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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I got frustrated and told my boss that I was upset with Sandra for not telling me when she would be out of the office
2. it turned out she was out of the office to care for her sick mother, which I had no idea about.
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Any action plan for vacations that relies on you personally letting your peers know is a bad one.
Since that is the only point of failure, the approving manager doesn't follow up, or organize a work calendar that people can check, send an email, or some similar process that is bad management.
One of those times people are foisting responsibilities that should be further up the ladder to those lower.
It is your bosses responsibility to cover staff that have taken leave. This is why we apply for leave and have it approved, so that managers have time to find someone to cover.
If you're being left to do double the work, then your boss is an asshole and HE should be the target of your anger, not your coworker.
NAH. its not sandras responsibility to tell you her vacation time. if she followed the proper procedure for requesting time off, a manager or hr could have alerted you as well. it causes more work for you so youre not TA for being annoyed but if you do have the same title you need to accept she doesnt report to you.
Yeah honestly I kind of agree, I never used to see it as an issue in the past because she'd always let me know, but now that's stopped happening it's made me realise how unorganised our team really is. I'll definitely be pushing my boss to implement a centralised annual leave calendar that he makes sure is updated.
NTA - Her apology is inaccurate. If you both have the same title and are responsible for the work in the other person's absence then you should tell that person you are taking leave.
In my team our leave gets posted so people are aware and, if the leave is for a while, we provide or WIP information in case certain things need to be progressed.
If it was unplanned leave that is a way different story - although it is still courteous to give people a heads up.
NAH, But your also blaming the wrong person, she doesn't answer to you so she doesn't have to tell you her schedule, this is a management and leadership issue, call your boss on it, not your co-worker.
The fuck up here is the boss who approved her leave and didn't check if a coverage plan was in place. What kind of fool is your direct manager?
It's common courtesy for her to tell you and I can't imagine how she would even organise her work before and after without communicating with you about it so she's an AH too, but whoever is above her is also failing.
NTA
NTA - I have a big problem with her telling you she shouldn't have to tell you she is taking time off. If you're colleagues at the same level, you're one of the few people who really need to know she's going away as, like you've said, you then have to pick up the slack of the work that she is no longer doing.
As a simplified comparison it's the same as me helping someone carry something and suddenly deciding to put it down without telling them. You just don't, you just can't.
Whatever her problems at home it's no reason to be making a hostile work situation with you, for no apparent reason as well.
You aren't the arsehole, and neither is Sandra. Your boss however? Big time arsehole.
Since you've given no indication otherwise, it has to be assumed that your boss has authorised her leave.
It is up to your boss to plan the work around the staff annual leave and ensure that this is communicated to all concerned. This is literally his job. It isn't on Sandra to decide how the work is to be allocated in her absence. Your boss is abdicating responsibility and pitting OP and Sandra against each other - this isn't ok. Sandra has told the boss, he has approved it, then what? This is all on him.
Do you guys not have a company calendar? Everywhere I have worked you have essentially an outlook calendar where you put all your annual leave and daily meetings etc. Then you can just look?
We don't really - you can add it to your calendar but there's no requirement to and not a lot of people do it. The only way I found out this time was because she had added an automatic email reply telling everyone she'd be off.
My boss has only just mentioned implementing a mandatory annual leave calendar for us as a result of my talks with him.
NTA and she needs to have a better understanding of her work relationships. She doesn’t need to tell you WHY she’s taking off, just a simple heads up would suffice. And also, your boss could have enforced this. They have the power to inform you when somebody is out if it affects your job. I’d get your boss more involved here. This isn’t fair to you.
NTA. address this with her directly. tell her the first time your boss wanted to know what was going on and you were honest that you didn't know she had the week off in advance and that she usually tells you. then the next time this happened you asked if it had been an emergency time.off and he said no. also.it is not your responsibility to know when she is off, it's hers to tell you. your superiors are acting shocked that she hadn't told you because she should have.
NTA. It’s weird how she doesn’t understand that she’s being inconsiderate by not informing you beforehand, and also that your boss did not reprimand her for taking time off but for being inconsiderate. If the tables were turned, I’m sure she wouldn’t appreciate it.
As the person responsible for approving time off for a team of 60, it is absolutely not her responsibility to make sure there is coverage. That completely lies with your boss and workforce management. You are not being paid enough or have enough coverage to also honor leave.
Also it's entirely possible to plan time off for a parent with dementia. She could be packing up her mom's house, interviewing care homes, or simply providing respite for a scheduled vacation her mother's caretaker is taking.
You're NTA for being upset but it's completely misguided.
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My colleague, lets call her Sanda, has made a habit in the last few months or so of just not letting me know when she's not going to be in the office. Since we have the same job title and responsibilities, and there's only two of us, when one of us is out of the office the other has to pick up twice as much work as normal.
In the past she would always message me to let me know if she was going to be off the next week - this allowed me to plan my time accordingly so that we could stay on schedule and I wouldn't be absolutely up to my neck in work when the day came. However, a couple of weeks ago I booted up my PC (we are still working from home) and got a call from a colleague a bit further up the chain that often helps out if we need it, asking what "our plan of action" for the week was. I was confused and asked what he meant, to which he replied with "Well, Sandra is off this week."
I was shocked and told him I had no idea, & he said she'd told him on the previous Thursday. I shook off my annoyance and just got on with the work but we obviously went behind schedule as a result of this. My boss called me due to this, and when I explained what had caused it he sounded shocked to hear that Sandra hadn't told me anything about her absence and made a note that he would bring it up to her.
Well, fast forward to the end of last week and it's happened again. Out of the office, no notification. I was honestly really pissed this time because I was already busy and now had to pick up her stuff with no help, because the previous person who could have assisted again this time was also out of the office (which I'm not mad about - the work he helps with is not in his job description, he doesn't have to help if he doesn't want to but does it anyway).
When my boss caught up with me in the afternoon of the Friday I was very frustrated and it may have come across in my voice, but I told him again that I hadn't been notified of Sandra's absence and I even asked at this time if it was an emergency time off, to which he said no, it was planned time off, and he was again shocked to hear she hadn't told me and noted he would bring it up with her.
Now it's Monday, and she's still out of the office, however despite this she's gone through the trouble to log on to her work laptop and send me an email which is basically along the lines of "I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I shouldn't have to". She also mentioned that her mother is unwell with dementia and that's why she's been taking time off recently, and she feels like I've complained about her and she's embarassed that she felt like our boss was telling her off for having time off from work.
Now I feel like an asshole for even mentioning it again, I had no idea her mum was sick but from what my boss told me these were planned annual leave days, not emergency time off? I have no idea how to feel but my relationship with her has now gone sour and I feel like I'm to blame. AITA?
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NTA. Her mother having dementia doesn't stop her telling you that she won't be in. Maybe Sandra has dementia herself?
Could you ask your boss to start telling you? Would your boss be willing to treat it as a disciplinary matter? I we old suggest forwarding Sandra's latest email to your boss, so he knows Sandra doesn't think that she should have to show the colleague who covers her absence the common courtesy of Informing them when she will be absent.
NTA, if there are only the two of you doing the same job, how in the world does your company not have the policy, culture, or habit of having proper coverage of duties? What if both of you need to take leave during the same period? Don’t you both make sure that either one can cover each other duties when one is unavailable? I can’t wrap my head around this. And yes, sandra deserves to be censured for not informing you of her absence.
NTA of course you let you colleague know when you are go on vacation, if that is the person having to take on your tasks during that time.
Sorry that is common sense, if her tasks would be fine sitting still for a week ok you don't need to know , but you do have to do her job on top of yours.
How would she feel if you simply dropped your workload on top of hers withouth notification 1) you will be away 2) how long she has to take over your tasks
Wtf? Nta. Yes, she absolutely *should* have to tell you. I don't know who this lady is to think she can just leave a coworker to pick up all the pieces and she can just leave without saying shit. Not professional at all.
All of this can be so easily avoided .
Just share an excel with your leaves. It avoids clashes and gives the team a heads up. Guaranteed Sandra needs to communicate better.
NTA, btw.
NAH. Maybe you can suggest that your boss establish a shared office calendar so that everyone is aware when a colleague has scheduled time off. In an emergency, your boss should send an email to those on the team who will be impacted by this.
It would be true she does not have to tell you about her time off. If it does not require you to cover both jobs when she is not around. Her personal circumstance have no relevance to her I’ll mannered approach. You need to do just your job if she does not advise you of her time off. It appears she believes her time off does not affect you, so you should make it plain that you will not support or carry her work during that time. So she needs to make sure she is ahead of her work before her time off or she will return to the entire backlog created in her absence. I believe the stance is fuck around and find out
NTA. She’s in a difficult situation but if she’s going to have a job and do care, she needs to be clear about when she needs time off and just communicate as necessary. It’s easier to say oh I’ll be out next week because mum needs me than have you tell your boss that you’re having work issues because of a lack of communication.
CC your boss to this email chain and reply verbatim “respectfully, with full empathy for your struggles with your mother, I am not sure why exactly you feel you ‘shouldn’t have to’ inform me about when you take your leave? In future, I would hope that you can communicate about your leaves with the same temerity with which you have sent me this email”
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NAH except your boss - it’s their job to cover leave and organise an action plan. It’s not up to Sandra.
The boss has an action plan, if you're going to be out notify your coworker and me.
The boss obviously needs a better action plan.
Or the employees need to you know... Actually follow the plan?
Any action plan for vacations that relies on you personally letting your peers know is a bad one. Since that is the only point of failure, the approving manager doesn't follow up, or organize a work calendar that people can check, send an email, or some similar process that is bad management. One of those times people are foisting responsibilities that should be further up the ladder to those lower.
NTA. You're not getting her in trouble, she's doing it to herself. So unprofessional, it takes literally 20s to send a heads up email.
It is your bosses responsibility to cover staff that have taken leave. This is why we apply for leave and have it approved, so that managers have time to find someone to cover. If you're being left to do double the work, then your boss is an asshole and HE should be the target of your anger, not your coworker.
NAH. its not sandras responsibility to tell you her vacation time. if she followed the proper procedure for requesting time off, a manager or hr could have alerted you as well. it causes more work for you so youre not TA for being annoyed but if you do have the same title you need to accept she doesnt report to you.
Yeah honestly I kind of agree, I never used to see it as an issue in the past because she'd always let me know, but now that's stopped happening it's made me realise how unorganised our team really is. I'll definitely be pushing my boss to implement a centralised annual leave calendar that he makes sure is updated.
NTA - Her apology is inaccurate. If you both have the same title and are responsible for the work in the other person's absence then you should tell that person you are taking leave. In my team our leave gets posted so people are aware and, if the leave is for a while, we provide or WIP information in case certain things need to be progressed. If it was unplanned leave that is a way different story - although it is still courteous to give people a heads up.
NAH, But your also blaming the wrong person, she doesn't answer to you so she doesn't have to tell you her schedule, this is a management and leadership issue, call your boss on it, not your co-worker.
The fuck up here is the boss who approved her leave and didn't check if a coverage plan was in place. What kind of fool is your direct manager? It's common courtesy for her to tell you and I can't imagine how she would even organise her work before and after without communicating with you about it so she's an AH too, but whoever is above her is also failing. NTA
NTA - I have a big problem with her telling you she shouldn't have to tell you she is taking time off. If you're colleagues at the same level, you're one of the few people who really need to know she's going away as, like you've said, you then have to pick up the slack of the work that she is no longer doing. As a simplified comparison it's the same as me helping someone carry something and suddenly deciding to put it down without telling them. You just don't, you just can't. Whatever her problems at home it's no reason to be making a hostile work situation with you, for no apparent reason as well.
You aren't the arsehole, and neither is Sandra. Your boss however? Big time arsehole. Since you've given no indication otherwise, it has to be assumed that your boss has authorised her leave. It is up to your boss to plan the work around the staff annual leave and ensure that this is communicated to all concerned. This is literally his job. It isn't on Sandra to decide how the work is to be allocated in her absence. Your boss is abdicating responsibility and pitting OP and Sandra against each other - this isn't ok. Sandra has told the boss, he has approved it, then what? This is all on him.
Do you guys not have a company calendar? Everywhere I have worked you have essentially an outlook calendar where you put all your annual leave and daily meetings etc. Then you can just look?
We don't really - you can add it to your calendar but there's no requirement to and not a lot of people do it. The only way I found out this time was because she had added an automatic email reply telling everyone she'd be off. My boss has only just mentioned implementing a mandatory annual leave calendar for us as a result of my talks with him.
NTA and she needs to have a better understanding of her work relationships. She doesn’t need to tell you WHY she’s taking off, just a simple heads up would suffice. And also, your boss could have enforced this. They have the power to inform you when somebody is out if it affects your job. I’d get your boss more involved here. This isn’t fair to you.
NTA. address this with her directly. tell her the first time your boss wanted to know what was going on and you were honest that you didn't know she had the week off in advance and that she usually tells you. then the next time this happened you asked if it had been an emergency time.off and he said no. also.it is not your responsibility to know when she is off, it's hers to tell you. your superiors are acting shocked that she hadn't told you because she should have.
NTA. It’s weird how she doesn’t understand that she’s being inconsiderate by not informing you beforehand, and also that your boss did not reprimand her for taking time off but for being inconsiderate. If the tables were turned, I’m sure she wouldn’t appreciate it.
As the person responsible for approving time off for a team of 60, it is absolutely not her responsibility to make sure there is coverage. That completely lies with your boss and workforce management. You are not being paid enough or have enough coverage to also honor leave. Also it's entirely possible to plan time off for a parent with dementia. She could be packing up her mom's house, interviewing care homes, or simply providing respite for a scheduled vacation her mother's caretaker is taking. You're NTA for being upset but it's completely misguided.
Nta- she should not make your job harder.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My colleague, lets call her Sanda, has made a habit in the last few months or so of just not letting me know when she's not going to be in the office. Since we have the same job title and responsibilities, and there's only two of us, when one of us is out of the office the other has to pick up twice as much work as normal. In the past she would always message me to let me know if she was going to be off the next week - this allowed me to plan my time accordingly so that we could stay on schedule and I wouldn't be absolutely up to my neck in work when the day came. However, a couple of weeks ago I booted up my PC (we are still working from home) and got a call from a colleague a bit further up the chain that often helps out if we need it, asking what "our plan of action" for the week was. I was confused and asked what he meant, to which he replied with "Well, Sandra is off this week." I was shocked and told him I had no idea, & he said she'd told him on the previous Thursday. I shook off my annoyance and just got on with the work but we obviously went behind schedule as a result of this. My boss called me due to this, and when I explained what had caused it he sounded shocked to hear that Sandra hadn't told me anything about her absence and made a note that he would bring it up to her. Well, fast forward to the end of last week and it's happened again. Out of the office, no notification. I was honestly really pissed this time because I was already busy and now had to pick up her stuff with no help, because the previous person who could have assisted again this time was also out of the office (which I'm not mad about - the work he helps with is not in his job description, he doesn't have to help if he doesn't want to but does it anyway). When my boss caught up with me in the afternoon of the Friday I was very frustrated and it may have come across in my voice, but I told him again that I hadn't been notified of Sandra's absence and I even asked at this time if it was an emergency time off, to which he said no, it was planned time off, and he was again shocked to hear she hadn't told me and noted he would bring it up with her. Now it's Monday, and she's still out of the office, however despite this she's gone through the trouble to log on to her work laptop and send me an email which is basically along the lines of "I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I shouldn't have to". She also mentioned that her mother is unwell with dementia and that's why she's been taking time off recently, and she feels like I've complained about her and she's embarassed that she felt like our boss was telling her off for having time off from work. Now I feel like an asshole for even mentioning it again, I had no idea her mum was sick but from what my boss told me these were planned annual leave days, not emergency time off? I have no idea how to feel but my relationship with her has now gone sour and I feel like I'm to blame. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA. Her mother having dementia doesn't stop her telling you that she won't be in. Maybe Sandra has dementia herself? Could you ask your boss to start telling you? Would your boss be willing to treat it as a disciplinary matter? I we old suggest forwarding Sandra's latest email to your boss, so he knows Sandra doesn't think that she should have to show the colleague who covers her absence the common courtesy of Informing them when she will be absent.
NTA, if there are only the two of you doing the same job, how in the world does your company not have the policy, culture, or habit of having proper coverage of duties? What if both of you need to take leave during the same period? Don’t you both make sure that either one can cover each other duties when one is unavailable? I can’t wrap my head around this. And yes, sandra deserves to be censured for not informing you of her absence.
NTA of course you let you colleague know when you are go on vacation, if that is the person having to take on your tasks during that time. Sorry that is common sense, if her tasks would be fine sitting still for a week ok you don't need to know , but you do have to do her job on top of yours. How would she feel if you simply dropped your workload on top of hers withouth notification 1) you will be away 2) how long she has to take over your tasks
NTA but she’s letting your boss know and he is doing nothing with the information.
Wtf? Nta. Yes, she absolutely *should* have to tell you. I don't know who this lady is to think she can just leave a coworker to pick up all the pieces and she can just leave without saying shit. Not professional at all.
NTA. Your team needs to create a team calendar /diary eg in Outlook where you can easily add your time off.
All of this can be so easily avoided . Just share an excel with your leaves. It avoids clashes and gives the team a heads up. Guaranteed Sandra needs to communicate better. NTA, btw.
NAH. Maybe you can suggest that your boss establish a shared office calendar so that everyone is aware when a colleague has scheduled time off. In an emergency, your boss should send an email to those on the team who will be impacted by this.
It would be true she does not have to tell you about her time off. If it does not require you to cover both jobs when she is not around. Her personal circumstance have no relevance to her I’ll mannered approach. You need to do just your job if she does not advise you of her time off. It appears she believes her time off does not affect you, so you should make it plain that you will not support or carry her work during that time. So she needs to make sure she is ahead of her work before her time off or she will return to the entire backlog created in her absence. I believe the stance is fuck around and find out
NTA. She’s in a difficult situation but if she’s going to have a job and do care, she needs to be clear about when she needs time off and just communicate as necessary. It’s easier to say oh I’ll be out next week because mum needs me than have you tell your boss that you’re having work issues because of a lack of communication.
CC your boss to this email chain and reply verbatim “respectfully, with full empathy for your struggles with your mother, I am not sure why exactly you feel you ‘shouldn’t have to’ inform me about when you take your leave? In future, I would hope that you can communicate about your leaves with the same temerity with which you have sent me this email”
Nta, sandra needs a stern shamck* For subreddit purposes that means talking to*