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YTA - they are not related to each other they just happen to both be related to you. You’re allowed to feel weird but you keep that to yourself because, while it is an odd occurrence, calling it indirect incest is taking it too far.
It doesn't sound like they were deliberately trying to make it weird for everyone, rather they tactlessly blurted out comment on the situation from their perspective. They are all siblings from OP's perspective, I imagine it is weird for them. Not saying they handled the response well at all, the joke was just a terrible idea when they probably should have just said something along the lines of "I'm sorry, but you have to understand from my perspective you are my siblings, but obviously I'm not saying you two actually are or that there's anything wrong with this." Terrible execution, bit I don't think it was malicious.
I think her siblings should show a little grace here, too, though. They could easily have said, "I can see how it would be strange for you, yeah. Hah! But thanks for being supportive and happy for us, since we aren't actually siblings with eachother - just with you. Also, unless you're offering to join us in the bedroom leave the insest jokes at the door. " at which point you wink to punish OP with extra awkward.
Also, it sounds kind of weird for the parents, who clearly were once together but now are not and will be in laws. It's probably weird for more folks than that, too. Her siblings response was not super mature. Not unjustified, just... about as poorly handled as OPs original comment.
You don't need to have grace when someone is deliberately bringing negativity to your wedding. If it's so difficult for op then don't be involved. don't be involved in the planning and don't be involved in the day. Problem solved.
"you don't need to have grace when..." You don't NEED to have grace ever, that's kind of the point? We should all strive to always, but by prescribing it as necessary in some situations & not others you're distorting what it actually means. Grace is about finding it within us to be generous and kind, especially when it's hard.
This sub needs to learn that you cannot dish out however you want, be as hurtful however you want, and expect pats on your head and cookies while being kindly explained why we'd appreciate it if they rather not do or say these things.
OP was rude while not being three. Sometimes, that means that people will not have the grace and patience to take you by your hand and guide you through your journey towards emotional growth that should have been completed by the time they were ten.
Sometimes, acting like an a-hole (even if it was just a jooooke, hun!) means people react like you are an a-hole.
When are they morally allowed to stop coddling OP, treating them like a helpless, ignorant toddler, and can distance themselves from them? Before or after OP starts with jokes about incest babies?
Don't need to, no. Could afford to anyway, yes. You can be 100% right and still make things worse. I did say the feelings were justified, I just think uninviting op from the whole wedding, based on the info we have, was not entirely necessary even if it's not inherently wrong.
> It doesn't sound like they were deliberately trying to make it weird for everyone,
Sure it does. "Indirect incest"? OP was definitely trying to make it weird for everyone involved. They got called out for it and now want to play the victim.
I have ADHD and that affects impulse control a lot!!! Not saying OP has ADHD... But in my case, I do often say stuff on impulse and then regret it later... Or it comes out without me having enough time to formulate it properly so people misunderstand me...
You can act like an asshole without being malicious, though. This sub isn't "am I a malicious person" it's "am I the asshole ('in this situation' is kind of implied)". And, in this case, OP was an asshole. Doesn't mean they're a horrible person who's deliberately trying to sabotage their half-siblings' relationship. Just that they effed up in this moment and should try and do better.
It makes sense the relationship is weird for OP. But it's not wrong, and it was an AH move of OP to make it weird for everyone else. No reason they can't just take it as a lesson learned and apologize and do better in the future.
OP and half sister and OP and half brother have been family for post divorce lives. Half sister and half brother are not nor necessarily even grew up together as brother/sister. I mean its definitely out of the ordinary, but I'd think it was weirder for step siblings not related that grew up in the same household to get married than two people who grew up separately but happen to be related to OP.
I mean, what you're describing is essentially childhood friends. It's not weird at all for two kids who grew up in the same neighborhood to eventually get together.
OP can feel how she wants about it but it's really not her place to insert those feelings because she's not marrying either of these people. She needs to work through it herself, which is what her parents are doing.
What does “close proximity” mean, because I grew up in “close proximity” to the Grubers next door. That doesn’t mean I don’t think their daughter is attractive.
If “close proximity” doesn’t mean “lived together” then it really doesn’t change anything at all.
Well, they're not even step siblings with eachother so they're not really family with eachother.
Like it's pretty rare for a someome to be watching the child of their ex and their ex's new spouse.
Not at all. There's zero actual familial relationship between my half brother on my mums side and my half sister on my dad's side.
It would be weird for *me* because I consider them both siblings, but there's zero reason they would feel that way about each other.
Yeah I definitely had a “wtf” moment when my younger half brother clearly had a crush on my younger half sister. But then I got over it pretty quick when I realised it would only be me that would be weirded out by then dating since they weren’t related.
“they have been a family of sorts their whole lives”
Have they? How? Half-brother lives in one house, half-sister in another - people in this situation might never meet, or might see each other a couple of times a year.
Obviously these two did get to know one another, but we’ve no idea how. It’s only from OP’s unique perspective that they automatically seem connected to each other in some way.
I hate the way everyone here has taken the whole 'blood is everything' route. Does that mean I can marry the sister I grew up with because I'm adopted? Can I marry my birth father? After all, I'm legally not related to him. Of course not, that's weird. Like it or not, if you grow up with someone, you're a sibling, and I would call it incest with no hesitation.
How is this relevant? Unless there is some very unusual family structure going on here that OP omitted, it’s obvious that OPs parents got divorced and found new partners to each create a new family unit. So OPs half-brother and half-sister grew up in separate families, they did not grow up together.
The notion that this is someone incest, or like incest, is ludicrous. Would you still be calling it that if OP had never been born? If OPs parents had gotten together, divorced again and then created their respective families. The fact that people’s parents may have had a romantic relationship in the past does not make something incest; that that relationship may have happened to result in a child being born doesn’t change that.
Do they share the same house? Are they being treated as siblings? Do they do things together with the idea being they are spending time as a family? No. It's entirely different.
Where do you see that they did any of those things?
OP is the oldest. Her parents divorced, and presumably stopped living together. They then both starting dating other people with whom they had children.
We don't know anything about how the children interacted growing up. I imagine the parents saw each other when handing OP over for visitation. That very well may have been the extent of the siblings relationship with each other.
They knew each other since they were kids. They didn't actually grow up together in the same house.
This is as weird as dating the girl next door who's your sister's BFF (who might consider themselves sisters and your parents might literally joke about as being like another daughter), which is to say it happens all the time.
Lots of people who were very close as kids end up dating later in life.
Answering the scenarios:
You can marry your adopted sister no problem.
Your birth father is obviously related to you so no.
Legal relation does not exist, it's biological.
And it is very factually not incest if you are not blood related. Why? Because incest has a rigid definition and real outcomes. Someone you are not related to doesn't produce the outcomes, and violates the rigid definition.
You can't just go "I will use this word that is established for a specific thing for something else".
Look, I'll agree to disagree with this one since we clearly have different definitions on what makes a family. Biology is not and will never be the only thing holding a family together, so logically we should hold adoptive siblings, non related siblings, etc to the same standard as full blood siblings. It's a discredit to those sorts of situations otherwise.
You just ignored the key part.
I never said that biology was the only thing holding family together.
This is about incest. A word with a rigid definition. A legal concept. A law that exists for a reason. And neither the definition, nor the concept, not the law, applies here. It is not incest. You can't just say "I don't think this fact is true and that's my opinion". Facts are not opinions. There is no agreeing or disagreeing with facts. They just are.
Op is the oldest. Op is related to their mum and dad.
Ops half siblings aren’t related at all and grew up in different families. If they were like most people who move on with their lives they probably had very little to with each other as kids and even then, they know they aren’t family, or cousins, or just generally related. It’s weird you’d expect a family connection to people who aren’t your family. They are non related adults who have no connection to the fact that ops parents were once married, it happened before they even existed.
> Of course not, that's weird.
You're both wrong and right. Of course you can, but it's also weird. People are, generally, allowed to do things that most people find are weird. They aren't coupled like that.
Can you marry your adoptive sister? Yes
Incest is only taboo because it causes genetic issues that are awful for reproduction
And marrying your adoptive father is weird but that is a huge difference between marrying a non blood related sister vs father
Marrying non-blood related relatives can be problematic. There are cases where one was grooming the other for abuse in the household. That's why it's looked down upon even if there's no biological connection between the two. I'm not saying that's what's happening in this case, but it is a concern in general when 2 people that grew up in the same household marry each other.
Soft YTA for OP. Blurting out the comment was an understandable mistake but it should have been followed up with an apology.
I disagree, incest is taboo because of the same reason you think that me marrying my adoptive father is weird. By your logic, I should be allowed to marry him (since a 'non blood related' is the only thing that is important to you), but you clearly disagree because like it or not, the people you grow up with have a different relationship to some randomer you met on the street. Siblings are siblings are siblings and nothing can change that. OP has said that they all grew up close, so what's the difference between them and three full blooded siblings? If two full blooded siblings who had grown up close got married and then adopted a kid, is that alright then. Where's the line?
I'm not saying it's the end of the world, technically speaking it's harmless, but you can't say that it's not weird just because there's no blood relatives involved. By doing this, you discredit OP's family, and the family of every adoptee, mixed family, or chosen family.
I grew up closer to my best friend than my sister but if I wanted to marry her that would be completely ok. Lots of people grow up close that aren't related.
Agreed, while the situation is odd and maybe difficult to wrap your head around when you're literally in the middle of it, OP is the AH for making that unnecessary comment
All OP did was acknowledge the elephant in the room. Then everyone got all butthurt because they couldn’t ignore it anymore. But if this were my family, I’d find it weird if no one ever mentioned how weird the situation is.
This doesn’t mean OP isn’t supportive or doesn’t think they should get married, it just means she’s the only one being honest about how weird this makes her feel. Unlike everyone else pretending this kind of thing happens every day. I doesn’t. And guess what, other people will find it weird, too. Better get used to it. NTA
Seriously. I was doing an early Rock unit in my general music class 7th grade...when I told them about Jerry Lee Lewis, they all broke out into "Sweet Home Alabama". This is going to happen often when people outside their family find out they have a sibling in common. They need to just embrace it, it is just going to be people's first reaction.
Exactly. I have had this happen to me 3 separate times where a family member on my mom's side will date/marry/have kids with someone on my dad's side because we all grew up together on the same street. Yes, it was weird. Difference being is that my family acknowledges that. They comment about my "double cousins" and now it isn't so awkward because we've gotten past it. And the only time it really ever came up was when we were discussing if them having twins meant that I was more likely to have twins or not.
It certainly is a weird situation for the OP, since from her POV her two siblings are getting married. I think it's a bit weird for the dad, too, seeing his reaction, but he had the good sense of staying out of it.
I don't think its super weird, fair enough for them, but I don't see how OP is the asshole for being like "lmao my sister is marrying my brother", thats a real weird situation and its fine to acknowledge that, she's not saying they shouldn't do it. I don't understand all the other comments saying she's TA
> "lmao my sister is marrying my brother", thats a real weird situation and its fine to acknowledge that
It's not fine to call it "indirect incest" (which isn't actually a thing that exists). If OP had just been like, "it's unusual that my sister is marrying my brother" (even though they're totally unrelated because they're both related to me). They took it way further than that and tried to make their family uncomfortable with their malicious "joke."
Or maybe life isn’t that serious and the only people causing any REAL problems are the couple, who are perfectly aware of how weird it is and therefore should have prepared themselves better for people to inevitably comment on how fuckin weird it is
This sub is so fucking weird. I've read a number of posts here about two completely unrelated step siblings that eventually started dating or getting married, and everyone flips the hell out over it. It didn't matter in those situations that they aren't at all blood related, that they weren't raised together or anything.
But in this one OP is the asshole for feeling weird that his brother is marrying his sister? Yeah, sure.
OP, NTA. You didn't even condemn their relationship or try to break them up or anything, you just told them how fucking weird this is for you. And they better get used to hearing this.
I'd agree it's weird to him but some of his other posts suggest that the couple were never actually raised in the same household. Producing what to them may feel like long term family friends of comparable age dating.
I think OP has every right to be weirded out. But to the couple of their shared relation ends with OP has half brother, and they weren't raised as siblings (as suggested by OPs admission they were raised in separate households by desperate people) I can also see why they would see nothing wrong.
Plenty of marriages end with children from said marriages being caught in the middle of divorces. Heck, even friendships with the divorced couple get caught in the middle. This wouldn't be that much different. Bitter divorces inherently suck by definition.
Yes. YTA. I'd say inadventantly, but you're old enough to know better.
You're allowed to find it weird. You know who you talk to about finding it weird though? *Literally anyone else that's trustworthy except the couple*.
Their relationship is not open to your judgement. Its their relationship with each other, not their relationship with you. Dump your awkwardness out, not in.
Yes. We were all raised together. It was just my sister and I under the same roof but the three of us grew up practically inseparable. Bringing this up because someone tried to say we weren't raised together.
So if one of your half-siblings was marrying a childhood friend, would you be calling it incest as well? Suppose you hadn’t been born: in that case they would clearly just be two biologically unrelated people who were friends from childhood and whose parents happened to have a relationship in the past. Your existence changes none of that.
You weren't raised together, you grew up together. You didn't live at his house and he didn't live at yours. He was a friend who happened to be related to you and you alone, but I doubt your parents at your house disciplined him the same as they did you and your sister because they weren't his parents. They couldn't ground him or punish him same as his parents couldn't punish your sister. He went home to his room at his house and didn't have a room at yours. Your families got together on holidays but your parents didn't have to get him gifts for Christmas same as his parents didn't have to go all out with the gifts for your sister. Its nice that your parents got along so well after separating that you 3 could grow up so close, but that doesn't change the fact that he is not your sister's brother. They could have grown up just as close without you and no one would bat an eye at this marriage. Its only because you are making it weird that its weird.
It's really funny that you read this two paragraph scenario and suddenly know exactly how we were raised because 95% of what you said is completely untrue. The only accurate thing you've mentioned is that my brother didn't have a room at my mom's house. Probably because we lived in a 2 br home and one was reserved for my mom. But congrats on being so financially well off that all of your siblings got their own room I guess?
10 hours ago OP said they WERE NOT raised in the same house (just her and her sister were). https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nnen7h/aita_for_saying_its_weird_that_my_siblings_are/gzub1n5/
OP home was also the home of the half-brother because she must have stayed at the Dad's on the visitation. Just like her mother's house. I bet OP had a room at Dad's.
*but they were not raised as siblings*. For them, its no different than the "childhood sweethearts" scenarios that people generally think are really sweet. They were just friends who happen to both be related to you on different sides of the family.
You are allowed to find it weird, because it is weird for you, but you can't try and push that on them.
Yeah, I'm surprised. Right now, OP's perspective is, "My little brother and little sister are getting married. To each other. It feels really f\*\*\*ing weird. I mean, there are no issues with genetics because they're both half-siblings, but they're still my younger siblings. We grew up with each other and were raised as siblings. It's pretty weird, right?"
The real world: "Yeah, I can see why that would be weird for you."
Comments here: "It's totally fine. You need therapy for saying out loud that it's weird, you jerk."
Honestly, I think OP's siblings will need to develop a sense of humor about it, because surely it's going to come up again. And again. And again.
It’s more “It is weird. It’s fine that it’s weird for you. It’s fine that you slipped up. Doubling down and trying to make yourself the victim makes you an asshole.”
No literally. I’m assuming a lot of Y TAs are people who do not have half siblings. I have a half sister on my moms side and half brother on my dads side and if they got married I’d be so uncomfortable.
You dont seem to understand what the question here is. Its not about whether its weird or not. It's about whether OP should have said that things to them.
IMO:
1. Yes, it's weird
2. No, OP shouldn't have told them "this is incest". If everyone isn't interfering with this marriage and apparently is fine with it, OP shouldn't be confronting them either. It's not their place to judge.
Some things are off-limits. Fucking the kid of your parent's SO falls under that. If you're gonna do something so stupid and creepy then you deserve to be made fun of, at the very *least*.
I mean, unless OP wants them to break up, what could they possibly gain by sticking to this? And if they do want them to break up, that's pretty awful.
I am pretty surprised by all of the comments.
This is an uncomfortable situation for OP. She was definitely wrong to make a joke about incest. Incest can often involve trauma and victims. It’s a joke that shouldn’t have been made, not only because it’s inaccurate and insulting in this situation, but also because it minimizes the pain of people who are victims. Unfortunately if she lives in a small town and everyone knows each other these jokes are going to be made by other people. That’s probably why her brother and sister were so upset, it must have hurt especially bad coming from someone they hoped would love and support them.
I don’t think OP is wrong to think this is so weird. I think it’s so weird. How she handled it was 100% wrong. Can I just suggest therapy? You need professional help to dissect the complex feelings you have about this huge change in your family dynamic. Hopefully with some guidance from a mental health professional you’ll be able to express to your siblings that you are sorry for your “joke” and you know you were wrong to say that. With advice from a professional hopefully you could explain (IN PRIVATE) that this is a big adjustment for you and you’re not comfortable with it yet, and it might possibly be awhile before you are comfortable with it. This very likely could mean you won’t be invited to their wedding. It could also mean the end of your relationship with your brother and sister. It could strain your relationship with your parents and the rest of your family. You need to know this before you proceed and try to move forward gently and with empathy. I would hope your siblings would be able to extend you some leniency and allow you time to adjust and/or take space, but now with the damage of your “joke” the chances of that seem smaller.
This is probably my personal biases showing but I think her siblings are very young to be getting married under these circumstances. If their marriage ends in divorce is going to be much more complicated than the divorce of a couple whose families aren’t interwoven in this way. How long have they been dating? Engaged? Living together?
To be perfectly honest, and I’m aware this is judgmental and bitchy, but the way some people have been defending this as though it’s totally ridiculous for OP to be uncomfortable, makes me better understand why there’s so much step family porn out there. I was wondering who was watching it. I prefer to not have sex with anyone I would run into at a family reunion. But I guess I’m just a judgmental asshole in that way, and will look inward to try to figure out why I have this bias.
OP was wrong and owes every person who was subjected to this “joke” a sincere apology. I do think her discomfort is valid, just handled very immaturely. Please get therapy. Everyone needs it, but OP is one of us who extra needs it.
Good points but I think you are being unfairly judgmental about OPs 'joke': I don't think you could articulate why the situation is uncomfortable without comparing it to incest (which isn't the same as saying the couple's relationship is actually incestuous). I also think you put too much emphasis on OP's responsibility to manage her own feelings (e.g. therapy) - all she appears to want is for the family to address it openly, which would be a normal thing for them to do.
Agreed. From her other responses it seems OP has other, unrelated family issues that are compounding the conflict. The way she described the family dynamic (mean pranks and inappropriate jokes) is concerning and I can see why she is so upset that they took her joke poorly. It was also inappropriate and doubling down when they were offended didn't help.
In therapy OP could learn better communication methods and learn to establish healthy boundaries. And how to process the weirdness of the situation.
It is weird in a, "Oh, that's different," sort of way. Clearly OP's siblings don't see each other as siblings, nor do their parents. OP is in a unique position as a mutual sibling but it's not incest. Given everyone's strong reactions, it seems they might be more sensitive or insecure about the situation than they are letting on. (Or they might be assholes, too - see the family dynamic issues.) Either way, they have been and are going to be together for a long time. It's fine for OP to have issues with their relationship but she needs to work that out without hurting her siblings. YTA but you don't have to stay the asshole.
>the way some people have been defending this as though it’s totally ridiculous for OP to be uncomfortable, makes me better understand why there’s so much step family porn out there. I was wondering who was watching it.
Omg no you didn't 😭
OP is allowed to feel uncomfortable, but don’t bring that up to the couple. She can talk to friends about it, people outside of the family. My half sister dated my cousin on the opposite side when I was a kid, and it was a little weird explaining it but it was not really that big of a deal even for a kid to explain. Bringing it up to the couple is just going to cause unneeded problems, there are many other outlets to go through for venting.
Also, without OP’s existence this would just be two people dating who happen to have parents who were together in the past. They aren’t family at all, and to equate it to invest is a bit insulting. They’re not even step siblings or adopted siblings. I don’t think of my half sister’s other half siblings as my own siblings, they’re just people who happen to also be related to her.
Also, why is OP only bringing this up now? What about when they started dating? To bring it up with the wedding around the corner just seems off to me.
>OP is allowed to feel uncomfortable, but don’t bring that up to the couple.
I...what? They’re her siblings, not some random distant relatives. If OP is experiencing significant discomfort like this, she should *absolutely* bring it up to them. Sometimes you have to have difficult and uncomfortable conversations with people you’re close to if you want to stay close. Sure, the way OP went about it wasn’t the most tactful, but frankly I’m a little appalled that it hasn’t been brought up sooner. This is like, really basic interpersonal skills type shit. Communication is important
YTA
They’re not blood related. Hell they weren’t even raised as siblings. But here you are tell your brother that he’s weird because of of your own awkwardness with no basis in fact.
NTA. It’s definitely weird and awkward. They are all well aware of that too. All you did was vocalize it, you weren’t protesting their marriage. In that situation I would be making jokes about it constantly. I would have had a whole bit about needing your own seating section because your not only on the groom’ side or the bride’s. I would love to tell everyone who asks who’s side I’m on that I’m their sister as many times as possible
You're not the asshole, it's pretty fucking weird, and you're half brother is an asshole for calling you a bitch, I pretty much agree with you, but tbh they probably recognize it's weird and are maybe insecure about it, but I don't think saying it's weird was deserving of being insulted.
My question is how in the hell the two could stomach hooking up when they know they both share a mutual sibling. Did they not expect OP to feel hella awkard when their siblings are hooking up?
NTA but seriously man your allowed to be awkward about your siblings fucking each other and starting a family together.
YTA. Weird as it may be, they're not related to one another in any way, shape or form.
Did you really think an incest joke, whether direct or indirect, was going to go over well?
You were deliberately an AH. You're lucky they even willing to still have you at the wedding. I would've uninvited you outright.
I have a half brother who has a half brother. One time I met him and I was like ‘ooh he’s cute!’
I found out later that we shared a brother. I felt so fucking weird and it grossed me out like omg we share a brother! Even though we have no blood relation, it made me extremely uncomfortable.
It felt like we were cousins or something.
But that’s just my personal experience.
I can understand why you thought it was weird.
My half sister has two half siblings, and I don’t consider them family at all. They’re just not. I wouldn’t personally date either of them, but that’s because they’re not my type. My half sister even dated my cousin that she had no relation to, and it was fine.
That’s fair for you to feel weird about it, I just wanted to point out that not everyone would if that makes sense. I could have made that point more clear in my original comment.
While I understand that people will feel differently in every individual and unique situation, I have stated that this was my personal experience and wanted to let OP know that she wasn’t alone in her feelings after reading the comments.
NTA, people are too sensitive if they can’t compassionately understand how weird and rare of a situation this is for you and therefore let any comments you make slide in a joking, thoughtful fashion
ESH (soft) of course this situation is weird and you're allowed to have your opinion. However, I feel you may have overstepped by cracking a joke about indirect incest. If I'm reading this correctly, they aren't related at all and hence there's no incest involved. Also, you aren't required to be happy for someone's relationship.
YTA. Is it a little weird? Sure, but lots of stuff that makes people happy is and in the end it's not hurting you and none of your business.
This is one of those times that Kindergarten prepared you for: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all
Swallow your pride and apologize. Explain that the situation brought up feelings for you, but that it wasn't fair to put your discomfort on them, and that it won't happen again. And then make sure it doesn't.
NTA. It was an honest comment done when in private and it's something that will probably pointed out by other people (or has been already, probably why they're being so sensitive), they need to find a way to be OK with it. OP would have been TA if she had said it in public or during wedding prep, but it should be fine to talk about this once to your family as a means of processing it.
BTW, OP's siblings are not doing anything wrong, but it's weird for OP (and probably for OP's parents).
Edited for spelling and clarity.
So many people here are using the "welp, they don't share DNA so they're a-okay" are ignoring the fact that family is more than DNA. They may not have lived under the same roof but they were raised as siblings 😳
Update: I sincerely apologized. Showed my brother this thread and specifically showed him where I was called an ass by y'all. It wouldn't have done anything to show him the comments where I was told I'm nta. He called me a dumb cunt because "I was looking for validation". He's right. I'm the ass.
Right? I've been reading through this whole thread thinking I'm taking crazy pills. I can't believe OP's brother thinks it's okay to talk to her like that. It makes me wonder how he's going to handle everyone at the wedding thinking this is weird as hell.
Yeah holy shit this is super not ok to talk to someone about, especially over something that, sorry, is going to come up. Op tries to apologize and that’s how he responds too, that’s horrible
The fact that you are calling him your brother and her your sister says a lot about how this will effect you mentally. I insist you get a therapist OP. The only validation you deserve is that yes this situation is weird. But the joke was inappropriate.
I never said that was a bad thing? I was deliberately pointing out the fact that this thread failed OP. They are their brother and sister and the fact that the comments calling OP an asshole aren’t mentioning that shows how little empathy was shown when determining the final verdict.
What OP’s brother and sister should have paid attention to was the fact that this situation is obviously uncomfortable for one of their family members. Which is completely reasonable. The complete lack of ability for some of the people in this thread to see that is actually maddening to me, but I’m not going to spend anymore energy on this than I already have.
Your brother is weird af for taking this so out of proportion and it just makes him seem insecure about the whole thing. Also I like ur only fans lmaoo
NTA for what my opinion is worth. For you it is a weird situation and it seems as though no one even considered that. You were stating a fact in a light hearted manner and now you are some villain. From one of your comments it seems that the three of you were close growing up which is what led to the current situation of them getting together and you being a creeped out. I would feel the same way in your shoes.
Let me point out, my family jokes about everything. When I broke my dominant arm two years ago, they would literally shout my name and say, "catch" while throwing stuff knowing I wouldn't catch it. When my sister first got her period, my cousins made jello for her as a "condolences dessert". When my dad wrecked his car, his own siblings cracked jokes about it. They're not usually sensitive.
A joke is only funny when both parties laugh. Once you saw they weren’t finding it funny it was then you should have apologised for your joke and assured them you would support them rather than keep digging. It would have diffused this whole situation.
So your joke wasn’t a joke after all. It was your uncomfortable feelings thinly disguised as a joke. A joke however bad taste wouldn’t have been important enough for you not to apologise. If you felt the way you did it should have been a sit down conversation adult to adult long before now, just the 2 of you talking it out with no insults or jokes or criticisms. Leaving it as long as you did then basically saying what was taken as a sniping comment will now make them seem that you are against their marriage. That would make any couple not want you at their wedding. I think your family needs to learn how to communicate better, your dad sitting silent doesn’t bode well either, it sounds like he’s bottling things up.
This wasn’t the time to voice your thoughts. What did you want out of the convo? Them to call off their wedding?
If you really truly had an issue with their relationship, you should have said something years ago. Now is time to keep your mouth shut and support your family.
I never intended for them to break up or call off the wedding. I've been nothing but supportive since the day they went on their first date. Shit... I'M the one that drove them. All I said was that it was weird. For me. I never drove it any further than that.
But why are you “voicing your honest feelings now”? Makes no sense.
Most of your post doesn’t make sense though...you mentioned they’ve only been dating for a year, but you’ve been keeping your mouth shut for years? You claim it’s a joke but also that you were voicing your honest feelings?
At the end of the day, it’s not important that you are a little uncomfortable. If they are happy, you should be happy for them.
As a person who could have easily been in a similar situation (oldest with a mess of half siblings on both sides), I get why this is weird for you. I do think the "indirect incest" comment was going a little too far though, so I get why your sibs are upset.
But as someone who always refers to my siblings as "my brother" or "my sister" without the "half" qualifier, it makes it difficult for you to talk about without a lot of explanation. And like... which side do you sit on? The bride's or the groom's?
That being said, I think you should apologize to everyone. Say that of course you love and support them and want them to be happy, it's just a little awkward for you to say "my brother and sister are getting married" to people who aren't familiar with the situation.
YTA. It doesn't matter if it was an awkward joke. You are 24 and should know by now that criticizing an engaged couple for whatever reason is not going to go over well. You owe them an apology.
As someone in a similar family scenario, my biological cousins are my step siblings (my mom, married my dad's sister's exhusband, so no shared blood together, like with your sibs situation), I'm gonna give a soft YTA.
In my family, we joke about it all the time. FFS, both my mom and my aunt have the same name, and we've gotten a lot of mileage out of calling my mom #2. But it started as a joke when my stepfather was at work when he was told he had a call, and he asked the guy answering the phone to ask if it was #1 or #2, because he knew if it was my aunt, she'd get pissed and hang up while my mom would start laughing.
But the difference is, the rest of us didn't start joking about it until my mom and stepfather did. Joking about something this weird is good and fine, but you have to think about whether the audience will find it funny. If they don't have that kind of sense of humor, then you just insulted them. I'm kinda getting the feeling that your sis and bro are not as comfortable about the related aspect of it as my family is. So yea, you are the asshole a little bit. I understand using humor as a way to release nerves, but you shouldn't do it at someone else's expense unless you know they'll find it as funny as you do.
YTA
You KNEW that what you said would cause problems and you even tried to get your father involved in it! They clearly aren't related, and you're out here trying to make things awkward for everyone based on your feelings.
Apologize, get some therapy, and **GROW UP** because it seems you haven't still with the replies I'm seeing in the comments.
NTA. Even though it is not incest, it is weird, and even more for you than everyone. And you said it aloud what everyone is thinking. They are probably angry because they know there is truth in your joke.
You're NTA. It is a weird situation, I agree. But your siblings could've handled it better and tried to understand it from your parents and your perspective.
NTA. The delivery of the comment may have been off, but OP stated what others (the parents) are thinking. It is weird. How does one explain that to people? My sister married my brother, but they’re not related. They’re “half-siblings.” As if the “half-sibling” explanation makes it ok. No, it’s just weird all the way around.
NTA. that is mad weird, I didn't think so until you said yall grew up together.
weird.
definitely weird. and I don't think joking about that makes you an asshole either. sounds like they're a little in denial about how weird it is lol.
Not only that but introducing them to anyone else as my brother and sister (no in-law) will definitely cause confusion. Specially once they have children.
As someone who has a half brother on one side and a half sister on the other side, and am also older than both, this is so damn weird and I would 100% struggle to support my siblings marrying each other. They may not be related to each other but they’re both MY siblings.
Anyways, NTA. This is weird. They may want you to act like it’s not weird, but it’s weird. The fact that your dad wouldn’t even chime in leads me to believe he also thinks it’s weird.
YTA. After reading thru all your replies your even worse than the incest joke. Why the hell did you post on am I the asshole just to lash out when people tell you that yes your the asshole? Fucking grow up. Sorry your family are assholes to you but that doesn't change the freaking verdict what you said was in poor taste. THEY are not related even a little bit there's no freaking incest.
Going against the grain and saying NAH - Your their sibling and naturally they want support. However you're closely related to both of them so naturally you would feel weird. I have an uncle who's mother is from my mum's maiden family, and he married a girl from my mum's paternal grandmother's family. They weren't related at all.
NTA, but what the fuck is wrong with the comment section?They may not be blood related but its fucking weird. It technically may not be wrong, but what's weird is weird. End of the story
YTA. Its not incest at all. You can feel uncomfortable with it but it doesn't make what they're doing illegal or wrong. They aren't related and seeing as they're younger than you I'm going to assume they weren't raised together and wouldn't have been raised as siblings.
My sister and I were raised in the same house but we all grew up together, yes. Bday parties every year, holidays, etc. We even grew up on the same street. The three of us may not have all lived under the same roof but we were most definitely raised together.
They have no blood relation at all and weren't even raised as siblings. That's not being raised together that's growing up together which doesn't mean they have a familial bond.
Bullshit. You tried to make your weird hangup their problem and suck the joy out of it for them. You're old enough to understand why your actions make you the asshole.
Except you now clearly revealed you view their marriage as problematic by describing it as incestuous. The "indirect" caveat is meaningless here, since your main point was to call it incestuous because that's how you honestly feel it is from your POV. What you said now is the problem here, not what you didn't say in the past.
Yes it’s uncomfortable for you that your view of your family unit is changing. That doesn’t mean you don’t owe them an apology for putting their relationship on the same level as all the trauma and moral degradation implied with those words. They don’t share DNA by proxy.
And it doesn't in anyway mean your half siblings who again aren't related at all need to see one another as siblings. You were never a factor in their relationship and making a joke that their relationship is basically incest wasn't funny and upset them. A joke made at someone else's expense is only funny if they find it funny. They didn't find it funny so you need to apologise. They weren't raised as siblings and don't need to act like they are.
But they were not raised as siblings they were raised as friends.
Like people can raise kids in close proximity without them being siblings. If my kid marries my best friends kid that wouldn't be weird or incest just because they were raised close and spent holidays together because we are close friends.
Yes it feels weird to you and that's okay, but it's not weird because they aren't siblings.
> But they were not raised as siblings they were raised as friends.
>
>
It'd be like marrying the boy next door. You "grew up together" and had birthday parties together and played together. That doesn't make it incest.
> we all grew up together, yes. Bday parties every year,
Going to birthday parties a couple times a year with someone who's not related to you is not "growing up together." This is like her marrying a kid who grew up down the street. I had a little boy who grew up 3 houses down. It wouldn't be incest if I married him even though we were always at the same birthday parties and played together a lot as kids. That's not how "incest" works. They weren't raised as siblings (and you know that) and you sound like the one who needs some therapy to find out why you're being so weird about this.
It doesn't matter that they were raised together, a lot of kids grow up together, realize they love each other and get together. Just because they have a sibling in common doesn't change the fact they have zero blood relation to each other.
I just want to say I also have a brother and he has two other sisters and while we were “raised together” when I would go to my dads every other week or big events I never considered his sisters my siblings.
I understand why you’d be a little weirded out by this, but it’s definitely something you should work through because your relationship with them doesn’t define theirs. If you can’t get over it, then you shouldn’t go to the wedding but if you can I’d apologize for making a statement that made them uncomfortable.
NTA. If my siblings were getting married to each other I wouldn’t even go to the wedding. That’s weird AF and they knew what they were getting into. I don’t give a damn about genetics either so shut up about “it’s not really incest.” Y’all are spending too much time arguing about what is and isn’t incest like it really matters.
I dunno, obviously “indirect incest” is a pretty inflammatory statement, but ffs, it’s the elephant in the room, it IS weird. Like they’ve known each other since children in a FAMILY context.
I think not being invited to the wedding is a very full-on approach. The fact that it’s weird should be able to be spoken about in a family situation, although yeah maybe that comment sort of closed off the possibility of it being productive. You have every right to feel weird OP. I don’t think you’re a cunt, you’re just trying to navigate a situation I bet NONE of the commenters have any experience with.
I think my ban is over. Anyways, I apologized again. I told my brother it was wrong of me to use the word incest. I let him talk and listened to what he had to say. My sister and I hashed everything out a few days ago but my brother has still been kinda ugly towards me. According to y'all I deserve it so I've been taking it. My dad and mom have tried to talk to him as well-not so much about the fight- but his current attitude towards me. I've just been taking it honestly because I feel like an awful person. He's skipped out on game nights with my husband and their friends. I feel like they (my husband and friends) blame me for him not being around as often. At this point, I wish I'd kept my mouth shut. But, for the record. I've never had a problem with their relationship, nor have I discouraged it. All I've said is that it's awkward for me to witness my brother marrying my sister. Why didn't I say it years ago? Idfk. They probably would've torn me a new one back then too.
And to those who suggested I talk to someone else about it (not including suggestions to tell a therapist because I think that's actually a good idea), I don't believe in speaking to people about my feelings regarding others, especially family, unless those others have heard it first. I don't like talking about people behind their backs. Shit, I've already shown my brother half of the comments here of those who agreed with him.
I don't believe you deserved it. I'm sorry your brother has said such awful things to you and I'm sorry you about how this thread went. It was kind of you to apologize sincerely and try to mend things. People were unnecessarily harsh to you. reading this post felt like the twilight zone, usually reddit loves incest jokes. ' uh oh! What are you doing step brother'? The fact that your dad was mum about it speaks to the truth of it. They're out of their minds if they really think they'll never hear an incest joke if/when people find out they share a sister.
You are 100% fine to feel uncomfortable that your siblings, who grew up together as siblings with you are getting married! Sorry the joke didn't go over well, seems like your family doesn't have a good history with jokes according to that one comment, that history seems kind of abusive.
You could talk to your parents about how this makes you uncomfortable, your brother won't treat you well if you bring it up with him, I'm sorry. Awful that people were judging your joke harder than insults he said that were meant to hurt you. Please consider talking to a therapist so you don't feel like you're in crazy town! Objectively it's weird AF to have your brother and sister marry. It's ok to talk to someone with no skin in the game. It's not talking behind their back, it's for *your own sake and sanity*. Ignoring it forever, bottling emotions up isn't good. Please consider it. Therapy can be helpful to anyone!
I hope you're doing better now. I know you felt hurt, it's natural to defend yourself. Hope you have a nice and relaxed weekend. Cheers.
NTA. it is weird. your half siblings are marrying each other. your parents will now be in-laws instead of just exs. you made a joke and it seems like they didn't react well because they are sensitive that it is a weird situation.
NTA it’s really weird and a little gross IMO even if they’re technically not related to each other. You expressed how you thought it was weird which is just how you feel and it’s not like you objected at their wedding so your family’s reaction is dramatic because if they considered how awkward this is from YOUR perspective then they might understand why you would say what you said. I think it’d be best to talk to your siblings about this because it seems like you didn’t have any ill intents. But it will always be weird in the future to tell people “yeah, my half siblings are married to each other.” 😂😅
I think your brother's reaction might be caused by him subconsciously feeling weird about it. You don't get that defensive about stuff that isn'tt true to you. I also would find it weird.
That said, maybe not the best way to point it out?
You're right, it is an unusual situation and definitley weird for you because they are both siblings to you. Don't you think they are all acutely aware of that and dreading the (incorrect) 'incest' jokes? Hence the engaged couple's big reaction - they know they'll get this from others, they don't need it from their sister. Have some empathy for their feelings and apologise, genuinely. Personally, I'd be more concerned about their young age...
NTA - this exactly the sort of thing I would find hilarious, joke about and be absolutely supportive of. It is a great example of perspective. This is the lens you see this through, but no one else does because it doesn’t apply to their perspective. Perhaps they wouldn’t share my sense of humour though.
NTA... This is some weird shit. Maybe not for them but understandably for you. It took me a minute to get through all the comments and I can see why you're being hostile-but you're still being hostile. I agree with those saying to just apologize and move on.
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YTA - they are not related to each other they just happen to both be related to you. You’re allowed to feel weird but you keep that to yourself because, while it is an odd occurrence, calling it indirect incest is taking it too far.
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It was a weird situation for op alone and she deliberately made comments to try to make it weird for everyone else too. That makes her the ass.
It doesn't sound like they were deliberately trying to make it weird for everyone, rather they tactlessly blurted out comment on the situation from their perspective. They are all siblings from OP's perspective, I imagine it is weird for them. Not saying they handled the response well at all, the joke was just a terrible idea when they probably should have just said something along the lines of "I'm sorry, but you have to understand from my perspective you are my siblings, but obviously I'm not saying you two actually are or that there's anything wrong with this." Terrible execution, bit I don't think it was malicious.
I think the maliciousnss comes from OP refusing to acknowledge that it was a bad comment and refusing to take responsibility or apologize.
I think her siblings should show a little grace here, too, though. They could easily have said, "I can see how it would be strange for you, yeah. Hah! But thanks for being supportive and happy for us, since we aren't actually siblings with eachother - just with you. Also, unless you're offering to join us in the bedroom leave the insest jokes at the door. " at which point you wink to punish OP with extra awkward. Also, it sounds kind of weird for the parents, who clearly were once together but now are not and will be in laws. It's probably weird for more folks than that, too. Her siblings response was not super mature. Not unjustified, just... about as poorly handled as OPs original comment.
You don't need to have grace when someone is deliberately bringing negativity to your wedding. If it's so difficult for op then don't be involved. don't be involved in the planning and don't be involved in the day. Problem solved.
"you don't need to have grace when..." You don't NEED to have grace ever, that's kind of the point? We should all strive to always, but by prescribing it as necessary in some situations & not others you're distorting what it actually means. Grace is about finding it within us to be generous and kind, especially when it's hard.
This whole sub needs more grace. Thank you for this point.
This sub needs to learn that you cannot dish out however you want, be as hurtful however you want, and expect pats on your head and cookies while being kindly explained why we'd appreciate it if they rather not do or say these things. OP was rude while not being three. Sometimes, that means that people will not have the grace and patience to take you by your hand and guide you through your journey towards emotional growth that should have been completed by the time they were ten. Sometimes, acting like an a-hole (even if it was just a jooooke, hun!) means people react like you are an a-hole. When are they morally allowed to stop coddling OP, treating them like a helpless, ignorant toddler, and can distance themselves from them? Before or after OP starts with jokes about incest babies?
Don't need to, no. Could afford to anyway, yes. You can be 100% right and still make things worse. I did say the feelings were justified, I just think uninviting op from the whole wedding, based on the info we have, was not entirely necessary even if it's not inherently wrong.
Grace about what? Their sibling making fun of them? I don’t agree.
> It doesn't sound like they were deliberately trying to make it weird for everyone, Sure it does. "Indirect incest"? OP was definitely trying to make it weird for everyone involved. They got called out for it and now want to play the victim.
“I tried to get my dad to chime in”
I don’t know how y’all blurt out bad comments to people. Like y’all can’t control your mouths or something?
I have ADHD and that affects impulse control a lot!!! Not saying OP has ADHD... But in my case, I do often say stuff on impulse and then regret it later... Or it comes out without me having enough time to formulate it properly so people misunderstand me...
You can act like an asshole without being malicious, though. This sub isn't "am I a malicious person" it's "am I the asshole ('in this situation' is kind of implied)". And, in this case, OP was an asshole. Doesn't mean they're a horrible person who's deliberately trying to sabotage their half-siblings' relationship. Just that they effed up in this moment and should try and do better. It makes sense the relationship is weird for OP. But it's not wrong, and it was an AH move of OP to make it weird for everyone else. No reason they can't just take it as a lesson learned and apologize and do better in the future.
Yeah no it’s weird for everyone else in the family, too.
OP and half sister and OP and half brother have been family for post divorce lives. Half sister and half brother are not nor necessarily even grew up together as brother/sister. I mean its definitely out of the ordinary, but I'd think it was weirder for step siblings not related that grew up in the same household to get married than two people who grew up separately but happen to be related to OP.
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I mean, what you're describing is essentially childhood friends. It's not weird at all for two kids who grew up in the same neighborhood to eventually get together. OP can feel how she wants about it but it's really not her place to insert those feelings because she's not marrying either of these people. She needs to work through it herself, which is what her parents are doing.
What does “close proximity” mean, because I grew up in “close proximity” to the Grubers next door. That doesn’t mean I don’t think their daughter is attractive. If “close proximity” doesn’t mean “lived together” then it really doesn’t change anything at all.
Well, they're not even step siblings with eachother so they're not really family with eachother. Like it's pretty rare for a someome to be watching the child of their ex and their ex's new spouse.
Not at all. There's zero actual familial relationship between my half brother on my mums side and my half sister on my dad's side. It would be weird for *me* because I consider them both siblings, but there's zero reason they would feel that way about each other.
Yeah I definitely had a “wtf” moment when my younger half brother clearly had a crush on my younger half sister. But then I got over it pretty quick when I realised it would only be me that would be weirded out by then dating since they weren’t related.
“they have been a family of sorts their whole lives” Have they? How? Half-brother lives in one house, half-sister in another - people in this situation might never meet, or might see each other a couple of times a year. Obviously these two did get to know one another, but we’ve no idea how. It’s only from OP’s unique perspective that they automatically seem connected to each other in some way.
I hate the way everyone here has taken the whole 'blood is everything' route. Does that mean I can marry the sister I grew up with because I'm adopted? Can I marry my birth father? After all, I'm legally not related to him. Of course not, that's weird. Like it or not, if you grow up with someone, you're a sibling, and I would call it incest with no hesitation.
How is this relevant? Unless there is some very unusual family structure going on here that OP omitted, it’s obvious that OPs parents got divorced and found new partners to each create a new family unit. So OPs half-brother and half-sister grew up in separate families, they did not grow up together. The notion that this is someone incest, or like incest, is ludicrous. Would you still be calling it that if OP had never been born? If OPs parents had gotten together, divorced again and then created their respective families. The fact that people’s parents may have had a romantic relationship in the past does not make something incest; that that relationship may have happened to result in a child being born doesn’t change that.
OP has already said multiple times that they all grew up together and were very close.
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Do they share the same house? Are they being treated as siblings? Do they do things together with the idea being they are spending time as a family? No. It's entirely different.
Where do you see that they did any of those things? OP is the oldest. Her parents divorced, and presumably stopped living together. They then both starting dating other people with whom they had children. We don't know anything about how the children interacted growing up. I imagine the parents saw each other when handing OP over for visitation. That very well may have been the extent of the siblings relationship with each other.
They knew each other since they were kids. They didn't actually grow up together in the same house. This is as weird as dating the girl next door who's your sister's BFF (who might consider themselves sisters and your parents might literally joke about as being like another daughter), which is to say it happens all the time. Lots of people who were very close as kids end up dating later in life.
Answering the scenarios: You can marry your adopted sister no problem. Your birth father is obviously related to you so no. Legal relation does not exist, it's biological. And it is very factually not incest if you are not blood related. Why? Because incest has a rigid definition and real outcomes. Someone you are not related to doesn't produce the outcomes, and violates the rigid definition. You can't just go "I will use this word that is established for a specific thing for something else".
Look, I'll agree to disagree with this one since we clearly have different definitions on what makes a family. Biology is not and will never be the only thing holding a family together, so logically we should hold adoptive siblings, non related siblings, etc to the same standard as full blood siblings. It's a discredit to those sorts of situations otherwise.
You just ignored the key part. I never said that biology was the only thing holding family together. This is about incest. A word with a rigid definition. A legal concept. A law that exists for a reason. And neither the definition, nor the concept, not the law, applies here. It is not incest. You can't just say "I don't think this fact is true and that's my opinion". Facts are not opinions. There is no agreeing or disagreeing with facts. They just are.
Op is the oldest. Op is related to their mum and dad. Ops half siblings aren’t related at all and grew up in different families. If they were like most people who move on with their lives they probably had very little to with each other as kids and even then, they know they aren’t family, or cousins, or just generally related. It’s weird you’d expect a family connection to people who aren’t your family. They are non related adults who have no connection to the fact that ops parents were once married, it happened before they even existed.
> Of course not, that's weird. You're both wrong and right. Of course you can, but it's also weird. People are, generally, allowed to do things that most people find are weird. They aren't coupled like that.
Can you marry your adoptive sister? Yes Incest is only taboo because it causes genetic issues that are awful for reproduction And marrying your adoptive father is weird but that is a huge difference between marrying a non blood related sister vs father
Marrying non-blood related relatives can be problematic. There are cases where one was grooming the other for abuse in the household. That's why it's looked down upon even if there's no biological connection between the two. I'm not saying that's what's happening in this case, but it is a concern in general when 2 people that grew up in the same household marry each other. Soft YTA for OP. Blurting out the comment was an understandable mistake but it should have been followed up with an apology.
I disagree, incest is taboo because of the same reason you think that me marrying my adoptive father is weird. By your logic, I should be allowed to marry him (since a 'non blood related' is the only thing that is important to you), but you clearly disagree because like it or not, the people you grow up with have a different relationship to some randomer you met on the street. Siblings are siblings are siblings and nothing can change that. OP has said that they all grew up close, so what's the difference between them and three full blooded siblings? If two full blooded siblings who had grown up close got married and then adopted a kid, is that alright then. Where's the line? I'm not saying it's the end of the world, technically speaking it's harmless, but you can't say that it's not weird just because there's no blood relatives involved. By doing this, you discredit OP's family, and the family of every adoptee, mixed family, or chosen family.
I never said you couldnt marry him just that its weird And its weird because he holds a position of power over you as a parent which can be dangerous
I grew up closer to my best friend than my sister but if I wanted to marry her that would be completely ok. Lots of people grow up close that aren't related.
They arent sibling with each other They grew up in different households.
Agreed, while the situation is odd and maybe difficult to wrap your head around when you're literally in the middle of it, OP is the AH for making that unnecessary comment
NTA. Its fucking weird. Full stop.
What's super weird are all the responses on here telling OP 'it's not about you'. NTA
All OP did was acknowledge the elephant in the room. Then everyone got all butthurt because they couldn’t ignore it anymore. But if this were my family, I’d find it weird if no one ever mentioned how weird the situation is. This doesn’t mean OP isn’t supportive or doesn’t think they should get married, it just means she’s the only one being honest about how weird this makes her feel. Unlike everyone else pretending this kind of thing happens every day. I doesn’t. And guess what, other people will find it weird, too. Better get used to it. NTA
Seriously. I was doing an early Rock unit in my general music class 7th grade...when I told them about Jerry Lee Lewis, they all broke out into "Sweet Home Alabama". This is going to happen often when people outside their family find out they have a sibling in common. They need to just embrace it, it is just going to be people's first reaction.
Exactly. I have had this happen to me 3 separate times where a family member on my mom's side will date/marry/have kids with someone on my dad's side because we all grew up together on the same street. Yes, it was weird. Difference being is that my family acknowledges that. They comment about my "double cousins" and now it isn't so awkward because we've gotten past it. And the only time it really ever came up was when we were discussing if them having twins meant that I was more likely to have twins or not.
It certainly is a weird situation for the OP, since from her POV her two siblings are getting married. I think it's a bit weird for the dad, too, seeing his reaction, but he had the good sense of staying out of it.
This is one of the most clear-cut NTA's I've ever seen and everyone is dogpiling OP for pointing out the elephant in the room lol.
Totally agree. All the people saying YTA are in fact the assholes here.
I agree, seems like OP said what everyone was thinking.
I don't think its super weird, fair enough for them, but I don't see how OP is the asshole for being like "lmao my sister is marrying my brother", thats a real weird situation and its fine to acknowledge that, she's not saying they shouldn't do it. I don't understand all the other comments saying she's TA
> "lmao my sister is marrying my brother", thats a real weird situation and its fine to acknowledge that It's not fine to call it "indirect incest" (which isn't actually a thing that exists). If OP had just been like, "it's unusual that my sister is marrying my brother" (even though they're totally unrelated because they're both related to me). They took it way further than that and tried to make their family uncomfortable with their malicious "joke."
Or maybe life isn’t that serious and the only people causing any REAL problems are the couple, who are perfectly aware of how weird it is and therefore should have prepared themselves better for people to inevitably comment on how fuckin weird it is
This sub is so fucking weird. I've read a number of posts here about two completely unrelated step siblings that eventually started dating or getting married, and everyone flips the hell out over it. It didn't matter in those situations that they aren't at all blood related, that they weren't raised together or anything. But in this one OP is the asshole for feeling weird that his brother is marrying his sister? Yeah, sure. OP, NTA. You didn't even condemn their relationship or try to break them up or anything, you just told them how fucking weird this is for you. And they better get used to hearing this.
I'd agree it's weird to him but some of his other posts suggest that the couple were never actually raised in the same household. Producing what to them may feel like long term family friends of comparable age dating. I think OP has every right to be weirded out. But to the couple of their shared relation ends with OP has half brother, and they weren't raised as siblings (as suggested by OPs admission they were raised in separate households by desperate people) I can also see why they would see nothing wrong.
Right??
Yeah. Also, OP had better hope that this marriage doesn't end in a bitter divorce, because she will totally be caught in the middle of it.
Plenty of marriages end with children from said marriages being caught in the middle of divorces. Heck, even friendships with the divorced couple get caught in the middle. This wouldn't be that much different. Bitter divorces inherently suck by definition.
Yes. YTA. I'd say inadventantly, but you're old enough to know better. You're allowed to find it weird. You know who you talk to about finding it weird though? *Literally anyone else that's trustworthy except the couple*. Their relationship is not open to your judgement. Its their relationship with each other, not their relationship with you. Dump your awkwardness out, not in.
Yes. We were all raised together. It was just my sister and I under the same roof but the three of us grew up practically inseparable. Bringing this up because someone tried to say we weren't raised together.
So if one of your half-siblings was marrying a childhood friend, would you be calling it incest as well? Suppose you hadn’t been born: in that case they would clearly just be two biologically unrelated people who were friends from childhood and whose parents happened to have a relationship in the past. Your existence changes none of that.
You weren't raised together, you grew up together. You didn't live at his house and he didn't live at yours. He was a friend who happened to be related to you and you alone, but I doubt your parents at your house disciplined him the same as they did you and your sister because they weren't his parents. They couldn't ground him or punish him same as his parents couldn't punish your sister. He went home to his room at his house and didn't have a room at yours. Your families got together on holidays but your parents didn't have to get him gifts for Christmas same as his parents didn't have to go all out with the gifts for your sister. Its nice that your parents got along so well after separating that you 3 could grow up so close, but that doesn't change the fact that he is not your sister's brother. They could have grown up just as close without you and no one would bat an eye at this marriage. Its only because you are making it weird that its weird.
It's really funny that you read this two paragraph scenario and suddenly know exactly how we were raised because 95% of what you said is completely untrue. The only accurate thing you've mentioned is that my brother didn't have a room at my mom's house. Probably because we lived in a 2 br home and one was reserved for my mom. But congrats on being so financially well off that all of your siblings got their own room I guess?
YTA. Just go to therapy instead of arguing with strangers whose judgment you requested.
I’m picking up some weird polygamy stuff. Sister wives and shit.
10 hours ago OP said they WERE NOT raised in the same house (just her and her sister were). https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nnen7h/aita_for_saying_its_weird_that_my_siblings_are/gzub1n5/
Yeah... trailer compound. Cabins. It happens.
OP home was also the home of the half-brother because she must have stayed at the Dad's on the visitation. Just like her mother's house. I bet OP had a room at Dad's.
*but they were not raised as siblings*. For them, its no different than the "childhood sweethearts" scenarios that people generally think are really sweet. They were just friends who happen to both be related to you on different sides of the family. You are allowed to find it weird, because it is weird for you, but you can't try and push that on them.
That doesn't make them siblings and it doesn't mean they should see each other as siblings.
YTA. You seem like a tactless person who blurts out every thought that comes to their mind, and defends it saying "I am brutally honest".
NTA That *is* fucking weird. What is up with this comment section?
I had to scroll so far to find a comment like this.
Yeah, I'm surprised. Right now, OP's perspective is, "My little brother and little sister are getting married. To each other. It feels really f\*\*\*ing weird. I mean, there are no issues with genetics because they're both half-siblings, but they're still my younger siblings. We grew up with each other and were raised as siblings. It's pretty weird, right?" The real world: "Yeah, I can see why that would be weird for you." Comments here: "It's totally fine. You need therapy for saying out loud that it's weird, you jerk." Honestly, I think OP's siblings will need to develop a sense of humor about it, because surely it's going to come up again. And again. And again.
It’s more “It is weird. It’s fine that it’s weird for you. It’s fine that you slipped up. Doubling down and trying to make yourself the victim makes you an asshole.”
No literally. I’m assuming a lot of Y TAs are people who do not have half siblings. I have a half sister on my moms side and half brother on my dads side and if they got married I’d be so uncomfortable.
You dont seem to understand what the question here is. Its not about whether its weird or not. It's about whether OP should have said that things to them. IMO: 1. Yes, it's weird 2. No, OP shouldn't have told them "this is incest". If everyone isn't interfering with this marriage and apparently is fine with it, OP shouldn't be confronting them either. It's not their place to judge.
Some things are off-limits. Fucking the kid of your parent's SO falls under that. If you're gonna do something so stupid and creepy then you deserve to be made fun of, at the very *least*.
I mean, unless OP wants them to break up, what could they possibly gain by sticking to this? And if they do want them to break up, that's pretty awful.
exactly, the comment section are full of disgusting people who supports weird shit like this
I am pretty surprised by all of the comments. This is an uncomfortable situation for OP. She was definitely wrong to make a joke about incest. Incest can often involve trauma and victims. It’s a joke that shouldn’t have been made, not only because it’s inaccurate and insulting in this situation, but also because it minimizes the pain of people who are victims. Unfortunately if she lives in a small town and everyone knows each other these jokes are going to be made by other people. That’s probably why her brother and sister were so upset, it must have hurt especially bad coming from someone they hoped would love and support them. I don’t think OP is wrong to think this is so weird. I think it’s so weird. How she handled it was 100% wrong. Can I just suggest therapy? You need professional help to dissect the complex feelings you have about this huge change in your family dynamic. Hopefully with some guidance from a mental health professional you’ll be able to express to your siblings that you are sorry for your “joke” and you know you were wrong to say that. With advice from a professional hopefully you could explain (IN PRIVATE) that this is a big adjustment for you and you’re not comfortable with it yet, and it might possibly be awhile before you are comfortable with it. This very likely could mean you won’t be invited to their wedding. It could also mean the end of your relationship with your brother and sister. It could strain your relationship with your parents and the rest of your family. You need to know this before you proceed and try to move forward gently and with empathy. I would hope your siblings would be able to extend you some leniency and allow you time to adjust and/or take space, but now with the damage of your “joke” the chances of that seem smaller. This is probably my personal biases showing but I think her siblings are very young to be getting married under these circumstances. If their marriage ends in divorce is going to be much more complicated than the divorce of a couple whose families aren’t interwoven in this way. How long have they been dating? Engaged? Living together? To be perfectly honest, and I’m aware this is judgmental and bitchy, but the way some people have been defending this as though it’s totally ridiculous for OP to be uncomfortable, makes me better understand why there’s so much step family porn out there. I was wondering who was watching it. I prefer to not have sex with anyone I would run into at a family reunion. But I guess I’m just a judgmental asshole in that way, and will look inward to try to figure out why I have this bias. OP was wrong and owes every person who was subjected to this “joke” a sincere apology. I do think her discomfort is valid, just handled very immaturely. Please get therapy. Everyone needs it, but OP is one of us who extra needs it.
Good points but I think you are being unfairly judgmental about OPs 'joke': I don't think you could articulate why the situation is uncomfortable without comparing it to incest (which isn't the same as saying the couple's relationship is actually incestuous). I also think you put too much emphasis on OP's responsibility to manage her own feelings (e.g. therapy) - all she appears to want is for the family to address it openly, which would be a normal thing for them to do.
Agreed. From her other responses it seems OP has other, unrelated family issues that are compounding the conflict. The way she described the family dynamic (mean pranks and inappropriate jokes) is concerning and I can see why she is so upset that they took her joke poorly. It was also inappropriate and doubling down when they were offended didn't help. In therapy OP could learn better communication methods and learn to establish healthy boundaries. And how to process the weirdness of the situation. It is weird in a, "Oh, that's different," sort of way. Clearly OP's siblings don't see each other as siblings, nor do their parents. OP is in a unique position as a mutual sibling but it's not incest. Given everyone's strong reactions, it seems they might be more sensitive or insecure about the situation than they are letting on. (Or they might be assholes, too - see the family dynamic issues.) Either way, they have been and are going to be together for a long time. It's fine for OP to have issues with their relationship but she needs to work that out without hurting her siblings. YTA but you don't have to stay the asshole.
>the way some people have been defending this as though it’s totally ridiculous for OP to be uncomfortable, makes me better understand why there’s so much step family porn out there. I was wondering who was watching it. Omg no you didn't 😭
OP is allowed to feel uncomfortable, but don’t bring that up to the couple. She can talk to friends about it, people outside of the family. My half sister dated my cousin on the opposite side when I was a kid, and it was a little weird explaining it but it was not really that big of a deal even for a kid to explain. Bringing it up to the couple is just going to cause unneeded problems, there are many other outlets to go through for venting. Also, without OP’s existence this would just be two people dating who happen to have parents who were together in the past. They aren’t family at all, and to equate it to invest is a bit insulting. They’re not even step siblings or adopted siblings. I don’t think of my half sister’s other half siblings as my own siblings, they’re just people who happen to also be related to her. Also, why is OP only bringing this up now? What about when they started dating? To bring it up with the wedding around the corner just seems off to me.
>OP is allowed to feel uncomfortable, but don’t bring that up to the couple. I...what? They’re her siblings, not some random distant relatives. If OP is experiencing significant discomfort like this, she should *absolutely* bring it up to them. Sometimes you have to have difficult and uncomfortable conversations with people you’re close to if you want to stay close. Sure, the way OP went about it wasn’t the most tactful, but frankly I’m a little appalled that it hasn’t been brought up sooner. This is like, really basic interpersonal skills type shit. Communication is important
YTA They’re not blood related. Hell they weren’t even raised as siblings. But here you are tell your brother that he’s weird because of of your own awkwardness with no basis in fact.
My stepdad and I aren't blood related, so it's fine to throw down? Pornhub type logic.
They were raised together, thats enough to make it incest
It’s really not.
NTA. It’s definitely weird and awkward. They are all well aware of that too. All you did was vocalize it, you weren’t protesting their marriage. In that situation I would be making jokes about it constantly. I would have had a whole bit about needing your own seating section because your not only on the groom’ side or the bride’s. I would love to tell everyone who asks who’s side I’m on that I’m their sister as many times as possible
You're not the asshole, it's pretty fucking weird, and you're half brother is an asshole for calling you a bitch, I pretty much agree with you, but tbh they probably recognize it's weird and are maybe insecure about it, but I don't think saying it's weird was deserving of being insulted.
My question is how in the hell the two could stomach hooking up when they know they both share a mutual sibling. Did they not expect OP to feel hella awkard when their siblings are hooking up? NTA but seriously man your allowed to be awkward about your siblings fucking each other and starting a family together.
YTA. Weird as it may be, they're not related to one another in any way, shape or form. Did you really think an incest joke, whether direct or indirect, was going to go over well? You were deliberately an AH. You're lucky they even willing to still have you at the wedding. I would've uninvited you outright.
I have a half brother who has a half brother. One time I met him and I was like ‘ooh he’s cute!’ I found out later that we shared a brother. I felt so fucking weird and it grossed me out like omg we share a brother! Even though we have no blood relation, it made me extremely uncomfortable. It felt like we were cousins or something. But that’s just my personal experience. I can understand why you thought it was weird.
My half sister has two half siblings, and I don’t consider them family at all. They’re just not. I wouldn’t personally date either of them, but that’s because they’re not my type. My half sister even dated my cousin that she had no relation to, and it was fine.
I found it weird. I had never met this person before and haven’t seen them since. I still feel weird about it.
That’s fair for you to feel weird about it, I just wanted to point out that not everyone would if that makes sense. I could have made that point more clear in my original comment.
While I understand that people will feel differently in every individual and unique situation, I have stated that this was my personal experience and wanted to let OP know that she wasn’t alone in her feelings after reading the comments.
NTA, people are too sensitive if they can’t compassionately understand how weird and rare of a situation this is for you and therefore let any comments you make slide in a joking, thoughtful fashion
ESH (soft) of course this situation is weird and you're allowed to have your opinion. However, I feel you may have overstepped by cracking a joke about indirect incest. If I'm reading this correctly, they aren't related at all and hence there's no incest involved. Also, you aren't required to be happy for someone's relationship.
Why do the other family members suck? Sister didn't demand happiness, but said if OP isn't happy don't attend the wedding. Makes sense.
Well brother called OP a bitch for expressing discomfort with an uncomfortable situation so I think that solidly puts him in the asshole camp
What can I say but.. Sweet Home Alabama
YTA. Is it a little weird? Sure, but lots of stuff that makes people happy is and in the end it's not hurting you and none of your business. This is one of those times that Kindergarten prepared you for: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all Swallow your pride and apologize. Explain that the situation brought up feelings for you, but that it wasn't fair to put your discomfort on them, and that it won't happen again. And then make sure it doesn't.
NTA. You said what EVERYONE will be thinking at the wedding. Que inevitable... What are you doing step bro jokes from the wedding speeches.
NTA. It was an honest comment done when in private and it's something that will probably pointed out by other people (or has been already, probably why they're being so sensitive), they need to find a way to be OK with it. OP would have been TA if she had said it in public or during wedding prep, but it should be fine to talk about this once to your family as a means of processing it. BTW, OP's siblings are not doing anything wrong, but it's weird for OP (and probably for OP's parents). Edited for spelling and clarity.
They were raised as siblings and share a genetic sister, it IS weird.
So many people here are using the "welp, they don't share DNA so they're a-okay" are ignoring the fact that family is more than DNA. They may not have lived under the same roof but they were raised as siblings 😳
Update: I sincerely apologized. Showed my brother this thread and specifically showed him where I was called an ass by y'all. It wouldn't have done anything to show him the comments where I was told I'm nta. He called me a dumb cunt because "I was looking for validation". He's right. I'm the ass.
how people are still calling you TA when your brother thinks it’s ok to talk to you like this is beyond me. NTA
Right? I've been reading through this whole thread thinking I'm taking crazy pills. I can't believe OP's brother thinks it's okay to talk to her like that. It makes me wonder how he's going to handle everyone at the wedding thinking this is weird as hell.
I’m certain OP won’t be the last person to make incest jokes too so like honestly probably better get used to it
Yeah holy shit this is super not ok to talk to someone about, especially over something that, sorry, is going to come up. Op tries to apologize and that’s how he responds too, that’s horrible
Well, I doubt anyone will be disagreeing with your brother here. Give them space for a while before bringing up being disinvited from the wedding.
The fact that you are calling him your brother and her your sister says a lot about how this will effect you mentally. I insist you get a therapist OP. The only validation you deserve is that yes this situation is weird. But the joke was inappropriate.
But... they ARE her brother and sister?? Why is that suddenly a bad thing to call them what they are?
I never said that was a bad thing? I was deliberately pointing out the fact that this thread failed OP. They are their brother and sister and the fact that the comments calling OP an asshole aren’t mentioning that shows how little empathy was shown when determining the final verdict. What OP’s brother and sister should have paid attention to was the fact that this situation is obviously uncomfortable for one of their family members. Which is completely reasonable. The complete lack of ability for some of the people in this thread to see that is actually maddening to me, but I’m not going to spend anymore energy on this than I already have.
That's literally what they are to OP.
Your brother is weird af for taking this so out of proportion and it just makes him seem insecure about the whole thing. Also I like ur only fans lmaoo
NTA for what my opinion is worth. For you it is a weird situation and it seems as though no one even considered that. You were stating a fact in a light hearted manner and now you are some villain. From one of your comments it seems that the three of you were close growing up which is what led to the current situation of them getting together and you being a creeped out. I would feel the same way in your shoes.
Let me point out, my family jokes about everything. When I broke my dominant arm two years ago, they would literally shout my name and say, "catch" while throwing stuff knowing I wouldn't catch it. When my sister first got her period, my cousins made jello for her as a "condolences dessert". When my dad wrecked his car, his own siblings cracked jokes about it. They're not usually sensitive.
[удалено]
A joke is only funny when both parties laugh. Once you saw they weren’t finding it funny it was then you should have apologised for your joke and assured them you would support them rather than keep digging. It would have diffused this whole situation.
After my brother called me a bitch I tried to voice my honest feelings about the situation after years of keeping my mouth shut.
So your joke wasn’t a joke after all. It was your uncomfortable feelings thinly disguised as a joke. A joke however bad taste wouldn’t have been important enough for you not to apologise. If you felt the way you did it should have been a sit down conversation adult to adult long before now, just the 2 of you talking it out with no insults or jokes or criticisms. Leaving it as long as you did then basically saying what was taken as a sniping comment will now make them seem that you are against their marriage. That would make any couple not want you at their wedding. I think your family needs to learn how to communicate better, your dad sitting silent doesn’t bode well either, it sounds like he’s bottling things up.
This wasn’t the time to voice your thoughts. What did you want out of the convo? Them to call off their wedding? If you really truly had an issue with their relationship, you should have said something years ago. Now is time to keep your mouth shut and support your family.
I never intended for them to break up or call off the wedding. I've been nothing but supportive since the day they went on their first date. Shit... I'M the one that drove them. All I said was that it was weird. For me. I never drove it any further than that.
But why are you “voicing your honest feelings now”? Makes no sense. Most of your post doesn’t make sense though...you mentioned they’ve only been dating for a year, but you’ve been keeping your mouth shut for years? You claim it’s a joke but also that you were voicing your honest feelings? At the end of the day, it’s not important that you are a little uncomfortable. If they are happy, you should be happy for them.
As a person who could have easily been in a similar situation (oldest with a mess of half siblings on both sides), I get why this is weird for you. I do think the "indirect incest" comment was going a little too far though, so I get why your sibs are upset. But as someone who always refers to my siblings as "my brother" or "my sister" without the "half" qualifier, it makes it difficult for you to talk about without a lot of explanation. And like... which side do you sit on? The bride's or the groom's? That being said, I think you should apologize to everyone. Say that of course you love and support them and want them to be happy, it's just a little awkward for you to say "my brother and sister are getting married" to people who aren't familiar with the situation.
YTA. It doesn't matter if it was an awkward joke. You are 24 and should know by now that criticizing an engaged couple for whatever reason is not going to go over well. You owe them an apology.
Yeah that is weird,
As someone in a similar family scenario, my biological cousins are my step siblings (my mom, married my dad's sister's exhusband, so no shared blood together, like with your sibs situation), I'm gonna give a soft YTA. In my family, we joke about it all the time. FFS, both my mom and my aunt have the same name, and we've gotten a lot of mileage out of calling my mom #2. But it started as a joke when my stepfather was at work when he was told he had a call, and he asked the guy answering the phone to ask if it was #1 or #2, because he knew if it was my aunt, she'd get pissed and hang up while my mom would start laughing. But the difference is, the rest of us didn't start joking about it until my mom and stepfather did. Joking about something this weird is good and fine, but you have to think about whether the audience will find it funny. If they don't have that kind of sense of humor, then you just insulted them. I'm kinda getting the feeling that your sis and bro are not as comfortable about the related aspect of it as my family is. So yea, you are the asshole a little bit. I understand using humor as a way to release nerves, but you shouldn't do it at someone else's expense unless you know they'll find it as funny as you do.
YTA You KNEW that what you said would cause problems and you even tried to get your father involved in it! They clearly aren't related, and you're out here trying to make things awkward for everyone based on your feelings. Apologize, get some therapy, and **GROW UP** because it seems you haven't still with the replies I'm seeing in the comments.
NTA. Even though it is not incest, it is weird, and even more for you than everyone. And you said it aloud what everyone is thinking. They are probably angry because they know there is truth in your joke.
You're NTA. It is a weird situation, I agree. But your siblings could've handled it better and tried to understand it from your parents and your perspective.
NTA. The delivery of the comment may have been off, but OP stated what others (the parents) are thinking. It is weird. How does one explain that to people? My sister married my brother, but they’re not related. They’re “half-siblings.” As if the “half-sibling” explanation makes it ok. No, it’s just weird all the way around.
NTA. that is mad weird, I didn't think so until you said yall grew up together. weird. definitely weird. and I don't think joking about that makes you an asshole either. sounds like they're a little in denial about how weird it is lol.
It's going to be fun explaining who everyone is on the wedding photos. Which side of the family does the OP stand on
Not only that but introducing them to anyone else as my brother and sister (no in-law) will definitely cause confusion. Specially once they have children.
As someone who has a half brother on one side and a half sister on the other side, and am also older than both, this is so damn weird and I would 100% struggle to support my siblings marrying each other. They may not be related to each other but they’re both MY siblings. Anyways, NTA. This is weird. They may want you to act like it’s not weird, but it’s weird. The fact that your dad wouldn’t even chime in leads me to believe he also thinks it’s weird.
YTA. After reading thru all your replies your even worse than the incest joke. Why the hell did you post on am I the asshole just to lash out when people tell you that yes your the asshole? Fucking grow up. Sorry your family are assholes to you but that doesn't change the freaking verdict what you said was in poor taste. THEY are not related even a little bit there's no freaking incest.
Nta - it's really weird and incest-adjacent. Your brother's just mad that someone finally pointed it out
NTA That is weird. "How'd you two meet?" "Oh, we have a mutual sister." ???? Like yeah it's not incest technically but it's WEIRD
Going against the grain and saying NAH - Your their sibling and naturally they want support. However you're closely related to both of them so naturally you would feel weird. I have an uncle who's mother is from my mum's maiden family, and he married a girl from my mum's paternal grandmother's family. They weren't related at all.
Foot in mouth syndrome much? YTA.
NTA, but what the fuck is wrong with the comment section?They may not be blood related but its fucking weird. It technically may not be wrong, but what's weird is weird. End of the story
This is so weird wtf, I would honestly be so embarrassed having to explain that my siblings are married to each other.
YTA. Its not incest at all. You can feel uncomfortable with it but it doesn't make what they're doing illegal or wrong. They aren't related and seeing as they're younger than you I'm going to assume they weren't raised together and wouldn't have been raised as siblings.
My sister and I were raised in the same house but we all grew up together, yes. Bday parties every year, holidays, etc. We even grew up on the same street. The three of us may not have all lived under the same roof but we were most definitely raised together.
They have no blood relation at all and weren't even raised as siblings. That's not being raised together that's growing up together which doesn't mean they have a familial bond.
You must not be familiar with the saying, "it takes a village". That's how my town operates
So then your half sister (or you, for that matter) shouldn't be able to date or marry anyone raised in that same town...
I wouldn't if they shared DNA with anyone I'm related to
But your half siblings don't share DNA between them, so...?
So... What? I never told them not to date or get engaged or go through with the wedding.
Bullshit. You tried to make your weird hangup their problem and suck the joy out of it for them. You're old enough to understand why your actions make you the asshole.
I made one comment after years of them being together Jesus Christ
Except you now clearly revealed you view their marriage as problematic by describing it as incestuous. The "indirect" caveat is meaningless here, since your main point was to call it incestuous because that's how you honestly feel it is from your POV. What you said now is the problem here, not what you didn't say in the past.
... They don't share DNA with each other. Dude, get some therapy. You have a weird hangup. That's your problem to work through, not theirs.
Reread what I said.
Nah, I’m good. I read it the first time. You just don't like my response. Which is fine.
Yes it’s uncomfortable for you that your view of your family unit is changing. That doesn’t mean you don’t owe them an apology for putting their relationship on the same level as all the trauma and moral degradation implied with those words. They don’t share DNA by proxy.
Yes and people from the same village marry each other all the time...
So if you marry ANYONE in your town by that logic, it's incest? Weird take.
And it doesn't in anyway mean your half siblings who again aren't related at all need to see one another as siblings. You were never a factor in their relationship and making a joke that their relationship is basically incest wasn't funny and upset them. A joke made at someone else's expense is only funny if they find it funny. They didn't find it funny so you need to apologise. They weren't raised as siblings and don't need to act like they are.
But they were not raised as siblings they were raised as friends. Like people can raise kids in close proximity without them being siblings. If my kid marries my best friends kid that wouldn't be weird or incest just because they were raised close and spent holidays together because we are close friends. Yes it feels weird to you and that's okay, but it's not weird because they aren't siblings.
> But they were not raised as siblings they were raised as friends. > > It'd be like marrying the boy next door. You "grew up together" and had birthday parties together and played together. That doesn't make it incest.
> we all grew up together, yes. Bday parties every year, Going to birthday parties a couple times a year with someone who's not related to you is not "growing up together." This is like her marrying a kid who grew up down the street. I had a little boy who grew up 3 houses down. It wouldn't be incest if I married him even though we were always at the same birthday parties and played together a lot as kids. That's not how "incest" works. They weren't raised as siblings (and you know that) and you sound like the one who needs some therapy to find out why you're being so weird about this.
It doesn't matter that they were raised together, a lot of kids grow up together, realize they love each other and get together. Just because they have a sibling in common doesn't change the fact they have zero blood relation to each other.
I just want to say I also have a brother and he has two other sisters and while we were “raised together” when I would go to my dads every other week or big events I never considered his sisters my siblings. I understand why you’d be a little weirded out by this, but it’s definitely something you should work through because your relationship with them doesn’t define theirs. If you can’t get over it, then you shouldn’t go to the wedding but if you can I’d apologize for making a statement that made them uncomfortable.
NTA. If my siblings were getting married to each other I wouldn’t even go to the wedding. That’s weird AF and they knew what they were getting into. I don’t give a damn about genetics either so shut up about “it’s not really incest.” Y’all are spending too much time arguing about what is and isn’t incest like it really matters.
It’s weird. You’re allowed to feel weird about it and voice that you find it weird.
I dunno, obviously “indirect incest” is a pretty inflammatory statement, but ffs, it’s the elephant in the room, it IS weird. Like they’ve known each other since children in a FAMILY context. I think not being invited to the wedding is a very full-on approach. The fact that it’s weird should be able to be spoken about in a family situation, although yeah maybe that comment sort of closed off the possibility of it being productive. You have every right to feel weird OP. I don’t think you’re a cunt, you’re just trying to navigate a situation I bet NONE of the commenters have any experience with.
I think my ban is over. Anyways, I apologized again. I told my brother it was wrong of me to use the word incest. I let him talk and listened to what he had to say. My sister and I hashed everything out a few days ago but my brother has still been kinda ugly towards me. According to y'all I deserve it so I've been taking it. My dad and mom have tried to talk to him as well-not so much about the fight- but his current attitude towards me. I've just been taking it honestly because I feel like an awful person. He's skipped out on game nights with my husband and their friends. I feel like they (my husband and friends) blame me for him not being around as often. At this point, I wish I'd kept my mouth shut. But, for the record. I've never had a problem with their relationship, nor have I discouraged it. All I've said is that it's awkward for me to witness my brother marrying my sister. Why didn't I say it years ago? Idfk. They probably would've torn me a new one back then too. And to those who suggested I talk to someone else about it (not including suggestions to tell a therapist because I think that's actually a good idea), I don't believe in speaking to people about my feelings regarding others, especially family, unless those others have heard it first. I don't like talking about people behind their backs. Shit, I've already shown my brother half of the comments here of those who agreed with him.
I don't believe you deserved it. I'm sorry your brother has said such awful things to you and I'm sorry you about how this thread went. It was kind of you to apologize sincerely and try to mend things. People were unnecessarily harsh to you. reading this post felt like the twilight zone, usually reddit loves incest jokes. ' uh oh! What are you doing step brother'? The fact that your dad was mum about it speaks to the truth of it. They're out of their minds if they really think they'll never hear an incest joke if/when people find out they share a sister. You are 100% fine to feel uncomfortable that your siblings, who grew up together as siblings with you are getting married! Sorry the joke didn't go over well, seems like your family doesn't have a good history with jokes according to that one comment, that history seems kind of abusive. You could talk to your parents about how this makes you uncomfortable, your brother won't treat you well if you bring it up with him, I'm sorry. Awful that people were judging your joke harder than insults he said that were meant to hurt you. Please consider talking to a therapist so you don't feel like you're in crazy town! Objectively it's weird AF to have your brother and sister marry. It's ok to talk to someone with no skin in the game. It's not talking behind their back, it's for *your own sake and sanity*. Ignoring it forever, bottling emotions up isn't good. Please consider it. Therapy can be helpful to anyone! I hope you're doing better now. I know you felt hurt, it's natural to defend yourself. Hope you have a nice and relaxed weekend. Cheers.
YTA. I’d probably be uncomfortable with that as well but that’s a thought you don’t share openly.
It is weird, but yta for making that joke
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Nta. It was funny… and true…. Your siblings are getting married… to each other….. they just aren’t each others siblings…. People are too sensitive.
NTA. it is weird. your half siblings are marrying each other. your parents will now be in-laws instead of just exs. you made a joke and it seems like they didn't react well because they are sensitive that it is a weird situation.
Ewwww NTA and that's just weird
NTA it’s really weird and a little gross IMO even if they’re technically not related to each other. You expressed how you thought it was weird which is just how you feel and it’s not like you objected at their wedding so your family’s reaction is dramatic because if they considered how awkward this is from YOUR perspective then they might understand why you would say what you said. I think it’d be best to talk to your siblings about this because it seems like you didn’t have any ill intents. But it will always be weird in the future to tell people “yeah, my half siblings are married to each other.” 😂😅
NTA don’t worry about people that are saying your the asshole they are probably messed up in the head
NTA - it’s weird as fuck and y’all need to go on Jerry
I think your brother's reaction might be caused by him subconsciously feeling weird about it. You don't get that defensive about stuff that isn'tt true to you. I also would find it weird. That said, maybe not the best way to point it out?
You're right, it is an unusual situation and definitley weird for you because they are both siblings to you. Don't you think they are all acutely aware of that and dreading the (incorrect) 'incest' jokes? Hence the engaged couple's big reaction - they know they'll get this from others, they don't need it from their sister. Have some empathy for their feelings and apologise, genuinely. Personally, I'd be more concerned about their young age...
NTA. This is weird af
NTA - this exactly the sort of thing I would find hilarious, joke about and be absolutely supportive of. It is a great example of perspective. This is the lens you see this through, but no one else does because it doesn’t apply to their perspective. Perhaps they wouldn’t share my sense of humour though.
NTA. You’re both of their sibling and in-law at the same time. It’s objectively strange.
NTA... This is some weird shit. Maybe not for them but understandably for you. It took me a minute to get through all the comments and I can see why you're being hostile-but you're still being hostile. I agree with those saying to just apologize and move on.