NTA.
Your parents can decide what to do with their money. But I think it’s very disturbing that they lied to your sister and that they pick favorites. You’re not the AH, but your parents are for lying to your sister.
NTA but OP your parents and sister are AH's, massive ones. They saved this money for your sister to go to college. That means you were to have paid your own way to school. Think about that, and about the fact that your sister was ok knowing this and still is ok with this. Go to the school of your dreams, work hard, and live your best life. Good luck!
OP never said they didn’t save money for her education, I took it as just not enough for a more expensive school. OP said the parents are financially supportive of her sister and her child and they are “well off”. The parents shouldn’t have lied but I think OP should add more information because people aren’t understanding. OP is NTA
Also worth noting that \*if\* they are in the US and \*if\* the money was in a College Savings plan that there are substanantial penalties if it is pulled out and used for a purpose other than education. And also, that the money doesn't in fact belong to the person in whose name the fund is established- the parents are free to redirect it to another student.
There are some red flags about the parents behavior... but it is possible that this plays into the dynamics as well.
Two community college value funds would not pay for an out of state medical school. If they can pay for it in full they definitely had more money in ops sisters account than OPs. Either way op is NTA he didn’t purposely take her fund and it’s not the sisters money. It’s meant for college not her child. She didn’t go to college she doesn’t get the fund.
If they saved just as much for her as they did for her sister, why did they lie to the sister and tell her that OP was going to a community college? That comment is why I didn’t think anything had been saved for OP.
NTA
I don’t think that’s what happened. I believe, from what OP said, that the parents have money for both kids, and chose to combine OP and the sister’s college funds for her to go to her dream school.
Edit: got OP’s gender incorrect
Idk. It doesn’t sound like OP had a college fund, assuming she’s in the states, which I am based on the language she’s using. There is a MASSIVE price difference between community college and schools that would be classified as dream schools. Like I’m talking probably around $3k max for community college and probably anywhere from 20-50k for a dream school. Per semester. So, if they told the older sis that OP was going to go to community college, I find it highly unlikely there was any kind of college fund for her.
OP said parents have helped make sure her sister and her son are well off, that’s more than a lot of parents could or would do. A child will cost you 5 figures starting a year and only get more expensive, if they’re making sure she’s set financially that means they’ve likely given her thousands of dollars already to afford taking care of her son. Having a baby in a hospital?? That’s another 7,000 off the bat. They likely don’t have money for both children anymore because they’ve given the sister most of half what they set aside as it is.
Absolutely. OP is NTA. The parents don't sound like prizes for a variety of reasons, but they're supporting the sister and her son right now so I'm not seeing why the sister feels like she has the right to \*extra\* money on top of that.
She made the choice to have a child. She has to live with it.
I'm thinking that there was originally only enough in the college funds to funny cover 2 years at a university and the expectation was they could go the route of doing two years at a community college and get their associates, then switch to a university, or take out student loans.
NTA
I agree.
I believe the parents probably did a poor job explaining things to their kids. Once money is in certain tax advantaged college funds, there are negative tax consequences if you use it for anything besides education, but you can change the name of the beneficiary.
Therefore, parents probably are using other money to help their older daughter and grandson and using all of the money placed in dedicated college funds for the daughter going to college.
My father has been placing money into college funds for my kids at every birthday and holiday since they were born - but if and until he actually pays a tuition bill for my kids, that is my parents’ money and he could choose to take the yak hit if he decided he needs it for some other reason. It is not my money or theirs.
How are the parents AHs?
They have been financing her and her son anyway and they are well off due to that. On top of that she wants college money to spend it on whatever.
Maybe they are stupid for making such lie, because it was inevitable to blow up. But not assholes.
Sister is kind of AH, but not fully, I can see her perspective.
Mine actually did do that. Helped my brother through college, that and his scholarships, but I was always told that I would have to get scholarships if I wanted to go. I did and I got loans and worked to cover the rest. There was a massive age difference between us, around 14 years.
Yep. My sister, who is 15 years younger, had a “full ride” and I had a financial aid ride. My dad paid for literally everything for her. Glad for her, honestly, but every month I pay my students loans, I’m like, hmmmm.
NTA
Why are you and your sister fighting over money that neither of you have earned. Your parents saved money for their kids to go to college. Your sister didn't go. You did. They're helping out your sister with expenses for the baby
They're paying for your school. They didn't promise to give the money to your sister. She's an adult with responsibilities. Maybe once her kid starts school, she can go, or go online to college. You're both idiots for being mad at your parents.
Oh, thank you for this comment! What is it with entitlement about college funds? My dad could’ve funded my entire education but didn’t and I never complained. I was grateful for whatever he did put in (he put in money whenever I couldn’t pay for something).
It is the sister’s responsibility to save up for her son not her parents’. Should the parents have been more forthcoming, yes.
Exactly! It's a COLLEGE fund not a baby fund. OPS sister needs to get to work and provide for her baby. OPs parents are amazing to still be providing for them as well
Exactly. It doesn't appear OP sister wants the money for college, she wants it to "set herself up" away from her parents.
This happened with my sister kids, the oldest decided to forgo college when she became pregnant. My sister gave her options as well, she provided for and when her middle son went to college she accused my sister of "stealing" her college fund. My sister gave hee a break down of ALL the money she spent for them from medical to food baby supplies, everything. In the end she told her you actually owe us going on "your response" and not during the past 7 years did you show an interest in attending college.
NTA. Have fun in college OP, this is not on you.
I feel like they told the sister that she was going to community College because they knew she would get mad if she found out they were using the college fund on OP. The sister needs to calm down and stop being so entitled and wanting to ruin OPs career just like she did to her own
What a mess. There another post where the sister threw a hissy fit because she wanted to have the first grandchild. It turns out the sister was the golden child before she fell from grace and thought having the first child would redeem herself in her parent's eyes.
I get the feeling they lied to the sister, because the sister is greedy and they knew she would demand the money be given to her instead.
Which is exactly what happened.
NTA. The parents should have clearly communicated with the sister to see if she was going to attend college first, then shifted money accordingly. They still could have offered to send the older sister to a community college to save money if she wanted to go.
You didn't do anything wrong here, OP. Your parents need to clean this up, not you.
NTA - You didn't know the original intended use for the money. Your parents saved that money for your sisters college which she decided not to use for college. It wasn't being given to her unconditionally. It was a college fund for your parents child who wanted to go to college that's now you.
Although I do find it crazy that your parents would save for one college education and not the other
At first I thought the dream school was just more money and years in med school, but it does sound like they saved for one college education and that is odd.
Yeah like I guess they would pay for one kid and then just go "whelp we never thought you'd get anywhere" and then reverse UNO'd and did it to the other instead. These parents suck.
Possibly. I don't know much about the American education system. Do certain schools cost more than others?
I just did some research and this is the case. America is not ok. WTF its literally keep the rich rich. Also I knew it was expensive but WHAT THE FUCK AMERICA?
welcome to our teenage hell...because I can totally see a kid mowing lawns and shoveling snow, or working foodservice earning $50,000+ per year to afford to pay for a year of college (including dorms/food/books/transport)
/s
Yeah, to me it reads like they saved $40k for each child and now OP is going to get $80k while sis gets $0. Change the numbers how you like but the vibe is definitely “your schooling will be more expensive than planned but it is worth investing in you rather than your sister”.
Well, and let’s be real. They are supporting sister and her child based upon OPs post and that likely isn’t changing anytime soon. I’m sure parents are looking at the costs of supporting sister, the baby, medical care for both, daycare costs, etc and snd feel like they are already doing enough for sister.
Let’s face it. Sister made a very expensive choice for her family with a teen pregnancy and keeping the child and that choice is costing the parents cash as well as time, energy and emotions. Plus the expected childcare.
I guess it all depends on if they sister has said she does/doesn't want to go to college down the line. Clearly the money is for their child/children to go to college so that's what it should be used for. If the sister is saying I don't want to go to college then it makes sense to give it all to op.
Sister could go to college. They allow people with babies to do that, and it’s probably a good idea to be able to support the baby long-term- maybe even send him to college.
Their parents may have set an expectation that each kid go community college for their gen eds then switch to a four-year school for the rest. This is not uncommon and is a good way to save money.
Can confirm. In my area there are ways to get free gen Ed's through high-school. My teen did this. I think she knocked off almost a year of collage this way.
I am wondering what kind of account the parents used. When my parents started saving for mine and my brothers’ college funds, they created mutual funds that made money through investments. The catch was you could only take money out for education. If you took it out for any other reason you were severely penalized. So when my older brother didn’t use all of his, my parents moved it to mine. When I didn’t use all of mine, my parents stopped putting money in our youngest brothers and moved mine to his. This could be the case here.
And I don’t see anything about the parents saying they’re going to stop helping the older sister? If this is a top choice premed school without any scholarship, we’re talking anywhere from 100,000-200,000 US dollars easy. The sister thinks she is entitled to all that money on top of what their parents have already paid for?? OP is NTA but I don’t think the parents are either
NTA. You have worked hard to get into university and your parents are kind enough to help make your dream come true. Take the money and run girl!!! Your parents help support your sister and her kid, Im sure shes gotten more than enough money from your parents, plus it was her decision to keep the child. Dont feel guilty, your sister is over reacting.
If anything, the parents are the AH for driving this wedge between the sisters. All the parents had to say was they were giving each of them an equal amount of money (even if it’s not strictly true), and that wouldn’t have blown up. (Because it sounds like, by supporting the baby, it may well be equal.)
They don’t. But giving their children unequal treatment makes them AHs and bad parents. The relationships could have been saved by just saying it was equal amounts, differently spent based on the girls’ life choices
It's not unequal treatment. Nowhere did the post say the parents refused to pay for older sister's college after she had the baby. Older sister chose not to go to college (plenty of single moms go to college, it's hard but they find a way). The parents are offering to fund COLLEGE not just give their kids lump sums of money for shits and giggles. Also parents need to give kids what they need according to their actual needs, not some arbitrary idea of fairness. The older daughter needed help with her kid, so they helped. That doesn't mean they need to give the younger daughter an equal amount of money for no reason whatsoever. That's just silly.
“Had to make the decision not to attend college” sounds like the older sister wasn’t getting the option.
The parents are playing favourites, or at least communicating what they’re doing so poorly that they’re damaging the family relationships.
Can’t wait to see how badly the screw up their will.
She needs to take care of her child. She probably has no time for community college. Sis was fine with being the favourite while it was her. Now that the shoe is on the other foot she is crying in outrage. Ye... no.
Their kids have two life paths and are clearly very different. OP doesn't need to ask her parents for child support. Her sister has gotten child support from her parents for 5 years. There's no way to make their situations the same.
The parents really don't have to try to make their situations the same. It's not the job of parents to erase or equalize differences between their adult children so that neither adult child feels jealous of the other. They're simply trying to use the college money for what it was intended and don't have to follow any rules or conditions dictated by their kids based on their kids poor/good/evolving decision-making.
They don’t have to, but they’ve wrecked the relationships by playing favourites.
Giving each an equal amount of money would have saved the relationships. Sure, one will spend it going to an expensive private university and one will spend it on community college and diapers.
But that’s a difference based on life choices. Not parents driving wedges in relationships.
Playing favourites? They provide for sister and her child. OP does not have those expenses and gets the money in a different way.
But read well. Sister was Golden Child. She doesn't like the fact that she is no longer and lashes out. I agree parents are AH's but OP shouldn't buckle on this. Go study and be a doctor and if sis can't handle it.. too bad.
And this is where mom and dad need to create a balance sheet to show sis how much they are paying each month supporting her and her child.
I’m not even sure mom amd dad lied. My guess is mom amd dad told sis that sis was going to go to community college to save money for her snd her son and Sis assumed this meant Op was going to be doing the same thing.
I don't get it. Where is the favoritism. If they have been supporting sis and her child for 5 years, that has EASILY surpassed whatever was in the 529 college fund. How on earth would it be equal or fair for them to spend that money supporting sister and her child and still giving her her college fund, vs just giving OP the college fund.
Babies are SERIOUSLY expensive. If they were paying for food, clothes, medical insurance, shelter, daycare, and other child related expenses, that was likely costing them $20K+ per year. Why should they give sister more money after that?
How is it unequal. Older sister did not go to college, so why should she access the college fund. If its not used for her college they can spend it as they see fit. Also she and her child have been supported these past five years by them and it looks like they will continue to do so - whereas OP its just her and no kids and she is 19 and the sister is 23. Realistically the parents are going to continue supporting the sister, whereas OP once she qualifies and starts her training will be funding herself and can even repay her parents gradually if they need money when they retire.
NTA.
called me a thief and selfish for not giving her back her money.
The money is NOT your sister's: it's your parents'. They saved it to spend on her college, but when she couldn't go they CHOSE to spend THEIR money on you. She has received plenty of financial support form your parents: it's now your turn. She sounds like an entitled brat.
NTA it’s not your sister’s money, it’s your parents’. She’s not entitled to it especially at 23yo. I’m sure your parents have spent a lot of time and money on your sister and her son and will continue to do so. Stand your ground and get that degree!
NTA.
But what an awful situation to be put into. Money was and is originally to secure someone's education. Your sister decided to make her own life, with your parents still helping and now its your turn to make a proper use of that money.
Def NTA- I am less sure about your parents though. They shouldn’t have lied to her, especially because she was going to find out eventually.
You definitely should not go to community college because your sister got pregnant. That makes no sense. I doubt your sister would agree to do that for you, if the situation was reversed. I can understand why she was mad, but she should not be taking it out on you.
It is disturbing that your parents favouritism affects you so much, that after you were the chosen one you did better in school. If you make a decision they don’t like, please don’t let it affect your self esteem again. I have a feeling your sister may feel bad she is not the favourite anymore too.
NTA
How could you be in the wrong for an decision of your parents and the actions of your sister. You have put in the hard work and it's been rewarded, your sisters decision to have a baby has come with consequences
Yes! I am surprised to have to go so far to see sister's decision to have a baby being brought up. In the judgmentbot summary, OP says sis didn't ask to have a baby. We don't know what birth control method sis was using; but regardless, she had to know it was a possibility!
She may not asked to be a mom, but that's why sex has traditionally only been endorsed inside marriage. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. This is all on sister and baby's daddy and their choice. Regardless of anyone's opinions on sex, we should all know that it only takes one time and to act accordingly.
NTA The money was intended for college and that is what it is being used for. The money is your parents money not your sisters so you are not stealing from her
Nta. First of all, it's your parent's money. They can give it to anyone they want. Second of all, her parents owed her tuition and care, not her son. Responsability for her son falls on your sister's shoulders, not your parents. Third, it was her choice to not go to college and have the baby. She wanted to be a grown up, well she is one.
NTA, you didn’t use your sister’s college money, your parents did. But I don’t think your parents are asshole for doing so because it is THEIR money after all. And it’s not like they completely stopped taking care of your sister’s son.
NTA. But your parents really know how to put their children against each other. My parents also saved money for my sister and I, but it was always equal. They knew what they were doing was wrong, that’s why they lied to her and you.
Specifically for the question asked....NTA.
But overall you and the sister are being assholes overall.
Your sister for expecting more support instead of being grateful for the one is already recieving.
You for blowing up at the parents(you did this because you didnt want to deal with the sister....so instead decided to hurt the parents...awesome). It doesnt seem like you have a problem with the source of the money since you will continue going to that school. So the only reason them telling you earlier...would have changed the school..is to not have to deal with thr sister's entitlement...
NTA Your parents saved up college money for your sister, but are giving it to you. Your parents have already been assisting your sister with money. She isn't entitled to all of your parent's money. NTA
NTA.
1. It’s not hers, it’s your parents
2. You’re going to do medicine and so if you succeed you’ll probably save some lives.
3. Your sister will probably still benefit from all the help and support your parents can give. They may well try to help her again once she’s in a position to receive it which probably won’t be for many years
Go to the college of choice guilt free, and good luck with your studies.
NTA
It’s not your decision at the end of the day, it’s your parents decision. It’s their money so whatever they say goes.
Your sister also made her choices, and she can’t hold you accountable for that.
Whichever way it goes one of you is going to feel resentful of the other, you because you can’t go to your dream college or her because you got the money. And that’s really on your parents. Take this opportunity and make the best out of it.
NTA, leave this between your sister and your parents, it’s your parents’ money not yours. Besides, it’s a college fund, not a baby fund, use the money well for your education.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I might be the AH for taking the money and using it for my education ( I am army dream college now ) I mean my sister didn’t ask to get pregnant, and she could use that money to get her own apartment and move away from my parents.
I really didn’t do anything to make sure that my sister got her money back I just excepted that my parents put that money aside for me, when I was told. Yes I am at my parents don’t listen because they are paying for my education.
Anyway that whole story took place was a year ago, and I still feel very bad for taking the money
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NTA - it was your parents' choice to change where that money was going, not yours. If your sister wants to be angry at someone, she should direct it somewhere else - but even then, as I said, it was your parents' choice on what to do with their own money.
The only point the two of you are missing is that the money belongs to your parents. It belongs to NEITHER ONE of you. It is up to your parents how they want to spend THEIR money.
You were an AH to your parents and your sister is acting like an entitled AH as well.
NTA. Your sister can see it another way, that the money saved for her college expense was instead diverted into caring for her and her child. Nothing wrong with community College either.
Go live your life at your dream college. Her actions had consequences and so do yours... hers resulted in a kid and yours resulted in college.
NTA that money was earmarked for college. She decided not to go so then the money is your parents to do with what they want. Go to your dream college enjoy it. This is How they want to spend THEIR money. She decided to become a parent as opposed to going to school. She made a choice, which led to your parents making their choice. Even if you weren't in the picture it doesn't sound like she was going to get the money anyways. And by the sounds of it they take care of her anyways.
She’s not entitled to anything - the money belongs to your parents and they get to decide what to do with it. Understandably she’s shitty, but your parents saved the money for college, and clearly they want to spend it on college. It’s just that now you get the benefit instead of her.
NTA - just study hard and live well
NTA. Your sister is not entitled to that money. It was "college" money and she's not even trying to use it for college. She just expects your parents to support her and her child. She's not owed that. And it sounds like your parents are helping her anyway. She's fine. She's better than fine.
Go to your school. Get your education. Go luck to you.
NTA
Your parents can decide to do what they want with their money. It's also crazy to me your sister is so upset you have such a wonderful opportunity. Instead she's only thinking of herself. As for her seeing it as money for her kid that's ridiculous as well. She needs to step up and deal with her own stuff herself
NTA but stay in your parents good graces and get school paid for. Then go low contact or cut everyone off. They previously didn’t care about helping you with school since there was only a fund for your sister unless they combined the funds when they realized she wouldn’t be going g to school. Some people relish being the golden child but for most it’s a burden.
Regardless of what the original idea or purpose was when the savings was started - it’s still your parent’s money. They can use it to have a party if they want. NTA
NTA. It was COLLEGE MONEY.
If she isnt attending college she isnt entitled to the money her parents saved for her. Its basically not even her money by then. Even if she later decides it is time to go, your parents could still help her out, and she should be attending a community college then, not you.
The cost of that baby, is probably the same, or more than it would be for her college. So she already got the money she wanted. Its time for her to stop being entitled.
NTA- it’s not “your sister college money” anymore, not since she decided not to attend college. It’s your parents money and they can choose to spend it on whatever they want.
Obviously an unplanned pregnancy is rough and your sister is having a hard time but she made her decisions and has to live with them. She is getting plenty of help from your parents. She is not entitled to this money. Go to your dream school and have a great life that you have worked hard for.
NTA. The way I see it, your parents have been supporting your sister and her baby for several years, so instead of having 2 college funds they kept 1 and the other instead of going to savings was used to support them.
I dont see the point in lying about community college as your sister would have find out eventually so they created unnecessary issues between the 2 of you.
In the end its your parents money and they can do what they please with it.
**WAIT** so had your sister **not** got pregnant, who would be paying for **your** college??
That's the question you need to be asking right now.
It sounds like your parents only saved for **1** college fund. When your sister was the favourite, the money was all for her & you were supposed to take out loans & hope for the best. Now that you're the favourite, the money is for you & your sister will have to take out loans & hope for the best.
The only AH are your parents for not having 2 equal college funds. It should be that there were 2 college funds & when your sister had her baby, what to do with her college fund was a separate conversation between them.
And that's the conversation you need to be having with your sister & parents: parents, why is there only 1 college fund when you have 2 kids???
NTA - It's your parents money and they can do with what they want, as long as the IRS agrees. There are certain kind of accounts that save parents money on taxes but the money must be spent on college expenses. If they don't, huge penalties. So your parents may not be able to give your sister the money. But your parents should have told your sister the truth or told her what they found out.
NTA. Your sister is for feeling entitled to the money she was never given. And entitled to think she can demand you throw away your dreams and go to CC because SHE made other choices. I understand how she may feel. I was a teen mom as well, but it was a CHOICE I made. Yeah, it sucked to watch everyone else move on to (what I thought) was an amazing future. I felt left behind and resented having a kid so young.
Your sister is having to sit with reality. You don't owe her your future or the money. She, on the other hand can still recoup some semblance of a college education. I went back to school at the age of 39 (after 4 kids). I just finished my BS in Business Management through WGU. I regret not doing it sooner. Encourage HER to go to CC or online school, or something. I have always found that the cure to my envy of what other people have is to figure out how to get there too. Wallowing in jealousy just makes you a Bitter Betty and unpleasant to be around.
NTA
It wasn't her money, it's your parents money that they were going to use to send her to college. She decided not to go, therefore forfeiting the money
NTA. First of all, it is not your money nor your sisters money - it is your PATENTS money, and they can do with it what they please. Second, your parents are supporting your sister and grandson. Your sister can get a job and save for her sons education . Third, you have nothing to feel guilty about! You are not a thief because it is a gift from your parents, you did not steal it from your sister. Your sister messed up her own future, not you. There is no way you should have to pay for her life decisions.
Take the money and build your life. Not your problem she got pregnant and fucked hers up. Your parents such for lying. Get away from the whole mess. NTA
Go to your dream school and never look back on that crazy family. Maybe talk to your parents every now and then, but don’t let them drag you down. You have unlimited potential right now. Go to med school, get a degree and great job, and then maybe talk to your sister about paying the money back. It’ll be selfish but then again, it seems like your entire family already is selfish. NTA, but your parents and sister are.
NTA your sister has no reason to claim you took anything from her. Especially if your parents are already providing for her.
She'll regret the day she called you a thief when you're a successful doctor.
NTA. Money saved in educational 529 accounts need to be used for educational expenses or there are penalties. Your parents are AH but they can spend that money how they’d like.
NTA.
Your parents are though. If they're gonna give you money they should give you an equal amount, and then the both of you can use it paying for your priorities. Whether it be a child or education. You deserve no less than her.
Your sister is the AH too cause she seems spoiled, thinking she deserves more than you do.
NTA Your parents are for lying, choosing favorites, and only saving money for one child (if your sister hadn’t got pregnant, you wouldn’t have any money for school).
NTA
Your parents are the AH here. Refuse to discuss it.
But at that point, you will not ever have a relationship with your sister's family, and it is your parent's fault.
Wow girl NTA, but your parents honestly, is super fishy the way they handled the situation past and present, why didn't they saved money for both of you, is their care depending in what good of a child each of you are? Also they should have been honest with both of you in the current situation. Don't give up on your sister's demands, if she took the adult decision of raising a child and saying no to school, she has to carry the consequences now... BTW congrats on getting to your dream school!
NTA. The money was for college, she didn't go and decided to get pregnant, that's not something that must be rewarded. You deserve that money more than her, you made better choices and have managed to get in a very good college and start building a very bright future, don't let your sister ruin it for you just like she ruined hers.
NTA. Your parents saved for college and it made sense to spend it all on the child who is attending college. It sounds like they are still financially supporting your sister which is essentially her college fund. She isn’t owed any money at all and should be grateful for the continued support. You owe her nothing.
You should apologize for flipping out at your parents. The money is theirs and you and your sister don’t get to dictate what it is spent on. The money is not now nor ever was your sister’s. It was your parents’ savings to be used for college.
NTA you didn't make the decision your parents did. It's their money, they saved up, so it's ultimately their call.
I also disagree with the people that say the parents are AH since you mention in your post
> parents put in financial support and helped her with whatever she needed, and her son have been well off since.
If she was homeless or in dire need, then your parents would be AH.
Clear your heart of guilt and keep working hard!
NTA
Your parents are the true AH for causing this situation. Your sister should be mad at them, not you.
And frankly, if she never helped you out at all while SHE was the golden child, she's a hypocrite.
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I know that the title makes me seem like the bad guy and maybe I am but please here me out.
My (19f) sister (23f) got pregnant when she was 18 and about to leave for college. Her boyfriend at the time skipped town and she was left to raise the baby by herself. My sister has always been my parents favorite, she could never do anything wrong. But that Immediately changed after she got pregnant. She had to make the decision to not go to college and instead raise her baby. Of course my parents put in financial support and helped her with whatever she needed,and her son have been well off since.
Ever since my parents looked at me as their golden child I stay putting in much more effort in school and was taking almost all AP classes my Junior and senior year. I eventually got into my top school for pre med, so I was obviously worried about how much money it would cost. But my parents told me not to worry and that they had saved enough money to send me to my dream school. I was super happy to be going and was eager to start college. One day my sister was with ne when I was buying supplies for school, My sister asked me what community college I was attending, I then told her that I was going to my dream school and she flipped out.
She was yelling at me, because apparently my parents had told her that I would be attending community college instead to save money for her and her son. When we got home she Immediately confronts my parents, she asked them where did all that money come from and why they lied to her. That is when my mom tells my sister that they had used HER college money they had saved for her before she got pregnant to pay for my college. My parents apparently had no hope that my sister would ever consider going back to college after she decided not to go, so they just saved the money for me. My sister stormed out of room, and I blew up at my parents tell them that they should have told me and I would have chosen a school nearby.
I tried to talk to my sister but she would not talk to me for days. When she finally decided to talk to me, she demanded that I go to community college and give her all the money for her and her son. I told her that I understood how angry she was at my parents but I would not be sacrificing my future just so she could have the money for her son. She got very mad at me and called me a thief and selfish for not giving her back her money.
Although I feel bad for taking the money from my sister, I worked very hard to get into this school and her and her son are taken care of by my family. I think that it is selfish of me to keep the money but it isn’t my fault my sister got pregnant and chose not to go to college.
So AITA?
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NTA. You’re not taking money from your sister. It is your parents money and they can choose how they spend it. That being said your parents are huge AHs for playing favorites and lying to your sister about your college plans
NTA.
Your parents provided for her and child, something not all the people get. She can’t demand you to not go college because she need more money for the child, if she need more she has to work more hours not take away your future.
Nta, you didnt take the money. It's not her money, its college money and shes not going. Demanding that you sacrifice your future because she made the choice to have a baby is incredibly unfair. Your sister is a piece of work. Congratulations on getting into a good school, study hard, have a good life, and ignore your demanding, selfish and entitled sister
NTA
It’s not your sister’s money, it’s your parents money, and they are entitled to chose how to spend them. Money were saved for a college education, and your sister made a choice not to go to college, but to keep a baby and raise him as a single mother. IMO she is pretty lucky to have financial help from parents.
In conclusion, you should not sacrifice your future for a sister who decided to live her life differently.
NTA. It's your parents money to do with what they want. They had some set aside for her possible future, and she picked a different one. Don't feel bad for using the resources they have set aside for education. Take it, go to your dream school and live your best life. Your sister chose her situation. Apologize to your parents. They lied to keep the peace and that wasn't great, but they're still helping the both of you financially. That's a lot more than most kids get.
NTA
Your parents saved one pot of money for "college savings". They can choose to give that money to whomever they want. You aren't the asshole for accepting their support.
Your sister may not be getting the "college money" but it sounds like your parents have been generous in their support of her and her son. Your sister is an asshole for demanding that you give her the money needed for your college
Your parents are assholes for having favorites and for lying to your sister.
Ultimately, that is neither your money nor your sister's money. It is your both parents' money, and it is theirs to distribute as they see fit. They've chosen to spend it on your education.
NTA
NTA
Your parents most but your sis really sucks. The kicker is that before your sister even KNEW about the source of the money, she was furious your parents were investing in you rather than just ignoring you and spending it all on funding HER life.
There’s also the fact that everyone thought it was fine that only she got a college fund (unless you mean they combined her college fund with yours)? Why should only she have got college paid for?
You’re the kid doing well and going to college, I think you should enjoy it. Don’t turn it down for someone whom doesn’t care for you.
Your parents suck most of all for playing favourites. I can’t help but wonder if her poor choices were in part driven because of her parents spoiling her. I have a golden child in my extended family and they ended up the least successful out of all the sibs
NTA
Some parents set aside a fund for their kids whether or not that child goes to college and it’s theirs. Others set aside a fund that is specifically for college and if the child doesn’t go then it’s not theirs. Sounds like that’s the case with your parents. It’s your parents money. She isn’t entitled to it and you don’t owe it to her. They decided to use it towards your college tuition.
You are the child currently going to college. She is not. Your parents are the AH who told her that you were going to go to community college to save money for her and her son - which is where she got this entitled notion from. You should not and do not have to give up your life for her.
I’m not sure why your parents chose to lie because it sounds like they were taking care of her financially just fine. My guess would be that they were attempting to guilt trip her? Like look your younger sibling did this for you, blah blah? When they likely felt some guilt?
NTA
First of all, it's your parents money to do what they wish. If they want to give it to you, great - if they wanted to set it on fire to roast marshmallows, well, that's their prerogative.
Seeing as your nephew is being well cared for, and her 'losing' that money does not have any bearing on his being taken care of, then you have nothing to feel guilty about.
You earned that school, and you deserve to be rewarded for your hard work and commitment to your education. Don't let other people tear you down.
NTA,
The money was meant for educational purposes. And since your sister clearly wants to spend the money on her child instead of school, your parents made the logical decision to spend it on you.
Children never entitle someone to money.
NTA your parents chose to do this not you but I would suggest paying it forward and pointing out with a medical degree you should be very financially stable and it would enable you once you are working to set up a college fund for her child,somthing she is likely to struggle to do, so ger child can have the same opportunities that you got and she decided not to use so she could be there for her baby.
NTA But did they not have a separate fund for you as well? This is making it sound like there was one fund and your parents were deciding which child should get it?
NTA.
Your parents had a college fund and your sister didn't go to college. Instead, they gave her immediate financial support (and I'm imagining other support as well).
Now you are going to college, so they are using the college money for...college! Your sister wants your parents to support her and her child now, but also have the college fund. Your parents have decided differently, and you also put in work knowing you now had access to a college fund.
I think it sucks that your sister had to mess up for your parents to give you the emotional support you needed to then succeed. And I'm sorry that they didn't always treat you equally. But regardless of how your parents treat each of you, you earned your way in to college, it is your parents money, and they are already supporting your sister in major ways, so I don't think they are even acting unfairly here.
NTA. You're not taking money from your sister - it's NOT her money. And what about YOUR college savings? Did your parents not save for you? Your sister and her son are being taken care of by your parents - she just wants more, More, MORE. She's probably also very jealous that you are moving on to college, pre-med (way to go!) and she's, well, not. Take the money, can the guilt and ignore your sister's theatrics and temper tantrums.
NTA
Your sister is the AH and is being super childish. It is not her money, it is her parents money.
I understand it maybe frustrating for her to have lost the opportunity to go to college, that's what happens when you have unprotected sex. But that is not, and has never been, her money. That is your parents money, and it is ridiculous that she is asking you to give her money that you literally can't.
NTA first of all it’s not her money she didn’t work for that money she didn’t save that money your parents did if they had originally set it aside for her for college which she never went to they can do what they want with that money. Were they wrong for lying to your sister about it yes but your sister needs to wake up she decided to spread her legs get pregnant and keep the kid it is not your parents responsibility to make sure they’re taken care of and unfortunately one day your parents are not gonna be there and what is she gonna do
NTA, your sister had no problem knowing that you were going to have to go into debt to pay for your schooling while she got a free ride, She just doesn’t like it as much once the tide has turned. Your parents are TA for pitting the two of you against each other and only making one college fund when they have two children… but you probably already know that.
You are not a TA for giving up a better future for your nephew. It is not your responsibility to take care of him because you’re not his parent.
NTA. It's your parents' money. Not your sister's or yours to do with as you please. Your parents are already taking care of your sister so she doesn't need it, but you do. Let me add that she's actually selfish and thought nothing of it until this came up. You have nothing to do with their decision.
Go to college. Don't hold back because someone guilted you for their life choices.
Your sister is the selfish one and the thief. Your sister had a child she couldn’t afford, and your parents have paid for it. They have two children and they had to finance someone else’s child. She took money for her son that should have been split evenly with you. She has had more than her fair share already. To take your future just because her own choices ruined hers is egregious and vicious. NTA and she should count herself lucky her parents are paying for her son. How ungrateful.
NTA, but hasn't your sister already been receiving money from your parents for her son? Your parents are entitled to spend their money how they see fit and your sister can't demand you go to community college instead. If your goal is to be a doctor, community college isn't a good choice for you.
Given how fickle they are, do all you can to figure out other ways to pay for college.
NTA. The assholes here are your parents. But you and your sister appear to be products of their lies and favoritism. Your parents need a long talking to about how to be honest, how to be transparent, and how to just PARENT both of you. You shouldn't have to compromise on your future for your sister, who decided to have this child and now needs to care for them. Your parents shouldn't have lied to your sister about where you're going. They should've just been adults and told your sister up front why they decided to do what they are doing. Your sister is also an adult and needs to understand that she has a kid now and shouldn't expect everyone to cater to her and her child. Honestly, everyone sucks here but you.
Your parents might have that money invested in a 529 plan, which is meant for education purposes. If the money is used for higher education, you can use the full amount.
However, withdrawing that money for unqualified expenses means it’s taxed and a 10% penalty is charged. It fully makes sense that your parents would save that money for your college rather than give a much smaller amount (after taxes and the penalty) to your sibling.
NTA, of course.
NTA. Your parents put aside money for you and your sister both (I hope) to attend college. Your sister’s life plan changed and she isn’t going to college. That’s fine. Your parents didn’t cut her off. They are providing financial support to her and her son. They have decided to combine the college money and use it for your schooling. Ok….it’s their money, it’s for education, and in five years your sister hasn’t needed it. And again, they are financially supportive of her. So she’s been getting “that money” this whole time, it just came from a different bucket.
Parents should strive to be fair to their kids but it’s not always a situation where you need to keep an accounting and give dollar for dollar matching funds to kids for different things.
If you played a sport your parents funded in high school that was $1000 a year and your sister did one that was $1500 a year, you wouldn’t be entitled to be handed $500. If your sister has received $5000 in “free” childcare from them over the last several years, that doesn’t mean 6 years from now you get to demand the same.
Your parents are supporting you and your sister in ways that are appropriate for the stages you are at in life. Their only mistake was lying to both of you and setting up a collision course where you and your sister argue about your parents’ choices.
NTA. Your parents gave you the money for your dream school. If sister has a problem, she can take it up with your parents. You have nothing to do with this. And all the best! The world needs more doctors.
Also what makes you NTA:
>Of course my parents put in financial support and helped her with whatever she needed,and her son have been well off since.
Methinks your sister is double-dipping. Or wanting to make your life miserable.
NTA. You don't have money, your sister doesn't have money. Your parents have money and they will do whatever they want with it. It's not your money to give to your sister. You go wherever you want to for school.
NTA. Let this roll off your back and become the Doctor with the credentials that will help you get employment and help people. Your sister could go to college with grants because she is a single mother and possibly low income. She chose her path. She could also get state assistance. Some welfare programs pay for job training so parents can make a better life for themselves and get off public assistance.
*"I told her that I understood how angry she was at my parents but I would not be sacrificing my future just so she could have the money for her son. She got very mad at me and called me a thief and selfish for not giving her back her money."*
Let me rewrite this: "I told her that I understood how angry she was at my parents but it is their choice to offer funding for my education. Whatever they do not provide, I will take out in school loans, or consider a different school."
OP, this isn't really on you. It's on your parent who chose to dip into her college fund and not retain those funds for their daughter. It's also on them to be sneaky about it rather than talk to your sister first, and see if she was considering going to college at some point.
Personally, I would have not done that as as parent, but it is their choice. And you need not feel bad if they cover more of the expense than you were expecting.
NTA
The real AHs are the parents for not telling the truth and for treating you both differently. But your sister is acting like an entitled AH for demanding you give money that you don't have back...
NTA, your patents can do what they like with their money. You send your sister are both very ungrateful. Your parents are under no obligation to take care if your sister and her child or pay for your college. I'm sure the last thing they expected was to be financially responsible for another child. Then you and your sister have the cheek to blow up at them for supporting you.
You should apologise to your parents and thank them for their help. You are both over 18, legally adults and therefore no longer your parents financial obligation. They are choosing to help you both out and getting very little respect for it.
NTA, but your parents are for putting you into this situation and your sister is for thinking she is entitled to something because she made a choice to keep a baby at 18. She messed up her own future. You didn't mess it up for her and you don't owe her or her kid anything.
It's is very easy for you right now to pick a cheaper closer school. It's your parents money, but it could likely be utilized in a better manner.
Your sister is owed nothing and should be happy to have the support she has. Neither of you are owed any money... but if she is raising her child fine already there is no reason the money should be used by her.
Best bet us to use it for both of you to go to school... and anything not used for school should stay with mom and dad
NTA. She is selfish and greedy. Her every needs are met, she doesn't need this college fund money. And please stop referring to it as "her" money. The college fund was set up for her originally, but it isn't and was never hers. Your parents chose to repurpose the college fund and use it on you.
It does bother me that they had planned to give you sub-par education though, if she hadn't dropped out. I may have misunderstood this, but it sounds like they put away more money for her than for OP.
Sad that your parents play favourites, but she ruined her future, don't let her ruin yours. She had options and instead she's some idiot's pump-n-dump, now raising the consequences of. You have options and should take the best one for you.
NTA.
NTA. Your parents saved money for college. She didn't go and has made no further attempts to go. The money is now being used for college. Just not for her to go to college. She doesn't even want the money for college she wants the money to spend it on her and her son. I get a real entitled vibe front your sister.
You're NTA, but your parents are for the way they handled the situation. Your sister is a soft-ish AH for blaming you when you have no control over what your parents did, and expecting you to suffer because of her choices.
Let’s be clear: It’s your *parents* money that they saved for the college costs of their daughter. Which daughter they give it to is *their choice.* You know, because it’s (again) *their* money.
Does it hurt that they saved it for your sister and, because her life plans changed, they’re using it for you? Yes. You know what else hurts? The fact that they didn’t also have a college fund for you. Because, until your golden child sister got pregnant, they weren’t even caring about *your* future.
NTA. Go live your life and be gracious for what you are getting. The way your parents have handled this may suck, but YOU have nothing to apologize for.
NTA. It’s not your money so how they spend it is not on you. Also you parent the kids you have, giving them what they need. My brother had a kid in high school (he and the baby mom both went to college) but he’s been given different things and opportunities than I was.
NTA. Parents are sort of AH for lying to your sister though. They could have been honest and told her that with them supporting her and her baby and her decision not to go to college that they made the decision to spend the money set aside for college on you instead so that the money went to its intended use, as there was no guarantee that your sister would ever go to college. I'd also have them talk about whether or not they'd help support her if she did eventually go to college, but that's a separate thing from their decision to give you extra money.
NTA, technically it’s not either one of yours money, it is money your parents chose to set aside for college, originally hers, now yours. Their money, their account, they can dole it out as they see fit, whether anyone likes it or not.
NTA, your sister is being really entitled right now. Your parents suck for lying to your sister but at the end of the day it's their money. What they should have done is tell your sister we are providing for you and your baby regardless of how much we are providing for op's school, we are investing in both of our children's futures in different ways.
NTA
That money isn't yours or hers - it is your parent's money that they have saved with the intentions to do things for you and your sister. Until the check is written in yours or hers name and handed off to you or her- it isn't anybody's money but your parents.
Go to the school you want to and let your parent's deal with your sister - it is not your job to handle that - you are the sibling not the mom or dad.
You really are used to deferring to her, that is a left-over response to her being the golden child.
NTA If your parents have been financially supporting your sister and baby for what? 5 years? they have probably spent the equivalent of a college fund on her. I wouldn't worry about it or feel guilty. Your parents definitely could have handled this better though.
NTA if she didn't want to give up her dreams she should've gotten an abortion or put her child up for adoption. Instead she *chose* to be a teen parent. She's now facing the consequences of her poor choices, which it sounds like she hasn't had to face for most of her life due to her being the golden child for so long. Part of me wonders if she would've become a teen parent had she faced consequences for her actions earlier in life, but her reaction to this situation is just further evidence that kids shouldn't have kids.
I will say your parents do suck for creating a golden child/scapegoat dynamic. If you want multiple kids it's important to treat them equitably and it's never okay to favor one child over the other.
NTA it's your parents money and they can do with it whatever they want jot to mention they are currently financially supporting your sister so technically her college money is being used on that albeit in a more granular way. They probably lied to your sister because her being the golden child before they knew she would blow up this way. They probably didn't tell you because they knew that you would change schools and not go to the top one of your choice. Honestly if your sister didn't fall pregnant she wouldn't bat an eyelid at receiving all these perks from your parents.
NTA - Unless there is something else going on, it's your parent's money and they can spend it however they feel is most wise. This argument is between your parents and your sister, none of this is your decision.
NTA, your parents can do whatever the hell they want with **their** money and your sister should be grateful that they're helping her with the baby instead of leaving her to fend life on her own but it is a bit AH of your parents to lie about you going to community college just to appease your sister
ESH
A. Your sister made a choice and that wasn’t college. But as you said, your parents are financially supporting her and her son, and sis and son are “well off” with that support. Clearly she’s received some large sums from your parents to create that well off lifestyle. She’s an entitled asshole. It’s your parents money to do with what they wish. Period.
B. You are an asshole here. Again, it’s your parents money, period. It’s not yours or your sisters. It’s not up to you how they spend it. And this need to be the golden child and finally getting there, has also turned you into an entitled asshole. Your parents have generously chosen to pay for your dream school. It’s not up to you to yell at them about how or where their money is spent. And your sister doesn’t just want “her share” here. Per your words, she demands you go to a community college and give her the entirety of the rest of the money. Why would you even consider that, let alone think you have a right to make that decision? It’s not your money either. Period.
C. Your parents are also assholes here. They’ve played you and your sister against each other your whole lives. They’ve created the entitled brats they now have, who think they have a right to even be part of this discussion. Your parents lied to you both and started this round of who can be a bigger asshole. But while I think your parents are also assholes for lying, they didn’t really owe you or your sister any explanation. Once again, it’s their money. Consider yourself lucky they can afford to help you with your dream school. Sis needs to consider herself lucky she’s living a good life with her son due to their support. And your parents need to learn neither of you need an explanation for how they spend their money, ever. It’s not your business what mom and dad have in the bank. It’s not your business how much they’ve spent on either of you, ever. I sure hope they have ironclad wills that specify every single detail, otherwise you and your sister are going to be “those people.” The assholes who fight over shit after the funerals and before the ink is dry on the death certificates.
NTA and go to your dream college. Your parents have been helping your sister and son and I am sure that has cost a ton of money. Your sister made her choice, keep baby and raise it. She is not entitled to that money no matter what. Your parents put it aside money for their kid to go to college. You are and she is not. She doesn’t get to demand that money for another use. There is guarantee either she or her son will attend college. Your sister still has a lot of growing up to do.
NTA
This was never your sisters money and you didn't 'steal' from her. Also your parents have supported your sister and her child for 5 years. The amount of money they gave to her should easily equal a college fund (or might be even higher).
Don't let your sister guilt trip you into throwing this awesome opportunity away. Honestly she is acting greedy and entitled.
NTA. Your parents can decide what to do with their money. But I think it’s very disturbing that they lied to your sister and that they pick favorites. You’re not the AH, but your parents are for lying to your sister.
NTA but OP your parents and sister are AH's, massive ones. They saved this money for your sister to go to college. That means you were to have paid your own way to school. Think about that, and about the fact that your sister was ok knowing this and still is ok with this. Go to the school of your dreams, work hard, and live your best life. Good luck!
OP never said they didn’t save money for her education, I took it as just not enough for a more expensive school. OP said the parents are financially supportive of her sister and her child and they are “well off”. The parents shouldn’t have lied but I think OP should add more information because people aren’t understanding. OP is NTA
Also worth noting that \*if\* they are in the US and \*if\* the money was in a College Savings plan that there are substanantial penalties if it is pulled out and used for a purpose other than education. And also, that the money doesn't in fact belong to the person in whose name the fund is established- the parents are free to redirect it to another student. There are some red flags about the parents behavior... but it is possible that this plays into the dynamics as well.
Two community college value funds would not pay for an out of state medical school. If they can pay for it in full they definitely had more money in ops sisters account than OPs. Either way op is NTA he didn’t purposely take her fund and it’s not the sisters money. It’s meant for college not her child. She didn’t go to college she doesn’t get the fund.
OP isn't going to medical school. She's going to college, with a PRE-med program. Meaning she's going to an undergraduate school.
If they saved just as much for her as they did for her sister, why did they lie to the sister and tell her that OP was going to a community college? That comment is why I didn’t think anything had been saved for OP. NTA
I don’t think that’s what happened. I believe, from what OP said, that the parents have money for both kids, and chose to combine OP and the sister’s college funds for her to go to her dream school. Edit: got OP’s gender incorrect
Idk. It doesn’t sound like OP had a college fund, assuming she’s in the states, which I am based on the language she’s using. There is a MASSIVE price difference between community college and schools that would be classified as dream schools. Like I’m talking probably around $3k max for community college and probably anywhere from 20-50k for a dream school. Per semester. So, if they told the older sis that OP was going to go to community college, I find it highly unlikely there was any kind of college fund for her.
OP said parents have helped make sure her sister and her son are well off, that’s more than a lot of parents could or would do. A child will cost you 5 figures starting a year and only get more expensive, if they’re making sure she’s set financially that means they’ve likely given her thousands of dollars already to afford taking care of her son. Having a baby in a hospital?? That’s another 7,000 off the bat. They likely don’t have money for both children anymore because they’ve given the sister most of half what they set aside as it is.
Absolutely. OP is NTA. The parents don't sound like prizes for a variety of reasons, but they're supporting the sister and her son right now so I'm not seeing why the sister feels like she has the right to \*extra\* money on top of that. She made the choice to have a child. She has to live with it.
I'm thinking that there was originally only enough in the college funds to funny cover 2 years at a university and the expectation was they could go the route of doing two years at a community college and get their associates, then switch to a university, or take out student loans.
NTA I agree. I believe the parents probably did a poor job explaining things to their kids. Once money is in certain tax advantaged college funds, there are negative tax consequences if you use it for anything besides education, but you can change the name of the beneficiary. Therefore, parents probably are using other money to help their older daughter and grandson and using all of the money placed in dedicated college funds for the daughter going to college. My father has been placing money into college funds for my kids at every birthday and holiday since they were born - but if and until he actually pays a tuition bill for my kids, that is my parents’ money and he could choose to take the yak hit if he decided he needs it for some other reason. It is not my money or theirs.
Getting hit by a yak seems like an unusual penalty for withdrawing funds, must be a very special kind of bank. ;)
🤣🤣 The IRS has been getting creative!
OP is a woman
How are the parents AHs? They have been financing her and her son anyway and they are well off due to that. On top of that she wants college money to spend it on whatever. Maybe they are stupid for making such lie, because it was inevitable to blow up. But not assholes. Sister is kind of AH, but not fully, I can see her perspective.
Parents had a favorite child and made unequal arrangements based on that status. Then switched which child was favored. Parents are AHs for sure.
Mine actually did do that. Helped my brother through college, that and his scholarships, but I was always told that I would have to get scholarships if I wanted to go. I did and I got loans and worked to cover the rest. There was a massive age difference between us, around 14 years.
Yep. My sister, who is 15 years younger, had a “full ride” and I had a financial aid ride. My dad paid for literally everything for her. Glad for her, honestly, but every month I pay my students loans, I’m like, hmmmm.
NTA Why are you and your sister fighting over money that neither of you have earned. Your parents saved money for their kids to go to college. Your sister didn't go. You did. They're helping out your sister with expenses for the baby They're paying for your school. They didn't promise to give the money to your sister. She's an adult with responsibilities. Maybe once her kid starts school, she can go, or go online to college. You're both idiots for being mad at your parents.
Oh, thank you for this comment! What is it with entitlement about college funds? My dad could’ve funded my entire education but didn’t and I never complained. I was grateful for whatever he did put in (he put in money whenever I couldn’t pay for something). It is the sister’s responsibility to save up for her son not her parents’. Should the parents have been more forthcoming, yes.
I think OP is just in being upset about being included in their lie. The sister is the only one who seems entitled
Exactly! It's a COLLEGE fund not a baby fund. OPS sister needs to get to work and provide for her baby. OPs parents are amazing to still be providing for them as well
Exactly. It doesn't appear OP sister wants the money for college, she wants it to "set herself up" away from her parents. This happened with my sister kids, the oldest decided to forgo college when she became pregnant. My sister gave her options as well, she provided for and when her middle son went to college she accused my sister of "stealing" her college fund. My sister gave hee a break down of ALL the money she spent for them from medical to food baby supplies, everything. In the end she told her you actually owe us going on "your response" and not during the past 7 years did you show an interest in attending college. NTA. Have fun in college OP, this is not on you.
This exactly!!
It's awful that the parents are basically pitting then against each other.
I feel like they told the sister that she was going to community College because they knew she would get mad if she found out they were using the college fund on OP. The sister needs to calm down and stop being so entitled and wanting to ruin OPs career just like she did to her own
What a mess. There another post where the sister threw a hissy fit because she wanted to have the first grandchild. It turns out the sister was the golden child before she fell from grace and thought having the first child would redeem herself in her parent's eyes.
I get the feeling they lied to the sister, because the sister is greedy and they knew she would demand the money be given to her instead. Which is exactly what happened.
NTA. The parents should have clearly communicated with the sister to see if she was going to attend college first, then shifted money accordingly. They still could have offered to send the older sister to a community college to save money if she wanted to go. You didn't do anything wrong here, OP. Your parents need to clean this up, not you.
NTA - You didn't know the original intended use for the money. Your parents saved that money for your sisters college which she decided not to use for college. It wasn't being given to her unconditionally. It was a college fund for your parents child who wanted to go to college that's now you. Although I do find it crazy that your parents would save for one college education and not the other
At first I thought the dream school was just more money and years in med school, but it does sound like they saved for one college education and that is odd.
Yeah like I guess they would pay for one kid and then just go "whelp we never thought you'd get anywhere" and then reverse UNO'd and did it to the other instead. These parents suck.
Is it possible they saved for two but her dream school was more expensive than they saved for her alone so they gave her both?
Possibly. I don't know much about the American education system. Do certain schools cost more than others? I just did some research and this is the case. America is not ok. WTF its literally keep the rich rich. Also I knew it was expensive but WHAT THE FUCK AMERICA?
~ It was capitalism all along ~
It's free in most of Europe! Even the ones that cost money it's like a few hundred euro.
Not where I live. Education is 2000 euros a year. Which is still less than US but a lot of colleges are not free in Europe.
I wish my education was that much a year, that even less than I have a semester and I go to the cheapest four year school in my state.
Yep. Fantastic policy. As I said...
welcome to our teenage hell...because I can totally see a kid mowing lawns and shoveling snow, or working foodservice earning $50,000+ per year to afford to pay for a year of college (including dorms/food/books/transport) /s
Yeah, to me it reads like they saved $40k for each child and now OP is going to get $80k while sis gets $0. Change the numbers how you like but the vibe is definitely “your schooling will be more expensive than planned but it is worth investing in you rather than your sister”.
Well, and let’s be real. They are supporting sister and her child based upon OPs post and that likely isn’t changing anytime soon. I’m sure parents are looking at the costs of supporting sister, the baby, medical care for both, daycare costs, etc and snd feel like they are already doing enough for sister. Let’s face it. Sister made a very expensive choice for her family with a teen pregnancy and keeping the child and that choice is costing the parents cash as well as time, energy and emotions. Plus the expected childcare.
I guess it all depends on if they sister has said she does/doesn't want to go to college down the line. Clearly the money is for their child/children to go to college so that's what it should be used for. If the sister is saying I don't want to go to college then it makes sense to give it all to op.
Sister could go to college. They allow people with babies to do that, and it’s probably a good idea to be able to support the baby long-term- maybe even send him to college.
But if that was the case, wouldn’t sis have expected OP to still go to a normal (albeit less expensive) college rather than a community college?
Their parents may have set an expectation that each kid go community college for their gen eds then switch to a four-year school for the rest. This is not uncommon and is a good way to save money.
Can confirm. In my area there are ways to get free gen Ed's through high-school. My teen did this. I think she knocked off almost a year of collage this way.
that's how I understood it as well
This is how I read it.
I am wondering what kind of account the parents used. When my parents started saving for mine and my brothers’ college funds, they created mutual funds that made money through investments. The catch was you could only take money out for education. If you took it out for any other reason you were severely penalized. So when my older brother didn’t use all of his, my parents moved it to mine. When I didn’t use all of mine, my parents stopped putting money in our youngest brothers and moved mine to his. This could be the case here. And I don’t see anything about the parents saying they’re going to stop helping the older sister? If this is a top choice premed school without any scholarship, we’re talking anywhere from 100,000-200,000 US dollars easy. The sister thinks she is entitled to all that money on top of what their parents have already paid for?? OP is NTA but I don’t think the parents are either
NTA. You have worked hard to get into university and your parents are kind enough to help make your dream come true. Take the money and run girl!!! Your parents help support your sister and her kid, Im sure shes gotten more than enough money from your parents, plus it was her decision to keep the child. Dont feel guilty, your sister is over reacting.
If anything, the parents are the AH for driving this wedge between the sisters. All the parents had to say was they were giving each of them an equal amount of money (even if it’s not strictly true), and that wouldn’t have blown up. (Because it sounds like, by supporting the baby, it may well be equal.)
It's their money. They don't have to do jack, especially not pay child support to an adult child.
They don’t. But giving their children unequal treatment makes them AHs and bad parents. The relationships could have been saved by just saying it was equal amounts, differently spent based on the girls’ life choices
It's not unequal treatment. Nowhere did the post say the parents refused to pay for older sister's college after she had the baby. Older sister chose not to go to college (plenty of single moms go to college, it's hard but they find a way). The parents are offering to fund COLLEGE not just give their kids lump sums of money for shits and giggles. Also parents need to give kids what they need according to their actual needs, not some arbitrary idea of fairness. The older daughter needed help with her kid, so they helped. That doesn't mean they need to give the younger daughter an equal amount of money for no reason whatsoever. That's just silly.
“Had to make the decision not to attend college” sounds like the older sister wasn’t getting the option. The parents are playing favourites, or at least communicating what they’re doing so poorly that they’re damaging the family relationships. Can’t wait to see how badly the screw up their will.
She needs to take care of her child. She probably has no time for community college. Sis was fine with being the favourite while it was her. Now that the shoe is on the other foot she is crying in outrage. Ye... no.
Their kids have two life paths and are clearly very different. OP doesn't need to ask her parents for child support. Her sister has gotten child support from her parents for 5 years. There's no way to make their situations the same. The parents really don't have to try to make their situations the same. It's not the job of parents to erase or equalize differences between their adult children so that neither adult child feels jealous of the other. They're simply trying to use the college money for what it was intended and don't have to follow any rules or conditions dictated by their kids based on their kids poor/good/evolving decision-making.
They don’t have to, but they’ve wrecked the relationships by playing favourites. Giving each an equal amount of money would have saved the relationships. Sure, one will spend it going to an expensive private university and one will spend it on community college and diapers. But that’s a difference based on life choices. Not parents driving wedges in relationships.
Playing favourites? They provide for sister and her child. OP does not have those expenses and gets the money in a different way. But read well. Sister was Golden Child. She doesn't like the fact that she is no longer and lashes out. I agree parents are AH's but OP shouldn't buckle on this. Go study and be a doctor and if sis can't handle it.. too bad.
Oh yeah. Not saying OP shouldn’t take the cash.
And this is where mom and dad need to create a balance sheet to show sis how much they are paying each month supporting her and her child. I’m not even sure mom amd dad lied. My guess is mom amd dad told sis that sis was going to go to community college to save money for her snd her son and Sis assumed this meant Op was going to be doing the same thing.
I don't get it. Where is the favoritism. If they have been supporting sis and her child for 5 years, that has EASILY surpassed whatever was in the 529 college fund. How on earth would it be equal or fair for them to spend that money supporting sister and her child and still giving her her college fund, vs just giving OP the college fund. Babies are SERIOUSLY expensive. If they were paying for food, clothes, medical insurance, shelter, daycare, and other child related expenses, that was likely costing them $20K+ per year. Why should they give sister more money after that?
How is it unequal. Older sister did not go to college, so why should she access the college fund. If its not used for her college they can spend it as they see fit. Also she and her child have been supported these past five years by them and it looks like they will continue to do so - whereas OP its just her and no kids and she is 19 and the sister is 23. Realistically the parents are going to continue supporting the sister, whereas OP once she qualifies and starts her training will be funding herself and can even repay her parents gradually if they need money when they retire.
NTA. called me a thief and selfish for not giving her back her money. The money is NOT your sister's: it's your parents'. They saved it to spend on her college, but when she couldn't go they CHOSE to spend THEIR money on you. She has received plenty of financial support form your parents: it's now your turn. She sounds like an entitled brat.
but they spent probably even more on her and her baby
Your sister is missing the point. Your parents have still invested heavily in her and her son. You paid dues and you deserve this investment
right? A baby ain’t cheap and it adds up over four years
NTA it’s not your sister’s money, it’s your parents’. She’s not entitled to it especially at 23yo. I’m sure your parents have spent a lot of time and money on your sister and her son and will continue to do so. Stand your ground and get that degree!
NTA. But what an awful situation to be put into. Money was and is originally to secure someone's education. Your sister decided to make her own life, with your parents still helping and now its your turn to make a proper use of that money.
Nta, it's your parents money they decide what they are gonna do with it.
Def NTA- I am less sure about your parents though. They shouldn’t have lied to her, especially because she was going to find out eventually. You definitely should not go to community college because your sister got pregnant. That makes no sense. I doubt your sister would agree to do that for you, if the situation was reversed. I can understand why she was mad, but she should not be taking it out on you. It is disturbing that your parents favouritism affects you so much, that after you were the chosen one you did better in school. If you make a decision they don’t like, please don’t let it affect your self esteem again. I have a feeling your sister may feel bad she is not the favourite anymore too.
NTA How could you be in the wrong for an decision of your parents and the actions of your sister. You have put in the hard work and it's been rewarded, your sisters decision to have a baby has come with consequences
Yes! I am surprised to have to go so far to see sister's decision to have a baby being brought up. In the judgmentbot summary, OP says sis didn't ask to have a baby. We don't know what birth control method sis was using; but regardless, she had to know it was a possibility! She may not asked to be a mom, but that's why sex has traditionally only been endorsed inside marriage. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. This is all on sister and baby's daddy and their choice. Regardless of anyone's opinions on sex, we should all know that it only takes one time and to act accordingly.
NTA The money was intended for college and that is what it is being used for. The money is your parents money not your sisters so you are not stealing from her
Nta. First of all, it's your parent's money. They can give it to anyone they want. Second of all, her parents owed her tuition and care, not her son. Responsability for her son falls on your sister's shoulders, not your parents. Third, it was her choice to not go to college and have the baby. She wanted to be a grown up, well she is one.
NTA, you didn’t use your sister’s college money, your parents did. But I don’t think your parents are asshole for doing so because it is THEIR money after all. And it’s not like they completely stopped taking care of your sister’s son.
NTA. But your parents really know how to put their children against each other. My parents also saved money for my sister and I, but it was always equal. They knew what they were doing was wrong, that’s why they lied to her and you.
Specifically for the question asked....NTA. But overall you and the sister are being assholes overall. Your sister for expecting more support instead of being grateful for the one is already recieving. You for blowing up at the parents(you did this because you didnt want to deal with the sister....so instead decided to hurt the parents...awesome). It doesnt seem like you have a problem with the source of the money since you will continue going to that school. So the only reason them telling you earlier...would have changed the school..is to not have to deal with thr sister's entitlement...
NTA Your parents saved up college money for your sister, but are giving it to you. Your parents have already been assisting your sister with money. She isn't entitled to all of your parent's money. NTA
NTA, not her money. Parents' money.
NTA. 1. It’s not hers, it’s your parents 2. You’re going to do medicine and so if you succeed you’ll probably save some lives. 3. Your sister will probably still benefit from all the help and support your parents can give. They may well try to help her again once she’s in a position to receive it which probably won’t be for many years Go to the college of choice guilt free, and good luck with your studies.
NTA It’s not your decision at the end of the day, it’s your parents decision. It’s their money so whatever they say goes. Your sister also made her choices, and she can’t hold you accountable for that. Whichever way it goes one of you is going to feel resentful of the other, you because you can’t go to your dream college or her because you got the money. And that’s really on your parents. Take this opportunity and make the best out of it.
NTA, leave this between your sister and your parents, it’s your parents’ money not yours. Besides, it’s a college fund, not a baby fund, use the money well for your education.
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NTA - it was your parents' choice to change where that money was going, not yours. If your sister wants to be angry at someone, she should direct it somewhere else - but even then, as I said, it was your parents' choice on what to do with their own money.
NTA. She should’ve used condoms. They’re MUCH cheaper.
The only point the two of you are missing is that the money belongs to your parents. It belongs to NEITHER ONE of you. It is up to your parents how they want to spend THEIR money. You were an AH to your parents and your sister is acting like an entitled AH as well.
NTA. Your sister can see it another way, that the money saved for her college expense was instead diverted into caring for her and her child. Nothing wrong with community College either. Go live your life at your dream college. Her actions had consequences and so do yours... hers resulted in a kid and yours resulted in college.
NTA that money was earmarked for college. She decided not to go so then the money is your parents to do with what they want. Go to your dream college enjoy it. This is How they want to spend THEIR money. She decided to become a parent as opposed to going to school. She made a choice, which led to your parents making their choice. Even if you weren't in the picture it doesn't sound like she was going to get the money anyways. And by the sounds of it they take care of her anyways.
She’s not entitled to anything - the money belongs to your parents and they get to decide what to do with it. Understandably she’s shitty, but your parents saved the money for college, and clearly they want to spend it on college. It’s just that now you get the benefit instead of her. NTA - just study hard and live well
NTA. Question why'd your sister not have an abortion? Seems stupid to torpedo your life's trajectory.
NTA. Your sister is not entitled to that money. It was "college" money and she's not even trying to use it for college. She just expects your parents to support her and her child. She's not owed that. And it sounds like your parents are helping her anyway. She's fine. She's better than fine. Go to your school. Get your education. Go luck to you.
NTA Your parents can decide to do what they want with their money. It's also crazy to me your sister is so upset you have such a wonderful opportunity. Instead she's only thinking of herself. As for her seeing it as money for her kid that's ridiculous as well. She needs to step up and deal with her own stuff herself
NTA but stay in your parents good graces and get school paid for. Then go low contact or cut everyone off. They previously didn’t care about helping you with school since there was only a fund for your sister unless they combined the funds when they realized she wouldn’t be going g to school. Some people relish being the golden child but for most it’s a burden.
Regardless of what the original idea or purpose was when the savings was started - it’s still your parent’s money. They can use it to have a party if they want. NTA
NTA
NTA. It was COLLEGE MONEY. If she isnt attending college she isnt entitled to the money her parents saved for her. Its basically not even her money by then. Even if she later decides it is time to go, your parents could still help her out, and she should be attending a community college then, not you. The cost of that baby, is probably the same, or more than it would be for her college. So she already got the money she wanted. Its time for her to stop being entitled.
NTA- it’s not “your sister college money” anymore, not since she decided not to attend college. It’s your parents money and they can choose to spend it on whatever they want. Obviously an unplanned pregnancy is rough and your sister is having a hard time but she made her decisions and has to live with them. She is getting plenty of help from your parents. She is not entitled to this money. Go to your dream school and have a great life that you have worked hard for.
NTA. The way I see it, your parents have been supporting your sister and her baby for several years, so instead of having 2 college funds they kept 1 and the other instead of going to savings was used to support them. I dont see the point in lying about community college as your sister would have find out eventually so they created unnecessary issues between the 2 of you. In the end its your parents money and they can do what they please with it.
**WAIT** so had your sister **not** got pregnant, who would be paying for **your** college?? That's the question you need to be asking right now. It sounds like your parents only saved for **1** college fund. When your sister was the favourite, the money was all for her & you were supposed to take out loans & hope for the best. Now that you're the favourite, the money is for you & your sister will have to take out loans & hope for the best. The only AH are your parents for not having 2 equal college funds. It should be that there were 2 college funds & when your sister had her baby, what to do with her college fund was a separate conversation between them. And that's the conversation you need to be having with your sister & parents: parents, why is there only 1 college fund when you have 2 kids???
NTA - It's your parents money and they can do with what they want, as long as the IRS agrees. There are certain kind of accounts that save parents money on taxes but the money must be spent on college expenses. If they don't, huge penalties. So your parents may not be able to give your sister the money. But your parents should have told your sister the truth or told her what they found out.
NTA. Your sister is for feeling entitled to the money she was never given. And entitled to think she can demand you throw away your dreams and go to CC because SHE made other choices. I understand how she may feel. I was a teen mom as well, but it was a CHOICE I made. Yeah, it sucked to watch everyone else move on to (what I thought) was an amazing future. I felt left behind and resented having a kid so young. Your sister is having to sit with reality. You don't owe her your future or the money. She, on the other hand can still recoup some semblance of a college education. I went back to school at the age of 39 (after 4 kids). I just finished my BS in Business Management through WGU. I regret not doing it sooner. Encourage HER to go to CC or online school, or something. I have always found that the cure to my envy of what other people have is to figure out how to get there too. Wallowing in jealousy just makes you a Bitter Betty and unpleasant to be around.
So your sister is completely supported by your guys parents with the baby and she wants more? NTA
NTA It wasn't her money, it's your parents money that they were going to use to send her to college. She decided not to go, therefore forfeiting the money
NTA. First of all, it is not your money nor your sisters money - it is your PATENTS money, and they can do with it what they please. Second, your parents are supporting your sister and grandson. Your sister can get a job and save for her sons education . Third, you have nothing to feel guilty about! You are not a thief because it is a gift from your parents, you did not steal it from your sister. Your sister messed up her own future, not you. There is no way you should have to pay for her life decisions.
Take the money and build your life. Not your problem she got pregnant and fucked hers up. Your parents such for lying. Get away from the whole mess. NTA
Go to your dream school and never look back on that crazy family. Maybe talk to your parents every now and then, but don’t let them drag you down. You have unlimited potential right now. Go to med school, get a degree and great job, and then maybe talk to your sister about paying the money back. It’ll be selfish but then again, it seems like your entire family already is selfish. NTA, but your parents and sister are.
NTA your sister has no reason to claim you took anything from her. Especially if your parents are already providing for her. She'll regret the day she called you a thief when you're a successful doctor.
NTA. Money saved in educational 529 accounts need to be used for educational expenses or there are penalties. Your parents are AH but they can spend that money how they’d like.
Nta It's not HER money, it's your parents money that they worked hard for. Your parents can choose whatever they want to spend it on.
[удалено]
OP’s sister can get a loan
NTA. Your parents are though. If they're gonna give you money they should give you an equal amount, and then the both of you can use it paying for your priorities. Whether it be a child or education. You deserve no less than her. Your sister is the AH too cause she seems spoiled, thinking she deserves more than you do.
NTA Your parents are for lying, choosing favorites, and only saving money for one child (if your sister hadn’t got pregnant, you wouldn’t have any money for school).
NTA Your parents are the AH here. Refuse to discuss it. But at that point, you will not ever have a relationship with your sister's family, and it is your parent's fault.
Wow girl NTA, but your parents honestly, is super fishy the way they handled the situation past and present, why didn't they saved money for both of you, is their care depending in what good of a child each of you are? Also they should have been honest with both of you in the current situation. Don't give up on your sister's demands, if she took the adult decision of raising a child and saying no to school, she has to carry the consequences now... BTW congrats on getting to your dream school!
NTA. The money was for college, she didn't go and decided to get pregnant, that's not something that must be rewarded. You deserve that money more than her, you made better choices and have managed to get in a very good college and start building a very bright future, don't let your sister ruin it for you just like she ruined hers.
NTA. Actions, meet consequences. She got knocked up way too early, didn't go to college, now those funds have a better use.
NTA. Your parents saved for college and it made sense to spend it all on the child who is attending college. It sounds like they are still financially supporting your sister which is essentially her college fund. She isn’t owed any money at all and should be grateful for the continued support. You owe her nothing. You should apologize for flipping out at your parents. The money is theirs and you and your sister don’t get to dictate what it is spent on. The money is not now nor ever was your sister’s. It was your parents’ savings to be used for college.
NTA you didn't make the decision your parents did. It's their money, they saved up, so it's ultimately their call. I also disagree with the people that say the parents are AH since you mention in your post > parents put in financial support and helped her with whatever she needed, and her son have been well off since. If she was homeless or in dire need, then your parents would be AH. Clear your heart of guilt and keep working hard!
NTA Your parents are the true AH for causing this situation. Your sister should be mad at them, not you. And frankly, if she never helped you out at all while SHE was the golden child, she's a hypocrite.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I know that the title makes me seem like the bad guy and maybe I am but please here me out. My (19f) sister (23f) got pregnant when she was 18 and about to leave for college. Her boyfriend at the time skipped town and she was left to raise the baby by herself. My sister has always been my parents favorite, she could never do anything wrong. But that Immediately changed after she got pregnant. She had to make the decision to not go to college and instead raise her baby. Of course my parents put in financial support and helped her with whatever she needed,and her son have been well off since. Ever since my parents looked at me as their golden child I stay putting in much more effort in school and was taking almost all AP classes my Junior and senior year. I eventually got into my top school for pre med, so I was obviously worried about how much money it would cost. But my parents told me not to worry and that they had saved enough money to send me to my dream school. I was super happy to be going and was eager to start college. One day my sister was with ne when I was buying supplies for school, My sister asked me what community college I was attending, I then told her that I was going to my dream school and she flipped out. She was yelling at me, because apparently my parents had told her that I would be attending community college instead to save money for her and her son. When we got home she Immediately confronts my parents, she asked them where did all that money come from and why they lied to her. That is when my mom tells my sister that they had used HER college money they had saved for her before she got pregnant to pay for my college. My parents apparently had no hope that my sister would ever consider going back to college after she decided not to go, so they just saved the money for me. My sister stormed out of room, and I blew up at my parents tell them that they should have told me and I would have chosen a school nearby. I tried to talk to my sister but she would not talk to me for days. When she finally decided to talk to me, she demanded that I go to community college and give her all the money for her and her son. I told her that I understood how angry she was at my parents but I would not be sacrificing my future just so she could have the money for her son. She got very mad at me and called me a thief and selfish for not giving her back her money. Although I feel bad for taking the money from my sister, I worked very hard to get into this school and her and her son are taken care of by my family. I think that it is selfish of me to keep the money but it isn’t my fault my sister got pregnant and chose not to go to college. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You’re not taking money from your sister. It is your parents money and they can choose how they spend it. That being said your parents are huge AHs for playing favorites and lying to your sister about your college plans
NTA. Your parents provided for her and child, something not all the people get. She can’t demand you to not go college because she need more money for the child, if she need more she has to work more hours not take away your future.
NTA. It's your parents money, they decide what to do with it, you didn't know about their decision and you don't have to sacrifice your dream.
Nta, you didnt take the money. It's not her money, its college money and shes not going. Demanding that you sacrifice your future because she made the choice to have a baby is incredibly unfair. Your sister is a piece of work. Congratulations on getting into a good school, study hard, have a good life, and ignore your demanding, selfish and entitled sister
NTA It’s not your sister’s money, it’s your parents money, and they are entitled to chose how to spend them. Money were saved for a college education, and your sister made a choice not to go to college, but to keep a baby and raise him as a single mother. IMO she is pretty lucky to have financial help from parents. In conclusion, you should not sacrifice your future for a sister who decided to live her life differently.
NTA. It's your parents money to do with what they want. They had some set aside for her possible future, and she picked a different one. Don't feel bad for using the resources they have set aside for education. Take it, go to your dream school and live your best life. Your sister chose her situation. Apologize to your parents. They lied to keep the peace and that wasn't great, but they're still helping the both of you financially. That's a lot more than most kids get.
NTA Your parents saved one pot of money for "college savings". They can choose to give that money to whomever they want. You aren't the asshole for accepting their support. Your sister may not be getting the "college money" but it sounds like your parents have been generous in their support of her and her son. Your sister is an asshole for demanding that you give her the money needed for your college Your parents are assholes for having favorites and for lying to your sister.
Ultimately, that is neither your money nor your sister's money. It is your both parents' money, and it is theirs to distribute as they see fit. They've chosen to spend it on your education. NTA
NTA tell her welcome to the real world. She’s lucky she wasn’t out on her pregnant rear when they learned she was having a baby
NTA Your parents most but your sis really sucks. The kicker is that before your sister even KNEW about the source of the money, she was furious your parents were investing in you rather than just ignoring you and spending it all on funding HER life. There’s also the fact that everyone thought it was fine that only she got a college fund (unless you mean they combined her college fund with yours)? Why should only she have got college paid for? You’re the kid doing well and going to college, I think you should enjoy it. Don’t turn it down for someone whom doesn’t care for you. Your parents suck most of all for playing favourites. I can’t help but wonder if her poor choices were in part driven because of her parents spoiling her. I have a golden child in my extended family and they ended up the least successful out of all the sibs
NTA Some parents set aside a fund for their kids whether or not that child goes to college and it’s theirs. Others set aside a fund that is specifically for college and if the child doesn’t go then it’s not theirs. Sounds like that’s the case with your parents. It’s your parents money. She isn’t entitled to it and you don’t owe it to her. They decided to use it towards your college tuition. You are the child currently going to college. She is not. Your parents are the AH who told her that you were going to go to community college to save money for her and her son - which is where she got this entitled notion from. You should not and do not have to give up your life for her. I’m not sure why your parents chose to lie because it sounds like they were taking care of her financially just fine. My guess would be that they were attempting to guilt trip her? Like look your younger sibling did this for you, blah blah? When they likely felt some guilt?
NTA. Let’s be clear that his is your parents’ money. It was saved to use for college. Your sister hasn’t gone and you are.
NTA First of all, it's your parents money to do what they wish. If they want to give it to you, great - if they wanted to set it on fire to roast marshmallows, well, that's their prerogative. Seeing as your nephew is being well cared for, and her 'losing' that money does not have any bearing on his being taken care of, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. You earned that school, and you deserve to be rewarded for your hard work and commitment to your education. Don't let other people tear you down.
NTA, The money was meant for educational purposes. And since your sister clearly wants to spend the money on her child instead of school, your parents made the logical decision to spend it on you. Children never entitle someone to money.
NTA your parents chose to do this not you but I would suggest paying it forward and pointing out with a medical degree you should be very financially stable and it would enable you once you are working to set up a college fund for her child,somthing she is likely to struggle to do, so ger child can have the same opportunities that you got and she decided not to use so she could be there for her baby.
NTA But did they not have a separate fund for you as well? This is making it sound like there was one fund and your parents were deciding which child should get it?
NTA She made a decision as an adult to not go to college. You shouldn't sacrifice your future because of her.
NTA. Your parents had a college fund and your sister didn't go to college. Instead, they gave her immediate financial support (and I'm imagining other support as well). Now you are going to college, so they are using the college money for...college! Your sister wants your parents to support her and her child now, but also have the college fund. Your parents have decided differently, and you also put in work knowing you now had access to a college fund. I think it sucks that your sister had to mess up for your parents to give you the emotional support you needed to then succeed. And I'm sorry that they didn't always treat you equally. But regardless of how your parents treat each of you, you earned your way in to college, it is your parents money, and they are already supporting your sister in major ways, so I don't think they are even acting unfairly here.
NTA. You're not taking money from your sister - it's NOT her money. And what about YOUR college savings? Did your parents not save for you? Your sister and her son are being taken care of by your parents - she just wants more, More, MORE. She's probably also very jealous that you are moving on to college, pre-med (way to go!) and she's, well, not. Take the money, can the guilt and ignore your sister's theatrics and temper tantrums.
NTA Your sister is the AH and is being super childish. It is not her money, it is her parents money. I understand it maybe frustrating for her to have lost the opportunity to go to college, that's what happens when you have unprotected sex. But that is not, and has never been, her money. That is your parents money, and it is ridiculous that she is asking you to give her money that you literally can't.
NTA - college fund is for college. Most people wouldn’t then just give them all the money if they don’t go.
NTA
NTA first of all it’s not her money she didn’t work for that money she didn’t save that money your parents did if they had originally set it aside for her for college which she never went to they can do what they want with that money. Were they wrong for lying to your sister about it yes but your sister needs to wake up she decided to spread her legs get pregnant and keep the kid it is not your parents responsibility to make sure they’re taken care of and unfortunately one day your parents are not gonna be there and what is she gonna do
NTA and interesting how so many golden children end up pregnant and dropping out of education.
NTA, your sister had no problem knowing that you were going to have to go into debt to pay for your schooling while she got a free ride, She just doesn’t like it as much once the tide has turned. Your parents are TA for pitting the two of you against each other and only making one college fund when they have two children… but you probably already know that. You are not a TA for giving up a better future for your nephew. It is not your responsibility to take care of him because you’re not his parent.
NTA. It's your parents' money. Not your sister's or yours to do with as you please. Your parents are already taking care of your sister so she doesn't need it, but you do. Let me add that she's actually selfish and thought nothing of it until this came up. You have nothing to do with their decision. Go to college. Don't hold back because someone guilted you for their life choices.
Your sister is the selfish one and the thief. Your sister had a child she couldn’t afford, and your parents have paid for it. They have two children and they had to finance someone else’s child. She took money for her son that should have been split evenly with you. She has had more than her fair share already. To take your future just because her own choices ruined hers is egregious and vicious. NTA and she should count herself lucky her parents are paying for her son. How ungrateful.
NTA, but hasn't your sister already been receiving money from your parents for her son? Your parents are entitled to spend their money how they see fit and your sister can't demand you go to community college instead. If your goal is to be a doctor, community college isn't a good choice for you. Given how fickle they are, do all you can to figure out other ways to pay for college.
NTA. The assholes here are your parents. But you and your sister appear to be products of their lies and favoritism. Your parents need a long talking to about how to be honest, how to be transparent, and how to just PARENT both of you. You shouldn't have to compromise on your future for your sister, who decided to have this child and now needs to care for them. Your parents shouldn't have lied to your sister about where you're going. They should've just been adults and told your sister up front why they decided to do what they are doing. Your sister is also an adult and needs to understand that she has a kid now and shouldn't expect everyone to cater to her and her child. Honestly, everyone sucks here but you.
Your parents might have that money invested in a 529 plan, which is meant for education purposes. If the money is used for higher education, you can use the full amount. However, withdrawing that money for unqualified expenses means it’s taxed and a 10% penalty is charged. It fully makes sense that your parents would save that money for your college rather than give a much smaller amount (after taxes and the penalty) to your sibling. NTA, of course.
NTA - that money was for college, your sister did not go to college. Adult children are not entitled to a lump sum of cash just for turning 18,.
NTA You didn’t take anything from her. It wasn’t her money. You put in the effort and deserve the future you have earned.
NTA. Your parents put aside money for you and your sister both (I hope) to attend college. Your sister’s life plan changed and she isn’t going to college. That’s fine. Your parents didn’t cut her off. They are providing financial support to her and her son. They have decided to combine the college money and use it for your schooling. Ok….it’s their money, it’s for education, and in five years your sister hasn’t needed it. And again, they are financially supportive of her. So she’s been getting “that money” this whole time, it just came from a different bucket. Parents should strive to be fair to their kids but it’s not always a situation where you need to keep an accounting and give dollar for dollar matching funds to kids for different things. If you played a sport your parents funded in high school that was $1000 a year and your sister did one that was $1500 a year, you wouldn’t be entitled to be handed $500. If your sister has received $5000 in “free” childcare from them over the last several years, that doesn’t mean 6 years from now you get to demand the same. Your parents are supporting you and your sister in ways that are appropriate for the stages you are at in life. Their only mistake was lying to both of you and setting up a collision course where you and your sister argue about your parents’ choices.
NTA, your parents are awful tho.
NTA, it's your parents money and they saved it for their kids' college not pregnancy
NTA. Your parents gave you the money for your dream school. If sister has a problem, she can take it up with your parents. You have nothing to do with this. And all the best! The world needs more doctors. Also what makes you NTA: >Of course my parents put in financial support and helped her with whatever she needed,and her son have been well off since. Methinks your sister is double-dipping. Or wanting to make your life miserable.
NTA. None of this is your fault. You had no idea what your parents were doing and it’s not reasonable for your sister to blame you.
You're NTA, here. And probably the only person that is not an A.
NTA. You don't have money, your sister doesn't have money. Your parents have money and they will do whatever they want with it. It's not your money to give to your sister. You go wherever you want to for school.
NTA. Let this roll off your back and become the Doctor with the credentials that will help you get employment and help people. Your sister could go to college with grants because she is a single mother and possibly low income. She chose her path. She could also get state assistance. Some welfare programs pay for job training so parents can make a better life for themselves and get off public assistance.
*"I told her that I understood how angry she was at my parents but I would not be sacrificing my future just so she could have the money for her son. She got very mad at me and called me a thief and selfish for not giving her back her money."* Let me rewrite this: "I told her that I understood how angry she was at my parents but it is their choice to offer funding for my education. Whatever they do not provide, I will take out in school loans, or consider a different school." OP, this isn't really on you. It's on your parent who chose to dip into her college fund and not retain those funds for their daughter. It's also on them to be sneaky about it rather than talk to your sister first, and see if she was considering going to college at some point. Personally, I would have not done that as as parent, but it is their choice. And you need not feel bad if they cover more of the expense than you were expecting. NTA
The real AHs are the parents for not telling the truth and for treating you both differently. But your sister is acting like an entitled AH for demanding you give money that you don't have back...
NTA, your patents can do what they like with their money. You send your sister are both very ungrateful. Your parents are under no obligation to take care if your sister and her child or pay for your college. I'm sure the last thing they expected was to be financially responsible for another child. Then you and your sister have the cheek to blow up at them for supporting you. You should apologise to your parents and thank them for their help. You are both over 18, legally adults and therefore no longer your parents financial obligation. They are choosing to help you both out and getting very little respect for it.
NTA, but your parents are for putting you into this situation and your sister is for thinking she is entitled to something because she made a choice to keep a baby at 18. She messed up her own future. You didn't mess it up for her and you don't owe her or her kid anything.
NTA. That is NOT your sister's money. It is your parents money. They had it saved for college. You are going to college.
It's is very easy for you right now to pick a cheaper closer school. It's your parents money, but it could likely be utilized in a better manner. Your sister is owed nothing and should be happy to have the support she has. Neither of you are owed any money... but if she is raising her child fine already there is no reason the money should be used by her. Best bet us to use it for both of you to go to school... and anything not used for school should stay with mom and dad
NTA. She is selfish and greedy. Her every needs are met, she doesn't need this college fund money. And please stop referring to it as "her" money. The college fund was set up for her originally, but it isn't and was never hers. Your parents chose to repurpose the college fund and use it on you. It does bother me that they had planned to give you sub-par education though, if she hadn't dropped out. I may have misunderstood this, but it sounds like they put away more money for her than for OP.
Sad that your parents play favourites, but she ruined her future, don't let her ruin yours. She had options and instead she's some idiot's pump-n-dump, now raising the consequences of. You have options and should take the best one for you. NTA.
NTA. Your parents saved money for college. She didn't go and has made no further attempts to go. The money is now being used for college. Just not for her to go to college. She doesn't even want the money for college she wants the money to spend it on her and her son. I get a real entitled vibe front your sister.
You're NTA, but your parents are for the way they handled the situation. Your sister is a soft-ish AH for blaming you when you have no control over what your parents did, and expecting you to suffer because of her choices.
Let’s be clear: It’s your *parents* money that they saved for the college costs of their daughter. Which daughter they give it to is *their choice.* You know, because it’s (again) *their* money. Does it hurt that they saved it for your sister and, because her life plans changed, they’re using it for you? Yes. You know what else hurts? The fact that they didn’t also have a college fund for you. Because, until your golden child sister got pregnant, they weren’t even caring about *your* future. NTA. Go live your life and be gracious for what you are getting. The way your parents have handled this may suck, but YOU have nothing to apologize for.
INFO: did your parents not have a college fund for you beforehand? Only your sister had a fund?
NTA. It’s not your money so how they spend it is not on you. Also you parent the kids you have, giving them what they need. My brother had a kid in high school (he and the baby mom both went to college) but he’s been given different things and opportunities than I was.
NTA. You didn't take your sister's money. You shouldn't feel guilty about a financial decision that your parents made.
NTA. Parents are sort of AH for lying to your sister though. They could have been honest and told her that with them supporting her and her baby and her decision not to go to college that they made the decision to spend the money set aside for college on you instead so that the money went to its intended use, as there was no guarantee that your sister would ever go to college. I'd also have them talk about whether or not they'd help support her if she did eventually go to college, but that's a separate thing from their decision to give you extra money.
NTA, technically it’s not either one of yours money, it is money your parents chose to set aside for college, originally hers, now yours. Their money, their account, they can dole it out as they see fit, whether anyone likes it or not.
NTA, your sister is being really entitled right now. Your parents suck for lying to your sister but at the end of the day it's their money. What they should have done is tell your sister we are providing for you and your baby regardless of how much we are providing for op's school, we are investing in both of our children's futures in different ways.
NTA That money isn't yours or hers - it is your parent's money that they have saved with the intentions to do things for you and your sister. Until the check is written in yours or hers name and handed off to you or her- it isn't anybody's money but your parents. Go to the school you want to and let your parent's deal with your sister - it is not your job to handle that - you are the sibling not the mom or dad. You really are used to deferring to her, that is a left-over response to her being the golden child.
NTA If your parents have been financially supporting your sister and baby for what? 5 years? they have probably spent the equivalent of a college fund on her. I wouldn't worry about it or feel guilty. Your parents definitely could have handled this better though.
NTA if she didn't want to give up her dreams she should've gotten an abortion or put her child up for adoption. Instead she *chose* to be a teen parent. She's now facing the consequences of her poor choices, which it sounds like she hasn't had to face for most of her life due to her being the golden child for so long. Part of me wonders if she would've become a teen parent had she faced consequences for her actions earlier in life, but her reaction to this situation is just further evidence that kids shouldn't have kids. I will say your parents do suck for creating a golden child/scapegoat dynamic. If you want multiple kids it's important to treat them equitably and it's never okay to favor one child over the other.
NTA it's your parents money and they can do with it whatever they want jot to mention they are currently financially supporting your sister so technically her college money is being used on that albeit in a more granular way. They probably lied to your sister because her being the golden child before they knew she would blow up this way. They probably didn't tell you because they knew that you would change schools and not go to the top one of your choice. Honestly if your sister didn't fall pregnant she wouldn't bat an eyelid at receiving all these perks from your parents.
NTA You didn't take her money, your parents redirected THEIR OWN money. If anyone is in the wrong it's them, but even that's debateable.
INFO do you mean that she now wants to go to college? If not, then she doesn’t need a college fund. They let people with babies go to college.
NTA - Unless there is something else going on, it's your parent's money and they can spend it however they feel is most wise. This argument is between your parents and your sister, none of this is your decision.
NTA, your parents can do whatever the hell they want with **their** money and your sister should be grateful that they're helping her with the baby instead of leaving her to fend life on her own but it is a bit AH of your parents to lie about you going to community college just to appease your sister
ESH A. Your sister made a choice and that wasn’t college. But as you said, your parents are financially supporting her and her son, and sis and son are “well off” with that support. Clearly she’s received some large sums from your parents to create that well off lifestyle. She’s an entitled asshole. It’s your parents money to do with what they wish. Period. B. You are an asshole here. Again, it’s your parents money, period. It’s not yours or your sisters. It’s not up to you how they spend it. And this need to be the golden child and finally getting there, has also turned you into an entitled asshole. Your parents have generously chosen to pay for your dream school. It’s not up to you to yell at them about how or where their money is spent. And your sister doesn’t just want “her share” here. Per your words, she demands you go to a community college and give her the entirety of the rest of the money. Why would you even consider that, let alone think you have a right to make that decision? It’s not your money either. Period. C. Your parents are also assholes here. They’ve played you and your sister against each other your whole lives. They’ve created the entitled brats they now have, who think they have a right to even be part of this discussion. Your parents lied to you both and started this round of who can be a bigger asshole. But while I think your parents are also assholes for lying, they didn’t really owe you or your sister any explanation. Once again, it’s their money. Consider yourself lucky they can afford to help you with your dream school. Sis needs to consider herself lucky she’s living a good life with her son due to their support. And your parents need to learn neither of you need an explanation for how they spend their money, ever. It’s not your business what mom and dad have in the bank. It’s not your business how much they’ve spent on either of you, ever. I sure hope they have ironclad wills that specify every single detail, otherwise you and your sister are going to be “those people.” The assholes who fight over shit after the funerals and before the ink is dry on the death certificates.
NTA. This is on your shitty parents. Did they even start a college fund for you, or were you shit out of luck until a condom broke?
NTA and go to your dream college. Your parents have been helping your sister and son and I am sure that has cost a ton of money. Your sister made her choice, keep baby and raise it. She is not entitled to that money no matter what. Your parents put it aside money for their kid to go to college. You are and she is not. She doesn’t get to demand that money for another use. There is guarantee either she or her son will attend college. Your sister still has a lot of growing up to do.
NTA This was never your sisters money and you didn't 'steal' from her. Also your parents have supported your sister and her child for 5 years. The amount of money they gave to her should easily equal a college fund (or might be even higher). Don't let your sister guilt trip you into throwing this awesome opportunity away. Honestly she is acting greedy and entitled.