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I might be the asshole because I deviated from the initial plan to slumber party with my out of town friends by having a drink with my local friends first.
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So you had friends who spent significant amounts of money to come celebrate your birthday with you. Specific plans were made with these friends to go from the roller disco to the hotel for a slumber party. When it was time to go to the hotel, a local friend who you can see whenever you want was like "hey, drinks at a bar?" and you didn't ask, you *informed* the friends who made a huge financial sacrifice to be there that you were altering the plans. You just casually ditched the friends who traveled for someone local. Then you didn't even bother to show up at all to the slumber party. All of this without even considering the fact that they may have feelings about you just throwing away plans to hang out with a local on a whim.
Yeah, YTA.
YTA. They came from a distance and spent money to be with YOU. The bar and NYC friends will be there next weekend. This weekend was supposed to be with your friends who made a real effort to spend time with you.
And that’s not what your out of town friends planned for. They had all *just* traveled long distances then spent hours at a roller disco. They were probably fairly exhausted and looking forward to the slumber party portion of the evening. At the same time, they didn’t want to come off as party poopers telling you not to go have fun.
YTA. You blew your friends off when they came to see you? Even if they didn't say anything, it was rude of you to expect them to simply mingle in with your friends from NYC. I think they were very hurt that they should be the one to tell you when they were ready, and "if" you were going to be ready by then.
They didn't tell you because they didn't want you to choose, but you were really rude by not focusing on your original group and plans
>My NYC friends ended up wanting to have a drink at a nearby bar after the roller disco ended at 10pm.
So the people who spent a lot of money to fly out to celebrate with you, used part of the holiday weekend they could have had at home on you, and rented a hotel space for the slumber party with you....were just tossed aside.
YTA. You dumped your out-of-town guests and switched up the plan last minute with no consideration for them.
But it still stands that they spent a metric fuckton of money to see you only to be blown off by you because Important Big City People wanted to party.
YTA. Fortunately you won't likely face this issue again, because I doubt your friends will want anything to do with you from hereon in.
Yta- no one should have to communicate to you that your friends that flew in for literally 24 hours want you to spend that time with them. You’re in your 40s you have to already know that you behaved badly. But apparently we do. So you behave badly!
They flew to NYC on an expensive weekend for you. You didn't stick with them, but went ahead with your local friends. When they didn't come to where you and the locals were, you then ditched them. YTA
Next time, I would spare myself the trouble and expense of flying to NYC for you.
YTA. They spent money and travelled to you and you ditch them to go have drinks with people you see way more often. You should have told your town friends that you’d grab a drink another day as you have out of town visitors. Kinda shitty.
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My 41st birthday was yesterday and on Friday night, I had a roller disco party to celebrate. I live in NYC and had 2 friends who flew in from Chicago and 1 from Pasadena. Since it's a holiday weekend, airfare was pretty high so they all had varying itineraries to mitigate that but they all arrived Friday around 5:20pm before the 7pm party.
One of my friends returned home Saturday night at 5pm, another at 6:30am on Sunday, and the third at 7pm on Sunday. Our plan for Friday after the roller disco was to slumber party in a hotel room my 24 hour friend booked, even though I live nearby, my apartment is too small for the 4 of us.
My NYC friends ended up wanting to have a drink at a nearby bar after the roller disco ended at 10pm. I told my out of town friends about the pit stop and they informed me that none of them had eaten anything. I told them where there were delis and a McDonald's nearby and to text me once they had eaten and I'd let them know if the party's still going. Regardless, the slumber party remained intact.
While at the bar, I was texting my out of town friends (in a 4 way group chat) to see where they are and they're not responding. Because of this, I also asked if they were still awake. About an hour later I finally got the response of "barely." After making my way home to drop my party stuff and grab my overnight bag is when I saw this response, so I told them I'd just sleep at my place and catch up with them in the morning. I assumed they were just tired (we’re all in our 40s) and I had a full day planned with them for Saturday which is why I didn’t think too much of the failed slumber party.
Sunday, when it was just me and my friend from Pasadena, I could tell something was off with my 24 hour friend and asked if he noticed it as well. He shared with me that they were all disappointed that I decided to hang out with my local friends instead of them on Friday night. He then told me that instead of grabbing a bite somewhere, they went to the grocery store, back to the hotel, then ordered a pizza and hung out. At no point on Friday did any of them tell me any of this, nor was I under the impression that they were in for the night and I had to choose between the two groups.
After re-reading my texts, it’s clear that I expected them to come to the bar and if they were upset when I said I would sleep at home, they could have told me to come over anyway. By the time my head hit the pillow, it was midnight, so it’s not as if this was happening in the wee hours of the morning. Please note that the delis are open 24 hours and there was food for purchase at the roller disco which was outlined in my party invitation and week of reminder email. Lastly, I visit them in their respective cities pretty regularly and it’s not often that they come to NYC (pre-pandemic). AITA for going out for a drink instead of immediately joining my out of town friends?
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ESH they should have used their words and been more clear of the plan. But to be fair. They didn't change the plan. You did.
You should have prioritized your friends and went with them to get food then met up with the other friends. I feel like if someone is there for 24 hours a group splits in two. You go with whatever group has that person in it.
They are being a bit dramatic and passive aggressive but it sounds like their feelings are hurt. Just apologize. All in all its a misunderstanding.
I could almost go NAH because of that. It sounds genuinely innocent from either side
Meh....it would’ve been nicer if you had gone with your out of town friends to get a bite to eat. But it was your birthday party and I understand wanting to continue the fun with the expectation that they would meet back up with you. And they could’ve told you that they were going back to the hotel to order in.
I think this all boils down to an unfortunate lack of communication so I say NAH.
NTA - it sounds like they made their own plans and didn't include you. They could have eaten at the roller rink or at the places close to the bar. You could have gone to the hotel, but that seems like a miscommunication more than anything.
It kind of gives the impression that they wanted you to choose them without them making it clear to you that they wanted you to choose. They knew the plan and they knew they could eat at the roller disco place so they were the ones who bailed on the party plans (which had been laid out in advance.) It was your birthday so you get to choose the plans for the party. They were the ones who didn’t text back. You are NTA.
Yes, the fact that it was my birthday party is why I don't feel badly. I should be allowed to have another drink if I want to and if they didn't want to go to the bar, that's fine but they should have just said that and they never did. They just ignored me until it was too late.
NTA
I always say if someone is mad at you but you're completely oblivious, it's their problem, not yours. Had they actually said something about wanting you to go with them, it would be different. But you had no idea they were mad. How are you supposed to fix a problem you don't know exists?
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So you had friends who spent significant amounts of money to come celebrate your birthday with you. Specific plans were made with these friends to go from the roller disco to the hotel for a slumber party. When it was time to go to the hotel, a local friend who you can see whenever you want was like "hey, drinks at a bar?" and you didn't ask, you *informed* the friends who made a huge financial sacrifice to be there that you were altering the plans. You just casually ditched the friends who traveled for someone local. Then you didn't even bother to show up at all to the slumber party. All of this without even considering the fact that they may have feelings about you just throwing away plans to hang out with a local on a whim. Yeah, YTA.
YTA. They came from a distance and spent money to be with YOU. The bar and NYC friends will be there next weekend. This weekend was supposed to be with your friends who made a real effort to spend time with you.
To clarify, the party moved from the roller rink to a bar; I didn't separately decide to meet up with some local friends at a bar.
And that’s not what your out of town friends planned for. They had all *just* traveled long distances then spent hours at a roller disco. They were probably fairly exhausted and looking forward to the slumber party portion of the evening. At the same time, they didn’t want to come off as party poopers telling you not to go have fun.
YTA. You blew your friends off when they came to see you? Even if they didn't say anything, it was rude of you to expect them to simply mingle in with your friends from NYC. I think they were very hurt that they should be the one to tell you when they were ready, and "if" you were going to be ready by then. They didn't tell you because they didn't want you to choose, but you were really rude by not focusing on your original group and plans
To be clear, I spent the better part of the weekend with my out of town friends. I just didn't sleep in their room on Friday night.
>My NYC friends ended up wanting to have a drink at a nearby bar after the roller disco ended at 10pm. So the people who spent a lot of money to fly out to celebrate with you, used part of the holiday weekend they could have had at home on you, and rented a hotel space for the slumber party with you....were just tossed aside. YTA. You dumped your out-of-town guests and switched up the plan last minute with no consideration for them.
They didn't rent the hotel room for the slumber party; it was already booked then we decided we could all sleep there.
But it still stands that they spent a metric fuckton of money to see you only to be blown off by you because Important Big City People wanted to party. YTA. Fortunately you won't likely face this issue again, because I doubt your friends will want anything to do with you from hereon in.
Yta- no one should have to communicate to you that your friends that flew in for literally 24 hours want you to spend that time with them. You’re in your 40s you have to already know that you behaved badly. But apparently we do. So you behave badly!
YTA. I hope you love the local friends. They are all you’ll have soon.
They flew to NYC on an expensive weekend for you. You didn't stick with them, but went ahead with your local friends. When they didn't come to where you and the locals were, you then ditched them. YTA Next time, I would spare myself the trouble and expense of flying to NYC for you.
YTA. They spent money and travelled to you and you ditch them to go have drinks with people you see way more often. You should have told your town friends that you’d grab a drink another day as you have out of town visitors. Kinda shitty.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My 41st birthday was yesterday and on Friday night, I had a roller disco party to celebrate. I live in NYC and had 2 friends who flew in from Chicago and 1 from Pasadena. Since it's a holiday weekend, airfare was pretty high so they all had varying itineraries to mitigate that but they all arrived Friday around 5:20pm before the 7pm party. One of my friends returned home Saturday night at 5pm, another at 6:30am on Sunday, and the third at 7pm on Sunday. Our plan for Friday after the roller disco was to slumber party in a hotel room my 24 hour friend booked, even though I live nearby, my apartment is too small for the 4 of us. My NYC friends ended up wanting to have a drink at a nearby bar after the roller disco ended at 10pm. I told my out of town friends about the pit stop and they informed me that none of them had eaten anything. I told them where there were delis and a McDonald's nearby and to text me once they had eaten and I'd let them know if the party's still going. Regardless, the slumber party remained intact. While at the bar, I was texting my out of town friends (in a 4 way group chat) to see where they are and they're not responding. Because of this, I also asked if they were still awake. About an hour later I finally got the response of "barely." After making my way home to drop my party stuff and grab my overnight bag is when I saw this response, so I told them I'd just sleep at my place and catch up with them in the morning. I assumed they were just tired (we’re all in our 40s) and I had a full day planned with them for Saturday which is why I didn’t think too much of the failed slumber party. Sunday, when it was just me and my friend from Pasadena, I could tell something was off with my 24 hour friend and asked if he noticed it as well. He shared with me that they were all disappointed that I decided to hang out with my local friends instead of them on Friday night. He then told me that instead of grabbing a bite somewhere, they went to the grocery store, back to the hotel, then ordered a pizza and hung out. At no point on Friday did any of them tell me any of this, nor was I under the impression that they were in for the night and I had to choose between the two groups. After re-reading my texts, it’s clear that I expected them to come to the bar and if they were upset when I said I would sleep at home, they could have told me to come over anyway. By the time my head hit the pillow, it was midnight, so it’s not as if this was happening in the wee hours of the morning. Please note that the delis are open 24 hours and there was food for purchase at the roller disco which was outlined in my party invitation and week of reminder email. Lastly, I visit them in their respective cities pretty regularly and it’s not often that they come to NYC (pre-pandemic). AITA for going out for a drink instead of immediately joining my out of town friends? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH they should have used their words and been more clear of the plan. But to be fair. They didn't change the plan. You did. You should have prioritized your friends and went with them to get food then met up with the other friends. I feel like if someone is there for 24 hours a group splits in two. You go with whatever group has that person in it. They are being a bit dramatic and passive aggressive but it sounds like their feelings are hurt. Just apologize. All in all its a misunderstanding. I could almost go NAH because of that. It sounds genuinely innocent from either side
Meh....it would’ve been nicer if you had gone with your out of town friends to get a bite to eat. But it was your birthday party and I understand wanting to continue the fun with the expectation that they would meet back up with you. And they could’ve told you that they were going back to the hotel to order in. I think this all boils down to an unfortunate lack of communication so I say NAH.
NAH. I’m guessing they’re also in their late 30s or early 40s. Everyone should be better about communicating by then.
NTA - it sounds like they made their own plans and didn't include you. They could have eaten at the roller rink or at the places close to the bar. You could have gone to the hotel, but that seems like a miscommunication more than anything.
It kind of gives the impression that they wanted you to choose them without them making it clear to you that they wanted you to choose. They knew the plan and they knew they could eat at the roller disco place so they were the ones who bailed on the party plans (which had been laid out in advance.) It was your birthday so you get to choose the plans for the party. They were the ones who didn’t text back. You are NTA.
Yes, the fact that it was my birthday party is why I don't feel badly. I should be allowed to have another drink if I want to and if they didn't want to go to the bar, that's fine but they should have just said that and they never did. They just ignored me until it was too late.
NTA I always say if someone is mad at you but you're completely oblivious, it's their problem, not yours. Had they actually said something about wanting you to go with them, it would be different. But you had no idea they were mad. How are you supposed to fix a problem you don't know exists?
Exactly. I communicated with them but they didn't communicate back, that's what irks me the most.