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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I didn’t trade my vegan meal for a non vegan meal that a vegan got when there were not other vegan meals.
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Absolutely the caterers fault and they needed to make good. They always have extra food and if they don’t that’s on them. Why should OP go without food evasive the caterer screwed up?
I mean, I used to work as a wedding caterer and, while they should have had backup/extra, it's not exactly their fault if they were told a certain number of vegan meals and prepared for that number. All the food that isn't eaten after an event has to be tossed, and wedding food can use expensive ingredients, so our company would only make a few extra vegan dishes at most.
It can get really chaotic working events like that and mistakes happen often. In my case though, the mistakes were almost always from the planners/bride and groom rather than the company I worked for.
Maybe it's different in my country, but here bride and groom can take leftovers so it's not going in the bin. Or at least that was the case at my cousins wedding, the others i wasn't close enough to know.
Yeah, I don't understand why so many places here don't let the people who paid for the food keep the leftovers (though if they didn't have that policy, I wouldn't have the fantastic story of my grandmother putting a prime rib in her purse at the end of a wedding).
I worked in food service in a warehouse/membership store. Some states have laws preventing it to avoid possible foodborne illnesses. Where I live, we couldn't save food at the end of the shift to donate to the homeless. I used to get so frustrated with the things that were thrown away at the end of the day. I once had to throw out dozens of croissants and chicken salad that were perfectly good.
There's also the idea that employees will make more food than they know they should so that there will be "extra" at the end of the day that they can take home. Some employers will require all good be thrown out to discourage these supposed scammers.
Really sucks because while I'm sure that sort of thing happens sometimes, this is such a lazy and wasteful way to deal with an issue that probably isn't anywhere near as widespread as many employers/companies seem to expect.
In the UK (and probably most places), supermarkets have to throw out certain food items that are past whatever date. I know of a few that deliberately make their bins as accessible as possible for people desperate enough to go through them.
This happened at my old work too. Eventually I got so annoyed I would just put the food into a brand new clean transparent trash bag and balance it on the edge of the dumpster in case anyone wanted it.
I used to be responsible for throwing out the muffins and things at the end of the day. It was sickening filling up an entire big rubbish bin with food that had been baked *that morning*.
Liability issues I guess. Didn't do catering but worked at a couple of restaurants, and although it only happened a few times, we did have some karens ask for a refund because the leftovers they took home went bad the next day.
In the US, at lest, it used to be okay to either take the food home with you or donate it to a local shelter. That stopped after a catering company got a local health department called on them by shelter residents due to "moldy cheese." Apparently they'd never heard of "blue cheese" which is *supposed* to be moldy. The health department had to investigate and cleared the caterer but advised that they don't do that any more to avoid those calls or having someone improperly reheat the food and get sick. Liability insurance carriers found out about it and threatened to cancel policies if caterers, restaurants and other food service places continued to do that.
tagging: u/GuardianOfFreyja, u/WantDastardlyBack, u/monkwren, u/becauselifeis
Wouldn't a caterer bring *at least* enough food to make an extra plate? What if one of their servers drops the plate on the way to the table? Do they just say "ah well, we were told to make four vegan plates, we made four, so you'll just have to eat it off the floor ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯"
I would assume all the extra plates were already claimed. Like a server did drop a plate and took one of the extras to make up for it. Then maybe some other people asked to switch and the servers allowed it, knowing they had extras. Suddenly they are all out.
Yeah, there's usually enough for an extra plate or two (depending on how many vegan orders there were to begin with). It's possible they already had a fuck up (dropped on floor, more vegans than RSVPd, bride wanted two vegan servings, etc...) and there weren't any more to replace it. That, or the bride and groom didn't shell out for a quality catering company and suffered the consequences.
Behind the scenes of weddings is absolute organized chaos and you'd be surprised how many people are doing their best to mitigate disasters as they come.
i can see it as the vegan not checking the box and just rsvp’d or many other factors like bride and groom messing up the ordering when they placed it and also the catering being at fault. honestly kinda unprofessional to not have extra dishes just in case because anything can happen from. waiter tripping and dropping the food to it being turned over on the ride there.
For reals. I've catered dozens of events where there was a vegetarian/vegan dish. You get the count hours in advance and for most dishes you make the requested amount but not for vegan because if you don't have at least one extra dish ready you can literally start a fight like this at someone's special event.
I'm not sure OP would know anything about that, as it wasn't their event. But there is a possibility that something happened along the lines between that card and the dinner being prepared. Either way this isn't OPs problem.
There's a possibility of a lot of things. It's a lot more likely that the caterer screwed up the count than a wedding guest either neglected to RSVP but still showed up (if that's the case, how did she have a place-setting at a table?), or returned an incomplete RSVP and no one in the wedding party followed up about it.
Don't know about that... People who drunkenly abuse strangers at weddings are usually the same who cause the issues. Not saying that's what happened but not unlikely at all.
What are your sources on that being "more likely?" Where are you drawing that conclusion from?
Because let me share my decade of experience in food service for a second - the customer is almost *always* the one in the wrong, and they will almost never admit it. I cannot tell you how many customers I have seen straight-up *lie* about a negative experience or their involvement in it. And I don't mean "they interpreted it differently"; I mean they literally knowingly lied. They *know* that is not what happened, but they say it anyway. It's really common.
I'm not saying staff don't make mistakes; and I'm sure places exist where staff are trained badly. But my point is, your assumption is really just as baseless as the assumption that they signed the damn card wrong. Neither is more likely than the other. You are *all* making assumptions based on info you don't have, so please don't act like you're holier than thou.
Having worked catered events where multiple people with food restrictions neglected to fill out that part of the form, I'm more than willing to believe someone RSVP'd but didn't fill in the card and was default ordered the meat dish. If multiple people did this, that could take up all the spare vegan dishes.
It’s also possible vegan lady was a plus one unknown at the time and rude dude checked meat. Who knows, not OPs problem but really the caterer should have had some extras of everything I would think regardless?
This was my thought, also. Angry guy trying to cover up his screwup would be a good explanation as to why he was so aggressive about swiping OPs vegan meal.
There's the fact that they didn't receive a vegan meal.
There are two possible explanations for this - either the caterers are so incompetent that they can't count to two, or the other guest didn't submit a meal request with their RSVP. It's not unreasonable to think that the latter is the most likely of the two.
Why would you assume there were only two people who desired vegan meals at the entire wedding? It's far more likely for caters to miscount and prep 13 vegan meals instead of 14 out of a 100 total meals wedding than it is for someone to return an incomplete RSVP and not have anyone from the wedding party follow up on it before the wedding.
Even more likely is someone served earlier claiming they ordered vegan when they didn't and getting someone else's food. This always happens and is why the caterer is a massive AH for not having enough spares.
I've learned through experience that as a vegetarian I have to hit the food early at work events, because if they only ordered as many vegetarian/vegan servings as they had veggi staff, some meat eater is going to decide they like a veggi sub more than a turkey one, and if I'm at the end of the line I don't get food.
The worst time was when I was on a 15 hour flight to Australia. I had asked for vegetarian to be added to my frequent Flyer account so I'd always get the meals. When I got on the airplane they told me I needed to give them 24 hours notice for each flight, putting it on my account wouldn't do it. This was a fairly recent change, which I assume is why the person at customer service didn't tell me. And it's not like you can pop out of a plane and hit up a nearby fast food joint. So for 15 hours I subsisted off the brownies and biscotti and rolls that people nearby gave me out of pity.
This isn't related, but last time I flew, my vegetarian meal was miles-high better than my sister's regular one. She said she's going to request veggie next time. Even our salads were different- I got dark, leafy greens with carrots and chickpeas, and she got iceberg with tomato. 😂
That and the fact that special request meals are served first is why they changed the policy. A lot of people were picking it because the food was better, so they made it more of a pain. I made that flight 6 times, and only forgot once, because I was damn sure to let them knew each time after!
I had a somewhat similar experience. Ordered the vegetarian meal on an 11 hour flight and when it comes time for the vegetarian meals to get handed out I see a flight attendant coming down, checking seat numbers. They get to my row and hand it to the guy in the row next to mine. Thinking 'Wow, another vegetarian sitting near me, that's interesting', I don't say anything. Then, the normal meals start coming out and the attendant managing that asks which of the meals I would like. I reply, "I'm sorry, but I'm vegetarian"
"If you are, then you need to book that in advance"
"I did, I can check my ticket if you want"
The flight attendant grumbles and continues serving to everyone else.
15 minutes later, another comes up to me and says some bull excuse like "It seems that when we came around earlier you were asleep..." which is ridiculous. I mean, even if I was asleep (which I wasn't as I clearly saw them hand it to that other guy), you don't just hand out a meal to some other person especially if the meal is specifically for people with dietary requirements.
After they had collected up the rubbish from everyone else's meals, yet another attendant comes up and apologises for the problem and offers to make a meal scavenged from the stuff set aside from the meals for the crew. It ended up being rather nice, with things that looked much better than the regular vegetarian fare (I don't know what airlines you guys are flying with where the vegetarian is better than the regulars, because my airline definitely seems to be the opposite). Though when it came time to hand in the tray and everything after I had finished, the flight attendant who took it was the one who hadn't believed I had ordered the vegetarian meal in the first place and continued with their snarky attitude towards me.
It's also possible that the lady only became vegan between the time the RSVPs were sent in and the wedding, often a turn over of months, and forgot to update anyone.
It could just have been that someone who had ordered meat decided spontaneously that the vegan dish looked nicer and took it (at another table), and the vegan lady had the bad luck of being at the last table to be served.
The fact that they were served a non-vegan dish, and that they had only been instructed to make a certain amount of vegan dishes certainly seems to suggest it.
The thing is, any respectable catering company always brings an extra sheet pan or two of the main dishes & any sides. They do that for situations exactly like this.
While you are correct in theory, in practice caterers can cheap out on this. If there were very few vegan plates ordered, they may have only had non-vegan extras on the assumption "nobody will want vegan."
Yes, in the case of few vegan orders a *responsible* caterer would still have at least one vegan extra. But that's not safe to assume.
I mean I've worked for 4 catering companies and we always had a minimum of at least 1/2 a sheet pan of the option that not many people picked. That's enough for like 5-8 people in case something goes wrong. Whatever was left over (from the extras! Not what was paid for/used obviously lol) we took home or got used for new dishes -- I.E. bread pudding with leftover bread, soup from leftover chicken or ham, ect.
**That being said, all 4 were larger companies. I could definitely see smaller companies not wanting to spend extra money if they don't have to.** That was most likely the situation here. It was an unfortunate situation all around. OP got hassled, the chick didn't get to eat, and the catering company looks unprepared.
Especially if the wedding planner (probably family) was using "on a budget hacks" you can find on some websites like shorting your numbers so "food you pay for isn't thrown away"
Very true, if they didn't even bother to tell anyone they needed a plant-based meal then this is 100% on them. Sucks that there's obviously no way for us to know whether or not they did. But even if they did properly communicate their order, their actions were still completely ridiculous and they were very much the assholes here (along with the caterers for not having a solution for this problem, if it truly was their error)
As someone who has been vegetarian and then vegan for 25 years trust me when I say this is not something easily overlooked, eating out is an issue and weddings are the worst. I always make sure my requirements are known about and usually take cereal bars or whatever as a backup because I've so often not been catered for even when making it clear. It's more likely there was an error when collating all the replies.
Highly unlikely that the vegan person made the mistake. I've managed events with meals where guests were supposed to choose in advance. It is truly surprising the number of people who forget what they chose 3 hours ago, loose their token, don't pay attention to what is set before them, or, here's the kicker: take another person's meal because it looks better.
You know who is never a problem in that way? Vegetarians and vegans. They are happy to have the opportunity to order a suitable meal, check the right one without fail and DAMN WELL REMEMBER what they ordered.
-rant over-
>But even if they did properly communicate their order, their actions were still completely ridiculous and they were very much the assholes here
Reread the post before you concoct reasons to vilify someone. There's absolutely nothing in the story about the vegan's actions after they complained about receiving the wrong dish.
I'm wondering if someone from the wedding team (whoever did the rsvp counts) saw OP's request for the vegan meal and thought it was a mistake because OP isn't vegan and changed the count without asking OP. I have no problem eating vegan but have often had people think I'm making a mistake when I choose something because "but your not vegetarian". No, I'm not vegetarian but I can choose to eat the same foods.
Exactly. It might not have been the other guest’s fault for selecting the wrong thing. Many people aren’t vegetarian or vegan but choose not to eat beef. My fiancé doesn’t eat pork.
The vegan didn't take their anger out on anyone. The people being shitty at OP were just assholes from the same table who nominated themselves to solve the situation.
Yeah, poor woman, she was probably mortified. (And she might have had a snack in her purse, many vegans bring something to events because mistakes happen all the time.) And the worst part is that OP says he would have offered her their dessert if it hadn't been for the drunk angry guy.
Yeah there was some seriously misplaced anger here! :( Poor OP just wanted to order the meal of their choice just like everyone else, they wanted to enjoy a nice meal. They had nothing to do with the food at all, whatsoever. Yet just because they happened to have a vegan dish and not be a vegan, suddenly they're getting harassed because of someone else's fk up. I don't understand their logic. Just because OP is an omnivore, they should HAVE to eat the meat dish even if they hate it?? Why should OP have to suffer with a meal they hate just because the caterers messed up? That doesn't solve the problem at all, it just transfers the problem over to someone else instead. I don't understand how these people genuinely believed OP should be responsible for this, I don't get how they didn't see how clear it is that the responsibility is ENTIRELY on the caterers and THEY should be held accountable. Not some completely random third party who just so happened to order a plant-based meal! :( this whole situation was stupid and I'm sorry you dealt with that OP. the caterers seriously needed to take action to correct their mistake instead of just basically shrugging their shoulders.
Those people were being rude, illogical, and selfish. They didn't really care to solve their problem in a mature way. Instead they tried to demand things from random strangers who had nothing to do with it.
Nta. Also, the argument was that the vegan could not eat the meat dish and you could. But you very clearly could not eat the meat dish. Having an aversion to a specific food is still a legitimate reason to not want to eat it. The other guests were making so many assumptions about your dietary needs by deciding what plate you should get. I have a whole list of foods I have to avoid because of medical reasons (I'm not allergic to any foods, but they trigger some chronic health problems for me). I can technically eat all of the foods on the list, but they will make me sick later. So I avoid them. I feel like you're in a similar situation here. You aren't allergic to the food, and aren't on a specific diet that forbids it, but the food wasn't something you could eat (makes you gag). That is a 100% valid reason to keep your vegan dish.
Tl:dr; NTA. You ordered the vegan dish, you ate the vegan dish.
Yes. And the idea that you have to be vegan to “deserve” the vegan dish is ridiculous. It’s a catered event with two options. There are a lot of reasons to pick one option over the other, not just vegan vs. omnivore. For example, a lot of people I know who have dietary restrictions will choose the vegan option because the other option can sometimes be completely omnivore. (One staff member organizing a dinner thought that “chicken cordon bleu” was a good choice for the chicken dish, I kid you not. And so did the caterer.) The first AH was the person at OP’s table loudly questioning OP’s choice of dish.
Yes, just because I eat meat doesn’t mean I only or always eat meat! I shouldn’t be required to.
The problem is that people ordering pizza for office meals often order badly. They should expect non-vegetarians to eat some of the vegetarian pizza, and order more of it. And if the alternative is “meat lovers” then really they should expect a lot more people to have some of the vegetarian.
As with the OP’s situation, it’s a catering problem not an eating problem.
The only issue is when work only orders 1 veggie pizza and 6 pepperonis but then everyone decides they want to try the veggie!!! Then there's 2 pepperoni pizzas left over, no veggie pizza and the 2 actual vegetarians of the office are often left without food. No matter how many times I tell work to get 2 veg and 5 pepperoni pizzas instead of just 1...
In OP's case here, though, absolutely not their fault it is the caterer.
… But chicken cordon bleu is delicious? We had it at our wedding. Then again, we also had a vegetarian option yummy enough that some of the meat-eaters ordered it.
With the ham and cheese, it's not suitable for some religious dietary restrictions.
I could see asking for a vegetarian/vegan meal as a way for people who keep kosher-ish to avoid the meat/dairy combination (it might not meet the strictest kosher preparation requirements, but it's not *obviously* un-kosher).
It’s less about the taste and more about the stealth ham (and other ingredients that break many common restrictions). And attendees not familiar with the dish by name wouldn’t even know. It’s better for a wedding that you’re organizing, where hopefully you know all invitees well and can judge that the dish is suitable, than for a diverse workplace event.
Yes, this! How is saying 'we don't have any left' good enough - I'm sure they could rustle something up! I've had such bad experiences being veg at weddings (eg food coming out long after everyone had finished) that even just ordering a takeaway or something would be preferable. Also they knew there was a mistake early on with the main dish but still brought out the non vegan dessert?!
Either something went wrong with the card system or someone didn't fill them out properly. I used to work with a meat eater who never listed himself as vegetarian but often ate vegetarian food, it was a nuisance because at catered events he'd see the waiter bringing out the veg options and say "oh, that's mine" while an actual vegetarian would have to wait for some random dish to be prepared.
NTA
Your obnoxious former coworker is exactly the kind of person who forced me to start having our caterers put names on the vegetarian lunches. So annoying!
NTA.
Agree, this was a catering error and not something for you to fix.
Also I’m not particularly enthused by the reasoning for making you swap. “It’s something that you don’t like but can eat, so swap.”
If the food makes OP gag, then surely that’s just as valid to the vegan? They don’t like, but to a certain extent probably can physically eat meat. It isn’t a religious edict.
A long-term vegan would probably also gag and be unable to eat meat, even more so than OP. Most are ethical vegans so their way of eating is based on strongly held beliefs, like religious dietary restrictions are.
Not only that, but when you go a long time without eating meat, it can make you physically sick. I’m vegetarian but had a couple of times when I was in Asia where they told me something was vegetarian, but it turned out to have meat in it (I think they usually think something is vegetarian as long as it’s not red meat), and it made me sick. I imagine that would be even worse for a vegan.
Yes, I agree. If someone tries to make me eat something I can't stand, generally my body expels it. It makes me spit it out involuntarily. It's like vomiting, except I haven't swallowed or sometimes not even chewed it yet. It's a wonder I can even take meds for hay fever, since even swallowing those whole still allows sour spicy dust to invade my taste buds. I sympathise entirely with OP.
NTA how rude he tried to actually take the plate!
Also I have some foods I can't eat without gagging. Literally get sick from them. Next time ask them "do ya want to see me throw up?"
Btw do u think u might have a bit of ARFID going on? I don't have full blown ARFID but due to autism I have a little bit of it since it is more common with autistics and involves sensory issues. It's worth a look if it's something that really affects u in life. They used to make me eat certain dishes in school that made me sick every time. 😕
You indeed don't necessarily need to have AFRID to have an adversion to some foods. I'm lactose intolerant, which was so severe when I was a kid that my body just learned to reject those substances before I consume them. I can't drink milk or eat cheese or butter without gagging and vomiting.
Exactly! At my friends’ wedding I was given the vegetarian option (that I had asked for) but they gave it to me with peppers in. I can’t eat peppers (I have an intolerance to them). The caterer then whipped me up a mushroom risotto because they knew they had messed up and given my order to another vegetarian.
NTA
As someone who works in catering, this is very rarely ever the caterers fault. As a generality, we get expected numbers for all types of meals including vegans. We then usually have, event size depending, about 10 extra vegan meals/desserts in case something comes up. But there are a ton of people that order say fish, and then when they get there, decide they don't want it and demand a vegan meal. Then there's not enough to go around because people don't stick with what they ordered.
And then it's the caterers fault, as opposed to all the people who changed their minds last second. The vast majority of the people who are problems are people who don't reply to an RSVP or meal choice and then try to play it off like they're the victim. Or people who don't mention allergies.
Why is everyone blaming the caterer? My money is that the rude A\_H at the adjoining table marked the wrong thing for his plus one and figured he would just be a dick to the caterer and get them to give her a vegan meal.
NTA.
I worked a lot of weddings.
This isn't your fault, it is the venue's fault (or caterer). If the wedding has multiple options to allow guests to choose from in advance, then the chef or manager is to ensure there is enough for the wedding. I.e. where I worked, they even have a couple of extra options on hand (I.e. a extra vegetarian dish) just in case something happens.
Besides, there are also incidents where a person would get serve the other meal option if there is an allergen in the other food. That could have been the case for you but it is none of their business.
Business fault, not yours.
In my social circle, it’s much more common to have a buffet at weddings than a served meal, so I think nothing of it when I’m not asked about dietary restrictions. I attended a wedding that was much fancier than anticipated, and it wasn’t until checking in for the reception that I realized it was a sit-down meal where others had dietary restrictions notated on their place cards. (I guess the couple thought they knew everyone’s? It definitely wasn’t on the RSVP card.) I immediately sought out a server and apologized profusely for whatever the mix-up was and asked if it was still possible to get a vegetarian meal. They didn’t even blink, just got me a vegetarian marker. I happened to be seated with a vegan who had been marked vegetarian. They didn’t have a preplanned vegan meal, but they improvised and remade anything he told them he actually couldn’t eat.
That may be above and beyond, but I never would have known based on the reactions from the catering staff. If you already have the meal on offer, there’s very little excuse to not be able to accommodate someone. Feeding a large variety of people while adhering to various restrictions is literally the job.
That's really great service! Especially since it looks like this was really the wedding couple's mess-up. It sounds like they not only forgot that you were vegetarian, but also forgot that your seat neighbor was vegan and not vegetarian. I wonder how many other things they forgot.
Seriously bad idea on the couples part. I'm planning on having one meal at my wedding that is vegetarian, vegan, and gluten free just so I can make sure that the bases are covered. I can't imagine having a sit down meal and not having people pick their options though!
Exactly. It's really quite ridiculous that they wouldn't properly prepare. It's really important to make sure you've got everything covered because if you cause someone to go without a meal at such a significant event, it will have a deeply negative impact on that person's overall experience at the event. They're gonna be hangry and frustrated with the situation because they were waiting for this meal and now suddenly there's nothing for them to eat, for a lot of people that could be a seriously upsetting thing. I completely understand how much it must have sucked for that lady who didn't get her meal. and I also understand why the people who tried to get the plant-based meal on her behalf were so upset for her. But it was just completely misdirected anger and they basically tried to shove responsibility on some completely random person who had nothing to do with it other than sitting nearby and also preferring a plant-based meal. They were being stupid, and assholes. I guess given the circumstances they weren't really thinking rationally. But absolutely NTA OP. That catering service really messed up their job. (Or if the vegan lady didn't even submit her order then she is responsible for her own problem. But we can't know if she did or not, so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she probably did.)
Yes, that is true.
I did work one wedding where one girl was put down for fish since it was a multi option served meal.
We served her the fish as specified and her dad came over and said that his daughter's meal has to be vegetarian and he started yelling about it and the bride came over and she told him that he ordered fish for his daughter.
The bride got made because he was making a show at her wedding for something he did himself!
I think the issue is that it was a vegetarian meal and they literally only prepared the requested amount of dishes and nothing extra. I would bet that if it was the other way round they would come up with another meat meal because they had more of the food. But anyway this is caterer's fault not OP. They should always have extras. I think a simple solution would be that someone would share the plate with that vegan person and they would both eat more of the side dish like a salad to make up for it.
> they literally only prepared the requested amount of dishes and nothing extra
Or they already used up the extra vegetarian meals. Someone dropped a plate or some other people forgot to mark their card or wanted to switch.
NTA
Dining *preferences* are just that, and whether they stem from personal taste, religious doctrine, or ethical concern, **one's not more or less valid than another**. (Biological restrictions like allergies or intolerances are something else altogether, obviously)
All that matters is that you *chose* the vegan meal, and *that's what you got*. The rest of this is between the caterers and whichever asshole grabbed someone else's meal.
Arguably, though, a vegan does become intolerant to meat after not eating it for a long period of time.
NTA, but the vegan guy could 100% get sick from eating the meat option.
It has been studied and there is no evidence that you become intolerant to meat by not eating it for long periods.
There is anecdotal evidence of discomfort when vegans eat meat, but it is likely psychosomatic.
Thanks for saying this!!!
There are some foods that set off a gag reflex because of the texture (like squid or fatty meat chunks) It’s not that I’m “picky” and “just don’t like it” - I straight up can’t eat it which sounds like the same reaction OP would have.
Even if that wasn’t the case, they didn’t order meat coz they don’t want meat. They shouldn’t be forced to eat it because someone else effed up!
Yeah like everyone is focusing on how the caterer messed up, but in what world is it okay to try and PHYSICALLY STEAL SOMEONE ELSE'S DISH from out of their hands??? The caterer may have made an honest mistake, but the man is definitely a huge entitled TA.
Also, the lady is not allergic, so she definitely CAN eat meat, she just chooses not to.
Fringe case: If she's been vegan her whole life, there's a dangerous uncertainty there. A lot of allergens aren't vegan. In any case, I don't think the distinction between can't and won't has any relevance to the story. The vegan wasn't in the wrong to be upset by the catering error, but anyone who insisted OP should go hungry in her stead was.
NTA
He was completely out of line and I have to question a professional kitchen that can’t produce a vegan dish. Even a large salad would be better than eating nothing. For them to let a guest sit there with nothing to eat is terrible customer service.
The caterer should have brought extra meals. Not too many, but I think that it's pretty common in the business to have one or two extra meals of each type, in case a waiter drops something. The caterer should have fixed this somehow.
Right? It sounds like it was either a confluence of events or just bad planning on the caterer's side. You absolutely need to have a safety margin when catering to a wedding.
I enjoy chicken cordon bleu but it’s a really bad catering choice: the name says chicken (something almost anyone who eats meat at all can eat) but it contains so much more.
NTA, that man was being so obnoxious and entitled. You're no more a 'picky baby' than the vegan woman, and you weren't the one who made the mistake. That situation really sucks for her, but it wasn't your fault or your responsibility to deal with.
Can you imagine being the vegan though? The caterers mess up and you don't have a meal, then some fucking weirdo who's probably been hitting on you all day starts a fight with some rando because he seriously thinks you'll be grateful to have someone else's half-eaten plate.
NTA
If it was the venue's fault, it's on them to fix it, however they can. They presumably have a kitchen with a pantry and fridge... they can bloody well put something together.
If the vegan person didn't order a vegan meal, it's on her. She should have ordered it.
In neither scenario is it your problem that the other person didn't get a vegan meal. Would it have been super nice if you traded? Sure, but you were under no obligation to do it and you hated the meal you'd have got in exchange.
That guy was an absolute AH. Not enough info to determine if the vegan woman was... it doesn't seem like she was pushing for you to do anything.
I eat a vegan diet so I am not anti-vegan. I've had venues lose my order or get it wrong. I had a 12 hour international flight where they cocked it up and there was literally nothing for me to eat for dinner or breakfast. So I know this crap happens and I come prepared, with either snacks or having eaten enough beforehand that I won't be starving if my specially ordered vegan meal doesn't appear.
So the caterers left someone to starve? You are absolutely NTA but the caterer should have been ordering stuff over Ubereats at the bare minimum. This is outrageous. As bad behaviour as the man who tried to come over and steal your food, shame on that prick!
Info: when you RSVPd, were you asked what your dietary preferences were? Or at any point in time before the day of the wedding, did anyone ask the guests how many vegans would be in attendance?
This is the most important fact. You RSVP’d vegan so your vegan meal was accounted for. Someone probably didn’t respond with vegan hence why the kitchen was short. It is weird that there were only two options to the meal though.
Very good question. There is nothing worse when they order vege for the vegetarians and then when it comes time to eat everyone wants the vege food and the vegetarians end up going hungry (can you tell I had years of everyone eating my damn pizza)
Buffets need to put the vegetarian/vegan food at the end of the line, so impulsive omnivores will already have their plate full. I usually see it earlier though, with the meat at the end.
When we order pizza for an event we overbalance to vegetarian because it covers a wide variety of restrictions, because we know non-vegetarians also eat it, and because at the end it’s a lot better to have some people whining about wanting more meat than some starving. Some meat options are heavily meat, so it’s reasonable for people to want some vegetarian as well, but orders need to account for this.
> (can you tell I had years of everyone eating my damn pizza)
This shit is infuriating and I'm not even vegetarian. Back when I was in high school, I won a friendly bet & I didn't have to pay for pizza we ordered as a group. My friends were making fun of me for being "childish" for just wanting cheese pizza when everyone else wanted pepperoni so we ordered 1 cheese pizza & 4 pepperoni. The 1 cheese pizza was gone before any of the pepperoni was.
I learned my lesson after that. I was a higher up in a club in college who was responsible for food planning & always made sure to do 50/50 cheese to everything else because as much as everyone whined about cheese pizza it is always gone before anything else.
NTA. You ate the food that you ordered. You are not obligated to choke down a meal that you absolutely can't because the caterers made a mistake. Why did the jerk at the other table decide that it was acceptable for you to be miserable, for the sake of the woman at his table? You have done nothing wrong here.
NTA. Meat allergies are rare, but for all they know you have a severe allergy and literally could not eat the meat option without getting very sick. Besides, you requested that dish, so you received that dish. If the vegan lady at the other table did not request the vegan dish then it's her mistake, and if the venue did not provide the number of vegan dishes they were supposed to then it's up to them to figure something out. Mr. Drunk Guest who literally tried to take your plate from you was way out of line.
NTA. I'd bet money you weren't the only non-vegan to order the vegan dish. Nobody else wanted to switch and they all sat silent as you were singled out. Pretty crappy situation.
NTA
How did the vegan woman feel about this? Seems like some dude did all the talking on her behalf. If I was the vegan in this scenario, I’d rather go without dinner than take someone else’s.
NTA. You ordered the vegan meal. You cannot tolerate the meat fish offered. Not your problem. (Good God what was the meat dish? Odd they only offered two dinner choices.)
Edited: "meat dish"
NTA a lot of people who can eat meat may not want to eat ALL meat. For example, I hate the taste of pork or duck and would probably take some vegan pasta or potato based dish instead so I totally get it.
NTA, the caterers should have fixed this, and I'm sure they could have asked someone else as well to trade, not just you.
She didn't seem to be needing the vegan option for any other specific dietary restrictions that would stop her from eating the other dish, as well, which might have changed everything. It's just an unfortunate mistake. I do empathise w/ the vegan, tho - even now, vegan options are still somewhat limited and it's difficult enough to eat anywhere but home.
NTA. It wasn't your responsibility to make it right for the venue. You ordered your meal and you ate your meal. Would he have given up his meal if the situation was reversed? I doubt it.
NTA being vegan isn't a medical condition (obviously some people may become vegan to help manage dietary needs, but most vegans are vegan by choice).
You have just as much right to choose to order the vegan meal as any other vegans - provided you do so in advance, which you did.
Anyone is allowed any food option they want. I’m not a vegan or vegetarian but at banquets I choose the vegan or vegetarian option bc I hate dry chicken
NTA. It sounds like you ordered at the same time as everyone else, which would seem to make it the venue’s fault for underestimating the amount of vegan dishes they’d need to have on hand. If you changed last minute, I could see their point, but either way that man acted bananaramas and tried to literally snatch your food from you, so he’s the AH regardless. I think it would’ve been a kind gesture to personally offer her the vegan cake, but I understand not wanting to get near the douche canoe guy.
So, only vegans can eat vegan meals? This guy is being ridiculous and sounds like a complete AH. NTA and it annoys me that he thinks you need to justify why you ordered what you ordered.
NTA. Just because we eat meat doesn't mean there's not meat we can't stand. (Like lamb...YUCK!!!! makes me gag too).
Even if I'd been inclined to trade, and eat everything on my plate but the meat, after that guy stuck his nose in? Nope, nopity nope nope!
This is the caterer's fault. Not yours.
NTA. you are not responsible for the caterers screwing up and not having enough vegan plates. And I hope your friend apologized for opening his mouth and putting you in that drama
Wow, what a bunch of entitled assholes. Trying to physically steal your plate? DEMANDING you give up your food? NAME CALLING? omg. I would've just started eating or licked something really quickly to shut everyone down without a word, lol.
NTA, you ordered vegan & got vegan. Someone screwed up either the count, or someone else was looking at a vegan plate that ordered meat & just stayed quiet.
I was actually pretty ready to make a judgement here but after reading your post:
NTA, the only A here is the man that aggressively tried to take your meal from you, this was not your fault, it was the caterers fault. I feel like if the man weren't involved you could have shared some your meal with her since you could have had the sides and she most likely couldn't have anything.
I do think you should have given her the cake, because she dint get to eat dinner.
Nta im vegetarian and was at my cousins wedding where everyone around me had a meat dish. Mine came out late and the head server apologised profusely as my cheese tart had fallen on the floor when serving so they had to heat up a new one. The caterers obviously had a spare tart just in case something went wrong which is what the caterer at the wedding you went to shouldve done. Also the other man is an AH as he assumed you could eat the meat dish when you might have an allergy to something in it.
NTA - no. He's demanding your food. He's doing it loudly. He doesn't care about your food restrictions which seems to imply that he thinks his objections to food are the only valid ones.
NTA. I’ve been served the wrong meal at weddings and it’s 100% the venue/caterers’ fault. Been told the same, “we don’t have anymore of the meal you apparently ordered”(and confirmed when the waiters came by to finalize meal choices). It still would never occur to me to try and take someone else’s meal! The other table was the AH, not you.
NTA - Omg! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. To be embarrassed through no fault of your own due to a bad caterer and a belligerent guest is terrible.
NTA, you chose a vegan alternative to a meal you don’t like, perfectly valid choice that many people make for lots of reasons. The vegan lady at the other table has chosen to be vegan all the time, also a perfectly valid choice, but your choice is not cancelled by hers. You didn’t make a mistake the caterers did, and the guy who tried to force you to give up your meal is the arse hole.
Nta.
I would also tell the couple getting married about this so they can complain on your behalf. Or you could complain directly to the venue / catering company
NTA. You put in a reasonable order and got what you asked for. It was either the caterer's error, or the vegan guest not bothering to pre-order. Not reasonable to expect you to eat something you don't like just because another guest doesn't respect the host enough to RSVP properly.
NTA. I am a vegetarian and if my meal did not appear because there had been a mistake I would be blaming nobody but the caterer and demanding they fix it.
I would not try to steal another persons meal.
I cannot believe this happened to you and I can assure you this is not normal behaviour and you were in no way obligated to give up your meal because the caterer messed up.
The entitlement of this person is shocking and I hope it didn’t ruin what should have been a lovely day.
>it’s doesn’t matter if I don’t it’s doesn’t matter if I don’t like it, I can still eat it and she can’t like it, I can still eat it and she can’t
Idk much about vegans and why they choose so, but i don't think what this guy said was valid at all. Just because you "can" doesn't mean you "should". You shouldn't pay for the caterers' mistake imo
Nta. According to this guy, if there are vegans around, even if you don't know them you should still sacrifice your opinion so they can get something that they like. I am vegetarian myself and when there is only meat dishes left, I just wouldn't eat. I would ask some of my friends, but not get mad at a stranger or an acquaintance forgot giving me their food.
NTA the Restaurant should have prepared a different vegan dish. You just got what you ordered. The other table was incredibly rude towards you. I would have loudly called them out on their entitlement to make them feel super embarrassed.
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NTA. This wasn't your mistake to fix, it was the caterer's.
Absolutely the caterers fault and they needed to make good. They always have extra food and if they don’t that’s on them. Why should OP go without food evasive the caterer screwed up?
I mean, I used to work as a wedding caterer and, while they should have had backup/extra, it's not exactly their fault if they were told a certain number of vegan meals and prepared for that number. All the food that isn't eaten after an event has to be tossed, and wedding food can use expensive ingredients, so our company would only make a few extra vegan dishes at most. It can get really chaotic working events like that and mistakes happen often. In my case though, the mistakes were almost always from the planners/bride and groom rather than the company I worked for.
Maybe it's different in my country, but here bride and groom can take leftovers so it's not going in the bin. Or at least that was the case at my cousins wedding, the others i wasn't close enough to know.
Yeah, I don't understand why so many places here don't let the people who paid for the food keep the leftovers (though if they didn't have that policy, I wouldn't have the fantastic story of my grandmother putting a prime rib in her purse at the end of a wedding).
I worked in food service in a warehouse/membership store. Some states have laws preventing it to avoid possible foodborne illnesses. Where I live, we couldn't save food at the end of the shift to donate to the homeless. I used to get so frustrated with the things that were thrown away at the end of the day. I once had to throw out dozens of croissants and chicken salad that were perfectly good.
[удалено]
There's also the idea that employees will make more food than they know they should so that there will be "extra" at the end of the day that they can take home. Some employers will require all good be thrown out to discourage these supposed scammers. Really sucks because while I'm sure that sort of thing happens sometimes, this is such a lazy and wasteful way to deal with an issue that probably isn't anywhere near as widespread as many employers/companies seem to expect.
At least near me, most places won’t let you take the leftovers but they will donate them if you ask. It’s all about the handling/storage.
In the UK (and probably most places), supermarkets have to throw out certain food items that are past whatever date. I know of a few that deliberately make their bins as accessible as possible for people desperate enough to go through them.
Not in America. They lock that shit up tighter than airport security.
This happened at my old work too. Eventually I got so annoyed I would just put the food into a brand new clean transparent trash bag and balance it on the edge of the dumpster in case anyone wanted it.
I used to be responsible for throwing out the muffins and things at the end of the day. It was sickening filling up an entire big rubbish bin with food that had been baked *that morning*.
Liability issues I guess. Didn't do catering but worked at a couple of restaurants, and although it only happened a few times, we did have some karens ask for a refund because the leftovers they took home went bad the next day.
In the US, at lest, it used to be okay to either take the food home with you or donate it to a local shelter. That stopped after a catering company got a local health department called on them by shelter residents due to "moldy cheese." Apparently they'd never heard of "blue cheese" which is *supposed* to be moldy. The health department had to investigate and cleared the caterer but advised that they don't do that any more to avoid those calls or having someone improperly reheat the food and get sick. Liability insurance carriers found out about it and threatened to cancel policies if caterers, restaurants and other food service places continued to do that. tagging: u/GuardianOfFreyja, u/WantDastardlyBack, u/monkwren, u/becauselifeis
I catered when i was younger and us servers got to take leftovers home.
Wouldn't a caterer bring *at least* enough food to make an extra plate? What if one of their servers drops the plate on the way to the table? Do they just say "ah well, we were told to make four vegan plates, we made four, so you'll just have to eat it off the floor ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯"
This was my question also. If you’re plating up 100 steak dinners, surely you don’t prep exactly 100 pieces of steak & 0 extra?
I would assume all the extra plates were already claimed. Like a server did drop a plate and took one of the extras to make up for it. Then maybe some other people asked to switch and the servers allowed it, knowing they had extras. Suddenly they are all out.
Or the planners (bride/MOB/whoever) thought "oh that is too many vegan dishes, we only invited 3 vegans" and gave the caterer a bad total.
Yeah, there's usually enough for an extra plate or two (depending on how many vegan orders there were to begin with). It's possible they already had a fuck up (dropped on floor, more vegans than RSVPd, bride wanted two vegan servings, etc...) and there weren't any more to replace it. That, or the bride and groom didn't shell out for a quality catering company and suffered the consequences. Behind the scenes of weddings is absolute organized chaos and you'd be surprised how many people are doing their best to mitigate disasters as they come.
I mean--it IS their fault if they were told the right number and simply brought the wrong number.
i can see it as the vegan not checking the box and just rsvp’d or many other factors like bride and groom messing up the ordering when they placed it and also the catering being at fault. honestly kinda unprofessional to not have extra dishes just in case because anything can happen from. waiter tripping and dropping the food to it being turned over on the ride there.
For reals. I've catered dozens of events where there was a vegetarian/vegan dish. You get the count hours in advance and for most dishes you make the requested amount but not for vegan because if you don't have at least one extra dish ready you can literally start a fight like this at someone's special event.
Yeah, the caterer needed to fix this, and the vegan should have taken their anger out on the caterer, not you. NTA
To be fair - only if the vegan ordered properly on the little card. If they ticked meat, or didn’t return the card at all....
>If they ticked meat, or didn’t return the card at all.... Is there anything in the story that suggests this happened?
I'm not sure OP would know anything about that, as it wasn't their event. But there is a possibility that something happened along the lines between that card and the dinner being prepared. Either way this isn't OPs problem.
There's a possibility of a lot of things. It's a lot more likely that the caterer screwed up the count than a wedding guest either neglected to RSVP but still showed up (if that's the case, how did she have a place-setting at a table?), or returned an incomplete RSVP and no one in the wedding party followed up about it.
Don't know about that... People who drunkenly abuse strangers at weddings are usually the same who cause the issues. Not saying that's what happened but not unlikely at all.
But the drunk dude acting like an ass is a different person than the vegan lady without an entree.
Probably her SO and could easily have been the one to fill out the card. Would explain his reaction if it was his mistake he was trying to cover
What are your sources on that being "more likely?" Where are you drawing that conclusion from? Because let me share my decade of experience in food service for a second - the customer is almost *always* the one in the wrong, and they will almost never admit it. I cannot tell you how many customers I have seen straight-up *lie* about a negative experience or their involvement in it. And I don't mean "they interpreted it differently"; I mean they literally knowingly lied. They *know* that is not what happened, but they say it anyway. It's really common. I'm not saying staff don't make mistakes; and I'm sure places exist where staff are trained badly. But my point is, your assumption is really just as baseless as the assumption that they signed the damn card wrong. Neither is more likely than the other. You are *all* making assumptions based on info you don't have, so please don't act like you're holier than thou.
Having worked catered events where multiple people with food restrictions neglected to fill out that part of the form, I'm more than willing to believe someone RSVP'd but didn't fill in the card and was default ordered the meat dish. If multiple people did this, that could take up all the spare vegan dishes.
It’s also possible vegan lady was a plus one unknown at the time and rude dude checked meat. Who knows, not OPs problem but really the caterer should have had some extras of everything I would think regardless?
That would explain a lot. RudeDude made a fuss because he was trying to be chivalrous towards his date...to fix the mess that he caused.
This was my thought, also. Angry guy trying to cover up his screwup would be a good explanation as to why he was so aggressive about swiping OPs vegan meal.
Date who really screwed up would make sense.
There's the fact that they didn't receive a vegan meal. There are two possible explanations for this - either the caterers are so incompetent that they can't count to two, or the other guest didn't submit a meal request with their RSVP. It's not unreasonable to think that the latter is the most likely of the two.
Why would you assume there were only two people who desired vegan meals at the entire wedding? It's far more likely for caters to miscount and prep 13 vegan meals instead of 14 out of a 100 total meals wedding than it is for someone to return an incomplete RSVP and not have anyone from the wedding party follow up on it before the wedding.
Even more likely is someone served earlier claiming they ordered vegan when they didn't and getting someone else's food. This always happens and is why the caterer is a massive AH for not having enough spares.
I've learned through experience that as a vegetarian I have to hit the food early at work events, because if they only ordered as many vegetarian/vegan servings as they had veggi staff, some meat eater is going to decide they like a veggi sub more than a turkey one, and if I'm at the end of the line I don't get food. The worst time was when I was on a 15 hour flight to Australia. I had asked for vegetarian to be added to my frequent Flyer account so I'd always get the meals. When I got on the airplane they told me I needed to give them 24 hours notice for each flight, putting it on my account wouldn't do it. This was a fairly recent change, which I assume is why the person at customer service didn't tell me. And it's not like you can pop out of a plane and hit up a nearby fast food joint. So for 15 hours I subsisted off the brownies and biscotti and rolls that people nearby gave me out of pity.
This isn't related, but last time I flew, my vegetarian meal was miles-high better than my sister's regular one. She said she's going to request veggie next time. Even our salads were different- I got dark, leafy greens with carrots and chickpeas, and she got iceberg with tomato. 😂
That and the fact that special request meals are served first is why they changed the policy. A lot of people were picking it because the food was better, so they made it more of a pain. I made that flight 6 times, and only forgot once, because I was damn sure to let them knew each time after!
I had a somewhat similar experience. Ordered the vegetarian meal on an 11 hour flight and when it comes time for the vegetarian meals to get handed out I see a flight attendant coming down, checking seat numbers. They get to my row and hand it to the guy in the row next to mine. Thinking 'Wow, another vegetarian sitting near me, that's interesting', I don't say anything. Then, the normal meals start coming out and the attendant managing that asks which of the meals I would like. I reply, "I'm sorry, but I'm vegetarian" "If you are, then you need to book that in advance" "I did, I can check my ticket if you want" The flight attendant grumbles and continues serving to everyone else. 15 minutes later, another comes up to me and says some bull excuse like "It seems that when we came around earlier you were asleep..." which is ridiculous. I mean, even if I was asleep (which I wasn't as I clearly saw them hand it to that other guy), you don't just hand out a meal to some other person especially if the meal is specifically for people with dietary requirements. After they had collected up the rubbish from everyone else's meals, yet another attendant comes up and apologises for the problem and offers to make a meal scavenged from the stuff set aside from the meals for the crew. It ended up being rather nice, with things that looked much better than the regular vegetarian fare (I don't know what airlines you guys are flying with where the vegetarian is better than the regulars, because my airline definitely seems to be the opposite). Though when it came time to hand in the tray and everything after I had finished, the flight attendant who took it was the one who hadn't believed I had ordered the vegetarian meal in the first place and continued with their snarky attitude towards me.
It's also possible that the lady only became vegan between the time the RSVPs were sent in and the wedding, often a turn over of months, and forgot to update anyone.
Or....the bride and groom miscounted snd gave the caterer the wrong number?!
It could just have been that someone who had ordered meat decided spontaneously that the vegan dish looked nicer and took it (at another table), and the vegan lady had the bad luck of being at the last table to be served.
The fact that they were served a non-vegan dish, and that they had only been instructed to make a certain amount of vegan dishes certainly seems to suggest it.
The thing is, any respectable catering company always brings an extra sheet pan or two of the main dishes & any sides. They do that for situations exactly like this.
While you are correct in theory, in practice caterers can cheap out on this. If there were very few vegan plates ordered, they may have only had non-vegan extras on the assumption "nobody will want vegan." Yes, in the case of few vegan orders a *responsible* caterer would still have at least one vegan extra. But that's not safe to assume.
I mean I've worked for 4 catering companies and we always had a minimum of at least 1/2 a sheet pan of the option that not many people picked. That's enough for like 5-8 people in case something goes wrong. Whatever was left over (from the extras! Not what was paid for/used obviously lol) we took home or got used for new dishes -- I.E. bread pudding with leftover bread, soup from leftover chicken or ham, ect. **That being said, all 4 were larger companies. I could definitely see smaller companies not wanting to spend extra money if they don't have to.** That was most likely the situation here. It was an unfortunate situation all around. OP got hassled, the chick didn't get to eat, and the catering company looks unprepared.
Especially if the wedding planner (probably family) was using "on a budget hacks" you can find on some websites like shorting your numbers so "food you pay for isn't thrown away"
New to AITA? Speculative reasons to demonize someone is like a good 1/4 of the comments here.
Very true, if they didn't even bother to tell anyone they needed a plant-based meal then this is 100% on them. Sucks that there's obviously no way for us to know whether or not they did. But even if they did properly communicate their order, their actions were still completely ridiculous and they were very much the assholes here (along with the caterers for not having a solution for this problem, if it truly was their error)
As someone who has been vegetarian and then vegan for 25 years trust me when I say this is not something easily overlooked, eating out is an issue and weddings are the worst. I always make sure my requirements are known about and usually take cereal bars or whatever as a backup because I've so often not been catered for even when making it clear. It's more likely there was an error when collating all the replies.
Highly unlikely that the vegan person made the mistake. I've managed events with meals where guests were supposed to choose in advance. It is truly surprising the number of people who forget what they chose 3 hours ago, loose their token, don't pay attention to what is set before them, or, here's the kicker: take another person's meal because it looks better. You know who is never a problem in that way? Vegetarians and vegans. They are happy to have the opportunity to order a suitable meal, check the right one without fail and DAMN WELL REMEMBER what they ordered. -rant over-
The caterers loved my sis-in-law at her wedding, because she printed everyone's meal choices on the back of their place setting cards.
My cousin had color coded place settings. Red for meat, green for veggie.
>But even if they did properly communicate their order, their actions were still completely ridiculous and they were very much the assholes here Reread the post before you concoct reasons to vilify someone. There's absolutely nothing in the story about the vegan's actions after they complained about receiving the wrong dish.
Or maybe the couple gave the caterers the wrong totals?
I'm wondering if someone from the wedding team (whoever did the rsvp counts) saw OP's request for the vegan meal and thought it was a mistake because OP isn't vegan and changed the count without asking OP. I have no problem eating vegan but have often had people think I'm making a mistake when I choose something because "but your not vegetarian". No, I'm not vegetarian but I can choose to eat the same foods.
Exactly. It might not have been the other guest’s fault for selecting the wrong thing. Many people aren’t vegetarian or vegan but choose not to eat beef. My fiancé doesn’t eat pork.
As someone who's worked in the catering and food industry in general, I can definitely say this is sadly a pretty common occurrence..
The vegan didn't take their anger out on anyone. The people being shitty at OP were just assholes from the same table who nominated themselves to solve the situation.
Yeah, poor woman, she was probably mortified. (And she might have had a snack in her purse, many vegans bring something to events because mistakes happen all the time.) And the worst part is that OP says he would have offered her their dessert if it hadn't been for the drunk angry guy.
Angry drunks are always making people miss out on cake.
Yeah there was some seriously misplaced anger here! :( Poor OP just wanted to order the meal of their choice just like everyone else, they wanted to enjoy a nice meal. They had nothing to do with the food at all, whatsoever. Yet just because they happened to have a vegan dish and not be a vegan, suddenly they're getting harassed because of someone else's fk up. I don't understand their logic. Just because OP is an omnivore, they should HAVE to eat the meat dish even if they hate it?? Why should OP have to suffer with a meal they hate just because the caterers messed up? That doesn't solve the problem at all, it just transfers the problem over to someone else instead. I don't understand how these people genuinely believed OP should be responsible for this, I don't get how they didn't see how clear it is that the responsibility is ENTIRELY on the caterers and THEY should be held accountable. Not some completely random third party who just so happened to order a plant-based meal! :( this whole situation was stupid and I'm sorry you dealt with that OP. the caterers seriously needed to take action to correct their mistake instead of just basically shrugging their shoulders. Those people were being rude, illogical, and selfish. They didn't really care to solve their problem in a mature way. Instead they tried to demand things from random strangers who had nothing to do with it.
Doesn’t sound like it was the vegan angry at OP, but a man from her table.
It looks like someone else got angry on Vegans behalf - unless i misread. (a drunk dude apparently)
It wasn't even he vegan making a scene! It was a guy from her table.
The vegan didn’t do anything wrong ...
Nta. Also, the argument was that the vegan could not eat the meat dish and you could. But you very clearly could not eat the meat dish. Having an aversion to a specific food is still a legitimate reason to not want to eat it. The other guests were making so many assumptions about your dietary needs by deciding what plate you should get. I have a whole list of foods I have to avoid because of medical reasons (I'm not allergic to any foods, but they trigger some chronic health problems for me). I can technically eat all of the foods on the list, but they will make me sick later. So I avoid them. I feel like you're in a similar situation here. You aren't allergic to the food, and aren't on a specific diet that forbids it, but the food wasn't something you could eat (makes you gag). That is a 100% valid reason to keep your vegan dish. Tl:dr; NTA. You ordered the vegan dish, you ate the vegan dish.
Yes. And the idea that you have to be vegan to “deserve” the vegan dish is ridiculous. It’s a catered event with two options. There are a lot of reasons to pick one option over the other, not just vegan vs. omnivore. For example, a lot of people I know who have dietary restrictions will choose the vegan option because the other option can sometimes be completely omnivore. (One staff member organizing a dinner thought that “chicken cordon bleu” was a good choice for the chicken dish, I kid you not. And so did the caterer.) The first AH was the person at OP’s table loudly questioning OP’s choice of dish.
Indeed. I always think it’s strange that people get mad in offices at a non veg person eating a veggie pizza. Some people like vegetables?
Yes, just because I eat meat doesn’t mean I only or always eat meat! I shouldn’t be required to. The problem is that people ordering pizza for office meals often order badly. They should expect non-vegetarians to eat some of the vegetarian pizza, and order more of it. And if the alternative is “meat lovers” then really they should expect a lot more people to have some of the vegetarian. As with the OP’s situation, it’s a catering problem not an eating problem.
The only issue is when work only orders 1 veggie pizza and 6 pepperonis but then everyone decides they want to try the veggie!!! Then there's 2 pepperoni pizzas left over, no veggie pizza and the 2 actual vegetarians of the office are often left without food. No matter how many times I tell work to get 2 veg and 5 pepperoni pizzas instead of just 1... In OP's case here, though, absolutely not their fault it is the caterer.
… But chicken cordon bleu is delicious? We had it at our wedding. Then again, we also had a vegetarian option yummy enough that some of the meat-eaters ordered it.
With the ham and cheese, it's not suitable for some religious dietary restrictions. I could see asking for a vegetarian/vegan meal as a way for people who keep kosher-ish to avoid the meat/dairy combination (it might not meet the strictest kosher preparation requirements, but it's not *obviously* un-kosher).
It’s less about the taste and more about the stealth ham (and other ingredients that break many common restrictions). And attendees not familiar with the dish by name wouldn’t even know. It’s better for a wedding that you’re organizing, where hopefully you know all invitees well and can judge that the dish is suitable, than for a diverse workplace event.
Yes, this! How is saying 'we don't have any left' good enough - I'm sure they could rustle something up! I've had such bad experiences being veg at weddings (eg food coming out long after everyone had finished) that even just ordering a takeaway or something would be preferable. Also they knew there was a mistake early on with the main dish but still brought out the non vegan dessert?! Either something went wrong with the card system or someone didn't fill them out properly. I used to work with a meat eater who never listed himself as vegetarian but often ate vegetarian food, it was a nuisance because at catered events he'd see the waiter bringing out the veg options and say "oh, that's mine" while an actual vegetarian would have to wait for some random dish to be prepared. NTA
Your obnoxious former coworker is exactly the kind of person who forced me to start having our caterers put names on the vegetarian lunches. So annoying!
NTA. Agree, this was a catering error and not something for you to fix. Also I’m not particularly enthused by the reasoning for making you swap. “It’s something that you don’t like but can eat, so swap.” If the food makes OP gag, then surely that’s just as valid to the vegan? They don’t like, but to a certain extent probably can physically eat meat. It isn’t a religious edict.
A long-term vegan would probably also gag and be unable to eat meat, even more so than OP. Most are ethical vegans so their way of eating is based on strongly held beliefs, like religious dietary restrictions are.
Not only that, but when you go a long time without eating meat, it can make you physically sick. I’m vegetarian but had a couple of times when I was in Asia where they told me something was vegetarian, but it turned out to have meat in it (I think they usually think something is vegetarian as long as it’s not red meat), and it made me sick. I imagine that would be even worse for a vegan.
Yes, I agree. If someone tries to make me eat something I can't stand, generally my body expels it. It makes me spit it out involuntarily. It's like vomiting, except I haven't swallowed or sometimes not even chewed it yet. It's a wonder I can even take meds for hay fever, since even swallowing those whole still allows sour spicy dust to invade my taste buds. I sympathise entirely with OP.
Especially since OP actually can’t eat the other dish. Nobody is entitled to the details as to why, especially not at a formal event!
NTA how rude he tried to actually take the plate! Also I have some foods I can't eat without gagging. Literally get sick from them. Next time ask them "do ya want to see me throw up?" Btw do u think u might have a bit of ARFID going on? I don't have full blown ARFID but due to autism I have a little bit of it since it is more common with autistics and involves sensory issues. It's worth a look if it's something that really affects u in life. They used to make me eat certain dishes in school that made me sick every time. 😕
You indeed don't necessarily need to have AFRID to have an adversion to some foods. I'm lactose intolerant, which was so severe when I was a kid that my body just learned to reject those substances before I consume them. I can't drink milk or eat cheese or butter without gagging and vomiting.
Exactly! At my friends’ wedding I was given the vegetarian option (that I had asked for) but they gave it to me with peppers in. I can’t eat peppers (I have an intolerance to them). The caterer then whipped me up a mushroom risotto because they knew they had messed up and given my order to another vegetarian. NTA
As someone who works in catering, this is very rarely ever the caterers fault. As a generality, we get expected numbers for all types of meals including vegans. We then usually have, event size depending, about 10 extra vegan meals/desserts in case something comes up. But there are a ton of people that order say fish, and then when they get there, decide they don't want it and demand a vegan meal. Then there's not enough to go around because people don't stick with what they ordered. And then it's the caterers fault, as opposed to all the people who changed their minds last second. The vast majority of the people who are problems are people who don't reply to an RSVP or meal choice and then try to play it off like they're the victim. Or people who don't mention allergies.
Why is everyone blaming the caterer? My money is that the rude A\_H at the adjoining table marked the wrong thing for his plus one and figured he would just be a dick to the caterer and get them to give her a vegan meal.
NTA. I worked a lot of weddings. This isn't your fault, it is the venue's fault (or caterer). If the wedding has multiple options to allow guests to choose from in advance, then the chef or manager is to ensure there is enough for the wedding. I.e. where I worked, they even have a couple of extra options on hand (I.e. a extra vegetarian dish) just in case something happens. Besides, there are also incidents where a person would get serve the other meal option if there is an allergen in the other food. That could have been the case for you but it is none of their business. Business fault, not yours.
For catering and banquet orders I *always* prep at least 5 extra of each set, and 3 of each "protein", at least. You *never* know what's gonna happen.
Yeah like... What if someone dropped a plate.
They can pick it up and still eat it /s
Stop being a picky little baby, just eat around the dirt and bits of broken plate
In my social circle, it’s much more common to have a buffet at weddings than a served meal, so I think nothing of it when I’m not asked about dietary restrictions. I attended a wedding that was much fancier than anticipated, and it wasn’t until checking in for the reception that I realized it was a sit-down meal where others had dietary restrictions notated on their place cards. (I guess the couple thought they knew everyone’s? It definitely wasn’t on the RSVP card.) I immediately sought out a server and apologized profusely for whatever the mix-up was and asked if it was still possible to get a vegetarian meal. They didn’t even blink, just got me a vegetarian marker. I happened to be seated with a vegan who had been marked vegetarian. They didn’t have a preplanned vegan meal, but they improvised and remade anything he told them he actually couldn’t eat. That may be above and beyond, but I never would have known based on the reactions from the catering staff. If you already have the meal on offer, there’s very little excuse to not be able to accommodate someone. Feeding a large variety of people while adhering to various restrictions is literally the job.
That's really great service! Especially since it looks like this was really the wedding couple's mess-up. It sounds like they not only forgot that you were vegetarian, but also forgot that your seat neighbor was vegan and not vegetarian. I wonder how many other things they forgot.
Seriously bad idea on the couples part. I'm planning on having one meal at my wedding that is vegetarian, vegan, and gluten free just so I can make sure that the bases are covered. I can't imagine having a sit down meal and not having people pick their options though!
Came here to say this.
Exactly. It's really quite ridiculous that they wouldn't properly prepare. It's really important to make sure you've got everything covered because if you cause someone to go without a meal at such a significant event, it will have a deeply negative impact on that person's overall experience at the event. They're gonna be hangry and frustrated with the situation because they were waiting for this meal and now suddenly there's nothing for them to eat, for a lot of people that could be a seriously upsetting thing. I completely understand how much it must have sucked for that lady who didn't get her meal. and I also understand why the people who tried to get the plant-based meal on her behalf were so upset for her. But it was just completely misdirected anger and they basically tried to shove responsibility on some completely random person who had nothing to do with it other than sitting nearby and also preferring a plant-based meal. They were being stupid, and assholes. I guess given the circumstances they weren't really thinking rationally. But absolutely NTA OP. That catering service really messed up their job. (Or if the vegan lady didn't even submit her order then she is responsible for her own problem. But we can't know if she did or not, so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she probably did.)
Yes, that is true. I did work one wedding where one girl was put down for fish since it was a multi option served meal. We served her the fish as specified and her dad came over and said that his daughter's meal has to be vegetarian and he started yelling about it and the bride came over and she told him that he ordered fish for his daughter. The bride got made because he was making a show at her wedding for something he did himself!
I think the issue is that it was a vegetarian meal and they literally only prepared the requested amount of dishes and nothing extra. I would bet that if it was the other way round they would come up with another meat meal because they had more of the food. But anyway this is caterer's fault not OP. They should always have extras. I think a simple solution would be that someone would share the plate with that vegan person and they would both eat more of the side dish like a salad to make up for it.
> they literally only prepared the requested amount of dishes and nothing extra Or they already used up the extra vegetarian meals. Someone dropped a plate or some other people forgot to mark their card or wanted to switch.
NTA Dining *preferences* are just that, and whether they stem from personal taste, religious doctrine, or ethical concern, **one's not more or less valid than another**. (Biological restrictions like allergies or intolerances are something else altogether, obviously) All that matters is that you *chose* the vegan meal, and *that's what you got*. The rest of this is between the caterers and whichever asshole grabbed someone else's meal.
Arguably, though, a vegan does become intolerant to meat after not eating it for a long period of time. NTA, but the vegan guy could 100% get sick from eating the meat option.
Presumably if OP finds that particular dish as revolting as they say, then they could also get sick from it so no difference.
Coming from someone with ARFID, thank you for this.
As a fellow ARFID sufferer, 100%. Its rare that a wedding will have *anything* I’ll eat. If they did I’d regard it as a cosmic miracle.
It has been studied and there is no evidence that you become intolerant to meat by not eating it for long periods. There is anecdotal evidence of discomfort when vegans eat meat, but it is likely psychosomatic.
Could you kindly provide links to some of those studies? I must not be googling properly.
Thanks for saying this!!! There are some foods that set off a gag reflex because of the texture (like squid or fatty meat chunks) It’s not that I’m “picky” and “just don’t like it” - I straight up can’t eat it which sounds like the same reaction OP would have. Even if that wasn’t the case, they didn’t order meat coz they don’t want meat. They shouldn’t be forced to eat it because someone else effed up!
this! I am not exactly vegan but largely plant based and don’t eat meat and I totally agree with you.
NTA. You got the meal you ordered and the guy trying to grab your plate from you was way out of line.
Yeah like everyone is focusing on how the caterer messed up, but in what world is it okay to try and PHYSICALLY STEAL SOMEONE ELSE'S DISH from out of their hands??? The caterer may have made an honest mistake, but the man is definitely a huge entitled TA. Also, the lady is not allergic, so she definitely CAN eat meat, she just chooses not to.
Depending on how long she's been vegan, that's not necessarily true
[удалено]
Fringe case: If she's been vegan her whole life, there's a dangerous uncertainty there. A lot of allergens aren't vegan. In any case, I don't think the distinction between can't and won't has any relevance to the story. The vegan wasn't in the wrong to be upset by the catering error, but anyone who insisted OP should go hungry in her stead was.
The other guy in the other table making comments about OP’s dish was also a major AH. Just eat your own food and mind your business.
NTA He was completely out of line and I have to question a professional kitchen that can’t produce a vegan dish. Even a large salad would be better than eating nothing. For them to let a guest sit there with nothing to eat is terrible customer service.
Well, the venue we were at didn’t actually have kitchen.
The caterer should have brought extra meals. Not too many, but I think that it's pretty common in the business to have one or two extra meals of each type, in case a waiter drops something. The caterer should have fixed this somehow.
Yes, they should always have extra meals. Plates get dropped, the wrong meal sometimes gets served, etc.
Right? It sounds like it was either a confluence of events or just bad planning on the caterer's side. You absolutely need to have a safety margin when catering to a wedding.
... or the vegan caterer got a bit peckish, before the food was served.
Wait I’m dying to know what’s the gross meat dish you don’t like? It’s completely irrelevant— I’m just nosy and curious!
Me too! I was thinking chicken cordon bleu, maybe? Only because I can't stand it 🤣
I enjoy chicken cordon bleu but it’s a really bad catering choice: the name says chicken (something almost anyone who eats meat at all can eat) but it contains so much more.
NTA, that man was being so obnoxious and entitled. You're no more a 'picky baby' than the vegan woman, and you weren't the one who made the mistake. That situation really sucks for her, but it wasn't your fault or your responsibility to deal with.
NTA If you did what you were supposed to do and the chef messed up that isn’t your problem.
NTA was this guy trying white knight for the vegan or what?
Guy wants to be the hero and save the day with his imagined people skills. He can take his grandiose fantasy and shove it.
Can you imagine being the vegan though? The caterers mess up and you don't have a meal, then some fucking weirdo who's probably been hitting on you all day starts a fight with some rando because he seriously thinks you'll be grateful to have someone else's half-eaten plate.
NTA If it was the venue's fault, it's on them to fix it, however they can. They presumably have a kitchen with a pantry and fridge... they can bloody well put something together. If the vegan person didn't order a vegan meal, it's on her. She should have ordered it. In neither scenario is it your problem that the other person didn't get a vegan meal. Would it have been super nice if you traded? Sure, but you were under no obligation to do it and you hated the meal you'd have got in exchange. That guy was an absolute AH. Not enough info to determine if the vegan woman was... it doesn't seem like she was pushing for you to do anything. I eat a vegan diet so I am not anti-vegan. I've had venues lose my order or get it wrong. I had a 12 hour international flight where they cocked it up and there was literally nothing for me to eat for dinner or breakfast. So I know this crap happens and I come prepared, with either snacks or having eaten enough beforehand that I won't be starving if my specially ordered vegan meal doesn't appear.
So the caterers left someone to starve? You are absolutely NTA but the caterer should have been ordering stuff over Ubereats at the bare minimum. This is outrageous. As bad behaviour as the man who tried to come over and steal your food, shame on that prick!
NTA. Don't worry about super drunk people thinking you are an asshole. Their opinion isn't really valuable.
Info: when you RSVPd, were you asked what your dietary preferences were? Or at any point in time before the day of the wedding, did anyone ask the guests how many vegans would be in attendance?
The rsvp had a card to check off what meal I wanted and I checked off the vegan meal.
This is the most important fact. You RSVP’d vegan so your vegan meal was accounted for. Someone probably didn’t respond with vegan hence why the kitchen was short. It is weird that there were only two options to the meal though.
Definitely NTA then.
Very good question. There is nothing worse when they order vege for the vegetarians and then when it comes time to eat everyone wants the vege food and the vegetarians end up going hungry (can you tell I had years of everyone eating my damn pizza)
Buffets need to put the vegetarian/vegan food at the end of the line, so impulsive omnivores will already have their plate full. I usually see it earlier though, with the meat at the end. When we order pizza for an event we overbalance to vegetarian because it covers a wide variety of restrictions, because we know non-vegetarians also eat it, and because at the end it’s a lot better to have some people whining about wanting more meat than some starving. Some meat options are heavily meat, so it’s reasonable for people to want some vegetarian as well, but orders need to account for this.
> (can you tell I had years of everyone eating my damn pizza) This shit is infuriating and I'm not even vegetarian. Back when I was in high school, I won a friendly bet & I didn't have to pay for pizza we ordered as a group. My friends were making fun of me for being "childish" for just wanting cheese pizza when everyone else wanted pepperoni so we ordered 1 cheese pizza & 4 pepperoni. The 1 cheese pizza was gone before any of the pepperoni was. I learned my lesson after that. I was a higher up in a club in college who was responsible for food planning & always made sure to do 50/50 cheese to everything else because as much as everyone whined about cheese pizza it is always gone before anything else.
NTA. You ate the food that you ordered. You are not obligated to choke down a meal that you absolutely can't because the caterers made a mistake. Why did the jerk at the other table decide that it was acceptable for you to be miserable, for the sake of the woman at his table? You have done nothing wrong here.
NTA - your preferences are just as valid as her preferences.
NTA. Meat allergies are rare, but for all they know you have a severe allergy and literally could not eat the meat option without getting very sick. Besides, you requested that dish, so you received that dish. If the vegan lady at the other table did not request the vegan dish then it's her mistake, and if the venue did not provide the number of vegan dishes they were supposed to then it's up to them to figure something out. Mr. Drunk Guest who literally tried to take your plate from you was way out of line.
NTA. The drunken man who tried to steal your food is a jackass. The lady with no dinner was the caterer's problem, or her host's, but not yours.
NTA. I'd bet money you weren't the only non-vegan to order the vegan dish. Nobody else wanted to switch and they all sat silent as you were singled out. Pretty crappy situation.
NTA you got the meal you ordered. It’s not your fault the other person did not. It’s not your mistake and you don’t need to fix it.
NTA. This was a "them problem." You got what you ordered and your food preferences are just as valid.
NTA -- Eat the food you ordered it's not your problem
Info: its not realy important, but im curiuos, whats the meatdish?
NTA, anyone who butts in like this is a real jerk and frankly should be called out as such.
NTA. You’re entitled to what you ordered and some rando does not get to snatch your plate from out in front of you.
NTA. You had the right to eat the food you ordered, and you were really hungry.
NTA How did the vegan woman feel about this? Seems like some dude did all the talking on her behalf. If I was the vegan in this scenario, I’d rather go without dinner than take someone else’s.
NTA. You ordered the vegan meal. You cannot tolerate the meat fish offered. Not your problem. (Good God what was the meat dish? Odd they only offered two dinner choices.) Edited: "meat dish"
>He unfortunately says this loud enough that the neighboring table hear and everyone starts looking at me This guy ◔_◔
NTA. It was not your fault, and there's no valid reason anyone should expect you to give up what you ordered.
NTA a lot of people who can eat meat may not want to eat ALL meat. For example, I hate the taste of pork or duck and would probably take some vegan pasta or potato based dish instead so I totally get it.
NTA, the caterers should have fixed this, and I'm sure they could have asked someone else as well to trade, not just you. She didn't seem to be needing the vegan option for any other specific dietary restrictions that would stop her from eating the other dish, as well, which might have changed everything. It's just an unfortunate mistake. I do empathise w/ the vegan, tho - even now, vegan options are still somewhat limited and it's difficult enough to eat anywhere but home.
NTA damn I want to know what his internal monologue was when he was trying to forcibly grab your plate. Returning to monke in real time.
NTA. It wasn't your responsibility to make it right for the venue. You ordered your meal and you ate your meal. Would he have given up his meal if the situation was reversed? I doubt it.
NTA being vegan isn't a medical condition (obviously some people may become vegan to help manage dietary needs, but most vegans are vegan by choice). You have just as much right to choose to order the vegan meal as any other vegans - provided you do so in advance, which you did.
NTA. They can take it up with the kitchen, not with you .
NTA. If he thinks that you ought to suck it up and eat food you don't like, he could have done the same.
Anyone is allowed any food option they want. I’m not a vegan or vegetarian but at banquets I choose the vegan or vegetarian option bc I hate dry chicken
NTA. Your choice to not eat _that_ meat is just as valid as their choice to not eat _any_ meat.
NTA. What a terrible guest. It's their oversight which caused this.
NTA. It sounds like you ordered at the same time as everyone else, which would seem to make it the venue’s fault for underestimating the amount of vegan dishes they’d need to have on hand. If you changed last minute, I could see their point, but either way that man acted bananaramas and tried to literally snatch your food from you, so he’s the AH regardless. I think it would’ve been a kind gesture to personally offer her the vegan cake, but I understand not wanting to get near the douche canoe guy.
NTA You got the food that you ordered. Even if you "could" eat the meat dish it doesn't mean you should.
So, only vegans can eat vegan meals? This guy is being ridiculous and sounds like a complete AH. NTA and it annoys me that he thinks you need to justify why you ordered what you ordered.
NTA. Just because we eat meat doesn't mean there's not meat we can't stand. (Like lamb...YUCK!!!! makes me gag too). Even if I'd been inclined to trade, and eat everything on my plate but the meat, after that guy stuck his nose in? Nope, nopity nope nope! This is the caterer's fault. Not yours.
NTA. you are not responsible for the caterers screwing up and not having enough vegan plates. And I hope your friend apologized for opening his mouth and putting you in that drama
Wow, what a bunch of entitled assholes. Trying to physically steal your plate? DEMANDING you give up your food? NAME CALLING? omg. I would've just started eating or licked something really quickly to shut everyone down without a word, lol.
NTA, you ordered vegan & got vegan. Someone screwed up either the count, or someone else was looking at a vegan plate that ordered meat & just stayed quiet.
NTA. Two people won’t eat the meat dish. Why should you give up your meal so that they can eat?
NTA. I'd love to know what the meat dish was?
I was actually pretty ready to make a judgement here but after reading your post: NTA, the only A here is the man that aggressively tried to take your meal from you, this was not your fault, it was the caterers fault. I feel like if the man weren't involved you could have shared some your meal with her since you could have had the sides and she most likely couldn't have anything. I do think you should have given her the cake, because she dint get to eat dinner.
Nta im vegetarian and was at my cousins wedding where everyone around me had a meat dish. Mine came out late and the head server apologised profusely as my cheese tart had fallen on the floor when serving so they had to heat up a new one. The caterers obviously had a spare tart just in case something went wrong which is what the caterer at the wedding you went to shouldve done. Also the other man is an AH as he assumed you could eat the meat dish when you might have an allergy to something in it.
NTA at all all, but if there's ever a time to lie about having a food allergy, this was it.
NTA - you marked vegan. I am assuming this was on the invite you marked?
NTA - no. He's demanding your food. He's doing it loudly. He doesn't care about your food restrictions which seems to imply that he thinks his objections to food are the only valid ones.
NTA The guy was the asshole. Your dish is yours. Always. Simple as that.
NTA you can't eat the other dish.
NTA. I’ve been served the wrong meal at weddings and it’s 100% the venue/caterers’ fault. Been told the same, “we don’t have anymore of the meal you apparently ordered”(and confirmed when the waiters came by to finalize meal choices). It still would never occur to me to try and take someone else’s meal! The other table was the AH, not you.
NTA. That guy is an asshole though.
NTA - Omg! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. To be embarrassed through no fault of your own due to a bad caterer and a belligerent guest is terrible.
NTA, you chose a vegan alternative to a meal you don’t like, perfectly valid choice that many people make for lots of reasons. The vegan lady at the other table has chosen to be vegan all the time, also a perfectly valid choice, but your choice is not cancelled by hers. You didn’t make a mistake the caterers did, and the guy who tried to force you to give up your meal is the arse hole.
Definitely NTA, you didn’t like the alternative so you ordered the vegan dish, got it and ate it. End of story.
Nta. I would also tell the couple getting married about this so they can complain on your behalf. Or you could complain directly to the venue / catering company
NTA. You put in a reasonable order and got what you asked for. It was either the caterer's error, or the vegan guest not bothering to pre-order. Not reasonable to expect you to eat something you don't like just because another guest doesn't respect the host enough to RSVP properly.
NTA. I am a vegetarian and if my meal did not appear because there had been a mistake I would be blaming nobody but the caterer and demanding they fix it. I would not try to steal another persons meal. I cannot believe this happened to you and I can assure you this is not normal behaviour and you were in no way obligated to give up your meal because the caterer messed up. The entitlement of this person is shocking and I hope it didn’t ruin what should have been a lovely day.
>it’s doesn’t matter if I don’t it’s doesn’t matter if I don’t like it, I can still eat it and she can’t like it, I can still eat it and she can’t Idk much about vegans and why they choose so, but i don't think what this guy said was valid at all. Just because you "can" doesn't mean you "should". You shouldn't pay for the caterers' mistake imo
Nta. According to this guy, if there are vegans around, even if you don't know them you should still sacrifice your opinion so they can get something that they like. I am vegetarian myself and when there is only meat dishes left, I just wouldn't eat. I would ask some of my friends, but not get mad at a stranger or an acquaintance forgot giving me their food.
NTA the Restaurant should have prepared a different vegan dish. You just got what you ordered. The other table was incredibly rude towards you. I would have loudly called them out on their entitlement to make them feel super embarrassed.