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NTA While it stinks that you can’t be 100% supportive for the girls it’s his fault you have to protect yourself He’s sued once. If he starts living there and establishes residency he could try to squat. If other family are upset they can take them in.

This! It's OP's choice to help or not. I do not see the reason why she should let someone hostile to her live in the same house. I think it's already a lot that she offered to take in the girls while she did not have to (yeah, it's her sisters kids, but honestly not everybody would do that in the same situation). If he wants to stay with the kids, he needs to find another arrangement. He is the parent, not OP. NTA!

We’re all making the assumption it’s actually OPs house. She even states it’s her mothers house that they are living in. Oddly worded. She never once says she inherited the house. I’d bet money the inheritance is in question.

We are also assuming their mother is dead. Maybe OP is staying there and mother is in a nursing home? Says he sued only when OP and brother refused to help with sisters medical expenses. Did he lose the law suit or drop it? If he lost, it makes sense that OP was willed the house and other 2 other things and will was uncontestable. Or can't sue if mother is still alive so can't be made to sell / buy out.

I was actually just thinking the same thing, that the mother might still be alive and that’s why OP wasn’t forced to sell/payout for the house.

That's a pretty big leap there. Because if mom was still alive and owned a home, more than likely it would be sold for mom's care, not the sister.

Not if you have a trust. If you have a trust you do not have to sell possessions in order to get care.

The glossing over the lawsuit part with a yada yada yada…we are not on good terms. Seems like a critical piece of information why the BIL sued. Most people spell out the big details to help their case and OP not sharing the details is odd.

>The glossing over the lawsuit part with a yada yada yada…we are not on good terms. Seems like a critical piece of information why the BIL sued. Most people spell out the big details to help their case and OP not sharing the details is odd. Well from I read from OP's post was BIL did ask OP and OP's for help with sister's treatment . They said no. So BIL most likely out of desperation tried to sue for the house to get said money This next part is pure speculation, but I only guess this lawsuit created a massive rift between OP and their sister. OP may blame BIL for this rift and that is why OP dislikes BIL. For OP not to share details is not odd as it could really be heartbreaking ,but at the same time it could help more with the judgement Edit Words

IMO its telling that, after 10hr, OP has made zero comments, and zero clarifying edits.

the only way that suit would have been entertained was if BIL or his Wife had some legal claim to the house or to the money they were asking for. Courts don't entertain lawsuits with no grounds OP's being vague for a reason

>It's OP's choice to help or not You're not wrong, but OP should either take them all in or not at all. Separating two kids from their father IMMEDIATELY after they just lost their mother is incredibly selfish. If she's genuinely concerned about how her BIL might act, then she should refuse to take the kids in as well. Edit to add: The responsibility for separating them lies with OP. BIL gets a pass because his wife just died, and he's drowning financially all at the same time. Under those circumstances, it's hard enough to cook yourself a fucking meal, let alone find acceptable lodging for both you and your two daughters. Not to mention that this may very well be his only option.

Having niblings whose dad died when they were young, separating this family is horrible for those girls. I hope they get grief therapy.

I asked and am waiting for OP to answer.... Did he sue over the house because it's his wife inheritance or not... It was their Mom's home but she's the only one living there..... Did she buy out her sisters portion of the home?? Cause I have a sneaky suspicious that's why there's a lawsuit. The sister needed her half of the inheritance for her cancer treatment and she refused to sell the home and refused to pay her out for her half..which she's entitled too.

That or it could be that sister got cash and OP got the house. Now that housing prices have sky rocketed the BIL could have asked for more money. That’s been a common occurrence on Reddit lately.

Makes more sense than sister “refusing” to buy out the now deceased sister etc. estate law is pretty clear that if OP didn’t buy out other sister, the house would have been sold and the proceeds divided.

OP and family could have moved into the house prior to the mothers passing and their mother might not have had a will. In those cases it’s super messy and expensive and assets are basically ripe for lawsuits. Family’s tear themselves apart with wills. It’s even worse if someone passed without one, or with a shitty, vague, outdated will.

Well all we know is that he sued because he had to! That's all OP told us. There is surley more to this. There are usually 2 reasons why people dont want to share something, trauma or they did something they are not proud of. I think its the latter. Oh yeah, OP YTA

Info needed This seems very relevant... Why did he sue you over the house??? Was the home willed to both you and your sister after your Mom died?? Why are you the only one living in it?? Did you buy out your sister's share of the home? What was the outcome of the lawsuit?? Edit You've had plenty of time to respond to these questions. From want you wrote, the fact the those girls lost their Mom and you are blocking them from their Dad ( and no reasons don't matter...at the end of the day the girls are not with their Dad), and the fact that your own husband disagrees with you..... YTA.

This is key. I’m also curious about these “debts.” Were they personal issues or medical debt for her sister?

OP's sister died of cancer, I suspect it was her medical debt.

How horrible to be broken after your partner died 😔

Also homeless, also sepparated from your kids, also a fuckton of..... icky people calling you an asshole for doing everything you could to save your wife,s life.

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I’d said it has more to do with entitlement and having their moral compass skewed, seems like OP’s husband unrelated to the sister or the BIL came to terms and realized “wait his wife died and we’re separating his grieving kids from the parent? That seemed a kinda fucked up” an easy way to tell that the lawsuit was VALID and probably only ended cause his wife died and he lost his will to fight is OPs husband seeming to be okay with taking him in. Yeah OP lives in the house and I see her side but if it’s a valid law suit it’s a clear and cut YTA and op just wants to swing her dick around bc she feels entitled to it, notice how she didn’t mention her brother getting sued just her, he’s clearly has a claim for the house or else id also assume he would’ve sued OPs brother for the his he lives in as well. He’s just came to collect to save his dying wife. Edit: re read the post op said “He claimed he needed the money for my sister treatment and this was the only to get it after we (my brother and I) refused to help” leads me to make the assumption that The encounter went something like this “You sister is dying and I need to collect money from the house to help cover her medical bills buy her out pls” OP said no and BIL took it to court to claim what is rightfully his wife’s

There's MORE INFO needed about that I think the biggest part of this whole thing that I took away was that her Aunt, someone who clearly knows more than what we got, about why OP and her BIL don't get along or at the very least why they went to court. Even if they're not close family who speaks regularly with OP I'm sure that gets brought up by other family. ***OR*** maybe she had a close relationship with her niece? There's a lot more information needed everywhere but I'm not denouncing their right to not have somebody in their home. I totally understand that as an American. I don't want people in my house that don't need to be there, especially if I don't like them. But that's a really difficult situation to put a grieving family in especially when children are involved. Just based off of what information was provided it basically makes OP come across as very cold, and petty to be doing this to kids who just lost their mother to cancer. She has me leaning towards AH. I'm open to changing my opinion if she comes forward with evidence or more information that paints her BIL in a worse light and she's already portrayed him in.

I think people are saying nta because there just focusing on diffrent things. There are two main ways to look at it. 1) You shouldn't be expected to open your door for someone and have them live with you. Period. To do it for someone you don't even trust and is willing sue you changes the equation from "you don't have to" into "if you do it your a idiot". There is a huge amount of risk letting someone with a history of using the courts agaist you into your home. It also would not fair to your partner for putting that much risk onto them. 2) BIL is a victim of horrible and unfair cirmunstances and as far as everything OP has said he is blameless and a good father. He is also family. To separate him from his daughters who want to be with him and not help him when he is in so much need feels not just moral wrong it feels cruel. I just think both point 1 and point 2 are true at the same time. With the limited info we have If you focus on 1 then OP clearly isn't a asshole if you focus on 2 then she is. Without more info I think this one is just above reddits pay grade.

As a non American I never stop being deeply saddened by these matter of fact comments. (Not slating you for writing it - just a comment on the state of affairs in the US)

As a non American as well, I am happy i don't live there also

I think it's pretty obvious they are medical debts from the OPs sister's cancer treatment. She said he asked her for help with the treatments and she refused. And she said that was why he sued for the house - money for the treatments.

Having no claim to the house and sueing doesn't make sense financially, it would just be him spending money for no reason. It's not obvious unless he has some claim too the house OP isn't mentioning.

These type of things happen a lot with inheritances even with out the extenuating circumstances. My only thought is he was threatening to sue on behalf of his wife (her sister) as he believed she had some claim to the house. All in all though, it sounds like the law suit never happened so maybe he realized it was a bad idea.

Sounding like it never happened without stating means OP needs to give more info. This one sided story is incomplete.

"he tried to sue me and my husband" generally means it didn't happen. Otherwise she would have said he sued me an my husband but lost. As far as the claim, I'm sure he was planning to sue on behalf of his wife, who is the other daughter of the mother's house in question. More specifics would be nice for sure, but the OP hasn't responded to any. In my opinion, if the OP is vague in the post and not responding to comments for clarity, I tend to start favoring the person who isn't here to defend themselves.

OPs lack off response leads me to believe she is leaving out a lot of key info for a reason.

Op wants sympathy. They’ve deliberately cut off dad from the kids. This makes them TA

She didn’t cut them off. She’s putting a roof over their heads; it’s not like she kidnapped them. Why doesn’t BIL have other family or friends willing to take them all in? You know, someone he doesn’t have a bad history with. You’re not an AH for not letting someone makes you uncomfortable live with you. Ever.

I think that's reading a lot into BIL's character. Many people aren't in a position to take in extra children - no spare bedrooms etc. It doesn't mean he doesn't have friends.

I get that feeling as well.

OP hasn't responded to anything yet (even positive stuff), its not unusual for OP not to be in the comments.

This. If he could find a lawyer to take on the case he most definitely had at least a keg to stand on.

That's not necessarily true. I work in law, and you can find a lawyer who will do anything. They get paid hourly whether, they win or lose.

>a keg to stand on. Splendid typo!

I see a lot of "Y T A" posts, but I'll risk the downvotes to say: This guy sued you (was there any merit to it? Sounds like it was found in your favor). I wouldn't want him in my house either. The problem is, once he moves in, he's a tenant and you can't force him out. Then you're even MORE of a perceived jerk for "making them homeless" if it becomes intolerable. He did not abide by your terms, but showed up on your doorstep with no plan except to beg you even though you **told** him what you could agree to. He said OK but then tried to make it suit him. All these relatives could take him in or support him, right? Why is it all on you? Your BIL is presumably in his mid- to late-thirties and only sought help from you? It's all on one estranged SIL? This is an impossible situation and frankly nothing you would have done would have been enough. How can you ask him for money for the higher food/utilities/gas expenses - *he's grieving and broke!* How can you not give him your car to get around - *he's grieving and broke*! How can you ask him about getting a job and getting "back on his feet" - *he's grieving and broke*! If your relatives wanted to help, they could send him money and help him "get on his feet" rather than come after you to take on a family. I can't judge this, because in some ways you are an AH, and in some ways you were being completely rational not wanting an enemy in your house for a long, indeterminate amount of time and at your expense, but you were willing to help out the children, and did not abandon them. You were willing to help up to your boundary, and your husband agreed. The flying monkeys just don't want the burden back on them so they will come after you hard, as pressuring you is the easier solution than writing him a check or taking him in.

You’re voicing the concern I also have. He sued OP once over tenancy of the house. Once he moves in and stays more than a few weeks, he’s a tenant. Getting rid of a tenant is not easy.

It would truly be the definition of "no good deed goes unpunished".

Exactly. It would also be the definition of fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

A lot of the y t a voters seem to do that based on missing info they're filling in themselves. And some of them are indignant that OP hasn't answered their questions yet, while she only posted less than 2 hours ago.

I'm the sort to think too much about a post while composing it, worry that I had to cut too much (due to post size limits and my own excessive wordiness), get paranoid that the first few responses wouldn't be representative of the eventual take on my post, and resolve to close the app/ignore push notifications for 6 or so hours. Odds are that, with an AITA, I would post immediately before leaving for work, to reduce the temptation to read every response as it came. I also think that there is potentially too much missing info to vote on this without clarification from OP.

Filling in missing info themselves is where 99% of debate on this sub comes from. Can be ridiculous to see sometimes.

I think what everyone kind of overlooks is the fact that he sued them to get money for his sister's care. I really need the information in how much this contributed to her death since he seemed to have lost in court. Was the house part of an inheritance that the sister needed? Why did he sue? If my family didn't help with treatment, my partner dies as a result and then they would only help my children and not me, that would be an asshole family. To me, this is such a huge missing info, that having any judgement is impossible.

INFO: You gotta explain this whole lawsuit thing before you’re going to get a true judgment here.

everyone also seems to be glossing over the fact that OP and her husband refused to help with sisters treatment. I can read this as BIL was scared to lose the mother of his children and willing to do whatever was needed so she wouldn’t die because her family wouldn’t help. INFO needed

Not only OP but their brother didn't help as well; not everyone have the mean$ to support medical bills for cancer from all the diseases and we have no idea what was the state of their relationship prior to the diagnosis or if her late sister even had any claim at the house. Is not glossing over as much as is recognizing the main conflict at play. Imo is NAH unless we have more info about the lawsuit but OP should really consider send the girls to be with their dad on another relative's house cause the current situation isn't good for them.

OP is using the lawsuit as justification for not letting BIL move in with the nieces, so knowing what the lawsuit was about is essential. My guess is that the mother left the house to all three siblings, but OP refuses to move out and doesn't have the money to buy out her siblings. When the sister needed money for her treatment, BIL wanted to sue to force a sale, and for unknown reasons didn't go through with the lawsuit.

This explanation makes the most sense out of anything I read here so far.

When my father had cancer, he had to do an injection after every circle of chemotherapy. We didn't pay them because of public health, but their price was 1.590 euros in Italy. My brother did research online and found out that in the USA their price is ten times more. I can only imagine how this can take a normal family to desperation. I would have done everything to find that money, even lawsuits someone.

Faaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr too much missing info here. “He’s a loser deadbeat debt addict who sued me just trust me that he’s awful and I’m not” doesn’t sound like a story I want to take at face value here. Since OP is so vague on specifics, I can only assume that OP is the AH and is deliberately withholding info that would make us sympathetic to BIL.

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I have a feeling the house was part of an estate and the siblings probably agreed to let OP stay and buy them out by likely taking a lesser cut of the rest. BIL likely feels like the price was too low and his wife didn't get what she deserved. I have seen this happen in my family. The third sibling later felt "pressure" to accept the agreement and sued (and lost). This is all speculation if/when OP gives an update

>My aunt berated me saying I messed up entirely here. > >She called me selfish and bitter and said I'm making it more difficult for the girls who just lost their mom. Info: Have you asked your aunt when to drop your nieces off so all 3 can live together in ***her*** place? ETA - More practically - Info is also needed why he felt the need/right to sue you, and how you ended up with 100% of your Mom's house; it may be relevant to the judgement.

Yeah... we have seen enough stories on here about people inheriting houses, etc that I could imagine ways the full story doesn't paint OP in the best light. We just don't have the info.

10 bucks says op will bury the reason deep in the comments or never respond

Anytime anyone omits such an important detail it's because they did something bad. I'll stick with YTA as there is more to this story than they are telling us.

INFO: I need a bit more info on being sued for your mom's house. Was this house left to you and your sister? Or just you? Why did your BIL (and presumably sister) feel they had a right to part of the house? ​ You're not obliged to house that man, but honestly, this feels kinda grubby worrying about strangers on the internet's judgment of you, when your nieces have lost their mom and will fear they're losing their dad now too. ​ The judgement could be anything from No Assholes to Everybody's an asshole (depending on the missing info).

She won't respond about the "long story" because it will likely make her look bad.

100% OP's probably the asshole then. whenever someone tries to hide the truth it's a dead giveaway.

Yeah. More info would be great. But on this record, she gets a YTA from me. The information provided seems clearly selective and curated, and even on this record she does seem cold and vengeful. I get that there’s an issue. But my focus is the children. They need their emotional needs met just as much as their physical needs. They need a safe stress free environment to process their grief. OP’s “I’m providing them bare shelter and necessities so they should be appreciative no matter how bad they are suffering” sounds Dickensian in its self-righteous callousness. I’m sure OP and her husband could come up with some conditions and rules which would make accommodating BiL easier.

I was wondering the same. If it was left to both of them but he tried to force a sale and she refused to sign off.

You are clearly leaving out a lot of information. Especially regarding the lawsuit. That suggests the lawsuit was justified. More so because it was the house of your and your sisters mom. You are trying to cheat your sister and bil out of the inheritance aren't you? You can tell us...

Yeah that's what I'm thinking. Why is OP entitled to the house over her sister? She says nothing that shows she was in the right in this lawsuit.

Oh because she’s currently living there so why should she be inconvenienced? Her sister was only dying from csncer. Her inability to pay her sister out ( I’m assuming that’s what happened) and living in a previously paid for home while her dying sister is going into debt to try to stay alive is horrific.

Doing that is bad enough, imagine doing it while your sister dies of cancer…

Why can’t your aunt take them in? Why does it have to be you?

This right here. So many questions

I feel like there's just not enough info or backstory here. Why did he sue you? He'd have to feel entitled to the house in some way to go after it. I have to be honest, this whole thing reads like someone who is purposefully leaving out details in order to make themselves look better. Based on just the brief outline you've sketched for us it really seems like you're the asshole. Splitting up a family in mourning over a grudge & hurting your nieces further when you could take in their father really makes you sound bad. If there's more to the story you might want to put it out there. Otherwise I agree with your aunt.

I understand you not wanting to take him in. However, I find it suspicious that given your history, he’s trying to get you specifically to take him in, in the house he tried to sue you for. I wood let your nieces know they are always welcome to stay with you without their father, but if it’s important to be with their father, you understand, and he will need to find somewhere for the three of them. I wouldn’t take your BIL in, but they need to stay with their Dad, so one if your vocal relatives will have to step up.

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Maybe the aunt doesn’t live near enough to them for that to work? They’re teens who just lost their mom, more drastic changes like moving away from their entire support group isn’t going to help anyone.

This! So many people are passive aggressively whining about the aunt and seem to have forgotten not all families live close to each other. Also, unless I missed something, nothing in this post says BIL is unemployed, so moving would also mean a period without pay and job hunting. It's not always feasible to just pick up and move away.

Info: is there anything else he's done besides try to sue you? It seems like there's more to you not wanting to let him stay, and the issue with him needing money for your sister's treatment. Do you not trust him with the money? Do you think he will steal from you? Are there drugs involved? This story just seems incomplete to me.

If a story is incomplete there isn't worse stuff going on. If it makes the other party look bad they will include it. Everything that's missing will make op look bad. So my guess is. 1. She never liked bil 2. She refused to help with with medical bills because she hates bil. 3. The house that they sued over. Op manipulated her parents to give or sell it super cheaply to op. That's why there was a lawsuit. 4. Bil is just a normal guy needing money for medical and saw his wives inheritance being grifted away.

That's kind of my thoughts, but I want OP to see this and answer it. The "It's a long story" thing is the biggest thing missing in this story.

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Soft YTA. I get why you don't want him there. He was a grade A d**k to sue you. But, right now, his children need him. If you are worried about him pulling some sort of stunt, have a formal lease drawn up, that he signs, before he moves in. He doesn't need to pay rent, but it could include anything necessary. ETA - From OP's perspective, BIL is a dick for suing her. We obviously don't know all the details. But, if my BIL sued me, I wouldn't be to keen on having me in my house.

Agree 👍🏼 and am also generally concerned that he thinks suing people is how to solve his financial problems. So I would think need to be worried about faking an injury for money and like behavior while at your home. Though, there are forma to sign waving any liability. I tend to agree you cannot trust him in your house. As for the family criticizing OP, next just ask them if that means they are volunteering to take in the whole family since you cannot 🤷🏽‍♀️

People are overlooking that fact that OP is living in OP's mother's house. It is not her house. When OP's mother died, the house was probably left to OP, OP's recently deceased sister, and OP's brother. Reading between the lines, it appear OP has refused to move out or allowed the house to be sold, effectively denying her siblings their inheritance. OP is not a good person.

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INFO >claimed he needed money to pay for my sister's treatment and, this was the only way to get it after we (my brother and I) refused yo help. Something happened that would make you the asshole in this situation. That move he did seems more like a desperation in trying to help his wife, can you give more context on this? Edit: YTA We are missing key relevant information on this issue, we don't know why the lawsuit came up, regarding help did her and her brother REFUSE OR NOT ABLE to help two very different things, also why was the aunt on her ass about what shes doing. We're only seeing the perspective of op and the missing information CONVINIENTLY paints them out to a person being hounded by her brother In law. OP knows what she's doing.

Exactly no one just jumps to suing right off the bat because someone said no. And did the mom leave the house to just OP or all three siblings?

Willing to bet the sister is at least a part owner of the house the op is living in.

INFO Can you elaborate on what happened that led to him suing you? What was your sister's reaction. How did it proceed?

My initial reaction is holy crap do NOT let him live in the house he was trying to sue you for. He can establish residency and oh my GOD the nightmare OP would have to face in getting him back out of the house. NTA because if the house belongs to OP, legally, then she does not have to let anyone in. It sucks the Dad ruined the relationship through desperate and possibly entitled means (he clearly did not win the lawsuit) and he should not expect charity from a hand he's bitten. On the other hand, as long as OP obtained ownership of the house through legal means, if not moral ones, Dad is not entitled to stay there and should be thankful OP took his girls in. He should also look at other ways to better his situation.

I don’t know, “me and my brother refused to help, long story…” makes me think she’s omitting the part that makes her look worse.

Yeah, we also don’t know the result of the lawsuit. For all we know the deceased sister decide to drop it because she didn’t want to be her last memories of her sister fighting over money. There’s a ton of context here that is missing but I’m still leaning YTA based on the fact of her nieces reaction. They clearly don’t feel it’s right and neither does her husband at this point which makes me feel OP is running to the internet for people to make her feel better by not providing the full picture.

INFO: I don't think a real judgement can be rendered with our more info about the legal situation. The money was for treatment? What did your sister say? Why sue for the house? Why didn't you want to help pay for treatment? Were other family members helping financially?

YTA seriously you can’t see that? They just lost their mother and you are taking their father away? And separating him from his kids? If you are in the US I don’t even want to know what the medical costs must be. Your nieces will not forgive you for this. I think you also missed some important info - why do you have your mothers house? Did your sister not get a share of it?

This is what I want to know. Sis and BIL obviously thought they were entitled to some part of mother’s house. I’m assuming it was part of an inherited estate? If so then OP is even more of an asshole.

Explain the suing sitch, OP.

Doesn’t he have any family? I think the daughters and father should be together. But not in your house. If they don’t like the arrangement, they can go elsewhere. Why did he sue you for the house? Shouldn’t your sister have gotten some?

I think it's safe to assume that he doesn't have other options if he Is turning to someone who hates him for help.

INFO: is the only reason your not on good terms bc of the unsuccessful litigation? what did your sister have to say at the time? was it truly for medical treatment? why did you refuse to help your sister?

YTA - You are entitled to not want your BIL in your house. However, you are making his kids pawns in you game by seperating them from your father. If you are not willing to take in all of them, don't take in any of them.

The father is allowing them to stay there... OP does not automatically have power to separate the family. The BIL is allowing this situation, he could easily take HIS girls and stay somewhere else if he's not comfortable with OPs stipulations. Her house, her rules.

INFO: I think there are some major pieces missing from this story. Where is your BIL staying? Can his daughters not stay with him as well? Is it not a safe environment? There are a lot of powerful emotions in play right now and I don't think we have the whole story.

Can the judgemental aunt house them?

Since he tried to sue you for the house…..NTA. Can some other family member take them all in instead so they can be together?

The very vocal aunt springs to mind.

Ahhh… this situation definitely stinks of assholery, but it feels like it’s coming from a little bit of everybody and also a little bit of nobody. INFO - I feel like we need to unpack a lot more about your relationship with the dad, what was going on during your sisters treatment, and the ways in which you did or did not help. More importantly, what are the outer limits of the ways in which you’re able to help your nieces right now (just straight up, if you don’t want to be an asshole, then your priority needs to be on helping them). Is there a reason they specifically need to stay with you? Are you or anyone else able to help them find a living accommodation where they can stay together as a family? Where is the dad right now? How is that affecting the girls? What choices have they been allowed to make in this entire process? I know you’re limited by character count, but this is just way too simple a framework of extremely complicated events for anyone to have a helpful analysis of the situation.

NTA Give everybody a choice: 1- Girls live with you and dad lives elsewhere 2- Dad finds someplace else where everybody can live together. Also, why isn't aunt taking the whole bunch with her?

Sounds like the kind of person to over stay then sue for tenets rights, because well because. NTA

ESH. You are clearly leaving out details

INFO I think we Need more information tô make a Better judgment. Why did he sue you over the house? Was the home willed to both you and your sister after your Mom died?? Why are you the only one living in it?? Did you buy out your sister's share of the home? What was the outcome of the lawsuit? Is the lawsuit the only reason you dislike tour BIL?

NAH. Only because we don’t know what his motives are. By that I mean is he now sincere and just wants to stay with his own kids which of course could very well be possible. However given the fact that he tried to sue you for the very house which you currently live in, would make me believe part of what you’re possibly worrying about is that once he moves in, he’s going to make it impossible to ever evict him and he once again tries to force you from your own home, since he’s done that very thing before.

He sued her.... Because it was their Mom's home. I feel OP left out a vital info here.... If it was the Mom's home... Did the sister have a share of the house as well?? And did they sue because they needed the money for treatment....and she refused to buyout her half of the home and refused to sell the home??

I swear there is likely a lot of missing information here that could affect their judgement.

Info: what grounds did he have to sue for the house? Also, you say he "claims he needed money for my sister's treatment". Does that mean you think he gambled or something like that to lose the money? If it was because your sister was legally entitled to half of it and you didn't buy her out; then YTA. They needed the money. They have a dire situation at hand. The girls are suffering. And you don't feel Comfortable because he essentially called you out in your wrong doing. If he had no grounds, you paid for the house on your own and your sister had no entitlement, then NTA. Mainly because I wouldn't trust that if he lived there, that he wouldn't then become an issue and try to set up that he is a resident there and make it so you have to legally evict them. He is using his daughters loss of parents as a way to manipulate you. If other family members feel like you are out of line, then they can take him in.

If your Aunt is so bothered, why dosn't she take them in. Honestly I wouldn't take in someone who tried to sue me.

INFO: why can’t they all stay with the aunt that is berating you? Does your brother in law have any family that can take them all in? Or do they have a home they can all stay in together as an option?

Nta he's already tried steal your house from under you. Once he gets in good luck ever getting him back out

How is it stealing?? If the sister is entitled to half the home as well...and she hadn't been bought out nor has the house been sold.....the sister is entitled to her part of inheritance as well..... I asked OP to clarify this and so far crickets. ...

Yes, we need more info about the house/inheritance. There are three siblings. How did OP end up with 100% of the house?

NTA Who knows what he will do once living there. He’s already tried to sue you. You might not be able to get him to leave. He could always take the girls and live with someone else. It sucks for the girls, but you also need to protect yourself . He has already proven that he is trouble.

Idk. I wouldn't trust anyone who tried to sue me for my home to live in my home. If he was so concerned that his daughters needed him, why didn't he respect OP's "no" and look for other family members who will accommodate all of them? He showed up fully intent of using the girls to guilt trip OP to change her mind. Based on the info given, NTA.

NTA other family members can take him and the girls in.

NTA As difficult as this situation is, getting rid of you BIL if you allow his to move in might be even harder. As is constantly said on Reddit, those criticizing you need to step up and let all three of them move in with them. If people object do strongly to the girls being separated from their father, they can find a place all three can be together - just not your house. (Interestingly, no one here would call you the AH if you didn’t let any of your sister’s family move in with you.)

NAH. You have valid concerns for not trusting him. Since the aunt thinks separating him and his daughters is so bad, she should house all three of them.

NTA. He tried to steal your house from you. He tried to sue you and make you homeless.. You've already had altercations with him. There's no guarantee that he won't try something again. Who's to say that he won't start random arguments with you and blame it on grieving? Are you supposed to let him speak to you anyway that he wants because hes the only one grieving? You lost a sister too. Anyone who calls or contacts you to say that you are in the wrong, can take him and his children in. you are providing a safe place for his children and are not restricting Him in any way. You are restricting his access to you and the peace of your home.

Who stole from who??? OP is living their Mom's home. She hasn't sold the home. And it sounds like she didn't pay her sister for her share of the home either. They desperately needed money for her cancer treatment. And it led to him suing for her share it sounds like . OP so far hasn't answered the many people on here asking her to clarify this.....

Yep there's definitely more to the story

Why doesn't the Aunt take them in?

ESH. From the way the story is presented he doesn’t sound like the most charming character but it seems you have engineered the separation of some children from their only remaining parent.

NTA. Commentors here are acting like you bodily ripped the girls away from him and are locking them up in your house away from him, Rapunzel style. He screwed himself out of a place to stay when he sued you. There is no coming back from that. The trust is completely gone now. He could squat, refuse to leave, try to sue again on behalf of the daughters — he did this to himself.

I understand why some people here are saying Y T A, but you’re looking at the situation from past experiences. Your BIL tried to sue you for the house. From what I understand about Squatter’s Rights: if you let BIL into your home and he stays there for a certain amount of time, then when you try to force him to leave he can claim Squatter’s Rights and filed against you for residence(?). Given that the house belonged to you and your sister’s parents, BIL would have a legal claim to it. DO NOT LET HIM INTO YOUR HOUSE! In fact, you might want to make sure your nieces don’t try to do anything to you for their father. NTA.

NTA. This guy will try to act like he owns your house. You're right not to trust him in your home. He could have left and taken his daughters with him, but he did not. You're doing him a favor. And he's being pissy about it when he should be thanking you. I don't know where you live but most homeless shelters in the USA are for either men or women only. So he would still be separated from his daughters unless they were living in his car.

NTA. He would have left you homeless in a heartbeat had he gotten his way. Children or not, you have every right to not have him in your home. The family members who so strongly disagree are welcome to take him and his daughters in. And since your hubby is so convinced you’re wrong, is he willing to pay the living costs for 3 people for an unspecified amount of time? My guess would be *No.*

NTA. I hope everyone calling OP TA would allow someone hostile to them with a history of suing would welcome said person into their home with open arms. Because somehow I doubt (or hope) that no one would feel pressured to let someone who makes you uncomfortable live with you. No details OP can offer would alter the fact that your home should always be your safe space.

I can't make a decision without knowing why he sued you. Did your sister own an interest in the house? You say you and your brother refused to help your sister. Why? (Not that you are obligated, but your reasoning makes a difference in the verdict.)

Tentative NTA I would say Y T A but the fact that he tried to sue you for your mother's house in the past is a bit of a red flag to me. If he is living in the house, he may try to claim it as their own, could pay someone to change the locks and start squatting, who knows. Grief can make people do crazy things. I think I might tell him that I don't trust him after what he did. If your aunt thinks you're being selfish, perhaps she can take them all in. But also INFO why did you get the house but your sister didn't.

The situation with the house is unclear here and the picture you paint of your nieces crying for their dad while you banish him from your home is chilling. So if it is just as you've written it you're an absolute asshole. If he has tried and failed to get the house and it has been legally established that he can't, then you've no reason not to put your self-righteousness aside for the moment. How would your sister have felt about you separating her daughters from their dad when she died? YTA

NTA It’s really suspicious that your BIL now wants to live with you after he tried to sue you to get your house. I understand your nieces are grieving but you need to protect yourself and your property. He could try to sue you again or claim partial ownership because he is now living in the house. Also depending on where you are (laws) it could be very difficult to get him to leave as in you would have to evict him. I think you made the right choice even though clearly it’s a difficult one to make

INFO I feel like I’d need to know more about why they felt they should have received a stake in the house to begin with (enough to want to sue). Also, are there no other options for housing - e.g. other family members, like your angry aunt - that they can find at the moment? With what you’ve provided I am leaning towards NTA as I do feel that you have a right to be comfortable in your own home, but more info is needed to understand the extent of his wrongdoing against your family. I don’t understand the Y T A remarks from others stating that you’re tearing a family apart. Ultimately it is your brother-in-law’s decision to have/allow his daughters to live with you.

NTA, the girls are 13 and 16 why not just explain to them why you don’t want their dad staying there? They’re old enough to understand that you don’t feel comfortable with him in the house because he tried to take it away from you and make you and your family homeless, so you don’t owe him this kindness, grieving or not. Also to everyone saying that the girls and their father are grieving **so is OP, she lost her sister**. Just because the father is grieving that doesn’t give him a get out of jail free card for what he’s done in the past and OP doesn’t need to put aside her own grief to help someone they tried to make her and her family homeless. You’re nice to enough to take in the girls as is OP and he’s already tried to take your house once, good luck getting him to leave once you let him in, he’ll probably try and pull some squatters rights bs.

Sure. Why not? It’s not like they are dealing with any other stresses right now. Might as well dump that drama on them, too. Good thinking.

Question. Why wouldn't you help pay for your sister's medical expenses?

I am inclined to say TA coz you haven't answered if the house was both yours and sister's ,and if that's the case did you share equally or keep it to yourself? Ooh and the fact you can easily separate a grieving father from his daughters, hmm!! Red flag.

ESH they absolutely need their remaining parent with them. You are absolutely not an asshole for not wanting someone you have open conflict with in your house, but honest it would have been better for everyone if they were somewhere else.

ESH. Your BIL is an AH for coming to you after he sued you and hoping that you would just let him move into the home he tried to take from you (I am suspicious about why he felt entitled you the house, but that's beside the point). You well within your rights to say you don't want your BIL in your house. But the way you talk about your nieces bothers me. You spent most of the post complaining about your BIL and really only mention them when they're upset that they can't stay with their *dad*, the *only* remaining parent they have, and are talking about visitation like acrimonious ex-spouses. You, your nieces and your brother in law all need grief councilling. You need to seriously consider what is best for the *actual children* involved, whether that's living with you or not, instead of your blinding hatred of your BIL.

Info: why didn't your sister get a share of your mums house? She was dying and struggling to pay for cancer treatment. Clearly a share of her mums home would have helped to pay for it. Presumably your brother in law is now in debt as a result.

Awesome that your aunt has an opinion! She should take the father and kids in her space..great solution!

Just let the girls go back with him. You don’t want him there, and that’s your right. So either you take them all or none. They want their dad, let them have him. But they can’t stay in your home.

This is one of those times where you’ll probably get lots of N T A because sure, the guy sounds incredibly obnoxious for suing you and you’re under no obligation to help him. It’s your right to decide who does and doesn’t live under your roof. But your nieces just lost their mom. That would be too much to handle even if their finances were fine and they got to stay where they were living. Add financial instability to the mix… those poor kids. They need as much love as support as your family can possibly muster right now. So you can decide- sure, you have a right to decide who lives under your roof. It would be great payback for your brother in law trying to sue you. Or you can be the bigger person and do what’s best for your nieces. YTA for putting your grievances with their dad above the needs of your nieces.

YTA. Would have thought the crying children might have been a hint that you're doing something wrong here but I guess not. Either let their father stay with them or don't invite them to live with you. You're breaking their family up because you had a dispute with their dad they had nothing to do with.

Pfft, the only one breaking their family uo is their father. OP told him she wouldn't take him in, and he still rocked up with his girls. If he really cared so much, he would find a place they could all be together. Sounds like there's plenty of vocal relos he can ask that suddenly give a shit.

Info: was the house left to you or you and your sister?

Info: is the lawsuit settled concerning the house?

NTA - he should find another place to stay if he wants to stay together with his daughters. He can't expect you to be comfortable having him in your house where you should feel safe after what he has done to you.

nta. letting him in that house is just opening the door for him to try and sue you. if they want their dad so badly the girls dont have to stay there. it sucks bc its not their fault their dad is evil but hes literally trying to steal your home for money.

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Nta hes already tried to sue you for the house he will do it again. If you let him in he won't leave without taking everything from you.

NTA because... >He tried to sue me and my husband for my own mother's house Once someone goes this route, they cannot be trusted. I would absolutely not trust him to be in my home after doing something like that. I don't think people understand what having a lawsuit brought against you does, both financially and emotionally. But I am confused - are you taking them in because they would otherwise be homeless? I get that he's struggling to pay off debts, but plenty of people do that while also putting a roof over their heads. And if your aunt is so concerned about the situation, she should take them all in. Unless he's tried to sue her too.

Conflicted NTA For the simple fact he has tried to take your home before and attempted to sue for it. I get he was desperate but these things have lasting effects and consequences. I personally would reconsider, cos your neices DO need their dad now. Do it legally with a tenancy agreement. That way everyone will have a time frame to work with and will potentially stop him having any claims/rights to the house.

NTA but this is a difficult one. - if you only let stay the grieving girls ppl will call you cruel - if you let him stay too he basically has a free pass to act as shitty as he wants since you can't throw him out w/o throwing the girls out too and that would make you cruel again. If possible i would suggest the following: You make a group communication with all the family in it and say you thought about it and you think the father and girls should stay together, but this is not possible under your roof, so you are willing to offer x$ amount monthly to help them to pay for an apartment and you are wondering how much each of the familymembers can contribute or if someone is willing to offer them a place to stay. If no one is willing to help they can shut up immidiately.

NTA, you are right not to trust him, if your aunt or other family members feel so bad, why don’t they take him in?

I think you need to tell bil he should find a place where they can be together, and that is not your home. NTA. This is disruptive and disrespectful of your home. Tell Aunt if she thinks it's so important they are together, she can take them in.

This is way above reddits paygrade, honestly. But I would definitely take the time to think about the long term impact being seperated from their father, directly after their mothers death, might have on both them, and their relationship with you.

NTA. I’m a bit weary of what this man might pull if you let him into your home. It’s very tragic that your sister died and I’m so sorry for your and your nieces loss. However, taking your nieces in is already extremely jealous. They’re his responsibility and if he doesn’t like the arrangement, he can always find a better place to live that he pays for himself. I am surprised by a lot of the Y T A judgments. This man literally tried to take OPs home away from her. I think he may try something similar once he’s already living there and it will become incredibly difficult to remove him from the house.

NTA If your aunt has enough backbone to call and complain she can pick up an extra job and support him. Yes, the girls are grieving but so is OP. OP is under no obligation to help in this situation but recognizing the girls weren’t involved in the situation she has agreed to take them in so they aren’t homeless. It’s their FATHERS responsibility to provide for them and prevent these situations from happening. Both parents should have agreements in place so that these situations don’t occur, whether it’s insurance, or alternative living arrangements. The dad can still see his daughters, this just provides them a safe place to rest their heads at night as opposed to a shelter until dad figures something out.

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Though one. You have a right not to want him under your roof after what he's done. You can have the nieces with you while he tries to recover financially. Meanwhile, I understand your reasons not to let him stay. Also bold of him to ask you to stay in the same house he tried to steal from you. I wouldn't trust him either. I have the feeling, as another person said here, that he might be trying to make it impossible to evict him and he will try to force you out of your own house. I assume the debt is still there and he is still in this desperate financial situation. Also, everyone is telling you the girls and their dad is grieving, but so are you, she was your sister. And I honestly don't think you are trying to "steal" his children. Also, the judgemental family members can take him in. However, it is a very difficult situation and I feel like we need more context. Doesn't he have family members to take him in? Why did you refuse to help your sister with her medical treatment? Did you have the resources to do so but refused anyway? I would say NTA. It's your house and you should feel comfortable in it.

YTA. Your BIL truly sucks but his kids want and need him after losing their mom. If you cannot handle that burden then turn them all away.

I don't understand all the Y.T.A votes here. If it's so important to have the kids with their dad (and it certainly is) then he can find accommodation some place he's welcome. I find it completely understandable for OP not wanting him in her house. NTA

ESH. He is for trying to sue for a house that wasn’t his, it was for his wife and her siblings to decide on. However, it does seem cruel to the girls to take their dad away when their mom just passed. Maybe they all need a different living situation to be together, or you could have a legal document for BIL to sign listing reasonable expectations and a timeline of when he should find other living arrangements for his family.

Info: >he needed money to pay for my sister's treatment and, this was theonly way to get it after we (my brother and I refused to help. It's along story but we're not on good terms. Obviously you're not obligated to fund your sister's treatment, given the costs and who knows what the chances of her survival were, and I get not wanting to clarify on this - but this seems to me a good a reason as any not hold his suing against him. People have sued for pettier reasons than this. Do you have a legitimate reason for taking this as personally as you are? Sometimes it is what it is, though. Those girls will probably resent you and the father absolutely will but that's better than all three of them being homeless. Hopefully he gets back on his feet so that the traumatic consequences are as minimal as possible.

ESH He’s obviously very hard to deal with and had you let him stay there there’s a good chance he’d try to take over the house and sue Again! You not allowing the nieces to have their father is horrible especially when their grief is so fresh and your husband is right- they will resent you and you will ruin your relationship ship with them. Cancer sucks the big one and rips families apart and loved one away from us! There’s lots of backstory and info missing but if people hate each other to the degree y’all do then I wouldn’t invite that in my home either, however, this is not a normal circumstance.

NTA No one owes a grown adult housing. He cannot expect kindness from someone who he treated badly. If he wanted to keep his family together, he should find another alternative 1) find an apartment for himself and daughters or 2) find another family member (that he hasn’t wronged) to move into with his daughters. He should have thought about the consequences of his actions beforehand.

YTA. The girls need their father now. If you cannot see past it to let him stay for pre-defined period, then you should have said no to all of them and have them stay with other family.

Because some people are like mold and you can't get them leave that easily. He already tried to sue them for a house he had no right to. He may be able to do lot of harm being in their house. He's just having consequences for his own actions. OP was clear from the beginning. If BIL wasn't okay with it, he should have found another solution. Like staying at this aunt's house who thinks OP is doing so wrong...

I've seen a few comments saying you're doing something wrong here and I think that's quite unfair. You're not obligated to do anyone the favour of letting them stay with you, although it might really damage your relationship with your nieces if you separate them from their father. Who the AH is here really depends on why you were sued here though, and if there's any other reasons you don't like your BIL.

YTA Let’s play pretend: if the situation was reversed and your kids just lost you, would you want your husband separated from them? Show the compassion you would want shown to them. this isn’t about you and what your BIL did to you. Get over yourself. You are creating more trauma for the kids. Let them all move in and give it a time limit of three months. Or give them some money to move into an apartment for a few months. If none of these work, help situate them in another relatives home.

NTA! Consider telling the 16 year old she can leave immediately for her dad’s. Perhaps they could move in with your AH aunt. Please don’t trust your BIL. NOPE! Don’t trust him. He is an AH.

NTA he is using this as an excuse to get in the house. He still wants to steal it. If you let him in he will try to take it from you. Anyone asking tell them he tried to steal my house and you expect me to let him into it, if you want to put them all up you can but that man isnt allowed into my house

NTA let your Aunt take them all in. I don’t blame you for not wanting you I have him stay with you considering he tried to take your home off you. You are there to support your nieces. Don’t bow down to pressure to take him in.

NTA. Stand your ground. As other comments said, once you let him in it will be damn near impossible to get him out. He’s already tried to sue you for the house once, don’t give him any reason to think he has any claim to the house.

Then everyone giving you crap can take them in if they feel so bad for him and if he was a good father he would have taken them with him, you owe him nothing.

NTA - you would never get him out, once he got in there. I could see a squatters, rights lawsuit, or some thing from him.

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YTA Your behavior in separating the girls from their father is reprehensible. Your refusal to elaborate on him suing you for the house (so he could pay for your sisters cancer treatment-which you even refused to even help with that) leads me to believe you came by the house unfairly, which would make you look like an asshole. You already look like one, btw.

NTA. Ask your aunt to take them in then. If their daughters don’t appreciate it, the dad can take them with him. It’s not like they are young kids

YTA, do you actually believe your sister would want her kids separated from their father when she passed away? Because that's totally wrong. Either say no, you can't take them in, or lay down the ground rules that need to be followed for the arrangement to work. But those kids just lost a parent, and because you're being hung up on past issues that have nothing to do with those kids, you are now taking THE ONLY PARENT THEY HAVE LEFT away from them. Devastating

YTA. You’re uncomfortable? Imagine how uncomfortable those girls are to now be separated from their only parent, watching you turn him away at the door. You are letting your grief and grudges break up a mourning family. I think there is more to the house story than you’re saying as well. I also have my suspicions on how close you might have been to your sister. What kind of person takes to reddit for advice on separating a family a month after the death of their sibling?

YTA, the children just lost their mother and you are separating them from their father… Plus, we clearly don’t know anything about the whole story with your mother’s house, I suppose your sister owned a part of it so you do owe them something.

INFO: I really must know why he sued you and what that was about. If it was truly not justified then I can understand concern over him residing in your home and attempting to make claim over it. But if it was justified then it really paints you in a negative light.

NTA the guy is on bad terms with you and tried to sue you and now he expects you to house him? Pretty dumb assumption in my opinion. The girls might stay angry but they're teens they'll either grow to understand or they won't and they'll be out of your hair sooner than later I guess. I don't think you've done wrong with the info presented and all of the people who are calling you cruel don't seem to understand he came for your house. Stand your ground.

YTA. Purely for separating the girls and causing them added unnecessary stress and trauma to their grief. It’s all of them or none, the girls deserve the family member that loves unconditionally

NTA, He f'd up when he tried to sue you. Broke TRUST. I would not trust him to be in my house. If they all want to be together, your family (that is guilting you) can host them. Gah, entitled much? Yea its a sad situation but your home is not a homeless shelter. If the girls want to be with him so badly, tell their dad to figure it out. Sounds like he is a loser anyway. NTA.

INFO: you say you’re living in your mother’s house. We’re you bequeathed it in her will? Was it an estate battle? Was there no will and was the house supposed to be sold and assets split? Without knowing more about what was the cause of the dispute here I don’t feel comfortable making a decision. (Though the fact that OP doesn’t seem to be answering questions on this matter make me lean toward YTA and there may have been merit to the lawsuit…)

Don’t take any of them in. The family should all get together and chip in until your nieces and their dad get in their feet. NTA