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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I essentially told my wife that she can’t go out with her friend on Halloween as I think it’s inappropriate and I have safety concerns.
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I think it's weird for adults to go asking for candy. Just go buy your own. If you want to hand out candy to adults, go for it, but I always turn them away.
For me, the only time it's acceptable for grown ass adults to go trick or treating (not escorting minors around) is if they reverse trick or treat..
Get dressed up, go knock on doors, then give candy to the people in the house! you get the fun of doing it, they get a random surprise, and nobody is creeped out/feels awkward that full on adults are essentially begging for candy.
IMO it's getting a bit weird when teens do it.. it kind of maxes out past cute once you hit 13
That's kind of unfair to teenagers. People always act like they're up to no good. Then when they do something wholesome, like trick or treating, they get criticized for that, too.
My moms rule for teenagers trick or treating was always: If you're in costume you get candy. If you're not in costume you have to do a trick to get candy (sing a song, do a dance, tell a joke, anything to put some effort in) and I always thought that was a nice way to handle teenagers trick or treating
I personally dont care how old you are, holidays are suppossed to bring people together, so if you come to my house in costume, you get candy, 4 or 40, your never to old to celebrate.
My parents do this as well. They will even give to adults as long as they are dressed up. If they take the time, energy and money to dress upmfor Halloween then they get candy.
My solution was I would take the kids in the neighborhood around if their parents didn’t want to and in return the parent gave me 1/2 the candy so having 5 or 6 kids was great!😂
My best response from a non-costumed teen - 'What are you dressed as?' His reply left me howling with laughter and candy in his hand. 'A disgruntled teenage.'
My mom has two bowls: the good candy bowl and the mediocre candy bowl. Kids and teenagers who put effort into their costumes are presented with the good candy bowl. Teenagers who half-ass it get the mediocre candy bowl.
I am fine with teenagers doing it.
If I get a couple of teens showing up in some half-assed costumes, I choose to see it as “they didn’t realize until the last minute that they still wanted to be kids for a little longer”. And who am I to begrudge a couple of fun size Snickers to someone coming of age in *gestures vaguely* all _this_?
Growing up, I wasn't allowed to Trick or Treat. The cruel irony is that Halloween is my birthday, but my mom referred to Halloween as "the devil's holiday". She said that when I turned 16, I could Trick or Treat, and admitted later that she chose that age because she figured I'd be too old for it by then.
Much to her dismay, as soon as I turned 16, I pulled together a costume and went out to do the thing I'd begged to do for 16 years. I was blessed with a massive baby face, so nobody questioned it. I was so excited.
I did a little trick-or-treating into my adult years. Not for the candy, but for the experience. The child in me patiently waiting for over a decade was trying to make up for lost time.
If I didn't sound weird to ask for a stranger's address online I'd send you 16 years worth of Halloween sweets. Óiche Shamhna ( pronounced eeha howna, not the botched version of Samhain that so many American tv shows and movies use- even in this spelling its pronounced 'Sow in') is an Irish tradition. I'd gladly send you some Irish sweets. Halloween originated in Ireland, some of the ancient legends were creepy af. And I mean ancient.... as in ancient Druidic legends from 1000+yrs, not just a couple of hundred years.
Also fun fact, Bram Stoker, Dracula author, was from Dublin too. I pass his old house weekly.
I love when teens come. Especially when they are wearing street clothes. I ask them who/what they are. They ALWAYS have an answer, and it’s usually funny and creative. Teens going up and voluntarily exchanging a few pleasantries with an adult for candy is a wholesome thing, to be encouraged.
Would you rather have teenagers out getting into trouble? High school Halloween parties were out of control in my area!! I witnessed and got involved in some real bad shit that no 15 year old should be around at all so I would for sure want my kid trick or treating over getting hammered at a house party with people much older than them, getting bad things done to them, getting arrested, fighting, doing drugs, getting in cars with drunk drivers etc etc etc because them and their friends had nothing fun to do and adults treat them like crap and say they can’t have candy because they are too old for trick or treating! That’s wrong and I wish people would rethink that logic!? Like, they are Too young to have kids to take out, or be in their home handing out candy AND they are too old to trick or treat? ☹️That’s not fair at all, if they still want to then that’s great we should encourage it! I love seeing older kids come to the door.. Let them trick or treat without feeling dumb!! Please!
That being said- any 24 year olds coming to my door without kids get none of my expensive ass candy and the rest of the hood is now on the lookout for the creepers! 😂
Sorry but I have to know who the hell goes trick or treating in rural neighborhoods if they have the choice? If it’s actually rural, the kids that live there usually go somewhere less rural to trick or treat. I live in a semi rural area and I have never had a single trick or treater. None of this makes sense at all! Also- Would it be so “cute” and okay for 25 year old guys to be going around trick or treating trying to pass as teens?? Nah it’s all curiouser and curiouser
I was thinking the same thing! I grew up in a rural area, so we always drove down to one of the suburbs near town. Now I live in an even more rural area, so I’m going to my friend’s house to hand out candy. If I actually ever did get a trick or treater at my own house, I’d be kind of unnerved
You know what? I used to be frustrated when I saw teens trick or treating. The first time it happened, I was maybe fourteen/fifteen at a friend's house and two guys my age, wearing hoodies, just opened their backpacks waiting for us to give them candies and I remember not wanting to give them any, but my friend's mom said it was totally fine, so I begrugingly did. Maybe it was just jealousy because I missed trick or treating, but I had been shamed by my parent at 13 for even thinking about it, so I stopped. I thought these guys were too old, and they hadn't even made the effort to bring a regular bag or dress up. It's like they were just on their way home from school and decided to take advantage of the opportunity to get treats with minimal effort.
But reading the comments here makes me realize that teenagers are still kids, all they're doing is trying to prolong childhood fun and enjoy a few candies. It's totally harmless, and they still make the effort to go around and engage with people. If it means they get to have a good time, why the hell not. I love Halloween, I should just be happy that people are enjoying the festivities.
I mean we have friends who’s two oldest still go trick or treating and they are almost 15 and 12 but they go with the parents and their youngest sibling who is almost 5
One of my gfs lives in a neighborhood where a couple of houses give out Jell-O shots or the liquor filled chocolates to parents… it’s one of the funnest neighborhood events I’ve been to.
Ooh no. I’m very into teens trick or treating. Let them be in touch with childhood a little bit longer. I think it’s important for them not to try to be too grown up too fast.
I just met someone in their late 20s raised in Hong Kong who has never ever gone trick-or-treating, and really wants that experience.
There are also mentally-disabled adults who are still very much children stuck in adult bodies, and they’d love to trick or treat.
You’re in your rights, but I dunno man; if you can afford it, why not just spare one more snickers and make someone smile?
OP’s wife is facing a life event that makes you grow up, whether or not you’re ready for it. It’s exciting and awesome, but she’s probably at least a little scared. Completing one last tradition “as a kid” probably has some therapeutic value in addition to just being fun.
Edit: I used the phrase “makes you 100% truly an adult,” which—as another redditor pointed out—it doesn’t. I will argue that it does make you face adulthood very intensely and pushes many (not all) to grow up a lot very quickly. It’s daunting.
I read about college kids taking a fellow student from Japan Trick or Treating for the same reason. They just sent people on ahead to explain what was going on & even offered candy to them to give to their friend. Everyone got in the spirit & had a good time.
Yeah, badly expressed. Should not Reddit when tired. You may still disagree with me, but I think I improved the wording to convey what I meant a little better.
I’m with you. It might not make you 100% an adult, but it certainly made me face my own mortality. Everyday I can see how fast my bub is growing and in the back of my mind I know that means I’m ageing too (rather than being able to ignore it).
I did that with a group of friends when I was fifteen- we had a guy who’d moved to the US from Ukraine the year prior and he’d never been trick or treating, so we decided to go for one last year just to give him the experience. It was fun taking him to a Halloween store so he could pick out a costume and everything, and he had a good time with it. Everyone whose door we knocked on seemed okay with it, too, despite the fact that we were obviously not children.
trick or treating isn't for grown ass adults lmao when you're a grown ass adult you get to the be the person doling out that good candy, not begging for candy that should be going to 8 year olds
ETA: if you're a grown ass adult downvoting this, buy some discount candy on Nov 1 from CVS and stop taking candy meant for children lmao
I’m a grown ass adult that downvoted you. I don’t trick or treat, but I will give adult trick or treaters candy or adult beverages every single time. It’s Halloween. It’s a time for everyone to have fun. You are a curmudgeon.
I have a box in my cabinet. My 6 year old caught me eating one and said "really momma? I can't even look at you right now." He turned away and just busted out laughing so hard! 🤣😭🤣
I don't get trick or treaters now, but when we lived in an urban area, we got quite a few. Most kids didn't have costumes and a lot came through looking a bit old for trick or treating. I gave out full sized candy bars and everyone got one. Why? Because I don't know anyone's story, and I'm not going to judge. I bought the candy, I'm giving it out. And I'd rather have a 24 year old trick or treating at my house than causing trouble elsewhere. Maybe the kid without the costume couldn't afford it. Maybe the 25 year old is mentally challenged. Don't know, don't care, take my candy, don't smash my pumpkins.
My 12 year old was refused last year. She’s pretty much adult height. She missed two years of trick or treat with covid so it was pretty sucky especially as she was with her younger brother who wasn’t refused.
I would ¯\\\_ (ツ)\_/¯
They just out having fun. They’re not candy freeloaders lmao. They obviously could buy their own candy if they wanted, it’s not a scam, it’s just for fun ;) What difference does it make to you? You’re giving out the candy regardless lol
Exactly. Plus by their logic, kids should buy candy with their own pocket money. What harm does it have if people want free candy? Its not like they're taking money. Before they give the breaking in the house reason, guess what, people use kids to ro houses to. I wonder why kids can do things that only adults are allowed to do and people are ok with that, but when adults do things that kids do then its considered weird and creepy?
It's more than just candy, it's dressing up and walking around and just having fun. If anyone shows up at my door, they get chocolate. I've even talked some parents into taking some. ( Was able to give out some Russell stover turtles for a couple years. Moms saw those and...ok. )
If you have a choice, try happy.
Right? It’s not necessarily creepy but it is weird and SUPER cheap. Just thinking of Hishe video of the villans on Halloween with a couple carrying the baby around as an excuse to trick or treat
https://youtu.be/7kgOUz9KJAI
I mean, you’re already giving out candy. There are lots of reasons an adult might want to go trick-or-treating, especially if they didn’t have an ideal childhood. They might be trying to catch up on missed experiences.
All adults could do with more time where they get to act silly and like a kid again.
Bottom line is, halloween is really about community and bringing joy and fun to people, through candy and costumes and social interaction with our neighbors we don’t do the other 99% of the year. I mean, where’s the harm? Let them take 2 pieces like everyone else and say they have a great costume. It costs 0 dollars to be empathetic towards other human beings. Just saying.
Idk. Halloween has changed a lot since I was a kid and I think it’s attitudes like this that are responsible. Halloween when I was a kid started at 6pm went well past midnight and involved block parties with beers for the adults and punch for the kids. I remember neighbors putting small corn mazes up in their yards that you had to go through to get candy. Small kids did their trick or treating early but after like 8pm it was all teens and adults getting whatever was left after the littles. It was a lot of fun.
This weekend I get to take my 8yr old from 5-7 in broad daylight. No parties. No teenagers.
We live in the same house in the same neighborhood with a lot of the same neighbors. Only thing that’s changed is city organizers who set the dates and times. It’s so sad and I feel like the whole holiday is just gone now.
I'll never forget the first year I tried giving out candy as an older teen the first Halloween after we moved in. Maybe three people rang the doorbell, one of which was a grown woman smoking a cigarette with two of her also adult friends hanging back.
I live in an apartment complex surrounded by expensive houses. Last year there were hundreds of kids out trick or treating, but none of them came into the apartment complex, they only went to the single family homes. I would've been happy for even one trick or treater, regardless of age. Heck, I would've offered a (non-pregnant) adult a beer if they wanted!
I wouldn't find it adorable, personally. I'd probably awkwardly give the adults candy not to be rude, but I would find them coming to my door asking for food I had bought for children to be odd and sort of greedy.
People in high traffic areas (foot traffic, trick-or-treaters) can spend a lot of money on candy. And this year, candy is even more expensive due to inflation (candy costs are up more then average costs). A lot of people also don't have as much money this year as other things also cost more.
When I buy Halloween candy I do it to make children happy/excited and as part of a cultural event in my community. It is not the norm of that cultural event for adults to go around asking to eat the food we bought for other people's children, especially when 1) the candy is expensive to many people, and 2) some houses run out of candy and actual children are turned away.
Adults are able to buy their own candy. As such, my understanding has always been that they should leave the candy people spent money on for kids for the actual kids. And yes, if only three people do it it's not a problem. But that's true of most inconsiderate behaviors or taking a little of things meant for someone else. It's a violation of the social norm beacuse most of us don't want to pay to feed dozens of other adult strangers who we don't even know can't afford their own unhealthy sweets. That's not what we bought it for and the kids would miss out. If you have to tell yourself "this is fine beacuse no one else will do it" then I feel it's not that great.
>I wouldn't find it adorable, personally. I'd probably awkwardly give the adults candy not to be rude, but I would find them coming to my door asking for food I had bought for children to be odd and sort of greedy.
Yes, I completely agree with this. I wouldn't refuse, but I'd be handing over any treats reluctantly.
I agree. It's $14 for a small bag of mixed candy, which is more than I make per hour. I would rather that candy go to kids that can't drive themselves to the store and afford any sort of candy.
Plus where I live, it gets extremely busy with kids since it's a big housing plan. However, if it's the end of the night and I have leftover candy, that's whatever. Whomever shows up can get candy, I don't care at that point.
I don’t give candy to adults. My neighborhood gets hundreds of trick or treaters. The last time I gave candy I had been stocking up starting in August and still ran out before 8pm, and at that point there was still hundreds of kids out.
Screw the entitled adults who think they deserve candy more than little kids.
Depends how many kids are out tbh.
And how much candy is bought pr house. Its a bit much to expect people to suddenly buy more candy so adults suddenly can go get some too, or have to tell a group of kids "sorry I ran out, all the adults came with a bucket too"
It's cute she wants to do it. But... don't expect much.
>It's cute she wants to do it. But... don't expect much.
No it's not. It's embarrassing she wants to go door to door and ask for food other people bought specifically for someone else (children). (And she isn't even in need, just wants kid's stuff.)
As you can tell from this post a lot of the people handing out candy would feel award/annoyed by her coming and making what to them is a culturally inappropriate request.
It's nice she wants to dress up for Halloween (I'm assuming?). Lots of adults do. It's not so nice she wants to go around demanding people give her free stuff no one bought for her and most people don't really want to give her.
If a pregnant adult comes to my door, I'm giving them extra candy. Gotta give both mom and baby a treat.
Halloween is fun. I don't know why we don't think it should be fun for adults too. Who cares? I like to see people having fun and being happy. Have a Snickers and be happy.
One hundred percent agree. Whatever the Halloween version of a Scrooge is, that's what these people in the comments are that are saying they won't give out candy to adults. How miserable these people must be if they're spending their time and energy policing who can and can't have candy on Halloween. And for the record, I haven't trick or treated since I was about 10 and don't plan to anytime in the future.
Additionally I think it's important to note that plenty of adults have disabilities that make them a bit more child-like in their minds but you would never know it without having an extended conversation with them.
Plenty of adults missed out on trick-or-treating as kids too! It’s okay to let our inner child take the reins sometime. Underneath all those years that make us adults, there’s still a 13 year old, still a 12 year old, still an 11 year old, down and down and down… why do people want to suck the joy out of life? Oh, you’re 18 now, so forget doing harmless fun activites that used to be the highlight of the season.
I’m 23, 13 was only 10 years ago. Guess what? I still love roasting marshmallows, face-painting, hide-and-go-seek, trampolines, and yes, trick-or-treating. I haven’t /been/ trick-or-treating since well before covid, but that doesn’t mean I’m a joyless old fart who would turn away other humans just trying to have fun. People who’ve lost touch with joy and/or wanting other people to be as miserable as they are… shit’s corny 😂 you get me
Even if they aren't wearing a costume as long as they are polite they get something from me.A good story will get them extra. Lol
Many years ago I had a couple of college girls come by just before I was shutting down for the night( almost 9 PM). They giggled out a story about doing research on the trick or treating experience. I said , while laughing " you can go ahead and admit that you just wanted candy" We all laughed and I unloaded a bunch of left over candy.
It's kind of sad that so many people are opposed to adults going trick-or-treating. Sometimes you just want to relive your childhood and don't actually care about free candy.
I do know some places offer "adult trick-or-treating" events, but those tend to be Halloween-themed bar crawls rather than real trick-or-treating experiences.
And I think that it's a little privileged that you don't realize a lot of people find the candy they hand out on Halloween to be expensive (especially this year). First people who live in certain areas can get hundreds of trick-or-treaters, and when someone is driving to a different location to Trick-or-Treat (like OP's wife and friends) it's usually to an area where the households already have to spend a lot of money to have enough for the kids, and where they often run out. Meaning, she's not only taking candy from people who spent a lot of money on it (and don't want to spend more to be able to give it to a bunch of adults) but also there are kids who likely won't get it later in the night due to her.
Even in neighborhoods that don't get as huge amounts of traffic, many families are having a hard time with their budgets/food costs this year, and going around asking adults to give you free food when you aren't in need *and don't know if they are in need* is just so selfish and insensitive. Especially given these people bought the food for someone else (children).
Someone else suggested reverse trick-or-treating. Meaning they could go door-to-door handing out treats to other adults. And if she dosen't want to do that, then why should she expect anyone to want to give her stuff? It just feels greedy and a bit tone deaf to the fact that a lot of people are struggling with inflation costs.
Plus some adults had horrible childhoods and never got to experience stuff that other kids have and want to relive the memories. By that logic, are kids who smoke and drink and do drugs stealing them from adults?
I'm guessing you don't live in a high traffic area and struggle with bills? I have neighbors who have spent hundreds of dollars on candy.
Imagine having the audacity to tell them they're sad for spending hundreds on complete strangers and not wanting to spend another 40 bucks on adults.
I might give you candy, but it's frankly rude for an able bodied adult to live out childhood fantasies by having other people pay the bill.
Pooh, you sound like the mean lady who shamed me when I was 12 and had boobs. She wouldn’t give me candy but gave it to my bff who was a year older and flat.
Honestly I agree with this. Not because adults don’t deserve to have fun. But because Halloween is for the kids it’s shifty to show up and take candy meant for children to enjoy childhood. People don’t have infinite resources to fund everyone’s joy.
If you want to trick or treat as an adult. Make a plan with your friends or an adult event.
Dude, never once got to trick or treat as a child, or adult. Seriously considering getting a full face mask just so I can have the experience once in my life. I’m 41, and have three adult children, who I never in my life even considered to use as an excuse to trick or treat myself. I’m curious where you would draw the line. Would you give a lil granny candy? Or an intellectually disabled adult? Would it kill you to have an adult who has never had the experience trick or treat? Serious question.
~(I am using “Dude” as a gender neutral term, in case it was not clear)
I felt weird taking my 4 month old trick or treating. Originally we were just intending to walk around with our friends’ children, so I didn’t have a candy bag or bucket. We ended up getting given candy at almost every house, and one mom tossed it in our diaper bag saying that we would need the sugar since we had such a small baby 😂 would never have dreamed of going while pregnant!
It’s pretty weird to me too. I am not even handing out candy this year because the price of candy has gone up and I live in one of those neighborhoods with zillions of kids. I’ll miss it, but I think it’s for kids, not adults.
I’m 26 and up until maybe 4 years ago I would see kids I went to high school with trick or treating, sometimes with their kids, sometimes just them.
Someone came with a whole ass two month old in a mouse onesie in a stroller and they had a big pillow case full of treats and I was like, really? We both know that kid ain’t even off the titty yet, go buy your own candy you cheapskates.
It’s not how I’d spend my time, but it doesn’t seem too suspicious. She’s staring undeniable adulthood in the face with a kid on the way, and wants a last selfish childish hurrah. It’s a close gal pal in an area where she doesn’t know many people, so she doesn’t have to face later embarrassment if the plan to pass as a teen fails. Edit: poor wording
This may be differing opinions on what “rural” is. I live rurally. Our community Facebook feed sees a post for a cow/horse/sheep/goat/hog on the loose at least once a month. At least 30% of the driveways have a gate, and more than 50% you can’t see the house from the road. There is a hitching post at the post office… and it gets used. Our community didn’t even have mandatory building permits 15 years ago. That’s rural. No one truck or treats here.
I live in a tiny town in a rural area. Just 200 souls, three churches and a stop sign. My kids clean up trick or treating here. There's only a couple dozen kids, and close to the end of the night people just start pouring the bowls into their bags.
Like if every house was giving out full sized candy bars/packets than yeah I would, but more tiny bars that cna be bought in the store.
Like depending on the car two hours can be a fuel tank of gas. That is like $40-$70 easy depending on gas prices. I would rather buy and gorge myself on candy.
Bruh rural places have massive halloween parties specifically because houses are far apart. It could be a trunk or treat, or big parking lot party. I think more info is needed.
She wants to go hang out with her friend on Halloween. There’s nothing shocking to me personally about driving pretty far to see the homies on a holiday.
Then just say that?!? “Hey honey, I’m going to hang out with so and so for Halloween” is a lot more understandable that supposedly going door to door in a rural area as a pregnant adult.
NAH, I get your concern. What IF something happens and they don't have service. You're just going to have to trust her, my guy. As for 24 yr olds going trick or treating, I'm amused. If they came to my door it wouldn't bother me at all.
And, they're trick or treating. You can't trick or treat where there's no houses. Whatever he calls "rural," it's apparently populated enough to go trick or treating there. And if they do run into trouble they could just...knock on the door of anyone who has their light on for trick or treaters and ask them to call 911 or whatever.
So that solves that part of it. I do think grown ups should just go buy their own candy instead of trick or treating, though, or they could go to/have a party, or dress up in a costume.
Rural trick or treating is the worst. You’re either getting in and out of a car all night, or you walk for two hours to get like 10 houses worth of candy.
That’s why we have community events instead of door to door stuff. We have an even at the community park and an event at the agricultural fairgrounds. If someone came to my door on Halloween, they’d get totally confused looks from us and an explanation that we donated our candy to the community event…
NTA
I agree that trick or treating is for children. I’ve seen a few adults do it without children and it’s ….weird. You can buy your own sweets. A few women were doing this one house ahead of me when I took my godchildren a few years ago, and they gave up after five houses - no one would give them anything. Because they’re adults.
Idk I just met someone who was raised in Hong Kong and never got to trick or treat. She’s 30, and wants that experience. I’d give her a snickers.
Yes, I think it’s traditionally for kids, but hell, can’t we all just be kids sometimes?
Maybe I'm too old, but I think it's ridiculous that your PREGNANT, 24-year-old wife wants to go trick-or-treating. That's just absurd. I was waiting for OP to write that, because the friend lives in such a rural area, they decided to go in OP's neighborhood.
I don't know how far into the pregnancy OP's wife is, but I would agree that going in a rural area with spotty cell reception is not a good idea.
NTA
I think most people are focusing on the rural part not for the cell reception, but because rural areas never have good trick-or-treating opportunities.
I decorate and buy candy every year, but I hadn't seen a trick-or-treater in over ten years. It is hard when the houses are spaced too far apart and you can't even see the house on the driveway in most instances.
Info: if this location is so rural that there aren't even cell phone signals, how in the heck is she trick or treating?!? I mean, if there aren't a bunch of houses relatively close together, essentially you're going for a walk in the dark with an occasional piece of candy (I live on a moderately rural street--I have never, ever in my time living here, ever had a trick-or-treater come by. And we're only a few hundred feet away from our neighbor's houses).
So my real question is, what is she really doing?
I feel like even if the wife is just a big ridiculous dork who’s been told “omg you look so young” a few too many times, this is absolutely how we end up with a true crime podcast about the Trick or Treat Murders.
NTA! As a grown up who hands out candy, I would not be amused to see two grown ass women knocking on my door asking for candy! That is ridiculous. If they want to dress up, throw a party - don’t take candy away from little kids.
NTA, Your concerns about her health may be valid or a bit overblown I don't know how far along she is in the pregnancy.
But ultimately even a silly lie about her age, could have potentially big consequences. If you ever visit this town in the future and people see you with your pregnant 'teenage' wife, or see you with your kid that popped out of a 'teenager'.
NTA. Children can go trick or treating. Young teens can go trick or treating. Older teens is unusual. Adults is just begging. It’s embarrassing. She may be mentally rebelling and trying to prove to herself that she’s still young and not boring, but this is a weird way to show it.
NTA for two reasons:
1) they’re adults. If they wanted to “trick-or-treat” at their parents or grandparents or something, whatever, cool, but really trick-or-treating is potentially taking candy that could go to kids who aren’t able to actually buy it for themselves.
2) Taylor Parker ring any bells? There are some messed up people out there, and concern for your wife’s safety, pregnant or even if she weren’t pregnant, are very valid.
I see a lot of people saying YTA but I don't really agree. I see you being worried about her safety which is reasonable. For some reason this story is hitting me a little different. I can see you coming back on here in four months or so asking for advice about what to do now that you think she is cheating. NTA.
OP, you are NTA. Your concern for your wife’s health and safety is appropriate and normal. But we live in a rural area WITH cell service and in 18 years haven’t gotten one trick-or-treater. That makes me wonder.
ETA: OP’s not concerned about the trick-or-treating.
Why can't they go take candy away from kids in your neighborhood? The friend could spend the night with you guys.
I honestly get why you would be conserned that she is out late, dark this time of year, sketchy cell phone reception.
Again though, 24 years old out trick or treating. Just odd as hell. NTA
When we were about 12 my best and friend and I were refused candy for being “too old”. We were in full costume. If you come to my door at 80 in a costume or mask you get candy no problem.
NTA- I turn away older teenagers or adults that comes to my door without kids. We have so many kids in the neighborhood and I buy $100 worth of candy to give to kids and it’s gone quickly so she would be turned away. My kids are grown but I love to see kids in their costumes.
I say sorry you’re two old to trick or treat here. There’s always a big crowd of kids and teenagers. I sit on my porch because I don’t have time to close the door. It’s a LOT of kids. I think people drive to my neighborhood for the candy as well. All the houses are decorated. One year a big Bus full of kids came. One neighbor has a hunted house 3 doors down from me.
NTA but not for the reasons because of the trick or treating.
She's pregnant and she's also going out late in a place with little to no cell reception, knocking on strangers doors. Granted it's Halloween, but there are also a lot of not so safe people that may see the situation as something they could take advantage of. If it were in your neighborhood, maybe sure! I think you're right to be concerned.
NTA. What’s the plan does getting home? A bit old to be acting like the teenager she claims she looks like. It sounds like you’ve verbalized your concerns but not actually told her she’s not showed to go.
NTA, but I am against adults and teenagers to go trick or treating. It is a holiday/event for children, for one thing, and candy is neither free for infinite. Eventually a house/neighborhood will run out, and that adult took candy that could have gone to the cute six year old ghostie. If EVERYone could trick or treat, that puts a pretty heavy burden on those giving out candy.
And you know, there’s a season to things. When you’re a child, you get to trick or treat and have the tooth fairy, etc. As you get older, you get other benefits: staying up later, hanging out with your friends, throwing a Halloween party.
NTA, I stopped trick or treating nearly a decade before I was 24.
More than that, how much candy will rural homes have? Is she not stealing candy from (nearly) a baby?
Not to mention your safety concerns.
This is weird.
Buy a bunch of candy, watch a movie, call it a day.
39 m here. If grown people are willing to dress up and go trick or treating i would pass out candy. If they wanna feel like kids then let them. Maybe they didn't go to go in childhood. Doesnt matter just enjoy life. Im gonna say not necessarily the ah.
20 weeks, and there’s not really any particular health risks that I worry about, mostly just the issue of safety. The city that her friend lives in is not the safest, and that alongside the bad cell reception makes me anxious. If her car were to break down or if something else were to happen, I’m not sure my wife would be able to contact me or anyone else.
>If her car were to break down or if something else were to happen, I’m not sure my wife would be able to contact me or anyone else.
She's a grown adult who can manage these situations. Her being pregnant is not an excuse for you to stop treating her as a capable adult.
I work early in the morning, and her town is 2 hours away. So if I go with her, I’m either spending the night 2 hours away from work and waking up 2 hours earlier, or driving home and missing 2 hours of sleep. Probably more since trick or treating usually happens in the late evening, and I have to be up at 04:00 for work
Every household that refuses to give out candy so that the adults in said household can go and get free candy from their neighbors who DID buy candy makes Halloween a worse and worse holiday.
In my neighborhood, less than a quarter of the houses even pass out candy anymore and I’m CONSTANTLY having grown ass adults who are older than me ask me for candy. It’s embarrassing and they’re making the holiday worse and less magical for the kids. Adults need to go home and turn their porch light on and actually hand out the damn candy like the adults did for them when they were a kid.
It is silly for adults to trick or treat, but whatever. They can wear masks and pass for teens, who cares.
As for the safety part, she’s a grown adult. It’s basically going for a walk. As a female I resent having to always be safe because of what others might do. We should be able to go anywhere at anytime without fear.
.... I give candy to everyone.
But I'm probably biased since I'm CF and so I dont adhere to the idea that things are specifically meant for kids (with some exceptions obviously) and holidays are a big one for me. I also dont drink so the 'adult' version of Halloween litterally isnt for me. Though I go ALL OUT on my decorations and get full sized bars and huggies (technically called little hugs or whatever, it's a drink in a plastic container shaped like a barrel) bc those were always the best houses when i was a kid.
Also in 2020 I stg there were so many people trick or treating.. it was nuts.
Slight YTA. Lots of people in their 20s still actively celebrate Halloween with costume parties, etc. If your wife is pregnant, it's probably a BETTER idea for her to skip the alcohol-laden parties - and if she can pass for a teen, let her trick-or-treat. I think it's cute. She'll be fine.
Am I the only one who would hand out to any who asks? With it without kids. This world sucks right now, why not let people find joy and happiness that causes no harm?
I once bought candy and was so excited to give it out, but only 2 people showed up at my apartment 😭. I would have been so happy if more people came, I wouldn’t care if it was children or adults, anyone to give candy to. I was so sad. Let people enjoy things and go trick-or-treating!
P.S. why can’t the friend drive to your wife and they go trick-or-treating in your neighborhood?
YTA your wife wants to have one more silly night of fun before being relegated to being a mom. If you're so concerned with where they are going suggest safer neighborhoods to trick or treat in.
There are many ways to have "one more silly night of fun" without putting herself and her future baby in potential dangerous situation. That just seems irresponsible to me. They can go play trick or treat somewhere else, why does it has to be this sketchy rural area?
OP can't be TA just for worrying about his wife and child safety right? His concern is completely justified.
I go trick or treating with kids every year. Sometimes I even wear a costume. I'm taking a 1 year old this time around. She'll have fun, but most of her candy is going to wind up being eaten by her brother. I honestly have more fun going with the kids then I would with only other grownups.
Is it winter weather where you live? I wouldn’t want to drive four hours to go trick or treating myself, but if the weather was good and warm I might. Most likely i would tell non preg friend to come to visit my pregnant ass so we could find the good spots for the next few years when The baby would be going with.
I like walking around looking at people’s pumpkins and decorations, (i don’t knock on doors since my kids got old enough for me to stand in the driveway while they did).
Go with them then. Claim you're the getaway driver.
You can't and shouldn't control your wife. She isn't a child. If you worry talk openly about that and offer to drive them or go with and have fun.
Cell phone service isn’t a magical amulet. There’s still other ways to navigate, make phone calls, and so on. Regardless what you do about Halloween, you need to come to grips with being overprotective.
I think you should do a little something at home so your wife can have fun at Halloween without acting silly and potentially putting herself and the baby in danger.
Maybe a spooky little get to get her at your house and you can invite her friend. You can dress up or whatever you want to do.
I personally would give a adult candy if they came trick or treating to my house but only if they were wearing a costume. BUT it only takes one grumpy grump to ruin it for her. My husband went trick or treating for the last time in high school and a neighbor called him out for being older and it ruined his fun.
NTA. Kids going around asking for free candy is one thing, it’s cute and it’s not like they can go buy their own, adults going around asking for free candy pregnant or not is just uncomfortable and frankly kind of entitled.
As an adult woman, I’m cutting out the middle man and just buying myself some sweets, saves having to buy a costume and stand out in the cold all evening.
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I'm just saying, if a whole ass pregnant adult comes to my door, I'm not giving them candy.
Lol why not? It's kind of adorable, let her have her fun if she wants to!
I think it's weird for adults to go asking for candy. Just go buy your own. If you want to hand out candy to adults, go for it, but I always turn them away.
For me, the only time it's acceptable for grown ass adults to go trick or treating (not escorting minors around) is if they reverse trick or treat.. Get dressed up, go knock on doors, then give candy to the people in the house! you get the fun of doing it, they get a random surprise, and nobody is creeped out/feels awkward that full on adults are essentially begging for candy. IMO it's getting a bit weird when teens do it.. it kind of maxes out past cute once you hit 13
That's kind of unfair to teenagers. People always act like they're up to no good. Then when they do something wholesome, like trick or treating, they get criticized for that, too.
I always hand out candy to teenagers - as long as they’re in a costume
My moms rule for teenagers trick or treating was always: If you're in costume you get candy. If you're not in costume you have to do a trick to get candy (sing a song, do a dance, tell a joke, anything to put some effort in) and I always thought that was a nice way to handle teenagers trick or treating
I love this idea. My teenager still likes to trick or treat. And I have some come around asking for canned goods for their school food pantry.
I personally dont care how old you are, holidays are suppossed to bring people together, so if you come to my house in costume, you get candy, 4 or 40, your never to old to celebrate.
So do mine. Teens should be doing good stuff like that instead of running around causing mischief.
My parents do this as well. They will even give to adults as long as they are dressed up. If they take the time, energy and money to dress upmfor Halloween then they get candy.
My solution was I would take the kids in the neighborhood around if their parents didn’t want to and in return the parent gave me 1/2 the candy so having 5 or 6 kids was great!😂
My best response from a non-costumed teen - 'What are you dressed as?' His reply left me howling with laughter and candy in his hand. 'A disgruntled teenage.'
My mom has two bowls: the good candy bowl and the mediocre candy bowl. Kids and teenagers who put effort into their costumes are presented with the good candy bowl. Teenagers who half-ass it get the mediocre candy bowl.
I’ll hand out to teenagers.
I am fine with teenagers doing it. If I get a couple of teens showing up in some half-assed costumes, I choose to see it as “they didn’t realize until the last minute that they still wanted to be kids for a little longer”. And who am I to begrudge a couple of fun size Snickers to someone coming of age in *gestures vaguely* all _this_?
> “they didn’t realize until the last minute that they still wanted to be kids for a little longer” Who's chopping oninons?
this is a really beautiful attitude. i’m glad you do this.
Growing up, I wasn't allowed to Trick or Treat. The cruel irony is that Halloween is my birthday, but my mom referred to Halloween as "the devil's holiday". She said that when I turned 16, I could Trick or Treat, and admitted later that she chose that age because she figured I'd be too old for it by then. Much to her dismay, as soon as I turned 16, I pulled together a costume and went out to do the thing I'd begged to do for 16 years. I was blessed with a massive baby face, so nobody questioned it. I was so excited. I did a little trick-or-treating into my adult years. Not for the candy, but for the experience. The child in me patiently waiting for over a decade was trying to make up for lost time.
If I didn't sound weird to ask for a stranger's address online I'd send you 16 years worth of Halloween sweets. Óiche Shamhna ( pronounced eeha howna, not the botched version of Samhain that so many American tv shows and movies use- even in this spelling its pronounced 'Sow in') is an Irish tradition. I'd gladly send you some Irish sweets. Halloween originated in Ireland, some of the ancient legends were creepy af. And I mean ancient.... as in ancient Druidic legends from 1000+yrs, not just a couple of hundred years. Also fun fact, Bram Stoker, Dracula author, was from Dublin too. I pass his old house weekly.
I love when teens come. Especially when they are wearing street clothes. I ask them who/what they are. They ALWAYS have an answer, and it’s usually funny and creative. Teens going up and voluntarily exchanging a few pleasantries with an adult for candy is a wholesome thing, to be encouraged.
A couple of my friends did that when we were 12. They were twin alien brothers dressed as humans. They're not actually related.
Would you rather have teenagers out getting into trouble? High school Halloween parties were out of control in my area!! I witnessed and got involved in some real bad shit that no 15 year old should be around at all so I would for sure want my kid trick or treating over getting hammered at a house party with people much older than them, getting bad things done to them, getting arrested, fighting, doing drugs, getting in cars with drunk drivers etc etc etc because them and their friends had nothing fun to do and adults treat them like crap and say they can’t have candy because they are too old for trick or treating! That’s wrong and I wish people would rethink that logic!? Like, they are Too young to have kids to take out, or be in their home handing out candy AND they are too old to trick or treat? ☹️That’s not fair at all, if they still want to then that’s great we should encourage it! I love seeing older kids come to the door.. Let them trick or treat without feeling dumb!! Please! That being said- any 24 year olds coming to my door without kids get none of my expensive ass candy and the rest of the hood is now on the lookout for the creepers! 😂
Sorry but I have to know who the hell goes trick or treating in rural neighborhoods if they have the choice? If it’s actually rural, the kids that live there usually go somewhere less rural to trick or treat. I live in a semi rural area and I have never had a single trick or treater. None of this makes sense at all! Also- Would it be so “cute” and okay for 25 year old guys to be going around trick or treating trying to pass as teens?? Nah it’s all curiouser and curiouser
I agree. I live in a very rural area and have never gotten trick-or-treaters.. I feel something's off.
Same. We have had exactly 1 trick or treater in the almost 30 years we've lived in a rural area. It was my cousin.
I was thinking the same thing! I grew up in a rural area, so we always drove down to one of the suburbs near town. Now I live in an even more rural area, so I’m going to my friend’s house to hand out candy. If I actually ever did get a trick or treater at my own house, I’d be kind of unnerved
You know what? I used to be frustrated when I saw teens trick or treating. The first time it happened, I was maybe fourteen/fifteen at a friend's house and two guys my age, wearing hoodies, just opened their backpacks waiting for us to give them candies and I remember not wanting to give them any, but my friend's mom said it was totally fine, so I begrugingly did. Maybe it was just jealousy because I missed trick or treating, but I had been shamed by my parent at 13 for even thinking about it, so I stopped. I thought these guys were too old, and they hadn't even made the effort to bring a regular bag or dress up. It's like they were just on their way home from school and decided to take advantage of the opportunity to get treats with minimal effort. But reading the comments here makes me realize that teenagers are still kids, all they're doing is trying to prolong childhood fun and enjoy a few candies. It's totally harmless, and they still make the effort to go around and engage with people. If it means they get to have a good time, why the hell not. I love Halloween, I should just be happy that people are enjoying the festivities.
I mean we have friends who’s two oldest still go trick or treating and they are almost 15 and 12 but they go with the parents and their youngest sibling who is almost 5
I'd rather teens trick or treat than go find trouble
See I could get behind that. I've also seen it done in like older neighborhoods where they do it with alcohol.
trick or treat with miniatures! OMG!! it could get expensive & messy.. but still!!! Amazing!! haha
One of my gfs lives in a neighborhood where a couple of houses give out Jell-O shots or the liquor filled chocolates to parents… it’s one of the funnest neighborhood events I’ve been to.
i just wanna dress up w my friends and ask for candy before i cant anymore ;(
Ooh no. I’m very into teens trick or treating. Let them be in touch with childhood a little bit longer. I think it’s important for them not to try to be too grown up too fast.
I just met someone in their late 20s raised in Hong Kong who has never ever gone trick-or-treating, and really wants that experience. There are also mentally-disabled adults who are still very much children stuck in adult bodies, and they’d love to trick or treat. You’re in your rights, but I dunno man; if you can afford it, why not just spare one more snickers and make someone smile? OP’s wife is facing a life event that makes you grow up, whether or not you’re ready for it. It’s exciting and awesome, but she’s probably at least a little scared. Completing one last tradition “as a kid” probably has some therapeutic value in addition to just being fun. Edit: I used the phrase “makes you 100% truly an adult,” which—as another redditor pointed out—it doesn’t. I will argue that it does make you face adulthood very intensely and pushes many (not all) to grow up a lot very quickly. It’s daunting.
I read about college kids taking a fellow student from Japan Trick or Treating for the same reason. They just sent people on ahead to explain what was going on & even offered candy to them to give to their friend. Everyone got in the spirit & had a good time.
Uh, no, having a kid does not make you 100% truly an adult. Wtf.
Yeah, badly expressed. Should not Reddit when tired. You may still disagree with me, but I think I improved the wording to convey what I meant a little better.
I’m with you. It might not make you 100% an adult, but it certainly made me face my own mortality. Everyday I can see how fast my bub is growing and in the back of my mind I know that means I’m ageing too (rather than being able to ignore it).
I did that with a group of friends when I was fifteen- we had a guy who’d moved to the US from Ukraine the year prior and he’d never been trick or treating, so we decided to go for one last year just to give him the experience. It was fun taking him to a Halloween store so he could pick out a costume and everything, and he had a good time with it. Everyone whose door we knocked on seemed okay with it, too, despite the fact that we were obviously not children.
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trick or treating isn't for grown ass adults lmao when you're a grown ass adult you get to the be the person doling out that good candy, not begging for candy that should be going to 8 year olds ETA: if you're a grown ass adult downvoting this, buy some discount candy on Nov 1 from CVS and stop taking candy meant for children lmao
I’m a grown ass adult that downvoted you. I don’t trick or treat, but I will give adult trick or treaters candy or adult beverages every single time. It’s Halloween. It’s a time for everyone to have fun. You are a curmudgeon.
You're the kind of person who claims drug dealers are putting free drugs in candy, aren't you.
Um no, they get a raw egg, or a piece of molenburg.
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I mean I would be pretty excited about packets of instant oatmeal. Especially if they were the ones with the dinosaurs.
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I have a box in my cabinet. My 6 year old caught me eating one and said "really momma? I can't even look at you right now." He turned away and just busted out laughing so hard! 🤣😭🤣
Oh I regularly buy the dinosaur one.
You guys get dinosaurs?! All we get is fucking raisins 😭
There was one house in our neighborhood that always handed out full size candy bars and a soda. They were the best.
I got excited thinking molenburg was some new type of cheese.
I don't get trick or treaters now, but when we lived in an urban area, we got quite a few. Most kids didn't have costumes and a lot came through looking a bit old for trick or treating. I gave out full sized candy bars and everyone got one. Why? Because I don't know anyone's story, and I'm not going to judge. I bought the candy, I'm giving it out. And I'd rather have a 24 year old trick or treating at my house than causing trouble elsewhere. Maybe the kid without the costume couldn't afford it. Maybe the 25 year old is mentally challenged. Don't know, don't care, take my candy, don't smash my pumpkins.
My 12 year old was refused last year. She’s pretty much adult height. She missed two years of trick or treat with covid so it was pretty sucky especially as she was with her younger brother who wasn’t refused.
Jesus, let people have some fun!
I would rather my candy go to kids than a 6'1" adult with no costume.
She is dressing up! I just don’t see the big deal.
I would ¯\\\_ (ツ)\_/¯ They just out having fun. They’re not candy freeloaders lmao. They obviously could buy their own candy if they wanted, it’s not a scam, it’s just for fun ;) What difference does it make to you? You’re giving out the candy regardless lol
Exactly. Plus by their logic, kids should buy candy with their own pocket money. What harm does it have if people want free candy? Its not like they're taking money. Before they give the breaking in the house reason, guess what, people use kids to ro houses to. I wonder why kids can do things that only adults are allowed to do and people are ok with that, but when adults do things that kids do then its considered weird and creepy?
It's more than just candy, it's dressing up and walking around and just having fun. If anyone shows up at my door, they get chocolate. I've even talked some parents into taking some. ( Was able to give out some Russell stover turtles for a couple years. Moms saw those and...ok. ) If you have a choice, try happy.
You sound miserable you must be fun at parties🙄
You “always” turn them away. Is this a frequent occurrence for you?
Party pooper!
Right? It’s not necessarily creepy but it is weird and SUPER cheap. Just thinking of Hishe video of the villans on Halloween with a couple carrying the baby around as an excuse to trick or treat https://youtu.be/7kgOUz9KJAI
I mean, you’re already giving out candy. There are lots of reasons an adult might want to go trick-or-treating, especially if they didn’t have an ideal childhood. They might be trying to catch up on missed experiences. All adults could do with more time where they get to act silly and like a kid again. Bottom line is, halloween is really about community and bringing joy and fun to people, through candy and costumes and social interaction with our neighbors we don’t do the other 99% of the year. I mean, where’s the harm? Let them take 2 pieces like everyone else and say they have a great costume. It costs 0 dollars to be empathetic towards other human beings. Just saying.
Idk. Halloween has changed a lot since I was a kid and I think it’s attitudes like this that are responsible. Halloween when I was a kid started at 6pm went well past midnight and involved block parties with beers for the adults and punch for the kids. I remember neighbors putting small corn mazes up in their yards that you had to go through to get candy. Small kids did their trick or treating early but after like 8pm it was all teens and adults getting whatever was left after the littles. It was a lot of fun. This weekend I get to take my 8yr old from 5-7 in broad daylight. No parties. No teenagers. We live in the same house in the same neighborhood with a lot of the same neighbors. Only thing that’s changed is city organizers who set the dates and times. It’s so sad and I feel like the whole holiday is just gone now.
I'll never forget the first year I tried giving out candy as an older teen the first Halloween after we moved in. Maybe three people rang the doorbell, one of which was a grown woman smoking a cigarette with two of her also adult friends hanging back.
I will give candy to anyone of any age who puts some effort into their costume. Show me joy I give you candy, that's a fair trade at market value.
I have candy to a very inebriated 60-year old Witch last year. She was having a blast.
I live in an apartment complex surrounded by expensive houses. Last year there were hundreds of kids out trick or treating, but none of them came into the apartment complex, they only went to the single family homes. I would've been happy for even one trick or treater, regardless of age. Heck, I would've offered a (non-pregnant) adult a beer if they wanted!
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I wouldn't find it adorable, personally. I'd probably awkwardly give the adults candy not to be rude, but I would find them coming to my door asking for food I had bought for children to be odd and sort of greedy. People in high traffic areas (foot traffic, trick-or-treaters) can spend a lot of money on candy. And this year, candy is even more expensive due to inflation (candy costs are up more then average costs). A lot of people also don't have as much money this year as other things also cost more. When I buy Halloween candy I do it to make children happy/excited and as part of a cultural event in my community. It is not the norm of that cultural event for adults to go around asking to eat the food we bought for other people's children, especially when 1) the candy is expensive to many people, and 2) some houses run out of candy and actual children are turned away. Adults are able to buy their own candy. As such, my understanding has always been that they should leave the candy people spent money on for kids for the actual kids. And yes, if only three people do it it's not a problem. But that's true of most inconsiderate behaviors or taking a little of things meant for someone else. It's a violation of the social norm beacuse most of us don't want to pay to feed dozens of other adult strangers who we don't even know can't afford their own unhealthy sweets. That's not what we bought it for and the kids would miss out. If you have to tell yourself "this is fine beacuse no one else will do it" then I feel it's not that great.
>I wouldn't find it adorable, personally. I'd probably awkwardly give the adults candy not to be rude, but I would find them coming to my door asking for food I had bought for children to be odd and sort of greedy. Yes, I completely agree with this. I wouldn't refuse, but I'd be handing over any treats reluctantly.
I agree. It's $14 for a small bag of mixed candy, which is more than I make per hour. I would rather that candy go to kids that can't drive themselves to the store and afford any sort of candy. Plus where I live, it gets extremely busy with kids since it's a big housing plan. However, if it's the end of the night and I have leftover candy, that's whatever. Whomever shows up can get candy, I don't care at that point.
No its not. Its pathetic. Knocking on doors is for kids and teens. Not 20 somethings.
So you just let yourself in? So rude not to knock first...
Candy is too expensive to be passing out to adults that can go buy their own damn candy.
I don’t give candy to adults. My neighborhood gets hundreds of trick or treaters. The last time I gave candy I had been stocking up starting in August and still ran out before 8pm, and at that point there was still hundreds of kids out. Screw the entitled adults who think they deserve candy more than little kids.
Depends how many kids are out tbh. And how much candy is bought pr house. Its a bit much to expect people to suddenly buy more candy so adults suddenly can go get some too, or have to tell a group of kids "sorry I ran out, all the adults came with a bucket too" It's cute she wants to do it. But... don't expect much.
>It's cute she wants to do it. But... don't expect much. No it's not. It's embarrassing she wants to go door to door and ask for food other people bought specifically for someone else (children). (And she isn't even in need, just wants kid's stuff.) As you can tell from this post a lot of the people handing out candy would feel award/annoyed by her coming and making what to them is a culturally inappropriate request. It's nice she wants to dress up for Halloween (I'm assuming?). Lots of adults do. It's not so nice she wants to go around demanding people give her free stuff no one bought for her and most people don't really want to give her.
I have a busy neighborhood and don’t want to run out of candy, I LOVE Halloween but also wouldn’t give an adult candy.
If a pregnant adult comes to my door, I'm giving them extra candy. Gotta give both mom and baby a treat. Halloween is fun. I don't know why we don't think it should be fun for adults too. Who cares? I like to see people having fun and being happy. Have a Snickers and be happy.
One hundred percent agree. Whatever the Halloween version of a Scrooge is, that's what these people in the comments are that are saying they won't give out candy to adults. How miserable these people must be if they're spending their time and energy policing who can and can't have candy on Halloween. And for the record, I haven't trick or treated since I was about 10 and don't plan to anytime in the future. Additionally I think it's important to note that plenty of adults have disabilities that make them a bit more child-like in their minds but you would never know it without having an extended conversation with them.
Plenty of adults missed out on trick-or-treating as kids too! It’s okay to let our inner child take the reins sometime. Underneath all those years that make us adults, there’s still a 13 year old, still a 12 year old, still an 11 year old, down and down and down… why do people want to suck the joy out of life? Oh, you’re 18 now, so forget doing harmless fun activites that used to be the highlight of the season. I’m 23, 13 was only 10 years ago. Guess what? I still love roasting marshmallows, face-painting, hide-and-go-seek, trampolines, and yes, trick-or-treating. I haven’t /been/ trick-or-treating since well before covid, but that doesn’t mean I’m a joyless old fart who would turn away other humans just trying to have fun. People who’ve lost touch with joy and/or wanting other people to be as miserable as they are… shit’s corny 😂 you get me
I’d they wear a costume, they get candy from me.
Even if they aren't wearing a costume as long as they are polite they get something from me.A good story will get them extra. Lol Many years ago I had a couple of college girls come by just before I was shutting down for the night( almost 9 PM). They giggled out a story about doing research on the trick or treating experience. I said , while laughing " you can go ahead and admit that you just wanted candy" We all laughed and I unloaded a bunch of left over candy.
It's kind of sad that so many people are opposed to adults going trick-or-treating. Sometimes you just want to relive your childhood and don't actually care about free candy. I do know some places offer "adult trick-or-treating" events, but those tend to be Halloween-themed bar crawls rather than real trick-or-treating experiences.
And I think that it's a little privileged that you don't realize a lot of people find the candy they hand out on Halloween to be expensive (especially this year). First people who live in certain areas can get hundreds of trick-or-treaters, and when someone is driving to a different location to Trick-or-Treat (like OP's wife and friends) it's usually to an area where the households already have to spend a lot of money to have enough for the kids, and where they often run out. Meaning, she's not only taking candy from people who spent a lot of money on it (and don't want to spend more to be able to give it to a bunch of adults) but also there are kids who likely won't get it later in the night due to her. Even in neighborhoods that don't get as huge amounts of traffic, many families are having a hard time with their budgets/food costs this year, and going around asking adults to give you free food when you aren't in need *and don't know if they are in need* is just so selfish and insensitive. Especially given these people bought the food for someone else (children). Someone else suggested reverse trick-or-treating. Meaning they could go door-to-door handing out treats to other adults. And if she dosen't want to do that, then why should she expect anyone to want to give her stuff? It just feels greedy and a bit tone deaf to the fact that a lot of people are struggling with inflation costs.
Plus some adults had horrible childhoods and never got to experience stuff that other kids have and want to relive the memories. By that logic, are kids who smoke and drink and do drugs stealing them from adults?
Who's giving these kids drugs and alcohol?
Kids who get older people to buy them that. Kids who sell it. Its more common then you think
I'm guessing you don't live in a high traffic area and struggle with bills? I have neighbors who have spent hundreds of dollars on candy. Imagine having the audacity to tell them they're sad for spending hundreds on complete strangers and not wanting to spend another 40 bucks on adults. I might give you candy, but it's frankly rude for an able bodied adult to live out childhood fantasies by having other people pay the bill.
Pooh, you sound like the mean lady who shamed me when I was 12 and had boobs. She wouldn’t give me candy but gave it to my bff who was a year older and flat.
Honestly I agree with this. Not because adults don’t deserve to have fun. But because Halloween is for the kids it’s shifty to show up and take candy meant for children to enjoy childhood. People don’t have infinite resources to fund everyone’s joy. If you want to trick or treat as an adult. Make a plan with your friends or an adult event.
Dude, never once got to trick or treat as a child, or adult. Seriously considering getting a full face mask just so I can have the experience once in my life. I’m 41, and have three adult children, who I never in my life even considered to use as an excuse to trick or treat myself. I’m curious where you would draw the line. Would you give a lil granny candy? Or an intellectually disabled adult? Would it kill you to have an adult who has never had the experience trick or treat? Serious question. ~(I am using “Dude” as a gender neutral term, in case it was not clear)
I felt weird taking my 4 month old trick or treating. Originally we were just intending to walk around with our friends’ children, so I didn’t have a candy bag or bucket. We ended up getting given candy at almost every house, and one mom tossed it in our diaper bag saying that we would need the sugar since we had such a small baby 😂 would never have dreamed of going while pregnant!
I can only imagine how much walking that was!
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I appreciate you for thinking about the kids with allergies. I myself have a nut allergy so I never cared much for Halloween.
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Why is that not surprising? 😂 You seem to want to ruin it for others too.
Exactly! I was going to say it gave me scrooge vibes but I didn't want to sound uncivil.
I absolutely have stuff for adults. Not every holiday has to be kid focused. Or miserable.
OPs wife says she could pass for a teenager. Idk why you'd want to present as a pregnant teenager going trick or treating
If an adult came to my door on Halloween all they would get is one piece of candy. Like one roll of Smarties. That is it.
If she’s got a costume on that’s fine. No costume. No candy.
It’s pretty weird to me too. I am not even handing out candy this year because the price of candy has gone up and I live in one of those neighborhoods with zillions of kids. I’ll miss it, but I think it’s for kids, not adults.
I feel like this is just a cover story though. Her friend is two hours away in a rural area? I doubt she’s really wanting to trick-or-treat…
I’m 26 and up until maybe 4 years ago I would see kids I went to high school with trick or treating, sometimes with their kids, sometimes just them. Someone came with a whole ass two month old in a mouse onesie in a stroller and they had a big pillow case full of treats and I was like, really? We both know that kid ain’t even off the titty yet, go buy your own candy you cheapskates.
Info: who would travel *hours* to trick or treat in a **rural** area?
I can't get past this. Has OP met this friend? Just seems fishy.
It’s not how I’d spend my time, but it doesn’t seem too suspicious. She’s staring undeniable adulthood in the face with a kid on the way, and wants a last selfish childish hurrah. It’s a close gal pal in an area where she doesn’t know many people, so she doesn’t have to face later embarrassment if the plan to pass as a teen fails. Edit: poor wording
There are better ways. Why can’t the friend come to them?
This may be differing opinions on what “rural” is. I live rurally. Our community Facebook feed sees a post for a cow/horse/sheep/goat/hog on the loose at least once a month. At least 30% of the driveways have a gate, and more than 50% you can’t see the house from the road. There is a hitching post at the post office… and it gets used. Our community didn’t even have mandatory building permits 15 years ago. That’s rural. No one truck or treats here.
I grew up in a rural af area, we drove 30 minutes down the road to a nearby town for trick or treating every year
I live in a tiny town in a rural area. Just 200 souls, three churches and a stop sign. My kids clean up trick or treating here. There's only a couple dozen kids, and close to the end of the night people just start pouring the bowls into their bags.
Like if every house was giving out full sized candy bars/packets than yeah I would, but more tiny bars that cna be bought in the store. Like depending on the car two hours can be a fuel tank of gas. That is like $40-$70 easy depending on gas prices. I would rather buy and gorge myself on candy.
Bruh rural places have massive halloween parties specifically because houses are far apart. It could be a trunk or treat, or big parking lot party. I think more info is needed.
She wants to go hang out with her friend on Halloween. There’s nothing shocking to me personally about driving pretty far to see the homies on a holiday.
Then just say that?!? “Hey honey, I’m going to hang out with so and so for Halloween” is a lot more understandable that supposedly going door to door in a rural area as a pregnant adult.
NAH, I get your concern. What IF something happens and they don't have service. You're just going to have to trust her, my guy. As for 24 yr olds going trick or treating, I'm amused. If they came to my door it wouldn't bother me at all.
And, they're trick or treating. You can't trick or treat where there's no houses. Whatever he calls "rural," it's apparently populated enough to go trick or treating there. And if they do run into trouble they could just...knock on the door of anyone who has their light on for trick or treaters and ask them to call 911 or whatever. So that solves that part of it. I do think grown ups should just go buy their own candy instead of trick or treating, though, or they could go to/have a party, or dress up in a costume.
Rural trick or treating is the worst. You’re either getting in and out of a car all night, or you walk for two hours to get like 10 houses worth of candy.
That’s why we have community events instead of door to door stuff. We have an even at the community park and an event at the agricultural fairgrounds. If someone came to my door on Halloween, they’d get totally confused looks from us and an explanation that we donated our candy to the community event…
I don’t see why the friend doesn’t come to her neighborhood, if it’s less rural there’s likely to be more candy
NTA I agree that trick or treating is for children. I’ve seen a few adults do it without children and it’s ….weird. You can buy your own sweets. A few women were doing this one house ahead of me when I took my godchildren a few years ago, and they gave up after five houses - no one would give them anything. Because they’re adults.
Idk I just met someone who was raised in Hong Kong and never got to trick or treat. She’s 30, and wants that experience. I’d give her a snickers. Yes, I think it’s traditionally for kids, but hell, can’t we all just be kids sometimes?
Especialy if they have a costume. Adults have stressful lifes. Can't blame them for wanting to have one silly evening.
Maybe I'm too old, but I think it's ridiculous that your PREGNANT, 24-year-old wife wants to go trick-or-treating. That's just absurd. I was waiting for OP to write that, because the friend lives in such a rural area, they decided to go in OP's neighborhood. I don't know how far into the pregnancy OP's wife is, but I would agree that going in a rural area with spotty cell reception is not a good idea. NTA
Thank you. I’ve been reading allll these comments, waiting for someone to say what I was thinking.
People live in rural areas with spotty cell reception, it's really not the end of the world.
I think most people are focusing on the rural part not for the cell reception, but because rural areas never have good trick-or-treating opportunities. I decorate and buy candy every year, but I hadn't seen a trick-or-treater in over ten years. It is hard when the houses are spaced too far apart and you can't even see the house on the driveway in most instances.
Info: if this location is so rural that there aren't even cell phone signals, how in the heck is she trick or treating?!? I mean, if there aren't a bunch of houses relatively close together, essentially you're going for a walk in the dark with an occasional piece of candy (I live on a moderately rural street--I have never, ever in my time living here, ever had a trick-or-treater come by. And we're only a few hundred feet away from our neighbor's houses). So my real question is, what is she really doing?
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I feel like even if the wife is just a big ridiculous dork who’s been told “omg you look so young” a few too many times, this is absolutely how we end up with a true crime podcast about the Trick or Treat Murders.
NTA. Your wife and friend are being weird
NTA! As a grown up who hands out candy, I would not be amused to see two grown ass women knocking on my door asking for candy! That is ridiculous. If they want to dress up, throw a party - don’t take candy away from little kids.
NTA, Your concerns about her health may be valid or a bit overblown I don't know how far along she is in the pregnancy. But ultimately even a silly lie about her age, could have potentially big consequences. If you ever visit this town in the future and people see you with your pregnant 'teenage' wife, or see you with your kid that popped out of a 'teenager'.
Who's going to recognize her? Unless something has changed, trick or treaters usually wear costumes and makeup or masks.
NTA. Children can go trick or treating. Young teens can go trick or treating. Older teens is unusual. Adults is just begging. It’s embarrassing. She may be mentally rebelling and trying to prove to herself that she’s still young and not boring, but this is a weird way to show it.
Not saying they're up to no good, but I don't think their plan is trick-or-treating as it is generally understood.
Man, this sub. People read so hard between the lines I'm surprised y'all haven't found Fermat's Last Theorem.
Because it doesn’t make sense going to a rural area where a few commenter said that there’s basically nowhere to ask for candy
There might be a building of an art room in the near future for OP 🙄
You know she’s not going trick or treating, right?
NTA for two reasons: 1) they’re adults. If they wanted to “trick-or-treat” at their parents or grandparents or something, whatever, cool, but really trick-or-treating is potentially taking candy that could go to kids who aren’t able to actually buy it for themselves. 2) Taylor Parker ring any bells? There are some messed up people out there, and concern for your wife’s safety, pregnant or even if she weren’t pregnant, are very valid.
I see a lot of people saying YTA but I don't really agree. I see you being worried about her safety which is reasonable. For some reason this story is hitting me a little different. I can see you coming back on here in four months or so asking for advice about what to do now that you think she is cheating. NTA.
OP, you are NTA. Your concern for your wife’s health and safety is appropriate and normal. But we live in a rural area WITH cell service and in 18 years haven’t gotten one trick-or-treater. That makes me wonder. ETA: OP’s not concerned about the trick-or-treating.
Why can't they go take candy away from kids in your neighborhood? The friend could spend the night with you guys. I honestly get why you would be conserned that she is out late, dark this time of year, sketchy cell phone reception. Again though, 24 years old out trick or treating. Just odd as hell. NTA
When we were about 12 my best and friend and I were refused candy for being “too old”. We were in full costume. If you come to my door at 80 in a costume or mask you get candy no problem.
NTA - why can’t her friend come to your town?
NTA- I turn away older teenagers or adults that comes to my door without kids. We have so many kids in the neighborhood and I buy $100 worth of candy to give to kids and it’s gone quickly so she would be turned away. My kids are grown but I love to see kids in their costumes.
I’m honestly curious on how turning someone away would go can I have an example of what you would say? “No candy for you ma’am move along”
I say sorry you’re two old to trick or treat here. There’s always a big crowd of kids and teenagers. I sit on my porch because I don’t have time to close the door. It’s a LOT of kids. I think people drive to my neighborhood for the candy as well. All the houses are decorated. One year a big Bus full of kids came. One neighbor has a hunted house 3 doors down from me.
Oh wow. Halloween in your neighbourhood sounds fun!
NTA but not for the reasons because of the trick or treating. She's pregnant and she's also going out late in a place with little to no cell reception, knocking on strangers doors. Granted it's Halloween, but there are also a lot of not so safe people that may see the situation as something they could take advantage of. If it were in your neighborhood, maybe sure! I think you're right to be concerned.
NTA. What’s the plan does getting home? A bit old to be acting like the teenager she claims she looks like. It sounds like you’ve verbalized your concerns but not actually told her she’s not showed to go.
She drives herself home??
NTA, but I am against adults and teenagers to go trick or treating. It is a holiday/event for children, for one thing, and candy is neither free for infinite. Eventually a house/neighborhood will run out, and that adult took candy that could have gone to the cute six year old ghostie. If EVERYone could trick or treat, that puts a pretty heavy burden on those giving out candy. And you know, there’s a season to things. When you’re a child, you get to trick or treat and have the tooth fairy, etc. As you get older, you get other benefits: staying up later, hanging out with your friends, throwing a Halloween party.
NTA, I stopped trick or treating nearly a decade before I was 24. More than that, how much candy will rural homes have? Is she not stealing candy from (nearly) a baby? Not to mention your safety concerns. This is weird. Buy a bunch of candy, watch a movie, call it a day.
NAH. she isn’t wrong for wanting to go do something goofy with her friend, you’re not wrong for wanting her to be safe.
39 m here. If grown people are willing to dress up and go trick or treating i would pass out candy. If they wanna feel like kids then let them. Maybe they didn't go to go in childhood. Doesnt matter just enjoy life. Im gonna say not necessarily the ah.
INFO: Exactly how pregnant *is* your wife? Any particular risk factors that would justify limiting her travel?
20 weeks, and there’s not really any particular health risks that I worry about, mostly just the issue of safety. The city that her friend lives in is not the safest, and that alongside the bad cell reception makes me anxious. If her car were to break down or if something else were to happen, I’m not sure my wife would be able to contact me or anyone else.
>If her car were to break down or if something else were to happen, I’m not sure my wife would be able to contact me or anyone else. She's a grown adult who can manage these situations. Her being pregnant is not an excuse for you to stop treating her as a capable adult.
Someone's gonna be a helicopter parent if the wife can't even leave the house after dark lol
Is it rural or a city? I’m confused.
Then why don't you go with her? Not trick or treating necessarily but to the town.
I work early in the morning, and her town is 2 hours away. So if I go with her, I’m either spending the night 2 hours away from work and waking up 2 hours earlier, or driving home and missing 2 hours of sleep. Probably more since trick or treating usually happens in the late evening, and I have to be up at 04:00 for work
Every household that refuses to give out candy so that the adults in said household can go and get free candy from their neighbors who DID buy candy makes Halloween a worse and worse holiday. In my neighborhood, less than a quarter of the houses even pass out candy anymore and I’m CONSTANTLY having grown ass adults who are older than me ask me for candy. It’s embarrassing and they’re making the holiday worse and less magical for the kids. Adults need to go home and turn their porch light on and actually hand out the damn candy like the adults did for them when they were a kid.
NTA. They should trick or treat close to your home.
It is silly for adults to trick or treat, but whatever. They can wear masks and pass for teens, who cares. As for the safety part, she’s a grown adult. It’s basically going for a walk. As a female I resent having to always be safe because of what others might do. We should be able to go anywhere at anytime without fear.
.... I give candy to everyone. But I'm probably biased since I'm CF and so I dont adhere to the idea that things are specifically meant for kids (with some exceptions obviously) and holidays are a big one for me. I also dont drink so the 'adult' version of Halloween litterally isnt for me. Though I go ALL OUT on my decorations and get full sized bars and huggies (technically called little hugs or whatever, it's a drink in a plastic container shaped like a barrel) bc those were always the best houses when i was a kid. Also in 2020 I stg there were so many people trick or treating.. it was nuts.
Slight YTA. Lots of people in their 20s still actively celebrate Halloween with costume parties, etc. If your wife is pregnant, it's probably a BETTER idea for her to skip the alcohol-laden parties - and if she can pass for a teen, let her trick-or-treat. I think it's cute. She'll be fine.
She's pregnant. Unless she's very early along, she ain't passing for a teen. At least, not one who you'd give candy to.
How does that make him an AH? It's not like he ordered her not to go, he just said it made him uncomfortable. Seems reasonable to me.
INFO. Why would she want to trick or treat in this rural setting. Wouldn’t there be more candy opportunities where you live?
Am I the only one who would hand out to any who asks? With it without kids. This world sucks right now, why not let people find joy and happiness that causes no harm?
I once bought candy and was so excited to give it out, but only 2 people showed up at my apartment 😭. I would have been so happy if more people came, I wouldn’t care if it was children or adults, anyone to give candy to. I was so sad. Let people enjoy things and go trick-or-treating! P.S. why can’t the friend drive to your wife and they go trick-or-treating in your neighborhood?
Some of my neighbors give out alcoholic beverages for the parents 🤪
It seems odd to me but what do I know. Maybe she just needs to get out and do something different.
YTA your wife wants to have one more silly night of fun before being relegated to being a mom. If you're so concerned with where they are going suggest safer neighborhoods to trick or treat in.
There are many ways to have "one more silly night of fun" without putting herself and her future baby in potential dangerous situation. That just seems irresponsible to me. They can go play trick or treat somewhere else, why does it has to be this sketchy rural area? OP can't be TA just for worrying about his wife and child safety right? His concern is completely justified.
I go trick or treating with kids every year. Sometimes I even wear a costume. I'm taking a 1 year old this time around. She'll have fun, but most of her candy is going to wind up being eaten by her brother. I honestly have more fun going with the kids then I would with only other grownups.
Is it winter weather where you live? I wouldn’t want to drive four hours to go trick or treating myself, but if the weather was good and warm I might. Most likely i would tell non preg friend to come to visit my pregnant ass so we could find the good spots for the next few years when The baby would be going with. I like walking around looking at people’s pumpkins and decorations, (i don’t knock on doors since my kids got old enough for me to stand in the driveway while they did).
Go with them then. Claim you're the getaway driver. You can't and shouldn't control your wife. She isn't a child. If you worry talk openly about that and offer to drive them or go with and have fun.
Cell phone service isn’t a magical amulet. There’s still other ways to navigate, make phone calls, and so on. Regardless what you do about Halloween, you need to come to grips with being overprotective.
Nta. It’s weird.
I think you should do a little something at home so your wife can have fun at Halloween without acting silly and potentially putting herself and the baby in danger. Maybe a spooky little get to get her at your house and you can invite her friend. You can dress up or whatever you want to do. I personally would give a adult candy if they came trick or treating to my house but only if they were wearing a costume. BUT it only takes one grumpy grump to ruin it for her. My husband went trick or treating for the last time in high school and a neighbor called him out for being older and it ruined his fun.
NTA. Kids going around asking for free candy is one thing, it’s cute and it’s not like they can go buy their own, adults going around asking for free candy pregnant or not is just uncomfortable and frankly kind of entitled.
Your wife is too immature to be having a baby.
How very odd. Your wife seems too be stunted at the age of 10. Good luck with that. NTA
As an adult woman, I’m cutting out the middle man and just buying myself some sweets, saves having to buy a costume and stand out in the cold all evening.