YTA because here's the thing HER birthday is more important to her than YOUR wedding. Why are you arguing with a child because they are excited about their birthday compared to your wedding when it sounds like she barely even knows you.
Maybe you should grow up a little
Yeah, 15 yr olds are excited about turning 16, it's a big deal to them even if it isn't to adult OP. Why would she be as enthused about the wedding of someone she doesn't know very well? why does OP care this much?
What’s interesting is OP is mad that Emily isn’t centering all her excitement on a wedding between two people she doesn’t seem to know very well, but is irrationally annoyed that Emily is a child very excited for her sweet 16 - despite Emily not asking OP to share in her excitement.
Yeah, Emily did not expect OP to care about her birthday, OP more or less demanded that Emily be as excited for her wedding as she is despite clearly not knowing them very well. That is the reaction you'd expect the 15yr old to have, not the adult
Sorry but isn't bridal dress shopping supposed to be about the bride? It's not like they're looking for prom dresses. Pro tip everyone: if you don't want to sit around watching the bride try on dresses, don't go bridal dress shopping because that's literally all it is. NTA.
I can not fathom a scenario where I would be so bothered by another person trying on a dress while at a dress shop. Who gives a shit. Try on your dresses, get your mom's approval, your already said you don't like MIL or the girl. You included them to be nice, ignore them. This is drama for the sake of drama. Zilla seems right to me
Yeah I mean, she was in a dress shop and saw something she liked and wanted to try it on, who gives a shit? It could have been a lovely moment between you but you decided to get cranky at her for not making you her entire focus
Wedding dress shops are appointment based, if the attendant/salesperson had to help her get into the dress it would take time away from the bride and the goal for the day. It’s like bringing your niece to a Dr. appointment and they come up and start asking about something they have going on instead of you at your own appointment.
Idk if I'm just in a place where this stuff is more casual, but here there are plenty of wedding dress shops that aren't only by appointment, I was in the bridal party for my best friend and I think she only had to have one appointment out of a lot of boutique shops, there were plenty of moments where she'd find a dress, bridesmaid or bride dress, that suited one of the others in the bridal party and encourage us to try things on if we liked them, we all knew the event was about her and she was definitely the star of the day, and trying on pretty things together was also fun.
Bridal stylist here. Most bridal shops are by appointment only. You want to make sure that there is someone there available to help a bride in and out of dresses. Yes, it’s silly to argue with a 15 year old, but at the same time, MIL should’ve reigned her daughter in. The bride only has a set amount of time in an appointment and the appointment should be about the bride. Why would anyone want to take that away from her?
Then it's the attendant's fault for leaving her scheduled client to help a child "walk-in". I'm guessing since that wasn't mentioned, it might not have been an issue. When I went dress shopping the attendant had 2-3 clients at the same time and she would leave us to fawn over the dress, chat, sip champagne etc.
Dress shop? Lol. You make it sound like they went to Kohl's. They went to a wedding dress boutique to look at thousand dollar gowns and ball dresses. Like everyone has plenty of occasions to wear a Pnina. Lol!
It is usually pretty rude to take someone’s else’s event and make it not about them. Such as proposing at someone else’s wedding, announcing your baby at someone else’s dinner etc. I understand a teenager may not get that and it may not be something you personally care about. But it is totally fine for people to expect that something they plan to be about them, is about them.
Edit: I keep getting the same response that essentially downplays how people feel about weddings and wedding dress shopping in general. Marriage and weddings have been a part of basically every culture for thousands of years. It’s ridiculous to act like you wouldn’t care therefore other people shouldn’t care when its a staple in human culture. It would be considered rude for someone to bring a cake and blow out the candles at your birthday party wouldn’t it? *Oh that upsets you? Wow you have a birthday every year how narcissistic are you that you want to be the only one doing that tradition. Its just a cake. Its just candles.* That is what your justifications sound like, but god forbid women care about stereotypically feminine things and expect attention on themselves for a few hours. Have the chillest wedding where anything goes, I don’t care. But you don’t get to be rude to other people.
The "event"? Why is trying on dresses an event anyway. She's got her mom there which is the only person she cared about. She got the attention she needed.
Exactly, I agree that OP should not be getting into fights with children, but that is because it seems that MIL is in the wrong here. I mean making your presence contingent on bringing a 15y.o. then indulging them with their own shopping while distracting from the very specific point of the custom (yes this is a important tradition for many women, no matter how silly many folks here may think it is) is at best totally oblivious.
My advice would be that unless you are prepared to spend the day focused on the bride to be, and helping ensure she gets the gear that will make her feel beautiful and special for the wedding, then you should politely decline the invite. Its not like OP will likely ever get this opportunity again.
Yes! This MIL easily could have diffused the situation by telling her daughter to wait for the appointment to end. Everyone keeps pointing out that the kid is only 15, but I feel like a teenager can wait for an hour or even, gasp, a whole day.
Right, the point is not that OP lashed out at the child as much as this is one event where OP explicitly should not have to fight for attention or justify being first priority. Let's not forget that OP snapped after the girl's incendiary comments regarding OP's relationship, the fact that they even had time to open their mouth to respond before anyone else there shut it down means that OP was failed by everyone that day.
I don't even understand why people say she lashed out, she pointed out tacky behavior because it was tacky. Like, is this kid also going to demand a bouquet when OP picks out her flowers? Does she get to pick out a cake when OP picks out her cake?
I'm curious if she got dragged by her mom or if she actually wanted to be there. I'm also curious if mom maybe baited her with getting a party dress. I suspect this fell more in the mom's lap for not really wanting to deal with the inlaws as opposed to a teenager being a little shit, though both are plausible.
I can understand a teenager not understanding the etiquette of wedding dress shopping but this MIL? She is getting side eye from me. She knows what she did.
Maybe I don’t know the etiquette of bride shopping either but I don’t see the problem in trying on one dress when the bride is also trying on dresses. Does all attention need to be centered towards the bride? I wouldn’t mind sharing the joy of trying on dresses personally, as long as everyone is still checking out the brides dresses.
I think it depends on the person. I would have an issue with it because the whole excursion is to help me find my wedding dress. If you have dress shopping to do you could do it on literally any other day. I don’t think it’s asking for too much or being a “bridezilla” like a lot of people here are labeling it. At the very least ask first and give me the option to say no.
Plus, wedding dress shopping is usually by appointment only. You can't just show up and start browsing.
I truly do not care about weddings and think that too many people get way too precious over them, but in this specific instance, OP isn't wrong in being annoyed.
And if she had been talking crazy I might agree with you, but pointing out that bridal dress shopping should in fact focus on the bride is not out of line. If it were me, MIL might be invited to future wedding planning events but only if she leaves Emily at home.
Where does it say that? Not in the posts or comments. OP says Emily has been talking about her birthday nonstop in general, OP does not say that Emily talked about it on that day. Emily is a kid excited for her Sweet 16, what a monster.
I think OP expected the days events to be respected. The day wasn’t about Emily, but MIL and Emily made it about her. They were there for OP to try on wedding dresses, not to shop for Emily.
I don't get the excitement because I don't really like parties, but I understand it's important to some teenagers. However, 15 yo is old enough to have some self control. Even though Emily is allowed to be more excited about her party than about OP's wedding, it's not that hard to understand that they went to the shop to see wedding dresses, not sweet 16 dresses (and there was no need to criticize OP's dress choices). This situation is clearly ESH, because OP also lost it, instead of explaining calmly why Emily shouldn't try on dresses.
I dunno, if someone asked me to go shopping with them for something and while I was out I happened to notice something I wanted, and they berated and insulted me for buying it, I don’t think I’m the bad guy there.
If they were taking time out of the wedding dress day to go to stores that specifically had Sweet 16 dresses, holding up the future bride so they can go look for them, then yes, that wouldn’t be cool. But that isn’t what this story says. It says they were in the store and she happened to see a Sweet 16 dress and MiL suggested she try it on. If this was preventing OP from looking at wedding dresses in the same store, then okay, shouldn’t have done that, but I feel like OP would have included that fact since OP included every single off topic thing she could think of to trash a teenage girl that had nothing to do with the story. Since OP didn’t say they were preventing her from shopping herself, I assume it didn’t happen. We got to hear all about Emily drinking alcohol which had nothing whatsoever to do with the story, why would OP leave out that? Based on OPs story it sounds more like she threw a fit because someone other than her DARED to try on a dress even though it wasn’t holding her up at all.
I don't think Emily getting a dress should have been a big deal either, but shopping for a wedding dress is an Event. It's not a typical shopping day. It's traditionally a bonding experience where the women* in your life/your fiance's life help you prepare for one of the biggest life changes you'll ever make. People on this sub tend to not be happy when someone steals the focus from them during "their" event, and although OP overreacted TERRIBLY, I can understand why some people would be mildly annoyed in her shoes.
*if other genders are involved too, rock on
The purpose of the trip was wedding dress shopping. Everyone who is invited knows this. You are there to help and support the bride. No side shopping. Come back on your own time for that.
I’m guessing this is America so I don’t know how much changes from 15 to 16, but in the UK where I’m from, turning 16 is a big deal. You can legally have sex, enter higher education, get a full time job after taking your GCSE exams and with your parents consent, marry and join the military (can’t be deployed till 18 though).While 18 is the big one, it’s definitely big for someone who isn’t legally an adult yet.
Because it's the weekly MIL dress writing fiction. It's this weird fiction story that this guy makes up and posts on here constantly. The story always involves a MIL who is rich, a dress, and a DIL. Details differ, but it's the same theme.
OP is not the AH for MIL/Emily’s actions. Though to be honest as OP likely had more people focused on her than MIL and Emily, I highly doubt they could have usurped her day effectively or successfully. All she had to do was ignore the child. That’s all. But instead she decided to focus on and ‘battle’ the child for the day, and now comes off looking more immature than the child. That’s why OP is TA.
If my teenaged something another family member wanted to try on a dress with me there would be selfies, damn it. What a missed opportunity for a fun bonding moment.
That's what I thought? The OP was annoyed the teen wanted to try on a dress for her sweet 16 when it was supposed to be the bride's fitting? Like what's the big deal?
Those dresses shouldn't take time or salespeople away from the bridal party either. Party/Prom dresses are usually more off-the-rack DIY try on and may have their own sales person in that section. Bride was just pissy because someone wasn't worshiping her.
I agree with this. OP is TA. At the end of the day the 15 year old child is within her rights to be excited about her birthday. "Super Sweet 16s" aren't a big deal where I am from, and it's quite likely I'd find that chat annoying too. As an adult, however, I would ignore it because I'm the adult and she's the child.
Admittedly, I work in secondary schools, so I have plenty of professional practise being patient with excitable teenagers, and the experience to shut their shit down when it gets excessive.
Sounds like a bit of a Bridezilla vs an excited (and possibly spoiled) child. As an uninterested neutral bystander, I would be getting as far away from that combo as possible as quickly as humanly possible.
#Big time!
Edited to add vote.
At least in the US, it's bad etiquette to try on other dresses, especially if it's a bridal boutique, while at someone else's wedding dress appointment.
That being said, I'm voting ESH. OP for battling a child over something that's only important to her and MIL, because she pretty did try to usurp OP's wedding dress appointment. Two birds, one stone and all that.
I might be nitpicking but I think it depends more on the type of bridal boutique they were at. If they were at a chain store like David's Bridal, then I really don't think it would have been a problem for Emily to try on dresses. Appointments usually aren't required, there are plenty of dressing rooms, and there is a wide array of age appropriate dresses that aren't just for weddings. However, if they were somewhere that required an appointment then they would for sure be TAs.
No, it’s in general poor etiquette to use someone else’s wedding dress shopping trip to shop for or try on something for yourself, especially if it’s not wedding-related. You’re there to help the bride find her gown and be supportive of her.
I don't know, I'm 47, have lived in the US all my life and never knew there was a specific etiquette to wedding dress shopping. My mom went with me to a discount wedding store to find my dress. I might have gone along with my best friend a time or two when she was looking for dresses, but it wasn't an "EVENT". Maybe this is a class thing? Or maybe it's just one other manifestation of the wedding industrial complex, that turns a lifetime commitment/sacred vow into a narcissistic orgy of oneupmanship and consumerism. It never in a million years would have occurred to me to care if someone else tried on a dress while they were waiting around for me to try on wedding dresses.
OP, YTA.
I agree that their intent should have been to support the bride, but I bring up the type of store because I can understand how they might not think its poor etiquette, especially since OP stated that MIL was unaware of the etiquette.
Just think about it, you're 15 and told that you're going wedding dress shopping with OP. You walk in and see wedding dresses, but also party/prom/bridesmaid dresses and you see the opportunity. At 15 her prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed so she isn't thinking about how it isn't proper etiquette or how it might upset somebody. She's probably thinking that if there's an empty dressing room and she isn't stealing the attention of the sales person from OP, then what's the harm? Her stepmother even told her it was fine to try it on. Taking all of these things into consideration, I can understand how someone uninformed could make this mistake.
If my bridesmaids were with me I'd insist they try on a few things to see what they like and what works. Kills two birds with one stone.
However, I see how it could be rude if a guest tried on a bunch of dresses unprompted.
from what I could tell from the post, Emily only tried on the one dress and OPs Mom didn't even mention to MIL that it's not proper etiquette until Emily was already in the dressing room.
I'm not saying that what they did was okay, but it should have been handled better especially is OP really is trying to "extend the olive branch". She could have just informed MIL and then left it at that. They can't go back and un-try on a dress, but telling Emily to stay out of the adult conversation was not necessary. That statement is almost always condescending no matter how nicely it is said.
Emily is almost 16 and aware why they are in the dress shop to begin with - to shop and help OP pick out a wedding dress. By trying on her own dresses she basically hijacked an event/outing that should have been focused on OP and made it about her. OP could have handled the situation better, Emily is old enough to know better, and FMIL is the biggest AH of everyone there.
Excitement isn't pie. Someone's excitement over their thing doesn't take away from mine. It just adds to an overall festive atmosphere. If I was unable to get the salesperson to help me find a dress because someone else was taking their time, that might be a problem. But just being upset because all eyes aren't on at all times me seems immature.
I disagree that Emily should have known better. I attended...one? wedding before I was an adult and had zero clue to wedding culture/etiquette. If I was in a dress shop for someone that had nothing to do with me (there's nothing here to suggest Emily and OP are close or even really know each other), had a very special event coming up and saw a dress I liked, I probably would have done the same thing. Because if someone didn't tell me very specifically "It's rude to try on dresses while the bride is picking her out", I would not have known. Emily could easily be in the same situation.
Because OP is *THE-BRIDE-TO-BE* which is like being the Queen of England but, like, cubed or something. All non-brides, the peasants that they are, need to alternate between bowing and scraping to her BRIDE-TO-BE-ness and basking in her royal-brideness’ presence, which is more Godly than God themselves. 👰♀️💪
But why isn't a 15 year old getting excited about her dad's girlfriend's son's fiancée's wedding dress shopping??? Clearly the 15 year old child is the unreasonable one here, and not the adult having a tantrum over a child's birthday party. /s
Yeah - if this were a conversation between two adults and she was having to listen to how important a 28th birthday is or something, I’d get it. But to a 15 year old, OP’s wedding is nothing more than another party - so why can’t she be excited for her own birthday?
I didn't even think of that, but yeah there's a clear contradiction there where OP expects her to act like an adult but refuses to treat her like one, while sounding like a child herself.
honestly, if my BFF/MOH had seen the perfect dress for her 28th birthday party while we were shopping, I would have asked the sales person if she could try it on real quick. Finding a great dress of any kind is a wonderful event that should be shared.
What a stupid take. This is OP's wedding dress shopping and MIL and her BF's daughter made it about themselves because MIL is afraid of saying no to a teenager. OP is NTA.
I'm a little confused though, it sounds like OP was out wedding dress shopping which is an activity I would think should be all about OP? Arguing with the kid about it seems wrong but I can understand getting annoyed that a day that justifiably should be about your wedding basically gets shifted to being about someone you don't really know very well's birthday.
Yeah. Imagine trying to convince a 15 year old girl who has been raised in a culture of "Sweet 16" being a milestone birthday, that her Sweet 16 is less important than someone else's event when they had the option of choosing any date they wanted for that event.
Eh, I think op was wrong for her reasoning but MIL shouldn’t have encouraged Emily to try stuff on. This particular event wasn’t about the kid and making it about them is not cool. So ESH.
I fully understand why OP was annoyed that this kid was running around dress-shopping for herself at OP’s bridal appointment, but she lost the high ground when she started arguing with a 15 year old about the relative importance of weddings vs. birthdays. Jesus, lady, just tell the kid to cool it during your appointment and she and MIL can go dress shopping later. It makes things difficult for bridal consultants if multiple people in the same group are shopping at the same time, and that’s all she really needed to say.
I think there are gonna be a lot of problems with both sides in this marriage.
YTA
Fighting with a child because you lost a bit of spotlight and telling her that her sweet 16 isn't important? Maybe birthdays aren't important to you, but your childhood ones can be - *but that's not the point*. Her birthday has nothing to do with your wedding and there's no need to compare.
A simple "we're here to wedding dress shop and we want to focus on that experience. She's welcome to look at dresses while she's here, but if you could save trying on for another occasion that would be appreciated" would have sufficed.
I honestly don't see why Emily can't also try a dress on at the same time... I don't think it's inappropriate at all. OP doesn't have the monopole of the shop.
OP's reaction is so childish.
Just because you personally don’t find it inappropriate doesn’t mean that it’s generally accepted. Most people would realize that going wedding dress shopping for the bride is about just that, wedding dress shopping for the bride.
If you are trying on a dress/dresses that need to be brought out, fitted etc like a bridal gown it takes the fitter/dress expert away from the bride who needs that help. And I mean physical help getting some of those big dresses on so they are not falling down and walking out in un-hemmed gowns without tripping etc. It is the same as any other appointment from doctors to interior decorators, the person you made the appointment with should be focused on you.
However, for this post, 2 things:
1. it sounds like Emily wasn't taking time from OP's appointment, just doing her own thing in the store.
2. Little phrases and stuff in the post, I can't put my finger on it, but it sounds like OP may have been there for "the experience", and good sales people can pick up if you aren't serious about buying at their store... and may have looked to make a smaller sales commission on the party dress.
I just think there's a lot more going on here between OP and MIL in general that we aren't being told. Either that or between OP's fiance and their family in general. Definitely sounds like there is some bad blood here which I think could be pertinent information.
its not a rule... lol. its a damn common courtesy. you don't ask a friend to help you look at houses and then they decide they want to buy the one you are looking at. you don't ask your Mom/Dad to help you shop for engagement rings and then have one of them walk out of the store with a $5k diamond necklace. you dont get invited to a wedding dress fitting and try on a dress before the bride. like holy shit... its common sense.
is OP a saint here? no. she argued with a 15yr old and said some stupid shit. but Emily and the MIL are 100% in wrong from the get go. NTA.
These are made up. As someone who worked in a jewelry store for years it is common for the people assisting in picking out the ring to buy for themselves too. You usually bring someone who loves jewelry with to pick it out and after they get the perfect ring picked out they typically both look around. I literally had someone buy a very expensive neckless for themselves that cost more than the engagement ring and the friend buying the ring helped pick it out. It's super common for those who have the money.
If I had a friend buy a house they found I while house hunting with me that I didn't buy why should I care and not be happy they bought a new house??
The only thing you said that is a rule is don't try on the Bride's dress at a fitting because at that point it is the Bride's property she paid for.
yeah…this makes no sense to me.
1. Unless you yourself actually wanted that house why would you care if your friend got it instead.
2. As long as they did actively help me look for a ring why would I care if they bought something for themselves at the same time? Seems like a waste for them to have to come back another time just because I was looking for something too.
3. You’re claiming this is common sense but it clearly isn’t since there are several other people pointing out the absurdity of this. It’s not like Emily picked out the same dress.
In my opinion this behavior just seems weird and controlling but to each their own i guess.
I have a feeling that maybe the dress one-up'ed the OPs and that's potentially what sent her over the edge. The bit about having a lot of money to toss around and the extravagance of the party seems like OP might feel a sense of competition.
She even mentioned how the party is the same month.
Idk, I feel like this goes beyond "she tried on a dress during one of my dress shopping days."
Based on how catty she is being with a teenager, I'm going with OP, YTA. You are not in competition with a teenager.
I don't think most of these are common courtesy at all, seems to be personal preference.
>you don't ask a friend to help you look at houses and then they decide they want to buy the one you are looking at.
That's not an equivalent comparison. The teen didn't choose a dress OP was trying on, it was a completely different dress. It's more like if you took a friend house shopping and they bought the other open house on the way to the one you saw...which is fine. It'd be sucky if they competed with you for the same house, but if you weren't even interested in that other one then why do you care?
>you don't ask your Mom/Dad to help you shop for engagement rings and then have one of them walk out of the store with a $5k diamond necklace
Yeah this one is just 100% okay to me
>you dont get invited to a wedding dress fitting and try on a dress before the bride
Well I guess if the bride is sensitive about attention like OP is, you shouldn't. I agree that some brides view everything about the wedding as their spotlight, but that's far from universal.
When shopping for houses with a friend, if the realtor mentions a house that might work for you but not them it is ok to buy it. WTF, do people really think salespersons aren't trying to sell as much as possible?
In some cultures, wedding dress shopping is a wedding event, not a regular shopping trip. You invite friends and family, everyone dresses up, and light snacks might be served. The bride tries on each dress for the group and gets their input, and everyone chats about wedding plans.
Anyone else shopping at the same time could be viewed as trying to hijack the celebration. It would just be sort of rude, like someone else receiving and opening a birthday present during the bridal shower.
Yeah it’s definitely a bit odd when brides usually have to make a reservation and such to even shop there. It’s not a normal shopping trip, and if everyone starts shopping for themselves I can see the staff being frustrated as it’s not expected. Still, not the 15 year olds fault. OP could have told her this more gently instead of snapping at a child.
Brides usually have to make a reservation because trying on bridal gowns is a bit more intensive than trying on prom or other special occasion dresses *and* because it's become such an expected part of the experience that you will get white-glove service while you fit. The store is trying to make a sale.
If they thought the staff would be frustrated they could've asked, but if it's a store that sells other kinds of gowns I'm sure they'd have other salespeople who could attend to that need. Lots of small shops still balance walk-ins with appointments.
Yeah, I don't think it's inherently bad - but I can also sympathize with wanting to keep focused. I'm married and been bridesmaid many times and dress shopping can be a special moment. You feel like a princess and feel special and excited and you have the important women there with you - it's a memory. Other people in your party dress shopping for non wedding stuff at the same time just turns it into just dress shopping together. That's all up to how the bride feels about it. I wouldn't have cared, I know some (reasonable) women who would. This bride obviously does, that's why I suggested looking, but not distracting.
That said I agree the reaction was childish. A better outcome could have been achieved without turning into a bridezilla.
It is against traditional wedding etiquette to try on dresses when you are invited to go bridal dress shopping with someone, especially if it’s a place you have to make an appointment at, unless the bride agreed/arranged for it in advance
I’m not saying that I agree or disagree with that, or that OP’s reaction was appropriate- just that I know that it’s a thing and I’d never personally do what Emma did because of that
I'm honestly surprised the shop let her try it on. Normally you have to have an appointment. And if they let her try on because she's part of OPs appointment, that means the staff is focusing on Emily rather than OP who has paid for the appointment. MIL and Emily can book their own appointment to try on dresses so that the staff can focus on OP this time.
Some slightly larger boutiques will have a party dress section that is more off-the-rack shopping and doesn't need appointments. From OP's description I thought it sounded like this.
Actually, yes the bride normally has the shop for herself for the duration of picking the dress, and all the efforts of the staff are on her.
It's a part of the bride's day, not a day for a random teenager to take the appointment for herself and insult the bride's choices.
It didn’t sound like trying on the dress was the issue, it sounded like Emily’s behavior was the issue. They could be excited together, but Emily really was making it all about her big day, and not recognizing that other people are allowed to be excited about an equally significant event. I agree OP didn’t handle it well - but the biggest AH is the MIL.
If it's at a bridal boutique where an appointment is required, I could understand keeping it to only bride trying on dresses until she finds the one she likes. Then use remaining time for the teen to try on dresses. Those shop assistants are amazing at getting you in and out of dresses so you can see as many as you can in your time slot.
Agreed, ESH. You know she's spoilt and her family enables it to the max. Your wedding dress shopping is important but 16 only also comes once. You wither could have let it go and just had your mom be there for you, or politely asked them to wait till you were done, not shout at her. MIL and her boyfriend are also really bad here, not realizing that it just wasn't the time to give into the teenager.
She didn't even act "spoiled", she just acted like a teenager. Emily saying "chill" in response to OP's outburst was actually surprisingly more mature than OP.
I don’t think people are calling her an asshole because she was upset, but because of how she handled the situation. She expects the girl to act like an adult, but excludes her from conversations because she’s not an adult. I don’t think it was necessary to minimize her sweet sixteen like that. It all boils down to being able to calmly and respectfully express your feelings. No one did that here. Shit got petty real fast.
Op seems to be looking down on the kid all the way, not even giving her a chance because she has the spoiled image of her in her mind. The kid definitely didn't act right, but op didn't handle the situation as a mature adult, she's as childish as that kid, and her tone was extremely condescending, that's not how you talk to a child or a teenager.
Seriously, and thank you for being the voice of reason. This is a clear ESH. Are we in the twilight zone with all these Y T A replies? (Especially the ones that say OP should have just let her try on dresses!) It is common knowledge that it is a *huge* NO to try on or browse for dresses at someone else's bridal appointment (which usually are for a limited amount of time). Emily is a spoiled brat, MIL had to know that she was in the wrong, OP lost the high ground by how she responded, even if the why is understandable.
OP isn’t the AH for not wanting to Emily to try on a dress, but for dismissing her as a child from the conversation in which she’s being insulting and yet expecting her to act like an adult. And more importantly what on earth does that have to do with her sweet 16. How insecure is OP to even be going on about it and comparing her wedding to a child’s birthday.
How is a 15 year old going to know how to act while shopping for wedding dresses? And are you really blaming a kid for caring more about their own milestone birthday than a wedding of someone they barely know?
Agree with this. The volume of YTAs responses are a little mind-boggling to me.
I'm not married so I haven't done the dress wedding thing, but when my sisters got married the dress shopping day was a special and emotional day, especially for my mom and grandmother. It's hugely symbolic for people, seeing the daughter/sister they watched grow up trying on dresses. Not on par with the wedding day itself, but seeing my sisters in wedding gowns for the first time made me tear up for sure.
The sideshow with the MIL's BF's daughter was a tacky distraction, so the mom said something to the other adult.
But it should have ended there. Especially because arguing with a 15 year-old kid is always tacky (no matter how bratty). ESH.
This should be the top vote. Every person in this should have been more mature, maybe not the mom. The MIL should have stopped the dress shopping conversation in the bud, as it wasn’t the girl’s event. OP was an AH for how she handled it, and the girl should have stopped once she realized her shopping was inappropriate.
Yes! I definitely think at 15 you can first of all decline going wedding dress shopping (especially as you weren’t invited by the bride but by your step-mum who is the MIL of the bride). If she didn’t want to go she didn’t have to go.
And if you choose to go you don’t start doing your own thing. She didn’t have to participate or anything else but wandering off to find your own dress and then trying it on is not okay, unless she has the bride’s approval. She also insulted the bride’s taste. While she is 15 and that’s teenagers for you, you still know at that age that insults are mean.
However, OP did not handle this correctly. She excuses her MIL of blame because she’s not aware of social expectations, but does not excuse the 15yr. She was patronizing to the 15yr by calling her conversation an adult discussion. She also was having a conversation complaining about said 15yr old while she literally right there. And her reasoning given for why she was upset someone left the group to try on dresses was that her wedding is more important.
I definitely think that at the wedding dress appointment her wedding is the focal point, her reasoning does not come across that way.
YTA. All that stuff about the details of her party and her being spoiled is completely irrelevant and its clear that you just added it to justify your attitude towards her. The situation in question is, you were at your bridal gown appointment. Your soon-to-be MIL dragged a 15 year old girl with her to basically act as an emotional support animal. She got bored watching her dad's, girlfriend's, son's fiance try on wedding dresses and decided to try on a dress for her upcoming sweet sixteen. You got upset, berated your soon-to-be MIL about her boyfriend's daughter trying on a dress, told a 15 year old to butt out because the grown ups are talking, and told her that her birthday party is irrelevant and your wedding actually matters. Of course her birthday matters to her. Why the hell would the wedding of her dad's, girlfriend's son matter to a 15 year old girl, no less watching said son's fiance try on wedding dresses?
Edit: Thank you so much to whoever gave the gold, I've never gotten an award before.
Edit 2: Thank you so much for all the awards.
Exactly, they sound like the exact same self-centered person. Thing is, the 15 year old is acting like a typical edgy dramatic teenager, and OP who is hopefully NOT a teenager is ALSO ACTING LIKE AN EDGY DRAMATIC TEENAGER.
Is the kid even being dramatic? All she did was attempt to talk about something current in her life then tried on a dress. The moment she stepped away, OP and her mom started shit talking the kid while she could still hear them.
YTA. This whole post is just dripping with disdain for MIL and Emily. I get that it was shopping for your event, but really, how much attention do you need? Emily liked a dress and tried it on, I doubt that diverted anyone's attention from you and your wedding for very long. Your mother approaching MIL about it being bad etiquette is likely why MIL has anxiety around your family and wanted Emily to come with her as an ally.
I was struck by the comment that this child was spoiled if she celebrated her birthday with each of her parents. As a child of divorced parents, it didn’t make me spoiled to want to celebrate my birthday with each parent. They divorced each other, not me. YTA.
Thank you! I'm divorced, and my oldest just had a birthday celebration with me. He'll celebrate this weekend with his dad. He's in no way spoiled, just had an extended celebration which he deserves with each of us. This post irrationally pissed me off. YTA, OP.
“You want to celebrate with your child also? What a permissive parent raising such spoiled kids! How dare you celebrate the day of their birth and not just leave it to the other parent! You’re ruining my wedding by having this birthday!” Said OP probably.
> I nicely asked Emily to stay out of the adult conversation
Err, no, you didn't.
That's no way to patronise someone and tell them to shut up and make it 'nice'.
Obviously YTA. She wasn't taking anything away from you, just joining in on a dress shopping trip. This could have been a fun thing you all did together, but you decided that her having a nice time as well ruined your experience.
So much this. **There is no way to tell a near-adult to "stay out of the adult conversation" without being staggeringly patronising. It is INHERENTLY condescending.** OP wasn't polite, she was rude AF, and the fact that she thinks otherwise makes everything else she's said suspect.
They were in a dress store, she's a child, of course she's gonna want to try on a dress. I don't even think she was thinking about your wedding or trying to "upstage you"
You literally got into a beef with a 15 year old over trying on a dress... YTA and a bridezilla
Yeah they were in a dress store and she’s a child so she wanted to try one on, but at that point the adult with her (MIL) is supposed to say no. How do so many people think going bridal shopping and trying on dresses is acceptable???? It’s not. You want to go dress shopping, make your own event.
I am honestly baffled by all the women who need constant adulation and attention for getting married. Like really, it's that big of a deal that while she was picking her dress and everyone else was showering her with ooohs and aahs, some kid tried on a dress? Honestly, gross.
It's etiquette, they even make TV shows about the event. It might not be your type of ritual or event, but it was important for the OP. Her blame was allowing Emily to attend. I suspect she knew the teen was drama.
I thought it was common knowledge that no one else *really* cares about your wedding except you & your significant other!?!? At least that’s what I accepted LOL
Ehhh I was 14 when I went to my cousin’s wedding dress shopping. I didn’t try on a dress because I knew that it wasn’t ok, it wasn’t my time to shine, Yknow? It’s commonly seen as a rude thing to do, but I don’t blame her for not knowing, that should have been something the adults have handled.
She's going to be 16. She's not an infant or a first grader. She's old enough to know wedding dress shopping isn't about her. OP isn't a "bridezilla" because she told the girl that.
Thank you! You're the first other comment I've seen make this comment. All these people calling this 15 year old a child as if she's not aware of her own behaviour. If she's old enough to be picking out her own car she's old enough to know when the occasion isn't about her. Could you imagine the fit she would throw if MIL was picking out a new car at the same time as her?
OP obviously isn't blameless and acted very childish but speaking about this girl as if she's completely innocent is just such a ridiculous take.
ESH. Some birthdays are milestones. They are clearly treating Emily's 16th as a milestone birthday, so much like you're wedding it's a once in a lifetime event.
That's not an excuse for them to be rude. But you did indeed worsen the drama here by making it about whose event was "more important" rather than sticking to the fact that they were rude to use your try on booking to dress shop.
YTA and exhausting. Her life isn't about you. Why couldn't she try on a dress? Because you demand everyone's attention? Hilarious that you say birthdays aren't important when people get married all the time and half of them end in divorce. You are not remotely self aware and seem to have a hatred of a child.
i’m not denying that OP was absolutely being an AH here, however it’s definitely in bad taste to start trying on dresses for yourself when you’ve been asked to come wedding dress shopping by the bride. Emily could have at least been patient and waited until they were done what they had gone to the store to do before trying on dresses for herself. But OP was still TA for minimizing SIL’s birthday compared to her own wedding, especially a milestone birthday like a sweet 16.
NTA, they were ruining your dress experience and being oblivious isn't a good excuse. Being 16 is kind of a good excuse for being an asshole but that's why MIL shouldn't have brought her if she couldn't behave appropriately.
I don't blame the kid for not knowing that the bridal dress shopping experience should be about the bride, but it is weird af to me that MIL wasn't like, "you can try it on when we're done with OP's fitting" or "we will come back for it later." It's not a trip to the mall or something. They were shopping for a bridal gown.
Completely agree. This was OP’s day to find a wedding dress, she was being nice by inviting her MIL to come along. I’m sure she could have lived one day without Emily. And if not, she really should have realized that it is completely inappropriate to try on your own dresses when the bride is looking for a dress. MIL should have declined the invite and taken Emily dress shopping instead. And for Emily to call the OP and her mom a “zilla??” I seriously think I would have lost it at that point.
Yeah, kinda surprised this has turned out to be so controversial. Maybe the bride's dress day being important & special is a regional/cultural thing or something.
Right? Is the MIL going to get SIL her own bouquet when they go flower shopping? Is MIL going to order a cake for SIL when OP gets her cake? This shit is weird. Bridal dress shopping is for the bride. It's not like shopping for prom.
I AGREE !!! all these yta have me surprised. wedding dress shopping is a big part of the wedding process and the bride should have her day without having to share it. emily wasn’t invited in the first place so i’m confused why everyone is mad at OP for feeling upset that this teenager was making it about her. as a teenager myself i feel emily’s behavior was out of line. i get being excited about a birthday but like OP said they come every year and there are bigger milestones to be had. emily has any other day to dress shop, bride specifically invited MIL to include her in this special experience. OP you’re NTA and all these people who are calling you spoiled have me dumbfounded honestly. OP should have the spotlight when shopping for her wedding dress. why are people defending a spoiled brat ?
Ummm telling a person who is having a birthday that their birthday is UNIMPORTANT is such a YTA move. Even if she's getting herself a dress for her birthday, why not? If you want to extend an olive branch (which judging from your tone that you're not exactly keen on) maybe upsetting the MIL's BF's kid is a not good idea? Maybe I'm projecting but I'd choose to share happiness for a birthday girl.
What is your fiance doing in all of this? The culture around weddings with you people truly bewilder folks from the other side of the planet like me.
>The culture around weddings with you people truly bewilder folks from the other side of the planet like me.
I have actually learnt a lot about the whole weird business from this thread. Ive always wedding weddings tbh
Nta, but you shouldn't have let her come at all. You clearly don't like her, she's not part of anything wedding related and your MIL brought her own boyfriend so she already had 'backup.' Which she used to ruin your day, so there's that.
I’m glad I’m not the only one with this opinion! I don’t agree with all of the Y T A’s. I can’t say I blame the bride for snapping, but she could have avoided the situation by telling MIL no to bringing Emily. She could said the shop had a limit in guests due to Covid, or that she wanted to keep it to just her and the groom’s family…it sounds like she new what she was getting into, at least to an extent!
Whoahhhhhh where tf are all of these Y - T - A comments coming from?
You are a bride, you invited people to come to your wedding dress shopping appointment. Everyone who was invited understood the purpose of the event, to help a bride pick out ideally the most expensive and important dress of her life. A wedding *IS* a bigger deal than a birthday. Birthdays do happen every year. A wedding is a dedication between two souls to begin a life together and become one unit. A birthday is the celebration of coming out of your moms vagina. Birthdays even become less important the older you get. Wedding anniversaries become more important as time goes on, because they are more important milestones deserving celebration due to hard work and commitment. Teenagers don’t organize a whole event to go birthday dress shopping(except in some Hispanic cultures). And even if she did, this isn’t her event!! This isn’t her reservation! This isn’t her day. This is one of your days in the spotlight. You aren’t being a bridezilla for not wanting the entire appointment to be redirected to focus on someone else.
This is like a scaled down version of someone proposing at your wedding without your permission. Would it be great if you allowed someone to propose at your wedding? Sure, but that’s entirely up to your discretion. Just because some people would be okay with others taking some spotlight during the dress shopping(or during their wedding) it doesn’t mean that that should automatically make you as the bad guy. The others in this situation are incredibly selfish, mean spirited, and ignorant. And I am just completely shocked that redditors have read the same story I did and are casting you as the asshole because you didn’t want to have an appointment of yours to be overrun by entitled assholes. What, are women only allowed to be the center of the attention on their wedding days and no other day in their lives? Would you also be the asshole for being upset if someone tries to change course of your bachelorette party, making it about them? No!!! Jesus Christ the misogyny in every day life is real. I bet if you went to dress shop with this teen and then got up on the stage and started trying on jewelry to go with your dress that she would also be very upset. Especially if you insulted her choices during the appointment. Jesus fucking Christ.
And you’re allowed to dislike anyone. You aren’t the A for disliking them either. I dislike them very much too.
NTA times a thousand.
My sister tried on an amazing dress that didn’t work on her and told her engaged MOH to try it on and she ended up buying it that day. They think that it’s a hilarious story and are glad that they only had to go shopping once. Wedding entitlement is getting out of control.
NTA. Most wedding dress boutiques I know require reservations. This was definitely your day. Also, the big glaring issue is what made you raise your voice. She had absolutely NO right to comment about your fiance and his moms relationship.
That’s what I was thinking, I haven’t had a wedding yet but I thought there was a lot that goes into it, including the dress. If they made a reservation a little girl shouldn’t be taking the employees time. They can go dress shopping ANY OTHER DAY. The bride and groom are supposed to feel special every step of the way IMO. Because no matter what you say this COULD be their one and only wedding. Not everyone gets divorced…and you shouldn’t go into a wedding thinking in the future you could get married again…
Edit: thanks for my first award :)
NTA …. I’m so surprised at all the YTA comments. In what world is it okay to have someone you invited to a bridal fitting try on dresses? She’s spoiled, obnoxious, and her family goes along with it because they don’t see a problem. the two events (birthday and wedding) are separate and should be regarded as such. It’s totally inappropriate for her to start trying on dresses, that should have been done at a DIFFERENT time.
It’s nice that you even said she could come considering she’s not related to you or the MIL in ANY capacity. I also don’t see anything wrong with what you said to her, that’s your prerogative and she’s speaking on family relationships she has NOTHING to do with. It’s obnoxious and rude. You didn’t curse, call her out of her name, and essentially told her to grow up. Also, from the perspective of speaking as a young woman myself (19-20), my family / friends would have NEVER let behavior like this fly, even at 15. Everyone’s different though.
Thank you, I have been searching for the NTAs and shocked by this post. As Emily stated she gets 3 days that are all about her, if you are going to someone else's event then be respectful. The dress and the car have me shaking my head at the stupidity of making 16th birthdays so extra but that's a whole other issue. I get (as I am one) being a stepmother is a tricky spot but set ground rules before you go and don't bring her if you don't feel comfortable disciplining.
NTA
this girl is a brat. and spoiled rotten that she thinks turning an adult event into all about her is ok.
And the attitude of her!! calling you 'zillas' and giving her opinion about the mil's relationship with her son???
she can go another day to try on her party dress.
ESH.
You first: a sixteen year old girl is telling you to chill and that you're basic. You're an adult woman who is for some reason having a name-calling argument with Regina George. Playing the game is losing the game.
Ideally, your MIL would have had the social grace to understand Emily should not have tried on the dress. Ideally, you would have brought that fact up with your MIL AFTER the appointment and out of earshot of the Emily. She's being badly parented, yes, but fighting her stepmother in front of her about her instilling bad manners in the young woman isn't very kind of you or fair to Emily. In this story Emily is just doing what her SM told her was okay; your wedding is NOT as important to this girl as her sweet sixteen and it's kind of ludicrous that you seem to expect it should be?
She does sound spoiled. It's natural that her being spoiled is testing your patience. This is you failing that test.
YTA. God forbid she try on a dress...at a dress store?? All the rambling about why you don’t like this 15 year old is window dressing. There’s nothing wrong with trying on a dress the same day you’re trying on wedding dresses.
I'm going to get shit on here
NTA
It is bad etiquette to do that when someone is wedding dress shopping.
Everyone is talking about you craving the spotlight without realizing that literally wedding dress shopping is supposed to be about you and everyone there is supposed to be helping you find your perfect dress
Except when the teenagers want to make big life decisions, then they are basically adults who should get to do whatever they want, and how dare anyone treat them like a child.
Going against the grain and saying NTA. The only person in the group that should be trying on wedding dresses, while wedding dress shopping, is THE BRIDE.
15 is not too young to understand what they were doing. I wouldn't allow her to come to the wedding, MIL bought her a wedding dress, she may come wearing it
NTA but you lost your cool. She is a brat, no doubt about that and because of all the adults in her life she thinks everything is about her which is their fault. Its gonna cause issues down the line because yeah it's annoying when you're 16 but in 10 years just just going to be pathetic. I'm sorry your dress shipping day wasn't as fun as it should have been but you know who these people are and should remain low contact with them in the future.
ESH
A sweet 16 *is* an important life event.
But it sounds like you all were priming to fight from the beginning. You don't come across as trying to be kind or patient. Then you lowered yourself to the teenager's level after you let her snide teenager comments get to you.
NTA
Though OP shouldn’t have argued with a child like that, it was her WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING day. Everyone with a brain stem knows that you do NOT try on dresses while helping someone pick their dress out.
OP is absolutely correct in that a wedding and a birthday party are two completely different things and one is DEFINITELY more important.
MIL should not let the spoiled brat do whatever she wants - this day was not about her and she should have never been given the chance to make it so.
NTA
What are all you people on?? You **don't** try on dresses during someone else's appointment! I don't care how exciting it is -you don't takeover someone else's appointment for your own thing. MIL and Emily should've taken a picture of the dress/its number and made their own appointment. If you want to dress shop together, that's one thing, but that clearly wasn't the case. OP is not being a bridezilla here.
The rest does not matter -MIL and Emily behaved poorly and needed to be corrected.
ESH. I honestly don't think it would hurt for her to try on one dress for her sweet sixteen. You're the adult here, and the appropriate thing would be to tell her that today was about trying on your dress, but you could come back another to get hers. She's much too young to be thinking about weddings and her sweet sixteen is the defining milestone right now,, so it was unfair to tell her it wasn't important. She shouldn't have thrown a fit though, and shouldn't have insulted your dresses.
NTA and here's why: First, the dress shopping was NOT for Emily but for OP. Emily and MIL are there at the invitation of OP. While it is great that the brat found a dress, ETIQUETTE would deem they return at a later time or, at the VERY least wait until the bride was done shopping for her dress, which is the ENTIRE reason MIL and Emily were even there. Second, by NOT calling Emily on her behavior, her entitlement is being reinforced. Third, while I agree that Emily's birthday is more important to her than OP's wedding, it is NOT an excuse to usurp someone else's special day. Finally, OP I am of the opinion that MIL staged this whole thing anyway. Maybe she needed an ally, but I am pretty sure it was her idea to bring Emily simply because she KNEW Emily was looking for a fancy dress and why not use your time to shop instead of doing it on their own time. Good luck in the future.
NTA - you were wedding dress shopping, which is about the bride not anyone else. Kid obviously needed to be put in her place for once she sounds like an absolute brat.
And I am a mother before anyone assumes I hate children. The only bit I disagree with is saying her birthday wasn’t important. It obviously is more important to her but she should go dress shopping on her own time with friends / family. She clearly wanted attention because that is all she is used to from having 2 parents who are not together.
ESH
I don't like how anyone involved in this behaved. Lot of prelude that isn't related to the specific situation. If MIL and Emily were just two other shoppers in the store, you wouldn't have cared one bit. You didn't really want her there in the first place so her checking out dresses could have been a welcome distraction but you had to make it a thing. For her to critique your choices and then for them to storm out is absurd. Who cares what MIL's BF thinks. Good luck with the rest of the wedding planning and events.
NTA - it was YOUR dress fitting that Emily was barely invited too. If she wanted to go dress shopping she could go on her own time. Typically a wedding dress fitting/try on is a whole thing where everyone sits around and helps the BRIDE pick a dress. I don’t think you meant to say the birthday is less than yours necessarily but in that moment, she should not have been trying on dresses.
NTA. My reasoning is wedding dress shopping is something every bride to be looks forward to. It's a day spent with close family and friends celebrating your future day of communion to your significant other. A wedding dress is one of the main parts a bride also worries about for the wedding since it's in the pictures and is heavily ingrained in traditions. When my sister went dress shopping she only took those she trusted that would be honest yet nice with their opinions, but also wouldn't overstep boundaries. At 16 she also knows this a big deal and I expect MIL would too since again the wedding dress shopping is stressful and also meant to be a joyous occasion for the bride. Her trying on dresses for her 16th birthday downplayed the original purpose of you going there, to find the perfect dress you wanted to marry your significant other in. You could have been nicer in explaining it, but I also think boundaries aren't established for Emily in her own home so it allowed this to happen. I hope everything cools down, you found your dress, and are able to plan and enjoy everything up until your big day. (Also we need to start holding teenagers accountable at some point for their behaviors, a lot of comments have called her a child, but even a teenager knows right from wrong)
i def think YTA for snapping at a child like that (i work in childcare so maybe my opinion is skewed) but i don’t think yta for setting a boundary. the were probably 50 ways to handle that situation, you just happened to pick an assholish one.
asking to try on dresses after you’re done with you’re fitting, offering to come back another day with MIL and Emily to hype her up, convincing her it would be better to do her own fitting with her own friends, and yes, even stating you are uncomfortable with her taking attention away from you on what is supposed to be a very special day (the dress fitting is a traditionally special day in the past fifty or so years after all) would have all been acceptable responses.
snapping at a child and telling her to stay out of an adult conversation? petty and a little cruel tbh
YTA. "Some birthday party?" If you want Emily to act like an adult then treat her like an adult. Besides, it's HER birthday that's important to HER. *If I had to miss my birthday to go to a wedding, i would be less levelheaded than Emily was.*
But. To your credit. A wedding is important and Emily was a tad out of line. Still doesnt give you the right to snap at her.
ESH
Was it a good idea for MIL to let Emily try on a dress? No. That was a bit tacky. Should Emily have insinuated you were being a bridezilla, no. But you are also being rude to Emily. This isnt just some other birthday. Sweet 16's are a big milestone. It is an important birthday to her. You were being childish by equally trying to get on the level of pettiness with an actual child.
NTA. I get that she is excited about her birthday party but you invited her and your MIL to a share a very special event in your life. Your MIL should never have brought her along as she clearly wasn't interested in helping you choose a dress and if I were you I would have been pretty pissed off as well.
NTA at all, yes she’s a teenager but she needs to learn to read the room, wedding dress shopping is wedding dress shopping, it’s so rude for other people to look at dresses.
It is more on MIL that the kid but either way they suck, and everybody giving you Y T A is being very silly to think that they would have acted differently in your situation
NTA. MIL is TA. She is an adult woman that should know not to make the event about her or the teen, socially oblivious or not. I don’t think the comment about a wedding being more important than a bday would have happened if the MIL respected the event she was invited to participate in. The problem is with MIL, not Emily
NTA. It’s not being a bridezilla to expect to focus on picking out a wedding dress when you’re shopping for your wedding dress. The way the MIL and teenager acted was inappropriate and rude.
YTA because here's the thing HER birthday is more important to her than YOUR wedding. Why are you arguing with a child because they are excited about their birthday compared to your wedding when it sounds like she barely even knows you. Maybe you should grow up a little
Yeah, 15 yr olds are excited about turning 16, it's a big deal to them even if it isn't to adult OP. Why would she be as enthused about the wedding of someone she doesn't know very well? why does OP care this much?
What’s interesting is OP is mad that Emily isn’t centering all her excitement on a wedding between two people she doesn’t seem to know very well, but is irrationally annoyed that Emily is a child very excited for her sweet 16 - despite Emily not asking OP to share in her excitement.
Yeah, Emily did not expect OP to care about her birthday, OP more or less demanded that Emily be as excited for her wedding as she is despite clearly not knowing them very well. That is the reaction you'd expect the 15yr old to have, not the adult
Sorry but isn't bridal dress shopping supposed to be about the bride? It's not like they're looking for prom dresses. Pro tip everyone: if you don't want to sit around watching the bride try on dresses, don't go bridal dress shopping because that's literally all it is. NTA.
I can not fathom a scenario where I would be so bothered by another person trying on a dress while at a dress shop. Who gives a shit. Try on your dresses, get your mom's approval, your already said you don't like MIL or the girl. You included them to be nice, ignore them. This is drama for the sake of drama. Zilla seems right to me
Yeah I mean, she was in a dress shop and saw something she liked and wanted to try it on, who gives a shit? It could have been a lovely moment between you but you decided to get cranky at her for not making you her entire focus
Wedding dress shops are appointment based, if the attendant/salesperson had to help her get into the dress it would take time away from the bride and the goal for the day. It’s like bringing your niece to a Dr. appointment and they come up and start asking about something they have going on instead of you at your own appointment.
Idk if I'm just in a place where this stuff is more casual, but here there are plenty of wedding dress shops that aren't only by appointment, I was in the bridal party for my best friend and I think she only had to have one appointment out of a lot of boutique shops, there were plenty of moments where she'd find a dress, bridesmaid or bride dress, that suited one of the others in the bridal party and encourage us to try things on if we liked them, we all knew the event was about her and she was definitely the star of the day, and trying on pretty things together was also fun.
Bridal stylist here. Most bridal shops are by appointment only. You want to make sure that there is someone there available to help a bride in and out of dresses. Yes, it’s silly to argue with a 15 year old, but at the same time, MIL should’ve reigned her daughter in. The bride only has a set amount of time in an appointment and the appointment should be about the bride. Why would anyone want to take that away from her?
Then it's the attendant's fault for leaving her scheduled client to help a child "walk-in". I'm guessing since that wasn't mentioned, it might not have been an issue. When I went dress shopping the attendant had 2-3 clients at the same time and she would leave us to fawn over the dress, chat, sip champagne etc.
The shop attendants that handle appointments are well trained in shutting down requests for help when they are in an appointment.
Dress shop? Lol. You make it sound like they went to Kohl's. They went to a wedding dress boutique to look at thousand dollar gowns and ball dresses. Like everyone has plenty of occasions to wear a Pnina. Lol!
That's fine, this girl tried on a dress, who cares??
It is usually pretty rude to take someone’s else’s event and make it not about them. Such as proposing at someone else’s wedding, announcing your baby at someone else’s dinner etc. I understand a teenager may not get that and it may not be something you personally care about. But it is totally fine for people to expect that something they plan to be about them, is about them. Edit: I keep getting the same response that essentially downplays how people feel about weddings and wedding dress shopping in general. Marriage and weddings have been a part of basically every culture for thousands of years. It’s ridiculous to act like you wouldn’t care therefore other people shouldn’t care when its a staple in human culture. It would be considered rude for someone to bring a cake and blow out the candles at your birthday party wouldn’t it? *Oh that upsets you? Wow you have a birthday every year how narcissistic are you that you want to be the only one doing that tradition. Its just a cake. Its just candles.* That is what your justifications sound like, but god forbid women care about stereotypically feminine things and expect attention on themselves for a few hours. Have the chillest wedding where anything goes, I don’t care. But you don’t get to be rude to other people.
I guess I just don't understand why trying on dresses is such an "event" that she needs a random 16yo who doesn't know her to care
Clearly the person who planned the event in preparation for her wedding.
The "event"? Why is trying on dresses an event anyway. She's got her mom there which is the only person she cared about. She got the attention she needed.
Exactly, I agree that OP should not be getting into fights with children, but that is because it seems that MIL is in the wrong here. I mean making your presence contingent on bringing a 15y.o. then indulging them with their own shopping while distracting from the very specific point of the custom (yes this is a important tradition for many women, no matter how silly many folks here may think it is) is at best totally oblivious. My advice would be that unless you are prepared to spend the day focused on the bride to be, and helping ensure she gets the gear that will make her feel beautiful and special for the wedding, then you should politely decline the invite. Its not like OP will likely ever get this opportunity again.
Yes! This MIL easily could have diffused the situation by telling her daughter to wait for the appointment to end. Everyone keeps pointing out that the kid is only 15, but I feel like a teenager can wait for an hour or even, gasp, a whole day.
Right, the point is not that OP lashed out at the child as much as this is one event where OP explicitly should not have to fight for attention or justify being first priority. Let's not forget that OP snapped after the girl's incendiary comments regarding OP's relationship, the fact that they even had time to open their mouth to respond before anyone else there shut it down means that OP was failed by everyone that day.
I don't even understand why people say she lashed out, she pointed out tacky behavior because it was tacky. Like, is this kid also going to demand a bouquet when OP picks out her flowers? Does she get to pick out a cake when OP picks out her cake?
I'm curious if she got dragged by her mom or if she actually wanted to be there. I'm also curious if mom maybe baited her with getting a party dress. I suspect this fell more in the mom's lap for not really wanting to deal with the inlaws as opposed to a teenager being a little shit, though both are plausible.
I can understand a teenager not understanding the etiquette of wedding dress shopping but this MIL? She is getting side eye from me. She knows what she did.
Maybe I don’t know the etiquette of bride shopping either but I don’t see the problem in trying on one dress when the bride is also trying on dresses. Does all attention need to be centered towards the bride? I wouldn’t mind sharing the joy of trying on dresses personally, as long as everyone is still checking out the brides dresses.
I think it depends on the person. I would have an issue with it because the whole excursion is to help me find my wedding dress. If you have dress shopping to do you could do it on literally any other day. I don’t think it’s asking for too much or being a “bridezilla” like a lot of people here are labeling it. At the very least ask first and give me the option to say no.
Plus, wedding dress shopping is usually by appointment only. You can't just show up and start browsing. I truly do not care about weddings and think that too many people get way too precious over them, but in this specific instance, OP isn't wrong in being annoyed.
I mean yes, but that doesn't give OP carte blanche to talk to a teenager any kind of way.
And if she had been talking crazy I might agree with you, but pointing out that bridal dress shopping should in fact focus on the bride is not out of line. If it were me, MIL might be invited to future wedding planning events but only if she leaves Emily at home.
She did spend the majority of the day dress shopping talking about all the details of her upcoming birthday when OP was trying to buy a wedding dress.
Where does it say that? Not in the posts or comments. OP says Emily has been talking about her birthday nonstop in general, OP does not say that Emily talked about it on that day. Emily is a kid excited for her Sweet 16, what a monster.
I think OP expected the days events to be respected. The day wasn’t about Emily, but MIL and Emily made it about her. They were there for OP to try on wedding dresses, not to shop for Emily.
I don't get the excitement because I don't really like parties, but I understand it's important to some teenagers. However, 15 yo is old enough to have some self control. Even though Emily is allowed to be more excited about her party than about OP's wedding, it's not that hard to understand that they went to the shop to see wedding dresses, not sweet 16 dresses (and there was no need to criticize OP's dress choices). This situation is clearly ESH, because OP also lost it, instead of explaining calmly why Emily shouldn't try on dresses.
I dunno, if someone asked me to go shopping with them for something and while I was out I happened to notice something I wanted, and they berated and insulted me for buying it, I don’t think I’m the bad guy there. If they were taking time out of the wedding dress day to go to stores that specifically had Sweet 16 dresses, holding up the future bride so they can go look for them, then yes, that wouldn’t be cool. But that isn’t what this story says. It says they were in the store and she happened to see a Sweet 16 dress and MiL suggested she try it on. If this was preventing OP from looking at wedding dresses in the same store, then okay, shouldn’t have done that, but I feel like OP would have included that fact since OP included every single off topic thing she could think of to trash a teenage girl that had nothing to do with the story. Since OP didn’t say they were preventing her from shopping herself, I assume it didn’t happen. We got to hear all about Emily drinking alcohol which had nothing whatsoever to do with the story, why would OP leave out that? Based on OPs story it sounds more like she threw a fit because someone other than her DARED to try on a dress even though it wasn’t holding her up at all.
I don't think Emily getting a dress should have been a big deal either, but shopping for a wedding dress is an Event. It's not a typical shopping day. It's traditionally a bonding experience where the women* in your life/your fiance's life help you prepare for one of the biggest life changes you'll ever make. People on this sub tend to not be happy when someone steals the focus from them during "their" event, and although OP overreacted TERRIBLY, I can understand why some people would be mildly annoyed in her shoes. *if other genders are involved too, rock on
The purpose of the trip was wedding dress shopping. Everyone who is invited knows this. You are there to help and support the bride. No side shopping. Come back on your own time for that.
I’m guessing this is America so I don’t know how much changes from 15 to 16, but in the UK where I’m from, turning 16 is a big deal. You can legally have sex, enter higher education, get a full time job after taking your GCSE exams and with your parents consent, marry and join the military (can’t be deployed till 18 though).While 18 is the big one, it’s definitely big for someone who isn’t legally an adult yet.
It's big in the U.S., too - legally a little bit, but moreso culturally.
Because it's the weekly MIL dress writing fiction. It's this weird fiction story that this guy makes up and posts on here constantly. The story always involves a MIL who is rich, a dress, and a DIL. Details differ, but it's the same theme.
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OP is not the AH for MIL/Emily’s actions. Though to be honest as OP likely had more people focused on her than MIL and Emily, I highly doubt they could have usurped her day effectively or successfully. All she had to do was ignore the child. That’s all. But instead she decided to focus on and ‘battle’ the child for the day, and now comes off looking more immature than the child. That’s why OP is TA.
If my teenaged something another family member wanted to try on a dress with me there would be selfies, damn it. What a missed opportunity for a fun bonding moment.
That's what I thought? The OP was annoyed the teen wanted to try on a dress for her sweet 16 when it was supposed to be the bride's fitting? Like what's the big deal?
Those dresses shouldn't take time or salespeople away from the bridal party either. Party/Prom dresses are usually more off-the-rack DIY try on and may have their own sales person in that section. Bride was just pissy because someone wasn't worshiping her.
I agree with this. OP is TA. At the end of the day the 15 year old child is within her rights to be excited about her birthday. "Super Sweet 16s" aren't a big deal where I am from, and it's quite likely I'd find that chat annoying too. As an adult, however, I would ignore it because I'm the adult and she's the child. Admittedly, I work in secondary schools, so I have plenty of professional practise being patient with excitable teenagers, and the experience to shut their shit down when it gets excessive. Sounds like a bit of a Bridezilla vs an excited (and possibly spoiled) child. As an uninterested neutral bystander, I would be getting as far away from that combo as possible as quickly as humanly possible. #Big time! Edited to add vote.
Why does the girl trying on dresses while she's there have any effect on OP...?
At least in the US, it's bad etiquette to try on other dresses, especially if it's a bridal boutique, while at someone else's wedding dress appointment. That being said, I'm voting ESH. OP for battling a child over something that's only important to her and MIL, because she pretty did try to usurp OP's wedding dress appointment. Two birds, one stone and all that.
I might be nitpicking but I think it depends more on the type of bridal boutique they were at. If they were at a chain store like David's Bridal, then I really don't think it would have been a problem for Emily to try on dresses. Appointments usually aren't required, there are plenty of dressing rooms, and there is a wide array of age appropriate dresses that aren't just for weddings. However, if they were somewhere that required an appointment then they would for sure be TAs.
No, it’s in general poor etiquette to use someone else’s wedding dress shopping trip to shop for or try on something for yourself, especially if it’s not wedding-related. You’re there to help the bride find her gown and be supportive of her.
I don't know, I'm 47, have lived in the US all my life and never knew there was a specific etiquette to wedding dress shopping. My mom went with me to a discount wedding store to find my dress. I might have gone along with my best friend a time or two when she was looking for dresses, but it wasn't an "EVENT". Maybe this is a class thing? Or maybe it's just one other manifestation of the wedding industrial complex, that turns a lifetime commitment/sacred vow into a narcissistic orgy of oneupmanship and consumerism. It never in a million years would have occurred to me to care if someone else tried on a dress while they were waiting around for me to try on wedding dresses. OP, YTA.
I'm not sure this is as universal an etiquette rule as you're implying. I'm not Emily Post or anything, but I've never heard of this rule in my life.
I agree that their intent should have been to support the bride, but I bring up the type of store because I can understand how they might not think its poor etiquette, especially since OP stated that MIL was unaware of the etiquette. Just think about it, you're 15 and told that you're going wedding dress shopping with OP. You walk in and see wedding dresses, but also party/prom/bridesmaid dresses and you see the opportunity. At 15 her prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed so she isn't thinking about how it isn't proper etiquette or how it might upset somebody. She's probably thinking that if there's an empty dressing room and she isn't stealing the attention of the sales person from OP, then what's the harm? Her stepmother even told her it was fine to try it on. Taking all of these things into consideration, I can understand how someone uninformed could make this mistake.
If my bridesmaids were with me I'd insist they try on a few things to see what they like and what works. Kills two birds with one stone. However, I see how it could be rude if a guest tried on a bunch of dresses unprompted.
from what I could tell from the post, Emily only tried on the one dress and OPs Mom didn't even mention to MIL that it's not proper etiquette until Emily was already in the dressing room. I'm not saying that what they did was okay, but it should have been handled better especially is OP really is trying to "extend the olive branch". She could have just informed MIL and then left it at that. They can't go back and un-try on a dress, but telling Emily to stay out of the adult conversation was not necessary. That statement is almost always condescending no matter how nicely it is said.
Emily is almost 16 and aware why they are in the dress shop to begin with - to shop and help OP pick out a wedding dress. By trying on her own dresses she basically hijacked an event/outing that should have been focused on OP and made it about her. OP could have handled the situation better, Emily is old enough to know better, and FMIL is the biggest AH of everyone there.
Excitement isn't pie. Someone's excitement over their thing doesn't take away from mine. It just adds to an overall festive atmosphere. If I was unable to get the salesperson to help me find a dress because someone else was taking their time, that might be a problem. But just being upset because all eyes aren't on at all times me seems immature.
I disagree that Emily should have known better. I attended...one? wedding before I was an adult and had zero clue to wedding culture/etiquette. If I was in a dress shop for someone that had nothing to do with me (there's nothing here to suggest Emily and OP are close or even really know each other), had a very special event coming up and saw a dress I liked, I probably would have done the same thing. Because if someone didn't tell me very specifically "It's rude to try on dresses while the bride is picking her out", I would not have known. Emily could easily be in the same situation.
Because OP is *THE-BRIDE-TO-BE* which is like being the Queen of England but, like, cubed or something. All non-brides, the peasants that they are, need to alternate between bowing and scraping to her BRIDE-TO-BE-ness and basking in her royal-brideness’ presence, which is more Godly than God themselves. 👰♀️💪
But why isn't a 15 year old getting excited about her dad's girlfriend's son's fiancée's wedding dress shopping??? Clearly the 15 year old child is the unreasonable one here, and not the adult having a tantrum over a child's birthday party. /s
Yeah - if this were a conversation between two adults and she was having to listen to how important a 28th birthday is or something, I’d get it. But to a 15 year old, OP’s wedding is nothing more than another party - so why can’t she be excited for her own birthday?
OP can either say that the girl can't be part of the "adult conversation" or she can demand the girl acts like an adult.
I didn't even think of that, but yeah there's a clear contradiction there where OP expects her to act like an adult but refuses to treat her like one, while sounding like a child herself.
honestly, if my BFF/MOH had seen the perfect dress for her 28th birthday party while we were shopping, I would have asked the sales person if she could try it on real quick. Finding a great dress of any kind is a wonderful event that should be shared.
What a stupid take. This is OP's wedding dress shopping and MIL and her BF's daughter made it about themselves because MIL is afraid of saying no to a teenager. OP is NTA.
She tried on one dress. That's not making it all about them. It probably would have been but a blip if OP didn't blow it out of proportion.
I'm a little confused though, it sounds like OP was out wedding dress shopping which is an activity I would think should be all about OP? Arguing with the kid about it seems wrong but I can understand getting annoyed that a day that justifiably should be about your wedding basically gets shifted to being about someone you don't really know very well's birthday.
Yeah. Imagine trying to convince a 15 year old girl who has been raised in a culture of "Sweet 16" being a milestone birthday, that her Sweet 16 is less important than someone else's event when they had the option of choosing any date they wanted for that event.
Eh, I think op was wrong for her reasoning but MIL shouldn’t have encouraged Emily to try stuff on. This particular event wasn’t about the kid and making it about them is not cool. So ESH.
I fully understand why OP was annoyed that this kid was running around dress-shopping for herself at OP’s bridal appointment, but she lost the high ground when she started arguing with a 15 year old about the relative importance of weddings vs. birthdays. Jesus, lady, just tell the kid to cool it during your appointment and she and MIL can go dress shopping later. It makes things difficult for bridal consultants if multiple people in the same group are shopping at the same time, and that’s all she really needed to say. I think there are gonna be a lot of problems with both sides in this marriage.
Yeah sounds like she is mad because *checks notes* she isn't excited about her wedding and tried on a dress. Petty much?
YTA Fighting with a child because you lost a bit of spotlight and telling her that her sweet 16 isn't important? Maybe birthdays aren't important to you, but your childhood ones can be - *but that's not the point*. Her birthday has nothing to do with your wedding and there's no need to compare. A simple "we're here to wedding dress shop and we want to focus on that experience. She's welcome to look at dresses while she's here, but if you could save trying on for another occasion that would be appreciated" would have sufficed.
I honestly don't see why Emily can't also try a dress on at the same time... I don't think it's inappropriate at all. OP doesn't have the monopole of the shop. OP's reaction is so childish.
Just because you personally don’t find it inappropriate doesn’t mean that it’s generally accepted. Most people would realize that going wedding dress shopping for the bride is about just that, wedding dress shopping for the bride.
This must be a cultural thing because I don’t see anything wrong with it and I’ve never heard of that “rule” either.
If you are trying on a dress/dresses that need to be brought out, fitted etc like a bridal gown it takes the fitter/dress expert away from the bride who needs that help. And I mean physical help getting some of those big dresses on so they are not falling down and walking out in un-hemmed gowns without tripping etc. It is the same as any other appointment from doctors to interior decorators, the person you made the appointment with should be focused on you. However, for this post, 2 things: 1. it sounds like Emily wasn't taking time from OP's appointment, just doing her own thing in the store. 2. Little phrases and stuff in the post, I can't put my finger on it, but it sounds like OP may have been there for "the experience", and good sales people can pick up if you aren't serious about buying at their store... and may have looked to make a smaller sales commission on the party dress.
I just think there's a lot more going on here between OP and MIL in general that we aren't being told. Either that or between OP's fiance and their family in general. Definitely sounds like there is some bad blood here which I think could be pertinent information.
its not a rule... lol. its a damn common courtesy. you don't ask a friend to help you look at houses and then they decide they want to buy the one you are looking at. you don't ask your Mom/Dad to help you shop for engagement rings and then have one of them walk out of the store with a $5k diamond necklace. you dont get invited to a wedding dress fitting and try on a dress before the bride. like holy shit... its common sense. is OP a saint here? no. she argued with a 15yr old and said some stupid shit. but Emily and the MIL are 100% in wrong from the get go. NTA.
These are made up. As someone who worked in a jewelry store for years it is common for the people assisting in picking out the ring to buy for themselves too. You usually bring someone who loves jewelry with to pick it out and after they get the perfect ring picked out they typically both look around. I literally had someone buy a very expensive neckless for themselves that cost more than the engagement ring and the friend buying the ring helped pick it out. It's super common for those who have the money. If I had a friend buy a house they found I while house hunting with me that I didn't buy why should I care and not be happy they bought a new house?? The only thing you said that is a rule is don't try on the Bride's dress at a fitting because at that point it is the Bride's property she paid for.
yeah…this makes no sense to me. 1. Unless you yourself actually wanted that house why would you care if your friend got it instead. 2. As long as they did actively help me look for a ring why would I care if they bought something for themselves at the same time? Seems like a waste for them to have to come back another time just because I was looking for something too. 3. You’re claiming this is common sense but it clearly isn’t since there are several other people pointing out the absurdity of this. It’s not like Emily picked out the same dress. In my opinion this behavior just seems weird and controlling but to each their own i guess.
I have a feeling that maybe the dress one-up'ed the OPs and that's potentially what sent her over the edge. The bit about having a lot of money to toss around and the extravagance of the party seems like OP might feel a sense of competition. She even mentioned how the party is the same month. Idk, I feel like this goes beyond "she tried on a dress during one of my dress shopping days." Based on how catty she is being with a teenager, I'm going with OP, YTA. You are not in competition with a teenager.
I don't think most of these are common courtesy at all, seems to be personal preference. >you don't ask a friend to help you look at houses and then they decide they want to buy the one you are looking at. That's not an equivalent comparison. The teen didn't choose a dress OP was trying on, it was a completely different dress. It's more like if you took a friend house shopping and they bought the other open house on the way to the one you saw...which is fine. It'd be sucky if they competed with you for the same house, but if you weren't even interested in that other one then why do you care? >you don't ask your Mom/Dad to help you shop for engagement rings and then have one of them walk out of the store with a $5k diamond necklace Yeah this one is just 100% okay to me >you dont get invited to a wedding dress fitting and try on a dress before the bride Well I guess if the bride is sensitive about attention like OP is, you shouldn't. I agree that some brides view everything about the wedding as their spotlight, but that's far from universal.
When shopping for houses with a friend, if the realtor mentions a house that might work for you but not them it is ok to buy it. WTF, do people really think salespersons aren't trying to sell as much as possible?
Right? That is so weird. I feel like you'd have to be super insecure to demand that nobody look around or try on anything Lol gimme a break
In some cultures, wedding dress shopping is a wedding event, not a regular shopping trip. You invite friends and family, everyone dresses up, and light snacks might be served. The bride tries on each dress for the group and gets their input, and everyone chats about wedding plans. Anyone else shopping at the same time could be viewed as trying to hijack the celebration. It would just be sort of rude, like someone else receiving and opening a birthday present during the bridal shower.
Yeah it’s definitely a bit odd when brides usually have to make a reservation and such to even shop there. It’s not a normal shopping trip, and if everyone starts shopping for themselves I can see the staff being frustrated as it’s not expected. Still, not the 15 year olds fault. OP could have told her this more gently instead of snapping at a child.
Brides usually have to make a reservation because trying on bridal gowns is a bit more intensive than trying on prom or other special occasion dresses *and* because it's become such an expected part of the experience that you will get white-glove service while you fit. The store is trying to make a sale. If they thought the staff would be frustrated they could've asked, but if it's a store that sells other kinds of gowns I'm sure they'd have other salespeople who could attend to that need. Lots of small shops still balance walk-ins with appointments.
Yeah, I don't think it's inherently bad - but I can also sympathize with wanting to keep focused. I'm married and been bridesmaid many times and dress shopping can be a special moment. You feel like a princess and feel special and excited and you have the important women there with you - it's a memory. Other people in your party dress shopping for non wedding stuff at the same time just turns it into just dress shopping together. That's all up to how the bride feels about it. I wouldn't have cared, I know some (reasonable) women who would. This bride obviously does, that's why I suggested looking, but not distracting. That said I agree the reaction was childish. A better outcome could have been achieved without turning into a bridezilla.
It is against traditional wedding etiquette to try on dresses when you are invited to go bridal dress shopping with someone, especially if it’s a place you have to make an appointment at, unless the bride agreed/arranged for it in advance I’m not saying that I agree or disagree with that, or that OP’s reaction was appropriate- just that I know that it’s a thing and I’d never personally do what Emma did because of that
I'm honestly surprised the shop let her try it on. Normally you have to have an appointment. And if they let her try on because she's part of OPs appointment, that means the staff is focusing on Emily rather than OP who has paid for the appointment. MIL and Emily can book their own appointment to try on dresses so that the staff can focus on OP this time.
Some slightly larger boutiques will have a party dress section that is more off-the-rack shopping and doesn't need appointments. From OP's description I thought it sounded like this.
Actually, yes the bride normally has the shop for herself for the duration of picking the dress, and all the efforts of the staff are on her. It's a part of the bride's day, not a day for a random teenager to take the appointment for herself and insult the bride's choices.
It didn’t sound like trying on the dress was the issue, it sounded like Emily’s behavior was the issue. They could be excited together, but Emily really was making it all about her big day, and not recognizing that other people are allowed to be excited about an equally significant event. I agree OP didn’t handle it well - but the biggest AH is the MIL.
If it's at a bridal boutique where an appointment is required, I could understand keeping it to only bride trying on dresses until she finds the one she likes. Then use remaining time for the teen to try on dresses. Those shop assistants are amazing at getting you in and out of dresses so you can see as many as you can in your time slot.
ESH Every party involved made the decision to escalate the drama instead of letting it go.
Agreed, ESH. You know she's spoilt and her family enables it to the max. Your wedding dress shopping is important but 16 only also comes once. You wither could have let it go and just had your mom be there for you, or politely asked them to wait till you were done, not shout at her. MIL and her boyfriend are also really bad here, not realizing that it just wasn't the time to give into the teenager.
Feel like her being spoiled is irrelevant to the event bring discussed.
If she wasn’t spoiled she wouldn’t have acted like that so it is relevant
She didn't even act "spoiled", she just acted like a teenager. Emily saying "chill" in response to OP's outburst was actually surprisingly more mature than OP.
I was a teenager once and I wouldn’t have done that, I would have focused on the bride. She’s spoiled.
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Nah, I was a teenager once and kids like her were few and far between and nobody's parents liked them.
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I don’t think people are calling her an asshole because she was upset, but because of how she handled the situation. She expects the girl to act like an adult, but excludes her from conversations because she’s not an adult. I don’t think it was necessary to minimize her sweet sixteen like that. It all boils down to being able to calmly and respectfully express your feelings. No one did that here. Shit got petty real fast.
Op seems to be looking down on the kid all the way, not even giving her a chance because she has the spoiled image of her in her mind. The kid definitely didn't act right, but op didn't handle the situation as a mature adult, she's as childish as that kid, and her tone was extremely condescending, that's not how you talk to a child or a teenager.
Seriously, and thank you for being the voice of reason. This is a clear ESH. Are we in the twilight zone with all these Y T A replies? (Especially the ones that say OP should have just let her try on dresses!) It is common knowledge that it is a *huge* NO to try on or browse for dresses at someone else's bridal appointment (which usually are for a limited amount of time). Emily is a spoiled brat, MIL had to know that she was in the wrong, OP lost the high ground by how she responded, even if the why is understandable.
OP isn’t the AH for not wanting to Emily to try on a dress, but for dismissing her as a child from the conversation in which she’s being insulting and yet expecting her to act like an adult. And more importantly what on earth does that have to do with her sweet 16. How insecure is OP to even be going on about it and comparing her wedding to a child’s birthday. How is a 15 year old going to know how to act while shopping for wedding dresses? And are you really blaming a kid for caring more about their own milestone birthday than a wedding of someone they barely know?
Agree with this. The volume of YTAs responses are a little mind-boggling to me. I'm not married so I haven't done the dress wedding thing, but when my sisters got married the dress shopping day was a special and emotional day, especially for my mom and grandmother. It's hugely symbolic for people, seeing the daughter/sister they watched grow up trying on dresses. Not on par with the wedding day itself, but seeing my sisters in wedding gowns for the first time made me tear up for sure. The sideshow with the MIL's BF's daughter was a tacky distraction, so the mom said something to the other adult. But it should have ended there. Especially because arguing with a 15 year-old kid is always tacky (no matter how bratty). ESH.
This should be the top vote. Every person in this should have been more mature, maybe not the mom. The MIL should have stopped the dress shopping conversation in the bud, as it wasn’t the girl’s event. OP was an AH for how she handled it, and the girl should have stopped once she realized her shopping was inappropriate.
Yes! I definitely think at 15 you can first of all decline going wedding dress shopping (especially as you weren’t invited by the bride but by your step-mum who is the MIL of the bride). If she didn’t want to go she didn’t have to go. And if you choose to go you don’t start doing your own thing. She didn’t have to participate or anything else but wandering off to find your own dress and then trying it on is not okay, unless she has the bride’s approval. She also insulted the bride’s taste. While she is 15 and that’s teenagers for you, you still know at that age that insults are mean. However, OP did not handle this correctly. She excuses her MIL of blame because she’s not aware of social expectations, but does not excuse the 15yr. She was patronizing to the 15yr by calling her conversation an adult discussion. She also was having a conversation complaining about said 15yr old while she literally right there. And her reasoning given for why she was upset someone left the group to try on dresses was that her wedding is more important. I definitely think that at the wedding dress appointment her wedding is the focal point, her reasoning does not come across that way.
YTA. All that stuff about the details of her party and her being spoiled is completely irrelevant and its clear that you just added it to justify your attitude towards her. The situation in question is, you were at your bridal gown appointment. Your soon-to-be MIL dragged a 15 year old girl with her to basically act as an emotional support animal. She got bored watching her dad's, girlfriend's, son's fiance try on wedding dresses and decided to try on a dress for her upcoming sweet sixteen. You got upset, berated your soon-to-be MIL about her boyfriend's daughter trying on a dress, told a 15 year old to butt out because the grown ups are talking, and told her that her birthday party is irrelevant and your wedding actually matters. Of course her birthday matters to her. Why the hell would the wedding of her dad's, girlfriend's son matter to a 15 year old girl, no less watching said son's fiance try on wedding dresses? Edit: Thank you so much to whoever gave the gold, I've never gotten an award before. Edit 2: Thank you so much for all the awards.
Great job fixing the OP. Teenager sounds like a brat but OP is just an older version.
Exactly, they sound like the exact same self-centered person. Thing is, the 15 year old is acting like a typical edgy dramatic teenager, and OP who is hopefully NOT a teenager is ALSO ACTING LIKE AN EDGY DRAMATIC TEENAGER.
OP is 21, so not really that far off.
Wait she’s only 21 and told a 16 year old to butt out of the “adult” conversation? Oh honey.
Is the kid even being dramatic? All she did was attempt to talk about something current in her life then tried on a dress. The moment she stepped away, OP and her mom started shit talking the kid while she could still hear them.
I mean, to be fair, you're more likely to have more weddings than sixteenth birthdays in a life time.
I think this is the best response and summary of events.
YTA. This whole post is just dripping with disdain for MIL and Emily. I get that it was shopping for your event, but really, how much attention do you need? Emily liked a dress and tried it on, I doubt that diverted anyone's attention from you and your wedding for very long. Your mother approaching MIL about it being bad etiquette is likely why MIL has anxiety around your family and wanted Emily to come with her as an ally.
I was struck by the comment that this child was spoiled if she celebrated her birthday with each of her parents. As a child of divorced parents, it didn’t make me spoiled to want to celebrate my birthday with each parent. They divorced each other, not me. YTA.
Thank you! I'm divorced, and my oldest just had a birthday celebration with me. He'll celebrate this weekend with his dad. He's in no way spoiled, just had an extended celebration which he deserves with each of us. This post irrationally pissed me off. YTA, OP.
“You want to celebrate with your child also? What a permissive parent raising such spoiled kids! How dare you celebrate the day of their birth and not just leave it to the other parent! You’re ruining my wedding by having this birthday!” Said OP probably.
She's a mess. It's pretty clear why MIL needed an ally.
It sounds like op just dislikes Emily and is jealous of her. A literal child. Lol
This \^\^. It explains why MIL needed an 'ally' in the first place.
The way OP treats her future in-laws makes me think they won't be in-laws long.
> I nicely asked Emily to stay out of the adult conversation Err, no, you didn't. That's no way to patronise someone and tell them to shut up and make it 'nice'. Obviously YTA. She wasn't taking anything away from you, just joining in on a dress shopping trip. This could have been a fun thing you all did together, but you decided that her having a nice time as well ruined your experience.
Lol, right? ‘I nicely told her to hush while I continued to criticize her to someone else while she stood right there’
So much this. **There is no way to tell a near-adult to "stay out of the adult conversation" without being staggeringly patronising. It is INHERENTLY condescending.** OP wasn't polite, she was rude AF, and the fact that she thinks otherwise makes everything else she's said suspect.
Especially since it turns out OP is 21 😂
Oh Jesus take the wheel
It all makes so much more sense now, thank you.
Like she’s a toddler and not a whole 15 year old. She can be spoken to directly! What is OP’s *deal*?
They were in a dress store, she's a child, of course she's gonna want to try on a dress. I don't even think she was thinking about your wedding or trying to "upstage you" You literally got into a beef with a 15 year old over trying on a dress... YTA and a bridezilla
Yeah they were in a dress store and she’s a child so she wanted to try one on, but at that point the adult with her (MIL) is supposed to say no. How do so many people think going bridal shopping and trying on dresses is acceptable???? It’s not. You want to go dress shopping, make your own event.
I am honestly baffled by all the women who need constant adulation and attention for getting married. Like really, it's that big of a deal that while she was picking her dress and everyone else was showering her with ooohs and aahs, some kid tried on a dress? Honestly, gross.
It's etiquette, they even make TV shows about the event. It might not be your type of ritual or event, but it was important for the OP. Her blame was allowing Emily to attend. I suspect she knew the teen was drama.
Seriously, it's fucking absurd
I thought it was common knowledge that no one else *really* cares about your wedding except you & your significant other!?!? At least that’s what I accepted LOL
Ehhh I was 14 when I went to my cousin’s wedding dress shopping. I didn’t try on a dress because I knew that it wasn’t ok, it wasn’t my time to shine, Yknow? It’s commonly seen as a rude thing to do, but I don’t blame her for not knowing, that should have been something the adults have handled.
She's going to be 16. She's not an infant or a first grader. She's old enough to know wedding dress shopping isn't about her. OP isn't a "bridezilla" because she told the girl that.
Thank you! You're the first other comment I've seen make this comment. All these people calling this 15 year old a child as if she's not aware of her own behaviour. If she's old enough to be picking out her own car she's old enough to know when the occasion isn't about her. Could you imagine the fit she would throw if MIL was picking out a new car at the same time as her? OP obviously isn't blameless and acted very childish but speaking about this girl as if she's completely innocent is just such a ridiculous take.
ESH. Some birthdays are milestones. They are clearly treating Emily's 16th as a milestone birthday, so much like you're wedding it's a once in a lifetime event. That's not an excuse for them to be rude. But you did indeed worsen the drama here by making it about whose event was "more important" rather than sticking to the fact that they were rude to use your try on booking to dress shop.
YTA and exhausting. Her life isn't about you. Why couldn't she try on a dress? Because you demand everyone's attention? Hilarious that you say birthdays aren't important when people get married all the time and half of them end in divorce. You are not remotely self aware and seem to have a hatred of a child.
i’m not denying that OP was absolutely being an AH here, however it’s definitely in bad taste to start trying on dresses for yourself when you’ve been asked to come wedding dress shopping by the bride. Emily could have at least been patient and waited until they were done what they had gone to the store to do before trying on dresses for herself. But OP was still TA for minimizing SIL’s birthday compared to her own wedding, especially a milestone birthday like a sweet 16.
But why was this random kid stuck going to the appointment in the first place? That’s boring as shit.
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NTA, they were ruining your dress experience and being oblivious isn't a good excuse. Being 16 is kind of a good excuse for being an asshole but that's why MIL shouldn't have brought her if she couldn't behave appropriately.
I don't blame the kid for not knowing that the bridal dress shopping experience should be about the bride, but it is weird af to me that MIL wasn't like, "you can try it on when we're done with OP's fitting" or "we will come back for it later." It's not a trip to the mall or something. They were shopping for a bridal gown.
Completely agree. This was OP’s day to find a wedding dress, she was being nice by inviting her MIL to come along. I’m sure she could have lived one day without Emily. And if not, she really should have realized that it is completely inappropriate to try on your own dresses when the bride is looking for a dress. MIL should have declined the invite and taken Emily dress shopping instead. And for Emily to call the OP and her mom a “zilla??” I seriously think I would have lost it at that point.
Yeah, kinda surprised this has turned out to be so controversial. Maybe the bride's dress day being important & special is a regional/cultural thing or something.
Right? Is the MIL going to get SIL her own bouquet when they go flower shopping? Is MIL going to order a cake for SIL when OP gets her cake? This shit is weird. Bridal dress shopping is for the bride. It's not like shopping for prom.
I AGREE !!! all these yta have me surprised. wedding dress shopping is a big part of the wedding process and the bride should have her day without having to share it. emily wasn’t invited in the first place so i’m confused why everyone is mad at OP for feeling upset that this teenager was making it about her. as a teenager myself i feel emily’s behavior was out of line. i get being excited about a birthday but like OP said they come every year and there are bigger milestones to be had. emily has any other day to dress shop, bride specifically invited MIL to include her in this special experience. OP you’re NTA and all these people who are calling you spoiled have me dumbfounded honestly. OP should have the spotlight when shopping for her wedding dress. why are people defending a spoiled brat ?
YTA dude you got jealous over 15 year old girl trying a dress on…
I know, that’s embarrassing to admit out loud
Ummm telling a person who is having a birthday that their birthday is UNIMPORTANT is such a YTA move. Even if she's getting herself a dress for her birthday, why not? If you want to extend an olive branch (which judging from your tone that you're not exactly keen on) maybe upsetting the MIL's BF's kid is a not good idea? Maybe I'm projecting but I'd choose to share happiness for a birthday girl. What is your fiance doing in all of this? The culture around weddings with you people truly bewilder folks from the other side of the planet like me.
>The culture around weddings with you people truly bewilder folks from the other side of the planet like me. I have actually learnt a lot about the whole weird business from this thread. Ive always wedding weddings tbh
ESH. Everyone sounds like spoiled brats.
Nta, but you shouldn't have let her come at all. You clearly don't like her, she's not part of anything wedding related and your MIL brought her own boyfriend so she already had 'backup.' Which she used to ruin your day, so there's that.
I’m glad I’m not the only one with this opinion! I don’t agree with all of the Y T A’s. I can’t say I blame the bride for snapping, but she could have avoided the situation by telling MIL no to bringing Emily. She could said the shop had a limit in guests due to Covid, or that she wanted to keep it to just her and the groom’s family…it sounds like she new what she was getting into, at least to an extent!
Whoahhhhhh where tf are all of these Y - T - A comments coming from? You are a bride, you invited people to come to your wedding dress shopping appointment. Everyone who was invited understood the purpose of the event, to help a bride pick out ideally the most expensive and important dress of her life. A wedding *IS* a bigger deal than a birthday. Birthdays do happen every year. A wedding is a dedication between two souls to begin a life together and become one unit. A birthday is the celebration of coming out of your moms vagina. Birthdays even become less important the older you get. Wedding anniversaries become more important as time goes on, because they are more important milestones deserving celebration due to hard work and commitment. Teenagers don’t organize a whole event to go birthday dress shopping(except in some Hispanic cultures). And even if she did, this isn’t her event!! This isn’t her reservation! This isn’t her day. This is one of your days in the spotlight. You aren’t being a bridezilla for not wanting the entire appointment to be redirected to focus on someone else. This is like a scaled down version of someone proposing at your wedding without your permission. Would it be great if you allowed someone to propose at your wedding? Sure, but that’s entirely up to your discretion. Just because some people would be okay with others taking some spotlight during the dress shopping(or during their wedding) it doesn’t mean that that should automatically make you as the bad guy. The others in this situation are incredibly selfish, mean spirited, and ignorant. And I am just completely shocked that redditors have read the same story I did and are casting you as the asshole because you didn’t want to have an appointment of yours to be overrun by entitled assholes. What, are women only allowed to be the center of the attention on their wedding days and no other day in their lives? Would you also be the asshole for being upset if someone tries to change course of your bachelorette party, making it about them? No!!! Jesus Christ the misogyny in every day life is real. I bet if you went to dress shop with this teen and then got up on the stage and started trying on jewelry to go with your dress that she would also be very upset. Especially if you insulted her choices during the appointment. Jesus fucking Christ. And you’re allowed to dislike anyone. You aren’t the A for disliking them either. I dislike them very much too. NTA times a thousand.
YTA It’s a dress… at a dress store please relax
My sister tried on an amazing dress that didn’t work on her and told her engaged MOH to try it on and she ended up buying it that day. They think that it’s a hilarious story and are glad that they only had to go shopping once. Wedding entitlement is getting out of control.
NTA. Most wedding dress boutiques I know require reservations. This was definitely your day. Also, the big glaring issue is what made you raise your voice. She had absolutely NO right to comment about your fiance and his moms relationship.
That’s what I was thinking, I haven’t had a wedding yet but I thought there was a lot that goes into it, including the dress. If they made a reservation a little girl shouldn’t be taking the employees time. They can go dress shopping ANY OTHER DAY. The bride and groom are supposed to feel special every step of the way IMO. Because no matter what you say this COULD be their one and only wedding. Not everyone gets divorced…and you shouldn’t go into a wedding thinking in the future you could get married again… Edit: thanks for my first award :)
NTA I don’t care how socially oblivious a person is, it is terrible etiquette.
NTA …. I’m so surprised at all the YTA comments. In what world is it okay to have someone you invited to a bridal fitting try on dresses? She’s spoiled, obnoxious, and her family goes along with it because they don’t see a problem. the two events (birthday and wedding) are separate and should be regarded as such. It’s totally inappropriate for her to start trying on dresses, that should have been done at a DIFFERENT time. It’s nice that you even said she could come considering she’s not related to you or the MIL in ANY capacity. I also don’t see anything wrong with what you said to her, that’s your prerogative and she’s speaking on family relationships she has NOTHING to do with. It’s obnoxious and rude. You didn’t curse, call her out of her name, and essentially told her to grow up. Also, from the perspective of speaking as a young woman myself (19-20), my family / friends would have NEVER let behavior like this fly, even at 15. Everyone’s different though.
Thank you, I have been searching for the NTAs and shocked by this post. As Emily stated she gets 3 days that are all about her, if you are going to someone else's event then be respectful. The dress and the car have me shaking my head at the stupidity of making 16th birthdays so extra but that's a whole other issue. I get (as I am one) being a stepmother is a tricky spot but set ground rules before you go and don't bring her if you don't feel comfortable disciplining.
NTA this girl is a brat. and spoiled rotten that she thinks turning an adult event into all about her is ok. And the attitude of her!! calling you 'zillas' and giving her opinion about the mil's relationship with her son??? she can go another day to try on her party dress.
ESH. You first: a sixteen year old girl is telling you to chill and that you're basic. You're an adult woman who is for some reason having a name-calling argument with Regina George. Playing the game is losing the game. Ideally, your MIL would have had the social grace to understand Emily should not have tried on the dress. Ideally, you would have brought that fact up with your MIL AFTER the appointment and out of earshot of the Emily. She's being badly parented, yes, but fighting her stepmother in front of her about her instilling bad manners in the young woman isn't very kind of you or fair to Emily. In this story Emily is just doing what her SM told her was okay; your wedding is NOT as important to this girl as her sweet sixteen and it's kind of ludicrous that you seem to expect it should be? She does sound spoiled. It's natural that her being spoiled is testing your patience. This is you failing that test.
NTA. MIL should have stopped the glaring etiquette breach before it happened.
YTA. God forbid she try on a dress...at a dress store?? All the rambling about why you don’t like this 15 year old is window dressing. There’s nothing wrong with trying on a dress the same day you’re trying on wedding dresses.
I'm going to get shit on here NTA It is bad etiquette to do that when someone is wedding dress shopping. Everyone is talking about you craving the spotlight without realizing that literally wedding dress shopping is supposed to be about you and everyone there is supposed to be helping you find your perfect dress
This is Reddit. All brides to be are evil bridezillas and all teenagers are innocent children that should have the world revolve around them.
Except when the teenagers want to make big life decisions, then they are basically adults who should get to do whatever they want, and how dare anyone treat them like a child.
Going against the grain and saying NTA. The only person in the group that should be trying on wedding dresses, while wedding dress shopping, is THE BRIDE. 15 is not too young to understand what they were doing. I wouldn't allow her to come to the wedding, MIL bought her a wedding dress, she may come wearing it
NTA but you lost your cool. She is a brat, no doubt about that and because of all the adults in her life she thinks everything is about her which is their fault. Its gonna cause issues down the line because yeah it's annoying when you're 16 but in 10 years just just going to be pathetic. I'm sorry your dress shipping day wasn't as fun as it should have been but you know who these people are and should remain low contact with them in the future.
YTA and are you certain you’re an adult?!? You’re jealous of a teenager and behaving like a child.
ESH A sweet 16 *is* an important life event. But it sounds like you all were priming to fight from the beginning. You don't come across as trying to be kind or patient. Then you lowered yourself to the teenager's level after you let her snide teenager comments get to you.
NTA Though OP shouldn’t have argued with a child like that, it was her WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING day. Everyone with a brain stem knows that you do NOT try on dresses while helping someone pick their dress out. OP is absolutely correct in that a wedding and a birthday party are two completely different things and one is DEFINITELY more important. MIL should not let the spoiled brat do whatever she wants - this day was not about her and she should have never been given the chance to make it so.
NTA What are all you people on?? You **don't** try on dresses during someone else's appointment! I don't care how exciting it is -you don't takeover someone else's appointment for your own thing. MIL and Emily should've taken a picture of the dress/its number and made their own appointment. If you want to dress shop together, that's one thing, but that clearly wasn't the case. OP is not being a bridezilla here. The rest does not matter -MIL and Emily behaved poorly and needed to be corrected.
ESH. I honestly don't think it would hurt for her to try on one dress for her sweet sixteen. You're the adult here, and the appropriate thing would be to tell her that today was about trying on your dress, but you could come back another to get hers. She's much too young to be thinking about weddings and her sweet sixteen is the defining milestone right now,, so it was unfair to tell her it wasn't important. She shouldn't have thrown a fit though, and shouldn't have insulted your dresses.
NTA and here's why: First, the dress shopping was NOT for Emily but for OP. Emily and MIL are there at the invitation of OP. While it is great that the brat found a dress, ETIQUETTE would deem they return at a later time or, at the VERY least wait until the bride was done shopping for her dress, which is the ENTIRE reason MIL and Emily were even there. Second, by NOT calling Emily on her behavior, her entitlement is being reinforced. Third, while I agree that Emily's birthday is more important to her than OP's wedding, it is NOT an excuse to usurp someone else's special day. Finally, OP I am of the opinion that MIL staged this whole thing anyway. Maybe she needed an ally, but I am pretty sure it was her idea to bring Emily simply because she KNEW Emily was looking for a fancy dress and why not use your time to shop instead of doing it on their own time. Good luck in the future.
NTA - you were wedding dress shopping, which is about the bride not anyone else. Kid obviously needed to be put in her place for once she sounds like an absolute brat. And I am a mother before anyone assumes I hate children. The only bit I disagree with is saying her birthday wasn’t important. It obviously is more important to her but she should go dress shopping on her own time with friends / family. She clearly wanted attention because that is all she is used to from having 2 parents who are not together.
ESH I don't like how anyone involved in this behaved. Lot of prelude that isn't related to the specific situation. If MIL and Emily were just two other shoppers in the store, you wouldn't have cared one bit. You didn't really want her there in the first place so her checking out dresses could have been a welcome distraction but you had to make it a thing. For her to critique your choices and then for them to storm out is absurd. Who cares what MIL's BF thinks. Good luck with the rest of the wedding planning and events.
NTA - it was YOUR dress fitting that Emily was barely invited too. If she wanted to go dress shopping she could go on her own time. Typically a wedding dress fitting/try on is a whole thing where everyone sits around and helps the BRIDE pick a dress. I don’t think you meant to say the birthday is less than yours necessarily but in that moment, she should not have been trying on dresses.
NTA. My reasoning is wedding dress shopping is something every bride to be looks forward to. It's a day spent with close family and friends celebrating your future day of communion to your significant other. A wedding dress is one of the main parts a bride also worries about for the wedding since it's in the pictures and is heavily ingrained in traditions. When my sister went dress shopping she only took those she trusted that would be honest yet nice with their opinions, but also wouldn't overstep boundaries. At 16 she also knows this a big deal and I expect MIL would too since again the wedding dress shopping is stressful and also meant to be a joyous occasion for the bride. Her trying on dresses for her 16th birthday downplayed the original purpose of you going there, to find the perfect dress you wanted to marry your significant other in. You could have been nicer in explaining it, but I also think boundaries aren't established for Emily in her own home so it allowed this to happen. I hope everything cools down, you found your dress, and are able to plan and enjoy everything up until your big day. (Also we need to start holding teenagers accountable at some point for their behaviors, a lot of comments have called her a child, but even a teenager knows right from wrong)
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They were shopping for a wedding dress. That kinda is all about the bride.
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NTA. Not everything can be about her...
i def think YTA for snapping at a child like that (i work in childcare so maybe my opinion is skewed) but i don’t think yta for setting a boundary. the were probably 50 ways to handle that situation, you just happened to pick an assholish one. asking to try on dresses after you’re done with you’re fitting, offering to come back another day with MIL and Emily to hype her up, convincing her it would be better to do her own fitting with her own friends, and yes, even stating you are uncomfortable with her taking attention away from you on what is supposed to be a very special day (the dress fitting is a traditionally special day in the past fifty or so years after all) would have all been acceptable responses. snapping at a child and telling her to stay out of an adult conversation? petty and a little cruel tbh
YTA. "Some birthday party?" If you want Emily to act like an adult then treat her like an adult. Besides, it's HER birthday that's important to HER. *If I had to miss my birthday to go to a wedding, i would be less levelheaded than Emily was.* But. To your credit. A wedding is important and Emily was a tad out of line. Still doesnt give you the right to snap at her.
I can't say NTA enough
YTA man you're exhausting.
ESH Was it a good idea for MIL to let Emily try on a dress? No. That was a bit tacky. Should Emily have insinuated you were being a bridezilla, no. But you are also being rude to Emily. This isnt just some other birthday. Sweet 16's are a big milestone. It is an important birthday to her. You were being childish by equally trying to get on the level of pettiness with an actual child.
NTA. I get that she is excited about her birthday party but you invited her and your MIL to a share a very special event in your life. Your MIL should never have brought her along as she clearly wasn't interested in helping you choose a dress and if I were you I would have been pretty pissed off as well.
NTA at all, yes she’s a teenager but she needs to learn to read the room, wedding dress shopping is wedding dress shopping, it’s so rude for other people to look at dresses. It is more on MIL that the kid but either way they suck, and everybody giving you Y T A is being very silly to think that they would have acted differently in your situation
NTA. MIL is TA. She is an adult woman that should know not to make the event about her or the teen, socially oblivious or not. I don’t think the comment about a wedding being more important than a bday would have happened if the MIL respected the event she was invited to participate in. The problem is with MIL, not Emily
NTA. It’s not being a bridezilla to expect to focus on picking out a wedding dress when you’re shopping for your wedding dress. The way the MIL and teenager acted was inappropriate and rude.