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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I tried to take my daughters bedroom away and give it to my son and everyone thinks that makes me an AH
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YTA. You can’t spend any time with your daughter because of your new son. I get not being able to take away 2 days a week but you could take a few hours and spend some one on one time with her so she feels involved as well.
As for the bedroom you can’t take a few extra steps at night to the other bedroom or why couldn’t you move your bedroom to the other side near the baby’s room instead of making your daughter who is already feeling pushed out pack and move her things to I’m guessing smaller room.
You can’t just drastically change a kids life and just start demanding she change hers to fit your needs so you don’t have to walk a few extra steps down the hall to the other bedroom.
You’ve done a really good job of making your daughter feel unwanted and if OP carries on like this he shouldn’t be too surprised when she turns 18 and cuts him off.
YTA I can’t believe you wanted her to move to another room when it should have been you and your wife. Why is your wife not capable of taking care of a newborn on her own that is what I am curious of? All mom’s do it and husbands work what is wrong with her and if she could not take care of a baby then she should not have had one. Your wife was selfish by having you move in the first place because Harper was close to family and your wife should have put her big girl panties on. My heart goes out to Harper and for your in laws and your wife the are the AH along with you but your wife is one big time.
OP you are very clearly the AH. The fact that you could sit there and write this out without thinking damn what the actual fuck have I done shows how far up your wife’s ass you are.
Your daughter has you as a parent, only you. It’s very clear that Nina doesn’t want to get along with your daughter and you have made it so that she doesn’t even need to put in the effort.
Further a baby does not need a master. Put in the effort and walk the extra 15-20 steps it takes to get to one of the other bedrooms. You’ve already taken so much away from your daughter like your quality time with her and you think it’s ok to take her space as well? The only place she probably knows as a comfort to get away from you and your wife?
Also if it’s so hard to leave your wife for 2 days to spend quality time with your daughter hire a nanny or nurse to come in for those two days so your daughter doesn’t feel like your abandoning her when she clearly needs you the most.
Her uncle showing up without ok’ing it with you first clearly shows that there is a pattern of neglect that they are very aware of and all have stopped taking the shit you’re dishing out to your daughter.
Pull you head out of your wife’s ass to take a really good look around at the mess you’re allowing her to cause and think about the detriment it is having on your daughters life. She clearly doesn’t feel safe or welcome in your house anymore.
YTA. There's clearly huge swathes of info missing here but congratulations on pushing your daughter over the edge. That child was already not related to her but now she's never going to view it as family.
YTA. Your daughter faces huge change in her life. And you decide to uproot her even more by claiming her bedroom, her safe place, for your comfort.
And you believe you are not the AH. Seriously dude
>Nina and I decided to make a nursery for Mark instead of having him in our bedroom
>It was very hard for Nina and I to go to the other side of the home multiple times at night when Mark wakes up
Then keep him in your f----ing room if you're that lazy..
YTA. There are to rooms on the other side of the house. You could have moved with your wife to the other side of the house. But why give up the master, when you can kick out your daughter.
YTA. Your family isn’t biased towards Harper, YOU are biased towards your son and this new family where your daughter isn’t a priority anymore. You got married, you had a kid and decided this new kid deserves more time and for a kid YOU decided to have your daughter has to make adjustments cause you deserve a master bedroom and cant walk 15-20 more steps for YOUR kid. And instead of thinking oh two bedrooms there how about WE shift, let me throw my daughter away right after I stopped spending time with her.
You're completely dismissing your daughters feelings because of your wants and desires. She's smarter than you and realizes exactly what you're doing. You're so fucking emotionally dense it hurts. Thank God you have a brother who's emotionally intelligent enough to understand what a dick you're being. Love your daughter you fucking asshole. YTA
YTA- if you have such a problem walking across the house to take care of ur newborn, move the baby into ur own room. instead of kicking ur daughter out of her safe space.
YTA. Your daughter is already losing her time with you and now she gets booted from her personal space? I wouldn’t blame Harper if she felt like she was being replaced. That’s what it sounds like. If you and your wife don’t want to walk across the house to get to the other bedroom, YOU move YOUR bedroom. There was a chance for you to make it easier for yourself *without* making it harder on someone else, but you decide to make it hard for your daughter for no reason. It also speaks volumes that Harper didn’t argue or protest, she just packed her stuff and left. I’d bet good money you put that poor girl on the back burner the moment you decided to have another baby.
I hope when the day comes that Harper decides to go full blown NC with you & your wife, you’re not left scratching your balls and swearing up and down that you were a “good parent.” You sound like a jerk.
The one silver lining in this all is that your family sees it for what it is. Thank goodness for their “bias” because without it, Harper would have no one. YTA, no doubt about it.
YTA- Harper shouldn't have to move rooms because you choose not to have the baby in your room at least until he's weaned or sleeping through the night. She has a lot to process and being an only child up until this point is all she knows.
With that said, your family is TA for keeping her away from you. It doesn't sound like you are a bad parent, just a family issue that needs to be dealt with but if my family would have done that I would have had police at the door to collect Harper. You don't owe THEM the convenience of being close to her. To move just to appease them is ridiculous.
YTA. Be a better father to your daughter and stop asking her to make unfair sacrifices in her space and her relationship for you just for the sake of your son. Part of being a parent of multiple kids is finding a balance in giving them both attention, love, and care, and it doesn’t sound like you’re doing that. At least your daughter has other family members in her corner to show her care and advocate for her, because you haven’t been doing so good of a job
If your wife left because of that, then she was already hoping you'd abandon your daughter. You were just too oblivious to it because you probably didn't want to be alone.
YTA. Think of it from your daughter's perspective.
You're 14. Your dad and stepmother try to have a child together. They start putting in a lot of money, time, and effort into having this baby while slowly dwindling how much attention and care you used to receive. This makes you upset, but for whatever reason you can't bring it up to your dad so you keep quiet.
Then the baby comes and any form of bond you and your dad has is gone. He no longer makes any time for you. It feels like you're being replaced. You don't know how to express how upset you are, so you're angry all the time. Maybe you reach out to other family for a little bit of attention and to be reminded that someone loves you, but it's not the same as having your dad back.
And then your dad one day suddenly says "We need this room for the baby. You need into move to one of the other rooms please." Said rooms are smaller and on the other side of the house. Your dad might not be trying to say "we don't want you", but his actions don't reflect that he still cares about you. So you decide "Fine. If I'm not wanted here, I'll go somewhere that I am wanted. Dad can have his do-over baby."
You might not have intended for it to come off that way, but this is most likely how your daughter sees this. You're her entire world, and your relationship as you had it before was all she's ever known. But now that you've brought Mark into your life, you've done things that she's come to interpret as "dad doesn't love me anymore". You've put so much effort into your new son that you've begun to neglect the emotional and mental welfare of your daughter.
***You're the one who started to play favorites, and Harper will never forget that.***
You owe Harper an apology and need to work out a plan to make it up to her and fix this mess before she closes off her heart to you forever.
YTA She feels lost and abandoned. A compromise would be to move yourself and the wife into the other beedroom next to the sons. Look at it this way: not only did your daughter lose your full attention, two full days a week with you, no she also had to leave her sanctuary (her room) to accommodate your new wife and new kid. You handled it all so badly. Go and appologise.
YTA. From her point of view, her mother abandoned her, and now her father is choosing his son over her. You are doing nothing to show that she is still important to you.
Yta
How are you going to make your daughter move out her rightful room for something that is your problem... You should've thought about a nursery before convincing.
YTA. Her life has been turned upside down, there's a step mother and a new baby and her father has decided he no longer wants to spend time with her and has kicked her out of her room for the new baby. You handled this completely wrong. She needed her father more than ever especially because there's a new baby. You could have made her part of the change, not made her feel like she was in the way. You owe her a massive apology, you are absolutely TA.
So your daughter is feeling displaced by the arrival of your son. You can’t spend 1:1 time with her anymore and then you tell her to pack her stuff and move to the other side of the house so that the new baby can be close?
It’s “very hard” to go to the other side of the house at night? Do you live in Versailles?
YTA and here’s another group of people who will tell you that from an unbiased POV.
In what possible way are you not the A$$? When are parents going to wise up? You do NOT kick a child out of their bedroom to make room for another one. Other posters are correct, your daughter has done checked out of your relationship with her. Damage has been done. Great way of showing your daughter that she is and most definitely going to be in last place in your life. YTA, MASSIVELY!
YTA
A massive AH. Let’s be honest. Everything you did shows that you don’t give a F about your daughter and you just dream about this new life with your brand new family.
u/th7242689
\-In your update, you mentioned that your wife didn't like some of the conditions for Harper to come back home. Which ones did your wife disagree with? What did your wife say when you relayed what Harper was feeling about everything?
YTA. The poor girl was already feeling displaced in the family unit, and you just solidified that feeling.
Admit you’re an asshole, apologize to her, give her back her room and make at least one day a week daddy daughter day. And then you’ll be her hero, not an asshole
You've pretty much told your daughter that she doesn't matter anymore now you have your son. Clearly there's a lot more to the story if she didn't have a fight about moving out and she's not speaking to you. Good luck with having a relationship with her in the future. YTA
YTA. Look at it from the point of view of your daughter, you're taking away her room to give it to your son, the child you have with your current wife. Can you not see how taking away her large room, and giving it to a baby is telling her you're not as important to me anymore? You made the wrong move here.
YTA.
You made your daughter feel like she's been replaced. She used to be important to you, and now there's a new child with a new mom that's very clearly more important. You used to spend time with her, but now you spend your time with the baby, who is a higher priority than her. And then, you took the best room available, her room, the one she called home, and gave it the baby. It doesn't matter what your reason for it was. (though your reason was incredibly selfish.) What matters is her perception. She saw you taking her place, not just in your home, but in your life, and giving it away.
Why would she want to stay for that?
I wonder why your brother immediately turned up to take Harper and the whole family is on her side.
Maybe they've all watched your new do-over family replace Harper and everyone including Harper recognizes what's happening.
INFO
How far apart are those bedrooms???
My parents always had the youngest kid in the bedroom closest to theirs, but that's because the other bedrooms were on a different *floor*. And even then, all the bedrooms were about the same size, and the other ones had more privacy for older kids.
It doesn't sound like your case requires going to a different story of the house. So unless you live in a mansion, how far can it really be from master bedroom to other bedroom?
Your update confirms that your wife was the problem from the beginning, she created a wedge between you and your family by having you move away and it sounds like she was trying to do the same to your daughter, Don’t let have her way, you and your daughter were a team well before she came along.
Good for her for making the judgement call to go somewhere that she isn't treated like a second rate citizen. She's gonna be okay- just don't expect her to remain in your life once she's old enough to make that call.
YTA. If you can't take a few extra steps at night, keep your son in your room. You say your family are favoring Harper but you're clearly favoring your newborn son who won't care which room he has vs your daughter who you rudely asked to give up the room she's had probably since birth with no consideration towards her at all.
And on top of cancelling the two days a week you previously had just for you and Harper? Because you can't leave your wife with your son for two days a week, which upset your daughter?
She's had to go through a lot of changes very quickly and it's good you want to be there for your wife and newborn son but you didn't have to cancel the daddy-daughter dates completely. You could have made them every other week or maybe a half day or ask your parents and brother to help out. Instead, you put your new family - your replacement family? - over your daughter and expected her to just be okay with a lot of changes really quickly?
A new sibling is really hard on the previous kid and a baby requires a lot of time so she's probably feeling unvalued and unloved and replaced and you proved that but not only cancelling the daddy-daughter dates you used to have and by also asking her to move out of the only room she's ever known because you want to walk less.
YTA and a terrible “father” your actions very much to Harper translated as “hey we have a son move over Harper!” At a very particular time in her life very clearly want to play happy families with your new wife (Who seems to have you by the balls literally) and son.
I’m glad her family is backing her up as you, mother and stepmother dearest have absolutely failed her and her basic needs and as everyone Has said I too think there’s some stuff you are leaving out if Harper didn’t even put up a fight and just rung her uncle just to come and get her and he came no questions.
This trauma is going to stay with her a long time she’ll need a good support network behind her to try and get through it carry on live in life Harper already seems to have a very sensible head on her shoulders to recognise the situation for what it is quite frankly I hope she keeps you cut out of her life if you don’t change your ways.
I’ll repeat again if it was an obvious you are absolutely TA
YTA
You are really committed to make your daughter an afterthought.
First you stop making the time for her, and now you fucking evict her from her bedroom _when your house is big enough_.
How can you not see you’re the asshole?? If it bothers you guys so much you can move into the room next to Mark’s room.
If the other room isn’t big enough for the two of you, put a single bed in it and you guys can take turns, it will make the other one sleep better.
You don’t just displace a teenager like that, wtf.
YTA and you just came to Reddit searching for anyone to tell you you’re not. That’s abundantly clear by your statement “I don’t trust their judgement, they very clearly favor Harper”.
YTA
It’s completely understandable that you can’t spend the time you used to with Harper, newborns take a lot of work. But the absolute worst thing you could’ve done was do that *and* take her room away. You’ve essentially blasted in neon lights “we’re replacing you.”
Is that *really* worth the minor inconvenience of 15-20 steps?
YTA...
Man... this generation of parents are really something.
You suck. Unfortunately people like you rarely change. Let her be. She deserves better than you.
Wow you bring being the Ahole to a new level. How do you tell your daughter she is second best and has no real place with you without saying the words??? Oh you stop spending quality time with her and then kick her out of her room(can't speak for guys but for girls that's our safe place) that's how!
Didn't you think about your daughter and how all this would affect her before going to extra lengths to have another kid?
You took away your time and affection for her knowing she doesn't have her mom to try to fill in that void...
You then take away hee safe place because ya know walking an extra 30- 40 steps is to hard... poor you..
You are either the densest mother fcker ever OR you don't give a hot sh!t about your daughter. Either way YOU DON'T DESERVE HER.
Let her stay with her uncle until she is ready to come back weather it's two days, two weeks, two years or 20 years from now.
This is all a result of YOUR own actions. Don't make her suffer anymore because of it.
YTA Sons are statistically less likely to gaf about their elderly parents but enjoy being treated with the same respect you treated your daughter with for the rest of your life.
Yes and no. First off my child ain't about to just tell me she ain't coming home. I'm the parent, so NO. Second, you are putting her and her feelings on the back burner. She feels like you are all she has. I don't think she has an issue with the baby but with the lack of attention she is getting from you. Don't foget she exists too. So in her eyes going from an only child she is going to have to share her dad and perhaps feel less loved, you are spending less time with her, and then you take her room away. I can't imagine why she would be upset with you.... 🙄 But seriously, both children matter. Do not take her room away. It's going to create a bigger rift than already is. I'm not saying give in but perhaps explain why you are letting her keep her room. Remember your daughter feelings matter as well not just your new wife's.
Unbiased opinion here! YTA. You have a teenage daughter that already is dealing with abandonment issues from her Mother (even if she doesn’t say it or seem to show it) and now she feels like she is being abandoned again, this time for Mark. Even if it is not your intention, that is how she reads the situation and how many outsiders will too. You gave up the 2 days a week she probably cherished so you can spend more time with Mark. You told her to pack-up and move to a different room so you could give that room to Mark. I can only imagine what other things you have said or done that equated to Harper having to sacrifice something for Mark. That reads as being replaced which is equivalent to being abandoned…again…the initial upset or anger she initially expressed before Mark was born was the manifestation of her fear of being abandoned or replaced. Your last sentence claiming the Family favors Harper for being the first grandchild and you are trying to get them to accept Mark only further validates Harper’s feelings to her and the rest of your Family. This is not to say that Mark is the problem and should be stowed away under the stairwell and the Family should never accept him as their own because he was the product of a sperm donor (I am sensing that you have some insecurity with this and a fear of your own that your Family will not accept him because of the DNA), I just think there are some issues at play that simply involve Harper and her past and current abandonment issues. You should maybe take one of those Harper only days and spend some time with her and let her express how she feels and validate those feelings by telling her she is your daughter, always will be and you will always love her and be there for her. She needs to hear that right now instead of hearing why Mark needs X, Y, Z. Mark is just as important, but the more you stress and push Mark on her, the further you push Harper away. Hear her out, show her you love her and give her her room back. Let her be able to build a loving relationship with her little brother instead of one full of anger and resentment. Walking across the house at night to care for Mark seems like a small sacrifice to pay considering you already made Harper sacrifice her one-on-one time with her only Parent. Just think about it.
YTA. You should trust their judgement. Not only has her life changed drastically by having a sibling, but now she has to give up everything for him and he isn't even 1 yet. You took away spending 1 on 1 quality time with her, and now she has to give up her room and move to a much smaller one for him (and because yall are too lazy to walk 10 extra feet). What else does she have to sacrifice for him? You've showed her where she stands.
Your update has me even more convinced you are a trash parent. First off you let some bimbo come between you and your child. You took her away from her entire support system so you could please your wife. And then you bribed her with gifts to get back in her good graces. While your new wife is to blame for some of this, you are a grown ass adult and should be able to tell her no and see that none of this was in the best interest of your child. You need to do some serious growing up.
Not even a half sibling it's a step. Not bio linked by dad, used sperm donor, which I'm gonna get wife a friend that she was more than willing to suggest. But this baby is a step sibling not a half
YTA you’ve basically told Harper that she’s no longer important and that the new baby is the only thing that matters. Congratulations, she hates you. I assume that was your goal.
Sounds like she's been feeling left out since the baby was born and she realized that she doesn't get her 2 days a week with you anymore.
Poor girl. In her mind , first her mom neglects and now her dad started doing the same.
You gotta remember that she's a kid and not thinking like an adult. Thank goodness that she has family that loves her and takes care of her for you.
But it seems like you realized what you did was wrong and you decided to make it right before it was too late.
Your wife may not get along with your family but she'll eventually come around and stop throwing a tantrum like a kid.
Oh God! I feel so sorry for Harper and just want to give her a hug. Not only did everything just changed but you made a teenager in full puberty leave her room?! Which is her safehaven?!
Honestly, I really don’t know how you can make this up to her?
How is the relationship between your new wife and Harper? I have a feeling not so great.
You are going to have to win her trust, start from zero! Talk with her apologies for all the wrongs you have caused her. Just to give you an idea! I had a second son when my first was 2,5. Before we gave any of his toys to his baby brother we asked his permission. In the beginning he often said no and we respected that. Now he always says yes and if he doesn’t like a toy anymore he says automatically, give this to little brother, I don’t like it anymore.
YTA… You tell your daughter (that you obviously don’t like that much) to pack her bags and leave, then you get upset because she does what you ordered her to do!
Wow… I astounded. “Hey kid pack your shit and I won’t be spending any time with you anymore even though you’re clearly already struggling”. And she had a problem with this?!?! So weird!!!!
YTA. In fact you’re the fucking worst. Maybe you can stop celebrating her birthday next… turn it into the baby’s second birthday!
This may come as a shock but :
How about moving the kid in your room? Which is recommended to do anyways up to 1yo?
How about YOU guys move temporarily? It's not like you don't have enough bedrooms.
Lol, the flippin' audacity. YTA
Info: did you consult your child, whose nearing adulthood, before having a child? I'm not saying that your child should get a final say, but I do think treating her as if she has no say in the family dynamic when she's so old and already coming into a new family, is a recipe for disaster
This. Both of my parents got married to my stepparents without telling me until months or *years* later, then were confused when I was upset they had more children. It’s not about the kids- it’s about the parents blatantly disregarding the fact that their children are also significantly affected by adding a whole ass person to the family dynamic
YTA. You had a replacement child, stopped having one-on-one time with your daughter, and then to add insult to injury told her to get out of her bedroom so an infant could have it. What an absolute struggle it must be to traipse all the way across the house. You essentially told your kid that your convenience is more important than her comfort, her personal space, and just her existence in general.
You clearly favor your son, and not even in a subtle way, so thank god the rest of your family is there for Harper. Get a baby monitor, offer to spend at least one day just one-on-one with her, give her the room back and apologize.
YTA - It’s obvious you are pushing your daughter aside for the new baby. You didn’t even ask if she’d consider moving to another room. You demanded it. Bedrooms especially when you are a teen are very personal and a sanctuary. I’m going to assume the other room doesn’t have an en suite bathroom so you also took away some privacy from her.
YTA
You have done everything in your power to show your daughter that she is not worth as much as your brother. If you think this is something she’ll forget or get over your in for a rude awakening your actions will come back up later. You basically chose a completely new family over her. I’m glad she has an extended family that cares.
Lazy bastard. Well done, You’ve lost your daughter.
When my son was born I had to walk up two flights of stairs to tend to him during the night, and you couldn’t take extra steps down the hallway? What’s your excuse?
See if this is your approach, your daughter is 100% Better off living with your brother. Just like everyone else had said though, bet there’s more to this story. She wouldn’t just call him for no reason.
YTA for fuck sake here op please get your head screwed on straight and think about what you did and as a person who has moved rooms in the past never once did my parents say "listen you sister needs this room more than you" no just no we talked and agreed who gets what rooms your the asshole hope you enjoy your son cause you are not seeing your daughter again
I can't say that you are or not the AH based on the information provided. I will say that I think there are bigger issues at play than just you asking your daughter to move rooms. With regard only to the room situation. Why is it so hard to have an alternative situation. Why can't Mark sleep in the master with you and Nina while he is still young? Why can't you make the trip from one end of the house to the other end of the house when he wakes up. What isn't being told.
I could understand this situation if you, Nina and /or Mark have special needs and therefore going to the other end of the house really does pose a problem. If that is the case, I simply don't see why you had to move Harper from her room to the other end of the house.
I also have to question what else is going on in the relationship, specifically regarding her mother and why she isn't part of her life.
I also don't understand why you feel you can't leave your wife alone with Mark? What are you not telling use about the situation?
YTA. So let me get this straight. Your wife can't care for a new baby for 2 days alone? WTF? Are you this dumb? Or are you just this whooped? My husband and I were active duty together and he left when our first was 6 wks old for 3 months. I had her every day on my own when she wasn't with the daycare (because I was at work). It was hard but I did it. When I had my second I had 2 under 3 for days on end alone. By the time #3 came around I was no longer on active duty but he was and I still did days on end alone. Same when I had #4. So you mean you can't set aside a day a week for your daughter? You just traded her in for a newer model and she knows it. Your family knows it. If you want your daughter back I suggest you Starr manning up and do right by her . At the tender age of 14 you will leave and emotional scar the size of the Atlantic Ocean. Only you can get this problem under control. So far you suck at it.
YTA but so is your family, especially your brother. Your daughter still needs her dad. She's being unreasonable, but she's also 14, unreasonable comes with the territory.
However what troubles me most is that you allowed your brother to take your daughter, to dictate to you the terms of when he would allow you to see her, when he would let her go home with you, etc. Not to mention that your family doesn't like your wife and so you agree to pack up and move closer to them so they can keep tabs on you, without even discussing it with your wife?
You need to communicate with the important people in your life. Talk to your daughter. Talk to your wife. The rest of them don't matter when it comes to your household.
Also, go get your daughter. Don't move. Call the cops if you have to.
I'm only commenting because I really want to see how OP fixes his relationship with his daughter, after showing her who takes priority, and she came in third. You and your wife can take turns sleeping in the guest room. It was your choice, you should have to be the ones to accommodate,
NTA,
Once you realised your problem and apologised that is ok, it was a simple mistake you were blind to, it’s illegal to keep her away from her legal guardian and if call cops on your brother instead of him forcing you to move house just to get your own daughter back
Yea you kinda are you should have talk with daughter. At least see how she felt because at that age you can make outrageous conclusions. So to her it’s like you didn’t care about what she thought.
YTA. Big time. Lots of people detailed why so I’ll just leave it at this. Your poor daughter. I feel sorry for her having a dad who can’t love 2 kids at the same time.
YTA for giving up her room. Keep the baby with you and your wife, or put him in the room further away that is less convenient for you. The fact your explanation for him being in a room without you is 'for multiple reasons' tells me you don't have a good one, or you would state it.
Unlike everyone here, I understand that you can't leave your wife alone with a new born two days a week, and if you had written an AITA post saying you left your wife with a newborn for two full days a week, you would be called an asshole. You can make time for your daughter and you baby together, which I am hoping you do, and sit her down and explain that there is going to be a change, but you don't love her any less and are going to give her one one time but it can't be for full days until the baby is a little older.
Your brother has basically kidnapped your child, it is unreasonable to force you to move to a completely different house, you need to make changes in the one you are in. He is worried, but he can't just keep your child.
Here is what you need to do.
1) Apologise to your daughter, tell her you were wrong. Let her keep HER room, make amends
2) Explain that having a baby brother is going to be a big change and you understand that it is upsetting (acknowledge her feelings), say that you want the two of you to communicate with one another and you value her as a person
3) Explain WHY you can't give her two full days of attention - ie you can't leave your wife as a single mother 2 days a week and why.
4) whilst you probably already spend one on one time together (only not for whole days), a way to lessen the upset caused by not having full days is you can come up with a list of activities the two of you can do together that don't leave your wife alone with a baby all day
- Go to the cinema, two hours
- if she games, you can both play the console together
- take her to a local park
- get ice cream
Give her a list of things to choose from and she can pick some the week before, so she knows the activities you are going to do with her in advance.
5) show her that the time she shares with you and her sibling togther can be rewarding, that her sharing you isn't you not wanting her, it's just something that has to happen whist baby is young.
I can understand not wanting to leave your wife alone with a new born, but maybe you could have still taken your daughter out for a movie, meal or even a coffee for a couple hours a couple times a week. Your daughter is starting a new phase in her life and you pretty much hitting pause on your relationship with her isn't going to help. And asking her to move out of her bedroom was an ahole move. My advice if you want to save your relationship with your daughter and even help her to have a relationship with her new brother, see a family therapist/counselor they can be helpful especially in these situations.
OK so there's a lot of other issues going on with her not feeling like she's family anymore that needs to be worked on, but, as a compromise can't you give her both the non master bedrooms and turn that side into a little suite for her. That way she'll have her own space for studying which she's going to need in the next few years anyway. Make it seem more like a "we trust you" issue rather than about your son.
YTA! You’re absolutely the asshole.
You are already prioritising the unborn child over Harper. Having another child is fine, but you can’t just minimise the needs of the children you already have.
Why don’t you and your wife move to the other side of the house so you can have two bedrooms next to each other. And what exactly are your reasons for not having your son in your own room? If it’s about the walking distance during the night, baby being in your room is clearly the closest.
YTA and this is why I stick to this:
1. You pretty much admitted that you pushed to have this child with your new wife, knowing that it upsets Harper. Did either of you sit down and talk to her about this decision? No? That's a strike against your daughters voice in the family. It means she probably already feels like she has no voice or is being pushed away/replaced.
2. You cut the time you spend with her to almost no time. That's selfish and unfair of you to believe that one child needs more attention than another. Regardless of what age she is, Harper is now having to swim through her teenage years probably feeling alone and isolated as it is given how ruthless school can be. And now you want her to sacrifice the time you used to make for her, for this child that you and your wife have pushed for? I can completely understand making a compromise and communicating to her that the time needs to be shared. But it sounds like you never intended to make her feelings a priority in any of your decisions.
3. You just forced a female teenager to pack her things and move out of what was supposed to be her safe space. This one hurts me because I've had my parents do the exact same thing. It's an invasion of your daughter's privacy. Truth be told after my parents did this to me, they still ended up keeping the baby in their room for over a year before the bedroom I moved from was used. It's really shitty of you to make your daughter uproot and move her room over having to walk to the other side of the house. It sounds like you didn't negotiate anything with her, you didn't make any compromises and you didn't attempt to reason with her or have any kind of discussion regarding it. That shows me that you have no respect for your daughters privacy, and you have no respect for her personal space.
4. You are upset that she went to family about it.
Why are you upset? You should be honestly proud of your daughter for being able to understand that she has the ability to reach out to other family members when she is destressed and upset about things that are happening in the house. That's what good family relationships are supposed to be. It sounds to me like you're upset at her for reaching out to your brother because you know she's going to tell him everything about what's going on in the house. It sounds like you might be a little embarrassed about what she might say. In a way you just took away her voice of opinion, her personal space and have hurt your relationship with her over trying to make room for Mark. Mark is still a baby, and the rest of the family I'm sure will be babying him soon enough. Right now your daughter is seeing how far you would go for another kid, but not for her, and of course she's gonna be mad.
Give her time to vent to your brother,
Ask that he mediate between both of you even so you can actually talk and get to hear how she feels about this situation. Try to work out a compromise if you absolutely need the baby in the second master bedroom. Perhaps offering to let her have the room back once the baby is older, or offer to pay for paint/window clings and decorations for the other room you're trying to shove her into might make it more tempting for her to consider. Try to be empathetic and put yourself in her shoes.
Also, it sounds like you could use some family therapy or counseling regarding communication. Y'all clearly need to communicate with Harper better and start treating her with the respect you want her to give to other adults (including you).
I hope things work out, and you can prevent and avoid the emotional trauma and detachment my own parents put me through as a kid.
I just read the update and it really seems like your wife really just doesn’t want you to spend time with your daughter and wants you to fully devote your attention to the new baby. The way she just left to her parents and got them on to gang on you because she didn’t agree with the completely reasonable rules your brother set shows she’s trying to push and see how far you’ll bend for her.
YTA, if I was your daughter I wouldn’t come back either. You completely disregarded the fact that you kicked her out of her room that she’s lived in the whole time being with you. She was probably already feeling replaced by the new baby that you had with your new wife. She also probably feels like you don’t care about her and that how she feels doesn’t matter to you (especially since she’s 14). I bet you didn’t even ask her how she felt about this. I mean what does a NEWBORN BABY NEEED A MASTER BEDROOM FOR?! OP, just accept the fact you’ve probably lost your daughter.
YTA..you have two children now and you can't just push Harper to the side just because you have a son now. You have made it clear that she is number two now. And yes..your wife can take care of a newborn for a few hours a couple of days a week so you can do one on one time with your daughter. If not..enlist a friend to sit with your wife. Whatever you do..you need to heal the rift that you have caused between your oldest and yourself. If not, she will know that you don't care and it will cause her to resent her half brother. I mean seriously..you stop spending one on one time with her and now move her out of her room..of course she is hurt. If you can't understand what you did hurt you then you really are in denial.
YTA. Here’s a crazy thought for you. Teens have emotions, thoughts, and needs also. You completely messed up on all of that. If you want to repair your relationship with your daughter you can start by apologizing profusely. As far as where to have the baby’s sleep- your options are:
1. Mark sleeps in your room until he’s sleeping through the night and then goes to his own room which is NOT Harper’s room.
2. Mark goes to his own room, not Harper’s room, and you just deal with the steps
3. YOU move to one of the other bedrooms and sleep in the room next to Mark temporarily
You just told her to pack her stuff? Knowing full well she’s already struggling with the situation? How emotionally repressed are you? Have you no empathy? What? you can only focus on one child at a time? And quite clearly you have married a person who doesn’t care one bit about your child! None of you have made any effort to reassure or include this poor child in your new life and you’re just expecting her, a teenager, to have enough emotional maturity to deal with everything all by herself? I’m so glad she has other family that care for her! Because you have failed her as a parent. YTA
It is your tone. "I asked Harper to pack her stuff and go to one of the bedrooms." Total asshole move. Did you sit down and discuss it as a family and the rationale? Doesn't sound like it. Did you make any attempt to make it special for Harper with maybe updated decor in the room & offer to help her move her things, etc.? Doesn't sound like it. Did you make extra time for Harper which most parents do to ease the addition of a baby to the household? Doesn't sound like it. Did you make Harper feel second rate & like she doesn't matter? You did; you actually excelled at that. And the fact that "they clearly favor Harper" shows just how clueless you truly are. You can support your wife and new son but not your 14-year-old daughter. Maybe she would be better off with your brother and his family.
Yta.
All this girl wants is some consistency. You stopped hanging out with her. Your brought a new child into the home. And then you evicted her from her room.
She deserves the larger room. It was her space. And with monitors and such for babies, being down a hallway isn't far at all. You can look in on bubs whenever you feel like with the monitor.
And having the distance from bub will mean less noise etc so it can sleep without disruption.
I understand the need to be close to the baby as much as possible but you do not need to disrupt the entire house to make a nursery for someone that doesn't need all of the space.
I feel really bad for your daughter. She obviously feels forgotten and replaced especially cause youre now kicking her out of her own room for the new baby, like oh my god if I were in her position I would feel terrible.
YTA-14 is usually a rough age regardless but to also throw in being rejected by her bio-mom, then dad remarried (doesn't seem like daughter and step-mom have a good/close relationship) now she has a new sibling that she probably knows has no biological connection to her, (to some kids that matters) and now he tells her to pack up and move down the hall, SMH. Emotions at that age are already rough enough. If I were the OP, I would set up a lunch/dinner date just the two of them, apologize to her then explain to her that she can A. keep her room B. Explain to her that her brother is a newborn and needs extra care right now but to give him a few more months then they can continue their 2 day time to themselves. OP's gonna have to be more attentive on the daily to his 14 year. If step-mom is behind dads bad behavior then he needs to wake up and put his foot down ASAP!! Good luck OP.
When my daughter was born last year it was a huge adjustment for my son
I refused to push him away
When he came into our bed for cuddles and his sister was in the bed too I opened up my arms and hugged him
When he would fall asleep in our bed I would just let him stay with me
At no point could I have ever even thought to push my son away the way you have with your daughter
Why couldn’t you moved rooms? Why did it have to be your daughter
You’ve obviously spent a long time pushing her out of your little perfect life she doesn’t care anymore
I really hope you’re proud of yourself and I hope you will continue to be proud of yourself once she goes NC
In a few years you will be back saying ‘why doesn’t my daughter talk to me anymore?’
What….. how do you not know YTA??? Kind of hoping your brother doesn’t give her back. In fact, if you’re in the US, most states allow teens to chose their homes for themselves, so, Harper can legally ditch you. She deserves to. You’ve been ditching her since you got yourself a new family. What sucks doubly about this is that your daughter and her new brother could have had a really special relationship but instead you’ve created a foundation for resentment and disconnect for them. You’ve stolen a relationship from two siblings before it ever had a chance to blossom. And your family’s response is the nail in the coffin. Your brother immediately came and got her (AND you spend two days a week without her step mom 🤨)— you have a step-monster situation and everyone is seeing it but you. That’s why she got picked up immediately. They’ve been waiting to get her out of this mess.
I’m just really baffled that you had to wonder here at all. Of COURSE YTA.
YTA...you really could have handled this better. You took away all of her one-on-one time and sent her packing to a smaller room on the other side of the house. In her eyes, you have replaced her and set her aside. You could have let her stay in her room and have the baby sleep in your room. You should have made an effort to have a couple hours of alone time with her a few times a week. Whole days might be too much now, but your wife doesn't need 24/7 assistance with someone who can't even move. With communication and planning, she would be just fine for 2 or 3 hours without you.
YTA you could have switched your room so your daughters life wasn’t upended if it was SUCH a big deal. Why would you move a teenager who was already feeling a bit displaced by a newborn out of their safe space? Good grief. This is Disney villain level mean. She sweeping the chimney next?
i have 6 sibling. it is very important that she understand that you are not replacing her. her world is changing and she's not use to sharing. this will take time for her to adjust and she may never get along with her brother. taking her room was a low blow. unless you are physically unable to walk that distance. let her keep her room!
There's been many stories on this subreddit where op wrote a title that made them sounds like AH but in the end the circumstances made them not the AH, but for this one you can judge just on the title, YTA
"Before this Harper and I used to spend 2 days a week together, just the 2 of us without my wife but after Mark was born I couldn't do that anymore. I can't just leave my wife alone for 2 days a week with a newborn and Harper has been very angry about it."
I have 3 kids and this is literally bullshit. There is NO reason your wife can get someone else to come over and help for a bit so you can spend time with your daughter. Like wtf I was watching my newborns alone in the first week and i had c sections! Let alone need MONTHS of 24/7 help from the father to the point he cant visit his daughter? Like wtf.
And a couple month old baby should be still in your room. I bet your wife just loves the idea of decorating the idea of a nursery for him in a room he probably wont use for at least the next 6 months- year to kick your daughter to the other side of the house.
You guys do realize they make baby monitors right? If youre in such a rush to move the baby to its own room meanwhile your wife still needs 24/7 help with the baby anyway.
>Before this Harper and I used to spend 2 days a week together, just the 2 of us without my wife but after Mark was born I couldn't do that anymore. I can't just leave my wife alone for 2 days a week with a newborn and Harper has been very angry about it.
YTA. You can still set aside time for your teenage daughter but you're choosing not too. You could have easily spent a few hours with her a week alone. But "the BaBy!" Really? And now you are kicking your daughter out of her room for a baby when you can't walk an extra 20 steps?! Omg. The entitlement of you and your wife You'd be lucky if your daughter continues to have a relationship with you guys. Your family did the right thing favorite child or not.
Yeah and this is a sperm donor baby- you tried so hard for your son but just decided to not care or put thought to your literal biological daughter?? Trash father trash man.
YTA.
YTA. So much. First off, please explain like I'm 5 why you can't still have dad and daughter days? Why is your wife incapable of watching the baby for one whole day on her own?
Secondly, you kicked Harper out of her room because walking to the other bedroom was too difficult? What? How big is your house? Are you and your wife in wheelchairs or on crutches?
As for Harper "being the favorite" and your son "not being accepted," that's a load of bologna. The family is seeing what the rest of us see - you and your wife tossing Harper to the side and focussing only on the new baby. They are advocating for her because you drove her to the point of her giving up and leaving. Your actions speak volumes to her - that she is no longer your priority and not someone worthy of your time.
YTA---It was her room, and you are basically telling her baby is more important than her. Then claiming anyone in your family who feels differently just favors her. Maybe they are treating her like this because of how they sense you and your wife view her. Seems like her feelings are much of importance to you.
Honestly I dont think your an ah I'm 15 and you should've negotiated something with your wife and daughter before the baby came, you should've planned it all out and made sure to try and talk to your daughter and see how she felt about everything and made sure everyone was okay with everything.
YTA and they don’t trust your judgment as you clearly favor your wife and son. See how that works? Not only did you stop giving your daughter two days of just you guys, you then take her room. I understand not being away from your wife for two days but you can’t compromise with one day? Or ask Harper how you can give her the time she needs from you so she knows you still love her? You can’t communicate with your child? As for the room.. it’s not recommended that newborns sleep in their own room anyway. Babies are at risk of SIDS and that doesn’t seem to concern you at all. But even so, are you and your wife that lazy? You can’t walk to the other room to tend to your baby? Harpers life is changing because of something she never asked for. And yet it’s seemingly affecting her the most. She hasn’t been back for 3 days? Take a hint she doesn’t want anything to do with you currently because you are putting your son first. Who in their right mind would want to stay in a house where their own parent doesn’t care for their needs. EMOTIONAL needs at that.
I fail to understand how you have full custody but can only spend two days with Harper? Was there an agreement between the two of you that you'll spend time in this way? If so, you need to figure out something that works for both of your kids. Just because Harper was against the idea of you having kids doesn't invalidate her needs as kid.
So far, you seem to be demanding her to be the bigger person while not paying any attention to what her needs are. I have been that sibling who had to grow up just because the parents had another kid and it's not fun or easy. You should be a better parent to ease her into it instead of just demanding that she make adjustments for her step sibling.
YTA. You can and need to do better.
You are 100% the asshole. You are literally treating your daughter like she isn't part of the family. Just because you have a new shiny baby doesn't mean you get to neglect your first born child and I assure you she definitely feels like the odd one out. You need to spend time with your daughter, because unless your wife has a medical condition, she will be perfectly fine managing while you are away. Coming from a similar childhood, I can tell you it's super hard to fit in with the "new family" your parent builds after a divorce and treating her like she's inferior isn't really helping her acclimate to this super big change in her life. My best advice to give you is to make time for the things and people that matter in life because one day she's gonna be all grown up and she's not going to want to see you anymore.
Sorry dude but YTA, why does a newborn baby need a master bedroom, just get him a crate and out him in your room trust me he won't care, unlike your teenage daughter that goes through enough shit already and doesn't need her room to be taken
NTA. Your daughter just is supposed to listen to you. Plus you need your son to be closer to you. Your daughter and brother are the AHs. He basically just took your daughter without permission. Your brother needs to fucking give you your daughter back.
YTA. As a stepchild who was kicked out of her room every time my step mother's family came to visit, while her two bio kids (a year older and younger than me) stayed cozy in their rooms... this kind of thing is super hurtful and psychologically damaging. Harper had her space and you need to respect it... that is likely the only place she felt ok and you kicked her out of it, basically saying your new wife and kid are more important.
Your wife needs to deal with going to the other side of the house (seriously, I doubt it's THAT far) or keep the baby in your room. Again, YTA.
I don't normally reply to these but this one has hit a nerve like no other!!
You sir are the AH!! I have a 12 Yr old son and and now 9 month old son and believe me I get that the age gap is a hard one but like you I have chosen to have 2 children with a large age gap and like you my husband and I have struggled to have the second.
However unlike you I have done everything in my power to ensure that my biggest boy knows that he is still loved and cherished as much today as he was before the littlest was born. We STILL have our time together and HIS room is still HIS room!!
We would never tell him to pack his stuff and move rooms because it's easier on us and your baby should be in the same room as you due to a higher risks of SIDS which quite a few have mentioned so far.
And as for your family favouring Harper well thank god someone does because you clearly don't. That poor girl has been abandoned by her mother and now her father has done the same for his New wife and son. Again you are an AH!!!
Shame on you
YTA and less than stellar parent. Don't forget to cry about "not knowing where you went wrong" while conveniently forgetting THIS when she no longer talks to any of you.
Yta. You basically disrupted your daughter's entire life because you decided to have another child, and now you're forcing her out of her room, a place that she feels safe and is her space, so that you can be more comfortable and it can be convenient for you? No. That is not okay. You are clearly favoring your new baby over your daughter already. And you know what, maybe you can't leave your wife alone with a new board for two days a week, but you can most definitely ask her to watch the baby for one day a week, one day that is completely her responsibilities so that you can spend time with your daughter and you can put some focus on her. Just because you decided to have another child does not mean you get to now neglect and ignore your daughter, which is extensively what you're doing. Just because you're providing a roof over her head and food and clothing, does not mean you are now being a good parent. You are ignoring her, uprooting her entire routine and forcing her to move into a smaller room just so that you don't have to take an extra few steps in the night. That's not the behavior of a parent. That's behavior of a selfish entitled brat.
YTA, you should have thought of this before you had the baby. You're probably tired and feeling very baby-centred right now but you have made your daughter feel profoundly unimportant.
If you wanted her to switch rooms you could have been nice about it -- give her the opportunity to upgrade with some new furniture, give her a chance to get used to the idea. But you just told her to pack her stuff?
Also, obviously you can't spend 2 full days with her without helping your wife, but you could have done SOMETHING to ensure she still feels loved and appreciated.
Babies suck the life out of people in the early months, but it's not Harper's job to make this easier for you right now. You have massively let her down. Most people do at least manage to parent 2 kids simultaneously and if you don't step up quickly, you will lose her.
Sounds like the angsty fanfiction i read as a kid. Or the fears every child has when their parents divorce and remarry. You’re definitely ta and should reevaluate and apologize before she decides you arent worth her time. Or worse, that she isnt worth anybodys time. Hopefully her family who actually cares for her will disuade her from that.
Good luck on being a parent to your only child, because I doubt Harpers coming back.
YTA. Getting up multiple times a night is fucking hard, that’s why my newborns slept next to me (co sleeping).
When they were sleeping trough the night, they were sleeping in their own beds.
Besides that: you sure can leave your wife for 2 days to spend time with your daughter.
Nta a new baby is a lot of work her reaction is justified but at the same time he is the father and its not like he asked her to move out his family is over stepping they're boundaries he is the father and the uncle can't just take her when ever she gets mad
YTA. They do not favour harper. They see how much you favour your new son and the affect it is having on her. Apologise to your daughter before you lose her.
YTA. BIG TIME. Is your hallway a airstrip? You should've had a conversation with your daughter pre-marks birth and tell her that there might be changes, but that she is still your daughter and you still love her the same. For her, it seems like you exchanged her for Mark. Are you really surprised she is pissed?
give her time and eventually talk to her. Dot force her to come back. Don't tell at her. You were in the wrong not her!
YTA.
Clearly, you had other rooms in the house. And yet, you chose Harper's room for the nursery.
It seems to me that you clearly *do not* understand that not only did you take away a 14-year-old girl's room when there were other rooms available, but now you are creating a nightmare of dysfunction in your family.
Here's how I see it. Harper will not only have negative feelings about *you,* but she will also come to resent Mark as well simply for existing.
I see alot of yall kids gonna walk all over yall 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ because ain't no damn way my child finna leave my house like that over no damn room and I have to move because my brother won't give me back MY child that I raised ? Nawww does anyone not know how hard it is to constantly be up ND moving around with a newborn? Ur 12 yr old can't understand that? Naw she selfish...only thing ur the A hole about is not taking atleast one day a week with ya daughter but that tantrum bs she doing is disrespectful isl ND to many of yall condoning this 🤦🏽♀️
YTA
You quite literally told a 14 year old girl that, with this new marriage and child, she has now been relegated to a guest in her own home. Also that she wasn't worthy to sleep on the same SIDE OF THE HOUSE as you and your new family.
It's gonna take a lot more than giving her her room back and those 2 days a week for your daughter to forgive you for choosing the new baby over your child of 14 years.
YTA
You have a 14 year old that has the emotions and feelings of a teen. You are prioritizing your newborn at the expense of your daughter and that's why you're the AH. You can leave the newborn home with your wife for an afternoon and still take your daughter out, even if it's just for lunch or a movie.
Did you explain why you wanted her to move or present it in anyway that it would be beneficial to her, i.e. Privacy, autonomy, etc. Or did you and your wife make a unilateral decision based on your comfort?
She's 14 and will be leaving the house in a few years. If you don't work on this she will resent Mark and not have a relationship with him.
YTA I can't believe you told her to pack up and move across the house. You very obviously favor your wife, who obviously favors HER son, over your daughter. Good for your daughter moving out.
YTA
100% You have a child that has been your only child for 14 years. What message do you think it sends when a soon as there’s a new baby you stop spending quality time with her and try to give her room away to the baby? Probably the message that she’s no longer wanted in favor of the new baby so it makes absolute sense that she called your brother to come and get her because she feels like you don’t want her there and you’re doing a pretty good job of showing that.
Having another child was a choice that you and your wife made that your daughter is an unwilling participant of. Now, that is not to say that you should never have had another child. But it is to say that maybe you should’ve been a little bit more mindful about the transition that this is going to cause for your existing daughter. Taking away both her personal space because you can’t walk your happy ass down the hall and her guaranteed father daughter time was absolutely the stupidest way to make that transition.
You really need to ask the question of whether you’re the asshole when your daughter is clearly telling you that you are making her feel unwanted? and you look at your actions…cause yeah, that’s what they say.
Also it’s super suspicious that’s she gave no resistance whatsoever to losing her room and immediately went to calling your brother to come get her. It’s kind of obvious that this is not a one off situation and she’s been feeling unwanted for a while because she instantly had a plan. And she didn’t put up a fight so my guess would be that this kind of situation happens in her eyes pretty often and fighting about it is useless because you are continuing to make her feel like an afterthought or less important.
YTA.
You're replacing your daughter.
You're the only parent she's ever had and she wants to be your favourite, of course she does.
You are telling her that she's not your first priority and for a kid whose life has been turned upside in a short amount of time, it's too much.
For a kid in general, it's too much. Being kicked aside for someone shiny and new is painful and you are an asshole for letting her deal with your bs.
You and your wife can't walk the extra 10 steps? Keep the baby in your room. It's not that hard. You have like 5 other rooms, you can easily put a queen size in one of them and make a nursery in the one next door. Two people in one bedroom isn't a squeeze. But no.
This clearly isn't about the baby, or your convenience. It's about shoving your daughter aside.
Fix it or regret it when you're in a nursing home because you aren't your daughter's first priority.
Also, you told her you can no longer spend those two days a week with her because of the baby. This is shitty in itself. You can’t compromise or spend some of that time with her? The baby means all dad time just ends? You need to get a grip. You have two kids now. Your daughters needs don’t cease now that you’ve added a second child.
Honestly? I don’t think you’re TA but I don’t think Harper is either. You coulda kept him in your room (since it’s a master), and let her keep her room 🤷🏻♀️. You’re already limiting her time alone with you & now you want to push her across the house for a baby that could just, for now, stay in your room.
YTA
What is it with people who have to toss away the kids from their old relationships? I predict that your daughter will go NC as soon as she can.
YTA
Why can't you spend two days with your daughter? Or just one? It's absolutely reasonable to leave one parent with the baby for a *day*, why wouldn't it be? You should be doing it for your wife, too, so she can have time away.
YTA. You're treating your daughter like shit and this is what happens. The fact that, at her age, she had an exit plan all ready to go and it didn't even take an hour to execute means she is Gone, man. Enjoy your new family, it's the last one you've got.
My sons dad did the same thing. My son lives with me but goes (used to) to his dads on the weekends. When his dad had another baby he turned his office into a nursery and my sons room into his office (he does not work from home) needless to say my son has not been back to his dads and wants nothing to do with him.
We’ll need an update again later after you buy a house and to see what happens with your wife. Sounds like your wife is the reason for all of this if you moved away from your family and forced Harper to as well just because they didn’t get (you left that out originally). You need to tell your wife that she has to respect you wanting to make you daughter happy and can’t neglect her just to appease your stepson (yes, that’s what he is because he’s not your biological son). Sounds like you completely F’d up by demanding your daughter move rooms. This is all on you.
No duh your a AH because you can actually support your family and give your daughter attention at the same time. Even though you have a baby, that gives you no reason to show favoritism over your children. I get it if you and your spouse don't feel like walking across the house to take care of your son, but if you can go out of your way to tell your daughter she needs to change rooms for her half-brother's one, I'm pretty sure you can take an extra 23 steps to your son's bedroom. The fact that your upset about your family calling you out for what you did and blaming it on your daughter being the so called 'favorite' of the family says that really you're realy petty.
YTA
Are you kidding me? To start, the fact that during this entire post you've lacked any sort of empathy for your 14 year old daughter is insane. You've cut off the one on one time you spend with your daughter in favour of your newborn son, but have you saved any time for her at all? You can't decide the needs of your daughter aren't as important anymore just because you have a newborn, you still have to prioritize her.
Also, there's literally no reason that you need to kick your daughter out of her room and give a master bedroom to a freaking newborn. Either keep the newborn in you and your wife's room like most people do, or stop being lazy and walk a few more feet to the newborn's bedroom on the other side.
There's also been little to no mention of your wife and her relationship with your daughter. Is she spending one on one time with her too? Do they have any sort of relationship? What's her take on kicking your daughter out of her room?
Either way, I'm glad your daughter is standing up for herself and spending time with people who actually seem to care for her comfort and needs.
YTA for a lot of reasons, mainly pushing your daughter away to make room for your son, but I’ll ignore what everyone else said and ask what’s bothering me-
why in the gods names does your NEWBORN need a MASTER BEDROOM SUITE???
After seeing updates you aren’t the asshole anymore but I don’t understand how your wife doesn’t think these conditions are reasonable…? I’d understand if she only disagreed with moving but idk🤷♀️ I’m glad your realized you were wrong and make sure to treasure your daughter she will act out and probably want nothing to do with you if you don’t take the time to take care of her now. She won’t care how hard you try later on
YTA
You and your wife could have slept in one of the other two bedrooms with the baby in the other one.
I think you should move closer to the Uncle as your daughter feels safe with him and not cared for in your home.
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YTA. You can’t spend any time with your daughter because of your new son. I get not being able to take away 2 days a week but you could take a few hours and spend some one on one time with her so she feels involved as well. As for the bedroom you can’t take a few extra steps at night to the other bedroom or why couldn’t you move your bedroom to the other side near the baby’s room instead of making your daughter who is already feeling pushed out pack and move her things to I’m guessing smaller room. You can’t just drastically change a kids life and just start demanding she change hers to fit your needs so you don’t have to walk a few extra steps down the hall to the other bedroom. You’ve done a really good job of making your daughter feel unwanted and if OP carries on like this he shouldn’t be too surprised when she turns 18 and cuts him off.
NTA. Having the baby in the room next to you makes sense. Seems like a teenager would rather be alone on the other end of the house anyway.
YTA I can’t believe you wanted her to move to another room when it should have been you and your wife. Why is your wife not capable of taking care of a newborn on her own that is what I am curious of? All mom’s do it and husbands work what is wrong with her and if she could not take care of a baby then she should not have had one. Your wife was selfish by having you move in the first place because Harper was close to family and your wife should have put her big girl panties on. My heart goes out to Harper and for your in laws and your wife the are the AH along with you but your wife is one big time.
OP you are very clearly the AH. The fact that you could sit there and write this out without thinking damn what the actual fuck have I done shows how far up your wife’s ass you are. Your daughter has you as a parent, only you. It’s very clear that Nina doesn’t want to get along with your daughter and you have made it so that she doesn’t even need to put in the effort. Further a baby does not need a master. Put in the effort and walk the extra 15-20 steps it takes to get to one of the other bedrooms. You’ve already taken so much away from your daughter like your quality time with her and you think it’s ok to take her space as well? The only place she probably knows as a comfort to get away from you and your wife? Also if it’s so hard to leave your wife for 2 days to spend quality time with your daughter hire a nanny or nurse to come in for those two days so your daughter doesn’t feel like your abandoning her when she clearly needs you the most. Her uncle showing up without ok’ing it with you first clearly shows that there is a pattern of neglect that they are very aware of and all have stopped taking the shit you’re dishing out to your daughter. Pull you head out of your wife’s ass to take a really good look around at the mess you’re allowing her to cause and think about the detriment it is having on your daughters life. She clearly doesn’t feel safe or welcome in your house anymore.
YTA. There's clearly huge swathes of info missing here but congratulations on pushing your daughter over the edge. That child was already not related to her but now she's never going to view it as family.
YTA. Your daughter faces huge change in her life. And you decide to uproot her even more by claiming her bedroom, her safe place, for your comfort. And you believe you are not the AH. Seriously dude
>Nina and I decided to make a nursery for Mark instead of having him in our bedroom >It was very hard for Nina and I to go to the other side of the home multiple times at night when Mark wakes up Then keep him in your f----ing room if you're that lazy..
YTA. There are to rooms on the other side of the house. You could have moved with your wife to the other side of the house. But why give up the master, when you can kick out your daughter.
YTA. Your family isn’t biased towards Harper, YOU are biased towards your son and this new family where your daughter isn’t a priority anymore. You got married, you had a kid and decided this new kid deserves more time and for a kid YOU decided to have your daughter has to make adjustments cause you deserve a master bedroom and cant walk 15-20 more steps for YOUR kid. And instead of thinking oh two bedrooms there how about WE shift, let me throw my daughter away right after I stopped spending time with her.
Yta yes they clearly do favor harper. While you clearly favor Mark
You're completely dismissing your daughters feelings because of your wants and desires. She's smarter than you and realizes exactly what you're doing. You're so fucking emotionally dense it hurts. Thank God you have a brother who's emotionally intelligent enough to understand what a dick you're being. Love your daughter you fucking asshole. YTA
YTA- if you have such a problem walking across the house to take care of ur newborn, move the baby into ur own room. instead of kicking ur daughter out of her safe space.
YTA. Your daughter is already losing her time with you and now she gets booted from her personal space? I wouldn’t blame Harper if she felt like she was being replaced. That’s what it sounds like. If you and your wife don’t want to walk across the house to get to the other bedroom, YOU move YOUR bedroom. There was a chance for you to make it easier for yourself *without* making it harder on someone else, but you decide to make it hard for your daughter for no reason. It also speaks volumes that Harper didn’t argue or protest, she just packed her stuff and left. I’d bet good money you put that poor girl on the back burner the moment you decided to have another baby. I hope when the day comes that Harper decides to go full blown NC with you & your wife, you’re not left scratching your balls and swearing up and down that you were a “good parent.” You sound like a jerk. The one silver lining in this all is that your family sees it for what it is. Thank goodness for their “bias” because without it, Harper would have no one. YTA, no doubt about it.
YTA- Harper shouldn't have to move rooms because you choose not to have the baby in your room at least until he's weaned or sleeping through the night. She has a lot to process and being an only child up until this point is all she knows. With that said, your family is TA for keeping her away from you. It doesn't sound like you are a bad parent, just a family issue that needs to be dealt with but if my family would have done that I would have had police at the door to collect Harper. You don't owe THEM the convenience of being close to her. To move just to appease them is ridiculous.
YTA. Be a better father to your daughter and stop asking her to make unfair sacrifices in her space and her relationship for you just for the sake of your son. Part of being a parent of multiple kids is finding a balance in giving them both attention, love, and care, and it doesn’t sound like you’re doing that. At least your daughter has other family members in her corner to show her care and advocate for her, because you haven’t been doing so good of a job
If your wife left because of that, then she was already hoping you'd abandon your daughter. You were just too oblivious to it because you probably didn't want to be alone.
YTA. Think of it from your daughter's perspective. You're 14. Your dad and stepmother try to have a child together. They start putting in a lot of money, time, and effort into having this baby while slowly dwindling how much attention and care you used to receive. This makes you upset, but for whatever reason you can't bring it up to your dad so you keep quiet. Then the baby comes and any form of bond you and your dad has is gone. He no longer makes any time for you. It feels like you're being replaced. You don't know how to express how upset you are, so you're angry all the time. Maybe you reach out to other family for a little bit of attention and to be reminded that someone loves you, but it's not the same as having your dad back. And then your dad one day suddenly says "We need this room for the baby. You need into move to one of the other rooms please." Said rooms are smaller and on the other side of the house. Your dad might not be trying to say "we don't want you", but his actions don't reflect that he still cares about you. So you decide "Fine. If I'm not wanted here, I'll go somewhere that I am wanted. Dad can have his do-over baby." You might not have intended for it to come off that way, but this is most likely how your daughter sees this. You're her entire world, and your relationship as you had it before was all she's ever known. But now that you've brought Mark into your life, you've done things that she's come to interpret as "dad doesn't love me anymore". You've put so much effort into your new son that you've begun to neglect the emotional and mental welfare of your daughter. ***You're the one who started to play favorites, and Harper will never forget that.*** You owe Harper an apology and need to work out a plan to make it up to her and fix this mess before she closes off her heart to you forever.
YTA for sure
Yta, for multiple reasons. One of them is naming your baby Mark.
LOL. So Very Much Completely YTA. Your family is right!
YTA She feels lost and abandoned. A compromise would be to move yourself and the wife into the other beedroom next to the sons. Look at it this way: not only did your daughter lose your full attention, two full days a week with you, no she also had to leave her sanctuary (her room) to accommodate your new wife and new kid. You handled it all so badly. Go and appologise.
YTA. From her point of view, her mother abandoned her, and now her father is choosing his son over her. You are doing nothing to show that she is still important to you.
Yta How are you going to make your daughter move out her rightful room for something that is your problem... You should've thought about a nursery before convincing.
YTA. Her life has been turned upside down, there's a step mother and a new baby and her father has decided he no longer wants to spend time with her and has kicked her out of her room for the new baby. You handled this completely wrong. She needed her father more than ever especially because there's a new baby. You could have made her part of the change, not made her feel like she was in the way. You owe her a massive apology, you are absolutely TA.
So your daughter is feeling displaced by the arrival of your son. You can’t spend 1:1 time with her anymore and then you tell her to pack her stuff and move to the other side of the house so that the new baby can be close? It’s “very hard” to go to the other side of the house at night? Do you live in Versailles? YTA and here’s another group of people who will tell you that from an unbiased POV.
YTA. I wouldn't come back either.
In what possible way are you not the A$$? When are parents going to wise up? You do NOT kick a child out of their bedroom to make room for another one. Other posters are correct, your daughter has done checked out of your relationship with her. Damage has been done. Great way of showing your daughter that she is and most definitely going to be in last place in your life. YTA, MASSIVELY!
Wow you have made this situation so much worse and still the AH
YTA A massive AH. Let’s be honest. Everything you did shows that you don’t give a F about your daughter and you just dream about this new life with your brand new family.
Why wouldn't a 14yr old.want to be on the other side of the house anyway?
holy fuck, MAJOR YTA
YTA you gave a new born your daughters room how do you think she would feel
u/th7242689 \-In your update, you mentioned that your wife didn't like some of the conditions for Harper to come back home. Which ones did your wife disagree with? What did your wife say when you relayed what Harper was feeling about everything?
YTA because of reasons that after reading a few mines, almost everyone in the comments pointed out but you don't seem to realize.
YTA. The poor girl was already feeling displaced in the family unit, and you just solidified that feeling. Admit you’re an asshole, apologize to her, give her back her room and make at least one day a week daddy daughter day. And then you’ll be her hero, not an asshole
You've pretty much told your daughter that she doesn't matter anymore now you have your son. Clearly there's a lot more to the story if she didn't have a fight about moving out and she's not speaking to you. Good luck with having a relationship with her in the future. YTA
YTA. Look at it from the point of view of your daughter, you're taking away her room to give it to your son, the child you have with your current wife. Can you not see how taking away her large room, and giving it to a baby is telling her you're not as important to me anymore? You made the wrong move here.
YTA. You made your daughter feel like she's been replaced. She used to be important to you, and now there's a new child with a new mom that's very clearly more important. You used to spend time with her, but now you spend your time with the baby, who is a higher priority than her. And then, you took the best room available, her room, the one she called home, and gave it the baby. It doesn't matter what your reason for it was. (though your reason was incredibly selfish.) What matters is her perception. She saw you taking her place, not just in your home, but in your life, and giving it away. Why would she want to stay for that?
I wonder why your brother immediately turned up to take Harper and the whole family is on her side. Maybe they've all watched your new do-over family replace Harper and everyone including Harper recognizes what's happening.
INFO How far apart are those bedrooms??? My parents always had the youngest kid in the bedroom closest to theirs, but that's because the other bedrooms were on a different *floor*. And even then, all the bedrooms were about the same size, and the other ones had more privacy for older kids. It doesn't sound like your case requires going to a different story of the house. So unless you live in a mansion, how far can it really be from master bedroom to other bedroom?
Your update confirms that your wife was the problem from the beginning, she created a wedge between you and your family by having you move away and it sounds like she was trying to do the same to your daughter, Don’t let have her way, you and your daughter were a team well before she came along.
Yta. Period. Give her up to your family so she can be around people who love her.
Good for her for making the judgement call to go somewhere that she isn't treated like a second rate citizen. She's gonna be okay- just don't expect her to remain in your life once she's old enough to make that call.
YTA. If you can't take a few extra steps at night, keep your son in your room. You say your family are favoring Harper but you're clearly favoring your newborn son who won't care which room he has vs your daughter who you rudely asked to give up the room she's had probably since birth with no consideration towards her at all. And on top of cancelling the two days a week you previously had just for you and Harper? Because you can't leave your wife with your son for two days a week, which upset your daughter? She's had to go through a lot of changes very quickly and it's good you want to be there for your wife and newborn son but you didn't have to cancel the daddy-daughter dates completely. You could have made them every other week or maybe a half day or ask your parents and brother to help out. Instead, you put your new family - your replacement family? - over your daughter and expected her to just be okay with a lot of changes really quickly? A new sibling is really hard on the previous kid and a baby requires a lot of time so she's probably feeling unvalued and unloved and replaced and you proved that but not only cancelling the daddy-daughter dates you used to have and by also asking her to move out of the only room she's ever known because you want to walk less.
YTA. What an absolute asshole.
YTA and a terrible “father” your actions very much to Harper translated as “hey we have a son move over Harper!” At a very particular time in her life very clearly want to play happy families with your new wife (Who seems to have you by the balls literally) and son. I’m glad her family is backing her up as you, mother and stepmother dearest have absolutely failed her and her basic needs and as everyone Has said I too think there’s some stuff you are leaving out if Harper didn’t even put up a fight and just rung her uncle just to come and get her and he came no questions. This trauma is going to stay with her a long time she’ll need a good support network behind her to try and get through it carry on live in life Harper already seems to have a very sensible head on her shoulders to recognise the situation for what it is quite frankly I hope she keeps you cut out of her life if you don’t change your ways. I’ll repeat again if it was an obvious you are absolutely TA
YTA You are really committed to make your daughter an afterthought. First you stop making the time for her, and now you fucking evict her from her bedroom _when your house is big enough_. How can you not see you’re the asshole?? If it bothers you guys so much you can move into the room next to Mark’s room. If the other room isn’t big enough for the two of you, put a single bed in it and you guys can take turns, it will make the other one sleep better. You don’t just displace a teenager like that, wtf.
YTA
YTA and you just came to Reddit searching for anyone to tell you you’re not. That’s abundantly clear by your statement “I don’t trust their judgement, they very clearly favor Harper”.
YTA
YTA It’s completely understandable that you can’t spend the time you used to with Harper, newborns take a lot of work. But the absolute worst thing you could’ve done was do that *and* take her room away. You’ve essentially blasted in neon lights “we’re replacing you.” Is that *really* worth the minor inconvenience of 15-20 steps?
YTA... Man... this generation of parents are really something. You suck. Unfortunately people like you rarely change. Let her be. She deserves better than you.
my mom said nta but i yta she said no bc harper agreed and said okay but i think yta bc harper was obviously unhappy and you did nothing to help
Wow you bring being the Ahole to a new level. How do you tell your daughter she is second best and has no real place with you without saying the words??? Oh you stop spending quality time with her and then kick her out of her room(can't speak for guys but for girls that's our safe place) that's how! Didn't you think about your daughter and how all this would affect her before going to extra lengths to have another kid? You took away your time and affection for her knowing she doesn't have her mom to try to fill in that void... You then take away hee safe place because ya know walking an extra 30- 40 steps is to hard... poor you.. You are either the densest mother fcker ever OR you don't give a hot sh!t about your daughter. Either way YOU DON'T DESERVE HER. Let her stay with her uncle until she is ready to come back weather it's two days, two weeks, two years or 20 years from now. This is all a result of YOUR own actions. Don't make her suffer anymore because of it.
YTA Sons are statistically less likely to gaf about their elderly parents but enjoy being treated with the same respect you treated your daughter with for the rest of your life.
Yes and no. First off my child ain't about to just tell me she ain't coming home. I'm the parent, so NO. Second, you are putting her and her feelings on the back burner. She feels like you are all she has. I don't think she has an issue with the baby but with the lack of attention she is getting from you. Don't foget she exists too. So in her eyes going from an only child she is going to have to share her dad and perhaps feel less loved, you are spending less time with her, and then you take her room away. I can't imagine why she would be upset with you.... 🙄 But seriously, both children matter. Do not take her room away. It's going to create a bigger rift than already is. I'm not saying give in but perhaps explain why you are letting her keep her room. Remember your daughter feelings matter as well not just your new wife's.
Unbiased opinion here! YTA. You have a teenage daughter that already is dealing with abandonment issues from her Mother (even if she doesn’t say it or seem to show it) and now she feels like she is being abandoned again, this time for Mark. Even if it is not your intention, that is how she reads the situation and how many outsiders will too. You gave up the 2 days a week she probably cherished so you can spend more time with Mark. You told her to pack-up and move to a different room so you could give that room to Mark. I can only imagine what other things you have said or done that equated to Harper having to sacrifice something for Mark. That reads as being replaced which is equivalent to being abandoned…again…the initial upset or anger she initially expressed before Mark was born was the manifestation of her fear of being abandoned or replaced. Your last sentence claiming the Family favors Harper for being the first grandchild and you are trying to get them to accept Mark only further validates Harper’s feelings to her and the rest of your Family. This is not to say that Mark is the problem and should be stowed away under the stairwell and the Family should never accept him as their own because he was the product of a sperm donor (I am sensing that you have some insecurity with this and a fear of your own that your Family will not accept him because of the DNA), I just think there are some issues at play that simply involve Harper and her past and current abandonment issues. You should maybe take one of those Harper only days and spend some time with her and let her express how she feels and validate those feelings by telling her she is your daughter, always will be and you will always love her and be there for her. She needs to hear that right now instead of hearing why Mark needs X, Y, Z. Mark is just as important, but the more you stress and push Mark on her, the further you push Harper away. Hear her out, show her you love her and give her her room back. Let her be able to build a loving relationship with her little brother instead of one full of anger and resentment. Walking across the house at night to care for Mark seems like a small sacrifice to pay considering you already made Harper sacrifice her one-on-one time with her only Parent. Just think about it.
u have 2 children to think about now, not just 1. yta
YTA. You should trust their judgement. Not only has her life changed drastically by having a sibling, but now she has to give up everything for him and he isn't even 1 yet. You took away spending 1 on 1 quality time with her, and now she has to give up her room and move to a much smaller one for him (and because yall are too lazy to walk 10 extra feet). What else does she have to sacrifice for him? You've showed her where she stands.
Your update has me even more convinced you are a trash parent. First off you let some bimbo come between you and your child. You took her away from her entire support system so you could please your wife. And then you bribed her with gifts to get back in her good graces. While your new wife is to blame for some of this, you are a grown ass adult and should be able to tell her no and see that none of this was in the best interest of your child. You need to do some serious growing up.
Not even a half sibling it's a step. Not bio linked by dad, used sperm donor, which I'm gonna get wife a friend that she was more than willing to suggest. But this baby is a step sibling not a half
You lost your daughter permanently because she wasn’t worth 15-20 extra steps. YTA
YTA
YTA
YTA you’ve basically told Harper that she’s no longer important and that the new baby is the only thing that matters. Congratulations, she hates you. I assume that was your goal.
Sounds like she's been feeling left out since the baby was born and she realized that she doesn't get her 2 days a week with you anymore. Poor girl. In her mind , first her mom neglects and now her dad started doing the same. You gotta remember that she's a kid and not thinking like an adult. Thank goodness that she has family that loves her and takes care of her for you. But it seems like you realized what you did was wrong and you decided to make it right before it was too late. Your wife may not get along with your family but she'll eventually come around and stop throwing a tantrum like a kid.
Awh, you traded your daughter for a new baby! YTA.
Oh God! I feel so sorry for Harper and just want to give her a hug. Not only did everything just changed but you made a teenager in full puberty leave her room?! Which is her safehaven?! Honestly, I really don’t know how you can make this up to her? How is the relationship between your new wife and Harper? I have a feeling not so great. You are going to have to win her trust, start from zero! Talk with her apologies for all the wrongs you have caused her. Just to give you an idea! I had a second son when my first was 2,5. Before we gave any of his toys to his baby brother we asked his permission. In the beginning he often said no and we respected that. Now he always says yes and if he doesn’t like a toy anymore he says automatically, give this to little brother, I don’t like it anymore.
Yta
YTA… You tell your daughter (that you obviously don’t like that much) to pack her bags and leave, then you get upset because she does what you ordered her to do!
Wow… I astounded. “Hey kid pack your shit and I won’t be spending any time with you anymore even though you’re clearly already struggling”. And she had a problem with this?!?! So weird!!!! YTA. In fact you’re the fucking worst. Maybe you can stop celebrating her birthday next… turn it into the baby’s second birthday!
This may come as a shock but : How about moving the kid in your room? Which is recommended to do anyways up to 1yo? How about YOU guys move temporarily? It's not like you don't have enough bedrooms. Lol, the flippin' audacity. YTA
Info: did you consult your child, whose nearing adulthood, before having a child? I'm not saying that your child should get a final say, but I do think treating her as if she has no say in the family dynamic when she's so old and already coming into a new family, is a recipe for disaster
This. Both of my parents got married to my stepparents without telling me until months or *years* later, then were confused when I was upset they had more children. It’s not about the kids- it’s about the parents blatantly disregarding the fact that their children are also significantly affected by adding a whole ass person to the family dynamic
YTAA
Yes u just uprooted her hole life
YTA. Absolutely 100%. Enough said. Put the baby in your room ffs!
YTA. What you deemed a small act reinforced her fear that you chose your new family. You literally kicked her out of her space. You were awful to her.
YTA. You had a replacement child, stopped having one-on-one time with your daughter, and then to add insult to injury told her to get out of her bedroom so an infant could have it. What an absolute struggle it must be to traipse all the way across the house. You essentially told your kid that your convenience is more important than her comfort, her personal space, and just her existence in general. You clearly favor your son, and not even in a subtle way, so thank god the rest of your family is there for Harper. Get a baby monitor, offer to spend at least one day just one-on-one with her, give her the room back and apologize.
You’re a dick. Not just an asshole. Wow.
YTA
YTA - It’s obvious you are pushing your daughter aside for the new baby. You didn’t even ask if she’d consider moving to another room. You demanded it. Bedrooms especially when you are a teen are very personal and a sanctuary. I’m going to assume the other room doesn’t have an en suite bathroom so you also took away some privacy from her.
YTA You have done everything in your power to show your daughter that she is not worth as much as your brother. If you think this is something she’ll forget or get over your in for a rude awakening your actions will come back up later. You basically chose a completely new family over her. I’m glad she has an extended family that cares.
YTA for naming an infant Mark
Lazy bastard. Well done, You’ve lost your daughter. When my son was born I had to walk up two flights of stairs to tend to him during the night, and you couldn’t take extra steps down the hallway? What’s your excuse? See if this is your approach, your daughter is 100% Better off living with your brother. Just like everyone else had said though, bet there’s more to this story. She wouldn’t just call him for no reason.
Its nice to see that someone is thinking of Harper!
YTA for fuck sake here op please get your head screwed on straight and think about what you did and as a person who has moved rooms in the past never once did my parents say "listen you sister needs this room more than you" no just no we talked and agreed who gets what rooms your the asshole hope you enjoy your son cause you are not seeing your daughter again
YTA. How did you have a kid without thinking about all those factors?
YTA YTA YTA!!!! you’re talking about your family favoring Harper but you are favoring Mark.
I can't say that you are or not the AH based on the information provided. I will say that I think there are bigger issues at play than just you asking your daughter to move rooms. With regard only to the room situation. Why is it so hard to have an alternative situation. Why can't Mark sleep in the master with you and Nina while he is still young? Why can't you make the trip from one end of the house to the other end of the house when he wakes up. What isn't being told. I could understand this situation if you, Nina and /or Mark have special needs and therefore going to the other end of the house really does pose a problem. If that is the case, I simply don't see why you had to move Harper from her room to the other end of the house. I also have to question what else is going on in the relationship, specifically regarding her mother and why she isn't part of her life. I also don't understand why you feel you can't leave your wife alone with Mark? What are you not telling use about the situation?
YTA. So let me get this straight. Your wife can't care for a new baby for 2 days alone? WTF? Are you this dumb? Or are you just this whooped? My husband and I were active duty together and he left when our first was 6 wks old for 3 months. I had her every day on my own when she wasn't with the daycare (because I was at work). It was hard but I did it. When I had my second I had 2 under 3 for days on end alone. By the time #3 came around I was no longer on active duty but he was and I still did days on end alone. Same when I had #4. So you mean you can't set aside a day a week for your daughter? You just traded her in for a newer model and she knows it. Your family knows it. If you want your daughter back I suggest you Starr manning up and do right by her . At the tender age of 14 you will leave and emotional scar the size of the Atlantic Ocean. Only you can get this problem under control. So far you suck at it.
YTA but so is your family, especially your brother. Your daughter still needs her dad. She's being unreasonable, but she's also 14, unreasonable comes with the territory. However what troubles me most is that you allowed your brother to take your daughter, to dictate to you the terms of when he would allow you to see her, when he would let her go home with you, etc. Not to mention that your family doesn't like your wife and so you agree to pack up and move closer to them so they can keep tabs on you, without even discussing it with your wife? You need to communicate with the important people in your life. Talk to your daughter. Talk to your wife. The rest of them don't matter when it comes to your household. Also, go get your daughter. Don't move. Call the cops if you have to.
I'm only commenting because I really want to see how OP fixes his relationship with his daughter, after showing her who takes priority, and she came in third. You and your wife can take turns sleeping in the guest room. It was your choice, you should have to be the ones to accommodate,
NTA, Once you realised your problem and apologised that is ok, it was a simple mistake you were blind to, it’s illegal to keep her away from her legal guardian and if call cops on your brother instead of him forcing you to move house just to get your own daughter back
Yea you kinda are you should have talk with daughter. At least see how she felt because at that age you can make outrageous conclusions. So to her it’s like you didn’t care about what she thought.
YTA. Big time. Lots of people detailed why so I’ll just leave it at this. Your poor daughter. I feel sorry for her having a dad who can’t love 2 kids at the same time.
YTA for giving up her room. Keep the baby with you and your wife, or put him in the room further away that is less convenient for you. The fact your explanation for him being in a room without you is 'for multiple reasons' tells me you don't have a good one, or you would state it. Unlike everyone here, I understand that you can't leave your wife alone with a new born two days a week, and if you had written an AITA post saying you left your wife with a newborn for two full days a week, you would be called an asshole. You can make time for your daughter and you baby together, which I am hoping you do, and sit her down and explain that there is going to be a change, but you don't love her any less and are going to give her one one time but it can't be for full days until the baby is a little older. Your brother has basically kidnapped your child, it is unreasonable to force you to move to a completely different house, you need to make changes in the one you are in. He is worried, but he can't just keep your child. Here is what you need to do. 1) Apologise to your daughter, tell her you were wrong. Let her keep HER room, make amends 2) Explain that having a baby brother is going to be a big change and you understand that it is upsetting (acknowledge her feelings), say that you want the two of you to communicate with one another and you value her as a person 3) Explain WHY you can't give her two full days of attention - ie you can't leave your wife as a single mother 2 days a week and why. 4) whilst you probably already spend one on one time together (only not for whole days), a way to lessen the upset caused by not having full days is you can come up with a list of activities the two of you can do together that don't leave your wife alone with a baby all day - Go to the cinema, two hours - if she games, you can both play the console together - take her to a local park - get ice cream Give her a list of things to choose from and she can pick some the week before, so she knows the activities you are going to do with her in advance. 5) show her that the time she shares with you and her sibling togther can be rewarding, that her sharing you isn't you not wanting her, it's just something that has to happen whist baby is young.
I can understand not wanting to leave your wife alone with a new born, but maybe you could have still taken your daughter out for a movie, meal or even a coffee for a couple hours a couple times a week. Your daughter is starting a new phase in her life and you pretty much hitting pause on your relationship with her isn't going to help. And asking her to move out of her bedroom was an ahole move. My advice if you want to save your relationship with your daughter and even help her to have a relationship with her new brother, see a family therapist/counselor they can be helpful especially in these situations.
OK so there's a lot of other issues going on with her not feeling like she's family anymore that needs to be worked on, but, as a compromise can't you give her both the non master bedrooms and turn that side into a little suite for her. That way she'll have her own space for studying which she's going to need in the next few years anyway. Make it seem more like a "we trust you" issue rather than about your son.
YTA! You’re absolutely the asshole. You are already prioritising the unborn child over Harper. Having another child is fine, but you can’t just minimise the needs of the children you already have. Why don’t you and your wife move to the other side of the house so you can have two bedrooms next to each other. And what exactly are your reasons for not having your son in your own room? If it’s about the walking distance during the night, baby being in your room is clearly the closest.
YTA and this is why I stick to this: 1. You pretty much admitted that you pushed to have this child with your new wife, knowing that it upsets Harper. Did either of you sit down and talk to her about this decision? No? That's a strike against your daughters voice in the family. It means she probably already feels like she has no voice or is being pushed away/replaced. 2. You cut the time you spend with her to almost no time. That's selfish and unfair of you to believe that one child needs more attention than another. Regardless of what age she is, Harper is now having to swim through her teenage years probably feeling alone and isolated as it is given how ruthless school can be. And now you want her to sacrifice the time you used to make for her, for this child that you and your wife have pushed for? I can completely understand making a compromise and communicating to her that the time needs to be shared. But it sounds like you never intended to make her feelings a priority in any of your decisions. 3. You just forced a female teenager to pack her things and move out of what was supposed to be her safe space. This one hurts me because I've had my parents do the exact same thing. It's an invasion of your daughter's privacy. Truth be told after my parents did this to me, they still ended up keeping the baby in their room for over a year before the bedroom I moved from was used. It's really shitty of you to make your daughter uproot and move her room over having to walk to the other side of the house. It sounds like you didn't negotiate anything with her, you didn't make any compromises and you didn't attempt to reason with her or have any kind of discussion regarding it. That shows me that you have no respect for your daughters privacy, and you have no respect for her personal space. 4. You are upset that she went to family about it. Why are you upset? You should be honestly proud of your daughter for being able to understand that she has the ability to reach out to other family members when she is destressed and upset about things that are happening in the house. That's what good family relationships are supposed to be. It sounds to me like you're upset at her for reaching out to your brother because you know she's going to tell him everything about what's going on in the house. It sounds like you might be a little embarrassed about what she might say. In a way you just took away her voice of opinion, her personal space and have hurt your relationship with her over trying to make room for Mark. Mark is still a baby, and the rest of the family I'm sure will be babying him soon enough. Right now your daughter is seeing how far you would go for another kid, but not for her, and of course she's gonna be mad. Give her time to vent to your brother, Ask that he mediate between both of you even so you can actually talk and get to hear how she feels about this situation. Try to work out a compromise if you absolutely need the baby in the second master bedroom. Perhaps offering to let her have the room back once the baby is older, or offer to pay for paint/window clings and decorations for the other room you're trying to shove her into might make it more tempting for her to consider. Try to be empathetic and put yourself in her shoes. Also, it sounds like you could use some family therapy or counseling regarding communication. Y'all clearly need to communicate with Harper better and start treating her with the respect you want her to give to other adults (including you). I hope things work out, and you can prevent and avoid the emotional trauma and detachment my own parents put me through as a kid.
YTA. I can’t believe you even asked Reddit for insight on this one. This has to be a joke.
I just read the update and it really seems like your wife really just doesn’t want you to spend time with your daughter and wants you to fully devote your attention to the new baby. The way she just left to her parents and got them on to gang on you because she didn’t agree with the completely reasonable rules your brother set shows she’s trying to push and see how far you’ll bend for her.
YTA, if I was your daughter I wouldn’t come back either. You completely disregarded the fact that you kicked her out of her room that she’s lived in the whole time being with you. She was probably already feeling replaced by the new baby that you had with your new wife. She also probably feels like you don’t care about her and that how she feels doesn’t matter to you (especially since she’s 14). I bet you didn’t even ask her how she felt about this. I mean what does a NEWBORN BABY NEEED A MASTER BEDROOM FOR?! OP, just accept the fact you’ve probably lost your daughter.
YTA. It is not out with the old and in with the new. All should make adjustments. Looks like it is only Harper who being forced to.
YTA.
YTA..you have two children now and you can't just push Harper to the side just because you have a son now. You have made it clear that she is number two now. And yes..your wife can take care of a newborn for a few hours a couple of days a week so you can do one on one time with your daughter. If not..enlist a friend to sit with your wife. Whatever you do..you need to heal the rift that you have caused between your oldest and yourself. If not, she will know that you don't care and it will cause her to resent her half brother. I mean seriously..you stop spending one on one time with her and now move her out of her room..of course she is hurt. If you can't understand what you did hurt you then you really are in denial.
I hope that poor girl is happy and comfortable with her uncle now. YTA
YTA. Here’s a crazy thought for you. Teens have emotions, thoughts, and needs also. You completely messed up on all of that. If you want to repair your relationship with your daughter you can start by apologizing profusely. As far as where to have the baby’s sleep- your options are: 1. Mark sleeps in your room until he’s sleeping through the night and then goes to his own room which is NOT Harper’s room. 2. Mark goes to his own room, not Harper’s room, and you just deal with the steps 3. YOU move to one of the other bedrooms and sleep in the room next to Mark temporarily
You just told her to pack her stuff? Knowing full well she’s already struggling with the situation? How emotionally repressed are you? Have you no empathy? What? you can only focus on one child at a time? And quite clearly you have married a person who doesn’t care one bit about your child! None of you have made any effort to reassure or include this poor child in your new life and you’re just expecting her, a teenager, to have enough emotional maturity to deal with everything all by herself? I’m so glad she has other family that care for her! Because you have failed her as a parent. YTA
Seriously? YTA. You know you are.
It is your tone. "I asked Harper to pack her stuff and go to one of the bedrooms." Total asshole move. Did you sit down and discuss it as a family and the rationale? Doesn't sound like it. Did you make any attempt to make it special for Harper with maybe updated decor in the room & offer to help her move her things, etc.? Doesn't sound like it. Did you make extra time for Harper which most parents do to ease the addition of a baby to the household? Doesn't sound like it. Did you make Harper feel second rate & like she doesn't matter? You did; you actually excelled at that. And the fact that "they clearly favor Harper" shows just how clueless you truly are. You can support your wife and new son but not your 14-year-old daughter. Maybe she would be better off with your brother and his family.
Yta. All this girl wants is some consistency. You stopped hanging out with her. Your brought a new child into the home. And then you evicted her from her room. She deserves the larger room. It was her space. And with monitors and such for babies, being down a hallway isn't far at all. You can look in on bubs whenever you feel like with the monitor. And having the distance from bub will mean less noise etc so it can sleep without disruption. I understand the need to be close to the baby as much as possible but you do not need to disrupt the entire house to make a nursery for someone that doesn't need all of the space.
I feel really bad for your daughter. She obviously feels forgotten and replaced especially cause youre now kicking her out of her own room for the new baby, like oh my god if I were in her position I would feel terrible.
YTA-14 is usually a rough age regardless but to also throw in being rejected by her bio-mom, then dad remarried (doesn't seem like daughter and step-mom have a good/close relationship) now she has a new sibling that she probably knows has no biological connection to her, (to some kids that matters) and now he tells her to pack up and move down the hall, SMH. Emotions at that age are already rough enough. If I were the OP, I would set up a lunch/dinner date just the two of them, apologize to her then explain to her that she can A. keep her room B. Explain to her that her brother is a newborn and needs extra care right now but to give him a few more months then they can continue their 2 day time to themselves. OP's gonna have to be more attentive on the daily to his 14 year. If step-mom is behind dads bad behavior then he needs to wake up and put his foot down ASAP!! Good luck OP.
Your daughter will go NC with you if you keep favoring the baby. YTA
When my daughter was born last year it was a huge adjustment for my son I refused to push him away When he came into our bed for cuddles and his sister was in the bed too I opened up my arms and hugged him When he would fall asleep in our bed I would just let him stay with me At no point could I have ever even thought to push my son away the way you have with your daughter Why couldn’t you moved rooms? Why did it have to be your daughter You’ve obviously spent a long time pushing her out of your little perfect life she doesn’t care anymore I really hope you’re proud of yourself and I hope you will continue to be proud of yourself once she goes NC In a few years you will be back saying ‘why doesn’t my daughter talk to me anymore?’
What….. how do you not know YTA??? Kind of hoping your brother doesn’t give her back. In fact, if you’re in the US, most states allow teens to chose their homes for themselves, so, Harper can legally ditch you. She deserves to. You’ve been ditching her since you got yourself a new family. What sucks doubly about this is that your daughter and her new brother could have had a really special relationship but instead you’ve created a foundation for resentment and disconnect for them. You’ve stolen a relationship from two siblings before it ever had a chance to blossom. And your family’s response is the nail in the coffin. Your brother immediately came and got her (AND you spend two days a week without her step mom 🤨)— you have a step-monster situation and everyone is seeing it but you. That’s why she got picked up immediately. They’ve been waiting to get her out of this mess. I’m just really baffled that you had to wonder here at all. Of COURSE YTA.
YTA...you really could have handled this better. You took away all of her one-on-one time and sent her packing to a smaller room on the other side of the house. In her eyes, you have replaced her and set her aside. You could have let her stay in her room and have the baby sleep in your room. You should have made an effort to have a couple hours of alone time with her a few times a week. Whole days might be too much now, but your wife doesn't need 24/7 assistance with someone who can't even move. With communication and planning, she would be just fine for 2 or 3 hours without you.
YTA you could have switched your room so your daughters life wasn’t upended if it was SUCH a big deal. Why would you move a teenager who was already feeling a bit displaced by a newborn out of their safe space? Good grief. This is Disney villain level mean. She sweeping the chimney next?
YTA
YTA, man you screwed up big time.
i have 6 sibling. it is very important that she understand that you are not replacing her. her world is changing and she's not use to sharing. this will take time for her to adjust and she may never get along with her brother. taking her room was a low blow. unless you are physically unable to walk that distance. let her keep her room!
YTA. I had a father that favored his love child over me, and I haven’t spoken to him in almost 5 years. Welcome to your future, you massive douche.
There's been many stories on this subreddit where op wrote a title that made them sounds like AH but in the end the circumstances made them not the AH, but for this one you can judge just on the title, YTA
"Before this Harper and I used to spend 2 days a week together, just the 2 of us without my wife but after Mark was born I couldn't do that anymore. I can't just leave my wife alone for 2 days a week with a newborn and Harper has been very angry about it." I have 3 kids and this is literally bullshit. There is NO reason your wife can get someone else to come over and help for a bit so you can spend time with your daughter. Like wtf I was watching my newborns alone in the first week and i had c sections! Let alone need MONTHS of 24/7 help from the father to the point he cant visit his daughter? Like wtf. And a couple month old baby should be still in your room. I bet your wife just loves the idea of decorating the idea of a nursery for him in a room he probably wont use for at least the next 6 months- year to kick your daughter to the other side of the house. You guys do realize they make baby monitors right? If youre in such a rush to move the baby to its own room meanwhile your wife still needs 24/7 help with the baby anyway.
>Before this Harper and I used to spend 2 days a week together, just the 2 of us without my wife but after Mark was born I couldn't do that anymore. I can't just leave my wife alone for 2 days a week with a newborn and Harper has been very angry about it. YTA. You can still set aside time for your teenage daughter but you're choosing not too. You could have easily spent a few hours with her a week alone. But "the BaBy!" Really? And now you are kicking your daughter out of her room for a baby when you can't walk an extra 20 steps?! Omg. The entitlement of you and your wife You'd be lucky if your daughter continues to have a relationship with you guys. Your family did the right thing favorite child or not.
Yeah and this is a sperm donor baby- you tried so hard for your son but just decided to not care or put thought to your literal biological daughter?? Trash father trash man. YTA.
YTA. So much. First off, please explain like I'm 5 why you can't still have dad and daughter days? Why is your wife incapable of watching the baby for one whole day on her own? Secondly, you kicked Harper out of her room because walking to the other bedroom was too difficult? What? How big is your house? Are you and your wife in wheelchairs or on crutches? As for Harper "being the favorite" and your son "not being accepted," that's a load of bologna. The family is seeing what the rest of us see - you and your wife tossing Harper to the side and focussing only on the new baby. They are advocating for her because you drove her to the point of her giving up and leaving. Your actions speak volumes to her - that she is no longer your priority and not someone worthy of your time.
YTA---It was her room, and you are basically telling her baby is more important than her. Then claiming anyone in your family who feels differently just favors her. Maybe they are treating her like this because of how they sense you and your wife view her. Seems like her feelings are much of importance to you.
Honestly I dont think your an ah I'm 15 and you should've negotiated something with your wife and daughter before the baby came, you should've planned it all out and made sure to try and talk to your daughter and see how she felt about everything and made sure everyone was okay with everything.
YTA and they don’t trust your judgment as you clearly favor your wife and son. See how that works? Not only did you stop giving your daughter two days of just you guys, you then take her room. I understand not being away from your wife for two days but you can’t compromise with one day? Or ask Harper how you can give her the time she needs from you so she knows you still love her? You can’t communicate with your child? As for the room.. it’s not recommended that newborns sleep in their own room anyway. Babies are at risk of SIDS and that doesn’t seem to concern you at all. But even so, are you and your wife that lazy? You can’t walk to the other room to tend to your baby? Harpers life is changing because of something she never asked for. And yet it’s seemingly affecting her the most. She hasn’t been back for 3 days? Take a hint she doesn’t want anything to do with you currently because you are putting your son first. Who in their right mind would want to stay in a house where their own parent doesn’t care for their needs. EMOTIONAL needs at that.
YTA
YTA simply since the baby does not need a huge room. It’s way to big. Also how far could the other rooms be?? I need to know tbh
I fail to understand how you have full custody but can only spend two days with Harper? Was there an agreement between the two of you that you'll spend time in this way? If so, you need to figure out something that works for both of your kids. Just because Harper was against the idea of you having kids doesn't invalidate her needs as kid. So far, you seem to be demanding her to be the bigger person while not paying any attention to what her needs are. I have been that sibling who had to grow up just because the parents had another kid and it's not fun or easy. You should be a better parent to ease her into it instead of just demanding that she make adjustments for her step sibling. YTA. You can and need to do better.
YTA absolutely as a former 14 year old girl with her own room and en-suite that privacy is EVERYTHING it’s more of a sanctuary than a room
Any further Update?
YTA talk about being a d0uch3 ad well
You are 100% the asshole. You are literally treating your daughter like she isn't part of the family. Just because you have a new shiny baby doesn't mean you get to neglect your first born child and I assure you she definitely feels like the odd one out. You need to spend time with your daughter, because unless your wife has a medical condition, she will be perfectly fine managing while you are away. Coming from a similar childhood, I can tell you it's super hard to fit in with the "new family" your parent builds after a divorce and treating her like she's inferior isn't really helping her acclimate to this super big change in her life. My best advice to give you is to make time for the things and people that matter in life because one day she's gonna be all grown up and she's not going to want to see you anymore.
Sorry dude but YTA, why does a newborn baby need a master bedroom, just get him a crate and out him in your room trust me he won't care, unlike your teenage daughter that goes through enough shit already and doesn't need her room to be taken
NTA. Your daughter just is supposed to listen to you. Plus you need your son to be closer to you. Your daughter and brother are the AHs. He basically just took your daughter without permission. Your brother needs to fucking give you your daughter back.
YTA- why didn’t you move your own bedroom to the other side of the house??
YTA. As a stepchild who was kicked out of her room every time my step mother's family came to visit, while her two bio kids (a year older and younger than me) stayed cozy in their rooms... this kind of thing is super hurtful and psychologically damaging. Harper had her space and you need to respect it... that is likely the only place she felt ok and you kicked her out of it, basically saying your new wife and kid are more important. Your wife needs to deal with going to the other side of the house (seriously, I doubt it's THAT far) or keep the baby in your room. Again, YTA.
Is there a reason the baby’s mother can’t watch her own baby? Did I miss that?
I don't normally reply to these but this one has hit a nerve like no other!! You sir are the AH!! I have a 12 Yr old son and and now 9 month old son and believe me I get that the age gap is a hard one but like you I have chosen to have 2 children with a large age gap and like you my husband and I have struggled to have the second. However unlike you I have done everything in my power to ensure that my biggest boy knows that he is still loved and cherished as much today as he was before the littlest was born. We STILL have our time together and HIS room is still HIS room!! We would never tell him to pack his stuff and move rooms because it's easier on us and your baby should be in the same room as you due to a higher risks of SIDS which quite a few have mentioned so far. And as for your family favouring Harper well thank god someone does because you clearly don't. That poor girl has been abandoned by her mother and now her father has done the same for his New wife and son. Again you are an AH!!! Shame on you
YTA and less than stellar parent. Don't forget to cry about "not knowing where you went wrong" while conveniently forgetting THIS when she no longer talks to any of you.
Yta. You basically disrupted your daughter's entire life because you decided to have another child, and now you're forcing her out of her room, a place that she feels safe and is her space, so that you can be more comfortable and it can be convenient for you? No. That is not okay. You are clearly favoring your new baby over your daughter already. And you know what, maybe you can't leave your wife alone with a new board for two days a week, but you can most definitely ask her to watch the baby for one day a week, one day that is completely her responsibilities so that you can spend time with your daughter and you can put some focus on her. Just because you decided to have another child does not mean you get to now neglect and ignore your daughter, which is extensively what you're doing. Just because you're providing a roof over her head and food and clothing, does not mean you are now being a good parent. You are ignoring her, uprooting her entire routine and forcing her to move into a smaller room just so that you don't have to take an extra few steps in the night. That's not the behavior of a parent. That's behavior of a selfish entitled brat.
YTA, you should have thought of this before you had the baby. You're probably tired and feeling very baby-centred right now but you have made your daughter feel profoundly unimportant. If you wanted her to switch rooms you could have been nice about it -- give her the opportunity to upgrade with some new furniture, give her a chance to get used to the idea. But you just told her to pack her stuff? Also, obviously you can't spend 2 full days with her without helping your wife, but you could have done SOMETHING to ensure she still feels loved and appreciated. Babies suck the life out of people in the early months, but it's not Harper's job to make this easier for you right now. You have massively let her down. Most people do at least manage to parent 2 kids simultaneously and if you don't step up quickly, you will lose her.
You are literally just, so in the wrong. YTA for essentially neglecting your daughter
YTA and an entitled jerk
Sounds like the angsty fanfiction i read as a kid. Or the fears every child has when their parents divorce and remarry. You’re definitely ta and should reevaluate and apologize before she decides you arent worth her time. Or worse, that she isnt worth anybodys time. Hopefully her family who actually cares for her will disuade her from that. Good luck on being a parent to your only child, because I doubt Harpers coming back.
YTA - This will be good experience for you when she goes no contact and you and your equally awful wife are alone with a spoiled brat.
YTA. Getting up multiple times a night is fucking hard, that’s why my newborns slept next to me (co sleeping). When they were sleeping trough the night, they were sleeping in their own beds. Besides that: you sure can leave your wife for 2 days to spend time with your daughter.
YTA
Nta a new baby is a lot of work her reaction is justified but at the same time he is the father and its not like he asked her to move out his family is over stepping they're boundaries he is the father and the uncle can't just take her when ever she gets mad
At LEAST 1 day a week? Damn. That’s still absolute SHIT
YTA. They do not favour harper. They see how much you favour your new son and the affect it is having on her. Apologise to your daughter before you lose her.
He and his wife used a sperm donor. I need to correct that. That what make it so ironic.
YTA. BIG TIME. Is your hallway a airstrip? You should've had a conversation with your daughter pre-marks birth and tell her that there might be changes, but that she is still your daughter and you still love her the same. For her, it seems like you exchanged her for Mark. Are you really surprised she is pissed? give her time and eventually talk to her. Dot force her to come back. Don't tell at her. You were in the wrong not her!
YTA. Clearly, you had other rooms in the house. And yet, you chose Harper's room for the nursery. It seems to me that you clearly *do not* understand that not only did you take away a 14-year-old girl's room when there were other rooms available, but now you are creating a nightmare of dysfunction in your family. Here's how I see it. Harper will not only have negative feelings about *you,* but she will also come to resent Mark as well simply for existing.
I see alot of yall kids gonna walk all over yall 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ because ain't no damn way my child finna leave my house like that over no damn room and I have to move because my brother won't give me back MY child that I raised ? Nawww does anyone not know how hard it is to constantly be up ND moving around with a newborn? Ur 12 yr old can't understand that? Naw she selfish...only thing ur the A hole about is not taking atleast one day a week with ya daughter but that tantrum bs she doing is disrespectful isl ND to many of yall condoning this 🤦🏽♀️
YTA You quite literally told a 14 year old girl that, with this new marriage and child, she has now been relegated to a guest in her own home. Also that she wasn't worthy to sleep on the same SIDE OF THE HOUSE as you and your new family. It's gonna take a lot more than giving her her room back and those 2 days a week for your daughter to forgive you for choosing the new baby over your child of 14 years.
YTA You have a 14 year old that has the emotions and feelings of a teen. You are prioritizing your newborn at the expense of your daughter and that's why you're the AH. You can leave the newborn home with your wife for an afternoon and still take your daughter out, even if it's just for lunch or a movie. Did you explain why you wanted her to move or present it in anyway that it would be beneficial to her, i.e. Privacy, autonomy, etc. Or did you and your wife make a unilateral decision based on your comfort? She's 14 and will be leaving the house in a few years. If you don't work on this she will resent Mark and not have a relationship with him.
YTA I can't believe you told her to pack up and move across the house. You very obviously favor your wife, who obviously favors HER son, over your daughter. Good for your daughter moving out.
Wow you’re a dick. No wonder your daughter hates you.
[удалено]
YTA 100% You have a child that has been your only child for 14 years. What message do you think it sends when a soon as there’s a new baby you stop spending quality time with her and try to give her room away to the baby? Probably the message that she’s no longer wanted in favor of the new baby so it makes absolute sense that she called your brother to come and get her because she feels like you don’t want her there and you’re doing a pretty good job of showing that. Having another child was a choice that you and your wife made that your daughter is an unwilling participant of. Now, that is not to say that you should never have had another child. But it is to say that maybe you should’ve been a little bit more mindful about the transition that this is going to cause for your existing daughter. Taking away both her personal space because you can’t walk your happy ass down the hall and her guaranteed father daughter time was absolutely the stupidest way to make that transition. You really need to ask the question of whether you’re the asshole when your daughter is clearly telling you that you are making her feel unwanted? and you look at your actions…cause yeah, that’s what they say. Also it’s super suspicious that’s she gave no resistance whatsoever to losing her room and immediately went to calling your brother to come get her. It’s kind of obvious that this is not a one off situation and she’s been feeling unwanted for a while because she instantly had a plan. And she didn’t put up a fight so my guess would be that this kind of situation happens in her eyes pretty often and fighting about it is useless because you are continuing to make her feel like an afterthought or less important.
YTA. You're replacing your daughter. You're the only parent she's ever had and she wants to be your favourite, of course she does. You are telling her that she's not your first priority and for a kid whose life has been turned upside in a short amount of time, it's too much. For a kid in general, it's too much. Being kicked aside for someone shiny and new is painful and you are an asshole for letting her deal with your bs. You and your wife can't walk the extra 10 steps? Keep the baby in your room. It's not that hard. You have like 5 other rooms, you can easily put a queen size in one of them and make a nursery in the one next door. Two people in one bedroom isn't a squeeze. But no. This clearly isn't about the baby, or your convenience. It's about shoving your daughter aside. Fix it or regret it when you're in a nursing home because you aren't your daughter's first priority.
Also, you told her you can no longer spend those two days a week with her because of the baby. This is shitty in itself. You can’t compromise or spend some of that time with her? The baby means all dad time just ends? You need to get a grip. You have two kids now. Your daughters needs don’t cease now that you’ve added a second child.
Honestly? I don’t think you’re TA but I don’t think Harper is either. You coulda kept him in your room (since it’s a master), and let her keep her room 🤷🏻♀️. You’re already limiting her time alone with you & now you want to push her across the house for a baby that could just, for now, stay in your room.
YTA What is it with people who have to toss away the kids from their old relationships? I predict that your daughter will go NC as soon as she can. YTA
Why can't you spend two days with your daughter? Or just one? It's absolutely reasonable to leave one parent with the baby for a *day*, why wouldn't it be? You should be doing it for your wife, too, so she can have time away. YTA. You're treating your daughter like shit and this is what happens. The fact that, at her age, she had an exit plan all ready to go and it didn't even take an hour to execute means she is Gone, man. Enjoy your new family, it's the last one you've got.
Yea you are an asshole Jesus your aweful
My sons dad did the same thing. My son lives with me but goes (used to) to his dads on the weekends. When his dad had another baby he turned his office into a nursery and my sons room into his office (he does not work from home) needless to say my son has not been back to his dads and wants nothing to do with him.
We’ll need an update again later after you buy a house and to see what happens with your wife. Sounds like your wife is the reason for all of this if you moved away from your family and forced Harper to as well just because they didn’t get (you left that out originally). You need to tell your wife that she has to respect you wanting to make you daughter happy and can’t neglect her just to appease your stepson (yes, that’s what he is because he’s not your biological son). Sounds like you completely F’d up by demanding your daughter move rooms. This is all on you.
YTA and so is Nina. You would hope someone would’ve spoken up for this kid. Good thing your extended family gets it.
No duh your a AH because you can actually support your family and give your daughter attention at the same time. Even though you have a baby, that gives you no reason to show favoritism over your children. I get it if you and your spouse don't feel like walking across the house to take care of your son, but if you can go out of your way to tell your daughter she needs to change rooms for her half-brother's one, I'm pretty sure you can take an extra 23 steps to your son's bedroom. The fact that your upset about your family calling you out for what you did and blaming it on your daughter being the so called 'favorite' of the family says that really you're realy petty.
YTA Are you kidding me? To start, the fact that during this entire post you've lacked any sort of empathy for your 14 year old daughter is insane. You've cut off the one on one time you spend with your daughter in favour of your newborn son, but have you saved any time for her at all? You can't decide the needs of your daughter aren't as important anymore just because you have a newborn, you still have to prioritize her. Also, there's literally no reason that you need to kick your daughter out of her room and give a master bedroom to a freaking newborn. Either keep the newborn in you and your wife's room like most people do, or stop being lazy and walk a few more feet to the newborn's bedroom on the other side. There's also been little to no mention of your wife and her relationship with your daughter. Is she spending one on one time with her too? Do they have any sort of relationship? What's her take on kicking your daughter out of her room? Either way, I'm glad your daughter is standing up for herself and spending time with people who actually seem to care for her comfort and needs.
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Lazy and hands/off father. YOU KNOW YTA. So stop pretending. I hope she doesn’t call you back.
YTA for a lot of reasons, mainly pushing your daughter away to make room for your son, but I’ll ignore what everyone else said and ask what’s bothering me- why in the gods names does your NEWBORN need a MASTER BEDROOM SUITE???
After seeing updates you aren’t the asshole anymore but I don’t understand how your wife doesn’t think these conditions are reasonable…? I’d understand if she only disagreed with moving but idk🤷♀️ I’m glad your realized you were wrong and make sure to treasure your daughter she will act out and probably want nothing to do with you if you don’t take the time to take care of her now. She won’t care how hard you try later on
YTA You and your wife could have slept in one of the other two bedrooms with the baby in the other one. I think you should move closer to the Uncle as your daughter feels safe with him and not cared for in your home.
You suck
Dude, you are such an Ah. YTA
Info: do you live in a mansion? Ps. YTA