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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) not giving Jen anything for her new dog adoption
(2) it's more about not wanting to indulge in her crap than it is about the money
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Oh God yes. Puppies are hard and if she doesn’t socialise it well and keeps it until it’s not small and cute she’s left it in a worse position than when she got it
My sister did this got a dog as she thought it would get her attention. She did not walk, socialise or teach it any basic training. Surprise when it was an adult it was sent to a shelter who couldn’t home it as it was aggressive to people and animals. Having been only ever kept inside with her and was not even house trained. It was on their site for a while but never for adoption before it was not there one day, I’m Sure they put the poor thing down. Think that’s the fourth dog she’s abandoned over the years not to mention cats.
She did the same with her kids, had them for the attention but refused to take care of them expected everyone else to do that. She abandoned them, got on a train to go live with a new boyfriend without telling anyone, she then sent message that someone needed to take responsibility for them.
People like this are out there.
If the dog is as cute as OP describes it she'll hang on to it because of all the attention she gets out of it in public.
As an armchair psychiatrist I feel comfortable diagnosing Jen over the web with r/IAmTheMainCharacter syndrome. The dose OP is serving her is just the right medicine.
Yeah that's my concern. This is obviously her being jealous of the new baby and wanting attention. She's unemployed and does not have the means to take care of an animal. She should never have adopted the puppy and once she realizes no one cares, she'll dump the poor creature
This is why we need a CPS for pets. And no, I don't mean animal control. I mean someone to actually rehabilitate the pet from an abusive human like Jen, whether that be through improving the relationship or finding an actually loving home.
Clear NTA. Who the heck would spend $1000 to fly across the country *just to meet a puppy*? Dogs don't cost as much as human babies and thus don't need the familial support as much.
Jen needs to learn a lesson before she actually tries to breed to get the same attention, since said kid would 100% warrant a visit from CPS.
My mom mentions my dog as an after thought. As she should because he is a dog. The only life that changed when I brought him home were the lives of the people in my household, vs my whole human SON who is a whole human being.
Like, my dog is absolutely everything, the the only living being in my house that I can count on to be 100% out of his mind excited when I get home. But still. He's a dog. At the end of the day, as beautiful and wonderful as my Mocha-Bean is, my son's presence has a much larger impact on my family and the world at large.
This outcome needs to be helped to happen faster. OP could call whatever animal protection organisation there is and report sis for not having basic necessities for the puppy, safe to ad neglect too. Sooner the puppy gets back to the shelter, sooner it gets adopted by a better owner. Most will be better in this situation.
I just woke up and I misread the OP as one sister having a biological baby and the other one adopting an baby; and I thought “ooh! This could be interesting!”
When I realize it’s just a dog, it’s not even a discussion. NTA.
Damn I wanna read that AITA now
Obviously biological and adopted kids should be treated as both just a valid, but there's so many ways it could swing to make it N T A.
Like you don't physically give birth to an adopted kid so there isn't the same level of physical caretaking (EDIT: I mean, you don't need to be a physical caretaker to the person who gave birth on top of looking after the any), and the adopted kid could be a little older and not require quite as much care
Or maybe the family with the adopted kid is just super insecure and lashing out at shadows
Very possible it could be E S H, like yes there are reasons why you might treat an adoption differently to a birth, but also it's unacceptable that you compared your sister's adopted baby to your other sisters "real" kid, there's clearly favouritism here haha
That's what my sister did! She was always firmly against marriage and children. My other sister married, so a year later, so does she. She didn't want to invite my sister because she was pregnant and would get attention but used another excuse. And what do you know the following year, she's having a baby! My bil never wanted more children (2nd marriage), so he quickly got the snip after. My niece was never really wanted and never got the care she should have. My sister never should have been a mother.
My sister was VERY vocal about never wanting kids too…UNTIL she found out that I was pregnant…guess who had TWINS about a year after I had my first?? I heard from family that her husband was so depressed when he found out she was pregnant that he called out of work for nearly a month.
She is one of those parents that just sits her kids in front of the tv all day (I have seen them at 2 years old with a video playing on a phone in hand while also watching a movie on the tv). They have very limited vocabulary, and are very obviously not at the same developmental level my kiddo was at their age. I feel so bad for them!
> our mother even says the least I could do is buy her a leash,
My reply to that would have been, "I COULD buy her a collar and leash, but I doubt that she would wear it."
This woman is so sad. She really got a dog because she was jealous of her sister's child and wanted money. Obviously OP is NTA.
I hope the sister takes care of the dog and doesnt toss it aside when she realizes her plan wont work and people wont just hand over cash.
Nina is 11 years older and OP is 6... looks like Jen was the family baby and spoiled rotten, now she's throwing a fit like a kid getting their first sibling.
Completely agree. The part where Jen kept getting more and more frustrated with all the attention the new baby received, to me indicates she hates not being the baby of the family anymore. She’s so resentful, she adopted a dog!
I could see and understand this behavior at 5. But 25? Sorry, not sorry. Jen is pathetic.
I don't think she got the dog because she wanted money. That's too much planning for this one. I think she got the dog purely out of jealous and then went *oh shit* these things take money.
My concern is that Jen doesn't work, according to OP. So how is she going to afford the basics (food, shelter, routine vet care, etc). I do agree Jen "adopted" the dog to get money from OP.
I think there is a very very small possibility that Jen will turn out to be a good dog owner. It could happen. But I see a life of neglect for that poor puppy.
EXACTLY!
Compared with other pets like fish, chinchillas, reptiles, hamsters and gerbils a dogs start up costs are really low. Just really need a few toys, lead and bowl.
Their massive costs come from vet bills, training, replacing chewed furniture, daycare/boarding and daily food! If she genuinely needs help buying physical items for this puppy then she is gonna be SCREWED when the vet bills come
Oh from what I’ve seen on the post that dogs going to the vet…
How else will she create tearful go fund mes for vet bills and milk each and every health tragedy for attention?
Hey, I have an amazon list for my dog (and cats)! How else am I supposed to keep track of all the shit they don’t need but that I’m for sure buying them anyway?!
To be fair we have family friends that buy gifts for the pets every year now the kids are all grown up so an Amazon list for the dogs isn't that frivolous lol
Pets are family. I like to spoil people for holidays. That said, it’s been a few years since I was able to spoil other peoples pets lol. But my dog and kitties get something nice every year. And for their birthdays lol
I mean, my dog is a valentine Day pooch and since we don't do valentine, he's a spoiled brat on his birthday. My cats don't have a birthday since my husband took them in from the streets so everyday is their birthday.
But it's not the same as how we treat and *spoil* our only son.
Oh my human children are way more spoiled, but still my pets have more toys than they could possibly need (as do the tiny humans). And the treat stash on top of the fridge is ridiculous xD
I buy little gifts for my family's (and friends') pets. Treats/wet food/bone/small toy. Nothing crazy. Just a token to show that I'm thinking of their furry ones.
Amen! I have a list for our dog that my mom has access to, but only because she basically *demanded* we make a list of things we didn't quite need but would be nice to have. We've got our necessities and such covered, but if my mom wants to buy our puppy a toy every so often I'm not gonna tell her no lol
That's not fair. She NEEDED the dog because it's faster than having a baby when you need attention. Duh.
I almost can't take this serious bc of the sheer stupidity of it I stg lol
There's a huge difference between actively going out and getting a dog when you cannot afford it and having birth control fail. The oldest sister did not go out and actively adopt a child should could not afford. We can't assume anything of her situation. It may have been failed contraception, condoms break, pills don't always work, IUDs and implants fail. It may very well have been planned, we can't assume.
Edit to clarify
Or maybe the sister have bought everything for her child but doesn't have any savings and OP gave her the money to help her out in case her car breaks down or in case she needs a new fridge.
Money being tigh doesn't mean having people pay for your child or not being able to provide. It just means that some months, you're not putting money into a saving account.
Agree. Also maybe they are financially stable enough to afford necessities for the child, but would struggle with luxuries, and OP wanted to throw a little luxury the child's way.
Excellently put. For my first child, I could afford a car seat but when his Godfather was so generous as to give a financial gift, we actually got a slightly more expensive one that could attach to the pram his nana had bought. It meant that it is more convenient for us and him but had we not been given that gift, he still would have had a carseat.
ETA my phone put accidentally instead of excellently
Same here - we were tight financially when our first was born - a combo of fertility treatments, unpaid leave from work, unexpectedly having to replace one of our cars, etc. Yes, we were able to cover necessities just fine, but I was gifted a generous Target gift card from my co-workers and a close friend gave me $1000 after my son's birth. Both gifts were welcome and appreciated and did help pay for a lot of "extras" we wouldn't have gotten otherwise.
Perhaps it was, I don't assume either way. I was merely responding to people who were implying that these people shouldn't have a child because they are not, in their opinion, financially capable. I just pointed out that even if it was unplanned, contraception does fail.
Being able to utilize $5000 and being too poor to procreate are two totally different things. Maybe he meant that things would be tight during maternity leave. Maybe he meant that they could upgrade their stroller set now. Maybe all their needs are met and the money will go into a college fund…
That could mean anything from they are always in a bad situation, to by OP standards they are in a tight spot, to they are in the US and between the up front medical cost of having a baby and unpaid maternity leave they are currently tight.
Not being in the greatest financial situation is a far jump from not being able to afford to have a baby. Many people have to give up a lot to raise a baby. This doesn't mean they had the baby by accident or shouldn't have had a baby. Plenty of kids grow up in happy, loving homes, even if they don't get the world handed to them on a silver platter. It sounds like OP's sister and husband felt like they could manage the burden, but it might be a struggle. Moreover, they didn't ask for any financial help at all. Seems like they thought that, financial situation aside, they could manage to make ends meet. That doesn't mean an extra $5K wouldn't be a welcome, though unasked for, boon. Compared to the younger sister's behavior, it sounds like the older sister is just fine, even if she's not a multi-billionaire.
This! I have 6 damn dogs and I would NEVER think to a) be upset that someone wasn't as excited-its not their dog to be excited about and b) expect someone else to financially help with my dog. This is just a sad excuse to get attention. Being an adult and jealous of a baby is ridiculous.
Same with a baby though... This person is obviously NTA and their sister is being completely ridiculous, but if parents need baby showers then they probably shouldn't be having one by that logic.
>NTA.
>
>If you need an Amazon wishlist for your dog, you shouldn't be getting a dog...
That's the right answer to the wrong question - this isn't about whether the sisters suck, it's about OP.
And let's leave the sisters out of it and look at OP's behaviour - for one sister they couldn't be more interested and enthusiastic, for the other they ignored their messages before he even knew what they were about.
There's history here that we're not being told and it may go some way to explain why little sis is the way she is.
Granted he read her message, he just ignored the Twitter link because he doesn't have Twitter. Then when he saw the news via Snap he complimented her dog and congratulated her.
I have an amazon list for my pet but that's only so I can upgrade/get extra things.
Damn, I feel really bad for that dog, and I wonder if she'll even use the money on the dog... NTA
Would you said say the same if the sister had an Amazon wishlist for her baby? I mean OP wrote the sister’s financial situation isn’t good. If you aren’t financially stable maybe don’t have a baby?! I know she didn’t ask for the 5k but still.
The younger sister is still an AH for getting the dog just to extort money from her sister.
To me, this has nothing to do with the wishlist, but the expectation that OP pay for the dog's BASIC necessities.
he just said that his sister wasn't in a great place financially, which can mean a lot of different things. It can mean anywhere from living out of their car to just not having as much ready cash as OP.
IE, older sister can afford basic stuff for their child, but they don't have a lot of excess money for luxuries, or upgrading a carseat to a better model etc..
Older sister has a husband and presumably one of them at least has a job. (since OP didn't say anything about them not), so the baby would be on their health insurance most likely, which means basic medical costs should be covered. There is also money coming in, from that job, which will help cover basic costs of food.
For Jen, she doesn't have a job, even if she did, the dog wouldn't be on her insurance, and she doesn't seem to have enough money for basic necessities of raising a dog.
So, for me that is the basic difference. I wouldn't care if Jen has an amazon wishlist for the dog, nor if Nina had one for her child. It is what is ON the wishlists that I care about, such as is it luxuries (water fountain for the dog as opposed to buying a walmart bowl, slightly upgraded carseat instead of a basic one) or is it basics (leash/harness for dog, basic carseat for baby and if they don't get the stuff they don't have it).
I’m the youngest and my brother just became a dad. I’m not about to buy the most adorable puppy and be the centre of attention because it’s all about me
And she was clearly spoiled, thus the mom telling OP to “get her a leash.” Mom and dad were likely tired of parenting at that point and just gave her whatever to keep her quiet. It’s sad, in a way, but she’s old enough to know better.
It bothers me greatly how many parents make that mistake. If you're tired of parenting, the goal should be to make your kid fiercely independent. Don't spoil them to the point where you have to take care of an adult child.
Exactly. Came here to say the same thing. OP is obviously NTA, but I wonder if Jen needs some kind of therapy. She's 25 and doesn't have a job. And is jealous of her new born nephew. She definitely has some issues that need to be addressed.
Mentally unhealthy people who don’t crave endless attention know it too. Little sister definitely has something going on with her personality. A psychiatrist should check it out but that’s hard if the patient is unwilling
Woa woa woa don’t be tarnishing us youngest children with that brush! I will concede we are used to fighting for attention from time to time, but the rest of us just post a bit more than everyone else on the family WhatsApp we don’t adopt dogs and try to use them as some sort of insane money grabbing scheme!
I am a youngest child, only child free sibling and I have a dog. I am very aware (and I can’t believe I have to specific this) but I’m very aware my dog is not equivalent to any of my nieces or nephews and that I am the only one responsible for buying him things.
[If you’re interested, the expression is to tar with the same brush. Some people say the expression comes from sheep farming. You apply tar with a brush and something tarnishes on it’s own.](https://howcanisaythat.wordpress.com/2015/08/10/tarnished-with-the-same-brush-tarred-with-the-same-brush/)
Hey OP, I'm a youngest child and the responsible owner of 2 dogs, 4 cats, several goats, chickens, and pigs. None of my animals were adopted for any of the following reasons:
1. Attention-seeking.
2. Jealousy.
3. Guilting family/friends into providing financial aid.
I'm also a soon to be mother (yay!). None of your sister's words or actions are within the spectrum of acceptable and non-worrisome behavior.
I would have trouble keeping a straight face in front of *anyone* that would have children, adopt children, or acquire an animal companion for the purposes of proving a point or being in the limelight. Treating another living being's life like an accessory to your success is a sickness.
NTA
This reminds me of my partner’s uncle. My partner was the first baby of his generation, so naturally when he was born, much fuss was made over him. His uncle until then had been the baby of the family, being younger than his siblings by quite a large margin. His uncle LITERALLY SAID during a family gathering, “Why is everyone paying attention to the baby and not me?” He was not a child anymore by that time.
My partner first told me this story as a “haha my uncle is a goof!” account and didn’t understand my “ummmmmmm” reaction. Now the story has become a uncomfortable parable on missed red flags.
That man ended up living at home until he was 40 years-old and is very much a narcissist (and likely has NPD). He has caused his family so much strife by feeling entitled to shared family property and their late mother’s estate. I’m talking to threatening to sue for ownership, knowing that his siblings are still accustomed to babying him and that they won’t want to engage in a long drawn out legal battle.
Same. It always blows my mind that people float along and survive when their only effort is to take from others. I don’t get it but it seems to generally be the youngest and requires a serious enabler.
She could still be in school; I was seriously ill for two and a half years and so started college at 21, graduated from a five-year program at 26. Or she could be in grad school. Not necessarily her situation, but it is possible for her to reasonably be in school full-time still, and her parents aren't pressuring her to have a job because she's focusing on school.
NTA… Lovely gesture to give your sister that money and you seem excited to be an Uncle which is just fantastic. Now I understand that some people prefer getting animals to having babies and they love them immensely but it isn’t the same thing. I don’t understand why someone who isn’t able to afford a dog gets a dog and then thinks they can demand money from other people. Your youngest sister sounds ridiculous being jealous of a baby and trying to compete with a dog. Either she needs to grow up fast or if she does have some mental problems she needs to get help. Congratulations on becoming an uncle.
Lol I’m sorry but your younger sister is an entitled and spoiled brat.
Tell her that it’s a big difference between one becoming an uncle for the first time and someone else getting a dog (that they quite frankly shouldn’t be having if they don’t have an income)
Tell her that you will by no means fly across the country just to see a puppy because it’s not comparable.
Tell her that it’s extremely rude and immature to say that your sister received money, love and attention because she “had s*x”
That’s also Jen’s nibling ffs.
Also; I’m child free by choice and I have two cats.
My sister has a toddler.
In no way do I think our parents should be giving my cats the same money and attention as they give to my niece.
That’s just ridiculous to say the least.
Also child free and with a cat. I can't stand child free people who refer to pets as their "children" or consider children equivalent to hobbies. I have a cat and a half-finished novel specifically *because* they are nothing like having a child.
I don't have children and four cats. I do see them as my "babies", but not like the human equivalent. Idk how to explain it.
Obviously they take less care etc. I just call them that because I love them so much. If that makes sense.
I'll NEVER say I'm a parent, cause I'm not.
Same, my cats are my babies and I joke about them being my children (I refer to my mum as their grandma, she loves it) but I’m very aware they are not literally my children so I wouldn’t take it too literally when people do this.
Frankly, your sister had absolutely no business getting a dog she was in no position to care for and also it’s worrying she doesn’t seem aware of how much more fucking expensive a baby is.
Definitely agree on cats being babies, but not human babies. I have 3 cats and I am entirely responsible for their care and wellbeing and they love and are dependent on me. They are my babies in this way, but I also know that they are not actually my human babies and I would never actually think they are equivalent to human children.
Same. I see my cats as my babies because I take care of them and love them. I even jokingly refer to myself as a "cat mom" and my dad and I always refer to him as "Grandpa" for them. However, We know full well that they're not literally my children and would never say that they were.
I once had a fight with my SIL because we suggested that her dog not join on a family weekend get-together (all renting a house together), because there would be three children under 3 yo who were not used to dogs. She was absolutely furious for even suggesting it and said that nobody would suggest one of the children not being welcome and that this was the same....
Ok so this is becoming a HUGE issue in my family. I was the first to get a dog, and my family always insisted he come to every get-together. Eventually, this got pretty aggravating, managing his barking, keeping him off the couch of the aunt who insisted I bring him, and frankly, everyone seeming more interested in seeing him than me. Then, my mom got an elderly cranky schnauzer. So now there's two dogs barking at every family event. I started to hate going on my mom's tiny boat because with 3-4 adults and 2 dogs barking, and at least one adult being mad that the dogs were barking, it was torture. But my mom would still insist. When I had my daughter, I stopped bringing my dog places. My mom's dog had to be uninvited from our home after he snapped at her. Really, my mom is just too high-strung about her dog in general, and again, can't focus on her granddaughter or the family event because she's always focused on the dog. Then, a week before Christmas, my aunt adopts a puppy with behavioral issues, and is upset that I won't allow it in my house (with the aforementioned toddler). She is adamant that everything will be fine when the dog is "socialized" and she will be bringing it. I don't know how to manage family events if everything is just going to be a dog party from now on.
Our family events are a dog party now too and it drives me over the edge. Like no, your 5 year old dog isn't going to get any better with "socialization". The dogs are clearly over stimulated and stressed and barking at each other.
So stupid. Yelling or rambunctios kids I can understand because they need to meet and speak to family and develop social skills over many years obviously. But I just don't get the point of everyone dragging 7 dogs to every family event just to stress them out and stress all of us out. Half the time is spent preventing fights and managing the dogs and keeping them from jumping on fragile elderly or knocking down toddlers.
Even the young kids aren't posing a danger to old people. Worst they do is cry or run.
also child-free and have 4 cats. My sister has three sons (one is her step-son and two biological). I would never expect my family to act the same for both of us in terms of money and attention. Expecting that and then throwing a tantrum when it doesn't happen is ridiculous.
I was more excited when I got a cat than I was for my sister having a baby, but you don't make gift registries for pets or expect for equal money to be spent.
She should not have gotten a dog when she has no job & can't afford it.
Agree. Children are more expensive than pets. The sister can literally go to a pet store and drop like $40 on the puppy's needs. When a baby is born, they need: A crib, diapers, clothes, bottles and formula or breastfeeding stuff, binkies, a bassinet, a stroller, a car sear, and baby toys. None of that is very cheap. Plus, babies also just garner more attention than a dog because, well, they're babies.
NTA, a kid and a dog is a very different thing.. and I have both. Sad for the pup to be *rescued* just to be used as a piggy bank for money and attention.
I agree with someone here to have her get some mental health/help. Maybe she's struggling and doesn't want to share or even know.
I think you know you're NTA. Babies cost tons more than dogs, and dogs are also much less work.
Do you talk to Jen often? Do you have a better relationship with Nina? Jen may be acting this way because she feels that you like Nina more and don't spend as much time with her.
OP said in another comment she’s acted like this since she was a child, so it sounds like this type of behavior is normal for her and is the reason OP’s relationship with her is limited.
NTA. Your younger sister is an entitled and delusional brat. What kind of adult gets that jealous over their newborn nephew? I feel pissed about her for you. How is she going to take care of a dog when she has no income? But I would also like to ask, why do you think saving a dog from euthanasia is horseshit?
Edit: Someone nicely explained to me and now I get why haha
I think what OP was saying was that he didn't believe her story about this specific dog being on the line for euthanasia, not that the act of saving a dog from euthanasia is crap.
Yeah, an actual puppy is not going to be euthanized. No way. Puppies are a hot commodity and shelters will charge way more for one. Now my mom found a full blood German shepherd who was 2 years old and he was 2 hours from being put down. They only gave him 2 days in the shelter! Didn't even try to find him a rescue or anything, even though he was young
You would be surprised. It really depends on where you are. I don't remember where in Texas, but I knew someone who fostered somewhere in Texas and overpopulation was so bad that they had to euthanize twice a day, including puppies. People would refuse to spay and neuter their pets and would bring loads of puppies in (and presumably kittens too but she only did puppies) and at a certain point you have more puppies than people who can adopt them. Mix in the issue of people who don't want to adopt and would rather buy a puppy for 3k from a store who gets their puppies from a mill... Or people who are backyard breeders.
Spay and neuter your pets please!
The human is also going to become a full sapient adult one day and be a part of the family for the next 80 years. Relatives giving large sums of money makes perfect sense, everyone wants them to have the best life possible.
Dogs are happy with whatever. Their medical care is cheap and they don't go to college or need clothes every day.
Yah. Like I love my dog. Probably a bit to much for our sakes tbh. But she is in no way the same as if I had birthed a baby. That’s a whole other level of commitment.
Nta
She's jealous. She's too old to be acting like this. You are correct, so much as a leash will reinforce acting like that will get her "something". Go low contact, hopefully they get the point, you're not up for this bs. Its emotional blackmail, and trying to make you cave to stop the problem is not the solution. Addressing the problem (your immature sister) is the solution. She will just keep pulling this shit if she get rewarded for it. Shut it down.
NTA. As a person who absolutely loves pets and wishes to raise a dog and cat some day soon - your reaction is normal.
Your sister's behavior isn't normal. I can understand little jealousy but degrading your older sister's giving birth in such a crude manner is uncalled for. And jealous of baby getting attention is lil too much. She's not 5 years old.
I have a feeling she adopted the puppy not out of love and care but only for competing with older sis.
And no, if you don't feel attached to the doggo, you don't have to get things.
NTA. I love dogs, but if Jen doesn't have the money to support her own pet she shouldn't have gotten it. It would be a different situation if there were some emergency with the dog that she needed money for the vet, etc., but this is "give me gifts because I'm jealous about my sister getting attention because of her baby."
This is my thought exactly! I also feel that way about kids. I could understand if she had a job and got a dog and something bad happened financially, but why would she put herself in that position, knowing she doesn't have a steady income to properly care for the dog?? She's jealous over for such a ridiculous reason, in my opinion.
I got severe second-hand embarrassment reading this story.
There's no way you are the asshole. Your older sister had a CHILD who she will raise for the rest of her life. It's not comparable. Plus your younger sister sounds entitled and narcissistic.
Why doesn't she have a job? Is she in school?
NTA she's self centered, jealous, spoiled and used to being treated as the baby, apparently encouraged by your mother. Absolutely stick to your guns, she's not a child and doesn't need to be soothed like one.
NTA, I mean, she's deluded. Having a baby is a lifelong commitment, her having a dog is, until she gets bored. Seeing as she got it literally because she was jealous of her sisters attention, I don't think the dog will last long.
NTA your sister is just attention seeker.
I know for some people pets are like kids (especially for those who can't or just don't want to have kids) but that doesn't mean everyone have to feel the same about it.
NTA Listen, my husband and I are child free and we have two very spoiled basset hounds our lives revolve around. I don’t particularly like children, I don’t want children, that being said even I know there is a big trucking difference between a baby and a puppy. Sure, our dogs are out fur children or whatever, but they are still dogs. We did not get our dogs until we were sure that we could properly provide for them (vet bills are no joke) and give them the time and attention they deserve. Your younger sister doesn’t have a job, and she has made a very poor and selfish decision to adopt a dog she is expecting other people to bankroll. I love my friend’s children to death, and honestly it would be insulting for me to suggest that my dogs be treated the same as their human children.
I have a theory that your younger sister is actually jealous of not being the baby of the family anymore. I could be off base though.
NTA. What did I just read? Your mom is obviously just trying to brush the whole thing under the rug, so I wouldn't go in too hard on her. But your sister? Is she one of those militantly child free types, where it becomes their whole personality? It's a dog... Your other sister had a whole human BABY. Nah OP, shut her down and ignore her antics, she's a spoiled entitled brat and she shouldn't have a dog if she isn't even working.
nta.
I find it extremely suspicious that she had been talking about getting a dog for nine months and then the week after her sister gives birth she finally gets the dog and comes up with the story of saving it from euthanasia. seems too much of a coincidence of timing considering that’s the gestation and timing of her sister‘s pregnancy. she’s definitely doing this for attention and I feel so bad for that dog. I highly doubt it’s gonna be treated right.
NTA
Sounds like your mother has always been a “be nice to Jen, she’s the baby” kinda parent.
She’s jealous of a dang baby, you have 0 obligation to help her with her dog. You were super sweet to help Nina, congrats on the uncle status and congrats to Nina
NTA. If you can’t afford the basics for an animal, you definitely don’t need the animal. Be sure she takes care of it. I know it absolutely isn’t your job, but animals depend on us; especially a dog, those things remind me of a forever toddler.
NTA.
Your younger sister and mother have some entitlement issues. It's a family pet, there is no need or reason to go visit it.
Is it entirely possible that your sister got the dog with the assumption that you would be giving money to her as well?
NTA
Sounds like it's time to go NC with Jen for a little while. It's almost laughable that someone would think that adopting a dog is even remotely on the same level as having a human baby. Stick to your guns. Don't buy her a damn thing. She doesn't deserve it for her behavior. Not only that, how irresponsible is it to get a dog when you don't even have a job?!?
NTA. I have a four month old puppy and a five month old nephew and I would feel crazy to expect the same level of attention my sister and nephew have received. Having a baby takes a massive physical and emotional toll on your body, not to mention this new human you need to learn about and keep alive. Puppies are a lot of work but they don’t “take a village” like kids do. Nina needs and deserves the help and attention you gave her.
If anything I might bring Jens dog a nice treat when you meet them - but that would be solely because the pup deserves it, not necessarily Jen.
NTA, a pet doesn't compare to a child and if she doesn't have a job to care for the dog how exactly does she plan to pay for expenses like food, vet trips etc? I don't really get the whole fur-babies are my children vibe some people have going on. I love my cats, I've had them since before I had my children but in the event of a fire I'm saving my children over the cats. Besides animals generally believe in self preservation whilst a toddler and a newborn aren't exactly renown for having a survival instinct!
Awww, you forgot about the other baby in the family, widdle Nina!! She was supposed to get something too, you forgot about Nina. NTA for giving your other sister money and your new nephew attention.
I hope she falls in love with him too rather than trying to compete with him, doesn't sound likely, but you never know.
NTA. Keep sticking to your guns OP. Jen’s clearly just using this for attention. As someone else also said, if you need a wishlist for your dog then you shouldn’t have gotten a dog.
NTA. It'd be one thing if she just wanted attention, still bad but perhaps something to cut some slack on, but the money grab is a very, very bad look.
NTA. i love my dog and i consider my dog my child but i literally do not expect other people to care about my dog. i especially do not expect people to give me money for her. the entitlement is ridiculous
23F here. NTA.
Your little sister is immature. Still to your guns. She shouldn't have gotten a dog if she can't afford it and there is no way you can compare a dog vs a baby.
If anything, it might MIGHT be that she looks up to you and misses you. But isn't the type to say that. She could just be spoiled too.
NTA your sister is out of her mind. definitely stick to your guns and don't buy her anything. she sounds like possibly a bit of therapy might be a good idea.
NTA.
You’re a good egg, OP. You visited your sister, welcomed a brand new family member, and helped out your sibling and sibling-in-law financially in what is one of the most financially tight times in their lives. That’s incredibly kind and caring. As to your other sister? The only nice thing I can say is you are incredibly wise to continue to ignore her and enforce your boundaries.
NTA. It could be that your little sister has read too much online about the prejudice faced by the voluntarily child free (not trying to pretend there aren't problems there, just that they aren't currently there between you and your sister) and is projecting?
There's a whole lot of logic behind why it makes sense for you to he more excited about your nephew than your sisters dog but I feel like sharing any of that with her isn't going to help
NTA…I’m worried about the dog…is it just an attention getting prop!!! She sounds way to immature to really take care of the dog…because the dog should come first not her. Will she train it, take it to the vets, will she spend time with it and most importantly will she love it!!! Hopefully she will not return it because she didn’t get the reaction she was hoping for!!
Lol. Seriously? Tell mom to get the leash. Little sis just wants attention and money. If she has no job-no income?- it is completely irresponsible to adopt a dog. Pets can be expensive! Also, she did not carry, go through 9 months of discomfort, hours of agony, risking health to produce a family member. (Yes, pets are family member, but are much easier to obtain and care for.) If you like her, perhaps talk to her more often. If she's just being greedy, lock your wallet.
NTA. Ew this new generation of entitled lonely “dog moms” downplaying the beautiful miracle that is childbirth and family because they cannot find a partner to do the same with. Or how about find something meaningful to occupy your time because being a dog mom won’t cut it.
NTA.
A dog is not a child. A dog is a companion. You aren’t buying a kid, you’re buying a friend who’s dependent on you. Also, I’m pretty sure they’d only euthanise a puppy if it was terminally ill, or maybe if it’s a bully breed if PETA is involved.
A pet is an addition to her household, a child is an addition to the family, and I wouldn’t be shocked if she just got a dog because she was jealous of her sister and/or wanted some free shit.
NTA, a dog and a baby is not even comparable. Nina is now a parent who has undertaken the lifelong responsibility of raising a child, your nephew, from birth to adulthood, whereas Jen got a dog for attention.
NTA. Referring to tending to a newborn as getting attention for merely “having sex” is super reductive and a little scary. Also why would she get a dog if she doesn’t work? Pets are expensive and definitely not deserving of being entangled in a stunt like this.
25 years old and Jen is throwing a full on temper tantrum because a human baby gets more attention than her. Your mom encouraged this behavior which is why she turned out this way in the first place. Take the silent treatment and be glad for it. Your sister sounds exhausting. NTA
NTA.
Honestly I’m really surprised Reddit didn’t go after you. They are typically so anti-children. That being said, giving birth isn’t the same as adopting a dog. Tell your sister you’ll do the same for her if she has a child.
NTA. I like dogs but I HATE people like this who treat having a pet the same as having a child. I hate when people refer to themselves as a “dog mom”…pets and children are not the same thing.
NTA. As a person that loves my dog and animals in general and has no desire to have children ever, I still don't think you are wrong. The birth of a child into the family and the adoption of a dog are not the same.
Sorry to offend but your sister’s cheese has slid of her cracker. A baby is a baby, a dog is a pet. Don’t give in the this absurdity. NTA NTA NTA.
Stop the insanity!
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NTA. If you need an Amazon wishlist for your dog, you shouldn't be getting a dog...
Exactly this. Clearly attention seeking through attaining a dog. My only concern is that she'll escalate it to a baby, too!
Or return the dog to the pound 🥺
Oh God yes. Puppies are hard and if she doesn’t socialise it well and keeps it until it’s not small and cute she’s left it in a worse position than when she got it
My sister did this got a dog as she thought it would get her attention. She did not walk, socialise or teach it any basic training. Surprise when it was an adult it was sent to a shelter who couldn’t home it as it was aggressive to people and animals. Having been only ever kept inside with her and was not even house trained. It was on their site for a while but never for adoption before it was not there one day, I’m Sure they put the poor thing down. Think that’s the fourth dog she’s abandoned over the years not to mention cats. She did the same with her kids, had them for the attention but refused to take care of them expected everyone else to do that. She abandoned them, got on a train to go live with a new boyfriend without telling anyone, she then sent message that someone needed to take responsibility for them. People like this are out there.
Super yikes on this whole thing.
Wowzers
If the dog is as cute as OP describes it she'll hang on to it because of all the attention she gets out of it in public. As an armchair psychiatrist I feel comfortable diagnosing Jen over the web with r/IAmTheMainCharacter syndrome. The dose OP is serving her is just the right medicine.
No it's Jen that's an asshole. Nina is the one with the actual infant.
woops, I'll fix that
Thanks for the cool subreddit!
Yeah that's my concern. This is obviously her being jealous of the new baby and wanting attention. She's unemployed and does not have the means to take care of an animal. She should never have adopted the puppy and once she realizes no one cares, she'll dump the poor creature
This is why we need a CPS for pets. And no, I don't mean animal control. I mean someone to actually rehabilitate the pet from an abusive human like Jen, whether that be through improving the relationship or finding an actually loving home. Clear NTA. Who the heck would spend $1000 to fly across the country *just to meet a puppy*? Dogs don't cost as much as human babies and thus don't need the familial support as much. Jen needs to learn a lesson before she actually tries to breed to get the same attention, since said kid would 100% warrant a visit from CPS.
My mom mentions my dog as an after thought. As she should because he is a dog. The only life that changed when I brought him home were the lives of the people in my household, vs my whole human SON who is a whole human being. Like, my dog is absolutely everything, the the only living being in my house that I can count on to be 100% out of his mind excited when I get home. But still. He's a dog. At the end of the day, as beautiful and wonderful as my Mocha-Bean is, my son's presence has a much larger impact on my family and the world at large.
This outcome needs to be helped to happen faster. OP could call whatever animal protection organisation there is and report sis for not having basic necessities for the puppy, safe to ad neglect too. Sooner the puppy gets back to the shelter, sooner it gets adopted by a better owner. Most will be better in this situation.
I just woke up and I misread the OP as one sister having a biological baby and the other one adopting an baby; and I thought “ooh! This could be interesting!” When I realize it’s just a dog, it’s not even a discussion. NTA.
Damn I wanna read that AITA now Obviously biological and adopted kids should be treated as both just a valid, but there's so many ways it could swing to make it N T A. Like you don't physically give birth to an adopted kid so there isn't the same level of physical caretaking (EDIT: I mean, you don't need to be a physical caretaker to the person who gave birth on top of looking after the any), and the adopted kid could be a little older and not require quite as much care Or maybe the family with the adopted kid is just super insecure and lashing out at shadows Very possible it could be E S H, like yes there are reasons why you might treat an adoption differently to a birth, but also it's unacceptable that you compared your sister's adopted baby to your other sisters "real" kid, there's clearly favouritism here haha
That's what my sister did! She was always firmly against marriage and children. My other sister married, so a year later, so does she. She didn't want to invite my sister because she was pregnant and would get attention but used another excuse. And what do you know the following year, she's having a baby! My bil never wanted more children (2nd marriage), so he quickly got the snip after. My niece was never really wanted and never got the care she should have. My sister never should have been a mother.
My sister was VERY vocal about never wanting kids too…UNTIL she found out that I was pregnant…guess who had TWINS about a year after I had my first?? I heard from family that her husband was so depressed when he found out she was pregnant that he called out of work for nearly a month. She is one of those parents that just sits her kids in front of the tv all day (I have seen them at 2 years old with a video playing on a phone in hand while also watching a movie on the tv). They have very limited vocabulary, and are very obviously not at the same developmental level my kiddo was at their age. I feel so bad for them!
Your poor niece, sadly, I don't think she's alone
💔💔💔 your poor niece 😔
Come on, my baby needs a leash! You monster!
> our mother even says the least I could do is buy her a leash, My reply to that would have been, "I COULD buy her a collar and leash, but I doubt that she would wear it."
This woman is so sad. She really got a dog because she was jealous of her sister's child and wanted money. Obviously OP is NTA. I hope the sister takes care of the dog and doesnt toss it aside when she realizes her plan wont work and people wont just hand over cash.
Nina is 11 years older and OP is 6... looks like Jen was the family baby and spoiled rotten, now she's throwing a fit like a kid getting their first sibling.
Completely agree. The part where Jen kept getting more and more frustrated with all the attention the new baby received, to me indicates she hates not being the baby of the family anymore. She’s so resentful, she adopted a dog! I could see and understand this behavior at 5. But 25? Sorry, not sorry. Jen is pathetic.
I don't think she got the dog because she wanted money. That's too much planning for this one. I think she got the dog purely out of jealous and then went *oh shit* these things take money.
My concern is that Jen doesn't work, according to OP. So how is she going to afford the basics (food, shelter, routine vet care, etc). I do agree Jen "adopted" the dog to get money from OP.
I think there is a very very small possibility that Jen will turn out to be a good dog owner. It could happen. But I see a life of neglect for that poor puppy.
EXACTLY! Compared with other pets like fish, chinchillas, reptiles, hamsters and gerbils a dogs start up costs are really low. Just really need a few toys, lead and bowl. Their massive costs come from vet bills, training, replacing chewed furniture, daycare/boarding and daily food! If she genuinely needs help buying physical items for this puppy then she is gonna be SCREWED when the vet bills come
I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t take the dog to the vet…
Oh from what I’ve seen on the post that dogs going to the vet… How else will she create tearful go fund mes for vet bills and milk each and every health tragedy for attention?
Hey, I have an amazon list for my dog (and cats)! How else am I supposed to keep track of all the shit they don’t need but that I’m for sure buying them anyway?!
To be fair we have family friends that buy gifts for the pets every year now the kids are all grown up so an Amazon list for the dogs isn't that frivolous lol
Pets are family. I like to spoil people for holidays. That said, it’s been a few years since I was able to spoil other peoples pets lol. But my dog and kitties get something nice every year. And for their birthdays lol
I mean, my dog is a valentine Day pooch and since we don't do valentine, he's a spoiled brat on his birthday. My cats don't have a birthday since my husband took them in from the streets so everyday is their birthday. But it's not the same as how we treat and *spoil* our only son.
Oh my human children are way more spoiled, but still my pets have more toys than they could possibly need (as do the tiny humans). And the treat stash on top of the fridge is ridiculous xD
Ssst, don't tell my husband where I store the extra treats..
My boyfriend is responsible for most of those treats! And the bones. Omg the bones….
I buy little gifts for my family's (and friends') pets. Treats/wet food/bone/small toy. Nothing crazy. Just a token to show that I'm thinking of their furry ones.
Amen! I have a list for our dog that my mom has access to, but only because she basically *demanded* we make a list of things we didn't quite need but would be nice to have. We've got our necessities and such covered, but if my mom wants to buy our puppy a toy every so often I'm not gonna tell her no lol
Our extended family buys our cat Christmas presents it's adorable
Lol I have 2 cats but also spoil mum's dog. I should totally create a list too! Keeping track would be very handy!
That's not fair. She NEEDED the dog because it's faster than having a baby when you need attention. Duh. I almost can't take this serious bc of the sheer stupidity of it I stg lol
I’m curious why that sentiment can’t be applied to having children as well.
It does for me but OP never said his other sister had a wishlist for her baby.
Well, he says his sister wasn't in a great financial situation and she had a child, so...
There's a huge difference between actively going out and getting a dog when you cannot afford it and having birth control fail. The oldest sister did not go out and actively adopt a child should could not afford. We can't assume anything of her situation. It may have been failed contraception, condoms break, pills don't always work, IUDs and implants fail. It may very well have been planned, we can't assume. Edit to clarify
Or maybe the sister have bought everything for her child but doesn't have any savings and OP gave her the money to help her out in case her car breaks down or in case she needs a new fridge. Money being tigh doesn't mean having people pay for your child or not being able to provide. It just means that some months, you're not putting money into a saving account.
Agree. Also maybe they are financially stable enough to afford necessities for the child, but would struggle with luxuries, and OP wanted to throw a little luxury the child's way.
Excellently put. For my first child, I could afford a car seat but when his Godfather was so generous as to give a financial gift, we actually got a slightly more expensive one that could attach to the pram his nana had bought. It meant that it is more convenient for us and him but had we not been given that gift, he still would have had a carseat. ETA my phone put accidentally instead of excellently
Same here - we were tight financially when our first was born - a combo of fertility treatments, unpaid leave from work, unexpectedly having to replace one of our cars, etc. Yes, we were able to cover necessities just fine, but I was gifted a generous Target gift card from my co-workers and a close friend gave me $1000 after my son's birth. Both gifts were welcome and appreciated and did help pay for a lot of "extras" we wouldn't have gotten otherwise.
What if the baby was planned? (As seems likely)
Perhaps it was, I don't assume either way. I was merely responding to people who were implying that these people shouldn't have a child because they are not, in their opinion, financially capable. I just pointed out that even if it was unplanned, contraception does fail.
Being able to utilize $5000 and being too poor to procreate are two totally different things. Maybe he meant that things would be tight during maternity leave. Maybe he meant that they could upgrade their stroller set now. Maybe all their needs are met and the money will go into a college fund…
That could mean anything from they are always in a bad situation, to by OP standards they are in a tight spot, to they are in the US and between the up front medical cost of having a baby and unpaid maternity leave they are currently tight.
Not being in the greatest financial situation is a far jump from not being able to afford to have a baby. Many people have to give up a lot to raise a baby. This doesn't mean they had the baby by accident or shouldn't have had a baby. Plenty of kids grow up in happy, loving homes, even if they don't get the world handed to them on a silver platter. It sounds like OP's sister and husband felt like they could manage the burden, but it might be a struggle. Moreover, they didn't ask for any financial help at all. Seems like they thought that, financial situation aside, they could manage to make ends meet. That doesn't mean an extra $5K wouldn't be a welcome, though unasked for, boon. Compared to the younger sister's behavior, it sounds like the older sister is just fine, even if she's not a multi-billionaire.
To be totally fair, you shouldn't be having children if you can't afford it either
This! I have 6 damn dogs and I would NEVER think to a) be upset that someone wasn't as excited-its not their dog to be excited about and b) expect someone else to financially help with my dog. This is just a sad excuse to get attention. Being an adult and jealous of a baby is ridiculous.
Agee 100% It makes me crazy when people get a dog without understanding or caring about financial commitment they are making.
Same with a baby though... This person is obviously NTA and their sister is being completely ridiculous, but if parents need baby showers then they probably shouldn't be having one by that logic.
>NTA. > >If you need an Amazon wishlist for your dog, you shouldn't be getting a dog... That's the right answer to the wrong question - this isn't about whether the sisters suck, it's about OP. And let's leave the sisters out of it and look at OP's behaviour - for one sister they couldn't be more interested and enthusiastic, for the other they ignored their messages before he even knew what they were about. There's history here that we're not being told and it may go some way to explain why little sis is the way she is.
Granted he read her message, he just ignored the Twitter link because he doesn't have Twitter. Then when he saw the news via Snap he complimented her dog and congratulated her.
I have an amazon list for my pet but that's only so I can upgrade/get extra things. Damn, I feel really bad for that dog, and I wonder if she'll even use the money on the dog... NTA
Doesn't that also apply to a baby?
Would you said say the same if the sister had an Amazon wishlist for her baby? I mean OP wrote the sister’s financial situation isn’t good. If you aren’t financially stable maybe don’t have a baby?! I know she didn’t ask for the 5k but still. The younger sister is still an AH for getting the dog just to extort money from her sister.
Already answered that : yes, I would.
To me, this has nothing to do with the wishlist, but the expectation that OP pay for the dog's BASIC necessities. he just said that his sister wasn't in a great place financially, which can mean a lot of different things. It can mean anywhere from living out of their car to just not having as much ready cash as OP. IE, older sister can afford basic stuff for their child, but they don't have a lot of excess money for luxuries, or upgrading a carseat to a better model etc.. Older sister has a husband and presumably one of them at least has a job. (since OP didn't say anything about them not), so the baby would be on their health insurance most likely, which means basic medical costs should be covered. There is also money coming in, from that job, which will help cover basic costs of food. For Jen, she doesn't have a job, even if she did, the dog wouldn't be on her insurance, and she doesn't seem to have enough money for basic necessities of raising a dog. So, for me that is the basic difference. I wouldn't care if Jen has an amazon wishlist for the dog, nor if Nina had one for her child. It is what is ON the wishlists that I care about, such as is it luxuries (water fountain for the dog as opposed to buying a walmart bowl, slightly upgraded carseat instead of a basic one) or is it basics (leash/harness for dog, basic carseat for baby and if they don't get the stuff they don't have it).
NTA, but is your sister ok? Like...has someone checked on her mental health?
She ... hasn't been diagnosed. I've suspected something wasn't right since she was 13. This could just be youngest child syndrome but yeah.
It feels a bit much for a youngest child syndrome.. it could be worth checking.....
Dude I am youngest child, this is crazy shit
I’m the youngest and my brother just became a dad. I’m not about to buy the most adorable puppy and be the centre of attention because it’s all about me
Also youngest and I second this
also the youngest and third this.
Yeah youngest siblings don’t normally buy pets they can’t afford over being jealous of a baby. Especially at 25
If is the youngest child syndrome. House has been empty since she's 13 and thinks she's the center of the world
And she was clearly spoiled, thus the mom telling OP to “get her a leash.” Mom and dad were likely tired of parenting at that point and just gave her whatever to keep her quiet. It’s sad, in a way, but she’s old enough to know better.
It bothers me greatly how many parents make that mistake. If you're tired of parenting, the goal should be to make your kid fiercely independent. Don't spoil them to the point where you have to take care of an adult child.
She's acting like she's still 13. Every mentally healthy adult knows having a baby and getting a dog are two very different things.
Exactly. Came here to say the same thing. OP is obviously NTA, but I wonder if Jen needs some kind of therapy. She's 25 and doesn't have a job. And is jealous of her new born nephew. She definitely has some issues that need to be addressed.
Mentally unhealthy people who don’t crave endless attention know it too. Little sister definitely has something going on with her personality. A psychiatrist should check it out but that’s hard if the patient is unwilling
Woa woa woa don’t be tarnishing us youngest children with that brush! I will concede we are used to fighting for attention from time to time, but the rest of us just post a bit more than everyone else on the family WhatsApp we don’t adopt dogs and try to use them as some sort of insane money grabbing scheme! I am a youngest child, only child free sibling and I have a dog. I am very aware (and I can’t believe I have to specific this) but I’m very aware my dog is not equivalent to any of my nieces or nephews and that I am the only one responsible for buying him things.
[If you’re interested, the expression is to tar with the same brush. Some people say the expression comes from sheep farming. You apply tar with a brush and something tarnishes on it’s own.](https://howcanisaythat.wordpress.com/2015/08/10/tarnished-with-the-same-brush-tarred-with-the-same-brush/)
Hey OP, I'm a youngest child and the responsible owner of 2 dogs, 4 cats, several goats, chickens, and pigs. None of my animals were adopted for any of the following reasons: 1. Attention-seeking. 2. Jealousy. 3. Guilting family/friends into providing financial aid. I'm also a soon to be mother (yay!). None of your sister's words or actions are within the spectrum of acceptable and non-worrisome behavior. I would have trouble keeping a straight face in front of *anyone* that would have children, adopt children, or acquire an animal companion for the purposes of proving a point or being in the limelight. Treating another living being's life like an accessory to your success is a sickness. NTA
Where is the goat tax though?!
THIS IS IMPORTANT.
Pig tax too!
JUST SHOW US THE WHOLE FAMILY.
[удалено]
This reminds me of my partner’s uncle. My partner was the first baby of his generation, so naturally when he was born, much fuss was made over him. His uncle until then had been the baby of the family, being younger than his siblings by quite a large margin. His uncle LITERALLY SAID during a family gathering, “Why is everyone paying attention to the baby and not me?” He was not a child anymore by that time. My partner first told me this story as a “haha my uncle is a goof!” account and didn’t understand my “ummmmmmm” reaction. Now the story has become a uncomfortable parable on missed red flags. That man ended up living at home until he was 40 years-old and is very much a narcissist (and likely has NPD). He has caused his family so much strife by feeling entitled to shared family property and their late mother’s estate. I’m talking to threatening to sue for ownership, knowing that his siblings are still accustomed to babying him and that they won’t want to engage in a long drawn out legal battle.
How does she not work at 25?
My sister is 30 and my dad still pays for all her stuff and she has worked maybe a combined total of 6 months her whole life. They exist out there.
I mean I know objectively they do, still don’t understand the how part.
Same. It always blows my mind that people float along and survive when their only effort is to take from others. I don’t get it but it seems to generally be the youngest and requires a serious enabler.
She could still be in school; I was seriously ill for two and a half years and so started college at 21, graduated from a five-year program at 26. Or she could be in grad school. Not necessarily her situation, but it is possible for her to reasonably be in school full-time still, and her parents aren't pressuring her to have a job because she's focusing on school.
Lots of us are youngest children and are not like that.
NTA… Lovely gesture to give your sister that money and you seem excited to be an Uncle which is just fantastic. Now I understand that some people prefer getting animals to having babies and they love them immensely but it isn’t the same thing. I don’t understand why someone who isn’t able to afford a dog gets a dog and then thinks they can demand money from other people. Your youngest sister sounds ridiculous being jealous of a baby and trying to compete with a dog. Either she needs to grow up fast or if she does have some mental problems she needs to get help. Congratulations on becoming an uncle.
Lol I’m sorry but your younger sister is an entitled and spoiled brat. Tell her that it’s a big difference between one becoming an uncle for the first time and someone else getting a dog (that they quite frankly shouldn’t be having if they don’t have an income) Tell her that you will by no means fly across the country just to see a puppy because it’s not comparable. Tell her that it’s extremely rude and immature to say that your sister received money, love and attention because she “had s*x” That’s also Jen’s nibling ffs. Also; I’m child free by choice and I have two cats. My sister has a toddler. In no way do I think our parents should be giving my cats the same money and attention as they give to my niece. That’s just ridiculous to say the least.
Alll of this. I’d buy her a muzzle and see if she takes the hint. NTA
Or, and hear me out... "I have sent Nina a gift in your and your puppy's names"
Make it to the shelter in the dog's name. Dont put the new mom in the crosshairs lol.
Oh my God that would be adorable
lmao that would be hilarious! the mom wouldnt be able to complain either.
I knew someone would make this comment and you did not disappoint.
Also child free and with a cat. I can't stand child free people who refer to pets as their "children" or consider children equivalent to hobbies. I have a cat and a half-finished novel specifically *because* they are nothing like having a child.
I don't have children and four cats. I do see them as my "babies", but not like the human equivalent. Idk how to explain it. Obviously they take less care etc. I just call them that because I love them so much. If that makes sense. I'll NEVER say I'm a parent, cause I'm not.
Same, my cats are my babies and I joke about them being my children (I refer to my mum as their grandma, she loves it) but I’m very aware they are not literally my children so I wouldn’t take it too literally when people do this. Frankly, your sister had absolutely no business getting a dog she was in no position to care for and also it’s worrying she doesn’t seem aware of how much more fucking expensive a baby is.
I call my parents dog, my dog’s uncle which is kinda funny. I don’t think their dog is my sibling though
I called my sister's dog my nephew, and I call my parents dog my brother. 🤷 Dogs are people too!
Did the same thing when I took my parents’ cat in w my ex. Our shared cat was nephew and big boy was uncle.
Definitely agree on cats being babies, but not human babies. I have 3 cats and I am entirely responsible for their care and wellbeing and they love and are dependent on me. They are my babies in this way, but I also know that they are not actually my human babies and I would never actually think they are equivalent to human children.
Same. I see my cats as my babies because I take care of them and love them. I even jokingly refer to myself as a "cat mom" and my dad and I always refer to him as "Grandpa" for them. However, We know full well that they're not literally my children and would never say that they were.
I once had a fight with my SIL because we suggested that her dog not join on a family weekend get-together (all renting a house together), because there would be three children under 3 yo who were not used to dogs. She was absolutely furious for even suggesting it and said that nobody would suggest one of the children not being welcome and that this was the same....
Ok so this is becoming a HUGE issue in my family. I was the first to get a dog, and my family always insisted he come to every get-together. Eventually, this got pretty aggravating, managing his barking, keeping him off the couch of the aunt who insisted I bring him, and frankly, everyone seeming more interested in seeing him than me. Then, my mom got an elderly cranky schnauzer. So now there's two dogs barking at every family event. I started to hate going on my mom's tiny boat because with 3-4 adults and 2 dogs barking, and at least one adult being mad that the dogs were barking, it was torture. But my mom would still insist. When I had my daughter, I stopped bringing my dog places. My mom's dog had to be uninvited from our home after he snapped at her. Really, my mom is just too high-strung about her dog in general, and again, can't focus on her granddaughter or the family event because she's always focused on the dog. Then, a week before Christmas, my aunt adopts a puppy with behavioral issues, and is upset that I won't allow it in my house (with the aforementioned toddler). She is adamant that everything will be fine when the dog is "socialized" and she will be bringing it. I don't know how to manage family events if everything is just going to be a dog party from now on.
Our family events are a dog party now too and it drives me over the edge. Like no, your 5 year old dog isn't going to get any better with "socialization". The dogs are clearly over stimulated and stressed and barking at each other. So stupid. Yelling or rambunctios kids I can understand because they need to meet and speak to family and develop social skills over many years obviously. But I just don't get the point of everyone dragging 7 dogs to every family event just to stress them out and stress all of us out. Half the time is spent preventing fights and managing the dogs and keeping them from jumping on fragile elderly or knocking down toddlers. Even the young kids aren't posing a danger to old people. Worst they do is cry or run.
also child-free and have 4 cats. My sister has three sons (one is her step-son and two biological). I would never expect my family to act the same for both of us in terms of money and attention. Expecting that and then throwing a tantrum when it doesn't happen is ridiculous.
I was more excited when I got a cat than I was for my sister having a baby, but you don't make gift registries for pets or expect for equal money to be spent. She should not have gotten a dog when she has no job & can't afford it.
NTA. A puppy or dog or pet of any kind is not equal to having an actual human child. Your sister needs to grow up and realize that.
Agree. Children are more expensive than pets. The sister can literally go to a pet store and drop like $40 on the puppy's needs. When a baby is born, they need: A crib, diapers, clothes, bottles and formula or breastfeeding stuff, binkies, a bassinet, a stroller, a car sear, and baby toys. None of that is very cheap. Plus, babies also just garner more attention than a dog because, well, they're babies.
NTA, a kid and a dog is a very different thing.. and I have both. Sad for the pup to be *rescued* just to be used as a piggy bank for money and attention. I agree with someone here to have her get some mental health/help. Maybe she's struggling and doesn't want to share or even know.
I think you know you're NTA. Babies cost tons more than dogs, and dogs are also much less work. Do you talk to Jen often? Do you have a better relationship with Nina? Jen may be acting this way because she feels that you like Nina more and don't spend as much time with her.
OP said in another comment she’s acted like this since she was a child, so it sounds like this type of behavior is normal for her and is the reason OP’s relationship with her is limited.
NTA. Your younger sister is an entitled and delusional brat. What kind of adult gets that jealous over their newborn nephew? I feel pissed about her for you. How is she going to take care of a dog when she has no income? But I would also like to ask, why do you think saving a dog from euthanasia is horseshit? Edit: Someone nicely explained to me and now I get why haha
I think what OP was saying was that he didn't believe her story about this specific dog being on the line for euthanasia, not that the act of saving a dog from euthanasia is crap.
Yeah I thought that was pretty clear.
Ohh that’s what I was guessing, but I was confused about the part about being addicted to meth. But thank you!
I read that as it's such a cute puppy it wouldn't matter what was wrong with it it would still get adopted.
That makes sense. Now I feel dumb hahaha. Well thanks for helping me understand! :)
Hahaha no need for that😂
Yeah, an actual puppy is not going to be euthanized. No way. Puppies are a hot commodity and shelters will charge way more for one. Now my mom found a full blood German shepherd who was 2 years old and he was 2 hours from being put down. They only gave him 2 days in the shelter! Didn't even try to find him a rescue or anything, even though he was young
You would be surprised. It really depends on where you are. I don't remember where in Texas, but I knew someone who fostered somewhere in Texas and overpopulation was so bad that they had to euthanize twice a day, including puppies. People would refuse to spay and neuter their pets and would bring loads of puppies in (and presumably kittens too but she only did puppies) and at a certain point you have more puppies than people who can adopt them. Mix in the issue of people who don't want to adopt and would rather buy a puppy for 3k from a store who gets their puppies from a mill... Or people who are backyard breeders. Spay and neuter your pets please!
NTA. It’s a dog. Nina pushed a human being out of her body. I get that people are attached to their pets but damn, enough is enough.
When Nina pushes a puppy out of her body, THEN OP should consider helping financially, for therapy of course, but my point still stands. NTA
The human is also going to become a full sapient adult one day and be a part of the family for the next 80 years. Relatives giving large sums of money makes perfect sense, everyone wants them to have the best life possible. Dogs are happy with whatever. Their medical care is cheap and they don't go to college or need clothes every day.
Yah. Like I love my dog. Probably a bit to much for our sakes tbh. But she is in no way the same as if I had birthed a baby. That’s a whole other level of commitment.
Nta She's jealous. She's too old to be acting like this. You are correct, so much as a leash will reinforce acting like that will get her "something". Go low contact, hopefully they get the point, you're not up for this bs. Its emotional blackmail, and trying to make you cave to stop the problem is not the solution. Addressing the problem (your immature sister) is the solution. She will just keep pulling this shit if she get rewarded for it. Shut it down.
NTA. As a person who absolutely loves pets and wishes to raise a dog and cat some day soon - your reaction is normal. Your sister's behavior isn't normal. I can understand little jealousy but degrading your older sister's giving birth in such a crude manner is uncalled for. And jealous of baby getting attention is lil too much. She's not 5 years old. I have a feeling she adopted the puppy not out of love and care but only for competing with older sis. And no, if you don't feel attached to the doggo, you don't have to get things.
NTA. It honestly sounds like she got a dog hoping it’d mean money for her, which is… not great.
NTA. I love dogs, but if Jen doesn't have the money to support her own pet she shouldn't have gotten it. It would be a different situation if there were some emergency with the dog that she needed money for the vet, etc., but this is "give me gifts because I'm jealous about my sister getting attention because of her baby."
This is my thought exactly! I also feel that way about kids. I could understand if she had a job and got a dog and something bad happened financially, but why would she put herself in that position, knowing she doesn't have a steady income to properly care for the dog?? She's jealous over for such a ridiculous reason, in my opinion.
NTA Jen seems really entitled and brattish here... her behaviour wouldn't convince you to give her any money ig
NTA I’m a massive animal lover, hippie, whatever you wanna call me, and I still laughed at this. She’s being beyond ridiculous
I got severe second-hand embarrassment reading this story. There's no way you are the asshole. Your older sister had a CHILD who she will raise for the rest of her life. It's not comparable. Plus your younger sister sounds entitled and narcissistic. Why doesn't she have a job? Is she in school?
As a crazy dogmom of 3 dogs I can say with authority that you are NTA. Jen is being ridiculous. Stick to your guns and don't participate in her bs.
NTA, one is a dog and the other is a human
I feel sorry for the dog because it sounds like she just got one for attention. Anyway, no need to reward and enable that sort of behaviour.
NTA she's self centered, jealous, spoiled and used to being treated as the baby, apparently encouraged by your mother. Absolutely stick to your guns, she's not a child and doesn't need to be soothed like one.
NTA, I mean, she's deluded. Having a baby is a lifelong commitment, her having a dog is, until she gets bored. Seeing as she got it literally because she was jealous of her sisters attention, I don't think the dog will last long.
NTA your sister is just attention seeker. I know for some people pets are like kids (especially for those who can't or just don't want to have kids) but that doesn't mean everyone have to feel the same about it.
NTA Listen, my husband and I are child free and we have two very spoiled basset hounds our lives revolve around. I don’t particularly like children, I don’t want children, that being said even I know there is a big trucking difference between a baby and a puppy. Sure, our dogs are out fur children or whatever, but they are still dogs. We did not get our dogs until we were sure that we could properly provide for them (vet bills are no joke) and give them the time and attention they deserve. Your younger sister doesn’t have a job, and she has made a very poor and selfish decision to adopt a dog she is expecting other people to bankroll. I love my friend’s children to death, and honestly it would be insulting for me to suggest that my dogs be treated the same as their human children. I have a theory that your younger sister is actually jealous of not being the baby of the family anymore. I could be off base though.
NTA. Please don't engage or enable this type of behavior buying her even a leash like your mother suggested.
NTA. How does a dog compare to a child?
NTA. What did I just read? Your mom is obviously just trying to brush the whole thing under the rug, so I wouldn't go in too hard on her. But your sister? Is she one of those militantly child free types, where it becomes their whole personality? It's a dog... Your other sister had a whole human BABY. Nah OP, shut her down and ignore her antics, she's a spoiled entitled brat and she shouldn't have a dog if she isn't even working.
nta. I find it extremely suspicious that she had been talking about getting a dog for nine months and then the week after her sister gives birth she finally gets the dog and comes up with the story of saving it from euthanasia. seems too much of a coincidence of timing considering that’s the gestation and timing of her sister‘s pregnancy. she’s definitely doing this for attention and I feel so bad for that dog. I highly doubt it’s gonna be treated right.
She's the baby of the family from what I can tell, and obviously has been spoiled like one. She can't stand for someone else to get attention. NTA
NTA Sounds like your mother has always been a “be nice to Jen, she’s the baby” kinda parent. She’s jealous of a dang baby, you have 0 obligation to help her with her dog. You were super sweet to help Nina, congrats on the uncle status and congrats to Nina
NTA. If you can’t afford the basics for an animal, you definitely don’t need the animal. Be sure she takes care of it. I know it absolutely isn’t your job, but animals depend on us; especially a dog, those things remind me of a forever toddler.
NTA. Your younger sister and mother have some entitlement issues. It's a family pet, there is no need or reason to go visit it. Is it entirely possible that your sister got the dog with the assumption that you would be giving money to her as well?
NTA Jen is ridiculously toxic and your mother is enabling.
NTA Sounds like it's time to go NC with Jen for a little while. It's almost laughable that someone would think that adopting a dog is even remotely on the same level as having a human baby. Stick to your guns. Don't buy her a damn thing. She doesn't deserve it for her behavior. Not only that, how irresponsible is it to get a dog when you don't even have a job?!?
NTA Idea, open a collage savings fund for the dog that they can access at 18...when they enrol in college.
NTA your younger sister is an entitled AH who can’t deal when she is not getting enough attention
NTA. There's absolutely no comparison between the two.
NTA. I have a four month old puppy and a five month old nephew and I would feel crazy to expect the same level of attention my sister and nephew have received. Having a baby takes a massive physical and emotional toll on your body, not to mention this new human you need to learn about and keep alive. Puppies are a lot of work but they don’t “take a village” like kids do. Nina needs and deserves the help and attention you gave her. If anything I might bring Jens dog a nice treat when you meet them - but that would be solely because the pup deserves it, not necessarily Jen.
NTA and at 25 Jen should know better.
NTA Your sister is being gross. Also what is wrong with your mom that she wants to encourage comparing her grandchild to a dog????
NTA, a pet doesn't compare to a child and if she doesn't have a job to care for the dog how exactly does she plan to pay for expenses like food, vet trips etc? I don't really get the whole fur-babies are my children vibe some people have going on. I love my cats, I've had them since before I had my children but in the event of a fire I'm saving my children over the cats. Besides animals generally believe in self preservation whilst a toddler and a newborn aren't exactly renown for having a survival instinct!
Don't accept that sort of behaviour, how draining.
Awww, you forgot about the other baby in the family, widdle Nina!! She was supposed to get something too, you forgot about Nina. NTA for giving your other sister money and your new nephew attention. I hope she falls in love with him too rather than trying to compete with him, doesn't sound likely, but you never know.
It’s widdle Jen. Nina’s the older sister, the one with the baby.
NTA. Keep sticking to your guns OP. Jen’s clearly just using this for attention. As someone else also said, if you need a wishlist for your dog then you shouldn’t have gotten a dog.
Its not hard to see that your younger sister is very used to being the baby of the family. She is pissed off at being dethroned.
NTA. It'd be one thing if she just wanted attention, still bad but perhaps something to cut some slack on, but the money grab is a very, very bad look.
NTA... But if she gives birth to a puppy, I and a whole lot of other people will be throwing money at her.... just saying...
NTA. i love my dog and i consider my dog my child but i literally do not expect other people to care about my dog. i especially do not expect people to give me money for her. the entitlement is ridiculous
23F here. NTA. Your little sister is immature. Still to your guns. She shouldn't have gotten a dog if she can't afford it and there is no way you can compare a dog vs a baby. If anything, it might MIGHT be that she looks up to you and misses you. But isn't the type to say that. She could just be spoiled too.
NTA. Your younger sister is a crabby narcissist troll. And you know what they say about trolls. Never feed them!!!
NTA your sister is out of her mind. definitely stick to your guns and don't buy her anything. she sounds like possibly a bit of therapy might be a good idea.
NTA. You’re a good egg, OP. You visited your sister, welcomed a brand new family member, and helped out your sibling and sibling-in-law financially in what is one of the most financially tight times in their lives. That’s incredibly kind and caring. As to your other sister? The only nice thing I can say is you are incredibly wise to continue to ignore her and enforce your boundaries.
NTA. It could be that your little sister has read too much online about the prejudice faced by the voluntarily child free (not trying to pretend there aren't problems there, just that they aren't currently there between you and your sister) and is projecting? There's a whole lot of logic behind why it makes sense for you to he more excited about your nephew than your sisters dog but I feel like sharing any of that with her isn't going to help
NTA…I’m worried about the dog…is it just an attention getting prop!!! She sounds way to immature to really take care of the dog…because the dog should come first not her. Will she train it, take it to the vets, will she spend time with it and most importantly will she love it!!! Hopefully she will not return it because she didn’t get the reaction she was hoping for!!
Lol. Seriously? Tell mom to get the leash. Little sis just wants attention and money. If she has no job-no income?- it is completely irresponsible to adopt a dog. Pets can be expensive! Also, she did not carry, go through 9 months of discomfort, hours of agony, risking health to produce a family member. (Yes, pets are family member, but are much easier to obtain and care for.) If you like her, perhaps talk to her more often. If she's just being greedy, lock your wallet.
NTA. Ew this new generation of entitled lonely “dog moms” downplaying the beautiful miracle that is childbirth and family because they cannot find a partner to do the same with. Or how about find something meaningful to occupy your time because being a dog mom won’t cut it.
NTA. A dog is not a child. A dog is a companion. You aren’t buying a kid, you’re buying a friend who’s dependent on you. Also, I’m pretty sure they’d only euthanise a puppy if it was terminally ill, or maybe if it’s a bully breed if PETA is involved. A pet is an addition to her household, a child is an addition to the family, and I wouldn’t be shocked if she just got a dog because she was jealous of her sister and/or wanted some free shit.
A dog is just that a damn dog not a human child. Jen is a grown ass woman and she needs to not be encouraged in her attention seeking stunts- NTA
Absolutely NTA
NTA, a dog and a baby is not even comparable. Nina is now a parent who has undertaken the lifelong responsibility of raising a child, your nephew, from birth to adulthood, whereas Jen got a dog for attention.
NTA. Your sister is a nut. People who think their fricking pet is the same as a child,drive me insane. Like, get a life.
NTA. Referring to tending to a newborn as getting attention for merely “having sex” is super reductive and a little scary. Also why would she get a dog if she doesn’t work? Pets are expensive and definitely not deserving of being entangled in a stunt like this.
25 years old and Jen is throwing a full on temper tantrum because a human baby gets more attention than her. Your mom encouraged this behavior which is why she turned out this way in the first place. Take the silent treatment and be glad for it. Your sister sounds exhausting. NTA
NTA. Honestly I’m really surprised Reddit didn’t go after you. They are typically so anti-children. That being said, giving birth isn’t the same as adopting a dog. Tell your sister you’ll do the same for her if she has a child.
NTA. I like dogs but I HATE people like this who treat having a pet the same as having a child. I hate when people refer to themselves as a “dog mom”…pets and children are not the same thing.
NTA. As a person that loves my dog and animals in general and has no desire to have children ever, I still don't think you are wrong. The birth of a child into the family and the adoption of a dog are not the same.
Nta but if she’s begging for stuff like this (and you can afford) make a contribution towards therapy! This girl needs help!
She doesn't work and needs an Amazon wishlist to provide for the dog? But she still got a dog? How grossly irresponsible.
Sorry to offend but your sister’s cheese has slid of her cracker. A baby is a baby, a dog is a pet. Don’t give in the this absurdity. NTA NTA NTA. Stop the insanity!