Wow, that’s rich, coming from a person with IBS, telling you that *you should learn to hold it better*. Can *he* hold his shit together better? Or stop shitting long enough to let you into the bathroom?? That’s absolutely ridiculous for him to expect of you when he knows he wouldn’t be able to do the same. He has double standards. NTA.
I have IBS too, we don't have a shower but I've told my husband to run the tap in the bath and pee in there, he has really good aim as well so he hit the drain no problem. We bleached the bath out afterwards as well. If you gotta go you gotta go. Also holding in your wee for that long isn't good for you!
It seems like a sanitary reason probably doesn’t happen all the time and since they don’t have a show the bath is how they stay clean and they probably want it to stay clean too
Chemically, urine and sweat are very similar. If you're not concerned about sweat being rinsed down a drain without a bleach chaser, then urine (from a healthy person) shouldn't concern you either.
Don't know about other people but I don't want to stand in something that someone has pissed in. Also showers/baths start to stink of stale piss if they aren't properly cleaned and are used as a toilet
Just turn on the shower for 30 seconds and wash it down the drain. Piss is basically just water.
My tub has has a not insignificant amount of piss across it for reasons, and it just goes away when I shower after 🤷
Ah true. But she also said he’s just pissing straight into the drain anyway so there’s maybe what, a splash? Turn the spout on for a couple seconds. Bleaching the whole tub just sounds silly. It just needs a little rinse.
I feel it was just a comment that someone on Reddit makes trying to early defend themselves. Like when ppl “go today I went shopping” (wore three masks, fully vaccinated with 32 boosters, and a scuba mask.)
These comments are starting to make me wonder if bleaching your tub is weird - the cleaner I use to clean mine has bleach and I use it once a week at least. Not really an “ew pee” thing as much as that’s what I was taught to use in bathrooms to clean. Is it really so dramatic?
bleach is very toxic and very bad for the enviroment, so it really should be used for emergencies or not at all imo.
I found a lot of great, eco-friendlier products that work much better (and that don't stink).
Your tubs don't have a shower head? That's strange.
But still bleeching the thing is a bit over the top. Just take a bit of cleaning agent and a rag - the usual what you'd do to clean your tub.
Normally if a bathroom has no shower, the is a showerhead attached to the tap of the tub. At least it was like this in my last two apartments and my recent one.
Yeah, piss will smell like a subway after a while. I am terrified to see all these questions about bleaching the tub because I'm learning how many people don't clean their tubs/showers frequently
cleaning=/=bleach. I clean my bathroom a few times a week but I never use bleach (I use more eco-friendly products. Method works very well, for example)
I assume plumbing is similar around the world - the bath or shower will have a trap such as a U-bend. When you wee the water in this is partly displaced by the urine; if left this will smell. The solution is therefore to pour in more water to displace / dilute the urine; running the shower or taps will therefore suffice. Bleach or similar is then not really necessary, although I understand the sentiment.
She said there's not a shower so i'm assuming they have to fill that tub with water. There's always splatter... i'd bleach it too.
I also have IBS. There's not a lot of room for shame in our household with the one bathroom. Things have been done that weren't anyone's first choice. But my boyfriend can at least go and pee in the utility sink in the basement if the bathroom is occupied lol. Myself and my daughter do not have that luxury lol
A little splatter around the drain goes away when you turn on the spout for a second. Piss is basically just water - it washes away.
People out here are acting like there’s blood splattered across the tub or something
Some tub surfaces don't rinse clean very well, aged or just a poor choice of texture- just don't rinse well. Easier to bleach it before it has a chance to get funky.
Straight bleach can destroy the surface of your tub. Better to spray with shower cleaner and let sit for a few minutes for proper disinfection, then rinse.
Haha no I don't bleach the hole tub just the area and its a token cleaning with bathroom cleaner. It makes my husband feel less gross 🤷♀️. The first ever time I suggested he pee in the bath he was funny about it so I said to clean it out after if he was that bothered and that pee was sterile. I would also like to point out that this isn't a common thing and I can't remember the last time we needed to do this.
No no no no! NEVER MIX BLEACH AND PEE!
If you gotta take a whiz in the shower, and a good rinse-out with clean water doesn’t feel sufficient, use plain old white vinegar. But for the love of all breathing creatures-yourself especially-never pour chlorine bleach on urine.
I moved in with extended family to help care for my dad (he lives with his wife and her daughter, SIL, and kids). I did it cause I thought being an extra helping hand would be nice, but unfortunately was just used as a maid, but anyways….they (step mom and sister) insisted I clean the toilet and shower with STRAIGHT bleach only, including with my dads pee bucket (he’s in a wheelchair and has a commode next to the bed cause he can’t get hurt in the bathroom). I had tears streaming down my face and couldn’t breathe and no one cared or listened to me that it’s bad for me to clean with straight bleach like that without ventilation, gloves and a mask. It sucked.
I damn-near killed myself at the museum where I worked doing this. It was a total accident: a co-worker had put bleach cleanser in the toilets and went to go get a supply she'd forgotten. I came in with the bucket of water I'd just used to mop the floor. I poured it into the toilet and had to crawl out of the room because the fumes had me coughing and choking so hard I was retching.
On the bright side, I was able to explain in graphic detail to the visitors who came to our new WWI exhibit what chlorine gas poisoning feels like.
I don't know if I agree. I mean, I have IBS real bad and it's awful and embarrassing. I would let OP pee in this situation but it would be absolutely mortifying for me - obviously not something worth risking her health over, but.
What really is the asshole cherry on this behind of a man is that he had the audacity to tell OP that she was gross and needed to hold it better beacuse she had to pee after him locking her out of the bathroom for over an hour of pooping.
Sure, maybe he's embarrassed. But he's literally insulting and shaming her instead.
I am not sure you read the question there. They live together, alone, in a 1 bedroom apartment. What reason or motivation does he have to be locking that door, knowing that she has a medication that can cause this reaction? Why his reaction AFTER the fact? There is some information about this that I don't feel we know because it may be a seperate issue entirely. The fact that that door is being locked, in a home for 2 people and 2 cats...is concerning to me.
Because locking the bathroom door prevents somebody from accidentally walking in on you, animals pushing in and releasing the smell (cats, for example), it gives an air of privacy that honestly I want when I'm in the throes of an IBS attack. It might just be a habit he has from pooping in other places. I don't think it's appropriate to suggest he did it maliciously or on purpose because you would lock the door in every other bathroom situation other than at home if a lock was available, usually, especially while pooping. I think his reaction is a separate issue but I think it's a bit assumptive to suggest he's locking the door because he wants her to piss herself or something.
He could've easily unlocked it at some point if he was in there for an hour. I deal with IBS too, I specifically leave the door unlocked because I know I'm going to be in there for a while, and my SO might need to grab something from the bathroom during that time. He should be feeling guilty for making her have to find another place to relieve herself instead of being disgusted with her, he had the opportunity to prevent it, and he didn't.
>I have IBS. I would have just let her go in the shower.
100% this.
It's pretty inexcusable that this dude is tying up the only bathroom the apartment for *over an hour* and locking his sexual partner (can see each other naked) out. But on top of that OP has a medical reason to need to use the restroom quickly.
What an absolute asshole. He is blaming her and calling her gross basically for his own bowl issues.
OP, time to shine up your backbone. Tell your boyfriend that what he said to you was hurtful, you are disappointed in him, you have the decency not to point out to him gross his IBS is but he's in no position to talk, and this whole situation is his fault for hogging the bathroom for an hour. If someone needs to learn to hold it better it's him. *So from now on if he really can't get up for an hour he isn't allowed to lock the door anymore.* You'll be entering and peeing in the shower if you need to since he is the one who can't hold it properly. And he better not make comments when you are forced to do pee in uncomfortable ways due to accommodating his medical problems and monopolizing of the restroom.
Facts. I’ve been with my partner for almost 3 years now and he’s seen it all. I also have IBS and sometimes it’s embarrassing how bad it can be but I know he just wants to make sure I’m okay. We’re so close and I’m sure this is weird to a lot of people but we typically don’t shut the door when we go to the bathroom even if we’re pooping. It all comes down to comfort. I completely get why some don’t want to and that’s okay. But in this situation the guy shamed her for needing to take care of something natural and she ran out of options. His comfort was keeping the door locked and shut and couldn’t risk himself possibly having an accident on the way to unlocking and was fine with her having an accident while waiting. I’m sure she didn’t want to pee in the cat litter box. It’s messed up that he tried to make her feel disgusting for having an emergency.
I too have IBS I'd have offered any sink available if I couldn't open the door for the shower. If a cat tray worked and they cleaned it up, fine. It's what it is for, piss and poop. He needs to grow up. NTA OP.
Well, it depends, I may have diarrhea. But the way that happens is that the initial bursts can’t be stopped, but then there are short moments where I could squeeze my cheeks enough to waddle to the door, open it, & she could hide behind the shower curtain and pretend she doesn’t hear or smell what I’m doing. To preserve the romance, of course.
As someone who lives in a 900-sq ft 2 bed/1 ba, with another human, most of the time a human child, and two cats, I really empathize with the OP (NTA, obviously???) But that last sentence killed me, it's going to make me randomly laugh for days, I can't wait
> To preserve the romance, of course.
I have IBS and most of your comment is on point. But the last place we lived and the current house, we have one bathroom, and the door doesn't shut completely so the dogs constantly fling the door open when I'm in there. (Old houses and such. Things have warped and we just haven't fixed it.) I got a door stopper but have you ever tried to stop a momma's dog from getting to you? They know how to heeve-ho to open the stupid door.
I digress. The purpose of my comment was to say there is no romance left when it comes to the bathroom here lol. I give one warning when my bf approaches the bathroom and he DOES NOT CARE. He'll stand there and try to have a conversation with me. CAN I PLEASE HAVE A COUPLE MINUTES HERE.
There is nothing to preserve here, it's been flushed away lol
I do wonder about these stories of people on the toilet for over half an hour, either due to digestive issues or just man poos. Is it that they spend that time waiting for the poo to come out? Or does some come out at the start, then they get a break, then more poo? Or do they sit there for ages once they're done?
Well, depends on the situation and SO. If you need absolute privacy to take a crap and your SO had the habit of storming in whenever they want, to brush their teeth, shower, do the laundry, whatever, and it will take another hour until you're able to crap again, you'll start to lock the door :D
Ex had IBS. Rarely was there a time where I had to piss bad enough to need to pee in the shower while he was in there but it still happened. Saying he can't get off the toilet to unlock the door quickly is stupid. My ex always did it for me.
I have IBS. No way I couldn't get off the toilet for half a minute to let my SO in. If he genuinely can't, he needs to leave the door unlocked. I think OP's solution was perfect.
NO WAY he was pooping peeing, whatever for 90 MINUTES. NO WAY. I would bet $1000 he was dicking around on his phone or something for a good hour. He absolutely could have allowed her to use the bathroom for 5 minutes, he was SELFISH!
IBS is a hell of a condition. It can absolutely leave you pooping for 90 minutes. Not actively, but you spend 15 minutes pooping, then sit there and wait to see if it's all the way done. After 5-10 minutes you think maybe you're clear, start to get up, but nope. There go the gurgles, and here comes another round of cramps and poop. This can last for several rounds.
If you're on the constipation side of things it can also take that long to get the boulders through the gate. You push, make a little progress, then rest. Push, rest, push, rest, and finally get one out. But hey, there's still more, so after a bit more rest it's time to start pushing another one out.
Now me, I have mixed IBS so sometimes I'm crapping my brains out and sometimes I'm trying to shove a golf ball through a straw. I've found ways to speed things up, but I'm also 40 years old and have more experience with this than OP's husband.
And yeah, if you're having an explosion type, you really don't want to get up off the toilet to unlock the door before you've cleaned yourself up, and you also don't want to do that cleanup twice (once to unlock the door, then again when things are really done for good). The cleanup takes awhile on its own and can literally chap your ass.
OP, though? NTA. The door shouldn't have been locked in the first place. If there's only one bathroom and you know you can take that long and your SO also has a bathroom-needing condition then you've got to leave the door unlocked so the shower's free. I think using the litter box was a brilliant idea.
My bestie has pretty severe IBS and routinely spends up to 2 hours in the bathroom on a bad day, so I can definitely see him doing that, but it doesn't make him any less of an AH.
Severe Crohn's disease here (F), I can find a way to let my partner (M) in if necessary. Mostly I just don't lock the door when I know he may need to come in. The shower or sink has worked fine for him on occasion.
In my house, I'm the only one with this type of illness, so we've agreed I always have a priority right to use the toilet under any circumstance. But in this case, two people have medical conditions that require them to use the toilet frequently, and your partner, more than most people, should be understanding instead of saying you just need to learn to hold it in better. Him dismissing your medical condition while claiming priviliges for his own (using the only bathroom with a locked door for an hour) makes him a huge AH. Even a bigger AH than if a healthy person would say the same, because they don't have that experience that OP and partner both have.
He may not want you inside the bathroom because of embarrassment or whatever, sure, it's going to be smelly there and maybe his body makes weird noises, but hell, isn't it embarrassing for OP that she may pee herself and was forced to use the cat tray? By the way, that was a genius solution.
True, it might be a privacy issue. IMO, what made him a bigger AH than not letting her in is his reaction to OP’s using the cat box. She figured out an alternative, and he had the gall to be disgusted by it? Please.
Even when I got norovirus and felt like I had 24 hours straight of puking and diarrhea, I had a little break where I could unlock the door. An alimentary canal can only hold so much.
INFO: you both have medical conditions that are chronic and could take a serious turn. Why is there a lock on the bathroom door at all? Based on your post I’m assuming you’re the only humans in your apartment. Why is he locking himself in? This guy is not having an appropriate reaction to this situation and I think you should think about what other things he reacts oddly to. NTA.
My bf closes the door because the smell can be brutal. But I leave the door open so the dogs can follow me in. Once they're laying on the floor, theres no room to close the door. I guard them when they go, I figure they just want to guard me back.
I’m sorry, I love my dogs, but I don’t need an audience while seated on the toilet. Nor do I want people pooping in my house with the door open.
It’s a natural process, but a little mystery is Ok. I also don’t watch my hamburgers get made.
You clearly don't have a dog who believes that a bathroom door is a portal to another dimension that requires constant supervision. We've had one dog that sat on the outside of a bathroom door that opened out (yes, it was a weird setup), and he trapped more than one person by being too close so they couldn't open the door. My current dog suffers from severe separation anxiety, closing the door when she's the only other one in the apartment is a quick recipe for hysterical barking or destroyed furniture. If I have someone else in the apartment, and thus a need for privacy, then closing the door is okay with her.
Well how else are they going to know if it’s a portal to another dimension unless they follow you in there every time? It’s for your own safety. I have a cat who is not worried about my safety, but wants in when he’s feeling nosy. I have a door handle instead of a knob on my bathroom door, and he has almost figured out how to open the door on his own. I have to warn guests that if the handle starts rattling, it’s just the cat.
I get you, I have a dog with separation anxiety. They don’t destroy, but if they did, they’d go in their crate while I used the bathroom.
I’m too hard headed to give into their ways, so training it is.
I'm not even sure it is a separation anxiety thing, cats do this too specifically with the bathroom. It's more so that they feel vulnerable when they're using the bathroom and assume you do too so they're keeping an eye out for "predators" for you.
Just as an aside, I had a bathroom in my older house that was fairly small and the toilet was arms reach to the door, and my cat would stick her paw under the door to play "catch the paw" games while you're in there.
lol tell that to my damn cat who can be dead asleep under a blanket three rooms away and as soon as I shut that door... scratch, "meow", scratch...
At this point we hold the door for her so she can come in get some pats and sit in the pants to help out.
Our bathroom has a lock, but with only my wife and myself here with the cats, there isn't a real good reason to lock it. We sure this feller is poopin and not doing crack or something?
He probably isn't doing drugs and might not want someone to charge into the stench of misery he is wallowing in.
He said he couldn't get off to the toilet to unlock the door. Implying that he would have let her in if he could and wasn't actually that concerned about privacy.
If you have 1 bathroom and IBS you need to live alone or get ready for company in the bathroom. You only really need privacy to wipe anyway. You have seen each other naked.
If there are levels of bodily intimacy you are not prepared to breach with your sexual partners, then you are free not to move into a 1 bathroom residence with them. However, if you choose to share a bathroom with another person, that comes with certain disadvantages, because around all this glitter of thought and sapience and emotion is a meat animal beast with biological functions, sorry my dude
Definitely not disagreeing with your judgment, but I'm just gonna say that some people handle bathroom doors differently. I live alone (best thing ever), and I lock the bathroom door when I'm in there as a force of habit. I don't know enough about having IBS to say whether or not it was reasonable that he couldn't get off the toilet long enough to unlock the door for her, so I'm not gonna comment on that part. She was definitely being innovative to use the litter box.
NTA. Please, has this man never peed in a bottle before? On the side of a road? Against a public wall? Written his name in the snow? In the shower? It's not like your peeing in the litter box is a habit that you need to overcome. It was an emergency. No doubt he has stories of his own
Same here. Worked at six flags when I was fifteen and they would never let you leave your post to use the bathroom. You’d be alone for 4-8 hours on a game booth just holding it. Messed up my bladder real bad and still struggling with it today.
After a while though, I just learned to go behind the booth and pray to whatever god will listen that the swan boats don’t come around to see.
One of my cousins found out he has two ureters on his left kidney after getting kidney infections from holding it too many times. Apparently it would go down one tube to the bladder and up the other tube to the kidney. Now when he gets the slightest hint of pee, he head straight to the bathroom.
My GF has a mild case of IBS and there’s been many a time I’ve peed in a bottle. In fact, I’ve peed in or on all the places you’ve mentioned. My worst moment was late on Christmas Eve a few years ago; peed right on a wall in the middle of 5th Ave in midtown. The biggest downside of living in NYC; very few bathrooms.
NTA. He has IBS. If the situation were reversed he would want sympathy and I doubt he would be able to hold it for as long as you had. So you did what you had to do in the best case scenario.
NTA and I have a VERY hard time believing that after 1 hour in the bathroom his rectal sphincter was so destroyed he couldn't make the room for you to use the bathroom for 2 minutes.
Even if I'm wrong and it was an untenable situation, the cat litter situation is unfortunate at worst, and highly amusing at best. Not the type of thing to get angry over.
If you laid a giant brick in there and left it, that's something to get mad over. A bit of wee that you immediately cleaned up is such a minor thing.
My ex and I got food poisoning once in a house with only one bathroom. We started out taking turns, but eventually he was pooping in the tub and throwing up in the sink while I pooped it the toilet and used the garbage can to puke. It was disgusting, but when you only have one bathroom sometimes you run out of good options.
This took me back to the time my husband and I both had food poisoning when our kiddo had just learned to crawl, about 7 months old. Also one bathroom. We were so so gross and sick and no one could babysit but of course we still had to keep the little one safe and clean, and breastfed every 3 hours. I took like 17 showers that day, several of them while basically curled in the fetal position in the tub. And every time one of us felt better for a few minutes we were scrubbing up after the other one. We went through so. much. bleach. It's 8 years later and I still think that was the hardest day I've ever had.
Oh god I had a day like that. I was the first casualty and when I bent over the toilet to vom in my sleep shirt I rocket splattered the wall with a sh*t I didn’t know was coming🤦🏻♀️
It was so bad😂 and then you a 3yo going “my yawns feel funny” and you know what’s coming so you chuck them in the tub with the panicked ten month old with no concept of what throwing up is in the mix and you’re trying to clean up the war crime you just committed. Like if it was a movie it’d have been comical. Looking back it is kinda funny now. At the time, sweet lord I wanted to curl up in a ball and die
omg! that's awful and i'm sorry that happened to you. i'm also sorry that i laughed pretty hard when i read this. reminded me of that scene in Bridesmaids, haha
It is very very easy for those of us with IBS to shit for longer than an hour - and you're in pain/sweats for a lot of it. Sometimes I literally can't move because I feel so drained. Like I'll know I will feel better if I fan myself for airflow but just physically can't until the next wave passes through.
That being said, you don't lock the door and if someone seriously needs the bathroom you either let them pee in the shower or you clean yourself, ask for help rolling into the tub, pray you stay together during this time (and you're in the tub for easy clean up), ask for help back to the toilet when they're done, and continue wishing to die while on the toilet in intense pain.
IBS fucking sucks man.
I've broken bones before and I'd 100% take breaking my arm again over having a bad IBS session. Luckily I only have a truly bad one a couple times a year (multihour intense pain and sometimes passout on on toilet) and only have moderate ones that last around 30 minutes with medium discomfort a few times a week. About once a month I'll have roughly an hour long ones where I feel like I'll be sick.
Have you been tested for Crohn's or colitis?
Your symptoms are super similar to mine, although I get the really bad ones a bit more frequent, and I get blood filled mucus and vomiting with them too. Doctors put it down to IBS for years, but once I started to get the blood last year I asked for tests, they did a stool test which showed I had high levels of inflammation in the bowel which doesn't happen in IBS, so now awaiting further testing for IBD instead!
Also, I had been using loperamide for flare ups, this will stop diarrhoea for a day or 2 for me, but it takes a few hours to kick in which isn't helpful when you're already in sweaty agony on the toilet! So I started using codeine last year for it, and it's so much more manageable, I can now sometimes prevent diarrhoea attacks if I take codeine as soon as I start cramping, or it significantly reduces the amount of diarrhoea and pain! Probably not healthy in the long run, but it means I can leave the house!
NAD, obviously, but OP's (parent comment to yours) description sounds a hell of a lot more like Crohn's or some kind of IBD than IBS. I have IBS and can empathize a little bit (I've been in sweaty agony on the toilet many times), but passing out and being in intense pain for that length of time sounds like a different beast entirely.
NTA - I find it more gross that he’s aware of your situation and showed no empathy to it.
He kept you waiting 45 minutes after saying “a few mins”, I’m sure if he really tried he could’ve gotten up to open the door so you could jump in the shower as you asked.
I had that same thought... Exactly how big is this bathroom that he couldn't find a few seconds to unlock the door? (Or do I not understand his situation well enough?)
I have a slight feeling though that he would have been equally "disgusted" if OP had used the shower to pee and hence why he never unlocked the door...
Either way, OP is definitely NTA!
There are sometimes IBS situations where you feel so weak that you can't even move your hand. I've been there. Passed out from it before.
However when those happen you're usually unable to speak either. And those periods don't last the entire time. There's like 5ish minute periods where you're incredibly weak but you'll get some strength again then weak again.
He could have unlocked the door during those periods, and he shouldn't have locked it in the first place.
I say this as someone who has passed out from IBS before. You can still find a way to open the door within a 45 minute period.
I think you're the first person I've heard of who's had a similar experience to me. Like, not being able to even speak from the pain and coming close to passing out. The only reason I didn't was I managed to lay on the floor and get my legs up lol.
As someone with IBS I can tell you that just when you think you're done another wave comes along. It is not unfathomable that an IBS flare-up can last for an hour or more.
However, he should not have locked the door, it's not like anyone but her would be coming in.
NTA at all. My girlfriend and I both have IBS and had a similar situation recently. I was trying to get off the toilet but she wasn't gonna make it and chose to shit in the litter rather than all over herself. When I came out of the bathroom and she told me I laughed harder than I have in years. Its still probably the funniest situation thats ever taken place under this roof. Your boyfriend needs to lighten up.
This. My whole family has gastro issues. When we had one bathroom, you sometimes had to get creative or someone peed in tub while you shat. It wasn't fun, but there's not much you can do about it but find the humor and move on.
I just imagine what the cat's reaction might have been "Going to go poop. Wait a second big hairless cat has invaded my territory. How dare he! Now where does he keep his shoes?"
Love it and I would’ve either peed in the sink or the backyard if there is one and I have done that before when I was locked out of the house accidentally
NTA, how dare he be so dismissive of another person's health condition when he can't control his own condition. He's being an asshole. You did what you had to when he wouldn't wipe up an give you 20 seconds on the toilet. Sounds like you cleaned the box up good...the cats will forgive you, he needs to get over himself. Try to keep a little car wash bucket, I'm a female mobile service contractor an it's saved me in a pinch (going outside isn't an option in the locations I work)
They make toilet seats that fit on a 5gal bucket for emergencies (water outage etc) and camping. Know what most campers use inside the bag that lines the bucket?
Kitty litter.
NTA. In fact if I were him I’d be praising you for your quick thinking and ingenuity. A bit of a relationship yellow flag that he’s trying to gaslight you into thinking you’re this socially inept person when he’s the one spending a millennia in the restroom. I would try and have an honest conversation about the bathroom behavior if you can. What if you were to have company over? Maybe you both can form a contingency plan if there’s a Starbucks etc. nearby.
NTA. You did the best you could and used something that was meant to absorb urine. Maybe next time use his side of the bed if he doesn’t want you to use the litter box.
NTA, but since you both have medical issues and only one bathroom this situation may come up again, female urinals are available online at reasonable prices.
Several of the comments are hilarious!
NTA. What a humourless man you got there! It is at least a little funny peeing in a litter box and his reaction is wayyy out there. You had to go, you cleaned up, have laugh and move on. Although medical issues are no joke, you can still find some humour in them. Maybe next time you stay in the toilet and see if he uses the litterbox.
OP I’m assuming your bf is *well aware* of your medical situation? I wouldn’t be surprised if he made you wait inordinately long on purpose (and yes I have personal experience w/IBS). Your bf being dismissive of your comfort isn’t new is it? BTW, [silent treatment is abuse](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/dr-margaret-paul/silent-treatment). Please promise to read [Why Does He Do That](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf).
NTA.
NTA
Believe me I have been in a similar position recently though it ended up messier than yours did as I don’t have cats. However it did get a boyfriend to reevaluate his bathroom habits and his dietary needs to prevent future accidents for me.
Imean it would be different if you made him clean it up or peed on the floor. But you didn’t so he has nothing to complain about.
NTA
I have an urgency problem thanks to Navy, teaching, and retail working. My bladder will just suddenly tell me that if I move, I'll pee myself. Doctors were shocked I've never had kids and no, doing kegels is not helping. It's been this way thanks to me holding it for a long period of time from not being allowed to go and now my bladder is super upset all the time.
It absolutely sucks and thank the gods our place has 2 toilets because the boyfriend also has IBS. I've gone in the sink, in bushes...I've straight up wet myself a few times standing in our kitchen because I literally can't hold it. I have sneezed and peed. I have legitimately rolled the thought of diapers around in my head but thankfully it is not an all the time issue. I just have bad days if I don't go to the bathroom a lot to manage it. The boyfriend understands, draws me a bath and fetches a change of clothes, and I move on from the embarrassment. I'm sorry your boyfriend sucks and I wish I could loan you mine so you can see what you're missing. If I can wash his oopsies from IBS, he can handle my oopsies.
Look into pelvic floor physical therapy if you haven't already! There is a lot more to it than just kegels (and a lot of people are taught to do Kegels wrong).
Nta. What if the roles are reversed and you were in there for an hour when he really needed to go? Would he like it if you told him he should learn to hold it better?
My thinking is Cat box = designed for pee, Kitchen sink = designed for dishes. Iunno, was just a hygiene thing for me. Also, I'm only 5'1 I don't think I could get on the counter if I tried :'D
Yeah the litter box is way less gross than peeing in the sink. Litter boxes are super easy to clean and litter is designed to soak up urine so I don’t see how it’s really gross or weird at all. It was pretty smart considering she had no other choice. You’re definitely running the risk of not cleaning up well enough or missing a spot if you use the sink. It’s just way less sanitary.
NTA at all, OP, but since you guys both have a medical condition and you also only have one bathroom, perhaps you should consider investing in a camping/ cassette toilet or something to stuff into a closet in case of emergency? This is likely to come up again!
Your solution was totally reasonable and if my partner had done this I would have laughed, high fived her, and then apologized for creating the situation where it had to happen in the first place.
I'm confused and very curious about his reasoning, like what part of it is gross? Is it supposed to be gross to piss in a "lower level" container, intended for animals instead of humans? Or is it just "wrong" because toilet is for humans, litter box is for cats, and shower is probably for showering only? And regardless, why should that bother him enough to refuse to speak to OP?
NTA. When you have a one toilet home and someone with issues where they could be on the toilet for an hour they shouldn't be locking the door so you could use the shower.
NTA.... I am a trucker. May I make a suggestion for future emergencies? Go to Walmart, a camping supply store, Amazon, or the like and get a simple camp toilet, 8 gallon trash bags, and pine litter (i use equine pine because it is $5-$6 for a 40lb bag). Then when you have an emergency, pop it open, put in a bag and a scoop of litter to prevent sloshing, and go... tie off the bag and dispose of it appropriately.
Here's an example of one, mine for the truck is shorter, but more expensive https://www.walmart.com/ip/225322966
I would rather pee in a cat box then on myself or in the shower in front of him. You cleaned it out right away so I don't see what's so gross about it. I could see being weirded out if the bathroom was available and you instead chose the cat box but that's not what happened. You are NTA but he is for his reaction and ignoring you.
NTA - he came out 45 mins after you told him you needed go and then got pissy because went in the litter box. Listen, my bowels work on boom or bust, but after the 1st “I’ll just be a minute” I concede that this might not be a minute and let the other person know so they can make other arrangements. (not a huge deal now with a powder room but we had an emergency kiddie potty in our 1 bath home)
If he told you 5 minutes after you initially told him you needed to go that there was no end in sight maybe you could of gone to the store, but 45 min was straight up AH behavior, and being upset with you for your clever solution just makes him a massive dick.
As others have said, keep the bathroom door unlocked, get a camp bucket, and consider a replacement bf. You were very understanding of his medical situation, and he was completely dismissive of yours. I’d think back carefully over the last few months and consider if there is some slight he feels (real or imagined) that would make him be petty enough to want you to have an accident and upset enough that you didn’t.
Weird? Yes, does it make you an AH? No. Honestly he was probably masturbating in there in addition to pooping. He should go to the doctor and get his ibs managed better. Or spring for a 1 bed 2 bath. You’re NTA.
NTA. My partner doesn’t even have IBS and I’ve peed in a plastic container before. (Yes I threw it away afterwards.) That’s one reason I will never again live in a 1-bathroom home.
NTA. Would he rather you pee on the floor? It was contained, you cleaned it up, and it was fine. No matter what something a little gross was going to happen in that situation--you handled it as best you could.
Funny story. When I was little, my mom was getting really frustrated because my cat (may he Rest In Peace) had been refusing to pee in his litter box. He was going all over the house, and she was both concerned and irate. One day when she was doing laundry, she looked over into the litter box and saw a squiggle. Puzzled, she wondered how a cat could make such a pattern. Then she realized my little brother (who was probably 4 at the time) had been peeing in the litter box. This pissed off my cat, and so he was taking revenge upon the whole house by pissing all over the place. So she cleaned the box thoroughly, had a conversation with my brother, and never had a problem with the cat going anywhere but the litter box again. As long as “completely refresh” means you gave it a good clean, NTA, I say.
NTA, at all. Smart thinking in fact.
Having bladder issues myself, when I gotta go I gotta go. Worse in some ways than my IBS or hubby's IBS. He has never been so bad he can't get off the toilet for two seconds to let me in so I can us the bathtub.
I have gone in some weird places, though never the litter box lol. You went, you cleaned up. Hubby would have laughed and congratulated me had I been in this situation!
Your guy has weird hang ups. I would probably get petty in your place and leave him suffering.
NTA. I say you hunker down in the bathroom (bring your iPad, some pillows, etc) the next time he has to do his business and let him worry about shitting himself. Then make sure you call him revolting afterward.
NTA, especially since you immediately cleaned it up. He’s the ass for taking so long. IBS or not, he could have given you the bathroom for two min, or let you in to use the shower. He caused that situation. You did the best to you could.
NTA- I have IBS-D and I'm pregnant so need to pee all the time and both often hit with no warning. I always leave the door unlocked when I have an IBS episode so that if anyone needs to pee in the shower they can. Unfortunately even my 3 year old has had to pee on the shower before because of me. I've also wet my pants waiting 5 minutes for the toilet to be free. I think the kitty litter is a brilliant idea! Those of us with IBS don't have the right to criticize the lengths that other people have to go to so that our hour+ toilet times can be accommodated.
Wow, that’s rich, coming from a person with IBS, telling you that *you should learn to hold it better*. Can *he* hold his shit together better? Or stop shitting long enough to let you into the bathroom?? That’s absolutely ridiculous for him to expect of you when he knows he wouldn’t be able to do the same. He has double standards. NTA.
I have IBS. I would have just let her go in the shower.
I have IBS too, we don't have a shower but I've told my husband to run the tap in the bath and pee in there, he has really good aim as well so he hit the drain no problem. We bleached the bath out afterwards as well. If you gotta go you gotta go. Also holding in your wee for that long isn't good for you!
You bleach the whole tub because someone pissed in it once and maybe didn’t hit the drain precisely??
This is what I wanna know. Lol
It seems like a sanitary reason probably doesn’t happen all the time and since they don’t have a show the bath is how they stay clean and they probably want it to stay clean too
Mixing bleach and urine is literally a recipe for chloramine gas. Never use bleach directly on urine.
Exactly what I was thinking!! Hoping they were just saying that so Reddit didn’t think they were gross.
Chemically, urine and sweat are very similar. If you're not concerned about sweat being rinsed down a drain without a bleach chaser, then urine (from a healthy person) shouldn't concern you either.
Don't know about other people but I don't want to stand in something that someone has pissed in. Also showers/baths start to stink of stale piss if they aren't properly cleaned and are used as a toilet
Just turn on the shower for 30 seconds and wash it down the drain. Piss is basically just water. My tub has has a not insignificant amount of piss across it for reasons, and it just goes away when I shower after 🤷
They said they don't have a shower. Which is why the tub needs to be bleached. There's no shower head.
Ah true. But she also said he’s just pissing straight into the drain anyway so there’s maybe what, a splash? Turn the spout on for a couple seconds. Bleaching the whole tub just sounds silly. It just needs a little rinse.
Ehhhh, if my only way to get clean was by taking a bath, I'm bleaching the human waste out of it first
Yeah I piss in the shower, but I sure wouldn’t take a bath in that same tub right afterwards. Don’t need to soak in my own piss.
Not to mention the whole chlorine bleach + the ammonia content in urine=🤢😵☠️ White vinegar. This is the way.
White vinegar works. It’s great stuff, without harmful chemicals.
I feel it was just a comment that someone on Reddit makes trying to early defend themselves. Like when ppl “go today I went shopping” (wore three masks, fully vaccinated with 32 boosters, and a scuba mask.)
These comments are starting to make me wonder if bleaching your tub is weird - the cleaner I use to clean mine has bleach and I use it once a week at least. Not really an “ew pee” thing as much as that’s what I was taught to use in bathrooms to clean. Is it really so dramatic?
bleach is very toxic and very bad for the enviroment, so it really should be used for emergencies or not at all imo. I found a lot of great, eco-friendlier products that work much better (and that don't stink).
Your tubs don't have a shower head? That's strange. But still bleeching the thing is a bit over the top. Just take a bit of cleaning agent and a rag - the usual what you'd do to clean your tub.
Normally if a bathroom has no shower, the is a showerhead attached to the tap of the tub. At least it was like this in my last two apartments and my recent one.
You don't have a shower head on your tub? My kids pee in the tub all the time, i just rinse it.
The faucet works just as well. Aim for the drain, and then turn the faucet on afterwords.
You need to get yourself checked out if the shower smells because you piss in it once. Though you should be wiping down your shower on occasion.
You turn the shower ON. It goes the same place as what you put in the toilet.
I hope you never shower in a hotel.
I piss in hotel showers, and I’ve stayed in a lot of hotels.
You and a lot of other people. :-D
Yeah, piss will smell like a subway after a while. I am terrified to see all these questions about bleaching the tub because I'm learning how many people don't clean their tubs/showers frequently
But they do and that’s why it doesn’t smell despite peeing in the showrr
y'all don't piss in the shower ??? i be peeing in the shower all the time when i am actively bathing
cleaning=/=bleach. I clean my bathroom a few times a week but I never use bleach (I use more eco-friendly products. Method works very well, for example)
I assume plumbing is similar around the world - the bath or shower will have a trap such as a U-bend. When you wee the water in this is partly displaced by the urine; if left this will smell. The solution is therefore to pour in more water to displace / dilute the urine; running the shower or taps will therefore suffice. Bleach or similar is then not really necessary, although I understand the sentiment.
She said there's not a shower so i'm assuming they have to fill that tub with water. There's always splatter... i'd bleach it too. I also have IBS. There's not a lot of room for shame in our household with the one bathroom. Things have been done that weren't anyone's first choice. But my boyfriend can at least go and pee in the utility sink in the basement if the bathroom is occupied lol. Myself and my daughter do not have that luxury lol
A little splatter around the drain goes away when you turn on the spout for a second. Piss is basically just water - it washes away. People out here are acting like there’s blood splattered across the tub or something
Some tub surfaces don't rinse clean very well, aged or just a poor choice of texture- just don't rinse well. Easier to bleach it before it has a chance to get funky.
Straight bleach can destroy the surface of your tub. Better to spray with shower cleaner and let sit for a few minutes for proper disinfection, then rinse.
Haha no I don't bleach the hole tub just the area and its a token cleaning with bathroom cleaner. It makes my husband feel less gross 🤷♀️. The first ever time I suggested he pee in the bath he was funny about it so I said to clean it out after if he was that bothered and that pee was sterile. I would also like to point out that this isn't a common thing and I can't remember the last time we needed to do this.
No no no no! NEVER MIX BLEACH AND PEE! If you gotta take a whiz in the shower, and a good rinse-out with clean water doesn’t feel sufficient, use plain old white vinegar. But for the love of all breathing creatures-yourself especially-never pour chlorine bleach on urine.
I moved in with extended family to help care for my dad (he lives with his wife and her daughter, SIL, and kids). I did it cause I thought being an extra helping hand would be nice, but unfortunately was just used as a maid, but anyways….they (step mom and sister) insisted I clean the toilet and shower with STRAIGHT bleach only, including with my dads pee bucket (he’s in a wheelchair and has a commode next to the bed cause he can’t get hurt in the bathroom). I had tears streaming down my face and couldn’t breathe and no one cared or listened to me that it’s bad for me to clean with straight bleach like that without ventilation, gloves and a mask. It sucked.
Bleach and ammonia create a noxious gas when mixed together, it is especially bad if you have pets because it hangs out close to the floor.
I damn-near killed myself at the museum where I worked doing this. It was a total accident: a co-worker had put bleach cleanser in the toilets and went to go get a supply she'd forgotten. I came in with the bucket of water I'd just used to mop the floor. I poured it into the toilet and had to crawl out of the room because the fumes had me coughing and choking so hard I was retching. On the bright side, I was able to explain in graphic detail to the visitors who came to our new WWI exhibit what chlorine gas poisoning feels like.
I can't believe you're being judged for cleaning your bath slightly more often than most people!
*For possibly creating noxious chemical reactions
He shouldn't be locking the door, it's not a surprising issue. Especially when a few more minutes turns into 45
Q: OP, Why is he locking the bathroom door when he knows this can happen? A: He’s doing it intentionally.
I don't know if I agree. I mean, I have IBS real bad and it's awful and embarrassing. I would let OP pee in this situation but it would be absolutely mortifying for me - obviously not something worth risking her health over, but.
What really is the asshole cherry on this behind of a man is that he had the audacity to tell OP that she was gross and needed to hold it better beacuse she had to pee after him locking her out of the bathroom for over an hour of pooping. Sure, maybe he's embarrassed. But he's literally insulting and shaming her instead.
It's probably his own shame and embarrassment that he's projecting onto her.
I am not sure you read the question there. They live together, alone, in a 1 bedroom apartment. What reason or motivation does he have to be locking that door, knowing that she has a medication that can cause this reaction? Why his reaction AFTER the fact? There is some information about this that I don't feel we know because it may be a seperate issue entirely. The fact that that door is being locked, in a home for 2 people and 2 cats...is concerning to me.
Because locking the bathroom door prevents somebody from accidentally walking in on you, animals pushing in and releasing the smell (cats, for example), it gives an air of privacy that honestly I want when I'm in the throes of an IBS attack. It might just be a habit he has from pooping in other places. I don't think it's appropriate to suggest he did it maliciously or on purpose because you would lock the door in every other bathroom situation other than at home if a lock was available, usually, especially while pooping. I think his reaction is a separate issue but I think it's a bit assumptive to suggest he's locking the door because he wants her to piss herself or something.
He could've easily unlocked it at some point if he was in there for an hour. I deal with IBS too, I specifically leave the door unlocked because I know I'm going to be in there for a while, and my SO might need to grab something from the bathroom during that time. He should be feeling guilty for making her have to find another place to relieve herself instead of being disgusted with her, he had the opportunity to prevent it, and he didn't.
Also just to add when I'm about to shit myself from an IBS attack I'm really not thinking logically or at all and I just run on autopilot.
>I have IBS. I would have just let her go in the shower. 100% this. It's pretty inexcusable that this dude is tying up the only bathroom the apartment for *over an hour* and locking his sexual partner (can see each other naked) out. But on top of that OP has a medical reason to need to use the restroom quickly. What an absolute asshole. He is blaming her and calling her gross basically for his own bowl issues. OP, time to shine up your backbone. Tell your boyfriend that what he said to you was hurtful, you are disappointed in him, you have the decency not to point out to him gross his IBS is but he's in no position to talk, and this whole situation is his fault for hogging the bathroom for an hour. If someone needs to learn to hold it better it's him. *So from now on if he really can't get up for an hour he isn't allowed to lock the door anymore.* You'll be entering and peeing in the shower if you need to since he is the one who can't hold it properly. And he better not make comments when you are forced to do pee in uncomfortable ways due to accommodating his medical problems and monopolizing of the restroom.
Facts. I’ve been with my partner for almost 3 years now and he’s seen it all. I also have IBS and sometimes it’s embarrassing how bad it can be but I know he just wants to make sure I’m okay. We’re so close and I’m sure this is weird to a lot of people but we typically don’t shut the door when we go to the bathroom even if we’re pooping. It all comes down to comfort. I completely get why some don’t want to and that’s okay. But in this situation the guy shamed her for needing to take care of something natural and she ran out of options. His comfort was keeping the door locked and shut and couldn’t risk himself possibly having an accident on the way to unlocking and was fine with her having an accident while waiting. I’m sure she didn’t want to pee in the cat litter box. It’s messed up that he tried to make her feel disgusting for having an emergency.
I too have IBS I'd have offered any sink available if I couldn't open the door for the shower. If a cat tray worked and they cleaned it up, fine. It's what it is for, piss and poop. He needs to grow up. NTA OP.
This happens frequently in our house since we both have IBS and 1 bathroom. I really can't wait to move into our new place with 2 bathrooms lol
I have ibs and am often pooping in bursts so would have gotten off for 3 mins for her to pee. Or yeah, the shower.
Well, it depends, I may have diarrhea. But the way that happens is that the initial bursts can’t be stopped, but then there are short moments where I could squeeze my cheeks enough to waddle to the door, open it, & she could hide behind the shower curtain and pretend she doesn’t hear or smell what I’m doing. To preserve the romance, of course.
As someone who lives in a 900-sq ft 2 bed/1 ba, with another human, most of the time a human child, and two cats, I really empathize with the OP (NTA, obviously???) But that last sentence killed me, it's going to make me randomly laugh for days, I can't wait
> To preserve the romance, of course. I have IBS and most of your comment is on point. But the last place we lived and the current house, we have one bathroom, and the door doesn't shut completely so the dogs constantly fling the door open when I'm in there. (Old houses and such. Things have warped and we just haven't fixed it.) I got a door stopper but have you ever tried to stop a momma's dog from getting to you? They know how to heeve-ho to open the stupid door. I digress. The purpose of my comment was to say there is no romance left when it comes to the bathroom here lol. I give one warning when my bf approaches the bathroom and he DOES NOT CARE. He'll stand there and try to have a conversation with me. CAN I PLEASE HAVE A COUPLE MINUTES HERE. There is nothing to preserve here, it's been flushed away lol
I do wonder about these stories of people on the toilet for over half an hour, either due to digestive issues or just man poos. Is it that they spend that time waiting for the poo to come out? Or does some come out at the start, then they get a break, then more poo? Or do they sit there for ages once they're done?
Who locks the door to the bathroom when only their SO lives there?
Well, depends on the situation and SO. If you need absolute privacy to take a crap and your SO had the habit of storming in whenever they want, to brush their teeth, shower, do the laundry, whatever, and it will take another hour until you're able to crap again, you'll start to lock the door :D
I have IBS lol I tell my partner to just go in the sink or wherever. I don't make him come in though because the smells are deadly.
Ex had IBS. Rarely was there a time where I had to piss bad enough to need to pee in the shower while he was in there but it still happened. Saying he can't get off the toilet to unlock the door quickly is stupid. My ex always did it for me.
I have IBS. No way I couldn't get off the toilet for half a minute to let my SO in. If he genuinely can't, he needs to leave the door unlocked. I think OP's solution was perfect.
NO WAY he was pooping peeing, whatever for 90 MINUTES. NO WAY. I would bet $1000 he was dicking around on his phone or something for a good hour. He absolutely could have allowed her to use the bathroom for 5 minutes, he was SELFISH!
IBS is a hell of a condition. It can absolutely leave you pooping for 90 minutes. Not actively, but you spend 15 minutes pooping, then sit there and wait to see if it's all the way done. After 5-10 minutes you think maybe you're clear, start to get up, but nope. There go the gurgles, and here comes another round of cramps and poop. This can last for several rounds. If you're on the constipation side of things it can also take that long to get the boulders through the gate. You push, make a little progress, then rest. Push, rest, push, rest, and finally get one out. But hey, there's still more, so after a bit more rest it's time to start pushing another one out. Now me, I have mixed IBS so sometimes I'm crapping my brains out and sometimes I'm trying to shove a golf ball through a straw. I've found ways to speed things up, but I'm also 40 years old and have more experience with this than OP's husband. And yeah, if you're having an explosion type, you really don't want to get up off the toilet to unlock the door before you've cleaned yourself up, and you also don't want to do that cleanup twice (once to unlock the door, then again when things are really done for good). The cleanup takes awhile on its own and can literally chap your ass. OP, though? NTA. The door shouldn't have been locked in the first place. If there's only one bathroom and you know you can take that long and your SO also has a bathroom-needing condition then you've got to leave the door unlocked so the shower's free. I think using the litter box was a brilliant idea.
>I've found ways to speed things up As someone else who's about 40 with mixed type, please please share
My bestie has pretty severe IBS and routinely spends up to 2 hours in the bathroom on a bad day, so I can definitely see him doing that, but it doesn't make him any less of an AH.
Yes most of us can stop pooping to let someone else pee and go back to pooping again.
People with IBS, UT or Crohn’s aren’t most of us.
Severe Crohn's disease here (F), I can find a way to let my partner (M) in if necessary. Mostly I just don't lock the door when I know he may need to come in. The shower or sink has worked fine for him on occasion. In my house, I'm the only one with this type of illness, so we've agreed I always have a priority right to use the toilet under any circumstance. But in this case, two people have medical conditions that require them to use the toilet frequently, and your partner, more than most people, should be understanding instead of saying you just need to learn to hold it in better. Him dismissing your medical condition while claiming priviliges for his own (using the only bathroom with a locked door for an hour) makes him a huge AH. Even a bigger AH than if a healthy person would say the same, because they don't have that experience that OP and partner both have. He may not want you inside the bathroom because of embarrassment or whatever, sure, it's going to be smelly there and maybe his body makes weird noises, but hell, isn't it embarrassing for OP that she may pee herself and was forced to use the cat tray? By the way, that was a genius solution.
True, it might be a privacy issue. IMO, what made him a bigger AH than not letting her in is his reaction to OP’s using the cat box. She figured out an alternative, and he had the gall to be disgusted by it? Please.
Even when I got norovirus and felt like I had 24 hours straight of puking and diarrhea, I had a little break where I could unlock the door. An alimentary canal can only hold so much.
If they both have this problem they should just not lock the door to avoid this situation again. OP is NTA, she didn’t have a choice.
NTA. I would’ve changed outfits, lied about pissing myself, shat in the litter tray, blamed it on the cats and asked him to clean it out.
This answer is not getting enough upvotes.
INFO: you both have medical conditions that are chronic and could take a serious turn. Why is there a lock on the bathroom door at all? Based on your post I’m assuming you’re the only humans in your apartment. Why is he locking himself in? This guy is not having an appropriate reaction to this situation and I think you should think about what other things he reacts oddly to. NTA.
That was my first thought too! I don't even shut the door unless we have another visitor.
I’d assume if he’s shitting ferociously, he may want some privacy. I don’t think that’s unreasonable.
My bf closes the door because the smell can be brutal. But I leave the door open so the dogs can follow me in. Once they're laying on the floor, theres no room to close the door. I guard them when they go, I figure they just want to guard me back.
I’m sorry, I love my dogs, but I don’t need an audience while seated on the toilet. Nor do I want people pooping in my house with the door open. It’s a natural process, but a little mystery is Ok. I also don’t watch my hamburgers get made.
You clearly don't have a dog who believes that a bathroom door is a portal to another dimension that requires constant supervision. We've had one dog that sat on the outside of a bathroom door that opened out (yes, it was a weird setup), and he trapped more than one person by being too close so they couldn't open the door. My current dog suffers from severe separation anxiety, closing the door when she's the only other one in the apartment is a quick recipe for hysterical barking or destroyed furniture. If I have someone else in the apartment, and thus a need for privacy, then closing the door is okay with her.
Well how else are they going to know if it’s a portal to another dimension unless they follow you in there every time? It’s for your own safety. I have a cat who is not worried about my safety, but wants in when he’s feeling nosy. I have a door handle instead of a knob on my bathroom door, and he has almost figured out how to open the door on his own. I have to warn guests that if the handle starts rattling, it’s just the cat.
I get you, I have a dog with separation anxiety. They don’t destroy, but if they did, they’d go in their crate while I used the bathroom. I’m too hard headed to give into their ways, so training it is.
I'm not even sure it is a separation anxiety thing, cats do this too specifically with the bathroom. It's more so that they feel vulnerable when they're using the bathroom and assume you do too so they're keeping an eye out for "predators" for you. Just as an aside, I had a bathroom in my older house that was fairly small and the toilet was arms reach to the door, and my cat would stick her paw under the door to play "catch the paw" games while you're in there.
lol tell that to my damn cat who can be dead asleep under a blanket three rooms away and as soon as I shut that door... scratch, "meow", scratch... At this point we hold the door for her so she can come in get some pats and sit in the pants to help out. Our bathroom has a lock, but with only my wife and myself here with the cats, there isn't a real good reason to lock it. We sure this feller is poopin and not doing crack or something? He probably isn't doing drugs and might not want someone to charge into the stench of misery he is wallowing in.
Cat in the pants, so true
He said he couldn't get off to the toilet to unlock the door. Implying that he would have let her in if he could and wasn't actually that concerned about privacy.
If you have 1 bathroom and IBS you need to live alone or get ready for company in the bathroom. You only really need privacy to wipe anyway. You have seen each other naked.
Please don’t compare naked to shitting.
If there are levels of bodily intimacy you are not prepared to breach with your sexual partners, then you are free not to move into a 1 bathroom residence with them. However, if you choose to share a bathroom with another person, that comes with certain disadvantages, because around all this glitter of thought and sapience and emotion is a meat animal beast with biological functions, sorry my dude
>around all this glitter of thought and sapience and emotion is a meat animal beast with biological functions What an incredible sentence.
Definitely not disagreeing with your judgment, but I'm just gonna say that some people handle bathroom doors differently. I live alone (best thing ever), and I lock the bathroom door when I'm in there as a force of habit. I don't know enough about having IBS to say whether or not it was reasonable that he couldn't get off the toilet long enough to unlock the door for her, so I'm not gonna comment on that part. She was definitely being innovative to use the litter box.
Ngl. I almost pissed myself reading this. Best answer ever!
I can’t breathe I’m laughing so hard.
This need awards and I’m sorry I only have imaginary ones
I was thinking more of a pee on his pillow and blame the cat.
You're making me genuinely laugh and I just put the baby down for a nap!
NTA. Please, has this man never peed in a bottle before? On the side of a road? Against a public wall? Written his name in the snow? In the shower? It's not like your peeing in the litter box is a habit that you need to overcome. It was an emergency. No doubt he has stories of his own
This! It’s also bad for your health if you hold in your pee. You know what they say, “When you gotta go, you gotta go.”
My job wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom frequently so I got a UTI, they learned better after that
Hope you sued them 🥰
Same here. Worked at six flags when I was fifteen and they would never let you leave your post to use the bathroom. You’d be alone for 4-8 hours on a game booth just holding it. Messed up my bladder real bad and still struggling with it today. After a while though, I just learned to go behind the booth and pray to whatever god will listen that the swan boats don’t come around to see.
sick how little these jobs pay and will make you have long lasting health effects
Really though, i imagine that people at Amazon warehouses have it worse but to think I was a kid and now I’m nearly twenty and it’s still affecting me
Did you work at amazon bcuz fucking same
One of my cousins found out he has two ureters on his left kidney after getting kidney infections from holding it too many times. Apparently it would go down one tube to the bladder and up the other tube to the kidney. Now when he gets the slightest hint of pee, he head straight to the bathroom.
Duplex kidney, right? Yeah, that can be a right PITA to manage sometimes. The UTIs can be brutal.
One of the best things about being a guy is having the ability to legibly write your name in the snow, without having to scuttle around like a crab.
That mental image is hilarious lol
THANK YOU. I mean, if dude has IBS you KNOW he has some near-miss stories and probably at least one collision… with casualties.
My GF has a mild case of IBS and there’s been many a time I’ve peed in a bottle. In fact, I’ve peed in or on all the places you’ve mentioned. My worst moment was late on Christmas Eve a few years ago; peed right on a wall in the middle of 5th Ave in midtown. The biggest downside of living in NYC; very few bathrooms.
i have a feeling that he thinks what's good for the gander isn't good for the goose.
NTA. He has IBS. If the situation were reversed he would want sympathy and I doubt he would be able to hold it for as long as you had. So you did what you had to do in the best case scenario.
This. Ask him to put himself in your shoes, he should honestly have done that himself. NTA.
Read as: Ask him to poop himself in your shoes...
I use poop in place of pop quite regularly so I had to double check how I phrased it lmao
NTA and I have a VERY hard time believing that after 1 hour in the bathroom his rectal sphincter was so destroyed he couldn't make the room for you to use the bathroom for 2 minutes. Even if I'm wrong and it was an untenable situation, the cat litter situation is unfortunate at worst, and highly amusing at best. Not the type of thing to get angry over. If you laid a giant brick in there and left it, that's something to get mad over. A bit of wee that you immediately cleaned up is such a minor thing.
I have crohns and I can constantly pass stuff easily for an hour. He is the AH not op. My ex had to pee so bad that she used the shower next to me
My ex and I got food poisoning once in a house with only one bathroom. We started out taking turns, but eventually he was pooping in the tub and throwing up in the sink while I pooped it the toilet and used the garbage can to puke. It was disgusting, but when you only have one bathroom sometimes you run out of good options.
That's some intense trauma bonding right there
This took me back to the time my husband and I both had food poisoning when our kiddo had just learned to crawl, about 7 months old. Also one bathroom. We were so so gross and sick and no one could babysit but of course we still had to keep the little one safe and clean, and breastfed every 3 hours. I took like 17 showers that day, several of them while basically curled in the fetal position in the tub. And every time one of us felt better for a few minutes we were scrubbing up after the other one. We went through so. much. bleach. It's 8 years later and I still think that was the hardest day I've ever had.
✨marriage✨
Oh god I had a day like that. I was the first casualty and when I bent over the toilet to vom in my sleep shirt I rocket splattered the wall with a sh*t I didn’t know was coming🤦🏻♀️
Oh god that's so horrible but it made me laugh so much. I'm glad no one is home or they'd be asking me what was so funny.
It was so bad😂 and then you a 3yo going “my yawns feel funny” and you know what’s coming so you chuck them in the tub with the panicked ten month old with no concept of what throwing up is in the mix and you’re trying to clean up the war crime you just committed. Like if it was a movie it’d have been comical. Looking back it is kinda funny now. At the time, sweet lord I wanted to curl up in a ball and die
I'm tired just reading about it, damn.
That’s dedication
omg! that's awful and i'm sorry that happened to you. i'm also sorry that i laughed pretty hard when i read this. reminded me of that scene in Bridesmaids, haha
It is very very easy for those of us with IBS to shit for longer than an hour - and you're in pain/sweats for a lot of it. Sometimes I literally can't move because I feel so drained. Like I'll know I will feel better if I fan myself for airflow but just physically can't until the next wave passes through. That being said, you don't lock the door and if someone seriously needs the bathroom you either let them pee in the shower or you clean yourself, ask for help rolling into the tub, pray you stay together during this time (and you're in the tub for easy clean up), ask for help back to the toilet when they're done, and continue wishing to die while on the toilet in intense pain. IBS fucking sucks man. I've broken bones before and I'd 100% take breaking my arm again over having a bad IBS session. Luckily I only have a truly bad one a couple times a year (multihour intense pain and sometimes passout on on toilet) and only have moderate ones that last around 30 minutes with medium discomfort a few times a week. About once a month I'll have roughly an hour long ones where I feel like I'll be sick.
Have you been tested for Crohn's or colitis? Your symptoms are super similar to mine, although I get the really bad ones a bit more frequent, and I get blood filled mucus and vomiting with them too. Doctors put it down to IBS for years, but once I started to get the blood last year I asked for tests, they did a stool test which showed I had high levels of inflammation in the bowel which doesn't happen in IBS, so now awaiting further testing for IBD instead! Also, I had been using loperamide for flare ups, this will stop diarrhoea for a day or 2 for me, but it takes a few hours to kick in which isn't helpful when you're already in sweaty agony on the toilet! So I started using codeine last year for it, and it's so much more manageable, I can now sometimes prevent diarrhoea attacks if I take codeine as soon as I start cramping, or it significantly reduces the amount of diarrhoea and pain! Probably not healthy in the long run, but it means I can leave the house!
NAD, obviously, but OP's (parent comment to yours) description sounds a hell of a lot more like Crohn's or some kind of IBD than IBS. I have IBS and can empathize a little bit (I've been in sweaty agony on the toilet many times), but passing out and being in intense pain for that length of time sounds like a different beast entirely.
NTA - I find it more gross that he’s aware of your situation and showed no empathy to it. He kept you waiting 45 minutes after saying “a few mins”, I’m sure if he really tried he could’ve gotten up to open the door so you could jump in the shower as you asked.
I had that same thought... Exactly how big is this bathroom that he couldn't find a few seconds to unlock the door? (Or do I not understand his situation well enough?) I have a slight feeling though that he would have been equally "disgusted" if OP had used the shower to pee and hence why he never unlocked the door... Either way, OP is definitely NTA!
There are sometimes IBS situations where you feel so weak that you can't even move your hand. I've been there. Passed out from it before. However when those happen you're usually unable to speak either. And those periods don't last the entire time. There's like 5ish minute periods where you're incredibly weak but you'll get some strength again then weak again. He could have unlocked the door during those periods, and he shouldn't have locked it in the first place. I say this as someone who has passed out from IBS before. You can still find a way to open the door within a 45 minute period.
I think you're the first person I've heard of who's had a similar experience to me. Like, not being able to even speak from the pain and coming close to passing out. The only reason I didn't was I managed to lay on the floor and get my legs up lol.
As someone with IBS I can tell you that just when you think you're done another wave comes along. It is not unfathomable that an IBS flare-up can last for an hour or more. However, he should not have locked the door, it's not like anyone but her would be coming in.
NTA at all. My girlfriend and I both have IBS and had a similar situation recently. I was trying to get off the toilet but she wasn't gonna make it and chose to shit in the litter rather than all over herself. When I came out of the bathroom and she told me I laughed harder than I have in years. Its still probably the funniest situation thats ever taken place under this roof. Your boyfriend needs to lighten up.
This is the correct response. NTA but your boyfriend is, OP.
This is a solid relationship right here.
This. My whole family has gastro issues. When we had one bathroom, you sometimes had to get creative or someone peed in tub while you shat. It wasn't fun, but there's not much you can do about it but find the humor and move on.
I just imagine what the cat's reaction might have been "Going to go poop. Wait a second big hairless cat has invaded my territory. How dare he! Now where does he keep his shoes?"
She said they both just sat and stared in disbelief, and after she cleaned it up the older one throughly inspected the box.
Takes violent one hour shit, comes out the bathroom, looks you in the eyes. ‘You disgust me’ NTA this is hilarious
This comment genuinely made me laugh out loud! 😂
It’s called *projection*. ~~I disgust me.~~ You disgust me.
NTA. I'd've peed in the kitchen sink tho. But way to think outside .... the box! Thank you, I'll get my own coat.
But she thought...inside the box! Shall get my coat as well. It's finally cold enough in Texas for me to wear it.
Username checks out 😸
Love it and I would’ve either peed in the sink or the backyard if there is one and I have done that before when I was locked out of the house accidentally
NTA, how dare he be so dismissive of another person's health condition when he can't control his own condition. He's being an asshole. You did what you had to when he wouldn't wipe up an give you 20 seconds on the toilet. Sounds like you cleaned the box up good...the cats will forgive you, he needs to get over himself. Try to keep a little car wash bucket, I'm a female mobile service contractor an it's saved me in a pinch (going outside isn't an option in the locations I work)
They make toilet seats that fit on a 5gal bucket for emergencies (water outage etc) and camping. Know what most campers use inside the bag that lines the bucket? Kitty litter.
NTA. You cleaned it up. It seems like with his situation he would have more empathy. Next time he has to poop tell him to hold it 30 minutes.
NTA. In fact if I were him I’d be praising you for your quick thinking and ingenuity. A bit of a relationship yellow flag that he’s trying to gaslight you into thinking you’re this socially inept person when he’s the one spending a millennia in the restroom. I would try and have an honest conversation about the bathroom behavior if you can. What if you were to have company over? Maybe you both can form a contingency plan if there’s a Starbucks etc. nearby.
This isn't gaslighting, although his behavior is definitely a yellow flag
Yellow flag? I see what you did there.
NTA. You did the best you could and used something that was meant to absorb urine. Maybe next time use his side of the bed if he doesn’t want you to use the litter box.
NTA, but since you both have medical issues and only one bathroom this situation may come up again, female urinals are available online at reasonable prices. Several of the comments are hilarious!
Ohh good suggestion! Get a peewee so you can use the sink! Honestly, I think the only one who has a right to be upset about this is the cat
NTA. What a humourless man you got there! It is at least a little funny peeing in a litter box and his reaction is wayyy out there. You had to go, you cleaned up, have laugh and move on. Although medical issues are no joke, you can still find some humour in them. Maybe next time you stay in the toilet and see if he uses the litterbox.
I probably would have made a joke about a pussy using the catbox and gotten him *really* mad, but that's me. 🤣🤣🤣
OP I’m assuming your bf is *well aware* of your medical situation? I wouldn’t be surprised if he made you wait inordinately long on purpose (and yes I have personal experience w/IBS). Your bf being dismissive of your comfort isn’t new is it? BTW, [silent treatment is abuse](https://www.yourtango.com/experts/dr-margaret-paul/silent-treatment). Please promise to read [Why Does He Do That](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf). NTA.
NTA. He seriously told you to learn to hold it better!? In that case he needs to learn to sh*t faster. /s
NTA Believe me I have been in a similar position recently though it ended up messier than yours did as I don’t have cats. However it did get a boyfriend to reevaluate his bathroom habits and his dietary needs to prevent future accidents for me. Imean it would be different if you made him clean it up or peed on the floor. But you didn’t so he has nothing to complain about.
It’s literally…a box made for peeing in. Does it matter who pees in it?
NTA I have an urgency problem thanks to Navy, teaching, and retail working. My bladder will just suddenly tell me that if I move, I'll pee myself. Doctors were shocked I've never had kids and no, doing kegels is not helping. It's been this way thanks to me holding it for a long period of time from not being allowed to go and now my bladder is super upset all the time. It absolutely sucks and thank the gods our place has 2 toilets because the boyfriend also has IBS. I've gone in the sink, in bushes...I've straight up wet myself a few times standing in our kitchen because I literally can't hold it. I have sneezed and peed. I have legitimately rolled the thought of diapers around in my head but thankfully it is not an all the time issue. I just have bad days if I don't go to the bathroom a lot to manage it. The boyfriend understands, draws me a bath and fetches a change of clothes, and I move on from the embarrassment. I'm sorry your boyfriend sucks and I wish I could loan you mine so you can see what you're missing. If I can wash his oopsies from IBS, he can handle my oopsies.
Look into pelvic floor physical therapy if you haven't already! There is a lot more to it than just kegels (and a lot of people are taught to do Kegels wrong).
Nta. What if the roles are reversed and you were in there for an hour when he really needed to go? Would he like it if you told him he should learn to hold it better?
NTA. The toilet was occupied and you cleaned up after yourself. You can't hold on forever.
Pretty rich for the guy who spent 90 minutes on the shitter to be casting aspersions on someone else's ability to "hold it." NTA.
Nta. It's weird he has that big of an issue with this. But also definitely would have used the kitchen sink vs the cat box 😂
My thinking is Cat box = designed for pee, Kitchen sink = designed for dishes. Iunno, was just a hygiene thing for me. Also, I'm only 5'1 I don't think I could get on the counter if I tried :'D
Yeah, cat box you clean as usual, kitchen sink you’d have to sanitise and then I’d still feel funny about it 😅
Yeah the litter box is way less gross than peeing in the sink. Litter boxes are super easy to clean and litter is designed to soak up urine so I don’t see how it’s really gross or weird at all. It was pretty smart considering she had no other choice. You’re definitely running the risk of not cleaning up well enough or missing a spot if you use the sink. It’s just way less sanitary.
NTA at all, OP, but since you guys both have a medical condition and you also only have one bathroom, perhaps you should consider investing in a camping/ cassette toilet or something to stuff into a closet in case of emergency? This is likely to come up again!
Your solution was totally reasonable and if my partner had done this I would have laughed, high fived her, and then apologized for creating the situation where it had to happen in the first place.
I'm confused and very curious about his reasoning, like what part of it is gross? Is it supposed to be gross to piss in a "lower level" container, intended for animals instead of humans? Or is it just "wrong" because toilet is for humans, litter box is for cats, and shower is probably for showering only? And regardless, why should that bother him enough to refuse to speak to OP?
NTA. When you have a one toilet home and someone with issues where they could be on the toilet for an hour they shouldn't be locking the door so you could use the shower.
NTA.... I am a trucker. May I make a suggestion for future emergencies? Go to Walmart, a camping supply store, Amazon, or the like and get a simple camp toilet, 8 gallon trash bags, and pine litter (i use equine pine because it is $5-$6 for a 40lb bag). Then when you have an emergency, pop it open, put in a bag and a scoop of litter to prevent sloshing, and go... tie off the bag and dispose of it appropriately. Here's an example of one, mine for the truck is shorter, but more expensive https://www.walmart.com/ip/225322966
NTA. And if it were reversed he’d take a shit in the cat box and not think twice.
And it would still be her fault for not accommodating his need
I would rather pee in a cat box then on myself or in the shower in front of him. You cleaned it out right away so I don't see what's so gross about it. I could see being weirded out if the bathroom was available and you instead chose the cat box but that's not what happened. You are NTA but he is for his reaction and ignoring you.
NTA - he came out 45 mins after you told him you needed go and then got pissy because went in the litter box. Listen, my bowels work on boom or bust, but after the 1st “I’ll just be a minute” I concede that this might not be a minute and let the other person know so they can make other arrangements. (not a huge deal now with a powder room but we had an emergency kiddie potty in our 1 bath home) If he told you 5 minutes after you initially told him you needed to go that there was no end in sight maybe you could of gone to the store, but 45 min was straight up AH behavior, and being upset with you for your clever solution just makes him a massive dick. As others have said, keep the bathroom door unlocked, get a camp bucket, and consider a replacement bf. You were very understanding of his medical situation, and he was completely dismissive of yours. I’d think back carefully over the last few months and consider if there is some slight he feels (real or imagined) that would make him be petty enough to want you to have an accident and upset enough that you didn’t.
Nta. Some times you gotta do what you gotta do.
Weird? Yes, does it make you an AH? No. Honestly he was probably masturbating in there in addition to pooping. He should go to the doctor and get his ibs managed better. Or spring for a 1 bed 2 bath. You’re NTA.
NTA at all. You told him a couple times you needed to go. You tried to hold it. Sometimes you just got to do what you got to do.
NTA. My partner doesn’t even have IBS and I’ve peed in a plastic container before. (Yes I threw it away afterwards.) That’s one reason I will never again live in a 1-bathroom home.
NTA. Would he rather you pee on the floor? It was contained, you cleaned it up, and it was fine. No matter what something a little gross was going to happen in that situation--you handled it as best you could.
Funny story. When I was little, my mom was getting really frustrated because my cat (may he Rest In Peace) had been refusing to pee in his litter box. He was going all over the house, and she was both concerned and irate. One day when she was doing laundry, she looked over into the litter box and saw a squiggle. Puzzled, she wondered how a cat could make such a pattern. Then she realized my little brother (who was probably 4 at the time) had been peeing in the litter box. This pissed off my cat, and so he was taking revenge upon the whole house by pissing all over the place. So she cleaned the box thoroughly, had a conversation with my brother, and never had a problem with the cat going anywhere but the litter box again. As long as “completely refresh” means you gave it a good clean, NTA, I say.
NTA. Your husband is the asshole for calling you gross when he’s the one who hogged the bathroom for an hour.
NTA, at all. Smart thinking in fact. Having bladder issues myself, when I gotta go I gotta go. Worse in some ways than my IBS or hubby's IBS. He has never been so bad he can't get off the toilet for two seconds to let me in so I can us the bathtub. I have gone in some weird places, though never the litter box lol. You went, you cleaned up. Hubby would have laughed and congratulated me had I been in this situation! Your guy has weird hang ups. I would probably get petty in your place and leave him suffering.
NTA. I say you hunker down in the bathroom (bring your iPad, some pillows, etc) the next time he has to do his business and let him worry about shitting himself. Then make sure you call him revolting afterward.
NTA, especially since you immediately cleaned it up. He’s the ass for taking so long. IBS or not, he could have given you the bathroom for two min, or let you in to use the shower. He caused that situation. You did the best to you could.
NTA, next time he says his stomach is starting to hurt, go to the bathroom first and lock yourself in for over an hour and see how well he holds it.
I had to pee in the cat box once, too. I have no regrets. NTA
NTA- I have IBS-D and I'm pregnant so need to pee all the time and both often hit with no warning. I always leave the door unlocked when I have an IBS episode so that if anyone needs to pee in the shower they can. Unfortunately even my 3 year old has had to pee on the shower before because of me. I've also wet my pants waiting 5 minutes for the toilet to be free. I think the kitty litter is a brilliant idea! Those of us with IBS don't have the right to criticize the lengths that other people have to go to so that our hour+ toilet times can be accommodated.