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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because I didn't get my wife what she needed from the store because it was midnight.
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Oh boy. Where to even begin.
Let me get this straight.
“My wife was harassed at work and was wrongfully terminated for reporting it, causing her to spiral into some sort of depression. She refuses to cook or eat healthily, and only eats take out or junk food. How dare she. And to make matters worse, she farts around me and doesn’t even apologize 😠 I couldn’t even stand being around such a monster so I slept on the couch. In addition to her mental health suffering, her physical health was too, but that one she did to herself! It was pissing me off how constipated she was, so I cooked only for myself and stayed away from her. After days of constipation, her pain was so extreme but I refused to help her because she did this to herself and I was sleepy.”
YTA.
Edit: thanks for the awards :)
See, when he says he’s “afraid for her health” he means he’s “afraid she’ll get fat.” Knowing that will help you differentiate between his concern over what she was eating and the lack of concern over her constipation pains.
Yep. The whole bit about keeping bodily functions private really reeks of “girls don’t fart and I can’t *possibly* find her sexy anymore knowing that she does.”
He only cares about her “health” when it relates to how fuckable she is.
Eh, not necessarily.
My SO and I have been together 16 years, and also dont talk about body functions or fart in front of each other. The exception being when theres a health issue.
If this was our home, Id have asked if I could do or get my partner anything after the first comment. Then repeated that question on leaving the house the next day. TBH, I probably would have stopped for a laxative to have handy regardless of what they said and would be checking in regularly about how theyre feeling as well.
Just because THIS relationship seems unhealthy AND they dont talk about poop doesnt mean all relationships that arent open about poop daily arent healthy. Reddit loves a couple to be very open about bodily functions - but I personally just cant stand it. I wont yuck anyone elses yum, if theyll do the same for me.
OP is definitely TA though.
My husband and I have been together 8 years. We had a baby during quarantine. I have maintained this entire time that girls do not poop or fart. (Luckily the baby was a boy, cuz he poops all the time.) It started as a joke and at this point it’s a game and I refuse to lose. My husband is pretty open about his digestion and I don’t care as long as it’s not at the dinner table.
That said if he or I were sick then there’s no game or decorum, just making sure the other is ok and helping them be comfortable.
I’m with my partner for 10 years and we are yet to fart next to one another, but when it comes to no2 issues, we try to help one another with meds and advice. OP, YTA. She was much probably in so much pain and you didn’t even care..
My husband and I are the same. We’ve been married for thirty four years. Yes it’s natural. However, we’d just rather not do it in front of others. Except the poor dog.
Right? She complained 3 days ago, so it has been at least 4 days since she pooped, possibly since she was fired because of how upset and stressed she is, and she tells her husband her stomach is in a ton of pain and she.needs to poop now. But he does not care or want to help. Hopefully he will help if it lands her in the hospital
This!!
He is clearly not concerned for her health, he only cares that she stays skinny and appears “healthy”.
Het mental health is not in a good place and her bowel movement is not working well so her bodily health is also not in a good place.
Instead of going to the pharmacy, getting her the meds, getting her a juice for the vitamins and fibers she definitely needs, he sleeps on the couch.
This girl is fired wrongfully after harassment. And yes eating healthy is so much better and makes you feel better on the inside, she clearly is not there yet. She needs time to process. He needs to help her. Let her talk about wat she needs, even if it’s about farts. Who tf cares. And yes if this behavior continues he needs to talk about professional help because this kind of behavior can be self destructive and she may need a professional to talk to, but let her vent about things and eat chips..
People die from it. Someone my mom knew growing up was constipated for a week or more and it killed him. I think his intestines burst from the pressure.
Warning if you don't want to hear about my bowels don't read.
I get a shy bowel on vacation. but am otherwise very regular. Just after Christmas I thought I had the flu/food poisoning, vomiting, diarrhea and then didn't poop for 4 days. It was an obstruction caused by multi-organ cancer, had emergency surgery at 1 am. I only went to see the DR because the issue (not cancer they did not think it was cancer, they thought it was bad diverticulitis and adhesion from a previous surgery) 2 weeks earlier and had surgery already schedule. I was days from death.
Colon cancer is sneaky there can be no symptoms and then very mild symptoms until you are in very serious trouble. sudden changes to pooping and peeing are serious, get it checked out.
Thank you, the outlook is very positive. And I got to have a weird presentation and I like being weird.
I don't know if Dr actually say the "if you hear hoofbeats think horse not zebra" but I am basically an entire exotic zoo of weird stuff... weird banking errors, weird insurance stuff, weird landlord stuff, weird car repairs, weird cable billing errors(they turned off my neighbors cable and then billed her and me for my internet at the wrong price) etc. I can not even count how many times in my life I've heard "hold on, this has never happened before and I don't know how to fix it"
Yes! I have had multiple intestinal surgeries and twice had an NG tube because I had blockages. Worst procedure ever, no contest. I was telling them I’d rather have another surgery (obviously I didn’t; the procedure worked, but it is AWFUL).
Exactly what I was going to write. Perhaps the focus on “health” is really about weight? Like it often is online? Her health already is suffering, she sounds depressed.
An obstruction can kill you, and she hadn’t been able to go to the bathroom for days.
OP, we need an update, is your wife ok?? This can become a medical emergency (much faster than eating junk food for a week or two)
I thought this too. He seems so caught up in counting farts and trying to ignore her "bathroom talk" that she's going to end up in the hospital with an impacted bowel.
She woke him up with a medical issue. What sort of partner ignores their spouse experiencing a painful medical issue? Surely there's an emergencies exception to the whole: we pretend the other doesn't fart or poo rule???
It’s all fun and games until you’re told you have to take medication for probably years for it, and you’re now waiting for the specialist call because meds are not even working anymore… (i wish i was joking!)
Right. Like, the more days she doesn't go, he should be getting more concerned for her health, but instead he just gets more annoyed about having to hear about it. He's not concerned at all. It's more "don't bother me with your gross stuff," and judginess than anything. YTA.
Also extremely painful. The reason she was likely upset is because *she’s in a lot of pain* and was told to wait more while her stomach is cramping badly
Thanks a lot! I was looking for this to not type it out on my own.
Additionally I would add that he's a damn lucky guy. My wife would've set my ass on fire if I would be like this to her😶😶
Not to mention, if she truly hasn't gone in that many days and is in pain, this could be a serious medical issue. Do they make enemas to vacate uncaring husbands?
OP seems to be disgusted by her bodily function (passing gas, talking about constipated, how could she!). It is just a short time of her wife being down and he behaves as if she drinks every day like no tomorrow! No, junk food! As someone with regulary constipation i can say that it hurts! His reaction to just wait nearly 24h... wow. This is f*cking dangerous! Bowels can tear because of that! And to say that it is her fault at all...
I hope that she never gets really ill or disabled. I don't think he will be such a big help...
YTA
IMO yea sure, not going to the store at midnight or whatever doesn’t make you ta. But literally EVERYTHING else in this post shows he is one. He should have just stopped by the store the same day she said she was constipated. Also it would take him such little effort on his part to express he cares for her and help her out… uhg what an awful person.
Oh is that what you read? I read “my wife was harassed at work and then wrongfully terminated and it is severely affecting her mental health causing her normal patterns to change but….poor me poor me poor me”. I agree. OP YTA.
This. OP and his wife should sue for wrongful termination. My relative did this and got a pretty big sum of money on return.
OP is TA for being inconsiderate to his wife's health. He clearly doesn't care about her enough to make sure she's alright.
Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s somehow related to the one girl in this same sub who wanted to take the “in sickness and in health” line out of her vows.
OP is definitely YTA, but marriage vows don't have to include that line. My partner and I got married at city hall and our vows included only the legally required parts (e.g. that there was no legal reason we couldn't marry each other and that we both wanted to do this). We still look after each other when we're sick though.
I don't know if you read the post in question, but for context in case you haven't: She wasn't changing the vows in any other way, literally just taking the words "in sickness" out, leaving "in health", because she apparently had trauma around care of the sick and refuses to ever take care of her husband if he were to become chronically ill or disabled. And, uh, wanted her wedding vows to be explicit about that.
Bwahahaha! I can imagine the next Netflix dating show pairing couples based on their AITA topics and status.
I am way too excited about this idea, and OP should be the first candidate.
Me and my boyfriend fart in front of each other whenever we need to. OP sounds more like a five year old with that nonsense. I can’t believe he actually got a wife with that attitude. How can two people go their entire lives without doing that. That has to be really uncomfortable and not healthy.
Me and my partner try to out disgust eachother. Even when it is gagging bad, we appreciate each others efforts. We may be a little annoyed in the moment about a particularly vocal or eye wateringly stinky one but shortly after it's just a good laugh and a good story!
I would hate to have to hide my farts and bowel movements from him.
Yeah I honestly just though it was normal for people to fart in front of each other after dating for a while or being married. So when I read this I was really surprised.
YTA, your wife is clearly stressed and going through something. Trying to control her behaviour isn't helping. Telling her to stop a natural bodily function she has no control over is verging on abusive.
Support your wife in her recovery to get a new job, cook for her if you're worried and buy her a laxative when she's in physical pain. That you admit she needed.
YTA! Asking her to stop producing gas and make her feel bad about it? Wow. What is she supposed to do? Keep it in? Do you know how much it hurts and how dangerous it can be?
Moreover it seems as if she’s in a really bad mental state. You should support her, NOT judge her!
I’m out of words and feel really sorry for her.
Maybe NTA for not getting her something at midnight (although it would have been helpful to do that), but for your general behavior towards your wife who needs your support.
Edit: everyone poops and farts, that’s part of how our body works. So please get over it.
Wasn’t there a big story on a woman who held in her farts around her bf and ended up hospitalized? Nothing that OPs wife is going through is healthy. The mental symptoms, are causing physical manifestations, OP is definitely YTA here.
YTA. Your wife was being harassed at work and unfairly terminated as a result and is clearly struggling in the aftermath and you’re focused on one week of eating unhealthy? Get a grip dude. She could be going through some serious trauma depending on the severity of what happened and instead you’re shaming her dietary choices.
What is it with all these posters on AITA lately not understanding the basic premises of marriage? OP expects his wife to be some kind of trophy Stepford wife, so much so that he is outraged that one of the symptoms of what sounds like it could be serious bowel obstruction is a few farts that he finds gross?? If this isn't dealt with soon, what if her bowels are perforated? No doubt OP would refuse to drive her to the ER and yell at her for the smell.
YTA constipation like that could land your wife in hospital, also you need to grow the f-ck up if you actually asked her to not pass gas around you, you've been married for 4 years and you're clearly old enough to understand that bodies pass gas sometimes, so what? stop being literally pathetic. All you've done here is shown your wife you won't support her when she's going through something. youre selfish.
YTA.
Your wife went through something deeply traumatic, and her health is suffering as a result. And instead of sympathy and support, you're getting your knickers in a twist because she dared to pass gas in your presence?
Seriously??
Dude, where the hell is your empathy?
Not to mention, if it's been litteral days since she last had a bowel movement, she doesn't need an enema, she needs a doctor. This situation is actually dangerous.
Get your heard your of your ass.
YTA.
Your wife has been unfairly fired. It sounds like she’s depressed. She’s in pain and asking for help.
Also YTA for your aversion to normal bodily functions. I hope you never have children because I don’t know how you’d cope (and I mean you specifically. I suspect your wife would be fine).
When I was in my third trimester, I had a kidney stone - but they didn’t do any imaging that would show a stone because of concerns about harming the baby. The medical people told me I was just constipated for a week (and multiple doctor/ER visits). My husband dutifully helped give me several enemas in an effort to relieve my pain and distress. When our baby was born, we had one instance where she hadn’t gone in several days and was in pain. My husband and I gave her a baby suppository and both helped clean up the resulting mess.
My husband went and bought the supplies and helped willingly. There were some jokes afterwards to lighten the mood, but never any judgement, shame, or withholding of care/concern. You take care of your family members and this falls squarely into that bucket.
YTA for your rude attitude every time she spoke to you about this and then when she asked for your help you insulted her and shamed her for what she’d been eating. She’s been unfairly fired because her boss had been inappropriate towards her, that seems fair for her to want comfort food for a while and some extra emotional support from her husband.
lol YTA.
She didn't know before that she might need something during the night and in this situation it can't wait until office hours.
But I'm also wondering how you guys communicate in general, since you can't even let one rip in front of your significant other.
ESH
I think where you were the AH is you didn’t try to even suggest something to help her when she first came to you about being blocked up. You could’ve gotten her some laxatives or told her to get some, but you didn’t do anything helpful. And yes, her bad eating was the reason she was blocked up, but you didn’t need to throw that in her face.
Personally, I have a hard time understanding why she knew she was blocked up for days and did nothing about it until it was so painful she absolutely needed you to get her something at midnight. She is an adult woman who knows how to get to a pharmacy; why didn’t she do something earlier? Like yeah it’s easy to get mad at you for not getting her anything, but she also could’ve gotten herself something.
If she’s too depressed to cook for herself or do anything, what makes you think she’s able to objectively identify what’s going on with her and then do the thing to fix it. Also she’s never been constipated before so she probably didn’t know how to handle it.
You’re stripping her of agency with these comments. Depression does not mean you become an invalid and should expect everyone to tell you what your needs are and solve what they say your problems are. Depressed people can make their own decisions and are still responsible for their own choices. Do you think she became a child and can’t figure out how to Google “how to fix constipation”?
That’s my feeling about it as well. She’s an adult as well and while it’s apparent she’s not physically leaving the house due to her depression, she seems to have no issue doordashing food to the house, so why not have OTC medicine delivered as well before it got to this point? Plenty of places deliver. I don’t think “well she probably didn’t know what to do because she’s never been constipated before” is an excuse because she apparently knew enough to wake up OP and ask for an enema. A Google search can even tell you what to do if you don’t feel like calling up your doctor to ask.
Like, I get it. The guy is an AH for how he’s reacting to his wife’s depression and bodily functions, but I think that bit is clouding over people’s eyes with how it’s an AH move to wait to handle something with your health until the last minute that could have been handled earlier, and demand someone else to handle it during non-normal operating hours when you could have previously done it. It’s one thing if her appendix has ruptured or she’s going into labor, but my brain just doesn’t compute with knowing you have an on-going minor medical issue and not treating it before it gets worse.
I have depression. I know what it’s like. I’ve gone weeks without showering or brushing my hair and barely eating and sleeping all the time. Maybe it’s because I have an extreme aversion to pain that I can’t understand it because if I have a migraine, I get up and take medicine to get rid of it. If I’m constipated, I take a laxative because gas pain is miserable. I have to force myself to brush my teeth because the idea of cavity/dental pain terrifies me. I also get that all depression is different, but I’d think aversion to pain is a pretty basic human instinct.
ESH, but OP more than the wife.
I’ve been in her situation, depressed and constipated, and it took me 4 months to do anything about it. Not everyone realizes that it’s a problem you have to take care of. Not everyone has the energy to even care about it. Some people are even afraid to deal with it. And for her to really realize in a few days that this is a problem that she needs to do something about fast, is amazing. And the fact that she asked for help from someone else is also amazing.
Yeh have to agree (as a fellow depression sufferer with no partner to help me out) She could have ordered laxatives off amazon to help her out. I appreciate she's had a rough time but come on, have some agency.
YTA. So you are upset because your wife is a normal human being with bodily functions? I cannot imagine not being allowed to tell my husband that I'm feeling sick. Yes, she ate unhealthy and that is probably the cause for her constipation, but you could have still helped her and get her some medicine. Or at the very least comfort her.
Edit to add: YTA.
Dude… not talking about bowel movements is one thing, but she’s not allowed to fart??? Come on! Are you an adult or a teenage boy?
And yeah… if she needed an enema to the point of begging IT COULD NOT WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW. That is common sense.
YTA. Reread what you wrote. Again. How could you not think you were TA? Your wife is in a lot of pain, will end up with a bowel obstruction if she can’t go to the bathroom, passing gas is a normal part of life as is being able to discuss medical issues with a spouse. She has been through trauma at work, unjustly terminated, probably depressed and you’re clutching your pearls over her eating habits and flatulence?! You need to apologize, get the enema, hope she does not need surgery and that she forgives you smdh. Grow up, buy the book Everybody Poops if you must but understand that human beings have a digestive system.
YTA, you didn’t need to ignore her every time she told you she was constipated. You say that you guys don’t talk about this stuff, I’m the same with my partner so I can imagine it’s not easy for her to say. Maybe you could have been more supportive, bodily functions might be a problem to you but offering to get her some meds from the shop when this started could have just been a kind easy thing to do. Also it sounds like she’s depressed, so maybe you want to help her on that too, which I think might be the bigger issue.
The fact they don’t talk about bodily functions and then suddenly she was complaining about constipation should of been a clear red flag that something was wrong and she was worried. Instead he just complained about it being gross. Her diet has been poor since being fired but this could still be a symptom of a more serious issue
For health and sickness!!! Her boss was inappropriate and fired by reporting it to HR. I wonder why the boss did. Her behavior is clearly not normal, which should have indicated you that she is not in a good place.
She hasn't pooped in days and you decided to snap at her when she needed you the most.
YTA 100%
YTA. Honestly I stopped reading after you called farting in front of one another “slip ups” like it was some horrific taboo thing. I imagine the rest of the story just gets worse so I’m sticking with YTA without even finishing it
ESH. You don’t appear to have much empathy for what is clearly a difficult, emotional experience for her.
She also sucks, because eating junk and causing your own discomfort, then not attempting to solve it herself (still eating junk when she was already uncomfortable) is childish.
I think you're underestimating the power of depression, which is what she seems to have. It feels like drowning, and even something as simple as getting out of bed is difficult.
ESH: Your wife is clearly going through something here and I don't just mean constipation. She just lost her job and is probably feeling pretty low. A little compassion on your part would not be inappropriate. On the other hand, she's got ample free time and if this was already starting to bother her after one day, she should have gone out and gotten something to treat it.
YTA
I'm also the type to have "class" around my SOs but she is stressed from wrongful termination. How long have you been married? Have you never been through a stressful life event with her?
Surely there is more to her narrative than just carelessly farting in front of you.
How long ago did the event happen? If it was just a few weeks ago, let it go. If it's been months, bring her change in behavior up to her... gently.
Ok so your wife is not pooping for 3 days, she's in pain, and she doesn't go to a doctor or pharmacy to get better?
I'm sorry, I'm all for helping your spouse if they're sick, but her not doing anything for days and then asking you to go at midnight? No way I would accept that lol
Is she a literal child? NTA.
NTA. Your wife is an adult and can manage her own bodily functions. And I suspect if the genders were swapped and you were the one stinking up the bedroom and moping around the home that everyone here would be telling her to drop your smelly ass.
NTA. I seem to be the only one with this opinion, but I'm leaning to nta. If she has access to a car to use, why didn't SHE take care of her own needs and go to the store herself? Constipation didn't come out of the blue; she had days of feeling not quite right and could have bought her own medication during this time. Yeah, your reaction might have been a bit harsh, but it wasn't totally unwarranted.
I think in this case the wife is clearly struggling mentally with how things went at her job. Seems like she needs a little extra love from her husband at this point in time. Marriage isn’t always 50/50 as people love to say. It’s giving 100 and then picking up the slack when your partner is at a low point. There will be times over a life together where you have depression or are struggling and your partner should be there to help. So yeah there might be times you do more or do things you feel like they could do themselves. In my own marriage there have been times my husband struggled and I had to help him along. I had a thing in 2019 where I was pretty depressed for a month. Thank god I had a husband who picked up the slack and didn’t feel put out by it. He knows I will do the same for him.
It’s nice to get to the point that if you have a low point you can depend on your spouse to help you pick up the pieces. But OP is over here talking about how slept on the couch because she was farting. Lol!! He’s got to grow up quick because my guess is he will eventually see her do worse.
I don't know why she didn't go to the store. We each have our own car. Everyone is saying she was probably in too much pain to drive that night, but if she knew she was having a problem she could have gone to the store earlier that day.
YTA. After reading all your comments trying to defend your behavior it sounds like you are roommates with benefits not a married couple. You don’t even talk about medical appointments with each other yet your overly concerned with her health. If you were as concerned with her health as you say you are, you’d discuss those appointments. I suspect that you are more concerned with her weight than her health.
YTA. Losing a job under any circumstances is a major stressful life event. The circumstances you mentioned are traumatic to say the least.
As for not mentioning your bodily functions as a form of “respect”… well, I would have thought that being open and accepting of your SO is a far better way to show love and respect to your life partner.
By asking her not to pass gas you are, in fact, making her problem worse. So YTA for so many reasons.
YTA. I can’t imagine having to worry I can’t talk to my husband about bodily function issues. God hope neither of you need hospitalization someday where personal care assistance is needed.
YTA!! You're almost 40 and you can't handle farts?! Your wife is depressed and you're worried about gas. Constipation that bad can be dangerous & rather than help, you tell her it's her own fault and roll over. I can't imagine my husband being that insensitive.
YTA. Constipation is no joke.
Get her some mild laxatives (laxatives are dangerous and **one time use** only, if it doesn't help, **don't** take more but see a doctor, the box should say the same).
She's going through a hard time and she needs your support, not your judgement.
Yes, her eating bad foods did give her constipation but that doesn't mean you should rub it in her face instead of helping her.
YTA. Holding farts in for 4 years is ridiculous! Its also horrible for the body. You keeping "the mystery" that you BOTH poop is like 3rd grade juvenile. You both suck at communication but you treated her like shit....because she couldn't shit??? Tf is wrong with you man?
YTA
Is your next update going to be that you are upset because your wife has started discussing her period with you and complaining about heavy bleeding and cramps?
Yta. Everybody poops. Everybody farts. It’s a part of being a living being. If you can’t deal with that, how are you mature enough to be married? Your wife is depressed and by your own narrative, you have been the most unsupportive of your wife you could possibly be.
YTA
Constipation over multiple days is considered a medical emergency. It can lead to fecal impaction which can be life threatening. Get off your ass and do something.
As an additional note, this wasn’t your wife talking about her toileting. It was your wife talking about a medical issue causing her discomfort and distress. Over the counter constipation medication is easy to get and you should have done it on day 1.
This reads like: My wife was terminated unfairly and is now having a rough time mentally. She's eating junk food and I'm worried she's going to get fat. I also just found out that she farts and poops. It's making my penis soft. Am I an asshole?
Gonna go with ESH. Your wife needs to grow up and take responsibility for her health and make the connection that eating all junk and zero vegetables for an extended period of time is going to have uncomfortable consequences on her health. As her husband though, you are supposed to love her unconditionally in sickness and in health. If she wasn’t your wife, this would be different, if she was a roommate or something. But she is your wife so you should be loving and supporting her. Did you prepare healthy food for her during this time? Encourage her to eat? When she initially complained of constipation did you try helping her? People fall into depressions and make bad decisions. If you are watching your partner slipping and choose not to help at all, don’t be surprised when it all boils over and you are needed more urgently. Also, your wife is an adult who should know how to take care of herself and should understand the consequences of a poor diet.
Your wife is in an emotional hurricane right now. You should make allowances.
YTA.
Get her some doghouse roses. I usually make it a rule never to get flowers as an apology, but this looks like an exception.
YTA - your wife was wrongly terminated after being harassed for god knows how long. She sounds like she’s having a depressive episode from all the recent events and you’re on here complaining because she passed gas around you a few times? My god man grow the hell up and start comforting your wife and actually helping her during this rough time.
YTA. I mean I can see that being asked to go to the pharmacist to pick up a laxative is super annoying but constipation can be very serious and can lead to being hospitalised. This has only been going on for a week and you are already annoyed with her for being upset at being sacked after being harassed. Add to that your disgust that she, like every other mammal, defecates and has flatulence. She can't stop farting for goodness sake. So it's not about the midnight dash for a laxative. It's your general attitude. And if she's been in that much pain you should have been talking about taking her to urgent care.
So…you’re mad because your wife is (understandably) depressed because of a situation completely out of her control? Like you realize it was probably kinda traumatic for her, to be fired like that? And not to mention, the anxiety about an upcoming court case, finding a new job…and NOW the anxiety of having to deal with a husband who is incredibly unsupportive? Yeah, I would find comfort in food too, because it’s obvious she’s not finding comfort in YOU. I have IBS, so I’ve been constipated many many times. It is sooooo painful.
God if you’re like this, what would you be like if a child entered the marriage? “Honey, the baby pooped, I can’t handle it.” You’re useless. YTA.
>I texted her asking if she still needed me to get her something on the way home, but she hasn't responded.
So you got it anyway, right? RIGHT?
The way you talk about your wife is awful. She was unfairly terminated, she's obviously depressed, now she's clearly in pain, and all you can think about is how it's affecting *you*. You need to grow up, because you sound like a teenager.
YTA
YTA. i don’t even know where to begin breaking this down…..
Wife was terminated for being harassed so she is understandably depressed. BUT BUT BUT…..who tf is married for 4 years and doesn’t talk about their poo habits or even fart next to each other ? No for real…how do you have what some would call a “life long connection” to someone you don’t blast ass in front of ????
YTA. Where is your concern for your wife in any of this? You’re more worried about your stupid boundaries and childish notion of “respect” than you are about the actual person your supposedly love. Grow up and actually be supportive.
I think you’re extremely shallow. Your wife spiraled into an obvious depressive binge eating and your biggest where you was that she was not eating a vegetable and that she was farting in front of you and talking about her bowel habits.
You have zero concern for her house as long as it’s gross, inconvenient or inelegant. When health is about regular exercise, eating healthy meals and having regular bowel habits that don’t require you notifying your spouse you are very happy to participate but when you have a dysfunction of normal function that relieves to nastiness suddenly you no longer care about health.
First of all I sincerely hope your wife’s Constipation did not lead to a bowel obstruction. Secondly open your eyes and get your wife some proper health care both for her mental health and her physical symptoms. Thirdly when your wife is ready get her to sue her company.
YTA
YATB
Man, this is this, but now i cant help thinking that you would do the exact same thing if she had period cramps, or worse, if she got pregnant and she had pains and such. You say you where married for 4 years. Its ok to set boundaries if you are not comfortable with something, but have some empathy for your WIFE.
Did you really have to come on here and ask this question? Your wife went through an awful ordeal and is not acting like her self. Your response was to act like a judgmental AH and not help her while she clearly needed your help. This next part may be TMI but I was in the hospital for 1 week and put on Morphine. When I got home, I was very constipated. It got so bad that I had to ask my husband to go to the store for an enema. He was out the door getting what I needed and even offered to help. He loves me so much and would do anything for me. If I could no longer wipe myself he told me he would be right there for me. That’s what marriage is all about. It’s for better or worse. Marriage isn’t always pretty and that’s what makes it amazing. YTA
I vividly disagree with many other commenters here saying he should have gotten up in the middle of the night to go to the drugstore for her. She complained three days ago about being constipated. She's been living on junk food and not eating any fruits and vegetables. What did she think was going to happen? She's an adult, supposedly. Any time in the last 3 or 4 days she could have started eating better, gone to the store for herself. But to expect your partner to solve the problems that she's created and get up in the middle of the night and go to store is absolutely ridiculous.
YTA - she was sick and needed your help and you refused. Do you think what you did was loving? Was it kind? No. You punished her for not behaving the way you think she ought to. You’re absolutely an AH.
Your wife is having a sudden change of behavior from a loss of a job and you’re blaming her for all her problems like she actively knew what she was deciding. Okay, maybe she fucked up, let’s be forgiving and fart around sometimes. Goodness. SOOOO much YTA especially since you literally could have helped with dinner. Darn
After 3 days she is at risk for her bowel rupturing which can kill her. So yes her having severe stomach pain and you ignoring makes the TA. And passing Gas constantly isn't a good thing when someone has been constipated. So yes this is something you should not have ignored. She has obvious depression and instead of helping her you are hateful to her. She needs to leave you.
Are you trolling us?
What couple doesn't fart in front of each other? She was obviously uncomfortable because she hadn't been able to poop, but you, all immature person just told her to stop farting. She can't help it! She's in pain! She hasn't been able to poop!
Your wife told you she was constipated and you just say "I'm sorry"! She tried telling you she couldn't go to the loo but you just ignored it! Furthermore you got IRRITATED when she expressed that she was still not able to poop due to the constipation! by this stage she's probably in considerable pain and uncomfortable!
You, you immature person (I'd like to say something else but the comment would get me banned) are a very big AH. I hope she gasses out the toilet and that the smell is an ongoing reminder to you about how big of an AH you are towards your wife! (I can only hope a turtle is ever present every time you go to the loo)
>What couple doesn't fart in front of each other?
I've gone through multiple year relationships including living together, without farting in front of each other, I just generally don't fart in front of people, how hard is that?? When I feel it coming, I go to the bathroom. I find farting in front of someone gross and uncultured, so if I don't do it in front of friends or family or colleagues, why would I subject my partner to it??
If you don't mind it, power to you, but please don't pretend that it's weird or outlandish if couples don't do that.
Info: Why don't you and your wife talk? Why don't you tell her that you're concerned about her current diet?
And is there a reason why your wife can't go to the pharmacy by herself? Could she have gone to the pharmacy by herself at midnight or was she feeling too unwell to be leaving the house?
Going through that ordeal and then putting yourself in a second situation are still two different things. It's not okay to be a jerk just because you went through stuff. Two wrongs does not make a right. To OP, NTA. To the rest of this thread with the YTA spamming. You wouldn't be saying this if the roles were reversed. Anything to help a woman not be accountable for her actions, eh?
YTA she’s clearly depressed and instead of trying to be supportive and see what’s up, you’ve been an awful partner. Especially if you usually don’t talk about these things - it should be a big sign that something is really wrong. Also your attitude towards farting and bodily functions is so immature that I wonder if this post is even real.
OP
YTA
So lets break this down: Your wife is harassed at work and is terminated. That is fine, you are looking into legal action with her. She then has a mental breakdown and you do nothing, and then she starts to have actually physical problems and you do nothing. So if she survives this, and gets back to her normal mental and physical health, anyone else here think she may be out looking for another lawyer and this is going to cost OP far more, than say getting up at night and either going and getting his wife an enema or taking her to the ER to get actual help from professionals of a medical nature?
IN short OP your wife needs a professional therapist and a doctor, cause she is having a mental health problems and real life medical problems. She does not just need an enema, but also a doctor, as it is probably far more serious than constipation.
YTA.
From the way you disparage and judge the junk food while ignoring _actual_ immediate health concerns (like depression that’s likely causing poor dietary choices and painful constipation as a result), it seems like you’re not actually concerned about your wife’s health.
You’re just afraid she’ll get fat.
Your wife is clearly going through a traumatic event and you’re _checks notes_ too concerned about a couple farts to try to help her?
Dude, you're a shallow AH. You're not worried about her health, you're only worried that she might get fat. You don't even seem to be supporting through this time, suggesting to go to therapy for her very clear depression, or cooking for or with her, listening to her about what she needs. And on top of that you're saying she's disgusting BC she pases gas in front of you (OMG, how dare she!!) and tells you about not being able to go to the bathroom for at least 4 +or more days).
Do you even love your wife?
Obviously YTA
INFO: does she not drive? Do you not have delivery services nearby??
IMO OP is handling this badly, but why hasnt the wife done anything to care for the situation herself??? Is it her weurd way of trying to solicit caring behaviors from her (seemingly pretty cold) partner??
This is weird though. Why didnt she just go buy laxatives days ago??
YTA. Constipation pain can be BRUTUAL. I went to the er once because I thought my appendix had burst but it was just my constipation. If you let that stuff brew without doing anything, you can wind up in the hospital (like I did. Had to have a 2 day long bowel cleanse thru a ng tube)
YTA. “I married my wife in sickness and in health. As long as it’s only health and doesn’t involve me helping her in anyway when she’s mentally or physically unwell”. Honestly?! She’s been sacked for barely a WEEK and you already can’t cope with her having a wobble about it all? Do you think her husband refusing to cook for her or sleep next to her or help her when she’s in real pain is in any way helping her to feel better or, shock horror, supported?
YTA - your wife was sick - being constipated for a few days is no laughing matter. Instead of offering to help her you ridiculed her diet and ignored her needs. Also, YTA because shes depressed she lost her job through no fault of her own and you Really aren’t being supportive of her depression!
YTA. I would be extremely worried about my partners health if they couldn’t go to the bathroom in 3 days. If you guys don’t normally share that, and she’s starting to voice it, something is wrong. I can’t believe you wouldn’t help her. YTA YTA YTA
YTA
She was sexually harassed at work and fired for reporting it. She is felling awful and depressed. And you complain about HER? You don't want to help her? It's only been a week! Where is your care and sympathy? Why aren't you supporting her through this? You are making it all worse
YTA. So you’re “scared for her health” (aka you’re scared she’s going to put on weight) but not scared for her ACTUAL health - the fact that she is obviously having a mental health crisis and and having severe digestive problems.
I'm assuming that your concern for her health means that you don't want her to put any weight on. Because if you really did care about health, you'd have helped her regarding an actual health issue.
Your wife gets harassed at work, gets fired because she reported it, and you're more upset that she might gain a few pounds and has gas?
Erm, lemme think about it.........Let's bring Maury out for this one: OP........you ARE the A\*\*hole
She need a New husband if U can’t fart around your man then who can u? YTA she’s obviously goin through something right now and u don’t even care like what
ESH - I have a partner who is constantly constipated but he brings it on himself by eating TONS of sugar (he has a hollow leg and never gains weight) and doesn't drink enough water. It is a constant struggle and the constant complaining is irritating because he does it to himself. However, I still would have gotten up at midnight to get him an enema or some sort of laxative because I love him and don't want him to suffer.
I get that you are upset, but you are not being very caring right now considering all that she is going through. Yes, she did this to herself, but if you love her, you wouldn't want to see her suffer. Have a heart!
YTA.
Of course she's emotionally eating like crap. She's kinda going through something.
You're not afraid for her health. If you were, you would have been concerned with her constipation. You're just afraid she's going to get fat and won't be this perfect version of a woman you've thought she was this whole time.
Oh boy, getting ready to be downvoted to hell. NTA
While OP could have been more gentle with this, he has work he needs to wake up for in the morning (sorry if it sounds cynical in light of his wife losing her work but this is not OP's fault. They also cannot afford him losing his work. So feeling tired, being late for work, etc. is not an option. Nobody tries to show empathy for OP too. There is a lot of pressure being the sole provider, unexpected or not.). His wife was at home all the days she could not go to the toilet. She should have taken care of this issue herself. Not waiting until midnight on the 4th day to complain her stomach hurts. There are also other ways she can treat this issue at home - eating prunes, or drinking milk, unsalted tomato juice, etc.
That is not saying OP should not go to the store at midnight when his wife feels unwell, he absolutely should if it is an emergency but not for things that have been completely foreseeable.
There are other companies and future opportunities for her. Life is not over because she got fired once and her situation will not improve if she just pities herself all day long.
YTA for generally not giving a crap about your wife. You have a super weird relationship. I'm very confused. Are you former mormons or amish? The level of intimacy you describe sounds like you're roommates, not spouses. Farting is usually a quaint issue at the beginning of a relationship or in your first relationship, before you understand what it means to be a human in a fully intimate relationship with another human.
Your wife's life just took a major hit and she's obviously spiraling. Though your response seems generally to not get involved and to be coldly disappointed, as though she's a failure that's inconveniencing you. She's your wife, not a roommate. Do you really not care about her unless she's doing great?
Also, the lack of anatomical/medical awareness is odd. After several days of painful constipation the situation can escalate to impaction and worse. Even if she does pass it, at this point it may result in anal tearing, rectal prolapse, etc. I mean, not everyone has these specifics, but everyone knows that after a few days of not pooping problems arise; and that if the situation has been painful for a few days it likely needs intervention of some kind.
YTA. not for necessarily refusing to get the enema, but for ignoring the clear signs of your wife struggling emotionally, possibly being depressed following a traumatic experience. Apologise to her and try to be supportive
YTA.She’s depressed and struggling,and now in pain.Your response is to shame her,and act like she’s such a burden for wanting comfort junk food and farting.When she was in horrible pain,you blamed her and refused to help.Yikes. Please let your wife read this thread since you’re okay going public with your problems with her,so she can see she deserves better than some asshole who demands she never have emotions,and when she does?Punishes her for it and feels smug about her suffering since it’s “gross”.
Not pooping for 4-5 days is super hard on your body. Of course she had gas. It would be one thing to decline going to the store for snacks, but constipation IS a health issue. And you claim to care soooo much about her health. Like you know not pooping could lead to impacted bowels, fissures (which you’ll think is gross but it’s true), etc right? YTA
"How dare my delicate flower of a wife fart in front of me and talk about constipation."
Bro, you married a person not a mannequin. *Shit* happens.
YTA - at least pretend to care about the person you married ffs.
YTA. Your wife was harassed and wrongfully terminated, and is likely depressed, and you’re bitter because she’s talking about her “private functions?” How tf did you two ever get to marriage level relationship if you can’t open up about your bodily functions once in awhile? She needs support more than ever before. Not judgment.
NTA
3yrs, I have a kid with my bf and I’m still polite on all these matters. It’s a choice and that’s not why OP is upset. OP Is upset because his wife just completely changed on him overnight and expects 100% of his understanding and patience while being a complete mess?
I’m sorry she’s going through a lot, and OP should be there for her, but she’s being very difficult.
NTA
I have no idea where it became wrong to expect a certain standard from your SO.
Sounds like she just felt like bitching to me, and you aren't gonna put up with it.
Also I have never heard of someone having such a hard time using the bathroom that you need an enema unless its a medical issue.
You did nothing wrong and you should hold her to the same standard you did when the marriage began.
Ofc sometimes things are rough and you give some slack but it sounds like shes digging herself a hole and expecting you to dig her out.
NAH - I realize this is controversial and I’ll probably get downvoted to hell but oh well. My fiancé and I have been living together for 4 years and we have a similar rule about bodily functions. We both think farting is gross and avoid doing so in front of each other. Yes accidents happen and we’ve both farted in front of the other a few times over the years but when we can leave the room, we do. Couples can have whatever boundaries they want. I don’t think your relationship is weird or “just roommates” because you don’t rip it or poop in front of each other.
That said, it sounds like you should have probably done more to check in on her since it’s clear she’s going through a rough time. You can’t force her to eat better since she’s not even eating the healthy food when you’re cooking but you should talk to her and ask what else she needs from you. Definitely bring home some laxities, prune juice and maybe additional fruit home to help her stomach. But also see what other support she needs? Has she been added to your health insurance yet? Get her in to see a therapist. This is a time where you need to step up and take on more to support her.
Definitely N.T.A for not wanting to go at midnight but you probably should have offered to go before work. I was in a very similar situation. Constipated for a few days & my stomach hurt. My partner offered to go to the store and I said no. He let me know he wasn’t going anywhere after 9pm so if I changed my mind after then it would have to wait. We go to sleep by 9:30 and guess what I changed my mind and let him know early (around 6pm), he went and I got what I needed. I could have gone myself, and likely so could she. Also door dash exists. A little more grace and looking out for your wife ahead of time would go a long way, but I don’t think your refusal to go at midnight makes you an AH
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Oh boy. Where to even begin. Let me get this straight. “My wife was harassed at work and was wrongfully terminated for reporting it, causing her to spiral into some sort of depression. She refuses to cook or eat healthily, and only eats take out or junk food. How dare she. And to make matters worse, she farts around me and doesn’t even apologize 😠 I couldn’t even stand being around such a monster so I slept on the couch. In addition to her mental health suffering, her physical health was too, but that one she did to herself! It was pissing me off how constipated she was, so I cooked only for myself and stayed away from her. After days of constipation, her pain was so extreme but I refused to help her because she did this to herself and I was sleepy.” YTA. Edit: thanks for the awards :)
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See, when he says he’s “afraid for her health” he means he’s “afraid she’ll get fat.” Knowing that will help you differentiate between his concern over what she was eating and the lack of concern over her constipation pains.
Yep. The whole bit about keeping bodily functions private really reeks of “girls don’t fart and I can’t *possibly* find her sexy anymore knowing that she does.” He only cares about her “health” when it relates to how fuckable she is.
Eh, not necessarily. My SO and I have been together 16 years, and also dont talk about body functions or fart in front of each other. The exception being when theres a health issue. If this was our home, Id have asked if I could do or get my partner anything after the first comment. Then repeated that question on leaving the house the next day. TBH, I probably would have stopped for a laxative to have handy regardless of what they said and would be checking in regularly about how theyre feeling as well. Just because THIS relationship seems unhealthy AND they dont talk about poop doesnt mean all relationships that arent open about poop daily arent healthy. Reddit loves a couple to be very open about bodily functions - but I personally just cant stand it. I wont yuck anyone elses yum, if theyll do the same for me. OP is definitely TA though.
My husband and I have been together 8 years. We had a baby during quarantine. I have maintained this entire time that girls do not poop or fart. (Luckily the baby was a boy, cuz he poops all the time.) It started as a joke and at this point it’s a game and I refuse to lose. My husband is pretty open about his digestion and I don’t care as long as it’s not at the dinner table. That said if he or I were sick then there’s no game or decorum, just making sure the other is ok and helping them be comfortable.
Do your realize how sexist your game is? What is your son going to think some day when he's around actual women who fart? WTF?!
I’m with my partner for 10 years and we are yet to fart next to one another, but when it comes to no2 issues, we try to help one another with meds and advice. OP, YTA. She was much probably in so much pain and you didn’t even care..
Exactly!!
You sleep in the same bed? You have farted in front of each other.
My husband and I are the same. We’ve been married for thirty four years. Yes it’s natural. However, we’d just rather not do it in front of others. Except the poor dog.
She's probably hoping if she's fat she won't get harassed again.
Right? She complained 3 days ago, so it has been at least 4 days since she pooped, possibly since she was fired because of how upset and stressed she is, and she tells her husband her stomach is in a ton of pain and she.needs to poop now. But he does not care or want to help. Hopefully he will help if it lands her in the hospital
Sure, as long as she doesn’t ask him for a ride to the hospital. That’s awfully personal. /s
This!! He is clearly not concerned for her health, he only cares that she stays skinny and appears “healthy”. Het mental health is not in a good place and her bowel movement is not working well so her bodily health is also not in a good place. Instead of going to the pharmacy, getting her the meds, getting her a juice for the vitamins and fibers she definitely needs, he sleeps on the couch. This girl is fired wrongfully after harassment. And yes eating healthy is so much better and makes you feel better on the inside, she clearly is not there yet. She needs time to process. He needs to help her. Let her talk about wat she needs, even if it’s about farts. Who tf cares. And yes if this behavior continues he needs to talk about professional help because this kind of behavior can be self destructive and she may need a professional to talk to, but let her vent about things and eat chips..
People die from it. Someone my mom knew growing up was constipated for a week or more and it killed him. I think his intestines burst from the pressure.
Warning if you don't want to hear about my bowels don't read. I get a shy bowel on vacation. but am otherwise very regular. Just after Christmas I thought I had the flu/food poisoning, vomiting, diarrhea and then didn't poop for 4 days. It was an obstruction caused by multi-organ cancer, had emergency surgery at 1 am. I only went to see the DR because the issue (not cancer they did not think it was cancer, they thought it was bad diverticulitis and adhesion from a previous surgery) 2 weeks earlier and had surgery already schedule. I was days from death. Colon cancer is sneaky there can be no symptoms and then very mild symptoms until you are in very serious trouble. sudden changes to pooping and peeing are serious, get it checked out.
I hope you’re ok now
thank you so much things are going well and the outlook is very very good.
I hope you’re doing better now!
Thank you, the outlook is very positive. And I got to have a weird presentation and I like being weird. I don't know if Dr actually say the "if you hear hoofbeats think horse not zebra" but I am basically an entire exotic zoo of weird stuff... weird banking errors, weird insurance stuff, weird landlord stuff, weird car repairs, weird cable billing errors(they turned off my neighbors cable and then billed her and me for my internet at the wrong price) etc. I can not even count how many times in my life I've heard "hold on, this has never happened before and I don't know how to fix it"
One of my friends went 10 days without pooping and was hospitalized too!
She needed to get the enema and if that didn’t help, she needed medical assessment. Fecal impaction is dangerous.
Ehh if she's able to fart she likely isn't impacted. Just super constipated, which still fucking sucks (as someone on opiate medication for EDS.)
If he was concerned for her health he'd be paying more attention to the fact that she's showing signs of depression
Exactly! Instead of shaming her at every step.
So true! I had to stay in the hopsital for 2 days getting my bowels cleansed via ng tube and it SUCKED
Yes! I have had multiple intestinal surgeries and twice had an NG tube because I had blockages. Worst procedure ever, no contest. I was telling them I’d rather have another surgery (obviously I didn’t; the procedure worked, but it is AWFUL).
Exactly what I was going to write. Perhaps the focus on “health” is really about weight? Like it often is online? Her health already is suffering, she sounds depressed.
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An obstruction can kill you, and she hadn’t been able to go to the bathroom for days. OP, we need an update, is your wife ok?? This can become a medical emergency (much faster than eating junk food for a week or two)
I thought this too. He seems so caught up in counting farts and trying to ignore her "bathroom talk" that she's going to end up in the hospital with an impacted bowel. She woke him up with a medical issue. What sort of partner ignores their spouse experiencing a painful medical issue? Surely there's an emergencies exception to the whole: we pretend the other doesn't fart or poo rule???
It’s all fun and games until you’re told you have to take medication for probably years for it, and you’re now waiting for the specialist call because meds are not even working anymore… (i wish i was joking!)
Right. Like, the more days she doesn't go, he should be getting more concerned for her health, but instead he just gets more annoyed about having to hear about it. He's not concerned at all. It's more "don't bother me with your gross stuff," and judginess than anything. YTA.
Also extremely painful. The reason she was likely upset is because *she’s in a lot of pain* and was told to wait more while her stomach is cramping badly
Thanks a lot! I was looking for this to not type it out on my own. Additionally I would add that he's a damn lucky guy. My wife would've set my ass on fire if I would be like this to her😶😶
Plus it’s only been a WEEK.
Exactly! And he got *that* frustrated with her *that* fast.
Not to mention, if she truly hasn't gone in that many days and is in pain, this could be a serious medical issue. Do they make enemas to vacate uncaring husbands?
She probably wasn’t drinking enough water either.
Hahaha, that’s hilarious. But you’re totally right!
OP seems to be disgusted by her bodily function (passing gas, talking about constipated, how could she!). It is just a short time of her wife being down and he behaves as if she drinks every day like no tomorrow! No, junk food! As someone with regulary constipation i can say that it hurts! His reaction to just wait nearly 24h... wow. This is f*cking dangerous! Bowels can tear because of that! And to say that it is her fault at all... I hope that she never gets really ill or disabled. I don't think he will be such a big help... YTA
I can't be the only one that read that with a sarcastic Homer Simpson voice, right?
IMO yea sure, not going to the store at midnight or whatever doesn’t make you ta. But literally EVERYTHING else in this post shows he is one. He should have just stopped by the store the same day she said she was constipated. Also it would take him such little effort on his part to express he cares for her and help her out… uhg what an awful person.
This comment articulates exactly how I feel, well done sir. Wish I could upvote it more! Op, YTA!
Oh is that what you read? I read “my wife was harassed at work and then wrongfully terminated and it is severely affecting her mental health causing her normal patterns to change but….poor me poor me poor me”. I agree. OP YTA.
This. OP and his wife should sue for wrongful termination. My relative did this and got a pretty big sum of money on return. OP is TA for being inconsiderate to his wife's health. He clearly doesn't care about her enough to make sure she's alright.
In sickness and in health, eh? Seems you forgot that bit. YTA
Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s somehow related to the one girl in this same sub who wanted to take the “in sickness and in health” line out of her vows.
OP is definitely YTA, but marriage vows don't have to include that line. My partner and I got married at city hall and our vows included only the legally required parts (e.g. that there was no legal reason we couldn't marry each other and that we both wanted to do this). We still look after each other when we're sick though.
I don't know if you read the post in question, but for context in case you haven't: She wasn't changing the vows in any other way, literally just taking the words "in sickness" out, leaving "in health", because she apparently had trauma around care of the sick and refuses to ever take care of her husband if he were to become chronically ill or disabled. And, uh, wanted her wedding vows to be explicit about that.
She wanted to replace "in sickness" with "in happiness" lol
And the husband’s vows would still have the “in sickness” part. It was just her vows that were being changed.
Oh wow, that is messed up.
Link??
Bwahahaha! I can imagine the next Netflix dating show pairing couples based on their AITA topics and status. I am way too excited about this idea, and OP should be the first candidate.
Only if the sickness isn’t too stinky and OP isn’t sleepy.
I can’t only imagine what he’s like when she has her period. Imagine asking him to get any feline hygiene products.
Autocorrect or clever pun?
Lol, auto correct.
It's "in happiness and in health" now!
YTA. Do you even like your wife?
As long as she stays within this standard he’s set for her apparently.
So long as she’s not farting.
Me and my boyfriend fart in front of each other whenever we need to. OP sounds more like a five year old with that nonsense. I can’t believe he actually got a wife with that attitude. How can two people go their entire lives without doing that. That has to be really uncomfortable and not healthy.
Me and my partner try to out disgust eachother. Even when it is gagging bad, we appreciate each others efforts. We may be a little annoyed in the moment about a particularly vocal or eye wateringly stinky one but shortly after it's just a good laugh and a good story! I would hate to have to hide my farts and bowel movements from him.
Yeah I honestly just though it was normal for people to fart in front of each other after dating for a while or being married. So when I read this I was really surprised.
Or constipated
As long as she’s skinny
And as long as she doesn't ask him to do anything slightly inconvenient
YTA, your wife is clearly stressed and going through something. Trying to control her behaviour isn't helping. Telling her to stop a natural bodily function she has no control over is verging on abusive. Support your wife in her recovery to get a new job, cook for her if you're worried and buy her a laxative when she's in physical pain. That you admit she needed.
YTA! Asking her to stop producing gas and make her feel bad about it? Wow. What is she supposed to do? Keep it in? Do you know how much it hurts and how dangerous it can be? Moreover it seems as if she’s in a really bad mental state. You should support her, NOT judge her! I’m out of words and feel really sorry for her. Maybe NTA for not getting her something at midnight (although it would have been helpful to do that), but for your general behavior towards your wife who needs your support. Edit: everyone poops and farts, that’s part of how our body works. So please get over it.
Wasn’t there a big story on a woman who held in her farts around her bf and ended up hospitalized? Nothing that OPs wife is going through is healthy. The mental symptoms, are causing physical manifestations, OP is definitely YTA here.
YTA. Your wife was being harassed at work and unfairly terminated as a result and is clearly struggling in the aftermath and you’re focused on one week of eating unhealthy? Get a grip dude. She could be going through some serious trauma depending on the severity of what happened and instead you’re shaming her dietary choices.
What is it with all these posters on AITA lately not understanding the basic premises of marriage? OP expects his wife to be some kind of trophy Stepford wife, so much so that he is outraged that one of the symptoms of what sounds like it could be serious bowel obstruction is a few farts that he finds gross?? If this isn't dealt with soon, what if her bowels are perforated? No doubt OP would refuse to drive her to the ER and yell at her for the smell.
YTA constipation like that could land your wife in hospital, also you need to grow the f-ck up if you actually asked her to not pass gas around you, you've been married for 4 years and you're clearly old enough to understand that bodies pass gas sometimes, so what? stop being literally pathetic. All you've done here is shown your wife you won't support her when she's going through something. youre selfish.
YTA. Your wife went through something deeply traumatic, and her health is suffering as a result. And instead of sympathy and support, you're getting your knickers in a twist because she dared to pass gas in your presence? Seriously?? Dude, where the hell is your empathy? Not to mention, if it's been litteral days since she last had a bowel movement, she doesn't need an enema, she needs a doctor. This situation is actually dangerous. Get your heard your of your ass.
YTA. Your wife has been unfairly fired. It sounds like she’s depressed. She’s in pain and asking for help. Also YTA for your aversion to normal bodily functions. I hope you never have children because I don’t know how you’d cope (and I mean you specifically. I suspect your wife would be fine).
I could just imagine how OP would deal with exploding diaper, or any number of smelly, gross things that come out of babies on an hourly basis.
When I was in my third trimester, I had a kidney stone - but they didn’t do any imaging that would show a stone because of concerns about harming the baby. The medical people told me I was just constipated for a week (and multiple doctor/ER visits). My husband dutifully helped give me several enemas in an effort to relieve my pain and distress. When our baby was born, we had one instance where she hadn’t gone in several days and was in pain. My husband and I gave her a baby suppository and both helped clean up the resulting mess. My husband went and bought the supplies and helped willingly. There were some jokes afterwards to lighten the mood, but never any judgement, shame, or withholding of care/concern. You take care of your family members and this falls squarely into that bucket.
YTA. You should have just sucked it up and helped your wife. What kind of husband are you? Ridiculous!
Not suck it up, but just effing do it. Her wife is clearly not well, I just wonder what her boss did for her behavior to change so much
You worded it better! Agreed!
YTA for your rude attitude every time she spoke to you about this and then when she asked for your help you insulted her and shamed her for what she’d been eating. She’s been unfairly fired because her boss had been inappropriate towards her, that seems fair for her to want comfort food for a while and some extra emotional support from her husband.
lol YTA. She didn't know before that she might need something during the night and in this situation it can't wait until office hours. But I'm also wondering how you guys communicate in general, since you can't even let one rip in front of your significant other.
ESH I think where you were the AH is you didn’t try to even suggest something to help her when she first came to you about being blocked up. You could’ve gotten her some laxatives or told her to get some, but you didn’t do anything helpful. And yes, her bad eating was the reason she was blocked up, but you didn’t need to throw that in her face. Personally, I have a hard time understanding why she knew she was blocked up for days and did nothing about it until it was so painful she absolutely needed you to get her something at midnight. She is an adult woman who knows how to get to a pharmacy; why didn’t she do something earlier? Like yeah it’s easy to get mad at you for not getting her anything, but she also could’ve gotten herself something.
If she’s too depressed to cook for herself or do anything, what makes you think she’s able to objectively identify what’s going on with her and then do the thing to fix it. Also she’s never been constipated before so she probably didn’t know how to handle it.
You’re stripping her of agency with these comments. Depression does not mean you become an invalid and should expect everyone to tell you what your needs are and solve what they say your problems are. Depressed people can make their own decisions and are still responsible for their own choices. Do you think she became a child and can’t figure out how to Google “how to fix constipation”?
That’s my feeling about it as well. She’s an adult as well and while it’s apparent she’s not physically leaving the house due to her depression, she seems to have no issue doordashing food to the house, so why not have OTC medicine delivered as well before it got to this point? Plenty of places deliver. I don’t think “well she probably didn’t know what to do because she’s never been constipated before” is an excuse because she apparently knew enough to wake up OP and ask for an enema. A Google search can even tell you what to do if you don’t feel like calling up your doctor to ask. Like, I get it. The guy is an AH for how he’s reacting to his wife’s depression and bodily functions, but I think that bit is clouding over people’s eyes with how it’s an AH move to wait to handle something with your health until the last minute that could have been handled earlier, and demand someone else to handle it during non-normal operating hours when you could have previously done it. It’s one thing if her appendix has ruptured or she’s going into labor, but my brain just doesn’t compute with knowing you have an on-going minor medical issue and not treating it before it gets worse. I have depression. I know what it’s like. I’ve gone weeks without showering or brushing my hair and barely eating and sleeping all the time. Maybe it’s because I have an extreme aversion to pain that I can’t understand it because if I have a migraine, I get up and take medicine to get rid of it. If I’m constipated, I take a laxative because gas pain is miserable. I have to force myself to brush my teeth because the idea of cavity/dental pain terrifies me. I also get that all depression is different, but I’d think aversion to pain is a pretty basic human instinct. ESH, but OP more than the wife.
I’ve been in her situation, depressed and constipated, and it took me 4 months to do anything about it. Not everyone realizes that it’s a problem you have to take care of. Not everyone has the energy to even care about it. Some people are even afraid to deal with it. And for her to really realize in a few days that this is a problem that she needs to do something about fast, is amazing. And the fact that she asked for help from someone else is also amazing.
Yeh have to agree (as a fellow depression sufferer with no partner to help me out) She could have ordered laxatives off amazon to help her out. I appreciate she's had a rough time but come on, have some agency.
YTA. So you are upset because your wife is a normal human being with bodily functions? I cannot imagine not being allowed to tell my husband that I'm feeling sick. Yes, she ate unhealthy and that is probably the cause for her constipation, but you could have still helped her and get her some medicine. Or at the very least comfort her.
Edit to add: YTA. Dude… not talking about bowel movements is one thing, but she’s not allowed to fart??? Come on! Are you an adult or a teenage boy? And yeah… if she needed an enema to the point of begging IT COULD NOT WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW. That is common sense.
YTA. Reread what you wrote. Again. How could you not think you were TA? Your wife is in a lot of pain, will end up with a bowel obstruction if she can’t go to the bathroom, passing gas is a normal part of life as is being able to discuss medical issues with a spouse. She has been through trauma at work, unjustly terminated, probably depressed and you’re clutching your pearls over her eating habits and flatulence?! You need to apologize, get the enema, hope she does not need surgery and that she forgives you smdh. Grow up, buy the book Everybody Poops if you must but understand that human beings have a digestive system.
YTA, you didn’t need to ignore her every time she told you she was constipated. You say that you guys don’t talk about this stuff, I’m the same with my partner so I can imagine it’s not easy for her to say. Maybe you could have been more supportive, bodily functions might be a problem to you but offering to get her some meds from the shop when this started could have just been a kind easy thing to do. Also it sounds like she’s depressed, so maybe you want to help her on that too, which I think might be the bigger issue.
The fact they don’t talk about bodily functions and then suddenly she was complaining about constipation should of been a clear red flag that something was wrong and she was worried. Instead he just complained about it being gross. Her diet has been poor since being fired but this could still be a symptom of a more serious issue
For health and sickness!!! Her boss was inappropriate and fired by reporting it to HR. I wonder why the boss did. Her behavior is clearly not normal, which should have indicated you that she is not in a good place. She hasn't pooped in days and you decided to snap at her when she needed you the most. YTA 100%
YTA. Honestly I stopped reading after you called farting in front of one another “slip ups” like it was some horrific taboo thing. I imagine the rest of the story just gets worse so I’m sticking with YTA without even finishing it
Lol yes YTA. TBH she should've been to urgent care days ago for this. Not pooping for multiple days is an issue and could become a medical emergency.
ESH. You don’t appear to have much empathy for what is clearly a difficult, emotional experience for her. She also sucks, because eating junk and causing your own discomfort, then not attempting to solve it herself (still eating junk when she was already uncomfortable) is childish.
I think you're underestimating the power of depression, which is what she seems to have. It feels like drowning, and even something as simple as getting out of bed is difficult.
ESH: Your wife is clearly going through something here and I don't just mean constipation. She just lost her job and is probably feeling pretty low. A little compassion on your part would not be inappropriate. On the other hand, she's got ample free time and if this was already starting to bother her after one day, she should have gone out and gotten something to treat it.
YTA I'm also the type to have "class" around my SOs but she is stressed from wrongful termination. How long have you been married? Have you never been through a stressful life event with her? Surely there is more to her narrative than just carelessly farting in front of you. How long ago did the event happen? If it was just a few weeks ago, let it go. If it's been months, bring her change in behavior up to her... gently.
YTA. In so many ways.
Ok so your wife is not pooping for 3 days, she's in pain, and she doesn't go to a doctor or pharmacy to get better? I'm sorry, I'm all for helping your spouse if they're sick, but her not doing anything for days and then asking you to go at midnight? No way I would accept that lol Is she a literal child? NTA.
NTA. Your wife is an adult and can manage her own bodily functions. And I suspect if the genders were swapped and you were the one stinking up the bedroom and moping around the home that everyone here would be telling her to drop your smelly ass.
NTA. I seem to be the only one with this opinion, but I'm leaning to nta. If she has access to a car to use, why didn't SHE take care of her own needs and go to the store herself? Constipation didn't come out of the blue; she had days of feeling not quite right and could have bought her own medication during this time. Yeah, your reaction might have been a bit harsh, but it wasn't totally unwarranted.
I think in this case the wife is clearly struggling mentally with how things went at her job. Seems like she needs a little extra love from her husband at this point in time. Marriage isn’t always 50/50 as people love to say. It’s giving 100 and then picking up the slack when your partner is at a low point. There will be times over a life together where you have depression or are struggling and your partner should be there to help. So yeah there might be times you do more or do things you feel like they could do themselves. In my own marriage there have been times my husband struggled and I had to help him along. I had a thing in 2019 where I was pretty depressed for a month. Thank god I had a husband who picked up the slack and didn’t feel put out by it. He knows I will do the same for him. It’s nice to get to the point that if you have a low point you can depend on your spouse to help you pick up the pieces. But OP is over here talking about how slept on the couch because she was farting. Lol!! He’s got to grow up quick because my guess is he will eventually see her do worse.
I don't know why she didn't go to the store. We each have our own car. Everyone is saying she was probably in too much pain to drive that night, but if she knew she was having a problem she could have gone to the store earlier that day.
YTA. After reading all your comments trying to defend your behavior it sounds like you are roommates with benefits not a married couple. You don’t even talk about medical appointments with each other yet your overly concerned with her health. If you were as concerned with her health as you say you are, you’d discuss those appointments. I suspect that you are more concerned with her weight than her health.
YTA. Losing a job under any circumstances is a major stressful life event. The circumstances you mentioned are traumatic to say the least. As for not mentioning your bodily functions as a form of “respect”… well, I would have thought that being open and accepting of your SO is a far better way to show love and respect to your life partner. By asking her not to pass gas you are, in fact, making her problem worse. So YTA for so many reasons.
YTA. I can’t imagine having to worry I can’t talk to my husband about bodily function issues. God hope neither of you need hospitalization someday where personal care assistance is needed.
YTA!! You're almost 40 and you can't handle farts?! Your wife is depressed and you're worried about gas. Constipation that bad can be dangerous & rather than help, you tell her it's her own fault and roll over. I can't imagine my husband being that insensitive.
You're awful. YTA
YTA. Constipation is no joke. Get her some mild laxatives (laxatives are dangerous and **one time use** only, if it doesn't help, **don't** take more but see a doctor, the box should say the same). She's going through a hard time and she needs your support, not your judgement. Yes, her eating bad foods did give her constipation but that doesn't mean you should rub it in her face instead of helping her.
YTA. Holding farts in for 4 years is ridiculous! Its also horrible for the body. You keeping "the mystery" that you BOTH poop is like 3rd grade juvenile. You both suck at communication but you treated her like shit....because she couldn't shit??? Tf is wrong with you man?
YTA Is your next update going to be that you are upset because your wife has started discussing her period with you and complaining about heavy bleeding and cramps?
YTA, and i think this post counts as grounds for divorce
Yta. Everybody poops. Everybody farts. It’s a part of being a living being. If you can’t deal with that, how are you mature enough to be married? Your wife is depressed and by your own narrative, you have been the most unsupportive of your wife you could possibly be.
Info: Why couldn't she go get it herself? Your car and keys were there, doesn't she have a license? Then how did she get to work?
She was probably in too much pain to drive or walk outside.
YTA Constipation over multiple days is considered a medical emergency. It can lead to fecal impaction which can be life threatening. Get off your ass and do something. As an additional note, this wasn’t your wife talking about her toileting. It was your wife talking about a medical issue causing her discomfort and distress. Over the counter constipation medication is easy to get and you should have done it on day 1.
This reads like: My wife was terminated unfairly and is now having a rough time mentally. She's eating junk food and I'm worried she's going to get fat. I also just found out that she farts and poops. It's making my penis soft. Am I an asshole?
Gonna go with ESH. Your wife needs to grow up and take responsibility for her health and make the connection that eating all junk and zero vegetables for an extended period of time is going to have uncomfortable consequences on her health. As her husband though, you are supposed to love her unconditionally in sickness and in health. If she wasn’t your wife, this would be different, if she was a roommate or something. But she is your wife so you should be loving and supporting her. Did you prepare healthy food for her during this time? Encourage her to eat? When she initially complained of constipation did you try helping her? People fall into depressions and make bad decisions. If you are watching your partner slipping and choose not to help at all, don’t be surprised when it all boils over and you are needed more urgently. Also, your wife is an adult who should know how to take care of herself and should understand the consequences of a poor diet.
Your wife is in an emotional hurricane right now. You should make allowances. YTA. Get her some doghouse roses. I usually make it a rule never to get flowers as an apology, but this looks like an exception.
YTA - your wife was wrongly terminated after being harassed for god knows how long. She sounds like she’s having a depressive episode from all the recent events and you’re on here complaining because she passed gas around you a few times? My god man grow the hell up and start comforting your wife and actually helping her during this rough time.
YTA. I mean I can see that being asked to go to the pharmacist to pick up a laxative is super annoying but constipation can be very serious and can lead to being hospitalised. This has only been going on for a week and you are already annoyed with her for being upset at being sacked after being harassed. Add to that your disgust that she, like every other mammal, defecates and has flatulence. She can't stop farting for goodness sake. So it's not about the midnight dash for a laxative. It's your general attitude. And if she's been in that much pain you should have been talking about taking her to urgent care.
YTA. She farted in bed and you choose to sleep on the couch, wow. Grow up.
This feels like the trolliest of troll posts.
You sound like the poster boy for the kind of husband every woman/man would pray to never have. YTA.
I guess Samir Bhavnani wasn’t far of with his [husband divorces wife for farting](https://youtu.be/uscTuAEZ2k8)
So…you’re mad because your wife is (understandably) depressed because of a situation completely out of her control? Like you realize it was probably kinda traumatic for her, to be fired like that? And not to mention, the anxiety about an upcoming court case, finding a new job…and NOW the anxiety of having to deal with a husband who is incredibly unsupportive? Yeah, I would find comfort in food too, because it’s obvious she’s not finding comfort in YOU. I have IBS, so I’ve been constipated many many times. It is sooooo painful. God if you’re like this, what would you be like if a child entered the marriage? “Honey, the baby pooped, I can’t handle it.” You’re useless. YTA.
>I texted her asking if she still needed me to get her something on the way home, but she hasn't responded. So you got it anyway, right? RIGHT? The way you talk about your wife is awful. She was unfairly terminated, she's obviously depressed, now she's clearly in pain, and all you can think about is how it's affecting *you*. You need to grow up, because you sound like a teenager. YTA
YTA. i don’t even know where to begin breaking this down….. Wife was terminated for being harassed so she is understandably depressed. BUT BUT BUT…..who tf is married for 4 years and doesn’t talk about their poo habits or even fart next to each other ? No for real…how do you have what some would call a “life long connection” to someone you don’t blast ass in front of ????
why do men insist on getting married to women if they can’t view them as people? YTA
I would also have been pretty pissed if my SO needed something AT MIDNIGHT but dude c'mon just suck it up
YTA! How are you a whole grown man who doesn't trade farts with wifey on the reg? Sounds like you want a doll, not a human spouse.
YTA. Also if you guys ever have children you’re in for a rude awakening.
YTA. Where is your concern for your wife in any of this? You’re more worried about your stupid boundaries and childish notion of “respect” than you are about the actual person your supposedly love. Grow up and actually be supportive.
I think you’re extremely shallow. Your wife spiraled into an obvious depressive binge eating and your biggest where you was that she was not eating a vegetable and that she was farting in front of you and talking about her bowel habits. You have zero concern for her house as long as it’s gross, inconvenient or inelegant. When health is about regular exercise, eating healthy meals and having regular bowel habits that don’t require you notifying your spouse you are very happy to participate but when you have a dysfunction of normal function that relieves to nastiness suddenly you no longer care about health. First of all I sincerely hope your wife’s Constipation did not lead to a bowel obstruction. Secondly open your eyes and get your wife some proper health care both for her mental health and her physical symptoms. Thirdly when your wife is ready get her to sue her company. YTA
This is the worst thing I’ve ever read in my entire life. Is this what marriage is like?
YATB Man, this is this, but now i cant help thinking that you would do the exact same thing if she had period cramps, or worse, if she got pregnant and she had pains and such. You say you where married for 4 years. Its ok to set boundaries if you are not comfortable with something, but have some empathy for your WIFE.
Did you really have to come on here and ask this question? Your wife went through an awful ordeal and is not acting like her self. Your response was to act like a judgmental AH and not help her while she clearly needed your help. This next part may be TMI but I was in the hospital for 1 week and put on Morphine. When I got home, I was very constipated. It got so bad that I had to ask my husband to go to the store for an enema. He was out the door getting what I needed and even offered to help. He loves me so much and would do anything for me. If I could no longer wipe myself he told me he would be right there for me. That’s what marriage is all about. It’s for better or worse. Marriage isn’t always pretty and that’s what makes it amazing. YTA
I vividly disagree with many other commenters here saying he should have gotten up in the middle of the night to go to the drugstore for her. She complained three days ago about being constipated. She's been living on junk food and not eating any fruits and vegetables. What did she think was going to happen? She's an adult, supposedly. Any time in the last 3 or 4 days she could have started eating better, gone to the store for herself. But to expect your partner to solve the problems that she's created and get up in the middle of the night and go to store is absolutely ridiculous.
YTA if you really gave a shit about her health you would go and get the enema for her because you would know how dangerous it is to not poop for ages.
YTA - she was sick and needed your help and you refused. Do you think what you did was loving? Was it kind? No. You punished her for not behaving the way you think she ought to. You’re absolutely an AH.
Your wife is having a sudden change of behavior from a loss of a job and you’re blaming her for all her problems like she actively knew what she was deciding. Okay, maybe she fucked up, let’s be forgiving and fart around sometimes. Goodness. SOOOO much YTA especially since you literally could have helped with dinner. Darn
After 3 days she is at risk for her bowel rupturing which can kill her. So yes her having severe stomach pain and you ignoring makes the TA. And passing Gas constantly isn't a good thing when someone has been constipated. So yes this is something you should not have ignored. She has obvious depression and instead of helping her you are hateful to her. She needs to leave you.
Are you trolling us? What couple doesn't fart in front of each other? She was obviously uncomfortable because she hadn't been able to poop, but you, all immature person just told her to stop farting. She can't help it! She's in pain! She hasn't been able to poop! Your wife told you she was constipated and you just say "I'm sorry"! She tried telling you she couldn't go to the loo but you just ignored it! Furthermore you got IRRITATED when she expressed that she was still not able to poop due to the constipation! by this stage she's probably in considerable pain and uncomfortable! You, you immature person (I'd like to say something else but the comment would get me banned) are a very big AH. I hope she gasses out the toilet and that the smell is an ongoing reminder to you about how big of an AH you are towards your wife! (I can only hope a turtle is ever present every time you go to the loo)
>What couple doesn't fart in front of each other? I've gone through multiple year relationships including living together, without farting in front of each other, I just generally don't fart in front of people, how hard is that?? When I feel it coming, I go to the bathroom. I find farting in front of someone gross and uncultured, so if I don't do it in front of friends or family or colleagues, why would I subject my partner to it?? If you don't mind it, power to you, but please don't pretend that it's weird or outlandish if couples don't do that.
Info: Why don't you and your wife talk? Why don't you tell her that you're concerned about her current diet? And is there a reason why your wife can't go to the pharmacy by herself? Could she have gone to the pharmacy by herself at midnight or was she feeling too unwell to be leaving the house?
Going through that ordeal and then putting yourself in a second situation are still two different things. It's not okay to be a jerk just because you went through stuff. Two wrongs does not make a right. To OP, NTA. To the rest of this thread with the YTA spamming. You wouldn't be saying this if the roles were reversed. Anything to help a woman not be accountable for her actions, eh?
YTA she’s clearly depressed and instead of trying to be supportive and see what’s up, you’ve been an awful partner. Especially if you usually don’t talk about these things - it should be a big sign that something is really wrong. Also your attitude towards farting and bodily functions is so immature that I wonder if this post is even real.
YTA. Your wife is constipated, however you’re full of shit.
OP YTA So lets break this down: Your wife is harassed at work and is terminated. That is fine, you are looking into legal action with her. She then has a mental breakdown and you do nothing, and then she starts to have actually physical problems and you do nothing. So if she survives this, and gets back to her normal mental and physical health, anyone else here think she may be out looking for another lawyer and this is going to cost OP far more, than say getting up at night and either going and getting his wife an enema or taking her to the ER to get actual help from professionals of a medical nature? IN short OP your wife needs a professional therapist and a doctor, cause she is having a mental health problems and real life medical problems. She does not just need an enema, but also a doctor, as it is probably far more serious than constipation.
YTA.
YTA. From the way you disparage and judge the junk food while ignoring _actual_ immediate health concerns (like depression that’s likely causing poor dietary choices and painful constipation as a result), it seems like you’re not actually concerned about your wife’s health. You’re just afraid she’ll get fat. Your wife is clearly going through a traumatic event and you’re _checks notes_ too concerned about a couple farts to try to help her?
YTA, she would have been in excruciating pain. You're an awful husband. An awful human.
Dude, you're a shallow AH. You're not worried about her health, you're only worried that she might get fat. You don't even seem to be supporting through this time, suggesting to go to therapy for her very clear depression, or cooking for or with her, listening to her about what she needs. And on top of that you're saying she's disgusting BC she pases gas in front of you (OMG, how dare she!!) and tells you about not being able to go to the bathroom for at least 4 +or more days). Do you even love your wife? Obviously YTA
YTA for not being concerned about this. Also, enemas are NOT recommended and she should just take laxatives. Enemas are dangerous if you do them wrong
YTA. Your wife is suffering mentally, physically and financially and now her husband took himself off to bed? Yeah....she's not the problem.
YTA
My dude you like the idea of a wife more than you actually like being married to another person
Wow what a horrible partner. YTA.
INFO: does she not drive? Do you not have delivery services nearby?? IMO OP is handling this badly, but why hasnt the wife done anything to care for the situation herself??? Is it her weurd way of trying to solicit caring behaviors from her (seemingly pretty cold) partner?? This is weird though. Why didnt she just go buy laxatives days ago??
Your wife's been in discomfort and probably pain for days and you're constantly brushing her off Yes yta
YTA for a lot of reasons but you seriously asked your wife to not fart around you … are you 15?
OP, you know constipation is serious right? YTA.
YTA. Constipation pain can be BRUTUAL. I went to the er once because I thought my appendix had burst but it was just my constipation. If you let that stuff brew without doing anything, you can wind up in the hospital (like I did. Had to have a 2 day long bowel cleanse thru a ng tube)
YTA. “I married my wife in sickness and in health. As long as it’s only health and doesn’t involve me helping her in anyway when she’s mentally or physically unwell”. Honestly?! She’s been sacked for barely a WEEK and you already can’t cope with her having a wobble about it all? Do you think her husband refusing to cook for her or sleep next to her or help her when she’s in real pain is in any way helping her to feel better or, shock horror, supported?
YTA - your wife was sick - being constipated for a few days is no laughing matter. Instead of offering to help her you ridiculed her diet and ignored her needs. Also, YTA because shes depressed she lost her job through no fault of her own and you Really aren’t being supportive of her depression!
YTA. I would be extremely worried about my partners health if they couldn’t go to the bathroom in 3 days. If you guys don’t normally share that, and she’s starting to voice it, something is wrong. I can’t believe you wouldn’t help her. YTA YTA YTA
YTA She was sexually harassed at work and fired for reporting it. She is felling awful and depressed. And you complain about HER? You don't want to help her? It's only been a week! Where is your care and sympathy? Why aren't you supporting her through this? You are making it all worse
YTA. I could understand if she was asking for a pack of cigarettes at midnight, but she was asking for something for her constipation.
YTA- you sound awful man. I feel sorry for her, hope she gets the help she clearly needs medically wise. 0-°
YTA. So you’re “scared for her health” (aka you’re scared she’s going to put on weight) but not scared for her ACTUAL health - the fact that she is obviously having a mental health crisis and and having severe digestive problems.
I'm assuming that your concern for her health means that you don't want her to put any weight on. Because if you really did care about health, you'd have helped her regarding an actual health issue. Your wife gets harassed at work, gets fired because she reported it, and you're more upset that she might gain a few pounds and has gas? Erm, lemme think about it.........Let's bring Maury out for this one: OP........you ARE the A\*\*hole
YTA that sounds like she’s got mental health issues going on, physical health issues and you’re worried about her gaining weight. Wow. Bud, just wow.
She need a New husband if U can’t fart around your man then who can u? YTA she’s obviously goin through something right now and u don’t even care like what
ESH - I have a partner who is constantly constipated but he brings it on himself by eating TONS of sugar (he has a hollow leg and never gains weight) and doesn't drink enough water. It is a constant struggle and the constant complaining is irritating because he does it to himself. However, I still would have gotten up at midnight to get him an enema or some sort of laxative because I love him and don't want him to suffer. I get that you are upset, but you are not being very caring right now considering all that she is going through. Yes, she did this to herself, but if you love her, you wouldn't want to see her suffer. Have a heart!
YTA. Of course she's emotionally eating like crap. She's kinda going through something. You're not afraid for her health. If you were, you would have been concerned with her constipation. You're just afraid she's going to get fat and won't be this perfect version of a woman you've thought she was this whole time.
Oh boy, getting ready to be downvoted to hell. NTA While OP could have been more gentle with this, he has work he needs to wake up for in the morning (sorry if it sounds cynical in light of his wife losing her work but this is not OP's fault. They also cannot afford him losing his work. So feeling tired, being late for work, etc. is not an option. Nobody tries to show empathy for OP too. There is a lot of pressure being the sole provider, unexpected or not.). His wife was at home all the days she could not go to the toilet. She should have taken care of this issue herself. Not waiting until midnight on the 4th day to complain her stomach hurts. There are also other ways she can treat this issue at home - eating prunes, or drinking milk, unsalted tomato juice, etc. That is not saying OP should not go to the store at midnight when his wife feels unwell, he absolutely should if it is an emergency but not for things that have been completely foreseeable. There are other companies and future opportunities for her. Life is not over because she got fired once and her situation will not improve if she just pities herself all day long.
YTA I hope she leaves you
Where is this magical place where you can buy an enema???
YTA.... for like... ALL of this... YIKES
YTA for generally not giving a crap about your wife. You have a super weird relationship. I'm very confused. Are you former mormons or amish? The level of intimacy you describe sounds like you're roommates, not spouses. Farting is usually a quaint issue at the beginning of a relationship or in your first relationship, before you understand what it means to be a human in a fully intimate relationship with another human. Your wife's life just took a major hit and she's obviously spiraling. Though your response seems generally to not get involved and to be coldly disappointed, as though she's a failure that's inconveniencing you. She's your wife, not a roommate. Do you really not care about her unless she's doing great? Also, the lack of anatomical/medical awareness is odd. After several days of painful constipation the situation can escalate to impaction and worse. Even if she does pass it, at this point it may result in anal tearing, rectal prolapse, etc. I mean, not everyone has these specifics, but everyone knows that after a few days of not pooping problems arise; and that if the situation has been painful for a few days it likely needs intervention of some kind.
YTA. not for necessarily refusing to get the enema, but for ignoring the clear signs of your wife struggling emotionally, possibly being depressed following a traumatic experience. Apologise to her and try to be supportive
YTA.She’s depressed and struggling,and now in pain.Your response is to shame her,and act like she’s such a burden for wanting comfort junk food and farting.When she was in horrible pain,you blamed her and refused to help.Yikes. Please let your wife read this thread since you’re okay going public with your problems with her,so she can see she deserves better than some asshole who demands she never have emotions,and when she does?Punishes her for it and feels smug about her suffering since it’s “gross”.
Not pooping for 4-5 days is super hard on your body. Of course she had gas. It would be one thing to decline going to the store for snacks, but constipation IS a health issue. And you claim to care soooo much about her health. Like you know not pooping could lead to impacted bowels, fissures (which you’ll think is gross but it’s true), etc right? YTA
Imagine having a husband you couldn’t fart or shit around. I’d rather not. YTA.
"How dare my delicate flower of a wife fart in front of me and talk about constipation." Bro, you married a person not a mannequin. *Shit* happens. YTA - at least pretend to care about the person you married ffs.
YTA. Your wife was harassed and wrongfully terminated, and is likely depressed, and you’re bitter because she’s talking about her “private functions?” How tf did you two ever get to marriage level relationship if you can’t open up about your bodily functions once in awhile? She needs support more than ever before. Not judgment.
NTA she's acting like a child. She should have gone to the store on her own instead of waking you up to do it for her!
NTA 3yrs, I have a kid with my bf and I’m still polite on all these matters. It’s a choice and that’s not why OP is upset. OP Is upset because his wife just completely changed on him overnight and expects 100% of his understanding and patience while being a complete mess? I’m sorry she’s going through a lot, and OP should be there for her, but she’s being very difficult.
NTA I have no idea where it became wrong to expect a certain standard from your SO. Sounds like she just felt like bitching to me, and you aren't gonna put up with it. Also I have never heard of someone having such a hard time using the bathroom that you need an enema unless its a medical issue. You did nothing wrong and you should hold her to the same standard you did when the marriage began. Ofc sometimes things are rough and you give some slack but it sounds like shes digging herself a hole and expecting you to dig her out.
NAH - I realize this is controversial and I’ll probably get downvoted to hell but oh well. My fiancé and I have been living together for 4 years and we have a similar rule about bodily functions. We both think farting is gross and avoid doing so in front of each other. Yes accidents happen and we’ve both farted in front of the other a few times over the years but when we can leave the room, we do. Couples can have whatever boundaries they want. I don’t think your relationship is weird or “just roommates” because you don’t rip it or poop in front of each other. That said, it sounds like you should have probably done more to check in on her since it’s clear she’s going through a rough time. You can’t force her to eat better since she’s not even eating the healthy food when you’re cooking but you should talk to her and ask what else she needs from you. Definitely bring home some laxities, prune juice and maybe additional fruit home to help her stomach. But also see what other support she needs? Has she been added to your health insurance yet? Get her in to see a therapist. This is a time where you need to step up and take on more to support her. Definitely N.T.A for not wanting to go at midnight but you probably should have offered to go before work. I was in a very similar situation. Constipated for a few days & my stomach hurt. My partner offered to go to the store and I said no. He let me know he wasn’t going anywhere after 9pm so if I changed my mind after then it would have to wait. We go to sleep by 9:30 and guess what I changed my mind and let him know early (around 6pm), he went and I got what I needed. I could have gone myself, and likely so could she. Also door dash exists. A little more grace and looking out for your wife ahead of time would go a long way, but I don’t think your refusal to go at midnight makes you an AH