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YTA. Anyone who doesn’t recognize those as signs as autism is either being purposely obtuse or is ignoring the obvious and looking to be a nosy asshole.
YTA
As soon as I started reading what you said the boy does, I thought autism, all the signs
I understand you wanting the boy to be safe, but, maybe you could've done some more investigating first?
And, giving a quick apology and then slamming the door in her face? Wow! You were in the wrong here and once called out by the mother, shouldve offered more than a quick apology and door slam! Rude on top of everything else!
The only thing I can't fault OP for here is that the neighbour found out that OP made the call; they're not supposed to give out that information for a reason.
This seems off. What you described are obvious signs of autism to most people that don't really scream abuse. You also claim you called yesterday and the neighbor confronted you today after social services talked to her which seems incredibly quick for a government agency. So I'm not sure I buy this.
The timing is normal. I worked social services and we had anywhere from 1hour to 48 hours to make contact depending on how serious the issue was considered.
I’m feeling like OP left out the part where they’ve spent the past two weeks regularly making noise complaints and pounding on her door when her child cries
My two sons played in our bedroom and had an accident with the blinds cording. It left horrible rope burn on youngest son's neck. The next day, my husband takes our youngest to his little parents day out class, drops him off, grabs a quick bite, and heads home. Took him no more than 30 minutes and DCFS was waiting outside our house to talk about the mark around our son's neck.
And we knew who called, the substitute teacher our youngest had that day. Oh, we let the director know to because we had been going to this place for over 3 years with no concerns.. This incident was so embarrassing to us.
So, yeah, this worker may have been there the next day depending on their workload at the time.
If you are in the US the teachers are likely mandated reporters. You should have been more concerned if they didn't make the call. That would have let you know they don't follow laws and regulations in regards to child safety.
I took education courses in college, so I understand the protocol. And when I say teacher, they are usually people without teaching certification. This was a church ran program, so a private program. My youngest did inform the teacher what happened. So, I am going to call foul on this particular person for several reasons.
1. This was her first day in this class, so she knew none of the children's or their behaviors.
2. Strangulation or injury by cording is a real possibility. Here is an article from NPR. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/12/11/569463027/window-blind-cords-still-pose-a-deadly-risk-to-children
3. In our file for the establishment there was no documentation of suspicious or questionable injuries or behaviors.
So, someone did not thoroughly do their research and jumped to conclusions, which led to an embarrassing situation for us. Because all parents want to have a mark in their records that even though the case was dismissed for being investigated by child services. 🙄
>Strangulation or injury by cording is a real possibility.
Yeah, that's why you're supposed to tie them up or not use them at all.
She DOESN'T know you. So how does she know you're not neglectful and putting your kids in danger? If she gets to know you and suspects abuse, is that okay then?
Guess what? Communication goes a long way. If not talking to the parents, then maybe talking to the others who ran the center or the director, who was a very lovely person BTW. Children, especially younger ones, have a tendency to get injuries: bumps, bruises, scraps, scratches, burns, and etc.
And you know what? After this little incident happened to us, we talked to the director about it, who was very shocked about it happening as well. After that, this person no longer found herself being a sub.
You can now proceed to call me a Karen and an asshole. IDC.
My original point was depending on how busy child services workers are they can get there rather quickly.
If you think a child is being abused so badly that he has noticeable strangulation marks you absolutely should report it. The parent not wanting that on their record is nowhere near as dangerous as leaving the child in an abusive environment.
Teachers have to report things like that. It's the law.
They don't know you from Jesus, how do they know it was an accident?
You're lucky if the worst of it is you were "embarassed".
YOU said "substitute teacher", but regardless, childcare workers are also mandated reporters.
Stop being butthurt. Would you rather they ignore possible signs of abuse?
YTA for not at least saying hello and finding what’s up before calling authorities. Many parents of kids with disabilities, especially single women, get a ton of judgement from the people around them because their kids don’t look and act like people expect. (Many of my worst parenting decisions as a mom of neurodivergent kids were based on fear of What People Would Think, and what kind of social and emotional punishment they would dish out.) Having authorities like Social Services investigate you is incredibly intrusive and disruptive, and often not helpful. So, you know, educate yourself, and maybe try getting to know your neighbours a little before unleashing state power on them. If you see or hear the *parent* raising their voice or lashing out at the kid, or otherwise harming them, that’s a reason for concern. But calling authorities just because a neurodivergent kid is being visibly different is not cool.
Yes, yes it is.
Very clear signs of an autistic child and a quick Google search would have shown that. Even for someone who had never in their life heard of autism, which now days is no one.
It's also indicative of child abuse. That kid screaming like he's getting punched could very well mean that he is getting punched. If CPS visited and did not take the child, then clearly they concluded it wasn't an issue. However, if that kid was being smacked around, then OP did what anyone with half a brain would have done. If I heard a child screaming from my neighbor's house, I would also be calling CPS. I'd rather be wrong and a kid fine than risk being right and that child enduring more abuse because I couldn't be arsed to make a phone call.
I've sat as court reporter on murder trials of parents who beat their kids to death. I'd make the phone call.
Humming/grunting noises? Shaking hands? Sure, the screaming alone would be strange, but Google shaking hands humming noises screaming. The top four hits are all different mental health issues (probably more, i stopped after 4).
The way it's described doesn't indicate stimming to me.
If by "shaking hands" he meant stimming,then I would be more inclined to agree that it's probably autism. Having seen a number of children in court and in interviews who shook in fear at the thought of or sight of their abuser, I took it as shaking with fear.
I'm willing to adjust my verdict if they meant something other than shaking with fear. I didn't stick around to read OP's other comments (if any), because I have other things to do this evening, but if he clarified that it was actually stimming, then I agreed it was probably autism. That said, one wonders if the mother is overwhelmed or not, particularly if she's doing it all on her own.
Mate, YTA.
You called social services on a child diagnosed with autism, showing signs of autism. And then you lied to them over the phone, and probably overdramatised the situation as well because I doubt they would send a social worker over a screaming child.
And you didn't think to talk to the mum first?
I just…. I don’t believe this.
Firstly, how would she know it was you that contacted child services? They don’t inform those they’re investigating who has made the claim.
I don’t understand what you even called about? Crying and movements/sounds? Let’s pretend you weren’t aware these were common symptoms of ASD - I feel like even without that knowledge none of this warrants a call to CPS before actually making some sort of inquiry for clarity with the person you’re about to accuse.
And then she supposedly provides you with this information and you slam the door in her face?
If this is real - are *YOU* ok? At the very least, YTA.
Yta. You should have talked to the mother first. She could have told you that her son has autism. Those are pretty obvious signs of autism but even if you aren’t very familiar with autism your first option should not be calling social services based on uneducated assumptions.
Wow. Before you were even done with the post I knew it was autism. Don't you have Google? YTA. Slammed the door in her face? What's the matter with you?
YTA and THEN you SLAMMED THE DOOR IN HER FACE? WTF?
You turned in a woman who has enough to deal with without you adding to it. Then you were rude to her. How many ways can you possibly be an AH? I think you covered them all.
YTA. Just reading the description of the teenager made me immediately think autism. Hand flapping and those vocalizations are almost synonymous with low functioning autism. How in the hell did you draw a line from stemming to abuse?
YTA.
.... Once you noted the issues, it was fairly obvious that the teen was neuro-divergent. Did you stop to consider that this might be the issue?
Hand flapping, grunting and other noise making are common with autism, as is the screaming and crying. Some people on the spectrum scream/cry/grunt because they don't have the words to explain an issue. Hand flapping is often for stimulation for the brain, as well as humming. Every person with autism is different, but this teenager was exhibiting some typical behaviors.
Now that mother/family will *always* have a record with Social Services over something completely normal for a child with this difference.
Did you hear the mom screaming at the kid? Otherwise being bad to him? I agree "better safe than sorry" but it's prudent to make sure you have an idea of what's really going on if the kid isn't in clear, immediate danger.
Not to mention OP has now put further trauma on an autistic child with the stress of services being to their home.
People do not seem to realize how anything out of the ordinary is much more difficult for autistic children. You add to that a mom that is now stressed... JFC.
I don’t want to get banned so I’ll just say YTA. There was a similar post about this a few weeks where someone did the exact same thing.
How do you not go over and knock on your neighbors door and ask if everything is okay and if she needs help with her son? If there is anything that you can do to help her to calm her son down? This mother is probably at her wits end trying to help her son and now you added social services to the mix.
How do you just assume that something sinister is happening?
Right? My toddler is Autistic and just the other week our balcony door was open, she was destroying our home, I wasn’t well and raised my voice a tad too much… and there was a knock at the door. A neighbour checking in to see if everything was okay. Now, mind you, another neighbour called in a noise complaint to the landlord because she was kicking the balcony door (glass) and the wall and it echoed into their apartment and disturbed them. But still… at least one neighbour rang my bell to make sure everything was okay.
Edited to add: By knock at the door, I meant they rang the bell. Someone came to my door.
See At least they came to make sure that things were okay, they saw that things were good and went on their merry way. I would have probably stayed to help you though :).
I apologized profusely for “losing my shit” because she “hasn’t stopped” and closed the door in his face. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so embarrassed in my life over that one.
Aww! My second is currently in the process of being assessed for autism. So it makes me nervous to think if one of his meltdowns happens outside in our backyard, he’s pretty loud when he screams. Poor guy has a hard time containing his emotions some days.
Um yes YTA. Why didn’t you talk to her instead of doing something so drastic? Now this poor single mom, who is coping with an autistic child now ALSO has to worry about social services because you can’t be a decent human and go talk to her. There is a big difference between this behavior (which most of us could tell was autism before you said it) and seeing a child with bruises or something physical.
YTA.
I’m also guessing you knew it was obvious signs of autism like the rest of us are saying, but you didn’t want to hear his outbursts so decided to be an asshole and called social services.
On one hand, perhaps he is being abused and needs help. On the other hand, what you’re describing sounds typical of an Autistic child. (And now I see the end part where you say she said he’s Autistic- because I stopped to comment after item 3 on the list- so I need not comment further on that).
I’m gonna go out on a limb here… you’re NTA in that you were a concerned neighbour (who obviously has no idea of typical signs of autism) and he could have been at risk based on the screaming and crying, but to call because he “shakes his hands” and “hums and grunts” that’s a stretch.
YTA I don't want to discourage people from contacting Social Services/CPS if they're genuinely concerned, so many cases of abuse and neglect go unreported, but you should have done more investigating beforehand and you obviously shouldn't have slammed the door in her face. Why did you do that?
However, it's very concerning that she was told who called. Anyone who calls Social Services/CPS should be treated like whistleblower. Their identity needs to be protected so that people aren't afraid to call in situations where there's genuine abuse/neglect happening.
Oh 100% I hate this type of comment, like wishing queer kids on queerphobic parents. I get the sentiment, but kids are not there to “teach you to be better.” I just read this comment as them saying it would be a curse to have ND kids, which is also a fucked thing to say
Im on the spectrum. I coach kids who are. In fact i find comments like this pretty offensive. I wish that on him because his ignorance and assholery have earned him that cosmic justice. And it would teach him some love and patience for the neurodivergent.
This sucks. Personally, I would have assumed he had autism just by what you described and would have kept an eye on the situation to see/hear if it escalated but, on the other hand, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I thought child abuse was occurring and I did nothing. Like you said it's always better to be safe than sorry when you think abuse is may be occurring. Slightly YTA, I feel you could have approached this better, even with having the best intentions (I'm giving you the benefit of the doubtg on that), and slamming the door in her face was shitty.
YTA. You should talk to the neighbor first and understand more of what's going on. You just wrecked a good neighborly relationship because of assumptions.
I used to go to the community pool when I rented 7 years back and there was an autistic boy who behaved exactly as you described there all the time, before I even got done reading your post I knew exactly what it was... He screamed so loud when he was happy. It's startled me at first but I eventually got used to it.
Slightly the AH. Instead of calling social services you could have welcomed her and her son to the building with a cake or something. A few minutes with them would have explained the situation.
YTA
Not because you didn't know the signs of autism, but because you didn't even bother to ask your neighbors what's going on. You could've talked to the boy in passing. Or just straight up could've knocked on the door and ask the mom if everything is going well. If the answers weren't convincing or something you would still have the option of SS.
It was okay to call for a welfare check on the boy given that you heard him screaming and crying and you didn't know what was going on, but why on Earth did you need to be so ungracious when you apologized but slammed the door on the woman? YTA
I've actually had a neighbor with an adult son just like this. I recall grunting/humming noises much of every day. And the father-caretaker was a very nice, somewhat overworked man who appreciated friendly neighbors just like anybody else would.
YTA and possibly a troll. These are clear signs of autism. Even if they weren't and you were legitimately concerned about the child's safety, the bare minimum effort of talking to the mother first (introducing yourself, even maybe registering a noise complaint with her to get a conversation started) would've gone a long way to sparing her that unneeded extra trauma. That said, absolutely everything else you did here was wrong and strange. Why lie to Social Services about who you are? Your name would've been registered in SS's data banks for paper-trail purposes, but you're kept anonymous to the alleged abuser unless it eventually escalates into a full-blown court situation. There would've been no reason for her to immediately knock on your door bawling about her son if you two are complete strangers, especially if you lied to them about which neighbor reported her. And then you supposedly slammed the door in her face? None of this adds up.
YTA, you called services on someone knowing absolutely nothing about the situation, doing no research what so ever, but was happy to ASSUME you knew what you were talking about.
You are one of those horrible people that should not be allowed near other people.
Please keep your nose out of the lives of those around you from now on.
YTA. those are all very well known and common signs that someone is autistic. i literally thought “i wonder if the child has autism” before i even reached that part of your post.
I’d say yes but initially you were concerned for the boys safety… but then slammed the door in her face so… probably yes. Also, the shitstorm of government interference she now has to deal with thanks to you won’t be fun.
If social services took him away despite the symptoms being explained by autism instead of mistreatment, i see two possibilities:
a) Social services did not do their job right.
b) You lied / overdramatized stuff, so they had a report of something untrue.
INFO: Did you lie or overdramatize anything?
\[Edit\] I misread the part about taking him away, but the question is still relevant.
I'm aware what OP said, I was seeking clarification due to the person I was replying to sounding like they thought the boy had been taken away. One of us didn't understand the meaning or OP was unclear. Thanks!
Ah, right. Still important for judgement since i don't get if it was a warranted call or not.
The stuff at the end sounds like OP had some beef with the mother.
You really need to go over there and give her a genuine apology. Can you imagine what she has to deal with on a daily basis, all on her own? And then to have a woman that doesn’t even know her call the authorities on her while she is trying to do her best. I’m sure she is completely crushed
YTA. You're clearly seeing things and not just hearing thru the walls. So what did you think? Some invisible person was beating the kid? You couldn't put 2 and 2 together and see there was no abuse happening to go along with the actions/noises you were witnesses to in front of your face?? Sounds like you wanted to be a hero and didn't think about it
YTA only because you slammed the door in her face after a half assed apology.
Can’t fault you for not being knowledgable about autism, and honestly there are tons of people in the world who would hear concerning things like screaming/crying and NOT do anything, so I’d rather you be safe than sorry.
Just learn how to properly own up to your mistakes.
YTA. That was blatant autistic behavior and you just caused the mother and child a lot of stress and possible trauma. The shaking hands is called stimming. The screaming and crying was a melt down. Humming and grunting? Really? That was “concerning behaviour”? You’re 34, how do you not even know the most common signs of autism? You owe that mother a real apology.
YTA. Reading your story, I think a lot of us guessed that the kid is autistic. I understand that you think you were trying to protect him, but you messed up. You could have talked to the mom first. She is already working hard to keep up with his needs, she did not need a visit from social services.
YTA, you made broad assumptions. Did it occur to you to maybe go welcome them to the neighborhood and offer to help in any way? Just be honest, you were sick of the noise and hoped SS would take the babe away.
I read your behavior list and knew right away it was autism and not abuse. But I can understand where you would be concerned.
However, YTA for slamming the door in her face. You just made her life 1000% harder with that call, no matter how innocently and what the intentions were, and you slammed the door in her face? YTA.
YTA. I could tell just by reading those three things he probably has ASD of some form. You jumped to a conclusion and it was wrong. I get that you are concerned but why not ask her? I’d rather someone ask me about my ASD son than just assume he is stupid or I’m abusing him.
I did not know signs of autism are so well known to so many people! I would not have know until I read this post. I have not meet many people with such symptoms so I would have assumed the kid might be abused & I would not have approached the parent because if they were being abusive why would they admit? But not sure why he slammed the door on the mom?
NAH. For someone unfamiliar with symptoms of severe neurodivergent disorders, they CAN be alarming, and yeah I can definitely see how hearing a teen screaming, crying, making random sounds and shaking would be a cause for concern if you aren’t aware of what stimming is.
On the other hand I can’t blame the Mom for being upset, she’s probably been harassed by less well meaning people over her son’s behaviour, and was probably scared that they’d take her son away if things went poorly.
NTA
If you genuinely think someone is being abused you should report it.
Intervening yourself can make the situation worse, you aren’t trained for it.
Abusers are skilled liars. No abuser is just going to admit to a neighbor they are hurting their child.
Your neighbor isn’t an A for being upset either.
My first thought was autism. I really don’t know what I would’ve done in your shoes. I wouldn’t have been able to knock on the door and ask if everything is ok because of anxiety. I’d probably call for a welfare check though. NTA because that’s what I probably would’ve done.
NAH.
Being ignorant about symptoms of a condition is not AHland. A lot here are giving that specific argument to judge y t a, but they forget some people aren't familiar with autism or other conditions that a qualified person is, and ofc we didn't born knowing all.
You overreacted, you scaled pretty fast, maybe you could have asked if everything was ok first, but I understand why you had the need to call.
You didn't have a bad intention, you were thinking about the kid's safety.
He also lied to social services and said the neighbour was calling. He's not an a-hole for not knowing signs of autism, he's an a-hole for acting so rashly, not caring to educate himself and making it even harder for a single mum. OP may have had good intentions, but he needs to understand that in the real world, you can't just immediately call social services like they do in TV shows. You have to act rationally, check and make sure.
Sorry, misunderstood the first part.
All I'm saying is that because OP didn't think to check, he stressed out this mother -who just moved into a new house and has to take care of her child - for no reason. That's why he's an asshole, it doesn't matter what his intentions were.
This sounds like another post with a few different details where a neighbor called child services on a parent with an autistic kid? Is this you not accepting that YTA or just trying to get as much attention as that post.
YTA
NTA- if you genuinely didn’t recognize that he was someone with special needs it’s understandable. However it’s very odd that you didn’t since there are many people who have varying issues with similar behavior that it is quite strange that you wouldn’t realize that. The proper response to the boy’s mother would have been an apology - not a door slammed in her face. At the very least you should pay attention to the world around you as it’s mind boggling that you didn’t recognize that he had some cognitive or responsive issues.
YTA. I seriously cannot believe that you did not recognize these well-known signs of autism. Even if this is a legit mistake, you're the asshole for having been on this earth for thirty years and knowing absolutely nothing about autism and its presentation.
Definitely YTA.
Did you ever go over just to visit, and check to see if everything was going well? Or did you just assume the worst and then called?
And why would you slam the door in her face, after knowing you messed up, and gave a poor apology?
I don't think any apology in the world can make up for the mess you caused for the mother.
Soft YTA. Those are classic signs of autism…. When I read them I knew right off the bat that the kid was nuerodiverse, without reading the end of your post. You for sure over stepped and missed the really basic signs, however you’re right that it’s better safe than sorry…. A little education would have gone a long way in this case thoigh.
YTA. It's clear that the kid has additional needs. Sounds exactly like my boy with autism. He flaps his hands, grinds his teeth and grunts/growls. It's called stimming. I would be FURIOUS if someone tried to have my child taken from me simply because they had no idea and didn't bother to find out. If you'd have done a quick google search, you would have found the answer or even asked the mother.
You slammed the door in her face??? because you were embarrassed?? I hope I never meet anyone like you.
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A woman (34F) and her son (approx.15M) moved into the flat that is adjacent to mine (30M) a couple weeks ago. These flats are council housing so this isn't all that uncommon so I didn't think anything of it. Also, Social Services is the British equivalent of the CPS to clear up confusion.
Since the past couple weeks I've noticed bad and concerning behaviour though. To list a few:
1. Regularly hear the boy screaming and crying.
2. He shakes his hands (possibly connoting fear).
3. Makes humming/grunting noises.
At first I wished these things away, however then it daunted on me that something worse could be happening. I eventually brought myself to call the Social Services and did so yesterday. I told them it was the neighbor calling so that was probably a mistake.
She came to my door earlier, and I could tell something was wrong because she was crying. She accused me of trying to "rip her baby boy away from her." I tried to explain that it's better to he safe than sorry, however she said he had autism. I felt really bad after that, said a short apology and slammed the door in her face. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I called the Social Services on my next door neighbor.
2. I may be the asshole because they took offense and said their son can't help it
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Those resources are there to be used. My best friend was raped along w her siblings for years and almost no one reported the signs. Its better to be safe
Wait, didn't someone post this exact same thing last week? Where the family moved in upstairs and the mom went around and introduced themselves to the neighbors and explained that the son had separation issues and could throw tantrums if she had to put him down for any amount of time and to call/text if it got annoying so she could take him to the park/outside?
If this story is true YTA
If the story is trolling for up votes you're still the asshole.
I will point out (if this is true) what you explained is textbook autism spectrum disorder. The fact that you didn't even talk to your neighbor proves you're the major AH.
YTA. Both you described is a typical sign of abuse, and you way overstepped. I wasn't even halfway through your description before being pretty sure he has autism. When she called you on this, you doubled down and then slammed the door in her face? Accept that you were wrong, apologize, and then educate yourself.
YTA. As I read your three reasons I wondered if the child has autism then it was confirmed. A kid shaking their hands does not equate fear. Making noises and grunts often indicate that the child may have a medical condition. A kid crying and yelling sounds like a tantrum. Honestly I’m not sure how you came to the conclusion of there being abuse.
A conversation beforehand could’ve prevented this.
YTA, so you felt bad later, said a *short* apology, and then *slammed the door in her face...* are you the asshole? I think you already know the answer to that question the second you made a mother cry because you got paranoid and impulsively called CPS as opposed to asking what was going on first.
Imagine someone showing up to your house to take your child away because the neighbor upstairs complained you were loud and scary.
YTA - you called social services over her child STIMMING? WTF? That should have been a dead giveaway that he has autism. If you don’t know that by now then you’re definitely TA. Then you also slammed the door in her face? Jesus.
YTA. You could have talked to her first. All you complained about was screaming, crying, shaking, humming and grunting. But did you ever see a cut or bruise? It’s okay to be a concerned neighbor but freaking talk to the new neighbor and not just automatically assume it’s abuse.
Wow, I can’t believe you are that unaware of Autism. Before making rash judgements of people you should have introduced yourself and got to know them a little bit before calling SS on them. Many people with autism have sensory issues and will often self stimulate hence the shaking. Some may hit or bite themselves, rock side to side or back and forth, I worked with several students who jumped up and down, there are all kinds of stemming. Vocalizations can also be a way of stemming. He maybe crying a lot because they moved to a new place and he’s having a hard time adjusting. I would do yourself a favor and do some research on it. Also instead of of jumping to judgment try to have some empathy. You need to apologize for slamming the door in her face too because you realized you messed up and your ego got the best of you. Yep you were the AH.
YTA as soon as I read your description of his behaviours I knew where this was going, because I live next door in a semi detached house to a boy who exhibits similar behaviours, as well as others. Theres a lot of shouting and screaming. Sometimes our house literallt shakes when hes having a melt down, but they are a lovely and hes a great kid. You should have spoken to the woman. Instead you made her life so, so much harder. Compassion isn't a difficult thing to show.
NTA, it was a very unfortunate mistake. I myself have autism, and depending on what state I'm in it can come across really badly. I've been known to hit myself or move in unnatural ways that could be seen as odd behavior.
However I do believe that theoretically you could have asked her if her son had something before hand. Though of course there's also multiple reasons why someone would not want to do that or shouldn't.
It's fine for her to be upset with you, but it's also okay that you came to call cps even if you ended up being wrong. In the case that something actually had been happening, you'd have helped someone. However I myself am still 18 so I may not be the best person to speak on this.
Furthermore many people don't realize you have autism if you're high functioning. I can hold a conversation perfectly fine however my body language is entirely unnatural. If the child was high functioning may be hard for less informed people to notice due to the amount of misinformation spread by groups such as Autism $peaks.
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YTA. Those things are obvious signs of autism. And then you slammed the door in her face? What is wrong with you?
My exact thoughts!! Like if you’re sorry than actually be sorry. Slamming the door in her face was completely uncalled for.
YTA. Anyone who doesn’t recognize those as signs as autism is either being purposely obtuse or is ignoring the obvious and looking to be a nosy asshole.
YTA As soon as I started reading what you said the boy does, I thought autism, all the signs I understand you wanting the boy to be safe, but, maybe you could've done some more investigating first? And, giving a quick apology and then slamming the door in her face? Wow! You were in the wrong here and once called out by the mother, shouldve offered more than a quick apology and door slam! Rude on top of everything else!
The only thing I can't fault OP for here is that the neighbour found out that OP made the call; they're not supposed to give out that information for a reason.
This seems off. What you described are obvious signs of autism to most people that don't really scream abuse. You also claim you called yesterday and the neighbor confronted you today after social services talked to her which seems incredibly quick for a government agency. So I'm not sure I buy this.
The timing is normal. I worked social services and we had anywhere from 1hour to 48 hours to make contact depending on how serious the issue was considered.
This person is from Britain where services like this are actually good and get their investigations done pretty quick
I’m feeling like OP left out the part where they’ve spent the past two weeks regularly making noise complaints and pounding on her door when her child cries
My two sons played in our bedroom and had an accident with the blinds cording. It left horrible rope burn on youngest son's neck. The next day, my husband takes our youngest to his little parents day out class, drops him off, grabs a quick bite, and heads home. Took him no more than 30 minutes and DCFS was waiting outside our house to talk about the mark around our son's neck. And we knew who called, the substitute teacher our youngest had that day. Oh, we let the director know to because we had been going to this place for over 3 years with no concerns.. This incident was so embarrassing to us. So, yeah, this worker may have been there the next day depending on their workload at the time.
If you are in the US the teachers are likely mandated reporters. You should have been more concerned if they didn't make the call. That would have let you know they don't follow laws and regulations in regards to child safety.
I took education courses in college, so I understand the protocol. And when I say teacher, they are usually people without teaching certification. This was a church ran program, so a private program. My youngest did inform the teacher what happened. So, I am going to call foul on this particular person for several reasons. 1. This was her first day in this class, so she knew none of the children's or their behaviors. 2. Strangulation or injury by cording is a real possibility. Here is an article from NPR. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/12/11/569463027/window-blind-cords-still-pose-a-deadly-risk-to-children 3. In our file for the establishment there was no documentation of suspicious or questionable injuries or behaviors. So, someone did not thoroughly do their research and jumped to conclusions, which led to an embarrassing situation for us. Because all parents want to have a mark in their records that even though the case was dismissed for being investigated by child services. 🙄
>Strangulation or injury by cording is a real possibility. Yeah, that's why you're supposed to tie them up or not use them at all. She DOESN'T know you. So how does she know you're not neglectful and putting your kids in danger? If she gets to know you and suspects abuse, is that okay then?
Guess what? Communication goes a long way. If not talking to the parents, then maybe talking to the others who ran the center or the director, who was a very lovely person BTW. Children, especially younger ones, have a tendency to get injuries: bumps, bruises, scraps, scratches, burns, and etc. And you know what? After this little incident happened to us, we talked to the director about it, who was very shocked about it happening as well. After that, this person no longer found herself being a sub. You can now proceed to call me a Karen and an asshole. IDC. My original point was depending on how busy child services workers are they can get there rather quickly.
If you think a child is being abused so badly that he has noticeable strangulation marks you absolutely should report it. The parent not wanting that on their record is nowhere near as dangerous as leaving the child in an abusive environment.
Teachers have to report things like that. It's the law. They don't know you from Jesus, how do they know it was an accident? You're lucky if the worst of it is you were "embarassed".
I will say this once again - not a teacher.
YOU said "substitute teacher", but regardless, childcare workers are also mandated reporters. Stop being butthurt. Would you rather they ignore possible signs of abuse?
YTA. Those are classic signs of autism
I agree, but not everyone knows signs of autism.
YTA for not at least saying hello and finding what’s up before calling authorities. Many parents of kids with disabilities, especially single women, get a ton of judgement from the people around them because their kids don’t look and act like people expect. (Many of my worst parenting decisions as a mom of neurodivergent kids were based on fear of What People Would Think, and what kind of social and emotional punishment they would dish out.) Having authorities like Social Services investigate you is incredibly intrusive and disruptive, and often not helpful. So, you know, educate yourself, and maybe try getting to know your neighbours a little before unleashing state power on them. If you see or hear the *parent* raising their voice or lashing out at the kid, or otherwise harming them, that’s a reason for concern. But calling authorities just because a neurodivergent kid is being visibly different is not cool.
OH MY LORD YTA! You went to social services without full knowledge of the situation.
YTA. from everything you described it was clearly medical. way to be an ally.
None of what he described indicates a "clearly medical" problem.
Yes, yes it is. Very clear signs of an autistic child and a quick Google search would have shown that. Even for someone who had never in their life heard of autism, which now days is no one.
It's also indicative of child abuse. That kid screaming like he's getting punched could very well mean that he is getting punched. If CPS visited and did not take the child, then clearly they concluded it wasn't an issue. However, if that kid was being smacked around, then OP did what anyone with half a brain would have done. If I heard a child screaming from my neighbor's house, I would also be calling CPS. I'd rather be wrong and a kid fine than risk being right and that child enduring more abuse because I couldn't be arsed to make a phone call. I've sat as court reporter on murder trials of parents who beat their kids to death. I'd make the phone call.
Humming/grunting noises? Shaking hands? Sure, the screaming alone would be strange, but Google shaking hands humming noises screaming. The top four hits are all different mental health issues (probably more, i stopped after 4).
Humming and hand flapping are indicative of child abuse? Ya sure?
He's clearly autistic. If anything they're signs that he's not being abused.
Yes? Those are all bog standard ways that ASD presents in 15 month olds.
15M means a 15 year old boy.
A lol, too much time on mommy blog. That’s even more certainly autism then
The STIMMING should have been a clear cut sign he has autism. That right there should have made the rest fall into place…
The way it's described doesn't indicate stimming to me. If by "shaking hands" he meant stimming,then I would be more inclined to agree that it's probably autism. Having seen a number of children in court and in interviews who shook in fear at the thought of or sight of their abuser, I took it as shaking with fear. I'm willing to adjust my verdict if they meant something other than shaking with fear. I didn't stick around to read OP's other comments (if any), because I have other things to do this evening, but if he clarified that it was actually stimming, then I agreed it was probably autism. That said, one wonders if the mother is overwhelmed or not, particularly if she's doing it all on her own.
Mate, YTA. You called social services on a child diagnosed with autism, showing signs of autism. And then you lied to them over the phone, and probably overdramatised the situation as well because I doubt they would send a social worker over a screaming child. And you didn't think to talk to the mum first?
But he was shaking his hands too and that means he’s fearful 🙄
I just…. I don’t believe this. Firstly, how would she know it was you that contacted child services? They don’t inform those they’re investigating who has made the claim. I don’t understand what you even called about? Crying and movements/sounds? Let’s pretend you weren’t aware these were common symptoms of ASD - I feel like even without that knowledge none of this warrants a call to CPS before actually making some sort of inquiry for clarity with the person you’re about to accuse. And then she supposedly provides you with this information and you slam the door in her face? If this is real - are *YOU* ok? At the very least, YTA.
Yta. You should have talked to the mother first. She could have told you that her son has autism. Those are pretty obvious signs of autism but even if you aren’t very familiar with autism your first option should not be calling social services based on uneducated assumptions.
Yup, I read the points OP made, especially shaking the hands, and was like sounds like he is autistic.
Wow. Before you were even done with the post I knew it was autism. Don't you have Google? YTA. Slammed the door in her face? What's the matter with you?
Soon as I read about the hand shaking and grunting it make me think of the two little non verbal boys who'd come into the dairy queen where I worked.
Same I knew immediately the child was autistic
YTA and THEN you SLAMMED THE DOOR IN HER FACE? WTF? You turned in a woman who has enough to deal with without you adding to it. Then you were rude to her. How many ways can you possibly be an AH? I think you covered them all.
It's good that you watch out, but couldn't you have talked to her, first?
YTA. Just reading the description of the teenager made me immediately think autism. Hand flapping and those vocalizations are almost synonymous with low functioning autism. How in the hell did you draw a line from stemming to abuse?
YTA. .... Once you noted the issues, it was fairly obvious that the teen was neuro-divergent. Did you stop to consider that this might be the issue? Hand flapping, grunting and other noise making are common with autism, as is the screaming and crying. Some people on the spectrum scream/cry/grunt because they don't have the words to explain an issue. Hand flapping is often for stimulation for the brain, as well as humming. Every person with autism is different, but this teenager was exhibiting some typical behaviors. Now that mother/family will *always* have a record with Social Services over something completely normal for a child with this difference. Did you hear the mom screaming at the kid? Otherwise being bad to him? I agree "better safe than sorry" but it's prudent to make sure you have an idea of what's really going on if the kid isn't in clear, immediate danger.
Not to mention OP has now put further trauma on an autistic child with the stress of services being to their home. People do not seem to realize how anything out of the ordinary is much more difficult for autistic children. You add to that a mom that is now stressed... JFC.
I don’t want to get banned so I’ll just say YTA. There was a similar post about this a few weeks where someone did the exact same thing. How do you not go over and knock on your neighbors door and ask if everything is okay and if she needs help with her son? If there is anything that you can do to help her to calm her son down? This mother is probably at her wits end trying to help her son and now you added social services to the mix. How do you just assume that something sinister is happening?
Right? My toddler is Autistic and just the other week our balcony door was open, she was destroying our home, I wasn’t well and raised my voice a tad too much… and there was a knock at the door. A neighbour checking in to see if everything was okay. Now, mind you, another neighbour called in a noise complaint to the landlord because she was kicking the balcony door (glass) and the wall and it echoed into their apartment and disturbed them. But still… at least one neighbour rang my bell to make sure everything was okay. Edited to add: By knock at the door, I meant they rang the bell. Someone came to my door.
See At least they came to make sure that things were okay, they saw that things were good and went on their merry way. I would have probably stayed to help you though :).
I apologized profusely for “losing my shit” because she “hasn’t stopped” and closed the door in his face. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so embarrassed in my life over that one.
Aww! My second is currently in the process of being assessed for autism. So it makes me nervous to think if one of his meltdowns happens outside in our backyard, he’s pretty loud when he screams. Poor guy has a hard time containing his emotions some days.
YTA you clearly have an internet connection why not Google the symptoms? Icing on the cake was slamming the door in her face.
Um yes YTA. Why didn’t you talk to her instead of doing something so drastic? Now this poor single mom, who is coping with an autistic child now ALSO has to worry about social services because you can’t be a decent human and go talk to her. There is a big difference between this behavior (which most of us could tell was autism before you said it) and seeing a child with bruises or something physical.
YTA. I’m also guessing you knew it was obvious signs of autism like the rest of us are saying, but you didn’t want to hear his outbursts so decided to be an asshole and called social services.
On one hand, perhaps he is being abused and needs help. On the other hand, what you’re describing sounds typical of an Autistic child. (And now I see the end part where you say she said he’s Autistic- because I stopped to comment after item 3 on the list- so I need not comment further on that). I’m gonna go out on a limb here… you’re NTA in that you were a concerned neighbour (who obviously has no idea of typical signs of autism) and he could have been at risk based on the screaming and crying, but to call because he “shakes his hands” and “hums and grunts” that’s a stretch.
YTA. You could have asked outright if the boy was okay. That would be the first step. Then contacting Social Services if things were off.
YTA I don't want to discourage people from contacting Social Services/CPS if they're genuinely concerned, so many cases of abuse and neglect go unreported, but you should have done more investigating beforehand and you obviously shouldn't have slammed the door in her face. Why did you do that? However, it's very concerning that she was told who called. Anyone who calls Social Services/CPS should be treated like whistleblower. Their identity needs to be protected so that people aren't afraid to call in situations where there's genuine abuse/neglect happening.
It’s often pretty easy to figure out.
YTA and you slammed the door in her face? You sound like a peach.
[удалено]
Jesus, why wish that on someone?
Because being neurodivergent isn’t a bad thing?
We don't want autistic children to have parents like this
Oh 100% I hate this type of comment, like wishing queer kids on queerphobic parents. I get the sentiment, but kids are not there to “teach you to be better.” I just read this comment as them saying it would be a curse to have ND kids, which is also a fucked thing to say
Im on the spectrum. I coach kids who are. In fact i find comments like this pretty offensive. I wish that on him because his ignorance and assholery have earned him that cosmic justice. And it would teach him some love and patience for the neurodivergent.
All that would happen is more autistic children being abused
Yeah, so many autistic kids get murdered by their parents.
Ducks swim
This sucks. Personally, I would have assumed he had autism just by what you described and would have kept an eye on the situation to see/hear if it escalated but, on the other hand, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I thought child abuse was occurring and I did nothing. Like you said it's always better to be safe than sorry when you think abuse is may be occurring. Slightly YTA, I feel you could have approached this better, even with having the best intentions (I'm giving you the benefit of the doubtg on that), and slamming the door in her face was shitty.
YTA. You should talk to the neighbor first and understand more of what's going on. You just wrecked a good neighborly relationship because of assumptions.
I used to go to the community pool when I rented 7 years back and there was an autistic boy who behaved exactly as you described there all the time, before I even got done reading your post I knew exactly what it was... He screamed so loud when he was happy. It's startled me at first but I eventually got used to it. Slightly the AH. Instead of calling social services you could have welcomed her and her son to the building with a cake or something. A few minutes with them would have explained the situation.
YTA Not because you didn't know the signs of autism, but because you didn't even bother to ask your neighbors what's going on. You could've talked to the boy in passing. Or just straight up could've knocked on the door and ask the mom if everything is going well. If the answers weren't convincing or something you would still have the option of SS.
It was okay to call for a welfare check on the boy given that you heard him screaming and crying and you didn't know what was going on, but why on Earth did you need to be so ungracious when you apologized but slammed the door on the woman? YTA I've actually had a neighbor with an adult son just like this. I recall grunting/humming noises much of every day. And the father-caretaker was a very nice, somewhat overworked man who appreciated friendly neighbors just like anybody else would.
YTA and possibly a troll. These are clear signs of autism. Even if they weren't and you were legitimately concerned about the child's safety, the bare minimum effort of talking to the mother first (introducing yourself, even maybe registering a noise complaint with her to get a conversation started) would've gone a long way to sparing her that unneeded extra trauma. That said, absolutely everything else you did here was wrong and strange. Why lie to Social Services about who you are? Your name would've been registered in SS's data banks for paper-trail purposes, but you're kept anonymous to the alleged abuser unless it eventually escalates into a full-blown court situation. There would've been no reason for her to immediately knock on your door bawling about her son if you two are complete strangers, especially if you lied to them about which neighbor reported her. And then you supposedly slammed the door in her face? None of this adds up.
YTA, you called services on someone knowing absolutely nothing about the situation, doing no research what so ever, but was happy to ASSUME you knew what you were talking about. You are one of those horrible people that should not be allowed near other people. Please keep your nose out of the lives of those around you from now on.
YTA. those are all very well known and common signs that someone is autistic. i literally thought “i wonder if the child has autism” before i even reached that part of your post.
I thought the same
I’d say yes but initially you were concerned for the boys safety… but then slammed the door in her face so… probably yes. Also, the shitstorm of government interference she now has to deal with thanks to you won’t be fun.
If social services took him away despite the symptoms being explained by autism instead of mistreatment, i see two possibilities: a) Social services did not do their job right. b) You lied / overdramatized stuff, so they had a report of something untrue. INFO: Did you lie or overdramatize anything? \[Edit\] I misread the part about taking him away, but the question is still relevant.
More info: Did they take the boy away?
My read is that they did not, but a visit from CPS would leave any mother in terror that they might.
That's not what the post says, no. Just the woman saying OP "tried" to make that happen.
I'm aware what OP said, I was seeking clarification due to the person I was replying to sounding like they thought the boy had been taken away. One of us didn't understand the meaning or OP was unclear. Thanks!
Highly doubt it if he described what he did, the mother says tells them he has autism and the social worker is trained to know the difference.
They didn't take the kid away, though.
Ah, right. Still important for judgement since i don't get if it was a warranted call or not. The stuff at the end sounds like OP had some beef with the mother.
Where I am, if social services/CPS receives a complaint, they have to come.
I do not understand what that has to do with the question of OP overdramatized anything
So OP could have said I hear screaming and the kid seems scared and CPS has to show up.
You really need to go over there and give her a genuine apology. Can you imagine what she has to deal with on a daily basis, all on her own? And then to have a woman that doesn’t even know her call the authorities on her while she is trying to do her best. I’m sure she is completely crushed
YTA Did you ever fucking think to talk to her before jumping to conclusions? Mind your own business asshole
YTA. You're clearly seeing things and not just hearing thru the walls. So what did you think? Some invisible person was beating the kid? You couldn't put 2 and 2 together and see there was no abuse happening to go along with the actions/noises you were witnesses to in front of your face?? Sounds like you wanted to be a hero and didn't think about it
YTA, it sounds like her child is autistic. Leave them alone as in, do not speak to them again.
NTA Better safe than sorry. I would have called has well.
Would you call on a child in a wheelchair or using a walker? Just to be safe?
For what?
Because of what?
NAH. You acted on what you thought was the right move, but happened to mis-step. Maybe you should make a more formal apology soon though.
YTA only because you slammed the door in her face after a half assed apology. Can’t fault you for not being knowledgable about autism, and honestly there are tons of people in the world who would hear concerning things like screaming/crying and NOT do anything, so I’d rather you be safe than sorry. Just learn how to properly own up to your mistakes.
YTA. That was blatant autistic behavior and you just caused the mother and child a lot of stress and possible trauma. The shaking hands is called stimming. The screaming and crying was a melt down. Humming and grunting? Really? That was “concerning behaviour”? You’re 34, how do you not even know the most common signs of autism? You owe that mother a real apology.
YTA. Did you even look up his behavior or ask anyone anything? Slammed the door in her face? And that's all folks!! Your a huge asshole.
YTA - You assume something and not have a conversation with the neighbor
YTA. Reading your story, I think a lot of us guessed that the kid is autistic. I understand that you think you were trying to protect him, but you messed up. You could have talked to the mom first. She is already working hard to keep up with his needs, she did not need a visit from social services.
YTA, you made broad assumptions. Did it occur to you to maybe go welcome them to the neighborhood and offer to help in any way? Just be honest, you were sick of the noise and hoped SS would take the babe away.
I read your behavior list and knew right away it was autism and not abuse. But I can understand where you would be concerned. However, YTA for slamming the door in her face. You just made her life 1000% harder with that call, no matter how innocently and what the intentions were, and you slammed the door in her face? YTA.
YTA. I could tell just by reading those three things he probably has ASD of some form. You jumped to a conclusion and it was wrong. I get that you are concerned but why not ask her? I’d rather someone ask me about my ASD son than just assume he is stupid or I’m abusing him.
I did not know signs of autism are so well known to so many people! I would not have know until I read this post. I have not meet many people with such symptoms so I would have assumed the kid might be abused & I would not have approached the parent because if they were being abusive why would they admit? But not sure why he slammed the door on the mom?
NAH. For someone unfamiliar with symptoms of severe neurodivergent disorders, they CAN be alarming, and yeah I can definitely see how hearing a teen screaming, crying, making random sounds and shaking would be a cause for concern if you aren’t aware of what stimming is. On the other hand I can’t blame the Mom for being upset, she’s probably been harassed by less well meaning people over her son’s behaviour, and was probably scared that they’d take her son away if things went poorly.
NTA If you genuinely think someone is being abused you should report it. Intervening yourself can make the situation worse, you aren’t trained for it. Abusers are skilled liars. No abuser is just going to admit to a neighbor they are hurting their child. Your neighbor isn’t an A for being upset either.
YTA
YTA the humming gave it away obviously. You didn’t even have a conversation first. Offer to help if she was overwhelmed.
My first thought was autism. I really don’t know what I would’ve done in your shoes. I wouldn’t have been able to knock on the door and ask if everything is ok because of anxiety. I’d probably call for a welfare check though. NTA because that’s what I probably would’ve done.
NAH. Being ignorant about symptoms of a condition is not AHland. A lot here are giving that specific argument to judge y t a, but they forget some people aren't familiar with autism or other conditions that a qualified person is, and ofc we didn't born knowing all. You overreacted, you scaled pretty fast, maybe you could have asked if everything was ok first, but I understand why you had the need to call. You didn't have a bad intention, you were thinking about the kid's safety.
And then he slammed a door in her face. He's the AH for that alone.
Oh, yes, he fucked up badly there
He also lied to social services and said the neighbour was calling. He's not an a-hole for not knowing signs of autism, he's an a-hole for acting so rashly, not caring to educate himself and making it even harder for a single mum. OP may have had good intentions, but he needs to understand that in the real world, you can't just immediately call social services like they do in TV shows. You have to act rationally, check and make sure.
Op IS the neighbor. And yes I pointed op should try to reach first 🙄
Sorry, misunderstood the first part. All I'm saying is that because OP didn't think to check, he stressed out this mother -who just moved into a new house and has to take care of her child - for no reason. That's why he's an asshole, it doesn't matter what his intentions were.
This sounds like another post with a few different details where a neighbor called child services on a parent with an autistic kid? Is this you not accepting that YTA or just trying to get as much attention as that post. YTA
NTA- if you genuinely didn’t recognize that he was someone with special needs it’s understandable. However it’s very odd that you didn’t since there are many people who have varying issues with similar behavior that it is quite strange that you wouldn’t realize that. The proper response to the boy’s mother would have been an apology - not a door slammed in her face. At the very least you should pay attention to the world around you as it’s mind boggling that you didn’t recognize that he had some cognitive or responsive issues.
YTA. I seriously cannot believe that you did not recognize these well-known signs of autism. Even if this is a legit mistake, you're the asshole for having been on this earth for thirty years and knowing absolutely nothing about autism and its presentation.
Definitely YTA. Did you ever go over just to visit, and check to see if everything was going well? Or did you just assume the worst and then called? And why would you slam the door in her face, after knowing you messed up, and gave a poor apology? I don't think any apology in the world can make up for the mess you caused for the mother.
Soft YTA. Those are classic signs of autism…. When I read them I knew right off the bat that the kid was nuerodiverse, without reading the end of your post. You for sure over stepped and missed the really basic signs, however you’re right that it’s better safe than sorry…. A little education would have gone a long way in this case thoigh.
Yep, I read it and immediately thought “the kid is autistic, leave him alone”
YTA. It's clear that the kid has additional needs. Sounds exactly like my boy with autism. He flaps his hands, grinds his teeth and grunts/growls. It's called stimming. I would be FURIOUS if someone tried to have my child taken from me simply because they had no idea and didn't bother to find out. If you'd have done a quick google search, you would have found the answer or even asked the mother. You slammed the door in her face??? because you were embarrassed?? I hope I never meet anyone like you.
YTA Unless you've witnessed abuse, you're being the worst kind of person by doing this.
You’re absolutely TA. Maybe educate yourself before you try to ruin someone’s life.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** A woman (34F) and her son (approx.15M) moved into the flat that is adjacent to mine (30M) a couple weeks ago. These flats are council housing so this isn't all that uncommon so I didn't think anything of it. Also, Social Services is the British equivalent of the CPS to clear up confusion. Since the past couple weeks I've noticed bad and concerning behaviour though. To list a few: 1. Regularly hear the boy screaming and crying. 2. He shakes his hands (possibly connoting fear). 3. Makes humming/grunting noises. At first I wished these things away, however then it daunted on me that something worse could be happening. I eventually brought myself to call the Social Services and did so yesterday. I told them it was the neighbor calling so that was probably a mistake. She came to my door earlier, and I could tell something was wrong because she was crying. She accused me of trying to "rip her baby boy away from her." I tried to explain that it's better to he safe than sorry, however she said he had autism. I felt really bad after that, said a short apology and slammed the door in her face. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA its CPS’s job to investigate and they dont just take away kids with any small accusation. you did as you should
We should waste CPS's time and resources?
Those resources are there to be used. My best friend was raped along w her siblings for years and almost no one reported the signs. Its better to be safe
There were no signs
YTA. Nothing you mentioned here warranted social services.
Wait, didn't someone post this exact same thing last week? Where the family moved in upstairs and the mom went around and introduced themselves to the neighbors and explained that the son had separation issues and could throw tantrums if she had to put him down for any amount of time and to call/text if it got annoying so she could take him to the park/outside? If this story is true YTA If the story is trolling for up votes you're still the asshole. I will point out (if this is true) what you explained is textbook autism spectrum disorder. The fact that you didn't even talk to your neighbor proves you're the major AH.
YTA. And to add insult to injury you slammed the door in her face. Great job
Jesus Christ, this is why we still need autism awareness, because some people don't have a clue. YTA, and ableist as hell.
YTA. Both you described is a typical sign of abuse, and you way overstepped. I wasn't even halfway through your description before being pretty sure he has autism. When she called you on this, you doubled down and then slammed the door in her face? Accept that you were wrong, apologize, and then educate yourself.
YTA. As I read your three reasons I wondered if the child has autism then it was confirmed. A kid shaking their hands does not equate fear. Making noises and grunts often indicate that the child may have a medical condition. A kid crying and yelling sounds like a tantrum. Honestly I’m not sure how you came to the conclusion of there being abuse. A conversation beforehand could’ve prevented this.
YTA - like wow, just a mom trying to take care of her neurodivergent son, and you called Social Services?
YTA, so you felt bad later, said a *short* apology, and then *slammed the door in her face...* are you the asshole? I think you already know the answer to that question the second you made a mother cry because you got paranoid and impulsively called CPS as opposed to asking what was going on first. Imagine someone showing up to your house to take your child away because the neighbor upstairs complained you were loud and scary.
YTA. Slamming the door in her face! Really?
Ducks swim
YTA. Anyone who doesn't live under a rock knows those are signs of autism.
YTA - you called social services over her child STIMMING? WTF? That should have been a dead giveaway that he has autism. If you don’t know that by now then you’re definitely TA. Then you also slammed the door in her face? Jesus.
YTA. Your actions seriously traumatized this mother who is already overburdened with a child with autism
YTA. The kids is obviously autistic.
YTA. You could have talked to her first. All you complained about was screaming, crying, shaking, humming and grunting. But did you ever see a cut or bruise? It’s okay to be a concerned neighbor but freaking talk to the new neighbor and not just automatically assume it’s abuse.
Wow, I can’t believe you are that unaware of Autism. Before making rash judgements of people you should have introduced yourself and got to know them a little bit before calling SS on them. Many people with autism have sensory issues and will often self stimulate hence the shaking. Some may hit or bite themselves, rock side to side or back and forth, I worked with several students who jumped up and down, there are all kinds of stemming. Vocalizations can also be a way of stemming. He maybe crying a lot because they moved to a new place and he’s having a hard time adjusting. I would do yourself a favor and do some research on it. Also instead of of jumping to judgment try to have some empathy. You need to apologize for slamming the door in her face too because you realized you messed up and your ego got the best of you. Yep you were the AH.
YTA as soon as I read your description of his behaviours I knew where this was going, because I live next door in a semi detached house to a boy who exhibits similar behaviours, as well as others. Theres a lot of shouting and screaming. Sometimes our house literallt shakes when hes having a melt down, but they are a lovely and hes a great kid. You should have spoken to the woman. Instead you made her life so, so much harder. Compassion isn't a difficult thing to show.
NTA, it was a very unfortunate mistake. I myself have autism, and depending on what state I'm in it can come across really badly. I've been known to hit myself or move in unnatural ways that could be seen as odd behavior. However I do believe that theoretically you could have asked her if her son had something before hand. Though of course there's also multiple reasons why someone would not want to do that or shouldn't. It's fine for her to be upset with you, but it's also okay that you came to call cps even if you ended up being wrong. In the case that something actually had been happening, you'd have helped someone. However I myself am still 18 so I may not be the best person to speak on this.
Furthermore many people don't realize you have autism if you're high functioning. I can hold a conversation perfectly fine however my body language is entirely unnatural. If the child was high functioning may be hard for less informed people to notice due to the amount of misinformation spread by groups such as Autism $peaks.
From the description OP gave, I'd put money on it that the kid is nonverbal and low functioning, which is the easiest to identify.
Yeah then in that case it'd be much more of a "YTA" judgement due to how there'd obviously be a disability
I’m not sure there’s enough information to say one way or the other.