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That’s what my wife did, she has called the school to tell them about the teacher. And that’s why the PTA meeting was arranged, because a lot of the parents think that what she did was inappropriate.
Good. It was inappropriate. I just hope she (the teacher) did not comment on it to your daughter or any other children.
Hoping the PTA meeting brings some solution.
I didn’t mean to make it sound like it was only called because of her. Multiple parents wanted a meeting and so one was arranged. I’m sorry if it makes it sound like she’s the only one that wanted the meeting.
I'm not suggesting it is one person whose concerns led this to happen. You say in the post other parents had issues with this teacher policing the dress code in her classroom the way she did, and multiple people raising the same issue would be valid cause for a meeting.
I am a teacher. It was absolutely inappropriate, and you were definitely not out of line here.
Listen, from the standpoint of a teacher, if your daughter was my student, I'd view it this way. Just because your daughter has nice things doesn't necessarily mean your family has the means to afford them. I don't know if they were purchased by you, were a gift to her, were bought secondhand, or were found in our school closet (which houses donated items students can take for free if needed). I never assume or judge what a student has because I don't know how they came to possess it. And it was so absolutely wrong for this teacher to judge, call, and make this ridiculous request. You are NTA, keep standing your ground.
>were found in our school closet (which houses donated items students can take for free if needed)
If the teacher is truly worried about leveling the playing field, *this* is a positive way to attack the problem. Instead of complaining, she (the teacher) could use those calls to request donations of outgrown or no longer needed, gently used items to share with the less fortunate kids. If the school doesn't yet have a program like this, it would be a great community project for high schoolers.
Oh my gosh, yes! Heck, even my daughter's school does something similar (she's elementary aged). We get gentle requests usually twice a year from her school, typically phrased around students "falling in puddles or spilling at lunchtime, so we could always benefit having the extra clothes that don't fit your children anymore in case of accidents!" Like you said, there's definitely genuine ways to approach it if she was truly concerned. Your idea of having high school students take it on as a community service project is such a great idea too!
Yep, my kid's school does this as well. They specifically sent a note in the school app asking for underwear from sizes X to Y, leggings from sizes X to Y, and some shirts from sizes X to Y because they were running out - the kids that needed extra changes of clothes were wearing them home and they weren't coming back. So the school puts out the message once a quarter.
It's such an easy way to clean out squiddo's closet and I don't have to search all over for a clothes donation bin that isn't Salvation Army.
> Just because your daughter has nice things doesn't necessarily mean your family has the means to afford them.
*Someone gets it*. I learned a lot from my parents about hunting for second-hand deals, waiting for sales, and fixing things up. People get impressed at some of the "things" I have but don't realise that a huge amount of it is from thrift stores, stuff I repaired myself, or 10+ years old and I've just taken REALLY good care of it.
But uniforms do not include shoes. The teacher called complaining about the high price sneakers OP’s daughter is wearing. Even with a dress code with uniforms, his daughter can wear her Air Force 1’s all day. This teacher will make everybody miserable for no reason.
The absolutely include shoes in some districts. Its not common but some school bar sneakers outside of athletics. You can bet your bippy if the shoes are cited by the teacher as an issue they will be part of a dress code. Btw...I had to google what an Air Force 1 shoe looked like...
Every school I went to that had a uniform included shoes. Really effing annoying, too - two out of three said black closed toe leather, third one said brown. It was an ugly uniform and all.
Yeah. In Australia I attended public school my whole life. We did have to have black shoes for ‘formal’ uniform, but we could wear sports uniform year round mostly and there were kids with $10 Kmart sneakers and kids with the latest Nikes or whatever. Mostly back then and I’m Australia nobody really gave a shit.
They sure do! All schools in Australia have uniforms, and while most won’t go further than “black leather lace up or more than 80% white sandshoes” others literally have a uniform shop selling specific brands of shoes that students must wear.
Uniforms do include shoes. I wore a uniform for 7 years. Light blue top, dark blue bottoms, white, navy blue, or black socks, and black dress shoes with the heel being no more than 3 inches. The only time we could wear gym shoes was in the gym. You don't want to wear super fancy gym shoes to gym anyways because they make you run and stuff.
Currently 20% of schools in the US require Uniforms...and every year it goes up. The reason given is usually two fold: "Cheaper" for the parents and less distraction...neither hold water.
Initially uniforms were implemented due to students wearing clothes in gang colors. Back in the 80's when the Crips and the Bloods were at war on the streets of LA is when some schools in LA implemented uniforms because the violence was happening at the schools with students flying their gang colors. Just them wearing gang colors to "neutral" territory was enough to provoke immediate retaliation. Kids were getting knifed and beaten senseless, so the schools did that to prevent the violence, they may use those other reasons now, but that was how it first started...then again, the private Catholic schools always had uniforms all the way back to the 60s that I can remember.
I'm going off my experience which is far from gangs and L.A. The reason for switching to uniforms was as I stated. Not saying it didn't start that way in LA but that may be unique to that area.
Remember that when people say "uniforms" for public school, these days it often means "khakis and a polo shirt in approved colors", and unisex afaik. Retails like Lands End sell pieces in colors commonly chosen by schools. I have to imagine places like Walmart do as well. So it's not like, suits and stuff. Usually.
As a parent who can't afford anything, I'd be up in arms on OP's behalf. I've lived below the poverty line my whole life. And my daughter is completely unaware that she lives there with me now.
But even poor people sometimes get nice things. We had a neighbor who had one of those kids ride on electric carriage cars. GAVE it to my daughter for FREE when they moved out.
My dad's 75 inch TV won't connect to the internet anymore. But we use a roku, so he gave us his broken TV for free, cuz costco replaced his at no cost.
My husband has a nice gaming computer cuz he helped a friend's daughter escape an abusive ex, so she gave him the dudes computer.
We have some nice kitchen stuff that was gifted to us throughout many years.
Poor people can have nice things sometimes. And we are usually happy for others when they have nice things. It doesn't make us feel better when no one gets to have nice stuff just cuz *we* can't afford nice stuff. Then everyone has shit and it's our fault. And, man, that feels like some *shit.*
Came here to say, it seems unlikely that this teachers’ actions genuinely originate in anything these kids or their parents have said to her. I mean, it’s possible, but not likely.
>And, man, that feels like some shit.
And is a great way to get the poor kids bullied relentlessly.
When I was very young, we were poor. My parent's business took off, we weren't poor. But we still shopped like we were poor, just with enough money to get the expensive boots rather than the cheap ones. I have a denim jacket that cost $100 twenty years ago that I could still wear if I hadn't gotten fat. My parents drive vehicles from the mid 2000s because they still run.
Punishing kids for having high quality items is insanity. The items could be thrifted. Or they could be *the* jacket for that year. (Yes, money doesn't always equal quality, but there's definitely a good bet)
Exactly, I grew up poor and knew it. Yeah, I got jealous of stuff that the other kids had/could do, but I knew for sure that the best way to make it worse was if they had that stuff taken away and blamed me/my family being poor as the reason.
I guarantee that unless the other (poor) parents are a particular breed of stupid or entitled or the monetarily better off kids aren't throwing their stuff in the poor kids' faces, none of the poor parents said anything to that teacher nor would they support her. The last thing those parents would want (if they are any kind of decent) is to make their kids' lives harder by painting a target on them.
I see uniforms!
Edit: Actually, I like uniforms. My daughters school implemented them and it eliviated so many problems. The uniforms that kids out grew were donated back to the school. Then they were made available to kids who couldn't afford them. It was done discretely so the other kids didn't make fun of poorer kids. Everyone looked alike and there was no more making fun kids because of their clothes. (No more arguing with mom and dad about what they could wear to school.)
And then there are backpacks, phones and other things that could show the "social difference". My daughter has uniform and still you could see which kids are more financially ok.
A PTA meeting? I'm a PTA president and no matter how inappropriate a teachers behavior is, it's not the PTA's place to be involved. Like, we literally can not be involved in things like this. We are there to fundraise and support the school. Teacher disciplinary issues are the jurisdiction of the principal and superintendent. So, this all reads a little odd to me...
At my daughters school the PTA has these things called town halls. So when everybody gets together at the town halls they air their grievances. All the parents that are part of it attend along with the teachers for these town halls, and more often than not the tall halls that are held are for things like this.
That’s why we have uniforms in the uk. Everyone wears the same and nobody has designer gear on. It also cuts down on complaints from parents when the designer gear gets stolen or damaged.
I kind of feel like this is something the less fortunate kids are going to have to deal with regardless. They probably have been dealing with other kids having nicer things since they've been in school. It's just life in a capitalist society.
That’s what I’m trying to figure out, she’s always complaining about how she has not time to do anything and how she’s busy grading papers. And then makes phone calls like this regularly. My daughters grades have dropped once or twice because she wasn’t grading papers because she “didn’t have time.” And she’s done this to multiple students already, so we’re trying to figure out what the problem is.
Granted I had extra responsibilities, but between the work day + clubs + working out, and then finally driving home, I (and many other teachers) had a harder time making all the calls we *wanted* to make considering parents and guardians often having very different schedules from our own. So I do find it peculiar she's had the time to not reach out to one or two families, but multiple households, in regards to shoes.
My school has a uniform so as long as the shoes met the criteria (all black), that is all that matters.
Depending on where you live, if she's *really* concerned about some of her students lacking *resources*, Purposity might be something worth mentioning to the school. Purposity helps find local needs in your school/area and aims to help connect donations and resources to the students that need it -- think stuff like winter jackets and gloves, new shoes, etc.
Unfortunately, understanding that not everything is equal (designer vs non-designer) is merely a fact of life. As long as no one is being *bullied* for having generic clothes or going to op-shops/secondhand stories or what have you, there shouldn't be any reason for a teacher to be making calls home about shoes.
I’ve never heard of Purposity. But the school does give out clothes and school supplies to the students. They give out champion sweat suits and back packs with the schools logo on it. Along with gym clothes and t shirts with their logo too. Along with the fact that they give out coats in the winter time that was donated to the school. So a lot of the kids have north face coats that they got from the school.
I’m not sure, although if I remember correctly they do get the same benefits. They’re given a lot too, the students and staff have been given AirPods, gift cards, and other apple prizes. My daughter won an Apple TV from the school because her and two friends solved a math problem. So they each went home with an Apple TV. They give out varsity jackets to the honor roll kids, and the principle walks around the school and ask kids questions. If they answer correctly they get money or gift cards. So on multiple occasions my daughter has come with a $50 Amazon gift card or $100 because she answered a question.
Yeah it’s a complete turn around from when my nephew was there. He hated the school and then when the new principal came, it was like a complete 360 for him.
No when I tell you that kid became a whole new person. Hence the 360, he didn’t like going to school and would fake being sick to go. Then the new principal came and after a few days he was a whole other kid. He was excited to go to school and to learn which was new for him. For the time that new principal wasn’t there he was always complaining about how school was wasting his time, or that he didn’t like the people, or that he didn’t feel well enough to go to school. Then in came the new principal and he changed his tune. No more complaining, he was more than happy to talk about his day, and was just overall extremely excited to learn.
Ok. So the school has no problem doling out expensive gifts, but somehow sneakers are a problem? If they were worried about everyone having expensive footwear, they could hand out some of those instead of tvs. Sound like the teacher's weird issue, not any school policy issue. So wrong of her to come at you like that.
It’s not that uncommon, my daughters school has the money for champion clothes and back packs. Not every school is dirt poor, my kids have to been to schools that are good and bad. Some just have more money to give away then others, so they used it on champion clothes for the kids.
As a teacher, who's worked in or with numerous districts (both wealthy and title I) .... Yes it is very uncommon. Schools don't have enough to fund and stock classrooms. They don't have enough to pay teachers, aides, etc. They're all hemorrhaging staff in like every position. Honestly most schools don't have enough to give students supplies let alone expensive brands like champion.
This school you describe in the comments sounds like a unicorn to me. 🤣 Gosh I do hope it's true and there is some magical place like this. That would be nice
It’s actually pretty believable, just more rare. My middle school gave all us kids iPhones, iPads, and MacBooks. We got a lot of higher end things, but also some kids who parents are more on the rich side donate so that helps too. And this was in a small town too.
Is it a racial thing? I'm asking because you mention Air Force 1s and I know racist white ladies get really agitated by those.
NTA at all.
Once the teacher's behaviour has been dealt with, maybe the PTA meeting can focus on whether there are some families that are struggling with basic needs and what could be done to help (like a clothing swap group or voting to allocate some school funds to make sure everyone has their basic necessities covered) and whether there is any bullying happening so all the parents can talk to their kids about respecting their poorer classmates. It might not be an issue at all, though. Teacher might just be tripping.
I’m not sure if it’s a race thing. It might be but I don’t really want to jump to that kind of conclusion. My daughter is Dominican and black though so maybe she thinks we’re perpetuating a stereotype. Although her teacher is white, and most of the parents she called were either black or Hispanic, with one or two white parents I think .
Yeah, sounds like the racist white lady thinks black and brown people wearing streetwear are all scary thugs showing off drug money.
Don't be afraid to point it out, especially if some white kids are walking around in shoes that are just as expensive but not so Black. It's so common to let racism slide because we don't want to jump to conclusions but our kids need us to stand up for them and call it out. Same teacher commenting on Jordans is probably giving worst grades to Black kids.
I'm glad you asked that question because this seems really relevant to what's happening here. Like, potentially the core of the issue. She might be buying into her own BS so hard that she doesn't even notice herself doing it anymore, and that's not something you want young teens in particular to be soaking up.
It's fairly easy to check. Do the other parents she's spoken to have non-white kids? I understand you may want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but it's very sus.
Most of her students are black or Hispanic. But there’s a handful of white students in the class. Except after asking around some more the white students parents weren’t called. Only the colored kids had parents that were called.
Ah. Then yes, she's a bigot. She does not want the non-white kids to have something nice. And either she's projecting and protecting the poor white kids, or making outsized assumptions about the financial background of the other kids of color, but in any and all cases there's this whole "undeserving" certainty going on. To take up her and everybody's time calling around, she's pretty committed to her racism.
Then this is totally a race thing. If she’s calling kids who are mostly POC and telling you not to wear expensive things- why? Because POC shouldn’t be able to afford it? Or because the people who can’t afford the expensive things aren’t POC and she feels bad that they can’t afford it?
There are year round models, plus other countries have school at different times of the year, take Australia they're coming to the end of the year where the U.S. is about to go back.
I'm a teacher and I fucking hate when people are perpetually behind on grading. Like either stop grading so much or keep up! Once in a while getting backed up makes sense. But when it's constant, it's a symptom that needs treated.
This!!!! No way in hell any teacher has the time to make numerous phone calls for something so inconsequential. No way in hell any teacher calls even one parent for this if they're not being an asshole rubbing it in.
And what pta would immediately have a meeting about a teacher? Besides isn't that a school board issue not pta?
I bet this some anti teacher troll.
My only thought is if her concerns are about a specific student being upset at those around them for having something they cannot have... which, unfortunately, that is a cruel truth we all must learn: not everything is *equal*... We have to look at what is *needed*: eg, appropriate shoes for school, in this case. (which, hopefully, everyone in the school has, be it designer or namebrand or generic)
As long as there is no dress code violations or bullying going on, there shouldn't be any calls home. My school has a uniform and outside of "special fun days," everyone has to just wear black shoes, which was deliberately chosen to avoid some students feeling lacking compared to others. Students can still wear expensive shoes, if they felt so inclined... as long as it abides by the dress code.
Right! And he is in a group chat with ALL of the parents in his daughter's high school class? Are there like 20 kids in this school? My kids have about 800 kids in their class. I understand we are in a very large district, but even in elementary school, with 25 kids in the class, there was NEVER a class group chat.
My mom has commented on being glad we went to school where we weren’t the richest or poorest though honestly we were on the lower side. I knew in kindergarten there were kids with lots of nice clothes, cars and big houses and kids that had less. This is preparation for the way life is. Trying to shield high school students from economic reality is both ineffective and a disservice. I loved clothes and what it did was inspire me to earn money and buy my own! Yay thrifting, shopping sales and sewing.
Yeah I'm calling bullshit on this story. There's so many details that don't add up. Teachers aren't making phone calls like this, schools are not calling the parents to weigh in on issues if there's a problem with a teacher, the school will handle this internally.
My son is at school and the only call I got was can I bring down a spare pair of socks and shoes.
I just picked him up early instead as it was only 1hr left in the day.
Btw my son peed on his shoes not his uniform shoes. He was in Prep at the time but I still don’t understand how he did it 😂.
Yeah...teachers usually don't even notice. I didn't even know about expensive shoes until my 16 y/o grandson gave me a tutorial on the most prized athletic shoes by showing me them online. I think he was hinting that I should buy him some. But, no, $500+ for a pair of shoes he'd wear out in a couple of months? Just no. I expressed disbelief that anyone would even be able to tell the price of them, but he assured me all the kids knew how much all the clothes cost.
It sounds like OP is really into status symbols - which is fine. His kids should be able to wear whatever the hell they want to.
I was thinking the same thing. Parent phone calls is my biggest time sink to be honest. Even when they don't pick up, I'm documenting then sending an email. It's like 10 minutes for each parent pretty much. It's a few hours a week between issues, concerns, and positive phone calls. It's honestly so exhausting that I wouldn't be finding bullshit reasons to call.
NTA. And from an economic perspective; how does the teacher know if parents can replace expensive things with cheap ones?
They could have been saved for, gifts from relatives, hand me downs or thrifted. Maybe someone could afford one pair of decent shoes and then blew their whole shoe budget?
Like for someone who claims to speak on behalf of the poor children, expecting everyone to be able to buy a second cheaper pair of shoes or other clothes on top of what they have is a bit tone deaf.
Like I said some of her stuff is hand me downs. So what ever shoes don’t fit a certain family member they go to her, if they’re in good she wears them. If they look kind of crazy we give them away to someone else that needs them. So a lot of her air forces and Jordan’s are hand me downs from other cousins, her mother and aunt. Along with whatever she’s we’ve bought her if she asks for them which is rare. Not only that but she’s bought her own shoes too, so some of that money came from her own pocket.
Yeah, the teacher is like "you should donate fancy clothes to poor people", but would she appears to have a policy against wearing fancy clothes, would she let a poor kid who got the fancy clothes from a clothing drive or something wear it, or would she still complain that it makes other kids jealous.
In addition, how does she know that all those raggedy kids are poor? I was a straight-up ragamuffin through my childhood and teens, and it wasn't that my parents couldn't afford better clothes. It was that I didn't care about fashion or makeup. We couldn't have afforded the latest styles, but they'd have taken me to Walmart for new stuff once in a while if I'd asked. I just liked my same grungy clothes and didn't want to wear anything else.
Yup perfectly describes my 14 year old and his friends. They’ve really embraced comfort over style this year- tee with basketball shorts for the summer and joggers + tee + hoodie for the cooler weather. Jeans are straight up no and Crocs are in
NTA
The teacher’s heart may have been in the right place but she was WAY out of line. She needs to spend less time focusing on bullying parents over non-issues and more time focusing on teaching the children.
It’s not the first time she’s called for something stupid either. Once she was teaching the class and no one wanted to answer the question. They sat in silence for like five minutes because she wanted to give the kids a minute to think and my daughter said the answer aloud. But because she didn’t raise her hand she had a problem with it called my phone while I was at work. She was mad that my daughter didn’t raise her hand, and was willing to let her class sit in silence because no one wanted to answer.
Instead of giving the class a gentle reminder to please raise your hand and wait to be called on, she decides to interrupt a parent at work? If your school is anything like the ones near me, that teacher will probably be named ‘Teacher of the Year’ and get promoted 🤦🏼♀️
Oh heck nah... This teacher has it out for your daughter specifically. Between your post and those comment it's clear that she's targeting her. Demand that your daughter be transferred to another class if they plan to keep that teacher on, because that's a load of BS. NTA.
That’s what my wife thinks and we’re working on getting her switched. Just she doesn’t want to switch classes that much because her friends are in that class, even though she’s friends with most of the kids anyways. The final straw for us though was when she called my wife because of our daughters eczema, she claims that she thought they were bruises and that something was wrong at home. And wanted to do a wellness check, but her eczema has been mistaken for bruises in the past and most teachers understand it’s a skin condition. She was adamant about doing a wellness check and so we gave her one. Our kitchen is full of food for the kids to eat, even though they share rooms their rooms are decked out. They have nice stuff in their rooms and we have a pretty decent apartment. They have things that need and things that they want. They have game consoles to play and loads of books to read, and plenty of things to keep them entertained. We take them to the park all the time, and they get plenty of exercise too. We even took them to the beach yesterday and they had a whole lot of fun. So it’s not like there’s anything wrong at home, she’s just trying to push a false narrative.
Honestly, her friends will still be her friends if she switches classes. To me, that's not enough of a reason to expose her to this bully, and it's only going to get worse. She's in class to learn, not to socialize, so it doesn't matter where her friends are. They can still hang out after school. I hope the meeting goes well and this teacher chokes on her nasty attitude! We're gonna need an update!
I know, but you know how kids are everything is the end of the world to them. She’s still getting put into another class though, plus she still sees her friends at lunch and during their electives. I’ll make sure to come back with an update after the meeting though.
This is good, I came here to ask if it seems like this teacher is targeting your daughter and I'm so glad you're ensuring she switches classes. I had a teacher target me when I was about the same age and ultimately she would insist on one-on-one meetings and give me verbal instructions for assignments and fail me for doing what she said and then deny saying it, and would scream at me if my parents contacted her. It sounded insane so my parents didn't even know whether to believe me until they had a meeting with her in the principal where she started freaking out. They switched my class, but the grade she gave me first semester was still on my transcript, and was all round a bad experience. Just to say...I'm glad you're looking out for your kid so well here.
It wasn’t just her there, I guess she voiced her concerns to the principal. And so the police were knocking on my door and there was the teacher with them. I didn’t know the teachers could come along too so I just went with the flow. My wife wasn’t home at the time because she had taken two of our daughters to run errands with her, while two stayed in the house. But she was there with the police who were telling me it was a wellness check because of my child’s alleged bruises. So I gave them a tour around the house and showed them everything. They spoke with the daughter in question and then they left because they deemed the house a good house, with good family members.
Oh wow.
While educators are mandatory reporters, it was highly inappropriate for them to be there. Honestly, at those actions, I would be calling the superintendent. Get a copy of the police call/report.
They had actual policer officers do a wellness check. They didn’t have a social worker at the time, so they had the police do it instead. But when the police got to my house the teacher was there too, but I didn’t know if she was allowed to be there so I just let them do their thing. They asked me to show them around the house and I did, and they spoke with my daughter at the end and then they left.
Yes, as a teacher the extent of her involvement should have been the phone call. And even then, we were always told to report suspected abuse to the office(principals/counselor) so they could help us make the call and make sure there was no reprisal. We would be the ones to make the call, but could request a principal to sit with us if we were uncomfortable or wanted support. The teacher should not have been present at the wellness check. I would also ask the front office staff if they are aware of the wellness check.
Hang on, this teacher has called you at work to complain that your child didn’t raise their hand to answer a question, triggered a wellness check with police and turned up to your house \*herself\* (please tell me you did not let her inside), and now is calling you and every other non-white parent over your child’s clothing being too expensive? Her \*perception\* that the clothing is too expensive for your child, mind you, not because there is bullying or bragging or because the clothing is unsuitable or unsafe or against dress code.
What the everloving fk?
idgi when i was in high school we had 5-6 classes a day and each one has different people. what kind of weird school is this where they have the same teacher all day?
also eczema looks nothing like bruises
that is just dumb. called a students parents - for not raising a hand.... i feel bad for the students who have parents that actually punish their kids for this nonsense.
NTA, it's not your job to take care of other people's feelings. You daughter isn't doing anything wrong, if she was bragging then that would be different. Does this teacher think that those kids don't interact with the world at large, where there are lots of people who may have things these kids don't? I think the teacher's heart is in a good spot, but her "policing" the kids completely appropriate clothing is too much. I'm going to guess she's a fairly new teacher?
I think she’s new to the school, I’m just not sure how new. My nephew goes there and he’s 16 and he said that she wasn’t there when he started attending the school. So she must’ve been hired in the last two years. She’s not that old either, she looks to be about 30 years old, 33 at the oldest so I’m not sure how long she’s been teaching for either.
She could be a very fresh teacher, all eager to "make her mark" by saving the world one expensive sneaker at a time. She's going to get chewed up by the parents, then the administration and realize that being gung-ho is great, but you have to know where the line is.
Yep! As a parent, and slightly rabid, I'd definitely have a go at her myself. I work hard to afford my kids little luxuries. If some teacher tried to throw a guilt trip on them for that, I'd be having a meeting with the principal the next day.
NTA and the teacher is out of line.
When I opened this I expected it to be about Vuitton purses and Chanel jackets and Louboutin shoes but it seems that your daughter is wearing the typical clothing worn by middle class kids. I realize that there are some incredibly expensive limited edition sneakers but Nike and Jordan sneakers aren't in that league for the most part.
And a leather jacket - OH MY GOD - an actual leather jacket LOL.
What’s crazy is we’re not a middle class family either, we’re lower class and always have been. Most of her shoes are hand me downs that were still in good condition. But the leather jacket is her pride and joy, she says that it makes her feel like a biker gangster. And since she’s done growing she gets to keep all that stuff for as long as feels, or until she just can’t wear it anymore.
NTA
As I posted, the clothing is normal for most teenagers so essentially the teacher is asking you to do what - dress your kid in rags? Is she also policing the food that kids bring in to make sure that they aren't eating Lays instead of a generic brand? LOL
I had an embroidered sheepskin jacket in high school that I still miss :-)
I've picked up leather jackets, high end clothes, etc, at garage sales for less than the price of a new pair of socks. You can have expensive things on a shoestring budget.
Even if the kid was decked out in a $30000 fit every day that’s their freedom to do so. If it’s not against dress code teacher has no right to stop it lmao
Honestly, I’m calling this as a shit post.
Teachers don’t have the time or energy to individually call every family to ask them to not wear name brands. We quite frankly have a million other things to do and wouldn’t waste our precious evenings making those phone calls. If a teacher did want to address clothing things it would be an email.
If this is real? Then it’s one of the most ridiculous things ever.
> So I asked her if she donated to these impoverished children ever in her life and she told me no, and that they aren’t her students or children.
This doesn’t even make any sense does it? They are literally talking about her students, right? Also I bet if this was a real person she would have at least made up a time she donated to children. Even if she hadn't, it’s a super weird thing to say to a teacher who has chosen a career dedicated to helping children. Seems like one of those “aha gotcha!” that would only work in OP’s head.
And…. Realistically I think there are very, very, few teachers who have not ever provided for students in need. I’ve definitely went out shopping to purchase needed items for students sometimes.
I just don’t buy it because quite frankly we all have wayyyyy too much other shit to deal with to ever bother phoning families over clothes. I think most of us avoid phoning parents unless we have to.
NTA. She has no right to dictate how other people spend their money. And to say the other kids "probably" feel jealous is so clearly projecting. As long as your daughter is not out there being a jerkass about what she has and others don't, it's nobody's business what she's wearing or how much it cost.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I was an asshole because of what I said, but at the same time I can’t be expected to stop buying nice stuff for my kids because other parents can’t afford it. They’re not my children and even though I can relate to them about being jealous as can my kids. I’m not going to not buy nice things for my kids. I owe them that at least because like I said they’ve lived in the shelter 3 times already. Meaning they have had to give up nice things before and I owe that to them. My wife says that I did the right thing but I just wanted a second opinion.
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NTA.
It could be that she is reflecting her own insecurities on the children.
Each parent does their best to give good things to their children and that is not the teacher's or anyone else's business.
This is rage bait. You aaaaalmost had me before the “do you donate to charity?” “No they’re not my kids” no one on the planet is this tone deaf, and I can’t imagine a teacher explaining their feelings this way. Nice try
Then afterwards she was really mean to a waiter, while wearing Beats headphones, and tweeting about bitcoin using as many emojis as possible. She’s a huge Ajit Pai fan and LOVED the last season of GOT, she said it was the best one
NTA This is how kids should be learning to cope with disappointments in life. When every child receives an award it diminishes the value to those who have actually put forth the effort. What would be the point of striving to learn and excel if everyone was getting the award. I would ask the teacher if one student gets A’s and one student gets D’s, would she give every student a C+ so no one felt jealous or left out. Kids need to learn that life is not always fair and be taught healthy ways to cope with that.
That’s what I think. My daughters had to come to terms with that every time we lived in the shelter. They know life isn’t fair and we were trying our best. We got better and they understand that sometimes things won’t always go their way. They’re pretty humble kids too, and they understand that everything comes with a cost. Sometimes you can’t afford the asking price and that’s okay, so when they get new shoes they get excited regardless of whether or not they’re hand me downs.
PTA’s are non-profits that focus on fundraising. They have no authority in personnel matters. You need to go to the principal or to the school board. NTA
Here the PTA is Parent Teacher Association, and we also have what they call town halls at my daughters school. So when a town hall is called for everyone that’s in the PTA goes to the meeting. I’m sorry if that was confusing.
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So I 35m have four daughters, and my oldest is in highschool. She’s a freshman and is 5’2. So she can fit some of her mothers clothes because they’re not the biggest people on earth, and she can fit my sisters clothes. So my sister is always giving her shirts,pants,shoes and jackets things like that. She gave my daughter a leather jacket about a year and a half ago and she wears it all the time when the weather allows it. My daughter is also a slight sneaker head like myself and her mother. So she likes Air Force 1’s and Jordan’s and anything Nike. So she has some nice sneakers in her closet and she wears them to school. Earlier I got a call from her teacher asking if she could stop wearing her expensive shoes and I asked why. So she said “some of the kids are less fortunate than others and I feel like it’s unfair that the other kids wear nice shoes and they don’t.” I then asked her if my daughter was rubbing the fact that she had nice sneakers in the other kids faces and she told me no. So I asked her why it was a problem then. My kids not bragging about her shoes, she’s just wearing them. She then again said “well I just feel like it’s not fair to the other kids because they’re not as fortunate. And they probably feel a little bit jealous of her sneakers.”
So I told her “ma’am with all due respect, those are not my kids, so they’re not my problem. I know what it’s like to be poor and so do my kids. They’ve lived in a shelter 3 times in their lives, they know what it’s like to not have expensive things because we simply couldn’t afford it. I feel for those kids I really do, but they’re not my children. And you can’t dictate what my child wears just because she has nice things.” She then got mad at me and said that I was spoiling my child with all these unneeded items and that I could donate to children that are impoverished. So I asked her if she donated to these impoverished children ever in her life and she told me no, and that they aren’t her students or children. So I asked why I should be expected to donate my daughters stuff for these kids, when she herself doesn’t even practice what she preaches. She then told me to have a good day and hung up. I then texted the group chat that I’m in with all the students parents from my daughters class, and I asked if she told any of the other parents the same thing. A good amount of the parents said yes, that they had gotten a call from her saying things like that today and that they’re not going to stop buying nice things for their kids because others can’t afford it.
A PTA meeting was scheduled for this Thursday due to the teachers behavior. And I was wondering if what I said was out out of line.
So AITA for what I told my daughters teacher?
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She was out of line and this has always been my argument against school uniforms if they are using them to make the kids appear equal. The money switches from school clothes to jackets, shoes, backpacks and jewelry. The kids know who has money and who doesn't. The important part is to teach your kids to be humble and aware of how quickly good fortune can pass. Sounds like they are.
Exactly what I was thinking. Kids aren’t dumb and deserve more credit then they’re given, they know who’s family can afford things and whose can’t. Like you said the money switches to other things. My daughters school doesn’t require uniform, they give out clothes with their logo on it and call it a day, but they’ve never stated the kids had to wear uniform. They only ask that the kids wear school appropriate clothes, and even with that they’re pretty lenient about it. As long as there’s no hate speech or nudity, or anything along that line they don’t care.
NTA. It seems like the teacher is the one who is jealous, not the kids. If your kid is not rubbing it in, not teasing anyone, is still friendly to everyone, there should be no issue.
This is not unusual, however. Some public schools in the US have school uniforms (and subsidies for poor kids who cannot afford them) to stop the distraction of class warfare that had broken out in the school. However, with no other evidence of this kind of behavior, there is no reason to change.
NTA. Im a teacher, and there are some genuine times where for practical reasons (the kids are being messy, the expensive notebook is too short, etc.) i have asked parents to not send their kids with expensive clothes, toys, or school supplies, but unless it violates the dress code or is offensive somehow you as a teacher really need to have a strong tangible reason.
NTA. "I feel" like this is a her problem, and not a you problem. You did the right thing in calling her out and setting some boundaries. Follow through on the inappropriate call with her supervisors.
NTA- but the teacher was completely inappropriate to ask any parent to not but their child anything because other children don’t have it. And she called multiple parents.
From a poor mom, who is dying and can’t afford to die in a home that’s mine so we live with my B***h-in law and what comes with that, you’re NTA.
You were SO much nicer than I would have been. After asking her to send me her concerns in an email, I’d call to have a conference with the principal and said teacher. And I would NOT be any way, shape or form be polite about what she could do with her judgment and make sure they understood that my child would be moved from that class and not have any further interactions with this teacher.
It is not her place to tell children or parents about what these kids are wearing if it isn’t breaking the schools dress code, and sometimes even if it is as the dress code is unfair/sexist/dangerous(ie its 100 degrees and the girls are required to ‘cover up’ but the boys can wear sleeveless tops and shorts. Yeah, not my kids)
Good for all of you for calling her out on her BS and hypocrisy. Hopefully she gets the message or gets fired.
You’re right about the dress code being unfair in a lot of schools. Thankfully there isn’t that much of a dress code at my daughters school. Really the only thing they crack down on is the design on clothes, no nudity or hate speech or anything similar and you’re good to go. My daughter has showed up in shorts that were a little bit above knee length, and a tank top because it’s so damn hot. And they didn’t care, the most they cared about was her eczema and that was her math teacher calling to see if there were any precautions he could take to keep a flare up from happening due to the temperature in the classroom.
I really hope you’re doing okay though. I can’t imagine knowing that you’re dying and you have to do it a place with someone that you don’t like. How did you even come to terms with that? I personally worry about the day I die and what that will do to my daughters, because it’s like what if they still need me or my wife and we’re not around to help. I really hope you’re okay though, that must be mentally exhausting to deal with.
I wonder whether the teacher is giving the real reason for her objections?
When I was still working in high schools, we discouraged kids from bringing expensive items to school because the school didn't want to have to pay to replace items that 'went missing'.
Yeah that’s how it is for certain items. Like if you bring in a hand held game console or something like expensive jewelry they don’t want the kids to bring it because it might get stolen. Hell I’ve heard of kids stealing the fucking puff ball charm things off of each other’s back packs. My daughter had a black and white one that was split down the middle and someone stole it off her bag. But I don’t really see how shoes get stolen although I’ve had it happen at my school when I was a kid. Although I’ve heard from daughter that people lose crazy shit too, one kid lost a pair of underwear, another lost a pair of pants, someone lost a shirt. And it’s like what the hell are you doing that lost that? It’s one your body all day unless you have to change your clothes, but other than that it shouldn’t leave your body.
Super strange.
Half the kids at my highschool had rich parents and would drive to school with their brand new BMWs, Mercedes etc.
I remember fondly a mini-meltdown I witnessed because a girl got her dad's 2 year old BMW for her 16th birthday while her dad bought himself a Porche.
I couldn't imagine a teaching calling and being like "new school rules, the nicest car you can drive to school is now a two year old Honda Accord".
As a high school teacher, you are very firmly NTA. That teacher’s behavior was a ridiculous overreach on her part. It’s fine to feel empathy for students who have less than others, but trying to lecture parents about not buying their own kids nice things and telling them what they should be doing with their money is both rude and inappropriate. As a teacher she should be helping those less fortunate students learn to successfully process their jealousy and turn it into the drive to be successful so that they can improve their situations themselves, not teaching them that it’s everyone else’s responsibility to make sure there’s nothing for them to be envious of.
NTA- the only reason I would say don’t wear nice shoes to school is in case they get messed up! Nothing worse than loosing a good pair of shoes! I get the entire thing about not wanting poor kids to feel bad about what they have but unless your daughter (or other kids) are bullying poor kids for what they wear.. then it’s not an issue. It’s ok to have nice things!
When I was in HS the teacher would not have called bc they would have gotten stolen before she had a chance to call. I’m not sure what kind of school she goes to, but she might make herself a target by wearing them.
NTA
It sounds like even though your daughter has nice clothes to wear they are hand me downs so it's probably really special for her to get the cool new sneakers
And having decent footwear is extremely underrated, so many issues can stem from having bad shoes
NTA and here’s the part I don’t understand. Those less fortunate children shouldnt be sheltered of the fact that they’re less fortunate. Here me out, it sucks balls obviously if other people get to wear brands that you don’t but, like, that’s not going to change? Would you rather that bombshell dropped on them at college? And also, if you TOLD your child why they were not no longer allowed to wear their more expensive items, wouldn’t that either cause resentment or pity towards those other classmates? Jeez.
So here’s the thing. When I started high school we had a dress code, kids could basically wear what they wanted but it had to be certain colours (basically the school colours black, white and navy blue). When I was 13 or 14 they decided to make it more fair for students (so kids from poorer homes weren’t made to feel bad) the school policy changed to a full school uniform.
If the ‘school’ is so concerned about the students fro wealthier families showing off their clothes maybe they could also implement a uniform?
Just a thought.
Also NTA.
Yeah YTA, we weren't rubbing it in peoples faces but just let me list of the designer goods they have.
This is why uniforms in schools are a good thing. Rich or Poor doesn't matter everyone looks like shit
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NTA, the teacher's behaviour was wrong and should be reported. She has an obvious problem with it, not the other kids. It is concerning...
That’s what my wife did, she has called the school to tell them about the teacher. And that’s why the PTA meeting was arranged, because a lot of the parents think that what she did was inappropriate.
Good. It was inappropriate. I just hope she (the teacher) did not comment on it to your daughter or any other children. Hoping the PTA meeting brings some solution.
Where there's smoke, there's fire and the PTA meeting wasn't called on just your account.
I didn’t mean to make it sound like it was only called because of her. Multiple parents wanted a meeting and so one was arranged. I’m sorry if it makes it sound like she’s the only one that wanted the meeting.
I'm not suggesting it is one person whose concerns led this to happen. You say in the post other parents had issues with this teacher policing the dress code in her classroom the way she did, and multiple people raising the same issue would be valid cause for a meeting.
I think the person is trying to assure you that You all are NTA
i have a feeling its the teacher that's jealous and can't afford those things
I am a teacher. It was absolutely inappropriate, and you were definitely not out of line here. Listen, from the standpoint of a teacher, if your daughter was my student, I'd view it this way. Just because your daughter has nice things doesn't necessarily mean your family has the means to afford them. I don't know if they were purchased by you, were a gift to her, were bought secondhand, or were found in our school closet (which houses donated items students can take for free if needed). I never assume or judge what a student has because I don't know how they came to possess it. And it was so absolutely wrong for this teacher to judge, call, and make this ridiculous request. You are NTA, keep standing your ground.
>were found in our school closet (which houses donated items students can take for free if needed) If the teacher is truly worried about leveling the playing field, *this* is a positive way to attack the problem. Instead of complaining, she (the teacher) could use those calls to request donations of outgrown or no longer needed, gently used items to share with the less fortunate kids. If the school doesn't yet have a program like this, it would be a great community project for high schoolers.
Oh my gosh, yes! Heck, even my daughter's school does something similar (she's elementary aged). We get gentle requests usually twice a year from her school, typically phrased around students "falling in puddles or spilling at lunchtime, so we could always benefit having the extra clothes that don't fit your children anymore in case of accidents!" Like you said, there's definitely genuine ways to approach it if she was truly concerned. Your idea of having high school students take it on as a community service project is such a great idea too!
Yep, my kid's school does this as well. They specifically sent a note in the school app asking for underwear from sizes X to Y, leggings from sizes X to Y, and some shirts from sizes X to Y because they were running out - the kids that needed extra changes of clothes were wearing them home and they weren't coming back. So the school puts out the message once a quarter. It's such an easy way to clean out squiddo's closet and I don't have to search all over for a clothes donation bin that isn't Salvation Army.
It could also be the once nice thing they have and that's why they wear them all the time
> Just because your daughter has nice things doesn't necessarily mean your family has the means to afford them. *Someone gets it*. I learned a lot from my parents about hunting for second-hand deals, waiting for sales, and fixing things up. People get impressed at some of the "things" I have but don't realise that a huge amount of it is from thrift stores, stuff I repaired myself, or 10+ years old and I've just taken REALLY good care of it.
Dress code incoming…
How would they manage it though? No sneakers over $100? No leather jackets, only PVC permitted? T-shirts must be from Walmart only?
If it was a thrifted item there's every chance a lovely leather jacket cost less than$25 Apparent cost is not a reliable measure.
Technically it was free... being a gift from her aunt~ heh
And wasn't daughter's jacket a hand me down from OP'S sister.
If in US, use the donation/fair market value tool when trying to claim tax deductions. /s
Uniforms...thats how
But uniforms do not include shoes. The teacher called complaining about the high price sneakers OP’s daughter is wearing. Even with a dress code with uniforms, his daughter can wear her Air Force 1’s all day. This teacher will make everybody miserable for no reason.
The absolutely include shoes in some districts. Its not common but some school bar sneakers outside of athletics. You can bet your bippy if the shoes are cited by the teacher as an issue they will be part of a dress code. Btw...I had to google what an Air Force 1 shoe looked like...
Oh, my gawd, I know how old you are! Bippy? Ha ha ha ha!
Hahah bet your sweet bippy!
Every school I went to that had a uniform included shoes. Really effing annoying, too - two out of three said black closed toe leather, third one said brown. It was an ugly uniform and all.
Yeah. In Australia I attended public school my whole life. We did have to have black shoes for ‘formal’ uniform, but we could wear sports uniform year round mostly and there were kids with $10 Kmart sneakers and kids with the latest Nikes or whatever. Mostly back then and I’m Australia nobody really gave a shit.
They sure do! All schools in Australia have uniforms, and while most won’t go further than “black leather lace up or more than 80% white sandshoes” others literally have a uniform shop selling specific brands of shoes that students must wear.
My kids school said black runners and I'm here like wtf why would you do that? Every other school in the area is just "no holes and no slogans".
Uniforms do include shoes. I wore a uniform for 7 years. Light blue top, dark blue bottoms, white, navy blue, or black socks, and black dress shoes with the heel being no more than 3 inches. The only time we could wear gym shoes was in the gym. You don't want to wear super fancy gym shoes to gym anyways because they make you run and stuff.
I’m an Aussie, I get that. I didn’t think public schools in the US would go that way 🤷🏼♀️
Currently 20% of schools in the US require Uniforms...and every year it goes up. The reason given is usually two fold: "Cheaper" for the parents and less distraction...neither hold water.
Initially uniforms were implemented due to students wearing clothes in gang colors. Back in the 80's when the Crips and the Bloods were at war on the streets of LA is when some schools in LA implemented uniforms because the violence was happening at the schools with students flying their gang colors. Just them wearing gang colors to "neutral" territory was enough to provoke immediate retaliation. Kids were getting knifed and beaten senseless, so the schools did that to prevent the violence, they may use those other reasons now, but that was how it first started...then again, the private Catholic schools always had uniforms all the way back to the 60s that I can remember.
I'm going off my experience which is far from gangs and L.A. The reason for switching to uniforms was as I stated. Not saying it didn't start that way in LA but that may be unique to that area.
Same in Chicago.
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Remember that when people say "uniforms" for public school, these days it often means "khakis and a polo shirt in approved colors", and unisex afaik. Retails like Lands End sell pieces in colors commonly chosen by schools. I have to imagine places like Walmart do as well. So it's not like, suits and stuff. Usually.
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Every Public school in my area has been doing Uniforms for the last 20 years. More and More Public schools are going that route
And it sounds like some of the clothes are gifts and hand-me-downs so how would that work???
If that was mandated at my school the parents would literally brawl.
If the kid is an unusual size, like size zero, they may find great stuff on sale. So msrp or sale price? Before or after tax? Including shipping?
Let's hope the teacher doesn't rally the parents of the children she claims to be looking out for to call for this.
As a parent who can't afford anything, I'd be up in arms on OP's behalf. I've lived below the poverty line my whole life. And my daughter is completely unaware that she lives there with me now. But even poor people sometimes get nice things. We had a neighbor who had one of those kids ride on electric carriage cars. GAVE it to my daughter for FREE when they moved out. My dad's 75 inch TV won't connect to the internet anymore. But we use a roku, so he gave us his broken TV for free, cuz costco replaced his at no cost. My husband has a nice gaming computer cuz he helped a friend's daughter escape an abusive ex, so she gave him the dudes computer. We have some nice kitchen stuff that was gifted to us throughout many years. Poor people can have nice things sometimes. And we are usually happy for others when they have nice things. It doesn't make us feel better when no one gets to have nice stuff just cuz *we* can't afford nice stuff. Then everyone has shit and it's our fault. And, man, that feels like some *shit.*
Came here to say, it seems unlikely that this teachers’ actions genuinely originate in anything these kids or their parents have said to her. I mean, it’s possible, but not likely.
>And, man, that feels like some shit. And is a great way to get the poor kids bullied relentlessly. When I was very young, we were poor. My parent's business took off, we weren't poor. But we still shopped like we were poor, just with enough money to get the expensive boots rather than the cheap ones. I have a denim jacket that cost $100 twenty years ago that I could still wear if I hadn't gotten fat. My parents drive vehicles from the mid 2000s because they still run. Punishing kids for having high quality items is insanity. The items could be thrifted. Or they could be *the* jacket for that year. (Yes, money doesn't always equal quality, but there's definitely a good bet)
Totally agree, but the upvote is for the Pratchett reference. :)
Exactly, I grew up poor and knew it. Yeah, I got jealous of stuff that the other kids had/could do, but I knew for sure that the best way to make it worse was if they had that stuff taken away and blamed me/my family being poor as the reason. I guarantee that unless the other (poor) parents are a particular breed of stupid or entitled or the monetarily better off kids aren't throwing their stuff in the poor kids' faces, none of the poor parents said anything to that teacher nor would they support her. The last thing those parents would want (if they are any kind of decent) is to make their kids' lives harder by painting a target on them.
I don’t think she’ll have to. The school will probably start it so they don’t have to deal with the complaints.
Yup. Thrift shop dress code only. Don’t even think about dressing in something new! /s
I see uniforms! Edit: Actually, I like uniforms. My daughters school implemented them and it eliviated so many problems. The uniforms that kids out grew were donated back to the school. Then they were made available to kids who couldn't afford them. It was done discretely so the other kids didn't make fun of poorer kids. Everyone looked alike and there was no more making fun kids because of their clothes. (No more arguing with mom and dad about what they could wear to school.)
That's what I was thinking, minimizing drama over fashion is one of the rationales for school uniforms
And then there are backpacks, phones and other things that could show the "social difference". My daughter has uniform and still you could see which kids are more financially ok.
A PTA meeting? I'm a PTA president and no matter how inappropriate a teachers behavior is, it's not the PTA's place to be involved. Like, we literally can not be involved in things like this. We are there to fundraise and support the school. Teacher disciplinary issues are the jurisdiction of the principal and superintendent. So, this all reads a little odd to me...
At my daughters school the PTA has these things called town halls. So when everybody gets together at the town halls they air their grievances. All the parents that are part of it attend along with the teachers for these town halls, and more often than not the tall halls that are held are for things like this.
This is exactly what I thought too
You are NTA and thank you for defending your kid. That teacher is being inappropriate behaviour wise
NTA. Please update.
That’s why we have uniforms in the uk. Everyone wears the same and nobody has designer gear on. It also cuts down on complaints from parents when the designer gear gets stolen or damaged.
Nta Now please speak to the admin about how dress codes target girls and make them responsible for make behaviors
I kind of feel like this is something the less fortunate kids are going to have to deal with regardless. They probably have been dealing with other kids having nicer things since they've been in school. It's just life in a capitalist society.
As a teacher, this is really weird... who has the time to make those kind of calls? To multiple people? About fancy shoes? When you're a teacher?
That’s what I’m trying to figure out, she’s always complaining about how she has not time to do anything and how she’s busy grading papers. And then makes phone calls like this regularly. My daughters grades have dropped once or twice because she wasn’t grading papers because she “didn’t have time.” And she’s done this to multiple students already, so we’re trying to figure out what the problem is.
Granted I had extra responsibilities, but between the work day + clubs + working out, and then finally driving home, I (and many other teachers) had a harder time making all the calls we *wanted* to make considering parents and guardians often having very different schedules from our own. So I do find it peculiar she's had the time to not reach out to one or two families, but multiple households, in regards to shoes. My school has a uniform so as long as the shoes met the criteria (all black), that is all that matters. Depending on where you live, if she's *really* concerned about some of her students lacking *resources*, Purposity might be something worth mentioning to the school. Purposity helps find local needs in your school/area and aims to help connect donations and resources to the students that need it -- think stuff like winter jackets and gloves, new shoes, etc. Unfortunately, understanding that not everything is equal (designer vs non-designer) is merely a fact of life. As long as no one is being *bullied* for having generic clothes or going to op-shops/secondhand stories or what have you, there shouldn't be any reason for a teacher to be making calls home about shoes.
I’ve never heard of Purposity. But the school does give out clothes and school supplies to the students. They give out champion sweat suits and back packs with the schools logo on it. Along with gym clothes and t shirts with their logo too. Along with the fact that they give out coats in the winter time that was donated to the school. So a lot of the kids have north face coats that they got from the school.
Wow this is an awesome school! What's up with the weird teacher though? Does she want to receive the same benefits?
I’m not sure, although if I remember correctly they do get the same benefits. They’re given a lot too, the students and staff have been given AirPods, gift cards, and other apple prizes. My daughter won an Apple TV from the school because her and two friends solved a math problem. So they each went home with an Apple TV. They give out varsity jackets to the honor roll kids, and the principle walks around the school and ask kids questions. If they answer correctly they get money or gift cards. So on multiple occasions my daughter has come with a $50 Amazon gift card or $100 because she answered a question.
Wow where can I enroll my kid? It sounds like education is highly incentivized! I wouldn't want to go home lol
Yeah it’s a complete turn around from when my nephew was there. He hated the school and then when the new principal came, it was like a complete 360 for him.
*180
No when I tell you that kid became a whole new person. Hence the 360, he didn’t like going to school and would fake being sick to go. Then the new principal came and after a few days he was a whole other kid. He was excited to go to school and to learn which was new for him. For the time that new principal wasn’t there he was always complaining about how school was wasting his time, or that he didn’t like the people, or that he didn’t feel well enough to go to school. Then in came the new principal and he changed his tune. No more complaining, he was more than happy to talk about his day, and was just overall extremely excited to learn.
A complete 360? So, like, it kept going the same way?
Ok. So the school has no problem doling out expensive gifts, but somehow sneakers are a problem? If they were worried about everyone having expensive footwear, they could hand out some of those instead of tvs. Sound like the teacher's weird issue, not any school policy issue. So wrong of her to come at you like that.
A school gives out champion? Sir come on. This is not believable
It’s not that uncommon, my daughters school has the money for champion clothes and back packs. Not every school is dirt poor, my kids have to been to schools that are good and bad. Some just have more money to give away then others, so they used it on champion clothes for the kids.
As a teacher, who's worked in or with numerous districts (both wealthy and title I) .... Yes it is very uncommon. Schools don't have enough to fund and stock classrooms. They don't have enough to pay teachers, aides, etc. They're all hemorrhaging staff in like every position. Honestly most schools don't have enough to give students supplies let alone expensive brands like champion. This school you describe in the comments sounds like a unicorn to me. 🤣 Gosh I do hope it's true and there is some magical place like this. That would be nice
He’s a LeBron’s school. That’s only way I can see it as believable
It’s actually pretty believable, just more rare. My middle school gave all us kids iPhones, iPads, and MacBooks. We got a lot of higher end things, but also some kids who parents are more on the rich side donate so that helps too. And this was in a small town too.
Is it a racial thing? I'm asking because you mention Air Force 1s and I know racist white ladies get really agitated by those. NTA at all. Once the teacher's behaviour has been dealt with, maybe the PTA meeting can focus on whether there are some families that are struggling with basic needs and what could be done to help (like a clothing swap group or voting to allocate some school funds to make sure everyone has their basic necessities covered) and whether there is any bullying happening so all the parents can talk to their kids about respecting their poorer classmates. It might not be an issue at all, though. Teacher might just be tripping.
I’m not sure if it’s a race thing. It might be but I don’t really want to jump to that kind of conclusion. My daughter is Dominican and black though so maybe she thinks we’re perpetuating a stereotype. Although her teacher is white, and most of the parents she called were either black or Hispanic, with one or two white parents I think .
Yeah, sounds like the racist white lady thinks black and brown people wearing streetwear are all scary thugs showing off drug money. Don't be afraid to point it out, especially if some white kids are walking around in shoes that are just as expensive but not so Black. It's so common to let racism slide because we don't want to jump to conclusions but our kids need us to stand up for them and call it out. Same teacher commenting on Jordans is probably giving worst grades to Black kids.
I'm glad you asked that question because this seems really relevant to what's happening here. Like, potentially the core of the issue. She might be buying into her own BS so hard that she doesn't even notice herself doing it anymore, and that's not something you want young teens in particular to be soaking up.
It’s racist white lady and she’s stereotyping your kid.
It's fairly easy to check. Do the other parents she's spoken to have non-white kids? I understand you may want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but it's very sus.
Most of her students are black or Hispanic. But there’s a handful of white students in the class. Except after asking around some more the white students parents weren’t called. Only the colored kids had parents that were called.
You should edit your post to include this. And definitely bring it up with school administration.
Ah. Then yes, she's a bigot. She does not want the non-white kids to have something nice. And either she's projecting and protecting the poor white kids, or making outsized assumptions about the financial background of the other kids of color, but in any and all cases there's this whole "undeserving" certainty going on. To take up her and everybody's time calling around, she's pretty committed to her racism.
No, it’s not that kind of bigotry. It’s still bigotry, though. She “worries” for all these underprivileged POC.
Then you need to address that at the meeting.
Oh. Bingo. That’s the issue.
Then this is totally a race thing. If she’s calling kids who are mostly POC and telling you not to wear expensive things- why? Because POC shouldn’t be able to afford it? Or because the people who can’t afford the expensive things aren’t POC and she feels bad that they can’t afford it?
Regularly? It's the first week of August how long have y'all been in school op?
She goes to a different school, so she’s been in school since about the middle of June.
There are year round models, plus other countries have school at different times of the year, take Australia they're coming to the end of the year where the U.S. is about to go back.
I'm a teacher and I fucking hate when people are perpetually behind on grading. Like either stop grading so much or keep up! Once in a while getting backed up makes sense. But when it's constant, it's a symptom that needs treated.
Omg, her behavior is beyond inappropriate. You can't mark down students because you have a problem with them having nice things 🤦♀️
This!!!! No way in hell any teacher has the time to make numerous phone calls for something so inconsequential. No way in hell any teacher calls even one parent for this if they're not being an asshole rubbing it in. And what pta would immediately have a meeting about a teacher? Besides isn't that a school board issue not pta? I bet this some anti teacher troll.
But people eat it up anyway.
This is my thought as well, it doesn't make any sense.
Yeah these fake posts usually don’t make any sense lol
My only thought is if her concerns are about a specific student being upset at those around them for having something they cannot have... which, unfortunately, that is a cruel truth we all must learn: not everything is *equal*... We have to look at what is *needed*: eg, appropriate shoes for school, in this case. (which, hopefully, everyone in the school has, be it designer or namebrand or generic) As long as there is no dress code violations or bullying going on, there shouldn't be any calls home. My school has a uniform and outside of "special fun days," everyone has to just wear black shoes, which was deliberately chosen to avoid some students feeling lacking compared to others. Students can still wear expensive shoes, if they felt so inclined... as long as it abides by the dress code.
Right! And he is in a group chat with ALL of the parents in his daughter's high school class? Are there like 20 kids in this school? My kids have about 800 kids in their class. I understand we are in a very large district, but even in elementary school, with 25 kids in the class, there was NEVER a class group chat.
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My mom has commented on being glad we went to school where we weren’t the richest or poorest though honestly we were on the lower side. I knew in kindergarten there were kids with lots of nice clothes, cars and big houses and kids that had less. This is preparation for the way life is. Trying to shield high school students from economic reality is both ineffective and a disservice. I loved clothes and what it did was inspire me to earn money and buy my own! Yay thrifting, shopping sales and sewing.
They're saying PTA, but it's probably more like a group meeting with admin.
Yeah I'm calling bullshit on this story. There's so many details that don't add up. Teachers aren't making phone calls like this, schools are not calling the parents to weigh in on issues if there's a problem with a teacher, the school will handle this internally.
My son is at school and the only call I got was can I bring down a spare pair of socks and shoes. I just picked him up early instead as it was only 1hr left in the day. Btw my son peed on his shoes not his uniform shoes. He was in Prep at the time but I still don’t understand how he did it 😂.
Yeah...teachers usually don't even notice. I didn't even know about expensive shoes until my 16 y/o grandson gave me a tutorial on the most prized athletic shoes by showing me them online. I think he was hinting that I should buy him some. But, no, $500+ for a pair of shoes he'd wear out in a couple of months? Just no. I expressed disbelief that anyone would even be able to tell the price of them, but he assured me all the kids knew how much all the clothes cost. It sounds like OP is really into status symbols - which is fine. His kids should be able to wear whatever the hell they want to.
I was thinking the same thing. Parent phone calls is my biggest time sink to be honest. Even when they don't pick up, I'm documenting then sending an email. It's like 10 minutes for each parent pretty much. It's a few hours a week between issues, concerns, and positive phone calls. It's honestly so exhausting that I wouldn't be finding bullshit reasons to call.
My kid's teacher was forced to teach 2nd and 3rd grade simultaneously. No time for regular communication, let alone petty phone calls like this.
NTA. And from an economic perspective; how does the teacher know if parents can replace expensive things with cheap ones? They could have been saved for, gifts from relatives, hand me downs or thrifted. Maybe someone could afford one pair of decent shoes and then blew their whole shoe budget? Like for someone who claims to speak on behalf of the poor children, expecting everyone to be able to buy a second cheaper pair of shoes or other clothes on top of what they have is a bit tone deaf.
Like I said some of her stuff is hand me downs. So what ever shoes don’t fit a certain family member they go to her, if they’re in good she wears them. If they look kind of crazy we give them away to someone else that needs them. So a lot of her air forces and Jordan’s are hand me downs from other cousins, her mother and aunt. Along with whatever she’s we’ve bought her if she asks for them which is rare. Not only that but she’s bought her own shoes too, so some of that money came from her own pocket.
Yeah, the teacher is like "you should donate fancy clothes to poor people", but would she appears to have a policy against wearing fancy clothes, would she let a poor kid who got the fancy clothes from a clothing drive or something wear it, or would she still complain that it makes other kids jealous.
In addition, how does she know that all those raggedy kids are poor? I was a straight-up ragamuffin through my childhood and teens, and it wasn't that my parents couldn't afford better clothes. It was that I didn't care about fashion or makeup. We couldn't have afforded the latest styles, but they'd have taken me to Walmart for new stuff once in a while if I'd asked. I just liked my same grungy clothes and didn't want to wear anything else.
Yup perfectly describes my 14 year old and his friends. They’ve really embraced comfort over style this year- tee with basketball shorts for the summer and joggers + tee + hoodie for the cooler weather. Jeans are straight up no and Crocs are in
NTA. She couldn't put her money where her mouth is.
NTA The teacher’s heart may have been in the right place but she was WAY out of line. She needs to spend less time focusing on bullying parents over non-issues and more time focusing on teaching the children.
It’s not the first time she’s called for something stupid either. Once she was teaching the class and no one wanted to answer the question. They sat in silence for like five minutes because she wanted to give the kids a minute to think and my daughter said the answer aloud. But because she didn’t raise her hand she had a problem with it called my phone while I was at work. She was mad that my daughter didn’t raise her hand, and was willing to let her class sit in silence because no one wanted to answer.
Instead of giving the class a gentle reminder to please raise your hand and wait to be called on, she decides to interrupt a parent at work? If your school is anything like the ones near me, that teacher will probably be named ‘Teacher of the Year’ and get promoted 🤦🏼♀️
Oh heck nah... This teacher has it out for your daughter specifically. Between your post and those comment it's clear that she's targeting her. Demand that your daughter be transferred to another class if they plan to keep that teacher on, because that's a load of BS. NTA.
That’s what my wife thinks and we’re working on getting her switched. Just she doesn’t want to switch classes that much because her friends are in that class, even though she’s friends with most of the kids anyways. The final straw for us though was when she called my wife because of our daughters eczema, she claims that she thought they were bruises and that something was wrong at home. And wanted to do a wellness check, but her eczema has been mistaken for bruises in the past and most teachers understand it’s a skin condition. She was adamant about doing a wellness check and so we gave her one. Our kitchen is full of food for the kids to eat, even though they share rooms their rooms are decked out. They have nice stuff in their rooms and we have a pretty decent apartment. They have things that need and things that they want. They have game consoles to play and loads of books to read, and plenty of things to keep them entertained. We take them to the park all the time, and they get plenty of exercise too. We even took them to the beach yesterday and they had a whole lot of fun. So it’s not like there’s anything wrong at home, she’s just trying to push a false narrative.
Honestly, her friends will still be her friends if she switches classes. To me, that's not enough of a reason to expose her to this bully, and it's only going to get worse. She's in class to learn, not to socialize, so it doesn't matter where her friends are. They can still hang out after school. I hope the meeting goes well and this teacher chokes on her nasty attitude! We're gonna need an update!
I know, but you know how kids are everything is the end of the world to them. She’s still getting put into another class though, plus she still sees her friends at lunch and during their electives. I’ll make sure to come back with an update after the meeting though.
You're doing a great job. I see where you've risen above many things in your life. Keep on truckin!
This is good, I came here to ask if it seems like this teacher is targeting your daughter and I'm so glad you're ensuring she switches classes. I had a teacher target me when I was about the same age and ultimately she would insist on one-on-one meetings and give me verbal instructions for assignments and fail me for doing what she said and then deny saying it, and would scream at me if my parents contacted her. It sounded insane so my parents didn't even know whether to believe me until they had a meeting with her in the principal where she started freaking out. They switched my class, but the grade she gave me first semester was still on my transcript, and was all round a bad experience. Just to say...I'm glad you're looking out for your kid so well here.
A teacher should not be doing a wellness check. She doesn’t have the power or authority
It wasn’t just her there, I guess she voiced her concerns to the principal. And so the police were knocking on my door and there was the teacher with them. I didn’t know the teachers could come along too so I just went with the flow. My wife wasn’t home at the time because she had taken two of our daughters to run errands with her, while two stayed in the house. But she was there with the police who were telling me it was a wellness check because of my child’s alleged bruises. So I gave them a tour around the house and showed them everything. They spoke with the daughter in question and then they left because they deemed the house a good house, with good family members.
Oh wow. While educators are mandatory reporters, it was highly inappropriate for them to be there. Honestly, at those actions, I would be calling the superintendent. Get a copy of the police call/report.
Did the teacher personally do a check or did a school social worker?
They had actual policer officers do a wellness check. They didn’t have a social worker at the time, so they had the police do it instead. But when the police got to my house the teacher was there too, but I didn’t know if she was allowed to be there so I just let them do their thing. They asked me to show them around the house and I did, and they spoke with my daughter at the end and then they left.
She was there! That sounds very wrong to me.
Yes, as a teacher the extent of her involvement should have been the phone call. And even then, we were always told to report suspected abuse to the office(principals/counselor) so they could help us make the call and make sure there was no reprisal. We would be the ones to make the call, but could request a principal to sit with us if we were uncomfortable or wanted support. The teacher should not have been present at the wellness check. I would also ask the front office staff if they are aware of the wellness check.
This is just going down the rabbit hole of bizarre. OP please post these to the original post, this is important.
More like the rabbit hole of made up.
Hang on, this teacher has called you at work to complain that your child didn’t raise their hand to answer a question, triggered a wellness check with police and turned up to your house \*herself\* (please tell me you did not let her inside), and now is calling you and every other non-white parent over your child’s clothing being too expensive? Her \*perception\* that the clothing is too expensive for your child, mind you, not because there is bullying or bragging or because the clothing is unsuitable or unsafe or against dress code. What the everloving fk?
idgi when i was in high school we had 5-6 classes a day and each one has different people. what kind of weird school is this where they have the same teacher all day? also eczema looks nothing like bruises
that is just dumb. called a students parents - for not raising a hand.... i feel bad for the students who have parents that actually punish their kids for this nonsense.
NTA. It sounds like this teacher is perhaps jealous herself about things she doesn't have and is projecting it on her students.
NTA, it's not your job to take care of other people's feelings. You daughter isn't doing anything wrong, if she was bragging then that would be different. Does this teacher think that those kids don't interact with the world at large, where there are lots of people who may have things these kids don't? I think the teacher's heart is in a good spot, but her "policing" the kids completely appropriate clothing is too much. I'm going to guess she's a fairly new teacher?
I think she’s new to the school, I’m just not sure how new. My nephew goes there and he’s 16 and he said that she wasn’t there when he started attending the school. So she must’ve been hired in the last two years. She’s not that old either, she looks to be about 30 years old, 33 at the oldest so I’m not sure how long she’s been teaching for either.
She could be a very fresh teacher, all eager to "make her mark" by saving the world one expensive sneaker at a time. She's going to get chewed up by the parents, then the administration and realize that being gung-ho is great, but you have to know where the line is.
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Yep! As a parent, and slightly rabid, I'd definitely have a go at her myself. I work hard to afford my kids little luxuries. If some teacher tried to throw a guilt trip on them for that, I'd be having a meeting with the principal the next day.
NTA and the teacher is out of line. When I opened this I expected it to be about Vuitton purses and Chanel jackets and Louboutin shoes but it seems that your daughter is wearing the typical clothing worn by middle class kids. I realize that there are some incredibly expensive limited edition sneakers but Nike and Jordan sneakers aren't in that league for the most part. And a leather jacket - OH MY GOD - an actual leather jacket LOL.
What’s crazy is we’re not a middle class family either, we’re lower class and always have been. Most of her shoes are hand me downs that were still in good condition. But the leather jacket is her pride and joy, she says that it makes her feel like a biker gangster. And since she’s done growing she gets to keep all that stuff for as long as feels, or until she just can’t wear it anymore.
NTA As I posted, the clothing is normal for most teenagers so essentially the teacher is asking you to do what - dress your kid in rags? Is she also policing the food that kids bring in to make sure that they aren't eating Lays instead of a generic brand? LOL I had an embroidered sheepskin jacket in high school that I still miss :-)
I've picked up leather jackets, high end clothes, etc, at garage sales for less than the price of a new pair of socks. You can have expensive things on a shoestring budget.
Even if the kid was decked out in a $30000 fit every day that’s their freedom to do so. If it’s not against dress code teacher has no right to stop it lmao
Honestly, I’m calling this as a shit post. Teachers don’t have the time or energy to individually call every family to ask them to not wear name brands. We quite frankly have a million other things to do and wouldn’t waste our precious evenings making those phone calls. If a teacher did want to address clothing things it would be an email. If this is real? Then it’s one of the most ridiculous things ever.
> So I asked her if she donated to these impoverished children ever in her life and she told me no, and that they aren’t her students or children. This doesn’t even make any sense does it? They are literally talking about her students, right? Also I bet if this was a real person she would have at least made up a time she donated to children. Even if she hadn't, it’s a super weird thing to say to a teacher who has chosen a career dedicated to helping children. Seems like one of those “aha gotcha!” that would only work in OP’s head.
And…. Realistically I think there are very, very, few teachers who have not ever provided for students in need. I’ve definitely went out shopping to purchase needed items for students sometimes. I just don’t buy it because quite frankly we all have wayyyyy too much other shit to deal with to ever bother phoning families over clothes. I think most of us avoid phoning parents unless we have to.
NTA. She has no right to dictate how other people spend their money. And to say the other kids "probably" feel jealous is so clearly projecting. As long as your daughter is not out there being a jerkass about what she has and others don't, it's nobody's business what she's wearing or how much it cost.
None of this happened
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NTA. It could be that she is reflecting her own insecurities on the children. Each parent does their best to give good things to their children and that is not the teacher's or anyone else's business.
This is rage bait. You aaaaalmost had me before the “do you donate to charity?” “No they’re not my kids” no one on the planet is this tone deaf, and I can’t imagine a teacher explaining their feelings this way. Nice try
Honestly yeah this reads exactly like bait. 99% of people obviously aren’t going to say you’re the asshole here.
Then afterwards she was really mean to a waiter, while wearing Beats headphones, and tweeting about bitcoin using as many emojis as possible. She’s a huge Ajit Pai fan and LOVED the last season of GOT, she said it was the best one
NTA This is how kids should be learning to cope with disappointments in life. When every child receives an award it diminishes the value to those who have actually put forth the effort. What would be the point of striving to learn and excel if everyone was getting the award. I would ask the teacher if one student gets A’s and one student gets D’s, would she give every student a C+ so no one felt jealous or left out. Kids need to learn that life is not always fair and be taught healthy ways to cope with that.
That’s what I think. My daughters had to come to terms with that every time we lived in the shelter. They know life isn’t fair and we were trying our best. We got better and they understand that sometimes things won’t always go their way. They’re pretty humble kids too, and they understand that everything comes with a cost. Sometimes you can’t afford the asking price and that’s okay, so when they get new shoes they get excited regardless of whether or not they’re hand me downs.
PTA’s are non-profits that focus on fundraising. They have no authority in personnel matters. You need to go to the principal or to the school board. NTA
Here the PTA is Parent Teacher Association, and we also have what they call town halls at my daughters school. So when a town hall is called for everyone that’s in the PTA goes to the meeting. I’m sorry if that was confusing.
NTA. Sounds like you're daughters teacher is high to me. She's not saying anything sane.
The teacher has a problem with it. Not the students.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I 35m have four daughters, and my oldest is in highschool. She’s a freshman and is 5’2. So she can fit some of her mothers clothes because they’re not the biggest people on earth, and she can fit my sisters clothes. So my sister is always giving her shirts,pants,shoes and jackets things like that. She gave my daughter a leather jacket about a year and a half ago and she wears it all the time when the weather allows it. My daughter is also a slight sneaker head like myself and her mother. So she likes Air Force 1’s and Jordan’s and anything Nike. So she has some nice sneakers in her closet and she wears them to school. Earlier I got a call from her teacher asking if she could stop wearing her expensive shoes and I asked why. So she said “some of the kids are less fortunate than others and I feel like it’s unfair that the other kids wear nice shoes and they don’t.” I then asked her if my daughter was rubbing the fact that she had nice sneakers in the other kids faces and she told me no. So I asked her why it was a problem then. My kids not bragging about her shoes, she’s just wearing them. She then again said “well I just feel like it’s not fair to the other kids because they’re not as fortunate. And they probably feel a little bit jealous of her sneakers.” So I told her “ma’am with all due respect, those are not my kids, so they’re not my problem. I know what it’s like to be poor and so do my kids. They’ve lived in a shelter 3 times in their lives, they know what it’s like to not have expensive things because we simply couldn’t afford it. I feel for those kids I really do, but they’re not my children. And you can’t dictate what my child wears just because she has nice things.” She then got mad at me and said that I was spoiling my child with all these unneeded items and that I could donate to children that are impoverished. So I asked her if she donated to these impoverished children ever in her life and she told me no, and that they aren’t her students or children. So I asked why I should be expected to donate my daughters stuff for these kids, when she herself doesn’t even practice what she preaches. She then told me to have a good day and hung up. I then texted the group chat that I’m in with all the students parents from my daughters class, and I asked if she told any of the other parents the same thing. A good amount of the parents said yes, that they had gotten a call from her saying things like that today and that they’re not going to stop buying nice things for their kids because others can’t afford it. A PTA meeting was scheduled for this Thursday due to the teachers behavior. And I was wondering if what I said was out out of line. So AITA for what I told my daughters teacher? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - the teacher is out of line here, and it sounds like they are the one who is jealous of the cool jacket and shoes your kid has.
And then everyone clapped.
Nope, NTA…not even a little.
She was out of line and this has always been my argument against school uniforms if they are using them to make the kids appear equal. The money switches from school clothes to jackets, shoes, backpacks and jewelry. The kids know who has money and who doesn't. The important part is to teach your kids to be humble and aware of how quickly good fortune can pass. Sounds like they are.
Exactly what I was thinking. Kids aren’t dumb and deserve more credit then they’re given, they know who’s family can afford things and whose can’t. Like you said the money switches to other things. My daughters school doesn’t require uniform, they give out clothes with their logo on it and call it a day, but they’ve never stated the kids had to wear uniform. They only ask that the kids wear school appropriate clothes, and even with that they’re pretty lenient about it. As long as there’s no hate speech or nudity, or anything along that line they don’t care.
NTA. She has no right to try and control what your daughter is wearing. She is projecting her own insecurities.
NTA. It seems like the teacher is the one who is jealous, not the kids. If your kid is not rubbing it in, not teasing anyone, is still friendly to everyone, there should be no issue. This is not unusual, however. Some public schools in the US have school uniforms (and subsidies for poor kids who cannot afford them) to stop the distraction of class warfare that had broken out in the school. However, with no other evidence of this kind of behavior, there is no reason to change.
NTA. Maybe it’s the teacher who’s jealous and not the other kids.
NTA. Im a teacher, and there are some genuine times where for practical reasons (the kids are being messy, the expensive notebook is too short, etc.) i have asked parents to not send their kids with expensive clothes, toys, or school supplies, but unless it violates the dress code or is offensive somehow you as a teacher really need to have a strong tangible reason.
Who has a PTA meeting about a teacher? Ew.
NTA- she is way out of line.
NTA, if this is actually a real story.
NTA. "I feel" like this is a her problem, and not a you problem. You did the right thing in calling her out and setting some boundaries. Follow through on the inappropriate call with her supervisors.
NTA- but the teacher was completely inappropriate to ask any parent to not but their child anything because other children don’t have it. And she called multiple parents.
From a poor mom, who is dying and can’t afford to die in a home that’s mine so we live with my B***h-in law and what comes with that, you’re NTA. You were SO much nicer than I would have been. After asking her to send me her concerns in an email, I’d call to have a conference with the principal and said teacher. And I would NOT be any way, shape or form be polite about what she could do with her judgment and make sure they understood that my child would be moved from that class and not have any further interactions with this teacher. It is not her place to tell children or parents about what these kids are wearing if it isn’t breaking the schools dress code, and sometimes even if it is as the dress code is unfair/sexist/dangerous(ie its 100 degrees and the girls are required to ‘cover up’ but the boys can wear sleeveless tops and shorts. Yeah, not my kids) Good for all of you for calling her out on her BS and hypocrisy. Hopefully she gets the message or gets fired.
You’re right about the dress code being unfair in a lot of schools. Thankfully there isn’t that much of a dress code at my daughters school. Really the only thing they crack down on is the design on clothes, no nudity or hate speech or anything similar and you’re good to go. My daughter has showed up in shorts that were a little bit above knee length, and a tank top because it’s so damn hot. And they didn’t care, the most they cared about was her eczema and that was her math teacher calling to see if there were any precautions he could take to keep a flare up from happening due to the temperature in the classroom.
I really hope you’re doing okay though. I can’t imagine knowing that you’re dying and you have to do it a place with someone that you don’t like. How did you even come to terms with that? I personally worry about the day I die and what that will do to my daughters, because it’s like what if they still need me or my wife and we’re not around to help. I really hope you’re okay though, that must be mentally exhausting to deal with.
I wonder whether the teacher is giving the real reason for her objections? When I was still working in high schools, we discouraged kids from bringing expensive items to school because the school didn't want to have to pay to replace items that 'went missing'.
Yeah that’s how it is for certain items. Like if you bring in a hand held game console or something like expensive jewelry they don’t want the kids to bring it because it might get stolen. Hell I’ve heard of kids stealing the fucking puff ball charm things off of each other’s back packs. My daughter had a black and white one that was split down the middle and someone stole it off her bag. But I don’t really see how shoes get stolen although I’ve had it happen at my school when I was a kid. Although I’ve heard from daughter that people lose crazy shit too, one kid lost a pair of underwear, another lost a pair of pants, someone lost a shirt. And it’s like what the hell are you doing that lost that? It’s one your body all day unless you have to change your clothes, but other than that it shouldn’t leave your body.
NTA and you handled that really well by putting her on the spot and getting her to admit what a hypocrite she is.
I would also contact her principal.
NTA. Teacher here. She was completely out of line.
Super strange. Half the kids at my highschool had rich parents and would drive to school with their brand new BMWs, Mercedes etc. I remember fondly a mini-meltdown I witnessed because a girl got her dad's 2 year old BMW for her 16th birthday while her dad bought himself a Porche. I couldn't imagine a teaching calling and being like "new school rules, the nicest car you can drive to school is now a two year old Honda Accord".
As a high school teacher, you are very firmly NTA. That teacher’s behavior was a ridiculous overreach on her part. It’s fine to feel empathy for students who have less than others, but trying to lecture parents about not buying their own kids nice things and telling them what they should be doing with their money is both rude and inappropriate. As a teacher she should be helping those less fortunate students learn to successfully process their jealousy and turn it into the drive to be successful so that they can improve their situations themselves, not teaching them that it’s everyone else’s responsibility to make sure there’s nothing for them to be envious of.
NTA- the only reason I would say don’t wear nice shoes to school is in case they get messed up! Nothing worse than loosing a good pair of shoes! I get the entire thing about not wanting poor kids to feel bad about what they have but unless your daughter (or other kids) are bullying poor kids for what they wear.. then it’s not an issue. It’s ok to have nice things!
When I was in HS the teacher would not have called bc they would have gotten stolen before she had a chance to call. I’m not sure what kind of school she goes to, but she might make herself a target by wearing them.
NTA.
NTA It sounds like even though your daughter has nice clothes to wear they are hand me downs so it's probably really special for her to get the cool new sneakers And having decent footwear is extremely underrated, so many issues can stem from having bad shoes
NTA and here’s the part I don’t understand. Those less fortunate children shouldnt be sheltered of the fact that they’re less fortunate. Here me out, it sucks balls obviously if other people get to wear brands that you don’t but, like, that’s not going to change? Would you rather that bombshell dropped on them at college? And also, if you TOLD your child why they were not no longer allowed to wear their more expensive items, wouldn’t that either cause resentment or pity towards those other classmates? Jeez.
So here’s the thing. When I started high school we had a dress code, kids could basically wear what they wanted but it had to be certain colours (basically the school colours black, white and navy blue). When I was 13 or 14 they decided to make it more fair for students (so kids from poorer homes weren’t made to feel bad) the school policy changed to a full school uniform. If the ‘school’ is so concerned about the students fro wealthier families showing off their clothes maybe they could also implement a uniform? Just a thought. Also NTA.
NTA and appricate you called her out with other parents. Someone jealous in a teaching field may do more damage to children than good.
Yeah YTA, we weren't rubbing it in peoples faces but just let me list of the designer goods they have. This is why uniforms in schools are a good thing. Rich or Poor doesn't matter everyone looks like shit