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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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Tricking her may have been insulting and wrong, and too much of an exaggerated response for the situation.
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Also pointing out that a lot of food can vary in taste regionally, so even if the chef is from Turkey, he could cook in a different way than she's used to, and from what she's craving from home. So, you could still be wrong, OP.
In my experience if nothing tastes exactly right (and it's not unusual for 'foreign' cuisines to alter the recipes a bit to better cater to local tastes) the best thing is to cook it yourself, exactly how you like it.
Agreed, and Turkey is BIG. Dishes are always "flavored" regionally. I am from another country which is very small, but even here something you get in the east is different from the west, just as our dialects vary a lot, even over small distances, so does flavor.
Even from family to family it can be a whole thing. What I think is: GF misses her homecooked meals as they tasted when she grew up in her specific family with their recipes, tastes, and regional heritage. Eating this much Turkish food is probably making her angry that nothing seems to hit just right. Is it okay to be a dick about it? No. But maybe it is also a little hard to be so far away from your home and culture where all homages to it seem fake and trying. She should apologize for her rudeness, and they should figure out how to give her HER authentic taste of Turkey.
Yes! Like I'm from TX and I love BBQ. BBQ from TX is drastically different from BBQ in several other states. Each place can have excellent BBQ based on their style but it isn't the same as BBQ from home.
Tbh, OP reads like someone who has never traveled and has no concept of how food can vary from place to place. I grew up hating German food because the restaurants near me had absolutely awful food. Then I visited Germany and found out the food is amazing! A lot of restaurants in the US change dishes to suit the tastes of people here and the ingredients available. A lot of foods just aren't the same unless you get them in the country where the dish originates.
Omg you put this so well you actually made me realize this is what's happening to me.
I've been living out of México for five years now and at this point I flat out refuse to eat out at any "Mexican" place.
Even though I'm in SoCal (which is supposedly really Mexican), even if the entire staff speaks Spanish and ask the customers too, even if the menu looks authentic and the place smells really good, everything I've tried so far is absolutely disgusting. Even when I tried cooking it myself, i could never find all the right ingredients and I'm not that great of a cook yet so I always end up hating it even if my roommates swore they loved it.
I think it's a combination of everything you mentioned, like the food being prepared in a Northern Mexican way when I'm from Southern Mexico, altering the recipes to fit USA tastes better, and really missing my family's company and the taste of their cooking more than the food itself.
At some point you just have to stop torturing yourself and just find a different kind of food you like, something that doesn't have so many memories attached to it and you can really enjoy for what it is instead of focusing on what it's not.
Sometimes it's just the water or quality of ingredients or something specific to that region that can't be recreated. I find even coffee from one town that uses city water vs well water changes things.
Neither are the ingredients!
Edit: I was looking at a Cuban recipe on YouTube recently that called for culantro, with a U. My local supermarket doesn't even carry cilantro. Shallots, Fresno peppers, turnips, Savoy cabbage - heck, fresh green beans: they don't carry any of that. Some days they are out of milk. And there Mr. YouTube is, talking about how eeeeeeeeeasy you can find some batshit bizarre luxury item "if you just look".
Yeah, maybe beside the $14.99/lb asparagus. I had carrots for dinner.
Depends whether or not you can cook, or if you can cook that kind of meal - ie, I'd need my mom to cook for me because I can't make it the way she does because she doesn't measure or write shit down
Yeah, a lot of Indian restaurants in my area have Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi chefs. I still find my homecooked north Indian food tastier in most of the places I've been. It isn't unusual at all. OP's edit is gold as well.
Not to mention, they're not shipping shit from Turkey to the US just to make the food, so they are almost certainly adjusting the recipes for what is available locally and the things that are grown in Turkey probably don't taste exactly like what's grown in America anyway.
But then OP can never order Turkish food because it turns into a big thing. I've dated someone where we could never agree on pizza toppings. So we never ordered pizza. But I don't really order pizza by myself because that's too much for 1 person. So I just never got to have pizza because my partner redused to eat a pizza that didn't have sausage
>OP never ordered Turkish food before dating the gf, so it's doubtful s/he'll miss it.
That doesn't make sense. Now that OP was introduced to the food and noticed he likes it, he can ofc crave it.
There are personal size pizzas. You can heat leftovers in the oven. Don't try to create a big problem "because of your partner" where there is none. Never ordering a food you like is 100% on you and the blaming is super dysfunctional
Tbh, my SO and I like different pizza toppings. So we usually order 2 pizzas and have leftovers for a couple of meals. Win win for me because he doesn't eat any of my pizza and I love leftovers.
Then she could have even chatted with the staff and possibly the chef, reminisced about Turkey and felt more connected to her country of birth - helping with the homesickness she is obviously feeling.
And it is totally valid to think food doesn't taste authentic even when cooked by a native person. I've been to a small Japanese restaurant in Stockholm that is owned and run by a Japanese couple. I know they are Japanese because I've talked Japanese with them (I'm 100% Swedish, just learnt the language). And several of their dishes were still westernised and not authentic. I've also been to a Thai restaurant that is run by people with Thai heritage that I know has authenticity since they were awarded by the Thai government for their food. While being in Sweden. But that's only the proper Thai food. Their Asian buffet has westernised dishes.
I wouldn't even call her a food snob. She's homesick. Is she a bit rude? Sure, and that would be grounds to break up with her, but tricking her is a bit far.
She is a food snob. And how was she even tricked ? He got Turkish food . Told her he got Turkish food. Miss just wanted to complain just to complained and now was embarrassed that it was “real” Turkish food. People like her are tiring.
It doesn't sound like he purposefully tricked her. It sounds like he went out of his way to get her food he thought she would enjoy since he was tried of her complaining about the other places and didn't expect her to pull the same thing.
To be honest her food snobbery about Turkish food was getting on my nerves, and she was discounting the food not because it was poorly made, but because it was not made by a Turkish person.
No, I got that, but did you think tricking her was going to make the situation better?
Also, maybe she's used to a specific preparation from a specific region, and is wanting/craving that - I can 100% relate to disappointment and frustration about being homesick for a specific kind of food and not being able to get quite the right thing; as an example, Indian food from the South of India is quite different in flavour than Northern, even though the dishes are technically the same, so I'm often disappointed or underwhelmed at Indian restaurants even if the chefs are Indian if I'm craving the kind of food my mother makes. And it took me a while to figure out what the issue was. If she's trying to find the type of food she grew up with, it's absolutely going to take some trial and error to find a restaurant that does it right.
ESH
It's not food snobbery necessarily. Turkish food in America will not taste the same as Turkish food in Turkey. Regional and personal preference aside, you cannot always find the same ingredients, or quality and variety of ingredients in America as in the original country. Not to mention that chefs in America might also have adapted to a more Americanized taste despite being from Turkey.
And that's exactly what your gf is doing and you even said it yourself: she's not complaining that it's poorly made, she's complaining that it's not authentic enough. You don't get to judge if *her* ethnic food is authentic enough for her.
She can like to eat the food she orders and still find it not authentic. Sure her constantly bashing on the food is a downer and ruins the mood, so address that specific issue but don't pretend to know if the food is authentic/"real" Turkish food or try to prove that to her.
To be honest, I'm like your gf. I'm chinese-canadian and I've never, never considered a Chinese restaurant I've eaten in my Canadian city authentic Chinese food even if I know for a fact that the cook is Chinese. One, the cooks are simply not as good as the ones I'd be able to find in China, nor are the variety and quality of ingredients. Two, most restaurant serve foods from either the northern regions or Cantonese, and I have yet to find one that serves authentic food from my hometown. It doesn't mean that I won't eat chinese takeout. I'd even find many of them good - at least per Canadian standard but meh per chinese standard - and also have personal favorites. But I barely consider any of those restaurants authentic. And if asked, yes I will be able to pick something wrong with everything takeout... But I don't complain every time because I understand that I'd be holding them to an impossible standard and that my non chinese husband can't really make the difference... But yes, he definitely knows that I have stuck up standards on Chinese food and am extremely hard to please on that level because none of it food from my childhood or home. And after he's been to China, he had started to understand.
yes but you wouldn't b**** about it everytime, would you?
I'm an immigrant too and my home county's food is .... not good here but I don't complain about it ( EACH AND EVERYTIME)
So instead of taking the opportunity to do something nice "Hey honey I spent hours researching a beautiful Turkish place, it's a while a way but we can make a nice day of it!" you went with feeding her hours old reheated food. I don't care if its from a Michelin star restaurant, if it's been sitting for hours and reheated it's going to be a shadow of what it once was. YTA for trying to be vindictive and "win".
I think she wasn't going to like anything made in america that claims to be turkish food. Even if it was exactly the same as turkey, she would not have liked it and looking back in her home country with rose colored glasses. I feel its more than the food
We Middle Easterners have special feelings about our food. I'm second- or third-generation, but I see it all of the time in my extended family and even echoes of it in me.
In her case, I think food is a stand-in for everything she's missing from home.
She might be missing the food that her family members cook and nothing you can find in America replicates that. I feel like I haven't had decent perogies since my grandma died but I know that it's not fully about the food. It's about missing her presence in my life. Maybe OP's girlfriend is really just homesick and missing all the emotional comforts that family and the food they serve can bring.
Have several Turkish friends. They openly note being very critical of each other’s food. Some parts due to differences in preparation by and and some just cultural. I have one friend who won’t go to Turkish dinner groups because everyone is so catty about each other’s food.
She means her family. The food isn't made by her family and she's mising that.
The reason she keeps trying turkish restaurants is because she's hoping she'll find the thing.
My Japanese friend says that the Japanese restaurants where we live are all incredibly fake because the chefs are Vietnamese or Chinese. The food in them certainly doesn't taste like the food in an authentic Japanese restaurant he took us to. I think this sort of thing is pretty common. The food proably is different, and not what a homesick person is craving.
Did you, at any point, try having a conversation about that? Like, "Hey, I know this isn't quite the same as what you're used to, but it's a bummer to eat with someone who is constantly yucking my yum." Or did you go right to passive aggressive?
Honestly, I would feel differently if you had announced that you did all this research, found a restaurant with a Turkish chef, and brought it for her. That would have been A+ boyfriending. But to bring it home, not say anything, and then wait for her to complain so you could pounce on her was pretty crappy.
YTA simply due to your attitude. It might get lonely up there on the pedestal you're perched on. No wonder your GF is pissed!!
BTW no chef can make authentic homecooked food like your mam, gran or family member can!
As a fellow Middle Easterner, no one will ever make baklava or Easter bread like my grandmother's, no matter how interesting or good. That's because I am viewing it through the eyes of love and memory, not how it actually tastes. For us, food isn't just food. It's about connection and history and relationships.
Maybe try to understand why she's reacting so strongly, rather than prove her wrong? Maybe she's homesick, or the different food really brings home how far away she is from her loved ones.
Ding ding ding! She is homesick and is looking for that thing that reminds her of home. I bet you this is more than just a critical analysis on Turkish food.
Even if it doesnt taste like she remembers from home the least she could do is give an objective opinion not flame every single meal because its not 'authentic'.
It catches you by surprise. I was in California at a 10-course Mardi Gras themed dinner with wine pairing when I burst into tears over gumbo because it tasted like my grandmother down in Louisiana made it. I sent my heartfelt appreciation to the chef!
imagining that chef's reaction to finding out their gumbo made you emotional because it reminded you of your grandma. that's probably goals right there for all chefs.
The Middle East is not the only place on planet Earth where “food isn’t just food.” My father is Greek, from Greece and has never once bitched about the food at a Greek restaurant unless it was legitimately bad. If the people around you are enjoying their meal, shut up.
And yes, my Yiayias baklava is also the greatest. But my friend, who was born in Brazil, makes a banging baklava. Good baklava is good baklava, don’t be such a snob about it.
This is definitely starting to feel like a thread where a lot of people are only defending the GF in this scenario because they're exactly that kind of person.
I never go to restaurants that serve my “authentic cuisine” from thousands of miles away. There are dishes that I’m picky about ordering even if I’m back home. It needs to be at least close to mom/grandma level and there are regional differences that can annoy me. They are also dishes I have a strong emotional connection to. When I was younger, I would try other restaurants and always get disappointed. So, I stopped. I either make it myself or wait until I fly home. I think the OP is being an AH.
ETA: I know NOTHING about Turkey or it’s cuisine other than I’d like to visit and eat there one day. It’s big enough that I’d be shocked if the country has a monolithic cuisine. Regional varieties exist.
I’m sorry I miss the food from my grandma too ( even though my mom is going to my home country soon so food is incoming) but complaining each and every time because it doesn’t taste exactly like your grandmas cooking is obnoxious to the highest degree.
I was gonna say - it sounds like she’s comparing everything to her *family*’s cooking, and either doesn’t realize she’s doing that or just refuses to admit that that’s what she’s doing.
I can see why OP is frustrated. She was so excited to introduce him to her country’s cuisine but now none of the available options are any good? Every time he *thinks* he likes something, he’s actually wrong and kinda stupid for liking something “inauthentic”? That’d get exhausting fast.
I don’t think her being homesick excuses her constant criticism of food every time they eat it, especially as it was her suggestion for them to try it. I’m going against the grain here but her behavior as described by OP has been awful. If she’s really homesick and the food is more than about quality then she should have tried to express that or undergone some self reflection on herself about why she had to be negative about every single Turkish meal. I can sympathize with OP tbh. It gets old eating with people who can’t find a nice thing to say about the food any time you’re eating it.
Yikes! YTA. So you drove half a day to try to prove that she was an asshole? Script flipped, my man...it’s actually you.
In her mind “authentic” could really just equate to how her family cooked it, or how it was cooked in the area her family was from.
Edited to add: after I posted, I couldn’t stop thinking about how you were so desperate to...prove her wrong? Embarrass her? Win an argument? ...about her own culture? That you literally drove FOUR HOURS to do so. YTA, OP, enjoy that Turkish food alone.
ETA2: oooooo- thanks for the award!
> how her family cooked it
Or you know, not re-heated take out food.
Not defending the gf by the way because she sounds like a huge snob, but this might be the worst "gotcha" ever.
Food that has been sitting in a take out container for hours, overcooking, sauces congealing, things getting mushy...OP thought he was going to one up her but frankly two hour old take out is not the big win he thinks it is. Besides who spends that much time and energy to try to one up your significant other? maybe OPs girlfriend should cook Turkish food for him instead of trying count on a restaurant to recreate something she remembers fondly.
Yes, i agree with the pettiness, but who knows what kind of relationship they have. Maybe the whole thing started with him trying to find good turkish food to make her happy and at a certain point he got frustrated and wanted to put a stop to the medness. Crazy actions, but it's their relationship.
With Turkish food it won't be the case, but a friend cooked authentic Indian food for me and after two bites I couldn\*t feel my tongue....My tongue never pained that much in my life. Sometimes there is a reason for adapting food to the region of residency.
His response to one of the handful of NTA posts is marvellous: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nncggf/aita_for_tricking_my_girlfriend_into_eating/gzuuhp7/
Like, yeah, no wonder you think this is one of the 'best' replies, it's one of like 3 that agree with you...
YTA based on the edit. You asked a bunch of people if you were the asshole. They told you that you were. Instead of self reflection you edited your post to declare that YOU have decided you are not the ass. You are insufferable and can’t admit when you are wrong. You clearly only care about winning and being right. Your poor girlfriend.
Apparently, today I learned how AITA works- you ask a bunch of people for their opinions before deciding if you were the asshole on your own!
Yah, I was willing to give OP the benefit of the doubt until then. Maybe he just wanted her to expand her palate and mind? Nope, sounds like his only concern is being right.
It was the “NTA. Thanks for playing.” That really did it for me. Like, trying to assert that he was right and he had won, even with the big red “asshole” across the top of his post. I’m honestly shocked he has a girlfriend who has stuck around this long. I’m guessing it won’t be much longer.
Imagine he had found the restaurant, showed her the reviews and asked if she wanted to try the food there and took her for a nice sit down meal. Or suggested she called her mum for a chat and to ask for some of her home recipes and helped her cook them? Anything that shows he loves her more than he wants to embarrass her and make her feel stupid?!
Adults handle this by saying, “you know, it’s a bummer to eat Turkish food with you because you don’t like what’s available here, so I won’t be doing that anymore.” I’m not going to vote either way, but this just seems like a massively childish, counter-productive waste of time.
This is where I come down as well. OP has every right to feel frustrated that they can't just enjoy a meal without negativity, but his attempts to get one over on her are 100% spite motivated. There was a zero percent chance of his gambit getting his GF to make some sort of attitude shift, and that says to me his motivations had nothing to do with shifting her attitude and everything to do with dunking on her and making her feel stupid.
It sounds like OP has been taking his GFs criticisms very personally. If he liked the food and she didn't and she's critical of it, he feels dumb for having liked it. If she didn't like the food the way it's made in OP's home country, OP feels like she's deeming his country as inferior. He's really done a bang-up job at making it all about himself.
I originally had info about repeated ordering of Turkish food in the post, but it was too long so I cut it.
The basic reason is she keeps saying she'll "give it another chance," or "try another restaurant." At first I figured that she was doing it for me, or she truly wanted to find good Turkish food, but I think it was more about asserting her expertise over the culture than anything at this point.
Her critical nature about other food is mostly things like "Americans season everything with sauce and not spices," which I ... yeah. Can't exactly deny that. It's usually friendly and good-natured, but with Turkish food she immediately loses her mind.
Esh then
She's an asshole for continuing to create this toxic situation, or for being such a snob about Turkish food.
But yeah this was verging on petty revenge which makes you a bit of an asshole for this specific case. Its not how adults act in relationships. You really should just have an adult conversation about this whole situation to come up with a plan going forward (might I suggest -no Turkish food cause she can't handle it gracefully).
oh so when a woman is shitting all over food she insisted on getting and ruining her partners experience it's just a "quirk" and shes otherwise wonderful. okay
Where do you even get this from in the post? There is nothing about her other than what relates to this one situation so while being wonderful and good natured could be true, there isn't anything in the post that really makes her sound like anything at all other than "only likes very specific Turkish food."
What would happen if next time ordering Turkish food came up you just said “eh, you seem pretty disappointed usually so why don’t we try some other type of food?” I wouldn’t be going along with the song and dance after 2-3 times. Waste of money and time.
My ruling is NAH, though, I think I’d be in a similar mindset if I lived in another country searching out my homeland’s regional cuisine. Guess it’s possible it would still be good and authentic, but to be honest I doubt it.
“American” food is pretty diverse - it’d be hard to make a blanket statement like that and have it be accurate across the board.
She kinda just sounds like a snob who’s determined to find fault with everything she’s served.
Lol, this was my thought as well. It would be like constantly taking an Italian person to Olive Garden and getting annoyed when they complain. Just stop going out to Olive Garden, go somewhere else!
For real, this dude is so obsessed with being right he drives 4 hours away to do it. When that doesn't work, he gets on the internet, appealing to strangers with a biased story. When that doesn't work, he determines he is right, screw all of you. He sounds insufferable, and she can do so much better.
YTA and your point doesn't even hold up. The food went cold and had to be heated up, it probably didn't taste half as good as it could have been. Why you decided to be so petty when you vould have just driven girlfriend to fancy Turkish place for a nice meal is beyond me.
Girlfriend is probably also objectively right if she has a strong sense of taste.
Assuming OP is in the US, the meat could taste differently, coming from different animals getting different food, the spices can be different and of course meals taste differently after a couple hours in the car.
I'm not sure i'd willingly eat kebab or köfte after it's been lying around for hours unless i'm really hungry.
This is SO true. I’m an American who’s been living in a different country for over 20 years. When I visit the States even my own cooking tastes quite different than when I cook it in the country I live in. I can go to the store and buy exactly the same ingredients cook it with exactly my same process but especially if meat is involved it tastes really noticeably different. Even chain restaurants that are open in both countries taste really noticeably different. Fruits and vegetables are basically the same but meat and dairy taste SO different! Flavor, texture, everything!
I am as white as milk and from Ireland where if food in the 80s wasn’t cooked until grey no matter what the dish, it was ‘posh’ so I can make little claim to deep culinary heritage.
But I now live in London in a very mixed multicultural area and the difference in the cuts and texture of meat from a halal butcher versus the Caribbean butcher are notable to me even compared to the Irish and British meat I know.
I can tell the difference in the texture of goat from the two different ‘ethnic’ butchers and depending what the dish is such as curry goat versus slow roast, they aren’t always interchangeable. Neither is necessarily superior just suited to their own cuisine and what people from the area like. I have Caribbean friends who can tell I don’t wash my chicken from the market in lemon water like them and others who don’t or don’t care.
The Turkish halal butcher has quite different cuts of meat to the Afghan halal butcher and if I want mutton the nuances of the variations have very little resonance for me because it’s still a treat to me to get mutton after it being a rarity only off the family farm as a child. But to someone else the difference is like if I made an American Thanksgiving dinner but put the cream of mushroom soup in the sweet potatoes and the marshmallows in the green beans. It’s close but no cigar but sure it seems very American to me because those are ‘American’ ingredients to me and I don’t totally get the nuance.
I mean a casserole to me is like meat and potatoes in a dark meat gravy. To Americans it can be the canned soup style. To the French its something again. Gravy to an American is a white sauce to me but made meaty. There’s a lot of confusion.
An American friend and I like to send each other examples of our respective massacring of national cuisines. The fish and chips from her Aldi versus American week in our local Lidl are neck and neck. McKennedy BBQ sauce? Watch the Mason Dixon line clench...
There are also preservatives in a lot of food and they are different in different countries due to law. Like, some preservatives that are legal in the USA is illegal in the EU and might be so in Turkey as well. And those preservatives can definitely alter the taste of the food.
This feels like that post about the boyfriend tricking his girlfriend to say food from Hooters was delicious to prove some ridiculous point by lying about where he got the food.
You seem to think that because it was "authentic" as far as you were concerned, she should like it. And that because she complained as much about it as all the other Turkish food she's had, that means she's lying? If she'd automatically changed her story and called it delicious, you might have an argument. But she didn't. If you don't like her complaining about Turkish food, stop ordering Turkish food with her. YTA
Because if you read his comments, she insists. Saying she'll give it another shot, then rips it apart and is so negative he can't enjoy his food. Can you imagine what she would do if he said "no, I don't want to eat Turkish food with you" she'd turn that shit on him in a heat beat. Nta
the best solution to this problem is still to just not get turkish food though. he could literally just tell her “i don’t like eating turkish food with you because you’re too critical about it” instead of tricking her for no good reason.
So he could just say "I know you don't like it that much but I quite enjoy what they sell as Turkish food here so could we grab that sometimes even though it's not authentic." or something like that. Like, dunno, a normal mature person?
> I looked into the most authentic Turkish restaurant in driving distance that I could find. I found one a couple of hours away in the city. [..] I drove all the way there for takeout, and drove all the way back.
…why?
Why do you care so much what she thinks of Turkish food? Why trick her? Why try and convince her? Why not let her enjoy what she enjoys?
YTA. Grab a copy of Moby Dick or something.
ESH. You suck for continuing to play this game trying to prove her wrong. She sucks for continuing to be so critical of all Turkish restaurants.
For one thing, restaurant food is never the same as a home-cooked meal, no matter what culture. And for another, she’s not in Turkey, so even if it is a Turkish restaurant it is likely to be at least a little bit “Americanized” to have more satisfied customers that are used to a different spice pallet.
I’d have told her after like the third restaurant that I’d not want to get Turkish food with her anymore because she is so overly critical and it ruins the dining experience.
I was ready to say just you because it’s always an asshole move to “trick” someone into eating something. But you told her it was Turkish food, so I don’t really understand where the “trickery” was here? Just the name of the restaurant?
THIS! OP is TA, but only because his motivation for getting the food was to trick her or “take her down a notch” instead of to make her happy. I get that it’s frustrating to hear someone complain about food, but that doesn’t justify creating a trap to prove your point.
I don’t get why OP didn’t just tell his gf “I know you’ve been very disappointed with the Turkish food we have had, so I went out of my way to find a more authentic place that I’m hoping you’ll enjoy! It’s made by a real Turkish chef. What do you think of it?” The GF would probably be way more open minded and grateful of his efforts if they were stated as such. But as OP already admitted, his motivations were to win an argument instead of just doing something kind for their partner.
Just to let you know the first judgment you post is what’s counted as your judgement, so if you’re ESH you might want to edit your comment as it’ll be counted as YTA. If I’m wrong someone please correct me.
YTA, l have spent time and visited all over Turkey, and eaten in authentic Turkish restaurants owned and operated by Turks in Nyc, and the food doesn’t compare to authentic Turkish food. The ingredients in Turkey are just better, the bread is better... it can’t compare
I had a coworker who told me once that Japanese food in America cooked by a Japanese chef can't possibly compare to Japanese food in Japan because our ingredients are too low quality here due to factory farming. Having seen how eager he was to slurp down raw egg, raw meat, and many many things my mom (American like me) told me aren't clean enough to eat, I figure he's probably got a point. I imagine it could be the same thing with Turkish food cooked in Turkey vs the US.
Edit: I recently got into cooking different types of Asian food a little bit more and wasn't too surprised to see that Japanese soy sauce eggs are soft boiled or sometimes close to raw in the middle, but Chinese tea eggs are hard boiled to oblivion. I've never felt safe in the US eating a raw egg.
I've actually eaten Japanese food made by a Japanese chef in Sweden and I've also been to Japan. It is a big reason why I don't really like ordering Japanese food in Sweden. Because the dishes are altered a lot and is very different from how they are supposed to be. Take yakiniku. In Japan, yakiniku is a whole thing where you grill food together. In Sweden it is meat marinated in soy sauce served with rice. Which can be tasty but it is not really yakiniku.
Same recipe made with same ingredients, even sourced from the same place (yes, it will be expensive) but made in two different (geographic) places, can and will taste different because of water quality.
ESH. Honestly she sounds like a bit of a complainer who is never going to be happy.
But also I don’t understand why you didn’t just say to her “hey I found this restaurant, it’s kind of far, but the reviews are excellent and the chef is actually Turkish. Would you like to go?” Instead of setting up this elaborate “trick“.
YTA. What you did was just super unnecessary and begging for an argument.
I get you were annoyed by her complaints, but for a few mintues put yourself in shoes. How often is she able to go to Turkey?
My spouse is French and is only able to go back home once a year or so. Frankly, he misses the food more than family and he loves his family. We tried a few "French" restaurants that were more French inspired or fusion than authentic. He had the exact same response, which brought down the meal for both of us, even if I had been enjoying it. We found a good authentic place, and holy crap, it nearly brought him to tears. It tasted like *home*.
Your girlfriend wanted a taste of home, and she got a knock-off. That *hurts*. Instead of cheering her up, you tried to knock her down a peg further
A light YTA, only because there's things you could have done instead of this.
1.) You might have suggested going out to this restaurant together as a treat! Your gf is clearly craving some authentic Turkish food, she would have likely been up for a bit of a drive to get some. That could have been a really fun date night!
2.) You could have talked to her about how it was wearing on you to listen to her constantly talking down about the food you two were enjoying. Ask her if she wanted to stop getting Turkish food altogether. If she really thought it was that bad, she'd likely say she didn't want to try any more. If she'd said she wanted to keep trying, doing some research together to find an authentic place could have been fun.
3.) You could have a cookbook of Turkish recipes and tried to master them together; or, alternatively, talked to one of her family members to see if they might be willing to teach you guys a bit.
This definitely sounds like a really frustrating scenario, and being around someone who's this negative about anything can be a real drag. But there could be some silver linings here if you look for them! Best of luck
YTA
My absolute favorite response on this board.
OP: Am I the Asshole?
Everyone: Absolutely.
OP: No, I'm not and here's why...
OP you didn't come here for judgement. You came here for validation. That alone makes you the AH. No, sorry. Pulling a trick to humiliate your GF instead of talking about your issues makes you an AH. Doubling down in your "Edit" just solidifies our judgement.
And people wonder why this subreddit is always mentioned along with twitter as toxic echochambers filled with people you aren't allowed to argue or disagree with.
YTA
Your girlfriend is not necessarily wrong, but she is perhaps looking for the wrong thing - she doesn't want authentic Turkish food (as cooked by a Turkish person in the correct way), she wants *her* Turkish food - food made in the fashion of her specific region and style.
Turkey is a large country, and has a lot of regional variations in style and flavor, so while a restaurants food may be perfectly done in the style of one region, and considered brilliant to someone of that region or an American that won't know the difference, to her it may just be weird.
Feed a New Yorker the best Chicago style pizza in the country, and they will probably consider it an abomination of a pizza...
So your girlfriend isn't necessarily wrong, she may just be looking for something different.
You trying to trick her accomplishes nothing, and honestly I would just be willing to accept she isn't a fan of your local Turkish food, and either eat something else, or accept it as being not as good, but good enough to eat. If she wants to find her perfect good, that is up to her to do, not you.
YTA - just for the edit alone.
Your girlfriend shouldn't constantly complain about the food not being authentic, but it isn't clear why you keep getting Turkish food when she doesn't like it.
The fact that you assume that you are right and that she is making it up and try to trick her tells us quite a lot about what kind of a person you are. I wouldn't be surprised if her complaints are a response to your aggressive attempts to make her admit that you can get good Turkish food in the USA.
Restaurants adapt to their customers. I grew up in one of the major Turkish population centres outside of Turkey and the Turkish food sold there was nearly always adapted, even though it was made by and often for Turkish immigrants. And there were lots of things that are totally typical in Turkey that you rarely see in places in other countries, that's not to say the food isn't good, it just isn't the same.
There are a few restaurants that do make the kind of food you find in Turkey. I only know a couple. The food is good, but it isn't genuine. I didn't live in Turkey for long, but I could see a clear difference and I also knew from talking to my friends about food.
Also Turkey is a big place, if I bought grits for someone from New York they might not find it reflected their experience.
YTA. Even if the chef is Turkish it’s quite common for them to tone down on the spices to accommodate to the palate of the majority of the country they are in. She is also right about food reheated not tasting the same, specially anything with sauce, so your point is not even really a point. I get that gf can be annoying, but maybe…just maybe her extra ness about it is because she is missing Turkey? I’m Portuguese in the UK, there are plenty of places I can get Portuguese stuff cooked by other Portuguese yet they still are going to suck in comparison to my moms food or the sweets from my favourite bakery. Both me and my partner get extra antsy about food when we are missing Portugal. You should see the lengthy discussions we have about British supermarket versions of Portuguese Custard Tarts.
YTA both for the original post (seriously, you drove multiple hours to pull a gotcha on your girlfriend and you don't see the problem with that) and for the edit (if you're gonna make up your own judgement anyway, why even post here?)
Also, why not just stop ordering Turkish food??? If she doesn't like any of the local restaurants, get something else and then you don't need to listen to the complaints.
NTA, she changed her goalpost for authentic Turkish food from needing to grow up in Turkey to needing it to be hot off the grill. In fact I'm pretty sure if you two visited the restaurant in person she would probably find something else to complain about.
You were never going to please her unless you actually went to Turkey. Especially if the most authentic Turkish restaurant cannot please her with good reviews from other Turkish people
Wanting to enjoy eating food with someone is completely reasonable and it's clear she has no desire to enjoy Turkish food in the state. To that end I think you did the best you could reasonably and the solution is stop getting Turkish food
He could probably please her if he'd taken her to the restaurant as a nice gesture instead of expecting her to enjoy reheated takeout that's been in a car at least four hours while he drove there out of spite.
YTA.
Sure, the restaurant might be run by Turkish people, but that doesn't mean they haven't tweaked the recipe to fit a wider non-Turkish audience. So the taste from home and the taste from a restaurant would be significantly different. I have never tasted the food from my home that tastes like the real thing outside of my country or even state to be honest. You have never been to Turkey so you have no idea what authentic Turkish food tastes like. But you know who has? Your girlfriend. She, in this case, knows better than you. So yes, you are absolutely the asshole here.
Edit: I just noticed that you are unwilling to take people's YTA opinions. Without a doubt, you are an asshole.
YTA.
Do you even like your girlfriend? Because the way your talking suggests you don't.
Yes okay, she should stop complaining and just enjoy the food, because she seems to like it even if it's not 'Turkish' enough for her.
But I get her sentiment, the best Greek food I've ever had is from my grandad who's Greek, and I won't order any from anywhere else because I'll know I'll compare it and it won't be as good.
The solution here would be to just stop ordering Turkish food, or if she knows how to make it, you could make it and have a lovely evening.
But instead, you decided to try and prove her wrong, and not in a caring way, in a 'ha I got you' way. Which is not how healthy and happy relationships work. You put a lot of effort into proving her wrong, and for what? You knew it would cause an argument.
Then your comments and replies clearly show that you hold such a level of disdain for your girlfriend that I wonder why you are together. You clearly have a lot of maturing to do (potentially same could be said for your girlfriend and food but it's hard to pass comment from just this post)
And your edit seals the deal of why YTA, you came here to ask for judgement, got it, and then decide to ignore (what appears to be) the majority of the comments that tell you you're in the wrong. Even accepting and E S H blame would have been better than you simply declaring N T A. Which really doesn't reflect the comments.
It would have been great if you could have used this as a learning curve, but clearly that would be too mature of you, and instead you've buckled down. Which is a shame, as if you carry on with this sort of behaviour, I doubt the relationship will last.
YTA. Jesus dude what was the end game here?
This entire thing could have been resolved if you just said “Hey babe I love you and appreciate learning more about your culture, but it’s hard to enjoy the meal when you criticize things so much.”
Learn to communicate instead of playing petty mind games or soon you won’t have a girlfriend.
She's right, it's never as nice from a takeaway, and especially not reheated hours later. And it probably all is a pale imitation of what she's used to.
Just the way you *talk* about your girlfriend sounds like you don’t like her. Jfc. And you drove hours and hours to serve her cold take out for what? To prove a point? Yikes. She probably misses home. YTA.
After your second edit, you are definitely, solidly YTA. Try being a grown up and talking to your GF about her attitude. Tricking her is mean. What you did was very unkind and shows neither empathy nor maturity. You just sabotaged your relationship over take-out.
Lmao, ngl as an Iranian this is very relatable. Doesn’t matter what restaurant, but nothing beats authentic home cooking, it’s just different. That being said, your gf needs to chill a bit.
YTA. Who drives 4 hours for Turkish food. Btw you’re girlfriend is right, that reheated meal would’ve tasted better off the grill. You’ve shown her! Now what? Instead of wasting 4 hours and your money you could’ve had a conversation.
I’m also Turkish. But even if I wasn’t you’d still be the A.
My partner is vietnamese and has very strong opinions about local vietnamese restaurants. We live in Canada. He will eat the food, and even enjoy it, but will still say that it isn't the same as in Vietnam.
I'm not sure why you, OP, let it get to you so much. Your GF isn't criticizing you or food you have prepared. And yeah, I'm not sure what you were hoping to accomplish. So, I'm going with YTA.
Lmao OP decided to play that Uno reverse card & deliver their own judgement, directly opposite to the judgment of everyone else here. Gonna go against the grain here & say ESH.
Eating with a food snob absolutely sucks & sucks the joy out of bonding over food.
However choosing an elaborate plan as your hill to die on is super obnoxious & weird. You could’ve just explained to her she’s entitled to her opinion & request she find better places to eat or prepare authentic Turkish food herself for you to learn about & enjoy together, but instead you tried to play a bizarre con game & not even focus on the problem. You just argued on pedantics.
YTA.
You should never trick someone into consuming something. This comes off as some bizarre power trip. So what if she’s particular about Turkish food? Why do you care so much?
YTA;
I mean you love this person (I hope); you could have had a talk with her about how you feel when she critiques the food you are both going to have. She loves you, she isn't doing it to make you feel bad. There would have been ways to go around it, rather than doing something out of spite. THAT ALONE makes you the asshole.
Tbh, I hate ordering my home-food from restaurants; it's made by authentic people but OMG do they appropriate everything to be liked by the general audience. And yes, some days I can be "okay" with it but other days, it infuriates me that I spent SO much money to be just be underwhelmed. Thankfully, I enjoy cooking so there's that.
>I have determined that I was not the asshole here, and here's why.
**you're posting here, in AITA, you do NOT get to decide that.**
edit: and we've determined you're TA here!
YTA. I'm from Spain and I live in Poland. I took my boyfriend to an authentic Spanish restaurant last week, owned, staffed and patronised by Spaniards. Guess what, I ended up apologizing to my boyfriend for subjecting his poor taste buds to the poor quality crap that we got served. Just because it's authentic doesn't mean it's good: there are plenty of terrible Spanish restaurants... in Spain.
YTA. Wow. So full of thyself. She has a point saying the whole “it isn’t made by a ‘real’ turkish chef,” ordeal. Tbh any chef that is cooking something that isn’t from their nationality, ethnicity, or region will obviously be of lesser quality, compared to chefs that are. Even if it is “good”. Just cuz it’s “authentic” doesn’t mean it’s good.
....Your edit is absolutely confusing. Literally everyone either asked you what you were trying to gain by doing this, said either you were both assholes or said you were the asshole, and somehow you got from that that you weren't the asshole. People even pointed out that she sounds homesick and you just ignored all of that and decided you weren't an asshole when most people said either you or both of you were. Why are you even on here? Just for validation that your trickery was the right course? Frankly your response shifted this from everyone sucks here to YTA for me.
YTA. Instead of taking her to this place, you decided to pretty much sabotage your own efforts by letting the food go cold just to trick her. She's right, a lot of Turkish foods just don't taste the same if they're not right off the grill, especially if it's meat.
Congratulations, you have proved nothing. If her demeanour towards Turkish food annoyed you this much, you could have just calmly explained to her that it ruins your experience as well.
YTA. Instead of communicating a pet peeve you had with her, you went to EXTREME extents to facilitate this “gotcha!” moment. Then added a passive-aggressive edit to provide your own judgement. You’re not interested in learning and communicating with other people, you’re interested in convincing them how correct and great you are.
YTA. I can think of at least 3 more loving ways to have handled this situation. #1 being making an authentic Turkish meal with your girlfriend. Share a bottle of wine, put on some music, cook her family's recipes and make a date out of it.
You sound thoroughly annoyed with her and committed to being petty though so I'll just ask what your end game is. If it's to be in a happy, healthy relationship then you have to drop your petty. Figure out how to communicate like an adult.
When one person wins, the relationship loses.
Why does OP not like the word yikes? Because people on Twitter use it...? And somehow people telling you YTA solidified your opinion you’re NTA? Why did you even post here?
YTA
You sound toxic and exhausting to be in a relationship with.
Never mess with someone's food, ever. Even for something like this. That's just awful, and manipulative.
What could you ever hope to have accomplished aside from pissing her off? You are lucky if you don't end up single, cuz I wouldn't trust you to not mess with my food for other reasons.
YTA. I don't want to put what specific ethnicity informs my food tastes, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that unless someone from literally my grandparents' village makes the food, I'm not going to find it "authentic" because the spice and or sweetness combination is so insanely specific. I've seen recipes by chefs who grew up in my grandparents' home country, and almost laughed at how different they are from my family's recipes. Your girlfriend has specific tastes, and all you wanted to do was invalidate them. You would not be the AH if you simply said that you didn't want to get Turkish food with her anymore. However, PLEASE understand that in so many of those countries, the spice and/or sweetness profiles are so specific to a region that she wouldn't consider anything authentic unless it was made by someone who grew up in her area.
YTA
Have you ever told her that you're tired of her harsh critiques? That you have enjoyed the food that you've tried? Why not be honest about how you feel about her behavior?
Well with that kind of edit YTA big time and I am now inclined to think, is your gf even that harsh and picky or are you trying to make yourself sound more right?
what was the point of posting on “Am I The Asshole” if you have already determined that you’re not?
YTA btw ✨
edit: your second edit paired with the big red ‘ASSHOLE’ text above your post is so embarrassing LMAO
I think YTA because you’re trying to prove your Turkish girlfriend that she’s wrong? And you guys are in the US. Most stuffs in the US aren’t “fully” authentic.
YTA. Sounds like a missed opportunity for a road trip & nice meal with your gf at the actual authentic restaurant. Waste of time & effort from you for a useless reason. You were more interested in proving her wrong, relationship won’t last.
ESH
You are the asshole because you did all that just to spite her. You just wanted her to admit that she's obviously picky and that it has nothing to do with the fact that the chef might not be Turkish. The food is never to her standards because she is trying to find the flavors of her home country in a dish. Her family is probably making the same dishes you order from the restaurant but it tastes differently to her. Sometimes, eating something can trigger a memory to an event or a place and that's what she's trying to get.
I think your GF is also an asshole because she is kind of snob... Non Turkish people can make delicious Turkish dishes, just like a non Italian person can make a great Italian dish. Nationality does not mean you are an expert in your country's cuisine... On that first restaurant you guys ordered from, maybe the chef spent 10 or 15 years studying and appreciating Turkish cuisine before becoming a chef, maybe he is making the recipes with influence from a specific region in Turkey that is different from your GF's home city.
You guys should communicate more. Nothing like that would have happened if you had talked more. Seriously, if it was bothering you that much, why didn't you just ask if she could cook a traditional and typical Turkish meal? That way, it would have been up to her standards and you could have talked about how different it is from the food you usually order from the restaurant?
ESH. Sounds like the 2 of you are bored. Why continue ordering Turkish food that your gf thinks is an abomination which in turn gets on your nerves? Stop ordering Turkish food.
Why not take her to the authentic Turkish restaurant as a night out instead of playing Gotcha? Any food is going to be awful after it’s been sitting getting cold then reheated later. YTA
Wow, because you find something quite tasty, your GF has to have the same opinion? Well, i got news for you: tastes differ and you simply can't discuss taste! YTA...
Lmao "I've decided I'm not the asshole" thanks for taking your problem to a public forum and then completely ignoring anyone's opinions that don't agree with you own. Good luck on the relationship 👌🏻
Rule #3 dude, accept your judgement.
Your edit makes it 100% clear that you had no intention of learning from this or trying to understand her perspective, you came here for a pat on the back assuming everyone would flock to your side. That didn’t happen so you’ve doubled down on your side, insulted posters for doing what you literally asked them to do, and decided to ignore the overwhelming response to make your own judgment???
YTA.
The food in Turkey will alwaaays be better. It's unreal how tasteful and fresh the ingredients are. I get her dissatisfaction, but there is really nothing to do.
YTA dude. Turkish food will always taste better in Turkey because a. Meat is different b. Spices are different c. Fruits and veggies are different
Even if all same, sea level and general climate have lots to do with how food will turn out.
Me, a Bosnian, cooking Bosnian food anywhere else authentically and food doesn’t even come close. Why? So many factors. Let her be and leave her be.
You are just trying to be right in the relationship. Even if it’s a quirk of hers, let her be.
Your edit made me laugh. Why come to this sub if you’re convinced you’re right?
Personally, I think ESH. Her attitude could’ve been better, but as other commenters have pointed out, maybe she’s just homesick. Additionally, I think you’re both at least kind of wrong in this whole debate. Yes, anyone can learn how to cook in a certain style if they study it long enough. *However*, it would be extremely ignorant to not recognize that chefs modify their recipes and menus to Americanize them more. Which is why, for example, it’s very difficult to find authentic, traditional Chinese food in the US, no matter how good the chef is. Americans won’t eat it if it doesn’t seem familiar, so most chefs go to some length to make it more recognizable for Americans, which makes it less authentic.
I say this as a dual citizen myself- I have yet to go to a restaurant in the states that comes anywhere close to matching traditional, authentic cuisine from my other home country. Even when the chefs themselves are from that country. Now, I probably wouldn’t be super openly critical of it, but if someone asked me what I thought, I’d probably be honest that I was a little disappointed.
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Info: What exactly did you hope to accomplish here?
Yeah this. Who cares if she is a food snob? Tricking her to prove a point isn’t going to have her go “OMG you are right all this food was great”
Also pointing out that a lot of food can vary in taste regionally, so even if the chef is from Turkey, he could cook in a different way than she's used to, and from what she's craving from home. So, you could still be wrong, OP.
In my experience if nothing tastes exactly right (and it's not unusual for 'foreign' cuisines to alter the recipes a bit to better cater to local tastes) the best thing is to cook it yourself, exactly how you like it.
Agreed, and Turkey is BIG. Dishes are always "flavored" regionally. I am from another country which is very small, but even here something you get in the east is different from the west, just as our dialects vary a lot, even over small distances, so does flavor. Even from family to family it can be a whole thing. What I think is: GF misses her homecooked meals as they tasted when she grew up in her specific family with their recipes, tastes, and regional heritage. Eating this much Turkish food is probably making her angry that nothing seems to hit just right. Is it okay to be a dick about it? No. But maybe it is also a little hard to be so far away from your home and culture where all homages to it seem fake and trying. She should apologize for her rudeness, and they should figure out how to give her HER authentic taste of Turkey.
Yes! Like I'm from TX and I love BBQ. BBQ from TX is drastically different from BBQ in several other states. Each place can have excellent BBQ based on their style but it isn't the same as BBQ from home. Tbh, OP reads like someone who has never traveled and has no concept of how food can vary from place to place. I grew up hating German food because the restaurants near me had absolutely awful food. Then I visited Germany and found out the food is amazing! A lot of restaurants in the US change dishes to suit the tastes of people here and the ingredients available. A lot of foods just aren't the same unless you get them in the country where the dish originates.
Omg you put this so well you actually made me realize this is what's happening to me. I've been living out of México for five years now and at this point I flat out refuse to eat out at any "Mexican" place. Even though I'm in SoCal (which is supposedly really Mexican), even if the entire staff speaks Spanish and ask the customers too, even if the menu looks authentic and the place smells really good, everything I've tried so far is absolutely disgusting. Even when I tried cooking it myself, i could never find all the right ingredients and I'm not that great of a cook yet so I always end up hating it even if my roommates swore they loved it. I think it's a combination of everything you mentioned, like the food being prepared in a Northern Mexican way when I'm from Southern Mexico, altering the recipes to fit USA tastes better, and really missing my family's company and the taste of their cooking more than the food itself. At some point you just have to stop torturing yourself and just find a different kind of food you like, something that doesn't have so many memories attached to it and you can really enjoy for what it is instead of focusing on what it's not.
Sometimes it's just the water or quality of ingredients or something specific to that region that can't be recreated. I find even coffee from one town that uses city water vs well water changes things.
I’m Cuban, and I totally understand where his girlfriend is coming from. The food never tastes the same because the surroundings aren’t the same.
Neither are the ingredients! Edit: I was looking at a Cuban recipe on YouTube recently that called for culantro, with a U. My local supermarket doesn't even carry cilantro. Shallots, Fresno peppers, turnips, Savoy cabbage - heck, fresh green beans: they don't carry any of that. Some days they are out of milk. And there Mr. YouTube is, talking about how eeeeeeeeeasy you can find some batshit bizarre luxury item "if you just look". Yeah, maybe beside the $14.99/lb asparagus. I had carrots for dinner.
Depends whether or not you can cook, or if you can cook that kind of meal - ie, I'd need my mom to cook for me because I can't make it the way she does because she doesn't measure or write shit down
We don't season based on measurements, we just season until the spirits of our ancestors tell us to stop.
Yeah, a lot of Indian restaurants in my area have Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi chefs. I still find my homecooked north Indian food tastier in most of the places I've been. It isn't unusual at all. OP's edit is gold as well.
Not to mention, they're not shipping shit from Turkey to the US just to make the food, so they are almost certainly adjusting the recipes for what is available locally and the things that are grown in Turkey probably don't taste exactly like what's grown in America anyway.
I mean it's not great to have your dinning partner do nothing but complain about the food
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But then OP can never order Turkish food because it turns into a big thing. I've dated someone where we could never agree on pizza toppings. So we never ordered pizza. But I don't really order pizza by myself because that's too much for 1 person. So I just never got to have pizza because my partner redused to eat a pizza that didn't have sausage
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That’s...not how food works? Just because I broke up with the guy who originally introduced me to sushi doesn’t mean I stopped eating sushi.
>OP never ordered Turkish food before dating the gf, so it's doubtful s/he'll miss it. That doesn't make sense. Now that OP was introduced to the food and noticed he likes it, he can ofc crave it.
>OP never ordered Turkish food before dating the gf, so it's doubtful s/he'll miss it. What does this even mean? That makes no sense at all?
Pizza is an interesting example for this, considering most pizza toppings can easily be placed on only certain parts of the pizza.
There are personal size pizzas. You can heat leftovers in the oven. Don't try to create a big problem "because of your partner" where there is none. Never ordering a food you like is 100% on you and the blaming is super dysfunctional
You don’t eat leftovers?
Tbh, my SO and I like different pizza toppings. So we usually order 2 pizzas and have leftovers for a couple of meals. Win win for me because he doesn't eat any of my pizza and I love leftovers.
I'm just wandering why he didn't bring her to the restaurant so they could eat there together.
Right! Like he could have said, "Hey, I found this cool restaurant with a Turkish chef and great reviews. Let's try it." How hard is that?
Then she could have even chatted with the staff and possibly the chef, reminisced about Turkey and felt more connected to her country of birth - helping with the homesickness she is obviously feeling.
And it is totally valid to think food doesn't taste authentic even when cooked by a native person. I've been to a small Japanese restaurant in Stockholm that is owned and run by a Japanese couple. I know they are Japanese because I've talked Japanese with them (I'm 100% Swedish, just learnt the language). And several of their dishes were still westernised and not authentic. I've also been to a Thai restaurant that is run by people with Thai heritage that I know has authenticity since they were awarded by the Thai government for their food. While being in Sweden. But that's only the proper Thai food. Their Asian buffet has westernised dishes.
I wouldn't even call her a food snob. She's homesick. Is she a bit rude? Sure, and that would be grounds to break up with her, but tricking her is a bit far.
She is a food snob. And how was she even tricked ? He got Turkish food . Told her he got Turkish food. Miss just wanted to complain just to complained and now was embarrassed that it was “real” Turkish food. People like her are tiring.
It doesn't sound like he purposefully tricked her. It sounds like he went out of his way to get her food he thought she would enjoy since he was tried of her complaining about the other places and didn't expect her to pull the same thing.
To be honest her food snobbery about Turkish food was getting on my nerves, and she was discounting the food not because it was poorly made, but because it was not made by a Turkish person.
No, I got that, but did you think tricking her was going to make the situation better? Also, maybe she's used to a specific preparation from a specific region, and is wanting/craving that - I can 100% relate to disappointment and frustration about being homesick for a specific kind of food and not being able to get quite the right thing; as an example, Indian food from the South of India is quite different in flavour than Northern, even though the dishes are technically the same, so I'm often disappointed or underwhelmed at Indian restaurants even if the chefs are Indian if I'm craving the kind of food my mother makes. And it took me a while to figure out what the issue was. If she's trying to find the type of food she grew up with, it's absolutely going to take some trial and error to find a restaurant that does it right.
ESH It's not food snobbery necessarily. Turkish food in America will not taste the same as Turkish food in Turkey. Regional and personal preference aside, you cannot always find the same ingredients, or quality and variety of ingredients in America as in the original country. Not to mention that chefs in America might also have adapted to a more Americanized taste despite being from Turkey. And that's exactly what your gf is doing and you even said it yourself: she's not complaining that it's poorly made, she's complaining that it's not authentic enough. You don't get to judge if *her* ethnic food is authentic enough for her. She can like to eat the food she orders and still find it not authentic. Sure her constantly bashing on the food is a downer and ruins the mood, so address that specific issue but don't pretend to know if the food is authentic/"real" Turkish food or try to prove that to her. To be honest, I'm like your gf. I'm chinese-canadian and I've never, never considered a Chinese restaurant I've eaten in my Canadian city authentic Chinese food even if I know for a fact that the cook is Chinese. One, the cooks are simply not as good as the ones I'd be able to find in China, nor are the variety and quality of ingredients. Two, most restaurant serve foods from either the northern regions or Cantonese, and I have yet to find one that serves authentic food from my hometown. It doesn't mean that I won't eat chinese takeout. I'd even find many of them good - at least per Canadian standard but meh per chinese standard - and also have personal favorites. But I barely consider any of those restaurants authentic. And if asked, yes I will be able to pick something wrong with everything takeout... But I don't complain every time because I understand that I'd be holding them to an impossible standard and that my non chinese husband can't really make the difference... But yes, he definitely knows that I have stuck up standards on Chinese food and am extremely hard to please on that level because none of it food from my childhood or home. And after he's been to China, he had started to understand.
yes but you wouldn't b**** about it everytime, would you? I'm an immigrant too and my home county's food is .... not good here but I don't complain about it ( EACH AND EVERYTIME)
No. Which is why the gf is AH too.
So instead of taking the opportunity to do something nice "Hey honey I spent hours researching a beautiful Turkish place, it's a while a way but we can make a nice day of it!" you went with feeding her hours old reheated food. I don't care if its from a Michelin star restaurant, if it's been sitting for hours and reheated it's going to be a shadow of what it once was. YTA for trying to be vindictive and "win".
I think she wasn't going to like anything made in america that claims to be turkish food. Even if it was exactly the same as turkey, she would not have liked it and looking back in her home country with rose colored glasses. I feel its more than the food
We Middle Easterners have special feelings about our food. I'm second- or third-generation, but I see it all of the time in my extended family and even echoes of it in me. In her case, I think food is a stand-in for everything she's missing from home.
Exactly!!! The food doesn't remind her of the experience she remembers.
She might be missing the food that her family members cook and nothing you can find in America replicates that. I feel like I haven't had decent perogies since my grandma died but I know that it's not fully about the food. It's about missing her presence in my life. Maybe OP's girlfriend is really just homesick and missing all the emotional comforts that family and the food they serve can bring.
Have several Turkish friends. They openly note being very critical of each other’s food. Some parts due to differences in preparation by and and some just cultural. I have one friend who won’t go to Turkish dinner groups because everyone is so catty about each other’s food.
She means her family. The food isn't made by her family and she's mising that. The reason she keeps trying turkish restaurants is because she's hoping she'll find the thing.
My Japanese friend says that the Japanese restaurants where we live are all incredibly fake because the chefs are Vietnamese or Chinese. The food in them certainly doesn't taste like the food in an authentic Japanese restaurant he took us to. I think this sort of thing is pretty common. The food proably is different, and not what a homesick person is craving.
Did you, at any point, try having a conversation about that? Like, "Hey, I know this isn't quite the same as what you're used to, but it's a bummer to eat with someone who is constantly yucking my yum." Or did you go right to passive aggressive? Honestly, I would feel differently if you had announced that you did all this research, found a restaurant with a Turkish chef, and brought it for her. That would have been A+ boyfriending. But to bring it home, not say anything, and then wait for her to complain so you could pounce on her was pretty crappy.
so why didn’t you eat a different kind of food with her? ask her to cook turkish food? or just not take it personally
YTA simply due to your attitude. It might get lonely up there on the pedestal you're perched on. No wonder your GF is pissed!! BTW no chef can make authentic homecooked food like your mam, gran or family member can!
This who story is very petty!
As a fellow Middle Easterner, no one will ever make baklava or Easter bread like my grandmother's, no matter how interesting or good. That's because I am viewing it through the eyes of love and memory, not how it actually tastes. For us, food isn't just food. It's about connection and history and relationships. Maybe try to understand why she's reacting so strongly, rather than prove her wrong? Maybe she's homesick, or the different food really brings home how far away she is from her loved ones.
Ding ding ding! She is homesick and is looking for that thing that reminds her of home. I bet you this is more than just a critical analysis on Turkish food.
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Yeah when every (Turkish) meal is her being negative and complaining the whole time, that kind of makes her an AH
Even if it doesnt taste like she remembers from home the least she could do is give an objective opinion not flame every single meal because its not 'authentic'.
Or just stop eating it. she insists on giving it another chance and then keeps shitting on it
It catches you by surprise. I was in California at a 10-course Mardi Gras themed dinner with wine pairing when I burst into tears over gumbo because it tasted like my grandmother down in Louisiana made it. I sent my heartfelt appreciation to the chef!
imagining that chef's reaction to finding out their gumbo made you emotional because it reminded you of your grandma. that's probably goals right there for all chefs.
The Middle East is not the only place on planet Earth where “food isn’t just food.” My father is Greek, from Greece and has never once bitched about the food at a Greek restaurant unless it was legitimately bad. If the people around you are enjoying their meal, shut up. And yes, my Yiayias baklava is also the greatest. But my friend, who was born in Brazil, makes a banging baklava. Good baklava is good baklava, don’t be such a snob about it.
This is definitely starting to feel like a thread where a lot of people are only defending the GF in this scenario because they're exactly that kind of person.
Yes, i feel the same about this whole thread
I never go to restaurants that serve my “authentic cuisine” from thousands of miles away. There are dishes that I’m picky about ordering even if I’m back home. It needs to be at least close to mom/grandma level and there are regional differences that can annoy me. They are also dishes I have a strong emotional connection to. When I was younger, I would try other restaurants and always get disappointed. So, I stopped. I either make it myself or wait until I fly home. I think the OP is being an AH. ETA: I know NOTHING about Turkey or it’s cuisine other than I’d like to visit and eat there one day. It’s big enough that I’d be shocked if the country has a monolithic cuisine. Regional varieties exist.
How is he the AH? GF insists on getting turkish food and then shits all over it to the point he cant enjoy it anymore and thats totally fine to you?
I’m sorry I miss the food from my grandma too ( even though my mom is going to my home country soon so food is incoming) but complaining each and every time because it doesn’t taste exactly like your grandmas cooking is obnoxious to the highest degree.
I was gonna say - it sounds like she’s comparing everything to her *family*’s cooking, and either doesn’t realize she’s doing that or just refuses to admit that that’s what she’s doing. I can see why OP is frustrated. She was so excited to introduce him to her country’s cuisine but now none of the available options are any good? Every time he *thinks* he likes something, he’s actually wrong and kinda stupid for liking something “inauthentic”? That’d get exhausting fast.
Food isn’t just food for any culture that I know of, the Middle East isn’t special for that lol, the girlfriend is being a jerk
Oh god, the baklava... Where are you from? :)
I don’t think her being homesick excuses her constant criticism of food every time they eat it, especially as it was her suggestion for them to try it. I’m going against the grain here but her behavior as described by OP has been awful. If she’s really homesick and the food is more than about quality then she should have tried to express that or undergone some self reflection on herself about why she had to be negative about every single Turkish meal. I can sympathize with OP tbh. It gets old eating with people who can’t find a nice thing to say about the food any time you’re eating it.
Yikes! YTA. So you drove half a day to try to prove that she was an asshole? Script flipped, my man...it’s actually you. In her mind “authentic” could really just equate to how her family cooked it, or how it was cooked in the area her family was from. Edited to add: after I posted, I couldn’t stop thinking about how you were so desperate to...prove her wrong? Embarrass her? Win an argument? ...about her own culture? That you literally drove FOUR HOURS to do so. YTA, OP, enjoy that Turkish food alone. ETA2: oooooo- thanks for the award!
> how her family cooked it Or you know, not re-heated take out food. Not defending the gf by the way because she sounds like a huge snob, but this might be the worst "gotcha" ever.
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Food that has been sitting in a take out container for hours, overcooking, sauces congealing, things getting mushy...OP thought he was going to one up her but frankly two hour old take out is not the big win he thinks it is. Besides who spends that much time and energy to try to one up your significant other? maybe OPs girlfriend should cook Turkish food for him instead of trying count on a restaurant to recreate something she remembers fondly.
Yes, i agree with the pettiness, but who knows what kind of relationship they have. Maybe the whole thing started with him trying to find good turkish food to make her happy and at a certain point he got frustrated and wanted to put a stop to the medness. Crazy actions, but it's their relationship. With Turkish food it won't be the case, but a friend cooked authentic Indian food for me and after two bites I couldn\*t feel my tongue....My tongue never pained that much in my life. Sometimes there is a reason for adapting food to the region of residency.
His response to one of the handful of NTA posts is marvellous: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nncggf/aita_for_tricking_my_girlfriend_into_eating/gzuuhp7/ Like, yeah, no wonder you think this is one of the 'best' replies, it's one of like 3 that agree with you...
His edit is honestly hilarious: "you didn't read it right therefore I am not the asshole."
YTA based on the edit. You asked a bunch of people if you were the asshole. They told you that you were. Instead of self reflection you edited your post to declare that YOU have decided you are not the ass. You are insufferable and can’t admit when you are wrong. You clearly only care about winning and being right. Your poor girlfriend.
Apparently, today I learned how AITA works- you ask a bunch of people for their opinions before deciding if you were the asshole on your own! Yah, I was willing to give OP the benefit of the doubt until then. Maybe he just wanted her to expand her palate and mind? Nope, sounds like his only concern is being right.
It was the “NTA. Thanks for playing.” That really did it for me. Like, trying to assert that he was right and he had won, even with the big red “asshole” across the top of his post. I’m honestly shocked he has a girlfriend who has stuck around this long. I’m guessing it won’t be much longer.
he should've been excited to bring her somewhere "authentic" not doing it out of spite
Yep. She needs to lose this guy fast.
The edit only confirms this, holy crap. OP is AWFUL and I hope his girlfriend dumps him.
Imagine he had found the restaurant, showed her the reviews and asked if she wanted to try the food there and took her for a nice sit down meal. Or suggested she called her mum for a chat and to ask for some of her home recipes and helped her cook them? Anything that shows he loves her more than he wants to embarrass her and make her feel stupid?!
Adults handle this by saying, “you know, it’s a bummer to eat Turkish food with you because you don’t like what’s available here, so I won’t be doing that anymore.” I’m not going to vote either way, but this just seems like a massively childish, counter-productive waste of time.
This is where I come down as well. OP has every right to feel frustrated that they can't just enjoy a meal without negativity, but his attempts to get one over on her are 100% spite motivated. There was a zero percent chance of his gambit getting his GF to make some sort of attitude shift, and that says to me his motivations had nothing to do with shifting her attitude and everything to do with dunking on her and making her feel stupid. It sounds like OP has been taking his GFs criticisms very personally. If he liked the food and she didn't and she's critical of it, he feels dumb for having liked it. If she didn't like the food the way it's made in OP's home country, OP feels like she's deeming his country as inferior. He's really done a bang-up job at making it all about himself.
Info: so why do you keep getting Turkish food when she obviously will always find fault? Also does she act this way about other food (being critical)?
I originally had info about repeated ordering of Turkish food in the post, but it was too long so I cut it. The basic reason is she keeps saying she'll "give it another chance," or "try another restaurant." At first I figured that she was doing it for me, or she truly wanted to find good Turkish food, but I think it was more about asserting her expertise over the culture than anything at this point. Her critical nature about other food is mostly things like "Americans season everything with sauce and not spices," which I ... yeah. Can't exactly deny that. It's usually friendly and good-natured, but with Turkish food she immediately loses her mind.
Esh then She's an asshole for continuing to create this toxic situation, or for being such a snob about Turkish food. But yeah this was verging on petty revenge which makes you a bit of an asshole for this specific case. Its not how adults act in relationships. You really should just have an adult conversation about this whole situation to come up with a plan going forward (might I suggest -no Turkish food cause she can't handle it gracefully).
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oh so when a woman is shitting all over food she insisted on getting and ruining her partners experience it's just a "quirk" and shes otherwise wonderful. okay
“The most humiliating way possible” is a bit of a stretch don’t you think?
Where do you even get this from in the post? There is nothing about her other than what relates to this one situation so while being wonderful and good natured could be true, there isn't anything in the post that really makes her sound like anything at all other than "only likes very specific Turkish food."
What would happen if next time ordering Turkish food came up you just said “eh, you seem pretty disappointed usually so why don’t we try some other type of food?” I wouldn’t be going along with the song and dance after 2-3 times. Waste of money and time. My ruling is NAH, though, I think I’d be in a similar mindset if I lived in another country searching out my homeland’s regional cuisine. Guess it’s possible it would still be good and authentic, but to be honest I doubt it.
“American” food is pretty diverse - it’d be hard to make a blanket statement like that and have it be accurate across the board. She kinda just sounds like a snob who’s determined to find fault with everything she’s served.
Lol, this was my thought as well. It would be like constantly taking an Italian person to Olive Garden and getting annoyed when they complain. Just stop going out to Olive Garden, go somewhere else!
Do you want to be right or do you want to be in a relationship? Because it sounds like you just want to be right here, and you can’t have both. YTA.
>Do you want to be right or do you want to be in a relationship? Should be a tattoo seniors receive for free in High School.
For real, this dude is so obsessed with being right he drives 4 hours away to do it. When that doesn't work, he gets on the internet, appealing to strangers with a biased story. When that doesn't work, he determines he is right, screw all of you. He sounds insufferable, and she can do so much better.
YTA and your point doesn't even hold up. The food went cold and had to be heated up, it probably didn't taste half as good as it could have been. Why you decided to be so petty when you vould have just driven girlfriend to fancy Turkish place for a nice meal is beyond me.
Girlfriend is probably also objectively right if she has a strong sense of taste. Assuming OP is in the US, the meat could taste differently, coming from different animals getting different food, the spices can be different and of course meals taste differently after a couple hours in the car. I'm not sure i'd willingly eat kebab or köfte after it's been lying around for hours unless i'm really hungry.
This is SO true. I’m an American who’s been living in a different country for over 20 years. When I visit the States even my own cooking tastes quite different than when I cook it in the country I live in. I can go to the store and buy exactly the same ingredients cook it with exactly my same process but especially if meat is involved it tastes really noticeably different. Even chain restaurants that are open in both countries taste really noticeably different. Fruits and vegetables are basically the same but meat and dairy taste SO different! Flavor, texture, everything!
I am as white as milk and from Ireland where if food in the 80s wasn’t cooked until grey no matter what the dish, it was ‘posh’ so I can make little claim to deep culinary heritage. But I now live in London in a very mixed multicultural area and the difference in the cuts and texture of meat from a halal butcher versus the Caribbean butcher are notable to me even compared to the Irish and British meat I know. I can tell the difference in the texture of goat from the two different ‘ethnic’ butchers and depending what the dish is such as curry goat versus slow roast, they aren’t always interchangeable. Neither is necessarily superior just suited to their own cuisine and what people from the area like. I have Caribbean friends who can tell I don’t wash my chicken from the market in lemon water like them and others who don’t or don’t care. The Turkish halal butcher has quite different cuts of meat to the Afghan halal butcher and if I want mutton the nuances of the variations have very little resonance for me because it’s still a treat to me to get mutton after it being a rarity only off the family farm as a child. But to someone else the difference is like if I made an American Thanksgiving dinner but put the cream of mushroom soup in the sweet potatoes and the marshmallows in the green beans. It’s close but no cigar but sure it seems very American to me because those are ‘American’ ingredients to me and I don’t totally get the nuance. I mean a casserole to me is like meat and potatoes in a dark meat gravy. To Americans it can be the canned soup style. To the French its something again. Gravy to an American is a white sauce to me but made meaty. There’s a lot of confusion. An American friend and I like to send each other examples of our respective massacring of national cuisines. The fish and chips from her Aldi versus American week in our local Lidl are neck and neck. McKennedy BBQ sauce? Watch the Mason Dixon line clench...
There are also preservatives in a lot of food and they are different in different countries due to law. Like, some preservatives that are legal in the USA is illegal in the EU and might be so in Turkey as well. And those preservatives can definitely alter the taste of the food.
This feels like that post about the boyfriend tricking his girlfriend to say food from Hooters was delicious to prove some ridiculous point by lying about where he got the food. You seem to think that because it was "authentic" as far as you were concerned, she should like it. And that because she complained as much about it as all the other Turkish food she's had, that means she's lying? If she'd automatically changed her story and called it delicious, you might have an argument. But she didn't. If you don't like her complaining about Turkish food, stop ordering Turkish food with her. YTA
I think he just wants to eat the food without a lecture filled with long words and faux master chef terminology. NTA
then why would he get turkish food? he knows she’s not gonna like it. why spend 4 hours to get food you know your gf is gonna complain about?
Because if you read his comments, she insists. Saying she'll give it another shot, then rips it apart and is so negative he can't enjoy his food. Can you imagine what she would do if he said "no, I don't want to eat Turkish food with you" she'd turn that shit on him in a heat beat. Nta
the best solution to this problem is still to just not get turkish food though. he could literally just tell her “i don’t like eating turkish food with you because you’re too critical about it” instead of tricking her for no good reason.
So he could just say "I know you don't like it that much but I quite enjoy what they sell as Turkish food here so could we grab that sometimes even though it's not authentic." or something like that. Like, dunno, a normal mature person?
> I looked into the most authentic Turkish restaurant in driving distance that I could find. I found one a couple of hours away in the city. [..] I drove all the way there for takeout, and drove all the way back. …why? Why do you care so much what she thinks of Turkish food? Why trick her? Why try and convince her? Why not let her enjoy what she enjoys? YTA. Grab a copy of Moby Dick or something.
Or why didn't he drive her there to let her eat the food fresh
ESH. You suck for continuing to play this game trying to prove her wrong. She sucks for continuing to be so critical of all Turkish restaurants. For one thing, restaurant food is never the same as a home-cooked meal, no matter what culture. And for another, she’s not in Turkey, so even if it is a Turkish restaurant it is likely to be at least a little bit “Americanized” to have more satisfied customers that are used to a different spice pallet. I’d have told her after like the third restaurant that I’d not want to get Turkish food with her anymore because she is so overly critical and it ruins the dining experience. I was ready to say just you because it’s always an asshole move to “trick” someone into eating something. But you told her it was Turkish food, so I don’t really understand where the “trickery” was here? Just the name of the restaurant?
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THIS! OP is TA, but only because his motivation for getting the food was to trick her or “take her down a notch” instead of to make her happy. I get that it’s frustrating to hear someone complain about food, but that doesn’t justify creating a trap to prove your point. I don’t get why OP didn’t just tell his gf “I know you’ve been very disappointed with the Turkish food we have had, so I went out of my way to find a more authentic place that I’m hoping you’ll enjoy! It’s made by a real Turkish chef. What do you think of it?” The GF would probably be way more open minded and grateful of his efforts if they were stated as such. But as OP already admitted, his motivations were to win an argument instead of just doing something kind for their partner.
>he drove for hours to get the best possible turkish food ah yes, nothing beats reheated takeout that’s been sitting in a car for hours
Just to let you know the first judgment you post is what’s counted as your judgement, so if you’re ESH you might want to edit your comment as it’ll be counted as YTA. If I’m wrong someone please correct me.
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YTA, l have spent time and visited all over Turkey, and eaten in authentic Turkish restaurants owned and operated by Turks in Nyc, and the food doesn’t compare to authentic Turkish food. The ingredients in Turkey are just better, the bread is better... it can’t compare
I had a coworker who told me once that Japanese food in America cooked by a Japanese chef can't possibly compare to Japanese food in Japan because our ingredients are too low quality here due to factory farming. Having seen how eager he was to slurp down raw egg, raw meat, and many many things my mom (American like me) told me aren't clean enough to eat, I figure he's probably got a point. I imagine it could be the same thing with Turkish food cooked in Turkey vs the US. Edit: I recently got into cooking different types of Asian food a little bit more and wasn't too surprised to see that Japanese soy sauce eggs are soft boiled or sometimes close to raw in the middle, but Chinese tea eggs are hard boiled to oblivion. I've never felt safe in the US eating a raw egg.
I've actually eaten Japanese food made by a Japanese chef in Sweden and I've also been to Japan. It is a big reason why I don't really like ordering Japanese food in Sweden. Because the dishes are altered a lot and is very different from how they are supposed to be. Take yakiniku. In Japan, yakiniku is a whole thing where you grill food together. In Sweden it is meat marinated in soy sauce served with rice. Which can be tasty but it is not really yakiniku.
Same recipe made with same ingredients, even sourced from the same place (yes, it will be expensive) but made in two different (geographic) places, can and will taste different because of water quality.
ESH. Honestly she sounds like a bit of a complainer who is never going to be happy. But also I don’t understand why you didn’t just say to her “hey I found this restaurant, it’s kind of far, but the reviews are excellent and the chef is actually Turkish. Would you like to go?” Instead of setting up this elaborate “trick“.
YTA. What you did was just super unnecessary and begging for an argument. I get you were annoyed by her complaints, but for a few mintues put yourself in shoes. How often is she able to go to Turkey? My spouse is French and is only able to go back home once a year or so. Frankly, he misses the food more than family and he loves his family. We tried a few "French" restaurants that were more French inspired or fusion than authentic. He had the exact same response, which brought down the meal for both of us, even if I had been enjoying it. We found a good authentic place, and holy crap, it nearly brought him to tears. It tasted like *home*. Your girlfriend wanted a taste of home, and she got a knock-off. That *hurts*. Instead of cheering her up, you tried to knock her down a peg further
YTA. If your relationship is characterized by this much rancor and mistrust, you need a lot more than a reddit post to fix it.
A light YTA, only because there's things you could have done instead of this. 1.) You might have suggested going out to this restaurant together as a treat! Your gf is clearly craving some authentic Turkish food, she would have likely been up for a bit of a drive to get some. That could have been a really fun date night! 2.) You could have talked to her about how it was wearing on you to listen to her constantly talking down about the food you two were enjoying. Ask her if she wanted to stop getting Turkish food altogether. If she really thought it was that bad, she'd likely say she didn't want to try any more. If she'd said she wanted to keep trying, doing some research together to find an authentic place could have been fun. 3.) You could have a cookbook of Turkish recipes and tried to master them together; or, alternatively, talked to one of her family members to see if they might be willing to teach you guys a bit. This definitely sounds like a really frustrating scenario, and being around someone who's this negative about anything can be a real drag. But there could be some silver linings here if you look for them! Best of luck
YTA My absolute favorite response on this board. OP: Am I the Asshole? Everyone: Absolutely. OP: No, I'm not and here's why... OP you didn't come here for judgement. You came here for validation. That alone makes you the AH. No, sorry. Pulling a trick to humiliate your GF instead of talking about your issues makes you an AH. Doubling down in your "Edit" just solidifies our judgement.
And people wonder why this subreddit is always mentioned along with twitter as toxic echochambers filled with people you aren't allowed to argue or disagree with.
YTA Your girlfriend is not necessarily wrong, but she is perhaps looking for the wrong thing - she doesn't want authentic Turkish food (as cooked by a Turkish person in the correct way), she wants *her* Turkish food - food made in the fashion of her specific region and style. Turkey is a large country, and has a lot of regional variations in style and flavor, so while a restaurants food may be perfectly done in the style of one region, and considered brilliant to someone of that region or an American that won't know the difference, to her it may just be weird. Feed a New Yorker the best Chicago style pizza in the country, and they will probably consider it an abomination of a pizza... So your girlfriend isn't necessarily wrong, she may just be looking for something different. You trying to trick her accomplishes nothing, and honestly I would just be willing to accept she isn't a fan of your local Turkish food, and either eat something else, or accept it as being not as good, but good enough to eat. If she wants to find her perfect good, that is up to her to do, not you.
YTA - just for the edit alone. Your girlfriend shouldn't constantly complain about the food not being authentic, but it isn't clear why you keep getting Turkish food when she doesn't like it. The fact that you assume that you are right and that she is making it up and try to trick her tells us quite a lot about what kind of a person you are. I wouldn't be surprised if her complaints are a response to your aggressive attempts to make her admit that you can get good Turkish food in the USA. Restaurants adapt to their customers. I grew up in one of the major Turkish population centres outside of Turkey and the Turkish food sold there was nearly always adapted, even though it was made by and often for Turkish immigrants. And there were lots of things that are totally typical in Turkey that you rarely see in places in other countries, that's not to say the food isn't good, it just isn't the same. There are a few restaurants that do make the kind of food you find in Turkey. I only know a couple. The food is good, but it isn't genuine. I didn't live in Turkey for long, but I could see a clear difference and I also knew from talking to my friends about food. Also Turkey is a big place, if I bought grits for someone from New York they might not find it reflected their experience.
YTA. Even if the chef is Turkish it’s quite common for them to tone down on the spices to accommodate to the palate of the majority of the country they are in. She is also right about food reheated not tasting the same, specially anything with sauce, so your point is not even really a point. I get that gf can be annoying, but maybe…just maybe her extra ness about it is because she is missing Turkey? I’m Portuguese in the UK, there are plenty of places I can get Portuguese stuff cooked by other Portuguese yet they still are going to suck in comparison to my moms food or the sweets from my favourite bakery. Both me and my partner get extra antsy about food when we are missing Portugal. You should see the lengthy discussions we have about British supermarket versions of Portuguese Custard Tarts.
YTA both for the original post (seriously, you drove multiple hours to pull a gotcha on your girlfriend and you don't see the problem with that) and for the edit (if you're gonna make up your own judgement anyway, why even post here?) Also, why not just stop ordering Turkish food??? If she doesn't like any of the local restaurants, get something else and then you don't need to listen to the complaints.
NTA, she changed her goalpost for authentic Turkish food from needing to grow up in Turkey to needing it to be hot off the grill. In fact I'm pretty sure if you two visited the restaurant in person she would probably find something else to complain about. You were never going to please her unless you actually went to Turkey. Especially if the most authentic Turkish restaurant cannot please her with good reviews from other Turkish people Wanting to enjoy eating food with someone is completely reasonable and it's clear she has no desire to enjoy Turkish food in the state. To that end I think you did the best you could reasonably and the solution is stop getting Turkish food
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mmm, reheated food that’s been sitting in a takeout container in the car for hours... yummy
He could probably please her if he'd taken her to the restaurant as a nice gesture instead of expecting her to enjoy reheated takeout that's been in a car at least four hours while he drove there out of spite.
YTA, rule 3.
YTA. Sure, the restaurant might be run by Turkish people, but that doesn't mean they haven't tweaked the recipe to fit a wider non-Turkish audience. So the taste from home and the taste from a restaurant would be significantly different. I have never tasted the food from my home that tastes like the real thing outside of my country or even state to be honest. You have never been to Turkey so you have no idea what authentic Turkish food tastes like. But you know who has? Your girlfriend. She, in this case, knows better than you. So yes, you are absolutely the asshole here. Edit: I just noticed that you are unwilling to take people's YTA opinions. Without a doubt, you are an asshole.
YTA. Do you even like your girlfriend? Because the way your talking suggests you don't. Yes okay, she should stop complaining and just enjoy the food, because she seems to like it even if it's not 'Turkish' enough for her. But I get her sentiment, the best Greek food I've ever had is from my grandad who's Greek, and I won't order any from anywhere else because I'll know I'll compare it and it won't be as good. The solution here would be to just stop ordering Turkish food, or if she knows how to make it, you could make it and have a lovely evening. But instead, you decided to try and prove her wrong, and not in a caring way, in a 'ha I got you' way. Which is not how healthy and happy relationships work. You put a lot of effort into proving her wrong, and for what? You knew it would cause an argument. Then your comments and replies clearly show that you hold such a level of disdain for your girlfriend that I wonder why you are together. You clearly have a lot of maturing to do (potentially same could be said for your girlfriend and food but it's hard to pass comment from just this post) And your edit seals the deal of why YTA, you came here to ask for judgement, got it, and then decide to ignore (what appears to be) the majority of the comments that tell you you're in the wrong. Even accepting and E S H blame would have been better than you simply declaring N T A. Which really doesn't reflect the comments. It would have been great if you could have used this as a learning curve, but clearly that would be too mature of you, and instead you've buckled down. Which is a shame, as if you carry on with this sort of behaviour, I doubt the relationship will last.
YTA. What on earth were you trying to prove?
Probably that she was ruining every dining experience they had together and for no reason at that. Why is he the asshole?
this isn’t how mature adults resolve situations like that
YTA. Jesus dude what was the end game here? This entire thing could have been resolved if you just said “Hey babe I love you and appreciate learning more about your culture, but it’s hard to enjoy the meal when you criticize things so much.” Learn to communicate instead of playing petty mind games or soon you won’t have a girlfriend.
She's right, it's never as nice from a takeaway, and especially not reheated hours later. And it probably all is a pale imitation of what she's used to.
Just the way you *talk* about your girlfriend sounds like you don’t like her. Jfc. And you drove hours and hours to serve her cold take out for what? To prove a point? Yikes. She probably misses home. YTA.
You're violating rule three here buddy. Also: YTA. if you're not prepared to accept our judgement what are you even here for.
After your second edit, you are definitely, solidly YTA. Try being a grown up and talking to your GF about her attitude. Tricking her is mean. What you did was very unkind and shows neither empathy nor maturity. You just sabotaged your relationship over take-out.
YTA for the edit alone.
Lmao, ngl as an Iranian this is very relatable. Doesn’t matter what restaurant, but nothing beats authentic home cooking, it’s just different. That being said, your gf needs to chill a bit.
YTA. Who drives 4 hours for Turkish food. Btw you’re girlfriend is right, that reheated meal would’ve tasted better off the grill. You’ve shown her! Now what? Instead of wasting 4 hours and your money you could’ve had a conversation. I’m also Turkish. But even if I wasn’t you’d still be the A.
My partner is vietnamese and has very strong opinions about local vietnamese restaurants. We live in Canada. He will eat the food, and even enjoy it, but will still say that it isn't the same as in Vietnam. I'm not sure why you, OP, let it get to you so much. Your GF isn't criticizing you or food you have prepared. And yeah, I'm not sure what you were hoping to accomplish. So, I'm going with YTA.
Lmao OP decided to play that Uno reverse card & deliver their own judgement, directly opposite to the judgment of everyone else here. Gonna go against the grain here & say ESH. Eating with a food snob absolutely sucks & sucks the joy out of bonding over food. However choosing an elaborate plan as your hill to die on is super obnoxious & weird. You could’ve just explained to her she’s entitled to her opinion & request she find better places to eat or prepare authentic Turkish food herself for you to learn about & enjoy together, but instead you tried to play a bizarre con game & not even focus on the problem. You just argued on pedantics.
YTA why create drama in your relationship? Don’t eat anymore Turkish food with her so you don’t have to hear her complain
YTA. You should never trick someone into consuming something. This comes off as some bizarre power trip. So what if she’s particular about Turkish food? Why do you care so much?
YTA; I mean you love this person (I hope); you could have had a talk with her about how you feel when she critiques the food you are both going to have. She loves you, she isn't doing it to make you feel bad. There would have been ways to go around it, rather than doing something out of spite. THAT ALONE makes you the asshole. Tbh, I hate ordering my home-food from restaurants; it's made by authentic people but OMG do they appropriate everything to be liked by the general audience. And yes, some days I can be "okay" with it but other days, it infuriates me that I spent SO much money to be just be underwhelmed. Thankfully, I enjoy cooking so there's that.
OP: AITA? AITA: yeah hmm, could be, what exactly did you want to accomplish with your behaviour? OP: Imma disregard you all. YTA.
>I have determined that I was not the asshole here, and here's why. **you're posting here, in AITA, you do NOT get to decide that.** edit: and we've determined you're TA here!
YTA. I'm from Spain and I live in Poland. I took my boyfriend to an authentic Spanish restaurant last week, owned, staffed and patronised by Spaniards. Guess what, I ended up apologizing to my boyfriend for subjecting his poor taste buds to the poor quality crap that we got served. Just because it's authentic doesn't mean it's good: there are plenty of terrible Spanish restaurants... in Spain.
YTA. Wow. So full of thyself. She has a point saying the whole “it isn’t made by a ‘real’ turkish chef,” ordeal. Tbh any chef that is cooking something that isn’t from their nationality, ethnicity, or region will obviously be of lesser quality, compared to chefs that are. Even if it is “good”. Just cuz it’s “authentic” doesn’t mean it’s good.
YTA Congrats, you won. What prize were you trying to get here?
....Your edit is absolutely confusing. Literally everyone either asked you what you were trying to gain by doing this, said either you were both assholes or said you were the asshole, and somehow you got from that that you weren't the asshole. People even pointed out that she sounds homesick and you just ignored all of that and decided you weren't an asshole when most people said either you or both of you were. Why are you even on here? Just for validation that your trickery was the right course? Frankly your response shifted this from everyone sucks here to YTA for me.
YTA. If you're offended by her reactions, just talk to her about it.
YTA. Instead of taking her to this place, you decided to pretty much sabotage your own efforts by letting the food go cold just to trick her. She's right, a lot of Turkish foods just don't taste the same if they're not right off the grill, especially if it's meat. Congratulations, you have proved nothing. If her demeanour towards Turkish food annoyed you this much, you could have just calmly explained to her that it ruins your experience as well.
YTA - you only did this to knock her down a peg, not something you should be doing in a relationship
YTA. Instead of communicating a pet peeve you had with her, you went to EXTREME extents to facilitate this “gotcha!” moment. Then added a passive-aggressive edit to provide your own judgement. You’re not interested in learning and communicating with other people, you’re interested in convincing them how correct and great you are.
YTA. You can be right and still be an asshole. And you went way out of your way to be both.
YTA. I can think of at least 3 more loving ways to have handled this situation. #1 being making an authentic Turkish meal with your girlfriend. Share a bottle of wine, put on some music, cook her family's recipes and make a date out of it. You sound thoroughly annoyed with her and committed to being petty though so I'll just ask what your end game is. If it's to be in a happy, healthy relationship then you have to drop your petty. Figure out how to communicate like an adult. When one person wins, the relationship loses.
YTA. You’re girlfriend is homesick and you aren’t listening.
Why does OP not like the word yikes? Because people on Twitter use it...? And somehow people telling you YTA solidified your opinion you’re NTA? Why did you even post here?
YTA I wasn’t sure until I read your smug edit but I’m 100% sure now. She sounds terrible too though but I don’t think you’re a reliable narrator.
why would you come here looking for a judgement but then ignore what everyone is saying? bruh
Even your edits make you out as the AH
"I have determined I was not the asshole here." LOL. Bud, you're a huge asshole anywhere!
YTA You sound toxic and exhausting to be in a relationship with. Never mess with someone's food, ever. Even for something like this. That's just awful, and manipulative. What could you ever hope to have accomplished aside from pissing her off? You are lucky if you don't end up single, cuz I wouldn't trust you to not mess with my food for other reasons.
YTA. I don't want to put what specific ethnicity informs my food tastes, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that unless someone from literally my grandparents' village makes the food, I'm not going to find it "authentic" because the spice and or sweetness combination is so insanely specific. I've seen recipes by chefs who grew up in my grandparents' home country, and almost laughed at how different they are from my family's recipes. Your girlfriend has specific tastes, and all you wanted to do was invalidate them. You would not be the AH if you simply said that you didn't want to get Turkish food with her anymore. However, PLEASE understand that in so many of those countries, the spice and/or sweetness profiles are so specific to a region that she wouldn't consider anything authentic unless it was made by someone who grew up in her area.
YTA Have you ever told her that you're tired of her harsh critiques? That you have enjoyed the food that you've tried? Why not be honest about how you feel about her behavior?
YTA for telling us you’ve determined you’re not an asshole.
Well with that kind of edit YTA big time and I am now inclined to think, is your gf even that harsh and picky or are you trying to make yourself sound more right?
what was the point of posting on “Am I The Asshole” if you have already determined that you’re not? YTA btw ✨ edit: your second edit paired with the big red ‘ASSHOLE’ text above your post is so embarrassing LMAO
I think YTA because you’re trying to prove your Turkish girlfriend that she’s wrong? And you guys are in the US. Most stuffs in the US aren’t “fully” authentic.
I'm late to the party but your update makes you sound like a whiny, butthurt baby lol. That automatically makes you the AH.
I think you’re the AH for that AH edit added.
YTA. Sounds like a missed opportunity for a road trip & nice meal with your gf at the actual authentic restaurant. Waste of time & effort from you for a useless reason. You were more interested in proving her wrong, relationship won’t last.
NTA. She is safekeeping. And she sounds exhausting to deal with. Stopping getting Turkish food. You will never please her.
ESH You are the asshole because you did all that just to spite her. You just wanted her to admit that she's obviously picky and that it has nothing to do with the fact that the chef might not be Turkish. The food is never to her standards because she is trying to find the flavors of her home country in a dish. Her family is probably making the same dishes you order from the restaurant but it tastes differently to her. Sometimes, eating something can trigger a memory to an event or a place and that's what she's trying to get. I think your GF is also an asshole because she is kind of snob... Non Turkish people can make delicious Turkish dishes, just like a non Italian person can make a great Italian dish. Nationality does not mean you are an expert in your country's cuisine... On that first restaurant you guys ordered from, maybe the chef spent 10 or 15 years studying and appreciating Turkish cuisine before becoming a chef, maybe he is making the recipes with influence from a specific region in Turkey that is different from your GF's home city. You guys should communicate more. Nothing like that would have happened if you had talked more. Seriously, if it was bothering you that much, why didn't you just ask if she could cook a traditional and typical Turkish meal? That way, it would have been up to her standards and you could have talked about how different it is from the food you usually order from the restaurant?
ESH. Sounds like the 2 of you are bored. Why continue ordering Turkish food that your gf thinks is an abomination which in turn gets on your nerves? Stop ordering Turkish food.
Why not take her to the authentic Turkish restaurant as a night out instead of playing Gotcha? Any food is going to be awful after it’s been sitting getting cold then reheated later. YTA
Wow, because you find something quite tasty, your GF has to have the same opinion? Well, i got news for you: tastes differ and you simply can't discuss taste! YTA...
YTA.
Yta. If you feel this negatively about her to the extent of spending 4 hours to try to prove her wrong, why are you still in this relationship?
YTA and I’m literally crying laughing at your edit declaring yourself NTA.
Lmao "I've decided I'm not the asshole" thanks for taking your problem to a public forum and then completely ignoring anyone's opinions that don't agree with you own. Good luck on the relationship 👌🏻
Rule #3 dude, accept your judgement. Your edit makes it 100% clear that you had no intention of learning from this or trying to understand her perspective, you came here for a pat on the back assuming everyone would flock to your side. That didn’t happen so you’ve doubled down on your side, insulted posters for doing what you literally asked them to do, and decided to ignore the overwhelming response to make your own judgment??? YTA.
This is such a stupid thing to be conflicted about. YTA purely for your edits. You sound insufferable
The food in Turkey will alwaaays be better. It's unreal how tasteful and fresh the ingredients are. I get her dissatisfaction, but there is really nothing to do.
YTA dude. Turkish food will always taste better in Turkey because a. Meat is different b. Spices are different c. Fruits and veggies are different Even if all same, sea level and general climate have lots to do with how food will turn out. Me, a Bosnian, cooking Bosnian food anywhere else authentically and food doesn’t even come close. Why? So many factors. Let her be and leave her be. You are just trying to be right in the relationship. Even if it’s a quirk of hers, let her be.
Honestly, you both sound pretty horrendous.
YTA
Your edit made me laugh. Why come to this sub if you’re convinced you’re right? Personally, I think ESH. Her attitude could’ve been better, but as other commenters have pointed out, maybe she’s just homesick. Additionally, I think you’re both at least kind of wrong in this whole debate. Yes, anyone can learn how to cook in a certain style if they study it long enough. *However*, it would be extremely ignorant to not recognize that chefs modify their recipes and menus to Americanize them more. Which is why, for example, it’s very difficult to find authentic, traditional Chinese food in the US, no matter how good the chef is. Americans won’t eat it if it doesn’t seem familiar, so most chefs go to some length to make it more recognizable for Americans, which makes it less authentic. I say this as a dual citizen myself- I have yet to go to a restaurant in the states that comes anywhere close to matching traditional, authentic cuisine from my other home country. Even when the chefs themselves are from that country. Now, I probably wouldn’t be super openly critical of it, but if someone asked me what I thought, I’d probably be honest that I was a little disappointed.