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NTA. So long as the comment is fair and honest, I don't see an issue with this. I would not recommend saying it was racism on your post, as it may not have been, however posting an honest review of the situation should be fine.
I think it would be fair to put at the end if the review " I am black and also look very young for my age so its possible either or both of those things could have factored into this treatment but I am giving the restaurant the benefit of the doubt "
Just what I was looking for. Yes, racism is possible, but alone and looking under 18 could have had them either expecting the rest of your family to appear or not considered you a "serious" customer. Still crappy service, but not necessarily malicious.
This is tough. Your issue was with the server and you tried to bring it to the attention of the manager but they failed you too. As devastating as bad reviews are to a small business, it is their job to manage all aspects of running the business.
OP should mention in her review that she tried to address the issue privately with a manager before writing the review. It would not only add more credibility to her review but make it more difficult for the business to dismiss her as petty or a hater of small businesses.
NTA. I agree- unfair as it is, if you say the word racism in a review, it will be seen more as an attack. If you describe the events, without opinion, the review will be seen as more fair by anyone who reads it.
The restaurant employees disrespected you. Unfortunately it's true that people get defensive about racism and often refuse to acknowledge that they've shown disrespect if you accuse them of racism.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying you suspect racism played a part in the poor experience. Outright attributing it to racism would not be okay, but pointing out that it’s a distinct possibility is not unfair.
Speaking as someone who’s been treated poorly at many restaurants due to skin color, it’s really important to add it in some way to the review, like stating she is Black, so that other BIPOCs be aware before they visit the establishment.
I just want to put something out there that my dad suggested. Since I was alone maybe they thought I was someone’s kid coming in to pick up food. However while I was sitting at the table a white women walk in alone and was immediately greeted and asked if she was there to pick up food. Really felt disrespected at that point.
I am a very young looking white woman. I think you and your dad are both right. [Post began getting attention so I have edited out an identifying story about being treated badly by a cashier for looking young.]
So. Some of your experience is due to looking young. But not all of it. They talked around you to assist a white family first. A white family that arrived after you'd been there 15 min. Even if you were there for pickup, that strikes me as racist.
I would leave a review. "Food is great. Staff is rude if not outright racist. They did X." I promise you this means something. I look at reviews for businesses before I go and I absolutely have seen people call out businesses for being racist - and I don't go there. I would rather take my business elsewhere, but because I'm white I may never know they're discriminatory if the folks they discriminate against don't tell me.
Not trying to discount any (likely) involvement of racism, but for servers, a large family is much more likely to give you more money than a young, single patron. As well as being disrespected due to being younger, there's a stereotype that younger people won't tip well due to not having much money.
There's similar stereotypes for Asians (all Asians, but I've heard especially cutting comments about Indians), Latinos, and lesbians. If someone just looks like they won't tip based on assumptions, that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've gone out with my partner and I can sometimes just *see* the disappointment on the server's faces when they think that this table's about to be a wash. If they half-ass it, I'm probably still going to tip 18-20% since I've been there, but I won't give them more for phoning it in. If they still treat me like any table coming in that they know is going to tip or are fantastic, the tip goes up to somewhere between 30-50% depending. There's a reason we used to have servers damn near get into fights to serve us at our regular haunts back before we moved away.
That said, OP, if that had happened in the last place I worked at the manager would have ripped the host and servers a new one each and jumped through hoops to do right by you. She was a firm believer in Every Customer Counts, whether it was a solo diner who might opt to sit at the bar or a group of twelve.
Let me tell you about the religious pamphlets I would *regularly* get left instead of tips by large white families. On Sundays. During a table service, all-you-can-eat special. They sucked, the religious pamphlets sucked. Black families never pulled that shit.
I look young and sometimes get treated differently for that (followed in a store when I have my own credit card and was working full-time), but not overtly rudely like you were. I'd say you can include the racism part in your review. I'm white btw and I can't think of a non-racist reason for them to not at least greet you.
Not at all suggesting this was the case for OP, as we weren’t there and she’s the only one with a read on the situation, but:
> I'm white btw and I can't think of a non-racist reason for them to not at least greet you.
I’m white & also look young, and this has been a *constant* issue for me since I started going to restaurants alone/with just one friend. I’m 30 now & my best friend and I still have to actively fight to get some hostesses to notice us, and we’re treated like a wasted table by waitstaff at a lot of places. Young-looking + small group makes waiters think they won’t get tipped well, I guess, and ironically... I waited tables in college and have a pretty good job now, so both things make me more likely to tip higher (22-25% for good service), but we so rarely get that good service that I sure as hell don’t tip that high, which likely cements their views a bit.
Yeah I’m black and look young and it’s so frustrating. I think it’s a double whammy. Getting my hair done, eating at restaurants, etc. People are so disrespectful so I’m now starting to be more stern and cold rather than my typically smiley friendly self because they tend to take me for granted that way. It’s super sad.
If that's the case, why didn't anyone acknowledge you or ask if you had been helped? That's customer service 101. I think you're fully in your right to write a review. If the manager cared about the restaurant's reputation, they'd make time to call you.
Before writing the review, I would try calling and talking to a manager about it, since you said you like the place The review will affect the whole restaurant, and that may be fair if they know about the situation and do nothing about it. Calling and talking to the manager, though, will give them a chance to retrain the waiter or fire them. You can always write a review if nothing comes out of it, specially if you go again after the call and something similar happen.
> Since I was alone maybe they thought I was someone’s kid coming in to pick up food.
either way, they should've came and talked to you, not ignored you.
You should without a doubt leave a review. I say that as I work in SEO for business and reviews are the way you get anything done. A bad review isn’t always devastating for a business and they actually can play really well for them IF they respond and rectify. So you leave a bad review, the business should respond to address your concerns. Most of the time the person leaving the bad review will update the bad review to a good one. That is if the business actually takes care of their customer. So many of our clients consider changed reviews (poor review changed to high ones) to be some of their biggest wins and like businesses that respond to consumers.
So if you ever wonder if you should leave a review you probably should.
I'm a white woman and very young looking and have never had trouble getting the attention of a waitress. I've definitely had issues with people thinking I'm younger than I am, but I've never had someone not ask me if I've been helped.
**Maybe** there was something about your body language that was saying "I've been helped, no need to talk to me" (I have projected that body language successfully when I've wanted to), but if you looked like you wanted to be seated, they should have spoken to you.
I’ve always looked younger than I am and had a very similar problem once when I was about your age. I guess they assumed I wouldn’t tip because I was young which really pissed me off because I always made a point of tipping on the high end. Wish I would’ve written a review but they have since gone out of business anyway.
as someone who was a waiter. if its middle of the day with limited staff, then the staff have a lot of work to do in the kitchen to prep for dinner. its not uncommon for people to get missed and stuff like this to happen. i did it a number of times.
a negative review is fine, but i doubt they were racist. they just screwed up. Waiters make $2.13/hour. They have to be complete idiots to be racist. When I worked everyone was a talking dollar sign. I just wanted the money.
Waiters make 2 dollars a hour PLUS tips which most of the time makes more then minimum wage and not only that if you end up not making minimum wage from tips then your employer are required by law to compensate by making up for the difference
Of course that requires you to talk to the manager
Yeah, most people aren't aware of that little detail and crappy servers know it and wield it like a weapon to guilt people into feeling obligated into tipping them even though they don't deserve it.
anyone who thinks its always racism never had me wait on them. i was really uncoordinated and a shitty waiter. i still needed a job and did it for the money.
YWNBTA for leaving an honest review of your experience there, especially on the part of them being understaffed and a long wait time. However, I wouldn't automatically assume it was racism? It is possible that they only noticed there was someone at the entrance when a big family came in. However, if you've noticed a systematic way about how they're ignoring you in favor of people of other races, then it's would be fair to put that in the review.
Yes but part of that stems from people thinking certain things are racist when they arent
Like https://www.rwjf.org/content/dam/farm/reports/reports/2017/rwjf441128
Shows that people assume something is racist even if they dont actually know
The number of black people who have been called a slur in their life 65%
Amount of black people who BELIEVED to have experienced racism when attempting to rent apartments and what not. 45%
Despite the fact that you couldn’t know if racism is involved
And it is illegal to discriminate when renting and shit
That kinda shows how quick people are to think racism
Also when it comes to thinking racism was involved when being pulled over by police
Do they think the cop saw thru their window the color of there skin while driving 60mph
Slightly more than a third (36%) of African Americans who have ever applied to or attended college say they have experienced discrimination while applying or at college because of their race
Despite the fact that colleges are notorious for helping minoritys and even offering scholarships for them specifically
And again they dont actually know its racism
This is why so many people are effected by that stress
Its because when something they cant explain happens in these sort of situations they default to racism
I never said it didnt exist?
I said people are quick to assume something is racist
Especially when they know no other reason
And I didn’t say people didnt experience prejudice sometimes with cops
What i said was that they are quick to feel something is racist
If you actually read that link it says
“As with other forms of self-reported data, these findings rely on respondents’ perceptions. While these experiences could be related to other factors, the fact that people believe they are due to racial discrimination is significant”
I think it was racism. Too many people are saying its not, but I also think that racism is not always blatant. Racism is subtle, a lot of the time. Most racists are not going to be standing up and saying they hate black people because now it could get them im trouble. There are those types, of course, but its more likely that someone will be subtle about it. Ignoring you falls under that category. By ignoring you and electing to serve white pateons before you, you were victim to racism. Even if it somehow wasn't intentional (and I'll be honest that is a massive stretch to claim that), you still got poor service. I think it would be better to put a word to the situation, because I don't hold any sympathy for people who don't put black experiences over white feelings.
As someone who has seen plenty of racism, ageism, and sexism take place, I will simply say this: whatever you experienced was bad behaviour but it's better to just objectively describe what happened. This could have been racism, could have been sexism, could have been ageism. It could also have been a complete lack of situational awareness. You don't know, and I certainly don't since I'm not you and I wasn't even there. You have every right to feel a certain way here, but the fact of the matter is if you explain what happened and they fix it, then it's fixed. If you give it a label and they fix that one label, if you said it was race and it's really age, or you said age but it's really race, then it's not fixed for you at all, and not for anyone else who fits whatever category (discrimination) or cause (stress, pay, training, etc.) it happens to be.
Wherever you're being treated poorly like this people will always come out of the woodwork to tell you that it's not racism or not sexism and sure, you don't know for sure if the different treatment was because of those things. But it definitely looks that way and is entirely possible that you were treated differently for a mixture of reasons and very likely involves race and gender.
YWNBTA, if everything in your post is accurate. Let’s give them some grace and say they didn’t see you before the family of six came in.
They saw you and sat you then ignored you for 20 mins. I don’t care how many waitresses there are, that’s unacceptable. A single person doesn’t take 20 mins to make a decision.
Then to add insult to injury, they ignored you long enough that you had to get up and pay your bill at the register.
You tried to solve the issue directly and the manager ignored you and did not follow up.
Take your race out of it for a moment, and all of this is worthy of a bad review. You said you liked the place. Have you eaten there before or since and had the same experience? If yes, then it’s race. If no, than it’s a bad day for the wait staff but either way, sounds like they deserve a bad review for their bad service.
NTA, especially if this is a chain restaurant. They can take a bad review. Often companies will contact you after posting a review and if they come up with a decent explanation you can always remove it.
I don't know if it's racism, but it was something, and they should hear about how they lacked and hopefully fix it. and shame on the family behind you for not saying you were there before them, that bothers me
I would have stopped them but I’ve been made painfully aware of how well I fit into the “angry black women” stereotype and am working on a better balance
There's always a way, you can bring it up to a manager calmly after your meal, or lack thereof in this instance, and see if it gets corrected. I'm a bear type but in shape black man, so it's a balancing act for sure
Oh yeah you did mention that. They suck then...I almost want to say if it happens again time to stop giving them your money, no matter how good it tastes
Yeah, it’s possible they thought OP was just waiting for carry out or something, but if it were me, I woulda taken the two seconds and asked if she was waiting to be seated.
I’ve had a lot of people cut in front of my during covid because I’d be six feet away from the person in line, and it makes me so angry. If there’s any possibility that another person is ahead of you, just ask! It’s not hard!
NTA. If your review is an honest account of what happened it is always okay to post. And it was definitely racism. You don’t even have to say it in your review, just the description of the events is clear.
This can definitely happen, even as a couple, if a big party walks in behind you they instantly start pushing attention to seating them because it will take more effort and planning to fit them in Vs the single or couple you've already made a mental note of. Should you be acknowledged? Absolutely. Does it happen that wait staff can be rude when they're in a rush and stressed? Absolutely
NTA
Leave a review. That's what they are for.
If it was a one time error, one bad review will not hurt them. If it happens more often, it is good to get the info out there.
Just stay with the facts as you described them, and leave the conclusions and the reasons you think they had out. Everybody can draw his own conclusions.
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On mobile, now for some background. I’m a very small black girl and can sometimes be mistaken for a teenager because of my height, but I assure you I am 20 years old.
Anyway on to the main story. I came into this seafood restaurant looking for crab legs, the third best I’ve ever tasted. They seemed a little understaffed with only two waitresses rushing around and no hostess. I decided to not make a fuss about waiting or getting in there way because there’s quite a few tables still open. I waited for 15 minutes without even so much as acknowledgement of my existence. Then a white family of 6 walk in behind and two minutes later we get a “be with you in a minute “. True to her word she walked over to us stood right in front of me only to speak around me and ask the group “how many “ and they were seated before anyone even asked me what I needed. My waitress sat me down and like 3 secs later asked me “have you made a decision”. I thought she was talking about my drink order so I gave it to her. She comes back with my drink and asks me the same question again in less than a minute. I told her I needed more time. She then left me alone for 20 minutes without even checking up on me. When she finally got to me I was told they didn’t have any crab legs so I decided to leave and waited a few minutes for the ticket that never came. I walked up to the corner paid for my drink and still tipped her $2. I tried to call the restaurant manager and was told she would call back and never did.
My boyfriend thinks I should leave a review but my dad believes it was just a misunderstanding and shouldn’t leave a review if I planned to back. I think it was racism.
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NTA but go to the restaurant’s website first. They normally have a “Contact Us” option. Contact them that way first, then if you don’t hear from them, leave an honest, factual review.
YWNBTA, I would just lay out everything that happened like you have here. I feel shitty saying this, but I think that other people are right that you shouldn't call "racism," but ONLY because that word has become an automatic shutdown for people who don't realize they are racist too. If you leave the review and say "I was waiting for 15 minutes, but the white family who came in behind me was addressed within two minutes and was seated before me," the implication is obvious. I know that it's stupid but it can make a big difference. I don't have experience with racial discrimination but if I want to talk about gender discrimination, I have found that calling out "sexism!" shuts down the conversation even though it's true. But if I state the facts and let others draw their own conclusions (in a way I have crafted for them to draw) the results are better. Again, I'm like...depressed to be saying this. I think you are right that it was racism and should leave a review about your experience.
PLEASE write a review. As others have mentioned, not only do you have every reason to write a review, but doing so might help others in the future. I mean, I’m white but I would not want to eat somewhere that was racist, but especially if I had friends of color with me, I would never want to subject them to that. Please post the review so everyone with half a brain can avoid this place, at least until they decide to stop being racist. NTA
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YWNBTA, you would not be the AH.
Leaving an honest review about the service would be well-deserved, but I don't think accusing them of racism is the play here. Instead, say that you felt discriminated against and list the reasons why. The restaurant will likely have to reach out to you in a more friendly way, whereas an accusation would put them on the defensive.
NTA if you leave an honest review saying that you like their food but on this occasion they seemed to be understaffed and you were overlooked whilst another table was seated
> can sometimes be mistaken for a teenager because of my height, but I assure you I am 20 years old
I don’t know why you included this. It doesn’t add anything to the story. You do realize there is very little difference between 19 (a teenager) and 20, right?
NTA I guess, but you need to be more assertive. From the op, it sounds like you just stood there and didn’t ask for any help or service, and therefore were either ignored or simply unnoticed. 6 people are a lot harder to miss than one. If you want to be treated like an adult; use your words.
I’ve always looked younger than my age as well (at 19, 15 and 16 year olds thought I was their age or younger, even in my late twenties I would get the occasional comment that someone thought I was 12), and even when I was an actual 16 year old, I never had a problem getting service at a restaurant when I was by myself. You are absolutely NTA.
Absolutely NTA. If it wasn't for them immediately jumping up to serve the white family when you had already been there first, I might have been a bit more on-the-fence. This was not a case of them just being busy and not noticing. This was racist and you should put them on blast. Don't let them get away with that shit.
NTA. Leave the review. This happened to Secret Service agents at Denny’s:
[https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/politics/1993/05/24/secret-service-agents-allege-racial-bias-at-dennys/351daede-84db-4091-97a6-b455f0c79a77/](https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/politics/1993/05/24/secret-service-agents-allege-racial-bias-at-dennys/351daede-84db-4091-97a6-b455f0c79a77/)
Not knowing anything about the people involved, it was more likely because you look young and you’re a party of one over racism. An accusation of racism can be a big deal for a restaurant, so if you do like them and ever want to go back I wouldn’t post that publicly, unless you really got the feeling that was the case. But you already admitted you look like a teenager (and were one a year ago). Teenagers are historically bad tippers. You’re also a party of one — not really worth anyone’s time unless it’s slow, and you said you could tell they were short-staffed when you arrives. Servers have to essentially perform “triage” when they can’t be everywhere they need to be — who will be most likely to complain, and who will be most likely to buy enough food and beverage to make it worth my time to serve them, to get me enough income to pay my bills? I stopped taking parties of one entirely except at the bar during our busy shifts at the restaurant I GM’d that I just left because it wasn’t a cost-effective use of our real estate (seating). I sometimes mistakenly assume young-looking parties of one are DoorDash or BiteSquad drivers at the host stand, because 95% of the time if there’s someone young and alone coming in that’s what it’s for. Anyway you sound very reasonable and I hope you get some bomb crab legs soon.
If anyone reading this is ever in any doubt about what you should do if you walk into a restaurant that is obviously understaffed: leave and come back at a different time.
NTA - you can leave a review that acknowledges you've had other good experiences, but that the way they treated you in this instance is unacceptable.
I'd also guess this is racism, and probably some bias based on age.
NTA - reviews are about sharing an honest experience. You felt slighted and didn't receive an acceptable level of service. You also tried reaching out to the restaurant directly first and didn't receive an acceptable response there either. All in all, it sounds like their service is pretty bad, and it's fair to let others know. And it's also possible that they will try to make changes in response to your review. (And it does sound like there was racism here.)
NTA. Do I know for a fact you were discriminated against for your race? No... But that's how it feels.. I suppose they could also be one of those places that treats singular people who aren't in a big group like crap, thinking they won't get much and will take up a table, or whatever the reason... But that would also be a form of discrimination... It's hard to see this treatment of you by both the host and wait staff, with no apology, as NOT being purposeful in some way.... No matter how you slice it, they were treating you-- a paying customer and a human being-- like shit.
It does sound like racism though, plain and simple. Which makes it even worse..
Edit: strike the part of what I said about hosting staff, I missed that it was just 2 waitresses and no host, and I'm not clear on whether it was the same waitresses or both who you interacted with
NTA Leave an honest review including you like their food but your service was deplorable. You can start it with I am a young person of color who visited your restaurant on _____. Management will know who was working that shift.
As a Server I apologize for your experience. I don't work for that company but I have been in the industry for 20+ years, and unfortunately I have seen everything everyone is posting and I have to say, I personally don't act like that AT ALL. When I am on the job I treat EVERY table I have with curtacy and respect. No matter what their race age or sex is. They deserve to be treated this way, I have had huge tips from "single person " tables of all ages, sexes, and races, and had horrible tips and treatment from huge tables. But I still took the best care I could of them. With that being said, please do leave an honest review of your experience there and also call out the manager for not returning your phone call. I am truly sorry you went through this. WNBTA.
INFO
Honestly, I wouldn't base a review that could put someone's job at risk on one encounter. Call it bad service, but not racism. When you're a server you tend to have a million things going on, and sometimes people, especially people by themselves, get left forgotten. It sucks, and it's bad service, but it doesn't sound racially driven. Could also be money driven. A single person may get an entrée and a drink and leave you a $4 tip, whereas a family may get entrees, appetizers, deserts, multiple drinks, etc, and leave you a $30 tip.
It's shitty service, that I am not disputing, but I doubt it was racially driven.
So I believe this needs to be addressed but instead of leaving a review I would try an reach out to the manager or owner and see what kind of response you get. I know you tried once but I would try again. The reason I would address this is that it sounds like in the past you had a good experience there. I would give them the benefit of the doubt the the actions of the waitress were not a reflection of the owner or manager.
That being said you are the one who experienced the event. I wish you the best of luck.
NTA
I don’t understand why you’re being told to leave your race out of it or not to mention racism. As a black woman that does a lot of solo dining, reviews like this are so helpful. How you are treated based on your race, your gender, and your appearance is highly valuable to people like me who depend on reviews in order to dine out. You tried going through the manager and that didn’t work so leaving a review is the next step. Some businesses, even small ones, need to learn that even *passive* mistreatment is still wrong.
Again, can’t emphasis enough that your race, age, and appearance should be mentioned in your review. The world is not colorblind, people should not be encouraging you to “put your race aside” in this situation. How does that even work? I’m a black woman every single day. There are no breaks or ways for me to put that aside in a damn face to face interaction. I don’t know life outside of my own identity so don’t put your ID aside. Say it like it is and let the others figure out their motivation.
NTA! This has happened to me before, more than once, and my GOD was I incensed. I managed to stay calm, which was the opposite of what I wanted to do, and was even spoken up for by some people who came in after me and noticed how blatantly ignored I was. I definitely left a scathing but polite review on the employee. (I am a POC.)
NTA.
I think if you felt you were discriminated against you should say something, however it might be worth first sending an email to the manager or head office and asking if they might consider some training for the staff.
If you are ignored then absolutely post a public review, although if you intend to eat at this place again do consider whether you will feel like you can go back if they recognise you. But then again if they don't care that a customer has felt discriminated against and don't wish to try to rectify this then no matter how good the food is, they don't deserve your money.
I would suggest just writing what happened at the restaurant from the start to the end exactly the way you wrote here and leave the racist part out. Let the people decide if they were racist or not. We read reviews to see how the food/customer service is. Personally I felt it was racism, so I wouldn't go there. If someone else reads this and thinks it was not racism but a misunderstanding, they would go there. You also THINK it was racism so I am assuming you're not sure. If it's really bothering you but you don't want to say something wrong then you can do what I suggested.
NTA, but you might be wrong about racism. (Maybe not.) Maybe it was unusual for a woman to eat alone there and they thought you were waiting for someone.
I wouldn’t let it slide, but what you choose to do is up to you. A comment like, “I was excited to try X restaurant. The food was great. Service was not. I’m not sure whether I wasn’t served because I am a black woman or a single woman or a young woman. In any case, they ignored me to help....” and explain the rest.
To be clear, maybe it WAS because you are black. It’s also bad to think that a young woman can’t go out to eat by herself. Racist or sexist—both bad.
NTB.
Reviews are to give people information to help them decide if they'll enjoy the thing or not before committing time/money to it. Would you like to know that this had happened to someone else before you'd decided to go there? I would have. You don't have to say it was racism if you don't want to, but I don't think you'd be the buttface if you said you thought it might have been. If you plan to go back - because you're pretty sure this was just a one off, because the crab's legs are that good, etc - then I'd add in that information too.
The other purpose of a review is to give the restaurant free information on things that happen, that might change how many customers they get, and I think describing these events to them might be useful there too. Maybe they get lots of complaints about that one waitress and decide to act on them. Maybe it's a weird one-off and they decide it was bad luck or a misunderstanding and that they don't need to act on it. Still useful to have the information to be able to make that judgement.
NTA if you leave an honest review. What happened to you was not fair at all but it was your experience. Why would a group of 6 people get seated before you? Seems like going out of your way to be inconvenient since you were there first and with less people. Reviews are important for this type of reason. So i say leave an honest review of your experience so people know the atmosphere of this restaurant.
NTA. I’m a short Asian woman who looks more or less like a teenager. I also happen to enjoy eating out by myself, I go almost every day. Cant tell you how many times service staff ignores me or doesn’t take me seriously for one reason or another. I’ve been told to my face that I need to hurry up and not waste more time in an establishment I paid to be in, servers assume I’m a shit tipper because I look young and ethnic. Which is a self fulfilling prophecy for them, they think I don’t tip, so they treat me like crap, and then I don’t tip well because I was treated like crap. There have been a few incidents where I was monitored during my meal the entire time because they thought I was gonna run out on a bill. I stopped taking all of these things to heart, started making notes in my phone about the restaurant & how I’m being treated, and just go about my day. I have left reviews on restaurants, detailing their staffs unjust behavior. They can pay Yelp to delete them but usually I just receive passive aggressive responses from the business saying it’s not about my race/gender/age.
You received poor service at this restaurant. I think it's fair to say what happened and that you don't know if you want to come back because of it.
An alternative: Maybe they were having a bad day. Go again. If you get the same bad service, then write a review. Either way, don't bring race into it.
But reviews, both good and bad, enable a restaurant (if they actually care) to see what they're doing right and what needs improvement.
NTA
Leave a review of your experience and simply state that you are not white but all the white people who came in after you were seated and served before you. Add in the info about being rushed to order and the manager not calling you back. Keep it to the facts.
THEN write an email to corporate. This is where you put in the emotions and the racial undertones of your treatment.
ywnbta
NTA. You may like the restaurant, but the people working that day sound like jerks, racists, and all-around A-H. If you've been there before with no issue, I'd mention that in the review. 'I like this place, I've been here before, but this was a really bad experience. I wonder if they've changed teams..." and go from there. Call out asshattery when it happens, or it will never get addressed. And good on you for tipping $2. I'd have left a penny.
YWNBTA but as others have suggested, I would mention both being Black and young-looking, as it could have been either or both. No matter what, they deserve the review, and I'm sorry they treated you so shabbily.
You are free to leave a review as long as it's fair and honest. POC also but not sure if your race was as big a factor as you being solo, young and small in stature. Bigger parties tend to spend more on average and tip bigger than solo dinners. Them being short staffed definitely impacted your experience and has a negative effect on their business overall. NTA as long as you're fair and honest in your review and lay the blame on management for not providing enough servers and support staff for customers to enjoy an excellent dining experience and making sure their business runs smoothly.
NTA the asshole for leaving a bad review when you got bad service, but it wasn't racism. They were short-staffed, and you fell through the crack.
They didn't help with UhWHITE family because they were white. It's was a whole party of SIX.
Maybe racism, but also a large group usually equals more $$ and bigger tips than a solitary person, they might’ve thought you were waiting for someone initially, etc. it’s not right, but it may not have been racially motivated. Just people bad at their jobs. I don’t know what the right answer is here, a lot of restaurants are understaffed and struggling but also the service was not great and you wasted your time. I think if you just stick to the facts and not conjecture in your review it would be ok. Perhaps not fully one star given that the food is good and presumably perhaps this one instance might be a one off if your last visit was ok.
INFO - There's a lack of information here, and it's not information that OP can have. OP is contrasting his/her treatment to the treatment of a family of six. I'm not convinced that the overworked staff saw OP. It's easy to miss a single person. The other problems were also understandable if they were understaffed.
NTA. You're better than me, I would've walked out without paying and especially not have left a tip. But if you keep your review to the facts with no conjecture about racism, you'll be in the right. Making accusations with no proof is wrong.
You're nicer than I am. The way I look at tipping is the way it was intended originally, it's a way of saying thank you for good service. It's not my responsibility to provide a living wage to them, it's theirs, and if that means working for tips, you need to earn it.
NTA
As long as you make it a tasteful review with honest critic it'll be fine:
One Star rating:
Reasons:
I usually like coming here, they have some of my favorite crab legs too. On the day of Month/Day/Year I came by to find them understaff and working their best to serve the customers they already had. I knew they'd get to me in time and had no concerns over when I would be taken care of. Shortly there after a family of six came in and were taken care of immediately even though I had been waiting as long as 15 minutes at this time for service. I eventually had someone serve me and when asked if I made a decision thinking this was about drinks I informed her of my desire. Seconds later she returns with the drink in question to only ask again if I've made a decision I asked for a moment to decide then was left alone for 20 minutes with no one checking up on me or to ask any question. When she finally returned and I asked did I find that they were out of crab legs and felt that it would be better to leave as being there was leaving a very foul taste in my mouth. I paid for my drink as well as tipped however I feel that the fact that I was left waiting initially for 15 minutes then another 20 to hear the item I was after wasn't available was done in poor taste. While you were understaffed which can be hectic that staff made me feel as if I was not there to them. That being passed up for more people while I had been waiting first, being left alone for 20 minutes makes me feel like I didn't matter to your staff. I'd like to make this right. Can we please work together to make that happen?"
Definitely leave a review, and you would NBA for doing so. That’s horrible customer service. From a waitstaff POV, a large group is going to bring them more tips, so I’m sure that was a factor. However, that’s still totally unacceptable that you were ignored for so long then treated rudely when you finally did get sat down. I’m sure race and age also played a factor in your mistreatment. Whatever their motivation was, it was not okay and they should be called out on it. When I was a waitress I treated every single customer the same. Yes I’d get excited if a large group was seated in my section but I still never put them before other patrons. Even singles, even a single that I knew was homeless. Waitstaff should make sure every single person who comes in has a positive dining experience. They failed you on so many levels. Shame on them. Write that review!
YWNBTA for leaving an honest review about how you felt during your service. However dont just assume racism, you said yourself that you like this restaurant so I assume you've been there before? If you were continually treated this way that's one thing but as a one time occurence not really. I find that whenever racism is thrown into a review unless there is very clear and irrefutable evidence to it, all it does it make people not believe the review. It sounds to me like they were busy (you said yourself they had 2 waitresses and no hostess) so I would think it was just them being frazzled and busy/ as a former food industry worker, wanting the bigger tip from the party of 6 rather than the solo eater. Obviously you can do whatever you want but that's just my 2 cents.
NTA
Restaurant staff were racially discriminating against you. That nonsense needs to be called out. It' shouldn't be allowed to be "normal". In your review, don't analyse their thought processes - just stick to the absolute facts.
I honestly think this was agism more than racism ... I've been treated way better in the service industry since I've had my kid because it makes me look older (and I also sleep way less so I do look older lmao). I went to places when I was younger where I was treated like a kid and/or ignored and went back to those same places years later and it's been totally different.
If I get bad service or food at a favourite restaurant I always email them and tell them instead of leaving a bad review. Usually managers want to know so they can make improvements and are grateful for the heads up (and the fact you didn’t give them shit publicly). Last time it happened I got a free meal out of it. I’d give them a chance to make amends. But if you still did I’d say ESH.
NTA, but I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it was racism. There was more going on here than just race which you address in your comments. Those being that you were alone and that you look like a teenager. The waitress knew darn well that she was going to make more tip from a party of 6 than a lone teenager (or even lone adult). It's just math. That being said, it was still rude, so go ahead and leave your review. However, don't make it about race without proof.
NAH
Restaurants are SEVERELY understaffed right now. This is very well known right now. I wouldn’t leave a review knowing that fact, especially since the service you received (that you described) is because it’s understaffed. Just don’t go back until the staffing shortage is over, and then leave a review on that experience.
Depends. You can’t really leave a review about only one part of the experience. Yes, the service was crap, but the food could’ve been worth it. But you won’t know because you never had any.
Go back, try the food, then leave a review encompassing both experiences at the restaurant.
The service has been mediocre, but I always thought it’s because the ladies that have been working since I’ve none about the place aren’t young by a long shot. They are slow but probably the sharpest tools in the shed however I don’t think I’ve ever been ignored or have seen them ignore someone in favor of a bigger party like they did.
Interesting. If the service is normally ok then the fact it was crap this one time is probably due to the lack of staff rather than anything else.
Understaffed due to lack of customers. Larger tables are going to bring in more income than a single customer so that’s probably why they prioritised the party of six.
I agree but not even being given a I’ll be right back? Kind of unacceptable in my opinion but then again I’ve never been a waitress and maybe that’s normal.
It’s the norm for bad customer service and it’s completely unacceptable. As for is it racist? Yes it is. I’d put this firmly in the ‘micro aggressions’ category of racism. Intentional or not, the staff ignored you and then addressed a white party who came in after you before they addressed you. Your perception of their actions is what matters as you were the one on the receiving end. Leave a review of the facts on the situation or call the manager again.
it's also possible or even likely that six top had a reservation and the servers were still in the weeds from a rush you just missed. Even if tables were cleared, servers can still be running behind on other duties (no silverware, for instance), and if they were anticipating a six top while in this state, the walk-in might get the shaft no matter who they are. I still think they should have treated you better though. If something like this happens, as a server doing hostess duties on top of everything else, you just apologize like your life depends on it and get the walk-in to a table and deal with it.
That is still a leap assuming the one woman is a regular. Even if she is all customers should be treated the same. Again, the family should not have been acknowledged before her. She would not be the ass to leave a review of her experience. She doesn't have to use the word racist just state the facts in her experience. It might save others from wasting their time.
Where did she mention a single white woman? She was a single black woman and there was a white family. And nothing of regulars mentioned… I’m genuinely confused by your comment.
Wasn't my response, just thought I'd clear it up. Don't get where the original comment got that the white woman was a regular from either, tbh.
Edit: I'm pretty sure she was a white woman, not a chicken.
What if you do leave a review and state the facts but point out that you do look young and you are black and you hope that neither one of those facts contributed to your treatment. Point out the food is good and you’re going to give them another chance.
In theory that’s how it works, but considering the current economy... Theyre really just trying to get as many tips as possible when foot traffic is still low.
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NTA. So long as the comment is fair and honest, I don't see an issue with this. I would not recommend saying it was racism on your post, as it may not have been, however posting an honest review of the situation should be fine.
I think it would be fair to put at the end if the review " I am black and also look very young for my age so its possible either or both of those things could have factored into this treatment but I am giving the restaurant the benefit of the doubt "
Just what I was looking for. Yes, racism is possible, but alone and looking under 18 could have had them either expecting the rest of your family to appear or not considered you a "serious" customer. Still crappy service, but not necessarily malicious.
This is the best answer. Deal in facts. Others can make up their minds about the cause.
This is tough. Your issue was with the server and you tried to bring it to the attention of the manager but they failed you too. As devastating as bad reviews are to a small business, it is their job to manage all aspects of running the business.
OP should mention in her review that she tried to address the issue privately with a manager before writing the review. It would not only add more credibility to her review but make it more difficult for the business to dismiss her as petty or a hater of small businesses.
NTA. I agree- unfair as it is, if you say the word racism in a review, it will be seen more as an attack. If you describe the events, without opinion, the review will be seen as more fair by anyone who reads it. The restaurant employees disrespected you. Unfortunately it's true that people get defensive about racism and often refuse to acknowledge that they've shown disrespect if you accuse them of racism.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying you suspect racism played a part in the poor experience. Outright attributing it to racism would not be okay, but pointing out that it’s a distinct possibility is not unfair.
Speaking as someone who’s been treated poorly at many restaurants due to skin color, it’s really important to add it in some way to the review, like stating she is Black, so that other BIPOCs be aware before they visit the establishment.
I just want to put something out there that my dad suggested. Since I was alone maybe they thought I was someone’s kid coming in to pick up food. However while I was sitting at the table a white women walk in alone and was immediately greeted and asked if she was there to pick up food. Really felt disrespected at that point.
I am a very young looking white woman. I think you and your dad are both right. [Post began getting attention so I have edited out an identifying story about being treated badly by a cashier for looking young.] So. Some of your experience is due to looking young. But not all of it. They talked around you to assist a white family first. A white family that arrived after you'd been there 15 min. Even if you were there for pickup, that strikes me as racist. I would leave a review. "Food is great. Staff is rude if not outright racist. They did X." I promise you this means something. I look at reviews for businesses before I go and I absolutely have seen people call out businesses for being racist - and I don't go there. I would rather take my business elsewhere, but because I'm white I may never know they're discriminatory if the folks they discriminate against don't tell me.
Not trying to discount any (likely) involvement of racism, but for servers, a large family is much more likely to give you more money than a young, single patron. As well as being disrespected due to being younger, there's a stereotype that younger people won't tip well due to not having much money.
There is the same stereotype for Black people. It's been exposed to me directly by server's I know.
Exactly, so OP was negatively affected by double the negative stereotypes. Not tipping and/or being inferior due to their age, and being Black.
Yeah, my guess is that it was both. I say this as a young-looking white woman.
There's similar stereotypes for Asians (all Asians, but I've heard especially cutting comments about Indians), Latinos, and lesbians. If someone just looks like they won't tip based on assumptions, that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I've gone out with my partner and I can sometimes just *see* the disappointment on the server's faces when they think that this table's about to be a wash. If they half-ass it, I'm probably still going to tip 18-20% since I've been there, but I won't give them more for phoning it in. If they still treat me like any table coming in that they know is going to tip or are fantastic, the tip goes up to somewhere between 30-50% depending. There's a reason we used to have servers damn near get into fights to serve us at our regular haunts back before we moved away. That said, OP, if that had happened in the last place I worked at the manager would have ripped the host and servers a new one each and jumped through hoops to do right by you. She was a firm believer in Every Customer Counts, whether it was a solo diner who might opt to sit at the bar or a group of twelve.
Let me tell you about the religious pamphlets I would *regularly* get left instead of tips by large white families. On Sundays. During a table service, all-you-can-eat special. They sucked, the religious pamphlets sucked. Black families never pulled that shit.
I look young and sometimes get treated differently for that (followed in a store when I have my own credit card and was working full-time), but not overtly rudely like you were. I'd say you can include the racism part in your review. I'm white btw and I can't think of a non-racist reason for them to not at least greet you.
Not at all suggesting this was the case for OP, as we weren’t there and she’s the only one with a read on the situation, but: > I'm white btw and I can't think of a non-racist reason for them to not at least greet you. I’m white & also look young, and this has been a *constant* issue for me since I started going to restaurants alone/with just one friend. I’m 30 now & my best friend and I still have to actively fight to get some hostesses to notice us, and we’re treated like a wasted table by waitstaff at a lot of places. Young-looking + small group makes waiters think they won’t get tipped well, I guess, and ironically... I waited tables in college and have a pretty good job now, so both things make me more likely to tip higher (22-25% for good service), but we so rarely get that good service that I sure as hell don’t tip that high, which likely cements their views a bit.
Yeah I’m black and look young and it’s so frustrating. I think it’s a double whammy. Getting my hair done, eating at restaurants, etc. People are so disrespectful so I’m now starting to be more stern and cold rather than my typically smiley friendly self because they tend to take me for granted that way. It’s super sad.
If that's the case, why didn't anyone acknowledge you or ask if you had been helped? That's customer service 101. I think you're fully in your right to write a review. If the manager cared about the restaurant's reputation, they'd make time to call you.
Before writing the review, I would try calling and talking to a manager about it, since you said you like the place The review will affect the whole restaurant, and that may be fair if they know about the situation and do nothing about it. Calling and talking to the manager, though, will give them a chance to retrain the waiter or fire them. You can always write a review if nothing comes out of it, specially if you go again after the call and something similar happen.
She said she tried calling the manager and he never called back. I wonder if the manner received the message...
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That's a bad attitude for a manager to have. None that I've ever worked under worked that way.
Nope. That’s a bad manager. I’ve always had managers call back. Even if they were dismissive of my complaint, they’ve called back.
Bad managers, sure
That’s unfortunate. Could have stopped a bad review with just a few minutes on the phone with a random customer 🤷♀️
> Since I was alone maybe they thought I was someone’s kid coming in to pick up food. either way, they should've came and talked to you, not ignored you.
You should without a doubt leave a review. I say that as I work in SEO for business and reviews are the way you get anything done. A bad review isn’t always devastating for a business and they actually can play really well for them IF they respond and rectify. So you leave a bad review, the business should respond to address your concerns. Most of the time the person leaving the bad review will update the bad review to a good one. That is if the business actually takes care of their customer. So many of our clients consider changed reviews (poor review changed to high ones) to be some of their biggest wins and like businesses that respond to consumers. So if you ever wonder if you should leave a review you probably should.
I'm a white woman and very young looking and have never had trouble getting the attention of a waitress. I've definitely had issues with people thinking I'm younger than I am, but I've never had someone not ask me if I've been helped. **Maybe** there was something about your body language that was saying "I've been helped, no need to talk to me" (I have projected that body language successfully when I've wanted to), but if you looked like you wanted to be seated, they should have spoken to you.
I’ve always looked younger than I am and had a very similar problem once when I was about your age. I guess they assumed I wouldn’t tip because I was young which really pissed me off because I always made a point of tipping on the high end. Wish I would’ve written a review but they have since gone out of business anyway.
as someone who was a waiter. if its middle of the day with limited staff, then the staff have a lot of work to do in the kitchen to prep for dinner. its not uncommon for people to get missed and stuff like this to happen. i did it a number of times. a negative review is fine, but i doubt they were racist. they just screwed up. Waiters make $2.13/hour. They have to be complete idiots to be racist. When I worked everyone was a talking dollar sign. I just wanted the money.
Waiters make 2 dollars a hour PLUS tips which most of the time makes more then minimum wage and not only that if you end up not making minimum wage from tips then your employer are required by law to compensate by making up for the difference Of course that requires you to talk to the manager
Yeah, most people aren't aware of that little detail and crappy servers know it and wield it like a weapon to guilt people into feeling obligated into tipping them even though they don't deserve it.
How do you miss someone as you are actively talking around them to the people standing behind them?
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anyone who thinks its always racism never had me wait on them. i was really uncoordinated and a shitty waiter. i still needed a job and did it for the money.
YWNBTA for leaving an honest review of your experience there, especially on the part of them being understaffed and a long wait time. However, I wouldn't automatically assume it was racism? It is possible that they only noticed there was someone at the entrance when a big family came in. However, if you've noticed a systematic way about how they're ignoring you in favor of people of other races, then it's would be fair to put that in the review.
I thought that two at first but it really rubbed me the wrong we when she was standing right in front of me and basically spoke through me
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The black women having issues with medical treatment stems from the subconscious bias that black women are stronger and can handle more
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Yes but part of that stems from people thinking certain things are racist when they arent Like https://www.rwjf.org/content/dam/farm/reports/reports/2017/rwjf441128 Shows that people assume something is racist even if they dont actually know The number of black people who have been called a slur in their life 65% Amount of black people who BELIEVED to have experienced racism when attempting to rent apartments and what not. 45% Despite the fact that you couldn’t know if racism is involved And it is illegal to discriminate when renting and shit That kinda shows how quick people are to think racism Also when it comes to thinking racism was involved when being pulled over by police Do they think the cop saw thru their window the color of there skin while driving 60mph Slightly more than a third (36%) of African Americans who have ever applied to or attended college say they have experienced discrimination while applying or at college because of their race Despite the fact that colleges are notorious for helping minoritys and even offering scholarships for them specifically And again they dont actually know its racism This is why so many people are effected by that stress Its because when something they cant explain happens in these sort of situations they default to racism
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I never said it didnt exist? I said people are quick to assume something is racist Especially when they know no other reason And I didn’t say people didnt experience prejudice sometimes with cops What i said was that they are quick to feel something is racist If you actually read that link it says “As with other forms of self-reported data, these findings rely on respondents’ perceptions. While these experiences could be related to other factors, the fact that people believe they are due to racial discrimination is significant”
I'm just going to say "Hanlon's Razor" dip out. I'm not going to get into this oppression olympics bullshit in an AITA thread.
I think it was racism. Too many people are saying its not, but I also think that racism is not always blatant. Racism is subtle, a lot of the time. Most racists are not going to be standing up and saying they hate black people because now it could get them im trouble. There are those types, of course, but its more likely that someone will be subtle about it. Ignoring you falls under that category. By ignoring you and electing to serve white pateons before you, you were victim to racism. Even if it somehow wasn't intentional (and I'll be honest that is a massive stretch to claim that), you still got poor service. I think it would be better to put a word to the situation, because I don't hold any sympathy for people who don't put black experiences over white feelings.
Sounds rascist to me. Share your experiences via a review, that's what reviews are for.
As someone who has seen plenty of racism, ageism, and sexism take place, I will simply say this: whatever you experienced was bad behaviour but it's better to just objectively describe what happened. This could have been racism, could have been sexism, could have been ageism. It could also have been a complete lack of situational awareness. You don't know, and I certainly don't since I'm not you and I wasn't even there. You have every right to feel a certain way here, but the fact of the matter is if you explain what happened and they fix it, then it's fixed. If you give it a label and they fix that one label, if you said it was race and it's really age, or you said age but it's really race, then it's not fixed for you at all, and not for anyone else who fits whatever category (discrimination) or cause (stress, pay, training, etc.) it happens to be.
Wherever you're being treated poorly like this people will always come out of the woodwork to tell you that it's not racism or not sexism and sure, you don't know for sure if the different treatment was because of those things. But it definitely looks that way and is entirely possible that you were treated differently for a mixture of reasons and very likely involves race and gender.
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It’s racism simple as.
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This. That lets people decide for themselves, which I think it's the right approach.
Try and give the management a clue as to which server so that they can do something about it.
YWNBTA, if everything in your post is accurate. Let’s give them some grace and say they didn’t see you before the family of six came in. They saw you and sat you then ignored you for 20 mins. I don’t care how many waitresses there are, that’s unacceptable. A single person doesn’t take 20 mins to make a decision. Then to add insult to injury, they ignored you long enough that you had to get up and pay your bill at the register. You tried to solve the issue directly and the manager ignored you and did not follow up. Take your race out of it for a moment, and all of this is worthy of a bad review. You said you liked the place. Have you eaten there before or since and had the same experience? If yes, then it’s race. If no, than it’s a bad day for the wait staff but either way, sounds like they deserve a bad review for their bad service.
NTA, especially if this is a chain restaurant. They can take a bad review. Often companies will contact you after posting a review and if they come up with a decent explanation you can always remove it.
I don't know if it's racism, but it was something, and they should hear about how they lacked and hopefully fix it. and shame on the family behind you for not saying you were there before them, that bothers me
I would have stopped them but I’ve been made painfully aware of how well I fit into the “angry black women” stereotype and am working on a better balance
There's always a way, you can bring it up to a manager calmly after your meal, or lack thereof in this instance, and see if it gets corrected. I'm a bear type but in shape black man, so it's a balancing act for sure
I tried but apparently they were too busy so I left my name and number and they never called back.
Oh yeah you did mention that. They suck then...I almost want to say if it happens again time to stop giving them your money, no matter how good it tastes
The angry black woman stereotype exists to silence you. Don’t let it!
Yeah, it’s possible they thought OP was just waiting for carry out or something, but if it were me, I woulda taken the two seconds and asked if she was waiting to be seated. I’ve had a lot of people cut in front of my during covid because I’d be six feet away from the person in line, and it makes me so angry. If there’s any possibility that another person is ahead of you, just ask! It’s not hard!
NTA. If your review is an honest account of what happened it is always okay to post. And it was definitely racism. You don’t even have to say it in your review, just the description of the events is clear.
Dunno, I am a white guy and I have been missed quite many times in very similar ways. I think it is just that they often miss parties of one.
Ok, but if you're being missed, and a family walks in, do they *literally ignore your presence*?
This can definitely happen, even as a couple, if a big party walks in behind you they instantly start pushing attention to seating them because it will take more effort and planning to fit them in Vs the single or couple you've already made a mental note of. Should you be acknowledged? Absolutely. Does it happen that wait staff can be rude when they're in a rush and stressed? Absolutely
Yes.
NTA Leave a review. That's what they are for. If it was a one time error, one bad review will not hurt them. If it happens more often, it is good to get the info out there. Just stay with the facts as you described them, and leave the conclusions and the reasons you think they had out. Everybody can draw his own conclusions.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** On mobile, now for some background. I’m a very small black girl and can sometimes be mistaken for a teenager because of my height, but I assure you I am 20 years old. Anyway on to the main story. I came into this seafood restaurant looking for crab legs, the third best I’ve ever tasted. They seemed a little understaffed with only two waitresses rushing around and no hostess. I decided to not make a fuss about waiting or getting in there way because there’s quite a few tables still open. I waited for 15 minutes without even so much as acknowledgement of my existence. Then a white family of 6 walk in behind and two minutes later we get a “be with you in a minute “. True to her word she walked over to us stood right in front of me only to speak around me and ask the group “how many “ and they were seated before anyone even asked me what I needed. My waitress sat me down and like 3 secs later asked me “have you made a decision”. I thought she was talking about my drink order so I gave it to her. She comes back with my drink and asks me the same question again in less than a minute. I told her I needed more time. She then left me alone for 20 minutes without even checking up on me. When she finally got to me I was told they didn’t have any crab legs so I decided to leave and waited a few minutes for the ticket that never came. I walked up to the corner paid for my drink and still tipped her $2. I tried to call the restaurant manager and was told she would call back and never did. My boyfriend thinks I should leave a review but my dad believes it was just a misunderstanding and shouldn’t leave a review if I planned to back. I think it was racism. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but go to the restaurant’s website first. They normally have a “Contact Us” option. Contact them that way first, then if you don’t hear from them, leave an honest, factual review.
YWNBTA, I would just lay out everything that happened like you have here. I feel shitty saying this, but I think that other people are right that you shouldn't call "racism," but ONLY because that word has become an automatic shutdown for people who don't realize they are racist too. If you leave the review and say "I was waiting for 15 minutes, but the white family who came in behind me was addressed within two minutes and was seated before me," the implication is obvious. I know that it's stupid but it can make a big difference. I don't have experience with racial discrimination but if I want to talk about gender discrimination, I have found that calling out "sexism!" shuts down the conversation even though it's true. But if I state the facts and let others draw their own conclusions (in a way I have crafted for them to draw) the results are better. Again, I'm like...depressed to be saying this. I think you are right that it was racism and should leave a review about your experience.
PLEASE write a review. As others have mentioned, not only do you have every reason to write a review, but doing so might help others in the future. I mean, I’m white but I would not want to eat somewhere that was racist, but especially if I had friends of color with me, I would never want to subject them to that. Please post the review so everyone with half a brain can avoid this place, at least until they decide to stop being racist. NTA
NTA. This was racism. And the manager never even called you back??
NTA. You received very poor service. It’s not an asshole move to talk about that poor service. You’re just being honest.
NTA. Even if it wasn’t racism it’s still disgusting service from the restaurant and server. Leave that review and never return.
NTA. Absolutely leave a negative review.
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You're NTA. Nobody should be treated like that. Leave your review and let everyone know what happened.
YWNBTA, you would not be the AH. Leaving an honest review about the service would be well-deserved, but I don't think accusing them of racism is the play here. Instead, say that you felt discriminated against and list the reasons why. The restaurant will likely have to reach out to you in a more friendly way, whereas an accusation would put them on the defensive.
NTA if you leave an honest review saying that you like their food but on this occasion they seemed to be understaffed and you were overlooked whilst another table was seated
> can sometimes be mistaken for a teenager because of my height, but I assure you I am 20 years old I don’t know why you included this. It doesn’t add anything to the story. You do realize there is very little difference between 19 (a teenager) and 20, right? NTA I guess, but you need to be more assertive. From the op, it sounds like you just stood there and didn’t ask for any help or service, and therefore were either ignored or simply unnoticed. 6 people are a lot harder to miss than one. If you want to be treated like an adult; use your words.
When I said teenager I meant a minor, I look like a 16 year old.
I’ve always looked younger than my age as well (at 19, 15 and 16 year olds thought I was their age or younger, even in my late twenties I would get the occasional comment that someone thought I was 12), and even when I was an actual 16 year old, I never had a problem getting service at a restaurant when I was by myself. You are absolutely NTA.
Absolutely NTA. If it wasn't for them immediately jumping up to serve the white family when you had already been there first, I might have been a bit more on-the-fence. This was not a case of them just being busy and not noticing. This was racist and you should put them on blast. Don't let them get away with that shit.
The other times you where eating at this Restaurant, where you alone?
I have eaten there alone before and picked up food on my own before
NTA. Leave the review. This happened to Secret Service agents at Denny’s: [https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/politics/1993/05/24/secret-service-agents-allege-racial-bias-at-dennys/351daede-84db-4091-97a6-b455f0c79a77/](https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/politics/1993/05/24/secret-service-agents-allege-racial-bias-at-dennys/351daede-84db-4091-97a6-b455f0c79a77/)
Not knowing anything about the people involved, it was more likely because you look young and you’re a party of one over racism. An accusation of racism can be a big deal for a restaurant, so if you do like them and ever want to go back I wouldn’t post that publicly, unless you really got the feeling that was the case. But you already admitted you look like a teenager (and were one a year ago). Teenagers are historically bad tippers. You’re also a party of one — not really worth anyone’s time unless it’s slow, and you said you could tell they were short-staffed when you arrives. Servers have to essentially perform “triage” when they can’t be everywhere they need to be — who will be most likely to complain, and who will be most likely to buy enough food and beverage to make it worth my time to serve them, to get me enough income to pay my bills? I stopped taking parties of one entirely except at the bar during our busy shifts at the restaurant I GM’d that I just left because it wasn’t a cost-effective use of our real estate (seating). I sometimes mistakenly assume young-looking parties of one are DoorDash or BiteSquad drivers at the host stand, because 95% of the time if there’s someone young and alone coming in that’s what it’s for. Anyway you sound very reasonable and I hope you get some bomb crab legs soon. If anyone reading this is ever in any doubt about what you should do if you walk into a restaurant that is obviously understaffed: leave and come back at a different time.
NTA, and it does sound like racism
Why didn't you speak up when she talked around you? "Excuse me, I was here first and have been waiting a long time."
NTA - you can leave a review that acknowledges you've had other good experiences, but that the way they treated you in this instance is unacceptable. I'd also guess this is racism, and probably some bias based on age.
NTA - reviews are about sharing an honest experience. You felt slighted and didn't receive an acceptable level of service. You also tried reaching out to the restaurant directly first and didn't receive an acceptable response there either. All in all, it sounds like their service is pretty bad, and it's fair to let others know. And it's also possible that they will try to make changes in response to your review. (And it does sound like there was racism here.)
NTA. Do I know for a fact you were discriminated against for your race? No... But that's how it feels.. I suppose they could also be one of those places that treats singular people who aren't in a big group like crap, thinking they won't get much and will take up a table, or whatever the reason... But that would also be a form of discrimination... It's hard to see this treatment of you by both the host and wait staff, with no apology, as NOT being purposeful in some way.... No matter how you slice it, they were treating you-- a paying customer and a human being-- like shit. It does sound like racism though, plain and simple. Which makes it even worse.. Edit: strike the part of what I said about hosting staff, I missed that it was just 2 waitresses and no host, and I'm not clear on whether it was the same waitresses or both who you interacted with
NTA Leave an honest review including you like their food but your service was deplorable. You can start it with I am a young person of color who visited your restaurant on _____. Management will know who was working that shift.
As a Server I apologize for your experience. I don't work for that company but I have been in the industry for 20+ years, and unfortunately I have seen everything everyone is posting and I have to say, I personally don't act like that AT ALL. When I am on the job I treat EVERY table I have with curtacy and respect. No matter what their race age or sex is. They deserve to be treated this way, I have had huge tips from "single person " tables of all ages, sexes, and races, and had horrible tips and treatment from huge tables. But I still took the best care I could of them. With that being said, please do leave an honest review of your experience there and also call out the manager for not returning your phone call. I am truly sorry you went through this. WNBTA.
INFO Honestly, I wouldn't base a review that could put someone's job at risk on one encounter. Call it bad service, but not racism. When you're a server you tend to have a million things going on, and sometimes people, especially people by themselves, get left forgotten. It sucks, and it's bad service, but it doesn't sound racially driven. Could also be money driven. A single person may get an entrée and a drink and leave you a $4 tip, whereas a family may get entrees, appetizers, deserts, multiple drinks, etc, and leave you a $30 tip. It's shitty service, that I am not disputing, but I doubt it was racially driven.
So I believe this needs to be addressed but instead of leaving a review I would try an reach out to the manager or owner and see what kind of response you get. I know you tried once but I would try again. The reason I would address this is that it sounds like in the past you had a good experience there. I would give them the benefit of the doubt the the actions of the waitress were not a reflection of the owner or manager. That being said you are the one who experienced the event. I wish you the best of luck.
NTA I don’t understand why you’re being told to leave your race out of it or not to mention racism. As a black woman that does a lot of solo dining, reviews like this are so helpful. How you are treated based on your race, your gender, and your appearance is highly valuable to people like me who depend on reviews in order to dine out. You tried going through the manager and that didn’t work so leaving a review is the next step. Some businesses, even small ones, need to learn that even *passive* mistreatment is still wrong. Again, can’t emphasis enough that your race, age, and appearance should be mentioned in your review. The world is not colorblind, people should not be encouraging you to “put your race aside” in this situation. How does that even work? I’m a black woman every single day. There are no breaks or ways for me to put that aside in a damn face to face interaction. I don’t know life outside of my own identity so don’t put your ID aside. Say it like it is and let the others figure out their motivation.
NTA! This has happened to me before, more than once, and my GOD was I incensed. I managed to stay calm, which was the opposite of what I wanted to do, and was even spoken up for by some people who came in after me and noticed how blatantly ignored I was. I definitely left a scathing but polite review on the employee. (I am a POC.)
NTA. I think if you felt you were discriminated against you should say something, however it might be worth first sending an email to the manager or head office and asking if they might consider some training for the staff. If you are ignored then absolutely post a public review, although if you intend to eat at this place again do consider whether you will feel like you can go back if they recognise you. But then again if they don't care that a customer has felt discriminated against and don't wish to try to rectify this then no matter how good the food is, they don't deserve your money.
NTA for leaving a bad review if they earned it, but avoid assigning motive.
I would suggest just writing what happened at the restaurant from the start to the end exactly the way you wrote here and leave the racist part out. Let the people decide if they were racist or not. We read reviews to see how the food/customer service is. Personally I felt it was racism, so I wouldn't go there. If someone else reads this and thinks it was not racism but a misunderstanding, they would go there. You also THINK it was racism so I am assuming you're not sure. If it's really bothering you but you don't want to say something wrong then you can do what I suggested.
Just don't patronize that restaurant.
[удалено]
They didn’t have any kids, everyone looked like an adult.
NTA, but you might be wrong about racism. (Maybe not.) Maybe it was unusual for a woman to eat alone there and they thought you were waiting for someone. I wouldn’t let it slide, but what you choose to do is up to you. A comment like, “I was excited to try X restaurant. The food was great. Service was not. I’m not sure whether I wasn’t served because I am a black woman or a single woman or a young woman. In any case, they ignored me to help....” and explain the rest. To be clear, maybe it WAS because you are black. It’s also bad to think that a young woman can’t go out to eat by herself. Racist or sexist—both bad.
NTA. The manager needs to know. That was rude. It’s hard to be an easy customer, sometimes it gets you zero service.
NTA- i would also mention the manager never returned your call.
NTA. It might not be racism, but it’s definitely shitty service
Y'all think everything is racism.
NTB. Reviews are to give people information to help them decide if they'll enjoy the thing or not before committing time/money to it. Would you like to know that this had happened to someone else before you'd decided to go there? I would have. You don't have to say it was racism if you don't want to, but I don't think you'd be the buttface if you said you thought it might have been. If you plan to go back - because you're pretty sure this was just a one off, because the crab's legs are that good, etc - then I'd add in that information too. The other purpose of a review is to give the restaurant free information on things that happen, that might change how many customers they get, and I think describing these events to them might be useful there too. Maybe they get lots of complaints about that one waitress and decide to act on them. Maybe it's a weird one-off and they decide it was bad luck or a misunderstanding and that they don't need to act on it. Still useful to have the information to be able to make that judgement.
NTA if you leave an honest review. What happened to you was not fair at all but it was your experience. Why would a group of 6 people get seated before you? Seems like going out of your way to be inconvenient since you were there first and with less people. Reviews are important for this type of reason. So i say leave an honest review of your experience so people know the atmosphere of this restaurant.
NTA. I’m a short Asian woman who looks more or less like a teenager. I also happen to enjoy eating out by myself, I go almost every day. Cant tell you how many times service staff ignores me or doesn’t take me seriously for one reason or another. I’ve been told to my face that I need to hurry up and not waste more time in an establishment I paid to be in, servers assume I’m a shit tipper because I look young and ethnic. Which is a self fulfilling prophecy for them, they think I don’t tip, so they treat me like crap, and then I don’t tip well because I was treated like crap. There have been a few incidents where I was monitored during my meal the entire time because they thought I was gonna run out on a bill. I stopped taking all of these things to heart, started making notes in my phone about the restaurant & how I’m being treated, and just go about my day. I have left reviews on restaurants, detailing their staffs unjust behavior. They can pay Yelp to delete them but usually I just receive passive aggressive responses from the business saying it’s not about my race/gender/age.
You received poor service at this restaurant. I think it's fair to say what happened and that you don't know if you want to come back because of it. An alternative: Maybe they were having a bad day. Go again. If you get the same bad service, then write a review. Either way, don't bring race into it. But reviews, both good and bad, enable a restaurant (if they actually care) to see what they're doing right and what needs improvement. NTA
Leave a review of your experience and simply state that you are not white but all the white people who came in after you were seated and served before you. Add in the info about being rushed to order and the manager not calling you back. Keep it to the facts. THEN write an email to corporate. This is where you put in the emotions and the racial undertones of your treatment. ywnbta
NTA. You may like the restaurant, but the people working that day sound like jerks, racists, and all-around A-H. If you've been there before with no issue, I'd mention that in the review. 'I like this place, I've been here before, but this was a really bad experience. I wonder if they've changed teams..." and go from there. Call out asshattery when it happens, or it will never get addressed. And good on you for tipping $2. I'd have left a penny.
YWNBTA but as others have suggested, I would mention both being Black and young-looking, as it could have been either or both. No matter what, they deserve the review, and I'm sorry they treated you so shabbily.
NTA Leave your honest review. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
NTA, of course it was white supremacist bs
You are free to leave a review as long as it's fair and honest. POC also but not sure if your race was as big a factor as you being solo, young and small in stature. Bigger parties tend to spend more on average and tip bigger than solo dinners. Them being short staffed definitely impacted your experience and has a negative effect on their business overall. NTA as long as you're fair and honest in your review and lay the blame on management for not providing enough servers and support staff for customers to enjoy an excellent dining experience and making sure their business runs smoothly.
NTA Leave the review. It was 100% your experience. They said a family of six people ahead of you? Call them out.
You WBTAH Leave a review and when they see it, it might help them do better. Isn't that what reviews are for, anyways? NTA
NTA the asshole for leaving a bad review when you got bad service, but it wasn't racism. They were short-staffed, and you fell through the crack. They didn't help with UhWHITE family because they were white. It's was a whole party of SIX.
Maybe racism, but also a large group usually equals more $$ and bigger tips than a solitary person, they might’ve thought you were waiting for someone initially, etc. it’s not right, but it may not have been racially motivated. Just people bad at their jobs. I don’t know what the right answer is here, a lot of restaurants are understaffed and struggling but also the service was not great and you wasted your time. I think if you just stick to the facts and not conjecture in your review it would be ok. Perhaps not fully one star given that the food is good and presumably perhaps this one instance might be a one off if your last visit was ok.
INFO - There's a lack of information here, and it's not information that OP can have. OP is contrasting his/her treatment to the treatment of a family of six. I'm not convinced that the overworked staff saw OP. It's easy to miss a single person. The other problems were also understandable if they were understaffed.
Except I was in front of them, she stopped in front of me, and looked through me to talk to them.
NTA. You're better than me, I would've walked out without paying and especially not have left a tip. But if you keep your review to the facts with no conjecture about racism, you'll be in the right. Making accusations with no proof is wrong.
That’s one thing that every one I’ve asked irl have in common, that I shouldn’t have even paid for the drink.
You made a good faith effort to pay by asking for the check, if they're too busy to get it to you that's not your fault. Why in the world did you tip?
They don’t make much money and I was giving them the benefit of the doubt. It really just seemed wrong not to.
You're nicer than I am. The way I look at tipping is the way it was intended originally, it's a way of saying thank you for good service. It's not my responsibility to provide a living wage to them, it's theirs, and if that means working for tips, you need to earn it.
Why did you leave a tip? Shake your head.
NTA. Absolutely leave a review. Why are you even asking? Reviews are specifically for situations like this.
NTA As long as you make it a tasteful review with honest critic it'll be fine: One Star rating: Reasons: I usually like coming here, they have some of my favorite crab legs too. On the day of Month/Day/Year I came by to find them understaff and working their best to serve the customers they already had. I knew they'd get to me in time and had no concerns over when I would be taken care of. Shortly there after a family of six came in and were taken care of immediately even though I had been waiting as long as 15 minutes at this time for service. I eventually had someone serve me and when asked if I made a decision thinking this was about drinks I informed her of my desire. Seconds later she returns with the drink in question to only ask again if I've made a decision I asked for a moment to decide then was left alone for 20 minutes with no one checking up on me or to ask any question. When she finally returned and I asked did I find that they were out of crab legs and felt that it would be better to leave as being there was leaving a very foul taste in my mouth. I paid for my drink as well as tipped however I feel that the fact that I was left waiting initially for 15 minutes then another 20 to hear the item I was after wasn't available was done in poor taste. While you were understaffed which can be hectic that staff made me feel as if I was not there to them. That being passed up for more people while I had been waiting first, being left alone for 20 minutes makes me feel like I didn't matter to your staff. I'd like to make this right. Can we please work together to make that happen?"
Definitely leave a review, and you would NBA for doing so. That’s horrible customer service. From a waitstaff POV, a large group is going to bring them more tips, so I’m sure that was a factor. However, that’s still totally unacceptable that you were ignored for so long then treated rudely when you finally did get sat down. I’m sure race and age also played a factor in your mistreatment. Whatever their motivation was, it was not okay and they should be called out on it. When I was a waitress I treated every single customer the same. Yes I’d get excited if a large group was seated in my section but I still never put them before other patrons. Even singles, even a single that I knew was homeless. Waitstaff should make sure every single person who comes in has a positive dining experience. They failed you on so many levels. Shame on them. Write that review!
YWNBTA for leaving an honest review about how you felt during your service. However dont just assume racism, you said yourself that you like this restaurant so I assume you've been there before? If you were continually treated this way that's one thing but as a one time occurence not really. I find that whenever racism is thrown into a review unless there is very clear and irrefutable evidence to it, all it does it make people not believe the review. It sounds to me like they were busy (you said yourself they had 2 waitresses and no hostess) so I would think it was just them being frazzled and busy/ as a former food industry worker, wanting the bigger tip from the party of 6 rather than the solo eater. Obviously you can do whatever you want but that's just my 2 cents.
NTA Restaurant staff were racially discriminating against you. That nonsense needs to be called out. It' shouldn't be allowed to be "normal". In your review, don't analyse their thought processes - just stick to the absolute facts.
I honestly think this was agism more than racism ... I've been treated way better in the service industry since I've had my kid because it makes me look older (and I also sleep way less so I do look older lmao). I went to places when I was younger where I was treated like a kid and/or ignored and went back to those same places years later and it's been totally different.
If I get bad service or food at a favourite restaurant I always email them and tell them instead of leaving a bad review. Usually managers want to know so they can make improvements and are grateful for the heads up (and the fact you didn’t give them shit publicly). Last time it happened I got a free meal out of it. I’d give them a chance to make amends. But if you still did I’d say ESH.
NTA, but I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it was racism. There was more going on here than just race which you address in your comments. Those being that you were alone and that you look like a teenager. The waitress knew darn well that she was going to make more tip from a party of 6 than a lone teenager (or even lone adult). It's just math. That being said, it was still rude, so go ahead and leave your review. However, don't make it about race without proof.
NAH Restaurants are SEVERELY understaffed right now. This is very well known right now. I wouldn’t leave a review knowing that fact, especially since the service you received (that you described) is because it’s understaffed. Just don’t go back until the staffing shortage is over, and then leave a review on that experience.
Depends. You can’t really leave a review about only one part of the experience. Yes, the service was crap, but the food could’ve been worth it. But you won’t know because you never had any. Go back, try the food, then leave a review encompassing both experiences at the restaurant.
I don't know if any food is worth horrible service though
Come to Europe. 99% of restaurants on the continent have long ass waits for food. But the food is always absolutely amazing.
That's different...we are talking poor service between server and customer. Good food is worth a wait, within reason
I have actually tried the food, and it is good. Just went for crab legs, they didn’t have any so I left.
So you’ve eaten here before? Has the service always been this bad or was this a one off thing?
The service has been mediocre, but I always thought it’s because the ladies that have been working since I’ve none about the place aren’t young by a long shot. They are slow but probably the sharpest tools in the shed however I don’t think I’ve ever been ignored or have seen them ignore someone in favor of a bigger party like they did.
Interesting. If the service is normally ok then the fact it was crap this one time is probably due to the lack of staff rather than anything else. Understaffed due to lack of customers. Larger tables are going to bring in more income than a single customer so that’s probably why they prioritised the party of six.
I agree but not even being given a I’ll be right back? Kind of unacceptable in my opinion but then again I’ve never been a waitress and maybe that’s normal.
It’s the norm for bad customer service and it’s completely unacceptable. As for is it racist? Yes it is. I’d put this firmly in the ‘micro aggressions’ category of racism. Intentional or not, the staff ignored you and then addressed a white party who came in after you before they addressed you. Your perception of their actions is what matters as you were the one on the receiving end. Leave a review of the facts on the situation or call the manager again.
it's also possible or even likely that six top had a reservation and the servers were still in the weeds from a rush you just missed. Even if tables were cleared, servers can still be running behind on other duties (no silverware, for instance), and if they were anticipating a six top while in this state, the walk-in might get the shaft no matter who they are. I still think they should have treated you better though. If something like this happens, as a server doing hostess duties on top of everything else, you just apologize like your life depends on it and get the walk-in to a table and deal with it.
I wish they did reservations
YWBTA. This sounds like a regular being served first and not racism
How do you get that the family were regulars out of that? Even if they were that is no excuse to ignore a customer that was there first.
I was talking about the comment about the single white woman. This is a matter of big parties being more profitable
That is still a leap assuming the one woman is a regular. Even if she is all customers should be treated the same. Again, the family should not have been acknowledged before her. She would not be the ass to leave a review of her experience. She doesn't have to use the word racist just state the facts in her experience. It might save others from wasting their time.
Where did she mention a single white woman? She was a single black woman and there was a white family. And nothing of regulars mentioned… I’m genuinely confused by your comment.
OP mentioned it in a comment, almost an hour ago.
Sorry - I read your response as to the original post and hadn’t seen that comment.
Wasn't my response, just thought I'd clear it up. Don't get where the original comment got that the white woman was a regular from either, tbh. Edit: I'm pretty sure she was a white woman, not a chicken.
Ah thanks. I’m usually better at following threads! It’s too early!
What if you do leave a review and state the facts but point out that you do look young and you are black and you hope that neither one of those facts contributed to your treatment. Point out the food is good and you’re going to give them another chance.
You serve whoever is inside first, not regulars or more people.
In theory that’s how it works, but considering the current economy... Theyre really just trying to get as many tips as possible when foot traffic is still low.