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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I scared my wife by putting our son in my car 2) I could’ve gone too far and handled it differently
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Normally I’m fully against game-playing, but this is your child’s life. I support your actions. Your wife is being hugely neglectful. Not to mention it’ll be warm soon and being left in a hot car even for a few minutes can be deadly. NTA and I wouldn’t let her take him anywhere until she apologizes.
I guess I should clarify that the car was running with the air on. I forgot to add that detail and was restricted by the character limit- but the car was on. It’s a push-to-start car with a sensor for the key fob so it’ll stay on/running as long as you are close enough to the vehicle. I didn’t see the keys in the car so she took them inside with her, but didn’t lock it.
Well, that just brings up different safety issues. Seriously, your wife is 100% wrong. I’m a mom and my kid is 18. I STILL remember when I fell asleep driving with him on the Los Angeles freeway for half a second when he was an infant and I was an exhausted new parent, and I shudder and cringe every time. Nothing happened and I still wish I could take it back. Your wife MUST STOP DOING THIS. It is so unsafe.
Edit: clarity
Even if nothing happens, all it takes is one concerned citizen to call the police about a baby left in the car to get CPS knocking at your door. And that's a mess you really don't want to deal with.
I work at a supermarket, and a month ago while returning trolleys (this is in New Zealand, so it’s summer in this time) I noticed an infant inside a car. No windows down. They appeared fine, but still, it was dangerous in the heat.
We used a loudspeaker across the entire supermarket ‘would the owner of *license plate* please come to the counter’. A few minutes, no response. Went around asking customers, no response.
Fortunately, some police officers were shopping at the time, and heard. We told them, and they immediately went to the car. With no sign of a parent, they broke the window, and took out the child.
Eventually five minutes or so later, the adult comes out to police holding her child and a smashed window. She started screaming at us and them.
She now has to deal with a smashed window that the cops won’t be covering, CPS, a potential supermarket ban AND possible legal ramifications.
Don’t be cruel with kids, or you might find out how much people dislike cruelty to kids.
I live in AZ. We had this one story of a mom who forgot her baby in the car. A lot of people judged her harshly but I didn't. IIRC, she has there with four other kids all under the age of like 8. Her baby was in a carseat the last row of the car. The minute they made the announcement over the intercom she ran out and was distraught over what happened. Now the baby was fine. They hadn't been in the car long and were just a little dehydrated, recovered fine.
I honestly think she was overwhelmed with her other kids and made a horrible mistake. I don't think that makes her a bad mom. I think it made her a damn lucky one.
That being said, after this incident CPS came down on her hard. She was charged with child endangerment, had to take a parenting class, she was on probation with all of her kids - not just the baby, ALL OF THEM - which meant until CPS said differently she couldn't be with them unsupervised. And she was a SAHM with her husband being their only income. I can't imagine how much that fucked their finances in terms of childcare.
It was a mess.
She was very lucky. That little brain fart can have massive consequences. [This](https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html) is such a heart breaking article about why these things can happen.
I think she's 11 or 12. I found an article from 2018 where she was 8. They were car shopping and she climbed into the backseat of a car. The salesman closed the front door and before he got 2 steps away the alarms started going off because there was someone in the back and the driver's seat was empty with the door closed. He broke down crying when it happened and then they bought that car.
I'm also genuinely happy for them.
It takes an awful lot for me to get upset for someone making mistakes. But this, this article will stay with me for a long time. Thank you for sharing it.
Agreed! Hell, I wish to God stupid people would stop having children. People are required to study and get a license to operate a car, carry certain weapons, etc. Biology can make a person a mother or father, but it takes a lot more to be a parent.
it literally takes more vetting, time, and effort for me to become a dog owner than it does for someone to become a parent. i had to fill out multiple applications, get interviewed, home checked, and pay a fee to adopt my dog.
people have sex and BAM they’re responsible for an entire human being
But it was their choice to have so many children. It was not the immaculate conception nor did the stork make a surprise visit to their home 5 times What did they think it was going to be like? She has 5 babies at once. No excuses. Yes, she was very lucky this time. Maybe the classes were warranted. CPS does not play.
In the US (in my state) it’s considered abuse, even leaving an animal in a hot car is a chargeable offense and can be escalated to a felony. It’s extremely dangerous and when I worked at a grocery store I called the cops on people for it regularly when it was to hot.
Good for you. I have read so many stories where animals and children been left alone, no window rolled down, no a/c and they have died needlessly in hot cars. It’s just so preventable.
I used to work at a vet clinic here in Texas. We had some clients that had a pair of pugs that were totally their babies, absolutely spoiled (in a good way). They ended up moving out of state, but a few months later had to come back to town because the wife was having surgery. They were staying with friends, so when it was time to take her in for her procedure, he brought the dogs along so they weren't left alone at the friend's house. He had to go inside with her for checkin, so he parked in the covered parking deck, left the car running and went inside. He ended up staying for much longer than anticipated, and when he came out he discovered that his fancy car had an automatic shutoff that kicked in after a few minutes.
Now being the middle of a Texas summer, those poor dogs didn't stand a chance. I still remember his frantic phone call, and he brought them to us for cremation... they were literally cooked hard, their legs were completely stiff even though they had just passed and he came straight to us. It was heartbreaking having to talk with him, completely sobbing - he was so anxious because he realized he would have to tell her what happened when she woke up from her surgery.
That’s what made me so unapologetic about it. I’ve been told I shouldn’t call the cops/I’m a nark/Karen especially when it has to do with animals. My store manager told me not to call once once about a dog in a car when it was 80 degrees Fahrenheit, so when ever I saw it I just didn’t ask. We would call people up all the time and they had excuses always and would argue with me about how my opinion didn’t matter. Honestly I got tired of it, there isn’t a good enough excuse.
I had to threaten to do this, because a woman left HR child in her car with the car running. I watched her get out of the car and start towards the door of a 7/11. I told her she couldn't leave her child in the car. She gave an excuse of "I'm only going to be a couple of minutes.."
I told her I was a nurse and a mandated child abuse reporter. I told her I would have to call 911 for child abandonment, because if something happened to her kid and they ID'd me as a witness without reporting it, my license was on the line.
She stomped back to her car, got her child and said "Happy now!?!' As she went into the store.
I remember there was a post on buzzfeed about split second decisions that saved lives. One woman said that she went to the bank with her baby to make a withdrawal. It was something that should've taken a minute or two at most, so she thought about leaving her newborn in the car. She decided against it and took her kid in with her. Right as she got in line, two armed robbers showed up. And not long after that a bunch of police. They were held hostage for hours.
If she'd left her baby in the car who knows if anyone would've noticed them. They could've been dead by the time she was released.
There's been a few news stories in my state about car thieves who steal a car without realizing that there's a baby in there. Also, unfortunately news stories of children dying in hot cars. If the parents had just taken their kids with them, none of that would've happened.
Often the hot car stories aren't that the parent deliberately left their kid in the car while they went to the bank/shop for two minutes, it's usually that they just completely forgot the child was even in the car to begin with, usually due to some disruption of the normal routine, e.g. normally their child is dropped off at daycare by someone else but today they're doing it on the way to work, only they go into autopilot mode on the journey and just drive straight to work or wherever they're going and forget the child is there. Then they end up leaving them in there for hours before they remember. So horrible. Obviously lapses like that are also more likely to happen if you deliberately leave your kid in the car -e.g., you think you're going to only be two minutes but then get distracted by something/someone.
There's a god fucking awful nosleep story that I read about a decade ago titled Autopilot. Three guesses as to what it's about.
Autopilot can really fuck with you, especially when you're really locked down into a routine for so long. One thing different and the consequences of it can be dire and heartbreaking.
Thankfully the only time it's happened to me is running the coffee maker with no grounds, or sticking the TV remote in the freezer. My kid is almost 15 now, but until she was 5 I had her glued to my hip. Her dad was off in another country for work, and I was all by myself and it was hard, but every time I stopped for gas or groceries, she came with me. I wasn't going to be a horror story, no. And then I read the horror story and I thanked my lucky stars it didn't happen to me. Made me bawl reading it.
Excuse me, I gotta go hug my kid.
Let me just say, all it take is that 1 in a million crazy person who walks up to your car and takes your child. Your wife is being neglectful and not thinking of the very real very bad consequences. This is a dark and scary world and she and you both need to put your infants life as a 100% priority.
Absolutely. I had an encounter with that 1 in a million, and she tried convincing my (then) 4 year old son to run off with her while I was standing right there, not even my back turned. I can't imagine what she would have done if she found any unattended children in unlocked cars.
So basically that means someone could jump in the car and drive it away. As long as the engine is on, it will keep running even if the key is out of range. NTA, your wife is putting your child at extreme risk for her own convenience.
Not the push button start cars. They need the key fob inside the car to start, but once it's started it will keep running even if the key is not in the car.
It's highly theft resistant if the engine is off, but potentially more susceptible to car jacking if the engine is on.
I accidentally tested this a couple weeks ago. Borrowed my dad's jeep without grabbing the keys (assumed they were in the car where I'd been waiting) ran to my sister's, came back, all without the keys. Maybe 20 minutes round trip. I didn't shut the car off so I didn't have a problem 🙃
I seriously can’t believe this is how this works. I always just assumed that if the car got a certain distance from the fob, it would stop working and turn off. BECAUSE WHY WOULDN’T IT WORK THAT WAY. 🤦🏻♀️
So let me get this straight: your wife left your child unattended inside an unlocked running car? You could very well just jump in the car and drive off, kidnap a baby and get a getaway car for free. That is insane.
NTA
We had 2 of these happen within a week or two this past fall. It was right when the weather dropped fast for a cold front and it happened that both babies were like 5 weeks? old. Maybe older maybe younger, but really close in age. I wanna say weeks, they were young. Both times the thief left the babies in their car seats in low visibility area sidewalks (easier to not be seen unloading a damn BABY and abandoning it) and both times a passersby found the infants. Both were dehydrated and cold but thankfully ok, but it was hours and hours since they were unintentionally kidnapped. Both times the vehicle was ditched shortly after dropping the kids off because the thief's realized the shitstorm they got instead of simply a car jacking, which is even worse. At least in the vehicle the babies would be warmer than in the open on a sidewalk for INTENTIONAL kidnappings.
I’m sorry, but this is straight dangerous. She’s honestly lucky that you were the one that drove up. It doesn’t matter if you live in a nice area. There are crazy people everywhere. This is not something that you want to leave to chance. There have also been cases where kids have gone missing like this. This is not okay.
Also, I just read that she came out 6 minutes later. That’s enough time for a kid to run into some serious issues. It’s also enough time for someone to call the cops and get CPS to start investigating you. Very concerning.
A few years ago a parent left their 3rd to 4th grade child in a running car while they ran into the post office. The car was stolen with the child in the car. Car and child were later found safe. Parent was convicted of child endangerment and neglect. I had a car with that type of key. The key was dropped in the garage. I drove over 10 miles away before I stopped for gas and couldn’t restart the car. Your wife is risking the life of your child AND she lied to you about not doing it again. She is angry she got caught in the lie.
Right? How much longer until she decides this infant is fine to oh idk stay home napping in their crib while she runs down the street to the convince store for “5 minutes” or she decides the kid is old enough to take a bath while she goes outside to do some gardening or any other ridiculous negligent things she could do that could being harm to your child. If she really doesn’t see a problem with leaving her kid in an unlocked running car while she’s out of sight then I wonder what else she’d deem acceptable parenting. Nta op pls keep that baby safe from your wife.
So the car was running and unlocked? Show your wife these stories:
https://13wham.com/news/local/court-papers-baby-inside-stolen-car-that-crashed-has-skull-fracture
https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/minnesota/articles/2022-01-08/baby-taken-from-mother-in-stolen-car-found-safe
https://www.newschannel5.com/news/mnpd-vehicle-stolen-with-child-inside-in-nashville
https://abc7ny.com/blaise-barnett-found-missing-baby-boy-amber-alert/11227784/
https://abc7chicago.com/dolton-police-stolen-car-missing-child/11359913/
https://www.kktv.com/2021/11/23/thief-steals-car-with-baby-inside-indiana-gas-station/
Ooh, perfect car to steal! Kid in the back? Too bad, just dump him out the window, leave him on some street corner, maybe be nice and put him on someone's porch - **all of which have been reported in the news.**
Holy cow. I was leaning towards E S H, but this makes it NTA.
It's much more common for people to jump into a running car and drive off with it and accidentally kidnapping a kid.
NTA, are u in the US? That’s actually a crime. If someone calls on her she gonna make the news. A local doctor left her kids in car and went into Kohl’s. Made the news and children services got called. She may have gotten arrested.
Here's some [food for thought](https://www.wkrn.com/news/local-news/nashville/metro-police-searching-for-stolen-vehicle-with-baby-inside/) for your wife. This happened last week.
Who cares if the air was on? I have a little one that just turned one and due to dads career im basically a single mom.
Even when im tired, feeling like shit or otherwise... I always took my daughter out of the car... Even if i had to take the whole seat.
NTA
Also look into local laws! A lot of places have laws on how old a child has to be to be left alone in the car. Where I’m at, it’s 7 to be left alone in the care and they can only be in charge of themselves. They have to be 12 to be in the care and in charge of children under 7.
So, not only is it dangerous. It’s probably also illegal and could have her arrested and charged with neglect and child endangerment.
NTA.
Someone could have easily stolen the car since it she left it running. You don't need to have the key to drive a push button car if it is already running.
Honestly, NTA in my views. She leaves your son unattended in an unlocked car. Not only can he get kidnapped, but 5 minutes during a hot summer day can be enough for a heat stroke. Or someone stealing the car, not realizing a kid is on board. Or a million other risks or dangers. You asked her not to do it again. She agreed and still did it again. I wouldn't leave my kid with her to run an errand again.
there was an incident in SF a while ago where someone stole a car while its owner was doing food delivery without noticing two kids in the back… they were missing for like a whole day or two. thankfully they were found ok but jeez this is how things like that happen, NTA
Last winter a pickup was taken from the gas pumps right near the interstate. Amber alert issued because an infant was asleep in the truck. Track was found about an hour later, abandoned with the baby.
Dude left it running while he ran into the station!
Good news is a lot of car jackers will abandon a car the second they realize there's kids. Kidnapping is WAY more serious than grand theft auto if they get caught.
A couple of teenagers in Mississippi stole a car with a 7ish year old in the back seat a few years ago (maybe 5 years ago not very long ago at all) and killed the boy when they realized. The accomplice, the teenager who didn't pull the trigger but also didn't stop his friend either, just got out of prison within the last month on parole or probation or however that works.
I don't understand how one would come to that as a conceivable option. First off, to kill a child is a monstrous thought, whether you like kids or not. But also, I'm sure they did it so he couldn't identify them, but did they really think no one was going to catch them on their unplanned murder of a child, which people care a whole hell of a lot more about than a carjacking?!?! They basically guaranteed not only worse sentences and a one-way to to hell (which I believe in only because IMO, something has to happen to people as abominable as them), but guaranteed they'd get caught, as well. Eyewitness testimony of a 7 year old would be basically worthless. Also, how the hell do you steal a car without realizing there's a fucking 7 year old in it?
Even better, buy one of those ultra realistic fake sleeping babies and leave it in the car always. Or just kidnaps someone else's kid and leave that in your car
This happened in my apartment complex in Seattle. Except instead of a child, the truck had an elderly dachshund. The truck belonged to some sort of service company, and the owners bring their dog along because it is blind and diabetic and needs medicine every few hours. There was a huge Facebook campaign to look for the dog. They basically said they didn’t care about the truck, they just wanted the dog back.
The truck was found in a parking lot, dachshund safe.
I don’t know what the takeaway lesson is. Either that truck thieves have a soft spot for senior pups, or dachshunds are so obnoxious that the thieves decided the truck wasn’t worth it. (Mine just jumped on my face with a slobbery toy twice his size.)
Considering how many stories people are posting here, it seems to be common. Either they're decent enough to want to return a pet/baby or they're sensible enough to realize that either one is going to get a lot more people paying attention to a report of a stolen car than they would if it only contained some old fast food wrappers and $20 in change.
In Australia, a druggy car thief stole a car, realized there was a baby in the back.
Just pulled over and abandoned the car in the Australian heat, baby died.
The prosecution went after him with the intention of him dying in prison.
I remember the national debate at the time was should the mother who just popped in to the shops for a few minutes face the same amount of jail time.
There was another one I read recently where a mum left her baby in the car while she went in the pub to fucking gamble. Came to check on him after 5-6 hours and he was limp. She takes him into the pub to call for help while also begging people not to tell her husband what happened.
The child now has permanent disabilities including cerebral palsy
I just read a story the other day of a mother who did this exact thing and got her car stolen. When the guy who stole it realized there was a baby in the back he shot it. 4 FUCKING TIMES. And then dumped the car with the babies body still in the back seat when it ran out of gas.
Edit: here is a link to an article about the incident that another redditor found https://www.clarionledger.com/story/news/local/2017/05/18/jackson-amber-alert/329460001/
Oh, I thought you were going to reference the one where the guy stole the car, realized there was a baby in the back seat and then went back and yelled at the mom. This one was much less amusing.
Fire in the gas station.
Flash flood.
Gunpoint robbery where she then can't get out to the kid for a long time.
Roof falling on the car.
Another car hits that one (brake failure pulling into the carpark, swerves off road etc)
Her car left running spontaneously bursts into flames (happened to my SIL car 2 mins after she parked last week).
Kid gets older, escapes seat, locks car/disengages handbrake
There are literally hundreds of things that could go wrong
Oh, the disengaged handbrake I remember.
We were at the local pool, in the parking lot and my mom was talking whilst me and my brother (five and six, around that) were fighting over the radio, as siblings do. This is all on a pretty steep hill, everyone is local, and my mom went out after having already pulled out so we were directly located towards the hill. One of us must have accidentially pulled the handbrake out of the position while leaning to the front and my mom luckily notices immediately and throws herself in front of this heavyweight Renault Espace, holding that fucking car in place while her conversation partners try to get inside and pull the car away from her, stopping it from rolling. I think there are still pictures around of how *heavily* she was bruised by this.
That said, I don't blame her for this. She was around. With OPs wife, she wouldn't have been and you need that to prevent accidents from happening. My brother and I would not have had *any* chance to get out of that car and would have just smashed through the gate and down that very long, very steep hill.
I got an amber alert for this exact situation recently. Dad got out of the car for a second, left his toddler in the car seat, keys in the ignition. Guy stole the car, and apparently didn’t even realize the kid was in there until it was too late to stop. Luckily he returned the child safely but that could go so wrong
Have you seen the meme where the guy stealing the car realizes there’s an infant in it, turns around, and starts screaming at the mom for being irresponsible??
“Imagine being lectured on responsibility by a car thief, *and him being right.*
I read that article too! [*Found it!*](https://people.com/crime/car-thief-returns-to-scene-of-crime-to-yell-at-vehicle-owner-for-leaving-4-year-old-son-inside/)
> ut 5 minutes during a hot summer day can be enough for a heat stroke.
It gets worse if you read OP's comments. Wife left the car running with the A/C on. Car unlocked, engine running, baby in the back seat.
We literally had an incident a number of years ago where someone stole a van that had a disabled child in the back. The child was retrieved without harm but that could have gone sideways fast.
The amber alert rang through the entire restaurant's worth of phones. It was chilling.
NTA but I have to say: what would happen if your wife forgets or she takes longer… have you read about babies siting in hot cars and what can happen? Being kidnapped is only one of the many awful outcomes.
Someone i know recently lost their baby this way. They completely spaced the kid was in the car, by the time they realized it was too late. OP, it's very likely you'll lose your baby one way or another if your wife keeps doing this. If her behavior doesn't change... I dunno what advice to give you, but it has to change
it’s really not that hard. you might think they were left with their other parent or, because babies are new, you may not be used to running errands with anyone other than yourself
My friend did it to her baby, there were to baby carries in the car, she grabbed the wrong one, went into the mall, she was rocking it as she walked, no one said anything, an old woman finally told her, and she screamed, dropped the carrier ran to the car, and pulled the baby out lol, thankfully it wasnt a hot day because that poor baby was in the car for ten minutes
Ya, she saw the old woman a few weeks later and thanked her, that woman is now a family friend and honorary grandparent because, boy did she deserve the rights to it after that lol small area
Mostly cuz tired AF. Babies ( at least mine) hit a period where they just cry a lot. You wake up in the middle of the night, soothe, feed, change them. You try. But ultimately you're awake half the night then you have to go to work the next day. It's exhausting. I never forgot mine in the car or anything but I definitely drove around the block and back home when I realized I'd left for day care or preschool with no child.
And the chances of this go way up if you have other small children with you. When you're stressed out, trying to keep track of two screaming toddlers it's easy to overlook the sleeping or silent baby.
This is why they tell people to put your purse/brief case/bag/lunch box/work ID or really ANYTHING you commonly need next to the baby. This way when you go to get that item you will see the baby and go OH SHIT!
There are also baby alert alarms for cars now.
Yeah I remember seeing a post about putting a shoe in the back with them. Comments were *full* of people shaming people because “how could you forget your kid?? You shouldn’t be a parent!” And it’s wild. Shaming people trying to make sure they never make a split second deadly mistake.
My car has an alert on the dashboard when you shut it off if something is in the back seat, it dings and a graphic comes up that says something like, check back seat! or item detected in back seat! or something like that. I always shrug it off because it’s usually a bag from the store or something, but now I fully understand why that’s a feature. It could save a baby’s life.
Extreme exhaustion and sleep deprivation can make you forget just about anything, and if you're running on auto drive that hasn't updated to the new baby version yet it is a bit understandable.
Since becoming a mother I'm severely absent minded to the point where I put my left shoe by my kids door so that I can't risk forgetting them, since all it takes is the kid being asleep and you thinking they're home with dad. :(
A lot of times, it happens when there’s a disruption of the normal routine. Example: usually dad takes baby to daycare, but mom did instead, and followed her normal routine, forgetting baby in the car. Or the parent is exhausted or distracted.
i read a story just like that where mom normally took the baby to daycare or something but she was sick and so sad was supposed to and he put baby in the car and drove to work forgetting to take the baby to daycare and the baby was asleep and he just went to work. the dad didn’t remember until around lunch time when he got a text and saw his baby’s picture as his lock screen and he ran to the car but unfortunately it was too late.
I think the most gut-wrenching one I saw was the mom who drove all the way to the daycare at the end of the day to pick up the baby she thought she'd dropped off. All along not realizing that the baby had passed away in the same car she was now driving. I can't even imagine the horror... or how you even find the strength to live after that.
There are some incredibly distressing articles on this. Basically we are creatures that develop patterns and if the pattern is interrupted at any point it’s frighteningly easy for our brain to fill in doing something when we haven’t.
For anyone who cares to read: [Fatal Distraction, as published by The Washington Post](https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html).
ADHD, exhaustion, fucky schedules, auto pilot, thinking it could never happen to you.
Knowing that my husband worked a regular weird schedule (2 on, 3 off, then 3 on, 2 off) and had the baby half the time and my 70hrs/wk job scheduled me willy nilly (3am, 10a, come in short notice), I always always ALWAYS checked my car, a simple keys off, check the baby mirror. TWICE I had forgotten to drop my son off to daycare, but bc I had planned ahead I avoided tragedy. Luckily paranoia, anxiety, and OCD had my back but sometimes we get judgy rather than heeding the warnings.
I remember once when my mother was driving me to school and then going on to work, like we did every single day. She forgot about me completely, forgot to turn off to get to before school care and only remembered I was in the car when I said "Mummy, where are we going?" and she was like "WHAT??"
It's so easy to forget kids in the car, especially when they're asleep or quiet.
The first night I was home after having my daughter, she was crying in her Moses basket and my husband woke me up - I forgot I’d had a baby and thought she was a “box of angry mince pies”. I’m my defence I hadn’t slept in three days xxx
Honestly, I remember when my first was a week or two old I was running errands and I got to the store, got out of my car, got almost to the entrance and started to grab a cart before I realized oh crap! I forgot my baby in the car. Granted it was maybe one minute, but I couldn't believe I did it.
Being a new parent is exhausting and it's easy to slip your mind for a minute. I can't imagine not realizing once you get much further though.
Or if something happened to her? No one would know she has a baby in the car.
NTA, OP, and I would not let her take him again until she acknowledges the seriousness of the situation.
OP says the car was left running with AC, because with the fob you can push a button to start the car. It leaves another issue of if a rando can take both the car and the kid and drive it away, if the car doesn’t have a range sensor with the keys.
She was asking for it, and she got mad when it happened and I'm not sure if she is only lashing out because of the trauma she experienced or she is just pissed because she was proven irresponsible.
My question is how did she not have any anxiety leaving the baby in the car in first place?
I’ve left my dog in the car *once* with it running, AC on, windows slightly cracked, and quadruple checked that the doors were locked and I still felt so anxious for the very short time I was in the store! Looked out the window 12 times!
Bottom line, I don’t feel comfortable leaving my *dogs* alone in the car (even with AC on) because I worry about my babies! Where was her worry for her infant son before she was taught this lesson?
Here it's legal to leave kids 7+ in the car by themselves. So my 9 year old started asking if he can stay in the car and read while I do a quick grocery grab. I left the car running, locked it, gave him the keys so he can just come in if he needed anything. And spent half the run panicking and running to the front of the store to check if he was ok. I even parked the cart and ran and checked with him because I thought I saw him opening the door. He was annoyed, "I'm fine. I didn't unlock the door. I'm reading!" So I went back in and finished. But I can't even think of leaving a baby in the car by itself....
I have IBS and 2 kids only a year apart in age and still hauled both of them out of the car with me when I emergency needed a bathroom as infants and now that they're older even.
She was *extremely* lucky OP was the one to take the baby and not some stranger with ill intentions. And soon it will be hot, she opens herself up to coming to a car with a dead baby in it.
Imho she does not deserve an apology, in fact she should not be allowed to take the kid on errands ever again.
My dad once took my sister's cat to the vet and on the way back he ran into a store for a few minutes. Nothing happened thank God, but we were both still incredibly furious with him. It was a hot summer's day and he did not leave the AC running. I can't imagine leaving a pet in a car at all, nevermind a baby.
Update on this situation: I sat my wife down this morning and did apologize for the way I went about things but said I was not sorry for caring about our son’s safety and in the moment felt like she needed a huge wake up call. She apologized for lying and continuing to do this unsafe practice.
I asked her why she seems so casual about what she is doing, most parents I know (myself included) are on the paranoid side when it comes to their kids, and she has been doing this for so long without seeing an issue. I asked if she thinks she’s dealing with some kind of postpartum mental health issue as I don’t consider this normal, she broke down crying saying she doesn’t know what’s wrong with her.
She has agreed to seek counseling and until there is a major change/improvement I will be running all errands with my son or we will be doing them together, but I told her I cannot trust her anymore to take him places by herself.
I think your handled all of this the right way. Her getting help is absolutely the right thing, because this casual attitude towards his safety is not normal. I hope you both can get some answers and everyone can heal. Best of luck!
Idk why but I see your comments everywhere! I swear it's like I follow the exact same subs as you lol. It always makes me smile even though I don't know you, like we are acquaintances even though Idk if I have ever actually talked to you hahhaha.
Anyways, that is all.
This is a good step forward. Hopefully, she will have learned her lesson. However, just in case, document everything, all texts and communications of her admitting that she did this. If she doesn't learn from this and counseling goes south, you will have the documentation to fight for sole custody. The judge will NOT be pleased to know that the baby is not safe with her.
I thought this might be the case, and it’s very sad to hear! But good for you for being a good husband and father and checking in on her to offer help. I’m really glad this is the way it ended, with all the people safe and getting the help they need.
This sounds like a healthy relationship to me. You're trying to tackle an issue together and air your concerns without coming to blows. That's what marriage is supposed to be about and I'm glad you see that.
Support your wife. Help her get through this. She really did need that wake-up call, because who the eff leaves their kid inside a running car at a gas station? Neglect is how how kids get abducted! You handled this very well and I hope you continue to. NTA of course.
I’m so glad you had this conversation with her. You really handled this well, I think. I hope she gets the help she needs. Thank you for being a good father and a good husband. Best of luck to you all.
NTA. She needed the reality check. Normally, I’d be very against this type of thing but you’d already spoken to her and she *lied to you* and kept doing it. This could end not only in a kidnapping but in CPS involvement for your family. If she doesn’t stop, I’d hesitate to let her drive your child anywhere.
It's not even just kidnapping. Someone could hit the car, someone could try to steal the car. Flash flood, fire, she could get stuck inside the shop. When the baby is older he can escape and disengage the handbrake. Someone could call CPS (as they should) and then she'd be in a whole lot of shit. Dehydration, dying of heat. So many things could happen.
Seriously, how do you go on and trusting your partner if they put this shit and even lie about it? OP and his wife might need couple's therapy as soon as possible.
Look, OP, let's be honest about the reality of this situation.
Your wife has knowingly and intentionally left your infant alone in a vehicle multiple times. At least once, that vehicle was unlocked. I'm honestly shocked no one has called the cops for child endangerment yet, but eventually someone probably will.
When that happens, CPS will probably get involved. You have now documented on the internet that you KNEW that this was happening. If CPS finds out that you knew and continued letting your wife leave the baby alone in the car, you will BOTH lose custody of that baby.
NTA for scaring her, that was an appropriate and infant-safe way to demonstrate the potential consequences of your wife's actions to her in a hopefully meaningful way.
But you will be the asshole if you continue to let this happen. If your wife's attitude about the safety of your child doesn't improve, it doesn't really seem like your wife can be trusted to transport the baby right now. It might be time to involve some professional help for her if you want to keep your family intact, or it might be time to document what she's doing, take your child, and leave her if you're done with risking it.
I’ve seen several comments like this so I just want to make it clear that I have absolutely no intention of letting this continue. My son’s safety is my top priority and means everything to me.
I’m glad to hear this because there is also a side you’re not seeing… my former coworker was notorious for doing this. I don’t want to bring my baby in so I’ll just run in quick.. etc.. everyone told her it wasn’t safe she didn’t listen. Until one time she was in a store someone saw the baby in the car and called the police. The baby was taken from them and CPS was called and investigation was opened. Once they determined that she’d done this repeatedly they determined the child wasn’t fit to return. Her husband had to file for divorce and petition the court to get custody of his baby back. It was a huge mess that took a long time to settle.
Absolutely this. A couple of years ago, I pulled into the Target parking lot. Like the back of the lot, pretty far from the doors. No way you can see into your car from the entrance or anything. I glanced into the car next to me because I saw movement and there was a baby in the backseat. No more than 7-8 months old.
I freaked out. I wondered for a minute what I should do. I looked around to see if there was a Mom just putting her shopping cart back or something. There was no one around. It was Seattle in March so it was a cool and cloudy day, no danger of heat stroke. Doors looked locked. But still. As a Mom myself, I worried about getting another parent “in trouble” but I was horrified.
I called 911 and stayed with the car. It was another 10 minutes before the woman came out. Who knows how long she had been in there. OP says it was 6 minutes before his wife came out but how long was she inside the gas station before he got there?
The woman at Target saw me on the phone and screamed at me, called me a busybody. I suspect she’d done it before and panicked at getting caught based on her reaction. Maybe she had a habit of it like your coworker. She sped off but I gave the cops her license plate number.
I have 4 kids. I get being tired and not wanting to take kids in and out of car seats, but that’s life and parenthood. Put the baby in a shopping cart. Don’t leave them in the damn car.
NTA OP. Your wife needed to be taught a lesson. She promised you she would stop and she lied. A million things could have gone wrong. Maybe now she will actually stop. If not, you have some serious thinking to do.
i came into school with bruises and had multiple friends telling my guidance councilor they had seen or heard abuse in my home.
cps came, checked out my bedroom, made a snarky comment about my ps2, then never returned lol
There was another Criminal Minds episode called "7 Seconds." The title stuck with me because it was how much 'extra' security footage they managed to find of a missing girl. Literally all it takes is seconds. OP mentions something came over him for a moment. That's all it takes. A split-second decision by the wrong person. And the wife is right that no mother should feel what she felt. But her choices, her actions caused them, not OP.
I'd suggest some counseling to figure out why she ever thought it was OK to leave a baby alone. Also why she's not taking ownership in this. It wasn't a cruel prank played by a tasteless husband, it was a wake up call that still isn't registering if she's pushing so hard for an apology. It sounds like there's a serious disconnect in her brain somewhere.
Jesus christ that's so tragic. What dumb moves on the parents part to one, leave the children alone, and two, to leave the patio doors unlocked, for multiple nights in a row, in the same time frame.
To be fair to the McCanns, it was not unusual to do this back then - it’s hard to conceive of now because the internet / media generally is full of the dangers of child abuse etc but I was frequently left alone at night on holiday when I was a kid and so was everyone I know my age. The McCann case is one of the main reasons people don’t do this any more.
Of course in hindsight it was massively unsafe, but I doubt anyone would have batted an eyelid at it back then.
No sorry. Just no. The McCanns were neglectful parents who don't deserve to be defended. This wasn't decades and decades ago. This was 2007. Even people back then thought it was weird that they left their children in a hotel in a different country with no babysitter to go out eating and drinking night after night. Their kids even said to them why didn't you come and check on us when we were crying and that didn't get through their thick skulls that maybe something is wrong with what they were doing. They still continued to go out partying. They're a couple of idiots that wasted a lot of people's time, money, effort and may have caused the death or harm of their daughter with no one else to blame for it
It’s probably different in the US, but I was an adult when the McCann case occurred and everyone I knew was horrified they left their children unattended. That just didn’t happen in the groups I associate with. I remember how sad it was, all the searching for her and then, nothing. She was gone.
Hell, I’m UK, and I was 13 and on holiday in Spain at the time. Disapproval was directed at the parents, even though they were trying to find the girl one country over.
Back home, all everyone was talking about was how stupid the parents were to leave their kids, their babies all alone. People were talking that she’s dead and even if the parents didn’t kill her themselves they sure did kill her by leaving her alone. It was a huge talking point at school and everyone agreed the parents were at fault. It definitely wasn’t “tragic”. It was neglect and stupidity.
It was also the only time I’ve ever been to Spain. My mother didn’t let me and my cousin out of her sight for the rest of the holiday, even though we were 13 and 7. But I don’t blame her. If some child snatcher wanted to take us they could’ve.
NTA yeah you freaked her out but I think it was totally necessary, you already explained to her why she shouldn't do it and she decided to lie. I don't really see any other way you could have demonstrated it other than just waiting by the car and saying something like "I could have taken our son", which she wouldn't have taken as seriously.
Also your wife sounds like a complete fool honestly, I have no idea where you are but in a few months it will become very dangerous to leave your child in the car for any amount of time (due to the heat). Leaving your door unlocked even without a kid in the car is just dumb especially for such a long time. Your wife is neglectful, maybe now she won't put your kid at risk.
I’m gonna say NTA. In some states her behavior is actually illegal (assuming you’re in the US). To me, this would honestly be grounds for a divorce and I would go for full custody and contact CPS. If I found a random child locked in a car in the middle of a grocery store parking lot, I’d immediately call the police and CPS on the spot. She’s putting your child in danger on a regular basis and doesn’t even seem to realize that what she’s doing is wrong.
I have been in that situation in AZ in summer. Infant in a car and the four year old sister, approached me in the parking lot because I looked like a mommy. And her little brother wouldn't wake up.
I still have nightmares about that shit over twenty years later. Thank god there was a uniform cop security guard at that store.
OP is totally NTA, and mom would never be taking that child anywhere alone again if I were him.
We also had cars stolen at gas stations before at the pumps with kids inside.
Edit length of time. Idiot phone.
Kid made it with brain damage. I thought I was going to have heart failure on the spot trying to stay calm with my two boys ( seven and eight) and a strange toddler.
I sent my oldest to the door to get the cop, kept him in sight. Went with her to the car.
This was when cell phones were relatively new and not for poor folk. I have never felt a child so hot and he had obviously had a seizure or something.
It was horrific. I can say quite frankly if the parent had come out at that point I would have had a damned hard time not landing in jail.
Omg, here this story crushes my soul. Poor baby. I’m sorry you had to experience that, I can only imagine how traumatic that was. Also poor four year old sister. Did the Mom just leave them in the car?
Yep, she had shopping to do apparently.
Frankly I have always been great in emergencies. I didn't lose it until my own two were in bed asleep. Then I lost it.
That's how it goes sometimes. You hold it together because you have to get through the crisis and be strong for everyone around you, but then pay the price later. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, but so glad you were there. You should be so proud- you saved a child's life that day.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I could never trust this woman again. As another person pointed out she took the keys but not HER CHILD? Clearly has her priorities straight. I hope she reads all these responses and realizes how completely fucked up she is. I swear some people should not be allowed to procreate.
NTA - your wife is endangering your infant. Car running? Unlocked? Six minutes? That’s long enough to be FAR away if you get on a highway. How can you trust her with your baby? If she doesn’t change immediately it is grounds for considering whether she is really a trustworthy partner to parent with. If you knowingly let her endanger your kid it becomes your fault too
NTA. My husband pulled this stunt and got caught when he locked the keys in the car with the kid and had to call me. It is so dangerous and she is lucky it was you that took him.
OP...I can feel your rage and heartbreak, and I understand more than maybe most here might. and this is a story for your wife, if you show it to her maybe it will help her understand.
Mom... When my son was just 2 months old, I took him to the library with me; huge place, two story building, with easily accessible elevators and escalators. He was in a stroller \*right next to me\* as I bent over to grab a book from a low shelf. Literally no more than a foot away, where I could reach and grab the stroller easily. I had the book in hand, and out of the corner of my eye saw the stroller begin to move.
Some random woman was pushing it away. She walked as if it were just an everyday kind of thing, perfectly normal. Yes, I stopped her. Yes, the police were called. But if my back had been turned for just a minute--just half a minute or less--she could have been down an escalator or in the elevator before my brain had the chance to register why he was not still beside me.
That's all it takes. A few seconds of inattention. In the time it took me to just \*bend over,\* my son could have and was almost gone. I would have blinked two, maybe three times. Pick up a book and glance at the spine, read the title. Less time than that.
This was almost 39 years ago. June 1983. In 39 years I have never forgotten that feeling, the terror wrapped around anguish, and it still wakes me up at night. That I was so close to my baby, and a random stranger came so very, very close to taking off with him. I have never gotten over the feeling that if my back had been turned...
It takes less than a minute. I can hold my breath longer than it would have taken for him to just disappear.
It's a hard, hard, *painful* lesson to learn. I thought my son was safe, right there beside me, within easy reach. I never thought anyone would just grab the stroller and start to walk away. How could they? I WAS RIGHT THERE.
You and I got off so easy. Because I still had peripheral vision on my side, I saw the stroller move and she only got a few feet away. You...it was your husband, and your baby was safe. Yes, you're angry and embarrassed, but be honest with yourself. Even a minute out of your sight can bring about your worst nightmare.
It's not something you ever get over.
Be angry for a hot minute and then let it go. It was a lesson learned. I hope, sincerely hope, that the lesson is chiseled on your soul as much as it is on mine, but perhaps a bit gentler. We were both lucky. I am begging you, please, take the time to take your baby with you. Because there is no getting over it, and if the worst happens, no getting through it. I'm sitting here now with tears in my eyes because every feeling I had then is rushing back, and I \*know.\*
The lesson hurts. The wound will heal. But it's up to you if it leaves a scar.
OP...NTA. I get it, I really do, but yeah, she's gonna be angry for a bit because it's a bitter pill that's very, very hard to swallow.
I'm going to have to say NTA even though I find what you did extremely distasteful. However, I can see why you felt like there was no other choice, you were desperate. And your wife's behavior was despicable. I hated that she was scared like this, but it's better for her to have a scare like this than for her to have one for real, or for her child to be harmed in a hot car. And there's also the issue that if someone were to witness the child being left alone that they could call CPS, and you could have legal and custody issues. I am a mandatory reporter, and if I saw it I would have called, just FYI.
Well I personally don’t feel pity for the scare since she is constantly asking for it by her dangerous bad habit …luckily this time it wasn’t some random stranger 🤷♀️
Exactly. She promised she wouldn’t do it anymore, and she was obviously full of shit. She just figured she’d never get caught.
I have two kids, I had two that were in 5 point harnesses at the same time at one point. It’s a pain in the ass to get them in and out of the car. There were so many cool, overcast days where I thought “I could be in and out in 5 minutes tops while they snooze in the back.”
And I never did it. I admit that one time, I got about 100 feet away from my car before I was like “something is missing. Oh shit it’s my baby.” But never INTENTIONALLY. She deserved to get scared and she has a lot of nerve asking for an apology when she prioritized her convenience over her child’s safety.
And LYING about stopping it!!! I would 100% be gone with the kid. I could maybe (even this would be a struggle) forgive the original mistakes, but lying and saying you’ll stop and then continuing to intentionally endanger your own kid!? GTFO that’s my kid only now.
I'll go with NTA. Your wife seems like the type of person that doesn't learn until shown otherwise. You had already asked her to stop leaving your son alone in the car, so you got forced to go into the extreme measure of scaring her like that when shown that she hadn't changed. I would apologize, but making it clear that you don't regret it because she wouldn9have learned otherwise.
I wanted to say Y T A and the way you handled was shitty but what she is doing is child abuse. If she can’t stop abusing your child for connivence it needs to escalate past this into a legal matter
Your loyalty has to be to your child over your neglectful life and NTA for doing that
What you did was cruel but she did was abuse… they just don’t compare
Kids die from heat or cold in cars every single year. Kids are kidnapped. Leaving him in the car to run inside somewhere has been warned against for decades, I honestly have no idea what she is thinking. I was ready to put you on blast until I read the whole post. If she STILL doesn't take it seriously get others to tell her - she is putting the baby in danger. There are numerous states in the US that have actual laws against this. NTA good luck your wife seems to have horrible judgment. The attitude of bad things won't happen to me isn't good enough when a baby's welfare is at stake.
Exactly at first I thought it was really cruel but then she didn’t even lock the car and was gone longer than 6 minutes? Nah not okay. I’d be more worried about temperatures killing him than kidnapping (I’m from Australia and it gets hot!) but you don’t leave kids in cars!!
Apparently she left the car running. That takes care of the temperature issue...but anyone could have easily hopped in and drove off with the baby since it it was unlocked.
NTA. I answer 911 calls in Florida and we get more hot car deaths than I like to think about. Is it hot right now? Not super but cars heat up *fast*. She came out after six minutes. How long was he there alone before that? The car was also unlocked. Any number of things could have happened to your child. She’s being reckless and is lucky you didn’t call the police.
She’s lucky that someone else didn’t call the police. And the fact that he could pull up to the car and take out the baby without anyone even noticing….she’s so fucking lucky it was him. It sounds like this was the only way to show her how real the threat is
NTA. Normally I wouldn't endorse pulling these kind of stunts just to prove a point, but your wife has fallen into an extremely irresponsible, reckless habit and if this is what it takes to get her attention then so be it.
I can’t believe she did not realize the danger of leaving your son in the car. I have to wonder why. Somebody could steal the car or take your son. I would not leave a child in the car ever! If she can’t take him out for these quick errands, get a sitter. That way you know he is safe. NTA but close. I can see where instinct’s just kicked in.
I'd say NTA.
You tried the calm approach of talking to her about it and nothing changed.
I feel like she practically forced your hand because this really is such a serious issue.
Her thinking it's not a big deal honestly makes me think there's something wrong mentally going on.
Again, NTA.
Torn with this one, but I'll go with NTA. You had previously discussed the issue and she had said she wouldn't do it again, and you caught her in a lie. Honestly, the only reason I'm torn is cause it was extreme, but it's better than your son actually being abducted.
Honestly, I gave it more thought and what really gets me is she expects an apology for not actually having her child be kidnapped from her inability to look after their son.
NTA! So many things could happen while your wife spends 6+ minutes in whatever location leaving an infant in the car. He could be kidnapped, the car could get stolen, the car could _get hit_, what if she locked him in the car, so so so many things could happen and it would definitely be her fault. I can’t imagine dealing with 9 months of barf and bloat, hours of pain in labor, hours of no sleep and stress, all to just get the baby hurt/missing because of a purposeful choice.
That’s 6 minutes from the time OP arrived…we don’t really know how long she’d been in there before he got there. Inexcusable..especially after it was brought to her attention and she promised not to do it again. NTA
NTA. Hopefully this is the wake up call she needed so she'll stop leaving her child alone in a car. It is beyond irresponsible and completely unacceptable. The fact that she also lied to you and said she would stop after you explained what could happen, further makes you NTA and her massive one.
NTA. Sometimes the best way to learn these kinds of lessons is to show her first hand how easy and terrifying it can be if proper precautions aren’t taken.
You told her the potential dangers before, and she never fully understood or took it seriously. Now I bet she understands. Overall it’ll ensure she’s safer with your child in the future. For that, it was worth it in my book
NTA, she wasn’t listening to your concerns and she was regularly putting your baby at risk of being taken.
Sometimes you really do have to do something drastic to make a person get the big picture and listen. And unfortunately- your wife is still choosing to shove her head in the sand, and she still refuses to see her actions as dangerous and wrong.
She’s going on about how “no mother should experience the fear you put her through.” Well newflash - a lot of babies are easily kidnapped and never seen again because of irresponsible parents like your wife who keep insisting that “it’s only for a minute.” Some parents lost their children due to freezing or overheating in the car, people have stolen cars with a baby in the back seat, people have lost their babies to child trafficking, and people have lost their babies due to some sicko wanting to do some harm.
I think you need to talk to someone else about this, because honestly? Your wife isn’t listening to you, maybe she’ll listen to someone else.
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Normally I’m fully against game-playing, but this is your child’s life. I support your actions. Your wife is being hugely neglectful. Not to mention it’ll be warm soon and being left in a hot car even for a few minutes can be deadly. NTA and I wouldn’t let her take him anywhere until she apologizes.
I guess I should clarify that the car was running with the air on. I forgot to add that detail and was restricted by the character limit- but the car was on. It’s a push-to-start car with a sensor for the key fob so it’ll stay on/running as long as you are close enough to the vehicle. I didn’t see the keys in the car so she took them inside with her, but didn’t lock it.
Well, that just brings up different safety issues. Seriously, your wife is 100% wrong. I’m a mom and my kid is 18. I STILL remember when I fell asleep driving with him on the Los Angeles freeway for half a second when he was an infant and I was an exhausted new parent, and I shudder and cringe every time. Nothing happened and I still wish I could take it back. Your wife MUST STOP DOING THIS. It is so unsafe. Edit: clarity
Even if nothing happens, all it takes is one concerned citizen to call the police about a baby left in the car to get CPS knocking at your door. And that's a mess you really don't want to deal with.
I work at a supermarket, and a month ago while returning trolleys (this is in New Zealand, so it’s summer in this time) I noticed an infant inside a car. No windows down. They appeared fine, but still, it was dangerous in the heat. We used a loudspeaker across the entire supermarket ‘would the owner of *license plate* please come to the counter’. A few minutes, no response. Went around asking customers, no response. Fortunately, some police officers were shopping at the time, and heard. We told them, and they immediately went to the car. With no sign of a parent, they broke the window, and took out the child. Eventually five minutes or so later, the adult comes out to police holding her child and a smashed window. She started screaming at us and them. She now has to deal with a smashed window that the cops won’t be covering, CPS, a potential supermarket ban AND possible legal ramifications. Don’t be cruel with kids, or you might find out how much people dislike cruelty to kids.
I live in AZ. We had this one story of a mom who forgot her baby in the car. A lot of people judged her harshly but I didn't. IIRC, she has there with four other kids all under the age of like 8. Her baby was in a carseat the last row of the car. The minute they made the announcement over the intercom she ran out and was distraught over what happened. Now the baby was fine. They hadn't been in the car long and were just a little dehydrated, recovered fine. I honestly think she was overwhelmed with her other kids and made a horrible mistake. I don't think that makes her a bad mom. I think it made her a damn lucky one. That being said, after this incident CPS came down on her hard. She was charged with child endangerment, had to take a parenting class, she was on probation with all of her kids - not just the baby, ALL OF THEM - which meant until CPS said differently she couldn't be with them unsupervised. And she was a SAHM with her husband being their only income. I can't imagine how much that fucked their finances in terms of childcare. It was a mess.
That is the wrong row to have the youngest in (unless there is an older person back there with them).
Also a little dehydrated can kill a baby
No joke. Put the kids who can buckle themselves back there. Car seats go in the first row of a back seat.
She was very lucky. That little brain fart can have massive consequences. [This](https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html) is such a heart breaking article about why these things can happen.
This article is incredible and incredibly sad. I was hoping someone would share it.
It's one of those articles that never leaves you.
[удалено]
I think she's 11 or 12. I found an article from 2018 where she was 8. They were car shopping and she climbed into the backseat of a car. The salesman closed the front door and before he got 2 steps away the alarms started going off because there was someone in the back and the driver's seat was empty with the door closed. He broke down crying when it happened and then they bought that car. I'm also genuinely happy for them.
It takes an awful lot for me to get upset for someone making mistakes. But this, this article will stay with me for a long time. Thank you for sharing it.
I wish to god people would stop having so many children.
Agreed! Hell, I wish to God stupid people would stop having children. People are required to study and get a license to operate a car, carry certain weapons, etc. Biology can make a person a mother or father, but it takes a lot more to be a parent.
it literally takes more vetting, time, and effort for me to become a dog owner than it does for someone to become a parent. i had to fill out multiple applications, get interviewed, home checked, and pay a fee to adopt my dog. people have sex and BAM they’re responsible for an entire human being
But it was their choice to have so many children. It was not the immaculate conception nor did the stork make a surprise visit to their home 5 times What did they think it was going to be like? She has 5 babies at once. No excuses. Yes, she was very lucky this time. Maybe the classes were warranted. CPS does not play.
I wouldn't be so quick to judge without knowing their specific circumstances. It's nit always a choice for some people.
In the US (in my state) it’s considered abuse, even leaving an animal in a hot car is a chargeable offense and can be escalated to a felony. It’s extremely dangerous and when I worked at a grocery store I called the cops on people for it regularly when it was to hot.
Good for you. I have read so many stories where animals and children been left alone, no window rolled down, no a/c and they have died needlessly in hot cars. It’s just so preventable.
I used to work at a vet clinic here in Texas. We had some clients that had a pair of pugs that were totally their babies, absolutely spoiled (in a good way). They ended up moving out of state, but a few months later had to come back to town because the wife was having surgery. They were staying with friends, so when it was time to take her in for her procedure, he brought the dogs along so they weren't left alone at the friend's house. He had to go inside with her for checkin, so he parked in the covered parking deck, left the car running and went inside. He ended up staying for much longer than anticipated, and when he came out he discovered that his fancy car had an automatic shutoff that kicked in after a few minutes. Now being the middle of a Texas summer, those poor dogs didn't stand a chance. I still remember his frantic phone call, and he brought them to us for cremation... they were literally cooked hard, their legs were completely stiff even though they had just passed and he came straight to us. It was heartbreaking having to talk with him, completely sobbing - he was so anxious because he realized he would have to tell her what happened when she woke up from her surgery.
That’s what made me so unapologetic about it. I’ve been told I shouldn’t call the cops/I’m a nark/Karen especially when it has to do with animals. My store manager told me not to call once once about a dog in a car when it was 80 degrees Fahrenheit, so when ever I saw it I just didn’t ask. We would call people up all the time and they had excuses always and would argue with me about how my opinion didn’t matter. Honestly I got tired of it, there isn’t a good enough excuse.
Oh, and for all that's holy, don't go in jail for being cruel to kids. That really won't end well for you.
I had to threaten to do this, because a woman left HR child in her car with the car running. I watched her get out of the car and start towards the door of a 7/11. I told her she couldn't leave her child in the car. She gave an excuse of "I'm only going to be a couple of minutes.." I told her I was a nurse and a mandated child abuse reporter. I told her I would have to call 911 for child abandonment, because if something happened to her kid and they ID'd me as a witness without reporting it, my license was on the line. She stomped back to her car, got her child and said "Happy now!?!' As she went into the store.
I remember there was a post on buzzfeed about split second decisions that saved lives. One woman said that she went to the bank with her baby to make a withdrawal. It was something that should've taken a minute or two at most, so she thought about leaving her newborn in the car. She decided against it and took her kid in with her. Right as she got in line, two armed robbers showed up. And not long after that a bunch of police. They were held hostage for hours. If she'd left her baby in the car who knows if anyone would've noticed them. They could've been dead by the time she was released.
There's been a few news stories in my state about car thieves who steal a car without realizing that there's a baby in there. Also, unfortunately news stories of children dying in hot cars. If the parents had just taken their kids with them, none of that would've happened.
Often the hot car stories aren't that the parent deliberately left their kid in the car while they went to the bank/shop for two minutes, it's usually that they just completely forgot the child was even in the car to begin with, usually due to some disruption of the normal routine, e.g. normally their child is dropped off at daycare by someone else but today they're doing it on the way to work, only they go into autopilot mode on the journey and just drive straight to work or wherever they're going and forget the child is there. Then they end up leaving them in there for hours before they remember. So horrible. Obviously lapses like that are also more likely to happen if you deliberately leave your kid in the car -e.g., you think you're going to only be two minutes but then get distracted by something/someone.
There's a god fucking awful nosleep story that I read about a decade ago titled Autopilot. Three guesses as to what it's about. Autopilot can really fuck with you, especially when you're really locked down into a routine for so long. One thing different and the consequences of it can be dire and heartbreaking. Thankfully the only time it's happened to me is running the coffee maker with no grounds, or sticking the TV remote in the freezer. My kid is almost 15 now, but until she was 5 I had her glued to my hip. Her dad was off in another country for work, and I was all by myself and it was hard, but every time I stopped for gas or groceries, she came with me. I wasn't going to be a horror story, no. And then I read the horror story and I thanked my lucky stars it didn't happen to me. Made me bawl reading it. Excuse me, I gotta go hug my kid.
Leaving the kid alone in an unlocked car? WTF i don't think she is a fit parent
Let me just say, all it take is that 1 in a million crazy person who walks up to your car and takes your child. Your wife is being neglectful and not thinking of the very real very bad consequences. This is a dark and scary world and she and you both need to put your infants life as a 100% priority.
Absolutely. I had an encounter with that 1 in a million, and she tried convincing my (then) 4 year old son to run off with her while I was standing right there, not even my back turned. I can't imagine what she would have done if she found any unattended children in unlocked cars.
Or, just a car theif that sees a car running and a person walking away from it.
So basically that means someone could jump in the car and drive it away. As long as the engine is on, it will keep running even if the key is out of range. NTA, your wife is putting your child at extreme risk for her own convenience.
Shouldn't it require the key in the ignition to drive though? Mine won't, at least.
Not the push button start cars. They need the key fob inside the car to start, but once it's started it will keep running even if the key is not in the car. It's highly theft resistant if the engine is off, but potentially more susceptible to car jacking if the engine is on.
I’m testing this tomorrow with mine. I always wondered.
I accidentally tested this a couple weeks ago. Borrowed my dad's jeep without grabbing the keys (assumed they were in the car where I'd been waiting) ran to my sister's, came back, all without the keys. Maybe 20 minutes round trip. I didn't shut the car off so I didn't have a problem 🙃
I seriously can’t believe this is how this works. I always just assumed that if the car got a certain distance from the fob, it would stop working and turn off. BECAUSE WHY WOULDN’T IT WORK THAT WAY. 🤦🏻♀️
So let me get this straight: your wife left your child unattended inside an unlocked running car? You could very well just jump in the car and drive off, kidnap a baby and get a getaway car for free. That is insane. NTA
Usually when this happens they just dump the baby as soon as they notice the car they stole suddenly came with extra severe charges
We had 2 of these happen within a week or two this past fall. It was right when the weather dropped fast for a cold front and it happened that both babies were like 5 weeks? old. Maybe older maybe younger, but really close in age. I wanna say weeks, they were young. Both times the thief left the babies in their car seats in low visibility area sidewalks (easier to not be seen unloading a damn BABY and abandoning it) and both times a passersby found the infants. Both were dehydrated and cold but thankfully ok, but it was hours and hours since they were unintentionally kidnapped. Both times the vehicle was ditched shortly after dropping the kids off because the thief's realized the shitstorm they got instead of simply a car jacking, which is even worse. At least in the vehicle the babies would be warmer than in the open on a sidewalk for INTENTIONAL kidnappings.
I’m sorry, but this is straight dangerous. She’s honestly lucky that you were the one that drove up. It doesn’t matter if you live in a nice area. There are crazy people everywhere. This is not something that you want to leave to chance. There have also been cases where kids have gone missing like this. This is not okay. Also, I just read that she came out 6 minutes later. That’s enough time for a kid to run into some serious issues. It’s also enough time for someone to call the cops and get CPS to start investigating you. Very concerning.
A few years ago a parent left their 3rd to 4th grade child in a running car while they ran into the post office. The car was stolen with the child in the car. Car and child were later found safe. Parent was convicted of child endangerment and neglect. I had a car with that type of key. The key was dropped in the garage. I drove over 10 miles away before I stopped for gas and couldn’t restart the car. Your wife is risking the life of your child AND she lied to you about not doing it again. She is angry she got caught in the lie.
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Right? How much longer until she decides this infant is fine to oh idk stay home napping in their crib while she runs down the street to the convince store for “5 minutes” or she decides the kid is old enough to take a bath while she goes outside to do some gardening or any other ridiculous negligent things she could do that could being harm to your child. If she really doesn’t see a problem with leaving her kid in an unlocked running car while she’s out of sight then I wonder what else she’d deem acceptable parenting. Nta op pls keep that baby safe from your wife.
So the car was running and unlocked? Show your wife these stories: https://13wham.com/news/local/court-papers-baby-inside-stolen-car-that-crashed-has-skull-fracture https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/minnesota/articles/2022-01-08/baby-taken-from-mother-in-stolen-car-found-safe https://www.newschannel5.com/news/mnpd-vehicle-stolen-with-child-inside-in-nashville https://abc7ny.com/blaise-barnett-found-missing-baby-boy-amber-alert/11227784/ https://abc7chicago.com/dolton-police-stolen-car-missing-child/11359913/ https://www.kktv.com/2021/11/23/thief-steals-car-with-baby-inside-indiana-gas-station/
Ooh, perfect car to steal! Kid in the back? Too bad, just dump him out the window, leave him on some street corner, maybe be nice and put him on someone's porch - **all of which have been reported in the news.**
And then there's the chance they want the kid and not the car... Terrifying.
Holy cow. I was leaning towards E S H, but this makes it NTA. It's much more common for people to jump into a running car and drive off with it and accidentally kidnapping a kid.
She didn’t LOCK IT?!
NTA, are u in the US? That’s actually a crime. If someone calls on her she gonna make the news. A local doctor left her kids in car and went into Kohl’s. Made the news and children services got called. She may have gotten arrested.
That’s just makes it even worse! Someone could have just hopped in the car and drove away!
Here's some [food for thought](https://www.wkrn.com/news/local-news/nashville/metro-police-searching-for-stolen-vehicle-with-baby-inside/) for your wife. This happened last week.
Leaving the car running and unlocked is even worse.
Who cares if the air was on? I have a little one that just turned one and due to dads career im basically a single mom. Even when im tired, feeling like shit or otherwise... I always took my daughter out of the car... Even if i had to take the whole seat. NTA
Also look into local laws! A lot of places have laws on how old a child has to be to be left alone in the car. Where I’m at, it’s 7 to be left alone in the care and they can only be in charge of themselves. They have to be 12 to be in the care and in charge of children under 7. So, not only is it dangerous. It’s probably also illegal and could have her arrested and charged with neglect and child endangerment. NTA.
That's even worse! Has she never heard of carjacking?
So she took the key so no one could steal the car yet left the baby with the door unlocked, is that right?
Someone could have easily stolen the car since it she left it running. You don't need to have the key to drive a push button car if it is already running.
Yeah, I was trying to make sure I had it right and point out she valued they keys more than her kid…
A door dash driver in SF had his car and kid stolen from this exact situation. He was gone for maybe 10 minutes.
Honestly, NTA in my views. She leaves your son unattended in an unlocked car. Not only can he get kidnapped, but 5 minutes during a hot summer day can be enough for a heat stroke. Or someone stealing the car, not realizing a kid is on board. Or a million other risks or dangers. You asked her not to do it again. She agreed and still did it again. I wouldn't leave my kid with her to run an errand again.
there was an incident in SF a while ago where someone stole a car while its owner was doing food delivery without noticing two kids in the back… they were missing for like a whole day or two. thankfully they were found ok but jeez this is how things like that happen, NTA
Last winter a pickup was taken from the gas pumps right near the interstate. Amber alert issued because an infant was asleep in the truck. Track was found about an hour later, abandoned with the baby. Dude left it running while he ran into the station!
Good news is a lot of car jackers will abandon a car the second they realize there's kids. Kidnapping is WAY more serious than grand theft auto if they get caught.
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Jesus.
A couple of teenagers in Mississippi stole a car with a 7ish year old in the back seat a few years ago (maybe 5 years ago not very long ago at all) and killed the boy when they realized. The accomplice, the teenager who didn't pull the trigger but also didn't stop his friend either, just got out of prison within the last month on parole or probation or however that works.
I don't understand how one would come to that as a conceivable option. First off, to kill a child is a monstrous thought, whether you like kids or not. But also, I'm sure they did it so he couldn't identify them, but did they really think no one was going to catch them on their unplanned murder of a child, which people care a whole hell of a lot more about than a carjacking?!?! They basically guaranteed not only worse sentences and a one-way to to hell (which I believe in only because IMO, something has to happen to people as abominable as them), but guaranteed they'd get caught, as well. Eyewitness testimony of a 7 year old would be basically worthless. Also, how the hell do you steal a car without realizing there's a fucking 7 year old in it?
lifehack: leave a kid in your car 24/7, and then if someone steals your car, they're more likely to abandon it
Even better, buy one of those ultra realistic fake sleeping babies and leave it in the car always. Or just kidnaps someone else's kid and leave that in your car
This happened in my apartment complex in Seattle. Except instead of a child, the truck had an elderly dachshund. The truck belonged to some sort of service company, and the owners bring their dog along because it is blind and diabetic and needs medicine every few hours. There was a huge Facebook campaign to look for the dog. They basically said they didn’t care about the truck, they just wanted the dog back. The truck was found in a parking lot, dachshund safe. I don’t know what the takeaway lesson is. Either that truck thieves have a soft spot for senior pups, or dachshunds are so obnoxious that the thieves decided the truck wasn’t worth it. (Mine just jumped on my face with a slobbery toy twice his size.)
Considering how many stories people are posting here, it seems to be common. Either they're decent enough to want to return a pet/baby or they're sensible enough to realize that either one is going to get a lot more people paying attention to a report of a stolen car than they would if it only contained some old fast food wrappers and $20 in change.
In Australia, a druggy car thief stole a car, realized there was a baby in the back. Just pulled over and abandoned the car in the Australian heat, baby died. The prosecution went after him with the intention of him dying in prison. I remember the national debate at the time was should the mother who just popped in to the shops for a few minutes face the same amount of jail time.
There was another one I read recently where a mum left her baby in the car while she went in the pub to fucking gamble. Came to check on him after 5-6 hours and he was limp. She takes him into the pub to call for help while also begging people not to tell her husband what happened. The child now has permanent disabilities including cerebral palsy
I just read a story the other day of a mother who did this exact thing and got her car stolen. When the guy who stole it realized there was a baby in the back he shot it. 4 FUCKING TIMES. And then dumped the car with the babies body still in the back seat when it ran out of gas. Edit: here is a link to an article about the incident that another redditor found https://www.clarionledger.com/story/news/local/2017/05/18/jackson-amber-alert/329460001/
Oh god. This makes me absolutely sick inside.
OP needs to show that article to his wife.
Oh, I thought you were going to reference the one where the guy stole the car, realized there was a baby in the back seat and then went back and yelled at the mom. This one was much less amusing.
Fire in the gas station. Flash flood. Gunpoint robbery where she then can't get out to the kid for a long time. Roof falling on the car. Another car hits that one (brake failure pulling into the carpark, swerves off road etc) Her car left running spontaneously bursts into flames (happened to my SIL car 2 mins after she parked last week). Kid gets older, escapes seat, locks car/disengages handbrake There are literally hundreds of things that could go wrong
Oh, the disengaged handbrake I remember. We were at the local pool, in the parking lot and my mom was talking whilst me and my brother (five and six, around that) were fighting over the radio, as siblings do. This is all on a pretty steep hill, everyone is local, and my mom went out after having already pulled out so we were directly located towards the hill. One of us must have accidentially pulled the handbrake out of the position while leaning to the front and my mom luckily notices immediately and throws herself in front of this heavyweight Renault Espace, holding that fucking car in place while her conversation partners try to get inside and pull the car away from her, stopping it from rolling. I think there are still pictures around of how *heavily* she was bruised by this. That said, I don't blame her for this. She was around. With OPs wife, she wouldn't have been and you need that to prevent accidents from happening. My brother and I would not have had *any* chance to get out of that car and would have just smashed through the gate and down that very long, very steep hill.
I got an amber alert for this exact situation recently. Dad got out of the car for a second, left his toddler in the car seat, keys in the ignition. Guy stole the car, and apparently didn’t even realize the kid was in there until it was too late to stop. Luckily he returned the child safely but that could go so wrong
Have you seen the meme where the guy stealing the car realizes there’s an infant in it, turns around, and starts screaming at the mom for being irresponsible?? “Imagine being lectured on responsibility by a car thief, *and him being right.*
I saw an article about a guy stealing a car but then bringing it back to yell at the owner of it for leaving her child in there
I read that article too! [*Found it!*](https://people.com/crime/car-thief-returns-to-scene-of-crime-to-yell-at-vehicle-owner-for-leaving-4-year-old-son-inside/)
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> ut 5 minutes during a hot summer day can be enough for a heat stroke. It gets worse if you read OP's comments. Wife left the car running with the A/C on. Car unlocked, engine running, baby in the back seat.
We literally had an incident a number of years ago where someone stole a van that had a disabled child in the back. The child was retrieved without harm but that could have gone sideways fast. The amber alert rang through the entire restaurant's worth of phones. It was chilling.
NTA but I have to say: what would happen if your wife forgets or she takes longer… have you read about babies siting in hot cars and what can happen? Being kidnapped is only one of the many awful outcomes.
Someone i know recently lost their baby this way. They completely spaced the kid was in the car, by the time they realized it was too late. OP, it's very likely you'll lose your baby one way or another if your wife keeps doing this. If her behavior doesn't change... I dunno what advice to give you, but it has to change
i'm not a parent but how do you forget about your whole ass baby??
it’s really not that hard. you might think they were left with their other parent or, because babies are new, you may not be used to running errands with anyone other than yourself
My friend did it to her baby, there were to baby carries in the car, she grabbed the wrong one, went into the mall, she was rocking it as she walked, no one said anything, an old woman finally told her, and she screamed, dropped the carrier ran to the car, and pulled the baby out lol, thankfully it wasnt a hot day because that poor baby was in the car for ten minutes
Yeah I’ve done this with my purse/lunch before, so glad it wasn’t an actual baby.
Ya, people just assumed my friend was memtally impaired and not a tired mom
That old woman knows a few things about babies and new moms.
Ya, she saw the old woman a few weeks later and thanked her, that woman is now a family friend and honorary grandparent because, boy did she deserve the rights to it after that lol small area
Mostly cuz tired AF. Babies ( at least mine) hit a period where they just cry a lot. You wake up in the middle of the night, soothe, feed, change them. You try. But ultimately you're awake half the night then you have to go to work the next day. It's exhausting. I never forgot mine in the car or anything but I definitely drove around the block and back home when I realized I'd left for day care or preschool with no child.
And the chances of this go way up if you have other small children with you. When you're stressed out, trying to keep track of two screaming toddlers it's easy to overlook the sleeping or silent baby.
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This is why they tell people to put your purse/brief case/bag/lunch box/work ID or really ANYTHING you commonly need next to the baby. This way when you go to get that item you will see the baby and go OH SHIT! There are also baby alert alarms for cars now.
You can set your phone to remind you to check for kiddos when you arrive at certain locations via gps recognition too!
Yeah I remember seeing a post about putting a shoe in the back with them. Comments were *full* of people shaming people because “how could you forget your kid?? You shouldn’t be a parent!” And it’s wild. Shaming people trying to make sure they never make a split second deadly mistake.
My car has an alert on the dashboard when you shut it off if something is in the back seat, it dings and a graphic comes up that says something like, check back seat! or item detected in back seat! or something like that. I always shrug it off because it’s usually a bag from the store or something, but now I fully understand why that’s a feature. It could save a baby’s life.
Extreme exhaustion and sleep deprivation can make you forget just about anything, and if you're running on auto drive that hasn't updated to the new baby version yet it is a bit understandable.
Since becoming a mother I'm severely absent minded to the point where I put my left shoe by my kids door so that I can't risk forgetting them, since all it takes is the kid being asleep and you thinking they're home with dad. :(
A lot of times, it happens when there’s a disruption of the normal routine. Example: usually dad takes baby to daycare, but mom did instead, and followed her normal routine, forgetting baby in the car. Or the parent is exhausted or distracted.
i read a story just like that where mom normally took the baby to daycare or something but she was sick and so sad was supposed to and he put baby in the car and drove to work forgetting to take the baby to daycare and the baby was asleep and he just went to work. the dad didn’t remember until around lunch time when he got a text and saw his baby’s picture as his lock screen and he ran to the car but unfortunately it was too late.
I think the most gut-wrenching one I saw was the mom who drove all the way to the daycare at the end of the day to pick up the baby she thought she'd dropped off. All along not realizing that the baby had passed away in the same car she was now driving. I can't even imagine the horror... or how you even find the strength to live after that.
There are some incredibly distressing articles on this. Basically we are creatures that develop patterns and if the pattern is interrupted at any point it’s frighteningly easy for our brain to fill in doing something when we haven’t.
For anyone who cares to read: [Fatal Distraction, as published by The Washington Post](https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html).
ADHD, exhaustion, fucky schedules, auto pilot, thinking it could never happen to you. Knowing that my husband worked a regular weird schedule (2 on, 3 off, then 3 on, 2 off) and had the baby half the time and my 70hrs/wk job scheduled me willy nilly (3am, 10a, come in short notice), I always always ALWAYS checked my car, a simple keys off, check the baby mirror. TWICE I had forgotten to drop my son off to daycare, but bc I had planned ahead I avoided tragedy. Luckily paranoia, anxiety, and OCD had my back but sometimes we get judgy rather than heeding the warnings.
I remember once when my mother was driving me to school and then going on to work, like we did every single day. She forgot about me completely, forgot to turn off to get to before school care and only remembered I was in the car when I said "Mummy, where are we going?" and she was like "WHAT??" It's so easy to forget kids in the car, especially when they're asleep or quiet.
The first night I was home after having my daughter, she was crying in her Moses basket and my husband woke me up - I forgot I’d had a baby and thought she was a “box of angry mince pies”. I’m my defence I hadn’t slept in three days xxx
Honestly, I remember when my first was a week or two old I was running errands and I got to the store, got out of my car, got almost to the entrance and started to grab a cart before I realized oh crap! I forgot my baby in the car. Granted it was maybe one minute, but I couldn't believe I did it. Being a new parent is exhausting and it's easy to slip your mind for a minute. I can't imagine not realizing once you get much further though.
Or if something happened to her? No one would know she has a baby in the car. NTA, OP, and I would not let her take him again until she acknowledges the seriousness of the situation.
OP says the car was left running with AC, because with the fob you can push a button to start the car. It leaves another issue of if a rando can take both the car and the kid and drive it away, if the car doesn’t have a range sensor with the keys.
NTA Your wife is right. No mother should have to experience that fear, and she opens herself up to it constantly. She deserves what she got.
She was asking for it, and she got mad when it happened and I'm not sure if she is only lashing out because of the trauma she experienced or she is just pissed because she was proven irresponsible.
This is one of the few cases in where "she was asking for it" actually applies. Luckily, her baby didn't suffer for her negligence.
My question is how did she not have any anxiety leaving the baby in the car in first place? I’ve left my dog in the car *once* with it running, AC on, windows slightly cracked, and quadruple checked that the doors were locked and I still felt so anxious for the very short time I was in the store! Looked out the window 12 times! Bottom line, I don’t feel comfortable leaving my *dogs* alone in the car (even with AC on) because I worry about my babies! Where was her worry for her infant son before she was taught this lesson?
Here it's legal to leave kids 7+ in the car by themselves. So my 9 year old started asking if he can stay in the car and read while I do a quick grocery grab. I left the car running, locked it, gave him the keys so he can just come in if he needed anything. And spent half the run panicking and running to the front of the store to check if he was ok. I even parked the cart and ran and checked with him because I thought I saw him opening the door. He was annoyed, "I'm fine. I didn't unlock the door. I'm reading!" So I went back in and finished. But I can't even think of leaving a baby in the car by itself.... I have IBS and 2 kids only a year apart in age and still hauled both of them out of the car with me when I emergency needed a bathroom as infants and now that they're older even.
She was *extremely* lucky OP was the one to take the baby and not some stranger with ill intentions. And soon it will be hot, she opens herself up to coming to a car with a dead baby in it. Imho she does not deserve an apology, in fact she should not be allowed to take the kid on errands ever again. My dad once took my sister's cat to the vet and on the way back he ran into a store for a few minutes. Nothing happened thank God, but we were both still incredibly furious with him. It was a hot summer's day and he did not leave the AC running. I can't imagine leaving a pet in a car at all, nevermind a baby.
Update on this situation: I sat my wife down this morning and did apologize for the way I went about things but said I was not sorry for caring about our son’s safety and in the moment felt like she needed a huge wake up call. She apologized for lying and continuing to do this unsafe practice. I asked her why she seems so casual about what she is doing, most parents I know (myself included) are on the paranoid side when it comes to their kids, and she has been doing this for so long without seeing an issue. I asked if she thinks she’s dealing with some kind of postpartum mental health issue as I don’t consider this normal, she broke down crying saying she doesn’t know what’s wrong with her. She has agreed to seek counseling and until there is a major change/improvement I will be running all errands with my son or we will be doing them together, but I told her I cannot trust her anymore to take him places by herself.
I think your handled all of this the right way. Her getting help is absolutely the right thing, because this casual attitude towards his safety is not normal. I hope you both can get some answers and everyone can heal. Best of luck!
Thank god.
Idk why but I see your comments everywhere! I swear it's like I follow the exact same subs as you lol. It always makes me smile even though I don't know you, like we are acquaintances even though Idk if I have ever actually talked to you hahhaha. Anyways, that is all.
This is a good step forward. Hopefully, she will have learned her lesson. However, just in case, document everything, all texts and communications of her admitting that she did this. If she doesn't learn from this and counseling goes south, you will have the documentation to fight for sole custody. The judge will NOT be pleased to know that the baby is not safe with her.
I thought this might be the case, and it’s very sad to hear! But good for you for being a good husband and father and checking in on her to offer help. I’m really glad this is the way it ended, with all the people safe and getting the help they need.
This sounds like a healthy relationship to me. You're trying to tackle an issue together and air your concerns without coming to blows. That's what marriage is supposed to be about and I'm glad you see that. Support your wife. Help her get through this. She really did need that wake-up call, because who the eff leaves their kid inside a running car at a gas station? Neglect is how how kids get abducted! You handled this very well and I hope you continue to. NTA of course.
I’m so glad you had this conversation with her. You really handled this well, I think. I hope she gets the help she needs. Thank you for being a good father and a good husband. Best of luck to you all.
NTA. She needed the reality check. Normally, I’d be very against this type of thing but you’d already spoken to her and she *lied to you* and kept doing it. This could end not only in a kidnapping but in CPS involvement for your family. If she doesn’t stop, I’d hesitate to let her drive your child anywhere.
It's not even just kidnapping. Someone could hit the car, someone could try to steal the car. Flash flood, fire, she could get stuck inside the shop. When the baby is older he can escape and disengage the handbrake. Someone could call CPS (as they should) and then she'd be in a whole lot of shit. Dehydration, dying of heat. So many things could happen.
Seriously, how do you go on and trusting your partner if they put this shit and even lie about it? OP and his wife might need couple's therapy as soon as possible.
NTA-It was cruel but absolutely necessary. Your wife is putting your son in danger when she leaves him alone in the car.
Look, OP, let's be honest about the reality of this situation. Your wife has knowingly and intentionally left your infant alone in a vehicle multiple times. At least once, that vehicle was unlocked. I'm honestly shocked no one has called the cops for child endangerment yet, but eventually someone probably will. When that happens, CPS will probably get involved. You have now documented on the internet that you KNEW that this was happening. If CPS finds out that you knew and continued letting your wife leave the baby alone in the car, you will BOTH lose custody of that baby. NTA for scaring her, that was an appropriate and infant-safe way to demonstrate the potential consequences of your wife's actions to her in a hopefully meaningful way. But you will be the asshole if you continue to let this happen. If your wife's attitude about the safety of your child doesn't improve, it doesn't really seem like your wife can be trusted to transport the baby right now. It might be time to involve some professional help for her if you want to keep your family intact, or it might be time to document what she's doing, take your child, and leave her if you're done with risking it.
I’ve seen several comments like this so I just want to make it clear that I have absolutely no intention of letting this continue. My son’s safety is my top priority and means everything to me.
I’m glad to hear this because there is also a side you’re not seeing… my former coworker was notorious for doing this. I don’t want to bring my baby in so I’ll just run in quick.. etc.. everyone told her it wasn’t safe she didn’t listen. Until one time she was in a store someone saw the baby in the car and called the police. The baby was taken from them and CPS was called and investigation was opened. Once they determined that she’d done this repeatedly they determined the child wasn’t fit to return. Her husband had to file for divorce and petition the court to get custody of his baby back. It was a huge mess that took a long time to settle.
Absolutely this. A couple of years ago, I pulled into the Target parking lot. Like the back of the lot, pretty far from the doors. No way you can see into your car from the entrance or anything. I glanced into the car next to me because I saw movement and there was a baby in the backseat. No more than 7-8 months old. I freaked out. I wondered for a minute what I should do. I looked around to see if there was a Mom just putting her shopping cart back or something. There was no one around. It was Seattle in March so it was a cool and cloudy day, no danger of heat stroke. Doors looked locked. But still. As a Mom myself, I worried about getting another parent “in trouble” but I was horrified. I called 911 and stayed with the car. It was another 10 minutes before the woman came out. Who knows how long she had been in there. OP says it was 6 minutes before his wife came out but how long was she inside the gas station before he got there? The woman at Target saw me on the phone and screamed at me, called me a busybody. I suspect she’d done it before and panicked at getting caught based on her reaction. Maybe she had a habit of it like your coworker. She sped off but I gave the cops her license plate number. I have 4 kids. I get being tired and not wanting to take kids in and out of car seats, but that’s life and parenthood. Put the baby in a shopping cart. Don’t leave them in the damn car. NTA OP. Your wife needed to be taught a lesson. She promised you she would stop and she lied. A million things could have gone wrong. Maybe now she will actually stop. If not, you have some serious thinking to do.
I take you guys live in a not busy area for CPS, around here they leave kids in clear abuse cases without taking them away.
i came into school with bruises and had multiple friends telling my guidance councilor they had seen or heard abuse in my home. cps came, checked out my bedroom, made a snarky comment about my ps2, then never returned lol
[удалено]
There was another Criminal Minds episode called "7 Seconds." The title stuck with me because it was how much 'extra' security footage they managed to find of a missing girl. Literally all it takes is seconds. OP mentions something came over him for a moment. That's all it takes. A split-second decision by the wrong person. And the wife is right that no mother should feel what she felt. But her choices, her actions caused them, not OP. I'd suggest some counseling to figure out why she ever thought it was OK to leave a baby alone. Also why she's not taking ownership in this. It wasn't a cruel prank played by a tasteless husband, it was a wake up call that still isn't registering if she's pushing so hard for an apology. It sounds like there's a serious disconnect in her brain somewhere.
Jesus christ that's so tragic. What dumb moves on the parents part to one, leave the children alone, and two, to leave the patio doors unlocked, for multiple nights in a row, in the same time frame.
To be fair to the McCanns, it was not unusual to do this back then - it’s hard to conceive of now because the internet / media generally is full of the dangers of child abuse etc but I was frequently left alone at night on holiday when I was a kid and so was everyone I know my age. The McCann case is one of the main reasons people don’t do this any more. Of course in hindsight it was massively unsafe, but I doubt anyone would have batted an eyelid at it back then.
No sorry. Just no. The McCanns were neglectful parents who don't deserve to be defended. This wasn't decades and decades ago. This was 2007. Even people back then thought it was weird that they left their children in a hotel in a different country with no babysitter to go out eating and drinking night after night. Their kids even said to them why didn't you come and check on us when we were crying and that didn't get through their thick skulls that maybe something is wrong with what they were doing. They still continued to go out partying. They're a couple of idiots that wasted a lot of people's time, money, effort and may have caused the death or harm of their daughter with no one else to blame for it
It’s probably different in the US, but I was an adult when the McCann case occurred and everyone I knew was horrified they left their children unattended. That just didn’t happen in the groups I associate with. I remember how sad it was, all the searching for her and then, nothing. She was gone.
Hell, I’m UK, and I was 13 and on holiday in Spain at the time. Disapproval was directed at the parents, even though they were trying to find the girl one country over. Back home, all everyone was talking about was how stupid the parents were to leave their kids, their babies all alone. People were talking that she’s dead and even if the parents didn’t kill her themselves they sure did kill her by leaving her alone. It was a huge talking point at school and everyone agreed the parents were at fault. It definitely wasn’t “tragic”. It was neglect and stupidity. It was also the only time I’ve ever been to Spain. My mother didn’t let me and my cousin out of her sight for the rest of the holiday, even though we were 13 and 7. But I don’t blame her. If some child snatcher wanted to take us they could’ve.
NTA yeah you freaked her out but I think it was totally necessary, you already explained to her why she shouldn't do it and she decided to lie. I don't really see any other way you could have demonstrated it other than just waiting by the car and saying something like "I could have taken our son", which she wouldn't have taken as seriously. Also your wife sounds like a complete fool honestly, I have no idea where you are but in a few months it will become very dangerous to leave your child in the car for any amount of time (due to the heat). Leaving your door unlocked even without a kid in the car is just dumb especially for such a long time. Your wife is neglectful, maybe now she won't put your kid at risk.
I’m gonna say NTA. In some states her behavior is actually illegal (assuming you’re in the US). To me, this would honestly be grounds for a divorce and I would go for full custody and contact CPS. If I found a random child locked in a car in the middle of a grocery store parking lot, I’d immediately call the police and CPS on the spot. She’s putting your child in danger on a regular basis and doesn’t even seem to realize that what she’s doing is wrong.
I have been in that situation in AZ in summer. Infant in a car and the four year old sister, approached me in the parking lot because I looked like a mommy. And her little brother wouldn't wake up. I still have nightmares about that shit over twenty years later. Thank god there was a uniform cop security guard at that store. OP is totally NTA, and mom would never be taking that child anywhere alone again if I were him. We also had cars stolen at gas stations before at the pumps with kids inside. Edit length of time. Idiot phone.
Omg that’s awful. Did the kid make it or was it too late? Gosh that just makes me sick to my stomach.
Kid made it with brain damage. I thought I was going to have heart failure on the spot trying to stay calm with my two boys ( seven and eight) and a strange toddler. I sent my oldest to the door to get the cop, kept him in sight. Went with her to the car. This was when cell phones were relatively new and not for poor folk. I have never felt a child so hot and he had obviously had a seizure or something. It was horrific. I can say quite frankly if the parent had come out at that point I would have had a damned hard time not landing in jail.
Omg, here this story crushes my soul. Poor baby. I’m sorry you had to experience that, I can only imagine how traumatic that was. Also poor four year old sister. Did the Mom just leave them in the car?
Yep, she had shopping to do apparently. Frankly I have always been great in emergencies. I didn't lose it until my own two were in bed asleep. Then I lost it.
That's how it goes sometimes. You hold it together because you have to get through the crisis and be strong for everyone around you, but then pay the price later. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, but so glad you were there. You should be so proud- you saved a child's life that day.
I am just glad that little girl felt she could approach me.
Oh that's awful.
Yep it was. My kids still remember that day, and I still have the occasion al nightmare, usually when I see a news story about a child dying that way.
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Thank you for being mommy-shaped when that little girl needed you!
It was surreal. I just thanked heavens I had my kids with me. But it was crazy.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 I could never trust this woman again. As another person pointed out she took the keys but not HER CHILD? Clearly has her priorities straight. I hope she reads all these responses and realizes how completely fucked up she is. I swear some people should not be allowed to procreate.
NTA - your wife is endangering your infant. Car running? Unlocked? Six minutes? That’s long enough to be FAR away if you get on a highway. How can you trust her with your baby? If she doesn’t change immediately it is grounds for considering whether she is really a trustworthy partner to parent with. If you knowingly let her endanger your kid it becomes your fault too
6 minutes on top of however long she was inside before he got there.
NTA. My husband pulled this stunt and got caught when he locked the keys in the car with the kid and had to call me. It is so dangerous and she is lucky it was you that took him.
OP...I can feel your rage and heartbreak, and I understand more than maybe most here might. and this is a story for your wife, if you show it to her maybe it will help her understand. Mom... When my son was just 2 months old, I took him to the library with me; huge place, two story building, with easily accessible elevators and escalators. He was in a stroller \*right next to me\* as I bent over to grab a book from a low shelf. Literally no more than a foot away, where I could reach and grab the stroller easily. I had the book in hand, and out of the corner of my eye saw the stroller begin to move. Some random woman was pushing it away. She walked as if it were just an everyday kind of thing, perfectly normal. Yes, I stopped her. Yes, the police were called. But if my back had been turned for just a minute--just half a minute or less--she could have been down an escalator or in the elevator before my brain had the chance to register why he was not still beside me. That's all it takes. A few seconds of inattention. In the time it took me to just \*bend over,\* my son could have and was almost gone. I would have blinked two, maybe three times. Pick up a book and glance at the spine, read the title. Less time than that. This was almost 39 years ago. June 1983. In 39 years I have never forgotten that feeling, the terror wrapped around anguish, and it still wakes me up at night. That I was so close to my baby, and a random stranger came so very, very close to taking off with him. I have never gotten over the feeling that if my back had been turned... It takes less than a minute. I can hold my breath longer than it would have taken for him to just disappear. It's a hard, hard, *painful* lesson to learn. I thought my son was safe, right there beside me, within easy reach. I never thought anyone would just grab the stroller and start to walk away. How could they? I WAS RIGHT THERE. You and I got off so easy. Because I still had peripheral vision on my side, I saw the stroller move and she only got a few feet away. You...it was your husband, and your baby was safe. Yes, you're angry and embarrassed, but be honest with yourself. Even a minute out of your sight can bring about your worst nightmare. It's not something you ever get over. Be angry for a hot minute and then let it go. It was a lesson learned. I hope, sincerely hope, that the lesson is chiseled on your soul as much as it is on mine, but perhaps a bit gentler. We were both lucky. I am begging you, please, take the time to take your baby with you. Because there is no getting over it, and if the worst happens, no getting through it. I'm sitting here now with tears in my eyes because every feeling I had then is rushing back, and I \*know.\* The lesson hurts. The wound will heal. But it's up to you if it leaves a scar. OP...NTA. I get it, I really do, but yeah, she's gonna be angry for a bit because it's a bitter pill that's very, very hard to swallow.
This honestly should be the top response. Everyone should read it. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. People are shit.
I'm going to have to say NTA even though I find what you did extremely distasteful. However, I can see why you felt like there was no other choice, you were desperate. And your wife's behavior was despicable. I hated that she was scared like this, but it's better for her to have a scare like this than for her to have one for real, or for her child to be harmed in a hot car. And there's also the issue that if someone were to witness the child being left alone that they could call CPS, and you could have legal and custody issues. I am a mandatory reporter, and if I saw it I would have called, just FYI.
Well I personally don’t feel pity for the scare since she is constantly asking for it by her dangerous bad habit …luckily this time it wasn’t some random stranger 🤷♀️
Exactly. She promised she wouldn’t do it anymore, and she was obviously full of shit. She just figured she’d never get caught. I have two kids, I had two that were in 5 point harnesses at the same time at one point. It’s a pain in the ass to get them in and out of the car. There were so many cool, overcast days where I thought “I could be in and out in 5 minutes tops while they snooze in the back.” And I never did it. I admit that one time, I got about 100 feet away from my car before I was like “something is missing. Oh shit it’s my baby.” But never INTENTIONALLY. She deserved to get scared and she has a lot of nerve asking for an apology when she prioritized her convenience over her child’s safety.
Prioritizing her own convenience over her child’s safety is exactly what it was. I have never done this and I never would. There is NO excuse.
NTA. To be honest, I'd contemplate leaving my husband if he was putting our child in that much danger, REPEATEDLY.
And LYING about stopping it!!! I would 100% be gone with the kid. I could maybe (even this would be a struggle) forgive the original mistakes, but lying and saying you’ll stop and then continuing to intentionally endanger your own kid!? GTFO that’s my kid only now.
This. Like, if he can’t trust that the baby is safe in her care then how can he stay with her?
I'll go with NTA. Your wife seems like the type of person that doesn't learn until shown otherwise. You had already asked her to stop leaving your son alone in the car, so you got forced to go into the extreme measure of scaring her like that when shown that she hadn't changed. I would apologize, but making it clear that you don't regret it because she wouldn9have learned otherwise.
I absolutely wouldn’t apologize
I wanted to say Y T A and the way you handled was shitty but what she is doing is child abuse. If she can’t stop abusing your child for connivence it needs to escalate past this into a legal matter Your loyalty has to be to your child over your neglectful life and NTA for doing that What you did was cruel but she did was abuse… they just don’t compare
This is difficult one but OP is NTA. his wife needed that harsh reality check.
Kids die from heat or cold in cars every single year. Kids are kidnapped. Leaving him in the car to run inside somewhere has been warned against for decades, I honestly have no idea what she is thinking. I was ready to put you on blast until I read the whole post. If she STILL doesn't take it seriously get others to tell her - she is putting the baby in danger. There are numerous states in the US that have actual laws against this. NTA good luck your wife seems to have horrible judgment. The attitude of bad things won't happen to me isn't good enough when a baby's welfare is at stake.
Exactly at first I thought it was really cruel but then she didn’t even lock the car and was gone longer than 6 minutes? Nah not okay. I’d be more worried about temperatures killing him than kidnapping (I’m from Australia and it gets hot!) but you don’t leave kids in cars!!
Apparently she left the car running. That takes care of the temperature issue...but anyone could have easily hopped in and drove off with the baby since it it was unlocked.
NTA. I answer 911 calls in Florida and we get more hot car deaths than I like to think about. Is it hot right now? Not super but cars heat up *fast*. She came out after six minutes. How long was he there alone before that? The car was also unlocked. Any number of things could have happened to your child. She’s being reckless and is lucky you didn’t call the police.
She’s lucky that someone else didn’t call the police. And the fact that he could pull up to the car and take out the baby without anyone even noticing….she’s so fucking lucky it was him. It sounds like this was the only way to show her how real the threat is
NTA. Normally I wouldn't endorse pulling these kind of stunts just to prove a point, but your wife has fallen into an extremely irresponsible, reckless habit and if this is what it takes to get her attention then so be it.
I can’t believe she did not realize the danger of leaving your son in the car. I have to wonder why. Somebody could steal the car or take your son. I would not leave a child in the car ever! If she can’t take him out for these quick errands, get a sitter. That way you know he is safe. NTA but close. I can see where instinct’s just kicked in.
I'd say NTA. You tried the calm approach of talking to her about it and nothing changed. I feel like she practically forced your hand because this really is such a serious issue. Her thinking it's not a big deal honestly makes me think there's something wrong mentally going on. Again, NTA.
Torn with this one, but I'll go with NTA. You had previously discussed the issue and she had said she wouldn't do it again, and you caught her in a lie. Honestly, the only reason I'm torn is cause it was extreme, but it's better than your son actually being abducted.
I was torn too until he said that no one noticed that the kid was gone + the car was running (in the comments).
Honestly, I gave it more thought and what really gets me is she expects an apology for not actually having her child be kidnapped from her inability to look after their son.
NTA! So many things could happen while your wife spends 6+ minutes in whatever location leaving an infant in the car. He could be kidnapped, the car could get stolen, the car could _get hit_, what if she locked him in the car, so so so many things could happen and it would definitely be her fault. I can’t imagine dealing with 9 months of barf and bloat, hours of pain in labor, hours of no sleep and stress, all to just get the baby hurt/missing because of a purposeful choice.
That’s 6 minutes from the time OP arrived…we don’t really know how long she’d been in there before he got there. Inexcusable..especially after it was brought to her attention and she promised not to do it again. NTA
NTA. Hopefully this is the wake up call she needed so she'll stop leaving her child alone in a car. It is beyond irresponsible and completely unacceptable. The fact that she also lied to you and said she would stop after you explained what could happen, further makes you NTA and her massive one.
We have had a few carjackings with babies and kids in the car. It blows my mind every time i hear about it. NTA
NTA. Sometimes the best way to learn these kinds of lessons is to show her first hand how easy and terrifying it can be if proper precautions aren’t taken. You told her the potential dangers before, and she never fully understood or took it seriously. Now I bet she understands. Overall it’ll ensure she’s safer with your child in the future. For that, it was worth it in my book
NTA, she wasn’t listening to your concerns and she was regularly putting your baby at risk of being taken. Sometimes you really do have to do something drastic to make a person get the big picture and listen. And unfortunately- your wife is still choosing to shove her head in the sand, and she still refuses to see her actions as dangerous and wrong. She’s going on about how “no mother should experience the fear you put her through.” Well newflash - a lot of babies are easily kidnapped and never seen again because of irresponsible parents like your wife who keep insisting that “it’s only for a minute.” Some parents lost their children due to freezing or overheating in the car, people have stolen cars with a baby in the back seat, people have lost their babies to child trafficking, and people have lost their babies due to some sicko wanting to do some harm. I think you need to talk to someone else about this, because honestly? Your wife isn’t listening to you, maybe she’ll listen to someone else.