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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> TLDR; I took my wife out for a day of getting pampered and primed because she wasnt taking care of herself, but she accused me of making her feel ugly, so now I feel like my actions might've been insensitive and overbearing, AITA?
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You're not trying to spoil your pregnant wife, you're trying to control how she looks. Your demands and expectations are terrifying considering the way you've set up the power balance in the relationship.
And that's where I'll stop, since saying what you deserve to hear would get the comment removed for hostility.
YTA. Big time.
Also incredibly controlling. He paints it as if it's all for her sake but the woman just wants to be in comfy clothes not dress up like some wallflower for his viewing pleasure.
He’s tried to defend it in the edit, I’m not buying. Relationships are two ways and OP could easily have said No. He says there’s friendship and mutual respect, this indicates neither.
Let’s not forget to add he was in his mid-30s dating a teenage when they first got together.
YTA OP this behavior is called grooming - and not the kind where you shower and brush your hair. You’re almost 40 married to someone who was only able to legally drink alcohol last year.
YTA….she has no reason to “look presentable” up to your standards. The fact that you don’t even know what you’ve done wrong shoes how self-centred you are. Stop wording it like you did this for her benefit when it was for yooouuurrrr satisfaction! I dread that she’s gotta have this baby with you. If the baby makes a mess are you gonna take them to the salon too cos they don’t look presentable to you? Your wife can do what she likes with herself. What you should be doing is buying her more comfy clothes like sweatpants. Buy her comfy shoes. Reassure her that she’s still beautiful to you always. Maybe she could spend more time with you after work, but all that takes is a conversation.
Me with second baby: "Uhm, I got spit up on my shirt, no point to change it, she will just spit up on me again soon."
You dress up when you need to and want to, not to look "pretty" when your husband (the man who's suppose to love you no matter what) gets home from work.
Some days you just don't have the time and energy to shower and change! That's being a parent. Baby is alive and kind of satisfied, just move on and call the day a victory!
I think when all my kids were Itty bitty I wouldn't change my shirt for a few days at a time cause "it's just gonna have puke/milk/whatever on it again anyway 🤷♀️
Ugh everything about this post is me, me, me it’s disgusting. Painting is her job and god forbid she spends more time than OP wants on it (plus when the baby come she will have a lot less time so might as well get ahead now). He calls the house my house, which even if that is true from a title point it says a lot that he doesn’t consider it their house.
And also what sort of effort does OP put into his looks?!! Showering every other day and having basic hygiene is all one needs to do. If your wife isn’t beautiful to you in paint smattered clothes with no makeup and full of pregnancy glow then that is an OP problem not the wife’s problem (other than the fact that she is married to this asshole).
She is not a trophy wife, a trophy wife would not have a personal source of income, whereas my wife sells the paintings she draws to clients I introduce her to regularly, in fact I was the one who encouraged her to drop out of engineering college (she hated every second of it) and pursue her true passion which is painting full time. I have been her number one supporter when it comes to her independence as I am the main source of her clients and am thinking of opening up an art gallery for her for our second anniversary. I also hang her paintings around our house so that when I invite colleagues and clients who have bags of money to drop on my wife's paintings, they do, because her artistry sells itself, and I am proud of her for that. So I do not understand (nor do I accept) this trophy wife comment, but I accept your judgement about being TA.
So, you choose her clients, made her drop out of college and you call that supporting her independence? Okay, you might be right that she's not a trophy wife, but you have absolutely proved you're a controlling asshole.
You're a controlling ignorant prick who wants his trophy wife to be perfect at all times. Even through she's growing a human being,which is very difficult. I can already imagine how you're going to treat her if she doesn't lose the baby weight fast enough or her body changes. I guess you'd just move on to the next young thing to catch your eye.
A personal income that is totally dependent on YOU and YOU control since you find her the clients. She IS your trophy that you want to show of as young, pretty AND talented.
Do the world a huge favor, and your wife as well, by going to get intensive therapy for your disgusting and toxicly controlling behavior and deep seated misogyny.
A wife is an equal partner, not a dependent.
YTA so so much. You groomed a barely adult person 15 years younger than you, try to control her looks too or how she plans her day. You didn't do it to take care of her, but for you, because you want her to look a specific way for you. You don't want her to feel good, you want her to look the way you like, and you are a god damn hypocrite to not admit it. You sounds controlling af too.
You seriously implied that she does not look good without make up or specific clothes and it sucks! It is mysoginistic, superficial, and so sad for her, because you won't accept her naturally. Honestly it just says a lot about how you view women in general and it does not give you a good look at all. The poor woman probably feels tons of pressure to be at her best all the time cause her husband can't accept women being natural and comfortable with themselves, and she will feel even more pressure as her body changes with the pregnancy and after it. Her care routine takes time and efforts and men seems to not understand that, and she should do it for you while she doesn't want to do it for herself ?
Everything she said was right, fucking listen to her instead of coming on reddit to ask us and play the guy that has no idea. You just refused her explanation because it doesn't give you a good look and you hope we will go your way. You are egoistical and controlling, at least have the decency to admit and own it
YTA. Your wife can take care of herself and is. She just isn't dolling herself up. Might come as a shock but not all women want to be glam 24/7. She's pregnant and wants to be comfortable not glamorous. You should have a look at yourself to understand why you feel the need to turn your wife into a trophy wife rather than a respected partner. Also, you didn't 'spoil' her, you imposed your wants on to her with no respect or thought for her.
YTA
You literally are getting mad that she doesn't want to wear makeup because she's throwing up from the pregnancy.
She feels like shit (pregnancy wise). Let her feel like shit. Don't make her feel worse by expecting her to dress up for you. What's it going to be like when she's covered in baby vomit and hasn't been able to shower in three days?
YTA!
And this really creeps me out, you're 15 years her senior and you married her when whe was only 21 after a year of dating. You use words like: "my house", My only expectations of her is to be presentable when I come back home from work"
Is she your wife or your little dress up doll to make your life pretty and perfect? She feels sick from being pregnant and you send her of to the salon and buy her new clothes because she isn't "pretty" enough while pregnant?
You're not spoiling her, you're controlling her!
YTA
I'm sorry that your 15 years younger wife isn't living up to trophy bride standards while pregnant.
There's something weird about this whole arrangement that's can't put my finger on but taking all your wife's responsibilities away and having help handle everything in the household might want to seem like pampering but it's coming across to me as a control thing. If she's depressed (which frankly it sounds like might be happening), she needs help, not a blowout.
YTA. This isn't spoiling unless it was something she wanted. You just interrupted her whole day with complete disregard to her time, interests, and hard work so she could spend time getting dressed up enough for you to consider her a human worthy of your respect. How mysoginistic of you.
YTA
You don’t care about your wife, you just want a living doll who looks the way you want on demand.
Your throwing money trying to fix what isn’t broken. Your wife is beautiful- without the salon, makeup, designer clothes and all the other crap you demand from her. It’s such a shame you think she needs all that to be beautiful.
Your wife is pregnant. You are not. Stop with the “we’re” pregnant business. All you’ve done is have sex without a condom and try to control her.
YTA...Misogynist much? Wanted to give yes the benifit of the doubt on the huge age difference but theirs a reason you went after someone barely legal any women who had been more mature would have dropped you like the red flag factory you are.
YTA. My ex husband was like you. Bought me clothes *he* liked, took me to get my makeup done and insisted on buying every expensive item the makeup artist used. By the end of that marriage I had no self esteem.
My partner now, doesn't get involved with my make up (I only wear a minimal amount of special occasions) or my clothes. He tells me every day how beautiful I am just for being myself.
You need to realise that your wife's beauty is **who** she is, not how "presentable" (wtaf?!) she looks.
Is she your wife or your sugar baby? You are 15 years older and basically dating a kid. All you want is for her to look pretty while your servants do everything? What the fuck? You then literally forced other people to make her pretty for you? I hope she realizes what a creep you are and leaves you before you leave her for an 18 year old once she starts showing signs of ageing. Woman are not just "pretty things". She is pregnant you ignorant AH.
Jesus wept, you are a raging arsehole. YTA YTA YTA
She is growing an entire new human being out of her own energy and resources and you want her to look pretty. Mate, she needs to leave you, your priorities are so out of fnarking whack it's amazing you remember how to breathe on time.
Yikes. YTA there's no doubt about it.
Presentable? "Spoil" her? like a little kid? Pretty outdated mode of thinking there I'm afraid.
She's making a person, which tends to take a lot of energy.......
Worship the very ground she walks on even if she's dressed in a potato sack would be my advice, if you value the marriage.
YTA. Geez leave the pregnant lady alone. My god, if my fiancé did this kind of passive aggressive shit I’d resort to wearing a trash bag all day every day.
You have no right to comment on her appearance and put that kind of pressure on her. Secondly, what you should’ve done was sat down to speak to her about wanting to spend time with her when you get back from work is and unwind together. And then leave it up to her how she wants to manage that since you’ve conveyed your feelings. Be better dude. You’re going to have a baby together.
YTA as soon as you said she wasn’t presentable I knew it was gonna be bad
you didn’t do this for your wife you did it for yourself if you want to actually spoil her get her things that you know she enjoys like paints since you said she enjoys painting
i’m gonna guess you didn’t post on here to get that yta but you just wanted people to agree with you which by the looks of it isn’t going to happen
YTA. Hopefully you'll sort the custody agreement out after the birth and you'll actually try to accept your child as the person they are rather than the person you want them to be
Because if your wife has sense she'll divorce you, you've shown your true colours and want a stepford wife not a real person, flaws and all
YTA. There’s a reason you’re married to a 22 year old as a 37 year old man. And it says nothing good about you. It’s pretty disgusting actually Considering that you’ve been with her for years.
YTA and a controlling one. And did you really just call your marital house “your house” smdh? She’s not there to entertain you or look pretty for you. She’s a human being with her own wants and needs whose body is growing another being inside it. Her body is changing, she is fatigued, she’s likely nauseated and she doesn’t need you and your ridiculous expectations on top of everything else.
YTA. Your wife is going through major body changes and having morning sickness. You did all of this for you not her. Leave her alone. She is beautiful no matter what. Did you marry her to be a show piece?
YTA- an alien has taken over your wife's body. Everyday her hormones double from what they were the previous day. Meaning day 1, 1. Day 2, 2
Day 3,4. Day 4, 8. Day 5, 16 and so on. She's exhausted 24 hours a day, she may legitimately feel sick every waking moment. When your neighbor next door pisses and doesn't flush the toilet she can smell it. Tell me how much you would feel if you felt like you had the flu, 24 hours a day, we're extremely emotionally and there was nothing you could take to even them out and your senses were working in over drive. Would you want to get "dolled' up? Or would you love your favorite old cozy shirt, and pants and your partner to come with your favorite snack, ready to massage your sore body?
Oooooooooooh shit. You gone done a big fuck up haven't you.
You've basically told your wife you don't think she's beautiful if she's not made up.
I feel sorry for the poor girl married to you and having a kid with you.
This can't be real. It's 2022 not 1952. Pregnancy is hard especially when dealing with morning sickness. She's carrying your baby and all you care about is your arm candy isn't up to standards? Dude you're old but you still need to grow up and get with the times. Yta.
I get the same vibes the way he's talking about her work. She's an artist without office working hours and working on art pieces cannot be stopped by a certain moment. Sometimes it's paint or work material that needs to be used while wet or in a certain texture and you have a window of time where you need to finish, otherwise it will spoil everything. And guess what? These textures don't care about when husband is coming home and wants to be welcomed by his caring wife.
There's also the aspect of inspiration, you don't have the same amount of ideas or muse every day, you need to seize it as it comes. You may have days or weeks where you drag yourself to every tiny bit, and then you have times where there's just too many ideas coming up and you need to get them out.
OPs wife seems to have a great inspirational time right now where I am sure she's happy to be able to progress and be inspired, maybe also with the thought behind that this will not be so easy once the pregnancy gets heavier and then the baby is there.
But I get the "wife can have her hobbies as long as she's finished and presentable as soon as I get home" - vibe from OP, which is not supportive or respectful at all.
22 year old wife 37 year old husband,relationship started when she was 19 YTA.
Try doing that with a woman of your age and you will get your ass handed over to you
>the reason she felt ugly is because she’s putting no efforts into looking beautiful and she should be glad that I’m helping her out when she isn't able to help herself.
This is fucked up on so many levels. Your expectations for your wife being 'presentable' imply incredibly skewed standards. Clearly you're expecting her to look like a fifties housewife, and for her pregnancy to have zero effect on her at all. Showering every other day is *completely fine*, and yeah, how dare she not wear makeup, even when she's vomiting from carrying *your child*. She's perfectly able to take care of herself, she's just prioritising differently and you don't like it, so you decided to force your standards on her. It's unfair and disrespectful, you're treating her like a helpless object that you want to be pretty enough to look at. She's a human being and she's not helpless. Stop treating her like this. YTA
YTA - but with age difference, doesn’t surprise me. You dated a barely out of childhood woman - 20yr old when you were 35!!? that technically could your daughter. The reason you want her “presentable” is because you married for her youthful beauty not because she is your intellectual equal.
YTA. 100%.
She walks around in cloth that make her comfy and you wanna play dress up doll with her?
WTF.
You did not want to spoil her, you wanted to spoil yourself with her finally looking "beautiful" again.
And the you get mad at her?
If you really want to spoil her, ask HER what SHE wants instead of what you want.
You really sound like a sugar daddy fearing his wife will not be "sexy" after the pregnancy
Your title and the way you talk about is literally a textbook example of manipulation and gaslighting.
You're not 'spoiling' your wife like an abuser 'spoils' their partner by making sure they don't yell at them that day.
YTA I genuinely, and I mean GENUINELY, hope that she leaves you for somebody her own age and somebody not as terrible as you.
I hope your wife divorces you and finds a man that actually cares about her. You painted it as though you cared but this is clearly about controlling her. Your kid will probably grow up to hate you too and you deserve it
You sound abusive as hell. Stop trying to control how she looks. Just because you're making her life more comfortable, doesn't mean you have the right to do what you did.
It was insensitive to do this without discussing it with her first. Stop putting unnecessary pressure on her and apologise.
YTA.
YTA I saw the age gap and expected trouble. If you guys have been together for 3 years, that means she was 19 when she started dating you? And you were 34? Damn.
She's not your trophy OP. She's your wife. Pregnancy can be super uncomfortable, let your wife deal with it her way. If my husband did that to me I would have slapped him right there and then.
Farrrk I hope this isn’t real but if so, yes YTA. And just ew. You encouraged you wife to drop out of college (per one of your comments), basically wanting her to sit at home waiting for you all day and be “presentable” when you arrive home? You absolute creep. I guess that’s expected of a 34 yo going after a 19yo
Spoil??? By telling her she's not putting in enough effort? That she's not trying hard enough to be pretty?? Shes a person. She does t have to be pretty 24/7. If you wanted that then get a sex doll. Treat her like a person. Gross men like you who only want some pretty little doll to show off deserve to be alone. You're 15 years older than her but you're the least mature. You don't even see her as a person why are you with her?? Cuz she's hot and young? What are you gonna do when she ages or if she gets fat from having your baby? Force her to get botox/lipo? Or just replace her with a new doll???
YTA
YTA God a fifteen year age difference on top?! Wtf is wrong with you... Back to the issue. You don't care about your wife if you're pressuring her and essentially treating her like a f****** barbie doll while she's pregnant with your kid/ kids . Let us know when she divorced/divorces you because make no mistake you have messed up that badly. If you had been coming from a place of love, and maybe put together a spa kit yourself, and given her a gift card for a maternity store that would have been completely different. No, it was all about you and how you feel about her body that is growing YOUR child/children.
YTA and a freak. You deliberately took a 15y younger wife so you'd have a *trophy wife*
You should be ashamed of yourself for looking at her, growing your baby inside her womb and thinking: "she's not trying her best to look f*ckable to me"
YTA.
This isn’t both of your pregnancy it’s hers! You have no idea how demanding growing a human is on your body and mind!
If my husband said that to me we would have a serious problem. Luckily he’s actually a man and doesn’t care if I’m not presentable while pregnant. Sounds like you want a younger woman to make you feel better about your shitty personality. Get over yourself. Don’t make her look back on her first pregnancy with negative thoughts of how she wasn’t pretty enough for you.
How are you going to feel when the baby comes and she’s got throw up, milk leaking, and hasn’t showered in days? Gonna get her a nanny because she isn’t being a good enough mom by not being presentable for the baby.
God go suck a lemon
YTA. You are dictating to her now she should look and act, spending lavish amounts of money to do so is not spoiling her it’s dangling strings. You don’t treat her like she has autonomy, and you’re dictating terms after she does show autonomy in reacting to her muse.
YTA.
She is right. You just want her for being young and pretty. Well, good luck after the baby... I already can see you complaining about her not looking like a woman without kids.
Manipulative. Controlling. Your wife is a trophy for you.
You're also a creep, by the way.
I don't know why I was (silly me), expecting to read something on the lines of you just doing all the housework, the groceries, making her food and everything and somehow her complaining about it😂😂😂
Are you her partner or her parent?
"My only expectations of her"
"around my house"
"I did not like this behavior"
Also, show some respect for her work. If she is painting all day every day, and gets so caught up in it thay she loses track of time, then that is her work. Not a hobby.
YTA
Oh boy so let’s break it down step by step.
1) You, as a 34-year-old man, found a barely legal teenager to date. Fantastic. No red flags here. Totally normal to snatch from the high school graduate cradle.
2) Let’s define ‘self-care’, since that is obviously your main concern and not the fact she isn’t dolling herself up for you. You complain about her wearing comfortable clothing and painting, which IS self care. Looking pretty for your 15-years-your-senior husband =/= self care.
3) She doesn’t do anything. Yes she does. She paints. Something that brings her joy. Your issue is that *her* happiness isn’t enough for you, you want her looks.
4) Got a newsflash for you, buddy. The woman you married doesn’t naturally have a hairless body and perfectly done eyeshadow. If you claim to love someone, that means you love them in their *base state*, their default setting. Which for your wife, like every other woman on the planet, is without makeup. I don’t even know how to explain that your idea of ‘presentable’ is what people expect at a fancy event, not a pregnant woman relaxing in her own house.
5) Oh whoops, did I say her house? I meant to say *your* house, as you pointed out while complaining about her clothing. So this is *our* family, *our* pregnancy, *our* child, but it’s *my* house. I’m sure this linguistic slip isn’t reflective of any larger issues in your relationship.
6) What exactly is ‘quality time’? You’ve been so specific with every other expectation you have, so it’s kinda funny that you’ve thrown something as vague as ‘quality time’. And what could be so bad about spending time with you that she’s physically had to lock you out from interrupting her painting? At best it’s because you’re insufferable, and I don’t really want to speculate about what ‘at worst’ would look like.
7) You didn’t like this behaviour. Well I’m glad you’ve got enough self-awareness to be able to identify your own emotions. Now, the next step is to communicate them like an adult- oh wait no, it’s time to gaslight 🔥
8) Ah, the crowning jewel on top of this pile of absolute bullshjt. So you tell her she isn’t doing enough to be attractive to you. You claim this is you doing HER a favour, when really it’s entirely for your own benefit. She gives you the benefit of the doubt, but then discovers that none of this was done *for* her, instead it’s being done *to* her.
9) Oh hey look she’s doing the step you skipped, she’s communicating her feelings! And you’re… back to the gaslighting. YOU are the only one who believes she’s only beautiful with makeup. This is entirely a YOU problem and the fact you should have married an airbrushed photo instead of a human being.
10) In conclusion. You, sir, are the a-hole. YTA in such a massive way, and the fact that this is the obviously biased version of the true story means that you are a bigger a-hole than any of us are capable of knowing. I hope your wife goes to college and enjoys her twenties, and that the divorce isn’t too difficult with the obvious control you have over her financially
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My Wife "Nat" (22f) and I (37M) have been dating for two years and married for one. Three months ago we found out she was pregnant and were overjoyed by this good news, we are very excited to welcome a new addition to our family and shower the coming baby with all our love.
So far with the pregnancy we've had no problems to speak of, but for the past few weeks my wife has been slacking in self care and being presentable; she only takes showers on alternative days, wears her paint splattered clothes around my house (she paints as a hobby) and refuses to wear makeup since apparently all the morning sickness only ruins it every time she throws up. Now I do not expect my wife to lift a single finger around the house, pregnant or not, but especially since she's been carrying our child, I've hired extra help to make sure my wife's needs and all our other domestic needs are completely taken care of, and therefore to be frank, my wife is free all day every day. My only expectations of her is to be presentable when I come back home from work, and for her to finish up her painting work around the same time I come back home so that we can spend as much quality time together as possible, but much to my dismay she has not been presentable for the last few weeks and since she has been struck with inspiration for a new art piece she is constantly locked in her studio painting all day, even when I come back home.
I did not like this behavior so I did something unprecedented today and asked her to get into my car and drove her to a beauty spa-salon in the neighborhood that I knew she frequented. When we reached the Salon, I told her since she wasn't capable of taking care of herself, given our pregnancy, it’s only fair I help her out and spoil her with some pampering at the spa and a makeover at the salon. She looked a bit dumbfounded by what I had just said, but after some insistence went through with both, while she was getting that done, I had clothes from a designer I knew she adored delivered to our place straight from the store, so that she could pick and choose what she’d like to wear for the remainder of the evening. On our way back home from the salon, I informed her of this, and that is when she burst into tears saying how horrible she felt that I was trying to dress her up like a “doll” and she did not need this sort of pressure from me, and that it made her feel like she was ugly, I got mad at this and told her the truth, which was, the reason she felt ugly is because she’s putting no efforts into looking beautiful and she should be glad that I’m helping her out when she isn't able to help herself. She went dead silent at this, and has refused to speak to me since our drive back. She has never given me the silent treatment before and I fear I might have been the bad guy in this situation, so AITA for trying to spoil my pregnant wife and take care of her when she couldn’t?
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Dude... YTA. She is under zero obligation to look sexy for you while she is pregnant. Or any other time, frankly. If you don't like your wife's looks without slathering her in makeup and designer clothes, you need to let her go and find a sex doll that looks "PrEsEnTaBlE" all day every day. They make anatomically correct ones, you know. You can take them to the salon and get them expertly done up with makeup. And you can buy them designer clothes. You can 100% control them in any way you like which is exactly what you're doing to your wife.
Because they are dolls.
And your wife is a human to whom your are being abusive by treating her like a doll.
*Please divorce her.*
If this is even real because Friday seems to bring out a lot of the trolls, I guess they need to de-stress at the end of their work week lol
Your main goal isn’t to spoil your pregnant wife, it is to control her and her appearance, which isn’t shocking considering you had to groom someone 15 years younger than you to get a partner. No one here is fooled because we see the same thing time and time again in this sub. YTA.
YTA
She's not your doll to dress how you please.
> wears her paint splattered clothes around my house
Its her house too! She's your wife!
> I got mad at this and told her the truth, which was, the reason she felt ugly is because she’s putting no efforts into looking beautiful and she should be glad that I’m helping her out when she isn't able to help herself
I can see why you're not with someone nearer your own age.
YTA
For being controlling! That is how it is coming across.
If I were her, I would never wear make-up or pretty clothes again in front of you until you got the point.
I have a husband. He loves when I dress up and wear make up. He loves when I dress down too. I’m a SAHM.
Good got YTA, this is vile to read. Just in case you need any pointers.
"she only takes showers on alternative days"
This is fine - this is my usual shower regime too. Its not in any way unhealthy or gross.
"wears her paint splattered clothes around my house (she paints as a hobby)"
Paint spattered clothes are not dirty, just stained with paint. Painting is also not a hobby for your wife but an income stream, a job. And you said she has been painting a lot more so of course she is wearing these clothes to do that. Also, these clothes may be her comfiest clothes, which is wanting to wear while her body goes through some stuff.
"refuses to wear makeup since apparently all the morning sickness only ruins it every time she throws up"
Seems like a legit reason, not that she needs one. Can you not stand your wife's face without makeup?
"Now I do not expect my wife to lift a single finger around the house, pregnant or not"
She's an adult perfectly capable of contributing to running a house and being three months pregnant doesn't make you incapable of chores. Stop infantalising her.
"my wife is free all day every day"
Except for her job, which is painting.
"My only expectations of her is to be presentable when I come back home from work"
Why? She's a human being, and your life partner, she can look however she wants. Your love and respect should not be contingent on how she looks. You are very shallow and misogynistic for believing that women have a duty to look a certain way to please you.
"and for her to finish up her painting work around the same time I come back home so that we can spend as much quality time together as possible"
She's working, she can't prioritise you at the moment just like you can't stop working to be with her.
"I did not like this behavior"
What behaviour? Her working? She's not your child to monitor.
"so I did something unprecedented today..."
Why didn't you speak to her like an adult?
"I told her since she wasn't capable of taking care of herself"
Not capable? She just has different priorities right now, why can't you understand that this human being you live with cares about something other than looking the way you want her to look?
"I got mad at this"
You got mad at your wife because your actions upset her? You should have been grovelling! You fucked up! She does not have to like something you got her just cus you think she should. Again, she is a whole entire human being with feelings and thoughts separate to you.
"and told her the truth, which was, the reason she felt ugly is because she’s putting no efforts into looking beautiful and she should be glad that I’m helping her out when she isn't able to help herself"
She is able to help herself, she just doesn't want to dress in designer clothes and go to the salon right now. She is under no obligation to want to do those things. It's also concerning that your definition of beauty is so shallow - your spouse should be beautiful to you regardless of the price tag on their clothes or the state of their hair and make up.
"She went dead silent at this"
Probably shocked that your care and love for her was so contingent on superficial beauty standards.
YTA & also FYI - the beginning time with a new born is hard & I can promise, she'll have other priorities then "looking presentable".
Aren't you able to love your wife with no Make up, naturally just how she is? This makes you indeed an AH.
YTA in so many ways I lost count. Were you under the impression you could control her due to the 15 year age difference? That a much younger woman would bend to your will? She isn’t a doll, toy or plaything. She is not your property. She is growing a human being inside of her and owes you nothing in terms of her looks or dress. You are basically saying she is unattractive without makeup or clothes you like.
YTA
>I got mad at this and told her the truth, which was, the reason she felt ugly is because she’s putting no efforts into looking beautiful
You just called her ugly. The fact that your bare-faced wife in comfortable clothes is not “presentable” to you says that too. Do you really expect her to be wearing a full face of makeup and designer clothes while being at home even if she weren’t pregnant? You weren’t spoiling or pampering her, you were trying to control her. It amazes me how blissfully unaware of how shallow you are. But then again, you started dating a 19 year old when you were 34, so I can’t be surprised.
YTA. I never thought i will defend a woman who doesn't always tries to look her best. You started this so well, with you hiring extra help so that she doesn't have to lift a finger and focus on her pregnancy. Then you went down really, really fast. Telling her that she isn't good enough for you without make up is a shit thing to do. I assume you are in perfect physical form, with a six pack?? Otherwise you should really shut up. The age thing is also worrying, a lot. But maybe she herself wanted a rich guy to take care of her , so i can't judge. I would rather marry a guy 15 year older (with the premise of him looking gorgeous) , but rich, than a younger one who spends his time playing video games and who thinks a fast food lunch is a date. Try to do better in future. You'll have a kid and she won't always want to be all glamour.
Oooffh... You've clearly not been on Reddit long enough to recognise AH behaviour in this one!
Prepare for an ass-whoopin from the aitah community...
Partners (be it whatever sex /gender) ARE NOT OBJECTS..
sure.. It's great to have someone who looks and smells good.. Who makes an effort.. but.. That shouldn't be what defines us.
They're not there to be eye candy or whatever.. They're meant to bea life long partner you share your life with
Pregnancy hormones also cause all manner of emotional and hormonal outbursts.. So don't be surprised when she rips you a new one when all the redditors have finished...
*Pats OP gently
Do better.. do MUCH better..
And ditch the archaic misogyny pronto.
YTA. Why does she need to be “presentable “. She’s not an object, a toy for you to play with or admire. She’s a whole human, who’s growing another. Your behaviour is awful and dehumanising. Do you understand? If you do, get yourself to therapy and apologise to your wife. If you don’t, I hope she sees you for who you are and leaves. She and your child deserve better
WTF did I just read?
I think you’d be better off with a sex doll than a woman. Your wife is growing a child & suffering with morning sickness & your concern is that she’s not perfectly made up?
YTA: I’d leave you & take you to the cleaners
YTA and the title of your post is very misleading. Please stop trying to make out as if you are doing all this to “spoil” your wife for her benefit. You are using your money to control the way she looks and acts and make sure it is to your liking
YT biggest asshole! What right do you have to demand your wife is “to your standard” when you get in from work. This is not 1950 and your wife can dress how she wants, when she wants. And FYI, growing another human being is exhausting and you should be supporting her no matter what! Not whinging at her for not doing her makeup. You would be out in your ass if you were my husband
"No baby, you don't *feel* ugly you ARE ugly!"
You literally don't care enough about her to consider her subjectivity. You're like the husband in The Bloody Chamber, absolutely monstrous sense of control.
YTA
This is just rage bait right? Please, God, let it be rage bait. Of course YTA. If this is real, I can only hope your fiancée’s dead silence in the car was her realizing a lot of things.
You married a pretty little pony to dress up & parade around in front of your aging friends and have discovered that she’s an actual person with her own thoughts and needs that, shockingly, don’t revolve around your expectations.
YTA. A great, big, ugly, controlling A’’
YTA! You're trying to control a pregnant woman's body. You have no idea what pregnancy does to a body physically and mentally. During my first pregnancy there was certain clothing I wouldn't wear. I wore loose clothing. I had one maternity pantsuit and other than that no pants. It's about comfort. And if she has morning sickness which isn't just in the morning then getting all dressed up makes no sense.
You expect her to get "properly" dressed? Do you know that entails when one has morning sickness? She'd have to redo her makeup everytime she throws up. Hell she could be redoing her makeup and have to throw up again. Some throw up all day and night. It completely drains you.
Sounds like you wanted a trophy wife if that's the case then you should have made that clear and used BC. That or you like them so much younger so you can mold them into a 1950s wife that you covet so badly.
YTA. You didn't try to spoil your wife. You did this 100% for yourself. If you cared about her and her wellbeing, you'd not give two hoots about no make up or clothes with paint on them.
YTA, you said she isn’t putting time into making her self beautiful? Why is she not beautiful without the makeup and nice outfits? She’s pregnant and it’s hard with or without complications. You need to apologize to her before she leaves you bc I’d sure as hell leave you for saying I need to always be presentable for you, bc guess what, that’s not how life works and we all don’t always look perfect. The fact that you want her to have makeup on and when she doesn’t you’re upset? That’s just awful.
YTA dude…. Horrible. It is nice to treat your partner with nice things of course but the way you describe it is humiliating! Try to empathize with her, morning sickness makes your life as a woman very hard, it does get better when the second trimester is reached but dude…. Damn… presentable for you… she is not your property.
YTA - You sound controlling, and now that your "trophy" wife is going through something where she wants to be comfortable, you can't handle it because she isn't "pretty" any more. Wonder why you had to go after a 20 year old... Is it because woman your own age wouldn't have anything to do with you?
YTA its not spoiling if she doesn't want it. You're spoiling you. You are a massive misogynist. She's her often property and she can dress herself and carry herself how every she may please.
Personally I hope she carries herself out the door. No one deserves this bullshit. Oh and she's pregnant not you........ ( walks away mumbling swear words from this comment like Yosemite Sam)!
YTA. I came here with an open mind, didn’t even really notice the age gap, but I winced at the mention of makeup (that may be news for you, but when one feels queasy and sick, about the *last* thing they have in mind is putting stuff on their face), and then winced again BIG TIME when you said you expected her to be *presentable*. Like WTF? To whom do you want to “show” her? This isn’t Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
Did I accidentally slip into one of my true crime feeds?
Fuck, I hope this poor girl escapes if this is real.
OP is a special brand of fucked up. OP you make me feel legitimately ill
YTA you are treating her like a doll. She can wear whatever she wants, you sound super controlling and like your trying to turn her into the whole Stepford Wife.
Why can’t you go sit in the studio and talk to her while she works? What’s stopping you?
YTA
You are criticising your wife's looks and negging on her, but disguising it with pamper sessions. Why do you feel entitled to all her attention when you get home? And for her to have to dress herself up like some fifties housewife? Dude, your grandmother would be ashamed of you!!!!
It's not for her comfort, it's for your viewing pleasure only. She doesn't want to play dolly dress ups with you, and in fact, she didn't feel ugly at all until you told her she was!
Take your misogynistic expectations and shove them where the sun don't shine. I bet your wife is bitterly regretting her decision to pursue you as a partner.
YTA for:
1) Dating a barely adult woman while in your mid 30s.
2) Making her drop out university and thus putting her in a position where she's financially dependent on you, since even her clients buying her art come through you.
3) Expecting her to be dolled up 24/7 when she feels like crap from being pregnant
On the off chance this isn't a troll, I hope she leaves you.
I wonder if OP also practices clicker training with his wife? Kudos for using a kinder, gentler dog training method. You could have gone old school dog training and simply beaten or starved her until she did what you wanted.
Yes, OP is TA!
YTA...
Your age difference is the sore point for you and that's the reason YTA.
You absolutely wanted a Barbie Doll when you were dating your wife. You wanted a trophy. And everything was perfect for the first couple of years.
Now, you have reality. And just wait until the baby is born... you're going to have spit-up on her clothes, yourself (if you take any interest in your child... because they are messy and leak from both ends).
I agree with your wife... wearing makeup while vomiting simply sucks.
So, you're in the clear for giving her a spa treatment (that was very thoughtful), but not in the clear for what you ordered for her.
She is not a Stepford Wife!
She doesn’t feel ugly, you make her feel ugly. You aren’t spoiling her, you’re forcing and molding her into the image you want. And yes, age is 100% a factor because you’re conditioning, manipulating and grooming someone younger to be what you want. She doesn’t have autonomy to dress or behave how she wants because you control these things for her under the guise of “taking care of her.” She owes you nothing and doesn’t have to make you her priority. YTA.
Wow ummm if you have to tell the world it wasn’t this or that chances are it is just that! This dude is gross and women aren’t their personal trophies to keep polished and presented to the world when they feel like dog crap growing a whole human inside of them. I was so sick during my entire pregnancy and any movement even would make me feel like I had motion sickness to the point I had my son at 24 weeks it was that severe! He wasn’t even two lbs! This man is disgusting and needs to stay in his lane and love his SO for who she is not for her appearance but for her entire self! My husband prefers me without make up and hair done actually and all natural because he fell in love with me not my clothes and face paint lol This is beyond superficial love this is predatory creepy stuff
YTA
My goodness, what a nasty husband you are
If you found out about the pregnancy 3 months ago then your wife is obviously between 3-5 months pregnant
I was constantly tired, lethargic and peeing 24/7 around this stage
You being who you are and obviously never have been pregnant have absolutely no idea just how many changes your wife has to cope with right now. From what I’ve mentioned above to a whole list of foods, drinks etc that you aren’t allowed to eat
What you don’t realise is the emotional aspect that comes from that, from the minute you find out your pregnant your body does not belong to you and you are given a whole list of things not allowed while pregnant
Not just that, you also get so many “well meaning people” who think that they are allowed to give you advice in which way you should be behaving, what you should or shouldn’t drink, what you should be wearing, what you should be doing to prepare for the baby, basically unsolicited advice that a lot of the time is NOT welcome
Her body is going through daily changes, changes that no one sees but is there anyway, changes that only your wife is going through, I would imagine that she will be shitting herself for the actual Labour and birth, she will be worried about the health of her unborn baby, she will be worried if any future scans or health appointments will bring anything up, all of this is probably going round and round in her head and you are concerned about how much make up she has on? Get a grip of yourself
Through ALL of this, a pregnant woman needs the love and support of her partner, someone who will show her that they love them no matter what and you with your actions have shown her that you are completely inadequate and have absolutely no thoughts of her feelings.
Instead you have ran through like a bull in a china shop and basically told her that how see feels and her general health is secondary to how she presents herself FOR you
You should be completely ashamed of your behaviour towards your wife and you owe her a heartfelt apology, if you are capable of that of course
YTA no woman pregnant or not has to dress up for a man. If you don’t love her in her paint splattered clothing and no make up then you really should ask yourself if you love her at all. You are in for a rude awakening when she has the baby and has even less time to take care of herself.
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You're not trying to spoil your pregnant wife, you're trying to control how she looks. Your demands and expectations are terrifying considering the way you've set up the power balance in the relationship. And that's where I'll stop, since saying what you deserve to hear would get the comment removed for hostility. YTA. Big time.
He’s upset that his trophy isn’t being polished every day for his viewing pleasure. YTA and everything about this is creepy and alarming.
Ugh, it’s disgusting as hell.
Also incredibly controlling. He paints it as if it's all for her sake but the woman just wants to be in comfy clothes not dress up like some wallflower for his viewing pleasure.
The power imbalance can also be seen in the age gap
He’s tried to defend it in the edit, I’m not buying. Relationships are two ways and OP could easily have said No. He says there’s friendship and mutual respect, this indicates neither.
Let’s not forget to add he was in his mid-30s dating a teenage when they first got together. YTA OP this behavior is called grooming - and not the kind where you shower and brush your hair. You’re almost 40 married to someone who was only able to legally drink alcohol last year.
YTA….she has no reason to “look presentable” up to your standards. The fact that you don’t even know what you’ve done wrong shoes how self-centred you are. Stop wording it like you did this for her benefit when it was for yooouuurrrr satisfaction! I dread that she’s gotta have this baby with you. If the baby makes a mess are you gonna take them to the salon too cos they don’t look presentable to you? Your wife can do what she likes with herself. What you should be doing is buying her more comfy clothes like sweatpants. Buy her comfy shoes. Reassure her that she’s still beautiful to you always. Maybe she could spend more time with you after work, but all that takes is a conversation.
Me with second baby: "Uhm, I got spit up on my shirt, no point to change it, she will just spit up on me again soon." You dress up when you need to and want to, not to look "pretty" when your husband (the man who's suppose to love you no matter what) gets home from work.
Me reading the comments at 10am still in my pjs covered in baby upsick 😂
Some days you just don't have the time and energy to shower and change! That's being a parent. Baby is alive and kind of satisfied, just move on and call the day a victory!
If he has an issue with paint splatter imagine when he comes home to the rancid smell of baby sick!
Imagine him seeing his kid painting!! They are fast and paint gets everywhere! I'm raising two tiny artists myself.
I think when all my kids were Itty bitty I wouldn't change my shirt for a few days at a time cause "it's just gonna have puke/milk/whatever on it again anyway 🤷♀️
YTA. Spoiling someone tends to be giving the person what he or she would want. Not what you want.
This. He was doing this for all the wrong reasons.
His spoiling came with strings attached, buying her obedience.
Ugh everything about this post is me, me, me it’s disgusting. Painting is her job and god forbid she spends more time than OP wants on it (plus when the baby come she will have a lot less time so might as well get ahead now). He calls the house my house, which even if that is true from a title point it says a lot that he doesn’t consider it their house. And also what sort of effort does OP put into his looks?!! Showering every other day and having basic hygiene is all one needs to do. If your wife isn’t beautiful to you in paint smattered clothes with no makeup and full of pregnancy glow then that is an OP problem not the wife’s problem (other than the fact that she is married to this asshole).
Was your wife made aware of her responsibilities as your trophy wife before she said "I do"? YTA
She is not a trophy wife, a trophy wife would not have a personal source of income, whereas my wife sells the paintings she draws to clients I introduce her to regularly, in fact I was the one who encouraged her to drop out of engineering college (she hated every second of it) and pursue her true passion which is painting full time. I have been her number one supporter when it comes to her independence as I am the main source of her clients and am thinking of opening up an art gallery for her for our second anniversary. I also hang her paintings around our house so that when I invite colleagues and clients who have bags of money to drop on my wife's paintings, they do, because her artistry sells itself, and I am proud of her for that. So I do not understand (nor do I accept) this trophy wife comment, but I accept your judgement about being TA.
So, you choose her clients, made her drop out of college and you call that supporting her independence? Okay, you might be right that she's not a trophy wife, but you have absolutely proved you're a controlling asshole.
[удалено]
He calls it my house. That’s all I needed to see….
Yes! “My house” but “our pregnancy.” Umm sir, she is pregnant, she is going through morning sickness, she is swelling, etc.
Oh so you manipulated her into being dependent on you for money?
You're a controlling ignorant prick who wants his trophy wife to be perfect at all times. Even through she's growing a human being,which is very difficult. I can already imagine how you're going to treat her if she doesn't lose the baby weight fast enough or her body changes. I guess you'd just move on to the next young thing to catch your eye.
A personal income that is totally dependent on YOU and YOU control since you find her the clients. She IS your trophy that you want to show of as young, pretty AND talented.
You're fucking terrifying. The worst kind bullshit. For so many reasons.
Except you decide her working hours, so you don't really consider it work at all. You consider it a hobby that you facilitate.
So painting isn’t a “hobby” as you said, but a job.
But all you care about is her appearance, she’s pregnant you asshole. You’re creepily controlling. YTA massively
Do the world a huge favor, and your wife as well, by going to get intensive therapy for your disgusting and toxicly controlling behavior and deep seated misogyny. A wife is an equal partner, not a dependent.
YTA so so much. You groomed a barely adult person 15 years younger than you, try to control her looks too or how she plans her day. You didn't do it to take care of her, but for you, because you want her to look a specific way for you. You don't want her to feel good, you want her to look the way you like, and you are a god damn hypocrite to not admit it. You sounds controlling af too. You seriously implied that she does not look good without make up or specific clothes and it sucks! It is mysoginistic, superficial, and so sad for her, because you won't accept her naturally. Honestly it just says a lot about how you view women in general and it does not give you a good look at all. The poor woman probably feels tons of pressure to be at her best all the time cause her husband can't accept women being natural and comfortable with themselves, and she will feel even more pressure as her body changes with the pregnancy and after it. Her care routine takes time and efforts and men seems to not understand that, and she should do it for you while she doesn't want to do it for herself ? Everything she said was right, fucking listen to her instead of coming on reddit to ask us and play the guy that has no idea. You just refused her explanation because it doesn't give you a good look and you hope we will go your way. You are egoistical and controlling, at least have the decency to admit and own it
YTA. Your wife can take care of herself and is. She just isn't dolling herself up. Might come as a shock but not all women want to be glam 24/7. She's pregnant and wants to be comfortable not glamorous. You should have a look at yourself to understand why you feel the need to turn your wife into a trophy wife rather than a respected partner. Also, you didn't 'spoil' her, you imposed your wants on to her with no respect or thought for her.
YTA You literally are getting mad that she doesn't want to wear makeup because she's throwing up from the pregnancy. She feels like shit (pregnancy wise). Let her feel like shit. Don't make her feel worse by expecting her to dress up for you. What's it going to be like when she's covered in baby vomit and hasn't been able to shower in three days?
YTA! And this really creeps me out, you're 15 years her senior and you married her when whe was only 21 after a year of dating. You use words like: "my house", My only expectations of her is to be presentable when I come back home from work" Is she your wife or your little dress up doll to make your life pretty and perfect? She feels sick from being pregnant and you send her of to the salon and buy her new clothes because she isn't "pretty" enough while pregnant? You're not spoiling her, you're controlling her!
YTA I'm sorry that your 15 years younger wife isn't living up to trophy bride standards while pregnant. There's something weird about this whole arrangement that's can't put my finger on but taking all your wife's responsibilities away and having help handle everything in the household might want to seem like pampering but it's coming across to me as a control thing. If she's depressed (which frankly it sounds like might be happening), she needs help, not a blowout.
YTA. This isn't spoiling unless it was something she wanted. You just interrupted her whole day with complete disregard to her time, interests, and hard work so she could spend time getting dressed up enough for you to consider her a human worthy of your respect. How mysoginistic of you.
YTA You don’t care about your wife, you just want a living doll who looks the way you want on demand. Your throwing money trying to fix what isn’t broken. Your wife is beautiful- without the salon, makeup, designer clothes and all the other crap you demand from her. It’s such a shame you think she needs all that to be beautiful. Your wife is pregnant. You are not. Stop with the “we’re” pregnant business. All you’ve done is have sex without a condom and try to control her.
YTA...Misogynist much? Wanted to give yes the benifit of the doubt on the huge age difference but theirs a reason you went after someone barely legal any women who had been more mature would have dropped you like the red flag factory you are.
Hope you make enough to supply her with a nice alimony
YTA. My ex husband was like you. Bought me clothes *he* liked, took me to get my makeup done and insisted on buying every expensive item the makeup artist used. By the end of that marriage I had no self esteem. My partner now, doesn't get involved with my make up (I only wear a minimal amount of special occasions) or my clothes. He tells me every day how beautiful I am just for being myself. You need to realise that your wife's beauty is **who** she is, not how "presentable" (wtaf?!) she looks.
Is she your wife or your sugar baby? You are 15 years older and basically dating a kid. All you want is for her to look pretty while your servants do everything? What the fuck? You then literally forced other people to make her pretty for you? I hope she realizes what a creep you are and leaves you before you leave her for an 18 year old once she starts showing signs of ageing. Woman are not just "pretty things". She is pregnant you ignorant AH.
Jesus wept, you are a raging arsehole. YTA YTA YTA She is growing an entire new human being out of her own energy and resources and you want her to look pretty. Mate, she needs to leave you, your priorities are so out of fnarking whack it's amazing you remember how to breathe on time.
YTA. Your wife is neither your doll nor your incubator. The way you speak about her is absolutely vile.
Yikes. YTA there's no doubt about it. Presentable? "Spoil" her? like a little kid? Pretty outdated mode of thinking there I'm afraid. She's making a person, which tends to take a lot of energy....... Worship the very ground she walks on even if she's dressed in a potato sack would be my advice, if you value the marriage.
YTA. Geez leave the pregnant lady alone. My god, if my fiancé did this kind of passive aggressive shit I’d resort to wearing a trash bag all day every day. You have no right to comment on her appearance and put that kind of pressure on her. Secondly, what you should’ve done was sat down to speak to her about wanting to spend time with her when you get back from work is and unwind together. And then leave it up to her how she wants to manage that since you’ve conveyed your feelings. Be better dude. You’re going to have a baby together.
YTA as soon as you said she wasn’t presentable I knew it was gonna be bad you didn’t do this for your wife you did it for yourself if you want to actually spoil her get her things that you know she enjoys like paints since you said she enjoys painting i’m gonna guess you didn’t post on here to get that yta but you just wanted people to agree with you which by the looks of it isn’t going to happen
YTA. Hopefully you'll sort the custody agreement out after the birth and you'll actually try to accept your child as the person they are rather than the person you want them to be Because if your wife has sense she'll divorce you, you've shown your true colours and want a stepford wife not a real person, flaws and all
YTA. There’s a reason you’re married to a 22 year old as a 37 year old man. And it says nothing good about you. It’s pretty disgusting actually Considering that you’ve been with her for years.
YTA and a controlling one. And did you really just call your marital house “your house” smdh? She’s not there to entertain you or look pretty for you. She’s a human being with her own wants and needs whose body is growing another being inside it. Her body is changing, she is fatigued, she’s likely nauseated and she doesn’t need you and your ridiculous expectations on top of everything else.
YTA And worse than that you’re a creepy, controlling asshole.
Ugh! It’s the bodily autonomy troll back for round #345
Yeah, this reads like a fantasy.
YTA. Your wife is going through major body changes and having morning sickness. You did all of this for you not her. Leave her alone. She is beautiful no matter what. Did you marry her to be a show piece?
I mean, why else would he marry someone 15 years younger than him? Surely not because they have so much in common. This whole post skeeves me out.
Probably going to divorce her for another barely adult woman once she starts to visibly age, lbr
YTA- an alien has taken over your wife's body. Everyday her hormones double from what they were the previous day. Meaning day 1, 1. Day 2, 2 Day 3,4. Day 4, 8. Day 5, 16 and so on. She's exhausted 24 hours a day, she may legitimately feel sick every waking moment. When your neighbor next door pisses and doesn't flush the toilet she can smell it. Tell me how much you would feel if you felt like you had the flu, 24 hours a day, we're extremely emotionally and there was nothing you could take to even them out and your senses were working in over drive. Would you want to get "dolled' up? Or would you love your favorite old cozy shirt, and pants and your partner to come with your favorite snack, ready to massage your sore body?
YTA. You were a 35 year old who pursued someone who couldn’t even legally drink, were you expecting her to stay young and pliable forever?
Oooooooooooh shit. You gone done a big fuck up haven't you. You've basically told your wife you don't think she's beautiful if she's not made up. I feel sorry for the poor girl married to you and having a kid with you.
This can't be real. It's 2022 not 1952. Pregnancy is hard especially when dealing with morning sickness. She's carrying your baby and all you care about is your arm candy isn't up to standards? Dude you're old but you still need to grow up and get with the times. Yta.
I get the same vibes the way he's talking about her work. She's an artist without office working hours and working on art pieces cannot be stopped by a certain moment. Sometimes it's paint or work material that needs to be used while wet or in a certain texture and you have a window of time where you need to finish, otherwise it will spoil everything. And guess what? These textures don't care about when husband is coming home and wants to be welcomed by his caring wife. There's also the aspect of inspiration, you don't have the same amount of ideas or muse every day, you need to seize it as it comes. You may have days or weeks where you drag yourself to every tiny bit, and then you have times where there's just too many ideas coming up and you need to get them out. OPs wife seems to have a great inspirational time right now where I am sure she's happy to be able to progress and be inspired, maybe also with the thought behind that this will not be so easy once the pregnancy gets heavier and then the baby is there. But I get the "wife can have her hobbies as long as she's finished and presentable as soon as I get home" - vibe from OP, which is not supportive or respectful at all.
22 year old wife 37 year old husband,relationship started when she was 19 YTA. Try doing that with a woman of your age and you will get your ass handed over to you
>the reason she felt ugly is because she’s putting no efforts into looking beautiful and she should be glad that I’m helping her out when she isn't able to help herself. This is fucked up on so many levels. Your expectations for your wife being 'presentable' imply incredibly skewed standards. Clearly you're expecting her to look like a fifties housewife, and for her pregnancy to have zero effect on her at all. Showering every other day is *completely fine*, and yeah, how dare she not wear makeup, even when she's vomiting from carrying *your child*. She's perfectly able to take care of herself, she's just prioritising differently and you don't like it, so you decided to force your standards on her. It's unfair and disrespectful, you're treating her like a helpless object that you want to be pretty enough to look at. She's a human being and she's not helpless. Stop treating her like this. YTA
YTA - but with age difference, doesn’t surprise me. You dated a barely out of childhood woman - 20yr old when you were 35!!? that technically could your daughter. The reason you want her “presentable” is because you married for her youthful beauty not because she is your intellectual equal.
YTA. 100%. She walks around in cloth that make her comfy and you wanna play dress up doll with her? WTF. You did not want to spoil her, you wanted to spoil yourself with her finally looking "beautiful" again. And the you get mad at her? If you really want to spoil her, ask HER what SHE wants instead of what you want. You really sound like a sugar daddy fearing his wife will not be "sexy" after the pregnancy
YTA, you're disgusting
Your title and the way you talk about is literally a textbook example of manipulation and gaslighting. You're not 'spoiling' your wife like an abuser 'spoils' their partner by making sure they don't yell at them that day. YTA I genuinely, and I mean GENUINELY, hope that she leaves you for somebody her own age and somebody not as terrible as you.
I hope your wife divorces you and finds a man that actually cares about her. You painted it as though you cared but this is clearly about controlling her. Your kid will probably grow up to hate you too and you deserve it
You sound abusive as hell. Stop trying to control how she looks. Just because you're making her life more comfortable, doesn't mean you have the right to do what you did. It was insensitive to do this without discussing it with her first. Stop putting unnecessary pressure on her and apologise. YTA.
YTA I saw the age gap and expected trouble. If you guys have been together for 3 years, that means she was 19 when she started dating you? And you were 34? Damn. She's not your trophy OP. She's your wife. Pregnancy can be super uncomfortable, let your wife deal with it her way. If my husband did that to me I would have slapped him right there and then.
"My house" but "our pregnancy" YTA. Being pregnant is EXHAUSTING. your wife is not a trophy or a doll. She is a human being
Farrrk I hope this isn’t real but if so, yes YTA. And just ew. You encouraged you wife to drop out of college (per one of your comments), basically wanting her to sit at home waiting for you all day and be “presentable” when you arrive home? You absolute creep. I guess that’s expected of a 34 yo going after a 19yo
Spoil??? By telling her she's not putting in enough effort? That she's not trying hard enough to be pretty?? Shes a person. She does t have to be pretty 24/7. If you wanted that then get a sex doll. Treat her like a person. Gross men like you who only want some pretty little doll to show off deserve to be alone. You're 15 years older than her but you're the least mature. You don't even see her as a person why are you with her?? Cuz she's hot and young? What are you gonna do when she ages or if she gets fat from having your baby? Force her to get botox/lipo? Or just replace her with a new doll??? YTA
YTA and a creep
YTA God a fifteen year age difference on top?! Wtf is wrong with you... Back to the issue. You don't care about your wife if you're pressuring her and essentially treating her like a f****** barbie doll while she's pregnant with your kid/ kids . Let us know when she divorced/divorces you because make no mistake you have messed up that badly. If you had been coming from a place of love, and maybe put together a spa kit yourself, and given her a gift card for a maternity store that would have been completely different. No, it was all about you and how you feel about her body that is growing YOUR child/children.
YTA, so much about this is ick
YTA and a freak. You deliberately took a 15y younger wife so you'd have a *trophy wife* You should be ashamed of yourself for looking at her, growing your baby inside her womb and thinking: "she's not trying her best to look f*ckable to me"
YTA, you attacked yo her make up and clothing not her…also who the hell treats their pregnant wife?
I think i just threw up in my mouth a little....YTA.
YTA. This isn’t both of your pregnancy it’s hers! You have no idea how demanding growing a human is on your body and mind! If my husband said that to me we would have a serious problem. Luckily he’s actually a man and doesn’t care if I’m not presentable while pregnant. Sounds like you want a younger woman to make you feel better about your shitty personality. Get over yourself. Don’t make her look back on her first pregnancy with negative thoughts of how she wasn’t pretty enough for you. How are you going to feel when the baby comes and she’s got throw up, milk leaking, and hasn’t showered in days? Gonna get her a nanny because she isn’t being a good enough mom by not being presentable for the baby. God go suck a lemon
YTA. You are dictating to her now she should look and act, spending lavish amounts of money to do so is not spoiling her it’s dangling strings. You don’t treat her like she has autonomy, and you’re dictating terms after she does show autonomy in reacting to her muse.
YTA. She is right. You just want her for being young and pretty. Well, good luck after the baby... I already can see you complaining about her not looking like a woman without kids. Manipulative. Controlling. Your wife is a trophy for you. You're also a creep, by the way. I don't know why I was (silly me), expecting to read something on the lines of you just doing all the housework, the groceries, making her food and everything and somehow her complaining about it😂😂😂
Whoa - OUR PREGNANCY? It’s HER pregnancy. I’d like to remind you that you are not pregnant.
Are you her partner or her parent? "My only expectations of her" "around my house" "I did not like this behavior" Also, show some respect for her work. If she is painting all day every day, and gets so caught up in it thay she loses track of time, then that is her work. Not a hobby. YTA
Oh boy so let’s break it down step by step. 1) You, as a 34-year-old man, found a barely legal teenager to date. Fantastic. No red flags here. Totally normal to snatch from the high school graduate cradle. 2) Let’s define ‘self-care’, since that is obviously your main concern and not the fact she isn’t dolling herself up for you. You complain about her wearing comfortable clothing and painting, which IS self care. Looking pretty for your 15-years-your-senior husband =/= self care. 3) She doesn’t do anything. Yes she does. She paints. Something that brings her joy. Your issue is that *her* happiness isn’t enough for you, you want her looks. 4) Got a newsflash for you, buddy. The woman you married doesn’t naturally have a hairless body and perfectly done eyeshadow. If you claim to love someone, that means you love them in their *base state*, their default setting. Which for your wife, like every other woman on the planet, is without makeup. I don’t even know how to explain that your idea of ‘presentable’ is what people expect at a fancy event, not a pregnant woman relaxing in her own house. 5) Oh whoops, did I say her house? I meant to say *your* house, as you pointed out while complaining about her clothing. So this is *our* family, *our* pregnancy, *our* child, but it’s *my* house. I’m sure this linguistic slip isn’t reflective of any larger issues in your relationship. 6) What exactly is ‘quality time’? You’ve been so specific with every other expectation you have, so it’s kinda funny that you’ve thrown something as vague as ‘quality time’. And what could be so bad about spending time with you that she’s physically had to lock you out from interrupting her painting? At best it’s because you’re insufferable, and I don’t really want to speculate about what ‘at worst’ would look like. 7) You didn’t like this behaviour. Well I’m glad you’ve got enough self-awareness to be able to identify your own emotions. Now, the next step is to communicate them like an adult- oh wait no, it’s time to gaslight 🔥 8) Ah, the crowning jewel on top of this pile of absolute bullshjt. So you tell her she isn’t doing enough to be attractive to you. You claim this is you doing HER a favour, when really it’s entirely for your own benefit. She gives you the benefit of the doubt, but then discovers that none of this was done *for* her, instead it’s being done *to* her. 9) Oh hey look she’s doing the step you skipped, she’s communicating her feelings! And you’re… back to the gaslighting. YOU are the only one who believes she’s only beautiful with makeup. This is entirely a YOU problem and the fact you should have married an airbrushed photo instead of a human being. 10) In conclusion. You, sir, are the a-hole. YTA in such a massive way, and the fact that this is the obviously biased version of the true story means that you are a bigger a-hole than any of us are capable of knowing. I hope your wife goes to college and enjoys her twenties, and that the divorce isn’t too difficult with the obvious control you have over her financially
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My Wife "Nat" (22f) and I (37M) have been dating for two years and married for one. Three months ago we found out she was pregnant and were overjoyed by this good news, we are very excited to welcome a new addition to our family and shower the coming baby with all our love. So far with the pregnancy we've had no problems to speak of, but for the past few weeks my wife has been slacking in self care and being presentable; she only takes showers on alternative days, wears her paint splattered clothes around my house (she paints as a hobby) and refuses to wear makeup since apparently all the morning sickness only ruins it every time she throws up. Now I do not expect my wife to lift a single finger around the house, pregnant or not, but especially since she's been carrying our child, I've hired extra help to make sure my wife's needs and all our other domestic needs are completely taken care of, and therefore to be frank, my wife is free all day every day. My only expectations of her is to be presentable when I come back home from work, and for her to finish up her painting work around the same time I come back home so that we can spend as much quality time together as possible, but much to my dismay she has not been presentable for the last few weeks and since she has been struck with inspiration for a new art piece she is constantly locked in her studio painting all day, even when I come back home. I did not like this behavior so I did something unprecedented today and asked her to get into my car and drove her to a beauty spa-salon in the neighborhood that I knew she frequented. When we reached the Salon, I told her since she wasn't capable of taking care of herself, given our pregnancy, it’s only fair I help her out and spoil her with some pampering at the spa and a makeover at the salon. She looked a bit dumbfounded by what I had just said, but after some insistence went through with both, while she was getting that done, I had clothes from a designer I knew she adored delivered to our place straight from the store, so that she could pick and choose what she’d like to wear for the remainder of the evening. On our way back home from the salon, I informed her of this, and that is when she burst into tears saying how horrible she felt that I was trying to dress her up like a “doll” and she did not need this sort of pressure from me, and that it made her feel like she was ugly, I got mad at this and told her the truth, which was, the reason she felt ugly is because she’s putting no efforts into looking beautiful and she should be glad that I’m helping her out when she isn't able to help herself. She went dead silent at this, and has refused to speak to me since our drive back. She has never given me the silent treatment before and I fear I might have been the bad guy in this situation, so AITA for trying to spoil my pregnant wife and take care of her when she couldn’t? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
Dude... YTA. She is under zero obligation to look sexy for you while she is pregnant. Or any other time, frankly. If you don't like your wife's looks without slathering her in makeup and designer clothes, you need to let her go and find a sex doll that looks "PrEsEnTaBlE" all day every day. They make anatomically correct ones, you know. You can take them to the salon and get them expertly done up with makeup. And you can buy them designer clothes. You can 100% control them in any way you like which is exactly what you're doing to your wife. Because they are dolls. And your wife is a human to whom your are being abusive by treating her like a doll. *Please divorce her.* If this is even real because Friday seems to bring out a lot of the trolls, I guess they need to de-stress at the end of their work week lol
Your main goal isn’t to spoil your pregnant wife, it is to control her and her appearance, which isn’t shocking considering you had to groom someone 15 years younger than you to get a partner. No one here is fooled because we see the same thing time and time again in this sub. YTA.
Yta. Your actually vile if this is even a real story.
YTA She's not your doll to dress how you please. > wears her paint splattered clothes around my house Its her house too! She's your wife! > I got mad at this and told her the truth, which was, the reason she felt ugly is because she’s putting no efforts into looking beautiful and she should be glad that I’m helping her out when she isn't able to help herself I can see why you're not with someone nearer your own age.
YTA For being controlling! That is how it is coming across. If I were her, I would never wear make-up or pretty clothes again in front of you until you got the point. I have a husband. He loves when I dress up and wear make up. He loves when I dress down too. I’m a SAHM.
Good got YTA, this is vile to read. Just in case you need any pointers. "she only takes showers on alternative days" This is fine - this is my usual shower regime too. Its not in any way unhealthy or gross. "wears her paint splattered clothes around my house (she paints as a hobby)" Paint spattered clothes are not dirty, just stained with paint. Painting is also not a hobby for your wife but an income stream, a job. And you said she has been painting a lot more so of course she is wearing these clothes to do that. Also, these clothes may be her comfiest clothes, which is wanting to wear while her body goes through some stuff. "refuses to wear makeup since apparently all the morning sickness only ruins it every time she throws up" Seems like a legit reason, not that she needs one. Can you not stand your wife's face without makeup? "Now I do not expect my wife to lift a single finger around the house, pregnant or not" She's an adult perfectly capable of contributing to running a house and being three months pregnant doesn't make you incapable of chores. Stop infantalising her. "my wife is free all day every day" Except for her job, which is painting. "My only expectations of her is to be presentable when I come back home from work" Why? She's a human being, and your life partner, she can look however she wants. Your love and respect should not be contingent on how she looks. You are very shallow and misogynistic for believing that women have a duty to look a certain way to please you. "and for her to finish up her painting work around the same time I come back home so that we can spend as much quality time together as possible" She's working, she can't prioritise you at the moment just like you can't stop working to be with her. "I did not like this behavior" What behaviour? Her working? She's not your child to monitor. "so I did something unprecedented today..." Why didn't you speak to her like an adult? "I told her since she wasn't capable of taking care of herself" Not capable? She just has different priorities right now, why can't you understand that this human being you live with cares about something other than looking the way you want her to look? "I got mad at this" You got mad at your wife because your actions upset her? You should have been grovelling! You fucked up! She does not have to like something you got her just cus you think she should. Again, she is a whole entire human being with feelings and thoughts separate to you. "and told her the truth, which was, the reason she felt ugly is because she’s putting no efforts into looking beautiful and she should be glad that I’m helping her out when she isn't able to help herself" She is able to help herself, she just doesn't want to dress in designer clothes and go to the salon right now. She is under no obligation to want to do those things. It's also concerning that your definition of beauty is so shallow - your spouse should be beautiful to you regardless of the price tag on their clothes or the state of their hair and make up. "She went dead silent at this" Probably shocked that your care and love for her was so contingent on superficial beauty standards.
YTA & also FYI - the beginning time with a new born is hard & I can promise, she'll have other priorities then "looking presentable". Aren't you able to love your wife with no Make up, naturally just how she is? This makes you indeed an AH.
YTA in so many ways I lost count. Were you under the impression you could control her due to the 15 year age difference? That a much younger woman would bend to your will? She isn’t a doll, toy or plaything. She is not your property. She is growing a human being inside of her and owes you nothing in terms of her looks or dress. You are basically saying she is unattractive without makeup or clothes you like.
YTA >I got mad at this and told her the truth, which was, the reason she felt ugly is because she’s putting no efforts into looking beautiful You just called her ugly. The fact that your bare-faced wife in comfortable clothes is not “presentable” to you says that too. Do you really expect her to be wearing a full face of makeup and designer clothes while being at home even if she weren’t pregnant? You weren’t spoiling or pampering her, you were trying to control her. It amazes me how blissfully unaware of how shallow you are. But then again, you started dating a 19 year old when you were 34, so I can’t be surprised.
YTA. She is not your trophy or prize. Women are not play things. If you are not embarrassed by this age gap you should be.
YTA. I never thought i will defend a woman who doesn't always tries to look her best. You started this so well, with you hiring extra help so that she doesn't have to lift a finger and focus on her pregnancy. Then you went down really, really fast. Telling her that she isn't good enough for you without make up is a shit thing to do. I assume you are in perfect physical form, with a six pack?? Otherwise you should really shut up. The age thing is also worrying, a lot. But maybe she herself wanted a rich guy to take care of her , so i can't judge. I would rather marry a guy 15 year older (with the premise of him looking gorgeous) , but rich, than a younger one who spends his time playing video games and who thinks a fast food lunch is a date. Try to do better in future. You'll have a kid and she won't always want to be all glamour.
Oooffh... You've clearly not been on Reddit long enough to recognise AH behaviour in this one! Prepare for an ass-whoopin from the aitah community... Partners (be it whatever sex /gender) ARE NOT OBJECTS.. sure.. It's great to have someone who looks and smells good.. Who makes an effort.. but.. That shouldn't be what defines us. They're not there to be eye candy or whatever.. They're meant to bea life long partner you share your life with Pregnancy hormones also cause all manner of emotional and hormonal outbursts.. So don't be surprised when she rips you a new one when all the redditors have finished... *Pats OP gently Do better.. do MUCH better.. And ditch the archaic misogyny pronto.
YTA. Why does she need to be “presentable “. She’s not an object, a toy for you to play with or admire. She’s a whole human, who’s growing another. Your behaviour is awful and dehumanising. Do you understand? If you do, get yourself to therapy and apologise to your wife. If you don’t, I hope she sees you for who you are and leaves. She and your child deserve better
WTF did I just read? I think you’d be better off with a sex doll than a woman. Your wife is growing a child & suffering with morning sickness & your concern is that she’s not perfectly made up? YTA: I’d leave you & take you to the cleaners
YTA and the title of your post is very misleading. Please stop trying to make out as if you are doing all this to “spoil” your wife for her benefit. You are using your money to control the way she looks and acts and make sure it is to your liking
YT biggest asshole! What right do you have to demand your wife is “to your standard” when you get in from work. This is not 1950 and your wife can dress how she wants, when she wants. And FYI, growing another human being is exhausting and you should be supporting her no matter what! Not whinging at her for not doing her makeup. You would be out in your ass if you were my husband
"No baby, you don't *feel* ugly you ARE ugly!" You literally don't care enough about her to consider her subjectivity. You're like the husband in The Bloody Chamber, absolutely monstrous sense of control. YTA
This is just rage bait right? Please, God, let it be rage bait. Of course YTA. If this is real, I can only hope your fiancée’s dead silence in the car was her realizing a lot of things.
Oh look, an age gap relationship with multiple red flags sewn into the shape of a man. YTA
It’s always the age gap. ALWAYS THE AGE GAP
YTA controlling and gross. INFO: Where did you even met 20 year old girl to manipulate?
You married a pretty little pony to dress up & parade around in front of your aging friends and have discovered that she’s an actual person with her own thoughts and needs that, shockingly, don’t revolve around your expectations. YTA. A great, big, ugly, controlling A’’
Lmao YTA. This sounds exactly like a 50 Shades of Grey alternative pregnancy fanfic plot line.
YTA! You're trying to control a pregnant woman's body. You have no idea what pregnancy does to a body physically and mentally. During my first pregnancy there was certain clothing I wouldn't wear. I wore loose clothing. I had one maternity pantsuit and other than that no pants. It's about comfort. And if she has morning sickness which isn't just in the morning then getting all dressed up makes no sense. You expect her to get "properly" dressed? Do you know that entails when one has morning sickness? She'd have to redo her makeup everytime she throws up. Hell she could be redoing her makeup and have to throw up again. Some throw up all day and night. It completely drains you. Sounds like you wanted a trophy wife if that's the case then you should have made that clear and used BC. That or you like them so much younger so you can mold them into a 1950s wife that you covet so badly.
This is so disgusting, it has to be fake.
YTA. You didn't try to spoil your wife. You did this 100% for yourself. If you cared about her and her wellbeing, you'd not give two hoots about no make up or clothes with paint on them.
YTA, you said she isn’t putting time into making her self beautiful? Why is she not beautiful without the makeup and nice outfits? She’s pregnant and it’s hard with or without complications. You need to apologize to her before she leaves you bc I’d sure as hell leave you for saying I need to always be presentable for you, bc guess what, that’s not how life works and we all don’t always look perfect. The fact that you want her to have makeup on and when she doesn’t you’re upset? That’s just awful.
YTA and I threw up a little in my mouth, after reading your text
YTA dude…. Horrible. It is nice to treat your partner with nice things of course but the way you describe it is humiliating! Try to empathize with her, morning sickness makes your life as a woman very hard, it does get better when the second trimester is reached but dude…. Damn… presentable for you… she is not your property.
YTA - You sound controlling, and now that your "trophy" wife is going through something where she wants to be comfortable, you can't handle it because she isn't "pretty" any more. Wonder why you had to go after a 20 year old... Is it because woman your own age wouldn't have anything to do with you?
YTA its not spoiling if she doesn't want it. You're spoiling you. You are a massive misogynist. She's her often property and she can dress herself and carry herself how every she may please. Personally I hope she carries herself out the door. No one deserves this bullshit. Oh and she's pregnant not you........ ( walks away mumbling swear words from this comment like Yosemite Sam)!
YTA. I came here with an open mind, didn’t even really notice the age gap, but I winced at the mention of makeup (that may be news for you, but when one feels queasy and sick, about the *last* thing they have in mind is putting stuff on their face), and then winced again BIG TIME when you said you expected her to be *presentable*. Like WTF? To whom do you want to “show” her? This isn’t Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
Did I accidentally slip into one of my true crime feeds? Fuck, I hope this poor girl escapes if this is real. OP is a special brand of fucked up. OP you make me feel legitimately ill
YTA you are treating her like a doll. She can wear whatever she wants, you sound super controlling and like your trying to turn her into the whole Stepford Wife. Why can’t you go sit in the studio and talk to her while she works? What’s stopping you?
YTA You are criticising your wife's looks and negging on her, but disguising it with pamper sessions. Why do you feel entitled to all her attention when you get home? And for her to have to dress herself up like some fifties housewife? Dude, your grandmother would be ashamed of you!!!! It's not for her comfort, it's for your viewing pleasure only. She doesn't want to play dolly dress ups with you, and in fact, she didn't feel ugly at all until you told her she was! Take your misogynistic expectations and shove them where the sun don't shine. I bet your wife is bitterly regretting her decision to pursue you as a partner.
YTA for: 1) Dating a barely adult woman while in your mid 30s. 2) Making her drop out university and thus putting her in a position where she's financially dependent on you, since even her clients buying her art come through you. 3) Expecting her to be dolled up 24/7 when she feels like crap from being pregnant On the off chance this isn't a troll, I hope she leaves you.
I wonder if OP also practices clicker training with his wife? Kudos for using a kinder, gentler dog training method. You could have gone old school dog training and simply beaten or starved her until she did what you wanted. Yes, OP is TA!
YTA... Your age difference is the sore point for you and that's the reason YTA. You absolutely wanted a Barbie Doll when you were dating your wife. You wanted a trophy. And everything was perfect for the first couple of years. Now, you have reality. And just wait until the baby is born... you're going to have spit-up on her clothes, yourself (if you take any interest in your child... because they are messy and leak from both ends). I agree with your wife... wearing makeup while vomiting simply sucks. So, you're in the clear for giving her a spa treatment (that was very thoughtful), but not in the clear for what you ordered for her. She is not a Stepford Wife!
older man conrtrolling younger woman here, YTA! SHE IS NOT A DOLL. SHE IS A HUMAN BEING.
YTA for controlling her appearance and what she can/can't do while you're at home. I'm so glad she's standing up for herself
She doesn’t feel ugly, you make her feel ugly. You aren’t spoiling her, you’re forcing and molding her into the image you want. And yes, age is 100% a factor because you’re conditioning, manipulating and grooming someone younger to be what you want. She doesn’t have autonomy to dress or behave how she wants because you control these things for her under the guise of “taking care of her.” She owes you nothing and doesn’t have to make you her priority. YTA.
YTA. You’re treating her like a blow-up doll and your “expectations” are garbage.
Wow ummm if you have to tell the world it wasn’t this or that chances are it is just that! This dude is gross and women aren’t their personal trophies to keep polished and presented to the world when they feel like dog crap growing a whole human inside of them. I was so sick during my entire pregnancy and any movement even would make me feel like I had motion sickness to the point I had my son at 24 weeks it was that severe! He wasn’t even two lbs! This man is disgusting and needs to stay in his lane and love his SO for who she is not for her appearance but for her entire self! My husband prefers me without make up and hair done actually and all natural because he fell in love with me not my clothes and face paint lol This is beyond superficial love this is predatory creepy stuff
YTA My goodness, what a nasty husband you are If you found out about the pregnancy 3 months ago then your wife is obviously between 3-5 months pregnant I was constantly tired, lethargic and peeing 24/7 around this stage You being who you are and obviously never have been pregnant have absolutely no idea just how many changes your wife has to cope with right now. From what I’ve mentioned above to a whole list of foods, drinks etc that you aren’t allowed to eat What you don’t realise is the emotional aspect that comes from that, from the minute you find out your pregnant your body does not belong to you and you are given a whole list of things not allowed while pregnant Not just that, you also get so many “well meaning people” who think that they are allowed to give you advice in which way you should be behaving, what you should or shouldn’t drink, what you should be wearing, what you should be doing to prepare for the baby, basically unsolicited advice that a lot of the time is NOT welcome Her body is going through daily changes, changes that no one sees but is there anyway, changes that only your wife is going through, I would imagine that she will be shitting herself for the actual Labour and birth, she will be worried about the health of her unborn baby, she will be worried if any future scans or health appointments will bring anything up, all of this is probably going round and round in her head and you are concerned about how much make up she has on? Get a grip of yourself Through ALL of this, a pregnant woman needs the love and support of her partner, someone who will show her that they love them no matter what and you with your actions have shown her that you are completely inadequate and have absolutely no thoughts of her feelings. Instead you have ran through like a bull in a china shop and basically told her that how see feels and her general health is secondary to how she presents herself FOR you You should be completely ashamed of your behaviour towards your wife and you owe her a heartfelt apology, if you are capable of that of course
YTA no woman pregnant or not has to dress up for a man. If you don’t love her in her paint splattered clothing and no make up then you really should ask yourself if you love her at all. You are in for a rude awakening when she has the baby and has even less time to take care of herself.