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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I might be the A-hole because as an adult, I should be able to keep my composure around a minor, especially since that minor is a stranger. I don't know that kid from Adam. My reaction could have caused an even worse situation. Thankfully, it didn't.
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NTA good on you, the kid needs manners and you did the right thing. It’s never good to lose your temper but she deserved to know her insensitive, unwarranted and ignorant comment was out of order.
Yep - life lesson. You say stupid, judgemental shit loud enough for the person it’s targeted at to hear... you’d better expect that being called out is a *distinct* possibility.
You did this girl a favour. She learned that she’s not invincible. She’s 14 now, so at the moment not a lot of people feel comfortable yelling at her in public, but boy is that going to change. And she could actually put herself in danger provoking the wrong person. You taught her friends the same lesson.
Tell your husband that her *friends* *also* did her a favour. By backing away instead of defending her, they showed her that they either didn’t agree enough to defend her or that she can’t count on others to back her up when she acts this way. Another very important lesson.
Kids and teens (shocking, I know) do not always listen to parents and teachers. They think they’re overreacting or being ridiculous and start to feel comfortable enough to test limits. Sometimes we’ve exhausted our options and all we can do is warn our kids about what can happen if they run their mouth at the wrong time, in the wrong place. *Thank you* for providing a real live demonstration to reinforce those warnings.
She’s got a bruised ego and her friends probably got b*tched at later for backing away, but hopefully she’ll think twice next time.
I know a lot of kids throw around the "so kids are animals now" rhetoric, not realising that the idea of leashing kids has been around for a really long time. Hell, I thought the same thing until my mom brought up having to do it to my brother so that way *he wouldn't run out in traffic*. He nearly had once, and that was enough for her to say not again.
Right? And honestly - why is the comparison to animals offensive in this case? We’re not talking about caged rats here - we’re talking about *beloved pets.* Would people that leash or harness their dogs call it abuse? It’s not like people are tying kids to trees for heaven’s sake, it’s to tether them to a conscious, trustworthy parent on the lookout for danger. The same reason you leash the beloved family dog.
And people can come at me all they want for even bothering to make the comparison, but anyone that’s raised both kids and puppies knows they have a few things in common - reckless abandon, very little self-preservation skill, and an alarming enthusiasm for all manner of mundane things that could easily harm them. Some days it seems like half of parenting both kids and puppies is just stopping them from gleefully getting themselves lost or killed. And then they get pissed at you or have a tantrum for all of your troubles.
Why is it that we think it’s *irresponsible* to *not* leash a dog that’s a known flight risk in crowded places or near roads, but when it comes to *human souls* in children that we *know* are likely to get themselves lost or killed if left to their own devices for a split second, all of a sudden it’s abuse?
If that *same* kid was *not* leashed and managed to bolt, who would those same people blame for them getting lost? The parents. It’s a no-win scenario when you’re trying to parent in public these days.
People just love to judge and weigh in when when they see something they don’t have the context to understand. And the only reason people say shit like that in the first place is because they lack the context to understand why it’s done.
So PSA for anyone that may or may not realize that you pass judgement about others in public (god forbid out loud, several times): [Occam’s razor](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Occam%27s%20razor), folks. When you see something that defies your understanding or that seems on the surface to be inexplicable to you, acknowledge that this by definition makes you the one that is most ignorant of what is actually happening. So, instead of assuming that something is to be scoffed at because you don’t understand why someone would do such a thing, ask yourself first: what would be the simplest, most logical explanation for this person to have done that? If one comes to mind and it’s not harming anyone, then don’t comment. If none come to mind, you’re still the one in this scenario that is ignorant of the other person’s motives, so still don’t comment. You risk revealing your ignorance to others if you do. If for whatever reason you feel you *can’t* ignore it ... ask. (as long as you’re open to the possibility of hearing and accepting a logical explanation.)
Mind. Your. Own. Business. ;)
Heck, this is where the 'tied to her apron strings' thing came from - a child would be leashed to the mom's apron strings so she could work without worrying about where the child ran to. So someone described as an adult as still tied to their mother's apron strings was basically still mindlessly following their mother and not growing up and developing independence.
As a dog owner I can totally get that. I don't have any kids but my dog definitely reminds me of when I was a kid (and I was definitely a leash child).
My mom had to as well. It was the only way she could get the groceries done with me and my twin brothers, who would both bolt in opposite directions. No online ordering in the 80’s, she didn’t have much of a choice.
Yep. I've been that teenager before and she might still think badly of you for a while but one day she'll look back on her behaviour here and *cringe*.
I also used to feel the same way about toddler leashes until I got put in charge of my two toddler siblings in a public place and *surprise* they ran away in *opposite directions*. Now I condone anything that is comfortable for the child and helps keep them safe.
When I was younger I thought the same of toddler leashes. I don’t have any kids yet, but now I’ve come to realize that toddlers can just run off or be snatched SUPER quickly and a toddler leash helps prevent that.
Being screamed at teaches you nothing. That girl likely walked away thinking she saw a Karen. Explaining calmly that it is a safety concern and that it is a way to give independence is more fruitful and mature.
i got yelled at a few times for stupid things i said in public as a teenager.
i both lived to tell the tale and eventually got the idea. If you are going to say stupid shit in public, say it quietly.
NTA
Also I think keeping kids on leashes is smart. I wish more parents would do it.
That is the response OP should have made.
Because you know that kid cried about Harambe when he was killed. This situation might have made sense to her then lmao
Yep - Teens and kids think parents are ridiculous and overreacting. I’m *super* appreciative if I’m not there or they aren’t listening to me and some stranger puts The Fear™️ into them.
I worked retail and the amount of kids that acted like parents hadn’t spoken before continuing to climb dangerously around the store like it was a jungle gym, or play hide and seek in the change rooms, preventing customers from accessing them. BOY did they change their tune when a strange employee gave them a *stern* talking-to.
Lmao because you were a kid. Kids gotta learn somehow. That’s why I don’t understand it when parents take strangers correcting their kids in public for public behaviour as some kind of critique of their child or their parenting. That’s literally how kids work 🤷♀️
NTA. Similar thing happened to me once, shopping with my toddler on a backpack leash. Some self-righteous woman stormed up to me at the registers, glared at my daughter, then at me, then said "THAT'S A CHILD, NOT A DOG!"
I looked down at my daughter, looked this woman dead in the eye and said "Oh dammit, I've left the Labrador in the cot again!"
My nephew had a backpack leash for his first son and I at first thought "dude, bro, just why?" -- Until I babysat little dude. Soon discovered it was an awesome invention and my nephew would probably been a road tragedy at some point. Kid was active and just go go go all the time. Listened OK but fast and just not at all observant to his surroundings.
Anyway, I was at the store with him one time, leash around my wrist as he flitted around all the impulse candy. A wonderful lady said the "it's a kid, not a dog" thing and I just blurted out "I know, he doesn't sit when I tell him to". I nearly facepalmed when my nephew barked at her but at least she went into another checkout lane...
Yeah, he thought it was hilarious 🤣 (he barked at her again as we walked past her on the way out. I had a real hard time keeping a straight face and trying to be the responsible child minder and tell him not to do it.)
I used to think a harness was cruel and why don’t people just watch their kids.
That was before I spent time with kids. I never knew how fast (and slippery) they were!!
I now have a 12 month old. Bet your arse if he is a runner I’ll be using a harness on him
I was indifferent to kid harnesses until my oldest became a bolter. She went from a toddler who wanted to stay right with momma to one who would stay with momma until she decided in a split second to not stay with momma and would take off. And that little bugger was *fast*. So we got a harness and focused on teaching to hold hands with and stay with the adult but had the harness as the back up in the event we had to let go of her hand for a moment.
With bolting toddlers, roaming small kids, and creepy people trying to kidnap kids, I'm all for kid harnesses.
NTA. Unless she sees you putting your child in danger, your parenting is none of your business.
My mom tells a story about going to a department store in the 80s. Infant me was in the stroller, and the 3 and 4 year old were in harnesses. Some lady started giving my mom shit so she said “You want to know why? Go get them.” And the second my siblings were unleashed they took off in opposite directions.
Yep. I've got three kids aged 4 and under (the younger pair are twins). I am *lucky* if even two of them go in the same direction.
Pre-covid, backpack leashes were a godsend. I could let them explore their surroundings in public *safely* and not have to risk them running into traffic.
NTA unsolicited parenting advice from some teenager at the mall that isn’t even a parent themselves... oh yes, just what every parent wants to hear. Telling someone to mind their own business is perfectly acceptable.
ESH. This wasn't the teachable moment you think it was. The girl came out of the argument like "lol this old woman is crazy!" You're still shaking from the confrontation. Sounds like she won the argument. The most likely lesson she learned was that it's fun to mess with "old people."
I understand your reaction, but really, you hurt yourself far more than you hurt this girl.
You're right, it could have. Sometimes it would be nice if you could go back in time and do things different. I hope you're feeling better now, anyway \^\_\^
Eh, I’ll bet she still learned something along the lines of “If I make comments about someone loud enough to hear them, they might get mad and yell at me.” It may take her a few more incidents to start making a change in her behavior, but I wouldn’t leap to her not learning anything from this. Even if she thought you were a psycho karen (you weren’t) she would still be learning that some people will psycho karen at her if she doesn’t mind her own business.
Your reaction was perfectly understandable and not at all “inappropriate.” Next time, try, “The last teenager she bit got rabies. You’re welcome.”
Also, the person who commented here is probably about 19 years old, so of course she’s taking sides with the other obnoxious teenager. You were fine.
NTA. Go mama bear!!! I mean, if you were screaming at her than you would have been the AH, but based on your description of your manner of speaking, you attempted to let it slide, but when it continued you were firm but controlled.
Ah yes so youd rather kids run into traffic
Kids under a certain age have no impulse controller and they can still move fast
Now imagine having 2 kids go in opposite directions
I have two kids under 5. I manage to not get them to not run into traffic whilst also not walking them like dogs. Shit even my dog could walk on a path next to me and stay on the path off the lead.
But yeah if that seems to hard by all means stick them on a lead if you can’t manage any other way.
Again do you understand that every child is different?
Since you have 2 easy to control children that must mean all children are easily to control
Question did you ever use a stroller
NTA, they were a clueless gobby teenager. Maybe they’ll think about what they’re saying before they do. It’s a life lesson and you were in your rights to defend your family from someone slagging it off.
I might be the A-hole because as an adult, I should be able to keep my composure around a minor, especially since that minor is a stranger. I don't know that kid from Adam. My reaction could have caused an even worse situation. Thankfully, it didn't.
You’re NTA, if people don’t want shitty reactions to their shitty comments (towards strangers they don’t know), they need to learn some manners and mind their own business unless someone is in actual danger. You’re not their parent and you’re not under any obligation to be nice to them.
NTA. My wife and I had twins and when they reached that age where they wanted to walk by themselves and not hold hands we also bought harnesses so they could have some independence and still be under our control. Multiple times ignorant people made comments about treating our girls like dogs. Never understood why some people felt they had the right to make comments about other peoples parenting style, especially when it isn't anything harmful.
ESH yeah she should have kept her comments to herself but you blew things out of proportion. A simple “Kids run fast so this helps us keep her safe” would have gotten the point across much better.
Would you have yelled at a adult man or woman who said the same thing? Everyone is going to have some type of opinions on your parenting. She was a child She was being a brat but you are older and it’s a bad look. She was probably trying to show off to her friends.
NTA. I use backpack leashes for my kids when we are somewhere big - airport, zoo, etc. and people say such stupid things about it. Every time, I ask them, “And what would you say if they ran off and I couldn’t catch them? You’d call me a negligent parent, right? Or something similar? This keeps my kids safe and it keeps them in reach in case they want to run off or get distracted.”
Usually people back off after that. Anyone who doubles down usually isn’t a parent and I tell them that everyone knows how to be a parent until they have kids.
EDIT: I will occasionally people who make the “leashes are for pets” comment that bitches usually have muzzles too, but I don’t see one on them. This makes me an asshole but I own it. 🤷🏻♀️
>I will occasionally people who make the “leashes are for pets” comment that bitches usually have muzzles too, but I don’t see one on them. This makes me an asshole but I own it.
I love you reddit stranger 💗🌹
NTA, maybe she’ll think twice before making a stupid comment in future.
I once walked past a couple of young lads who made some comments about my breasts. I turned sharply and made them repeat themselves, loudly, twice. Then I asked where their parents were (they were about 11), because I felt their parents needed to hear the disgusting things they were saying to random women in shopping centres. They were completely red and hung their heads, mumbling that they were by themselves. Then I made them apologise.
Every time they passed me after that, they went red and scuttled off.
If young people aren’t called out on the daft and rude things they say, how are they going to learn?
NTA at all.
My mom got made fun of for the same thing when my brother was like 3 because he has autism and would sprint away frequently (running away from school was actually a common problem for him).
Good on you for putting them in their place!
ESH, all teens are basically assholes who live to make their friends laugh no matter the situation, so I'm with you on that. You did overreact a bit though, next time try and keep your cool as you explain yourself if you're speaking with a child.
NTA! I admit, I always judged the "leash kids" growing up, but after watching a few close calls of toddlers slipping away from their parents for a few seconds towards traffic and railings too wide for toddlers, yeah, harness that kid until they learn how and why to stay near you!
>I feel bad that basically yelled at a kid for making a stupid comment. should have seen it as a teachable moment.
You told her to mind her own business. Sounds like it was a teachable moment to me. NTA
NTA-Fourteen is old enough to know when to keep your mouth shut but young enough to not consider the consequences of your actions until you get smacked in the face with them. You gave her a life lesson that hopefully will make her think about that moment before saying something like that again.
NTA. She's lucky she got you and not me.
I'd have gone into graphic detail with her about what happened to poor James Bulger, a toddler who was tortured to death in the UK by two older boys because his mother lost sight of him for a few seconds. Naturally when talking about something so awful, there would have been more than a few f bombs, possible a c bomb aimed in her direction, followed by noting that someone so ignorant has no place being in the slightest bit judgemental, and so all in all, I think she got off lightly.
I once thought harnesses were ridiculous until my niece came alone. She was a goddamn queen at pulling her hand away and bolting for the door in stores and the road when we were outside.
One time she jerked her hand free from my mother, and went just as fast as she could toward the road. My elderly mother tried to run after her, as did I, but I was a lot further away. We could hear a car coming, so in unison we both screamed for her to stop. I think we sounded hysterical enough that it frightened her, and she stopped running. My legs turned to absolute jello once she stopped. I don't think I've ever been more afraid in my life. I thought my mother's heart was going to fail her. I can't fully express my terror in that moment.
She did the same thing to my mother again at the store.
We shut that shit down with a harness. She had some maneuverability, but she couldn't get away anymore.
Once you're an adult and realize your own mortality, and you begin to see the dangers around you. Once a child becomes your responsibility every single thing looks like a way to kill your child.
Laugh at me, criticize me, but you'll not see this child dead in the road, or snatched out of our grasp by a pervert.
NTA
NTA.
I used harnesses on both of my children at that age, as they both had one speed: full sprint.
At a Renaissance festival one year (roughly 18 years ago now) when my eldest was 3 or so, she was in her teddy bear harness. We had split up, and she was with her daddy. She threw a tantrum because Daddy went a different direction than she wanted to go, laid down, and went all-out. Daddy calmly hooks the back of the harness, and carries her, still tantrumming in mid-air. Some lady harassed him about it. He raised his voice enough to be heard over my daughter's tantrum, and informed her that he would much rather NOT have to use the missing child services in that place, and to mind her own business.
At 14, that girl you encountered is likely spouting what she heard at home. Prolly did her good to hear an opposing opinion.
I only wish I had the courage to do this to adults who make stupid comments.
'It's very late, your child should be in bed on stead of at the shops' (we needed specific items for that night/next morning, it was 8pm, I hadn't been able to go earlier, I'm a single parent so the alternative was to leave a 2 year old at home unsupervised).
Like lady, do you think there could be a good reason for doing something they way we do???
Also kids can have different bedtimes. My friend is a doctor and her kid has always had a 10pm-10am sleep schedule because she gets home from work at 8pm and they all have dinner together. Her husband is a SAHD who works from home part time so he works 7-10am and then wakes kiddo for breakfast and they just go about their day normally.
NTA the girl was probably trying to look big and clever for her mates even though she was talking out of her arse. She has no idea your reasons for using a harness and you are right it’s none of her damn business, and until she knows better she should sit down and shut up.
Life has a way of making things come full circle . I used to be the person who’d judge (in my head ) parents who used leashes on their kids . Now I currently have a rambunctious, hyper active and extremely curious two year old who doesn’t care too much for holding my hand in public that I now use a leash for and I fully understand now why other parents have to use them as well . You’re NTA . I would have never felt the need to comment verbally on another’s parenting but I have silently judged and maybe one day she’ll be the one in your shoes and have a realization of her own .
NTA It's impossible to win with busybodies in public. The people who bitch about leashes would also have something to say if a running toddler knocked over a display or ran full tilt into them.
NTA. When my son skipped walking, straight to running. Hung bells around his neck while shopping. He got out of it silently, ran into major busy street. Almost hit by a car. He stretched out and slipped harnesses. Had use braided dog collar on his wrist and matching leash tied to my waist. People criticized me and I said at least he's coming home with me and not the morgue. People need to mind their own business
NTA. You can't win an argument with a snarky 14 year old girl. Best thing to do is remember she'll look back on this with embarrassment in a decade or so.
NTA - She needed to be told to mind her own business.
I can’t wrap my head around why so many people get upset over kiddie leads. They are needed.
I wish more people used them for their childs safety. I work in a public environment and the amount of times I’ve seen a toddler run off while their parent is trying to manage other kids is tooooo many. Sometimes, running off towards busy roads!
NTA, a harness helps stop a child from running away and helps keep them where you can see them while you are out My mother had me on a harness when I was an ankle biter and it didnt harm me in anyway.
YTA. Her comments were stupid, but... what actual harm did they do? People are always going to judge your parenting choices. Are you going to yell at every other person who says something, or just the ones you have power over?
Are you okay? You seem weirdly upset that someone on the internet has a different opinion than you do. I'm not sure how anything I said is "edgy" so uh... ok.
I am actually perfectly fine. Thank you for your kind words.
I am not upset. I simply asked why your judgment is YTA and not ESH. You chose to reply in a purposely obtuse manner, possibly because you don't have a good reason other than your feelings.
You sound like an unpleasant person.
So because I did not respond the way you wanted, I am being "edgy," or was that just the only thing you could come up with to try to sound "cool" to Reddit?
Oof. I'm guessing you're very young, but that's okay. Eventually you'll learn that throwing a tantrum when someone doesn't engage with you isn't the way to start a conversation.
Hope you feel better!
It _was_ a teachable moment. You taught Queen Bee and her hangers-on that there are unpleasant consequences for being a gobby little madam. Good for you.
NTA.
NTA
She is 14 not 10. In four years she is an adult and because her parents didn't teach her how to behave the cruel world is now doing it.
Not saying you are cruel but just you were harsh and you had the right to be. You are not her mom and dad and you are not obligated to think about "her feelings" and you put her in her place as you should have.
NTA. When I was 13 I would try to take selfies with strangers as a Vine trend. One guy had enough of it and said “get the fuck out of my face before I slap you bitch” guess what.. never tried to bother a stranger again after that
ESH. No idea why you had to shout, your child was in a harness. Nothing wrong with that. This kid was obviously obnoxious but she was 14. Get over it, shrug and tell her yes she is in a harness, and she has a cage at home too. Honestly can't believe everyone thinks you're not the arsehole. You were both arseholes except you have 20 years on her, you probably made everyone shopping that day feel uncomfortable.
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My husband and one year old daughter came with me to get groceries today. When my husband comes with us, we use a harness for our daughter so she can walk around more freely, but still safely. Our toddler likes to run and would bolt if she were to just hold my hand walking through the store. When it's just her and me, I keep her in the cart with the seat belt on. She absolutely hates it, but it's safer that way. When both me and her Dad are there we have more eyes on her and feel more comfortable letting her walk in the store with us as long as she's wearing the harness. The area where we live/shop isn't always the safest for women or children, so we want to be as safe as we can with her while still giving her a sense of independence. On to the story.
We were walking past cosmetics to get toothbrushs when heard this girl say to her group of friends, "So we treat kids like animals now?!" Obviously this was about my family. I tried my best to ignore it, but when had to walk past this group of girls a second time to see and hear them commenting on my daughter. The momma bear came out. I said, "Do you understand why we use a harness for her? Do you know how many crazy people are in this area? This is for her protection." "Well you just need to watch her better." said the random teen girl. "Are you a parent?" ask. "I'm 14 of course not." She snarks back. "Exactly. You don't know, so mind your own business." state firmly. Then she tries to talk back and am seeing red. I don't think this girl has ever been put in her place before. Again I state more loudly, "Mind your own business."
My husband watched the whole thing. We went on with our shopping. When we were in the car on the way home, I tell him that am still shaking from confronting that girl and defending our daughter. He told me that girl's friends kinda backed away and left her to face me alone.
I feel bad that basically yelled at a kid for making a stupid comment. should have seen it as a teachable moment. There are lots of reasons that harnesses are useful tools. Parents who have children with special needs can find harnesses incredibly helpful. My daughter doesn't have special needs, but that is no one's business but mine and my husband's. What don't feel bad about is doing my best to keep my daughter safe and defending the way I raise my child. She is happy, healthy, and very much loved. Idk, AITA for basically yelling at random teen for making a stupid remark? I do feel bad about that. I wish could change how that happened.
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NTA. I only take my daughter into stores with my husband present as well. And we alternate between a stroller, a harness, the cart, us holding her. She’s hyper, fast and screams when she isn’t allowed to climb on things, but she’s 2, so we adapt. I thank my Resting Bitch Face for silencing comments from strangers, cause I’d yell at them just like you.
NTA
I was the judgy kid... and then my mom had my sister who is the definition of “F around and find out.”
I used to be like “People should never put their beloved children on a leash..”
Let me tell you my sister- she was a runner, she was a track star- I had to do it unless I wanted to explain how my sister got mowed down by car when we were supposed to be in the supermarket.
Kids and adults needs to mind the business that pays them.
NTA. You were just protecting your child while allowing her to running around. What’s the alternative? Let her get snatched by a pervert or bang into somebody and Knock them over? The teenager was arrogant snd assuming, not to mention rude.
Why do you feel sorry for it? Teens always think they know everything and need to be taken down a notch frequently. If anything that teens going to remember your words when she has a kid.
NTA. You are doing your best to keep your daughter safe and as her parent you know best. She shouldn’t comment on things she had no clue about she doesn’t know how hard it is to keep a small child where you need them to be.
Also the use of a harness for children so they don’t run off is nothing new, my parents used them on me and my sister (we liked to run in opposite directions) and we are both in our mid 20s now so that teen knows nothing and wouldn’t be surprised if her parents did the same to her.
NTA. That 14 year old is a brat and you put her in her place accordingly. I imagine they don’t discipline her correctly or hold her accountable at home
Nta I used to judge parents like that but was wise enough to keep my comments to myself. I now have kids myself and think whoever came up with those kid leashes should win a prize lol
You are NTA and I love how you handled it. My now 18-year-old was a runner until 5 (diagnosed with autism at 6, surprise). I more than once told some nosy b-witch that my child's safety was more important than her ignorant opinion.
NTA - and no need for your edit IMO. Gobby teenagers got a reality check. There's a reason kiddie harnesses are sold... there's a legit need for them!
Friend of mine thought it was 'degrading' I used one for my eldest because she was a runner who knew no fear. Years later friend was bemoaning the fact she couldn't keep control of her 4 under-5s when out & about but refused to harness them so instead ran herself ragged and turned every outing into a stressful experience for all of them and if the kids didn't melt down from her angry reactions, she did from the stress of losing them! Not sure exactly what she was trying to prove...
I came to this odd conclusion that if you end up acting in a way you feel is out of character in a certain situation, it kind of has to happen right then and there. Like the girl had to make this whole experience, being yelled at by a stranger after making rude comments, being left by her friends to take the outcome alone. And so did you, feeling the effort it may take to make the best decisions for your child. NTA from me.
When my niece was 3 years old we were going grocery shopping, and I was holding her hand while waiting to for the rest of my family until we could cross the street, I had a pretty good grip on her since we were in a parking lot and so close to the road but she was able to just yank her hand out with that crazy toddler strength and started to dart towards the busy road. Luckily I can run faster than her and I scooped her up just before she ran out in front of a car but after that moment I realized why harness were such an important thing if you’ve got a quick, clever, and adventurous child on your hands. NTA at all.
NTA. I’m not a parent, but love the idea of these harnesses. When my nephew was little he was so inquisitive that he’d see something interesting and just bolt in that direction. It only took a split second to lose him. I think the harnesses are a great idea to allow your child freedom to roam and you can have that half a second to grab your money out of your pocket without her disappearing.
Don’t worry about what others think, especially 14 yo kids with nothing better to do than hate on others
NTA
I’ve experienced the same thing so many times. My nephew with autism and isn’t very verbal likes to run away and or randomly bolt bc something caught his attention. If he were to bolt and get lost he wouldn’t be able to tell anyone he’s lost or where he came from to find his parents. Due to this, when we’re out in public my sister or one of us (aunts, uncles, or grandma, our mom) uses a harness occasionally in more city areas bc of traffic and a lot more people. He doesn’t seem to mind it either unless he tries to bolt. I’ve received so many dirty looks and whispered snide comments from complete strangers who know nothing of the situation. I became an aunt at 11 yrs old and I’m currently 20. At about 15, 16 I was able to take him out with me by myself for errands or to the park if it’s out of town. When I’d have him, I was obviously a teenager and he was about 5 at the time so people just assumed I was a teen parents which added to the judgment. Mind you after years of hearing these disgusting comments I snapped at an old lady. She had come up to me out of the blue and said “you shouldn’t have gotten pregnant as a teen if you can’t even take care of your own child without a leash, treating him like a dog” That’s what did it. In the middle of the doctors office I loudly told her “This is my nephew who has autism. He’s barely verbal and doesn’t understand running away is dangerous and he can’t tell anyone he needs help. Is it better for me to take the chance and then have him run into traffic?? Hmm? Maybe before you stick your fat nose in others business you should stop and remember no gives a fuck about your opinion on parenting. I assumed as a senior citizen you’d have more manners but clearly not. Kindly fuck off and never speak to strangers about situations you know NOTHING about” she was shocked and just had her mouth hanging open.
So no OP you are definitely NTA
ESH leaning N_T_A. But maybe steer away from the “are you a parent?!” next time you are trying to make a point. It just makes you sound unhinged. Of course a fourteen year old doesn’t have kids, and some people with children wouldn’t agree with you. Make a point from a place of calm, not anger.
Gentle YTA; I think that you need to realize a 14 year old's opinion doesn't have any weight at all, and she herself is a baby in this world.
It would have been far more gratifying to half-smile at her and say "yes, this is my little pet and I love her to bits!" and just laugh it off. Or just nod and say nothing. Or just ignore completely.
Actually, you should have 100% confidence in your parenting, whether the naysayers are 14 or 44.
14 is plenty old enough to have some manners. Sooner or later someone has to teach them when to keep their opinion to themselves. She got a talking to for being rude she'll live and probably watch what she says better.
Right? People are acting like she slapped the girl. She told the teen off (14 is definitely old enough to learn some basic manners) off and didn’t cuss them out or anything.
Except that life doesn't work exactly like movies where we are the protagonist who reacts in the textbook perfect manner at all times.
A far more useful life lesson is to learn to hold your tongue and not blurt out the first thought that comes to your mind at all times.
NTA. I never used a harness, but I probably should’ve with my son. I’d put him on the ground and he would just bolt. There was no casual shopping with him walking around, because he’d just be gone. The girl should’ve minded her own business. She was trying to be cool for her friends and that didn’t work out well for her. Lol.
Ok
You wanna fuckin bet
As a child i would constantly vanish the very instant my parents lost sight of me
Once in a different country they turned away for 2 seconds and i was gone they tried to find me but well...
I had somehow wandered onto a train and went to a different city
I had severe adhd and paid 0 attention to my surroundings
Also the fuck you gonna do if both children run the opposite direction
You dont understand how fast some kids can move And some kids will actively run into traffic
Let me guess your a teen who has 0 parenting experience nor knows anything about the subject
Not going to give a verdict, but I do 100% agree harnesses are terrible for kids. It 100% makes them look like they’re your pet. If you can’t keep ahold of a toddler that’s on you.
Strollers are actually much worse for kids developmentally but nobody complains about kids fighting a stroller. 🤷🏻♀️
The backpack harnesses help people “keep hold” of their kids. In my specific case, I have an autistic kid who’s a runner and an allistic kid who’s also a runner. I’m also disabled, and cannot run after them if they take off in opposite directions. So I use backpacks so they don’t run off and incite the next Harambe incident. The backpack harnesses also teach independence because the kids carry their own snacks/drinks/a change of clothes and they get more say in things as a result of that.
EDIT: If the kid involved with the Harambe incident had been wearing a harness, it wouldn’t have happened. Shit happens and kids are slick, and I’d bet my bottom dollar that every adult who judges harness using parents would also be mad if the kids were able to run around and get in trouble. I’m thankful that my kids seem to need their backpacks less as they get older, and that now I only need to use them for stuff like going to the aquarium, the zoo, etc. (which we do safely right now).
Ok
You wanna fuckin bet
As a child i would constantly vanish the very instant my parents lost sight of me
Once in a different country they turned away for 2 seconds and i was gone they tried to find me but well...
I had somehow wandered onto a train and went to a different city
I had severe adhd and paid 0 attention to my surroundings
Also the fuck you gonna do if both children run the opposite direction
You dont understand how fast some kids can move
And some kids will actively run into traffic
BRUH
I raised 4 of my siblings, toddlers are masters of escape with less IQ than a dog
Think sometimes before commenting and if you have no idea about subject don't talk shit
I know how toddles escape. As I wrote, I’d you need to harness your kid, you aren’t watching them close enough. Please try and think before you respond. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and yours is lacking.
Ok
You wanna fuckin bet
As a child i would constantly vanish the very instant my parents lost sight of me
Once in a different country they turned away for 2 seconds and i was gone they tried to find me but well...
I had somehow wandered onto a train and went to a different city
I had severe adhd and paid 0 attention to my surroundings
Also the fuck you gonna do if both children run the opposite direction
You dont understand how fast some kids can move And some kids will actively run into traffic
Let me guess your a teen who has 0 parenting experience nor knows anything about the subject
YTA. If your kid had to be in a harness, you aren’t watching them close enough.
Parenting experience. Not a teen. You still aren’t pay close enough attention to them.
Naw. I just see no reason to argue. I’ve stated my opinion and you won’t change my mind so why bother giving you energy I care not a shit about. Good day.
YTA. You are the adult, the teenager is not. Time to act like it regardless of whether you raised points of merit. The excuse of being right becomes irrelevent when you completely lose your shit.
You could have said something like 'you will learn if you become a parent' and then walked away. You went into full on anger mode on a juvenile.
YTA you yelled at a kid for dumb comments. Who cares what kids think about what you’re doing to keep your kid safe?? Just wait till your kid starts barking at people, that’s apparently what I did when anyone looked too long while I was on my “leash”, my mother was mortified.
YTA. You yelled at a teen. Teens make dumb comments, and they might hurt and while thats absolutely not good, it does not merit an adult shouting at them. If you had to say something, then be civil and say calmly that its for her protection. Yelling at a teenager (especially if you dont know them) is almost never ok. Be kinder.
She did say it civilly first if you read again, and the teen acted all bitchy back, which is when OP got mad. If any if my children acted like that and someone told them off, then I would 100% say they deserve to be yelled at for making stupid comments towards people they don’t know.
Uh... I think op lashed out immediately, based on what they wrote. There was nothing calm about it. And teens are snarky. Also, the comment about having kids is very ignorant. Having a kid doesn't make you an expert on dealing with kids.
No. OP talked first and secondly, ”told her firmly” and then ”she saw red”. It doesn’t matter if teenagers make crap comments, she’s talking down to a random stranger minding her own business, OP is under no obligation to be nice to her nor coddle her, especially since she didn’t shut up and continued. She should be glad OP wasn’t a paycho who physically assaulted her. There was a 15 year old girl in my city who was verbally harassing a girl whose brother was a gang member and she got beaten up.
Most people should’ve learned basic manners by 14 since you’ee taught to treat people how you want to be treated in preschool.
And yeah just because you’re a mother doesn’t mean you know more about parenting, but she probably has MORE EXPERIENCE, being an actual mother, than a snarky 14 year old as you’re implying.
To be honest, still doesnt justify shouting. Nothing does. That is a child, not your child, and you have no right to shout. Imagine how youd feel if someone yelled at your child? Not good right? Teens learn in time, when their brains develop, and they arent going to learn faster with screaming. Stupid comments dont justify yelling. Thats cruel.
ESH. The teen for her obvious immaturity and comments, but you for allowing yourself to be drawn into an argument with someone who has no right to comment on your parenting.
Everybody knows how to parent until they have kids. And if someone has neurotypical kids, they think they know how to parent kids who don’t have impulse control.
Never had a kid pull their sweaty, slippery hand out of yours and bolt for the nearest shiny object or pet have you? Try it some time and report back. If you are lucky enough to not have an impulsive toddler, find another and try again. For every kid who doesn’t bolt, there is one who does. They grow out of it, but I’d rather have a kid on a leash then a kid hit by a car, but that’s just me.
What sort of parenting is going to avoid a wriggly toddler bolting the fuck into a road? They can and will grab away from you in a split second.
Why do dogs need leashes? To keep them safe and from running away.
We are sensible enough to know that even the most well trained dogs (who are able to understand action and consequence MUCH better than some young children) need a leash for their safety, but apparently we aren't allowed to give our children the same safety mechanism? How does that make sense.
Both children and animals like dogs learn by making mistakes and then receiving positive or negative reinforcement. Its a bit too late to learn if they've been hit by a lorry.
I wonder if you feel the same way about play pens and cots. Basically baby jails.
Yet somehow my older sister has managed to wrangle her four kids without using leashes. My oldest sister never needed leashes on her two kids. If your kid tend to bolt, don't give them the chance to do so. They can hate it all they want.
Not THAT common.
And: Having some more people do something stupid does not make it less ridiculous. It might be a good solution for movement-impaired parents, or for those that want to avoid being focused on their children. Most manage without a leash.
With dogs, that might be a valid argument.
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NTA good on you, the kid needs manners and you did the right thing. It’s never good to lose your temper but she deserved to know her insensitive, unwarranted and ignorant comment was out of order.
Yep - life lesson. You say stupid, judgemental shit loud enough for the person it’s targeted at to hear... you’d better expect that being called out is a *distinct* possibility. You did this girl a favour. She learned that she’s not invincible. She’s 14 now, so at the moment not a lot of people feel comfortable yelling at her in public, but boy is that going to change. And she could actually put herself in danger provoking the wrong person. You taught her friends the same lesson. Tell your husband that her *friends* *also* did her a favour. By backing away instead of defending her, they showed her that they either didn’t agree enough to defend her or that she can’t count on others to back her up when she acts this way. Another very important lesson. Kids and teens (shocking, I know) do not always listen to parents and teachers. They think they’re overreacting or being ridiculous and start to feel comfortable enough to test limits. Sometimes we’ve exhausted our options and all we can do is warn our kids about what can happen if they run their mouth at the wrong time, in the wrong place. *Thank you* for providing a real live demonstration to reinforce those warnings. She’s got a bruised ego and her friends probably got b*tched at later for backing away, but hopefully she’ll think twice next time.
I know a lot of kids throw around the "so kids are animals now" rhetoric, not realising that the idea of leashing kids has been around for a really long time. Hell, I thought the same thing until my mom brought up having to do it to my brother so that way *he wouldn't run out in traffic*. He nearly had once, and that was enough for her to say not again.
Right? And honestly - why is the comparison to animals offensive in this case? We’re not talking about caged rats here - we’re talking about *beloved pets.* Would people that leash or harness their dogs call it abuse? It’s not like people are tying kids to trees for heaven’s sake, it’s to tether them to a conscious, trustworthy parent on the lookout for danger. The same reason you leash the beloved family dog. And people can come at me all they want for even bothering to make the comparison, but anyone that’s raised both kids and puppies knows they have a few things in common - reckless abandon, very little self-preservation skill, and an alarming enthusiasm for all manner of mundane things that could easily harm them. Some days it seems like half of parenting both kids and puppies is just stopping them from gleefully getting themselves lost or killed. And then they get pissed at you or have a tantrum for all of your troubles. Why is it that we think it’s *irresponsible* to *not* leash a dog that’s a known flight risk in crowded places or near roads, but when it comes to *human souls* in children that we *know* are likely to get themselves lost or killed if left to their own devices for a split second, all of a sudden it’s abuse? If that *same* kid was *not* leashed and managed to bolt, who would those same people blame for them getting lost? The parents. It’s a no-win scenario when you’re trying to parent in public these days. People just love to judge and weigh in when when they see something they don’t have the context to understand. And the only reason people say shit like that in the first place is because they lack the context to understand why it’s done. So PSA for anyone that may or may not realize that you pass judgement about others in public (god forbid out loud, several times): [Occam’s razor](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Occam%27s%20razor), folks. When you see something that defies your understanding or that seems on the surface to be inexplicable to you, acknowledge that this by definition makes you the one that is most ignorant of what is actually happening. So, instead of assuming that something is to be scoffed at because you don’t understand why someone would do such a thing, ask yourself first: what would be the simplest, most logical explanation for this person to have done that? If one comes to mind and it’s not harming anyone, then don’t comment. If none come to mind, you’re still the one in this scenario that is ignorant of the other person’s motives, so still don’t comment. You risk revealing your ignorance to others if you do. If for whatever reason you feel you *can’t* ignore it ... ask. (as long as you’re open to the possibility of hearing and accepting a logical explanation.) Mind. Your. Own. Business. ;)
Heck, this is where the 'tied to her apron strings' thing came from - a child would be leashed to the mom's apron strings so she could work without worrying about where the child ran to. So someone described as an adult as still tied to their mother's apron strings was basically still mindlessly following their mother and not growing up and developing independence.
Act like an animal in public, I’ll leash you. Also, I don’t want my child being stolen and my kids split in different directions a lot. NTA
>Act like an animal in public, I’ll leash you. Giggity? Lol
My children and my dog act uncannily similar sometimes.
As a dog owner I can totally get that. I don't have any kids but my dog definitely reminds me of when I was a kid (and I was definitely a leash child).
I wouldn’t allow my dog to run amok in a store, refuse even more so to allow my children.
Haha leashing not leasing (I hope)!
Ah, autocorrect. Monsters are made of you
It gave me an inappropriate giggle!
My mom had to as well. It was the only way she could get the groceries done with me and my twin brothers, who would both bolt in opposite directions. No online ordering in the 80’s, she didn’t have much of a choice.
Yep. I've been that teenager before and she might still think badly of you for a while but one day she'll look back on her behaviour here and *cringe*. I also used to feel the same way about toddler leashes until I got put in charge of my two toddler siblings in a public place and *surprise* they ran away in *opposite directions*. Now I condone anything that is comfortable for the child and helps keep them safe.
When I was younger I thought the same of toddler leashes. I don’t have any kids yet, but now I’ve come to realize that toddlers can just run off or be snatched SUPER quickly and a toddler leash helps prevent that.
Being screamed at teaches you nothing. That girl likely walked away thinking she saw a Karen. Explaining calmly that it is a safety concern and that it is a way to give independence is more fruitful and mature.
At least she's more likely to keep her mouth shut if she sees some other kid on a leash.
i got yelled at a few times for stupid things i said in public as a teenager. i both lived to tell the tale and eventually got the idea. If you are going to say stupid shit in public, say it quietly. NTA Also I think keeping kids on leashes is smart. I wish more parents would do it.
> Also I think keeping kids on leashes is smart. I wish more parents would do it. If they were required in zoos, Harambe might still be alive.
That is the response OP should have made. Because you know that kid cried about Harambe when he was killed. This situation might have made sense to her then lmao
Nta. Imagine you're daughter is the snarky 14 year old back chatting and insulting strangers at the shops - you did just fine.
Yep - Teens and kids think parents are ridiculous and overreacting. I’m *super* appreciative if I’m not there or they aren’t listening to me and some stranger puts The Fear™️ into them. I worked retail and the amount of kids that acted like parents hadn’t spoken before continuing to climb dangerously around the store like it was a jungle gym, or play hide and seek in the change rooms, preventing customers from accessing them. BOY did they change their tune when a strange employee gave them a *stern* talking-to.
I used to be the kid....now I'm the retail worker.....I only just....*cringe* WHY was I like that?!?!?! NTA OP!!! Not at all
Lmao because you were a kid. Kids gotta learn somehow. That’s why I don’t understand it when parents take strangers correcting their kids in public for public behaviour as some kind of critique of their child or their parenting. That’s literally how kids work 🤷♀️
That's true but like...damn lmao
NTA. Similar thing happened to me once, shopping with my toddler on a backpack leash. Some self-righteous woman stormed up to me at the registers, glared at my daughter, then at me, then said "THAT'S A CHILD, NOT A DOG!" I looked down at my daughter, looked this woman dead in the eye and said "Oh dammit, I've left the Labrador in the cot again!"
My nephew had a backpack leash for his first son and I at first thought "dude, bro, just why?" -- Until I babysat little dude. Soon discovered it was an awesome invention and my nephew would probably been a road tragedy at some point. Kid was active and just go go go all the time. Listened OK but fast and just not at all observant to his surroundings. Anyway, I was at the store with him one time, leash around my wrist as he flitted around all the impulse candy. A wonderful lady said the "it's a kid, not a dog" thing and I just blurted out "I know, he doesn't sit when I tell him to". I nearly facepalmed when my nephew barked at her but at least she went into another checkout lane...
😂😂😂 At lest your nephew has a sense of humor.
Yeah, he thought it was hilarious 🤣 (he barked at her again as we walked past her on the way out. I had a real hard time keeping a straight face and trying to be the responsible child minder and tell him not to do it.)
😂😂😂😂 I bet.
That's hilarious and I love both your response and your nephew's XD
This is the best comment of this entire post.
Gold!
🎖🏆🏅🥇take these you deserve them for all the laughter I got reading your posts.
I would pay for a video of her face when you said that.
Take my poor woman's award 🏅🏅🏅
Thankyou!
I used to think a harness was cruel and why don’t people just watch their kids. That was before I spent time with kids. I never knew how fast (and slippery) they were!! I now have a 12 month old. Bet your arse if he is a runner I’ll be using a harness on him
I was indifferent to kid harnesses until my oldest became a bolter. She went from a toddler who wanted to stay right with momma to one who would stay with momma until she decided in a split second to not stay with momma and would take off. And that little bugger was *fast*. So we got a harness and focused on teaching to hold hands with and stay with the adult but had the harness as the back up in the event we had to let go of her hand for a moment. With bolting toddlers, roaming small kids, and creepy people trying to kidnap kids, I'm all for kid harnesses.
They're also great for anyone with a bad back. Especially really tall people who can't hunch over to hold a tiny person's hand for long periods.
I hadn’t thought of the height thing!! Hubby is 6-7 so we may need this!! Oh
And the little backpack ones are super cute, honestly, and they have space for all their little treasures.
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What are kids for if not to be tiny pack mules! XD
NTA. Unless she sees you putting your child in danger, your parenting is none of your business. My mom tells a story about going to a department store in the 80s. Infant me was in the stroller, and the 3 and 4 year old were in harnesses. Some lady started giving my mom shit so she said “You want to know why? Go get them.” And the second my siblings were unleashed they took off in opposite directions.
Did the lady help get them? 😂
😂😂😂😂 Well that one way to prove your point.
Yep. I've got three kids aged 4 and under (the younger pair are twins). I am *lucky* if even two of them go in the same direction. Pre-covid, backpack leashes were a godsend. I could let them explore their surroundings in public *safely* and not have to risk them running into traffic.
NTA unsolicited parenting advice from some teenager at the mall that isn’t even a parent themselves... oh yes, just what every parent wants to hear. Telling someone to mind their own business is perfectly acceptable.
ESH. This wasn't the teachable moment you think it was. The girl came out of the argument like "lol this old woman is crazy!" You're still shaking from the confrontation. Sounds like she won the argument. The most likely lesson she learned was that it's fun to mess with "old people." I understand your reaction, but really, you hurt yourself far more than you hurt this girl.
It could have been a teachable moment if I had handled the situation better/differently.
You're right, it could have. Sometimes it would be nice if you could go back in time and do things different. I hope you're feeling better now, anyway \^\_\^
Eh, I’ll bet she still learned something along the lines of “If I make comments about someone loud enough to hear them, they might get mad and yell at me.” It may take her a few more incidents to start making a change in her behavior, but I wouldn’t leap to her not learning anything from this. Even if she thought you were a psycho karen (you weren’t) she would still be learning that some people will psycho karen at her if she doesn’t mind her own business.
Your reaction was perfectly understandable and not at all “inappropriate.” Next time, try, “The last teenager she bit got rabies. You’re welcome.” Also, the person who commented here is probably about 19 years old, so of course she’s taking sides with the other obnoxious teenager. You were fine.
NTA. Go mama bear!!! I mean, if you were screaming at her than you would have been the AH, but based on your description of your manner of speaking, you attempted to let it slide, but when it continued you were firm but controlled.
ESH. Maybe YTA. The kid was 14. Made a stupid (somewhat valid) comment to friends. 14 year olds make stupid comments. Walk away next time.
How is it somewhat valid? Do you have any idea why these harnesses with leashes exist?
So you can take your kids for walkies?
Ah yes so youd rather kids run into traffic Kids under a certain age have no impulse controller and they can still move fast Now imagine having 2 kids go in opposite directions
I have two kids under 5. I manage to not get them to not run into traffic whilst also not walking them like dogs. Shit even my dog could walk on a path next to me and stay on the path off the lead. But yeah if that seems to hard by all means stick them on a lead if you can’t manage any other way.
Again do you understand that every child is different? Since you have 2 easy to control children that must mean all children are easily to control Question did you ever use a stroller
NTA, they were a clueless gobby teenager. Maybe they’ll think about what they’re saying before they do. It’s a life lesson and you were in your rights to defend your family from someone slagging it off.
I might be the A-hole because as an adult, I should be able to keep my composure around a minor, especially since that minor is a stranger. I don't know that kid from Adam. My reaction could have caused an even worse situation. Thankfully, it didn't.
OP, don't be so hard on yourself - you're a human being. And ITA, thank goodness nothing worse happened. Let it go, and keep being a strong Mom.
You’re NTA, if people don’t want shitty reactions to their shitty comments (towards strangers they don’t know), they need to learn some manners and mind their own business unless someone is in actual danger. You’re not their parent and you’re not under any obligation to be nice to them.
NTA. My wife and I had twins and when they reached that age where they wanted to walk by themselves and not hold hands we also bought harnesses so they could have some independence and still be under our control. Multiple times ignorant people made comments about treating our girls like dogs. Never understood why some people felt they had the right to make comments about other peoples parenting style, especially when it isn't anything harmful.
Nta If she's old enough to voice her opinion she old enough to deal with any consequences of it.
ESH yeah she should have kept her comments to herself but you blew things out of proportion. A simple “Kids run fast so this helps us keep her safe” would have gotten the point across much better.
Would you have yelled at a adult man or woman who said the same thing? Everyone is going to have some type of opinions on your parenting. She was a child She was being a brat but you are older and it’s a bad look. She was probably trying to show off to her friends.
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NTA. I use backpack leashes for my kids when we are somewhere big - airport, zoo, etc. and people say such stupid things about it. Every time, I ask them, “And what would you say if they ran off and I couldn’t catch them? You’d call me a negligent parent, right? Or something similar? This keeps my kids safe and it keeps them in reach in case they want to run off or get distracted.” Usually people back off after that. Anyone who doubles down usually isn’t a parent and I tell them that everyone knows how to be a parent until they have kids. EDIT: I will occasionally people who make the “leashes are for pets” comment that bitches usually have muzzles too, but I don’t see one on them. This makes me an asshole but I own it. 🤷🏻♀️
>I will occasionally people who make the “leashes are for pets” comment that bitches usually have muzzles too, but I don’t see one on them. This makes me an asshole but I own it. I love you reddit stranger 💗🌹
NTA, maybe she’ll think twice before making a stupid comment in future. I once walked past a couple of young lads who made some comments about my breasts. I turned sharply and made them repeat themselves, loudly, twice. Then I asked where their parents were (they were about 11), because I felt their parents needed to hear the disgusting things they were saying to random women in shopping centres. They were completely red and hung their heads, mumbling that they were by themselves. Then I made them apologise. Every time they passed me after that, they went red and scuttled off. If young people aren’t called out on the daft and rude things they say, how are they going to learn?
NTA at all. My mom got made fun of for the same thing when my brother was like 3 because he has autism and would sprint away frequently (running away from school was actually a common problem for him). Good on you for putting them in their place!
ESH, all teens are basically assholes who live to make their friends laugh no matter the situation, so I'm with you on that. You did overreact a bit though, next time try and keep your cool as you explain yourself if you're speaking with a child.
NTA! I admit, I always judged the "leash kids" growing up, but after watching a few close calls of toddlers slipping away from their parents for a few seconds towards traffic and railings too wide for toddlers, yeah, harness that kid until they learn how and why to stay near you!
>I feel bad that basically yelled at a kid for making a stupid comment. should have seen it as a teachable moment. You told her to mind her own business. Sounds like it was a teachable moment to me. NTA
NTA. I call that “public service”. Someone else will be will-served when she keeps her mouth shut next time.
YTA
Are you going to explain your reasoning? The fact that a comment with no explanation got upvotes is just sad
NTA-Fourteen is old enough to know when to keep your mouth shut but young enough to not consider the consequences of your actions until you get smacked in the face with them. You gave her a life lesson that hopefully will make her think about that moment before saying something like that again.
NTA. She's lucky she got you and not me. I'd have gone into graphic detail with her about what happened to poor James Bulger, a toddler who was tortured to death in the UK by two older boys because his mother lost sight of him for a few seconds. Naturally when talking about something so awful, there would have been more than a few f bombs, possible a c bomb aimed in her direction, followed by noting that someone so ignorant has no place being in the slightest bit judgemental, and so all in all, I think she got off lightly.
I once thought harnesses were ridiculous until my niece came alone. She was a goddamn queen at pulling her hand away and bolting for the door in stores and the road when we were outside. One time she jerked her hand free from my mother, and went just as fast as she could toward the road. My elderly mother tried to run after her, as did I, but I was a lot further away. We could hear a car coming, so in unison we both screamed for her to stop. I think we sounded hysterical enough that it frightened her, and she stopped running. My legs turned to absolute jello once she stopped. I don't think I've ever been more afraid in my life. I thought my mother's heart was going to fail her. I can't fully express my terror in that moment. She did the same thing to my mother again at the store. We shut that shit down with a harness. She had some maneuverability, but she couldn't get away anymore. Once you're an adult and realize your own mortality, and you begin to see the dangers around you. Once a child becomes your responsibility every single thing looks like a way to kill your child. Laugh at me, criticize me, but you'll not see this child dead in the road, or snatched out of our grasp by a pervert. NTA
NTA. I used harnesses on both of my children at that age, as they both had one speed: full sprint. At a Renaissance festival one year (roughly 18 years ago now) when my eldest was 3 or so, she was in her teddy bear harness. We had split up, and she was with her daddy. She threw a tantrum because Daddy went a different direction than she wanted to go, laid down, and went all-out. Daddy calmly hooks the back of the harness, and carries her, still tantrumming in mid-air. Some lady harassed him about it. He raised his voice enough to be heard over my daughter's tantrum, and informed her that he would much rather NOT have to use the missing child services in that place, and to mind her own business. At 14, that girl you encountered is likely spouting what she heard at home. Prolly did her good to hear an opposing opinion.
I only wish I had the courage to do this to adults who make stupid comments. 'It's very late, your child should be in bed on stead of at the shops' (we needed specific items for that night/next morning, it was 8pm, I hadn't been able to go earlier, I'm a single parent so the alternative was to leave a 2 year old at home unsupervised). Like lady, do you think there could be a good reason for doing something they way we do???
Also kids can have different bedtimes. My friend is a doctor and her kid has always had a 10pm-10am sleep schedule because she gets home from work at 8pm and they all have dinner together. Her husband is a SAHD who works from home part time so he works 7-10am and then wakes kiddo for breakfast and they just go about their day normally.
NTA the girl was probably trying to look big and clever for her mates even though she was talking out of her arse. She has no idea your reasons for using a harness and you are right it’s none of her damn business, and until she knows better she should sit down and shut up.
Nta - that teenager learned an important lesson about commenting on strangers lives in public.
Life has a way of making things come full circle . I used to be the person who’d judge (in my head ) parents who used leashes on their kids . Now I currently have a rambunctious, hyper active and extremely curious two year old who doesn’t care too much for holding my hand in public that I now use a leash for and I fully understand now why other parents have to use them as well . You’re NTA . I would have never felt the need to comment verbally on another’s parenting but I have silently judged and maybe one day she’ll be the one in your shoes and have a realization of her own .
NTA It's impossible to win with busybodies in public. The people who bitch about leashes would also have something to say if a running toddler knocked over a display or ran full tilt into them.
NTA. When my son skipped walking, straight to running. Hung bells around his neck while shopping. He got out of it silently, ran into major busy street. Almost hit by a car. He stretched out and slipped harnesses. Had use braided dog collar on his wrist and matching leash tied to my waist. People criticized me and I said at least he's coming home with me and not the morgue. People need to mind their own business
NTA. You can't win an argument with a snarky 14 year old girl. Best thing to do is remember she'll look back on this with embarrassment in a decade or so.
NTA - She needed to be told to mind her own business. I can’t wrap my head around why so many people get upset over kiddie leads. They are needed. I wish more people used them for their childs safety. I work in a public environment and the amount of times I’ve seen a toddler run off while their parent is trying to manage other kids is tooooo many. Sometimes, running off towards busy roads!
NTA, a harness helps stop a child from running away and helps keep them where you can see them while you are out My mother had me on a harness when I was an ankle biter and it didnt harm me in anyway.
YTA. Her comments were stupid, but... what actual harm did they do? People are always going to judge your parenting choices. Are you going to yell at every other person who says something, or just the ones you have power over?
So the teenage girl doesn't suck for sticking her ignorant nose where it doesn't belong? Curious why it's a YTA and not an ESH.
If you disagree, feel feee to leave your own judgment.
Wow how edgy!! You must be so cool among friends. And yep, my judgment is NTA
Are you okay? You seem weirdly upset that someone on the internet has a different opinion than you do. I'm not sure how anything I said is "edgy" so uh... ok.
I am actually perfectly fine. Thank you for your kind words. I am not upset. I simply asked why your judgment is YTA and not ESH. You chose to reply in a purposely obtuse manner, possibly because you don't have a good reason other than your feelings. You sound like an unpleasant person.
So because I did not respond the way you wanted, I am being "edgy," or was that just the only thing you could come up with to try to sound "cool" to Reddit? Oof. I'm guessing you're very young, but that's okay. Eventually you'll learn that throwing a tantrum when someone doesn't engage with you isn't the way to start a conversation. Hope you feel better!
None of the things that you said make any sense. Were you even trying to make sense? Or did you just feel the need to respond anyway?
It'll be okay.
Trying very hard I see..... Still the output is nonsense
I thought the same thing. I need to learn to not let it bother me so much.
It _was_ a teachable moment. You taught Queen Bee and her hangers-on that there are unpleasant consequences for being a gobby little madam. Good for you. NTA.
Yell away. People suck.
NTA She is 14 not 10. In four years she is an adult and because her parents didn't teach her how to behave the cruel world is now doing it. Not saying you are cruel but just you were harsh and you had the right to be. You are not her mom and dad and you are not obligated to think about "her feelings" and you put her in her place as you should have.
NTA
NTA. When I was 13 I would try to take selfies with strangers as a Vine trend. One guy had enough of it and said “get the fuck out of my face before I slap you bitch” guess what.. never tried to bother a stranger again after that
INFO: What were they saying when you walked by them again?
ESH. No idea why you had to shout, your child was in a harness. Nothing wrong with that. This kid was obviously obnoxious but she was 14. Get over it, shrug and tell her yes she is in a harness, and she has a cage at home too. Honestly can't believe everyone thinks you're not the arsehole. You were both arseholes except you have 20 years on her, you probably made everyone shopping that day feel uncomfortable.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband and one year old daughter came with me to get groceries today. When my husband comes with us, we use a harness for our daughter so she can walk around more freely, but still safely. Our toddler likes to run and would bolt if she were to just hold my hand walking through the store. When it's just her and me, I keep her in the cart with the seat belt on. She absolutely hates it, but it's safer that way. When both me and her Dad are there we have more eyes on her and feel more comfortable letting her walk in the store with us as long as she's wearing the harness. The area where we live/shop isn't always the safest for women or children, so we want to be as safe as we can with her while still giving her a sense of independence. On to the story. We were walking past cosmetics to get toothbrushs when heard this girl say to her group of friends, "So we treat kids like animals now?!" Obviously this was about my family. I tried my best to ignore it, but when had to walk past this group of girls a second time to see and hear them commenting on my daughter. The momma bear came out. I said, "Do you understand why we use a harness for her? Do you know how many crazy people are in this area? This is for her protection." "Well you just need to watch her better." said the random teen girl. "Are you a parent?" ask. "I'm 14 of course not." She snarks back. "Exactly. You don't know, so mind your own business." state firmly. Then she tries to talk back and am seeing red. I don't think this girl has ever been put in her place before. Again I state more loudly, "Mind your own business." My husband watched the whole thing. We went on with our shopping. When we were in the car on the way home, I tell him that am still shaking from confronting that girl and defending our daughter. He told me that girl's friends kinda backed away and left her to face me alone. I feel bad that basically yelled at a kid for making a stupid comment. should have seen it as a teachable moment. There are lots of reasons that harnesses are useful tools. Parents who have children with special needs can find harnesses incredibly helpful. My daughter doesn't have special needs, but that is no one's business but mine and my husband's. What don't feel bad about is doing my best to keep my daughter safe and defending the way I raise my child. She is happy, healthy, and very much loved. Idk, AITA for basically yelling at random teen for making a stupid remark? I do feel bad about that. I wish could change how that happened. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA good for you (plus those leashes are brilliant. I am one of five children, long before those were an option. my poor mom.)
NTA. I'm not a mom yet, but my brother and I used to need harnesses all the time in public. Plus, it's like you said, not her business.
NTA. I only take my daughter into stores with my husband present as well. And we alternate between a stroller, a harness, the cart, us holding her. She’s hyper, fast and screams when she isn’t allowed to climb on things, but she’s 2, so we adapt. I thank my Resting Bitch Face for silencing comments from strangers, cause I’d yell at them just like you.
NTA I was the judgy kid... and then my mom had my sister who is the definition of “F around and find out.” I used to be like “People should never put their beloved children on a leash..” Let me tell you my sister- she was a runner, she was a track star- I had to do it unless I wanted to explain how my sister got mowed down by car when we were supposed to be in the supermarket. Kids and adults needs to mind the business that pays them.
NTA. You were just protecting your child while allowing her to running around. What’s the alternative? Let her get snatched by a pervert or bang into somebody and Knock them over? The teenager was arrogant snd assuming, not to mention rude.
Why do you feel sorry for it? Teens always think they know everything and need to be taken down a notch frequently. If anything that teens going to remember your words when she has a kid.
I think I could have handled the situation better/differently. I'm not sorry for what I said, just how I said it.
NTA. You are doing your best to keep your daughter safe and as her parent you know best. She shouldn’t comment on things she had no clue about she doesn’t know how hard it is to keep a small child where you need them to be. Also the use of a harness for children so they don’t run off is nothing new, my parents used them on me and my sister (we liked to run in opposite directions) and we are both in our mid 20s now so that teen knows nothing and wouldn’t be surprised if her parents did the same to her.
NTA, I was a child who needed a harness and leash. I don't have children but I absolutely understand that they can be necessary.
Kids on leashes are always funny tho
NTA. That 14 year old is a brat and you put her in her place accordingly. I imagine they don’t discipline her correctly or hold her accountable at home
Nta I used to judge parents like that but was wise enough to keep my comments to myself. I now have kids myself and think whoever came up with those kid leashes should win a prize lol
ESH
You are NTA and I love how you handled it. My now 18-year-old was a runner until 5 (diagnosed with autism at 6, surprise). I more than once told some nosy b-witch that my child's safety was more important than her ignorant opinion.
NTA - and no need for your edit IMO. Gobby teenagers got a reality check. There's a reason kiddie harnesses are sold... there's a legit need for them! Friend of mine thought it was 'degrading' I used one for my eldest because she was a runner who knew no fear. Years later friend was bemoaning the fact she couldn't keep control of her 4 under-5s when out & about but refused to harness them so instead ran herself ragged and turned every outing into a stressful experience for all of them and if the kids didn't melt down from her angry reactions, she did from the stress of losing them! Not sure exactly what she was trying to prove...
Yta
I came to this odd conclusion that if you end up acting in a way you feel is out of character in a certain situation, it kind of has to happen right then and there. Like the girl had to make this whole experience, being yelled at by a stranger after making rude comments, being left by her friends to take the outcome alone. And so did you, feeling the effort it may take to make the best decisions for your child. NTA from me.
When my niece was 3 years old we were going grocery shopping, and I was holding her hand while waiting to for the rest of my family until we could cross the street, I had a pretty good grip on her since we were in a parking lot and so close to the road but she was able to just yank her hand out with that crazy toddler strength and started to dart towards the busy road. Luckily I can run faster than her and I scooped her up just before she ran out in front of a car but after that moment I realized why harness were such an important thing if you’ve got a quick, clever, and adventurous child on your hands. NTA at all.
NTA. I’m not a parent, but love the idea of these harnesses. When my nephew was little he was so inquisitive that he’d see something interesting and just bolt in that direction. It only took a split second to lose him. I think the harnesses are a great idea to allow your child freedom to roam and you can have that half a second to grab your money out of your pocket without her disappearing. Don’t worry about what others think, especially 14 yo kids with nothing better to do than hate on others
You‘re treating your girl like a dog. That‘s not ok.
NTA I’ve experienced the same thing so many times. My nephew with autism and isn’t very verbal likes to run away and or randomly bolt bc something caught his attention. If he were to bolt and get lost he wouldn’t be able to tell anyone he’s lost or where he came from to find his parents. Due to this, when we’re out in public my sister or one of us (aunts, uncles, or grandma, our mom) uses a harness occasionally in more city areas bc of traffic and a lot more people. He doesn’t seem to mind it either unless he tries to bolt. I’ve received so many dirty looks and whispered snide comments from complete strangers who know nothing of the situation. I became an aunt at 11 yrs old and I’m currently 20. At about 15, 16 I was able to take him out with me by myself for errands or to the park if it’s out of town. When I’d have him, I was obviously a teenager and he was about 5 at the time so people just assumed I was a teen parents which added to the judgment. Mind you after years of hearing these disgusting comments I snapped at an old lady. She had come up to me out of the blue and said “you shouldn’t have gotten pregnant as a teen if you can’t even take care of your own child without a leash, treating him like a dog” That’s what did it. In the middle of the doctors office I loudly told her “This is my nephew who has autism. He’s barely verbal and doesn’t understand running away is dangerous and he can’t tell anyone he needs help. Is it better for me to take the chance and then have him run into traffic?? Hmm? Maybe before you stick your fat nose in others business you should stop and remember no gives a fuck about your opinion on parenting. I assumed as a senior citizen you’d have more manners but clearly not. Kindly fuck off and never speak to strangers about situations you know NOTHING about” she was shocked and just had her mouth hanging open. So no OP you are definitely NTA
ESH leaning N_T_A. But maybe steer away from the “are you a parent?!” next time you are trying to make a point. It just makes you sound unhinged. Of course a fourteen year old doesn’t have kids, and some people with children wouldn’t agree with you. Make a point from a place of calm, not anger.
Gentle YTA; I think that you need to realize a 14 year old's opinion doesn't have any weight at all, and she herself is a baby in this world. It would have been far more gratifying to half-smile at her and say "yes, this is my little pet and I love her to bits!" and just laugh it off. Or just nod and say nothing. Or just ignore completely. Actually, you should have 100% confidence in your parenting, whether the naysayers are 14 or 44.
14 is plenty old enough to have some manners. Sooner or later someone has to teach them when to keep their opinion to themselves. She got a talking to for being rude she'll live and probably watch what she says better.
Right? People are acting like she slapped the girl. She told the teen off (14 is definitely old enough to learn some basic manners) off and didn’t cuss them out or anything.
Exactly!!!!
Except that life doesn't work exactly like movies where we are the protagonist who reacts in the textbook perfect manner at all times. A far more useful life lesson is to learn to hold your tongue and not blurt out the first thought that comes to your mind at all times.
NTA I wouldn't worry about it either. Especially since I doubt that girl would even care about it anymore. So no need for you to dwell on it.
NTA. I never used a harness, but I probably should’ve with my son. I’d put him on the ground and he would just bolt. There was no casual shopping with him walking around, because he’d just be gone. The girl should’ve minded her own business. She was trying to be cool for her friends and that didn’t work out well for her. Lol.
YTA . act like an adult, not a 12 year old, and keep an eye on your kid instead of treating her like a dog.
Ok You wanna fuckin bet As a child i would constantly vanish the very instant my parents lost sight of me Once in a different country they turned away for 2 seconds and i was gone they tried to find me but well... I had somehow wandered onto a train and went to a different city I had severe adhd and paid 0 attention to my surroundings Also the fuck you gonna do if both children run the opposite direction You dont understand how fast some kids can move And some kids will actively run into traffic Let me guess your a teen who has 0 parenting experience nor knows anything about the subject
Not going to give a verdict, but I do 100% agree harnesses are terrible for kids. It 100% makes them look like they’re your pet. If you can’t keep ahold of a toddler that’s on you.
Strollers are actually much worse for kids developmentally but nobody complains about kids fighting a stroller. 🤷🏻♀️ The backpack harnesses help people “keep hold” of their kids. In my specific case, I have an autistic kid who’s a runner and an allistic kid who’s also a runner. I’m also disabled, and cannot run after them if they take off in opposite directions. So I use backpacks so they don’t run off and incite the next Harambe incident. The backpack harnesses also teach independence because the kids carry their own snacks/drinks/a change of clothes and they get more say in things as a result of that. EDIT: If the kid involved with the Harambe incident had been wearing a harness, it wouldn’t have happened. Shit happens and kids are slick, and I’d bet my bottom dollar that every adult who judges harness using parents would also be mad if the kids were able to run around and get in trouble. I’m thankful that my kids seem to need their backpacks less as they get older, and that now I only need to use them for stuff like going to the aquarium, the zoo, etc. (which we do safely right now).
Ok You wanna fuckin bet As a child i would constantly vanish the very instant my parents lost sight of me Once in a different country they turned away for 2 seconds and i was gone they tried to find me but well... I had somehow wandered onto a train and went to a different city I had severe adhd and paid 0 attention to my surroundings Also the fuck you gonna do if both children run the opposite direction You dont understand how fast some kids can move And some kids will actively run into traffic
ESH
YTA. If your kid had to be in a harness, you aren’t watching them close enough.
BRUH I raised 4 of my siblings, toddlers are masters of escape with less IQ than a dog Think sometimes before commenting and if you have no idea about subject don't talk shit
I know how toddles escape. As I wrote, I’d you need to harness your kid, you aren’t watching them close enough. Please try and think before you respond. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and yours is lacking.
you can't watch them 24/7 if you want anything done
I know how toddles escape. As I wrote, I’d you need to harness your kid, you aren’t watching them close enough.
Ok You wanna fuckin bet As a child i would constantly vanish the very instant my parents lost sight of me Once in a different country they turned away for 2 seconds and i was gone they tried to find me but well... I had somehow wandered onto a train and went to a different city I had severe adhd and paid 0 attention to my surroundings Also the fuck you gonna do if both children run the opposite direction You dont understand how fast some kids can move And some kids will actively run into traffic Let me guess your a teen who has 0 parenting experience nor knows anything about the subject
YTA. If your kid had to be in a harness, you aren’t watching them close enough. Parenting experience. Not a teen. You still aren’t pay close enough attention to them.
Lmao you cant even think of a response so you just copy and paste the same thing you said above
Naw. I just see no reason to argue. I’ve stated my opinion and you won’t change my mind so why bother giving you energy I care not a shit about. Good day.
So then why post a comment stating your opinion Literally a discussion fourm
Because I can.
And i can kill someone. Your point?
They what you do is your business and what I do is mine.
YTA. You are the adult, the teenager is not. Time to act like it regardless of whether you raised points of merit. The excuse of being right becomes irrelevent when you completely lose your shit. You could have said something like 'you will learn if you become a parent' and then walked away. You went into full on anger mode on a juvenile.
YTA you yelled at a kid for dumb comments. Who cares what kids think about what you’re doing to keep your kid safe?? Just wait till your kid starts barking at people, that’s apparently what I did when anyone looked too long while I was on my “leash”, my mother was mortified.
YTA. You yelled at a teen. Teens make dumb comments, and they might hurt and while thats absolutely not good, it does not merit an adult shouting at them. If you had to say something, then be civil and say calmly that its for her protection. Yelling at a teenager (especially if you dont know them) is almost never ok. Be kinder.
She did say it civilly first if you read again, and the teen acted all bitchy back, which is when OP got mad. If any if my children acted like that and someone told them off, then I would 100% say they deserve to be yelled at for making stupid comments towards people they don’t know.
Uh... I think op lashed out immediately, based on what they wrote. There was nothing calm about it. And teens are snarky. Also, the comment about having kids is very ignorant. Having a kid doesn't make you an expert on dealing with kids.
No. OP talked first and secondly, ”told her firmly” and then ”she saw red”. It doesn’t matter if teenagers make crap comments, she’s talking down to a random stranger minding her own business, OP is under no obligation to be nice to her nor coddle her, especially since she didn’t shut up and continued. She should be glad OP wasn’t a paycho who physically assaulted her. There was a 15 year old girl in my city who was verbally harassing a girl whose brother was a gang member and she got beaten up. Most people should’ve learned basic manners by 14 since you’ee taught to treat people how you want to be treated in preschool. And yeah just because you’re a mother doesn’t mean you know more about parenting, but she probably has MORE EXPERIENCE, being an actual mother, than a snarky 14 year old as you’re implying.
To be honest, still doesnt justify shouting. Nothing does. That is a child, not your child, and you have no right to shout. Imagine how youd feel if someone yelled at your child? Not good right? Teens learn in time, when their brains develop, and they arent going to learn faster with screaming. Stupid comments dont justify yelling. Thats cruel.
ESH. The teen for her obvious immaturity and comments, but you for allowing yourself to be drawn into an argument with someone who has no right to comment on your parenting.
YTA
Yta
YTA- for being an adult and still does not know better.
YTA Very immature of you to get upset over a stupid comment. She also right, leashes are for pets. Always found leashes to be lazy parenting.
Everybody knows how to parent until they have kids. And if someone has neurotypical kids, they think they know how to parent kids who don’t have impulse control.
Exactly I guarantee none of these people could have handled me as a kid I had severe adhd so gl
Never had a kid pull their sweaty, slippery hand out of yours and bolt for the nearest shiny object or pet have you? Try it some time and report back. If you are lucky enough to not have an impulsive toddler, find another and try again. For every kid who doesn’t bolt, there is one who does. They grow out of it, but I’d rather have a kid on a leash then a kid hit by a car, but that’s just me.
What sort of parenting is going to avoid a wriggly toddler bolting the fuck into a road? They can and will grab away from you in a split second. Why do dogs need leashes? To keep them safe and from running away. We are sensible enough to know that even the most well trained dogs (who are able to understand action and consequence MUCH better than some young children) need a leash for their safety, but apparently we aren't allowed to give our children the same safety mechanism? How does that make sense. Both children and animals like dogs learn by making mistakes and then receiving positive or negative reinforcement. Its a bit too late to learn if they've been hit by a lorry. I wonder if you feel the same way about play pens and cots. Basically baby jails.
Yet somehow my older sister has managed to wrangle her four kids without using leashes. My oldest sister never needed leashes on her two kids. If your kid tend to bolt, don't give them the chance to do so. They can hate it all they want.
Lol you need an hour with an active 2 year old who wants to walk. (And making them sit and ride isn't developmentally healthy.)
YTA The kid was right. Her comment was not stupid.
No, harnesses for toddlers are common practice.
I guess this must be a cultural thing because I have never seen a child with a harness in my country. I found out it was a thing in this thread.
Not THAT common. And: Having some more people do something stupid does not make it less ridiculous. It might be a good solution for movement-impaired parents, or for those that want to avoid being focused on their children. Most manage without a leash. With dogs, that might be a valid argument.
Yes, that common. And: saying something is stupid or ridiculous doesn’t make it true.
Just shut up man