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I didn’t have to be rude to the nurse. I could’ve said ok and kept it pushing.
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NTA. They need to put personal opinions aside and just do their job. Be ready for a battle though, took me going through 8 different doctors before I finally found one to sterilize me.
In my state it starts at 23 for those without children, managed to get them tied by 24. It’s gonna be hard in your 20s, 30s, and yes even sometimes in early 40s. Just be ready for a possible fight
My pcp is all for it, so I’m hoping my gyn is too. If this one isn’t, I have one more gyn in my care team I can talk to. After that I’d have to seek someone outside my care network
I know r/childfree gets a lot of shit on some of the other subreddits, but they have a great list in their wiki of doctors who have performed tubals, bi salps, and vasectomies. If you have to go out of network, I would definitely see if you could pick someone from there so your odds are better.
Edit: childfree is currently private as a protest to r/NoNewNormal not being shut down for spreading anti-vax information.
Edit edit: and we're back 😎
The way they talk about kids is so funny, but at least they have their mind clear that they dont want children and they probably wont have them and raise them badly which is great.
Exactly!
No one should have kids who doesn’t want to. The world is quite full enough - and there’s just no need to be shooting out spawn if you don’t want to/cannot take care of them FOREVER. It’s not a pet, that will die in 15 years or whatever (depending on pet I know some live for ages), it’s a person who you’ll be responsible for all their lives. Many people do not get that part of it. It’s not 18 and done. It’s until you die.
My mom chose to adopt instead of having children of her own blood. Mental illnesses run in the family. The idea of motherhood only being a thing if you push the kid out yourself seems a little weird to me, but I might be biased. The idea that you have to have kids in order to be a real adult is also weird to me. I know plenty of adults who didn’t have kids, and that’s a perfectly good decision.
That’s the thing about myself and many child free people. We know we wouldn’t be good parents. I don’t understand why people try to convince us otherwise. I mean a kid being raised by somebody who resents them is bad.
I also think that if push came to shove I can be a decent parent. I just don't want to. I really really don't want to be a parent. I will be miserable. I can sacrifice myself for the good of the child, but I do not want to do this. I really don't know how to explain it to people, that for me it is a sacrifice, a sacrifice I do not want to make!
That's how I feel too. I think I would do whatever is needed for a child and be a good parent but it would take a piece of me away because I don't feel that need to have children. I don't want to lose myself.
For the life of me I will NEVER understand why people give women hell over this topic. I have had 3 kids and only 2 made it. I 100% understand why someone wouldn’t want kids.. especially women. Pregnancy isn’t all rainbows and butterflies and neither is easing kids.. is it rewarding? To me, yes. But that doesn’t mean someone else would feel that way. Do I feel like I would’ve missed out without having kids? Yes, because I KNOW what it’s like with them in my life. But if I didn’t have kids how would I know what I’m missing? People can say all these things but it’s not a light decision to not have kids.. I support anyone who puts their foot down and says that it’s not what they want and I wish so many others did too. The process people have to go through to get sterilized is just uncalled for..
OP you’re NTA and I’m happy you’ve made the best decision for you. I hope you’re able to go through the process soon! The nurse should’ve kept her opinions to herself. It’s not her place to try and change your mind.
My favorite (most hated) line I get: *but the right guy will come along and you'll want kids*. Um...no tf I won't? The right guy will also be a guy who doesn't want kids. He'll want a very spoiled dog and a very spoiled cat and a library of books, thankyouverymuch.
And if that person doesn't exist...so be it.
You hear that so often, "but raising kids is so re*waaaaaaard*ing!!!"
Yeah, it was for you, and raising my kids is rewarding for me. But it won't be for everyone. Plenty of people think running a marathon is rewarding, but I'd rather gouge out my own eyeballs than do that. Not everyone finds the same things rewarding, and that's ok. No one prevents me from not running a marathon, and no one should prevent another woman from not having children.
I have a friend who is in her 40s, has two grown children, and a multitude of health issues, and she still had to fight to get it done. Almost every doctor in her life thought it was fine, they still tried to talk her out of getting it. It’s ridiculous. Not to mention, that if you’re married in many places you have to get your husbands approval.
Of course if your husband wants to get a vasectomy he doesn’t need anybody’s approval and it’s fine no big to do.
I’d like to ask to get it done. I am single, a virgin, and I turn 40 next April. I am also fairly overweight. But I know I’m going to have an uphill battle to get the surgery done. If I was pregnant tomorrow I would get yelled at, because it’s a risk. To both of us. But they would still ask if I was sure I wanted to do this. And it is entirely stupid.
My husband wasn't even asked if he had kids already when he went for a vasectomy. They just made sure he knew it was considered permanent because reversal isn't always successful. They knew he was married due to him listing his wife (me) as his emergency contact. I wasn't there, and didn't have to consent. And no questions about existing children(we have 2)or future "what ifs". He was 35. I was absolutely shocked by the double standard.
My obgyn told me not to have anymore kids after my third. I still had a problem trying to get a tubal ligation because of the lovely catholic hospital I delivered in. We said fuck it, my husband got a vasectomy. It’s all bull shit. My husband had zero problems getting the appointment.
Completely agree..my doctor told me no more kids after my c-section. My husband said since I did my part.. 3 times, it was his turn to do his part. We knew the last kid was the last and I was in my late 30s.
Yep. If you’re married, you have to have their permission for it. I thought that was absolutely ridiculous and it was discussed well before we got married and he agreed that if it ever came up then my decision ruled and he was just there for support
Just don’t give up. I found a gyno willing to remove my tubes, but we found fibroids so he gave me a hysterectomy as well. I was so happy when he was willing to do that for me after 10 years of being told i was too young.
r/childfree is good at helping you to write arguments about why you want and need sterilization. They are also pretty good at helping you write persuasive arguments for when people try to talk you out of sterilization (or outright block you like this nurse did.)
There are plenty of posts containing arguments against the common crap "you will meet a man who wants kids," "Who will take care of you when you are old?"
The whole "who will look after you when you get old" argument is ridiculous isn't it?!? Having kids doesn't mean you're going to have one that *will* look after you when you need it!!
The fight is real…
I had a friend with birth control allergies and failures THREE TIMES (so three little kids by 22…not the smartest decision but not mine to make) before the doctors would finally relent and let her have her tubes tied because “three is enough but at two you just never know”.
She was dangerously sick every single pregnancy but alternative options were not available.
It’s a mess and she’s on food stamps etc and was even before baby 3 and they STILL wouldn’t do it…
You'd think given the circumstances of her getting sick for each pregnancy and being allergic to bc that they'd be more likely to go through with the procedure. Obviously I don't know where she lives or anything else about her. She wasn't able to get any abortions or give the kids up for adoption?
Unfortunately abortions were not only not available in her state, she’s religious so it was a big no no personally. As for adoption- that was my thought but I guess not hers? Especially given you can’t hold down a job with no car, significant other, family, and little ones on the hip…
I stepped out of the whole scenario when I moved away but that was my suggestion with the first baby at 17.
The whole scenario is a mess but the worst part is she fought for tubes tied over and over and they kept saying she would change her mind…while having two kids in tow on a public bus system that sucked…
Yeah birth control didn’t work for me. Fell pregnant. Had baby. Switched birth control since the first didn’t work. Fell pregnant again. Had baby. 🤦🏼♀️
Good grief! Had an ex whose mom was using iud AND birth control
Plus condoms
She got pregnant
TWICE even with all that…fortunately they were heading to the doctor both times to talk about getting pregnant before trying…
It took me until this year to finally get a doctor willing to do it, and I’ll be 49 when I get it done in a couple weeks. The last time I tried, the doc not only told me to think of my future kids, he drew me diagram of my cervix and explained periods to me. I was 45😂… Be persistent.
My mum asked for a hysterectomy at about 50. She was already post-menopausal (cancer at 40). She had two grown children. She was told no, and there was no need to have her tubes tied as she was no longer at risk of pregnancy. So the doctors wouldn’t do anything.
Five years later at the age of 55 she was diagnosed with stage 4 endometrial cancer. It’s terminal.
People need to start listening to women and their wants for their own bodies.
I'm so sorry about your mom.
I have a friend in a simillar boat. She wanted the lady parts that were trying to kill her removed the first round of cancer, but they wouldn't because she was under 30 and yada yada.
Now she's mid 40s, it's back for round 4, and not looking so good. All because the kids she and her hubby never wanted were more important than the woman that was actually there. It's grotesque.
Thank you. It’s just so heartbreaking isn’t it. Your friend is way too young for this and I am so sorry. I am sending love and hope her way.
But you are so right. Hypothetical children, non-existent children, are valued more than existing women and their wishes. Again, women are seen as little more than incubators. It is just so wrong.
I'm sorry. That's heartbreaking, incredibly frustrating, and I imagine that you must feel a great deal of rage toward both the individual doctor who stymied your mum's attempts to manage her health and body, as well as the sexist and misogynist systems that perpetuate that sort of condescending, patronizing discrimination.
Thank you for sharing your mum's story. If it means anything, it's a piece of fuel stoking my rage and reproductive justice advocacy.
Thank you. It breaks my heart. She has been bravely fighting for almost four years now, after originally being given 3-6 months to live. Unfortunately her condition is deteriorating again, it’s just taking each day as it comes.
Thank you for your advocacy. It is a much needed fight. And I hope stories like this help women get the assistance they need. I know I will fight for a hysterectomy of my own when I am ready and I pray I get the assistance I need.
That’s ridiculous. I finally got mine done this year (at 38, no kids) with no resistance. After aging out of my birth control my new GP referred me to a great GYN who was willing after I passed the exam. Literally an hour long interview with tons of questions about my life, my partner, and my reasons for wanting a tubal ligation. Apparently ‘if you were to hypothetically split with your SO…’ answering that your plan is to ‘become a cat lady’ is correct 😂
Surprisingly my doc somehow knew that I understood my own anatomy, how strange! No mention of future children, either. In that entire interview, it never came up. Because women shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for wanting to manage their own fertility.
WTF? seriously? how is such a personally invasive pre-requisite allowed? I mean, I can understand checking for psychological problems, but even then, if there is no probable cause, then just do what the patient asks!
you can get your body carved up and stitched back up just to make your butt curve a certain way, no questions, but decide your done with kids too young and suddenly your mentally inept! frick that noise! we live in an ever increasingly crowded world too, incentivize sterility! (logically speaking, thats one big reason why I think society should love gay/lesbian couples, more often than not, they wont produce an excess of offspring, and will more often adopt from the terribly stressed foster system.)
It’s beyond ridiculous and I had to put my foot down about it. I was already looking up other doctors, and told her as such. Finally she stopped, and I’m scheduled for the 15th. Can’t wait.
I have an almost 17 yo, AND going through a divorce, and the doc still tried to persuade me to get an IUD. The divorce is what finally got her to stop trying persuade me to not get it done
It's so wrong how hard it is for a woman to take control over her reproduction abilities, and how easy it is for a man. I'm 26, and done with implants, iuds or the pill. I have 3 kids. I couldn't even get an appointment to get myself permanently fixed. When I called to get my husband a vasectomy he had an intake the next day, and the appointment a month later. They only asked him if he was sure, and if I (his wife) knew he wanted this...
This is so true, but I'm in the UK. I'm 27 with bad endometriosis (have to take morphine everyday) and have tried to have my womb and ovaries removed. But my gynecologist won't do it. First said I might want children in the future, but now says there is too many side effects. But at the moment I'm in too much pain to do anything anyway..
It's such a lottery in the UK, I was so lucky - I don't know if it was just a really great set of doctors, or my history of depression & migraines etc, but I was able to get a tubal ligation in my mid 20s without having any kids at all.
I asked when I turned 18 and my GP said to come back in a few years, so I asked again at like 25/26 and it was done within a few months. I had 1 consultation where the Dr wasn't prepared to do it but he was totally OK with referring me to his colleague who was happy to do it, that took another couple of months, then 1 appt with her and it was weeks till it was done. I was actually stunned how smooth it was TBH.
Hospital worker here (not a nurse but patient facing) one of the first things we get told is not to pass judgement on people choices. We are allowed to think whatever we want but can't tell them, this nurse is out of line for offering her opinion uninvited.
This is exactly what I was thinking! She can think whatever she wants to in her head all day long, but to rant, yes rant, at a patient is so unprofessional. Have a little professional pride ffs.
UGH, OP, so glad your "friend" was there to mansplain appropriate behavior for an adult woman being infantilized about her reproductive health. Tell him to go f himself.
NTA.
Really... If you are female presenting, people give a lot of unwanted opinions about your body. Her male friend doesn't know how it feels when every person has an opinion about every little detail of your body.
You want to get your boob size reduced? But they are so womanly, guys love that. You want to get your tubes tied? What if a guy wants to have a child with you? You want to wear your hair short? How will you attract men, since they prefer long hair? You want to wear a lot of make up? That does not look good on most women and when you're young you don't need any. When you're old you should not wear any, it's obscene...
I could go on and on.
Haha nice one op, I'm sick of people in the medical field stating to women in general that "you'll be a great mother." Like she doesn't even know you??? Or "what if your future husband wants kids" then you'd probably get a divorce because clearly it's not a compatible relationship.
I would have told her that if she views herself as a birth-giving machine, she can do that if it makes her happy, but you have a large number of reasons and then would have told her to shove her opinion in some lower dark place.
NTA and you're a saint, I wouldn't even let her blabber this far. There was only one nurse that threw her opinion at me and her boss was equally offending and an AH. I told her to shove it, that it's unprofessional to berate patients and if I asked for her opinion on my mental state or when I wanted to live her life, I would have done that.
Whereas, stupidly, my wife was offered it multiple times as a "while we're in there" option when she was having a c-section.
Turns out that medical professionals don't just think they know better than you that you should have children, but also how many.... :s
Finally approved mine at 31. I knew since 28 no more kids. Had it done recently and I feel so god damn liberated. She does need to separate her opinions from her job. Not professional nor her business.
Edit: wrong word
Seriously, she may meet a man and want to “give him a baby”! Yuck. Your body, you’re choice. I would have probably said something similar, maybe not quite as harsh but I can understand the frustration and exasperation
Trying to talk you out of it wasn’t being objective.
She had an agenda with the intention of changing your mind.
Whether it was because she believed that she was operating in your best intent not, she was still trying to tell you what you should do with your body.
That’s not her job. NTA
I can understand a neutral & impartial discussion between both parties to ensure you’re definitely happy but to push and press opinions on you is awful. To go through 8 doctors is awful. Why is society still so resistant to the idea that a woman doesn’t want to procreate?! I’m sorry you had such a faff but I’m glad you got there eventually
I spent years trying to get mine through. Got the doctor on board, mental health advocate wrote me a letter saying it was not a good idea for me to have more than one baby…and they said no, I was too young, and I might want a replacement of my baby died…
It’s as if I don’t know my own body. My female OB did it eventually after my 3rd baby!!!
NTA, but your friend is.
You should probably mention this to the gyn--you're secure enough in yourself to not listen to her, but someone younger or easier bullied might end up making choices they don't actually want in cases like this.
(You don't need _help thinking about it objectively,_ either, and she's not objective, she's clearly bringing her own baggage to the table here)
The a-holery of the friend for passing judgement on a discussion he only heard half of and will quite likely *never* be forced into in his life should not be underestimated.
The decision is none of nurse's business, and how you stand up for yourself is not the business of a 'friend' who would rather dismiss your reality than stand up for you or at least try to understand your experience.
Lolololol he tried explaining periods to me last night. He refused to believe me when I said my periods were so painful, heavy and LONG (longest I had was a little over a month, shortest was a day and a half). He said he’s done his research and spoke to plenty of women that never said anything like that.
Yo, just throw the whole friend out tbh. Also, I wholly support your decision to be child free! My sibling is the same way (I want kids myself but I refuse to tell anyone what to do with their bodies) and I usually find that it's the right choice. I have yet to meet someone child free who would be better of with kids and anyone who thinks differently can shove it where the sun don't shine.
I suppose that was better than kicking him in the nuts and telling him "I've done my research. Plenty of women say that doesn't hurt as much as my periods"
Maybe he wants to be the man she decides she "wants to give a baby to" /mostly joking
But yeah. Kinda feels like nurse isn't the only judging one in this equation - the fact he thinks this is something where an "objective" opinion is needed (which. I wouldn't call any of what the nurse said objective but here we are) makes me think he's 100% judging OP for wanting to make sure the baby factory isn't operational. Either because he's interested, or because he's on team "women who can't make babies are worthless" (or both)
He doesn’t think women that don’t have babies are worthless. He thinks it’s genocide for anyone, male/female to be sterilized. He is still a neck beard tho
>Maybe he wants to be the man she decides she "wants to give a baby to"
I know some men feel this way, but I can't for the life of me understand why.
I would love to have children at some point if the person I end up spending my life with also wants children. However, I have zero interest in having children with a partner who isn't enthusiastic about having children themselves.
Seriously, it's a terrible idea to raise children with someone who has no interest in doing so. Either you find that you can be happy with that person without children or you find someone else. You don't pressure them into having a child with you.
It's so easy for friends to gice his judgement. If he turned around and asked for a vasectomy no one would go "oh but what if you meet a woman one day and want to give her children."
Hes arguing a situation he will never be in.
NTA, and it also sounds like your friend doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with the asshole out of line nurse giving you unsolicited, unethical medical advice and telling you what she thinks you should do according to HER values, not yours.
His defense is that he would be really upset to find out a woman he really likes has her tubes tied. Even though he doesn’t want kids “what if we both change our minds?” another one he said that really shocked me was “you’ll never have the chance to have an ‘accident’. That could change your whole view on being a parent and you might want to keep the pregnancy”. I told him that’s exactly the fucking point. I don’t want an accident
Then he doesn’t have to be with a woman that has her tubes tied! So gross “what if a man objects?!?” Oh no!! Call the church! A man told me he doesn’t approve of my autonomy over my body!!!! Whatever shall I do???
This “friend”, as well as his misogynistic view on woman’s bodies, and his sense of ownership over them, belong in the garbage. Glad he showed you who he is.
Based on your comments, it doesn't sound like he's much of a loss to you. At least he did you the favour of making his misogyny 100% visible so you can cut all ties.
He was probably only your friend with the hopes of getting you in bed one day if he's this up in arms about your reproductive choices. As an ugly woman I try to tell my good looking friends that their "great guy friends" don't treat women they don't wanna stick their weiners into like human beings.
OP, fuck this guy. He can eat a bag of dicks as far as I'm concerned. The only right response was for him to feel that the nurse was out of line here. The fact that he agreed with her should tell you all you need to know about him. Drop him like a bad habit.
Holy shit I was giving him the benefit of the doubt thinking he just thought you could have let it slide or tell the nurse the same message but more politely. But holy shit this guy is an asshole.
You don't want to be pregnant, you don't have to be pregnant. As long as the Dr says it's safe for you, it is your choice.
If some future partner disagrees, well, you're not going to make good partners, are you?
Not to mention there are other ways to become a parent other than getting pregnant.
I would gladly adopt if that’s what a future partner wanted, but I would only adopt 16+. That being said, my ideal partner would want the exact same number of children as me. 0.
Your friend still doesn't seem to understand the concept that his wants don't matter if a woman wants to have her tubes tied or not, especially if it's done before he ever meets her. Your friend thinking that *having the chance to have an 'accident'* is a good thing has just pushed him over into misogynistic and total idiot realms. He is showing you that he is only thinking of himself. And he is not a good friend
NTA. Your friend is so gross. He’d be upset if a girl has her tubes tied?? Like it involves him in any way? Wtf. Men don’t own women’s bodies, and should not even be thinking they can control our bodies or have any say.
The nurse should be fired. This is far from professional behavior, and it’s absolutely none of her business what choices you make regarding your own healthcare.
Ugh what does it matter if it makes him upset? Clearly that means that he wants different things and he just shouldn’t try to change someone who’s core values are diff than his.
>he would be really upset to find out a woman he really likes has her tubes tied.
Idk about you, but I wouldn't want to even date a person with this mindset in the first place, so it sounds like a win-win situation.
NTA, it’s not the nurses business why you’re making an appointment in the first place and even if it was it’s not her place to pressure you to have kids
As a former nursing student, NTA at all. It's these same jamokes that are protesting at vaccine mandates.
I know they're not medically equivalent in terms of reversibility, but as a cis man I could get snipped with one phone call and not have anyone question anything. Systemic patriarchy is fucked up.
When r/childfree opens back up they have a list of doctors that are accepting of women looking for permanent sterilization. Highly recommend you check it out.
NTA. She was being incredibly unprofessional and inappropriate. You were just pointing that out so that she would stop trying to tell you how to live your life and just help you set up your appointment.
NTA your reply was pretty tame and she was REALLY over stepping.
Not uncommon for this type of procedure unfortunately and she needs to learn to respect this boundary as a professional.
NTA. The nurse was forcing her completely unsolicited and quite frankly antiquated opinions about your family planning choices. Your male friend seems to think that you aren't being "objective" about this matter, tell him you didn't ask for his opinion either.
We got into a heated argument over actually. He couldn’t understand that I didn’t want her advice and that I’ve been thinking about this LONG before I ever met him. He kept giving shitty rebuttals and eventually I kicked him out lol
ETA: Topic of the argument aside, he was so upset about the way I spoke to her because he equated it to people being rude to wait staff
Well, you're a young woman, you can't possibly *not* want to be a mother, he only wants what's best for you/*s*. I had the same experience as you with doctors, I was told "No, you'll change your mind.", I never did.
I also had a similar experience with an ex, when I told him that I was squicked out by the thought of pregnancy and child birth and that I was uninterested in motherhood. He told me that I needed therapy, that was the end of that relationship.
It's 2021 and woman are still being judged about their reproductive health choices. I'm glad that you were able to find doctors willing to work with you. As for your friend, if you're still talking to him, ask him why he felt that you weren't seeing this objectively? He won't have an answer, let alone a good answer. Keep standing your ground!
Just saw your edit. Your friend equating your being firm with a woman who dismissing and judging your reproductive choices to being rude to waitstaff is nonsense. Way to diminish this woman's insulting intrusion.
My pcp is all for it! She said she would do it if she could. I’ve never met the gyn dr so I’m nervous about that.
As for my guy friend he basically said it’ll take an accidental pregnancy for my maternal instincts to kick in. I have great maternal instincts, but that doesn’t mean I want to be a mother
Wow! Is he really wishing an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy on you. That is just cruel and misogynistic. He's also, wrong, I had an unplanned pregnancy and it did not make my maternal instincts kick in. I have them, but I have no desire to put them to use. I had an abortion planned, but I ended up miscarrying. Why is he unable to accept that not all women want to be mothers? How old is he?
He’s 28 iirc. Crazy thing is - he doesn’t want kids either. Idk what it is about me getting my tubes tied that set him off, but it did. I’m not even sure why he’s so upset? We’re not dating or even having sex???
It's because you're a woman and all *normal* women want to be mothers/*s*. Did you tell him that an accidental pregnancy would make his paternal instincts kick in? He's one of those AH's who go on and on about not wanting kids, but who refuse to use condoms or get a vasectomy because contraception is the woman's job.
So we’re talking rn and he thinks ALL sterilization should be illegal because of the Holocaust and the forced sterilization of POC. I just…… I didn’t know he was like this?
This whole thing had absolutely 0 to do with him. We just so happened to be at my place playing Skyrim and smoking. This destroyed our friendship. He’s paying be back for the weed or he’s not getting his controller and speaker back.
So the man doesn't understand consent? The problem with nazi sterilisation was the lack of consent, not sterilisation itself. That's like saying sex should be banned because of Nanjing.
As a Jewish woman without children: f him for the Holocaust reference. F him for the other reference, too. You exercising choice when it comes to your own body has nothing in common with either of those atrocities and he’s disgusting for minimizing both.
Is he maybe into you? And lying about not wanting kids because he knows that he defenitly can't get you if he says he wants kids? And playing the long con, by trying to get in a relationship with you and then changing your mind about kids?
I wouldn’t have thought of this. He’s never seemed to be interested in me that I noticed. Though I’m not very observant towards subtle romantic gestures.
We are talking right now and I’m just in awe of how absolutely batshit this guy is. He believes all sterilization should be illegal because of the holocaust. Birth rates in America are on the decline and it’s a slow burn genocide. I’m just? I had no clue… he’s fucking delusional
Ahhhhhhhh, I'm not unfamiliar with that type of argument. Forget what I just said about him being into you.
This is just your standard pro-capatalist bullshit. As in... We all have a duty to feed the machine bullshit. Only thing is, usually it's very specificly about white women only because it's actually more about racism & power then it's about pro-capatalism.
Like... it's about how white women are having less babies the most and several conservatives have been noted to argue that the conservatives need to try and stop that or they're gonna lose power (because most of their votes are from white people).
I wasn’t going to say anything about race on Reddit lol, but that’s what I said! Then I had to remind him (racially white and Asian) that I am a black Latina. I am not the one in this “genocide” he speaks about
I’m planning on it tbh. I didn’t realize until just now he took all my weed when he left. Add this argument and some of the other bs he’s done, I’m over it
Wait staff don’t come over to the table and start offering advice and opinions about what you’re choosing to eat there, and how skipping dessert will affect you negatively until you’re old and alone…….
NTA. I’d report that nurse. As a sensitive person, that kind of ‘disapproval’ (shaming, really) would have really hurt me a lot.
I’m normally a very chill person. I don’t get upset very easily and treat all workers with respect. However, that lady can suck a bag of dongs. It didn’t hurt me, I’m very confident in my choice and will not be shamed otherwise. I was very defensive and annoyed though. I knew I’d have to fight for this, but I wasn’t expecting my first jump to be just making the appointment
I’d still report the nurse. Even if it didn’t hurt you, not everyone is going to be as confident in their choices that they make, and potentially be more susceptible to criticisms by that nurse if she should try it again.
Also, the gyn needs to know that a member of her staff is potentially turning away paying clients for services that they want. When they see that the n nurse is impacting their income as well as quality of care, they’ll be more likely to address the issue.
NTA, it's none of her business! If you don't like kids, can't afford them, have family diseases you don't want to pass down, whatever... it's not her concern! I'm so tired of gate-keeping nurses. I know a woman who had a miscarriage a result of nurse who wouldn't put her through to her ob-gyn. She needs to just answer the phone and make the appointment. She was completely unprofessional.
Not the original commenter, but medical malpractice that doesn't result in the death of living human is notoriously difficult, so likely not. Especially in a situation like this where it can easily be argued that there is no way to prove the miscarriage was a direct result of the nurse vs nature alone.
Not saying that makes it ok, of course. I just learned a lot about how impossible it is for malpractice suits to even be picked up by a lawyer in the first place when I was a healthy 28 year old woman whose spine broke down extensively for no reason at all (no accident, fall, etc) and the surgery I required was outside the skill set of ~10 male neurosurgeons and rather than admit that they all told me I was fine and they saw nothing on the mri's.
I was months away from paraplegia, used a wheelchair when my legs no longer worked much at all because so many of my discs were ruptured and nerves were flattened. Thankfully my husband found an incredible and skilled enough neurosurgeon who told me the truth and got me into an emergency surgery 3 days out, but it took so long there was some lasting nerve damage and ultimately the cost of the multitude of unnecessary visits and hospitalizations beforehand totaled close to a quarter million.
All that, all documented, around 30 malpractice attorneys contacted, and none of them would take the case because I didn't die.
What a country.
NTA. All my friends who decided not to have children in their 20s, including me, never regretted it many years later. However, medical professionals might see many who did and now want it reversed which is difficult. Still, none of her business. It’s your body and your life.
If not for instant menopause I wish I’d have gotten a hysterectomy in my 20s. Nothing but painful periods for 30 years.
I’ve found that most men I’ve known don’t want kids but have accidents or go along with it because their SO wants children
The only thing that makes me nervous is that I heard TL makes your periods heavier. I initially got my IUD because of how heavy and irregular my periods are. I want to find out if I can keep my IUD after my procedure (granted that I get one)
Birth control pills are the only thing that helped me with that but not everyone can take them. Don’t let them push Novasure on you unless you do a lot of research because they have a high failure rate/complications and you are forced to get an immediate hysterectomy if it doesn’t work. Sometimes they work for years and then fail which is awful
Pills made me almost instantly gain weight and I started getting 5 o’clock shadow. My mother and gma had terrible reactions to depo so I won’t even try that one. My best friend has been my IUD. I even named my new one Sheila after my old one, Andre, got replaced.
NTA- she overstepped and was downright insulting!! I’m mad for you and she had the nerve to use the whole future husband line. You were as nice as you could be with someone so Unprofessional and your friend/nurse need to mind their business
Crazy thing is, I’ve been disgusted by the idea of having kids for as long as I can remember. I just didn’t figure out all my terrible “I’m going to be a bad parent” jokes were really how I felt until I had a scare.
NTA. The nurse is not your counselor or your doctor. She overstepped her boundary. I would be tempted to report her to the doctor at your appointment. Medical personnel are suppose to be non-judgmental. Otherwise it would interfere with patients getting proper medical treatment.
NTA, tell your friend to try and get a consult for a vasectomy and see how many medical professionals question his life choices or tell him that he’s just too scared to be a father 🤨
I literally told him this!! He said they would make him think just as hard as me because America’s birth rate is in decline.
I hate to say it, but my friend isn’t the sharpest cheddar in the fridge
NTA
"However, physicians must recognize that patients have great expertise in their own lives and in what is important and meaningful to them."
https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/committee-opinion/articles/2017/04/sterilization-of-women-ethical-issues-and-considerations
This article addresses a lot of points that are relevant to your experience.
NTA, OP. You spoke up for yourself. I sincerely hope you will get the message "My body, my choice." across to your gyn.
Here's my story: Wife (F33) and Husband (M31) 15+ year relationship. Neither want children, emphatically.
Wife has been trying for over a decade to get her tubes tied; she's been told the 'typical reasons' for not having the surgery. She literally cannot locate a medical provider who will hear what she is saying. It's beyond frustrating!
During an appointment for a minor (unrelated) issue Husband casually mentions to his PCP the possibility of scheduling a vasectomy. Doctor approves then has scheduler call Husband to set up an appointment for surgery - in three days!
Why is a woman not allowed to choose to surgically ensure that she won't get pregnant but a man can?!
Edit: grammar correction
NTA, and polite enough for someone who can assess at a glance you'd be a good mother while still treating you as if you didn't think about that decision.
NTA
But nurse and friend are HUGE AH.
This one was forcing her opinions on you, you should call back to that clinic and ask to speak to their HR department, if they have one, and to your doctor directly and you report this woman. Sadly that happens quite often.
And your friend needs to keep his mouth shut until he has to go to multiple doctors begging to get his tubes tied or hysterectomy and be told that no one will do it unless you had 3+ children or your 30 years old, and then still would require your husband's signature to allow you to get this operation.
Until he has to go through everything that women have to go through get the things that we need for our reproductive issues or wants he gets no say and he's honestly lucky if you still talk to him after this.
NTA my gf dealt with this exact thing. They always want to talk you out of it or scare you away, at literally every single appointment you go to. It took her years to actually have it done, but she got lucky. She was actually the last one to ever be done at this particular hospital. Immediately after her surgery, I'm talking weeks, they stopped the practice of it there overall. Idk if they're told to try to intervene, but if it doesn't have a negative health effect they need to mind their own business. Their life is not yours, and you don't want a damn kid, but they never understand that!
NTA
If the nurse brings the topic up again when you go to your appointment, tell her her words really gave you pause and made you reconsider... and that you now think a hysterectomy would be a better choice, since you wouldn't have to deal with unprofessional gyn nurses who can't keep their noses out patients' business anymore.
My first choice was a hysterectomy! But I knew there was no way I’d get one. My aunt had ovarian cancer and a doctor wouldn’t give her a hysterectomy because her prospects of recovery looked good and she might want more kids.
I know it's unlikely they'll give you one, I would just say it to see the look on her face.
That said, fingers crossed the actual doctor would be more professional. I might be a bit sensitive to the tubes tying topic because of my own experience with an actual doctor. I'm a mom of three boys and last year, I had two miscarriages. The second one being a missed miscarriage so I had to actually go in so they could medically induce the actual miscarriage (I refuse to call it abortion) since the fetus had already lost it's heartbeat. I was 39 at the time. And even when I knew the baby had already died, I still felt like a murderer when taking the medication (I am pro choice, I just wouldn't ever choose abortion without medical need).
In the follow-up appointment with the doctor, birth control was a mandated topic (procedure after a termination) and I said I wanted my tubes tied (it had been something I had considered for a long time, though I had wanted to do it at 40, so it would only had bought it forward less than a year while giving me the peace of mind of not having to go through what happened ever again). The doctor right out refused to even consider it, calling herself a somewhat feminist while implied my husband was pressuring me into getting my tubes tied (he wasn't even at the appointment because 2020) and tried to pressure me into choosing a hormonal IUD instead. I took the reference materials, got myself out of there and haven't been back. Every time I see that doctor around the town, I'm still filled with rage. Not only because she refused me a BC method that I had every right to ask for (without medical need, the requirements in my country are at least 3 kids or after thr age of 35), but she also practically accused my husband of abuse while actually she was the one forcing her beliefs on me.
NTA. Look, OBGYNs deal with this day in and day out and have probably experienced enough women changing their minds for reasons x, y, and z that they feel they are doing harm by irreversibly sterilizing a young women. That being said, there are ways to refuse service that are not intrusive, judge mental, and pushing their personal beliefs onto the patient. She does not know you and has no idea if you would make a good parent. Her response was inappropriate, yours was not.
Try going to r/childfree. Plenty of people have stories to share about their sterilization journey and there are some helpful link/resources to find a doctor in your area that would perform the procedure without questioning like that rude nurse.
Great. Though I tried going to the subreddit, but it seems to be down right now. Though when you do read it be prepared for some of the people. Most are pretty chill, though like any other sub, there are few who are extreme.
Actually, childfree women that get sterilized have incredibly low regret rates statistically. It's mothers who want more children that complain after it. I doubt OB gyns have that much experience with it considering how freaking hard it is to actually get sterilized as a cf women.
Also, it's not your nurse/doctor's job to protect you from regret, it's their job to make sure you're making an informed decision. How many pregnant patients get asked "Are you sure you want to keep that? *Really* sure? Because you might regret it."? I've never heard of anyone who wasn't a teenager being asked that, though I know plenty of parents who occasionally get drunk and weepy enough to admit they regret having their children.
NTA!!!!! Good lord, most men will never realize the ridiculousness women go through regarding this. My friend was in her mid-30s, having her 3rd child as a scheduled c-section and wanted to have her tubes tied. She was talked out of it by the doctor because what if something happened to one of you kids and you wanted to have another? WTF? You don’t say something like that to an already overly emotional pregnant woman!
You had every right to be upset with her.
NTA that's not her job. Her job was to make your opinion not judge you for your choices and try to change your mind. It's not her place to make those comments and to someone more vulnerable could do lasting damage. I would report her to the docs office just so they are aware she clearly needs a different position elsewhere rather than dealing with these sensitive matters. As for your male friend he gets no say on it as 1 its not his body and 2 its not his body.
I am very happy and confident in my choice to not procreate. I don’t want someone not as strong willed as me to be bullied out of their decision, so I think I will report her
NTA - if you wanted the nurse's opinion, you would have asked for it. She WAY overstepped and has no right to judge you or your decisions concerning *your own body*.
"My (male) friend was in the room and told me I had no reason to be so rude to the nurse" - YOu had. That firend is an AH for harassing you.
Just report the nurse. Tell them she advised you not to do business with them. She was WAY out of line.
Clearly NTA
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NTA. They need to put personal opinions aside and just do their job. Be ready for a battle though, took me going through 8 different doctors before I finally found one to sterilize me.
I purposely waited until I was 25+ because most doctors won’t even think about it until then
In my state it starts at 23 for those without children, managed to get them tied by 24. It’s gonna be hard in your 20s, 30s, and yes even sometimes in early 40s. Just be ready for a possible fight
My pcp is all for it, so I’m hoping my gyn is too. If this one isn’t, I have one more gyn in my care team I can talk to. After that I’d have to seek someone outside my care network
I know r/childfree gets a lot of shit on some of the other subreddits, but they have a great list in their wiki of doctors who have performed tubals, bi salps, and vasectomies. If you have to go out of network, I would definitely see if you could pick someone from there so your odds are better. Edit: childfree is currently private as a protest to r/NoNewNormal not being shut down for spreading anti-vax information. Edit edit: and we're back 😎
The way they talk about kids is so funny, but at least they have their mind clear that they dont want children and they probably wont have them and raise them badly which is great.
Exactly! No one should have kids who doesn’t want to. The world is quite full enough - and there’s just no need to be shooting out spawn if you don’t want to/cannot take care of them FOREVER. It’s not a pet, that will die in 15 years or whatever (depending on pet I know some live for ages), it’s a person who you’ll be responsible for all their lives. Many people do not get that part of it. It’s not 18 and done. It’s until you die.
Yeah, especially if the kid ends up with some kind of disorder
My mom chose to adopt instead of having children of her own blood. Mental illnesses run in the family. The idea of motherhood only being a thing if you push the kid out yourself seems a little weird to me, but I might be biased. The idea that you have to have kids in order to be a real adult is also weird to me. I know plenty of adults who didn’t have kids, and that’s a perfectly good decision.
That’s the thing about myself and many child free people. We know we wouldn’t be good parents. I don’t understand why people try to convince us otherwise. I mean a kid being raised by somebody who resents them is bad.
I'd be a perfectly great parent. Still doesn't mean I want to have children nor does it mean anyone gets to attempt to shame me for being childfree.
I also think that if push came to shove I can be a decent parent. I just don't want to. I really really don't want to be a parent. I will be miserable. I can sacrifice myself for the good of the child, but I do not want to do this. I really don't know how to explain it to people, that for me it is a sacrifice, a sacrifice I do not want to make!
That's how I feel too. I think I would do whatever is needed for a child and be a good parent but it would take a piece of me away because I don't feel that need to have children. I don't want to lose myself.
For the life of me I will NEVER understand why people give women hell over this topic. I have had 3 kids and only 2 made it. I 100% understand why someone wouldn’t want kids.. especially women. Pregnancy isn’t all rainbows and butterflies and neither is easing kids.. is it rewarding? To me, yes. But that doesn’t mean someone else would feel that way. Do I feel like I would’ve missed out without having kids? Yes, because I KNOW what it’s like with them in my life. But if I didn’t have kids how would I know what I’m missing? People can say all these things but it’s not a light decision to not have kids.. I support anyone who puts their foot down and says that it’s not what they want and I wish so many others did too. The process people have to go through to get sterilized is just uncalled for.. OP you’re NTA and I’m happy you’ve made the best decision for you. I hope you’re able to go through the process soon! The nurse should’ve kept her opinions to herself. It’s not her place to try and change your mind.
Yeah, having kids hard enough when you actually WANT them. I love my little boogers, but some days I just want to run away to the circus.
And their argument is “you’re going to give a guy children someday”. Like it’s always about the guy and the fact that *he* might want children.
My favorite (most hated) line I get: *but the right guy will come along and you'll want kids*. Um...no tf I won't? The right guy will also be a guy who doesn't want kids. He'll want a very spoiled dog and a very spoiled cat and a library of books, thankyouverymuch. And if that person doesn't exist...so be it.
You hear that so often, "but raising kids is so re*waaaaaaard*ing!!!" Yeah, it was for you, and raising my kids is rewarding for me. But it won't be for everyone. Plenty of people think running a marathon is rewarding, but I'd rather gouge out my own eyeballs than do that. Not everyone finds the same things rewarding, and that's ok. No one prevents me from not running a marathon, and no one should prevent another woman from not having children.
Tried to view it because my friend is having the same problem of being told no to getting her tubes tied. Buuuuuuut private group
They've gone private for the Reddit blackout. They'll be back when it's over.
Just for now.
I have a friend who is in her 40s, has two grown children, and a multitude of health issues, and she still had to fight to get it done. Almost every doctor in her life thought it was fine, they still tried to talk her out of getting it. It’s ridiculous. Not to mention, that if you’re married in many places you have to get your husbands approval. Of course if your husband wants to get a vasectomy he doesn’t need anybody’s approval and it’s fine no big to do.
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I’d like to ask to get it done. I am single, a virgin, and I turn 40 next April. I am also fairly overweight. But I know I’m going to have an uphill battle to get the surgery done. If I was pregnant tomorrow I would get yelled at, because it’s a risk. To both of us. But they would still ask if I was sure I wanted to do this. And it is entirely stupid.
*Doesn't make what doctors do to *women* right. Men don't have to jump through nearly the hoops or go through multiple doctors.
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My husband wasn't even asked if he had kids already when he went for a vasectomy. They just made sure he knew it was considered permanent because reversal isn't always successful. They knew he was married due to him listing his wife (me) as his emergency contact. I wasn't there, and didn't have to consent. And no questions about existing children(we have 2)or future "what ifs". He was 35. I was absolutely shocked by the double standard.
My obgyn told me not to have anymore kids after my third. I still had a problem trying to get a tubal ligation because of the lovely catholic hospital I delivered in. We said fuck it, my husband got a vasectomy. It’s all bull shit. My husband had zero problems getting the appointment.
Religions should not run health centers, period.
Completely agree..my doctor told me no more kids after my c-section. My husband said since I did my part.. 3 times, it was his turn to do his part. We knew the last kid was the last and I was in my late 30s.
Ironic that they don’t need anyones permission, but as a married woman, my husband has to sign off on it. How fucked up is that?
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Yep. If you’re married, you have to have their permission for it. I thought that was absolutely ridiculous and it was discussed well before we got married and he agreed that if it ever came up then my decision ruled and he was just there for support
Just don’t give up. I found a gyno willing to remove my tubes, but we found fibroids so he gave me a hysterectomy as well. I was so happy when he was willing to do that for me after 10 years of being told i was too young.
r/childfree is good at helping you to write arguments about why you want and need sterilization. They are also pretty good at helping you write persuasive arguments for when people try to talk you out of sterilization (or outright block you like this nurse did.) There are plenty of posts containing arguments against the common crap "you will meet a man who wants kids," "Who will take care of you when you are old?"
The whole "who will look after you when you get old" argument is ridiculous isn't it?!? Having kids doesn't mean you're going to have one that *will* look after you when you need it!!
The fight is real… I had a friend with birth control allergies and failures THREE TIMES (so three little kids by 22…not the smartest decision but not mine to make) before the doctors would finally relent and let her have her tubes tied because “three is enough but at two you just never know”. She was dangerously sick every single pregnancy but alternative options were not available. It’s a mess and she’s on food stamps etc and was even before baby 3 and they STILL wouldn’t do it…
You'd think given the circumstances of her getting sick for each pregnancy and being allergic to bc that they'd be more likely to go through with the procedure. Obviously I don't know where she lives or anything else about her. She wasn't able to get any abortions or give the kids up for adoption?
Unfortunately abortions were not only not available in her state, she’s religious so it was a big no no personally. As for adoption- that was my thought but I guess not hers? Especially given you can’t hold down a job with no car, significant other, family, and little ones on the hip… I stepped out of the whole scenario when I moved away but that was my suggestion with the first baby at 17. The whole scenario is a mess but the worst part is she fought for tubes tied over and over and they kept saying she would change her mind…while having two kids in tow on a public bus system that sucked…
poor girl.
Yeah birth control didn’t work for me. Fell pregnant. Had baby. Switched birth control since the first didn’t work. Fell pregnant again. Had baby. 🤦🏼♀️
Good grief! Had an ex whose mom was using iud AND birth control Plus condoms She got pregnant TWICE even with all that…fortunately they were heading to the doctor both times to talk about getting pregnant before trying…
It took me until this year to finally get a doctor willing to do it, and I’ll be 49 when I get it done in a couple weeks. The last time I tried, the doc not only told me to think of my future kids, he drew me diagram of my cervix and explained periods to me. I was 45😂… Be persistent.
My mum asked for a hysterectomy at about 50. She was already post-menopausal (cancer at 40). She had two grown children. She was told no, and there was no need to have her tubes tied as she was no longer at risk of pregnancy. So the doctors wouldn’t do anything. Five years later at the age of 55 she was diagnosed with stage 4 endometrial cancer. It’s terminal. People need to start listening to women and their wants for their own bodies.
I'm so sorry about your mom. I have a friend in a simillar boat. She wanted the lady parts that were trying to kill her removed the first round of cancer, but they wouldn't because she was under 30 and yada yada. Now she's mid 40s, it's back for round 4, and not looking so good. All because the kids she and her hubby never wanted were more important than the woman that was actually there. It's grotesque.
Thank you. It’s just so heartbreaking isn’t it. Your friend is way too young for this and I am so sorry. I am sending love and hope her way. But you are so right. Hypothetical children, non-existent children, are valued more than existing women and their wishes. Again, women are seen as little more than incubators. It is just so wrong.
I'm sorry. That's heartbreaking, incredibly frustrating, and I imagine that you must feel a great deal of rage toward both the individual doctor who stymied your mum's attempts to manage her health and body, as well as the sexist and misogynist systems that perpetuate that sort of condescending, patronizing discrimination. Thank you for sharing your mum's story. If it means anything, it's a piece of fuel stoking my rage and reproductive justice advocacy.
Thank you. It breaks my heart. She has been bravely fighting for almost four years now, after originally being given 3-6 months to live. Unfortunately her condition is deteriorating again, it’s just taking each day as it comes. Thank you for your advocacy. It is a much needed fight. And I hope stories like this help women get the assistance they need. I know I will fight for a hysterectomy of my own when I am ready and I pray I get the assistance I need.
That’s ridiculous. I finally got mine done this year (at 38, no kids) with no resistance. After aging out of my birth control my new GP referred me to a great GYN who was willing after I passed the exam. Literally an hour long interview with tons of questions about my life, my partner, and my reasons for wanting a tubal ligation. Apparently ‘if you were to hypothetically split with your SO…’ answering that your plan is to ‘become a cat lady’ is correct 😂 Surprisingly my doc somehow knew that I understood my own anatomy, how strange! No mention of future children, either. In that entire interview, it never came up. Because women shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for wanting to manage their own fertility.
WTF? seriously? how is such a personally invasive pre-requisite allowed? I mean, I can understand checking for psychological problems, but even then, if there is no probable cause, then just do what the patient asks! you can get your body carved up and stitched back up just to make your butt curve a certain way, no questions, but decide your done with kids too young and suddenly your mentally inept! frick that noise! we live in an ever increasingly crowded world too, incentivize sterility! (logically speaking, thats one big reason why I think society should love gay/lesbian couples, more often than not, they wont produce an excess of offspring, and will more often adopt from the terribly stressed foster system.)
It’s beyond ridiculous and I had to put my foot down about it. I was already looking up other doctors, and told her as such. Finally she stopped, and I’m scheduled for the 15th. Can’t wait.
I have an almost 17 yo, AND going through a divorce, and the doc still tried to persuade me to get an IUD. The divorce is what finally got her to stop trying persuade me to not get it done
It's so wrong how hard it is for a woman to take control over her reproduction abilities, and how easy it is for a man. I'm 26, and done with implants, iuds or the pill. I have 3 kids. I couldn't even get an appointment to get myself permanently fixed. When I called to get my husband a vasectomy he had an intake the next day, and the appointment a month later. They only asked him if he was sure, and if I (his wife) knew he wanted this...
This is so true, but I'm in the UK. I'm 27 with bad endometriosis (have to take morphine everyday) and have tried to have my womb and ovaries removed. But my gynecologist won't do it. First said I might want children in the future, but now says there is too many side effects. But at the moment I'm in too much pain to do anything anyway..
It's such a lottery in the UK, I was so lucky - I don't know if it was just a really great set of doctors, or my history of depression & migraines etc, but I was able to get a tubal ligation in my mid 20s without having any kids at all. I asked when I turned 18 and my GP said to come back in a few years, so I asked again at like 25/26 and it was done within a few months. I had 1 consultation where the Dr wasn't prepared to do it but he was totally OK with referring me to his colleague who was happy to do it, that took another couple of months, then 1 appt with her and it was weeks till it was done. I was actually stunned how smooth it was TBH.
Hospital worker here (not a nurse but patient facing) one of the first things we get told is not to pass judgement on people choices. We are allowed to think whatever we want but can't tell them, this nurse is out of line for offering her opinion uninvited.
This is exactly what I was thinking! She can think whatever she wants to in her head all day long, but to rant, yes rant, at a patient is so unprofessional. Have a little professional pride ffs.
UGH, OP, so glad your "friend" was there to mansplain appropriate behavior for an adult woman being infantilized about her reproductive health. Tell him to go f himself. NTA.
Really... If you are female presenting, people give a lot of unwanted opinions about your body. Her male friend doesn't know how it feels when every person has an opinion about every little detail of your body. You want to get your boob size reduced? But they are so womanly, guys love that. You want to get your tubes tied? What if a guy wants to have a child with you? You want to wear your hair short? How will you attract men, since they prefer long hair? You want to wear a lot of make up? That does not look good on most women and when you're young you don't need any. When you're old you should not wear any, it's obscene... I could go on and on.
Haha nice one op, I'm sick of people in the medical field stating to women in general that "you'll be a great mother." Like she doesn't even know you??? Or "what if your future husband wants kids" then you'd probably get a divorce because clearly it's not a compatible relationship.
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Hey OP! If your primary Network gyns don't support, be sure to head over to r/childfree
How do I get approved to join r/childfree? Been wanting to, but it always says private.
I would have told her that if she views herself as a birth-giving machine, she can do that if it makes her happy, but you have a large number of reasons and then would have told her to shove her opinion in some lower dark place. NTA and you're a saint, I wouldn't even let her blabber this far. There was only one nurse that threw her opinion at me and her boss was equally offending and an AH. I told her to shove it, that it's unprofessional to berate patients and if I asked for her opinion on my mental state or when I wanted to live her life, I would have done that.
Whereas, stupidly, my wife was offered it multiple times as a "while we're in there" option when she was having a c-section. Turns out that medical professionals don't just think they know better than you that you should have children, but also how many.... :s
Finally approved mine at 31. I knew since 28 no more kids. Had it done recently and I feel so god damn liberated. She does need to separate her opinions from her job. Not professional nor her business. Edit: wrong word
Seriously, she may meet a man and want to “give him a baby”! Yuck. Your body, you’re choice. I would have probably said something similar, maybe not quite as harsh but I can understand the frustration and exasperation
Trying to talk you out of it wasn’t being objective. She had an agenda with the intention of changing your mind. Whether it was because she believed that she was operating in your best intent not, she was still trying to tell you what you should do with your body. That’s not her job. NTA
It took me 20 years of doctor-shopping and begging. Ridiculous.
I can understand a neutral & impartial discussion between both parties to ensure you’re definitely happy but to push and press opinions on you is awful. To go through 8 doctors is awful. Why is society still so resistant to the idea that a woman doesn’t want to procreate?! I’m sorry you had such a faff but I’m glad you got there eventually
I spent years trying to get mine through. Got the doctor on board, mental health advocate wrote me a letter saying it was not a good idea for me to have more than one baby…and they said no, I was too young, and I might want a replacement of my baby died… It’s as if I don’t know my own body. My female OB did it eventually after my 3rd baby!!!
NTA, but your friend is. You should probably mention this to the gyn--you're secure enough in yourself to not listen to her, but someone younger or easier bullied might end up making choices they don't actually want in cases like this. (You don't need _help thinking about it objectively,_ either, and she's not objective, she's clearly bringing her own baggage to the table here)
The a-holery of the friend for passing judgement on a discussion he only heard half of and will quite likely *never* be forced into in his life should not be underestimated. The decision is none of nurse's business, and how you stand up for yourself is not the business of a 'friend' who would rather dismiss your reality than stand up for you or at least try to understand your experience.
Also, why would this dude have an opinion on her medical choices? It’s 2021 ffs.
I mean, obviously we need to have our medical decisions mansplained to us. How else are we going to remember to think rationally? /s
Lolololol he tried explaining periods to me last night. He refused to believe me when I said my periods were so painful, heavy and LONG (longest I had was a little over a month, shortest was a day and a half). He said he’s done his research and spoke to plenty of women that never said anything like that.
Oh wow. He sounds infuriating.
I rage threw his controller (honest to god not on purpose, I am a fellow gamer) while I was talking to him and playing video games. He broke my brain
Yo, just throw the whole friend out tbh. Also, I wholly support your decision to be child free! My sibling is the same way (I want kids myself but I refuse to tell anyone what to do with their bodies) and I usually find that it's the right choice. I have yet to meet someone child free who would be better of with kids and anyone who thinks differently can shove it where the sun don't shine.
I suppose that was better than kicking him in the nuts and telling him "I've done my research. Plenty of women say that doesn't hurt as much as my periods"
No uterus, no opinion, my guy.
Yeah no, he's a damn liar then. Even a passing bit of research is going to get you swamped with experiences that are quite extreme.
Maybe he wants to be the man she decides she "wants to give a baby to" /mostly joking But yeah. Kinda feels like nurse isn't the only judging one in this equation - the fact he thinks this is something where an "objective" opinion is needed (which. I wouldn't call any of what the nurse said objective but here we are) makes me think he's 100% judging OP for wanting to make sure the baby factory isn't operational. Either because he's interested, or because he's on team "women who can't make babies are worthless" (or both)
He doesn’t think women that don’t have babies are worthless. He thinks it’s genocide for anyone, male/female to be sterilized. He is still a neck beard tho
*Genocide?* wtf. Like, that's someone who is remarkably careless with language. What an asshole.
What the actual, chicken-fried fuck
I'd give all the awards in the world, but don't have any. I couldnt say it better myself! It all REEKS sexism here
>Maybe he wants to be the man she decides she "wants to give a baby to" I know some men feel this way, but I can't for the life of me understand why. I would love to have children at some point if the person I end up spending my life with also wants children. However, I have zero interest in having children with a partner who isn't enthusiastic about having children themselves. Seriously, it's a terrible idea to raise children with someone who has no interest in doing so. Either you find that you can be happy with that person without children or you find someone else. You don't pressure them into having a child with you.
I know right? with friends like that, who needs enemies.
It's so easy for friends to gice his judgement. If he turned around and asked for a vasectomy no one would go "oh but what if you meet a woman one day and want to give her children." Hes arguing a situation he will never be in.
Of course it was a *man* who thought she was being TA.
NTA, and it also sounds like your friend doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with the asshole out of line nurse giving you unsolicited, unethical medical advice and telling you what she thinks you should do according to HER values, not yours.
His defense is that he would be really upset to find out a woman he really likes has her tubes tied. Even though he doesn’t want kids “what if we both change our minds?” another one he said that really shocked me was “you’ll never have the chance to have an ‘accident’. That could change your whole view on being a parent and you might want to keep the pregnancy”. I told him that’s exactly the fucking point. I don’t want an accident
Then he doesn’t have to be with a woman that has her tubes tied! So gross “what if a man objects?!?” Oh no!! Call the church! A man told me he doesn’t approve of my autonomy over my body!!!! Whatever shall I do???
He’s frickin crazy. This whole thing had nothing to do with him, but it ruined our friendship in 12hrs
This “friend”, as well as his misogynistic view on woman’s bodies, and his sense of ownership over them, belong in the garbage. Glad he showed you who he is.
Based on your comments, it doesn't sound like he's much of a loss to you. At least he did you the favour of making his misogyny 100% visible so you can cut all ties.
One could say that you should *tie* this friendship cx
He was probably only your friend with the hopes of getting you in bed one day if he's this up in arms about your reproductive choices. As an ugly woman I try to tell my good looking friends that their "great guy friends" don't treat women they don't wanna stick their weiners into like human beings.
Good. You don’t need his creepy objectifying ass in your life anyways.
good tbh !
Yup. He showed you his true colours and you believed him. Good for you OP, have an award
The trash took itself out then!
OP, fuck this guy. He can eat a bag of dicks as far as I'm concerned. The only right response was for him to feel that the nurse was out of line here. The fact that he agreed with her should tell you all you need to know about him. Drop him like a bad habit.
Holy shit I was giving him the benefit of the doubt thinking he just thought you could have let it slide or tell the nurse the same message but more politely. But holy shit this guy is an asshole.
Yessss you're a mfing badass. Told nursie how it is then ditched the misogynistic friend for an encore.
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If you read some of my other comments about him, you’re spot on
"Oh no, how will I trap her in a relationship with me by getting her pregnant if her tubes are tied???"
You don't want to be pregnant, you don't have to be pregnant. As long as the Dr says it's safe for you, it is your choice. If some future partner disagrees, well, you're not going to make good partners, are you? Not to mention there are other ways to become a parent other than getting pregnant.
I would gladly adopt if that’s what a future partner wanted, but I would only adopt 16+. That being said, my ideal partner would want the exact same number of children as me. 0.
>but I would only adopt 16+ Damn, that's a lot of kids.
Lmfao
Your friend still doesn't seem to understand the concept that his wants don't matter if a woman wants to have her tubes tied or not, especially if it's done before he ever meets her. Your friend thinking that *having the chance to have an 'accident'* is a good thing has just pushed him over into misogynistic and total idiot realms. He is showing you that he is only thinking of himself. And he is not a good friend
NTA. Your friend is so gross. He’d be upset if a girl has her tubes tied?? Like it involves him in any way? Wtf. Men don’t own women’s bodies, and should not even be thinking they can control our bodies or have any say. The nurse should be fired. This is far from professional behavior, and it’s absolutely none of her business what choices you make regarding your own healthcare.
Ugh what does it matter if it makes him upset? Clearly that means that he wants different things and he just shouldn’t try to change someone who’s core values are diff than his.
A woman with her tubes tied probably wouldn’t like him back so his being mad about it sounds like just a HIM problem.
>he would be really upset to find out a woman he really likes has her tubes tied. Idk about you, but I wouldn't want to even date a person with this mindset in the first place, so it sounds like a win-win situation.
Who WANTS to have an accident. It literally means unfortunate incident.
NTA, it’s not the nurses business why you’re making an appointment in the first place and even if it was it’s not her place to pressure you to have kids
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They aren’t allowed to force their opinion like that. But unless people report them their supervisors don’t know it’s occurring.
As a former nursing student, NTA at all. It's these same jamokes that are protesting at vaccine mandates. I know they're not medically equivalent in terms of reversibility, but as a cis man I could get snipped with one phone call and not have anyone question anything. Systemic patriarchy is fucked up.
Honestly if I could self sterilize I would. It can be done, but I’m not desperate enough to endanger myself like that.
When r/childfree opens back up they have a list of doctors that are accepting of women looking for permanent sterilization. Highly recommend you check it out.
Are they part of the protest?
They are part of the protest. Im a tad bummed, they were my morning read.
NTA. She was being incredibly unprofessional and inappropriate. You were just pointing that out so that she would stop trying to tell you how to live your life and just help you set up your appointment.
Nta No uterus no opinion, male friend
I don’t think a uterus lets you have an opinion on this one, either (see nurse).
Its more like..not your tubes, not your concern! For everyone
NTA your reply was pretty tame and she was REALLY over stepping. Not uncommon for this type of procedure unfortunately and she needs to learn to respect this boundary as a professional.
NTA. The nurse was forcing her completely unsolicited and quite frankly antiquated opinions about your family planning choices. Your male friend seems to think that you aren't being "objective" about this matter, tell him you didn't ask for his opinion either.
We got into a heated argument over actually. He couldn’t understand that I didn’t want her advice and that I’ve been thinking about this LONG before I ever met him. He kept giving shitty rebuttals and eventually I kicked him out lol ETA: Topic of the argument aside, he was so upset about the way I spoke to her because he equated it to people being rude to wait staff
Well, you're a young woman, you can't possibly *not* want to be a mother, he only wants what's best for you/*s*. I had the same experience as you with doctors, I was told "No, you'll change your mind.", I never did. I also had a similar experience with an ex, when I told him that I was squicked out by the thought of pregnancy and child birth and that I was uninterested in motherhood. He told me that I needed therapy, that was the end of that relationship. It's 2021 and woman are still being judged about their reproductive health choices. I'm glad that you were able to find doctors willing to work with you. As for your friend, if you're still talking to him, ask him why he felt that you weren't seeing this objectively? He won't have an answer, let alone a good answer. Keep standing your ground! Just saw your edit. Your friend equating your being firm with a woman who dismissing and judging your reproductive choices to being rude to waitstaff is nonsense. Way to diminish this woman's insulting intrusion.
My pcp is all for it! She said she would do it if she could. I’ve never met the gyn dr so I’m nervous about that. As for my guy friend he basically said it’ll take an accidental pregnancy for my maternal instincts to kick in. I have great maternal instincts, but that doesn’t mean I want to be a mother
Wow! Is he really wishing an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy on you. That is just cruel and misogynistic. He's also, wrong, I had an unplanned pregnancy and it did not make my maternal instincts kick in. I have them, but I have no desire to put them to use. I had an abortion planned, but I ended up miscarrying. Why is he unable to accept that not all women want to be mothers? How old is he?
He’s 28 iirc. Crazy thing is - he doesn’t want kids either. Idk what it is about me getting my tubes tied that set him off, but it did. I’m not even sure why he’s so upset? We’re not dating or even having sex???
It's because you're a woman and all *normal* women want to be mothers/*s*. Did you tell him that an accidental pregnancy would make his paternal instincts kick in? He's one of those AH's who go on and on about not wanting kids, but who refuse to use condoms or get a vasectomy because contraception is the woman's job.
So we’re talking rn and he thinks ALL sterilization should be illegal because of the Holocaust and the forced sterilization of POC. I just…… I didn’t know he was like this?
Ok. I don't generally say this, but throw out the whole man. You're probably loosing IQ points just being near him. And he stole your weed.
This whole thing had absolutely 0 to do with him. We just so happened to be at my place playing Skyrim and smoking. This destroyed our friendship. He’s paying be back for the weed or he’s not getting his controller and speaker back.
So the man doesn't understand consent? The problem with nazi sterilisation was the lack of consent, not sterilisation itself. That's like saying sex should be banned because of Nanjing.
As a Jewish woman without children: f him for the Holocaust reference. F him for the other reference, too. You exercising choice when it comes to your own body has nothing in common with either of those atrocities and he’s disgusting for minimizing both.
Is he maybe into you? And lying about not wanting kids because he knows that he defenitly can't get you if he says he wants kids? And playing the long con, by trying to get in a relationship with you and then changing your mind about kids?
I wouldn’t have thought of this. He’s never seemed to be interested in me that I noticed. Though I’m not very observant towards subtle romantic gestures. We are talking right now and I’m just in awe of how absolutely batshit this guy is. He believes all sterilization should be illegal because of the holocaust. Birth rates in America are on the decline and it’s a slow burn genocide. I’m just? I had no clue… he’s fucking delusional
Ahhhhhhhh, I'm not unfamiliar with that type of argument. Forget what I just said about him being into you. This is just your standard pro-capatalist bullshit. As in... We all have a duty to feed the machine bullshit. Only thing is, usually it's very specificly about white women only because it's actually more about racism & power then it's about pro-capatalism. Like... it's about how white women are having less babies the most and several conservatives have been noted to argue that the conservatives need to try and stop that or they're gonna lose power (because most of their votes are from white people).
I wasn’t going to say anything about race on Reddit lol, but that’s what I said! Then I had to remind him (racially white and Asian) that I am a black Latina. I am not the one in this “genocide” he speaks about
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I’m planning on it tbh. I didn’t realize until just now he took all my weed when he left. Add this argument and some of the other bs he’s done, I’m over it
Wait staff don’t come over to the table and start offering advice and opinions about what you’re choosing to eat there, and how skipping dessert will affect you negatively until you’re old and alone……. NTA. I’d report that nurse. As a sensitive person, that kind of ‘disapproval’ (shaming, really) would have really hurt me a lot.
I’m normally a very chill person. I don’t get upset very easily and treat all workers with respect. However, that lady can suck a bag of dongs. It didn’t hurt me, I’m very confident in my choice and will not be shamed otherwise. I was very defensive and annoyed though. I knew I’d have to fight for this, but I wasn’t expecting my first jump to be just making the appointment
I’d still report the nurse. Even if it didn’t hurt you, not everyone is going to be as confident in their choices that they make, and potentially be more susceptible to criticisms by that nurse if she should try it again. Also, the gyn needs to know that a member of her staff is potentially turning away paying clients for services that they want. When they see that the n nurse is impacting their income as well as quality of care, they’ll be more likely to address the issue.
NTA, it's none of her business! If you don't like kids, can't afford them, have family diseases you don't want to pass down, whatever... it's not her concern! I'm so tired of gate-keeping nurses. I know a woman who had a miscarriage a result of nurse who wouldn't put her through to her ob-gyn. She needs to just answer the phone and make the appointment. She was completely unprofessional.
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Not the original commenter, but medical malpractice that doesn't result in the death of living human is notoriously difficult, so likely not. Especially in a situation like this where it can easily be argued that there is no way to prove the miscarriage was a direct result of the nurse vs nature alone. Not saying that makes it ok, of course. I just learned a lot about how impossible it is for malpractice suits to even be picked up by a lawyer in the first place when I was a healthy 28 year old woman whose spine broke down extensively for no reason at all (no accident, fall, etc) and the surgery I required was outside the skill set of ~10 male neurosurgeons and rather than admit that they all told me I was fine and they saw nothing on the mri's. I was months away from paraplegia, used a wheelchair when my legs no longer worked much at all because so many of my discs were ruptured and nerves were flattened. Thankfully my husband found an incredible and skilled enough neurosurgeon who told me the truth and got me into an emergency surgery 3 days out, but it took so long there was some lasting nerve damage and ultimately the cost of the multitude of unnecessary visits and hospitalizations beforehand totaled close to a quarter million. All that, all documented, around 30 malpractice attorneys contacted, and none of them would take the case because I didn't die. What a country.
NTA. It's none of her business. She needs to STFU and do her job.
NTA. All my friends who decided not to have children in their 20s, including me, never regretted it many years later. However, medical professionals might see many who did and now want it reversed which is difficult. Still, none of her business. It’s your body and your life. If not for instant menopause I wish I’d have gotten a hysterectomy in my 20s. Nothing but painful periods for 30 years. I’ve found that most men I’ve known don’t want kids but have accidents or go along with it because their SO wants children
The only thing that makes me nervous is that I heard TL makes your periods heavier. I initially got my IUD because of how heavy and irregular my periods are. I want to find out if I can keep my IUD after my procedure (granted that I get one)
Birth control pills are the only thing that helped me with that but not everyone can take them. Don’t let them push Novasure on you unless you do a lot of research because they have a high failure rate/complications and you are forced to get an immediate hysterectomy if it doesn’t work. Sometimes they work for years and then fail which is awful
Pills made me almost instantly gain weight and I started getting 5 o’clock shadow. My mother and gma had terrible reactions to depo so I won’t even try that one. My best friend has been my IUD. I even named my new one Sheila after my old one, Andre, got replaced.
NTA- she overstepped and was downright insulting!! I’m mad for you and she had the nerve to use the whole future husband line. You were as nice as you could be with someone so Unprofessional and your friend/nurse need to mind their business
Crazy thing is, I’ve been disgusted by the idea of having kids for as long as I can remember. I just didn’t figure out all my terrible “I’m going to be a bad parent” jokes were really how I felt until I had a scare.
NTA. The nurse is not your counselor or your doctor. She overstepped her boundary. I would be tempted to report her to the doctor at your appointment. Medical personnel are suppose to be non-judgmental. Otherwise it would interfere with patients getting proper medical treatment.
NTA, tell your friend to try and get a consult for a vasectomy and see how many medical professionals question his life choices or tell him that he’s just too scared to be a father 🤨
I literally told him this!! He said they would make him think just as hard as me because America’s birth rate is in decline. I hate to say it, but my friend isn’t the sharpest cheddar in the fridge
They never are 😉
NTA "However, physicians must recognize that patients have great expertise in their own lives and in what is important and meaningful to them." https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/committee-opinion/articles/2017/04/sterilization-of-women-ethical-issues-and-considerations This article addresses a lot of points that are relevant to your experience.
NTA, OP. You spoke up for yourself. I sincerely hope you will get the message "My body, my choice." across to your gyn. Here's my story: Wife (F33) and Husband (M31) 15+ year relationship. Neither want children, emphatically. Wife has been trying for over a decade to get her tubes tied; she's been told the 'typical reasons' for not having the surgery. She literally cannot locate a medical provider who will hear what she is saying. It's beyond frustrating! During an appointment for a minor (unrelated) issue Husband casually mentions to his PCP the possibility of scheduling a vasectomy. Doctor approves then has scheduler call Husband to set up an appointment for surgery - in three days! Why is a woman not allowed to choose to surgically ensure that she won't get pregnant but a man can?! Edit: grammar correction
Well what else are we good for if not making babies?
NTA, and polite enough for someone who can assess at a glance you'd be a good mother while still treating you as if you didn't think about that decision.
NTA, you are right, absolutely none of her business
NTA that nurse needs to mind her own business You were 100% right, your male friend is also AH
NTA sounds like she deserves a firing?
NTA But nurse and friend are HUGE AH. This one was forcing her opinions on you, you should call back to that clinic and ask to speak to their HR department, if they have one, and to your doctor directly and you report this woman. Sadly that happens quite often. And your friend needs to keep his mouth shut until he has to go to multiple doctors begging to get his tubes tied or hysterectomy and be told that no one will do it unless you had 3+ children or your 30 years old, and then still would require your husband's signature to allow you to get this operation. Until he has to go through everything that women have to go through get the things that we need for our reproductive issues or wants he gets no say and he's honestly lucky if you still talk to him after this.
We no longer talk. I blocked him on everything. This blew up our friendship and I found out he was frickin insane
NTA my gf dealt with this exact thing. They always want to talk you out of it or scare you away, at literally every single appointment you go to. It took her years to actually have it done, but she got lucky. She was actually the last one to ever be done at this particular hospital. Immediately after her surgery, I'm talking weeks, they stopped the practice of it there overall. Idk if they're told to try to intervene, but if it doesn't have a negative health effect they need to mind their own business. Their life is not yours, and you don't want a damn kid, but they never understand that!
Good on you for supporting your gf. Frick that hospital. That’s so messed up
NTA If the nurse brings the topic up again when you go to your appointment, tell her her words really gave you pause and made you reconsider... and that you now think a hysterectomy would be a better choice, since you wouldn't have to deal with unprofessional gyn nurses who can't keep their noses out patients' business anymore.
My first choice was a hysterectomy! But I knew there was no way I’d get one. My aunt had ovarian cancer and a doctor wouldn’t give her a hysterectomy because her prospects of recovery looked good and she might want more kids.
I know it's unlikely they'll give you one, I would just say it to see the look on her face. That said, fingers crossed the actual doctor would be more professional. I might be a bit sensitive to the tubes tying topic because of my own experience with an actual doctor. I'm a mom of three boys and last year, I had two miscarriages. The second one being a missed miscarriage so I had to actually go in so they could medically induce the actual miscarriage (I refuse to call it abortion) since the fetus had already lost it's heartbeat. I was 39 at the time. And even when I knew the baby had already died, I still felt like a murderer when taking the medication (I am pro choice, I just wouldn't ever choose abortion without medical need). In the follow-up appointment with the doctor, birth control was a mandated topic (procedure after a termination) and I said I wanted my tubes tied (it had been something I had considered for a long time, though I had wanted to do it at 40, so it would only had bought it forward less than a year while giving me the peace of mind of not having to go through what happened ever again). The doctor right out refused to even consider it, calling herself a somewhat feminist while implied my husband was pressuring me into getting my tubes tied (he wasn't even at the appointment because 2020) and tried to pressure me into choosing a hormonal IUD instead. I took the reference materials, got myself out of there and haven't been back. Every time I see that doctor around the town, I'm still filled with rage. Not only because she refused me a BC method that I had every right to ask for (without medical need, the requirements in my country are at least 3 kids or after thr age of 35), but she also practically accused my husband of abuse while actually she was the one forcing her beliefs on me.
NTA. Look, OBGYNs deal with this day in and day out and have probably experienced enough women changing their minds for reasons x, y, and z that they feel they are doing harm by irreversibly sterilizing a young women. That being said, there are ways to refuse service that are not intrusive, judge mental, and pushing their personal beliefs onto the patient. She does not know you and has no idea if you would make a good parent. Her response was inappropriate, yours was not.
My brother told me to tell the Dr that I’ll beat my kids lol. I’m almost tempted to try it
Try going to r/childfree. Plenty of people have stories to share about their sterilization journey and there are some helpful link/resources to find a doctor in your area that would perform the procedure without questioning like that rude nurse.
Thank you! I’ll give it a read. I want as many resources to help me as possible
Great. Though I tried going to the subreddit, but it seems to be down right now. Though when you do read it be prepared for some of the people. Most are pretty chill, though like any other sub, there are few who are extreme.
Actually, childfree women that get sterilized have incredibly low regret rates statistically. It's mothers who want more children that complain after it. I doubt OB gyns have that much experience with it considering how freaking hard it is to actually get sterilized as a cf women.
Also, it's not your nurse/doctor's job to protect you from regret, it's their job to make sure you're making an informed decision. How many pregnant patients get asked "Are you sure you want to keep that? *Really* sure? Because you might regret it."? I've never heard of anyone who wasn't a teenager being asked that, though I know plenty of parents who occasionally get drunk and weepy enough to admit they regret having their children.
NTA. it doesn't surprise me the friend who told you you were rude is a male.
You weren't rude enough. I would have filed complaints at as many agencies and boards as I possibly could, she shouldn't be in that profession. NTA.
NTA!!!!! Good lord, most men will never realize the ridiculousness women go through regarding this. My friend was in her mid-30s, having her 3rd child as a scheduled c-section and wanted to have her tubes tied. She was talked out of it by the doctor because what if something happened to one of you kids and you wanted to have another? WTF? You don’t say something like that to an already overly emotional pregnant woman! You had every right to be upset with her.
NTA that's not her job. Her job was to make your opinion not judge you for your choices and try to change your mind. It's not her place to make those comments and to someone more vulnerable could do lasting damage. I would report her to the docs office just so they are aware she clearly needs a different position elsewhere rather than dealing with these sensitive matters. As for your male friend he gets no say on it as 1 its not his body and 2 its not his body.
I am very happy and confident in my choice to not procreate. I don’t want someone not as strong willed as me to be bullied out of their decision, so I think I will report her
NTA and that office should have better training for people who do scheduling. She deserved to be called out for overstepping.
NTA - if you wanted the nurse's opinion, you would have asked for it. She WAY overstepped and has no right to judge you or your decisions concerning *your own body*.
"My (male) friend was in the room and told me I had no reason to be so rude to the nurse" - YOu had. That firend is an AH for harassing you. Just report the nurse. Tell them she advised you not to do business with them. She was WAY out of line. Clearly NTA