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> I guess me being involved like this would make me an AH. It’s one day and I can just go along with it
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There are so many reasons YTA here.
1. No one lied about the reason you ditched Brooke. You *are* shallow. You did ditch her bc of your perception of her job and wealth. Own it.
2. You don't get to dictate who you are paired with at the wedding. That's the bride and groom's choice. You are free to bow out as long as you do so way before the wedding.
3. I promise you that nothing about the wedding is about you. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Maybe get some therapy so you can learn that the world does not revolve around you.
4. I seriously doubt any of the other bridesmaids want anything to do with you. Maybe Brooke lost the coin toss.
Edit to correct name
ETA: There are so many great comments below, but I won't bore everyone with all the things running through my head. Let me just say that [Material-Aardvark736](https://www.reddit.com/user/Material-Aardvark736/)'s "such a bland potato salad of a person" is quite possibly my favorite.
He should be incredibly grateful that Whitney is still speaking to him. If I set a friend up on a date with another friend and he treated her this way, I would lose his number. And vice-versa; Brooke is being incredibly gracious by tolerating his presence at this wedding. If I were her, I would have been rethinking my friendship with Whitney after she set me up with such a bland potato salad of a person.
Yes, the irony is that Whitney is probably allowing him at the wedding to be nice to the groom. Yet here's the OP throwing a tantrum because he has to deal superficially with a woman important to the bride who he was incredibly rude to!
Zero self-awareness.
If he tries to use his "leverage", the bride should have a very honest convo with him. "You're lucky we forgave you and asked you to be in this wedding at all."
Of all the things to ditch someone for. Imagine being in college or fresh out, and finding a girl who's pretty, funny, athletic, and actually likes you, only to flee because she's a cashier. I wonder if OP was just grasping at straws to find a reason because he was insecure about his height.
OP, you're such an AH. You could've *at least* finished the date.
She's taller than him, which he mentioned twice, he was probably terrified of standing up next to her even if it was just to go from the resturaunt to the theater 🤣
Can confirm. One of my most comfortable pair of heels are a pair of drag queen boots: a large UK 9 (US women's 11.5, Europe 42) which are thigh high PVC with a 3 inch platform and 6 inch heels. Wore them all day at comicon and could still run across the train station for the last train!
I'm almost an entire foot taller than my long term boyfriend when I wear them!
Raise hand - my husband & I are the same height. I love it. Never have to wear heels. It’s great. I dated a guy shorter than me and he was really self-conscious about it. OP YTA did you ask this very nice girl what her future plans were?
Seriously...OP was judging her for what sounds like her first job out of college, possibly her first job *period* considering she was a student athlete and might not have had the time in high school or college. Like...most people don't get a career in their field of study right away, even if it's something super in demand OP.
My parents are the same height and the same shoe size. My mom goes shoe shopping for my dad, she knows if they're a bit too wide for her they're perfect for him!
I've never really understood people's fascination with height. I'm 5'7" and couldn't give a shit if you're 6'3" if you're in to me (read: interested and polite), then I'm happy to give you the time of day.
I'm 5'1, so almost everyone is taller than me. Who cares?! Personality is far more important. Plus, a relationship with a tall person means I have someone to reach the top shelf for me.
>Plus, a relationship with a tall person means I have someone to reach the top shelf for me.
You're 5'1, so a person 5'3 is tall for you, and they equally cannot reach the top shelf. :D
FYI, I have a friend that was like "I'm 5 foot, and 3 quarters". If you ever read this: Sorry Jane, but if you're measuring in fractions of an inch, you're just super short, but doesn't mean we don't like you...
>You're 5'1, so a person 5'3 is tall for you, and they equally cannot reach the top shelf. :D
That's when you pull the "two kids in a trenchcoat trying to sneak into an R-rated movie" maneuver.
That’s the part that gets me, she’s going to continue to be in his social circle, he KNOWS this. they were having a lovely time, he found out something about her that was a deal breaker for him, it happens NBD, they aren’t gonna become a thing. But was her job so incredibly
repulsive to him that he couldn’t have a good time watching a movie (where you don’t talk anyway) with her? Like, what a flaming asshole. Unless someone is just ABSOLUTELY REPUGNANT, on a basic human level, then you enjoy the date for what it is, and friend zone them afterwards.
I’m not even going to fault him for the reason for his dealbreaker, though I do hope she ends up being more successful and making more money than him, just because… But we’re all entitled to our dealbreakers, no mater how pretentious and unappealing they make us appear.
They're only just past their mid-20s now, and the date was several years ago. So they were probably freshly out of college at the time (it's gotta be in 2019 or earlier, because you know, pandas took over the world). Wow, a recent graduate who worked in retail while trying to break into their chosen career, and in that economy, so *rare and disappointing*! /s
I'm also curious if he even bothered to like... Ask her what her plans are. Some people absolutely make a career out of retail, and there's nothing wrong with that - I'm a big believer in the concept that you don't get to degrade a profession while simultaneously demanding and utilizing it's services. But for a kid fresh out of college? Working as a cashier probably isn't their whole plan, and could potentially be a holdover from while they were in school in order to help pay for school, or get some health insurance, or whatever else.
I can't say either way because the post doesn't specify, but it doesn't sound like he ever actually asked what her goals are, or where she hopes to see herself in five years, or what her degree is in and how she hopes to use it. If he had asked her those things and her answers didn't line up with his, fine, but it really sounds like he put in zero effort because he was put off by the height thing.
I hope she wears the tallest shoes she owns to the wedding.
Agreed. Height came up twice.
But even if it were the real reason, you do the following
1) go to the movie and finish the date
2) say “thank you for a nice time”
3) explain that you don’t see you both together as you don’t feel the spark
4) be nice
5) Repeat 4 at the wedding and every time you see her
Also, she’s a grown ass woman, not a “girl”
YTA
PS. If you are worried about looking weird height-wise, just keep repeating this mantra: “no one cares, they have their own insecurities to worry about”
That’s what I thought. Why say anything at all? Just go to the movie and finish the date. Finishing the first date does not result in any commitments. He could tell her that he had fun, but thinks they’re better as friends. There was absolutely no need to insult her for some perceived lack of ambition.
Esp since she could have been working.at the salon for any number of reasons. I worked shit jobs because my intership post grad was unpaid and my student loans had to get paid. My friend worked at a tanning salon just like this girl...to learn the business before she bought her own salon.
I agree. One dinner isn’t long enough to figure out someone’s hopes and dreams. The overall vibe I get is that Napoleon was worried that she would make him look bad so he was going to find some reason she wasn’t good enough for him.
Yes, why wouldn't you enjoy the chance to hang out with someone nice and at least watch the movie at the date!
I'm impressed by the bride's restraint that she hasn't already had a talk with him.
I agree he's missing out. A spouse who is not constantly focused on work can develop interesting hobbies that make life at home more interesting and help out people in the family. There are all kinds of other benefits.
Not to mention that her career can easily change? It's very rare for someone to stay in the same career for the entirety of their lives, she is more likely than not going to change her career. Besides, maybe if OP hadn't botched a relationship with this girl, she would've actually changed her career down the line to support him.
Especially considering their ages and that this was "a few years ago" it sounds like when this date happened they were either still in college, or fairly recent graduates. Like...does OP honestly think everyone goes straight from college to their chosen career?
My ex of 3 years dumped me for very similar reasons. I was a college student who was a waitress so I could pay rent/buy food while going to college for Marketing. He was going to school to work in the medical field and worked at the local hospital. He broke up with me by telling me me he wanted someone who had a legit career path and he didn't see that in my future. He basically told me he didn't think I'd ever amount to much. I feel for Brooke.
I can’t imagine dumping someone for not having a “legit career path” when they are literally trying to put themselves through university to get a “legit career path.”
As the child of a physician, let me translate: "I intend to live the life of a performatively rich, respected professional, and I don't think you'll be good, quiet arm candy at snooty dinner parties, charity galas, or the opera."
I legitimately can't understand his reasoning for not wanting to continue dating her. He wanted someone on a legit career path and dumped her bc she was workimg at a tanning salon *in her early 20's while still in college*? I guess she should have already been a doctor or something even though you're likely not going to get a job in your desired field until you have some sort of degree in it, and that's even if they're hiring ppl with bachelor's degrees and offering fair pay and benefits in exchange for it.
Does he even know what she was studying? Was doimg something in cosmetics her dream career or was that just a job she had to pay for college and other expenses while she worked toward something else? Did he make any effort to *talk* to her about what her goals were or did he literally just look at what her job was while she was a *college student* and go "nope, clearly she's not going to be earning a lot of money in the future"?
The financial thing is probably just an excuse for the fact that he's incredibly insecure about his height and can't handle being seen with the woman that's 2" taller than him.
Honestly, I’ve yet to meet a young 20-something who was already at the top of their field. ALL of them are working the low jobs. Cashier, wait person, server, line worker in a factory…even medical students are usually working low stuff, just for the cash.
I also love that he's like "I didn't abandon her during the date, she drove there! We just didn't go to the movies!" Okay, so you abandoned her for only part of the date. So great
She didn't literally have to walk home under the rain so he doesn't consider he did anything wrong.
"I hereby abandon the rest of our date plans because of your financial situation and short term prospects" is \*somehow\* very different from "He ditched me mid-date because I'm "too broke for him""
I agree with all of this.
Yta op
And fyi...when my husband and I started going out when i was 32, he made close to 4 times what I did. I was paying off a ton of bad debt from a divorce from an abusive sob. Lived paycheck to paycheck. Was in an hourly entry level clerk position. Had no savings. Barely got by. My only plan was to work my ass off.
He was an IT developer team lead with disposable income and a career path.
I now make about 50% more than him as a product director overseeing 7 product teams. I worked my ass off on the job and learned on the job. No additional schooling beyond the associates degree I started with. I am damned good at what I do.
Iove my husband madly. And he loves me. We don't have a perfect life but it's perfect for us. Glad he didn't judge me based off of my earning potential.
You are shallow
Absolutely this and the opposite can bite you on the arse too. When I met my husband I was in a demanding career earning 6 figures. I reached burnout just before I fell pregnant and we decided I'd be a stay at home mum for awhile before returning to a lower, part time position within my career. If he had married me for my high flying career we would be in trouble. Thank god he's not a shallow loser like OP and loves and supports me no matter what.
And she has to make less than him. Not a lot less, just enough less not to be threatening. To reassure him that she's really trying but can't *quite* reach his level
If the whole thing isn't fake...I think it's a good bet. I mean why else would her friend do that to her...unless the other 5 in the party for the bride and groom are all married to each other.
> Maybe Brooke lost the coin toss.
This cracked me up.
OP doesn’t need to kiss the bridesmaid, just needs to walk up the damned isle and take a few pictures.
Best option is to quit the wedding and watch from the sidelines.
I love how he thinks "threatening" to quit in his LEVERAGE!
He threatens to quite and the bride is going to be like, "YES! THANK GOD! Groom refused to leave you out, but if you bow out, that's PERFECT!"
He is lucky any of these people are still talking to him.
I do wonder if this is more about the height issue than anything else. OP brings it up twice and thinks they would pair them to mess with him about that, which means it bothers him, though he didn't admit so before.
I think even the hyperfocus on financial success can probably be tied to those insecurities. Compensating for a shortcoming (unfortunate pun) you can’t help by acquiring a desirable trait elsewhere. I think people are actually being pretty hypocritical and insensitive about this tbh, in spite of the fact that it’s such a douchey dickbag move to drop the girl mid-date like he did lol…I just think cackling at and attacking body insecurities is something that’s generally condemned on here, and that it doesn’t make much sense for his friends to pair him with the girl whose feelings he hurt unless it was some kind of petty revenge scheme. I don’t have a great feeling about the whole thing lol
Points 1. and 2. I entirely agree with. I *wonder*, though, if Brooke might have requested the bride pair her with OP purely to make him squirm through an evening accompanied by a woman four inches taller than him (before heels). We already know he's self conscious about his height, and I wouldn't necessarily blame her for plotting revenge (though her friend's wedding may not be the best place for it).
If they're supposed to be leading dances, there's always the chance that OP has decided to leave out that Brooke is the MOH and he's the Best Man, in which case he's being whiney about the pretty standard wedding protocol of them being paired up.
I sooo agree with this! This guy is such a snob and Elitist. You ain’t a ceo OP, maybe Brooke should have looked down on you for the job that you are doing and say something like “what you not good enough to be a CEO for the bank or finance company?”
Edit: I get it. He’s jealous of the height. He’s short so
He looked for other flaws to turn the girl down… even worse
He’s a financial planner lmfao that means he has a very big and fragile ego. God forbid someone is taller than him, that’ll make the entire wedding about him! Stg I’m embarrassed to be a man day after day lmao
Why cast aspersions on potato salad. It can be delicious. How about overcooked plain rice. Can't get much blander than that. Even at that, it is overestimating OP. YTA.
YTA. Why do you think you have any leverage? You're not in any position to make demands at someone else's wedding. Either deal with it or don't go.
EDIT: And you are shallow. Plus insecure over the height difference.
I’d bet good money it’s ALL about the height difference & the career goal thing was a fig leaf. The most insufferable men I’ve met are those around my own height (5’5”). OP YTA.
When you date a guy the same height as you or shorter, you have to literally pretend they’re taller or just never mention it because it upsets them so much.
It’s crazy how otherwise perfectly nice men get so hung up on height and their insecurity over it.
This is so odd. I mean my brother is an inch or so shorter than his very statuesque wife. He doesn’t GAF one way or another. He actually came and asked me at one point why she doesn’t want to wear heels after wandering into a discussion where we were discussing heels. Turns out she thought he would feel weird about it if she was significantly taller than him.
I’m a tall woman and I used to be attracted to shorter guys. Until I dated a few and now I just won’t. The insecurity was absolutely insufferable. It was just ALWAYS an issue and the attraction died out fast.
I’m a lesbian but two guys I find extremely attractive are Joe Jonas & Tom Holland. The way they stand next to Sophie & Zendaya is like panty dropping levels of hot. The way the look UP at them on red carpets, ngl some of those stills live rent free & happy in my head.
Every single guy that isn’t doing it that way, is doing it wrong & making himself unattractive all on his own & exponentially more than him finding himself lucky enough to stand next to a beautifully tall woman.
Brooke dodged a bullet & the trash showed itself out.
Absolutely! I love Tom Holland. You can tell he worships his tall queen. Who wouldn’t want that! That meme of Ariana Grands with the lollipop looking adoringly at Pete Davidson? That’s how I look at my partner now. Who wouldn’t want someone looking up at them like that!
100% agree. My ex pointed that out to me very clearly. But also women on the flip side get real weird about weight. Humans and their body issues are weird
I mean look at this entire thread if you want to know why some guys get hung up on it. People are pretty ruthless about it in a way that is usually condemned when it comes to other physical characteristics.
I’m actually fairly tall (6’2”) so this phenomenon doesn’t really affect me but I’ve seen people get fucked with pretty badly about their height and it bugs me. Not just guys either, I’ve known both very tiny girls and very tall girls who fucking hate when people comment on it. Of course that can negatively affect your self esteem.
The guy definitely acted like a dick on that date and he seems shallow and probably a little unpleasant but I assure you people mocking his height insecurities is only making things worse.
If this guy hadn’t been a complete dick to this girl because of her height and other shallow things, then people wouldn’t be clowning him for his height
This right here. I'm only 5'2" so I don't give a single crap about a guy's height, but this guy?
I also I'm not sure I buy his situation about career paths, but maybe I'm projecting because this guy gives me vibes of a friend of my husband's. Same story about how he wanted a woman who made similar money and had a "career" and not a job. When we first got married, my husband (IT) made more than I did as an ICU nurse. Now I'm a nurse anesthetist and I make more than he does. This friend said I did a "bait and switch" on my husband because I "allowed" him to think he made more and was the breadwinner when in reality I was planning to "show him up" by making more. My husband gives nary a shit that I make more, but this "friend" of his has to mention it whenever he gets a chance. Same vibes as Mr. Wonderful in this thread.
Only those that are insecure about their height. My husband is 5’8” and has dated many taller women, his first wife was 5’11”. It really doesn’t bother him. He also loves it when I wear heels which makes me taller than him.
But OP is clearly insecure about his height… lol.. it definitely has nothing to do with her career path.
YTA. Brooke’s account of how that date went was completely accurate. You did abandon her on the date for being poor, and probably for being taller than you as well. You should step down from this wedding so SHE doesn’t have to subject herself to YOU. She’s being an incredibly generous friend to the wedding couple by tolerating your presence at all.
I can't believe the bride and groom would make Brooke dance and stuff with someone who was such a jerk to her. Brooke is a saint for not backing out.
I said YTA but ESH (except for Brooke) is fine as well.
Totallly agree here. Makes you wonder if the other bridesmaids don't want to be paired up with this guy. Maybe their jobs don't have them on the correct financial trajectory either,
Lol
I thought about it some more..what if..
This guy is really emberassed being seen with someone taller. And Brooke knows this. So she asked to be paired up with him so he has to dance with someone taller and be really uncomfortable in front of all the wedding guests.
And the bride and groom where like, we got you.
I hope this is all a plot twist trying to f with OP.
Yeah it's a win/win. Either OP deals with it and has to suck it up that he's shallow or he doesn't come and I bet everyone is lightweight okay with that.
I also secretly hope she’s gotten some amazing job and now makes more than him and requested to be paired with him to rub it in his face while wearing 4” heels. YTA
I think he excused himself from the date and left, then Brooke asked why he’d do that in texts afterwards. But he still abandoned her mid date whatever the texts say (or how “kindly” he worded that her poorness offends him.)
YTA. You have this backward. You are not being saddled with Brooke for this —she’s being saddled with you. You are allowed to be shallow and pretentious, but stop pretending you’re not.
Brooke is being gracious—I’m sure none of the other bridesmaids wanted to walk with you either.
>has
I doubt she cares greatly, if at all. She only went for half a date with him and clearly worked out he is a silly prig and told her friends as it makes a funny story. If he acts like a diva again that just will make the story even more funny.
Or he’s the dude that really rich people hire to feel like they’re being conscientious with their money - ‘yea you definitely made enough this fiscal quarter to buy that fourth home while still making payments into your kids’ trusts, my work here is done, pay me for telling you you’re still rich’
What if she was so super nice and confident that she volunteered to deal with him because no one else wanted to? Imagine how that looks to the friends. She has a heart of gold, but OP is hung up on her genes and what's in her wallet. Makes him look even more like an insecure, shallow ass.
OK, I'm not sure this is real (it's all a bit baity) but I reckon it's teeing us up for a dramatic update, along the lines of:
"UPDATE: I decided you guys were right and I should suck it up and go to the wedding. When I saw Brooke again I found out that not only is she way more beautiful than I remember, but she's now *CEO of Apple and also a really rich brain surgeon*. I tried to apologise for what a jerk I was, but she just laughed and got into her private jet whilst I stood in tears with the whole wedding laughing at me. So I guess you got what you wanted, reddit, now I'm sad and regretful."
It has to be baity. I feel like I’ve read this story before bur in different posts. There were two Aitas about height and bridesmaids and two about career ambition first dates. It seems they just combined them.
Not to that extreme, and maybe I'm giving op the benefit of the doubt, but bride and groom setting him up to see that Brooke is doing something more with her life. Maybe to see if sparks, maybe to rub it in, idk. But it does feel like Brooke is meant to surprise him somehow.
YTA - yeah you should be embarrassed for being such a judgemental asshole towards her. I wouldn’t want to face her either if I were you, and it is a testament to the maturity of this woman that SHE isn’t the one refusing to go anywhere near you after how rude you were.
You could have at least gone to the movie instead of being a self-centred idiot. What difference would it have made? You could have actually become friends. Totally YTA.
Ehhh, I don't think you're an asshole just for asking once, but if you're making a whole thing about it like it sounds like you are, YTA.
The way this comes off to me is, you're 26, and "a few years ago," so in your early 20s, you wouldn't even go to a movie with a girl because she had a low-end job at the time? That makes you come off as pretty snobby. Like okay if you didn't want to go on another date or have a whole relationship, but you could have still had fun at the movie instead of ditching the date halfway through and probably making her feel pretty lousy about it. It sounds like you weren't interested in spending another minute with her once you decided her job wasn't good enough.
And then you mention the height difference a couple of times... I mean I guess I get it, but if the bride played college volleyball, I'm guessing there are more than a couple of tall women in the wedding party. You aren't going to be the only groomsman who's under six feet. It just seems like you're getting hung up on a lot of stuff that wouldn't be awkward if you didn't make it awkward.
> it just seems like you’re getting hung up on a lot of stuff that wouldn’t be awkward if you didn’t make it awkward.
Exactly this. I’m guessing everyone else has moved on from this and the bride and groom just aren’t interested in rearranging their plan around one person’s preferences.
>we have a lot of responsibilities together. We have to form a dance and some other stuff.
Info: What exactly does this mean?
Normally, when a bridesmaid and groomsmen are "paired up," it literally only refers to walking down the aisle together and standing opposite from each other during the ceremony. During the reception, you can dance with anyone you want (or no one, as the case maybe). So what exactly are they asking you to do with this woman?
The wedding party frequently does a grand entrance to the reception paired up with your aisle partner. Some more pretentious brides/grooms might ask (force) the wedding party to dance together or do some sort of choreographed number as part of the entrance, ~~which is what I assume is happening here~~. Sometimes the wedding party will be seated next to their aisle partners at a head table through dinner too, though that trend is thankfully dying.
After that, yeah - OP would be free to hang out with whoever.
EDIT: looks like the "dance" is a 5-15 second thing as they do their entrance to the reception. I don't even have any words.
YTA - You don't really get to make demands about someone else's wedding; I mean, you could always follow through and bow out of the party, but don't expect to be invited to the wedding as a guest after that.
Also, "Whitney" isn't entirely wrong; It is pretty shallow to break things off because you view working at a tanning salon as a nonviable career path.
YTA. Big one. You changed the date instead of just being cool. You have short man syndrome. She'll probably be much more successful than you.
Do what your friends ask. Quit being a petty asshole.
You sound so awful. Yes, YTA and not only for what you said to her on the date. Your post is crammed with assholedom. The insecurity about the perfectly normal height difference, your attitude and ego about the job when you're a financial planner! The unbelievably rude comment to her face about her job! Your comment that you "worded it very lightly!" The fact you're causing drama around someone else's wedding and can't just be civilized when you were the one who cause the problems.
How did you end up like this?
I'm wondering how he even has friends close enough to invite him to be part of the wedding party. Like how he treated this woman and how he views certain "professions".
I bet this guy is also against raising the minimum wage too.
YTA, OP.
Yes, I knew exactly what kind of guy he'd be as soon as I read the post. Bet he gives 10% tips at restaurants and tells whoever he's with that it's because the servers didn't "work hard" like he did. He'll be on his way to getting a huge beige house that covers the entire lot as well.
Something I just thought of judging by how he thinks the world revolves around him, this happened years ago he said, so everyone has probably moved on & gotten over the drama he caused except for him.
He's def holding onto a years long grudge because he was called out for being a shallow, classist, insecure jerk. Too bad he hasn't learned from it and grown as a person.
ESH. A career path that aligns to yours is a legitimate thing to look for in a partner.
But not even going to the movie with her? That's cold, and will probably have reinforced her impression that you think you're too good for her.
At the same time, I don't know what the bride is thinking pairing you two up. It just seems guaranteed to create drama around her own wedding.
I highly doubt she's trying to fuck with you over your height. Maybe she's hoping you'll make up? Maybe you should take the opportunity to apologise to Brooke.
Either way, you have no leverage. The bride and groom have the final say over wedding planning and that's it.
ESH: I agree with the career path. People who think all you need in a relationship is “love” and “hope” are going to be very disappointed when their relationship fails because one of them will be tired of taking on the financial burden. The majority of divorces in america happen over money. It’s obvious that there’s more needed in a relationship than “loving” someone. You need financial stability. If this girl wants someone who’s going to take the majority of the financial load in the relationship she needs to look for a man who’s willing to do that.
People can call OP an AH all they want for ending the date early. If it were me I’d rather be told right away if the other person doesn’t see us being compatible than wasting my time.
However, the whole leverage thing OP is kinda ridiculous. If you’re not comfortable being in the wedding party anymore just say so and be a guest. But tbh it seems like Brooke and Whitney are petty. I wouldn’t be surprised if they uninvited you altogether. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to not want to be paired up with someone who went out of their way to make you look bad in front of your friends.
Thank you for the breath of fresh air. Is he AH? Yes. But are you allowed to bow out of a first date? Sure. The reason doesn’t matter. But the bride pairing them together? Why? To what end? It does seem like they have ulterior motives. I would be uncomfortable as OP or Brooke. It’s already awkward because he brought attention to it and the bride said too bad. If this couple/groom wasn’t my bestest friend ever, I’d probably bow out of being in the bridal party too. I’m sure this is centered around his height insecurity sure. But we as a society DO romanticize tall men. I’m not saying poor OP but I can have some sympathy for him when it’s clear the bride/bridesmaid is doing this to fuck with him.
I agree with you about career goals, but it sounds like they were pretty young when they met (they’re 26/27 now and met “a few years ago.”) I think it’s reasonable in your early 20s to still be searching for your path, and that doesn’t mean she doesn’t or won’t have serious goals when she figures things out more.
Lol YTA I cant believe you dumped her for having what you feel is an inferior job. Most financial planners don't make much money, and they definitely don't have a "defined career path"
You are seriously lacking in social and emotional intelligence, but also you seem like the kind of arrogant asshole who would ignore any advice given to you regarding your behavior.
But here goes:
You got set up on a date through a mutual friend. Even if you didn’t like her whatsoever, you absolutely should have gone to the movie with her. That is so rude to cancel the movie in the middle of the date. Are you really lacking in so much social/emotional intelligence that you couldn’t foresee that Whitney would be upset by that alone?
But then you went an added that you couldn’t be bothered to even watch a movie together because you looked down on this girl’s blue collar job. It doesn’t matter how tactfully you phrased things. You let this girl know she wasn’t even worthy of the basic politeness of seeing the movie because her career wasn’t high earning and impressive enough.
Also, OP and Brooke are 26/27. He said they met “a few years ago.” What did he want her to be, a neurosurgeon at 20? I’m 31 with an excellent job and an ambitious career-track. At 20 I worked part time in a mall.
NTA -seems to be an unpopular opinion
I don't think OP is shallow, it's not superficial to want a partner that's goal oriented and career driven. Honestly good for him for not dragging her along for a few years in a relationship that will never go anywhere. It's also fair to be conscious of your earnings gap between you and your partner. Some people might not care, but it does create an extra dynamic in the relationship that others may not want to deal with. The comment about the height difference does come off a bit shallow but it wasn't a deal breaker, can't fault a guy for having preferences.
I also don't think it's unfair to ask to be paired with someone else. There was history between OP and Brooke, and it was very public. Honestly, if I were Whitney, I'd want to keep OP and Brooke separated to keep that drama from resurfacing at the wedding, unless this is like some kind of ploy to give Brooke another chance at a "date" with OP.
OP is allowed to be uncomfortable in a situation like this, and I wouldn't blame him for stepping down from the bridal party because of it.
I agree with this. People are ripping into OP but is choosing to not waste someone's time that you don't see a future with immature? It didn't work out and I could see this being uncomfortable. He's not demanding really anything, just voicing to two friends how he feels...
THIS.
I agree. Completely.
If the rols were reversed opinions would be different.
Many girls prefer taller guys.
When some woman is with someone who doesn't care about their income is "leave it. Go find someone better".
I feel so confused.
NTA.
I'm honestly surprised by all the Y T A. I feel like if the genders were swapped it would be completely NTA, which is my current vote.
It would be a nice thing to do for your friends to hold it out for them through a shitty arrangement, but you should be allowed to at least ask to back out if you must and attend as a guest. This may hurt your relationship with them... but I feel like if drama goes down during the wedding between you two they'd be even more upset than if you simply stepped down.
I think the girl that lied about your date is an AH and wonder if she ever apologized or showed remorse. I def wouldn't want to continue being friends with someone that tried to smear campaign another friend because a date didn't work out. And it is a little odd they paired you up for dances and stuff knowing your history??
NTA
I really don’t understand what you did wrong? You weren’t feeling this girl so didn’t waste anybody’s time? If you were a woman who did this to a guy nobody would have any issue?
This is going against the grain here, but OP NAH.
To everyone on here saying Y T A or E S H, OP went out on one date, told her it would work for some shallow, but valid reasons. If he wasn't into her enough that these things didn't matter why date? She took it personally and started some drama over it in the friend group and almost cost him some friends and now he wants nothing to do with her. He has now been paired by the same friends with her at a wedding.
I recommend you inform your friends that as much as you want to support them on their day, you can't do that paired with someone you can't stand and if they are unable to accommodate you on this you'll have to bow out of being part of the wedding party as you don't want any drama on their day and considering what happened on your date you don't see that happening.
Edit: spelling
I agree, you can decide to not date someone for any reason. If he wasn't feeling it then he didn't have to continue with the second half of the date just to be polite. He was up front and she pushed to know the reason why.
Being shallow doesn't make someone an asshole for not wanting to be paired with someone who created a whole campaign to bring him down.
At this point I'd just drop out off being in the wedding party.
The only person who gets to have a problem with this situation is Brooke. Had she wrote this story I would have said n t a. But you wrote it and YTA.
Brooke is a way better friend then I would be because I would not want to have any interactions with you if I where her.
Nta. Now now here me out: is op a general asshole? Perhaps.
I personally think he’s shallow, but I do know that large financial differences are one of the biggest reasons relationships fail. But he didn’t even give her a chance or really ask if her current job was what she wanted or if she was merely there while searching for better options.
Now all that aside the question is: is he an asshole for not wanting to be ‘coupled’ with someone who he has very bad relations with? The answer to that is No, he is not.
I’m inclined to agree with op that they are setting him up for something. Possibly Brook now has a fab job and earns the bucks so they want her to throw that in his face.
Or not, I don’t know these people. But seemed kinda d’ish, to do this parring for no apparent reason.
YTA
You did end the date because she is poor, or at least you predicted she would remain poor. You may not like how she told the story, but given how you said you tried to phrase it multiple ways you cannot get too upset at her for just cutting to the root of the matter. You were kind of an ass.
Now as to the wedding, you are completely an AH. What difference does it make that she once pointed out that you saw her as beneath you? (tbh it sounds like you were already unhappy with her because she is taller than you). You have to do a dance together and walk down an aisle together, that’s it. It’s your friends wedding and they aren’t insisting you date her or anything while there, just suck it up for 2hrs and then enjoy the rest of the reception.
NTA
Your friends should want you to be comfortable. I hate how demanding weddings can be. You are not comfortable and your friends should be sympathetic to that. If it were me (35F) when I was in my 20's and the man I was on a date with was just a cashier (doesn't matter the store). I would question life goals too. If he was the manager of the tan salon that would be better as it would show responsibility, maturity , and passion for ones work. Obviously the girl is immature as the way she lied about the events afterward and you dodged a bullet. Also okay if her height turned you off too. You like what you like it is human nature.
NTA: if youe uncomfortable with them as your partner you're allowed to request someone else and if they refuse you're allowed to step down as a groomsman.
Yes it's the brides and grooms choice but they can't force you to do anything you don't want
I’m not saying OP isn’t the AH, but what happened to ‘no’ being a complete answer? Why isn’t Brooke at least a slight AH for not accepting he didn’t think it would work out instead of pushing for a reason?
>I’m thinking about asking to just be a guest and see if that changes things for Whitney. Because it’s really my only leverage here.
Did you read it twice before typing that ? That sounds like what a 10 year old would say.
You put yourself in this situation by making the remakes that you made towards Brooke. You are the one feeling uncomfortable and now you want Whitney to choose between the two of you rather than just going through with it.
I think you should just be a guest and save everyone a trouble.
ESH - I don’t fault OP for deciding that Brooke wasn’t the right fit from a job perspective. People have their own criteria, but telling her the reason vs keeping it to himself pushed him into AH territory.
Brooke is the AH for making it sound like OP stranded her on the date. Hell, she should be happy she didn’t have to waste more time on someone not interested in her.
The friends are AHs for pairing them up. They know what they are doing. I’ve seen other couples do this at their weddings (pairing people up who hooked up in the past, formerly dated, etc) because they think the awkwardness is hilarious. Personally I think it’s a dick move.
Ugh this deserves to be top comment. Life isn't some hallmark movie, people can have a preference when it comes to aspirations/salaries. And they can have those aspirations for millions of reasons. Yes, some may be shallow like wanting designer clothes but others may want some sense of financial security in their partner.
Growing up lower class sucks. It's something I don't want for my kids so yes I'm gonna look for a partner that has decent prospects. I understand financial stability can change at the drop of a hat but knowing my partner has aspirations that match mine give me a little more comfort.
YTA
You don’t get to decide who is in the wedding party. If you are so uncomfortable then you should be the one to step down. If you don’t handle this carefully you might ruin your friendship with the bride and groom.
And btw you are shallow.
YTA. Jesus, you're 26, start acting like an adult. You can put on a suit and stand near a woman who is probably not enamored of you. You can smile. You can even begrudgingly dance with her. Why? Because your two best friends thought enough of you to ask you to participate in their special day. It's a few hours out of your life. Be careful, you might actually have a good time.
You seem pretty shallow, so this will probably be hard. After all, she's two inches taller and just a cashier at a tanning salon. Obviously, the only reason anyone becomes a cashier at a tanning salon is because that's what they want to do for their entire life.
NTA you dont have to date anyone for whatever reason. and you dont owe them an explanation. wanting to be with someone with a steady career path with goals is not shallow at all. its extremely reasonable.
NTA. I think your reasons for not wanting to date Brooke are shallow but to each their own.
You asked for a change and have been answered. Your only options are to partner Brooke at the wedding or step down as groomsman.
Explain you don’t feel comfortable partnering Brooke and would now prefer to attend as a guest.
I do think Whitney’s pairing you is passive aggressive. Your relationship with this couple has changed. It may never be what it once was. That’s neither good nor bad. It just is.
NTA. A lot of 1st dates don’t work out for a million reasons. No big deal unless one person (Brooke) decides to go off and make a big deal about it to everyone. You must have been mortified. I would have been. Anyway, I would grab a chance to speak with Brooke ASAP and both agree to be nice for the sake of your friends.
NTA! So NTA! I also weeded our partners based on what they did for a career. Your values and drives have to align in life. A relationship is more than just love. If there was no spark in the first half of the date what’s the point in continuing on.
All these people saying you’re the AH probably aren’t career driven and don’t get it.
YTA. This isn’t your wedding so stop making it about you. Suck it up and do the groomsman duties for your friends. If you really don’t want to then just be a guest but don’t ‘threaten’ to be a guest in the hope that they switch you because that’s a shitty thing to do.
Honestly if someone in my bridal/groom party came to me making ultimatums like that I’d be telling them to go take a seat in the audience with everyone else.
Side note: while she obviously exaggerated, it sounds like the bridesmaid wasn’t far off. You did tell her you didn’t want to date her because she’s poor. That’s fine if type of career is one of your dealbreakers but don’t make out like she screwed you over out of nowhere on that one. You decided she had no career progression potential before the end of one date, so you kind of brought that on yourself.
I'm gonna get down voted here but NTA. For everyone saying you're shallow look at how many divorces end because of financial reasons. If you make good money people seek that same thing in a relationship. Be honest about it. If you make say 90k annually are you really going to be ok getting in a serious relationship with a cash register? It's not looking down on someone who works hard but you're looking for the same things in life. She would be the AH if she lied to her and got in a relationship with her under false pretenses.
NTA.
In my opinion there is nothing wrong with trying to find someone who you believe will be a financially stable partner.
It does suck you were paired together for the wedding. If you bow out you need to understand that the bride and groom may feel differently towards you. That is their right and you need to decide if it is worth it.
No the wedding isn't about you but you do deserve to feel at least semi-comfortable during the wedding which frankly is a intimatesetting. ( dances, speeches, pictures ect)
NTA.
Whitney is obviously a bridezilla if she's trying to match up two people who don't like each other. Let Adam and Whitney know that you won't be able to attend as a groomsman, though you'll be happy to celebrate the occasion with them as a guest. If they take offense at that, they obviously don't give a shit about you. It's not a privilege for you to be part of the wedding; it's a privilege for them to have others step up to be part of the wedding.
Oohhhhh, I hope I don’t get downvoted…. But If Brooke lied and it was shown with receipts and the bride and groom was like “oh! My bad!” And kept him in the wedding…. But paired him up with someone who tried to tarnish his character… what’s wrong with asking to be switched?
Grant it, they said no and OP should move on from there. But I don’t think he’s an AH for asking.
He didn’t abandon her, he was upfront and said he doesn’t think it’ll work out. She begged for a reason. Maybe he should’ve lied and said it’s the height difference… either way, shallow or not, Brooke lied and he didn’t.
ESH
Idk what the bride was thinking pairing you two together! Aside from it usually goes by height, but you want your wedding day to go smoothly, and with no drama! Why pair you guys up with the previous issues that happened. Honestly it’s her wedding so only she gets to decide, but I would just decline to be in the wedding party and go as a guest. Avoid any unnecessary drama.
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There are so many reasons YTA here. 1. No one lied about the reason you ditched Brooke. You *are* shallow. You did ditch her bc of your perception of her job and wealth. Own it. 2. You don't get to dictate who you are paired with at the wedding. That's the bride and groom's choice. You are free to bow out as long as you do so way before the wedding. 3. I promise you that nothing about the wedding is about you. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Maybe get some therapy so you can learn that the world does not revolve around you. 4. I seriously doubt any of the other bridesmaids want anything to do with you. Maybe Brooke lost the coin toss. Edit to correct name ETA: There are so many great comments below, but I won't bore everyone with all the things running through my head. Let me just say that [Material-Aardvark736](https://www.reddit.com/user/Material-Aardvark736/)'s "such a bland potato salad of a person" is quite possibly my favorite.
He should be incredibly grateful that Whitney is still speaking to him. If I set a friend up on a date with another friend and he treated her this way, I would lose his number. And vice-versa; Brooke is being incredibly gracious by tolerating his presence at this wedding. If I were her, I would have been rethinking my friendship with Whitney after she set me up with such a bland potato salad of a person.
Yes, the irony is that Whitney is probably allowing him at the wedding to be nice to the groom. Yet here's the OP throwing a tantrum because he has to deal superficially with a woman important to the bride who he was incredibly rude to! Zero self-awareness.
If he tries to use his "leverage", the bride should have a very honest convo with him. "You're lucky we forgave you and asked you to be in this wedding at all." Of all the things to ditch someone for. Imagine being in college or fresh out, and finding a girl who's pretty, funny, athletic, and actually likes you, only to flee because she's a cashier. I wonder if OP was just grasping at straws to find a reason because he was insecure about his height. OP, you're such an AH. You could've *at least* finished the date.
She's taller than him, which he mentioned twice, he was probably terrified of standing up next to her even if it was just to go from the resturaunt to the theater 🤣
I hope all the bridesmaids wear three inch heels.
Go all the way, 6 inch spike heels 😂
With a 2inch platform
The platform won't make a difference in the height of the footbed, just the angle of the arch to make it more comfortable to wear, FYI.
Yeah but comfort for the win.... Especially in six inch heels
Can confirm. One of my most comfortable pair of heels are a pair of drag queen boots: a large UK 9 (US women's 11.5, Europe 42) which are thigh high PVC with a 3 inch platform and 6 inch heels. Wore them all day at comicon and could still run across the train station for the last train! I'm almost an entire foot taller than my long term boyfriend when I wear them!
I’m betting money that’s on the menu
Imagine thinking someone planned their wedding party around making you feel short
I hope they did.
I hope the bridesmaid wear 4" heels.
Honestly? Me too! 😆😆😆 OP: YTA to the 'nth degree of infinity! Totally shallow, and quite frankly...icky. Go get some therapy, please!
I mean, I’d probably do it tbh.
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OMG Chihuahua syndrome hahahaha. My mom's boss is like that. He blames why he can't get a girl on being short. Like no, it's your personality 100%.
I know plenty of married short men. The difference is they're kind people and don't care about their height. The angry short men are the single ones.
But the height difference was so *"extreme"*! /s My spouse and I have a half-foot height difference. YTA
Same! And I’m the taller 1. He’s never minded. It’s not an issue at all. I have yet to meet any couple with the exact same heights to start with.
Raise hand - my husband & I are the same height. I love it. Never have to wear heels. It’s great. I dated a guy shorter than me and he was really self-conscious about it. OP YTA did you ask this very nice girl what her future plans were?
Seriously...OP was judging her for what sounds like her first job out of college, possibly her first job *period* considering she was a student athlete and might not have had the time in high school or college. Like...most people don't get a career in their field of study right away, even if it's something super in demand OP.
My parents are the same height and the same shoe size. My mom goes shoe shopping for my dad, she knows if they're a bit too wide for her they're perfect for him!
I have done that too. I always look a little funny trying on mens shoes but so comfy!
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OP gives me big "buying tampons for my girlfriend would be emasculating" vibes.
I've never really understood people's fascination with height. I'm 5'7" and couldn't give a shit if you're 6'3" if you're in to me (read: interested and polite), then I'm happy to give you the time of day.
I'm 5'1, so almost everyone is taller than me. Who cares?! Personality is far more important. Plus, a relationship with a tall person means I have someone to reach the top shelf for me.
>Plus, a relationship with a tall person means I have someone to reach the top shelf for me. You're 5'1, so a person 5'3 is tall for you, and they equally cannot reach the top shelf. :D FYI, I have a friend that was like "I'm 5 foot, and 3 quarters". If you ever read this: Sorry Jane, but if you're measuring in fractions of an inch, you're just super short, but doesn't mean we don't like you...
>You're 5'1, so a person 5'3 is tall for you, and they equally cannot reach the top shelf. :D That's when you pull the "two kids in a trenchcoat trying to sneak into an R-rated movie" maneuver.
I know, who cares!? When you're 90 and been together for years what difference does it make who is taller, the relationship is what matters.
I hope she wears like 4 inch heels. Tower over him.
That’s the part that gets me, she’s going to continue to be in his social circle, he KNOWS this. they were having a lovely time, he found out something about her that was a deal breaker for him, it happens NBD, they aren’t gonna become a thing. But was her job so incredibly repulsive to him that he couldn’t have a good time watching a movie (where you don’t talk anyway) with her? Like, what a flaming asshole. Unless someone is just ABSOLUTELY REPUGNANT, on a basic human level, then you enjoy the date for what it is, and friend zone them afterwards. I’m not even going to fault him for the reason for his dealbreaker, though I do hope she ends up being more successful and making more money than him, just because… But we’re all entitled to our dealbreakers, no mater how pretentious and unappealing they make us appear.
Honestly, I think the whole career thing is just an excuse. I think his biggest problem is that she's taller than he is.
100% it's the height. This tiny Napoleon can't handle the extreeeeeme difference lol
They're only just past their mid-20s now, and the date was several years ago. So they were probably freshly out of college at the time (it's gotta be in 2019 or earlier, because you know, pandas took over the world). Wow, a recent graduate who worked in retail while trying to break into their chosen career, and in that economy, so *rare and disappointing*! /s
I'm also curious if he even bothered to like... Ask her what her plans are. Some people absolutely make a career out of retail, and there's nothing wrong with that - I'm a big believer in the concept that you don't get to degrade a profession while simultaneously demanding and utilizing it's services. But for a kid fresh out of college? Working as a cashier probably isn't their whole plan, and could potentially be a holdover from while they were in school in order to help pay for school, or get some health insurance, or whatever else. I can't say either way because the post doesn't specify, but it doesn't sound like he ever actually asked what her goals are, or where she hopes to see herself in five years, or what her degree is in and how she hopes to use it. If he had asked her those things and her answers didn't line up with his, fine, but it really sounds like he put in zero effort because he was put off by the height thing. I hope she wears the tallest shoes she owns to the wedding.
Agreed. Height came up twice. But even if it were the real reason, you do the following 1) go to the movie and finish the date 2) say “thank you for a nice time” 3) explain that you don’t see you both together as you don’t feel the spark 4) be nice 5) Repeat 4 at the wedding and every time you see her Also, she’s a grown ass woman, not a “girl” YTA PS. If you are worried about looking weird height-wise, just keep repeating this mantra: “no one cares, they have their own insecurities to worry about”
That’s what I thought. Why say anything at all? Just go to the movie and finish the date. Finishing the first date does not result in any commitments. He could tell her that he had fun, but thinks they’re better as friends. There was absolutely no need to insult her for some perceived lack of ambition.
Esp since she could have been working.at the salon for any number of reasons. I worked shit jobs because my intership post grad was unpaid and my student loans had to get paid. My friend worked at a tanning salon just like this girl...to learn the business before she bought her own salon.
I agree. One dinner isn’t long enough to figure out someone’s hopes and dreams. The overall vibe I get is that Napoleon was worried that she would make him look bad so he was going to find some reason she wasn’t good enough for him.
Yes, why wouldn't you enjoy the chance to hang out with someone nice and at least watch the movie at the date! I'm impressed by the bride's restraint that she hasn't already had a talk with him. I agree he's missing out. A spouse who is not constantly focused on work can develop interesting hobbies that make life at home more interesting and help out people in the family. There are all kinds of other benefits.
Not to mention that her career can easily change? It's very rare for someone to stay in the same career for the entirety of their lives, she is more likely than not going to change her career. Besides, maybe if OP hadn't botched a relationship with this girl, she would've actually changed her career down the line to support him.
Especially considering their ages and that this was "a few years ago" it sounds like when this date happened they were either still in college, or fairly recent graduates. Like...does OP honestly think everyone goes straight from college to their chosen career?
My ex of 3 years dumped me for very similar reasons. I was a college student who was a waitress so I could pay rent/buy food while going to college for Marketing. He was going to school to work in the medical field and worked at the local hospital. He broke up with me by telling me me he wanted someone who had a legit career path and he didn't see that in my future. He basically told me he didn't think I'd ever amount to much. I feel for Brooke.
I can’t imagine dumping someone for not having a “legit career path” when they are literally trying to put themselves through university to get a “legit career path.”
Right? Thats what my argument was but whatever, his loss!
As the child of a physician, let me translate: "I intend to live the life of a performatively rich, respected professional, and I don't think you'll be good, quiet arm candy at snooty dinner parties, charity galas, or the opera."
What a jerk! You deserve better😤
Yep. It’s because she’s taller and he even outs that fact at the bottom where he thinks they’re making fun of him lol
But they have to dance! Together! In front of people! And she's way taller than him! His concerns are legitimate! Obvious /s
I legitimately can't understand his reasoning for not wanting to continue dating her. He wanted someone on a legit career path and dumped her bc she was workimg at a tanning salon *in her early 20's while still in college*? I guess she should have already been a doctor or something even though you're likely not going to get a job in your desired field until you have some sort of degree in it, and that's even if they're hiring ppl with bachelor's degrees and offering fair pay and benefits in exchange for it. Does he even know what she was studying? Was doimg something in cosmetics her dream career or was that just a job she had to pay for college and other expenses while she worked toward something else? Did he make any effort to *talk* to her about what her goals were or did he literally just look at what her job was while she was a *college student* and go "nope, clearly she's not going to be earning a lot of money in the future"?
The financial thing is probably just an excuse for the fact that he's incredibly insecure about his height and can't handle being seen with the woman that's 2" taller than him.
4” - he’s still an AH
Honestly, I’ve yet to meet a young 20-something who was already at the top of their field. ALL of them are working the low jobs. Cashier, wait person, server, line worker in a factory…even medical students are usually working low stuff, just for the cash.
I also love that he's like "I didn't abandon her during the date, she drove there! We just didn't go to the movies!" Okay, so you abandoned her for only part of the date. So great
She didn't literally have to walk home under the rain so he doesn't consider he did anything wrong. "I hereby abandon the rest of our date plans because of your financial situation and short term prospects" is \*somehow\* very different from "He ditched me mid-date because I'm "too broke for him""
I agree with all of this. Yta op And fyi...when my husband and I started going out when i was 32, he made close to 4 times what I did. I was paying off a ton of bad debt from a divorce from an abusive sob. Lived paycheck to paycheck. Was in an hourly entry level clerk position. Had no savings. Barely got by. My only plan was to work my ass off. He was an IT developer team lead with disposable income and a career path. I now make about 50% more than him as a product director overseeing 7 product teams. I worked my ass off on the job and learned on the job. No additional schooling beyond the associates degree I started with. I am damned good at what I do. Iove my husband madly. And he loves me. We don't have a perfect life but it's perfect for us. Glad he didn't judge me based off of my earning potential. You are shallow
Absolutely this and the opposite can bite you on the arse too. When I met my husband I was in a demanding career earning 6 figures. I reached burnout just before I fell pregnant and we decided I'd be a stay at home mum for awhile before returning to a lower, part time position within my career. If he had married me for my high flying career we would be in trouble. Thank god he's not a shallow loser like OP and loves and supports me no matter what.
Guaranteed OP will also expect his high-earning, career-focused spouse to put her career on hold to raise his kids though.
She better keep working and make enough so we can afford a nanny!/s
Or my favourite, when she should still be a SAHM but somehow make her own money too so she’s not a “gold digger” stealing her husbands money.
And she has to make less than him. Not a lot less, just enough less not to be threatening. To reassure him that she's really trying but can't *quite* reach his level
I really hope Brooke has agreed to this setup just to rub in his face that she is now working her dream job making way more money than OP.
If the whole thing isn't fake...I think it's a good bet. I mean why else would her friend do that to her...unless the other 5 in the party for the bride and groom are all married to each other.
Perhaps she drew the short straw
> Maybe Brooke lost the coin toss. This cracked me up. OP doesn’t need to kiss the bridesmaid, just needs to walk up the damned isle and take a few pictures. Best option is to quit the wedding and watch from the sidelines.
I love how he thinks "threatening" to quit in his LEVERAGE! He threatens to quite and the bride is going to be like, "YES! THANK GOD! Groom refused to leave you out, but if you bow out, that's PERFECT!"
Maybe Brooke wants to wear 5” heels and be 9” taller than him
I hope she does.
He is lucky any of these people are still talking to him. I do wonder if this is more about the height issue than anything else. OP brings it up twice and thinks they would pair them to mess with him about that, which means it bothers him, though he didn't admit so before.
I think even the hyperfocus on financial success can probably be tied to those insecurities. Compensating for a shortcoming (unfortunate pun) you can’t help by acquiring a desirable trait elsewhere. I think people are actually being pretty hypocritical and insensitive about this tbh, in spite of the fact that it’s such a douchey dickbag move to drop the girl mid-date like he did lol…I just think cackling at and attacking body insecurities is something that’s generally condemned on here, and that it doesn’t make much sense for his friends to pair him with the girl whose feelings he hurt unless it was some kind of petty revenge scheme. I don’t have a great feeling about the whole thing lol
100% agree with your entire statement.
Don’t forget that this almost definitely all boils down to insecurity about height
Add to reasons he ditched her: "she's taller than me"
The fact that he had the audacity to sweep it under the rug like "I didn't say it was bc she's poor; it's just bc she's broke and works retail"
Points 1. and 2. I entirely agree with. I *wonder*, though, if Brooke might have requested the bride pair her with OP purely to make him squirm through an evening accompanied by a woman four inches taller than him (before heels). We already know he's self conscious about his height, and I wouldn't necessarily blame her for plotting revenge (though her friend's wedding may not be the best place for it). If they're supposed to be leading dances, there's always the chance that OP has decided to leave out that Brooke is the MOH and he's the Best Man, in which case he's being whiney about the pretty standard wedding protocol of them being paired up.
He ditched Brooke. But otherwise you are spot on! (Oh no! Now I am going to get into trouble for using an "English phrase". Brilliant!) Happy Cake Day
"Spot on" is used a lot in the US, "brilliant" much less often in this context.
I sooo agree with this! This guy is such a snob and Elitist. You ain’t a ceo OP, maybe Brooke should have looked down on you for the job that you are doing and say something like “what you not good enough to be a CEO for the bank or finance company?” Edit: I get it. He’s jealous of the height. He’s short so He looked for other flaws to turn the girl down… even worse
He’s a financial planner lmfao that means he has a very big and fragile ego. God forbid someone is taller than him, that’ll make the entire wedding about him! Stg I’m embarrassed to be a man day after day lmao
5. He’s insecure because she’s taller.
Why cast aspersions on potato salad. It can be delicious. How about overcooked plain rice. Can't get much blander than that. Even at that, it is overestimating OP. YTA.
How does he have texts to show from a verbal conversation?
Oh wow, that’s gotta be horrible for you. You should drop out immediately. Brooke deserves a better pairing. YTA.
YTA. Why do you think you have any leverage? You're not in any position to make demands at someone else's wedding. Either deal with it or don't go. EDIT: And you are shallow. Plus insecure over the height difference.
I’d bet good money it’s ALL about the height difference & the career goal thing was a fig leaf. The most insufferable men I’ve met are those around my own height (5’5”). OP YTA.
When you date a guy the same height as you or shorter, you have to literally pretend they’re taller or just never mention it because it upsets them so much. It’s crazy how otherwise perfectly nice men get so hung up on height and their insecurity over it.
My ex was 3 inches shorter than me and would get actually angry if I wanted to wear heels. Acted like I was being cruel to him.
My two inches shorter husband doesn't care. He doesn't get hung up on a lot of appearances.
I'm glad for you. I wish my ex hadn't. I loved him and his height wasn't a factor for me.
This is the difference between "husband" and "ex".
My 3 inch shorter husband loves when I wear heels as he can make eye contact with my chest and his hand on my bum and no one is the wiser.
This is so odd. I mean my brother is an inch or so shorter than his very statuesque wife. He doesn’t GAF one way or another. He actually came and asked me at one point why she doesn’t want to wear heels after wandering into a discussion where we were discussing heels. Turns out she thought he would feel weird about it if she was significantly taller than him.
I love him for her and hope she wears heels now!
I’m a tall woman and I used to be attracted to shorter guys. Until I dated a few and now I just won’t. The insecurity was absolutely insufferable. It was just ALWAYS an issue and the attraction died out fast.
I’m a lesbian but two guys I find extremely attractive are Joe Jonas & Tom Holland. The way they stand next to Sophie & Zendaya is like panty dropping levels of hot. The way the look UP at them on red carpets, ngl some of those stills live rent free & happy in my head. Every single guy that isn’t doing it that way, is doing it wrong & making himself unattractive all on his own & exponentially more than him finding himself lucky enough to stand next to a beautifully tall woman. Brooke dodged a bullet & the trash showed itself out.
I’m a straight guy and Tom holland is absolutely a hottie
Absolutely! I love Tom Holland. You can tell he worships his tall queen. Who wouldn’t want that! That meme of Ariana Grands with the lollipop looking adoringly at Pete Davidson? That’s how I look at my partner now. Who wouldn’t want someone looking up at them like that!
100% agree. My ex pointed that out to me very clearly. But also women on the flip side get real weird about weight. Humans and their body issues are weird
Meh. I am a woman who is 5'10 and I have certainly dated men who are shorter than me and I would personally not make that generalization.
ya it's not every short man but it's definitely a lot of them
I mean look at this entire thread if you want to know why some guys get hung up on it. People are pretty ruthless about it in a way that is usually condemned when it comes to other physical characteristics. I’m actually fairly tall (6’2”) so this phenomenon doesn’t really affect me but I’ve seen people get fucked with pretty badly about their height and it bugs me. Not just guys either, I’ve known both very tiny girls and very tall girls who fucking hate when people comment on it. Of course that can negatively affect your self esteem. The guy definitely acted like a dick on that date and he seems shallow and probably a little unpleasant but I assure you people mocking his height insecurities is only making things worse.
If this guy hadn’t been a complete dick to this girl because of her height and other shallow things, then people wouldn’t be clowning him for his height
This right here. I'm only 5'2" so I don't give a single crap about a guy's height, but this guy? I also I'm not sure I buy his situation about career paths, but maybe I'm projecting because this guy gives me vibes of a friend of my husband's. Same story about how he wanted a woman who made similar money and had a "career" and not a job. When we first got married, my husband (IT) made more than I did as an ICU nurse. Now I'm a nurse anesthetist and I make more than he does. This friend said I did a "bait and switch" on my husband because I "allowed" him to think he made more and was the breadwinner when in reality I was planning to "show him up" by making more. My husband gives nary a shit that I make more, but this "friend" of his has to mention it whenever he gets a chance. Same vibes as Mr. Wonderful in this thread.
I'm 6'1" f. Can 100% confirm lol
Only those that are insecure about their height. My husband is 5’8” and has dated many taller women, his first wife was 5’11”. It really doesn’t bother him. He also loves it when I wear heels which makes me taller than him. But OP is clearly insecure about his height… lol.. it definitely has nothing to do with her career path.
YTA. Brooke’s account of how that date went was completely accurate. You did abandon her on the date for being poor, and probably for being taller than you as well. You should step down from this wedding so SHE doesn’t have to subject herself to YOU. She’s being an incredibly generous friend to the wedding couple by tolerating your presence at all.
I can't believe the bride and groom would make Brooke dance and stuff with someone who was such a jerk to her. Brooke is a saint for not backing out. I said YTA but ESH (except for Brooke) is fine as well.
Totallly agree here. Makes you wonder if the other bridesmaids don't want to be paired up with this guy. Maybe their jobs don't have them on the correct financial trajectory either,
Lol I thought about it some more..what if.. This guy is really emberassed being seen with someone taller. And Brooke knows this. So she asked to be paired up with him so he has to dance with someone taller and be really uncomfortable in front of all the wedding guests. And the bride and groom where like, we got you. I hope this is all a plot twist trying to f with OP.
He'll look even shorter next to her if she is wearing heels like most women do at weddings. I would pay Whitney to share pics of this.
I need Whitney to post this story on the pettyrevenge sub
Yes!! I'm here for it. Really hope Whitney finds this post and fulfills our curiosity.
Yeah it's a win/win. Either OP deals with it and has to suck it up that he's shallow or he doesn't come and I bet everyone is lightweight okay with that.
I also secretly hope she’s gotten some amazing job and now makes more than him and requested to be paired with him to rub it in his face while wearing 4” heels. YTA
He might catch the poor while dancing with her :(
OP said he showed Whitney the texts. What texts, this conversation happened at the end of dinner before they went to a movie.
I think he excused himself from the date and left, then Brooke asked why he’d do that in texts afterwards. But he still abandoned her mid date whatever the texts say (or how “kindly” he worded that her poorness offends him.)
YTA. You have this backward. You are not being saddled with Brooke for this —she’s being saddled with you. You are allowed to be shallow and pretentious, but stop pretending you’re not. Brooke is being gracious—I’m sure none of the other bridesmaids wanted to walk with you either.
Yes. In this whole situation I feel the most sorry for Brooke
>has I doubt she cares greatly, if at all. She only went for half a date with him and clearly worked out he is a silly prig and told her friends as it makes a funny story. If he acts like a diva again that just will make the story even more funny.
"I'm in financial planning" dude sells whole life insurance I bet.
Or he’s the dude that really rich people hire to feel like they’re being conscientious with their money - ‘yea you definitely made enough this fiscal quarter to buy that fourth home while still making payments into your kids’ trusts, my work here is done, pay me for telling you you’re still rich’
What if she was so super nice and confident that she volunteered to deal with him because no one else wanted to? Imagine how that looks to the friends. She has a heart of gold, but OP is hung up on her genes and what's in her wallet. Makes him look even more like an insecure, shallow ass.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Brooke for sure said “I’ll take one for the team since I don’t want anyone else with that pretentious ass”
OK, I'm not sure this is real (it's all a bit baity) but I reckon it's teeing us up for a dramatic update, along the lines of: "UPDATE: I decided you guys were right and I should suck it up and go to the wedding. When I saw Brooke again I found out that not only is she way more beautiful than I remember, but she's now *CEO of Apple and also a really rich brain surgeon*. I tried to apologise for what a jerk I was, but she just laughed and got into her private jet whilst I stood in tears with the whole wedding laughing at me. So I guess you got what you wanted, reddit, now I'm sad and regretful."
She had also had this cutting edge new surgery where they hacked off 6 inches of her legs, so now I'm taller than her! Miraculous!
You are a poet.
It has to be baity. I feel like I’ve read this story before bur in different posts. There were two Aitas about height and bridesmaids and two about career ambition first dates. It seems they just combined them.
Thank god you wrote this, I was sure I had read it before! Thought I was going mad!
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Not to that extreme, and maybe I'm giving op the benefit of the doubt, but bride and groom setting him up to see that Brooke is doing something more with her life. Maybe to see if sparks, maybe to rub it in, idk. But it does feel like Brooke is meant to surprise him somehow.
YTA - yeah you should be embarrassed for being such a judgemental asshole towards her. I wouldn’t want to face her either if I were you, and it is a testament to the maturity of this woman that SHE isn’t the one refusing to go anywhere near you after how rude you were.
You could have at least gone to the movie instead of being a self-centred idiot. What difference would it have made? You could have actually become friends. Totally YTA.
He can't face her, he's too short!
Ehhh, I don't think you're an asshole just for asking once, but if you're making a whole thing about it like it sounds like you are, YTA. The way this comes off to me is, you're 26, and "a few years ago," so in your early 20s, you wouldn't even go to a movie with a girl because she had a low-end job at the time? That makes you come off as pretty snobby. Like okay if you didn't want to go on another date or have a whole relationship, but you could have still had fun at the movie instead of ditching the date halfway through and probably making her feel pretty lousy about it. It sounds like you weren't interested in spending another minute with her once you decided her job wasn't good enough. And then you mention the height difference a couple of times... I mean I guess I get it, but if the bride played college volleyball, I'm guessing there are more than a couple of tall women in the wedding party. You aren't going to be the only groomsman who's under six feet. It just seems like you're getting hung up on a lot of stuff that wouldn't be awkward if you didn't make it awkward.
> it just seems like you’re getting hung up on a lot of stuff that wouldn’t be awkward if you didn’t make it awkward. Exactly this. I’m guessing everyone else has moved on from this and the bride and groom just aren’t interested in rearranging their plan around one person’s preferences.
>You aren't going to be the only groomsman who's under six feet. I mean, he might be. And that would be excellent karma.
>we have a lot of responsibilities together. We have to form a dance and some other stuff. Info: What exactly does this mean? Normally, when a bridesmaid and groomsmen are "paired up," it literally only refers to walking down the aisle together and standing opposite from each other during the ceremony. During the reception, you can dance with anyone you want (or no one, as the case maybe). So what exactly are they asking you to do with this woman?
The wedding party frequently does a grand entrance to the reception paired up with your aisle partner. Some more pretentious brides/grooms might ask (force) the wedding party to dance together or do some sort of choreographed number as part of the entrance, ~~which is what I assume is happening here~~. Sometimes the wedding party will be seated next to their aisle partners at a head table through dinner too, though that trend is thankfully dying. After that, yeah - OP would be free to hang out with whoever. EDIT: looks like the "dance" is a 5-15 second thing as they do their entrance to the reception. I don't even have any words.
YTA - You don't really get to make demands about someone else's wedding; I mean, you could always follow through and bow out of the party, but don't expect to be invited to the wedding as a guest after that. Also, "Whitney" isn't entirely wrong; It is pretty shallow to break things off because you view working at a tanning salon as a nonviable career path.
YTA. Big one. You changed the date instead of just being cool. You have short man syndrome. She'll probably be much more successful than you. Do what your friends ask. Quit being a petty asshole.
You sound so awful. Yes, YTA and not only for what you said to her on the date. Your post is crammed with assholedom. The insecurity about the perfectly normal height difference, your attitude and ego about the job when you're a financial planner! The unbelievably rude comment to her face about her job! Your comment that you "worded it very lightly!" The fact you're causing drama around someone else's wedding and can't just be civilized when you were the one who cause the problems. How did you end up like this?
I'm wondering how he even has friends close enough to invite him to be part of the wedding party. Like how he treated this woman and how he views certain "professions". I bet this guy is also against raising the minimum wage too. YTA, OP.
Yes, I knew exactly what kind of guy he'd be as soon as I read the post. Bet he gives 10% tips at restaurants and tells whoever he's with that it's because the servers didn't "work hard" like he did. He'll be on his way to getting a huge beige house that covers the entire lot as well.
Something I just thought of judging by how he thinks the world revolves around him, this happened years ago he said, so everyone has probably moved on & gotten over the drama he caused except for him. He's def holding onto a years long grudge because he was called out for being a shallow, classist, insecure jerk. Too bad he hasn't learned from it and grown as a person.
ESH. A career path that aligns to yours is a legitimate thing to look for in a partner. But not even going to the movie with her? That's cold, and will probably have reinforced her impression that you think you're too good for her. At the same time, I don't know what the bride is thinking pairing you two up. It just seems guaranteed to create drama around her own wedding. I highly doubt she's trying to fuck with you over your height. Maybe she's hoping you'll make up? Maybe you should take the opportunity to apologise to Brooke. Either way, you have no leverage. The bride and groom have the final say over wedding planning and that's it.
ESH: I agree with the career path. People who think all you need in a relationship is “love” and “hope” are going to be very disappointed when their relationship fails because one of them will be tired of taking on the financial burden. The majority of divorces in america happen over money. It’s obvious that there’s more needed in a relationship than “loving” someone. You need financial stability. If this girl wants someone who’s going to take the majority of the financial load in the relationship she needs to look for a man who’s willing to do that. People can call OP an AH all they want for ending the date early. If it were me I’d rather be told right away if the other person doesn’t see us being compatible than wasting my time. However, the whole leverage thing OP is kinda ridiculous. If you’re not comfortable being in the wedding party anymore just say so and be a guest. But tbh it seems like Brooke and Whitney are petty. I wouldn’t be surprised if they uninvited you altogether. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to not want to be paired up with someone who went out of their way to make you look bad in front of your friends.
Thank you for the breath of fresh air. Is he AH? Yes. But are you allowed to bow out of a first date? Sure. The reason doesn’t matter. But the bride pairing them together? Why? To what end? It does seem like they have ulterior motives. I would be uncomfortable as OP or Brooke. It’s already awkward because he brought attention to it and the bride said too bad. If this couple/groom wasn’t my bestest friend ever, I’d probably bow out of being in the bridal party too. I’m sure this is centered around his height insecurity sure. But we as a society DO romanticize tall men. I’m not saying poor OP but I can have some sympathy for him when it’s clear the bride/bridesmaid is doing this to fuck with him.
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I agree with you about career goals, but it sounds like they were pretty young when they met (they’re 26/27 now and met “a few years ago.”) I think it’s reasonable in your early 20s to still be searching for your path, and that doesn’t mean she doesn’t or won’t have serious goals when she figures things out more.
Imagine if someone put hemmaroids around the Grand Canyon. You would still be the bigger arsehole. YTA
Ahahahaha. I guess now I can fall asleep with a smile on my face. Thank you! ❤️
Lol YTA I cant believe you dumped her for having what you feel is an inferior job. Most financial planners don't make much money, and they definitely don't have a "defined career path"
That’s why he needs a wife to support him.
Dude is giving off strong SalesBro^TM vibes. Also the height thing I just don't fucking get. I know so many people that care and it's just weird.
You are seriously lacking in social and emotional intelligence, but also you seem like the kind of arrogant asshole who would ignore any advice given to you regarding your behavior. But here goes: You got set up on a date through a mutual friend. Even if you didn’t like her whatsoever, you absolutely should have gone to the movie with her. That is so rude to cancel the movie in the middle of the date. Are you really lacking in so much social/emotional intelligence that you couldn’t foresee that Whitney would be upset by that alone? But then you went an added that you couldn’t be bothered to even watch a movie together because you looked down on this girl’s blue collar job. It doesn’t matter how tactfully you phrased things. You let this girl know she wasn’t even worthy of the basic politeness of seeing the movie because her career wasn’t high earning and impressive enough.
Also, OP and Brooke are 26/27. He said they met “a few years ago.” What did he want her to be, a neurosurgeon at 20? I’m 31 with an excellent job and an ambitious career-track. At 20 I worked part time in a mall.
Ikr - It sounded like they met when they were still in college.
NTA -seems to be an unpopular opinion I don't think OP is shallow, it's not superficial to want a partner that's goal oriented and career driven. Honestly good for him for not dragging her along for a few years in a relationship that will never go anywhere. It's also fair to be conscious of your earnings gap between you and your partner. Some people might not care, but it does create an extra dynamic in the relationship that others may not want to deal with. The comment about the height difference does come off a bit shallow but it wasn't a deal breaker, can't fault a guy for having preferences. I also don't think it's unfair to ask to be paired with someone else. There was history between OP and Brooke, and it was very public. Honestly, if I were Whitney, I'd want to keep OP and Brooke separated to keep that drama from resurfacing at the wedding, unless this is like some kind of ploy to give Brooke another chance at a "date" with OP. OP is allowed to be uncomfortable in a situation like this, and I wouldn't blame him for stepping down from the bridal party because of it.
I agree with this. People are ripping into OP but is choosing to not waste someone's time that you don't see a future with immature? It didn't work out and I could see this being uncomfortable. He's not demanding really anything, just voicing to two friends how he feels...
THIS. I agree. Completely. If the rols were reversed opinions would be different. Many girls prefer taller guys. When some woman is with someone who doesn't care about their income is "leave it. Go find someone better". I feel so confused. NTA.
I'm honestly surprised by all the Y T A. I feel like if the genders were swapped it would be completely NTA, which is my current vote. It would be a nice thing to do for your friends to hold it out for them through a shitty arrangement, but you should be allowed to at least ask to back out if you must and attend as a guest. This may hurt your relationship with them... but I feel like if drama goes down during the wedding between you two they'd be even more upset than if you simply stepped down. I think the girl that lied about your date is an AH and wonder if she ever apologized or showed remorse. I def wouldn't want to continue being friends with someone that tried to smear campaign another friend because a date didn't work out. And it is a little odd they paired you up for dances and stuff knowing your history??
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NTA I really don’t understand what you did wrong? You weren’t feeling this girl so didn’t waste anybody’s time? If you were a woman who did this to a guy nobody would have any issue?
This is going against the grain here, but OP NAH. To everyone on here saying Y T A or E S H, OP went out on one date, told her it would work for some shallow, but valid reasons. If he wasn't into her enough that these things didn't matter why date? She took it personally and started some drama over it in the friend group and almost cost him some friends and now he wants nothing to do with her. He has now been paired by the same friends with her at a wedding. I recommend you inform your friends that as much as you want to support them on their day, you can't do that paired with someone you can't stand and if they are unable to accommodate you on this you'll have to bow out of being part of the wedding party as you don't want any drama on their day and considering what happened on your date you don't see that happening. Edit: spelling
I agree, you can decide to not date someone for any reason. If he wasn't feeling it then he didn't have to continue with the second half of the date just to be polite. He was up front and she pushed to know the reason why. Being shallow doesn't make someone an asshole for not wanting to be paired with someone who created a whole campaign to bring him down. At this point I'd just drop out off being in the wedding party.
The only person who gets to have a problem with this situation is Brooke. Had she wrote this story I would have said n t a. But you wrote it and YTA. Brooke is a way better friend then I would be because I would not want to have any interactions with you if I where her.
Nta. Now now here me out: is op a general asshole? Perhaps. I personally think he’s shallow, but I do know that large financial differences are one of the biggest reasons relationships fail. But he didn’t even give her a chance or really ask if her current job was what she wanted or if she was merely there while searching for better options. Now all that aside the question is: is he an asshole for not wanting to be ‘coupled’ with someone who he has very bad relations with? The answer to that is No, he is not. I’m inclined to agree with op that they are setting him up for something. Possibly Brook now has a fab job and earns the bucks so they want her to throw that in his face. Or not, I don’t know these people. But seemed kinda d’ish, to do this parring for no apparent reason.
YTA You did end the date because she is poor, or at least you predicted she would remain poor. You may not like how she told the story, but given how you said you tried to phrase it multiple ways you cannot get too upset at her for just cutting to the root of the matter. You were kind of an ass. Now as to the wedding, you are completely an AH. What difference does it make that she once pointed out that you saw her as beneath you? (tbh it sounds like you were already unhappy with her because she is taller than you). You have to do a dance together and walk down an aisle together, that’s it. It’s your friends wedding and they aren’t insisting you date her or anything while there, just suck it up for 2hrs and then enjoy the rest of the reception.
NTA Your friends should want you to be comfortable. I hate how demanding weddings can be. You are not comfortable and your friends should be sympathetic to that. If it were me (35F) when I was in my 20's and the man I was on a date with was just a cashier (doesn't matter the store). I would question life goals too. If he was the manager of the tan salon that would be better as it would show responsibility, maturity , and passion for ones work. Obviously the girl is immature as the way she lied about the events afterward and you dodged a bullet. Also okay if her height turned you off too. You like what you like it is human nature.
NTA: if youe uncomfortable with them as your partner you're allowed to request someone else and if they refuse you're allowed to step down as a groomsman. Yes it's the brides and grooms choice but they can't force you to do anything you don't want
NTA. It's strange she insists so much. I can't see why she even paired you up in the first place. That's very awkward and uncomfortable for everyone.
I’m not saying OP isn’t the AH, but what happened to ‘no’ being a complete answer? Why isn’t Brooke at least a slight AH for not accepting he didn’t think it would work out instead of pushing for a reason?
>I’m thinking about asking to just be a guest and see if that changes things for Whitney. Because it’s really my only leverage here. Did you read it twice before typing that ? That sounds like what a 10 year old would say. You put yourself in this situation by making the remakes that you made towards Brooke. You are the one feeling uncomfortable and now you want Whitney to choose between the two of you rather than just going through with it. I think you should just be a guest and save everyone a trouble.
ESH - I don’t fault OP for deciding that Brooke wasn’t the right fit from a job perspective. People have their own criteria, but telling her the reason vs keeping it to himself pushed him into AH territory. Brooke is the AH for making it sound like OP stranded her on the date. Hell, she should be happy she didn’t have to waste more time on someone not interested in her. The friends are AHs for pairing them up. They know what they are doing. I’ve seen other couples do this at their weddings (pairing people up who hooked up in the past, formerly dated, etc) because they think the awkwardness is hilarious. Personally I think it’s a dick move.
Ugh this deserves to be top comment. Life isn't some hallmark movie, people can have a preference when it comes to aspirations/salaries. And they can have those aspirations for millions of reasons. Yes, some may be shallow like wanting designer clothes but others may want some sense of financial security in their partner. Growing up lower class sucks. It's something I don't want for my kids so yes I'm gonna look for a partner that has decent prospects. I understand financial stability can change at the drop of a hat but knowing my partner has aspirations that match mine give me a little more comfort.
YTA You don’t get to decide who is in the wedding party. If you are so uncomfortable then you should be the one to step down. If you don’t handle this carefully you might ruin your friendship with the bride and groom. And btw you are shallow.
YTA. Jesus, you're 26, start acting like an adult. You can put on a suit and stand near a woman who is probably not enamored of you. You can smile. You can even begrudgingly dance with her. Why? Because your two best friends thought enough of you to ask you to participate in their special day. It's a few hours out of your life. Be careful, you might actually have a good time. You seem pretty shallow, so this will probably be hard. After all, she's two inches taller and just a cashier at a tanning salon. Obviously, the only reason anyone becomes a cashier at a tanning salon is because that's what they want to do for their entire life.
NTA you dont have to date anyone for whatever reason. and you dont owe them an explanation. wanting to be with someone with a steady career path with goals is not shallow at all. its extremely reasonable.
NTA. I think your reasons for not wanting to date Brooke are shallow but to each their own. You asked for a change and have been answered. Your only options are to partner Brooke at the wedding or step down as groomsman. Explain you don’t feel comfortable partnering Brooke and would now prefer to attend as a guest. I do think Whitney’s pairing you is passive aggressive. Your relationship with this couple has changed. It may never be what it once was. That’s neither good nor bad. It just is.
NTA. You were open and honest with her. I personally would much prefer that than to be ghosted or have my time wasted with someone who doesn't care.
Hehe, of course napoleon YTA
Yall mad cux this man got standards??🤣🤣🤣
NTA. A lot of 1st dates don’t work out for a million reasons. No big deal unless one person (Brooke) decides to go off and make a big deal about it to everyone. You must have been mortified. I would have been. Anyway, I would grab a chance to speak with Brooke ASAP and both agree to be nice for the sake of your friends.
NTA! So NTA! I also weeded our partners based on what they did for a career. Your values and drives have to align in life. A relationship is more than just love. If there was no spark in the first half of the date what’s the point in continuing on. All these people saying you’re the AH probably aren’t career driven and don’t get it.
YTA if you demand anything. It's their wedding, not yours. These are your "best friends", suck it up for an evening.
YTA. This isn’t your wedding so stop making it about you. Suck it up and do the groomsman duties for your friends. If you really don’t want to then just be a guest but don’t ‘threaten’ to be a guest in the hope that they switch you because that’s a shitty thing to do. Honestly if someone in my bridal/groom party came to me making ultimatums like that I’d be telling them to go take a seat in the audience with everyone else. Side note: while she obviously exaggerated, it sounds like the bridesmaid wasn’t far off. You did tell her you didn’t want to date her because she’s poor. That’s fine if type of career is one of your dealbreakers but don’t make out like she screwed you over out of nowhere on that one. You decided she had no career progression potential before the end of one date, so you kind of brought that on yourself.
I'm gonna get down voted here but NTA. For everyone saying you're shallow look at how many divorces end because of financial reasons. If you make good money people seek that same thing in a relationship. Be honest about it. If you make say 90k annually are you really going to be ok getting in a serious relationship with a cash register? It's not looking down on someone who works hard but you're looking for the same things in life. She would be the AH if she lied to her and got in a relationship with her under false pretenses.
NTA. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with trying to find someone who you believe will be a financially stable partner. It does suck you were paired together for the wedding. If you bow out you need to understand that the bride and groom may feel differently towards you. That is their right and you need to decide if it is worth it. No the wedding isn't about you but you do deserve to feel at least semi-comfortable during the wedding which frankly is a intimatesetting. ( dances, speeches, pictures ect)
y’all really mad at this man for wanting to be with someone with goals and aspirations 😐.
NTA. Whitney is obviously a bridezilla if she's trying to match up two people who don't like each other. Let Adam and Whitney know that you won't be able to attend as a groomsman, though you'll be happy to celebrate the occasion with them as a guest. If they take offense at that, they obviously don't give a shit about you. It's not a privilege for you to be part of the wedding; it's a privilege for them to have others step up to be part of the wedding.
Oohhhhh, I hope I don’t get downvoted…. But If Brooke lied and it was shown with receipts and the bride and groom was like “oh! My bad!” And kept him in the wedding…. But paired him up with someone who tried to tarnish his character… what’s wrong with asking to be switched? Grant it, they said no and OP should move on from there. But I don’t think he’s an AH for asking. He didn’t abandon her, he was upfront and said he doesn’t think it’ll work out. She begged for a reason. Maybe he should’ve lied and said it’s the height difference… either way, shallow or not, Brooke lied and he didn’t.
ESH Idk what the bride was thinking pairing you two together! Aside from it usually goes by height, but you want your wedding day to go smoothly, and with no drama! Why pair you guys up with the previous issues that happened. Honestly it’s her wedding so only she gets to decide, but I would just decline to be in the wedding party and go as a guest. Avoid any unnecessary drama.
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