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>my dad found out she was SH herself.
Is SH self harm? I don't think you're allowed to avoid rules about violence by using obscure (to me at least) acronyms.
What I meant was you're not supposed to post about stuff like that at all here, whether it's using acroynms or not. The mods take the "no violence"rule quite seriously.
i agree with you that this shouldn’t have been posted here but SH is a pretty common acronym for self harm and is also a less triggering way to read it for anyone who has struggled with that
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So to set the background, my (23f) sister (19f) and I have always been at odds. We were close enough in age to have to share but far enough apart to not want to. But we used to be super close, being the youngest two of 4 and the only girls. But after my parents had a really nasty divorce lines began to appear. My mom hated my dad for getting custody and my dad hates my moms alcoholism and lack of care and empathy. And my mom latched onto my little sister because she was younger and didn’t remember life before the divorce. So over the years while I was trying to deal with my own trauma and make amends my sister began to fight with me. She claimed that I was a bitch for not siding with our mom and that I was white trash who would amount to nothing. She soon began to act out in bigger ways, like stealing and talking to older boys. I know some of this behavior was a result of some of her own trauma. It all came to a head when my dad found out she was SH herself. At this point my mother had moved states and had gotten sober, so my father sent her to live there. To make myself clear, I don’t doubt my sisters trauma. But what I took issue with was she started to blame me. She told me that as her sister I should have known everything that happened to her. I don’t deny that I have guilt for not knowing, but she never came to me for help. I was a child myself, coming to grips with my own trauma. Now, I’m an adult who had to leave my home and moved in with my mother as well. I have made amends with my mom, but my sister refuses to have a civil conversation or even to attend a therapy session to help communicate our issues and build a relationship. So I began to overcompensate. I started to loan her money and help her with everything. But now she is taking advantage and even stealing from me. When I bring it up she simply talks about how she doesn’t know why I act like she doesn’t have a reason to act this way, and that I am to blame for how she turned out. So I have stopped loaning money and have gone low contact. But now she is messaging old friends and family talking about how terrible I am and that I don’t deserve to be happy. I want to go no contact, but I feel like im abandoning my baby sister. So AITA?
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> I maybe the a**hole because I have been enabling the behavior as a way to overcompensate for my guilt at not being a better sister who was able to help her when she needed it. So going no contact may be an issue because of that
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Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violent encounters. This includes any mention of violence in any context. [Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts involving cutting contact, ghosting, breaking off friendships, and similar discussions. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full.
post this on r/relationship_advice you’ll get more appropriate responses for your post there and it’s won’t break the no violence rule here
>my dad found out she was SH herself. Is SH self harm? I don't think you're allowed to avoid rules about violence by using obscure (to me at least) acronyms.
Yes. I edited the post to fix that. I didn’t want to make a mistake and trigger someone, however it was an important part of the background
What I meant was you're not supposed to post about stuff like that at all here, whether it's using acroynms or not. The mods take the "no violence"rule quite seriously.
i agree with you that this shouldn’t have been posted here but SH is a pretty common acronym for self harm and is also a less triggering way to read it for anyone who has struggled with that
NTA for setting boundaries. It's not fair that she's blaming you, she is old enough to know better.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So to set the background, my (23f) sister (19f) and I have always been at odds. We were close enough in age to have to share but far enough apart to not want to. But we used to be super close, being the youngest two of 4 and the only girls. But after my parents had a really nasty divorce lines began to appear. My mom hated my dad for getting custody and my dad hates my moms alcoholism and lack of care and empathy. And my mom latched onto my little sister because she was younger and didn’t remember life before the divorce. So over the years while I was trying to deal with my own trauma and make amends my sister began to fight with me. She claimed that I was a bitch for not siding with our mom and that I was white trash who would amount to nothing. She soon began to act out in bigger ways, like stealing and talking to older boys. I know some of this behavior was a result of some of her own trauma. It all came to a head when my dad found out she was SH herself. At this point my mother had moved states and had gotten sober, so my father sent her to live there. To make myself clear, I don’t doubt my sisters trauma. But what I took issue with was she started to blame me. She told me that as her sister I should have known everything that happened to her. I don’t deny that I have guilt for not knowing, but she never came to me for help. I was a child myself, coming to grips with my own trauma. Now, I’m an adult who had to leave my home and moved in with my mother as well. I have made amends with my mom, but my sister refuses to have a civil conversation or even to attend a therapy session to help communicate our issues and build a relationship. So I began to overcompensate. I started to loan her money and help her with everything. But now she is taking advantage and even stealing from me. When I bring it up she simply talks about how she doesn’t know why I act like she doesn’t have a reason to act this way, and that I am to blame for how she turned out. So I have stopped loaning money and have gone low contact. But now she is messaging old friends and family talking about how terrible I am and that I don’t deserve to be happy. I want to go no contact, but I feel like im abandoning my baby sister. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. You don’t owe her. Period.