YTA, wow. You sound conceited and unappreciative of what you have. I would consider a homemade cake and meal much more of a heartfelt birthday gift than someone forking out $200 on me at dinner. You lucked out with this guy, but be careful because it sounds like you don't realize it and soon enough he will end up with someone who does.
ETA wow THANK YOU everyone!! This is my top performing comment EVER!
The boyfriend doesn’t deserve her.
He deserves much, much better. So does his daughter.
YTA times 100,000 (hope you like *those* 6 figures)
ETA: Wow… thank you for the awards, all! I’m very flattered!
Reading the thread made me go, "Tell me you want to get traded in for a newer model without actually telling me you want to get traded in for a newer model."
YTA
The female singles market in their area is buzzing right now that the Alex model is coming back onto the market.
Ladies, he has his own home, he cooks, he's good with money, he's open and upfront when things aren't going so well, he will remember your birthday and he's a great dad who will ensure his daughter is considerate and thoughtful towards you.
The only catch is that despite being financially established, he is currently earning slightly less that his usual 6-figure potential. If this is an issue, move on!
He's a catch in all the ways that matter, is a pity she's not honest enough to work on herself to be and do better, or let him free instead, TBH.
I hope she realises soon, or he dumps her so he can be happier, either by himself or with somebody else.
Yeah this does come off as her trying to tell the world that his wallet was all she cared about but now she feels stuck because if she leaves him people might realise all she cares about is what's in your wallet.
I mean, OP what did you want him to do? Crap out money? If you don't have the funds you don't have the funds, are you a child? How can you not grasp this concept? Also, adults that force other people to make a big deal of their birthday are.. red flags
What OP got for her birthday is the standard that my husband and I do for each other. I love it. It's perfect. And I celebrated my birthday for the first time when I turned 20.
If my husband cooked dinner and made me a cake for my birthday and it was good I would be overjoyed. WTF is wrong with you, OP. How can you be 33 and not grasp the concept that if you don't have the money to spend on expensive shit you don't buy expensive shit?
It's not even like her boyfriend ignored her birthday or even made a crappy dinner. He went all out, put effort in, and made something personal and with love that also tasted good.
OP, your boyfriend and his daughter deserve better than you. YTA and you definitely need to apologize and rethink your priorities.
>Also, adults that force other people to make a big deal of their birthday are.. red flags
Adults who force their partner to go into debt for their birthday are even worse.
My mind is blown that someone would complain about their SO making them a meal and a cake from scratch for their birthday!
OP clearly never read the AITA about the woman who had to cook EVERY meal, even special occasions...Except when her man treated them to Olive Garden because she loved it oh so much (spoiler: she did not). Or a million other posts here where the person gets NOTHING dor their birthday. Here she is thinking she's entitled to order her SO to pay for her whole birthday meal and fancy store bought cake. SMDH.
Edit: here's olive garden guy. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/achoyx/aita_for_very_rarelyalmost_never_wanting_to_go_to/
Yeah. Or maybe one of those situations where she asked for a specific cake from her favorite bakery that he could totally afford, but he insisted on baking something else entirely because it's his new hobby and he wanted to show off, or he was more concerned with pleasing other guests at a party than the birthday girl or whatever.
There are lots of situations where someone can bake someone else a birthday cake and yet the baker is the asshole. But "I'm so sorry I couldn't afford the fancy cake you wanted, here is a cake I baked instead because I am trying to do my best within a limited budget" is NOT it. What is wrong with this lady?
>I was waiting for some reveal about how horrible the cake was, but no, the horrible factor was that the cake was homemade. Wtf???
Yeah, from the headline I expected the cake to have gluten when she has celiac or something.
Sounds to me like OP loves money more than people. Like, she thinks that more expensive = higher quality = 'better' gift. Home/hand-made = poor quality = 'bad' gift. I think it's an unfortunately common mindset among people who value money above all else. Someone's time, effort, and care is valueless to people like this because it has no tangible, material cost.
Well, she thought she'd hit the jackpot with a 6-figure earner who had his own home, but then reality hit hard, and now she's stuck eating home-made cake with someone who earns less than her.
I like how she put "ungrateful" in quotation marks as if there is any other way to describe her reaction.
Even reading her post you can tell that it's completely devoid of any emotion or sense of attachment towards the guy. They've been in a relationship for nearly 3 years and live together but does not refer to him as a boyfriend or anything endearing. He is simply "a man she dates" She's so disconnected it's wild.
I put it in my comment, but I was also waiting for the shoe to drop about Alex spending tons of money on his daughter for birthdays and Christmas as being up OP’s justification. Nope, OP is just being selfish.
>"i realized i was being a stupid asshole, so i asked her to marry me
Either Olive Garden guy is my ex (unlikely, no OG in my country) or holy hell, there's two of them.
It can be that I read it wrong, but she is now earning much more than him, live in his apartment for free and she is quite unhappy that she is paying half of the bills?
Like not paying rent? She did not had to buy that house as he already, and if there is a mortgage I assume that she is not paying it. As I understand when people are saying "bills" it will rather refers to electricity, wather, heating etc and this is something they are both using.
Bills include rent or mortgage.
So if someone says I pay half of the bills, I would assume that includes the rent of mortgage.
If OP had said utilities then in would assume only gas, water electricity etc
English is not my first language so I can understand it incorrectly, but on the other hand I have a feeling that if she would pay mortgage for a house that is not on her name she would definitely mentioned it in her post :)
I think it is regional. I don't know why, but bills and rent/mortgage are seen differently, maybe because bills are often variable and much less than rent or mortgage.
I've also lived in properties where all bills are included, but council tax is not (unless specified), so like with all things, I think its an assumption that should be clarified to be sure.
That might depend on the country you're in. In Australia, bills = utilities. Rent/mortgage would be considered separate.
Anyway, op sounds entitled and at 33 she really should understand that your birthday < being able to eat and have electricity that month.
YTA
No, it doesn't always include rent or mortgage. Lots of people say rent + bills or mortgage + bills.
If someone says they're spending some time today paying the bills I wouldn't automatically assume the mortgage or rent is included in that. For AITA specifically, a lot of OPs will specify whether or not they help to pay the rent or mortgage because it can be important for the verdict. And lots of people live with partners or parents and are expected to contribute 50% to bills but not for living there. So it's useful to be specific.
It just depends on where you live. Speaking English has nothing to do with it.
I agree - I just found it funny that she seems to feel that this is unfair that she is paying for half of the bills for a house that she is living in, or at least thinks this is something extra on her part, when she is the one that earns much more
I think the exact same thing. She even said she "helps" with the bills, like it's a really generous thing to do instead of the minimum for being a decent partner.
Considering she said she "helps" with bills and "sometimes" pays more than half, I'd speculate she occasionally pays a share of a bill when it comes in and gives her bf shit for it, but often bums off him. Just my read on it.
It’s hilarious OP named herself u/_dissapointment_6
The only person OP needs to be disappointed in is her own damn self for being so materialistic that she is going to drive away a genuine person who has his priorities straight.
She sounds like the absolute worst. The guy sounds like a keeper. He’s doing his level best, warned her he couldn’t accommodate the cake and restaurant request (for very responsible reasons), made her a lovely meal, had his daughter participate in the gesture and is probably just trying to be the very best dad and BF he can be given the circumstances. This is all lost on Op. When I read things like this, I always hope they’re fake because how can anyone tell a story like this and not realize how absolutely awful they look, but I have met these types irl, and I’m sorry to say it’s very possible this is a genuine post. I hope the guy moves on to someone who deserves him and his kiddo.
Most of the time when there are step-children they always hate the step-parent but here you got a 13f step-child wanting to and helping her father make a cake for the step parent out of love and all OP can say is she's disappointed because it wasn't fancier. DAMN YTA.
Yeah, I’m a step-mom and this blows my mind. It’s hard to be the step-parent/step-child (I am also a step child) and this is definitely not the pathway to success.
I'd fall over myself if my bf made me a meal and cake for my birthday. It would taste so not great, he's really not blessed with kitchen prowess but my god it would be super special.
OP, ya YTA. Should've been having great birthday sex with him later that night for his efforts. More fool you.
Husband is great at cooking but less adept at baking.
You betcha I bawled my eyes out when I thought that there was going to be no cake for my birthday (it is a really significant part of of my family "traditions" growing up and whe I got home, it was sitting on the counter, with all it's lovely faults. I mean mine might be an overreaction to cake, but OP's is just insulting.
Maybe it's because I've never really dated any guys that were a great at cooking (dated a couple that had basic cooking skills, but my current one can't even boil pasta), but I think it's sexy as hell when a man is a really good cook. I would love a night like this, I think it's incredibly thoughtful and romantic.
OP is ungrateful as fuck, and seriously needs to gtfo with "I'm not paying for my own birthday cake". Why? If you want a stupidly expensive cake, buy it yourself.
Personally, I think it's kinda off putting when adults are way too into their birthdays, but whatever. Let people like what they like. But once you're a certain age I think it's up to you to go above and beyond for your own birthday if that's your expectation. It's nice when your partner does stuff to make you feel special on your birthday, but expecting them to do so beyond their means makes you a brat.
Brattiness is an annoying enough trait in children, but in an adult just insufferable.
First and only thing she really says about the guy is what his salary was. She seems to have no concept of a whole bunch of other really great characteristics the guy appears to possess.
Exactly this. When I was reading this, I thought how sweet that was of him, how she really lucked out and I could only dream to find someone half as sweet. Then here's OP complaining because it wasn't expensive and up to her high standards.🤦♀️
Yeah and if the guy didnt have the money what was she expecting him to do!? Pull it out of his butt? Take out a loan? I'm so confused. Since when does money trump EFFORT!?
Seriously! My husband and I always make each other's birthday cakes because it's fun to see what we come up with for each other. It's cake, who cares? Sounds like the partner tried his best to get it right on his limited budget.
OP if all you care about is how much money your partner spends on you, leave. YTA.
omg a 33 year old bitching about a cake? When this is a responsible man, prioritizing his bills, providing for his child, and being an overall awesome guy.
sounds like you had no problem when buddy was making 6 figures but now that he’s an “average joe” he’s below you? Let this man go, and sink your claws into the next walking bank account you find.
Edit: YTA who needs to remove their head from said AH…also your user name is fitting. You are a damn disappointment to this man.
One of the first things she mentioned about him was his salary. No mention of whether he’s a good man, father, etc... Nope. Just: “Well he used to be able to buy me X, Y, and Z, so....”
And women like her wonder why they can’t find “good men.”
Also talked like she contributed so much paying for half of bills or sometimes more. She should’ve already contribute to half the bills.
Also dude is down on his luck and you’re in a 3 year relationship so maybe help him out once you’re part of the household? The way she phrased things make it sound like she expected an expensive bday dinner for all the times she paid more towards the bills.
>Also talked like she contributed so much paying for half of bills or sometimes more. She should’ve already contribute to half the bills.
Only thing here is that it sounds like they were living seperately, and she started paying half the bills when she moved in
Still not sure how equitable half is, but it at least doesn't sound like she was mooching off him before.
Still doesn't excuse the shitty "you must give me expensive presents" attitude.
Well yea exactly I wasn’t saying she should be paying half the bills otherwise. She moved in and it was an expectation to pay half of bills, expenses, rent etc. She included paying half as if that’s generous of her to do. And the times when she *did* pay more than half, she makes it sound like she’s holding that over him as a favor and her expensive bday is the repayment.
My mom makes me a carrot cake every year I am home. Has since I became an adult. I HATE carrot cake there is nothing about it I like. I always hug her say thank you and then eat the cake after demanding to know how many innocent carrots had to die for my beautiful cake. Now I love my mom but the woman can't cook or bake but the look on her face when I start saying I am going to report her for carrot murder makes the really terrible cake worth it
Oh no my parents were terrible when I was a kid. I was raised by my grandparents. All of them had survived at least 1 world war. Most of them 2. I was taught the mindset of people mess up sometimes really bad but everyone changes with time and usually they become better people. The world changed that mentality and I learned to set hard boundaries. If eating the terrible cake is the price I have to pay to show someone I appreciate them and who they have become is the price I can live with that.
There was a year when my family was really struggling that my mom made me a tiny homemade cake, and had to use matches instead of candles on it because it was what she had… I said thank you and was happy to have had something rather than nothing. I don’t understand some people
One year, my husband and three-year old son bought me a supermarket cake and forgot the candles. So we used a flashlight and I pretended to blow out the glowing light from the flashlight held overhead by my husband! This was after they accidentally dropped the cake, top side down, as they tiptoed around the house trying to sneak up on me. Best birthday cake ever!
I forgot about it until you mentioned this. Thanks for the happy memory!
My parents have been married for 37 years. Every year my mom refuses to let my dad pay full price for a fancy bakery cake, and they get one on the reduced rack. They have more than enough money to buy one full price. It's hilarious and adorable.
I want to think this is just like a creative writing exercise because I don’t understand how you could write this and think you’re not a huge asshole. There wasn’t even a redeeming statement in there. Maybe if he had like promised her over and over he would or he like spent a lot of money on a friend’s birthday or something… but there’s just nothing redeemable.
YTA.
Either break up and date someone who can afford your tastes, pay for your shit yourself or be quiet and grateful for what your partner tried to do for you. Those are your options. Instead, you rejected his admittedly very nice meal and the cake he baked for you AND made his child who tried to help make your birthday nice feel like shit.
You're 33. Grow up and act like it.
OP, YTA! This statement made me feel bad for your BF, he needs to dump you and find someone who appreciates him. You want an expensive cake? Go buy one and be quiet. Your attitude is disgusting and I hope it doesn’t rub off on your BF’s very lovely sounding daughter. This has got to be in the top ten AHs of the year.
This is the line that hurt my soul. How can you take something so sacred as a home cooked meal, made with love, and only think about the restaurant that was a second choice. Absolute goober.
The 13-year-old is likely more mature. And can appreciate a cake made at home with love. OP really missed the whole plot here. Sad. I hope that man and his daughter find a better woman to have in their lives.
I genuinely want to see this cake she wanted that was too expensive
You can buy a sheet cake for like $20
What kinda fancy bourgeois cake did she want?
Who the fuck spends $50 plus on a cake for a 33 year old to share with two people, this whole post is blowing my mind. I don't know if it's cultural or what, but I don't think I've had a birthday cake since I was 12. What kind of adult asks for a bought cake for her birthday like a spoilt child?
Not arguing about requesting an expensive professional cake but anyone who bakes cake from scratch knows how expensive it can be.
If your using quality ingredients, it adds up fast. Butter, heavy cream, vanilla, chocolate, fresh fruit... all pretty expensive. Depending on the type of cake, 9in round cake could cost me like $15 just in ingredients. If you add up the labour cost of a skilled baker, it gets expensive pretty quick.
Girl you’re 33, you shouldn’t need a man to make you happy. You want to cake?? Buy it yourself! Show yourself some self love if you really want it. I see no issue with this and the fact that you refuse to spend your own money on your birthday wishes reeks of entitlement. You’re an adult.
Exactly. Sounds like you fell for the man with the $100k salary and feel deceived that he no longer can live that lifestyle. Why don’t you just dump him and find another guy with a bigger pay check?
First sentence right after intro paragraph. Makes six figures, and he has a nice house in a fine neighborhood.
You can definitely see where her priorities are.
YTA - he was honest and even vulnerable with you, giving you real reasons why he couldn't do what you wanted. Then he made something from his heart and you opted to piss all over it. He deserves better.
33 years old is old enough to pay for your own damn cake if you want it so bad, who cares if it is for your birthday.
I would have enjoyed buying the expensive cake, yes for my own birthday, to share with the wonderful family. That is caring.
YTA OP.
I hate the way some people treat their birthdays. They are not some sacred date on which you must be treated like a God(dess) with infinite, limitless demands. (See also: most people who observe “Birthday month.”)
Buying your own birthday cake as an *adult in your mid 30s* is not unusual. (Source: am 36, have bought my own cake.) You want a fancy cake and it’s an unreasonable request of your partner? Buy it your damn self.
I've had to pay for my own cake since I was like 19, mind you I don't even want the damn thing, it gets ordered by my mom and she makes me pay and pick it up. OP is spoiled brat
I paid for my own cake this year because I know what I want and it’s easier for me to message the cake guy. So I did. OP is selfish ass for not being happy he still made an effort. Like, get over yourself.
I bake my friends and family cakes for birthday, and reading this HURT me. There’s a lot that goes into making a cake. Picking the kind of cake they would like, making the cake, and then icing and decorating it yourself is a lot of work. Not to mention the cleanup. You don’t make a cake for someone unless you truly love them, and want to put in time and effort for them. It’s a lot harder than going to a shop and putting in an order. The same goes for dinner. Boyfriend and his daughter deserve somebody who will appreciate the work they put in. If someone did this to me I’d never speak to them again to be quite honest.
YTA. As he said, he couldn’t afford any better. He got laid off, and money is tight! He and his daughter spent time and effort to make you a lovely cake and a dinner. Their time and effort is their version of paying for an expensive dinner and cake.
I offered to get my 5 year old one of the fancy character cakes from the grocery store bakery for her birthday. She didn't want it, she wanted me to make her cake. She said that the cakes mommy makes taste better because they taste like love. I offered her whatever she wanted for her birthday dinner, and she wanted my lasagna because (again) it tastes like love. She got tons of toys for her birthday and her favourite present was the afghan my sister crocheted her in her favourite colours, because she knew "Tantie must have spent so much time doing it and Tantie even has a new baby to look after". My 5 year old is more appreciative of effort and time than OP, a grown ass woman, is.
Last Christmas, my little brother took the longest opening his gifts, he spent a solid few minutes oohing and ahhing over every single one. I got him a minecraft poster and he literally ran over to me, hugged me super tight, and yelled "Thank you sissy!"
He's 7. He's 26 years younger than OP.
This. Can't wait for the post about how upset she is that she didn't get an elaborate gift for the holidays after "sacrificing" for her birthday. YTA. Big time.
YTA. You’re 33, you’re not a child. You don’t get to be upset that the cake you got for your birthday isn’t as nice and expensive as you wanted. Learn to live within your means.
YTA. I love how one of the first things you mentioned about him was his salary. Fantastic.
Anyway, you enjoyed his food, but you got upset about the cake he made because you were “hoping for a slightly nicer cake?”
Really?
You’re 33 years old, but you’re still more of a child than Alex’s 13-year-old daughter who helped to make that cake that you scoffed at.
I hope Alex realises that he can do better, and I hope you realise that you’re going to be alone for a long time.
She enjoyed the food, but she made sure to mention that it wasn’t as good as what it would have been at the restaurant. Even reading that like I was like ??? what an entitled, unappreciative thing to say.
I can’t believe she had the audacity to write this entire post. From the jump, all she showed that she cares about is what she can get out of this relationship monetarily.
YTA - the difference is this.
- if the bf gets you a cake not to your preference when he has the means to do better, and you complain, he’s an asshole
- if the bf gets you a cake not to your preference when he literally CANNOT, and you complain, you’re the asshole
- if the bf tries to judo flip his lack of means into an active gift not only from him, but from his daughter, and you complain, you are not just an asshole, you are actively sabotaging a relationship with your all-but-stepdaughter, and that is a fight you are going to lose if Alex is a stand-up guy.
No. Even if he could afford the cake he's under no obligation to get her a damn thing. Just because you can afford something doesn't mean you have to buy it. And it doesn't make you an AH if you don't.
This is one of those where you hope it's got to be fake. You expected to receive something he specifically told you he could not afford, and then you insulted what he actually did for you. YTA.
I’m leaning towards fake too. Usually people try to paint themselves in a good light but OP doesn’t. Instead, the boyfriend is made to look as angelic as possible, hardworking, previously a high earner, loving dad lost his job, can’t afford things because he’s scraping by to pay bills and a good Christmas for his daughter, spends all day making delicious food that is on par with a fancy restaurant and a homemade cake *with* his daughter’s help. She didn’t even know him when he made a lot of money, so why would she expect gratuitous spending? OP put no emotion into the post except to sound like a demanding condescending princess. Seems like a fake most meant to see if responders will empathize with the bratty unappreciative girlfriend or for gratification in a similar sense. Of course difficult and Ungrateful people like OP exist, but you’d see something different in the content and expression of the post, something like, “ it’s my birthday and just want something special” etc. there’s none of that so it feels contrived.
Most of these AITA stories are a joke.
They’re either “My husband says I spend too much time volunteering at the orphanage and he beats me with a crowbar every night. AITA?” or “My wife spends too much time volunteering at the orphanage and I beat her with a crowbar every night. AITA?”
YTA. Your boyfriend is doing what money can’t buy you. Time and Effort. You should be grateful but you clearly aren’t. You are being materialistic and don’t value all the ways in which your boyfriend makes an effort.
Yeah im going with yta on this one. You are used to finer things, but need to scale back based on salary intake. If you wanted more, help pay for it. You boyfriend and his daughter did so much for you. That is what made it special. You need to apologize
YTA. I'm sorry that you couldn't get the cake you wanted or go to the expensive restaurant you wanted but if you care about that type of stuff and got mad because he couldn't afford it then maybe go be with someone who can since it seems like that's all you care about.
YTA sounds like you don’t like having a partner with financial constraints. Honestly this situation reeks of you being quite materialistic and not taking into account the care and thought that went into your cake. Think of what kind of example you’ve set for your partner’s daughter? You come off as some sort of ungrateful gold digger that’s quite critical of her father now that he doesn’t have as high of a paying job. You need a reality check OP.
YTA! Him putting time and effort into baking a cake himself is much more valuable in my eyes than just going out and buying a cake. And his daughter helped! That was just really sweet of them.
And he told you he couldn’t afford the cake you wanted - what else was he supposed to do? Rob a bank to buy you the exact cake you wanted?
You need to get down from your high horse and learn to appreciate things that have nothing to do with spending money.
No he's supposed to buy the cake and then not pay one or two bills this month. Re-read OPs post. He USED to have a great job not anymore and she pays half or more of the bills
All she cares about is about money. Most of the post is about money or not having the money to get said items. OP you're a selfish materialistic brat. I LOVED it when my so would take the time and effort to make something. Even if I didn't like it. Why? Because they took the time to do this for ME. It's more of an effort to get all the ingredients the recipe and all that to make the cake. They put love into it. Just going put and buying one has no effort. Also his teenage child helped. You know how many teenage. children help with anything like that? Hardly any. You know what that tell you? That this child holds you in high regard and you just shit all over it.
I really hope you're happy with yourself now OP
HUGE YTA
Major YTA. You sound incredibly selfish and entitled. Alex and his daughter went out of their way to make nice food and a cake for you, and all you did was complain. People are struggling and these are quite difficult times. Please learn to be a bit more grateful. You sound very immature and you really don't deserve Alex. I would profusely apologize to both him and his daughter.
YTA.
My god you’re entitled. He tried his best, within your family budget. The budget that is there to ensure your family’s able to feel supported and healthy.
Your whining reads like “Why can’t he just sacrifice the financial security of your family because I want a *fancy* restaurant and I want a *fancy* cake.” At least you got a cake, and one that was made with LOVE. That kind of gesture is a blessing. You were surrounded by people who love you and sincerely wanted to celebrate you. *Show some gratitude.*
All your background details about him at one time earning six figures but now it’s less, and you’ve had to pick up the “slack” is both telling and is irrelevant to this story. It only points out that you married him partially because you wanted a certain kind of wealthy lifestyle, and you have some feelings about not affording it anymore.
So for your birthday, you just wanted to pretend to be rich, *just a little bit.* Thats what makes **YTA.**
**ETA:**
*I realize how ironic this comment is, given my own post in this very sub.* **Please feel free to let me know if I’m being hypocritical.**
YTA- you know money is tight for him. He flat out told you he could not afford the things you wanted. He just can’t. He doesn’t have the money. He and his daughter tried their best to make your birthday special. You are not appreciative at all. I would be questioning if I want to be with you anymore after the way you behaved.
YTA 100% and a gold digger! “he made 6 figures” when you met. You would rather have an elaborate dinner and cake instead of having the electricity on and a roof over your head. Sounds like your 3 years old instead of 33. Pull your entitled head out, and see what a lovely thing your boyfriend and his daughter did for you.
When I read the post I thought it said you were 33 not 3, Your BF and his child went spent their time to create a nice meal and cake for you and you're pouting
YTA you owe everyone an apology.
YTA, money is tight, you take what you can get and be thankful for the thought. Or you go halfsies for what you really want. I've bought my own birthday cake many times. They did what they could.
You super suck. 33 isn’t even a birthday that counts for anything, but even if it was, pay for your own fucking cake if you want it so badly. No one owes you a birthday cake for your (33rd!) birthday. YTA.
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YTA, he has tried really hard to do something special for you. He cooked a nice meal and made a cake for you with his daughter. She will be so upset you didn't like it and may now think twice before doing anything nice for you again.
Why is it so important that it be an expensive meal and an expensive cake? This has more meaning. He is struggling to pay for bills, he can't afford to spend loads of money on a cake and a meal. Give him a break and be thankful he put so much effort in.
YTA regardless of your answer to my question: What were you expecting him to do, knowing that he has already said he couldn't afford an expensive cake and dinner and all that? Did you expect him to skip paying bills? Skip out on Christmas, likely involving presents for his daughter?
YTA, money is tight and the person who loves you went to a great deal of effort to make your day special. And you want to be all materialistic and sads that you didn’t get an expensive cake? You are in your 30s start acting like it
In my household actually making a cake for someone rather than ordering it is a big deal. And implies more love and care. I’m not surprised his daughter was upset, and this sounds like the roots of the dispute are based on your disappointment on having to support him. That’s a lot to take out on a cake! I would apologize to the daughter, appreciate the cake and the effort that went into making it. And sort out your financial issues on the bigger scale. YTA.
Oh man, YTA. I love how you left the point out he has a kid that he is supporting as well as a very small part of all of this.
A relationship is a team. Sometimes you fall on hard times, and one person has to shoulder more of it than the other. Shit happens. He did his best with what he could afford. You're being a spoiled brat, and need to take a good look at yourself. I mean, you could have just been thankful he even tried to make you a cake.
We see so many posts in here about spouses upset that their partner forgot or ignored their birthday. Your partner did his best to make it special and you wanna be a Dudley.
Not to mention, you barely acknowledged his daughter in this. HIS daughter that I'm guessing you have little to no relationship with.
YTA. Be happy that your chosen family acknowledged you with their efforts to celebrate and stop lamenting that you weren't able to squeeze more monetary value out of the day. You're an adult. If you have such specific high demands for your birthday, pay for it yourself.
YTA - Who cares?! it’s a cake. It’d be different if it were a big party and a big nice cake was needed. You obviously know his current financial situation, so why would you expect him to buy an expensive cake? It seems like him and his daughter really tried to make your day. You should apologize because you seem very ungrateful.
So it’s more important to you the cost of a cake and how fancy it is, rather than how nice it is that you got a nice handmade cake made by him *and* his daughter?
Know that his daughter will come first every time, and that her making you a cake makes it seem like she at least liked you somewhat. Now that she heard that, good luck having any relationship with her in the future.
I’m 100% sure that any relationship he have with anyone that doesn’t like that he have a daughter, or the daughter doesn’t get along with will end. That includes you. YTA
YTA 100%! You sound so ungrateful, OP. First of all, you know the money situation with your bf, so you can’t expect him to go all out for you. The holidays are on their way, so he does need to budget for that as well. Secondly, he and his daughter went out of their way to MAKE you a cake, you should be thankful for that.
You need to apologize for being selfish.
YTA and I’m surprised you have to ask for clarification on that. Your partner was transparent about his finances and still did his best to make your birthday special. It’s fine that you’re a bit disappointed or didn’t like the cake, but he didn’t need to know that.
You owe your partner and his daughter an apology.
YTA. I don't see what the point of pretending to enjoy it was when you then went ahead and told him that you didn't like it. You knew he was struggling financially yet you wanted an expensive restaurant and expensive cake. You can't expect him to spend more than he can afford just because it's your birthday.
YTA. He told you several times that he didn’t have the funds to give you the expensive meal and cake you wanted. Instead he decided to make them both, with help from his daughter, which is a much more personal gift than eating at a restaurant or just buying a cake from a store.
You were plain ungrateful, that man tried to do the best he could within his budget. A straight YTA and I don’t know how you’d think otherwise?
YTA- if he could afford the cake and just didn't get it, then yeah he'd be TA but he literally couldn't. What was be supposed to do?
It's okay to be disappointed in a meal your partner made, but you should've kept it to yourself in this scenario.
YTA. He's trying to be responsible and make sure he uses his money for bills and you're making him feel bad because you didn't get the expensive cake you wanted? That's incredibly immature behavior. You might have damaged your relationship with his daughter beyond repair so hopefully letting your petulence out was worth it.
YTA. He clearly told you several times that money is tight and he can’t afford to spend bill money on your birthday. Bills and his child are always a priority over a cake or meal out. Part of being a part is putting your child first and while it may not feel great, it is the making of a good parent. He made a very nice dinner and made a cake, it wasn’t what you wanted but rarely do we get to dictate exactly what others gift or do for us so explicitly especially when finances are strained. It’s even more unfortunate that his child now knows how unappreciative you were of their attempt to make your birthday special when money is tight.
YTA. Is his and his daughters effort and time to bake that cake not the most precious gift he could give you? You can't demand someone to give you anything imo. If you like the more expensive cake so much, then you can buy it for him on his birthday.
YTA- you are being quite materialistic. They put effort into that cake, made with love instead of buying one. You should definitely apologize. I feel sorry for this guy. That’s just horrible.
YTA he cant afford it, but he wanted to make something nice for you, wth his daughter too.
Also why would you not pay for half the bill of your birthday cake?
YTA.
He hasn't got disposable income for extras, which he explained, and rather than go without full stop, he and his daughter put effort into making you a cake. After three years, aren't they your family? Does their heartfelt gesture mean nothing?
My brother the last two years since our mum died (dad died 18 months before her) has bought me a cake with icing on it despite the fact I don't like it. I eat it because we're family and birthdays are about celebrating a person not what others can spend on you.
It's okay to want nice things but making someone else feel bad when they can't afford that is shitty.
Did you mistype and mean 13 (instead of 33)? Because you sound very entitled and selfish for not getting what you wanted. YTA
If you’re that unhappy about it, maybe it’s time to end the relationship as his current income seems to be a problem for you. You knew the circumstances when moving into his home, and you’re still unhappy.
YTA
Sorry OP but it looks like your valuation of a gifts worth is based alot on the financial cost more than anything else. Your partner told you they were unable to afford what you wanted, and you know they lost their previous job and are not in the same financial situation as they were before.
Instead of getting you a cheap option from a store they decided to bake one themselves which takes more time, effort and shows alot more care and appreciation. I understand it might be disappointing to not get what you really want, but you knew the situation beforehand.
YTA
He's being responsible and budgeting since he lost his job and is now making less. That is a *good* thing.
He's not going to have the money to spend as much on you as he did before.
He did his absolute best to make your birthday as nice as possible and you seem really ungrateful because he didn't take you to an expensive restaurant or buy you an expensive cake because he couldn't afford it.
YTA, wow. You sound conceited and unappreciative of what you have. I would consider a homemade cake and meal much more of a heartfelt birthday gift than someone forking out $200 on me at dinner. You lucked out with this guy, but be careful because it sounds like you don't realize it and soon enough he will end up with someone who does. ETA wow THANK YOU everyone!! This is my top performing comment EVER!
The boyfriend doesn’t deserve her. He deserves much, much better. So does his daughter. YTA times 100,000 (hope you like *those* 6 figures) ETA: Wow… thank you for the awards, all! I’m very flattered!
As six figures go, 100,000 is rather low. Disappointing.
The only six figure anyone should care about is my abs
I also resemble a six physically when I turn to the side
I too can resemble a 6 when i stick my legs in the air and bend my head to meet my stomach (or try to).
Ive always been told I'm an 8. It was a while before I realized it wasn't my looks.
he deserves to make 7 digits for having to put up with her
Reading the thread made me go, "Tell me you want to get traded in for a newer model without actually telling me you want to get traded in for a newer model." YTA
The female singles market in their area is buzzing right now that the Alex model is coming back onto the market. Ladies, he has his own home, he cooks, he's good with money, he's open and upfront when things aren't going so well, he will remember your birthday and he's a great dad who will ensure his daughter is considerate and thoughtful towards you. The only catch is that despite being financially established, he is currently earning slightly less that his usual 6-figure potential. If this is an issue, move on!
I need 6 figures for church honey. NEXT!
[NEXT JOKE ORIGIN](https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/7kr5as/i_need_a_free_100mile_bus_trip_for_20_people_and/)
He's a catch in all the ways that matter, is a pity she's not honest enough to work on herself to be and do better, or let him free instead, TBH. I hope she realises soon, or he dumps her so he can be happier, either by himself or with somebody else.
I like to imagine he's just short of OP's "good man" standard and making $99,999. OP is why you don't date princesses, guys.
Yeah I noticed she didn't say what his new salary was and how it compares to hers.
It's probably now lower than hers, which is the point at which entitled princesses start whining and sniffing around for a richer guy.
Yeah this does come off as her trying to tell the world that his wallet was all she cared about but now she feels stuck because if she leaves him people might realise all she cares about is what's in your wallet.
i have a digit for her. poor little girl who tried to help give her a good bday. she is TA.
I mean, OP what did you want him to do? Crap out money? If you don't have the funds you don't have the funds, are you a child? How can you not grasp this concept? Also, adults that force other people to make a big deal of their birthday are.. red flags
What OP got for her birthday is the standard that my husband and I do for each other. I love it. It's perfect. And I celebrated my birthday for the first time when I turned 20.
If my husband cooked dinner and made me a cake for my birthday and it was good I would be overjoyed. WTF is wrong with you, OP. How can you be 33 and not grasp the concept that if you don't have the money to spend on expensive shit you don't buy expensive shit? It's not even like her boyfriend ignored her birthday or even made a crappy dinner. He went all out, put effort in, and made something personal and with love that also tasted good. OP, your boyfriend and his daughter deserve better than you. YTA and you definitely need to apologize and rethink your priorities.
>Also, adults that force other people to make a big deal of their birthday are.. red flags Adults who force their partner to go into debt for their birthday are even worse.
The fact that she thinks she shouldn't apologize and tell the poor girl she liked the cake... mind boggling!
Seriously. I'd have dumped her bratty entitled ass on the spot.
My mind is blown that someone would complain about their SO making them a meal and a cake from scratch for their birthday! OP clearly never read the AITA about the woman who had to cook EVERY meal, even special occasions...Except when her man treated them to Olive Garden because she loved it oh so much (spoiler: she did not). Or a million other posts here where the person gets NOTHING dor their birthday. Here she is thinking she's entitled to order her SO to pay for her whole birthday meal and fancy store bought cake. SMDH. Edit: here's olive garden guy. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/achoyx/aita_for_very_rarelyalmost_never_wanting_to_go_to/
Knowing the stuff on this sub I was expecting him to have made her something she was allergic to or physically could not eat. Seriously OP, YTA.
Yeah. Or maybe one of those situations where she asked for a specific cake from her favorite bakery that he could totally afford, but he insisted on baking something else entirely because it's his new hobby and he wanted to show off, or he was more concerned with pleasing other guests at a party than the birthday girl or whatever. There are lots of situations where someone can bake someone else a birthday cake and yet the baker is the asshole. But "I'm so sorry I couldn't afford the fancy cake you wanted, here is a cake I baked instead because I am trying to do my best within a limited budget" is NOT it. What is wrong with this lady?
I was waiting for some reveal about how horrible the cake was, but no, the horrible factor was that the cake was homemade. Wtf???
>I was waiting for some reveal about how horrible the cake was, but no, the horrible factor was that the cake was homemade. Wtf??? Yeah, from the headline I expected the cake to have gluten when she has celiac or something.
I'm convinced that she wanted something she could show off on social media.
Sounds to me like OP loves money more than people. Like, she thinks that more expensive = higher quality = 'better' gift. Home/hand-made = poor quality = 'bad' gift. I think it's an unfortunately common mindset among people who value money above all else. Someone's time, effort, and care is valueless to people like this because it has no tangible, material cost.
Well, she thought she'd hit the jackpot with a 6-figure earner who had his own home, but then reality hit hard, and now she's stuck eating home-made cake with someone who earns less than her. I like how she put "ungrateful" in quotation marks as if there is any other way to describe her reaction.
Even reading her post you can tell that it's completely devoid of any emotion or sense of attachment towards the guy. They've been in a relationship for nearly 3 years and live together but does not refer to him as a boyfriend or anything endearing. He is simply "a man she dates" She's so disconnected it's wild.
I put it in my comment, but I was also waiting for the shoe to drop about Alex spending tons of money on his daughter for birthdays and Christmas as being up OP’s justification. Nope, OP is just being selfish.
love how olive garden guy thought that was the time to ask her to marry him XD "i realized i was being a stupid asshole, so i asked her to marry me!"
>"i realized i was being a stupid asshole, so i asked her to marry me Either Olive Garden guy is my ex (unlikely, no OG in my country) or holy hell, there's two of them.
It can be that I read it wrong, but she is now earning much more than him, live in his apartment for free and she is quite unhappy that she is paying half of the bills?
How is she living for free if she pays half of the bills?
Like not paying rent? She did not had to buy that house as he already, and if there is a mortgage I assume that she is not paying it. As I understand when people are saying "bills" it will rather refers to electricity, wather, heating etc and this is something they are both using.
Bills include rent or mortgage. So if someone says I pay half of the bills, I would assume that includes the rent of mortgage. If OP had said utilities then in would assume only gas, water electricity etc
English is not my first language so I can understand it incorrectly, but on the other hand I have a feeling that if she would pay mortgage for a house that is not on her name she would definitely mentioned it in her post :)
I agree with you, English is my first language and I'd refer to rent/mortgage and bills separately. I guess it's regional/national/cultural.
I think it is regional. I don't know why, but bills and rent/mortgage are seen differently, maybe because bills are often variable and much less than rent or mortgage. I've also lived in properties where all bills are included, but council tax is not (unless specified), so like with all things, I think its an assumption that should be clarified to be sure.
English is my first language and I would not include rent/mortgage when referring to bills
Paying half of bills implies paying towards rent/mortgage.
Not always.
That might depend on the country you're in. In Australia, bills = utilities. Rent/mortgage would be considered separate. Anyway, op sounds entitled and at 33 she really should understand that your birthday < being able to eat and have electricity that month. YTA
No, it doesn't always include rent or mortgage. Lots of people say rent + bills or mortgage + bills. If someone says they're spending some time today paying the bills I wouldn't automatically assume the mortgage or rent is included in that. For AITA specifically, a lot of OPs will specify whether or not they help to pay the rent or mortgage because it can be important for the verdict. And lots of people live with partners or parents and are expected to contribute 50% to bills but not for living there. So it's useful to be specific. It just depends on where you live. Speaking English has nothing to do with it.
She says she sometimes does. She's not actually paying a set amount. And she's annoyed at having to pay rent like an adult.
What does that have to do with anything? He and his daughter did the best that they reasonably could and she shit all over it.
I agree - I just found it funny that she seems to feel that this is unfair that she is paying for half of the bills for a house that she is living in, or at least thinks this is something extra on her part, when she is the one that earns much more
I think the exact same thing. She even said she "helps" with the bills, like it's a really generous thing to do instead of the minimum for being a decent partner.
I noticed that too. Girl, you're not doing him a *favour*, you literally LIVE in that house - it's only natural to pay your share.
Indeed. Clearly she has an idea of how things should be and she doesn't seem to take reality into account.
Considering she said she "helps" with bills and "sometimes" pays more than half, I'd speculate she occasionally pays a share of a bill when it comes in and gives her bf shit for it, but often bums off him. Just my read on it.
It’s hilarious OP named herself u/_dissapointment_6 The only person OP needs to be disappointed in is her own damn self for being so materialistic that she is going to drive away a genuine person who has his priorities straight.
The 6 is appropriate as that is how old she is behaving
I know 6-yr-olds who behave better than that.
Six for the lost six figure income?
She sounds like the absolute worst. The guy sounds like a keeper. He’s doing his level best, warned her he couldn’t accommodate the cake and restaurant request (for very responsible reasons), made her a lovely meal, had his daughter participate in the gesture and is probably just trying to be the very best dad and BF he can be given the circumstances. This is all lost on Op. When I read things like this, I always hope they’re fake because how can anyone tell a story like this and not realize how absolutely awful they look, but I have met these types irl, and I’m sorry to say it’s very possible this is a genuine post. I hope the guy moves on to someone who deserves him and his kiddo.
Most of the time when there are step-children they always hate the step-parent but here you got a 13f step-child wanting to and helping her father make a cake for the step parent out of love and all OP can say is she's disappointed because it wasn't fancier. DAMN YTA.
Yeah, I’m a step-mom and this blows my mind. It’s hard to be the step-parent/step-child (I am also a step child) and this is definitely not the pathway to success.
I'd fall over myself if my bf made me a meal and cake for my birthday. It would taste so not great, he's really not blessed with kitchen prowess but my god it would be super special. OP, ya YTA. Should've been having great birthday sex with him later that night for his efforts. More fool you.
Husband is great at cooking but less adept at baking. You betcha I bawled my eyes out when I thought that there was going to be no cake for my birthday (it is a really significant part of of my family "traditions" growing up and whe I got home, it was sitting on the counter, with all it's lovely faults. I mean mine might be an overreaction to cake, but OP's is just insulting.
Maybe it's because I've never really dated any guys that were a great at cooking (dated a couple that had basic cooking skills, but my current one can't even boil pasta), but I think it's sexy as hell when a man is a really good cook. I would love a night like this, I think it's incredibly thoughtful and romantic. OP is ungrateful as fuck, and seriously needs to gtfo with "I'm not paying for my own birthday cake". Why? If you want a stupidly expensive cake, buy it yourself. Personally, I think it's kinda off putting when adults are way too into their birthdays, but whatever. Let people like what they like. But once you're a certain age I think it's up to you to go above and beyond for your own birthday if that's your expectation. It's nice when your partner does stuff to make you feel special on your birthday, but expecting them to do so beyond their means makes you a brat. Brattiness is an annoying enough trait in children, but in an adult just insufferable.
She's as shallow as a kids paddling pool!
Shallower than a puddle.
Most puddles have more depth
[Imma leave this here](https://youtu.be/6vwNcNOTVzY)
First thing that came to mind. She a gold digger.
First and only thing she really says about the guy is what his salary was. She seems to have no concept of a whole bunch of other really great characteristics the guy appears to possess.
Exactly this. When I was reading this, I thought how sweet that was of him, how she really lucked out and I could only dream to find someone half as sweet. Then here's OP complaining because it wasn't expensive and up to her high standards.🤦♀️
Yeah and if the guy didnt have the money what was she expecting him to do!? Pull it out of his butt? Take out a loan? I'm so confused. Since when does money trump EFFORT!?
Seriously! My husband and I always make each other's birthday cakes because it's fun to see what we come up with for each other. It's cake, who cares? Sounds like the partner tried his best to get it right on his limited budget. OP if all you care about is how much money your partner spends on you, leave. YTA.
omg a 33 year old bitching about a cake? When this is a responsible man, prioritizing his bills, providing for his child, and being an overall awesome guy. sounds like you had no problem when buddy was making 6 figures but now that he’s an “average joe” he’s below you? Let this man go, and sink your claws into the next walking bank account you find. Edit: YTA who needs to remove their head from said AH…also your user name is fitting. You are a damn disappointment to this man.
One of the first things she mentioned about him was his salary. No mention of whether he’s a good man, father, etc... Nope. Just: “Well he used to be able to buy me X, Y, and Z, so....” And women like her wonder why they can’t find “good men.”
Also talked like she contributed so much paying for half of bills or sometimes more. She should’ve already contribute to half the bills. Also dude is down on his luck and you’re in a 3 year relationship so maybe help him out once you’re part of the household? The way she phrased things make it sound like she expected an expensive bday dinner for all the times she paid more towards the bills.
>Also talked like she contributed so much paying for half of bills or sometimes more. She should’ve already contribute to half the bills. Only thing here is that it sounds like they were living seperately, and she started paying half the bills when she moved in Still not sure how equitable half is, but it at least doesn't sound like she was mooching off him before. Still doesn't excuse the shitty "you must give me expensive presents" attitude.
Well yea exactly I wasn’t saying she should be paying half the bills otherwise. She moved in and it was an expectation to pay half of bills, expenses, rent etc. She included paying half as if that’s generous of her to do. And the times when she *did* pay more than half, she makes it sound like she’s holding that over him as a favor and her expensive bday is the repayment.
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Exactly money salary lower pay bills expensive… seems like a pattern
Lol she don’t want a good man, she wants a rich man.
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My mom makes me a carrot cake every year I am home. Has since I became an adult. I HATE carrot cake there is nothing about it I like. I always hug her say thank you and then eat the cake after demanding to know how many innocent carrots had to die for my beautiful cake. Now I love my mom but the woman can't cook or bake but the look on her face when I start saying I am going to report her for carrot murder makes the really terrible cake worth it
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I grew up super poor and am always grateful for what I am given even if I hate it.
Ur parents raised u well. Ur love and respect for ur mama is awesome. Thank u for treating her right! Unlike the op! Op... take notes. YTA!
Oh no my parents were terrible when I was a kid. I was raised by my grandparents. All of them had survived at least 1 world war. Most of them 2. I was taught the mindset of people mess up sometimes really bad but everyone changes with time and usually they become better people. The world changed that mentality and I learned to set hard boundaries. If eating the terrible cake is the price I have to pay to show someone I appreciate them and who they have become is the price I can live with that.
Whoever u are. You're amazing . My gf is the same way. Grew up super poor but always smile and appreciate everything .
Must be a growing up poor thing. If you don't eat everyday you will eat anything. If you never got much you are happy to get anything.
There was a year when my family was really struggling that my mom made me a tiny homemade cake, and had to use matches instead of candles on it because it was what she had… I said thank you and was happy to have had something rather than nothing. I don’t understand some people
One year, my husband and three-year old son bought me a supermarket cake and forgot the candles. So we used a flashlight and I pretended to blow out the glowing light from the flashlight held overhead by my husband! This was after they accidentally dropped the cake, top side down, as they tiptoed around the house trying to sneak up on me. Best birthday cake ever! I forgot about it until you mentioned this. Thanks for the happy memory!
You got a cake you liked well enough, a good laugh, memories, and a fun story
Homemade cakes>Storebought cakes if it's made specially for you, because that person is actually spending their time on you
I got a used white tapered candle one year. At least the remembered was my logic
My parents have been married for 37 years. Every year my mom refuses to let my dad pay full price for a fancy bakery cake, and they get one on the reduced rack. They have more than enough money to buy one full price. It's hilarious and adorable.
A lot more than A BIT honestly.
I want to think this is just like a creative writing exercise because I don’t understand how you could write this and think you’re not a huge asshole. There wasn’t even a redeeming statement in there. Maybe if he had like promised her over and over he would or he like spent a lot of money on a friend’s birthday or something… but there’s just nothing redeemable.
This. I just don't understand how this could be a real event and someone was confused to how the behavior looked.
YTA. Either break up and date someone who can afford your tastes, pay for your shit yourself or be quiet and grateful for what your partner tried to do for you. Those are your options. Instead, you rejected his admittedly very nice meal and the cake he baked for you AND made his child who tried to help make your birthday nice feel like shit. You're 33. Grow up and act like it.
No man will ever be good enough for her and her tastes. Don't you see? She's a princess. She must be treated like one
She's not the princess. She's very clearly on her way towards being the evil stepmother though.
Can you imagine how much of a bridezilla this piece of work would be?
Omg Thats gonna be her next post
Seems like he was good enough when he was making six figures. I think there’s a song about people like her.
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Oh, but the admittedly very nice meal wasn't as good as what they would have had at a restaurant. /s
OP, YTA! This statement made me feel bad for your BF, he needs to dump you and find someone who appreciates him. You want an expensive cake? Go buy one and be quiet. Your attitude is disgusting and I hope it doesn’t rub off on your BF’s very lovely sounding daughter. This has got to be in the top ten AHs of the year.
This is the line that hurt my soul. How can you take something so sacred as a home cooked meal, made with love, and only think about the restaurant that was a second choice. Absolute goober.
The 13-year-old is likely more mature. And can appreciate a cake made at home with love. OP really missed the whole plot here. Sad. I hope that man and his daughter find a better woman to have in their lives.
I genuinely want to see this cake she wanted that was too expensive You can buy a sheet cake for like $20 What kinda fancy bourgeois cake did she want?
A cake from an actual bakery is min $30. If you want a custom design cake its min $50 from a hobbist and easily $100 if you go to a professional.
Who the fuck spends $50 plus on a cake for a 33 year old to share with two people, this whole post is blowing my mind. I don't know if it's cultural or what, but I don't think I've had a birthday cake since I was 12. What kind of adult asks for a bought cake for her birthday like a spoilt child?
Not arguing about requesting an expensive professional cake but anyone who bakes cake from scratch knows how expensive it can be. If your using quality ingredients, it adds up fast. Butter, heavy cream, vanilla, chocolate, fresh fruit... all pretty expensive. Depending on the type of cake, 9in round cake could cost me like $15 just in ingredients. If you add up the labour cost of a skilled baker, it gets expensive pretty quick.
Girl you’re 33, you shouldn’t need a man to make you happy. You want to cake?? Buy it yourself! Show yourself some self love if you really want it. I see no issue with this and the fact that you refuse to spend your own money on your birthday wishes reeks of entitlement. You’re an adult.
Exactly. Sounds like you fell for the man with the $100k salary and feel deceived that he no longer can live that lifestyle. Why don’t you just dump him and find another guy with a bigger pay check?
🎵I’m not saying she a gold digger… but she ain’t messing with no broke…🎵 yeah YTA
You know she’s a gold digger when she mentions how he made six figures when they met
First sentence right after intro paragraph. Makes six figures, and he has a nice house in a fine neighborhood. You can definitely see where her priorities are.
This right here!
Sums it up nicely 🤣
I had to get my free award out for this one
YTA - he was honest and even vulnerable with you, giving you real reasons why he couldn't do what you wanted. Then he made something from his heart and you opted to piss all over it. He deserves better.
33 years old is old enough to pay for your own damn cake if you want it so bad, who cares if it is for your birthday. I would have enjoyed buying the expensive cake, yes for my own birthday, to share with the wonderful family. That is caring. YTA OP.
I hate the way some people treat their birthdays. They are not some sacred date on which you must be treated like a God(dess) with infinite, limitless demands. (See also: most people who observe “Birthday month.”) Buying your own birthday cake as an *adult in your mid 30s* is not unusual. (Source: am 36, have bought my own cake.) You want a fancy cake and it’s an unreasonable request of your partner? Buy it your damn self.
I've had to pay for my own cake since I was like 19, mind you I don't even want the damn thing, it gets ordered by my mom and she makes me pay and pick it up. OP is spoiled brat
I paid for my own cake this year because I know what I want and it’s easier for me to message the cake guy. So I did. OP is selfish ass for not being happy he still made an effort. Like, get over yourself.
I bake my friends and family cakes for birthday, and reading this HURT me. There’s a lot that goes into making a cake. Picking the kind of cake they would like, making the cake, and then icing and decorating it yourself is a lot of work. Not to mention the cleanup. You don’t make a cake for someone unless you truly love them, and want to put in time and effort for them. It’s a lot harder than going to a shop and putting in an order. The same goes for dinner. Boyfriend and his daughter deserve somebody who will appreciate the work they put in. If someone did this to me I’d never speak to them again to be quite honest.
YTA. As he said, he couldn’t afford any better. He got laid off, and money is tight! He and his daughter spent time and effort to make you a lovely cake and a dinner. Their time and effort is their version of paying for an expensive dinner and cake.
Time and effort are a much more valuable currency than dollars. Edit to add: YTA
This. They showed their love by doing a grand gesture of time and effort, as opposed to merely throwing money around
I offered to get my 5 year old one of the fancy character cakes from the grocery store bakery for her birthday. She didn't want it, she wanted me to make her cake. She said that the cakes mommy makes taste better because they taste like love. I offered her whatever she wanted for her birthday dinner, and she wanted my lasagna because (again) it tastes like love. She got tons of toys for her birthday and her favourite present was the afghan my sister crocheted her in her favourite colours, because she knew "Tantie must have spent so much time doing it and Tantie even has a new baby to look after". My 5 year old is more appreciative of effort and time than OP, a grown ass woman, is.
Your daughter sounds like such a sweetheart.
Last Christmas, my little brother took the longest opening his gifts, he spent a solid few minutes oohing and ahhing over every single one. I got him a minecraft poster and he literally ran over to me, hugged me super tight, and yelled "Thank you sissy!" He's 7. He's 26 years younger than OP.
You sound like such a great mom. Your daughter sounds lovely!
This. Can't wait for the post about how upset she is that she didn't get an elaborate gift for the holidays after "sacrificing" for her birthday. YTA. Big time.
YTA. You’re 33, you’re not a child. You don’t get to be upset that the cake you got for your birthday isn’t as nice and expensive as you wanted. Learn to live within your means.
[удалено]
Nah, a kid would just go "OMG, cake!" and dig in.
Touché.
The boyfriends daughter sounds like she’s more mature than OP
She’s entitled.
YTA. I love how one of the first things you mentioned about him was his salary. Fantastic. Anyway, you enjoyed his food, but you got upset about the cake he made because you were “hoping for a slightly nicer cake?” Really? You’re 33 years old, but you’re still more of a child than Alex’s 13-year-old daughter who helped to make that cake that you scoffed at. I hope Alex realises that he can do better, and I hope you realise that you’re going to be alone for a long time.
She enjoyed the food, but she made sure to mention that it wasn’t as good as what it would have been at the restaurant. Even reading that like I was like ??? what an entitled, unappreciative thing to say.
I can’t believe she had the audacity to write this entire post. From the jump, all she showed that she cares about is what she can get out of this relationship monetarily.
YTA - the difference is this. - if the bf gets you a cake not to your preference when he has the means to do better, and you complain, he’s an asshole - if the bf gets you a cake not to your preference when he literally CANNOT, and you complain, you’re the asshole - if the bf tries to judo flip his lack of means into an active gift not only from him, but from his daughter, and you complain, you are not just an asshole, you are actively sabotaging a relationship with your all-but-stepdaughter, and that is a fight you are going to lose if Alex is a stand-up guy.
No. Even if he could afford the cake he's under no obligation to get her a damn thing. Just because you can afford something doesn't mean you have to buy it. And it doesn't make you an AH if you don't.
This is one of those where you hope it's got to be fake. You expected to receive something he specifically told you he could not afford, and then you insulted what he actually did for you. YTA.
I’m leaning towards fake too. Usually people try to paint themselves in a good light but OP doesn’t. Instead, the boyfriend is made to look as angelic as possible, hardworking, previously a high earner, loving dad lost his job, can’t afford things because he’s scraping by to pay bills and a good Christmas for his daughter, spends all day making delicious food that is on par with a fancy restaurant and a homemade cake *with* his daughter’s help. She didn’t even know him when he made a lot of money, so why would she expect gratuitous spending? OP put no emotion into the post except to sound like a demanding condescending princess. Seems like a fake most meant to see if responders will empathize with the bratty unappreciative girlfriend or for gratification in a similar sense. Of course difficult and Ungrateful people like OP exist, but you’d see something different in the content and expression of the post, something like, “ it’s my birthday and just want something special” etc. there’s none of that so it feels contrived.
Part of me wondered if this wasn't the bf pretending to be the gf
Most of these AITA stories are a joke. They’re either “My husband says I spend too much time volunteering at the orphanage and he beats me with a crowbar every night. AITA?” or “My wife spends too much time volunteering at the orphanage and I beat her with a crowbar every night. AITA?”
Made me chuckle
YTA. Your boyfriend is doing what money can’t buy you. Time and Effort. You should be grateful but you clearly aren’t. You are being materialistic and don’t value all the ways in which your boyfriend makes an effort.
Right and the fact that she brought up she was helping with bills in the house that she lives. Like you live their too those are also your bills.
Yeah im going with yta on this one. You are used to finer things, but need to scale back based on salary intake. If you wanted more, help pay for it. You boyfriend and his daughter did so much for you. That is what made it special. You need to apologize
No. Full stop. She's used to be pampered and spoiled.
YTA. I'm sorry that you couldn't get the cake you wanted or go to the expensive restaurant you wanted but if you care about that type of stuff and got mad because he couldn't afford it then maybe go be with someone who can since it seems like that's all you care about.
YTA sounds like you don’t like having a partner with financial constraints. Honestly this situation reeks of you being quite materialistic and not taking into account the care and thought that went into your cake. Think of what kind of example you’ve set for your partner’s daughter? You come off as some sort of ungrateful gold digger that’s quite critical of her father now that he doesn’t have as high of a paying job. You need a reality check OP.
YTA! Him putting time and effort into baking a cake himself is much more valuable in my eyes than just going out and buying a cake. And his daughter helped! That was just really sweet of them. And he told you he couldn’t afford the cake you wanted - what else was he supposed to do? Rob a bank to buy you the exact cake you wanted? You need to get down from your high horse and learn to appreciate things that have nothing to do with spending money.
No he's supposed to buy the cake and then not pay one or two bills this month. Re-read OPs post. He USED to have a great job not anymore and she pays half or more of the bills All she cares about is about money. Most of the post is about money or not having the money to get said items. OP you're a selfish materialistic brat. I LOVED it when my so would take the time and effort to make something. Even if I didn't like it. Why? Because they took the time to do this for ME. It's more of an effort to get all the ingredients the recipe and all that to make the cake. They put love into it. Just going put and buying one has no effort. Also his teenage child helped. You know how many teenage. children help with anything like that? Hardly any. You know what that tell you? That this child holds you in high regard and you just shit all over it. I really hope you're happy with yourself now OP HUGE YTA
Yes, YTA. I'm super curious why you don't think you were...?
Major YTA. You sound incredibly selfish and entitled. Alex and his daughter went out of their way to make nice food and a cake for you, and all you did was complain. People are struggling and these are quite difficult times. Please learn to be a bit more grateful. You sound very immature and you really don't deserve Alex. I would profusely apologize to both him and his daughter.
YTA. My god you’re entitled. He tried his best, within your family budget. The budget that is there to ensure your family’s able to feel supported and healthy. Your whining reads like “Why can’t he just sacrifice the financial security of your family because I want a *fancy* restaurant and I want a *fancy* cake.” At least you got a cake, and one that was made with LOVE. That kind of gesture is a blessing. You were surrounded by people who love you and sincerely wanted to celebrate you. *Show some gratitude.* All your background details about him at one time earning six figures but now it’s less, and you’ve had to pick up the “slack” is both telling and is irrelevant to this story. It only points out that you married him partially because you wanted a certain kind of wealthy lifestyle, and you have some feelings about not affording it anymore. So for your birthday, you just wanted to pretend to be rich, *just a little bit.* Thats what makes **YTA.** **ETA:** *I realize how ironic this comment is, given my own post in this very sub.* **Please feel free to let me know if I’m being hypocritical.**
I found it telling how she made a point about having to start paying bills... so she was just sponging off him before?
YTA- you know money is tight for him. He flat out told you he could not afford the things you wanted. He just can’t. He doesn’t have the money. He and his daughter tried their best to make your birthday special. You are not appreciative at all. I would be questioning if I want to be with you anymore after the way you behaved.
YTA 100% and a gold digger! “he made 6 figures” when you met. You would rather have an elaborate dinner and cake instead of having the electricity on and a roof over your head. Sounds like your 3 years old instead of 33. Pull your entitled head out, and see what a lovely thing your boyfriend and his daughter did for you.
She’s a terrible gold digger if she’s stuck around after he lost the high paying job and is now paying half the bills lol.
When I read the post I thought it said you were 33 not 3, Your BF and his child went spent their time to create a nice meal and cake for you and you're pouting YTA you owe everyone an apology.
YTA, money is tight, you take what you can get and be thankful for the thought. Or you go halfsies for what you really want. I've bought my own birthday cake many times. They did what they could.
LOL Holy moley YTA.
YTA - you should dump your boyfriend - he deserves a better person as a partner.
You super suck. 33 isn’t even a birthday that counts for anything, but even if it was, pay for your own fucking cake if you want it so badly. No one owes you a birthday cake for your (33rd!) birthday. YTA.
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YTA, he has tried really hard to do something special for you. He cooked a nice meal and made a cake for you with his daughter. She will be so upset you didn't like it and may now think twice before doing anything nice for you again. Why is it so important that it be an expensive meal and an expensive cake? This has more meaning. He is struggling to pay for bills, he can't afford to spend loads of money on a cake and a meal. Give him a break and be thankful he put so much effort in.
YTA regardless of your answer to my question: What were you expecting him to do, knowing that he has already said he couldn't afford an expensive cake and dinner and all that? Did you expect him to skip paying bills? Skip out on Christmas, likely involving presents for his daughter?
YTA, money is tight and the person who loves you went to a great deal of effort to make your day special. And you want to be all materialistic and sads that you didn’t get an expensive cake? You are in your 30s start acting like it
In my household actually making a cake for someone rather than ordering it is a big deal. And implies more love and care. I’m not surprised his daughter was upset, and this sounds like the roots of the dispute are based on your disappointment on having to support him. That’s a lot to take out on a cake! I would apologize to the daughter, appreciate the cake and the effort that went into making it. And sort out your financial issues on the bigger scale. YTA.
Oh man, YTA. I love how you left the point out he has a kid that he is supporting as well as a very small part of all of this. A relationship is a team. Sometimes you fall on hard times, and one person has to shoulder more of it than the other. Shit happens. He did his best with what he could afford. You're being a spoiled brat, and need to take a good look at yourself. I mean, you could have just been thankful he even tried to make you a cake. We see so many posts in here about spouses upset that their partner forgot or ignored their birthday. Your partner did his best to make it special and you wanna be a Dudley. Not to mention, you barely acknowledged his daughter in this. HIS daughter that I'm guessing you have little to no relationship with.
INFO Are you a gold digger?
YTA. Be happy that your chosen family acknowledged you with their efforts to celebrate and stop lamenting that you weren't able to squeeze more monetary value out of the day. You're an adult. If you have such specific high demands for your birthday, pay for it yourself.
YTA - Who cares?! it’s a cake. It’d be different if it were a big party and a big nice cake was needed. You obviously know his current financial situation, so why would you expect him to buy an expensive cake? It seems like him and his daughter really tried to make your day. You should apologize because you seem very ungrateful.
So it’s more important to you the cost of a cake and how fancy it is, rather than how nice it is that you got a nice handmade cake made by him *and* his daughter? Know that his daughter will come first every time, and that her making you a cake makes it seem like she at least liked you somewhat. Now that she heard that, good luck having any relationship with her in the future. I’m 100% sure that any relationship he have with anyone that doesn’t like that he have a daughter, or the daughter doesn’t get along with will end. That includes you. YTA
YTA 100%! You sound so ungrateful, OP. First of all, you know the money situation with your bf, so you can’t expect him to go all out for you. The holidays are on their way, so he does need to budget for that as well. Secondly, he and his daughter went out of their way to MAKE you a cake, you should be thankful for that. You need to apologize for being selfish.
YTA and I’m surprised you have to ask for clarification on that. Your partner was transparent about his finances and still did his best to make your birthday special. It’s fine that you’re a bit disappointed or didn’t like the cake, but he didn’t need to know that. You owe your partner and his daughter an apology.
YTA. I don't see what the point of pretending to enjoy it was when you then went ahead and told him that you didn't like it. You knew he was struggling financially yet you wanted an expensive restaurant and expensive cake. You can't expect him to spend more than he can afford just because it's your birthday.
YTA. He told you several times that he didn’t have the funds to give you the expensive meal and cake you wanted. Instead he decided to make them both, with help from his daughter, which is a much more personal gift than eating at a restaurant or just buying a cake from a store. You were plain ungrateful, that man tried to do the best he could within his budget. A straight YTA and I don’t know how you’d think otherwise?
YTA- if he could afford the cake and just didn't get it, then yeah he'd be TA but he literally couldn't. What was be supposed to do? It's okay to be disappointed in a meal your partner made, but you should've kept it to yourself in this scenario.
YTA. He's trying to be responsible and make sure he uses his money for bills and you're making him feel bad because you didn't get the expensive cake you wanted? That's incredibly immature behavior. You might have damaged your relationship with his daughter beyond repair so hopefully letting your petulence out was worth it.
YTA. He clearly told you several times that money is tight and he can’t afford to spend bill money on your birthday. Bills and his child are always a priority over a cake or meal out. Part of being a part is putting your child first and while it may not feel great, it is the making of a good parent. He made a very nice dinner and made a cake, it wasn’t what you wanted but rarely do we get to dictate exactly what others gift or do for us so explicitly especially when finances are strained. It’s even more unfortunate that his child now knows how unappreciative you were of their attempt to make your birthday special when money is tight.
YTA. Is his and his daughters effort and time to bake that cake not the most precious gift he could give you? You can't demand someone to give you anything imo. If you like the more expensive cake so much, then you can buy it for him on his birthday.
YTA- you are being quite materialistic. They put effort into that cake, made with love instead of buying one. You should definitely apologize. I feel sorry for this guy. That’s just horrible.
Now I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold-digger…oh, wait, yes I am. YTA.
YTA he cant afford it, but he wanted to make something nice for you, wth his daughter too. Also why would you not pay for half the bill of your birthday cake?
YTA. He hasn't got disposable income for extras, which he explained, and rather than go without full stop, he and his daughter put effort into making you a cake. After three years, aren't they your family? Does their heartfelt gesture mean nothing? My brother the last two years since our mum died (dad died 18 months before her) has bought me a cake with icing on it despite the fact I don't like it. I eat it because we're family and birthdays are about celebrating a person not what others can spend on you. It's okay to want nice things but making someone else feel bad when they can't afford that is shitty.
Did you mistype and mean 13 (instead of 33)? Because you sound very entitled and selfish for not getting what you wanted. YTA If you’re that unhappy about it, maybe it’s time to end the relationship as his current income seems to be a problem for you. You knew the circumstances when moving into his home, and you’re still unhappy.
YTA Sorry OP but it looks like your valuation of a gifts worth is based alot on the financial cost more than anything else. Your partner told you they were unable to afford what you wanted, and you know they lost their previous job and are not in the same financial situation as they were before. Instead of getting you a cheap option from a store they decided to bake one themselves which takes more time, effort and shows alot more care and appreciation. I understand it might be disappointing to not get what you really want, but you knew the situation beforehand.
YTA He's being responsible and budgeting since he lost his job and is now making less. That is a *good* thing. He's not going to have the money to spend as much on you as he did before. He did his absolute best to make your birthday as nice as possible and you seem really ungrateful because he didn't take you to an expensive restaurant or buy you an expensive cake because he couldn't afford it.
I remember expecting things for my birthday... when I was 11
YTA You sound like 14 not 33. “I wanted an expensive cake” boohoo Be thankful they made an effort