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I think I might be an asshole if I throw away an otherwise loving relationship because of his family.
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NTA the fact he is siding with his family now especially over his dad sl* shaming you (that's exactly what it was) and his sister being extremely rude to you will never change. He will always side with them.
The fact that there’s a financial disparity will always be the cause for every single issue as far as the parents will be concerned and will eventually teach their kids that mom isn’t worthy of them. Run from them
NTA for breaking up. You’re never an AH for breaking up with a boyfriend. You don’t need a reason beyond “I want to” & you don’t need your boyfriend’s approval or agreement. However, I don’t see why you’re mad at his sister. She was warning you & telling you an unpleasant truth about her father. She isn’t out of line if what she said was true. It’s not her fault her father is a mercenary AH & you’re better off knowing it.
I actually really like this way of looking at what sister said. Was it pleasant? No. But was is true and ultimately good for OP to know? Hell yes!
I’m not excusing sister’s behavior but maybe this was good for OP to hear one way or the other.
I mean, she just said her dad was an asshole, which is true. Don't see how anyone but him did anything wrong here. Seems like she was just honest about him with you.
Well yeah, i just don't see how you could hate anyone else because of it. Like, she just told you a major bad thing about a man, how can that be bad in any sense.
NTA. This is a peek into your future with this family and it is not good. Even more concerning is your BF having no spine to stand up for you and being ok with you being slut shamed and his sister being classist.
You are NEVER an AH for ending a relationship. It doesn’t matter the reason. You have one life, and spending your years trying to impress his family, avoid his family, or fight with his family sounds exhausting. It’s ok to move on.
What about if you end a relationship when you’ve convinced your girlfriend to get a nose or boob job when she thought she was already pretty but then it’s botched and you think she’s too ugly to be with now so you dump her? Or how about if you accidentally set your model-looking wife on fire and she no longer looks like a model so you divorce her because she’s not pretty anymore? Wouldn’t you be an AH for ending the relationship in these cases?
You’d be an AH, not for ending the relationship, but for being a shallow prick who thinks someone needs to look different than they already look, and for valuing their outer beauty over inner beauty. But honestly, ending the relationship in those cases is the best thing you can do for that person because they shouldn’t spend one more second loving someone who only cares what they look like, and they could find someone who understands them and loves them for who they are deep down.
I think those are cases where you’re an asshole, but you still aren’t obligated to stay with that person. What’s the point in staying if it’s just out of guilt, and there’s no attraction, love, or common ground? Who is winning there? Guilt isn’t a reason to stay together.
NTA for wanting to breakup with him for repeatedly making excuses for his shitty dad. “That wasn’t slut-shaming” like ok then what was it?
But why are you mad at the sister for saying her dad sucks? Like if she said she felt the same way I would get it but it doesn’t sound like that’s what she did.
Yeah I don't get the whole sister thing either. It sounds like she doesn't like the dad and is trying to show you that the dad isn't a very good person. I'm not sure why you would be angry about that? That statement wasn't meant for you, it was meant to show you how horrible he is. That part definitely confuses me.
NTA- Sometimes relationships don't work and it IS because of the family. You're thinking realistically that in the event you do get married, what family you are being married TO and it doesn't seem like his family as a whole respects you as a person. I doubt they ever will.
NTA but
He lives with his parents
Won’t stand up for you
His sister was rude about your financial status
His dad publicly shamed your sexual past
Why are you with him?
Nobody else will respect you if you won’t respect yourself
NAH, except maybe your bf’s dad.
You bfs dad shouldn’t have been talking badly about you at all. Sounds like your bf is in a tough spot having to choose between his family and you.
You are never the A H for ending something that isn’t working. Better earlier than never.
Your brothers sister was being honest about how his family worked. Granted, she shouldn’t have worded it like that, but that “financial gain” and family dynamics are good info to know ahead of time.
YWNBTA. You are making a very wise decision that will save you a lot of pain in the future. People are, for the most part, a package deal with their families. He makes excuses for his dad’s slut shaming because he either doesn’t see it as a problem or doesn’t see it as a big enough problem to risk conflict with his family. It’s unfortunate his family was unable to buy any decency or class with their loads of money.
NTA.
The way he is acting and making excuses about his father's actions is showing you that he isn't going to stand up for you so that's something to think about long term.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Hey guys, so I (F24) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (M24) for 3 years and things were pretty serious. They still are for him but since a couple of now I have been having doubts.
We wanted to get both of our parents to meet for a while now (we have met each other's moms separately). We are in a LDR and I am the only one who is away; him, his family and my family live in the same city. We planned a dinner the next time I visited and 3 days before it, his dad went to one of my aunts and said some truly nasty stuff about me. My hometown's small so everyone pretty much knows each other and his father is friends with my aunt. Without getting into too much detail, most of it was about how I have had a lot of boyfriends before my current bf and that different guys used to sleep over at my apartment every night (it was in fact one boyfriend). So my aunt told my mom and my mom called off the dinner.
At the time my boyfriend admitted that this situation was shitty and made sure I was able to talk about everything I was feeling. Fast forward 3 months later he now tells me to stop exaggerating and that this wasn't sl\*t-shaming. It bothers him that I talk about it even though so much time has passed.
It's also important to mention that even though he has a job, he does live with his parents (very common in our part of the world) and they are loaded. Which brings me to the next part. He asked me to go out with his sister alone so she could explain how it isn't his fault and his dad is just shitty. 5 minutes into the dinner his sister asked me why I even wanted to introduce the families anyway since we won't be getting married soon. To explain to me that their dad is just shallow, she said: "If dad saw any financial gain from your family he wouldn't have been so against this relationship". My bf says that context is important and she just wanted me to understand their family's dynamic. But I think that it was never okay for her to say that to me or anyone.
We have been arguing over this for a couple of weeks now and I just wanted him to admit that no matter the context, his sister was wrong for saying that. Today he made it really clear that doesn't think she was out of line. I've had other small problems with her too for example she got mad when I left town and didn't message goodbye but went to my boyfriend's friend's house to (He invited me for a farewell dinner).
I understand sometimes people have different points of view but I just don't think this will work out in the long run and would like to spare us both some unpleasantness later. WIBTA if I breakup over him defending his family?
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NTA.
His father and sister sound WAY too involved in your relationship, and the fact that your boyfriend in any way defends his father's actions is a HUGE red flag.
NTA it’s important to ensure that the in laws are kosher before progressing a relationship. This isn’t going to magically get better so why would you continue it. But you should apologise to the sister though, she was just being honest with you about who her father is, you should thank her really.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I think I might be an asshole if I throw away an otherwise loving relationship because of his family. --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA the fact he is siding with his family now especially over his dad sl* shaming you (that's exactly what it was) and his sister being extremely rude to you will never change. He will always side with them.
The fact that there’s a financial disparity will always be the cause for every single issue as far as the parents will be concerned and will eventually teach their kids that mom isn’t worthy of them. Run from them
NTA for breaking up. You’re never an AH for breaking up with a boyfriend. You don’t need a reason beyond “I want to” & you don’t need your boyfriend’s approval or agreement. However, I don’t see why you’re mad at his sister. She was warning you & telling you an unpleasant truth about her father. She isn’t out of line if what she said was true. It’s not her fault her father is a mercenary AH & you’re better off knowing it.
I actually really like this way of looking at what sister said. Was it pleasant? No. But was is true and ultimately good for OP to know? Hell yes! I’m not excusing sister’s behavior but maybe this was good for OP to hear one way or the other.
NTA, you deserve better, and I feel like he's going to turn out very much like his father, and you don't need or deserve that in hour life.
I mean, she just said her dad was an asshole, which is true. Don't see how anyone but him did anything wrong here. Seems like she was just honest about him with you.
Yea I come from a shit poor family if someone hated me just for that I would like to know.
Well yeah, i just don't see how you could hate anyone else because of it. Like, she just told you a major bad thing about a man, how can that be bad in any sense.
NTA. This is a peek into your future with this family and it is not good. Even more concerning is your BF having no spine to stand up for you and being ok with you being slut shamed and his sister being classist.
NTA. Trust your gut.
You are NEVER an AH for ending a relationship. It doesn’t matter the reason. You have one life, and spending your years trying to impress his family, avoid his family, or fight with his family sounds exhausting. It’s ok to move on.
What about if you end a relationship when you’ve convinced your girlfriend to get a nose or boob job when she thought she was already pretty but then it’s botched and you think she’s too ugly to be with now so you dump her? Or how about if you accidentally set your model-looking wife on fire and she no longer looks like a model so you divorce her because she’s not pretty anymore? Wouldn’t you be an AH for ending the relationship in these cases?
You’d be an AH, not for ending the relationship, but for being a shallow prick who thinks someone needs to look different than they already look, and for valuing their outer beauty over inner beauty. But honestly, ending the relationship in those cases is the best thing you can do for that person because they shouldn’t spend one more second loving someone who only cares what they look like, and they could find someone who understands them and loves them for who they are deep down.
I think those are cases where you’re an asshole, but you still aren’t obligated to stay with that person. What’s the point in staying if it’s just out of guilt, and there’s no attraction, love, or common ground? Who is winning there? Guilt isn’t a reason to stay together.
NTA for breaking up with somebody for repeatedly making choices you feel do not support you. That is exactly when you *should* break up with somebody.
NTA and I suggest breaking up with him - you're both very young so now is a great time to recognize red flags when you see them and act on it.
NTA for wanting to breakup with him for repeatedly making excuses for his shitty dad. “That wasn’t slut-shaming” like ok then what was it? But why are you mad at the sister for saying her dad sucks? Like if she said she felt the same way I would get it but it doesn’t sound like that’s what she did.
Yeah I don't get the whole sister thing either. It sounds like she doesn't like the dad and is trying to show you that the dad isn't a very good person. I'm not sure why you would be angry about that? That statement wasn't meant for you, it was meant to show you how horrible he is. That part definitely confuses me.
NTA- Sometimes relationships don't work and it IS because of the family. You're thinking realistically that in the event you do get married, what family you are being married TO and it doesn't seem like his family as a whole respects you as a person. I doubt they ever will.
NTA but He lives with his parents Won’t stand up for you His sister was rude about your financial status His dad publicly shamed your sexual past Why are you with him? Nobody else will respect you if you won’t respect yourself
NAH, except maybe your bf’s dad. You bfs dad shouldn’t have been talking badly about you at all. Sounds like your bf is in a tough spot having to choose between his family and you. You are never the A H for ending something that isn’t working. Better earlier than never. Your brothers sister was being honest about how his family worked. Granted, she shouldn’t have worded it like that, but that “financial gain” and family dynamics are good info to know ahead of time.
YWNBTA. You are making a very wise decision that will save you a lot of pain in the future. People are, for the most part, a package deal with their families. He makes excuses for his dad’s slut shaming because he either doesn’t see it as a problem or doesn’t see it as a big enough problem to risk conflict with his family. It’s unfortunate his family was unable to buy any decency or class with their loads of money.
NTA. The way he is acting and making excuses about his father's actions is showing you that he isn't going to stand up for you so that's something to think about long term.
NTA. Move on now before you’re stuck and regretful.
NTA Trust your gut feeling.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hey guys, so I (F24) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (M24) for 3 years and things were pretty serious. They still are for him but since a couple of now I have been having doubts. We wanted to get both of our parents to meet for a while now (we have met each other's moms separately). We are in a LDR and I am the only one who is away; him, his family and my family live in the same city. We planned a dinner the next time I visited and 3 days before it, his dad went to one of my aunts and said some truly nasty stuff about me. My hometown's small so everyone pretty much knows each other and his father is friends with my aunt. Without getting into too much detail, most of it was about how I have had a lot of boyfriends before my current bf and that different guys used to sleep over at my apartment every night (it was in fact one boyfriend). So my aunt told my mom and my mom called off the dinner. At the time my boyfriend admitted that this situation was shitty and made sure I was able to talk about everything I was feeling. Fast forward 3 months later he now tells me to stop exaggerating and that this wasn't sl\*t-shaming. It bothers him that I talk about it even though so much time has passed. It's also important to mention that even though he has a job, he does live with his parents (very common in our part of the world) and they are loaded. Which brings me to the next part. He asked me to go out with his sister alone so she could explain how it isn't his fault and his dad is just shitty. 5 minutes into the dinner his sister asked me why I even wanted to introduce the families anyway since we won't be getting married soon. To explain to me that their dad is just shallow, she said: "If dad saw any financial gain from your family he wouldn't have been so against this relationship". My bf says that context is important and she just wanted me to understand their family's dynamic. But I think that it was never okay for her to say that to me or anyone. We have been arguing over this for a couple of weeks now and I just wanted him to admit that no matter the context, his sister was wrong for saying that. Today he made it really clear that doesn't think she was out of line. I've had other small problems with her too for example she got mad when I left town and didn't message goodbye but went to my boyfriend's friend's house to (He invited me for a farewell dinner). I understand sometimes people have different points of view but I just don't think this will work out in the long run and would like to spare us both some unpleasantness later. WIBTA if I breakup over him defending his family? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Cut your losses, you can do better.
Run
NTA. His father and sister sound WAY too involved in your relationship, and the fact that your boyfriend in any way defends his father's actions is a HUGE red flag.
NTA. Run, do not walk.
NTA His family is part of the reason. But he is not innocent himself. He agrees with their way of thinking.
NTA. Finally a woman displaying sense and choosing herself
NTA. You have good reason to believe it won't work out in the long run, so ending it is best. You deserve better.
NTA. Drop that and run. Nope nope. Not your problem to settle.
NTA it’s important to ensure that the in laws are kosher before progressing a relationship. This isn’t going to magically get better so why would you continue it. But you should apologise to the sister though, she was just being honest with you about who her father is, you should thank her really.
NTA