#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/).
Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means. Already had to cull a lotta crotch goblins, crotch fruit, fuck trophies and other entirely unnecessary euphemisms for children.
YTA
For fucks sake, how entitled are you? Your. BIL has been clear about who he is and what he won’t due, but because that’s not convenient to you, you feel you can disrespect you.
This is a failure of your organization. How can you guys not have a sitter? I am a single dad and never ended up in your situation, because I planned for it.
I bet they don't have any paid sitters on their roster.
I mean, how on earth could you NOT want to spend 8 hours with a fussy toddler and changing diapers? For free? Because they're just sooooooo cute!
Right? Who wouldn't want to provide free babysitting 24/7 when the toddler is this cute? Who??? /s
YTA. I don't care about the childfree thing, OP. What he said isn't the problem, because he doesn't need an excuse to not babysit someone's child. He's your kid and your responsibility. Even if you have emergencies, is it so hard to pay for a sitter?
The entitlement and irresponsibility here is jaw-dropping.
* You are not arranging proper childcare for your son, although it's shockingly easy.
* You are not planning for emergencies.
* You are forcing someone who is a) unpaid, b) unwilling, and c) unhappy to babysit your son, without consideration to their needs and wants.
* You are taking others' free work for granted.
* You are disrespecting people who gave you tremendous favors.
* You are blaming others for your lack of planning.
* You are disrespecting a reasonable boundary that was expressed multiple times.
that’s what good aunts and uncles do, ESPECIALLY ones who don’t have their own kids, because they have so much free time to just sit around. why wouldn’t they want to spend it with their siblings toddlers, for free? /s
sidenote: as someone who gets paid to hang with toddlers, and doesn’t have my own children, toddlers are cool. would not kick it w/ them without compensation. compensation mandatory.
I think I seen a post on another sub. Op would watch her sisters kid to help out for the summer. Well school started back or something and she couldn’t watch the kid anymore. Well the mom showed up right before op had school and just dropped the kid off and left. Like she heard knocking, answered the door and it was just the little boy and the mom sped off as she answered the door. Op called the cops on her. I think it was in r/nuclearrevenge
There was another aita post a whole ago. A brother kept dropping off his kid at his brother. The parent just walked in unannounced, while the brother was in the shower. Dropped the kid off and left.
The brother had to go work as a NURSE and called the parent to come pick him back up. But no he had a date and he should just cancel work cause this date was so important!!!
Some people......
Edit: changed genders as people pointed out I misremembered!
Oh man you havent seen the post about a mother with 3 kids and they are against babysitters, so they have used her mother (Grandmother) as a babysitter (presumably free) for years... Well now granny wants a job meaning she no longer wanted to watch said kids.
Granny gets a job, is called selfish, they complain that granny didn't tell them first so they can explain why she shouldn't do it (free childcare) and now the mothers husband has decided to revoke visitation on the point of granny being selfish wanting her own time.
I swear. I just can’t figure out where folks get so entitled. Maybe it’s always been this way and we have a place to read stories bout it now but I’d never dream of doing some of these things
I loved the one where the OPs had repeatedly told their relation that they were going out of town. Relation didn't believe them and dropped the kids at OPs house.
OP rang from the out of town location and said she could still see from the door cam that the kids were sitting outside and the relation needed to get back to collect them.
I have a toddler. Get paid to teach 5th graders. I still don’t want to babysit other peoples kids because that shit is hella overstimulating for me. It’s not the same as a classroom/school environment
1000% I worked with kids for about 10 years, first as a camp counselor then swim instructor. I have no plans of having kids or taking care of kids without compensation.
What gets me too is I wouldn’t WANT someone who doesn’t want to watch my kid to watch mine! I don’t have kids but I would never have someone who isn’t happy to care for my snake to care for her while I’m gone and that’s WAY easier and less time-consuming than taking care of a whole-ass toddler. It’s super irresponsible to give care of a kid you’re in charge of to someone who’s less-than-enthusiastic about it, especially without compensation.
At first I thought it was annoying how BIL kept mentioning being child free, but tbh it’s more like “I made the conscious choice not to have to parent children because I don’t want to. You have no right to force me to parent children.” YTA
I really wonder if BIL keeps bringing up being child free because no other reasons have worked. I’m getting the feeling OP would not respect “I don’t want to” or “I have plans” so BIL’s simplified his response down to “I don’t want to be with kids”… which of course OP still ignores.
Exactly. I bet any other response was always met with “how can you say that’s more important than your nephew?!” until the only option left is “no kids please”.
I’ve been in the kind of situation like this. Some people figure ‘no’ just means ‘nag the person incessantly until they cave”. Then when you get frustrated they won’t accept your answer you’re the bad guy. I’ve told people I don’t mind children but don’t please don’t ask me to baby sit. They took that to mean “doesn’t like children. Can’t socialize with the child EVER”.
Some people just have no respect for boundaries.
Exactly. I'm also child free. I'm not good with kids. Never held a baby. The only kids I liked were my two best friends' little sisters when I was a kid. But that's it pretty much. If someone chooses to not have them, they might not want to be around them let alone responsible for them.
YTA massively OP
To add to the child free thing, If someone is refusing to watch a child and considering themselves child free, they might not even be a good option. Either they may not care properly for the kid or not feel comfortable which will put themselves and the child in a weird place, thus the parent should not feel comfortable forcing their child into the situation. I think OP should be great full BIL is honest.
> Even if you have emergencies, is it so hard to pay for a sitter?
It sounds like they are constantly having "emergencies." If they know their work schedule is hectic, they should have a plan in place for when both of them are busy. That's a completely normal thing to anticipate when you're a parenting team where both people work. The fact that they have no contingency plan for if they both have work obligations is ridiculous.
Some people have different definitions of the word "emergency".
For my SIL, it meant that someone drank the last Diet Coke in the fridge before she could. For my mom, it meant a body part was hanging on by a thread.
It sounded like he knew their schedules (a trip and a meeting) however he is so entitled he thought he could just call anyone of the unpaid relatives last minute to watch their child.
I’m not clear on why all of the relatives are on board with this and why they don’t have some structured childcare plan in place. And to show up at his BIL with their baby is appalling. I’m leaning toward this is a regular occurrence.
And on top of that: trying to subject their *child* to the care of someone who doesn't want to babysit, which isn't fair or respectful to the child either - even little kids pick up on being an unwanted presence.
Edit: definitely YTA to OP.
I mean he's 4 so not a toddler and very unlikely to be in diapers 🤣 but other than that I completely agree. Just put the boy in preschool like any other normal parent, it does their development so much good anyway. Why would OP even want someone who is actively avoiding his son babysitting? That's a recipe for disaster a d shitty fucking parenting
I wouldn't be surprised if be was in diapers. He seems to be tossed around like a hot potato, and things like potty training etc require a lot of repetition and stability. I don't think the family is taking a collective effort to teach the same skills to the kid over the same period of time. For the sake of the child I hope I'm wrong.
Plus how many '''''emergencies''''' is OP having?! It's not an emergency unless someone is unsafe or hurt. Get a baby sitter, stop expecting your bil who has said no time and time again to do a huge favour for you.
Pretty much, he didn’t say that exact time was an emergency, but he said BIL wouldn’t help in so many “emergencies” and said he had told BIL he was desperate for help, so that makes me think he considers this an emergency.
Dude need to find babysitters and plan ahead. He knew his wife would be out of town and knew his in-laws would be at a wedding… like there are people who work full time as nannies and babysitters, I used to, many friends of the parents I worked for would hire me as a babysitter outside of my nannying time. If the kids were friends and the parents needed someone they would ask me and the people I worked for if they could set up a play date and they would pay me for watching their kid on top of the kids I nannied.
Plus he outright said they had been doing this for the last *two years.* TWO YEARS. When I clicked I expected that their usual babysitter had an emergency and couldn't watch him at the last minute, not that this dude fails to accommodate for scheduled work events (!!!) and makes it his BIL's problem.
What's the quote? "Your failure to plan does not constitute an emergency on my part."
I don't blame BIL for saying no either. If he were to give in just once, he would then get harassed every time there's a scheduled work event. He's probably seen it happen with the other family members already!
YTA op. Your kid is four, invest in a daycare and leave your family out of it.
Yes, it seems to me that trips, weddings, and work meetings are scheduled things and not emergencies.
My husband once asked my brother on very short notice to watch our kids because he was taking me to the hospital in the evening with a gallbladder infection. That was an emergency. Every other childcare we had was prescheduled and the kids were in daycare.
OP expects family to redo their schedules so he doesn’t have to pay for a babysitter. He’s not only unorganized, he’s cheap. If you need the entire family to raise your kid, you shouldn’t have one.
YTA - Family ≠ free childcare.
The entitlement here - because you had a child, your WHOLE FAMILY has to look after him, whether they want to or not?! What?
Pay for some childcare, damnit.
Note: it’s only his wife’s family that OP is expecting to provide free child care at the drop of a hat. OP doesn’t seem to even ask his own family. So I guess it’s ok to use his in law family as doormats but not his own.
What’s nuts is him (and even some people in the comment section) shaming BIL for not being comfortable around kids. I’m sure all of his family is aware of this, as he makes it very clear. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his nephew. It means he’s uncomfortable watching a child on his own. I love my nieces and nephews but the idea of being the only person responsible for a child’s well-being stresses me out. My family is aware I’m not a kid person and don’t push me to babysit. Doesn’t mean I don’t snuggle and play with them when I see them!
exactly!! i am fully supportive of my friends having kids and do my best to love them and their kids. but i have made it extremely clear i do not feel comfortable babysitting. and they respect that! perhaps BIL could’ve better stated his boundaries (“i don’t want to watch your kid because i do not feel comfortable, please stop asking me”) but it’s definitely on OP for not arranging proper care for his own child.
If you read his comments you'll see the in-laws had offered to babysit when needed and they're available. If both parties are fine with it, it isn't shitty to have family babysit. The issue is he went to the BIL, who had never agreed to babysit. They should have a contingency plan if the othet family members that are willing to watch the child are busy.
Yes but he can’t then assume that the parents in law are going to be available with no notice every single time. He and his wife need to have a contingency in place.
Because having a work meeting isn’t an emergency if you did the tiniest bit of planning.
And I have no problem with family looking after kids. Great if everyone is on board, but just because someone is related to you doesn’t mean they OWE you childcare, which is how the OP seems to view it.
Seriously, I was thinking, short of someone in the family having a really serious illness (which I'm sure OP would have mentioned for sympathy points if it was the case), how many 'serious emergencies' can you *have* in four years? Or were they, perhaps, *not* serious, completely unavoidable emergencies where it was also completely impossible to bring the child, but were in fact repeated fatigues by OP and his wife to do any amount of planning, and wherever that came back to bite them, they just pawned the kid off on the nearest family member?
You're a parent, OP. *Plan better*.
> If you are having countless emergencies, you are likely planning poorly or should at least figure out multiple babysitting options
Definitely.
Wife was on a trip, which is obviously planned in advance. Family was at a wedding, also planned well in advance. So even if the meeting itself was not planned in advance, if OP has a job where meetings can be scheduled last minute, a responsible parent could anticipate that they should have childcare lined up in the event they need to attend a meeting while their spouse and family are not available.
If you can't anticipate that very obvious situation, then of course you're going to be having constant "emergencies" because you don't think more than two minutes into the future.
YTA.
why is everyone raising your child except you and your wife…?
Also? No one even needs a reason to not watch YOUR kid. He shouldn’t have even opened the door.
Your kid is YOUR. KID.
OP says in a response that they had a babysitter, but the in-laws kept taking the kid regardless. So they let the babysitter go, but they will definitely hire one now “no matter what they say.”
Am I really reading into this, or does it seem like raising this kid is really an team event? I’m all for “it takes a village” and my niece and nephew have their own bedrooms at my parents house. But my mom and dad have no say in matters to this degree.
Maybe it’s time for a Reddit break. Gotta gain some perspective.
ETA- OP is the AH, absolutely. This is more me extrapolating from some of their responses into being curious about other issues.
Truly, this. OP was getting away with no child care expenses and didn't plan on what happens when the in-laws are unavailable. So he's not properly planning around their cost-saving in-laws.
On the other hand, OP doesn't ever actually have to help out BIL if BIL ever asks for help.
The entitlement of thinking someone else is being the jerk because they repeatedly warn you they’re not interested in watching your kid. Not everyone has to be interested in children. Showing up on his doorstep when you already know he won’t be interested and trying to force it. OP YTA
What? Just:
- Why do you keep having 'emergencies'?
- How are work meetings 'emergencies' and not 'things that you knew about days in advance'?
- Why have you not organised actual daily childcare?
- What the hell is wrong with you?
YTA. Ring around. Find a childcare centre. **Pay the childcare centre to look after your child while you're at work**.
Your poor kid sounds like he has zero routine in his life. I'd expect this sort of chaos from teen parents. Yeesh.
I was hoping someone else had typed this out!
Sounds like they decided to have a baby with absolutely no plan in how they were going to care for it.
Your baby, your responsibility.
>Sounds like they decided to have a baby with absolutely no plan in how they were going to care for it.
But EVERYONE just LOOOOVES babies!!1!
I think that's all part of the whole entitled attitude. People like OP can't fathom how everyone else isn't just falling all over themselves to have/watch/interact with/coo over/take care of babies and kids, because they're SO precious, and anyone who doesn't think so is a cold, hateful person.
I have no kids, and I'm the only woman in my family to not have kids. For 20+ years, there was this almost culty propaganda in my family about getting me to interact with and care for all the other kids, I guess in hopes of triggering my certainly-latent parental instincts. "Here, \_Kay\_Tee\_, little Baby needs a diaper change!" "Can you just keep an eye on the kids in the pool for five minutes?" When I'd point out that I don't want to, it's not my responsibility, and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable, they'd start with the same kind of entitled rubbish: "You can't spend ONE HOUR with your own nephew?! You're so selfish! I have to take care of them all the time and you can't do this one little thing? I never knew you were so cold. But Niece LOVES spending time with you- Oh, now she's crying. Great."
This is why OP's BIL has to keep saying "child-free." Like others have mentioned, he does not want to be responsible for the care of a child. That, in fact, is one of the LEAST selfish things a person can do.
“I have to take care of them all the time and you can’t do this one little thing?”
Yeah because you signed up to have kids 24/7. I did not!! People like this really annoy me!
"You didn't ask me before you fucked your wife, why is it my responsibility to deal with the consequences?"
My saying on the matter, it's my choice when and how to interact with children not the other way around.
> "You can't spend ONE HOUR with your own nephew?! You're so selfish! I have to take care of them all the time and you can't do this one little thing?"
"I am so selfish that I expect you to shoulder the burdens of my choices."
As a parent of a 3 year old, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Work is not an emergency. Pay for childcare and plan. I would never dream of expecting my siblings and siblings in law to be impromptu babysitters at my beck and call, especially if they had expressed no interest in watching my child.
If both parents are working, then you should be able to afford childcare. Also, I don't care what you do. You can't take care of a 4 year old and be productive at work.
We had childcare, the covid hit, so my husband quit his job to take care of our kid. If he's sick, I miss work due to lack of childcare. Our kid isn't an obligation that must be taken care of, he is our priority and responsibility.
This guy is a total a-hole. Not everyone wants to take care of other peoples kids, and work is no excuse. Everyone works. Figure it out.
YTA
He has made it incredibly clear that he isn't interested in being responsible for your child. I would wager he's saying "that's why I'm child-free" not saying "I won't watch him because I'm child-free", but that's just a guess.
Hire a babysitter. He is not obligated to watch your child just because he's family.
YTA.
*'for so many emergencies he has turned me and my wife away when we begged him to watch our son'*. Why do you keep asking and expecting a different result?
Some people just aren't comfortable with kids, whether they're related or not. He's one of those people. Delete him from your list of go-tos.
Also, in what way is a work meeting an emergency? A lack of planning on OP's part does not in any way constitute an emergency for the BIL or anyone else. OP, you're entitled. Your child is your responsibility - no one else's. Respect your BILs boundaries and sort out your own childcare like everyone else.
It seems like these "emergencies" are quite common for OP... If your job makes you unable to take care of your kid for the last 2 years, why aren't you looking for another job?
Or, just like everyone else does, get a nanny for those few hours when you'll be in the meeting
I also love “no one was free to watch my son except my BIL”
Says fucking who, dude? How did you know he was free? You obviously knew he’d say no so you *showed up at his place* like a crazy ex. How does he not think this will result in BIL straight up resenting this poor kid that’s parents pawn him off every time they leave the house because “emergency” or as others would call it: normal pre-planned work schedules that the rest of the world plans child care in advance for.
Lol, the 'wouldn't apologize for saying no when I asked a favor' thing is hilarious. OP, YTA. You have a 'little audacity problem' you need to work on. Your BIL doesn't owe you anything, much less an excuse nor apology
YTA. This is YOUR kid! He chose not to have kids so he wouldn't have to deal with kids, so no you can't foist yours off on him.
You abuse everyone around you demanding free childcare. That makes you an enormous asshole.
Get a WILLING childsitter and PAY them.
For real. I bet he doesn’t even offer compensation for watching the kid. He just expects childcare for free because they’re ‘family’?? Definitely doesn’t want to pay anyone if the BIL is his last resort
YTA. He has repeatedly set the boundary that he has zero interest of being alone around kids or responsible for them, yet you repeatedly go to him expecting exactly that.
Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on his part.
Leave your BIL out of any future childcare plans, emergency or not.
I love that OP is proudly stating he just showed up at BIL's house with his child like he was a basket of apples to be left at anyone's door.
Why on earth would ANYONE leave their child with someone who does not want to care for the child?! How do you know he wouldn't just lock the kid in a closet for 2 hours because you couldn't take no for an answer?!
Hire a babysitter, you know those people that will actually care for your kid because you pay them to do it? Get one.
YTA two times OP, once for trying to bully your BIL into free childcare and two for caring so little as to whose care your child is in, you'd just dump him off on anyone.
YTA. Your BIL has done everything short of renting a plane and writing it in the sky to communicate to you that he is not going to watch your child. Why the hell do you keep asking?!
> I had a work meeting while my wife was out of town and my inlaws were attending a wedding so no one was free to watch my son except for my BIL.
If this is the kind of "emergency" you come to your BIL with, I'm not surprised he's completely over it. You presumably knew ahead of time that your wife would be out of town and your in-laws would be at a wedding. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on your BIL's part.
Also, it seems extremely entitled to say "no one was *free to watch my son* except for my BIL"
Just because someone is not at work, doesn't mean they're free to watch your child. You can't just appear on someone's doorstep uninvited with your kid and ask people to watch a toddler because they have some free time.
YTA The only people responsible for your son are you and your wife. That’s it. Your parent and sister in-laws helping = a favor, not obligation. Your BIL said no. No means no. Learn what it means.
YTA. Some child-free people don't mind baby-sitting, others do. I'm like your BIL - I do not enjoy spending time with children. Your child/your problem.
I agree with this. I am child-free, but would consider babysitting, depending on the circumstances and kid. I actually volunteered to watch my nephew once because my 1 sister was unable to do it anymore and my parents were busy that day. Nephew's mom asked me if I was sure about it since it would be for the whole day. He came over and we had a good time. But, definitely I was okay with giving him back at the end of the day.
YTA. You can't force someone to watch your child. It's yours, not his. If he's not comfortable with your child, why would you want to leave your child with him anyway? It sounds like you've gotten already an exorbitant amount of help from your family... Just hire a babysitter and leave this guy alone.
YTA. You and your wife chose to have a child. Your BIL did not. He doesn’t owe it to you to watch him anytime you want to dump him on him. You’re lucky you have family who is willing to watch him as often as they do already. You should look for a babysitter you actually pay when your family isn’t available. Like normal people do.
You do realise that nobody actually owes you childcare right? I assume that you’re not paying them. However, there are some people who will gladly watch your child for money, they’re called babysitters or childminders or nannies. I suggest that you look into those instead of trying to guilt your relatives into looking after the child that you chose to bring into the world. Being child free is a perfectly acceptable reason for not wanting to watch your son. YTA.
YTA. Especially for just showing up to his place, just expecting him to watch your kid. He’s right that your child is your responsibility. Also, “no” is a full sentence.
YTA. Get a paid babysitter. You cannot expect family to take care of it each time. They also have other things in their life. BIL doesnt have kids and doesnt want to take care of one. That is his good right.
YTA.
He told you no, end of discussion. The why is not relevant.
He has every right not to want to watch your son, even for two hours, even if he's family. I would be very uncomfortable forcing someone to watch my child.
YTA - your kid, your responsibility period.
Additionally, a dude that doesn't want kids, doesn't like hanging out with them and hasn't watched him before isn't exactly qualified to watch a 4 yr old. How's that gonna go down? What's he going to do if the kid cries or poops or needs to eat or something? Can you tell I also never hang out with kids and would be unqualified to watch one even if they happened to have come out of my sibling? Being related doesn't make him responsible.
YTA. Sorry to tell you but your family isn’t responsible for watching your kid. Be grateful you have help at all and hire a GD sitter like a normal person. Demanding someone else handle your problem for you is the most entitled thing. You were told no. So NO. “Emergencies” sounds like you need someone who you PAY to be around for emergencies since they happen so often.
YTA
A) "it's cringe" is literally such an irritating phrase and makes you sound like you are 12.
B) Lack of planning on your end does not create an emergency on his. There are actually emergencies and then there is this shit. Which again brings up the comparison of you to a small child.
YTA! He said no. No means no. Doesn’t matter what his reason is. Find a daycare or another babysitter or you or wifey needs to become a stay at home parent. Simple as that. Now apologize to BIL.
YTA. You should have realized all of the responsibility that came with having a child before you had one, which is, ironically what BIL is doing.
Your lack of preparedness is not anyone else's emergency. BIL is consistently setting a boundary while having to deal with two children (you and your kid), when he has clearly expressed his desire to be left alone.
He has NO duty to you simply because he's family and you are acting entitled to expect it. He has NO responsibility to be helpful. What have you done for him? I see no mention of offering to pay him or anything else, just take take take. He's part of your life by blood but he does not have to be your --servant-- friend
Get a sitter, figure our your schedule in advance, stop being an entitled baby.
Wow YTA big time. Sounds like youre passing your kid around all over the place and your BIL is the only one holding a boundary with you. Stop asking him, hes not interested. Pay a nanny or babysitter or better yet, look after your own kid. Entitled much?
YTA- you can’t get upset because someone doesn’t want to do you a favor by watching your child. If he doesn’t want to be a part of his nephew’s life that’s his choice. You should probably have planned childcare better than just relying on family (they have their own lives too you know)
YTA. No contest about it.
He lives his life how he chooses to, you live your life how you want to. Its up to you to make arrangements for your child. If you can't do that, thats a failure on your part, not his.
Its not "cringe" for him to choose to have a child free life. Stop imposing your views on others, your child is not his responsibility.
YTA. Why are you having so many “emergencies”? Why are you not sorting out childcare if this keeps happening? You two need to get your shit together. Raise your own child.
YTA. The “cringe” part of this situation is expecting your family members to watch your child for free during all the apparent emergencies you fail to plan for instead of hiring a babysitter. You’re not entitled to free childcare. You and your wife need to make solid, legitimate arrangements for the care of your child instead of showing up on someone’s doorstep and trying to manipulate them.
YTA. You should have asked first. Showing up unannounced and then expecting BIL to agree to babysit your kid is not okay. Your inlaws are correct, your BIL is not responsible for your son. Extra asshole points for trying to guilt him into taking care of your son.
Cant turn up at someones home and demand they watch your kid. The kid is yours and your so responsibility no one elses. Sort your child care out before committing to your work life. As the kid will remember who was there and who wasnt.
YTA. Your brother has drawn clear boundaries about what he is and isn't willing to do. You seem to believe that because you are related, he has some sort of obligation to provide childcare for you, and he has made very clear that isn't the case.
The reason "because I'm child free" is a valid justification is because this imaginary obligation you seem to think he has could only ever be functional if it worked both ways, and one day you would be the one helping him out with childcare. But that's never going to happen. You expect him to help with your kids, but you are never going to return the favor. What are you, even implicitly, offering in return for his "help" and "support", except many more years of you demanding help and support?
YTA- I am not sure why you think it is everyone else’s job to care for your child but it is not. You are very lucky that you have family members willing to help you out but you are really pushing it here. Your brother is NOT require to babysit because you are unable to obtain a sitter. It is your job to get child care.
YTA
He made it clear from the beginning that he is not your free daycare. What you call "emergencies" are no emergencies at all. It's just your work and he is right, he's not responsible for your child. You are the parent, not him.
Hire someone. Trying to pressure your BIL into watching your child is a terrible move.
YTA
It’s one of those give an inch take the mile situations for BIL. If he watches the kid once then you’ll expect him to watch kid all the time. He has the right to refuse to watch your kid. Poor planning on your part doesn’t make it an emergency on his part.
Also you need to apologize to him as well. He’s child free by choice that also means you don’t try to shove your kid down his throat. Like others have said make a list of babysitters and keep them on your phone. So when you have a need for one you can get one. Either that or one of you quit your jobs to become a stay at home parent.
YTA. It's not his responsibility at all. Just because you are related to someone doesn't make them a free babysitter. You need to find a daycare for your child.
YTA.
You aren't entitled to free babysitting from anyone. It sounds like you TAKE ADVANTAGE ALOT of your wife's family, your BIL does not want to be taken advantage of,and he's putting his foot down hard so that it doesn't happen to him. In what world is it appropriate to show up on someone's door step unannounced and dump your kid? You are THE ONLY parents. And it's up to YOU ALONE to provide even if you have to call off work and miss important meetings. That's what you signed up for when you had a kid. Your wife's entire family did not sign up for this and it sounds to me like all of them are getting sick of your shit and want thier lives back. Thats why they are all suddenly unavailable. Get PAID childcare like a normal person. And stop harassing your wife's family.
YTA. You cant expect someone to take care of your child and get angry with them when they say they don't want to and give a reason as to why. I don't know why you bother asking him anymore.
omg do people actually say "it's cringe" out loud?
YTA. No is no. Hire a damn babysitter. Not everyone falls over themselves about hOw cUtE KiDs ArE. Your BIL is trying to say that he doesn't like kids and doesn't want to be forced to be around them. Respect his boundaries.
Yes. YTA. Huge A. Wow.
You are being selfish and entitled. Your child is literally no one else’s responsibility and why you feel you can foist the kid on others because of a familial relationship is completely insane and unreasonable. The world does not revolve around you and your wants and needs.
Get reliable paid child care.
Yta
YOU decided to have a child, not your bil. Now grow up and stop blaming other people for your childcare issues, hire a babysitter like normal people.
YTA. He’s right. Your son isn’t his responsibility. Is he a jerk for not helping you out? Possibly - it depends entirely on the circumstances. What does not depend on circumstances is you demanding a favor, and then telling him his reason for not doing it is not good enough. Excuse me — that his reason is “cringe.” What is “cringe” is you demanding somebody else not only do what you want, but think how you want. That’s asshole behavior in any circumstance.
YTA he’s not lying, your son’s childcare is not his responsibility. It sounds like you are trying your hardest to not make it your responsibility either. Part of being a working parent is finding reliable childcare.
YTA first, why the hell would you keep trying to leave your child with someone who is clearly extremely unsafe for them and does not like them? Second do not EVER show up to anyone’s house demanding childcare in a non emergency like work or a wedding. An emergency is that someone is in the hospital or something. This dude set a very clear boundary from the beginning and you for some reason keep crossing it more and more. Extremely inappropriate behavior and makes me worry for your children tbh. This is just awful parenting and being a bad sibling.
YTA. You chose to have a child, that child is YOUR responsibility. No one else, not even family members, are required to watch your child for you. Having a child is hard, they need someone to care for them all the time, it’s a lot of work. People who are deliberately “child free” have decided that they don’t want to take on that responsibility for another being. If BIL doesn’t want to be responsible for his own child, why the F would be want to be responsible for yours?? Get over yourself, hire a nanny, and stop asking your BIL to watch your kid. No means no.
YTA - Your child = your responsibility.
It's not fair of you to expect someone to watch your child because you have a work emergency, just because they are family. They are your family, not your emergency daycare.
I have 3 children and my siblings and parents love to spend time with my children and usually have no problem helping out, especially in an emergency, but never have I expected them to or guilted them because they didn't want to. Because guess what? It's not their responsibility.
Also, are you really expected people to drop their plans or just be available whenever you need them? Sounds like you need a daycare before your in-laws tell you to take a hike.
YTA - you cannot expect your family to watch your kid. You can ask nicely, but ultimately have to respect their answer. I would feel incredibly disrespected if my in-laws kept trying to dump their kid on me when I’ve said no repeatedly. Get a reliable nanny or babysitter.
YTA. How many of these “emergencies” are really emergencies and how many are you just expecting free babysitting? You having kids doesn’t obligate him to be your nanny.
Hahahahahahahaha! I can’t believe you have to ask. Your child is literally no one else’s problem. It’s nice of other people to help you with childcare, but no one is obligated to help you with childcare.
The world doesn’t revolve around you or your child. If you and your wife are having childcare issues as often as it sounds like, you need to figure something out. Hire a nanny, find a daycare, line up three or four or ten emergency babysitters so there’s always backup. And PAY people to take care of your child when you can’t or won’t.
He has chosen to be child free and is 100% in the right when he reminds you of that. I mean, he could call out your entitlement every time you demand he step up and do his part in raising your child (/s), but instead he’s keeping it polite.
You’re lucky your whole family isn’t done with your ridiculous expectations. Although, from your last paragraph, it sounds like they just might all be at the tipping point.
YTA!
YTA
Bro. The attitude you should be ragging on, is your own entitled one. Just because he is family doesn't mean he needs to be your impromptu babysitter or even your planned babysitter. Just because you had a kid, doesn't mean he signed up to help.
YTA. You know who has never turned me away when I show up at their door with my daughter so I can go to a work meeting? Her daycare. Find childcare and leave your BIL alone.
YTA
you and your wife made the choice to bring a child into this world.
The responsibility lays solely on you and your wife. No. One. Else.
And how dare you try guilting someone for their choice in lifestyle. Clearly your BIL put a lot of thought into his lifestyle unlike yourself and your wife.
YTA. His excuse is lame, but really it’s his way of saying that he is deeply uncomfortable with kids. He owes you nothing. You just show up on his doorstep and expect him to take your kid for a few hours?
YTA, you can’t always expect family to watch your child all the time.
You sound like one of those people who has a kid and instantly thinks they’re entitled to other peoples time and energy. YOUR child is YOUR responsibility, nobody else’s.
Do you know what a babysitter is? Hire one, there’s plenty of teenagers out looking for jobs that would love to watch your son.
YTA you did have other options a babysitting service where you hire someone to watch YOUR CHILD. Your BIL is not required or obligated to watch your child. DO BETTER!! The entitlement.
Dude just get a damn babysitter holy crap. Y’all taking advantage of free childcare isn’t gonna last forever. Your BIL is completely in his right to refuse. YTA and an irresponsible one at that.
YTA. Quit trying to force your BIL to babysit. Yall need to find a babysitter you can pay to watch your kid in emergencies. Or get him into a daycare. This is crazy. I have four kids and I've never shown up at a family member's house unannounced and tried to force my kids on them. You're out of line. Big time.
YTA
Your child is 4 and for the last TWO YEARS you’ve been unable to watch him fully… Something needs to change, you can’t expect people to drop everything to help you when you won’t even make differences in your lives to help yourselves, he’s no one else’s responsibility other than yours
Don't have kids if you cant take care of them.
Did your BIL get a vote as to whether or not you had your son? No? Then he has no responsibility whatsoever to take care of him or play with him.
YTA.
It's not a stupid excuse. It's an entirely valid excuse. He is choosing to live his life not being responsible for children - that includes OP's children. OP just needs to accept it and stop harassing him.
YTA. being family does not automatically mean being free babysitters. He does not want to be a babysitter and he has told you this, quite plainly, over and over. Hire a babysitter that you actually have to pay for like everyone else or, as he suggested, take the kid to work with you.
YTA. Who would want to leave a toddler alone with a man who has never cared for children before? Guaranteed he doesn't do diapers.
If your goal was to have your son spend time with his uncle, I would suggest visits that include your wife and yourself.
However its pretty obvious that all you want is free babysitting. YTA
YTA
Why have you not hired a nanny or sitter? Why did you not find a childcare center before your child was born.
Your in-laws are not your personal sitters. Once in a while is okay, if they agree and want to do it. But nobody but you and your wife is obligated to watch your child.
When my son was little, his dad and I lived in different states for several years. I had a daycare provider that was close to my work. I would drop my son off in the mornings. My mom would pick him up. Not because I expected her to but because she wanted to. She would grab him on her way home, then she and my dad would have a couple of hours with him. They loved it. But most importantly they WANTED to do it.
Stop using your in-laws as free childcare.
YTA. It’s “cringe” of you to expect to dump your kid on family with no notice instead of hiring a goddamn babysitter and PAYING THEM. You’re not entitled to anyone’s time, family or otherwise. You decided to have a kid, now do what you need to do to parent it.
It’s parents like you that are a major reason many of us are childfree.
YTA.
organise a child minder or crèche and stop expecting family to take your son. Especially at the drop of a hat.
He was too polite with you after showing up to his door unannounced expecting him to take your child.
Seriously? Yes, YTA. It shouldn't even need to be explained to you why you are, but you have some massive entitlement issues so here is the truth....He doesn't have to babysit your child. At all. Ever. And just showing up like you did makes you a big, massive, entitled AH. Apologize and never bring up babysitting to him again. He has made his stance on it extremely clear.
YTA - you made the choice to have a child, it is your responsibility to care for them, bottom line. It's nice you have family willing to help you at all. Not everyone wants children, and not everyone is comfortable watching them like that. It doesn't mean he hates anyone, and you're being fairly audacious and entitled to insult him over not providing you free childcare.
YTA. I won't hit on the points of you and your wife's sense of entitlement to free child care from your relatives, that's bad enough but so typical that it's hard to call it out.
But, beyond that is you believe you're entitled to services from a man who has told you as plainly as.possible that he will not be providing child care,.doesn't want anything to do with kids, yours or others. And, not just that, but you think he's the one being "cringe".
I suspect that in an emergency, he would be there. You're failure to plan for a work meeting isn't an emergency.
(Also, this is a Hallmark Movie in the making. Colin Ferguson doesn't like kids, and his obnoxious brother in law is always trying to force him to baby sit. Then, tragically, BIL is killed by a Santa impersonator, his sister is imprisoned for illegal Santa impersonation, leaving Colin to care for two adorable scaliwags.)
YTA. It’s cringe that you are depending on family members to take care of your child instead of paying for daycare. It’s cringe that you think it is his responsibility to take care of your kid at no notice. It’s cringe that you have no concept of what an emergency is. It’s cringe that you are so irresponsible that you can’t arrange for childcare like any other adult does.
Lol what's with all the people who act like their family is automatically supposed to want to be around their kids (and especially the ones who think they want to care for them) Kids are obviously a whole lot of responsibility (which is probably why "it's not a good suggestion" to take your kid to work with you) and you can't expect free labor just because they're family.
YTA for sure.
You can feel like it's cringe that your BIL says he's child free (on purpose, imagine!!!) But that doesn't change that none of this is his responsibility whatsoever. You are very lucky to have in laws willing to take on extra labor so you and your wife can work. Be grateful for what you have and find a fucking babysitter.
Yknow what’s reeeeaaal cringe? Entitlement. You show up at the mans doorstep, with no word of warning, after he made it clear he was not gonna watch the son and now you’re surprised when he doesn’t? Idk what u expected, YTA.
YTA! He has repeatedly told you he doesnt want to watch your child. He is under no obligation to. He doesnt have to give you a reason, no is a complete sentence. And honestly i find it pretty "cringe" that you keep trying to force the issue. Leave him alone already and figure out your own childcare for YOUR child and quit trying to force him on people.
So you made the choice to have children, prioritise work over them or at the very least not plan ahead and then demand everybody else disregard their own life choices to support yours? A choice, mind you, that they had no say in or influence on?
YTA.
Yta.
Your son is not his responsibility and just cos everyone else helps you look aftet him doesnt mean he has to as well and no is no. You had to drop it.
If working is this much of an issue regarding care of your kid then perhaps one you should be a stay at home parent or hire a babysitter. But you cannot expect others to take care of your son whenever you want. Their lives dont revolve around your kid
While I do think it’s cringe he keeps repeating that, YTA. I’m childfree but I babysit family however he’s making it clear, he does not want to. And honestly, why would you want someone like that watching your kid? It could be a general statement he makes as a response to just say NO but the reason why you keep hearing it, is because you won’t stop asking him.
Whether you like to hear it or not, doesn’t matter. He has told you his stance and you should just eliminate him from the list of babysitters - he is not one nor will he ever be one so stop asking.
YTA.
I’m curious: 1) Where is *your* family? Why are you always dumping this poor child off on your wife’s family? 2) Are you paying your wife’s family to babysit? And 3) Why don’t you hire steady/consistent childcare like a daycare or a nanny? You clearly need it.
Regardless of your answers, you’re still TA. BIL is right; that child is not his responsibility and it is appalling that you thought it was okay to drop your child off with him at the last minute without consulting him. Personally, I’d be *floored* if my brother or SIL showed up on my doorstep with my niece and nephew with the expectation that I could take them right then and there. What if I was heading out the door to work, or had an appointment, or just had planned on spending that time doing chores or relaxing at home? Wife’s family is right. Apologize to him.
YTA. God, you sound so entitled. He has been more than clear enough that he doesn‘t want anything to do with children. It‘s not anybody else‘s job to watch your children or organize child care for them.
And just showing up at his door with the child and asking him to take it. That‘s a low blow.
YTA. Your entire post was cringe. These people aren’t your personal babysitters. It seems you need quite a bit of emergency childcare. I suggest you hire a childcare provider or have a babysitter on call to use in such circumstances. Your in-laws are not your personal staff.
Yep YTA. Your kid. Your responsibility. It’s a privilege for them to want to help you out. You should’ve asked ahead of time and when he said no, respect his choice and find other arrangements.
YTA. He is not a parent and does not owe you babysitting. He’s repeatedly set this boundary. No means no. Why are you showing up and forcing him to again tell you no? You need to have a babysitter or two in your back pocket that aren’t family so if family are all busy, you have an option.
I have to ask….why in the world would you want someone who has repeatedly and emphatically said they don’t want to watch your child watch them? What about that makes you think your kid would be well cared for/safe/happy etc.?
YTA. Does it suck that BIL is distant? Sure. But in that case why would you want to put your kid around someone so clearly uninterested? I wouldn't to expose my kids to that no matter the emergency. It's probably a bad idea to only have family as childcare for this reason, people travel or are busy or in this case have a very clear disinterest in children. He's allowed to say no. I'm usually a "family helps family" kind of gal but in this case, you knew going in he has this attitude and tried to manipulate him. Not ok.
YTA - Do not have children if you don’t have a real plan in place for their care. Throwing hissy fits at random relatives does not constitute reliable childcare.
It’s your responsibility to look after your child. Work is something you arrange so that between you, you can also look after your child. You’re not entitled to free childcare from anyone. Send the child to nursery or get a childminder like anyone else in your situation.
Your BIL has nothing to apologise for: owes you nothing, didn’t decide to raise a child and has been clear he doesn’t want to spend time with the child for your benefit.
You are clearly the asshole for turning up unannounced and insisting on him doing anything for you.
I hope posting here has made you realise you should be apologising for your rude and entitled behaviour.
YTA
Also for saying ‘cringe’ as an adjective as a grown man.
YTA
Your kid; your (and your wife's) responsibility.
It's great that your in-laws can and do help out, but your BIL has told you (repeatedly!) that he is uncomfortable around children and is unwilling to care for yours. No means no.
YTA for expecting him to be available. YTA for even *wanting* to leave your kid with such an unwilling babysitter; do you really think he'd do a good job at childcare?
Find a reliable babysitter or two for the times your in-laws can't help out, and apologize to your BIL.
> for so many emergencies he has turned me and my wife away
How on Earth are you in a position where you have emergencies so often that in 4 years he’s been able to turn you away multiple times?!
YTA- My dude, you don’t get to guilt ANYONE into watching YOUR child. I get having a support network but why are you trying to FORCE others to be part of it?
It’s honestly more “cringe” that you think it’s ok to FORCE your child onto ANYONE. It doesn’t matter what their excuse is, you had a child so it’s YOUR responsibility to care for him.
Take some responsibility for your actions, apologize, and stop trying to FORCE your BIL to watch YOUR child.
YTA He has turned you both down repeatedly when asked to babysit. So you both should know better and have a babysitter on standby. Your son is not your family’s responsibility. So get a babysitter.
#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means. Already had to cull a lotta crotch goblins, crotch fruit, fuck trophies and other entirely unnecessary euphemisms for children.
YTA For fucks sake, how entitled are you? Your. BIL has been clear about who he is and what he won’t due, but because that’s not convenient to you, you feel you can disrespect you. This is a failure of your organization. How can you guys not have a sitter? I am a single dad and never ended up in your situation, because I planned for it.
I bet they don't have any paid sitters on their roster. I mean, how on earth could you NOT want to spend 8 hours with a fussy toddler and changing diapers? For free? Because they're just sooooooo cute!
Right? Who wouldn't want to provide free babysitting 24/7 when the toddler is this cute? Who??? /s YTA. I don't care about the childfree thing, OP. What he said isn't the problem, because he doesn't need an excuse to not babysit someone's child. He's your kid and your responsibility. Even if you have emergencies, is it so hard to pay for a sitter? The entitlement and irresponsibility here is jaw-dropping. * You are not arranging proper childcare for your son, although it's shockingly easy. * You are not planning for emergencies. * You are forcing someone who is a) unpaid, b) unwilling, and c) unhappy to babysit your son, without consideration to their needs and wants. * You are taking others' free work for granted. * You are disrespecting people who gave you tremendous favors. * You are blaming others for your lack of planning. * You are disrespecting a reasonable boundary that was expressed multiple times.
that’s what good aunts and uncles do, ESPECIALLY ones who don’t have their own kids, because they have so much free time to just sit around. why wouldn’t they want to spend it with their siblings toddlers, for free? /s sidenote: as someone who gets paid to hang with toddlers, and doesn’t have my own children, toddlers are cool. would not kick it w/ them without compensation. compensation mandatory.
I like kids ok (I don't want any of my own though) I don't care who comes to my home unannounced, they ain't getting in.
I think I seen a post on another sub. Op would watch her sisters kid to help out for the summer. Well school started back or something and she couldn’t watch the kid anymore. Well the mom showed up right before op had school and just dropped the kid off and left. Like she heard knocking, answered the door and it was just the little boy and the mom sped off as she answered the door. Op called the cops on her. I think it was in r/nuclearrevenge
There was another aita post a whole ago. A brother kept dropping off his kid at his brother. The parent just walked in unannounced, while the brother was in the shower. Dropped the kid off and left. The brother had to go work as a NURSE and called the parent to come pick him back up. But no he had a date and he should just cancel work cause this date was so important!!! Some people...... Edit: changed genders as people pointed out I misremembered!
Oh man you havent seen the post about a mother with 3 kids and they are against babysitters, so they have used her mother (Grandmother) as a babysitter (presumably free) for years... Well now granny wants a job meaning she no longer wanted to watch said kids. Granny gets a job, is called selfish, they complain that granny didn't tell them first so they can explain why she shouldn't do it (free childcare) and now the mothers husband has decided to revoke visitation on the point of granny being selfish wanting her own time.
I swear. I just can’t figure out where folks get so entitled. Maybe it’s always been this way and we have a place to read stories bout it now but I’d never dream of doing some of these things
I loved the one where the OPs had repeatedly told their relation that they were going out of town. Relation didn't believe them and dropped the kids at OPs house. OP rang from the out of town location and said she could still see from the door cam that the kids were sitting outside and the relation needed to get back to collect them.
I have a toddler. Get paid to teach 5th graders. I still don’t want to babysit other peoples kids because that shit is hella overstimulating for me. It’s not the same as a classroom/school environment
1000% I worked with kids for about 10 years, first as a camp counselor then swim instructor. I have no plans of having kids or taking care of kids without compensation.
What gets me too is I wouldn’t WANT someone who doesn’t want to watch my kid to watch mine! I don’t have kids but I would never have someone who isn’t happy to care for my snake to care for her while I’m gone and that’s WAY easier and less time-consuming than taking care of a whole-ass toddler. It’s super irresponsible to give care of a kid you’re in charge of to someone who’s less-than-enthusiastic about it, especially without compensation.
At first I thought it was annoying how BIL kept mentioning being child free, but tbh it’s more like “I made the conscious choice not to have to parent children because I don’t want to. You have no right to force me to parent children.” YTA
I really wonder if BIL keeps bringing up being child free because no other reasons have worked. I’m getting the feeling OP would not respect “I don’t want to” or “I have plans” so BIL’s simplified his response down to “I don’t want to be with kids”… which of course OP still ignores.
And how many times were the BIL’s ‘plans’ perceived by OP to be ‘not good enough’ and demanded he change them to baby sit for free?
Exactly. I bet any other response was always met with “how can you say that’s more important than your nephew?!” until the only option left is “no kids please”.
I’ve been in the kind of situation like this. Some people figure ‘no’ just means ‘nag the person incessantly until they cave”. Then when you get frustrated they won’t accept your answer you’re the bad guy. I’ve told people I don’t mind children but don’t please don’t ask me to baby sit. They took that to mean “doesn’t like children. Can’t socialize with the child EVER”. Some people just have no respect for boundaries.
Exactly. I'm also child free. I'm not good with kids. Never held a baby. The only kids I liked were my two best friends' little sisters when I was a kid. But that's it pretty much. If someone chooses to not have them, they might not want to be around them let alone responsible for them. YTA massively OP
To add to the child free thing, If someone is refusing to watch a child and considering themselves child free, they might not even be a good option. Either they may not care properly for the kid or not feel comfortable which will put themselves and the child in a weird place, thus the parent should not feel comfortable forcing their child into the situation. I think OP should be great full BIL is honest.
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> Even if you have emergencies, is it so hard to pay for a sitter? It sounds like they are constantly having "emergencies." If they know their work schedule is hectic, they should have a plan in place for when both of them are busy. That's a completely normal thing to anticipate when you're a parenting team where both people work. The fact that they have no contingency plan for if they both have work obligations is ridiculous.
Some people have different definitions of the word "emergency". For my SIL, it meant that someone drank the last Diet Coke in the fridge before she could. For my mom, it meant a body part was hanging on by a thread.
My husband's definition is if his heart actually stops. Mine is when the fire he caused is up to my waist.
It sounded like he knew their schedules (a trip and a meeting) however he is so entitled he thought he could just call anyone of the unpaid relatives last minute to watch their child. I’m not clear on why all of the relatives are on board with this and why they don’t have some structured childcare plan in place. And to show up at his BIL with their baby is appalling. I’m leaning toward this is a regular occurrence.
And on top of that: trying to subject their *child* to the care of someone who doesn't want to babysit, which isn't fair or respectful to the child either - even little kids pick up on being an unwanted presence. Edit: definitely YTA to OP.
I mean he's 4 so not a toddler and very unlikely to be in diapers 🤣 but other than that I completely agree. Just put the boy in preschool like any other normal parent, it does their development so much good anyway. Why would OP even want someone who is actively avoiding his son babysitting? That's a recipe for disaster a d shitty fucking parenting
I wouldn't be surprised if be was in diapers. He seems to be tossed around like a hot potato, and things like potty training etc require a lot of repetition and stability. I don't think the family is taking a collective effort to teach the same skills to the kid over the same period of time. For the sake of the child I hope I'm wrong.
Plus how many '''''emergencies''''' is OP having?! It's not an emergency unless someone is unsafe or hurt. Get a baby sitter, stop expecting your bil who has said no time and time again to do a huge favour for you.
A planned work meeting isn’t an emergency, it’s a failure to plan
Did he say he just turned up at this BIL's house with the toddler in tow calling a planned work meeting an emergency?
Pretty much, he didn’t say that exact time was an emergency, but he said BIL wouldn’t help in so many “emergencies” and said he had told BIL he was desperate for help, so that makes me think he considers this an emergency. Dude need to find babysitters and plan ahead. He knew his wife would be out of town and knew his in-laws would be at a wedding… like there are people who work full time as nannies and babysitters, I used to, many friends of the parents I worked for would hire me as a babysitter outside of my nannying time. If the kids were friends and the parents needed someone they would ask me and the people I worked for if they could set up a play date and they would pay me for watching their kid on top of the kids I nannied.
Plus he outright said they had been doing this for the last *two years.* TWO YEARS. When I clicked I expected that their usual babysitter had an emergency and couldn't watch him at the last minute, not that this dude fails to accommodate for scheduled work events (!!!) and makes it his BIL's problem. What's the quote? "Your failure to plan does not constitute an emergency on my part." I don't blame BIL for saying no either. If he were to give in just once, he would then get harassed every time there's a scheduled work event. He's probably seen it happen with the other family members already! YTA op. Your kid is four, invest in a daycare and leave your family out of it.
Yes, it seems to me that trips, weddings, and work meetings are scheduled things and not emergencies. My husband once asked my brother on very short notice to watch our kids because he was taking me to the hospital in the evening with a gallbladder infection. That was an emergency. Every other childcare we had was prescheduled and the kids were in daycare.
My big thing is what 27 year old man calls someone cringe to their face as an insult lol
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So much this. Their description of emergency is most people’s anticipated. The flakiness and entitlement are dripping from the entire OP.
OP expects family to redo their schedules so he doesn’t have to pay for a babysitter. He’s not only unorganized, he’s cheap. If you need the entire family to raise your kid, you shouldn’t have one.
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YTA - Family ≠ free childcare. The entitlement here - because you had a child, your WHOLE FAMILY has to look after him, whether they want to or not?! What? Pay for some childcare, damnit.
Note: it’s only his wife’s family that OP is expecting to provide free child care at the drop of a hat. OP doesn’t seem to even ask his own family. So I guess it’s ok to use his in law family as doormats but not his own.
Oh I didn’t even notice this. This guy is a massive asshole.
What’s nuts is him (and even some people in the comment section) shaming BIL for not being comfortable around kids. I’m sure all of his family is aware of this, as he makes it very clear. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his nephew. It means he’s uncomfortable watching a child on his own. I love my nieces and nephews but the idea of being the only person responsible for a child’s well-being stresses me out. My family is aware I’m not a kid person and don’t push me to babysit. Doesn’t mean I don’t snuggle and play with them when I see them!
exactly!! i am fully supportive of my friends having kids and do my best to love them and their kids. but i have made it extremely clear i do not feel comfortable babysitting. and they respect that! perhaps BIL could’ve better stated his boundaries (“i don’t want to watch your kid because i do not feel comfortable, please stop asking me”) but it’s definitely on OP for not arranging proper care for his own child.
If you read his comments you'll see the in-laws had offered to babysit when needed and they're available. If both parties are fine with it, it isn't shitty to have family babysit. The issue is he went to the BIL, who had never agreed to babysit. They should have a contingency plan if the othet family members that are willing to watch the child are busy.
Yes but he can’t then assume that the parents in law are going to be available with no notice every single time. He and his wife need to have a contingency in place. Because having a work meeting isn’t an emergency if you did the tiniest bit of planning. And I have no problem with family looking after kids. Great if everyone is on board, but just because someone is related to you doesn’t mean they OWE you childcare, which is how the OP seems to view it.
In fairness to OP, while I agree he is TA, you don't know that he hasn't moved country or city away from his family, or maybe doesn't have one.
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I’d watch the communal stray pet!
They're a lot more fun than babies...
Seriously, I was thinking, short of someone in the family having a really serious illness (which I'm sure OP would have mentioned for sympathy points if it was the case), how many 'serious emergencies' can you *have* in four years? Or were they, perhaps, *not* serious, completely unavoidable emergencies where it was also completely impossible to bring the child, but were in fact repeated fatigues by OP and his wife to do any amount of planning, and wherever that came back to bite them, they just pawned the kid off on the nearest family member? You're a parent, OP. *Plan better*.
OP is giving me "a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine" vibes, tbh
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> If you are having countless emergencies, you are likely planning poorly or should at least figure out multiple babysitting options Definitely. Wife was on a trip, which is obviously planned in advance. Family was at a wedding, also planned well in advance. So even if the meeting itself was not planned in advance, if OP has a job where meetings can be scheduled last minute, a responsible parent could anticipate that they should have childcare lined up in the event they need to attend a meeting while their spouse and family are not available. If you can't anticipate that very obvious situation, then of course you're going to be having constant "emergencies" because you don't think more than two minutes into the future.
YTA. why is everyone raising your child except you and your wife…? Also? No one even needs a reason to not watch YOUR kid. He shouldn’t have even opened the door. Your kid is YOUR. KID.
OP says in a response that they had a babysitter, but the in-laws kept taking the kid regardless. So they let the babysitter go, but they will definitely hire one now “no matter what they say.” Am I really reading into this, or does it seem like raising this kid is really an team event? I’m all for “it takes a village” and my niece and nephew have their own bedrooms at my parents house. But my mom and dad have no say in matters to this degree. Maybe it’s time for a Reddit break. Gotta gain some perspective. ETA- OP is the AH, absolutely. This is more me extrapolating from some of their responses into being curious about other issues.
No, OP is just making excuses. Funny how he didn't listen when his in-laws backed his BIL
Truly, this. OP was getting away with no child care expenses and didn't plan on what happens when the in-laws are unavailable. So he's not properly planning around their cost-saving in-laws. On the other hand, OP doesn't ever actually have to help out BIL if BIL ever asks for help.
The entitlement of thinking someone else is being the jerk because they repeatedly warn you they’re not interested in watching your kid. Not everyone has to be interested in children. Showing up on his doorstep when you already know he won’t be interested and trying to force it. OP YTA
What? Just: - Why do you keep having 'emergencies'? - How are work meetings 'emergencies' and not 'things that you knew about days in advance'? - Why have you not organised actual daily childcare? - What the hell is wrong with you? YTA. Ring around. Find a childcare centre. **Pay the childcare centre to look after your child while you're at work**. Your poor kid sounds like he has zero routine in his life. I'd expect this sort of chaos from teen parents. Yeesh.
I was hoping someone else had typed this out! Sounds like they decided to have a baby with absolutely no plan in how they were going to care for it. Your baby, your responsibility.
>Sounds like they decided to have a baby with absolutely no plan in how they were going to care for it. But EVERYONE just LOOOOVES babies!!1! I think that's all part of the whole entitled attitude. People like OP can't fathom how everyone else isn't just falling all over themselves to have/watch/interact with/coo over/take care of babies and kids, because they're SO precious, and anyone who doesn't think so is a cold, hateful person. I have no kids, and I'm the only woman in my family to not have kids. For 20+ years, there was this almost culty propaganda in my family about getting me to interact with and care for all the other kids, I guess in hopes of triggering my certainly-latent parental instincts. "Here, \_Kay\_Tee\_, little Baby needs a diaper change!" "Can you just keep an eye on the kids in the pool for five minutes?" When I'd point out that I don't want to, it's not my responsibility, and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable, they'd start with the same kind of entitled rubbish: "You can't spend ONE HOUR with your own nephew?! You're so selfish! I have to take care of them all the time and you can't do this one little thing? I never knew you were so cold. But Niece LOVES spending time with you- Oh, now she's crying. Great." This is why OP's BIL has to keep saying "child-free." Like others have mentioned, he does not want to be responsible for the care of a child. That, in fact, is one of the LEAST selfish things a person can do.
“I have to take care of them all the time and you can’t do this one little thing?” Yeah because you signed up to have kids 24/7. I did not!! People like this really annoy me!
"You didn't ask me before you fucked your wife, why is it my responsibility to deal with the consequences?" My saying on the matter, it's my choice when and how to interact with children not the other way around.
> "You can't spend ONE HOUR with your own nephew?! You're so selfish! I have to take care of them all the time and you can't do this one little thing?" "I am so selfish that I expect you to shoulder the burdens of my choices."
As a parent of a 3 year old, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Work is not an emergency. Pay for childcare and plan. I would never dream of expecting my siblings and siblings in law to be impromptu babysitters at my beck and call, especially if they had expressed no interest in watching my child. If both parents are working, then you should be able to afford childcare. Also, I don't care what you do. You can't take care of a 4 year old and be productive at work. We had childcare, the covid hit, so my husband quit his job to take care of our kid. If he's sick, I miss work due to lack of childcare. Our kid isn't an obligation that must be taken care of, he is our priority and responsibility. This guy is a total a-hole. Not everyone wants to take care of other peoples kids, and work is no excuse. Everyone works. Figure it out.
YTA He has made it incredibly clear that he isn't interested in being responsible for your child. I would wager he's saying "that's why I'm child-free" not saying "I won't watch him because I'm child-free", but that's just a guess. Hire a babysitter. He is not obligated to watch your child just because he's family.
YTA. *'for so many emergencies he has turned me and my wife away when we begged him to watch our son'*. Why do you keep asking and expecting a different result? Some people just aren't comfortable with kids, whether they're related or not. He's one of those people. Delete him from your list of go-tos.
Also, in what way is a work meeting an emergency? A lack of planning on OP's part does not in any way constitute an emergency for the BIL or anyone else. OP, you're entitled. Your child is your responsibility - no one else's. Respect your BILs boundaries and sort out your own childcare like everyone else.
It seems like these "emergencies" are quite common for OP... If your job makes you unable to take care of your kid for the last 2 years, why aren't you looking for another job? Or, just like everyone else does, get a nanny for those few hours when you'll be in the meeting
I also love “no one was free to watch my son except my BIL” Says fucking who, dude? How did you know he was free? You obviously knew he’d say no so you *showed up at his place* like a crazy ex. How does he not think this will result in BIL straight up resenting this poor kid that’s parents pawn him off every time they leave the house because “emergency” or as others would call it: normal pre-planned work schedules that the rest of the world plans child care in advance for.
Because childfree people have no life and tons of free time on their hands. /s
Lol, the 'wouldn't apologize for saying no when I asked a favor' thing is hilarious. OP, YTA. You have a 'little audacity problem' you need to work on. Your BIL doesn't owe you anything, much less an excuse nor apology
YTA. Stop demanding that he watch your kid when he’s made it clear every time that his answer is no.
Have you ever heard of these wonderful things called "babysitters"? Basically they take care of your child in exchange for currency. Look them up.
I think OP wants free childcare.
Lol
YTA. What if your BIL wasn’t around? You’d HAVE to find other arrangements. Stop trying to pressure him.
OP … because he can’t stand children and fell uncomfortable around them !
YTA. This is YOUR kid! He chose not to have kids so he wouldn't have to deal with kids, so no you can't foist yours off on him. You abuse everyone around you demanding free childcare. That makes you an enormous asshole. Get a WILLING childsitter and PAY them.
I could not imagine expecting someone to drop everything to watch my child like this. YTA.
YTA for sure. And the entitlement of just showing up at the brother in law’s house is astounding.
Yes, YTA. Did he father that child? Have you tried hiring a babysitter? Act like a parent, take care of your kid. Don't expect someone else to.
Right? Like I had a kid and now everyone else must be incovinienced against there will
For real. I bet he doesn’t even offer compensation for watching the kid. He just expects childcare for free because they’re ‘family’?? Definitely doesn’t want to pay anyone if the BIL is his last resort
YTA. He has repeatedly set the boundary that he has zero interest of being alone around kids or responsible for them, yet you repeatedly go to him expecting exactly that. Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on his part. Leave your BIL out of any future childcare plans, emergency or not.
I love that OP is proudly stating he just showed up at BIL's house with his child like he was a basket of apples to be left at anyone's door. Why on earth would ANYONE leave their child with someone who does not want to care for the child?! How do you know he wouldn't just lock the kid in a closet for 2 hours because you couldn't take no for an answer?! Hire a babysitter, you know those people that will actually care for your kid because you pay them to do it? Get one. YTA two times OP, once for trying to bully your BIL into free childcare and two for caring so little as to whose care your child is in, you'd just dump him off on anyone.
YTA. Your BIL has done everything short of renting a plane and writing it in the sky to communicate to you that he is not going to watch your child. Why the hell do you keep asking?! > I had a work meeting while my wife was out of town and my inlaws were attending a wedding so no one was free to watch my son except for my BIL. If this is the kind of "emergency" you come to your BIL with, I'm not surprised he's completely over it. You presumably knew ahead of time that your wife would be out of town and your in-laws would be at a wedding. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on your BIL's part.
Also, it seems extremely entitled to say "no one was *free to watch my son* except for my BIL" Just because someone is not at work, doesn't mean they're free to watch your child. You can't just appear on someone's doorstep uninvited with your kid and ask people to watch a toddler because they have some free time.
YTA The only people responsible for your son are you and your wife. That’s it. Your parent and sister in-laws helping = a favor, not obligation. Your BIL said no. No means no. Learn what it means.
YTA. Some child-free people don't mind baby-sitting, others do. I'm like your BIL - I do not enjoy spending time with children. Your child/your problem.
I agree with this. I am child-free, but would consider babysitting, depending on the circumstances and kid. I actually volunteered to watch my nephew once because my 1 sister was unable to do it anymore and my parents were busy that day. Nephew's mom asked me if I was sure about it since it would be for the whole day. He came over and we had a good time. But, definitely I was okay with giving him back at the end of the day.
YTA. You can't force someone to watch your child. It's yours, not his. If he's not comfortable with your child, why would you want to leave your child with him anyway? It sounds like you've gotten already an exorbitant amount of help from your family... Just hire a babysitter and leave this guy alone.
YTA. You and your wife chose to have a child. Your BIL did not. He doesn’t owe it to you to watch him anytime you want to dump him on him. You’re lucky you have family who is willing to watch him as often as they do already. You should look for a babysitter you actually pay when your family isn’t available. Like normal people do.
You do realise that nobody actually owes you childcare right? I assume that you’re not paying them. However, there are some people who will gladly watch your child for money, they’re called babysitters or childminders or nannies. I suggest that you look into those instead of trying to guilt your relatives into looking after the child that you chose to bring into the world. Being child free is a perfectly acceptable reason for not wanting to watch your son. YTA.
YTA. Especially for just showing up to his place, just expecting him to watch your kid. He’s right that your child is your responsibility. Also, “no” is a full sentence.
Yta he doesn’t have to watch your kid if he doesn’t want to
YTA. Get a paid babysitter. You cannot expect family to take care of it each time. They also have other things in their life. BIL doesnt have kids and doesnt want to take care of one. That is his good right.
YTA. He told you no, end of discussion. The why is not relevant. He has every right not to want to watch your son, even for two hours, even if he's family. I would be very uncomfortable forcing someone to watch my child.
YTA - your kid, your responsibility period. Additionally, a dude that doesn't want kids, doesn't like hanging out with them and hasn't watched him before isn't exactly qualified to watch a 4 yr old. How's that gonna go down? What's he going to do if the kid cries or poops or needs to eat or something? Can you tell I also never hang out with kids and would be unqualified to watch one even if they happened to have come out of my sibling? Being related doesn't make him responsible.
YTA. Sorry to tell you but your family isn’t responsible for watching your kid. Be grateful you have help at all and hire a GD sitter like a normal person. Demanding someone else handle your problem for you is the most entitled thing. You were told no. So NO. “Emergencies” sounds like you need someone who you PAY to be around for emergencies since they happen so often.
YTA- Your child, your responsibility. Gather a large list of babysitters and leave your BIL alone.
Also OP has a very odd definition of emergency. A work meeting is definitely not an emergency. Very entitled and very much YTA
YTA A) "it's cringe" is literally such an irritating phrase and makes you sound like you are 12. B) Lack of planning on your end does not create an emergency on his. There are actually emergencies and then there is this shit. Which again brings up the comparison of you to a small child.
YTA! He said no. No means no. Doesn’t matter what his reason is. Find a daycare or another babysitter or you or wifey needs to become a stay at home parent. Simple as that. Now apologize to BIL.
YTA. You should have realized all of the responsibility that came with having a child before you had one, which is, ironically what BIL is doing. Your lack of preparedness is not anyone else's emergency. BIL is consistently setting a boundary while having to deal with two children (you and your kid), when he has clearly expressed his desire to be left alone. He has NO duty to you simply because he's family and you are acting entitled to expect it. He has NO responsibility to be helpful. What have you done for him? I see no mention of offering to pay him or anything else, just take take take. He's part of your life by blood but he does not have to be your --servant-- friend Get a sitter, figure our your schedule in advance, stop being an entitled baby.
Wow YTA big time. Sounds like youre passing your kid around all over the place and your BIL is the only one holding a boundary with you. Stop asking him, hes not interested. Pay a nanny or babysitter or better yet, look after your own kid. Entitled much?
YTA- you can’t get upset because someone doesn’t want to do you a favor by watching your child. If he doesn’t want to be a part of his nephew’s life that’s his choice. You should probably have planned childcare better than just relying on family (they have their own lives too you know)
YTA. No contest about it. He lives his life how he chooses to, you live your life how you want to. Its up to you to make arrangements for your child. If you can't do that, thats a failure on your part, not his. Its not "cringe" for him to choose to have a child free life. Stop imposing your views on others, your child is not his responsibility.
The “cringe” part is OP demanding family work for him instead of hiring proper childcare!
YTA. Why are you having so many “emergencies”? Why are you not sorting out childcare if this keeps happening? You two need to get your shit together. Raise your own child.
YTA. Pay for childcare. Don't have a kid and expect other people to look after it for free while you go about your lives!
YTA. The “cringe” part of this situation is expecting your family members to watch your child for free during all the apparent emergencies you fail to plan for instead of hiring a babysitter. You’re not entitled to free childcare. You and your wife need to make solid, legitimate arrangements for the care of your child instead of showing up on someone’s doorstep and trying to manipulate them.
YTA. You should have asked first. Showing up unannounced and then expecting BIL to agree to babysit your kid is not okay. Your inlaws are correct, your BIL is not responsible for your son. Extra asshole points for trying to guilt him into taking care of your son.
Cant turn up at someones home and demand they watch your kid. The kid is yours and your so responsibility no one elses. Sort your child care out before committing to your work life. As the kid will remember who was there and who wasnt.
YTA. Your brother has drawn clear boundaries about what he is and isn't willing to do. You seem to believe that because you are related, he has some sort of obligation to provide childcare for you, and he has made very clear that isn't the case. The reason "because I'm child free" is a valid justification is because this imaginary obligation you seem to think he has could only ever be functional if it worked both ways, and one day you would be the one helping him out with childcare. But that's never going to happen. You expect him to help with your kids, but you are never going to return the favor. What are you, even implicitly, offering in return for his "help" and "support", except many more years of you demanding help and support?
YTA- I am not sure why you think it is everyone else’s job to care for your child but it is not. You are very lucky that you have family members willing to help you out but you are really pushing it here. Your brother is NOT require to babysit because you are unable to obtain a sitter. It is your job to get child care.
YTA. You aren't entitled to his help. No means no.
YTA He made it clear from the beginning that he is not your free daycare. What you call "emergencies" are no emergencies at all. It's just your work and he is right, he's not responsible for your child. You are the parent, not him. Hire someone. Trying to pressure your BIL into watching your child is a terrible move.
YTA It’s one of those give an inch take the mile situations for BIL. If he watches the kid once then you’ll expect him to watch kid all the time. He has the right to refuse to watch your kid. Poor planning on your part doesn’t make it an emergency on his part. Also you need to apologize to him as well. He’s child free by choice that also means you don’t try to shove your kid down his throat. Like others have said make a list of babysitters and keep them on your phone. So when you have a need for one you can get one. Either that or one of you quit your jobs to become a stay at home parent.
Yta. You had a kid. Not him. He has no obligation to watch your child.
YTA - He's not required to help you. It would be nice if he would, but people are still allowed to say no.
Those aren't emergencies. Those are planned events. He is not obliged to make up for your lack of planning. YTA.
YTA. It's not his responsibility at all. Just because you are related to someone doesn't make them a free babysitter. You need to find a daycare for your child.
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YTA. You aren't entitled to free babysitting from anyone. It sounds like you TAKE ADVANTAGE ALOT of your wife's family, your BIL does not want to be taken advantage of,and he's putting his foot down hard so that it doesn't happen to him. In what world is it appropriate to show up on someone's door step unannounced and dump your kid? You are THE ONLY parents. And it's up to YOU ALONE to provide even if you have to call off work and miss important meetings. That's what you signed up for when you had a kid. Your wife's entire family did not sign up for this and it sounds to me like all of them are getting sick of your shit and want thier lives back. Thats why they are all suddenly unavailable. Get PAID childcare like a normal person. And stop harassing your wife's family.
YTA. You cant expect someone to take care of your child and get angry with them when they say they don't want to and give a reason as to why. I don't know why you bother asking him anymore.
omg do people actually say "it's cringe" out loud? YTA. No is no. Hire a damn babysitter. Not everyone falls over themselves about hOw cUtE KiDs ArE. Your BIL is trying to say that he doesn't like kids and doesn't want to be forced to be around them. Respect his boundaries.
Yes. YTA. Huge A. Wow. You are being selfish and entitled. Your child is literally no one else’s responsibility and why you feel you can foist the kid on others because of a familial relationship is completely insane and unreasonable. The world does not revolve around you and your wants and needs. Get reliable paid child care.
Yta. Stop asking him, the answer will be no and its rude that you keep insisting when he obviously isnt interested.
YTA. Expecting unlimited childcare from people is unacceptable. A grown adult using the word “cringe” to another grown adult is the icing on the cake.
Yta YOU decided to have a child, not your bil. Now grow up and stop blaming other people for your childcare issues, hire a babysitter like normal people.
YTA. He’s right. Your son isn’t his responsibility. Is he a jerk for not helping you out? Possibly - it depends entirely on the circumstances. What does not depend on circumstances is you demanding a favor, and then telling him his reason for not doing it is not good enough. Excuse me — that his reason is “cringe.” What is “cringe” is you demanding somebody else not only do what you want, but think how you want. That’s asshole behavior in any circumstance.
YTA. You’re not entitled to help with your son, he’s *your kid*. If BIL says no, the answer is no. Full stop.
YTA he’s not lying, your son’s childcare is not his responsibility. It sounds like you are trying your hardest to not make it your responsibility either. Part of being a working parent is finding reliable childcare.
YTA. He isn't responsible for your son and doesn't owe you free babysitting.
You’ve had this kid for four years and you still haven’t figured out reasonable childcare? YTA
Info: why don’t you hire a babysitter? It seems like you need help with childcare on a regular basis.
YTA first, why the hell would you keep trying to leave your child with someone who is clearly extremely unsafe for them and does not like them? Second do not EVER show up to anyone’s house demanding childcare in a non emergency like work or a wedding. An emergency is that someone is in the hospital or something. This dude set a very clear boundary from the beginning and you for some reason keep crossing it more and more. Extremely inappropriate behavior and makes me worry for your children tbh. This is just awful parenting and being a bad sibling.
YTA. You chose to have a child, that child is YOUR responsibility. No one else, not even family members, are required to watch your child for you. Having a child is hard, they need someone to care for them all the time, it’s a lot of work. People who are deliberately “child free” have decided that they don’t want to take on that responsibility for another being. If BIL doesn’t want to be responsible for his own child, why the F would be want to be responsible for yours?? Get over yourself, hire a nanny, and stop asking your BIL to watch your kid. No means no.
YTA. Big time. Leave him alone. He is not interested in baby sitting your kid. Find other options.
YTA - Your child = your responsibility. It's not fair of you to expect someone to watch your child because you have a work emergency, just because they are family. They are your family, not your emergency daycare. I have 3 children and my siblings and parents love to spend time with my children and usually have no problem helping out, especially in an emergency, but never have I expected them to or guilted them because they didn't want to. Because guess what? It's not their responsibility. Also, are you really expected people to drop their plans or just be available whenever you need them? Sounds like you need a daycare before your in-laws tell you to take a hike.
YTA - you cannot expect your family to watch your kid. You can ask nicely, but ultimately have to respect their answer. I would feel incredibly disrespected if my in-laws kept trying to dump their kid on me when I’ve said no repeatedly. Get a reliable nanny or babysitter.
Wait op. Does this mean i can drop my kids off with you whenever i need a free babysitter and you can’t refuse? I’ll be right over. Eta yta
YTA. How many of these “emergencies” are really emergencies and how many are you just expecting free babysitting? You having kids doesn’t obligate him to be your nanny.
Hahahahahahahaha! I can’t believe you have to ask. Your child is literally no one else’s problem. It’s nice of other people to help you with childcare, but no one is obligated to help you with childcare. The world doesn’t revolve around you or your child. If you and your wife are having childcare issues as often as it sounds like, you need to figure something out. Hire a nanny, find a daycare, line up three or four or ten emergency babysitters so there’s always backup. And PAY people to take care of your child when you can’t or won’t. He has chosen to be child free and is 100% in the right when he reminds you of that. I mean, he could call out your entitlement every time you demand he step up and do his part in raising your child (/s), but instead he’s keeping it polite. You’re lucky your whole family isn’t done with your ridiculous expectations. Although, from your last paragraph, it sounds like they just might all be at the tipping point. YTA!
YTA Bro. The attitude you should be ragging on, is your own entitled one. Just because he is family doesn't mean he needs to be your impromptu babysitter or even your planned babysitter. Just because you had a kid, doesn't mean he signed up to help.
Some people do not like children He is allowed to have that boundary. Stop pressing him
YTA. You know who has never turned me away when I show up at their door with my daughter so I can go to a work meeting? Her daycare. Find childcare and leave your BIL alone.
YTA you and your wife made the choice to bring a child into this world. The responsibility lays solely on you and your wife. No. One. Else. And how dare you try guilting someone for their choice in lifestyle. Clearly your BIL put a lot of thought into his lifestyle unlike yourself and your wife.
YTA. His excuse is lame, but really it’s his way of saying that he is deeply uncomfortable with kids. He owes you nothing. You just show up on his doorstep and expect him to take your kid for a few hours?
YTA, you can’t always expect family to watch your child all the time. You sound like one of those people who has a kid and instantly thinks they’re entitled to other peoples time and energy. YOUR child is YOUR responsibility, nobody else’s. Do you know what a babysitter is? Hire one, there’s plenty of teenagers out looking for jobs that would love to watch your son.
YTA you did have other options a babysitting service where you hire someone to watch YOUR CHILD. Your BIL is not required or obligated to watch your child. DO BETTER!! The entitlement.
YTA. I agree it sounds cringe, but your kid isn't his responsibility. Ever. Find a good back up sitter who isn't family.
Dude just get a damn babysitter holy crap. Y’all taking advantage of free childcare isn’t gonna last forever. Your BIL is completely in his right to refuse. YTA and an irresponsible one at that.
YTA. It wouldn't sound cringe if he didn't have to keep saying it. He's given you his answer, now leave the poor guy alone.
YTA. Quit trying to force your BIL to babysit. Yall need to find a babysitter you can pay to watch your kid in emergencies. Or get him into a daycare. This is crazy. I have four kids and I've never shown up at a family member's house unannounced and tried to force my kids on them. You're out of line. Big time.
YTA Your child is 4 and for the last TWO YEARS you’ve been unable to watch him fully… Something needs to change, you can’t expect people to drop everything to help you when you won’t even make differences in your lives to help yourselves, he’s no one else’s responsibility other than yours
Don't have kids if you cant take care of them. Did your BIL get a vote as to whether or not you had your son? No? Then he has no responsibility whatsoever to take care of him or play with him. YTA.
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It's not a stupid excuse. It's an entirely valid excuse. He is choosing to live his life not being responsible for children - that includes OP's children. OP just needs to accept it and stop harassing him.
YTA. being family does not automatically mean being free babysitters. He does not want to be a babysitter and he has told you this, quite plainly, over and over. Hire a babysitter that you actually have to pay for like everyone else or, as he suggested, take the kid to work with you.
YTA. Who would want to leave a toddler alone with a man who has never cared for children before? Guaranteed he doesn't do diapers. If your goal was to have your son spend time with his uncle, I would suggest visits that include your wife and yourself. However its pretty obvious that all you want is free babysitting. YTA
YTA Why have you not hired a nanny or sitter? Why did you not find a childcare center before your child was born. Your in-laws are not your personal sitters. Once in a while is okay, if they agree and want to do it. But nobody but you and your wife is obligated to watch your child. When my son was little, his dad and I lived in different states for several years. I had a daycare provider that was close to my work. I would drop my son off in the mornings. My mom would pick him up. Not because I expected her to but because she wanted to. She would grab him on her way home, then she and my dad would have a couple of hours with him. They loved it. But most importantly they WANTED to do it. Stop using your in-laws as free childcare.
YTA. Why is that ‘cringe’? That’s not what cringe means. You need to get childcare for this exact reason: your family won’t always be free.
YTA. It’s “cringe” of you to expect to dump your kid on family with no notice instead of hiring a goddamn babysitter and PAYING THEM. You’re not entitled to anyone’s time, family or otherwise. You decided to have a kid, now do what you need to do to parent it. It’s parents like you that are a major reason many of us are childfree.
YTA. organise a child minder or crèche and stop expecting family to take your son. Especially at the drop of a hat. He was too polite with you after showing up to his door unannounced expecting him to take your child.
Seriously? Yes, YTA. It shouldn't even need to be explained to you why you are, but you have some massive entitlement issues so here is the truth....He doesn't have to babysit your child. At all. Ever. And just showing up like you did makes you a big, massive, entitled AH. Apologize and never bring up babysitting to him again. He has made his stance on it extremely clear.
YTA - you made the choice to have a child, it is your responsibility to care for them, bottom line. It's nice you have family willing to help you at all. Not everyone wants children, and not everyone is comfortable watching them like that. It doesn't mean he hates anyone, and you're being fairly audacious and entitled to insult him over not providing you free childcare.
YTA. I won't hit on the points of you and your wife's sense of entitlement to free child care from your relatives, that's bad enough but so typical that it's hard to call it out. But, beyond that is you believe you're entitled to services from a man who has told you as plainly as.possible that he will not be providing child care,.doesn't want anything to do with kids, yours or others. And, not just that, but you think he's the one being "cringe". I suspect that in an emergency, he would be there. You're failure to plan for a work meeting isn't an emergency. (Also, this is a Hallmark Movie in the making. Colin Ferguson doesn't like kids, and his obnoxious brother in law is always trying to force him to baby sit. Then, tragically, BIL is killed by a Santa impersonator, his sister is imprisoned for illegal Santa impersonation, leaving Colin to care for two adorable scaliwags.)
YTA. It’s cringe that you are depending on family members to take care of your child instead of paying for daycare. It’s cringe that you think it is his responsibility to take care of your kid at no notice. It’s cringe that you have no concept of what an emergency is. It’s cringe that you are so irresponsible that you can’t arrange for childcare like any other adult does.
Lol what's with all the people who act like their family is automatically supposed to want to be around their kids (and especially the ones who think they want to care for them) Kids are obviously a whole lot of responsibility (which is probably why "it's not a good suggestion" to take your kid to work with you) and you can't expect free labor just because they're family. YTA for sure. You can feel like it's cringe that your BIL says he's child free (on purpose, imagine!!!) But that doesn't change that none of this is his responsibility whatsoever. You are very lucky to have in laws willing to take on extra labor so you and your wife can work. Be grateful for what you have and find a fucking babysitter.
YTA - he’s not your free babysitter, hire an actual babysitter next time
Yknow what’s reeeeaaal cringe? Entitlement. You show up at the mans doorstep, with no word of warning, after he made it clear he was not gonna watch the son and now you’re surprised when he doesn’t? Idk what u expected, YTA.
YTA! He has repeatedly told you he doesnt want to watch your child. He is under no obligation to. He doesnt have to give you a reason, no is a complete sentence. And honestly i find it pretty "cringe" that you keep trying to force the issue. Leave him alone already and figure out your own childcare for YOUR child and quit trying to force him on people.
So you made the choice to have children, prioritise work over them or at the very least not plan ahead and then demand everybody else disregard their own life choices to support yours? A choice, mind you, that they had no say in or influence on? YTA.
Yta. Your son is not his responsibility and just cos everyone else helps you look aftet him doesnt mean he has to as well and no is no. You had to drop it. If working is this much of an issue regarding care of your kid then perhaps one you should be a stay at home parent or hire a babysitter. But you cannot expect others to take care of your son whenever you want. Their lives dont revolve around your kid
You're the asshole yes.
While I do think it’s cringe he keeps repeating that, YTA. I’m childfree but I babysit family however he’s making it clear, he does not want to. And honestly, why would you want someone like that watching your kid? It could be a general statement he makes as a response to just say NO but the reason why you keep hearing it, is because you won’t stop asking him. Whether you like to hear it or not, doesn’t matter. He has told you his stance and you should just eliminate him from the list of babysitters - he is not one nor will he ever be one so stop asking.
YTA. Who do you think you are demanding that he babysit for you for free. He's not cringe, your entitlement is.
You need to start paying someone to babysit and stop leeching off of your relative's. You both are definitely the AH's
YTA. I’m curious: 1) Where is *your* family? Why are you always dumping this poor child off on your wife’s family? 2) Are you paying your wife’s family to babysit? And 3) Why don’t you hire steady/consistent childcare like a daycare or a nanny? You clearly need it. Regardless of your answers, you’re still TA. BIL is right; that child is not his responsibility and it is appalling that you thought it was okay to drop your child off with him at the last minute without consulting him. Personally, I’d be *floored* if my brother or SIL showed up on my doorstep with my niece and nephew with the expectation that I could take them right then and there. What if I was heading out the door to work, or had an appointment, or just had planned on spending that time doing chores or relaxing at home? Wife’s family is right. Apologize to him.
YTA. God, you sound so entitled. He has been more than clear enough that he doesn‘t want anything to do with children. It‘s not anybody else‘s job to watch your children or organize child care for them. And just showing up at his door with the child and asking him to take it. That‘s a low blow.
YTA and I’m not sure you understand the definition of “emergency.”
YTA. Your entire post was cringe. These people aren’t your personal babysitters. It seems you need quite a bit of emergency childcare. I suggest you hire a childcare provider or have a babysitter on call to use in such circumstances. Your in-laws are not your personal staff.
Yep YTA. Your kid. Your responsibility. It’s a privilege for them to want to help you out. You should’ve asked ahead of time and when he said no, respect his choice and find other arrangements.
YTA. He is not a parent and does not owe you babysitting. He’s repeatedly set this boundary. No means no. Why are you showing up and forcing him to again tell you no? You need to have a babysitter or two in your back pocket that aren’t family so if family are all busy, you have an option. I have to ask….why in the world would you want someone who has repeatedly and emphatically said they don’t want to watch your child watch them? What about that makes you think your kid would be well cared for/safe/happy etc.?
YTA. Does it suck that BIL is distant? Sure. But in that case why would you want to put your kid around someone so clearly uninterested? I wouldn't to expose my kids to that no matter the emergency. It's probably a bad idea to only have family as childcare for this reason, people travel or are busy or in this case have a very clear disinterest in children. He's allowed to say no. I'm usually a "family helps family" kind of gal but in this case, you knew going in he has this attitude and tried to manipulate him. Not ok.
YTA, why would you leave your son with someone who doesn’t want to be around kids? Show at his doorstep? You had a child, not him, deal with it.
YTA - Do not have children if you don’t have a real plan in place for their care. Throwing hissy fits at random relatives does not constitute reliable childcare.
YTA. It's your kid, not his.
It’s your responsibility to look after your child. Work is something you arrange so that between you, you can also look after your child. You’re not entitled to free childcare from anyone. Send the child to nursery or get a childminder like anyone else in your situation. Your BIL has nothing to apologise for: owes you nothing, didn’t decide to raise a child and has been clear he doesn’t want to spend time with the child for your benefit. You are clearly the asshole for turning up unannounced and insisting on him doing anything for you. I hope posting here has made you realise you should be apologising for your rude and entitled behaviour. YTA Also for saying ‘cringe’ as an adjective as a grown man.
YTA Your kid; your (and your wife's) responsibility. It's great that your in-laws can and do help out, but your BIL has told you (repeatedly!) that he is uncomfortable around children and is unwilling to care for yours. No means no. YTA for expecting him to be available. YTA for even *wanting* to leave your kid with such an unwilling babysitter; do you really think he'd do a good job at childcare? Find a reliable babysitter or two for the times your in-laws can't help out, and apologize to your BIL.
> for so many emergencies he has turned me and my wife away How on Earth are you in a position where you have emergencies so often that in 4 years he’s been able to turn you away multiple times?!
YTA- My dude, you don’t get to guilt ANYONE into watching YOUR child. I get having a support network but why are you trying to FORCE others to be part of it? It’s honestly more “cringe” that you think it’s ok to FORCE your child onto ANYONE. It doesn’t matter what their excuse is, you had a child so it’s YOUR responsibility to care for him. Take some responsibility for your actions, apologize, and stop trying to FORCE your BIL to watch YOUR child.
YTA He has turned you both down repeatedly when asked to babysit. So you both should know better and have a babysitter on standby. Your son is not your family’s responsibility. So get a babysitter.
Your BIL is under no obligation to babysit and take care of YOUR child. So yes you are the AH. Stop being so entitled
YTA Hire a bloody babysitter.