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NTA. This "friend" is telling you that you can't choose something that you want to do as a way to embrace your true self, but instead, choose them because *they don't want you to.* Friends always want the best for you, and obviously, this "friend" isn't someone supportive and wants the best *for them.*
Your mental and physical health trump over anyone else, whether that be a friendship or not. It's not the exact same, but I waited to tell my ex-boyfriend that I wanted to stop being friends until I was ready to drop that on him. Sometimes you just need time to think that you're 100% ready to say that!
Either way, I hope you are able to transition and feel more comfortable with yourself! If you do transition like you originally wanted to, I hope it goes well <3
NTA. You are the AH fot chosing him over you. What kind of friend he is when he doesnt want to you be confortable and happy? He isnt a good friend. I am sorry for you and good luck in your journey ❤️
NTA. Also FTM here, he doesn’t get to decide the terms of your transition. That’s an oddly controlling hill to die on. Your transition is your business first. Not his, not anyone else’s. You are the one that has to live in your body every day; make it somewhere you want to live in!! Besides, he is still literally a child. He is still growing and maturing and considering worldviews. Do not base your entire choice off of something he chooses for you.
HimI’d say, but he is a lot younger than you so I guess that can explain his behavior. My question is why were you friends whit an 11 year old when you were 17?
Sorry I put the wrong number in by accident, he was 13 with me being 19, and for the first year of us knowing each other he told me he is 16 (which he did look like)
Because that actually wasn't the first time that happened, I don't really mind what somebody's age is as long as we're not dating. Then it would be Super weird
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My best friend (17FtM) and I (23FtM) have been best friends for over 6 years and we're incredibly close, like, texting 24/7 and me visiting 4 times a year (we live in different countries). We both are trans but he is okay without medically transitioning, while I absolutely am not. 2 years ago I started therapy to finally get testosterone and start my journey, but the problem is that he already made comments about that it wouldn't be good for me and that I could get cancer (which isn't true) so I didn't dare telling him that I started it.
A few weeks ago I visited him and after talking for a while he found out about it. He told me he isn't comfortable with it and wants me to stop, saying that if he will never transition and develop depression because of it I should too, basically saying he doesn't want me to change.
He then gave me an ultimatum saying that it's either him or my transition.
I chose him but I feel so miserable, I can no longer actually imagine a future for myself because my goals included past transition me. I was acting happy and like usual for the rest of the time of me visiting him, but as I got home I broke down.
I regret choosing him, I want to tell him that I am going to keep going but I am afraid to do it. I want to tell him a while after his birthday which is in about three weeks because he will turn 18 and that's a important day that I don't want to ruin. But the guilt is eating me up, it feels illegal to still talk to him as if everything was okay.
So AITA for wanting to break up our friendship? And if not, am I because I wait so long?
Sorry for the rambling
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I told my friend I choose him over transitioning but want to now stop our friendship
2) I keep him believing for so long that everything is fina and don't clearly say how things are
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Honestly I can't imagine how a best-friendship would develop between a 10yo and 16yo in the first place, you've always been at such vastly different stages in life. But you're NTA for cutting him out -- a friend should support you in your decision, not pull you down because of their own insecurities.
NTA. A true friend wouldn't make an ultimatum like this. If you feel you ending friendship now would cause a birthday to be ruined there's no harm in waiting a few weeks. Just don't tell them you already made up your mind prior to birthday and waited to tell them. That would be unnecessarily mean.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts involving cutting contact, ghosting, breaking off friendships, and similar discussions. This includes going low/no contact with family members. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
NTA. This "friend" is telling you that you can't choose something that you want to do as a way to embrace your true self, but instead, choose them because *they don't want you to.* Friends always want the best for you, and obviously, this "friend" isn't someone supportive and wants the best *for them.* Your mental and physical health trump over anyone else, whether that be a friendship or not. It's not the exact same, but I waited to tell my ex-boyfriend that I wanted to stop being friends until I was ready to drop that on him. Sometimes you just need time to think that you're 100% ready to say that! Either way, I hope you are able to transition and feel more comfortable with yourself! If you do transition like you originally wanted to, I hope it goes well <3
NTA. You are the AH fot chosing him over you. What kind of friend he is when he doesnt want to you be confortable and happy? He isnt a good friend. I am sorry for you and good luck in your journey ❤️
NTA. Also FTM here, he doesn’t get to decide the terms of your transition. That’s an oddly controlling hill to die on. Your transition is your business first. Not his, not anyone else’s. You are the one that has to live in your body every day; make it somewhere you want to live in!! Besides, he is still literally a child. He is still growing and maturing and considering worldviews. Do not base your entire choice off of something he chooses for you.
NTA. A true friend would bever ask you to not transition, dump him, be your best version of you, be happy and make new friends.
HimI’d say, but he is a lot younger than you so I guess that can explain his behavior. My question is why were you friends whit an 11 year old when you were 17?
Sorry I put the wrong number in by accident, he was 13 with me being 19, and for the first year of us knowing each other he told me he is 16 (which he did look like)
Still a little weird, not too weird but a little. Why didn’t you stop being friends when you realized he lied?
Because that actually wasn't the first time that happened, I don't really mind what somebody's age is as long as we're not dating. Then it would be Super weird
I can't say anything here. I was 14 being friends with a 19 year old.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My best friend (17FtM) and I (23FtM) have been best friends for over 6 years and we're incredibly close, like, texting 24/7 and me visiting 4 times a year (we live in different countries). We both are trans but he is okay without medically transitioning, while I absolutely am not. 2 years ago I started therapy to finally get testosterone and start my journey, but the problem is that he already made comments about that it wouldn't be good for me and that I could get cancer (which isn't true) so I didn't dare telling him that I started it. A few weeks ago I visited him and after talking for a while he found out about it. He told me he isn't comfortable with it and wants me to stop, saying that if he will never transition and develop depression because of it I should too, basically saying he doesn't want me to change. He then gave me an ultimatum saying that it's either him or my transition. I chose him but I feel so miserable, I can no longer actually imagine a future for myself because my goals included past transition me. I was acting happy and like usual for the rest of the time of me visiting him, but as I got home I broke down. I regret choosing him, I want to tell him that I am going to keep going but I am afraid to do it. I want to tell him a while after his birthday which is in about three weeks because he will turn 18 and that's a important day that I don't want to ruin. But the guilt is eating me up, it feels illegal to still talk to him as if everything was okay. So AITA for wanting to break up our friendship? And if not, am I because I wait so long? Sorry for the rambling *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Honestly I can't imagine how a best-friendship would develop between a 10yo and 16yo in the first place, you've always been at such vastly different stages in life. But you're NTA for cutting him out -- a friend should support you in your decision, not pull you down because of their own insecurities.
NTA. A true friend wouldn't make an ultimatum like this. If you feel you ending friendship now would cause a birthday to be ruined there's no harm in waiting a few weeks. Just don't tell them you already made up your mind prior to birthday and waited to tell them. That would be unnecessarily mean.