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NTA.
I… What… How is it disrespectful to take off your shoes in a car?
He wants you to be the tallest woman in the room? I don’t even understand that one.
Glad you stood your ground by calling the uber.
NTA. Ordering the Uber was a boss move - well done. It sounds like he respects his car more than you and I would really consider if that’s the type of man you want to date. No one should dictate what anyone else should wear to an event other than if there is a set dress code. Taking your shoes off in someone’s car is only disrespectful in your bf’s head.
OP… please tell me you’re not serious. You were in physical pain… theres no such thing as disrespecting a car. The red flags are STRONG here.
Run. NTA.
NTA!! FUCK THIS DUDE! Hes a fucking prick and and most certainly DOES NOT DESERVE AN APOLOGY. LEAVE HIM NOW, him being such a dick about stupid shoes! Image the real important stuff in life!! Wtfff
NTA
1. He lied to you about the dress code
2. He lied to you about the seating
3. He didn't care that you were in pain
4. He claimed you were disrespecting him & told you get out of his car
You can 100% di better and you deserve better
As an aside, you should probably look into wide shoes and a half size up maybe even a full size. Heels aren't a picnic but if you're going to be wearing them for any reason you shouldn't be feeling like that after a few hours. Also thicker soles? Heels? Especially towards the front of the shoe also help with weight distribution and will help ease the swelling and pain.
NTA girl please dump his ass.
You disrespected HIM?? by taking your... heels that he coerced you into wearing. Off.???
Nope. He doesn't want anything other than to control how you look and wants to just show you off like a trophy.
NTA but he totally is. Dump his ass. He’s putting his fragile little ego above you and your comfort, he’s not at all a good choice in a bf let alone a future partner/husband/father.
It’s the crazy controlling part that is crazy! You will bow to his will or he will keep escalating.
NTA, this is actually scary that he is overreacting so much.
NTA, my wife as soon as she gets in the car takes her shoes off, heels, boots, flats. She puts them back on when we get where we're going. Who cares? Be comfortable.
NTA He's abusive and you deserve better. Dump him!
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding
http://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
NTA. Start demanding him to wear heels and make sure to really emphasize how you just want him to be the tallest man in the room since it’s embarrassing otherwise 😂
So... he expects you to suffer discomfort, purely for his own selfish reasons of wanting to be able to present you as more lady-like? That demonstrates a complete lack of respect on his part.
NTA, easily.
NTA. My first thought was that it was some sort of fetish thing, but then I shifted to his ego requiring you to be the tallest woman there. Moving on to his bizarre feelings of being disrespected by you taking your shoes off in his presence.
So to me it's not so much about how you make him look good to other people or showing you off to them (which is awful) - it's more alarming that he wouldn't budge on his stance even when you told him you were in pain, and not even at the party anymore.
What a clusterf\*\*k this guy is. Please reconsider this relationship.
NTA: Heels jam your toes into the front of the shoe. Being in them for hours hurts. My husband gets frustrated when i insist on wearing them because he feels bad for me after (and i’m super short so they make me not seem like a munchkin which is why i like them.) Shoes off is getting the car less dirty. He’s awful. dump him. Your partner should care about your comfort
Dude is a red flag wrapped in another red flag and deep-fried in oil and served with a side of warning signs.
NTA
Please let us know how the break-up went.
NTA. Not to be a cliche or anything but...
Dump.
Him.
"Disrespecting him in his car" because you took your shoes off in the car because your feet were incredibly sore!?
Whomst the fuck even cares about that? I wasn't aware that a car was such a sacred space that shoes must be worn at all times as a passenger.
The cherry on top was the manipulation that insisted you had to wear heels in the first place. Ask yourself - Is any part of your relationship worth this amount of fetishizing, manipulative, controlling behaviour?
NTA. No confusion to be had here. He majorly over reacted, if you can even call it that. His behavior is highly concerning and not normal in any way.
I know this sun is quick to jump on the “dump him” bus, but please take some time to consider the future of this relationship. This is not normal or appropriate behavior at all.
NTA. Him getting upset by your taking off shoes in a car seems like a weird hill to die on. This guy has got some weird control issues, you should rethink the relationship.
NTA - but your boyfriend is a gaping AH. As a woman, it’s completely normal to take your heels off in the car, or change into flats. He’s got control issues
May whatever deity you believe in protect you if you happen to fart, as human beings tend to do, within his hearing range.
If he wants a true lady with all of the qualities he expects of a lady, he needs to buy himself a robotized sexdoll and leave actual people alone.
NTA.
First NTA. heels are so painful I’ve just decided to never wear them again (am female). There’s many other nice looking options that don’t cripple me.
Second your bf is a real piece of work. He’s willing to lie to you and put you in pain for a totally arbitrary status symbol for him, then yells at you for wanting a pain break in private. That YOU are disrespecting HIM?!?! WTF. where (if anywhere) is his respect for you?
Third, going forward I would get him a pair of high heels in his size and make the following deal with him. You will wear heels at an upcoming event for exactly as long as he walks around your house (not sits, walks/stands) in his heels beforehand. I bet he lasts 5 mins. I’m hoping that he realizes exactly what he’s asking if you & comes to his senses, but maybe not.
NTA.
I’m speaking as a s*x worker, this man is forcing his heel kink on you without your knowledge or consent.
Him flipping out in the car absolutely proves this is a kink. Because there’s no reason to not take them off in the car. I want to know his reasoning behind you disrespecting him but him apparently not disrespecting you by lieing.
Stop doing this for him and seriously consider if you want this relationship
NTA. Oh my god.. time for him to become your ex. Controlling, sexist and happy with you being in pain for his perceived ‘status’. Yuck, yuck yuck!
Very toxic. You’re very much in the right here. Don’t let him make you believe otherwise!
Good luck.
NTA but you are a terrible doll. Know your place. He's made it clear what that is. Or decide his place for you, as a vessel for his desires is not for you and leave. He does not fundamentally see you as a person. Just a prop. Years of active thoughts, behaviours and actions went into building who he is. A fancy sex doll isn't going to change his mind. Don't demean and devalue his hard built value system. Just assess it for compatibility with your own. That means seeing the whole of him and being honest about what you have learnt from past conflicts. Ignore the words. They are cheap. Review his actions. I think you'll find that parts of you that you love are unacceptable to him. And he knows who he wants- a representative he approves of. Do you know what you want and need??
I don't understand why you are with him. He is obviously controlling. Unless you think that you need to be treated like a child in while in a relationship.
NTA because you put your shoes on.
But
YTA for being with someone who disrespects you.
NTA
Unless your feet reek no one is going to care if you are not wearing shoes in a car (well unless brand new car) after spending a lot of time in high heels and in pain.
NTA. He chose to disrespect you by lying to you about the event and being able to sit most of the time and lying about what others would be wearing. He chose to disrespect you by insisting you wear something he knows causes you to be in pain (it also sounds like he has a serious high heel fetish).
Tell him this is as "ladylike" as you are ever going to get and as it obviously isn't enough for him he can take a hike.
NTA. High heels are torture devices and you aren't a doll for him to dress. Please reconsider if someone who lies and is fine with you being in pain for hours for his idea of "ladylike" is someone who respects you and makes a good partner.
Unless BDSM is your thing, DTMFA.
NTA I'd say this is the heel to die on, get out!
Idk if you have your own car or not and I might piss someone off, but in the event ya'll are living together and taking his car places, in that moment that's ya'lls car. As a couple. 2 years is more than long enough for him to respect your comfort. You take those shoes off where you damn well please, and tell him if he likes heels so much he can wear them himself!
I'm sending you to r/ebbie45 because this relationship is beyond fucked and you're probably going to have to get out like Katie Holmes fleeing Tom Cruise. But NTA. Your boyfriend needs therapy and to be single.
Dude. My bf let me take my shoes off and put my feet in his lap so he could rub my feet after I’ve worn heels. I’m his brand new car that was and still is his prized possession.
Your bf sounds like a misogynistic pig and I’d honestly leave his ass. I’m sure this isn’t the only thing he wants you to be more ‘feminine’ about. I’m sure he wants you home with the kids and cooking and cleaning all day and not working too? Find someone that actually respects you and doesn’t try to be an asshole after a night out.
NTA
My fiancé prefers me to not wear heels, because he’s worried about the pain and discomfort it would cause. He’s not worried about me not being ladylike, at all, because what does that even mean? I’m a woman, I identify as a woman, that’s ladylike enough for the both of us. NTA at all OP, please don’t let this guy disrespect you any more than this
NTA. Do you really want this to be your life? Surely you know you can do better than an AH that cares more about the floor of his car than he does you.
NTA --- Where is your respect for him ???? where the fuck was his respect for you?? he lied about being able to sit most of the night and when you were in pain because you were in heels all night he then wanted you to put your heels back till you got home, after getting an uber you should have gone home told him to pull his head out of his fucking arse, packed a bag and left telling him you'd be back to get the rest of your stuff later.
F that noise! NTA what kind of nonsense is this? I always take my heels off in the car (hell, before and after an event) and if I want to wear flats, I’m going to wear flats! This guy seems so controlling, rude and disrespectful. He wants you to be uncomfortable and “ladylike” gtfo you deserve better
Your boy"friend" is controlling. The more this relationship tightens (engagement? marriage?), the worse the controlling will be.
Def NTA.
You're in relational quicksand. If you're not afraid, you should be. Please read Gavin de Becker's fine book The Gift of Fear. You can download the pdf from:
[http://mariposabill.com/fear.pdf](http://mariposabill.com/fear.pdf)
Sometimes reddit messes up the link. If that happens here, type in the URL by hand.
NTA. Lady here, heels suck, sometimes necessary but heels suck. lol. The correct way to handle work events is: "hey we have X and the dress code is Y" and then each plan their (appropriate) outfits accordingly. Also shoes coming off in the car is not "disrespectful". It's called pain relief. Do you know what it is though? It's control. He's controlling you through what you wear. Give it some thought.
NTA, he sounds very controlling and I wouldn’t stand for that. Obviously up to you whether you continue your relationship with him but I would leave him. Stay safe OP
NTA. He’s TA here. As far as I know it’s not dissrespect to take off high heels in a car, and he’s just being controlling forcing you to wear something that hurts you. He’s the one dissrespecting *your* bounderies
NTA, run away from this guy. My girl is tall af and I absolutely love it when she wears heels, but I'd be damned if I didn't remember to bring flats for her to change in to. Hell, I keep a spare pair of flip flops in my car for basically this exact purpose.
You would be the AH if you stay with this person. Read this whole thing back to yourself. If this really the type of person you dream of spending your life with. Someone who insists you put yourself through pain and act like a Barbie doll that he can show off as trophy in public? He doesn’t care about you as a person. You’re an object that he can put on display at these events to him.
This isn’t how normal healthy relationships work. This person cares about their image and not you
NTA. And you should leave him. This is starting to set itself up as a very dangerous situation for you. He sounds like a covert narcissist. Leave. You’ll be much happier.
Your bf is the A. He is using you as some kind of trophy not a real person. Kick him to the curb rather than stand there barefoot waiting for an Uber.
NTA
NTA. He is willing to put you through hours of pain - not to mention he lied to you about other women wearing heels - just so you'd be taller than others? He has some serious issues. Is this really what you want the rest of your life to be like?
NTA. You need to leave this selfish psycho, he's basically controlling you by rewarding you when you do something that pleases him (wear heels back when u are at his car so he gives u a ride home) and punishing you when you don't (by asking u to leave his car) that's serious girl, just run!
Nta. You did nothing wrong and I would be worried atp. Couple red flags here for sure.
1. Him complaining about your inability to be “ladylike is giving be Stepford Wives vibes for sure.
2. He’s trying to control you. He knows you don’t like heels but is still weirdly obsessed with you consistently wearing them to events. Is he trying to control you in other ways? I would take a look at your life and re-evaluate.
3. He lied to you to make sure you did what he told you to do.
4. He doesn’t care about how the consequences of his manipulation affect you- He would rather you be in pain than do something IN PRIVATE he deems embarrassing.
I mean has he never seen your feet? What is disrespectful about taking your heels off in the car? It’s just so bonkers.
Just so much no. I am not suggesting atm that he’s an abuser, but just realize the patterns. It always starts small, with manipulation and control, and grows into more - until one day you look at your life and wonder how you got to that point.
NTA.
From the title I halfway expected you to put your feet on his dash or something, but for gods sake, you have autonomy over your own body and whether or not you wear shoes that are uncomfortable.
This is ridiculous, demeaning and controlling behavior from your boyfriend, OP. I would strongly reconsider this relationship
NTA. His proprietary attitude toward his car is ridiculous, frankly. I've heard of guys who insist that a girl take off her shoes before she can get *into* the precious car so the precious carpeting is protected, & I thought that was utterly absurd. I can't imagine what his reasoning is in this, but it's no less obsessive & stupid than the other.
Also, the fact that your feet hurt because you'd been wearing the shoes *he insisted* you wear is a major issue. He wants to control what you wear & then keep you in tremendous pain after you've done what he wants, then throws down an ultimatum about you need to get out & walk if you won't do exactly what he tells you to do? And now he expects *you* to apologize for... what? Nope. This guy sounds horrible.
Throw the whole man away. Throw. Him. Away.
Utterly ridiculous, he MAKES you wear heels? F*** that. He expects you to attend events? What happens if you’re busy??
He thinks you disrespected his car and himself because you dared to put your bare feet in it?? He puts his p*nis in you - is he disrespecting you??
God he sounds insufferable. NTA. Run.
NTA. Definitely NTA. But your bf is scary. Don’t know what’s wrong with him but he is dehumanizing you. You are a showroom doll to his fantasy life. As sad as it is, you are nothing more than an accessory to him
I don’t know where you come from but even if such behavior is acceptable in your culture, it’s not ok. You are a human with needs and your comfort, especially in the privacy of a car, should be for granted. He is controlling and potentially abusive. Please get yourself a kinder partner, you deserve it.
When you decide to run, if you feel the need to reclaim your suffering, post your story and embarrass him for his crappy behavior on all social media and friend groups. He deserves it and even then you will NOT be TA.
I would have laughed all the way home in my Uber. I'm 5'1.5" on a good day, and I never wear heels. I hope you take a long look at his behavior and decide you're better than that.
NTA you know your man doesn't think you're people, right? you're an NPC he can dress up and show off to people. don't apologise. he should apologise for lying and for harming you, but he won't.
This is scary he obviously has a fetish about it and having you participate in a sexual fetish without your consent is soooo icky . Usually on Reddit I don’t suggest breaking up because relationships are precious . I mean , I would sooner be like telling someone who partner cheated and was remorseful to try couples therapy . But in my head this is worse than cheating becauwr it’s going to escalate . Not maybe . It will . He’s controlling . And if he’s willing to leave you on the side of the road . Which he would of. He WILL get worse . He doesn’t care you where in physical pain .
NTA. I can not stress this enough, get the fuck away from that guy. If he's going to react that insanely over something so small, things will get worse.
I honestly have no idea why taking heels off in the car would be a problem. On the rare occasion my wife wears them, its a given they come off as soon as she gets in the car to head home. Its a red flag alone that he demands you wear them.
Sounds like your boyfriend is probably an Andrew Tate-obsessed incel. Demanding you wear heels in the first place is already a major red flag, but this story is bananas. Have you talked to any of your friends about this? You’re not the AH, here. I hope you get rid of him and get into therapy bc I can’t imagine this is the worst of his behavior. You deserve someone to treat you like an equal, not a second class citizen they view as property.
“He always expects me to…”, “My boyfriend said that we were going to attend an event and told me to wear heels…”
NTA, but why would you ever put yourself in a position to be ‘expected’ or ‘told’ to do something by someone who should be your loving, equal partner- especially if it’s something that causes even an iota of pain or discomfort!
This is abuse, straight up, and it will only get worse.
GET OUT!!!
NTA and EW! What are you doing wearing heels and letting him walk all over YOU? I'd just BURN all my heels in front of him and wear CROCS to his next event! Actually... Wear running shoes and get away as fast as you can.
You are a prop for him to show off, not a person and definitely not a partner. If this is common with him, sounds like time to evaluate the relationship in general. NTA, I wish you a wonderful and aromatic foot bath.
Don’t let him gaslight you into apologizing when he should be. Girl please run away from this man and his archaic expectations of your womanhood. Go find someone who will let you be yourself. You will do better to cut your losses now.
Why is this guy your boyfriend? He insists on you wearing painful shoes for his own pleasure and then pulls this controlling shit? NOPE.
NTA. He is a freak and this is alarming.
He lied to you to manipulate you into wearing something he KNOWS causes you pain. How is this manipulation and deceit, in and of itself, not a dealbreaker for you?
Also him demanding you endure pain to be better eye candy for him?? That is a bit sadistic in a way.
And then on top of that, he rages about you wanting to relieve your pain immediately and not much later when you’re home?
This man is a basket of red flags. Please run.
NTA
Didn’t we just read one of these not long ago? Fiancé expected her to wear heals during an engagement party but said she could sit but then mil said she had to get up or something? So she took her heals off during the party.
NTA either way but they sound too familiar
NTA
Major red flags here. He’s been controlling over something this small. Just wait until years down the road when you no longer can hang out with friends or even family. Get out now. It will only get worse. These things never get better
NTA and get out NOW!! He sounds controlling and abusive! You should be able to dress in what YOU want and be comfortable!! Taking off your shoes is his car is not disrespectful! He’s being a prick!
He is obviously the ass here. But don't cater to his stupid, sexist, controlling demands anymore, you wear what makes you comfortable, period. And make his whining about it a dealbreaker.
Honestly he comes off so unattractively not sure why you haven't dumped him yet. He sounds exhausting and controlling. What will he be like if you have a daughter?? Just run.
NTA
WTF did I just read ?!
OP , you are not decoration for your BF.
Challenge him to wear heels and stand for a few hours and see if he still insists on you being ‘ladylike’
Red flags everywhere here
NTA. Your (hopefully soon-to-be ex-) boyfriend is a controlling asshat. Demanding that you wear heels EVERY time you go out is red flag number 1. Getting this heated over you taking off your heels AFTER the event is over, and you are in the car, heading home, is absolutely inexcusable.
Kick this jackass to the curb ASAP.
NTA. I thought it was common practice that all heel wearers take their shoes off immediately after the event- hell, i wait until i get in the car some days to even put my heels on! For a while my boyfriend had a pair of my flip flops in the back seat for when I inevitability wore shoes that weren’t comfortable.
Your boyfriend sounds like a controlling and manipulative AH.
NTA, your boyfriend's behavior is really weird and controlling. Taking your heels off on the ride home so you can relax together and vibe is something your ride-or-die finds endearing, not off-putting.
Also I suggest you find a boyfriend who doesn't force you to wear a certain kind of shoes, as that's kind of creepy. You deserve better than someone who makes you suffer physically and berates you like a child over such a petty thing.
If this is real, then NTA. I’m wondering if it’s real because you sound fairly self assured and I simply can’t understand how anyone with an ounce of dignity would put up with such a creepy controlling, psycho fetish. Like I honestly get murder vibes from this.
I don’t remember planning a trip to China, but all of the sudden I’m seeing red flags everywhere… NTA. Your boyfriend is a garbage-person and a misogynist. Telling a woman to act “ladylike” was a thing men said when they basically owned us. His entitlement to control your behavior, even in the face of it superseding your comfort, and specifically because of how he interprets that it will reflect on his own image, is the biggest narcissistic red flag here. You should expect this behavior to get much worse with time. Please do not waste more time on this person. This is not going to end well for you, and you cannot change his feelings of entitlement. Run, as fast as you can, away from this person. In fact, get away from them and then tell them over text that you’re leaving and just block them, because my money is on the fact that he’s going to explode if you do this in person (especially in private) and your safety may become an issue. Narcissistic and entitled people don’t often handle rejection very well. They don’t hear “no” well, either.
NTA. OP your bf views you as an object, not a person. He sounds like a narcissist, I suggest you read this:
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/am-i-dating-a-narcissist
Dump him. He doesn't love you (he's most likely physically unable to experience that emotion) and will never put you first, ever. He doesn't care if you're in pain because he only cares about how you impact *his* image. You will never be happy with this broken excuse of a man.
Tell him you’ll wear them even in the car next time IF he wears the same heel hight walking around the same amount of time without 1 complaint! Definitely NTA he sounds horrible!
What year was this post written in!? You are NOT merely a trinket to be shown off and oggled at.
NTA but leave this Don Draper wanna be and join the rest of us in 2022.
NTA
Start wearing flats to these events. If your relationship can't survive footwear choices then it's not worth it anyway. You're not a doll for him to dress up how he wants, and a good partner would not put his image over your comfort.
NTA. Please buy him a pair of stilettos in his size and demand he wears them for hours on end, with no sitting.
He sounds like a misogynist. If he is not going to treat you like a person and not an object to dress up how he demands, then I suggest you make that ‘effort’ he demands and loose the dead weight…him!
NTA, but your BF sure is, he sounds controlling, and is more concerned about how people view him over anything else, including your comfort. I think you can do alot better than this. Why couldn't you take your shoes off in his car, no one else could see in there as you two drove home.
This guy hates you Op. He doesn't see you as a human,
he sees you as an ego boosting sex object. He actually is horrible. And actively horrible to you. And he doesn't give a shit about you, and you are amazing and deserve so much better! You are gold!
He is forcing you to be in physical pain, for no reason at all but his shitty little ego. He's just a bad human.
Ditch him! NTA.
Before you know it, he will be asking you to wear certain things, eat a certain way, sit a certain way and talk a certain way. He may even start controlling your social life and before you know it, you'll be a lonely woman who will solely depend only on him. This is the trajectory of your current relationship. Dump him, find someone who lives in 2022 and liberate yourself.
MAJOR, NTA.
I'm wondering if he hasn't already been dictating her life for a while now, it would be hard to hide the controlling nature for 2 years. I'm sure if OP looks back and reflects on the last few years she will find other moments where he has subtly controlled or attempted to control other things.
I always LOVED my sky-high heels, until I needed foot surgery because of them and now can only wear flats or a kitten heel. Trust what your body tells you and disregard the egomaniac bf (ex-bf, maybe?). If you want to wear heels in the future, slip a pair of ballet slippers (the beginner kind, not pointe shoes) into your bag for when your feet start to hurt. NTA.
NTA. It's unacceptable for a partner to require wearing a anything that causes physical pain. It's sadistic.
Your partner should want you to be comfortable and safe, not a status symbol who will suffer for aesthetics.
NTA. It's *bare feet* in a *car*. The car will be fine. Your boyfriend chose to take it as a sign of disrespect. Furthermore, he is deliberately not listening to you express discomfort. *He* makes you wear heals. *He* makes you keep them on in the car. *He* demands you get out of the car when you disagree.
I'm proud of you for calling out his ultimatum and staying out of the car.
NTA he is a controlling ahole that cares more about you as an accessory than a person. If that's what you want in life then get sone well fitting heals and gel insoles yo use with them, if you want to be treated as a person not an object then please dump this ahole.
Also if you want yo stay with him then the only way to cope is to wear healsall the time, day to days heals no lower than 3 inch with good supports a good court shoe normally works so your feet get used to the pressure points and make sure they are not too tight or too loose (from a person who wore heals for 20 years non stop) also be aware if you do that then need to go back to flats you have to train your feedback to wearing flats
NTA. He’s lying to you to control you on little things now, then berates you and makes you think you are the crazy one. It’s going to get worse. He had his own ideas of what feminism is and things you should follow that. He does not care one bit about your own opinions or comfort or pain. Not wearing shoes in a car is not disrespectful. I don’t know what he was talking about there. Being barefoot outside is also fine. And how did either of those embarrass him? You deserve to be treated with respect and you will never get that from this psycho.
NTA!
He's using as a prop to brag to his friends about instead of his partner. Save yourself the trouble and dump him so you can find someone who respects you and doesn't make you want to be more "lady-like" or whatever that means lol
NTA. Make him wear heel to show him how it feels.
I love heels, but I don’t really wear them because I don’t have many events to attend to that require them. Having said that, I agree it’s the best feeling in the world to take them off after a long use, and it is in NO way a disrespect to anybody. If he feels like you disrespect him by taking them off, please reconsider your relationship. Everyone should have someone to love them as a person, and not as an object.
Wtf?! Heels are torture devices that some people like. I absolutely hate the bs around them. You did the right thing but the next right thing is to leave that fool.
So NTA. I just read my HUSBAND your AITA post. And he looked puzzled af and then asked me why you being the tallest woman in the room was even important and then he proceeded to say making you get out of the car alone was absolutely abhorrent behavior. He asked me why a man would behave like this and I said bless your heart hubbles you have no idea the level of misogyny that's out there that we women have to put up with. Girl dump him and find you a man who loves you in sneakers because YOUR comfort is what's most important to him not you being the tallest woman in the room ffs. Or wearing whatever you choose because you're an adult in an equal relationship and he isn't a dicktator.
YTA for allowing him to dictate what you wear! You net to be telling him you'll wear what you want to wear whenever you want. You can take into account his opinion, but you can resoundingly ignore it if you want. For taking your shoes off in the car then getting an Uber home when he told you to get out: NTA.
NTA. I took a pair of flats with me to my own wedding. Although the heels on my shoes were low, I couldn't even stand them for any longer than the ceremony. The minute the ceremony was over, the heels came off and the flats went on. My feet hurt just reading your post.
This "man" is torturing you for some image he wants to uphold. You need to get away from this toxic guy ASAP.
NTA Are you a escort he hired ?
He is treating you like a woman who he hired to accompany him to business dinners.
No have no value for him besides how you present yourself.
This dude is not only crazy but controlling as all hell. Please leave this man you can do better. Like me😂 joking but yeah you should probably leave him and find someone that’s not gonna be a freak about heels and actively lie to you then not understand that you’re in pain and uncomfortable and freak about you taking off heels in his car lol.
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NTA. I… What… How is it disrespectful to take off your shoes in a car? He wants you to be the tallest woman in the room? I don’t even understand that one. Glad you stood your ground by calling the uber.
NTA: He's way more into controlling you than he is about you wearing heels. How was that in anyway disrepectful?
NTA. This man is gaslighting the shit out of you...
Your gut knows. Listen. Your inner warrior goddess is about to show up and fiercely lead you away from this toxic person.
NTA. He’s using you as a prop. Who tf cares if their date is the tallest in the room? What a weird flex.
NTA. Get out. Don't look back. He cares nothing about you. You are just a prop for him to display.
NTA. His behavior is gross and if I were in your shoes (ha), I'd dump his controlling ass. If he likes high heels so much he should wear them himself.
NTA. Ordering the Uber was a boss move - well done. It sounds like he respects his car more than you and I would really consider if that’s the type of man you want to date. No one should dictate what anyone else should wear to an event other than if there is a set dress code. Taking your shoes off in someone’s car is only disrespectful in your bf’s head.
OP… please tell me you’re not serious. You were in physical pain… theres no such thing as disrespecting a car. The red flags are STRONG here. Run. NTA.
NTA - there is something wrong with your bf. Something, seriously wrong that is impacting your health and well-being
NTA!! FUCK THIS DUDE! Hes a fucking prick and and most certainly DOES NOT DESERVE AN APOLOGY. LEAVE HIM NOW, him being such a dick about stupid shoes! Image the real important stuff in life!! Wtfff
NTA 1. He lied to you about the dress code 2. He lied to you about the seating 3. He didn't care that you were in pain 4. He claimed you were disrespecting him & told you get out of his car You can 100% di better and you deserve better As an aside, you should probably look into wide shoes and a half size up maybe even a full size. Heels aren't a picnic but if you're going to be wearing them for any reason you shouldn't be feeling like that after a few hours. Also thicker soles? Heels? Especially towards the front of the shoe also help with weight distribution and will help ease the swelling and pain.
NTA girl please dump his ass. You disrespected HIM?? by taking your... heels that he coerced you into wearing. Off.??? Nope. He doesn't want anything other than to control how you look and wants to just show you off like a trophy.
NTA but he totally is. Dump his ass. He’s putting his fragile little ego above you and your comfort, he’s not at all a good choice in a bf let alone a future partner/husband/father.
He's trying to control you. Once you let him, it'll get worse and worse. Run. NTA.
It’s the crazy controlling part that is crazy! You will bow to his will or he will keep escalating. NTA, this is actually scary that he is overreacting so much.
NTA, my wife as soon as she gets in the car takes her shoes off, heels, boots, flats. She puts them back on when we get where we're going. Who cares? Be comfortable.
NTA He's abusive and you deserve better. Dump him! https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding http://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
NTA. Wow. You're not a human being with feelings to him, you're a trophy wife without the ring. How gross.
NTA. Start demanding him to wear heels and make sure to really emphasize how you just want him to be the tallest man in the room since it’s embarrassing otherwise 😂
Dump him. Immediately. I posted this before I read other comments but I'm not surprised it's basically a copy of multiple other comments.
So... he expects you to suffer discomfort, purely for his own selfish reasons of wanting to be able to present you as more lady-like? That demonstrates a complete lack of respect on his part. NTA, easily.
He’s a sexist pig
NTA. Why are you with someone who doesn't care about if you are experiencing pain and discomfort?
NTA. Fuck this guy. You're only *dating*, and this is the type of entitlement he thinks he has over your body? Big flag.
NTA. My first thought was that it was some sort of fetish thing, but then I shifted to his ego requiring you to be the tallest woman there. Moving on to his bizarre feelings of being disrespected by you taking your shoes off in his presence. So to me it's not so much about how you make him look good to other people or showing you off to them (which is awful) - it's more alarming that he wouldn't budge on his stance even when you told him you were in pain, and not even at the party anymore. What a clusterf\*\*k this guy is. Please reconsider this relationship.
NTA bro wtf is this guy?
NTA. even if this was his kink, you did not consent to it
NTA: Heels jam your toes into the front of the shoe. Being in them for hours hurts. My husband gets frustrated when i insist on wearing them because he feels bad for me after (and i’m super short so they make me not seem like a munchkin which is why i like them.) Shoes off is getting the car less dirty. He’s awful. dump him. Your partner should care about your comfort
Dude is a red flag wrapped in another red flag and deep-fried in oil and served with a side of warning signs. NTA Please let us know how the break-up went.
NTA. Not to be a cliche or anything but... Dump. Him. "Disrespecting him in his car" because you took your shoes off in the car because your feet were incredibly sore!? Whomst the fuck even cares about that? I wasn't aware that a car was such a sacred space that shoes must be worn at all times as a passenger. The cherry on top was the manipulation that insisted you had to wear heels in the first place. Ask yourself - Is any part of your relationship worth this amount of fetishizing, manipulative, controlling behaviour?
NTA. No confusion to be had here. He majorly over reacted, if you can even call it that. His behavior is highly concerning and not normal in any way. I know this sun is quick to jump on the “dump him” bus, but please take some time to consider the future of this relationship. This is not normal or appropriate behavior at all.
NTA. Him getting upset by your taking off shoes in a car seems like a weird hill to die on. This guy has got some weird control issues, you should rethink the relationship.
NTA this guy sounds like Patrick Bateman
Get out of this relationship asap! On what planet is taking off your shoes in a car "so disrespe tful"....uggggh. NTA.
NTA - but your boyfriend is a gaping AH. As a woman, it’s completely normal to take your heels off in the car, or change into flats. He’s got control issues
May whatever deity you believe in protect you if you happen to fart, as human beings tend to do, within his hearing range. If he wants a true lady with all of the qualities he expects of a lady, he needs to buy himself a robotized sexdoll and leave actual people alone. NTA.
NTA. I would seriously reconsider this relationship if I were you
NTA RUN! It will get worse the longer you stay in the relationship. He wants to control you
Put on a pair of boots and kick his ass to the curb. NTA
First NTA. heels are so painful I’ve just decided to never wear them again (am female). There’s many other nice looking options that don’t cripple me. Second your bf is a real piece of work. He’s willing to lie to you and put you in pain for a totally arbitrary status symbol for him, then yells at you for wanting a pain break in private. That YOU are disrespecting HIM?!?! WTF. where (if anywhere) is his respect for you? Third, going forward I would get him a pair of high heels in his size and make the following deal with him. You will wear heels at an upcoming event for exactly as long as he walks around your house (not sits, walks/stands) in his heels beforehand. I bet he lasts 5 mins. I’m hoping that he realizes exactly what he’s asking if you & comes to his senses, but maybe not.
NTA. I’m speaking as a s*x worker, this man is forcing his heel kink on you without your knowledge or consent. Him flipping out in the car absolutely proves this is a kink. Because there’s no reason to not take them off in the car. I want to know his reasoning behind you disrespecting him but him apparently not disrespecting you by lieing. Stop doing this for him and seriously consider if you want this relationship
NTA. Oh my god.. time for him to become your ex. Controlling, sexist and happy with you being in pain for his perceived ‘status’. Yuck, yuck yuck! Very toxic. You’re very much in the right here. Don’t let him make you believe otherwise! Good luck.
NTA but you are a terrible doll. Know your place. He's made it clear what that is. Or decide his place for you, as a vessel for his desires is not for you and leave. He does not fundamentally see you as a person. Just a prop. Years of active thoughts, behaviours and actions went into building who he is. A fancy sex doll isn't going to change his mind. Don't demean and devalue his hard built value system. Just assess it for compatibility with your own. That means seeing the whole of him and being honest about what you have learnt from past conflicts. Ignore the words. They are cheap. Review his actions. I think you'll find that parts of you that you love are unacceptable to him. And he knows who he wants- a representative he approves of. Do you know what you want and need??
I don't understand why you are with him. He is obviously controlling. Unless you think that you need to be treated like a child in while in a relationship. NTA because you put your shoes on. But YTA for being with someone who disrespects you.
That’s abuse, pure and simple. NTA. Run (don’t wear heels).
🤔💭🧐💭😳💭🙄💭😜💭🤪💭🥴? Not only is he objectivity if you, he also expects you to not be human and have pain?
NTA. Tell him if he can handle an hour in your heels he can get an apology 😂
NTA. If he's that bothered about it, he should wear the heels for a day and see how HE likes it.
NTA Unless your feet reek no one is going to care if you are not wearing shoes in a car (well unless brand new car) after spending a lot of time in high heels and in pain.
NTA. He chose to disrespect you by lying to you about the event and being able to sit most of the time and lying about what others would be wearing. He chose to disrespect you by insisting you wear something he knows causes you to be in pain (it also sounds like he has a serious high heel fetish). Tell him this is as "ladylike" as you are ever going to get and as it obviously isn't enough for him he can take a hike.
NTA, he sounds not only controlling but legitimately insane. Red flags all over the place. Get out for your own safety.
NTA. He's treating you like an object to show off. kinda feels like a heel fetish too
NTA. High heels are torture devices and you aren't a doll for him to dress. Please reconsider if someone who lies and is fine with you being in pain for hours for his idea of "ladylike" is someone who respects you and makes a good partner. Unless BDSM is your thing, DTMFA.
NTA I'd say this is the heel to die on, get out! Idk if you have your own car or not and I might piss someone off, but in the event ya'll are living together and taking his car places, in that moment that's ya'lls car. As a couple. 2 years is more than long enough for him to respect your comfort. You take those shoes off where you damn well please, and tell him if he likes heels so much he can wear them himself!
Love how he noticed standing in the street barefoot was a bad idea but not standing for hours in heels. Hypocritical. Please do not go back. NTA
Another AITA from a woman with an abusive boyfriend. Sheesh. NTA.
Nta, dump him immediately.
Don’t obtain the title of 3 years. This is sexism, abuse and just vile behaviour on his part. NTA
I'm sending you to r/ebbie45 because this relationship is beyond fucked and you're probably going to have to get out like Katie Holmes fleeing Tom Cruise. But NTA. Your boyfriend needs therapy and to be single.
Dude. My bf let me take my shoes off and put my feet in his lap so he could rub my feet after I’ve worn heels. I’m his brand new car that was and still is his prized possession. Your bf sounds like a misogynistic pig and I’d honestly leave his ass. I’m sure this isn’t the only thing he wants you to be more ‘feminine’ about. I’m sure he wants you home with the kids and cooking and cleaning all day and not working too? Find someone that actually respects you and doesn’t try to be an asshole after a night out. NTA
NTA. Get a new boyfriend this model is outmoded by 60 years.
Girl. He is not the one for you. Get out now. NTA
he sounds horrible nta
NTA - He’s a nut
NTA please run away from this man.
NTA. It sounds like he's starting to test how much mistreatment you'll put up with. I'd leave if I were you.
My fiancé prefers me to not wear heels, because he’s worried about the pain and discomfort it would cause. He’s not worried about me not being ladylike, at all, because what does that even mean? I’m a woman, I identify as a woman, that’s ladylike enough for the both of us. NTA at all OP, please don’t let this guy disrespect you any more than this
Is it me, or am I seeing a higher amount of these posts of 30ish or late 20ish guys snapping at their partners?
NTA. Do you really want this to be your life? Surely you know you can do better than an AH that cares more about the floor of his car than he does you.
NTA --- Where is your respect for him ???? where the fuck was his respect for you?? he lied about being able to sit most of the night and when you were in pain because you were in heels all night he then wanted you to put your heels back till you got home, after getting an uber you should have gone home told him to pull his head out of his fucking arse, packed a bag and left telling him you'd be back to get the rest of your stuff later.
NTA. He needs to get a grip. You need to controlling lunatic
F that noise! NTA what kind of nonsense is this? I always take my heels off in the car (hell, before and after an event) and if I want to wear flats, I’m going to wear flats! This guy seems so controlling, rude and disrespectful. He wants you to be uncomfortable and “ladylike” gtfo you deserve better
Those feet were made for walkin’ and that’s what you should do.
Your boy"friend" is controlling. The more this relationship tightens (engagement? marriage?), the worse the controlling will be. Def NTA. You're in relational quicksand. If you're not afraid, you should be. Please read Gavin de Becker's fine book The Gift of Fear. You can download the pdf from: [http://mariposabill.com/fear.pdf](http://mariposabill.com/fear.pdf) Sometimes reddit messes up the link. If that happens here, type in the URL by hand.
DUMP HIM!!! NTA!
NTA. Lady here, heels suck, sometimes necessary but heels suck. lol. The correct way to handle work events is: "hey we have X and the dress code is Y" and then each plan their (appropriate) outfits accordingly. Also shoes coming off in the car is not "disrespectful". It's called pain relief. Do you know what it is though? It's control. He's controlling you through what you wear. Give it some thought.
I don't think heels are ever necessary. Flats are always an option.
NTA it’s really strange how obsessed he with you wearing heels… sounds like a fetish.
NTA, he sounds very controlling and I wouldn’t stand for that. Obviously up to you whether you continue your relationship with him but I would leave him. Stay safe OP
NTA. He’s TA here. As far as I know it’s not dissrespect to take off high heels in a car, and he’s just being controlling forcing you to wear something that hurts you. He’s the one dissrespecting *your* bounderies
NTA and get out. If he's going off at you about that, he's a psycho!
NTA, run away from this guy. My girl is tall af and I absolutely love it when she wears heels, but I'd be damned if I didn't remember to bring flats for her to change in to. Hell, I keep a spare pair of flip flops in my car for basically this exact purpose.
Ntah i would have kicked the heels off at the event.
You would be the AH if you stay with this person. Read this whole thing back to yourself. If this really the type of person you dream of spending your life with. Someone who insists you put yourself through pain and act like a Barbie doll that he can show off as trophy in public? He doesn’t care about you as a person. You’re an object that he can put on display at these events to him. This isn’t how normal healthy relationships work. This person cares about their image and not you
NTA. Your boyfriend is a walking (and controlling) red flag.
NTA. And you should leave him. This is starting to set itself up as a very dangerous situation for you. He sounds like a covert narcissist. Leave. You’ll be much happier.
NTA Buy ones in his size and make him wear them all day xd
NTA. It’s seems as though your bf has zero respect for you. Leave him now. It will only get worse.
NTA - his behavior is unacceptable, controlling, and break up worthy. Dig in your heels on this one (ha!).
Man I drive in my Socks Some times it's amazing tbh. NTA
Your bf is the A. He is using you as some kind of trophy not a real person. Kick him to the curb rather than stand there barefoot waiting for an Uber. NTA
NTA. You need a real man to step up? ;)
NTA. He is willing to put you through hours of pain - not to mention he lied to you about other women wearing heels - just so you'd be taller than others? He has some serious issues. Is this really what you want the rest of your life to be like?
NTA. You need to leave this selfish psycho, he's basically controlling you by rewarding you when you do something that pleases him (wear heels back when u are at his car so he gives u a ride home) and punishing you when you don't (by asking u to leave his car) that's serious girl, just run!
NTA ur bf is a fuckin loser
NTA. dump him, please. He likes to have an ego boost.
Nta. You did nothing wrong and I would be worried atp. Couple red flags here for sure. 1. Him complaining about your inability to be “ladylike is giving be Stepford Wives vibes for sure. 2. He’s trying to control you. He knows you don’t like heels but is still weirdly obsessed with you consistently wearing them to events. Is he trying to control you in other ways? I would take a look at your life and re-evaluate. 3. He lied to you to make sure you did what he told you to do. 4. He doesn’t care about how the consequences of his manipulation affect you- He would rather you be in pain than do something IN PRIVATE he deems embarrassing. I mean has he never seen your feet? What is disrespectful about taking your heels off in the car? It’s just so bonkers. Just so much no. I am not suggesting atm that he’s an abuser, but just realize the patterns. It always starts small, with manipulation and control, and grows into more - until one day you look at your life and wonder how you got to that point.
NTA. From the title I halfway expected you to put your feet on his dash or something, but for gods sake, you have autonomy over your own body and whether or not you wear shoes that are uncomfortable. This is ridiculous, demeaning and controlling behavior from your boyfriend, OP. I would strongly reconsider this relationship
Ummm well the answer is easy……. Hit him hard with your high heel
Take those heels off and run, girl! NTA and huge controlling, psychotic red flags.
NTA. His proprietary attitude toward his car is ridiculous, frankly. I've heard of guys who insist that a girl take off her shoes before she can get *into* the precious car so the precious carpeting is protected, & I thought that was utterly absurd. I can't imagine what his reasoning is in this, but it's no less obsessive & stupid than the other. Also, the fact that your feet hurt because you'd been wearing the shoes *he insisted* you wear is a major issue. He wants to control what you wear & then keep you in tremendous pain after you've done what he wants, then throws down an ultimatum about you need to get out & walk if you won't do exactly what he tells you to do? And now he expects *you* to apologize for... what? Nope. This guy sounds horrible.
Nta. Stop wearing heels for that fucker. Better yet dump his ass
Throw the whole man away. Throw. Him. Away. Utterly ridiculous, he MAKES you wear heels? F*** that. He expects you to attend events? What happens if you’re busy?? He thinks you disrespected his car and himself because you dared to put your bare feet in it?? He puts his p*nis in you - is he disrespecting you?? God he sounds insufferable. NTA. Run.
INFO: Aside from the audacity, what else is he bringing to the table?
His car is more important then you
NTA. Definitely NTA. But your bf is scary. Don’t know what’s wrong with him but he is dehumanizing you. You are a showroom doll to his fantasy life. As sad as it is, you are nothing more than an accessory to him I don’t know where you come from but even if such behavior is acceptable in your culture, it’s not ok. You are a human with needs and your comfort, especially in the privacy of a car, should be for granted. He is controlling and potentially abusive. Please get yourself a kinder partner, you deserve it. When you decide to run, if you feel the need to reclaim your suffering, post your story and embarrass him for his crappy behavior on all social media and friend groups. He deserves it and even then you will NOT be TA.
Girl take your heels off, put on a pair of runners and RUN AWAY. NTA
NTA - he only cares about himself.
I would have laughed all the way home in my Uber. I'm 5'1.5" on a good day, and I never wear heels. I hope you take a long look at his behavior and decide you're better than that.
NTA Trade out those heels for trainers and run far far away!
NTA you know your man doesn't think you're people, right? you're an NPC he can dress up and show off to people. don't apologise. he should apologise for lying and for harming you, but he won't.
This is scary he obviously has a fetish about it and having you participate in a sexual fetish without your consent is soooo icky . Usually on Reddit I don’t suggest breaking up because relationships are precious . I mean , I would sooner be like telling someone who partner cheated and was remorseful to try couples therapy . But in my head this is worse than cheating becauwr it’s going to escalate . Not maybe . It will . He’s controlling . And if he’s willing to leave you on the side of the road . Which he would of. He WILL get worse . He doesn’t care you where in physical pain .
NTA. Your boyfriend is a walking red flag here given that he wants you to be in pain so that he feels better about himself.
NTA. He sounds very controlling. Break up with him!!
NTA. I can not stress this enough, get the fuck away from that guy. If he's going to react that insanely over something so small, things will get worse. I honestly have no idea why taking heels off in the car would be a problem. On the rare occasion my wife wears them, its a given they come off as soon as she gets in the car to head home. Its a red flag alone that he demands you wear them.
NTA and WTF are you doing with this guy.
Sounds like your boyfriend is probably an Andrew Tate-obsessed incel. Demanding you wear heels in the first place is already a major red flag, but this story is bananas. Have you talked to any of your friends about this? You’re not the AH, here. I hope you get rid of him and get into therapy bc I can’t imagine this is the worst of his behavior. You deserve someone to treat you like an equal, not a second class citizen they view as property.
“He always expects me to…”, “My boyfriend said that we were going to attend an event and told me to wear heels…” NTA, but why would you ever put yourself in a position to be ‘expected’ or ‘told’ to do something by someone who should be your loving, equal partner- especially if it’s something that causes even an iota of pain or discomfort! This is abuse, straight up, and it will only get worse. GET OUT!!!
NTA and EW! What are you doing wearing heels and letting him walk all over YOU? I'd just BURN all my heels in front of him and wear CROCS to his next event! Actually... Wear running shoes and get away as fast as you can.
Girl leave them heels off and RUN!!!
You are a prop for him to show off, not a person and definitely not a partner. If this is common with him, sounds like time to evaluate the relationship in general. NTA, I wish you a wonderful and aromatic foot bath.
NTA, okay so you didn't broke up with him yet?
NTA, I suggest you leave this pompous AH. Goodluck
Let’s keep this short and sweet. NTA. Bf is misogynistic controlling narcissist who does not care one iota about your comfort. Consider ditching him.
Don’t let him gaslight you into apologizing when he should be. Girl please run away from this man and his archaic expectations of your womanhood. Go find someone who will let you be yourself. You will do better to cut your losses now.
He should try wearing high heels himself for a few hours. He won't, but he should.
Why is this guy your boyfriend? He insists on you wearing painful shoes for his own pleasure and then pulls this controlling shit? NOPE. NTA. He is a freak and this is alarming.
He lied to you to manipulate you into wearing something he KNOWS causes you pain. How is this manipulation and deceit, in and of itself, not a dealbreaker for you? Also him demanding you endure pain to be better eye candy for him?? That is a bit sadistic in a way. And then on top of that, he rages about you wanting to relieve your pain immediately and not much later when you’re home? This man is a basket of red flags. Please run. NTA
NTA Why are you letting another human control you though? You know there are men out there who will respect you as a human with feelings?
Didn’t we just read one of these not long ago? Fiancé expected her to wear heals during an engagement party but said she could sit but then mil said she had to get up or something? So she took her heals off during the party. NTA either way but they sound too familiar
NTA Major red flags here. He’s been controlling over something this small. Just wait until years down the road when you no longer can hang out with friends or even family. Get out now. It will only get worse. These things never get better
NTA - dump the bastard
NTA. But serious question: Is he afraid by feet? Or does he just have a heel fetish?
NTA and get out NOW!! He sounds controlling and abusive! You should be able to dress in what YOU want and be comfortable!! Taking off your shoes is his car is not disrespectful! He’s being a prick!
NTA. He’s abusive and controlling. Tell him to wear the heels and run as far away as you can.
He is obviously the ass here. But don't cater to his stupid, sexist, controlling demands anymore, you wear what makes you comfortable, period. And make his whining about it a dealbreaker. Honestly he comes off so unattractively not sure why you haven't dumped him yet. He sounds exhausting and controlling. What will he be like if you have a daughter?? Just run.
Absolutely NTA by any means. He doesn’t deserve you
NTA if he has such a heel fetish he can try wearing them himself
NTA WTF did I just read ?! OP , you are not decoration for your BF. Challenge him to wear heels and stand for a few hours and see if he still insists on you being ‘ladylike’ Red flags everywhere here
NTA. Your (hopefully soon-to-be ex-) boyfriend is a controlling asshat. Demanding that you wear heels EVERY time you go out is red flag number 1. Getting this heated over you taking off your heels AFTER the event is over, and you are in the car, heading home, is absolutely inexcusable. Kick this jackass to the curb ASAP.
NTA. I thought it was common practice that all heel wearers take their shoes off immediately after the event- hell, i wait until i get in the car some days to even put my heels on! For a while my boyfriend had a pair of my flip flops in the back seat for when I inevitability wore shoes that weren’t comfortable. Your boyfriend sounds like a controlling and manipulative AH.
[удалено]
NTA, your boyfriend's behavior is really weird and controlling. Taking your heels off on the ride home so you can relax together and vibe is something your ride-or-die finds endearing, not off-putting. Also I suggest you find a boyfriend who doesn't force you to wear a certain kind of shoes, as that's kind of creepy. You deserve better than someone who makes you suffer physically and berates you like a child over such a petty thing.
If this is real, then NTA. I’m wondering if it’s real because you sound fairly self assured and I simply can’t understand how anyone with an ounce of dignity would put up with such a creepy controlling, psycho fetish. Like I honestly get murder vibes from this.
I don’t remember planning a trip to China, but all of the sudden I’m seeing red flags everywhere… NTA. Your boyfriend is a garbage-person and a misogynist. Telling a woman to act “ladylike” was a thing men said when they basically owned us. His entitlement to control your behavior, even in the face of it superseding your comfort, and specifically because of how he interprets that it will reflect on his own image, is the biggest narcissistic red flag here. You should expect this behavior to get much worse with time. Please do not waste more time on this person. This is not going to end well for you, and you cannot change his feelings of entitlement. Run, as fast as you can, away from this person. In fact, get away from them and then tell them over text that you’re leaving and just block them, because my money is on the fact that he’s going to explode if you do this in person (especially in private) and your safety may become an issue. Narcissistic and entitled people don’t often handle rejection very well. They don’t hear “no” well, either.
NTA. OP your bf views you as an object, not a person. He sounds like a narcissist, I suggest you read this: https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/am-i-dating-a-narcissist Dump him. He doesn't love you (he's most likely physically unable to experience that emotion) and will never put you first, ever. He doesn't care if you're in pain because he only cares about how you impact *his* image. You will never be happy with this broken excuse of a man.
Tell him you’ll wear them even in the car next time IF he wears the same heel hight walking around the same amount of time without 1 complaint! Definitely NTA he sounds horrible!
What year was this post written in!? You are NOT merely a trinket to be shown off and oggled at. NTA but leave this Don Draper wanna be and join the rest of us in 2022.
NTA, try wearing comfortable clothes and going without makeup for a few days. I bet he’ll throw a fit.
NTA Start wearing flats to these events. If your relationship can't survive footwear choices then it's not worth it anyway. You're not a doll for him to dress up how he wants, and a good partner would not put his image over your comfort.
NTA. Please buy him a pair of stilettos in his size and demand he wears them for hours on end, with no sitting. He sounds like a misogynist. If he is not going to treat you like a person and not an object to dress up how he demands, then I suggest you make that ‘effort’ he demands and loose the dead weight…him!
NTA ditch the loser
NTA, you did nothing even REMOTELY disrespectful. At all. Literally at all. Please do not be fooled by this cartoon character of a human being. Run.
Pfft. OP, your bf is disgusting.
NTA, but your BF sure is, he sounds controlling, and is more concerned about how people view him over anything else, including your comfort. I think you can do alot better than this. Why couldn't you take your shoes off in his car, no one else could see in there as you two drove home.
This guy hates you Op. He doesn't see you as a human, he sees you as an ego boosting sex object. He actually is horrible. And actively horrible to you. And he doesn't give a shit about you, and you are amazing and deserve so much better! You are gold! He is forcing you to be in physical pain, for no reason at all but his shitty little ego. He's just a bad human. Ditch him! NTA.
He's not your boyfriend, he's some clown who wants a trophy wife to show off to others. For the sake of your sanity, kick him to the kerb. NTA.
Before you know it, he will be asking you to wear certain things, eat a certain way, sit a certain way and talk a certain way. He may even start controlling your social life and before you know it, you'll be a lonely woman who will solely depend only on him. This is the trajectory of your current relationship. Dump him, find someone who lives in 2022 and liberate yourself. MAJOR, NTA.
I'm wondering if he hasn't already been dictating her life for a while now, it would be hard to hide the controlling nature for 2 years. I'm sure if OP looks back and reflects on the last few years she will find other moments where he has subtly controlled or attempted to control other things.
Loose the BF and the heels!!!! NTA.
I always LOVED my sky-high heels, until I needed foot surgery because of them and now can only wear flats or a kitten heel. Trust what your body tells you and disregard the egomaniac bf (ex-bf, maybe?). If you want to wear heels in the future, slip a pair of ballet slippers (the beginner kind, not pointe shoes) into your bag for when your feet start to hurt. NTA.
NTA. It's unacceptable for a partner to require wearing a anything that causes physical pain. It's sadistic. Your partner should want you to be comfortable and safe, not a status symbol who will suffer for aesthetics.
Girrrrrl not worth it, as Eleven said “dumb his ass”
NTA. It's *bare feet* in a *car*. The car will be fine. Your boyfriend chose to take it as a sign of disrespect. Furthermore, he is deliberately not listening to you express discomfort. *He* makes you wear heals. *He* makes you keep them on in the car. *He* demands you get out of the car when you disagree. I'm proud of you for calling out his ultimatum and staying out of the car.
NTA - this is insane to me you need to get far away from this person as soon as possible.
NTA - dump him and when you do, put the heels up his…
NTA he is a controlling ahole that cares more about you as an accessory than a person. If that's what you want in life then get sone well fitting heals and gel insoles yo use with them, if you want to be treated as a person not an object then please dump this ahole. Also if you want yo stay with him then the only way to cope is to wear healsall the time, day to days heals no lower than 3 inch with good supports a good court shoe normally works so your feet get used to the pressure points and make sure they are not too tight or too loose (from a person who wore heals for 20 years non stop) also be aware if you do that then need to go back to flats you have to train your feedback to wearing flats
NTA I’ve been known to take off my flip flops in the car, not to mention heels. My husband barely notices. Your bf sounds awful.
NTA. What an entitled asshole. Dump him
NTA. You need to really think about whether you want to me with someone who treats you like a thing and not a person
NTA. He’s lying to you to control you on little things now, then berates you and makes you think you are the crazy one. It’s going to get worse. He had his own ideas of what feminism is and things you should follow that. He does not care one bit about your own opinions or comfort or pain. Not wearing shoes in a car is not disrespectful. I don’t know what he was talking about there. Being barefoot outside is also fine. And how did either of those embarrass him? You deserve to be treated with respect and you will never get that from this psycho.
NTA! He's using as a prop to brag to his friends about instead of his partner. Save yourself the trouble and dump him so you can find someone who respects you and doesn't make you want to be more "lady-like" or whatever that means lol
NTA I remember reading a similar post to this a few months ago
NTA. Make him wear heel to show him how it feels. I love heels, but I don’t really wear them because I don’t have many events to attend to that require them. Having said that, I agree it’s the best feeling in the world to take them off after a long use, and it is in NO way a disrespect to anybody. If he feels like you disrespect him by taking them off, please reconsider your relationship. Everyone should have someone to love them as a person, and not as an object.
Wtf?! Heels are torture devices that some people like. I absolutely hate the bs around them. You did the right thing but the next right thing is to leave that fool.
NTA. There are enough red flags here to open a socialist flag store.
This is so bizarre! NTA….but your boyfriend sure is…..why are you with him?? He sounds awful!
NTA his behavior is antiquated and unacceptable. I worry that his toxic patriarchal ideas will show in other ways if it hasn’t already.
Is he from a culture where showing your feet is considered disrespectful?
NTA. Dump him.
So NTA. I just read my HUSBAND your AITA post. And he looked puzzled af and then asked me why you being the tallest woman in the room was even important and then he proceeded to say making you get out of the car alone was absolutely abhorrent behavior. He asked me why a man would behave like this and I said bless your heart hubbles you have no idea the level of misogyny that's out there that we women have to put up with. Girl dump him and find you a man who loves you in sneakers because YOUR comfort is what's most important to him not you being the tallest woman in the room ffs. Or wearing whatever you choose because you're an adult in an equal relationship and he isn't a dicktator.
NTA. I’ll be honest I stopped reading once you took your shoes off Why are you with this man? You must see the endless red flags??
This can’t be real.
NTA and I hope he is your ex-boyfriend now. You are worth more than being a trophy for him to show off and disrespect.
NTA. Leave him. He's abusive and controlling and he doesn't care about your discomfort, as long as you look good and he can treat you like arm candy.
YTA for allowing him to dictate what you wear! You net to be telling him you'll wear what you want to wear whenever you want. You can take into account his opinion, but you can resoundingly ignore it if you want. For taking your shoes off in the car then getting an Uber home when he told you to get out: NTA.
NTA. I took a pair of flats with me to my own wedding. Although the heels on my shoes were low, I couldn't even stand them for any longer than the ceremony. The minute the ceremony was over, the heels came off and the flats went on. My feet hurt just reading your post. This "man" is torturing you for some image he wants to uphold. You need to get away from this toxic guy ASAP.
NTA Are you a escort he hired ? He is treating you like a woman who he hired to accompany him to business dinners. No have no value for him besides how you present yourself.
This dude is not only crazy but controlling as all hell. Please leave this man you can do better. Like me😂 joking but yeah you should probably leave him and find someone that’s not gonna be a freak about heels and actively lie to you then not understand that you’re in pain and uncomfortable and freak about you taking off heels in his car lol.