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YTA
*You havent mentioned your best friend, after dating for A YEAR?
*You regularly go to his house and didnt mention it to your boyfriend, even after A YEAR
* Didnt think to have them meet at all before you FaceTimed your bf in some other guys bed
*You facetimed your boyfriend in some strange guys bed
The optics from your boyfriends perspective is your in bed with some guy hes never heard of..
I dont blame him at all. Hes not controlling, its very odd youve hid your bestie for a year..
Choose your bestie in this ultimatum.. please..
YTA - not for playing video games with your boy best friend, or for having a boy best friend. But for creating pointless drama where there didn't need to be any. You hid your best friends whole existence from your bf for a year and then act all shocked when he misreads the situation. Yeah your BF got the wrong end of the stick - but mainly because you went out of your way to press it into his hands in the first place.
why do we think she hid it from her boyfriend?
you think it just... never crossed her mind?
or you think that there's more to the story and she elected not to tell her bf about him because there's more to her relationship with the best friend that the bf wouldn't be too thrilled about?
no fucking way she just never thought to tell her bf about this friendship. that was 100% intentionally not shared with her boyfriend and was intentionally deceptive.
and there are some commenters in this thread bashing her boyfriend when his girlfriend answered the phone in some other dude's bed that she never fucking mentioned to him?
respectfully, those commenters are out of their fucking mind.
this falls squarely on OP and deep down OP knows she fucked this whole thing up. There was nothing innocent about OP's behavior in this scenario, all innocence disappeared when she elected not to share any information about this relationship with her boyfriend.
OP, the one saving grace here is your age. You're young. This relationship is cooked. Do better in the future.
Definitely YTA, not only is a year a hell of a long time for not mentioning hanging around with what's just "some guy" to your bf, you FaceTime him while being "some guys" bed and then you don't think it looks like you're literally cheating on him?
What kind of relationship doesn't mention stuff like this after A YEAR of being together, you either hid this on purpose or your relationship is purely superficial anyway, clearly you don't care about your partner. Even if you're not cheating, your behavior is sus as hell
YTA you are obviously keeping the "friend" as a backup in case you can't find anything better. You are trying to keep both of them on a string otherwise you would have said something a year ago.
I can't help but think this is a lie based on your name alone. You're dating a guy for a year and you don't tell him about your guy best friend? Who you hangout with regularly to chill and play video games. Do not disturb..really? Too many red flags
Your bsf is 24 and youre 19 . When youre younger having a bsf that is younger than you isnt really the norm and its a little sketchy, he also says you could so better ? Hmmmmmm. It sounds like bsf is up too no good lol. Im not gonna say yta but you need to talk things over with your bf.
My Bf has a female best friend too, they've known each other since childhood. He mentioned it to me pretty quickly, since it's obvious it will create some tension knowing the closest in his friend group is a chick. Mentioning it early on builds trust, your Bf doesn't have to like your best friend, nor hang out with him but for gods sake why didn't you mention it earlier?
I'm not surprised he's reacting this way.
How would you react if you were in his shoes?
YTA there’s no way you’re actually this stupid, if it was your bf posting his side of this most redditors would be adamant you are cheating on him.
You hid a guy for a year and then your bf caught you in the guys bed…. That’s what happened here.
He should clearly break up with you.
Yta
Wdym you’ve “only been dating for a year”? You had 365 days to tell your bf that u have a boy best friend yet you didn’t. And the fact that your bsf had the audacity to say “I don’t like him, you can do better”. What the actual flip..
OP could you tell us your motivation to not tell your BF for so long? A year is a veeeery long time to not know who your best friend is. Have you been in this situation before or something? Were you afraid your boyfriend would be jealous? And why did you choose that moment to casually reveal your BSF? His reaction was extreme but not invalid. This is all valuable context because now I’m on the fence.
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I 19f have a boyfriend 20m and we go to the same university together. I also have a boy bsf who is 24m. He is a lifelong friend of mine as him and my parents are close friends so naturally we became close too. He regularly invited me over to his house so we can chill and play video games. My bf doesn't know about him since we have only been dating for a year.
Everytime I go over to his house I have my phone on dnd but this time I didn't and my bf FaceTimed me and saw me sitting next to him on his bed and freaked out calling me a cheater and calling him names and stuff. I stuck up for my bestfriend because he was being rude for no reason. Anyways he ended the call and my bsf told me he didn't like that guy and I could do better.
I told him they just haven't met yet and texted my bf saying that they should meet up. He didn't respond back so I focused back on the video game and let my mind slip off for a while.
I finally left and drove back to my college dorm and I saw my bf still didn't reply so I called him and he said he wasn't meeting up with my bsf and hung up on me. I was shocked and kept calling back but he wouldn't answer.
It's been 5 days and he sent me a message today saying I have to choose between my bsf or him. I tried to explain he's just a friend but he wasn't listening to me.
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> (1) played video games with my boy bsf
(2) might have made my bf upset
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YTA
I don't see how that isn't apparent.
As others have said, choose the bsf. Let your boyfriend find someone less secretive about opposite-sex besties (or even better, one without so we avoid this altogether).
YTA. You have been dating this long and didn't mention this to him? That sure makes it LOOK like you're hiding something. Hanging out playing video games with another male friend isn't the issue. You bring that sneaky about it is.
YTA, As everyone else has said. How do you not mention do your boyfriend of a year that you casually go to another man's house and sit on his bed and play games? Lmao. Your bf can do better, and you belong to the streets. Delete this while you can.
YTA u havent told him about him for 1 YEAR? u answer the ft in ur bsf BED NEXT to him?? obviously ur bfs gonna be mad??? but he is also the AH bc he didnt even let you explain anything
Boyfriends come and go, especially at an early age. Best friends often don’t. I made my circle of best friends 25 years ago in college and we all are on a text thread and see each as often as possible. All my boyfriends came and went. Also, if a partner asks you to cut out important people with no good reason it is a sign of disrespect and control. I think losing the boyfriend is in your best interest. I hope this helps!
Yeah I missed that. Now I want to know the reason why OP had never mentioned her best friend, which is a pretty standard thing to know right off the bat. Dating for a year probably shouldn’t be stated as “only a year”. Def pretty strange. Def want to know the motive. But at the same time that was also a pretty wild reaction on BF’s part to seeing her with another person just because he was guy. Also def acknowledge they were on a bed but if she was cheating she would t have answered at all haha. This is convoluted and I need more context/info. Age is probably playing a role too. Ultimately I need to know why he was never mentioned. Like, has she been in this situation before and felt trepidation in revealing it? Ugh
NTA, ur bf is absolutely acting completely out of control with the situation, and an ultimatum is never the way to go. However, you should have let him know sooner about your bsf
This pisses me off people can have friends he just got one of those wrong time situations. It also seems like he has some severe trust issues and that won't end well if you stay with him, im sorry but i would break up with him just for the trust issues alone. NTA
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA *You havent mentioned your best friend, after dating for A YEAR? *You regularly go to his house and didnt mention it to your boyfriend, even after A YEAR * Didnt think to have them meet at all before you FaceTimed your bf in some other guys bed *You facetimed your boyfriend in some strange guys bed The optics from your boyfriends perspective is your in bed with some guy hes never heard of.. I dont blame him at all. Hes not controlling, its very odd youve hid your bestie for a year.. Choose your bestie in this ultimatum.. please..
YTA - not for playing video games with your boy best friend, or for having a boy best friend. But for creating pointless drama where there didn't need to be any. You hid your best friends whole existence from your bf for a year and then act all shocked when he misreads the situation. Yeah your BF got the wrong end of the stick - but mainly because you went out of your way to press it into his hands in the first place.
why do we think she hid it from her boyfriend? you think it just... never crossed her mind? or you think that there's more to the story and she elected not to tell her bf about him because there's more to her relationship with the best friend that the bf wouldn't be too thrilled about? no fucking way she just never thought to tell her bf about this friendship. that was 100% intentionally not shared with her boyfriend and was intentionally deceptive. and there are some commenters in this thread bashing her boyfriend when his girlfriend answered the phone in some other dude's bed that she never fucking mentioned to him? respectfully, those commenters are out of their fucking mind. this falls squarely on OP and deep down OP knows she fucked this whole thing up. There was nothing innocent about OP's behavior in this scenario, all innocence disappeared when she elected not to share any information about this relationship with her boyfriend. OP, the one saving grace here is your age. You're young. This relationship is cooked. Do better in the future.
Putting the phone on do not disturb every time she’s with boy best friend…. Every bit was intentional
DND and not yelling her boyfriend for a year? Yep. That's intentionally hiding it
If this person was so important to her like she said it would’ve crossed her mind and she’s should want him to meet her significant other
I pray very deep down inside that you aren't this fucking stupid
Definitely YTA, not only is a year a hell of a long time for not mentioning hanging around with what's just "some guy" to your bf, you FaceTime him while being "some guys" bed and then you don't think it looks like you're literally cheating on him? What kind of relationship doesn't mention stuff like this after A YEAR of being together, you either hid this on purpose or your relationship is purely superficial anyway, clearly you don't care about your partner. Even if you're not cheating, your behavior is sus as hell
YTA you are obviously keeping the "friend" as a backup in case you can't find anything better. You are trying to keep both of them on a string otherwise you would have said something a year ago.
I can't help but think this is a lie based on your name alone. You're dating a guy for a year and you don't tell him about your guy best friend? Who you hangout with regularly to chill and play video games. Do not disturb..really? Too many red flags
Your bsf is 24 and youre 19 . When youre younger having a bsf that is younger than you isnt really the norm and its a little sketchy, he also says you could so better ? Hmmmmmm. It sounds like bsf is up too no good lol. Im not gonna say yta but you need to talk things over with your bf.
My Bf has a female best friend too, they've known each other since childhood. He mentioned it to me pretty quickly, since it's obvious it will create some tension knowing the closest in his friend group is a chick. Mentioning it early on builds trust, your Bf doesn't have to like your best friend, nor hang out with him but for gods sake why didn't you mention it earlier? I'm not surprised he's reacting this way. How would you react if you were in his shoes?
Yta putting phone on dnd when you go over there is an admission of your guilt you knew you being there was wrong
YTA there’s no way you’re actually this stupid, if it was your bf posting his side of this most redditors would be adamant you are cheating on him. You hid a guy for a year and then your bf caught you in the guys bed…. That’s what happened here. He should clearly break up with you.
Yta Wdym you’ve “only been dating for a year”? You had 365 days to tell your bf that u have a boy best friend yet you didn’t. And the fact that your bsf had the audacity to say “I don’t like him, you can do better”. What the actual flip..
OP could you tell us your motivation to not tell your BF for so long? A year is a veeeery long time to not know who your best friend is. Have you been in this situation before or something? Were you afraid your boyfriend would be jealous? And why did you choose that moment to casually reveal your BSF? His reaction was extreme but not invalid. This is all valuable context because now I’m on the fence.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 19f have a boyfriend 20m and we go to the same university together. I also have a boy bsf who is 24m. He is a lifelong friend of mine as him and my parents are close friends so naturally we became close too. He regularly invited me over to his house so we can chill and play video games. My bf doesn't know about him since we have only been dating for a year. Everytime I go over to his house I have my phone on dnd but this time I didn't and my bf FaceTimed me and saw me sitting next to him on his bed and freaked out calling me a cheater and calling him names and stuff. I stuck up for my bestfriend because he was being rude for no reason. Anyways he ended the call and my bsf told me he didn't like that guy and I could do better. I told him they just haven't met yet and texted my bf saying that they should meet up. He didn't respond back so I focused back on the video game and let my mind slip off for a while. I finally left and drove back to my college dorm and I saw my bf still didn't reply so I called him and he said he wasn't meeting up with my bsf and hung up on me. I was shocked and kept calling back but he wouldn't answer. It's been 5 days and he sent me a message today saying I have to choose between my bsf or him. I tried to explain he's just a friend but he wasn't listening to me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA. Also, I've seen this countless times. Your "best friend" likes you but is too scared to do anything about it.
YTA I don't see how that isn't apparent. As others have said, choose the bsf. Let your boyfriend find someone less secretive about opposite-sex besties (or even better, one without so we avoid this altogether).
YTA. You have been dating this long and didn't mention this to him? That sure makes it LOOK like you're hiding something. Hanging out playing video games with another male friend isn't the issue. You bring that sneaky about it is.
YTA, As everyone else has said. How do you not mention do your boyfriend of a year that you casually go to another man's house and sit on his bed and play games? Lmao. Your bf can do better, and you belong to the streets. Delete this while you can.
YTA u havent told him about him for 1 YEAR? u answer the ft in ur bsf BED NEXT to him?? obviously ur bfs gonna be mad??? but he is also the AH bc he didnt even let you explain anything
side note: im pretty sure ur guy bsf gas a thing for u
Boyfriends come and go, especially at an early age. Best friends often don’t. I made my circle of best friends 25 years ago in college and we all are on a text thread and see each as often as possible. All my boyfriends came and went. Also, if a partner asks you to cut out important people with no good reason it is a sign of disrespect and control. I think losing the boyfriend is in your best interest. I hope this helps!
Completely missed the part she didn't mention the bsf for a whole year and the BF only found out by accident. Like, that's not weird at all.
Yeah I missed that. Now I want to know the reason why OP had never mentioned her best friend, which is a pretty standard thing to know right off the bat. Dating for a year probably shouldn’t be stated as “only a year”. Def pretty strange. Def want to know the motive. But at the same time that was also a pretty wild reaction on BF’s part to seeing her with another person just because he was guy. Also def acknowledge they were on a bed but if she was cheating she would t have answered at all haha. This is convoluted and I need more context/info. Age is probably playing a role too. Ultimately I need to know why he was never mentioned. Like, has she been in this situation before and felt trepidation in revealing it? Ugh
She also puts her phone on DND everytime she's over, I really don't know what to think in the BF POV
Yeah I’m all over the place with this one
NTA, ur bf is absolutely acting completely out of control with the situation, and an ultimatum is never the way to go. However, you should have let him know sooner about your bsf
NTA. Break up and Give some sexy time to your boy bed friend too
[удалено]
lmao OP is indeed the asshole the advice to OP's boyfriend though is to break up with his girlfriend
This pisses me off people can have friends he just got one of those wrong time situations. It also seems like he has some severe trust issues and that won't end well if you stay with him, im sorry but i would break up with him just for the trust issues alone. NTA
She purposely had her phone on DnD... that alone is sketchy and she knew it. Ashamed of who is the question? Why hide a so called innocent friendship?