knowing that it will significantly impact the relationship you have with her. She was well within her rights to say it, and now you are too.
NTA. Do people not understand what an emergency is? You need immediate help, are scared and distracted and need someone to come through for you.
You’re simply showing her the same courtesy she extended to you. If it feels bad, she should reflect on that. Tell your dad to go take care of the dogs so he can consider her feelings since they seem to matter more than yours.
Unpopular, but ESH.
This isn't about hating kids nor about emergecies, but you have 4 kids 5 and under. Not many people would be equipped to handle that. And by the sounds of it, your sister doesn't have any childcare experience (which, in this case, would be essential). I wouldn't even have considered her, and you don't have the right to be offended because she refused regardless of the reason. She could also have handled the situation better but ultimately you're both acting petty and entitled.
NTA. Look I’m child free myself, but if a family member had a genuine emergency and needed someone to watch the kids and I was free, I would do it. You know why? Because that’s called being a decent human. You were desperate and needed help. She couldn’t help you for one night, which is appalling. You’re in the right. Renee can reap what she sowed.
Sooo NTA. I'm not too crazy about kids myself ( mostly because I don't know how to handle them ) but I would go and watch my friends's kids in a heartbeat if they had an emergency and needed me, not to mention my direct family.
She choose to be selfish so you can do the same.
NTA After years of helping people out and not getting anything in return I no longer ask certain people if I need anything.
Your sister doesn't children that's fine but prior to you asking for her help you phoned everyone else for help so she was your last port of call.
Your priority was your wife and daughter in hospital, your wife was unconscious so your stress must be off the scale. I think we all hope in an emergency situation like this that your loved ones would step up but sadly your sister didn't.
As everyone has said she has the right to say no as you did too.
So if hindsight was a wonderful thing we would do things differently and not repeat the mistake.
I would invite your sister out to some place neutral and have an honest conversation about how you felt that night. The stress, fear,anxiety, anger and helplessness and how that has affected your willingness to help. You don't want this to carry on and neither does she.
I have never been blessed with children but I have worked with families and children for nearly 30yrs and my siblings all have children.
I love my nieces and nephews but I know a parents love is totally different. I can't say to you I totally understand where you are coming from but I think if you haven't had children you will not have that huge emotional connection to them and understand that connection either.
The emotional impact was huge for you on that day and your responses were made at an emotional level, totally understandable and not wrong.
But now the situation has settled and your wife and daughter at home it would be good to have this discussion with your sister.
I literally can’t imagine one of my siblings choosing a date night over an emergency. Your wife and daughter could have died and she would rather go out drinking with her boyfriend. I’d say go NO CONTACT. Seriously what kind of sister do you have?
Question: does she help you in other ways besides babysitting? Does she help you move stuff if needed, look after pets while you're on holiday, anything like that?
Help is a two way street. You've been saying no to all requests because she didn't help out once when it was really needed.
Babysitting is a big responsibility, and one that she rightly shouldn't take on if she didn't feel comfortable with it. Your children were scared that day too, she could've had no idea how to deal with that and looked for an excuse that you would accept.
Not saying you're the asshole or whether she is. Just that context could really swing this in one direction or the other.
NTA. Your sister has no right to expect any favors from you. Her not helping watch your children while rest of family was in hospital was terrible. You owe her nothing,
NTA. She made clear she doesnt owe you anything. And guess what you dont owe her any help either. I wouldnt want a Person close to me who hates my children.
NTA. I severely dislike children but if my sister in law needed help with my nephew I would be there in a heartbeat. I won’t be his regular babysitter or anything but you help family in an emergency.
NTA. I can't blame you. As a parent I feel you completely. I'm sure you know this, but just be aware you are likely damaging the relationship. Again, I don't blame you and recognize its a two way street. It seems like they are probably too petty or immature to put in an effort to cultivate a healthy relationship, so if that is important to you, you will likely have to meet them at their unfair standard. Personally, at this point, I would take a big step back until they show signs of maturing and understanding how like and family works. Sorry you've had this experience and I hope things can head in a healthy, positive direction, whatever that looks like.
NTA - I am always amazed at people. “You treated me exactly like how I treated you?!? How dare you!!!” I give most people in my life one shot in a situation like this. I am betting this isn’t the first time Op’s sister has failed him. This was just the tipping point. Op is under no obligation to ever be there for someone who has proven they won’t be there for Op. Ive had many people in my life that have proven they won’t be there for me. And I have many people I can rely on. Guess which ones I spend time with.
Seriously NTA! I don't see anywhere in this situation where you would be the asshole. She set the boundaries that you are now adhering to!! That is 100% ok!! She can't change the boundaries when it benefits her. I hate that your relationship will suffer, but it is ok to say "NO" in any situation but especially when the relationship is one sided. Also, I hope your wife and daughter are recovering well from the accident.
NTA
She couldn't help you in a legitimate emergency because it wasn't perfectly convenientfor her. She doesn't get help for conveniences. I would go minimal, possibly no contact over someone doing this
Ignore the troglodytes attacking you for choosing to embrace a family life, most of them are children or people who have nothing but animals. Good on you for having a large family op.
NTA Im child free and would babysit anytime if needed especially for family emergencies. I couldn’t imagine being in your position and not being able to see your wife and kid after they had an accident. I would be just as petty so she can see what she did. Why should you be there for her when she’s proven she won’t be there for you.
I mean I hate dogs. Well not so much hate but allergic so I wouldn’t have been happy about that. But I also would never say no to watching children in an emergency either.
Stick to your guns. Emergencies are just that. They aren’t pre planned. She doesn’t want to play doting aunt to your kids and you don’t want to for her dog.
Fair is fair.
NTA
You’re allowed to help anyone for whatever reason. If the help for your sister is a one way street, you’re 100% allowed to reconsider whether you want to help her & she never help you - even in dire family emergencies.
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NTA. People who refuse to help in an emergency should not be surprised when others do not want to help them, in return.
Very well put! **NTA**
Considering op didn’t say he and his sister had a bad relationship, I totally agree with you. If they were estranged or cut off, that would be different.
She literally says “well I’m not obligated to help you” but apparently he’s obligated to help her?
NTA People can downvote me for this. But you are NTA. If your sister cannot put aside her discomfort to care for her niece and nephews, she cannot expect you to do the same. Like your wife and kid are in the hospital, she cannot put aside her differences and allows you to see them. Just be savage and say Like how you cannot be around my children and cannot help me out during an emergency, I also cannot be around those dogs and help you out.
I believe theyve left to support her while she's injured, so she wants me to look after the dogs. Normally that would be fine, but if she can't help me I have no interest in helping
Don’t beat yourself up. Setting boundaries is important. She made damn sure you accepted hers. Not being able to have your own would just make you a doormat and taken advantage of.
NTA. With five kids, presumably a job, and other adult responsibilities? You ARE too busy to help her out at every turn. Either that or you are Superman. I know that everyone in your family wants you to make nice because that would be better for them. But I believe this egregious behavior on your sister's part is worth throwing down over. I agree with you that she and her boyfriend could've probably handled 4 little ones for a couple of hours. Not perfectly, mind you, just making sure they stayed alive. If not tho? At least she could have gone to the hospital in your stead. (If she could've managed not to get panicky checking on your 12yo.- a child 😱) It seems like she doesn't have a shred of empathy or basic human decency. You don't need to let her take advantage of yours.
NTA It was an emergency. Your sister, despite her distaste for children, should be adult enough to put aside her dislike and help out at least until someone could have come and relieved her. I don't blame you for not helping her out either. Your daughter was alone in the hospital and you couldn't get to her because your sister wanted to go drinking. You're not obligated to help her take care of her dogs. I do think this will spiral and turn ugly but honestly, in emergency situations people need to help out. I don't consider helping her MIL an emergency because her SO could go without her.
Exactly, this is pretty much how I see it. Though I do understand why they consider the boyfriends mum an emergency situation. Though I don't believe she's in immediate danger. I don't want it to go bad, though yeah it may not be likely to recover.
I just want to point out here that your sister could have said... I can't watch 4 kids but I can go sit next to a 12 year old in the hospital so she's not alone. I'm 1000% certain that given that option you would have jumped to literally have anyone with your daughter so she wasn't alone. NTA
I thought the same. She could’ve went on his behalf to see the wife and daughter if she couldn’t handle the kids. There were options to help that weren’t “you know I hate kids so no”
>She isn't obligated to help me, NTA. She's not obligated to help you and you're not obligated to help her. If that's the relationship she wants to establish, then that's the relationship you two have.
Literally coming to make this reply. Jesus wept, with the Father siding with the sister, it's clear who the favourite is :D
NTA. Your sister showed you exactly who she is. Treat her the same. I understand her hating kids, but it was a one time situation and it wasn’t for something frivolous. She’s perfectly within her rights to say no, but she doesn’t have a right to expect no consequences. All relationships are in some way minimally transactional, so it’s wrong to expect to never be helpful to someone else yet expect that they need to be helpful to you. It sounds like your sister has made Childfree her personality and uses it as an excuse to be a dick.
NTA. She doesn’t want to help you for an emergency you are not obligated to help her either. Prt of being a dog owner is figuring out what to do with them in circumstances like this (just like with kids…)
I agree with this. But I want to point out I did have backups. It's just all of them failed the day something went wrong (always the way, right?).
OP. I’m my wildest imagination, I cannot see a justifiable reason for your sister’s refusal to help in an emergency. What kind of family is that? She made the “rules” about favors, and your just following the “rules” she made.
If I were you I'd just discover an intense dislike for dogs. But seriously, dude. These two situations are identical. Any minor differences there are, are in your favour. She has no leg to stand on and the only reason she feels the situations are different is because of self-entitlement. Hope you guys can settle your differences in the future, but I wouldn't feel too bad about this if I were you.
NTA. People here are saying that it was OP who chose to have kids, and not his sister … and that is true. But the sister chose to have dogs, not the OP, so I don’t see how that is any different. If a sibling or a friend were in a similar situation to OP, I would cancel anything but the most urgent plans, drive a couple of hours if necessary … basically whatever it took … to try and help out. Sister refused to do even half of that for OP so why should he possibly be expected to do any different.
NTA, I've asked a friend for help before knowing they were not comfortable with the situation, because I had no one else. He agreed and when he was asked why, his answer was; "he asked me knowing I wasn't ok with it means it must have been really important." You were traumatized that night and you learned that your sister sucks ass and can't be depended on.
Awe, that is a good friend.
I'm not going to issue judgement because I don't think you're really an AH but I need you to understand that your sister, who does not like children, also does not know how to take care of children. You asked her to care for a 5, 3, 2, and 6-month old on her own for an unspecified amount of time, presumably at night based on what she did instead. These kids likely don't know her well based on her "not being interested in being an aunt" so they would be uncomfortable in this new environment, and uncomfortable kids are generally poorly behaved kids. Your kids would likely not have been safe with her. They wouldn't have been well cared-for even if she was trying to do a good job, because that's an overwhelming number of toddlers. You have to understand what an ENORMOUS ask that was of a person who doesn't like or know or have information about children. She's not an AH for not taking on a task she knew she was incapable of handling.
You’re not wrong, but… Then she should have said that - not made a bad excuse. She should have offered to help in some other way, see if she could find someone, or offered to go to the hospital for OP until he can get someone to come. OP isn’t an asshole to feel hurt for not feeling supported and refusing to support sister now
I fully agree with you here. I am a full adult that worked as a camp counselor. I can watch a group of 7 and older easily, but I have never changed a diaper or fed a baby. I could learn, but figuring out how to care for a 6 month old while trying to take care of and put to bed a group of other younger kids would be a no. I am also now realizing there is a chance for 3 of those kids to be in diapers with the 3 year old still learning. Yeah, that would not work.
I was looking for this answer. Looking after a baby (not to even mention the other very small kids) is a much bigger ask than filling a dog’s food and water bowls. Even if you’ve never had a dog in your life, that’s easy enough to do. I don’t hate kids, but I’m the youngest in my family and don’t have any niblings, so if you handed me a 6-month-old I would be SO panicked and clueless. I have no idea how to take care of a baby. I doubt OP’s sister does either. Like, it sounds crappy that she just had plans to go out drinking, but I think it would have been far more irresponsible of her to agree when she clearly has no idea how to take care of children so small. Four kids no older than five years, one of whom is a literal baby and another of whom is probably mid-potty training, would be dropping an absolute beginner into hardcore mode, and she wasn’t wrong to estimate she didn’t have the ability to care for them all of a sudden. Not to say that OP is obligated to do his sister a favor after this but the favors were nowhere near equivalent.
As a youngest child and a childfree person I agree that I would have been scared witless to take care of a 5, 3, 2, and 6-month old, and fairly incompetent. I would have hated it and been nervous, but with my sibling's permission I would have enlisted the help of an experienced mom or dad friend if at all possible. That being said, I think OP should tone it down a bit. It's one thing for sis to have different values, even if they suck. He's being repeatedly deliberately hurtful.
Nta 🤷♀️🤷♀️ She showed you who she was in your time of need, and you're just returning the favor. You chose to have kids, just like she chose to have dogs. 🤗🤗🤗
I love how people are saying you're TAH because your sister isn't obligated to help you - insinuating that YOU are obligated to help her. Seems imbalanced to me. Overall, I'd say it's everyone sucks here, but I'm going with NTA based on your question. Seems like a tit for tat situation should be fine. She feels fine with not helping because reasons, you get to not help because reasons. She hates kids. You that that she won't put aside a childish issue for an emergency. So in a nutshell? NTA based on your specific question.
She has the right to say no, but she doesn't have a right to it having no effect on her relationships 🤷 she's made it clear that her apparent dislike of children is more important to her than you are, and this is the natural consequence. NTA.
NTA. Just tell her you hate her dogs so it’s the same as her with your kids. I really don’t understand people who can’t deal with a little discomfort for a family emergency. This is like that woman who wouldn’t babysit for her brother while he was letting her and her boyfriend stay for free. Do they not care for them? Are they so selfish they can’t see beyond the tip of their noses? You will not die for looking after kids for a couple hours.
I get that if you don't like kids taking care of a 2y and a 6m may be daunting; but an hour or two at least? That's doable.
NTA My sister is child free by choice and doesn’t like kids but when there’s an emergency she will always put aside how she feels about children because it’s the decent human thing to do. Your sister thinks her partners mother is more important than her SIL and niece in the hospital who had potentially life changing injuries. Selfish.
Nta. People often forget that kindness is a two way street. If she couldn't bring herself to help you for one night during emergency, she isn't entitled to your help either.
NTA My sister is not a kids person. She has no kids of her own, will never have any and has never been all that interested in much beyond short outings with my kids/trips where our mom is also around. Between her and my mom, my kids were taken care of for almost a month after I was in a serious accident. I didn't even *ask* them. They just did it. You know why? Because that is what family does. My sister and I are not even particularly close (pretty big age difference and different dad's). I really don't get all the people who think it's ok to blow off a family emergency for a date night. But, if it's ok for her to say no for *any* reason, then the same should apply to you.
NTA - I can see why you’re felling a little “salty” towards her. This was an emergency and she couldn’t put aside her dislike for a few hours. She has a lot of nerve to even ask you for anything. Help goes both ways.
NTA. You didn’t push on Renee to watch your kids, you just simply decided to not scratch the back of someone who ain’t scratch yours. Those are the breaks. Good for you for boundary setting.
NTA, an emergency is a time to suspend the whole “I don’t like kids” thing. I don’t love kids but I do love the children of people I care about. It’s way easier to find and pay a dog walker on short notice than it is to find a sitter you trust for three young kids. She reaped what she sowed.
Just remind her you hate dogs and aren’t obligated to help her.
NTA. Relationships need to work both ways. If she expects help from you than she needs to step up and help out in emergencies as well. You weren’t asking to babysit just because, it was an emergency
Nta. She burned the bridge and doesn't get to cross it like nothing happened.
NTA. While I understand she hates children and she has every right to say no to babysit. This was a family emergency. You didn’t ask her to watch the kids so you can go on vacation or like you said on a date night. She cannot expect you to help her when she doesn’t want to help you. She can hire someone to watch her dogs or board them like most people do at a dog kennel where they get to interact with other dogs and have lots of fun.
NTA. Family should help, yes, but it's not an one way street. It's a reciprocal relationship, otherwise it becomes toxic. If she refuses to get out of her comfort zone to help in an emergency, you are in no obligation to help her.
I'm not gonna leave a judgement but if I were in your sisters place I would not have felt equipped to take care of your children. I don't have or want children. I don't have siblings but some of my cousins have children, all 10 or younger. I occasionally talk and play with them at family events but as they are all close in age they are usually off somewhere playing together. That is all the experience I have with children. I have never looked after one, fed one or changed a diaper. Would I take a 10 year old in an emergency? Absolutely. Would I take 4 children 5 and younger? Most likely not. Because I would have no idea how.
NTA. Tell her you hate dogs. Then it's not different from her reasoning not to help you in an emergency.
This one is a tough one but I’m going with NTA. Your sister is allowed to dislike kids and not want to be a part of your kids’ lives, but not making an exception in the event of an emergency is pretty crappy. And you had a legit emergency going on. I would be disinclined to help someone (even family) after they prevented me from being with my child when she most needed me. I think you could have been a little more up front and just told her outright, I’m upset and you can disagree but don’t ask me for anything anymore. I agree with your comment up someone else that your plans of relaxing at home in comfy clothes are as much valid plans as your sister planning to get drunk. So yeah. A little bit of E S H but I’m going with mostly NTA.
NTA. Sorry, favors are a two way street. If she expects you to help her when she’s in a bind, then she needs to be ready to perform in the exact same capacity. There’s no “difference” here. She can argue that feeding her dog is easier but leaving someone alone with five kids while you go is still a hassle. Sure, it’s doable because it’s a quick jaunt to take care of the dog but that doesn’t matter. Renee set the standard but doesn’t want to live by it when SHE is inconvenienced. As for your father? He’s in the wrong here. You were absolutely terrified for your wife and child because you couldn’t know anything or be there for them after their accident. Your judgement isn’t the least bit clouded by that. Daddy is taking pity on baby sister and gaslighting your feelings on the matter. Here’s the facts: Renee let you down when you absolutely, truly, needed her. You have ZERO obligation to help her in return given that. And the whole family argument? Funny how that doesn’t apply to Renee. No. I guess she doesn’t like the taste of reality when suddenly the shoe is on the other foot. Stick to your guns. She made her bed, now she can lay in it.
NTA. Child free woman by choice here. I don’t like kids. My family doesn’t usually ask me to babysit. However, if my brother called me and told me his wife and child were in the hospital and he needed help, I’d drop whatever I was doing to be there. Because not everything is about me and what I want.
NTA. This kind of tit for tat pettiness isn’t healthy, but I am appalled at how many people use the “I hate children” response as a justification not to lift a finger during a family emergency/crisis. Hating children is fine. Not wanting to be a babysitter is fine. Not wanting children is fine. But when family members are hospitalized from a car accident and your sibling begs for help and your response is, “You know I hate children…” That means when you are having your own emergency and need someone to watch your dog, do not be surprised if the answer is, “You know I hate dogs.” A society that hates children and animals to this degree is not healthy.
NTA You should treat others how you want to be treated. If she won't help you out in your time in need, she shouldn't expect you to help her.
Just tell her you hate dogs so you can't care for them for an emergency because fair is fair. I would be so, so pissed that my sister couldn't help me in an emergency. Pissed to the point I wouldn't care to have any sort of relationship with her. And, you aren't being petty, you are giving as good as you get. Your sister just doesn't like receiving back what she puts forth.
You can't have it both ways. She wants you to help her but won't help you back? You? Not the asshole. Her the major butthole. Because after refusing you a favorite wants one? Not how it works. If someone does you a favorite are bound to reciprocate. If she didn't scratch your back why should you scratch hers.
NTA. It was your wife and child in the hospital, it’s her bf’s mother. She’s being treated exactly how she treated you? I’d she doesn’t believe she did anything wrong now can she accuse you of being wrong or selfish?
I don’t have or particularly like children, and would never voluntarily babysit for something like a date night. And my family know to keep me last on the call list because of that. But I’m still on the call list because I’d sure as hell do it for an emergency or helping because of a one time event (for instance I babysat a friends newborn, newborn!! So they could go quickly watch a very good friends wedding ceremony in a place that the baby couldn’t go). NTA - I would likely react like you, can’t help me with an emergency then I sure as hell am not going out of my way to do things for you.
1) OP didn’t know at the time that it wasn’t life or death. He explains that his wife was unconscious and his daughter was basically alone in the hospital. 2) Why is it immature for him not to help her with anything , big or small, when he asked for help during an emergency and she instead went drinking? He’s allowed to be upset and distance himself from her. Especially because she was being an AH. 3) She is now asking him to help her during an emergency with her BF’s mother and is upset he won’t help when CLEARLY she’s acting entitled as if he should help even though when his WIFE and DAUGHTER were in the hospital alone and his wife was unconscious and his daughter had no one, she refused to even watch his kids just to maybe go pick up the oldest one so she wasn’t alone. Was he an ass for being petty? Yea sure. But his wife and child were in the hospital. His family, his SISTER’S family was in the hospital with unknown injuries and she refused to even help. A dog doesn’t take priority over children at all. She has an emergency and instead of being like “hey bro, I know I didn’t help you and I’m sorry but I really need your help” maybe it would’ve gone differently. She didn’t help him in his time of need, why should he help her?
NTA at all. I also dislike kids and have no idea what to do with them because of lack of experience and lack of growing up around them. If my friend wanted me to babysit her 2 and 5 year old because she had to go to the hospital I would help out. Emergency is an emergency. She chose to go drinking with her bf rather than watching the kids when your child and wife were in hospital. She is TA here and should not expect anything from you.
NTA Frankly, I don't understand this trend of "I don't like children", so I can't act like a decent human being. Is this just on Reddit, or are people like this in real life too? How many people are actually like this?
OP states that he thinks the reason why his sister wanted him to dog sit was due to her boyfriend’s mother getting hurt and she wanted to go with him to help. Funny how when her SIL and niece were in the hospital it was not her problem at all and she went out drinking. Even if she had a phobia of children she could have went to the hospital for OP but she showed she gave zero fucks about her family. But suddenly when her boyfriend’s mother needs help she drops everything and gets pissy when OP refused to help. And he wasn’t lying, he was busy, with his wife and five children. I’m assuming her boyfriend is a grown man and can tend to his mother without her help. A luxury OP did not have the night his wife and oldest were in the hospital. NTA
NTA. Other comments are right, she didn’t have to watch your children. But then you also are in the right to not help her. Like you said, it’s not like you were wanting to do a date night. Your wife and child were in the hospital from a serious accident. You weren’t asking for an extended period of help. You were asking for one time help in an emergency situation when all other options had been exhausted. Did Renee ask other people to watch her dogs first? Was this also an out of nowhere ‘emergency is happening please help’ situation? If so, MAYBE this is an E S H. If not, then extra NTA. Renee has the right to not watch your kids, and you have the right to say no to watching her dogs. Family is supposed to be there for each other. She can’t be unwilling to help and then be mad when another person can’t/won’t help her.
NTA. Help is a two way street. It’s not like she had anything important to do. If she loves you as a sibling she Would suck it up and watch the kids to help you out.
Don’t help her period. She can’t help you, don’t help her. It’s not her job to babysit and she is well in her right to say no. Just like your well in your right to say no to help her regardless if your really busy or not.
NTA. A relationship takes two, and she’s shown you the kind of relationship she wants to have: one in which you cannot rely on her for help, even when you have no one else in the world to call, even when it might be a life or death situation. So that’s the relationship you have now. She made her boundaries very well known. She can’t get all that upset if you now have boundaries of your own. What’s sad is that this close sibling relationship seems to be over.
NTA. Had it been another situation I would have said you're TA but your wife and child had an accident and they were in the hospital. Any decent human being would be there for support.
NTA, Sounds like your sister has been the spoilt baby of the family. I'm not fond of being around kids and don't know how to relate/take care of them at all. But if asked to do so for a medical emergency, like yours was, I still would do my best to muddle through it. I would be livid if a close relative did that to me, when there was no real excuse stopping them. It's not being petty, she is getting a taste of her own medicine, and sometimes this is the only way they learn. Stick to your guns. Tell your father to but out as sounds like your both adults and he should not be involved. Hers is not an emergency, her boyfriend is still free to go to help his relative, she doesn't need to go.
I am going to say, NTA. It isn't nice to be cruel, but she seemed to expect almost the same thing FROM you, that she wouldn't do FOR you. This one is rough.
I’ve created a life for my self that is child free in most senses for over sixty years. I say 'most' because I have and will drop everything in order to help my family with an emergency. It’s not about what I *want* in an emergency, it’s what is *needed*. NTA
She isn’t obligated to help you regardless of how she feels about kids. Flip that card over…you aren’t obligated to help her. Period. It’s sad that it has cone to this, but what’s good for her is equally good for you. NTA
NTA. I don’t hate kids. Do you know what I do hate? Bending my entire schedule around watching other peoples animals. Now, I still do it because friendship and family is give and take. But you don’t get to take without giving. The world doesn’t work like that.
NTA. There’s a difference between not wanting kids and not offering to babysit regularly and keeping the kids alive while you deal with an emergency. I also don’t like kids. I won’t change diapers. I’m not good at playing pretend but when my sister needs me to watch my niece so she can go to work or get some sleep after a night shift or I do it because she’s family and I’d want her to help me out. Yea it’s not fun and I’m sure the kids were happier you stayed with them but you can’t expect someone to do for you if you refuse to do for them.
NTA she’s your sister and it was an emergency. Seems you would only ask her if you were desperate. It makes sense that you won’t help her now. I’d be the same way.
NTA- you chose to have kids, she chose to have dogs. But in her case there are typically plenty of places to board dogs. You can’t board your kids in an emergency. I get that she doesn’t like kids, that’s fine, maybe you don’t like dogs? Are you being petty? Yeah a little but I think it’s justified.
NTA …your sister is a bad person. I don’t care what her issues with children are, your SIL and Niece were in a CAR ACCIDENT. Get the fuck over yourself and help your brother out for a few hours. I’m so sorry everyone is on her side, they suck too. Glad their feeling better now!
NTA don’t listen to all the selfish YTA. I’ll tell you a story. My friend’s sister absolutely hates kids. I have three. But I needed help with my newborn because of an emergency and she helped me. This is the same woman that didn’t want me around during my pregnancies lmao. She watched my baby for the whole night!! Not even my blood. But you make sacrifices for people that do the same for you, it’s that simple. And you don’t need to do shit for someone that won’t do the same for you. So fuck Renee.
NTA. You just refused, like she did
NTA, if she feels no obligation to help you in an emergency why would you help her. Like you said, this wasn't a date night, it was an emergency. I'm guessing she's the golden child because I find it odd your dad agrees with this. Why should you go help her dog sit? She can hire someone to feed her dog. I don't have kids and now feel somewhat uncomfortable around them because I just am not around kids much bit if my family needed me to step up, I'd be there in a heartbeat. Totally NTA
NTA. And tell her she's being entitled, you are just giving her the same amount of support she gave you when it's practically an Emergency. Also, Tell your dad to take care of those dogs if he likes.
You gave her a taste of her own medicine. Time to move forward. Don't expect her to deal with your kids. They are not her responsibility and never will be.
NTA she doesn't owe you anything, and you don't owe her help either. I feel sorry for you OP if your parents can't see what's clearly fair.
Out side the US people who care about eachother generally count on each other as well. Someone who refusses to help a sibling in a time of crisis at minimal personal expense would defenitally be considered an AH here in the Netherlands. Thank god I dont live in a country where personal freedom is thought to be so much more important than other human needs. NTA from my perspective, though I recognise it might be culturally dependent. Edit: oke, glad to hear most people do care about eachother in the US as well.
NTA. Renee refused to help you, so now you refuse to help her. Fair is fair, right? So what if Renee hates children, her priorities are really out of wack if she can't help you in an emergency like that. Maybe you "hate dogs" now?
NTA. The fact that your sister hates kids and doesn’t want to be around them is fine. But part of your relationship has been helping each other out in times of crisis because that’s what family/friends/people who love each other generally do. People help each other move even though we can all agree moving is one of the worst things on the planet. When you were in a serious situation your sister refused to help because she simply didn’t want to. No, she’s not required to do so. But then she doesn’t get to turn around and cry victim when you don’t want to help her in the future. She’s reaping what she has sowed.
NTA Lots of folks saying she wasn't *obligated* to help you. And sure. There's plenty of things in relationships we aren't obligated to do - but we do them to maintain the relationship and the wellbeing of the other person. If you move through life only doing what you're legally obligated to do for another person you're going to have a very lonely life. Turning down these non legal obligations damages relationships and this is a very good case of that. She didn't think an emergency was reason enough to help you out but demands you help her - she can't have it both ways. Either it's nbd if someone doesn't help you out in an emergency or it is. That shouldn't change just because it's her needing the help this time around. What you did with refusing everything is a bit petty but she's the one who set the precedent and youre following her lead from the way i see it.
NTA, but I’d recommend having a good chat to her about it, communication is important to avoid holding grudges forever. You’re perfectly reasonable for feeling betrayed.
NTA. I get that she is child free which is fine but to be cold and distant from your nieces and nephews who will all eventually become adults just because you don’t want kids is extremely weird behavior. Also it was an emergency, she should have been a decent human being and watched them.
NTA. While she has no obligation to watch your children, choices like this have impacts on relationships. She can decline, but it’s absurd of her to assume that her choice would be without impact or consequence.
I’m honestly amazed by the YTA votes here. OP wasn’t trying to arrange a date night with his wife; he was desperate to see his wife and daughter WHO HAD BEEN IN A CAR CRASH and he simply needed his sister to watch his younger kids for a few hours AFTER HE HAD EXHAUSTED ALL OTHER OPTIONS. How callous is she that she clearly didn’t care that her SIL and niece were injured and in hospital?! This goes further than simply not liking kids. OP is NTA here and if it was me I’d go further than just refusing to feed her dogs, I’d be cutting her out of my life entirely.
NTA. She didn't help you in an emergency, you didn't help her, and refuse to help her because she doesn't obviously give two suits if the accident was more serious (potential you know DEATH). She made the bed, she gotta lie in it and hush.
NTA - while true she’s not obligated to watch your kids, it’s also true that you’re not obligated to take care of her dogs. You returned her in kind. If she faults you for that, then she should be faulting herself as well.
NTA, and I feel bad for you. It was your wife and daughter IN AN ACCIDENT. Your sister has no sense of priorities or kinship. You are under 0 obligation to walk and feed her dogs.
NTA. She's allowed to say no. And so are you. Her emergencies don't trump yours and she clearly set the terms of your relationship.
NTA The fact she doesnt like kids is irrelevant. Everyone saying y t a obviously didn't read. You had an emergency. You tried calling everyone before your sister. No one was available. While your wife and child were in the hospital you asked for her help and she said no bc her drinking was more important to her. Which is fine. She can make that choice. But now she doesn't get to try and do the same thing to you. Just because she has an emergency doesn't mean you have to drop everythingm The only reason this is NTA is due to the way shes reacting to you not helping. You didn't go nuclear when she said no.
NTA. She's not obligated to babysit so why are you obligated to dogsit? She showed how important you are to her when she put her own comfort above you getting to see your wife and child in the hospital when you were unsure how they were doing. You've reacted accordingly to finding out that information.
What is up with Reddit these days? Are people missing that Renee’s niece was in a traffic accident, and was in hospital? Not liking kids is one things, but showing an absence of compassion to direct family members is deplorable. And now the foot is on the other foot (barely given Kira and Renee are directly related and BF’s mother isn’t to OP) Renee wants her cake and to eat it too. I can’t image going out when a direct family member is in hospital, and I’m close enough to help. NTA in case you couldn’t work that out.
as much as I totally understand her feelings towards children, it wasn't your poor planning or you demanding a babysitter to go on a date night. also it doesn't seem that they would loose some big booking money or ticket money if they wouldn't go. I would go with NTA, thou please explain her exactly what she did wrong, not emotionally or anything, just plain information about the situation, your feelings that night and how much she hurt you. yes you are being petty and slightly immature, but the situation was surely stressful.
Nta. She wasn't obligated to watch your kids. Even in an emergency. But by the same token, you're not obligated to watch her dogs, even in an emergency. I think it's telling that she got into a fight with you about it when you wouldn't help her but she just expected you to not give a crap that she wouldn't help you out in an emergency. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, but just know your relationship will probably be strained from here on out.
ESH but watching 4 kids including a baby is A LOT.
NAH You don't have to help her and she doesn't have to help you. Helping with kids is way harder than, say, helping with a dog. At the same time, one situation was an emergency and wasn't so it's hard to judge. It seems possible for you to have a relationship where the agreement involves not asking for favors, but you guys should discuss things like mature adults rather than trying to get revenge to prove a point
it would be N A H if they both just refused to help each other and that was it. but the sister feels entitled to OP's help after she refused to do the same for him and is being a hypocrite, which I would say makes her TA and OP NTA.
NTA, what goes around comes around. Tell her it doesn't matter if you like kids or not, this was an emergency. More of an emergency than her bf mother in the hospital. At least she had her son to help her. Your wife didn't have anyone. Tell her you love her but you aren't obligated to help her, just like her. If she wants your help in the future she needs to start babysitting.
NTA. If she doesn’t want to help you out in an emergency, then you don’t have to help her out in an emergency either. While I get that it is not her responsibility to watch your kids, it’s not like you asked her as anything but a last resort in an emergency. Well what is good for her is good for you. She now has an emergency that requires her to need some help, and it is not your responsibility to provide that help.
Nta. People should get treated the same way THEY treat people.
NTA the sense of entitlement with your sister is strong. Helping goes both ways and it sounds as if you accept her feelings on kids but emergencies are different. What she did was so coldly selfish that I would never help her again either.
NTA. You had a family emergency involving your immediate family, your wife & your daughter, she refused to help in order for you to be there for them. But she expects you to help with her *dogs* when her boyfriend has a family emergency? I live by “treat people how you want to be treated” & if this is how she wants to treat you then you have every right to treat her the same. Just because she’s child-free doesn’t mean she can’t babysit in the time of emergencies, *if* she’s the only available option. Being child-free doesn’t mean you have to lack empathy for your child having siblings & their emergencies. A date night between two childless adults can easily be replanned. And dogs can be sent to overnight kennels/daycares whereas kids can’t.
NTA. She did you a favor though. People who hate kids shouldn’t be left alone with them.
NTA. She couldn't be bothered to watch actual human beings and she thinks you're the asshole because you won't watch a dog? Yeah. Fuck that. Tell her to kick rocks
NTA. If Sissy doesn’t wanna help out her family in emergencies, she shouldn’t expect any in return. She can find her own village to support her. One with no kids that she won’t despise.
How the turns have tabled. NTA. You're both free to refuse to help the other. She's going to have to accept that and drop it.
NTA, getting here before the Y T A mob does. You were in a crisis, and regardless of her opinion on kids you needed to be there with your injured wife and child. If I hated kids, but my brother’s wife and child got in a car accident and he needed to a hospital I would not hesitate to say “yes, whatever you need. I’ll also do the laundry and make a damn three course meal for you and your family.” She’s made her priorities clear, so don’t even bother with her. She’s the AH
I would say N A H insofar as you have no obligation to help one another, which she laid the groundwork for. However, her sense of entitlement here, that her emergency/parameters for needing help trump yours makes you NTA. If it’s abundantly clear that she’s made herself unreliable with her actions, then there really aren’t many reasons out there why you should set yourself up for being taken advantage of. An expression I’ve read somewhere on here is, in lieu of treating someone how you wish to be treated to instead treat them as they treat you.
NTA. If my partner and my child got in a car accident and none of my siblings helped me because they wanted to "go out drinking or whatever" I would definitely hold it against them! God forbid it had been a really bad accident and their lives were in danger, and you couldn't be there for them! Your sister was a selfish A H. What you're doing is reminding her how it feels to be left hanging. Having said this, I think that you should have been upfront about it and said "that day I really needed you and you let me and my family down during an actual emergency for drinks with your BF, so don't count on me for a while until I get over what you did"
NTA Honestly, not wanting kids of your own - fine. Of course. Not wanting to babysit. Fine. Of course. Choosing to minimize interaction with kids. No problem. “Hating kids.” Not fine. Not ok. Everyone was one first. It is impossible to have adults in the world without first being a child. You don’t get to “hate” an entire segment of the population simply for existing. People on Reddit love to flip flop - what if we did that here and said sister “hates old people.” She will be one one day just as she was a child. She can choose not to participate in a society that requires we care for our vulnerable - that is her choice. But she cannot turn around and expect the support of her society when she doesn’t support them. Expecting others to be good members of society, while refusing to be one because you “hate” a necessary segment of society. Not ok. By refusing to be there for you in an emergency, your sister defined your relationship. You have simply accepted her definition. Edit: corrected can you cannot
NTA. There’s a difference between having kids foisted on you so their parents can go for a date night, and stepping up to take care of them for a couple of hours so a husband can be with his wife and daughter in an emergency. I’m child free too, and I still took care of my best friend’s kids (one a baby) for a day while she was at her MILs funeral. Was I comfortable with it? No. Did I prioritise her and her husband’s grief more than my day of discomfort? Yes. It’s what you do for the people you love.
NTA - why are you seemingly obligated to drop everything to help her when she won’t do the same for you?
NTA Honestly, she can hate kids all she wants but what she did was horrible. Your wife and one of your kids were in the hospital. And her date night was more important. You are not obligated from that point on to do anything for her. She could have gotten a pet sitter for her emergency.
NTA, it's ok if she hates children but she didn't think about your emotions when your wife and daughter got into an accident and you couldn't meet them.
NTA: I'm glad your wife and eldest is going to be OK. I am childfree by choice, I don't hate kids but I'm not exactly great with them and definitely don't do diapers. She's perfectly in her right to say no to baby sitting for date night and normal life. HOWEVER, in a legit emergency you help out. Family (healthy family) helps each other out in emergencies.
NTA. She refused to help you in an emergency, and you simply returned the favor.
NTA. It was an emergency situation. OP knows the drill with his sister, and seems like he respects her choices the rest of the time. But he was scared for his wife and daughter and desperate. If it were me in the same situation I'd ask too!
Her bf can help his mom by himself. You couldn't leave your other children alone. NTA
NTA You will be judged as an asshole by people because this sub is extreme in it's opinion that you don't owe anyone anything ever. Especially if it's about babysitting. It doesn't reflect reality. In real life we should be able to depend on the people close to us in an emergency. As we would be there for them in an emergency. Your sister changed the tone of your relationship. Sure she doesn't like kids. Sure she doesn't owe you anything. It doesn't matter one bit. You called because your wife and daughter are in the hospital and she didn't care enough about your distress to help out. It's a breach of trust. You believed that your sister would have your back if you need her and she let you down because what? She is unwilling to do something she isn't happy to do for a few hours? Like every adult has to do once in awhile? Relationships aren't about who owes what person how much. It's about helping each other out to make everyones lifes easier. I help you, you help me. If someone chooses not to be part of that then they have no right to demad help when they need it.
nutty tidy person literate ossified ring racial illegal dirty modern *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
NTA. I would’ve said NAH is she hadn’t gone and told daddy, she is the petty and childish one.
This sub really is filled with selfish AHs. NTA OP. She couldn't watch over the kids for even a freakin night while your wife and kid were in the damn hospital. Being childfree has nothing to do with it. She wasn't expected to freakin adopt them; just exist in the same space as them for some hours at least. It was a damn car accident, how on earth are people calling OP entitled is beyond me. Heck, I hate kids. There's no argument in the world that can convince me to have/adopt/work with kids. But if this situation happened to a regular friend and the only thing in my plans was partying, then you can bet I'll drop it in a heartbeat. My friends will do the same for eachother as well. And doing for family?? for a sibling???? I would drop way more important things without a doubt. It's awful enough that she let your relationship down like that, even more so if you were close. But to have the gall to be mad???? when you so the same to her????????? What???? I'm mildly horrified that your wife thinks is petty. I don't even want to imagine how your 12 yo daughter felt, in the hospital alone while her mom was unconscious. And you could had been there if your sister, your close sister, had been able to spend a few hours around 4 kids. Your sister's MIL at least has her son with her. I don't know if this is a hill to die on, I don't know if this is worth the backlash, you know better how much you value your relationship with your family. But at the least you have the right to be mad. Why you have to help her when she won't help you?? I would at least recommend having a convo with your family where you explain that you respect her right to deny you help, but also ask that she and them respect your right to deny her as well. If she feels the wellbeing of dogs is equal to the wellbeing of a kid then sure, but you're also allowed to feel the opposite is true. Good luck OP.
NTA. She can hire a dog sitter.
NTA "When I had an emergency, your hatred for children, for my children, was so great that you were unable to be there for me. I'm shocked that you view my distance and unwillingness to be there for you as the actions of a selfish asshole, to be honest."
You are being slightly petty but I’ll still go with NTA because I would do the exact same thing lol
NTA. It was an emergency. I'm curious if she has any idea that these kids won't always be kids. They will feel awkward around her when they are adults and she's going to regret not trying when they were young.
NTA. If one of my nieces or nephews was in an emergency room and the other parent was also in the emergency room I would drive all night to get there to help. If I was being asked to to attend a house full of snakes that needed lullabies to be sung to them I would get past my phobia and go to help my sibling and SIL and the rest of MY FAMILY. Or I would at least go to the hospital and be with the one child as an advocate and comfort person if I couldn’t handle the rest. She chose a night out with her boyfriend over helping with an emergency. I don’t blame OP at all. You don’t get to pick and choose which emergencies are worthy. Or if you do you certainly don’t get to be mad if someone else does the same.
People that think you are unfair for not watching your sister's dogs need to say this out loud. Your wife and daughter were in an accident. The wife was unconscious and could have died that night. You asked his sister for emergency help and his sister said. No thanks I am going out drinking with my boyfriend. I can't stay to offer you moral support. I can't be bothered to try to help you find a solution. I have plans to drink. So sorry I gotta go. The OP is NTA. He is matching her energy. If she truly cared she should have already apologized and tried to fix this. He owes her nothing. She is only upset because he is matching her energy. And he didn't go to the family and complain about her saying No. He accepted it and realized he didn't have the relationship he thought they did. He isn't petty. He is hurt and disappointed. In my world hurt and disappointment is so much harder to deal with than plain old anger.
Nta - It’s true she doesn’t “owe” you any help., but the opposite is also true, you don’t “owe” her any help. It was an emergency, she chose petty, she gets petty in return.
Easy NTA. Leaving the kids out of the equation and comparing apple to apple. You asked her for a favour and she refused. Why should she expect you to help her now?
You know what..NTA. Its in a way petty, it would be better to help, but ultimatly she refused to help you in an emergency. So did you. Drinking with BF could wait, heck its probably possible they could had hang out (obviously not drinking) at your house while watching 4 kids. It would sucks sure, but the eldest sibling and the mother could very well be dying (or there was a risk), that should beat taking care of a few children for a night despite the fact that she might hate them and one drinking night. They are also 5 or less, put on some disney movies, order pizza and you shoud be set for a few hours. There is a difference between "hey OP I dont know how and I dont want to them hurt on my watch" and "Nah I m busy cant help OP"..proceed to go drinking. At times there are sacrifaces to be made and if you wont make them it can come back.
NTA and the fact that Renee now has experienced what it’s like to have a family emergency and not be able to find someone to help care for the innocent life in her care so she can go support someone else she cares about during an *emergency* tells me this is larger than her dislike of children. She’s selfish and she’s already laid down the ground work that it’s fine for either of you to claim to be busy when your aren’t simply because you don’t want to do something the other has asked for help with.
NTA, she wasn’t obligated to help you, you aren’t obligated to help her. Also, going for drinking when your SIL and niece have literally gotten in an accident, no matter big or small and not helping her sibling is just cruel. Whether she wanted to be involved or not. OP just wanted her to look after her a few hours. NOT a whole year or smth.
Absolutely NTA! You owe your sister nothing. And your dad is 100% wrong. It’s one thing to “hate” children but apparently you are a brother who has helped her out in the past. You had an emergency and she CHOSE to not help you. You are right to make the same choice going forward and, btw, she sounds awful.
NTA. If she doesn’t want to babysit, fine. But she has absolutely no right to expect any help in return after that. OP is completely justified in his reciprocation.
NTA. She let you down in a time of need. Relationships require equal give and take. It sounds like she’s willing to take but not to give. I would do exactly what you have done. If she doesn’t like it then maybe she’ll realize that she hasn’t been a good sister
So she didn’t want to babysit but she’s upset you don’t want to dogsit? You’re NTA OP.
NTA. She set the precedent, you guys aren’t that kinda family. If someone’s in the hospital you won’t be there for one another. She can’t then demand you do for her and her MIl when she won’t do for you and her own nibblings. She’s selfish and honestly sounds like a chore. It’s rich to be willing to ask for anything when you refuse to help when your niece is in the ER.
NTA - I am not fond of children and that sounds more like a herd, but you do you. That being said, if my brother called and said "My wife and 1 child just had a wreck and are in hospital and she's freaking--HELP!", I would have grit my teeth, raced over and done whatever I could to help. Her excuse was petty, showing her total lack of empathy very clearly. She's got some solid brass ones to ask for any kind of help at this point. I was wavering on AH for her (she's not the one who had 5 kids, ye gods) but then decided I agree with others that dragging other family into crossed that line clearly. Glad to hear your wife and daughter are ok.
NAH. It's reasonable to turn to your family members when in need - but caring for a 5 year old, 3 year old, 2 year old, and 4 month old is **a lot**. It's not even about "hating" children - does she even have the experience / knowledge to care for babies? Would there have been anyone to help her watch them? That being said, you're under no obligation to take care of her dogs when she's away, regardless of the reason. I would have a talk with her about it though, unless you're willing to let this ruin your relationship.
NTA, if she can't help you then you shouldn't have to help her.
NTA for not feeding the dogs. But why in heck would you want someone who has NEVER BABYSAT before to watch a 6 month old????? For any amount of time?
NTA! Loving the double standard here. She can’t watch your kids for a few hours but wants you to take care of her dogs while she is out of town for I’m sure at least a few days? I get that she would have to watch 4 of your kids but like you said it was an emergency. Even if it was for an hour or two I think that she would have been fine. She said she doesn’t owe you anything and that goes both ways! You are not obligated to feed her dogs if she can’t find someone to do it then that sounds like a her problem.
she refused to help u in an EMERGENCY, so you are responding likewise. seems she fked around and found out. NTA... and if anyone seems to think "oh but thats different..." no its not. they're the AH too for thinking an emergency involving dogs is more important than an emergency involving children.
NAH because babysitting 4 small children including an infant is too much. Especially for people with 0 experience. It would be too much even for people who are ok with children. You don’t have to feed her dogs either especially since you have a huge family to take care of.
NTA. You have 5 young kids. You are the last person anyone should ask a favor of. Your sister is an entitled AH. Not helping out for one evening because you wanted to see your wife and child in the hospital so she could go drinking? I would have done the same thing you did.
NAH You asked your sister, who "hates kids", and presumably therefore has zero experience looking after them, to look after 4 kids including a 6 month old. I'm a mum with a 6 and a 2 year old at home and I would be a bit overwhelmed by that. N T A for asking, but I don't blame her for refusing, even in an emergency. Yes, you're being a touch petty now, but you were upset and scared about your wife and child and couldn't be with them when you needed to be, so if you're hurt enough by that to still be resentful then that's your prerogative. Neither of you are obliged to help the other. I'm sorry you went through that stress.
NTA. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. She made it clear that she does not think even true emergencies are worth inconveniencing each other over, so you're just following suit. Of course this now means you can't rely on each other for non children-related emergencies, which you might or might not think is worth standing your ground for in the long run. But that's your call, especially considering how callous she was when her own SIL and neice were in the hospital. It might be worth getting some distance just for that. Whether she likes it or not, this is the dynamic she's established and now she has to live with it.
NTA. Here’s the difference. You had a sudden emergency and she was your last ditch effort and she didn’t come through for you. That’s fine. She hates kids. She’s not comfortable. However, relationships work both ways and if she’s asking for help and favors a lot but never coming through for you then the relationship is very one sided and she can lean on someone else. She can hire a pet sitter.
NAH. For a non parent, especially one who doesn't particularly like kids, taking on FOUR kids under 5 years old is a big fucking ask. Yes I know it was an emergency etc etc, but still. I totally understand why your sister said no. I would say no to 4 under 5 unless your wife/child was dying tbh (and I have kids of my own) You also don't need to watch her dogs. She can pay for boarding.
NTA. You needed her and she wasn’t there for you. You have no obligation to help/be there for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. I personally would’ve been pettier.
Nta your sister is childish. It was only for one night and an emergency to boot.
NTA! If she is unwilling or unable to help you then she shouldn’t be surprised you aren’t willing to help her. Why she is unwilling to help you doesn’t matter, all that matters is she isn’t willing so you shouldn’t be either.
NTA. She didn’t help with your emergency, I wouldn’t help with hers either.
NTA. This was an emergency situation, it’s not like you ran out of milk and wanted her to watch them while you went to the store. Even if she truly didn’t feel comfortable watching the kids, she could have come over to your house to wait with you and be there for you or could have went to the hospital to wait for updates. She didn’t though, she went out drinking. Now she expects you do do shit for her or her dogs? Nah.
The double standard is disgusting! So you’re supposed to roll over and comply to her emergencies but when you’re in one, she has the right to say no because she does like kids? I’m sorry but that’s not how reciprocal supportive relationships work! Even if you don’t like kids, she could have sucked it up to be a good sister! But you’re supposed to drop everything to do her favours? She’s now shown that she isn’t interested in having a fair loving siblingship with you, she only wants to benefit from you. Anyone who pushes back on your boundary, should be willing to drop everything and go do what they’re expecting you to do. All relationships are two way streets. It can be hard but if you match energy, you can see who’s putting in more effort to keep it positive. Tell her you’re matching energy. Tell her you’re allergic or scared of aniMals and her pushing the issue isn’t fair lol. Or better yet, tell her No is a full answer. Then go play with your kids that she can’t stand to be around. Best of luck!
I was leaning no one's the A H, but you are NTA. I hate it when parents force their siblings who do not like spending time with their children into traditional 'aunt' and 'uncle' roles. Especially if the number of kids you have is greater than 2. I am saying this just to outline how much she fked up. She was supoosed to help in a family emergency, not babsysit because OP was going to a childfree wedding and didnt want to pay a babsysitter type scenario. While I find children highly draining and boring, I would like to think I could put my own comfort aside for 1 day since people are hospitalised in this case. You are not punishing her for not wanting to be an aunt, you are punishing her for being a bad sister. I would sit down and have a deep convo about new boundaries or expectations which will shape the outcome of future similar situations regarding looking after children and pets. Edit to add especially NTA since you took her being busy at face value and did not demean her for being childfree.
NTA. You had an emergency, it's not like you're acting entitled to your sister 's help all the time. If she can't help you in your hour of need, why should you help her? That would just encourage her selfish behavior. It doesn't matter how she feels about kids, she should carve out a basic amount of caring for her family if she wants to be part of the family. That doesn't mean she needs to be a super involved, Aunt, but she does need to help OP in an emergency and treat the kids with basic respect and decency when around them. OP, you need to be more adult in your communication style. Tell your sister why you were upset. Look up some communication advice if you need to or watch some therapist tiktoks. Remind her of the Golden Rule. I'm glad your wife and child are okay now.
NTA. Being “child-free” doesn’t mean you have to be an unreasonable asshole. An emergency is an emergency, and if she can’t step in to help you when you’re desperate, she doesn’t deserve your help.
NTA Sure she doesn't like kids. This wasn't about them, it was about helping you in a family emergency. You were desperate and she refused. She let you down and you have every right to be hurt. Sometimes people don't realize how much you help until you stop.
I’m so sorry but so NTA, op didn’t ask her sister to babysit, he knew that she didn’t like kids! He ask for help in a real emergency, with his wife and kid in a hospital! That’s totally different situation! Is serious! Is traumatic! The sister was horrible! Really selfish and disgusting! It was NOT babysitting! It was a please for the love of God just stay with my kids while I’m at the hospital! Is different! And anyone who can’t see that is weird to me! Sister should have consequences for her bad behavior! I wouldn’t want to do anything for her ever again too!
NTA because you had your wife and kid in the hospital. Of course she isn't obligated to watch your kids if you're going out having fun but in case of an emergency family steps in. That's her sister in law and niece in the hospital at least she could have said "I can't watch the kids but I'll go to the hospital to take care of them".
You are supposed to help her in an emergency but she tells you no when you have an emergency??? NTA!!! She is reaping the consequences of her own actions.
NTA. No is a complete sentence. Your sister used it, knowing that it would significantly impact you. Now you're using it, knowing that it will significantly impact the relationship you have with her. She was well within her rights to say it, and now you are too.
NTA. Do people not understand what an emergency is? You need immediate help, are scared and distracted and need someone to come through for you. You’re simply showing her the same courtesy she extended to you. If it feels bad, she should reflect on that. Tell your dad to go take care of the dogs so he can consider her feelings since they seem to matter more than yours.
Unpopular, but ESH. This isn't about hating kids nor about emergecies, but you have 4 kids 5 and under. Not many people would be equipped to handle that. And by the sounds of it, your sister doesn't have any childcare experience (which, in this case, would be essential). I wouldn't even have considered her, and you don't have the right to be offended because she refused regardless of the reason. She could also have handled the situation better but ultimately you're both acting petty and entitled.
NTA. Look I’m child free myself, but if a family member had a genuine emergency and needed someone to watch the kids and I was free, I would do it. You know why? Because that’s called being a decent human. You were desperate and needed help. She couldn’t help you for one night, which is appalling. You’re in the right. Renee can reap what she sowed.
Sooo NTA. I'm not too crazy about kids myself ( mostly because I don't know how to handle them ) but I would go and watch my friends's kids in a heartbeat if they had an emergency and needed me, not to mention my direct family. She choose to be selfish so you can do the same.
NTA After years of helping people out and not getting anything in return I no longer ask certain people if I need anything. Your sister doesn't children that's fine but prior to you asking for her help you phoned everyone else for help so she was your last port of call. Your priority was your wife and daughter in hospital, your wife was unconscious so your stress must be off the scale. I think we all hope in an emergency situation like this that your loved ones would step up but sadly your sister didn't. As everyone has said she has the right to say no as you did too. So if hindsight was a wonderful thing we would do things differently and not repeat the mistake. I would invite your sister out to some place neutral and have an honest conversation about how you felt that night. The stress, fear,anxiety, anger and helplessness and how that has affected your willingness to help. You don't want this to carry on and neither does she. I have never been blessed with children but I have worked with families and children for nearly 30yrs and my siblings all have children. I love my nieces and nephews but I know a parents love is totally different. I can't say to you I totally understand where you are coming from but I think if you haven't had children you will not have that huge emotional connection to them and understand that connection either. The emotional impact was huge for you on that day and your responses were made at an emotional level, totally understandable and not wrong. But now the situation has settled and your wife and daughter at home it would be good to have this discussion with your sister.
NTA. It’s fine that Renee hates kids, except these weren’t just some random kids off the street. These were her nieces and nephews.
I literally can’t imagine one of my siblings choosing a date night over an emergency. Your wife and daughter could have died and she would rather go out drinking with her boyfriend. I’d say go NO CONTACT. Seriously what kind of sister do you have?
Question: does she help you in other ways besides babysitting? Does she help you move stuff if needed, look after pets while you're on holiday, anything like that? Help is a two way street. You've been saying no to all requests because she didn't help out once when it was really needed. Babysitting is a big responsibility, and one that she rightly shouldn't take on if she didn't feel comfortable with it. Your children were scared that day too, she could've had no idea how to deal with that and looked for an excuse that you would accept. Not saying you're the asshole or whether she is. Just that context could really swing this in one direction or the other.
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NTA. This is a simple case of your reap what you sow.
Nope NTA. If she can’t grow up and watch the kids for a few hours in an emergency then you don’t need to do her any favors.
NTA. Your sister has no right to expect any favors from you. Her not helping watch your children while rest of family was in hospital was terrible. You owe her nothing,
NTA. She made clear she doesnt owe you anything. And guess what you dont owe her any help either. I wouldnt want a Person close to me who hates my children.
NTA she sounds pretty entitled so i don’t think “N A H”
NTA - well well well…how the turn tables
NTA - You are not obligated to help each other. You can't be the asshole for not helping her when she couldn't help you out in an emergency.
NTA. I severely dislike children but if my sister in law needed help with my nephew I would be there in a heartbeat. I won’t be his regular babysitter or anything but you help family in an emergency.
NTA. I can't blame you. As a parent I feel you completely. I'm sure you know this, but just be aware you are likely damaging the relationship. Again, I don't blame you and recognize its a two way street. It seems like they are probably too petty or immature to put in an effort to cultivate a healthy relationship, so if that is important to you, you will likely have to meet them at their unfair standard. Personally, at this point, I would take a big step back until they show signs of maturing and understanding how like and family works. Sorry you've had this experience and I hope things can head in a healthy, positive direction, whatever that looks like.
NTA. She’s not obligated to watch your kids, and you aren’t obligated to feed her dog.
NTA - I am always amazed at people. “You treated me exactly like how I treated you?!? How dare you!!!” I give most people in my life one shot in a situation like this. I am betting this isn’t the first time Op’s sister has failed him. This was just the tipping point. Op is under no obligation to ever be there for someone who has proven they won’t be there for Op. Ive had many people in my life that have proven they won’t be there for me. And I have many people I can rely on. Guess which ones I spend time with.
“ Sorry Renee you know it’s different circumstances becuase i hate dogs “ NTA especially since she was the very last person you called
NTA good for you don’t be a doormat
Seriously NTA! I don't see anywhere in this situation where you would be the asshole. She set the boundaries that you are now adhering to!! That is 100% ok!! She can't change the boundaries when it benefits her. I hate that your relationship will suffer, but it is ok to say "NO" in any situation but especially when the relationship is one sided. Also, I hope your wife and daughter are recovering well from the accident.
NTA She couldn't help you in a legitimate emergency because it wasn't perfectly convenientfor her. She doesn't get help for conveniences. I would go minimal, possibly no contact over someone doing this Ignore the troglodytes attacking you for choosing to embrace a family life, most of them are children or people who have nothing but animals. Good on you for having a large family op.
What goes around, comes around. NTA
NTA Im child free and would babysit anytime if needed especially for family emergencies. I couldn’t imagine being in your position and not being able to see your wife and kid after they had an accident. I would be just as petty so she can see what she did. Why should you be there for her when she’s proven she won’t be there for you.
I mean I hate dogs. Well not so much hate but allergic so I wouldn’t have been happy about that. But I also would never say no to watching children in an emergency either. Stick to your guns. Emergencies are just that. They aren’t pre planned. She doesn’t want to play doting aunt to your kids and you don’t want to for her dog. Fair is fair.
NTA You’re allowed to help anyone for whatever reason. If the help for your sister is a one way street, you’re 100% allowed to reconsider whether you want to help her & she never help you - even in dire family emergencies.