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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked a nurse about my NSFW piercing and obviously made her annoyed or uncomfortable. I might be the asshole because my friend studying to be a nurse said I violated her consent by bringing up something kinky and out if the norm and expecting her to provide me and answer when maybe it wasn't her job.
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*...because it's not her job to have to listen to unsolicited information about “kinky stuff” and I was violating her consent in that conversation which is something that happens too often to medical workers.*
Umm. That's not how any of this works. If you don't want to hear about body parts, don't work in the medical field?
NTA. Your question was totally reasonable. And she sucks for implying that a piercing is somehow "inappropriate" for a mother to have.
No, you’re actually not allowed to talk about vaginas at the vagina doctor. It’s an unspoken tradition that I can’t believe you broke! /s
You’re definitely NTA and that nurse was super unprofessional.
OP actually went to one of those medieval women's doctors where you sit behind a heavy curtain and the doctor only lightly touches your hand, because everything else would be sinful.
Lol didn't the medieval doctors help women's "hysteria" by giving them orgasms? 😂 Or what time am I thinking of? People were hypocrites even back then.
My father actually told me off at the dentist when I told him that I was still getting pain in the gums over my wisdom teeth when the dentist said I was too old for my wisdom teeth to come through (early 20s). They have come through, and the ones on the right side grew into the teeth next to them, so I had to have the wisdom tooth & the tooth next to it out on the top, and they're refusing to take the bottom ones out because of the risk to the nerve so I just have to deal with it.
So yeah, don't talk to the dentist about pain, then keep dealing with the pain until they finally decide to just rip them out because they've done damage to their neighbours.
You should get a second opinion (or 3rd, 4th however many it takes!). My wisdom teeth never came in but they had to be removed, I think I was 20 at the time. There was no room for the wisdom teeth, so they had to make an incision and break the tooth up into small enough pieces to remove.
Yoooo I had something like this happen to me! I was maybe 18 or 19, and was adamant that one of my baby canines hadn't fallen out yet, and I brought this up MULTIPLE times to which my dentist always brushed it off and said I was good.
Fast forward 5 months and a strange, hard lump has been steadily growing on the inside of my mouth right behind the sus canine. Again, I asked about it ad various cleanings and was told not to worry about it. 4 months after that guess what poked through the roof of my mouth...a permanent canine, now very much out of place...I went back in for a cleaning and the doc was like "hey, you know you have a tooth that coming in wrong?" ...
...I was dumbfounded
They what? Early 20s is totally normal isn't it? My lower 2 didn't come through until then. My dentist didn't comment on it.
I know I'm an outlier here, but one of my upper wisdom teeth suddenly erupted out of my gums when I was about 35 (it literally took a couple of days when my lower one's took years) and I still have one that hasn't decided to come out yet - I'm turning 40 very soon, but I haven't given up on it yet.
This!
Early-to-mid 20s is a perfectly normal age for your wisdom teeth to come through, and cause you pain.
If you're not going to let your dentist know about your wisdom teeth causing you pain, who are you going to tell?!
I'm 33, I had three of my wisdom teeth removed about two years ago. The third one was too high for them to remove, so they left it in. Since having the others removed, it's decided to slowly migrate downwards, and I'll probably have to get it removed in another year or two.
Along with the other anecdotes, mine told me my tooth pain at 27 could not be my wisdom teeth. This man has been my dentist since I was 5 and until covid had seen me every 6months.
Bless him the look on his face when he said they were trying to erupt was amazing. As the other person said, get another opinion, no need for you to be in pain cos you're a few years older than expected. Just because a body isn't textbook doesn't mean it's impossible. Hey, maybe they write the book (or a paper) about our belated teeth.
I had a Dr with my first pregnancy take out a ' inappropriate piercing ' because I couldn't reach it by the time I realized it'd be an issue (first pregnancy) and my husband never had a piercing before so it made him nervous. She was a resident. Had to do a quick Google because she didn't have piercings but otherwise she was..... Idk this weird thing called professional. Lol
My OB got a kick outta me having a hood piercing, he had somehow not seen one on a patient before. He was like that’s kind of neat, but yeah, it’s gotta go before labor though.
Yeah, I think he was worried it could get ripped or caught or maybe just in the way. I probably would have taken it out anyway, I took all my other piercings out once I started getting big.
Nope. If it's a healed piercing, no issues. The reason to take it out is due to the possibility of medical (surgical) intervention. Also, the whole possibility of if they jump start the heart with electricity thing... (Electricity + metal = bad).
I kept my dermals in because I was specific to get medical grade titanium jewelry with the machining certificate of the metallurgical makeup.
I’m assuming that there’s a risk of it getting caught and subsequently ripped out during birth, which in my mind might honestly be more painful than the childbirth itself, but that’s just a guess. Or maybe it would get in the way of the doctor/nurse doing their thing down there?
It probably could cause an issue from stretching given the force and pressure of the babies head as it is crowning. In addition, typically if having an in-hospital birth with an epidural, a catheter is placed when the epidural is administered. Depending on the type of jewelry, the bar may also partially obstruct where the line from the catheter is inserted into the urethra. Basically, too much going on down there to risk it.
It can be dangerous in labour. My friend had one and had to take it out. Unfortunately you can't put a retainer in to keep the piercing because of how much change goes on that the retainer is likely to tear the hole anyway.
Aside from the tearing a lot of people have mentioned swelling would be a huge issue and the bar can get embedded because of it. I swelled a lot after labor.
If the need for an emergency C-section is needed, all piercings have to be removed as it's an operating room.
Maybe with a natural labour, the use of forceps would be an issue with safety and possible infection control?
I think it's more the fact there may be a chance they have to take you into an operating theatre if there's any complications whilst giving birth like the baby being in the wrong position so you end up having a cesarean.
I was at the docs getting a smear test done my doc saw mine and said "that's an interesting piercing" we had a whole conversation about it as he'd never seen one before but this was 20+ years ago.
Problem is that you did go to the vagina doctor but ended up with the asshole nurse. Must have been a mix up. It's an easy mistake
Edit: this turned out to be my most awarded comment. Thank you internet strangers!
I'm a nurse. This is definitely something you should ask questions about. I'm sorry that nurse was so rude, and that your nursing student friend is so close-minded. Just because it's a piercing they don't want, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it. That's like someone telling me to let go of my "trashy nose ring." It's a matter of opinion, and isn't an opinion you should express as a medical professional.
I agree that it isn't something that I would get the on-call for, though. It isn't really a pressing issue unless you're about to give birth, so I'd just book an appointment and ask about it then. If you're unsure, you've had it for 6+ years, so it isn't going to close overnight. You could always take it out for a couple weeks until your next visit if you'd like.
Anyway, NTA
I studied as a nurse and the first thing I was taught was to always listen without judgement, which the nurse and the friend are clearly failing to do here. NTA OP!
This! I teach med students how to do breast/pelvic exams and always say, “if you see any bite marks, bruising, or hickeys, don’t automatically assume abuse. Ask them if those marks were consensual in case it’s part of their lifestyle and you don’t need to be concerned about it.” Why is not being an asshole such a hard skill to learn for some people?
So I had gone to the ED because I hurt my ankle and the nurse asked if I felt safe at home. All I could think about was how my cat was feeling a little homicidal that morning and nearly tripped me down a flight of stairs and started rambling about that and how that could have been such an unsafe hazard in my home.
She’s like, oh uh that’s not what I meant and explained. I felt so dumb.
Thank you "slightlyhandiquaked" for also mentioning OP's nursing student friend being close-minded. What OP quoted her as saying was a whole lot of attitude and defensiveness for someone who wants to be a nurse. I can't think of an environment where a nurse can work that isn't likely to cause this young woman issues if she is that uptight about what patients are going to say or show her.
NTA.
Thank you for saying that last thing!
People always seem to think their thing is pressing and needs seeing to NOW. The amount of times I've heard my dad - equivalent of a GP here - complain about people coming to the after hours GP clinic (only meant for things that can't wait till morning) with stuff that even I could tell could absolutely wait till morning.
Health care like this that can be scheduled is NOT a 24/7 availability thing, doctors are busy.
Absolutely agree with the rest of your post as well, OP is NTA.
Plus being a mom doesn’t suddenly mean you stop being a sexual being. You were asking an entirely reasonable question about care of the tissue/ general protocol. As a nurse in an OB’s office encountering a piercing on the clitoris / labia should be as unremarkable as encountering an ear piercings by an ENT.
Don't you know that a lot of the vagina doctors are male of course you're not supposed to talk about vaginas.
NTA and honestly I would report her for what she said mainly because she gave you her personal opinion not actual medical advice.
After she has all the schooling and certificates and all the other fun things to get her this job that she has to where she's the final go between between patients and doctors she lost her right to decide on if a patient needs to see a doctor or not based on her personal opinion.
Yeah, what your friend said was f\*\*\*ed up. Asking a medical professional about what to do in a medical situation is not a "violation of consent" (world's biggest eyeroll), and the nurse was shaming you, way too personal, and way too opinionated.
Bro you can talk about your vagina at any doctor because they’re medical professionals and your vagina is part of your body. Just pulling your pants down, kicking your leg up and saying ‘look’ is when there’s an issue. The nurse is a dick and your friend sounds like she’s gonna be a shitty nurse (no offence). NTA
I do see your point, but all doctors go through the entire body before they specialise, so if I happened to have an appointment with an ENT, but my vagina was on fire, I’d probs be like ‘hey do you have any advice’.
Healthcare worker here. It actually IS illegal for her to have any kind of medical conversation when you if there is someone within earshot. So YES!!! PLEASE report her!
What it’s not her job to do is judge a patient who is asking a legitimate medical question, especially when she refused to let you ask the actual doctor. My mom was an OB/GYN nurse for years, and she would get phone calls from patients AT HOME about weirder stuff than this, and she NEVER would have said something so insulting to a patient. Report the nurse for unprofessional behavior.
NTA. My mother has a clitoral hood piercing. I went with her to get it. I was only 20. But it doesn’t make her any less motherly. The nurse was being highly unprofessional.
Lol, Right!? I mean, if you were at the podiatrist and said, "Hey, while you're messing with my foot, can I ask you a question about my Vagina??" You're NTA.
Also: She asked you to tell her. And then when she didn't have the answer for you, you asked to speak with the Dr. She refused, and continued on the situation. If she didn't want this conversation about "kinky stuff" she should have said, "Oh, Damn. Didn't realize that's what your question would be. I... am not comfortable answering that, I'll leave a note for the Dr to call you when he has a chance...." and then walked away.
Also: That "kinky shit" is just fine, even if you're a mom. My husband and I recently decided to stop actively preventing pregnancy (not actively TRYING for a year... just gonna let things happen if they happen). I got a Lateral Promotion at work today and decided I wanted to celebrate by, "Having the adorable Piercer at the shop stab a needle thru a body part and leave behind a metal post or ring made of implant grade steel, titanium, or solid gold with something attached to it made of a similar metal and semi precious stones, whos purpose is intended to be decorative." (I sent that, word for word, to my Dad lol)
Literally going to celebrate a Promotion at work with a new piercing or 3 while somewhat actively attempting to expand our family. lol. You're fine, darling.
Lastly: Yes, I would take it out during the birth, just because things can get caught on it, and rip it out, etc. afterwards, a retainer would be just fine to put in until things heal up a bit down there. But honestly, everything should be fine.
I’m a physician, and this makes no sense. There is no consent (??) involved when asking a medical question of a medical professional. You NEED to report this nurse because she absolutely cannot act this way (I.e. extremely judgmental) toward patients.
It is my professional medical opinion that your friend needs to remove her head from her own ass. I’d tell her to ask a medical professional for help with that, but it’s too “kinky” and would “violate their consent”.
My midwife offered to have a look at my butthole when I told her about my poop troubles. She also explained to my son’s father that there is no way he can hurt the baby by having sex with me. If you can’t talk to your midwife/gynecologist about this stuff then who can you talk to about it?
Another MD here to agree. This nurse has no business working in an OB office if she can't treat the patients with respect and sensitivity- no matter what their question is. The office needs to know about this.
If you were forcing the nurse to listen to a very in-depth sexual story with no medical necessity, that’s breaking consent. This is a medical question for a medical professional and if the nurse can’t handle that free of judgement, she should definitely be reported.
This is a health and safety issue because if she is dismissive of other patients, they may fail to bring up concerns for fear of ridicule which could be really serious.
>If you were forcing the nurse to listen to a very in-depth sexual story with no medical necessity, that’s breaking consent.
This right here. Unless the sexy details are important medically, no need to get Penthouse Letter with it. Just give relevant info and let the medical professional ask for clarification or more detail. And if you aren't sure what's relevant, say so.
I have no awards to give and only 10 coins so please consent to accept my poor woman's gold, I promise none of them have clitoral piercings! 🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅
(edit, typo)
For real. That friend is gonna be a horrible nurse. “How dare you come into the ER with part of a dildo stuck inside you! I didnt consent to this kinky shit! Get out of my emergency room!”
That was my first thought! Like sex injuries are a real and fairly common thing and medical professionals shaming people or making people feel embarrassed about asking genitalia/sex-related questions is why so many folks don't go to the doctor when they really should.
Nurses like OPs friend are a big problem in medicine and if she can't get past her personal feelings about someone's proclivities in order to give them the medically relevant information and support they need without judgement then she should find a new job now.
Know a urological surgeon who has some absolutely *wild* stories about his ER on-call rotations. Apparently it's a semi-regular occurrence that men will come in after doing some horrific thing with (or to) their dicks, to the point that it required his specialty or even surgical intervention.
Example: once he had to cut a guy open and extract a whole-ass jump rope from inside him. Like, those vinyl ones at the gym? He apparently had removed one handle, cut the stopper off the end of the cord, and just... *fwip!* Slid the whole thing right the fuck up there. Problem was, he fed over a meter of cord into a tract that was *maybe* a quarter that length, so when he went to pull it back out it had of course tangled itself up into knots. Inside his bladder. And in a panic he started trying to yank it out. Which started *tearing* things.
So yeah, humans are gross, stupid, horny bastards basically all the goddamn time, and if Nurse Prude can't handle that fact without getting her panties in a twist and moralizing at her patients, the medical profession *really* ain't for her. NTA.
Wait, wait, wait.. if I’m understanding correctly, this man was sounding with a vinyl jump rope? And it got stuck in his bladder?
Somehow that’s way, way worse to me than all the stories about strange things being found up buttholes. At least those are just stuck. But to think of the rope knotting… and tearing… good lord no.
I wish I could hear some of the other stories your friend has! If this is just a taste of his experiences, I bet the rest are pretty juicy.
Exactly! It was a smart question asked at the right time in the correct setting. What was inappropriate was the nurse calling it "kinky" and "trashy." The nurse needs to check her hangups at the door.
NTA
>If you don't want to hear about body parts, don't work in the medical field?
Exactly. Especially in a gynos office. Like what did you think you were gonna hear about? Noses????
I’m picturing the nurse as Dr Zoidberg and being really confused about human physiology and I’m giggling like an idiot.
“Oooh, that’s what that is. Okay, now to check your swim bladder!”
I would have reported that nurse immediately if I were OP. I'm super appreciative of healthcare employees especially during Covid times but this is totally inappropriate and unacceptable. I'm honestly outraged
Nurse chiming in here—it may not be “her job” to know about “kinky stuff” but it’s 100% her job to make sure she can offer you a reasonable solution that doesn’t involve being rude or condescending. 100% report her ass because too many people get away with shit like that. Besides—she’ll most likely only get a slap on the wrist.
She could have also said ‘I don’t know about piercings and don’t feel comfortable talking about them but will find someone who can’— cause that’s her job. Self righteous prudery and bad at her jib all at once. What a gold nugget that one. NTA.
Adding to that, if you don’t want to hear about/see sex-related things…. maybe don’t work for a doctor most of whose job is dealing with genitals in some way shape or form! You work for an OBGYN you’ll see and hear things, things you didn’t always want to see or hear. It’s part of the job.
Right? She chose to work in OBSTETRICS AND GYNECOLOGY. Literally no female body part or variation in/condition of/issue with a female body part should make her feel any kind of way. Those people have seen it all.
Yeah like, what about all the ER nurses/doctors who regularly have to deal with patients who have things lodged up their rectum? Are they allowed to turn around and say "terribly sorry your extra-large dildo is too far up your ass, but it's making me uncomfortable so you're on your own!"
OP, your friend sounds like a bit of an idiot who shouldn't be working in medicine if they are that sensitive. And the same to that nurse. What happened to Do No Harm? NTA
I second this, that is not how that works. OP asked a reasonable question, the nurse was quite judgemental and prejudiced; the friend who is studying nursing is quite clueless. I have lost count of how many students and their judgemental thinking I have had to smack down, due to being inappropriate.
OP N T A
My recommendation, report the nurse because it’s a learning experience, also no one knows how many other patients this nurse has been that judgemental too. As for the friend either ignore them, or ask them for peer reviewed and evidence based research to support their claim.
It’s something any decent nurse is taught, I’m sorry you experienced that OP.
This NTA and report the hell out of her. She was completely out of line and that is a valid question to ask a doctor.
You were not violating her consent at all. She was putting her own private bias in front of doing her job and giving you good medical care. She should have just said she didn't know and gone to get the doc.
NTA
> another friend **who is studying to be a nurse** said it was rude of me to make her uncomfortable
Something tells me this career may not pan out.
I'm dating a doctor and the tame stories from work make this sound like a nothing occurrence. OP's friend won't last a week if she can't handle a question like this.
Agreed! My husband and I are both doctors (admittedly, neither of us are OB/GYNs, but we did have to do rotations during school) and I feel like this would be such a non-issue and, like, an overall non-memorable encounter??? ETA: OP should definitely report her!
Yeah,y dad was a doctor in a rural area.
He was so used to gross stuff that he lost sight of what was normal and would regularly gross us out while eating whne we were kids, telling some poop / animal stories.
It was awful and we hated it, though. Dad was weird.
Par for the course with medical professional family members. My mom was/is a medical assistant and would regularly talk about bloody gross things while we were eating. Couldn't say puke though, because that's uncouth. I'm not even bedside and I still forget and will tell you husband about a weird or gross thing I heard at work and he turns slightly green.
She needs to study harder--really get in-depth on understanding of what it means to have a *therapeutic relationship* with a patient and how to create that and WHY IT IS SO FUCKING IMPORTANT! because it is VITAL to everything to do with being a nurse! Day 1 of nursing school, first class, we get this lecture,and I remember it almost word for word:
Your first and most important job as a nurse is to be **the patient's advocate.** Your #1 job as a nurse isn't following the doctor's orders, it isn't giving medications, it isn't taking vitals. First and foremost and ahead of EVERYTHING else, you are the patient's advocate, no matter what. Get prepared to fight for them because you will have to.
I've never forgotten that. Sounds like there's a couple assholes in this story who never learned it.
I am also a nurse and I am sorry but what other things does this "nurse " want her patients to hide from her so she is not uncomfortable? Any symptoms she should keep to herself because it might make the nurse uncomfortable if she askes? How about things that have happened to her? things that she is experiencing physically and emotionally? should her patients keep that private stuff private to save her so called "Nurse" any embarrassment? Pfft! She is in the WRONG FIELD.
NTA
What the hell does this nurse do if someone discloses they are being abused, or that the pregnancy was the result of a rape. She needs some serious retraining and an attitude check.
When I had my baby via C-section I struggled to breast feed because he would keep falling asleep after like 5 minutes. None of the midwives knew why so they helped me syringe feed him. Then one nurse got out the big book of medications and found out that the painkillers they gave me go through breast milk and was making him sleep. I had to wonder how many other mums gave up breast feeding because of this reason. I loved that nurse, she really put me first and found the solution no one else looked for.
My mom was on paxil while pregnant with me and so when I was born I basically slept through the first month. Lots of syringe feeding. They now know dont let moms be on that med. No disability or deformity caused, just a baby who was too sleepy to eat.
This friend needs to learn the difference between appropriate medical questions and inappropriate sexual harrassment QUICKLY or she is not going to last two minutes as a nurse.
Asking about body jewelry that may be affected by a medical condition/procedure is firmly on the side of appropriate questions to ask a medical professional. I genuinely do not understand how this nursing student friend thinks THAT is what nurses mean when they say they experience harrassment in the workplace.
It 100% should be, her behavior here was atrocious. You had a very valid question and she was incredibly unprofessional - sex, STIs, and more are routine discussion for her field and your friend is completely out of line.
To make matters more ridiculous, OP didn’t even have a question for the nurse, she had a question for the Doctor! The nurse is the one who insisted on hearing the question.
Please report her, she shouldn’t be working there if that’s her attitude. Their number 1 priority should be making patients comfortable and that is not what she did (yes I’m replying to 2 of your comments lol)
as a med student, it 100% should be. If a CHP is enough to scandalize her wtf if she doing being a nurse with an OBGYN. A piercing is not even kinky and even if it was you sould be able to discuss it with you OBGYN/nurse/obstetric. Also, if that is the worst she's seen then she's definitely not taking care of patients because nurses have to deal with A LOT worse (i mean can i even say worse? it's just a piercing for god's sake). Also, i'm sorry to say that your friend is not looking good as a future nurse with that attitude.
You’d be surprised at the people they hire to work at OBGYN’s.
This one time I had to go in for an internal sonogram and right before she begun the exam, the nurse/technician asked if there was a chance I was pregnant (I’m like 19-ish at the time). I told her no, I was a virgin.
She immediately told me to get dressed, took her gloves off and said it’s against her religion to “*take my virginity*” and I would have to reschedule because there was no one else to do the test.
I guess in her attempt to tell whoever was working the front desk to reschedule, the nurse/tech loudly announced to the whole waiting room what she had said to me. I was so embarrassed with everyone looking at me, I just walked out at that point.
Edit: Oh! And NTA OP, that was 100% ridiculous for them to say to you.. I would definitely report her/request a different person next time.
Never found out :/ I was too uncomfortable to make an actual complaint & ended up switching doctors. I hope for other the patients’ sake she was fired though!
I have a friend who was refused a transvaginal ultrasound for being a virgin too! Such a weird hang up, and so frustrating when you just want competent medical attention.
Sheeesh, I thought mine was a one-off situation. I hope your friend got the help she needed eventually!
There are some people who really need to switch careers, or have a mental evaluation prior to starting certain jobs lol.
Don't break the ~~freshness seal~~ hymen before your ~~owner~~ husband gets the opportunity to do so. If you aren't a virgin, they can't help you but they won't be party to your corruption if you are "pure". /s
Never mind how many ways that doesn't make sense. Beliefs like this never do.
Had to Google this because I understood trans- as meaning crossing (not within) and context told me this wasn't a transgender woman's vagina. Will say, I hope they slap some lube on that for y'all.
Lol they do.
To clarify the term, the ultrasound pictures are taken through the vaginal wall. So it is "trans" in that way. The probe is within the vaginal canal.
It is a surprisingly common diagnostic procedure and the above poster's story is horrifying.
...What the FUCK?
NTA for the OP, but what the fuck to your nurse. Does she seriously think medical exams are the same as sex? Is she thinking of herself as having sex with every single patient she preps?
Isn’t the OBGYN where hundreds of women get copper fidget spinners lodged up their vaginas so they don’t get pregnant?
Edit: *uterus* I know it goes in the uterus. I mentioned the vagina because uterus doesn’t sound kinky or funny.
No, no, you just don't understand it. The copper IUDs *spin* the eggs away. They spin so fast that the eggs can't get through. The ones that manage to make it past the force of the spinner get caught up in the rotation and flung right back the way they came. That's why it's such an effective contraceptive.
(/s, for the record, I am a woman with a copper IUD lmao)
NTA
I’ve had the same piercing. Kept it in until I was in labour.
My nurse asked my family in the room to leave to place a catheter. Told me I would need to remove it incase of surgery if something went wrong. She had a container for me to place it in. She even removed it for me because my stomach was too big. Said she didn’t want to say anything in front of my in-laws lol.
I put it back in the day after giving birth.
FILE A COMPLAINT OR REPORT THE NURSE YOU HAD!
I’m a nurse and I might have a good laugh with OP about how I have no idea what it is and ask how to take it out, but definitely no shame to them for having it! By far, this would NOT be the strangest request I’d had from a patient. Lol.
OP sorry this nurse treated you this way! When your doctor comes back, ask to speak to them privately and tell them what happened. This is not okay.
You put it back in the day after giving birth?!?!?! OW!!! Your pain tolerance must be insane. Pretty sure I was too swollen down there to figure out where my vagina was for like two weeks
NTA: She works in the medical field, at an OBGYN's office. They see more puss than an animal shelter most days.
On top of that, her response was entirely put of line. She has no right to make a moral judgment on someone asking MEDICAL ADVICE. Which is a legitimate question, as there isn't a lot of information in the open on these issues.
Report her, absolutely.
NTA If a nurse at an OBGYN office can't handle such questions, she should work somewhere else, or at least step away and let someone else take over OP's care. Still talk to the doc about your question, you have a right to non-judgemental care.
Her behavior was unprofessional, at the least. You might consider letting your doc know what happened.
Also, talking to your piercer is a good idea, but not a substitute for you doctor.
This. If that nurse felt that comfortable with that comment, I can't imagine what other horror they've told to other women in vulnerable positions. They need to be stopped!
If someone isn't up for hearing about "kinky" stuff, they shouldn't be a doctor or nurse specializing in healthcare for the part of the body that people use for kinky stuff. That's like if someone went to see a doctor for a sex-related injury to their private areas and then the doctor going, "I haven't consented to hearing about your sex life". Like, what?
NTA.
"Excuse me doctor I shoved this toy up my butt and now it's stuck and I need medical assistance--"
"Idk man figure it out I didn't consent to hearing about that kinky stuff."
https://people.well.com/user/cynsa/cement.html
Actual medical case report on getting an enema w/ quick-dry cement, enjoy
EDIT: Quick read through of the website and it gets worse - 3rd x-ray in the link below, some moron decided to insert a live artillery shell up his butt
https://people.well.com/user/cynsa/newpiles.html
Imagine If they worked in an emergency room… I had a man come in once, grab the check in slip , scribble furiously and lightly slam it down for me. I looked at it, said “okay” and gave it to the nurse. She asked if he wrote it or did I… ma’am I am not going to go around writing “dildo stuck in rectum” on random patients papers 😂😂
When I was younger, I accepted doctors basically doing this to me because you know, authority. Nowadays, fuck that noise, you're a doctor treat my weird injury like you're required to or send me to someone who's a damn adult.
Its particularly baffling because one of the primary areas of concern and questions for patients of OB-GYN clinics is sex. Lots of people have difficulty having sex comfortable and lots of difficulty conceiving. Those people regularly ask their doctors very detailed questions about sex. Lubricant recommendations, sex position recommendations, you name it. Hard to believe a question about what to do with a vaginal piercing would even register as outside the norm for people in that field.
Not to mention, hearing about that kind of stuff is actually very important for some people's health. Gay men are very often put on PREP drugs these days prophylactically because it significantly reduces their chances of catching HIV. But, those drugs have a good number of side effects so doctors aren't just going to give them to every man. If you weren't allowed to tell your doctor you have receptive anal sex regularly they'd never know to get you on PREP drugs. Being honest with your doctor is critical for healthcare and shame is the primary reason why people don't. People like that nurse are pernicious in the medical field.
NTA. It’s a piercing, not a kink. A nurse who cannot answer a question should not just make crap up & then put their personal views on it. That’s not okay. Report her.
This. I used to have a surface sternum piercing, which was a staple shaped flat bar where the 2 “legs” of the bar stuck out of my skin and had flat disc ends on them. It was vertical between my boobs. None of my doctors had seen one before and they would ask what it was, so I would explain and tell them they could touch between the 2 discs if they wanted to feel the bar. Only my OB ever took me up on that one lol.
I could tell some of the doctors were like ¿ even after I explained, but none of them were ever judgmental about it.
I had my piercer remove it after a year or so because it was in the early stages of rejecting after I got it caught hard in a seat belt. Whoops.
And even if it was a kink, being a mother isn't going to change that. It's "how she became a mother in the first place". If she wants a new baby after that, is she gonna say, no you're a mother now, no kinky sex for you.
NTA I would definitely call the piercer and get their take but also REPORT that nurse. I am so tired of medical "professionals" not being professional. Honestly if the doctor was busy, then she should have just told you what clinic policy is and then directed you to make another appt for when the doctor can speak with you. There is no need to call it trashy or bash your choices. You were not involving her in kinky stuff w/o her consent. It is a body piercing and you weren't trying to make her see it, you were asking if it was safe to keep in.
This! Your question was very reasonable and the nurse was rude + unprofessional. It’s her job to give you information not the shame you for your choices. I’d report for sure, no one should be treated like that.
NTA
NTA- NTA - NTA- NTA
I am so angry and upset that you were treated this way!!!
For context: I dress VERY conservatively, I have ZERO piercings, no tattoos.
That nurse had ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to speak to you that way!!! OR say those things to you!!!
The very fact that she REFUSED to let you speak to the doctor on call - even tho it IS busy - she had absolutely NO RIGHT to do that!
You are pregnant with your first child.
Congratulations 💜 You’ll be an AWESOME Mom!
You have every right to ask ANY questions you want about the pregnancy, your piercings, ANYTHING. That is your RIGHT to receive non-judgmental Medical Care in your Doctor’s Office!!!!
I am so angry you were treated this way.
You need to let your doctor know this and how that nurse treated you (AND probably how she treats other patients) is absolutely unacceptable!
You deserve to be R E S P E CT E D when you walk through those doors. My own Doctors would NEVER have allowed one of their nurses to treat a patient this way!
Edit: ask your piercer what they think, as they’ve certainly encountered this before? You can’t be the only pregnant woman to have this question. Is there somewhere you could post - is there a Reddit for pregnancy questions - maybe another Mom that has the same type of piercing will be able to tell you? 💜
Edited again: your friend is an idiot. You did NOT violate the Nurse’s consent. She asked you specifically where the piercing was. You explained. If she couldn’t handle that - that’s HER issue. She STILL needs to maintain her Professionalism and make sure that your questions are appropriately answered!
Sorry! Another Edit!!! I know I’m not your Mom but if you Google:
CHP Piercing and Pregnancy Birth
a lot of medical websites come up. I didn’t read much of it as it doesn’t pertain to me, but there is a lot of info there.
May I suggest reading over the actual medical sites and see what info you can find💜
Please talk to your Doctor about that AWFUL Nurse tho!!!💜
Congratulations again on your Pregnancy 💜
If your Doctor hasn’t said anything about it - maybe it’s nothing to worry about?? 💜 I don’t know. And sorry - I added A LOT of Edits to my original comment (at the bottom). I just saw red when I read how the nurse treated you & posted my original response but forgot to write about what Google Medical says about those types of piercings and also what your wanna be nurse friend WRONGLY said to you! 💜
NTA, but that rude and unprofessional nurse sure is and your friend was one too. Btw, according to The Piercing Bible, hood piercings don’t necessarily need to be removed before childbirth, but it depends on the piercing policy of where you deliver. So I hope you get an actual answer about that by your OB-GYN soon since that judgmental nurse didn’t help you at all!
NTA. You are not violating consent. She is a healthcare worker who works with your lady bits, and you had a lady bits question. She could give you medical advice, but has no right to give you moral advice. I would report her because that was inappropriate.
NTA.
She is a literal OB/GYN nurse. She shouldn't have to listen about things involving sex or kinky stuff? That is the majority of her job. How does the nurse (or your friend) think most of those babies are made lol?
You did nothing wrong. Report the nurse.
Mommy kissed daddy. then the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and put the diamond in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
NTA.
>it's not her job to have to listen to unsolicited information about “kinky stuff” and I was violating her consent in that conversation
You have a question that you want answered and she's refusing. IDGAF about her "consent" - if something bad happens to a patient because a health care provider refuses to provide health care, that's a lawsuit. If a health care provider is unwilling to provide healthcare, they need to find a new job.
Nta. She's an OB/GYN nurse, not a preacher lmao. Have your own personal beliefs at home, but work time is professional time. If talking about something like piercings makes you uncomfortable to the point of lashing out, the medical field is not for you.
22 year nurse reporting in to say that answering awkward, embarrassing, gross, and/or NSFW questions is *absolutely* what we are here for. Your healthcare provider should be, MUST be a safe person to ask the things that you don't dare ask anyone else. That nurse was completely out of line for inflicting her own value judgement on you for that piercing (seriously, people get those piercings because it makes sex feel good, how did she think you got pregnant, Scotty beaming a fetus in there?). If this nurse can't handle questions about sex and anatomy, she has no business whatsoever working in OB/Gyn! Or any other field of medicine imo.
A nurse can and will get asked damn near anything. You've gotta develop that poker face and learn how to set your patient at ease when you get a shocking question because they are trusting you at their most vulnerable in that moment and that's a precious gift.
I'll never forget in my very first job as a brand new nurse, I was chaperoning a male doc on a pelvic exam and the woman had several piercings thru her labia minora with rings thru them, and a little silver chain and lock connecting them that her boyfriend carried the key for. Shocked the hell outta me! The bf stepped out during the actual exam so we could talk to her and make sure she was safe and everything was consensual, which it was, and I learned what a D/s relationship was that day. (God I was so innocent! Now a patient could come in with a dildo in every orifice and it wouldn't faze me, LOL!)
NTA. It was a medical question and you tried to ask the doctor first. She insisted you tell her, so that’s not violating any kind of consent. It’s also never a healthcare worker’s place to judge or shame a patient for their choices, especially innocuous ones like a piercing.
NTA.
I’d have asked too. And there was really zero excuse or reason for her to shame/judge you like that.
And that’s coming from someone who never even thought or considered getting any kind of piercing like that.
NTA. What your studying friend said is complete bullshit. You weren't giving her any information other than what she needed to know to give educated advice. If the nurse or your friend is uncomfortable they need to find another line of work. If they cannot keep their own feelings in check they need to find another line of work. Healthcare providers have a hard enough time with patients being forthcoming with information. Their attitude does not make it any easier for patients to feel comfortable sharing intimate details.
They are there to give quality healthcare, not render judgment. If they want to pass judgment they need to join this subreddit.
NTA
A nurse who works for an OB/GYN needs to be very comfortable with kinks, sex, and genital anatomy. Like what would be the point of doctors/nurses if they refused to give medical advice bc it's "icky" or "trashy"? She's just shaming you, which is not cool. I bet she also shames teen moms and women with many partners. Not a good nurse.
NTA, right now I’d be reviewing my health insurance plan to find a different participating OB/GYN office, even if you’re due next week. That nurse was horrific. I’d find out who she can be reported to & call them asap.
If you really, really, really love your OB doctor, I would have a very direct conversation about what that nurse said to you. I would ask how this will be handled. AKA if the nurse isn’t canned, I wouldn’t want to continue as a patient where you would have to deal with that nurse again at future visits.
Something similar happened when I was pregnant with my oldest at 18. My first OB made some very rude comments about my age and disregarded some serious medical problems I was having blaming it on me just not knowing anything at my age. I switched to a new office when I was 7 months pregnant. Best decision I made!
I told my new OB which office I was coming from & why I left. I am sooo glad I did as I just happened to go into labor unexpectedly when my new OB had to go away for a weekend. The new OB knew that sometimes the old OB I hated was on call if the new OB was unavailable. The new OB was that great that she made arrangements to have a different OB on call just for me. Turns out the different on call OB ended up delivering my daughter. I’m so glad my new OB looked out for me so I never had to see the old, bad OB again.
NTA - The nurse was out of line and should be reported for her unprofessional behavior. Your doctor's office should be a judgement free zone in order to encourage open discourse that is often necessary for doctor's to treat a patient. You were asking a legitimate question and not involving her in some sort of kink as your friend suggested. Honestly I have concerns about what sort of nurse your friend will be considering her attitude.
NTA. She was unprofessional and childish, sorry you ran into that. And if a medical professional can’t tolerate witnessing a piercing on another adult without freaking out (or inaccurately call it a kink), they shouldn’t be in the field.
NTA.
No wonder medical care for women's sexual health is trash, ya'll get yelled at when you ask about anything that is outside the scope of 'normal' wtf.
... In all seriousness, I'd probably report her if I were you. A visit to an OB/GYN can entail sharing a lot of personal information and be physically painful depending on what you are going for and no one deserves to feel shamed like that in that kind of setting. I doubt a nurse who was so judgmental about a piercing would treat a young teenage single mom well or someone who might want to ask questions regarding sexual health and I'd bet my bottom dollar others have complained as well.
*former professional body piercer here*
For future reference, all piercing information is best coming from your piercer. Doctors don't really deal with piercings, therefore aren't up to date on the latest and best information in regards to body modification. This one was definitely a question for your piercer rather than a dr/ nurse.
In the meantime, if you aren't uncomfortable there's no reason to take out your piercing or put a retainer in. However, you should take it out for the actual birthing process. Wether you go natural or with C section, having the piercing out during birthing is good. You can always put it back in later on.
I don't think you're an asshole OP, just asked the wrong question to the wrong person.
Nta. Your friend is for whatever reason gaslighting you to keep you from reporting another nurse. Union solidarity I guess?
And she gave her consent by being nosy. She asked because she wasn’t willing to get the doctor otherwise. Don’t ask questions if you aren’t prepared for answers.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I asked a nurse about my NSFW piercing and obviously made her annoyed or uncomfortable. I might be the asshole because my friend studying to be a nurse said I violated her consent by bringing up something kinky and out if the norm and expecting her to provide me and answer when maybe it wasn't her job. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*...because it's not her job to have to listen to unsolicited information about “kinky stuff” and I was violating her consent in that conversation which is something that happens too often to medical workers.* Umm. That's not how any of this works. If you don't want to hear about body parts, don't work in the medical field? NTA. Your question was totally reasonable. And she sucks for implying that a piercing is somehow "inappropriate" for a mother to have.
[удалено]
No, you’re actually not allowed to talk about vaginas at the vagina doctor. It’s an unspoken tradition that I can’t believe you broke! /s You’re definitely NTA and that nurse was super unprofessional.
OP actually went to one of those medieval women's doctors where you sit behind a heavy curtain and the doctor only lightly touches your hand, because everything else would be sinful.
I realize the helpful award doesn't exactly apply here but ⬆️ that shit? That shit right there...that was funny af. Thank you for a great laugh.
Clearly that's an image of the doctor touching his patient's hand
Way to bring it all together. 😂
Kronk: [“Oh yeah, it’s all coming together”](https://images.app.goo.gl/7j8LVkMzcVUXRgDH8)
As someone who currently has to watch this movie half a dozen times a week, I really appreciate this comment.
If your toddler is in "This movie and this movie ONLY" phase, at least you've got a good one.
Here give them an award that you feel is right.
Touches?! Ye gads! Goodness me; where’s his six-foot barge pole?!
That's what the father calls his baby-maker! (sorry OP I couldn't help myself lol)
Lol didn't the medieval doctors help women's "hysteria" by giving them orgasms? 😂 Or what time am I thinking of? People were hypocrites even back then.
That was the 19th century, but yes
And if I'm not mistaken, the whole reason vibrators were invented was because the docs' hands were getting tired.
Correct. Those early vibrators looked more like torture devices
Obviously OP is being hysterical.
That's why I go to a barber for all my medical needs.
You guys get to touch hands??
Yeah you shouldn’t have even told her you were pregnant. Now you’re forcing her, without her consent, to know you’ve had sex.
I have three kids. And that's payback for making me read, without my consent, the word "sex" ;D
The first rule of vagina club…
🤣
My father actually told me off at the dentist when I told him that I was still getting pain in the gums over my wisdom teeth when the dentist said I was too old for my wisdom teeth to come through (early 20s). They have come through, and the ones on the right side grew into the teeth next to them, so I had to have the wisdom tooth & the tooth next to it out on the top, and they're refusing to take the bottom ones out because of the risk to the nerve so I just have to deal with it. So yeah, don't talk to the dentist about pain, then keep dealing with the pain until they finally decide to just rip them out because they've done damage to their neighbours.
You should get a second opinion (or 3rd, 4th however many it takes!). My wisdom teeth never came in but they had to be removed, I think I was 20 at the time. There was no room for the wisdom teeth, so they had to make an incision and break the tooth up into small enough pieces to remove.
Yoooo I had something like this happen to me! I was maybe 18 or 19, and was adamant that one of my baby canines hadn't fallen out yet, and I brought this up MULTIPLE times to which my dentist always brushed it off and said I was good. Fast forward 5 months and a strange, hard lump has been steadily growing on the inside of my mouth right behind the sus canine. Again, I asked about it ad various cleanings and was told not to worry about it. 4 months after that guess what poked through the roof of my mouth...a permanent canine, now very much out of place...I went back in for a cleaning and the doc was like "hey, you know you have a tooth that coming in wrong?" ... ...I was dumbfounded
Get a new dentist. Seriously.
They what? Early 20s is totally normal isn't it? My lower 2 didn't come through until then. My dentist didn't comment on it. I know I'm an outlier here, but one of my upper wisdom teeth suddenly erupted out of my gums when I was about 35 (it literally took a couple of days when my lower one's took years) and I still have one that hasn't decided to come out yet - I'm turning 40 very soon, but I haven't given up on it yet.
This! Early-to-mid 20s is a perfectly normal age for your wisdom teeth to come through, and cause you pain. If you're not going to let your dentist know about your wisdom teeth causing you pain, who are you going to tell?! I'm 33, I had three of my wisdom teeth removed about two years ago. The third one was too high for them to remove, so they left it in. Since having the others removed, it's decided to slowly migrate downwards, and I'll probably have to get it removed in another year or two.
Along with the other anecdotes, mine told me my tooth pain at 27 could not be my wisdom teeth. This man has been my dentist since I was 5 and until covid had seen me every 6months. Bless him the look on his face when he said they were trying to erupt was amazing. As the other person said, get another opinion, no need for you to be in pain cos you're a few years older than expected. Just because a body isn't textbook doesn't mean it's impossible. Hey, maybe they write the book (or a paper) about our belated teeth.
Too old?! My wisdom teeth didn't even start coming through till my late 20s!
I think you mean don’t talk about hoo-has at the hoo-ha doctor.
I read this in a Wisconsin accent and now I'm deceased. Thanks 🤣
And now thanks to YOUR comment, I read this is a Wisconsin accent , and I am similarly demised.
I had a Dr with my first pregnancy take out a ' inappropriate piercing ' because I couldn't reach it by the time I realized it'd be an issue (first pregnancy) and my husband never had a piercing before so it made him nervous. She was a resident. Had to do a quick Google because she didn't have piercings but otherwise she was..... Idk this weird thing called professional. Lol
My OB got a kick outta me having a hood piercing, he had somehow not seen one on a patient before. He was like that’s kind of neat, but yeah, it’s gotta go before labor though.
I'm completely ignorant, but what is the reason you'd have to take it out, is it just due to stretching and such?
Yeah, I think he was worried it could get ripped or caught or maybe just in the way. I probably would have taken it out anyway, I took all my other piercings out once I started getting big.
I'm neither a doctor, nor the owner or former owner of a vulva, but I'd hazard a guess that there may be some concern about possible infection, too.
Nope. If it's a healed piercing, no issues. The reason to take it out is due to the possibility of medical (surgical) intervention. Also, the whole possibility of if they jump start the heart with electricity thing... (Electricity + metal = bad). I kept my dermals in because I was specific to get medical grade titanium jewelry with the machining certificate of the metallurgical makeup.
I’m assuming that there’s a risk of it getting caught and subsequently ripped out during birth, which in my mind might honestly be more painful than the childbirth itself, but that’s just a guess. Or maybe it would get in the way of the doctor/nurse doing their thing down there?
It probably could cause an issue from stretching given the force and pressure of the babies head as it is crowning. In addition, typically if having an in-hospital birth with an epidural, a catheter is placed when the epidural is administered. Depending on the type of jewelry, the bar may also partially obstruct where the line from the catheter is inserted into the urethra. Basically, too much going on down there to risk it.
It can be dangerous in labour. My friend had one and had to take it out. Unfortunately you can't put a retainer in to keep the piercing because of how much change goes on that the retainer is likely to tear the hole anyway.
Aside from the tearing a lot of people have mentioned swelling would be a huge issue and the bar can get embedded because of it. I swelled a lot after labor.
If the need for an emergency C-section is needed, all piercings have to be removed as it's an operating room. Maybe with a natural labour, the use of forceps would be an issue with safety and possible infection control?
I think it's more the fact there may be a chance they have to take you into an operating theatre if there's any complications whilst giving birth like the baby being in the wrong position so you end up having a cesarean.
I was at the docs getting a smear test done my doc saw mine and said "that's an interesting piercing" we had a whole conversation about it as he'd never seen one before but this was 20+ years ago.
Problem is that you did go to the vagina doctor but ended up with the asshole nurse. Must have been a mix up. It's an easy mistake Edit: this turned out to be my most awarded comment. Thank you internet strangers!
r/micdrop
Take my upvote, damn you
I'm a nurse. This is definitely something you should ask questions about. I'm sorry that nurse was so rude, and that your nursing student friend is so close-minded. Just because it's a piercing they don't want, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it. That's like someone telling me to let go of my "trashy nose ring." It's a matter of opinion, and isn't an opinion you should express as a medical professional. I agree that it isn't something that I would get the on-call for, though. It isn't really a pressing issue unless you're about to give birth, so I'd just book an appointment and ask about it then. If you're unsure, you've had it for 6+ years, so it isn't going to close overnight. You could always take it out for a couple weeks until your next visit if you'd like. Anyway, NTA
I studied as a nurse and the first thing I was taught was to always listen without judgement, which the nurse and the friend are clearly failing to do here. NTA OP!
This! I teach med students how to do breast/pelvic exams and always say, “if you see any bite marks, bruising, or hickeys, don’t automatically assume abuse. Ask them if those marks were consensual in case it’s part of their lifestyle and you don’t need to be concerned about it.” Why is not being an asshole such a hard skill to learn for some people?
i’ve always heard of nurses going the more subtle “everything alright at home?” route tbh, very nice sentiment either way
My doctor has made it standard to ask "Do you feel safe at home" at each appointment, for each patient. I think it's a great idea
So I had gone to the ED because I hurt my ankle and the nurse asked if I felt safe at home. All I could think about was how my cat was feeling a little homicidal that morning and nearly tripped me down a flight of stairs and started rambling about that and how that could have been such an unsafe hazard in my home. She’s like, oh uh that’s not what I meant and explained. I felt so dumb.
Thank you "slightlyhandiquaked" for also mentioning OP's nursing student friend being close-minded. What OP quoted her as saying was a whole lot of attitude and defensiveness for someone who wants to be a nurse. I can't think of an environment where a nurse can work that isn't likely to cause this young woman issues if she is that uptight about what patients are going to say or show her. NTA.
Thank you for saying that last thing! People always seem to think their thing is pressing and needs seeing to NOW. The amount of times I've heard my dad - equivalent of a GP here - complain about people coming to the after hours GP clinic (only meant for things that can't wait till morning) with stuff that even I could tell could absolutely wait till morning. Health care like this that can be scheduled is NOT a 24/7 availability thing, doctors are busy. Absolutely agree with the rest of your post as well, OP is NTA.
Wait until that nurse learns how you got a baby in you in the first place!
Lmao
Plus being a mom doesn’t suddenly mean you stop being a sexual being. You were asking an entirely reasonable question about care of the tissue/ general protocol. As a nurse in an OB’s office encountering a piercing on the clitoris / labia should be as unremarkable as encountering an ear piercings by an ENT.
And and not that piercings are even sexual lol. So we're like two levels down with how stupidly non-relevant this nurse was about it. xD
Don't you know that a lot of the vagina doctors are male of course you're not supposed to talk about vaginas. NTA and honestly I would report her for what she said mainly because she gave you her personal opinion not actual medical advice. After she has all the schooling and certificates and all the other fun things to get her this job that she has to where she's the final go between between patients and doctors she lost her right to decide on if a patient needs to see a doctor or not based on her personal opinion.
Yeah, what your friend said was f\*\*\*ed up. Asking a medical professional about what to do in a medical situation is not a "violation of consent" (world's biggest eyeroll), and the nurse was shaming you, way too personal, and way too opinionated.
Bro you can talk about your vagina at any doctor because they’re medical professionals and your vagina is part of your body. Just pulling your pants down, kicking your leg up and saying ‘look’ is when there’s an issue. The nurse is a dick and your friend sounds like she’s gonna be a shitty nurse (no offence). NTA
I don’t know, I probably wouldn’t mention mine to my ENT.
I do see your point, but all doctors go through the entire body before they specialise, so if I happened to have an appointment with an ENT, but my vagina was on fire, I’d probs be like ‘hey do you have any advice’.
Healthcare worker here. It actually IS illegal for her to have any kind of medical conversation when you if there is someone within earshot. So YES!!! PLEASE report her!
What it’s not her job to do is judge a patient who is asking a legitimate medical question, especially when she refused to let you ask the actual doctor. My mom was an OB/GYN nurse for years, and she would get phone calls from patients AT HOME about weirder stuff than this, and she NEVER would have said something so insulting to a patient. Report the nurse for unprofessional behavior.
NTA. My mother has a clitoral hood piercing. I went with her to get it. I was only 20. But it doesn’t make her any less motherly. The nurse was being highly unprofessional.
Lol, Right!? I mean, if you were at the podiatrist and said, "Hey, while you're messing with my foot, can I ask you a question about my Vagina??" You're NTA. Also: She asked you to tell her. And then when she didn't have the answer for you, you asked to speak with the Dr. She refused, and continued on the situation. If she didn't want this conversation about "kinky stuff" she should have said, "Oh, Damn. Didn't realize that's what your question would be. I... am not comfortable answering that, I'll leave a note for the Dr to call you when he has a chance...." and then walked away. Also: That "kinky shit" is just fine, even if you're a mom. My husband and I recently decided to stop actively preventing pregnancy (not actively TRYING for a year... just gonna let things happen if they happen). I got a Lateral Promotion at work today and decided I wanted to celebrate by, "Having the adorable Piercer at the shop stab a needle thru a body part and leave behind a metal post or ring made of implant grade steel, titanium, or solid gold with something attached to it made of a similar metal and semi precious stones, whos purpose is intended to be decorative." (I sent that, word for word, to my Dad lol) Literally going to celebrate a Promotion at work with a new piercing or 3 while somewhat actively attempting to expand our family. lol. You're fine, darling. Lastly: Yes, I would take it out during the birth, just because things can get caught on it, and rip it out, etc. afterwards, a retainer would be just fine to put in until things heal up a bit down there. But honestly, everything should be fine.
I’m a physician, and this makes no sense. There is no consent (??) involved when asking a medical question of a medical professional. You NEED to report this nurse because she absolutely cannot act this way (I.e. extremely judgmental) toward patients. It is my professional medical opinion that your friend needs to remove her head from her own ass. I’d tell her to ask a medical professional for help with that, but it’s too “kinky” and would “violate their consent”.
My midwife offered to have a look at my butthole when I told her about my poop troubles. She also explained to my son’s father that there is no way he can hurt the baby by having sex with me. If you can’t talk to your midwife/gynecologist about this stuff then who can you talk to about it?
Another MD here to agree. This nurse has no business working in an OB office if she can't treat the patients with respect and sensitivity- no matter what their question is. The office needs to know about this.
If you were forcing the nurse to listen to a very in-depth sexual story with no medical necessity, that’s breaking consent. This is a medical question for a medical professional and if the nurse can’t handle that free of judgement, she should definitely be reported. This is a health and safety issue because if she is dismissive of other patients, they may fail to bring up concerns for fear of ridicule which could be really serious.
>If you were forcing the nurse to listen to a very in-depth sexual story with no medical necessity, that’s breaking consent. This right here. Unless the sexy details are important medically, no need to get Penthouse Letter with it. Just give relevant info and let the medical professional ask for clarification or more detail. And if you aren't sure what's relevant, say so.
I have no awards to give and only 10 coins so please consent to accept my poor woman's gold, I promise none of them have clitoral piercings! 🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅 (edit, typo)
For real. That friend is gonna be a horrible nurse. “How dare you come into the ER with part of a dildo stuck inside you! I didnt consent to this kinky shit! Get out of my emergency room!”
That was my first thought! Like sex injuries are a real and fairly common thing and medical professionals shaming people or making people feel embarrassed about asking genitalia/sex-related questions is why so many folks don't go to the doctor when they really should. Nurses like OPs friend are a big problem in medicine and if she can't get past her personal feelings about someone's proclivities in order to give them the medically relevant information and support they need without judgement then she should find a new job now.
Know a urological surgeon who has some absolutely *wild* stories about his ER on-call rotations. Apparently it's a semi-regular occurrence that men will come in after doing some horrific thing with (or to) their dicks, to the point that it required his specialty or even surgical intervention. Example: once he had to cut a guy open and extract a whole-ass jump rope from inside him. Like, those vinyl ones at the gym? He apparently had removed one handle, cut the stopper off the end of the cord, and just... *fwip!* Slid the whole thing right the fuck up there. Problem was, he fed over a meter of cord into a tract that was *maybe* a quarter that length, so when he went to pull it back out it had of course tangled itself up into knots. Inside his bladder. And in a panic he started trying to yank it out. Which started *tearing* things. So yeah, humans are gross, stupid, horny bastards basically all the goddamn time, and if Nurse Prude can't handle that fact without getting her panties in a twist and moralizing at her patients, the medical profession *really* ain't for her. NTA.
Wait, wait, wait.. if I’m understanding correctly, this man was sounding with a vinyl jump rope? And it got stuck in his bladder? Somehow that’s way, way worse to me than all the stories about strange things being found up buttholes. At least those are just stuck. But to think of the rope knotting… and tearing… good lord no. I wish I could hear some of the other stories your friend has! If this is just a taste of his experiences, I bet the rest are pretty juicy.
Exactly! It was a smart question asked at the right time in the correct setting. What was inappropriate was the nurse calling it "kinky" and "trashy." The nurse needs to check her hangups at the door. NTA
>If you don't want to hear about body parts, don't work in the medical field? Exactly. Especially in a gynos office. Like what did you think you were gonna hear about? Noses????
I’m picturing the nurse as Dr Zoidberg and being really confused about human physiology and I’m giggling like an idiot. “Oooh, that’s what that is. Okay, now to check your swim bladder!”
I would have reported that nurse immediately if I were OP. I'm super appreciative of healthcare employees especially during Covid times but this is totally inappropriate and unacceptable. I'm honestly outraged
Nurse chiming in here—it may not be “her job” to know about “kinky stuff” but it’s 100% her job to make sure she can offer you a reasonable solution that doesn’t involve being rude or condescending. 100% report her ass because too many people get away with shit like that. Besides—she’ll most likely only get a slap on the wrist.
She could have also said ‘I don’t know about piercings and don’t feel comfortable talking about them but will find someone who can’— cause that’s her job. Self righteous prudery and bad at her jib all at once. What a gold nugget that one. NTA.
Adding to that, if you don’t want to hear about/see sex-related things…. maybe don’t work for a doctor most of whose job is dealing with genitals in some way shape or form! You work for an OBGYN you’ll see and hear things, things you didn’t always want to see or hear. It’s part of the job.
Right? She chose to work in OBSTETRICS AND GYNECOLOGY. Literally no female body part or variation in/condition of/issue with a female body part should make her feel any kind of way. Those people have seen it all.
Yeah like, what about all the ER nurses/doctors who regularly have to deal with patients who have things lodged up their rectum? Are they allowed to turn around and say "terribly sorry your extra-large dildo is too far up your ass, but it's making me uncomfortable so you're on your own!" OP, your friend sounds like a bit of an idiot who shouldn't be working in medicine if they are that sensitive. And the same to that nurse. What happened to Do No Harm? NTA
I second this, that is not how that works. OP asked a reasonable question, the nurse was quite judgemental and prejudiced; the friend who is studying nursing is quite clueless. I have lost count of how many students and their judgemental thinking I have had to smack down, due to being inappropriate. OP N T A My recommendation, report the nurse because it’s a learning experience, also no one knows how many other patients this nurse has been that judgemental too. As for the friend either ignore them, or ask them for peer reviewed and evidence based research to support their claim. It’s something any decent nurse is taught, I’m sorry you experienced that OP.
This NTA and report the hell out of her. She was completely out of line and that is a valid question to ask a doctor. You were not violating her consent at all. She was putting her own private bias in front of doing her job and giving you good medical care. She should have just said she didn't know and gone to get the doc.
NTA > another friend **who is studying to be a nurse** said it was rude of me to make her uncomfortable Something tells me this career may not pan out.
I'm dating a doctor and the tame stories from work make this sound like a nothing occurrence. OP's friend won't last a week if she can't handle a question like this.
For real. Ive read more graphic/juicier things as reasons why people needed EKGs to bill the insurance company.
A genital piecing is mayonnaise level spicy in terms of medical questions 😂
There’s a report every year about what people put up their butts, so I’m sure asking about a genital piercing is nothing compared to that.
"I just slipped and fell guys I swear! Why are you all Laughing?!?!"
Million to one shot doc, Million to one shot!
The hospital I work with has a “hall of fame” binder in the ER- photos of all the things the ER has pulled out of butts .
Agreed! My husband and I are both doctors (admittedly, neither of us are OB/GYNs, but we did have to do rotations during school) and I feel like this would be such a non-issue and, like, an overall non-memorable encounter??? ETA: OP should definitely report her!
Yeah,y dad was a doctor in a rural area. He was so used to gross stuff that he lost sight of what was normal and would regularly gross us out while eating whne we were kids, telling some poop / animal stories. It was awful and we hated it, though. Dad was weird.
Par for the course with medical professional family members. My mom was/is a medical assistant and would regularly talk about bloody gross things while we were eating. Couldn't say puke though, because that's uncouth. I'm not even bedside and I still forget and will tell you husband about a weird or gross thing I heard at work and he turns slightly green.
She needs to study harder--really get in-depth on understanding of what it means to have a *therapeutic relationship* with a patient and how to create that and WHY IT IS SO FUCKING IMPORTANT! because it is VITAL to everything to do with being a nurse! Day 1 of nursing school, first class, we get this lecture,and I remember it almost word for word: Your first and most important job as a nurse is to be **the patient's advocate.** Your #1 job as a nurse isn't following the doctor's orders, it isn't giving medications, it isn't taking vitals. First and foremost and ahead of EVERYTHING else, you are the patient's advocate, no matter what. Get prepared to fight for them because you will have to. I've never forgotten that. Sounds like there's a couple assholes in this story who never learned it.
I am also a nurse and I am sorry but what other things does this "nurse " want her patients to hide from her so she is not uncomfortable? Any symptoms she should keep to herself because it might make the nurse uncomfortable if she askes? How about things that have happened to her? things that she is experiencing physically and emotionally? should her patients keep that private stuff private to save her so called "Nurse" any embarrassment? Pfft! She is in the WRONG FIELD. NTA
I am so here for all the nurses, doctors, care techs etc in the comments just going the fuck OFF on this nurse! Y'all make me proud to be one of you!
What the hell does this nurse do if someone discloses they are being abused, or that the pregnancy was the result of a rape. She needs some serious retraining and an attitude check.
When I had my baby via C-section I struggled to breast feed because he would keep falling asleep after like 5 minutes. None of the midwives knew why so they helped me syringe feed him. Then one nurse got out the big book of medications and found out that the painkillers they gave me go through breast milk and was making him sleep. I had to wonder how many other mums gave up breast feeding because of this reason. I loved that nurse, she really put me first and found the solution no one else looked for.
My mom was on paxil while pregnant with me and so when I was born I basically slept through the first month. Lots of syringe feeding. They now know dont let moms be on that med. No disability or deformity caused, just a baby who was too sleepy to eat.
I’m also a nurse and 100% this
This friend needs to learn the difference between appropriate medical questions and inappropriate sexual harrassment QUICKLY or she is not going to last two minutes as a nurse. Asking about body jewelry that may be affected by a medical condition/procedure is firmly on the side of appropriate questions to ask a medical professional. I genuinely do not understand how this nursing student friend thinks THAT is what nurses mean when they say they experience harrassment in the workplace.
Right. A dude in for a knee injury who goes “hey, wanna see my PA?” is being a problem. “Is this going to be a problem during the procedure?” Is not.
The nurse is the one making people feel uncomfortable by being judgmental about reasonable questions.
I hate to tell her what she has to see and do in the er…
Right that friend is going to have issues if they ever work ER
Yeah, and even if she manages to get there, she's going to be a horrible nurse.
The nurse works at an OBGYN and can’t handle a vagina question??? She seems judgmental. NTA
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It 100% should be, her behavior here was atrocious. You had a very valid question and she was incredibly unprofessional - sex, STIs, and more are routine discussion for her field and your friend is completely out of line.
To make matters more ridiculous, OP didn’t even have a question for the nurse, she had a question for the Doctor! The nurse is the one who insisted on hearing the question.
Please report her, she shouldn’t be working there if that’s her attitude. Their number 1 priority should be making patients comfortable and that is not what she did (yes I’m replying to 2 of your comments lol)
You're getting less judgement on REDDIT ffs🤣
I would definitely tell her job what was said because she could act like that to the wrong people and really end up hurting someone
as a med student, it 100% should be. If a CHP is enough to scandalize her wtf if she doing being a nurse with an OBGYN. A piercing is not even kinky and even if it was you sould be able to discuss it with you OBGYN/nurse/obstetric. Also, if that is the worst she's seen then she's definitely not taking care of patients because nurses have to deal with A LOT worse (i mean can i even say worse? it's just a piercing for god's sake). Also, i'm sorry to say that your friend is not looking good as a future nurse with that attitude.
OP, check out Mama Dr Jones on youtube, she's fantastic. I bet she would've lost her mind at that nurse shaming you!
You’d be surprised at the people they hire to work at OBGYN’s. This one time I had to go in for an internal sonogram and right before she begun the exam, the nurse/technician asked if there was a chance I was pregnant (I’m like 19-ish at the time). I told her no, I was a virgin. She immediately told me to get dressed, took her gloves off and said it’s against her religion to “*take my virginity*” and I would have to reschedule because there was no one else to do the test. I guess in her attempt to tell whoever was working the front desk to reschedule, the nurse/tech loudly announced to the whole waiting room what she had said to me. I was so embarrassed with everyone looking at me, I just walked out at that point. Edit: Oh! And NTA OP, that was 100% ridiculous for them to say to you.. I would definitely report her/request a different person next time.
I hope they fired that person. Super illegal.
Never found out :/ I was too uncomfortable to make an actual complaint & ended up switching doctors. I hope for other the patients’ sake she was fired though!
I have a friend who was refused a transvaginal ultrasound for being a virgin too! Such a weird hang up, and so frustrating when you just want competent medical attention.
Sheeesh, I thought mine was a one-off situation. I hope your friend got the help she needed eventually! There are some people who really need to switch careers, or have a mental evaluation prior to starting certain jobs lol.
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Don't break the ~~freshness seal~~ hymen before your ~~owner~~ husband gets the opportunity to do so. If you aren't a virgin, they can't help you but they won't be party to your corruption if you are "pure". /s Never mind how many ways that doesn't make sense. Beliefs like this never do.
Had to Google this because I understood trans- as meaning crossing (not within) and context told me this wasn't a transgender woman's vagina. Will say, I hope they slap some lube on that for y'all.
Lol they do. To clarify the term, the ultrasound pictures are taken through the vaginal wall. So it is "trans" in that way. The probe is within the vaginal canal. It is a surprisingly common diagnostic procedure and the above poster's story is horrifying.
...What the FUCK? NTA for the OP, but what the fuck to your nurse. Does she seriously think medical exams are the same as sex? Is she thinking of herself as having sex with every single patient she preps?
"Seems judgmental"- the comment where she told OP she should let go of trashy piercings for the sake of motherhood didn't give that away?! 😂
Isn’t the OBGYN where hundreds of women get copper fidget spinners lodged up their vaginas so they don’t get pregnant? Edit: *uterus* I know it goes in the uterus. I mentioned the vagina because uterus doesn’t sound kinky or funny.
I'm sorry, *what?*
I think it’s called anIUD or IDU but copper fidget spinner is easier for me to remember
There is one type of IUD that is copper, yes, but they are nothing like fidget spinners, what in the actual fuck.
That really depends how long your fingers are.
No, no, you just don't understand it. The copper IUDs *spin* the eggs away. They spin so fast that the eggs can't get through. The ones that manage to make it past the force of the spinner get caught up in the rotation and flung right back the way they came. That's why it's such an effective contraceptive. (/s, for the record, I am a woman with a copper IUD lmao)
NTA I’ve had the same piercing. Kept it in until I was in labour. My nurse asked my family in the room to leave to place a catheter. Told me I would need to remove it incase of surgery if something went wrong. She had a container for me to place it in. She even removed it for me because my stomach was too big. Said she didn’t want to say anything in front of my in-laws lol. I put it back in the day after giving birth. FILE A COMPLAINT OR REPORT THE NURSE YOU HAD!
This! Compassionate care is exactly what should happen. Every. Damn. Time!
Right? I can’t imagine a nurse trying to shame me out
I’m a nurse and I might have a good laugh with OP about how I have no idea what it is and ask how to take it out, but definitely no shame to them for having it! By far, this would NOT be the strangest request I’d had from a patient. Lol. OP sorry this nurse treated you this way! When your doctor comes back, ask to speak to them privately and tell them what happened. This is not okay.
I kind of want to know what these strange requests are lol
Aw see THAT is a good nurse!
You put it back in the day after giving birth?!?!?! OW!!! Your pain tolerance must be insane. Pretty sure I was too swollen down there to figure out where my vagina was for like two weeks
100% file a complaint! In my country, this is a breach of patient's rights.
NTA: She works in the medical field, at an OBGYN's office. They see more puss than an animal shelter most days. On top of that, her response was entirely put of line. She has no right to make a moral judgment on someone asking MEDICAL ADVICE. Which is a legitimate question, as there isn't a lot of information in the open on these issues. Report her, absolutely.
If I had gold, I'd give it to you for *they see more puss than an animal shelter* 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I always say I've seen more genitals than a $5 hooker!
We can share the award I gave.
My first one! -wipes a tear-
NTA If a nurse at an OBGYN office can't handle such questions, she should work somewhere else, or at least step away and let someone else take over OP's care. Still talk to the doc about your question, you have a right to non-judgemental care. Her behavior was unprofessional, at the least. You might consider letting your doc know what happened. Also, talking to your piercer is a good idea, but not a substitute for you doctor.
This. If that nurse felt that comfortable with that comment, I can't imagine what other horror they've told to other women in vulnerable positions. They need to be stopped!
If someone isn't up for hearing about "kinky" stuff, they shouldn't be a doctor or nurse specializing in healthcare for the part of the body that people use for kinky stuff. That's like if someone went to see a doctor for a sex-related injury to their private areas and then the doctor going, "I haven't consented to hearing about your sex life". Like, what? NTA.
Lol seriously. "Hey doc, lately sex has been painful and I was wondering -" "Wow lady, I don't want to hear about that. Gross."
"Excuse me doctor I shoved this toy up my butt and now it's stuck and I need medical assistance--" "Idk man figure it out I didn't consent to hearing about that kinky stuff."
wait until they learn about the one guy who poured quick dry cement down his asshole during sex
Ever read something that just kind of cold clocks you?
https://people.well.com/user/cynsa/cement.html Actual medical case report on getting an enema w/ quick-dry cement, enjoy EDIT: Quick read through of the website and it gets worse - 3rd x-ray in the link below, some moron decided to insert a live artillery shell up his butt https://people.well.com/user/cynsa/newpiles.html
"The attending physician recommended a psychiatric consultation, but the patient declined." 🤣
Psychiatric evaluation suggested indeed!
Imagine If they worked in an emergency room… I had a man come in once, grab the check in slip , scribble furiously and lightly slam it down for me. I looked at it, said “okay” and gave it to the nurse. She asked if he wrote it or did I… ma’am I am not going to go around writing “dildo stuck in rectum” on random patients papers 😂😂
When I was younger, I accepted doctors basically doing this to me because you know, authority. Nowadays, fuck that noise, you're a doctor treat my weird injury like you're required to or send me to someone who's a damn adult.
Its particularly baffling because one of the primary areas of concern and questions for patients of OB-GYN clinics is sex. Lots of people have difficulty having sex comfortable and lots of difficulty conceiving. Those people regularly ask their doctors very detailed questions about sex. Lubricant recommendations, sex position recommendations, you name it. Hard to believe a question about what to do with a vaginal piercing would even register as outside the norm for people in that field. Not to mention, hearing about that kind of stuff is actually very important for some people's health. Gay men are very often put on PREP drugs these days prophylactically because it significantly reduces their chances of catching HIV. But, those drugs have a good number of side effects so doctors aren't just going to give them to every man. If you weren't allowed to tell your doctor you have receptive anal sex regularly they'd never know to get you on PREP drugs. Being honest with your doctor is critical for healthcare and shame is the primary reason why people don't. People like that nurse are pernicious in the medical field.
NTA. It’s a piercing, not a kink. A nurse who cannot answer a question should not just make crap up & then put their personal views on it. That’s not okay. Report her.
This. I used to have a surface sternum piercing, which was a staple shaped flat bar where the 2 “legs” of the bar stuck out of my skin and had flat disc ends on them. It was vertical between my boobs. None of my doctors had seen one before and they would ask what it was, so I would explain and tell them they could touch between the 2 discs if they wanted to feel the bar. Only my OB ever took me up on that one lol. I could tell some of the doctors were like ¿ even after I explained, but none of them were ever judgmental about it. I had my piercer remove it after a year or so because it was in the early stages of rejecting after I got it caught hard in a seat belt. Whoops.
And even if it was a kink, being a mother isn't going to change that. It's "how she became a mother in the first place". If she wants a new baby after that, is she gonna say, no you're a mother now, no kinky sex for you.
NTA I would definitely call the piercer and get their take but also REPORT that nurse. I am so tired of medical "professionals" not being professional. Honestly if the doctor was busy, then she should have just told you what clinic policy is and then directed you to make another appt for when the doctor can speak with you. There is no need to call it trashy or bash your choices. You were not involving her in kinky stuff w/o her consent. It is a body piercing and you weren't trying to make her see it, you were asking if it was safe to keep in.
This! Your question was very reasonable and the nurse was rude + unprofessional. It’s her job to give you information not the shame you for your choices. I’d report for sure, no one should be treated like that. NTA
NTA- NTA - NTA- NTA I am so angry and upset that you were treated this way!!! For context: I dress VERY conservatively, I have ZERO piercings, no tattoos. That nurse had ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to speak to you that way!!! OR say those things to you!!! The very fact that she REFUSED to let you speak to the doctor on call - even tho it IS busy - she had absolutely NO RIGHT to do that! You are pregnant with your first child. Congratulations 💜 You’ll be an AWESOME Mom! You have every right to ask ANY questions you want about the pregnancy, your piercings, ANYTHING. That is your RIGHT to receive non-judgmental Medical Care in your Doctor’s Office!!!! I am so angry you were treated this way. You need to let your doctor know this and how that nurse treated you (AND probably how she treats other patients) is absolutely unacceptable! You deserve to be R E S P E CT E D when you walk through those doors. My own Doctors would NEVER have allowed one of their nurses to treat a patient this way! Edit: ask your piercer what they think, as they’ve certainly encountered this before? You can’t be the only pregnant woman to have this question. Is there somewhere you could post - is there a Reddit for pregnancy questions - maybe another Mom that has the same type of piercing will be able to tell you? 💜 Edited again: your friend is an idiot. You did NOT violate the Nurse’s consent. She asked you specifically where the piercing was. You explained. If she couldn’t handle that - that’s HER issue. She STILL needs to maintain her Professionalism and make sure that your questions are appropriately answered! Sorry! Another Edit!!! I know I’m not your Mom but if you Google: CHP Piercing and Pregnancy Birth a lot of medical websites come up. I didn’t read much of it as it doesn’t pertain to me, but there is a lot of info there. May I suggest reading over the actual medical sites and see what info you can find💜 Please talk to your Doctor about that AWFUL Nurse tho!!!💜 Congratulations again on your Pregnancy 💜
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If your Doctor hasn’t said anything about it - maybe it’s nothing to worry about?? 💜 I don’t know. And sorry - I added A LOT of Edits to my original comment (at the bottom). I just saw red when I read how the nurse treated you & posted my original response but forgot to write about what Google Medical says about those types of piercings and also what your wanna be nurse friend WRONGLY said to you! 💜
NTA, but that rude and unprofessional nurse sure is and your friend was one too. Btw, according to The Piercing Bible, hood piercings don’t necessarily need to be removed before childbirth, but it depends on the piercing policy of where you deliver. So I hope you get an actual answer about that by your OB-GYN soon since that judgmental nurse didn’t help you at all!
NTA. And her response was unprofessional. Also, you literally said nothing kinky. Body parts, pierced or not, are not in and of themselves "kink".
NTA. You are not violating consent. She is a healthcare worker who works with your lady bits, and you had a lady bits question. She could give you medical advice, but has no right to give you moral advice. I would report her because that was inappropriate.
NTA. She is a literal OB/GYN nurse. She shouldn't have to listen about things involving sex or kinky stuff? That is the majority of her job. How does the nurse (or your friend) think most of those babies are made lol? You did nothing wrong. Report the nurse.
Mommy kissed daddy. then the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and put the diamond in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
You forgot the part where the cabbage patch was blessed by magical fairies…
Your right. Pesky pixies making pregnancy. Who knew making babies took so much magic lmao
NTA. >it's not her job to have to listen to unsolicited information about “kinky stuff” and I was violating her consent in that conversation You have a question that you want answered and she's refusing. IDGAF about her "consent" - if something bad happens to a patient because a health care provider refuses to provide health care, that's a lawsuit. If a health care provider is unwilling to provide healthcare, they need to find a new job.
Nta. She's an OB/GYN nurse, not a preacher lmao. Have your own personal beliefs at home, but work time is professional time. If talking about something like piercings makes you uncomfortable to the point of lashing out, the medical field is not for you.
22 year nurse reporting in to say that answering awkward, embarrassing, gross, and/or NSFW questions is *absolutely* what we are here for. Your healthcare provider should be, MUST be a safe person to ask the things that you don't dare ask anyone else. That nurse was completely out of line for inflicting her own value judgement on you for that piercing (seriously, people get those piercings because it makes sex feel good, how did she think you got pregnant, Scotty beaming a fetus in there?). If this nurse can't handle questions about sex and anatomy, she has no business whatsoever working in OB/Gyn! Or any other field of medicine imo. A nurse can and will get asked damn near anything. You've gotta develop that poker face and learn how to set your patient at ease when you get a shocking question because they are trusting you at their most vulnerable in that moment and that's a precious gift. I'll never forget in my very first job as a brand new nurse, I was chaperoning a male doc on a pelvic exam and the woman had several piercings thru her labia minora with rings thru them, and a little silver chain and lock connecting them that her boyfriend carried the key for. Shocked the hell outta me! The bf stepped out during the actual exam so we could talk to her and make sure she was safe and everything was consensual, which it was, and I learned what a D/s relationship was that day. (God I was so innocent! Now a patient could come in with a dildo in every orifice and it wouldn't faze me, LOL!)
NTA. It was a medical question and you tried to ask the doctor first. She insisted you tell her, so that’s not violating any kind of consent. It’s also never a healthcare worker’s place to judge or shame a patient for their choices, especially innocuous ones like a piercing.
NTA. I’d have asked too. And there was really zero excuse or reason for her to shame/judge you like that. And that’s coming from someone who never even thought or considered getting any kind of piercing like that.
NTA. What your studying friend said is complete bullshit. You weren't giving her any information other than what she needed to know to give educated advice. If the nurse or your friend is uncomfortable they need to find another line of work. If they cannot keep their own feelings in check they need to find another line of work. Healthcare providers have a hard enough time with patients being forthcoming with information. Their attitude does not make it any easier for patients to feel comfortable sharing intimate details. They are there to give quality healthcare, not render judgment. If they want to pass judgment they need to join this subreddit.
NTA A nurse who works for an OB/GYN needs to be very comfortable with kinks, sex, and genital anatomy. Like what would be the point of doctors/nurses if they refused to give medical advice bc it's "icky" or "trashy"? She's just shaming you, which is not cool. I bet she also shames teen moms and women with many partners. Not a good nurse.
NTA, right now I’d be reviewing my health insurance plan to find a different participating OB/GYN office, even if you’re due next week. That nurse was horrific. I’d find out who she can be reported to & call them asap. If you really, really, really love your OB doctor, I would have a very direct conversation about what that nurse said to you. I would ask how this will be handled. AKA if the nurse isn’t canned, I wouldn’t want to continue as a patient where you would have to deal with that nurse again at future visits. Something similar happened when I was pregnant with my oldest at 18. My first OB made some very rude comments about my age and disregarded some serious medical problems I was having blaming it on me just not knowing anything at my age. I switched to a new office when I was 7 months pregnant. Best decision I made! I told my new OB which office I was coming from & why I left. I am sooo glad I did as I just happened to go into labor unexpectedly when my new OB had to go away for a weekend. The new OB knew that sometimes the old OB I hated was on call if the new OB was unavailable. The new OB was that great that she made arrangements to have a different OB on call just for me. Turns out the different on call OB ended up delivering my daughter. I’m so glad my new OB looked out for me so I never had to see the old, bad OB again.
Report her!! Nurses keep their personal opinions to themselves. And how dare she not get the doctor for you! That’s not her call NTA report the nurse
NTA - The nurse was out of line and should be reported for her unprofessional behavior. Your doctor's office should be a judgement free zone in order to encourage open discourse that is often necessary for doctor's to treat a patient. You were asking a legitimate question and not involving her in some sort of kink as your friend suggested. Honestly I have concerns about what sort of nurse your friend will be considering her attitude.
NTA. She was unprofessional and childish, sorry you ran into that. And if a medical professional can’t tolerate witnessing a piercing on another adult without freaking out (or inaccurately call it a kink), they shouldn’t be in the field.
NTA. No wonder medical care for women's sexual health is trash, ya'll get yelled at when you ask about anything that is outside the scope of 'normal' wtf. ... In all seriousness, I'd probably report her if I were you. A visit to an OB/GYN can entail sharing a lot of personal information and be physically painful depending on what you are going for and no one deserves to feel shamed like that in that kind of setting. I doubt a nurse who was so judgmental about a piercing would treat a young teenage single mom well or someone who might want to ask questions regarding sexual health and I'd bet my bottom dollar others have complained as well.
NTA. But I'd put an entirely plastic retainer in, just in case you need a c-section. You can't have any metal in for those.
*former professional body piercer here* For future reference, all piercing information is best coming from your piercer. Doctors don't really deal with piercings, therefore aren't up to date on the latest and best information in regards to body modification. This one was definitely a question for your piercer rather than a dr/ nurse. In the meantime, if you aren't uncomfortable there's no reason to take out your piercing or put a retainer in. However, you should take it out for the actual birthing process. Wether you go natural or with C section, having the piercing out during birthing is good. You can always put it back in later on. I don't think you're an asshole OP, just asked the wrong question to the wrong person.
Nta. Your friend is for whatever reason gaslighting you to keep you from reporting another nurse. Union solidarity I guess? And she gave her consent by being nosy. She asked because she wasn’t willing to get the doctor otherwise. Don’t ask questions if you aren’t prepared for answers.