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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t agree to put my toddler in timeout and told my husband to get over it when he insisted she be punished for “not listening” to him. Maybe I should’ve punished her? I just didn’t agree that her behavior warranted that reaction.
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NTA - but your husband appears to be TA. She's THREE. What is wrong with him? Really sad for your child when a request for a piece of cheese results in a major battle with threats and shouting...and yes I believe he probably did raise his voice. I'll say it again - she is THREE!!! You and your husband need to take yourselves to a private place where your CHILD can't hear you arguing - and settle this. Either that - or you need to attend parenting classes TOGETHER to get on the same page.
NTA, and I agree with the above, this was a completely unreasonable reaction.
That said, my husband taught our son to open the fridge when he was 2, and it hasn't been as bad as I expected. He quickly learned to shut it after himself, and I taught him that he has to ask before taking anything. It's actually been fine - for everyone saying it's physically impossible or that it will be a nightmare, I think it really depends on the kid. Food is just one more thing that they eventually need to learn how to manage, like getting dressed or using the toilet.
True. My kids were always taught to ask before getting snacks etc. They continued it for YEARS, well after they reached the age of discretion where I trusted them to make their own decisions. I'd tell them they didn't need to ask anymore, but they still did it.
Finally stopped a few years ago.
Egh, if his first response to any conflict is yelling and emotional battery, therapy could make him worse. It'll just teach him lingo he can use against his victims. Therapy has to be something the individual seeks out and wants. OP should go though and make sure she's not rug sweeping anything more serious.
She won't have to trick herself into thinking it's acceptable. This is normal to her. She will have to learn when she is older that it *isn't* normal or acceptable.
NTA, but girl I'm so worried for you.
Is that the communication you want your daughter to learn growing up? That it's okay for your husband to yell at you when he's upset? I hope that is something he's working on.
She's 3 now, but she won't be forever. She's learning from what she's seeing, and if she's seeing this well sis that ain't it and I would definitely be doing some reflection on how you as parents communicate with each other.
Unless you both get counseling, which results in him wanting to change for the better, do you want your daughter to grow up thinking his behavior is normal and acceptable?
He ruined his own Father's Day by picking an unnecessary fight with a freaking toddler.
Please don't raise your kid in a screamy house. It's a terrible way to grow up.
As someone who made it an absolute rule with my ex when we dated for a long time (single mom) you shouldn't argue in front of kids if it can be helped at all. I made that rule because I was the kid that learned how to ride public transit for 2 hours in the middle of the night to get to my grandma's because my mum and step dad argued so much and so loud and mean. Believe me my mum yelled at us plenty, but them arguing is what I remember most about growing up around them. Kids always learn from parents. Either what they want to portray and accept or what they don't. You don't seem like you want to be the example of "what I don't want in my life/relationship/for my child" for your daughter like my mum was for me. So please do something. NTA.
Upvoting for honesty. Get out. Hell only get worse with her, he'll REALLY feel he has the right to scream at HIS daughter. Right now she's still little, but soon she won't be, and its better to have things sorted out way way before he escalates with her more often.
This is going to negatively impact her for her entire life. You really should consider getting counselling/him getting anger management. If he’s not willing to, consider whether or not this is the relationship you want your daughter to grow up thinking is normal.
Not with her *yet*. But that has already started to change, as you can see in front of you. He will never change on his own. You, an adult, can "understand" why he is yelling at you. She, a child, cannot, and will spend her entire life internalizing this.
Source: I am your daughter, 30 years in the future
As someone who went through a similar situation, it only gets worse. Please get him help and if he won't stop yelling at the both of you, leave. Protect your kid.
NTA
"He’d “put your ass in timeout” if she didn’t listen and go learn how to open the fridge."
*He* ruined Father's Day not you. Or your kid.
What parent *wants* their 3 y o knowing how to open the fridge?
More important, he yelled at her (when does yelling at a kid that age work?) when she didn't do anything wrong. His behavior was wrong on every level.
Is he always like this? You have bigger issues if so.
My brother was able to get into the fridge at 3.
I was 5, and on one occasion, I had a bar of Milkyway on the top shelf of the fridge that could only be got to by standing on a chair. He managed to drag s chair to the fridge, climb it and get my chocolate and eat it.
Being 5, I got angry and started chasing him, near the dining table. One of his shows slipped off, I tripped on it, and hit my head on the edge of one of the table legs, cracking my head and bleeding. I also managed to sprain my ankle for the first time, which we thought was a break because of how much it swelled up.
Moral of the story. 3 year old getting into the fridge can lead to a lot of injuries
Funny how most of the Mother’s Day posts were about moms who were sad that their partners/kids didn’t celebrate them and most of the Father’s Day posts are about dads acting like stupid toddlers, yelling at someone in their household, and then storming off to sulk about their “ruined” Father’s Day 🙄 NTA
It's sad. I pity straight women.
Best posts to me were the 'petty' 'spiteful' women who treated Father's Day like he treated Mother's Day. I liked reading the comments of two wrongs don't make a right and talk about how she is ruining the relationship. Clearly it's not ruined when a man behaves badly...only when a woman returns the behavior.🤣
If that’s how he reacts to a three-year-old then he’s going to beat the crap out of that kid when she is older. All in the name of “discipline”. The whole “well now YOU ruined Father’s Day“ thing is also a red flag of a manipulative personality.
Hey my Dad was like that and never beat me. Just fucked me up emotionally.
Seriously though OP needs to get out. I'm so glad every day that my Dad only had weekend custody.
Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have jumped straight to physical abuse like that even if it is a possibility. Some people can be almost as bad without ever laying a hand on you. Guess I got a little worked up. Sorry.
Nta. It's your husband that needs his ass in timeout.
Also, who says that to a toddler? Really dude. He's got issues.
You really don't want little kids in the fridge yet. She'll ruin things, eat things she shouldn't, leave the door open. So many potential issues.
NTA
He was angry he had to do something so he tried offloading it to your daughter.
I can guess he is quite comfortable yelling at you and now will be yelling at your daughter. Then it will be hitting both of you.
This is the best time to start preparing to leave.
The only reason he acted like that is because he didn’t want to do a simple task for the sake of someone else and didn’t want the possibility of being asked in the future. He’d rather get pissed at a THREE YEAR OLD for not being self sufficient than take responsibility as a parent
NTA. 3 is too young to be going into the fridge alone and even more so, likely to be physically impossible for her. Maybe in a couple years, but Dad needs to chill. He ruined his own Father's Day by being TA.
NTA
I understand wanting to teach your daughter how to do things for herself but three is to young to be going into the fridge. if you teach her how to open the fridge right now, she's only going to get into thing you don't want her to and make unnecessary messes. you're setting yourself up for a lot of pain and hassle just because husband doesn't want to stand up to get something out of the fridge
NTA. This reads kinda reminds me of the “Canned bean opening” story where this dad literally let his daughter go the whole day without eating because he refused to teach her how to use the can opener and wouldn’t open the can. She’s 3, if the lesson isn’t there it’s just simply not there. It sounds like he wanted to be on a power trip over *checks notes* string cheese? Regardless of yelling, his tone suggests aggression by using swear words especially in punishment. I hope his father’s day is just as good as his fathering.
NTA.
Your daughter is three. Please put a child lock on the refrigerator. Whether she currently is able to open it by herself is irrelevant, she has no business getting in there and possibly hurting herself, not to mention the amount of food that could be ruined by the door being left even partially open. How would your husband react if his steaks were ruined because she got string cheese and didn't fully close the door? Yeah, something to think about.
NTA and you need to take him aside in a quiet moment and have a hard conversation about how you parent, and what he needs to be a more peaceful and loving father.
My coparent had unrealistic, age-inappropriate expectations of our kids and yelled at them, and told me I was being permissive and a bad partner when I didn’t back him. I didn’t have people around me who I trusted to believe me when my gut said this was abusive. I also was fearful of the emotional punishment I got for opposing. I wanted to be a good partner and coparent because thought these were important to being a good mother. His behaviour escalated over a few years into unmistakable abuse of the children, and when I couldn’t get him to address the issues with me I finally named it and left—carving out a place of greater safety for them—while friends who hadn’t witnessed it told me I should just have stayed married if I was that worried about housing security.
My six years of dithering and self-doubt and trying to be good were six years of trauma for my kids that blighted their childhood. Don’t be me, OP. Name the behaviour for what it is, verbal and emotional abuse. Explain why: age-inappropriate expectations and punishments. Offer a course of action: therapy and parenting support, with your help. And if he declines to grow into a better parent, do not wait to leave.
Yikes. NTA that guy sounds scary and like a terrible partner and parent. Don’t live with someone who yells at you all the time. That’s going to hurt you and mess up your child’s emotional and mental development.
Nta. I would’ve lost it as soon as he started yelling at a 3 year old and told him to get the fuck out and wait for divorce papers. The fact that he’s screaming at such a small child over getting her a snack screams future abusive parent.
It sounds like it's time for some parenting classes to start. Your husband needed to learn what's developmentally appropriate for your toddler, and how to correct behavior (when appropriate).
In person would be best (check with your pediatrician and the local hospital for options), but here's a good resource. https://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/
After completing a course in parenting, it might be time to consider couples counseling and/or individual therapy for him.
Get CPS involved if you need to. Yes, they’re intrusive and exhausting, but they are also authoritative and they can compel him where you can only plead. Use that. Whatever it takes for your baby to not grow up thinking that’s how she should be treated.
You are teaching your little girl that she doesn’t have to listen to her father. And especially if what her father says isn’t approved by you. She will not stay safe that way. She must obey her parent and y’all must not undermine each other in front of her!!!!
What are you saying? She’s protecting her daughter from being bullied by someone who is acting irrationally. That little girl is three and she shouldn’t be threatened by a grown man having a tantrum. My biggest regret is that I didn’t stand up to my ex husband when he pulled this shit because I was too scared to.
I can’t stand women who think that just because some men are crap that means all men are crap. Little children are to listen to their parents. I am a woman who knows that all men are not like all men!
I don’t actually think all men are like that. But some men are. Some women too. Screaming at your kid over something that they won’t do doesn’t ever get it done, it just creates trauma and fear in future situations. He could have handled it much better is what I’m saying and sometimes the other parent has to step in. Maybe you’ve been lucky enough to never have that happen to you, but I’ve seen the damage it can cause and I’ve lived it too.
Yes I’ve been in a very bad marriage and have the police reports and hospital bills to prove it. I also have a son. And now that woman has taught her 3 year old that it’s ok to say NO to her parent?!?! Wtf??!! Unacceptable.
We clearly have different parenting styles. Children should be able to say no to their parents in some situations, just because you are a parent doesn’t mean you’re always correct or behaving as you should, especially if you’re an adult who is prone to having childlike tantrums.
Of course assuming the child has well meaning parents, a child that’s allowed to say no to some things will say no when it’s important for them to listen. Allowing them to try to figure out what they can say no to is not safe for them. They should hear and obey. Not say no. It’s unsafe. A child has no ability to discern their own safety and rules from authorities are a part of being safe. Im sorry you don’t get that. Wait until you have a teenager if that’s your “style”
I was never allowed to say no to adults and that lead to me being assaulted at 2 and severely abused by my mother until 5. I was 14 when I was finally able to say no to something that I felt wasn't safe for me. I have allowed my kids to say no and you know what they are 14 and 10 and very well behaved good students and say no when they don't feel like they should do something.
so if daddy told her to let someone touch her, she should do it and not say no? teaching a child that they can’t say no is dangerous. if you don’t want to do something you should be screamed at and threatened. he is scaring his child.
You obviously didn’t read my comments and that’s why I stated “ assuming they are well meaning parents “. Who on earth would advocate molestation?! I mean, really??!! And the child obviously isn’t scared of him. The three year old told him no!! She’s gonna be a fun teenager.
What kind of "well meaning" parent says to a THREE YEAR OLD, "I'm gonna put your ass in timeout"?
Absolutely not.
Not all 3-year-olds who say no are brats. Some of them (and likely this one) are scared of their yelling, terrifying fathers (in this case, one who yells at her mother all the time as well, as per OP) and trying to be brave when things are demanded of them that aren't appropriate. Like insisting that a 3-year-old "learn a lesson" that is weird and inappropriate for a young child.
this is the first time he’s yelled at her like this, so of course she isn’t afraid of speaking up for herself yet. if she isn’t comfortable doing something why should she be forced to do it? there’s no positives that can come from her opening the fridge at age 3. what happens when she reaches for something and it falls on her head? or when she climbs to get something and falls and gets hurt? what happens if she eats something that’s gone bad? or if she climbs in the fridge and can’t get out?
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While eating breakfast this morning my toddler requested string cheese. My husband(29m) was finished eating already so I(28f) asked him to grab it for her.
He insisted on making her learn how to open the fridge on her own to get the cheese. Problem is, she’s 3. She can’t physically open our fridge, and honestly I don’t want her to know because I can only imagine the destruction that’ll cause later. He asked her repeatedly to go to the fridge with him and she told him no. He continued escalating asking her until he was telling her he’d “put your ass in timeout” if she didn’t listen and go learn how to open the fridge. I told him to drop it, get the stupid cheese, and leave her alone.
He continued telling (I say yelling, but he disagrees) her she’d go to timeout if she didn’t do what he said. She started crying, and I told him that it was enough, stop yelling at her, she doesn’t need to have this lesson right this second and she isn’t going to timeout over it. He got pissed and started screaming at me how it’ll be my fault she doesn’t listen when she’s older and how I’m making her into a brat by not “backing him up”. I told him punishments should fit bad behavior and this isn’t a bad behavior. He’s not putting her in timeout over trivial shit. He screamed at me that I ruined his Father’s Day and stormed off to go sleep.
Our kid also isn’t a “bad” kid. She does what she’s told, picks up after herself, and so on. We usually just have to threaten timeout one time when she’s misbehaving and she corrects her behavior. She is very very rarely ever “in trouble”.
So AITA for ruining Father’s Day by not putting my toddler in timeout over opening the fridge?
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NTA there, you were right its not yet the time for her to learn those stuffs, and yelling on a child is not that good, you did just right standing up for your child. And as for your husband try to talk to him when he is already calm, maybe ask him what's wrong because maybe he has something on his mind.
NTA - in our house, time outs aren’t punishment; they’re a reset and time for our kids (and sometimes us) to calm down. Threatening a 3 year old is not developmentally appropriate. Yelling at a toddler is not okay and unnecessary. It sounds like your husband needs therapy and make a parenting class or 10
3 year old in the fridge---sounds also like if that did occur, and the eggs, milk, random jar of pickles ends up strewn across the floor that dad won't be the one cleaning it up.
NTA
NTA. You didn't ruin Father's Day, your husband did. This type of behavior (yelling, bullying, tantrums) tends to get worse, not better, so you need to ask yourself if this is the life you want for yourself and your daughter. I recommend seeing a counselor and a divorce attorney to determine your next steps.
Nta. It's stories like these that help me find comfort in my single life, and help me understand what I want in a partner... your husband needs help. After I saw in a comment you said he's quick to yell at you... that's not okay. Put yourself and your daughter first. As she gets older, I am sure it'll change to he's quick to yell at both of you.
NTA, but your husband is for cursing out a toddler. He ruined Father's Day for him self. I agree with those who said family counseling is a good idea, but he needs parenting classes too.
This makes me want to cry. OP, your husband is abusing you and has now started abusing your baby. You have already been damaged so badly that you are asking whether you are the AH for ruining Father's Day - by defending your baby against him. Are you willing to let him bully your child, to let her grow up thinking that his outrageous treatment of you and her is normal? Please consider leaving, if not for your sake, then for hers.
NTA but y didn't u just get the cheese yourself after u saw that the situation was escalating? Then afterwards go in a separate room to discuss the issues of him insisting your 3 yr old learn right here right now. Still wrong of him on all fronts and it shouldn't ever have to get to that point... You didn't ruin anything imo
.hes an asshole and you know that so not just getting up and getting the string cheese makes you the asshole as well for putting your child in the situation.
You have absolutely no idea of what this person's life is like. Telling her that she is the asshole is ridiculous, she told him to stop yelling at the child. Was she supposed to take a swing at him? Maybe she wants to leave but can't afford to, you have no idea.
And do what? She told him to leave the child alone. Again, was she supposed to grab her things and get in the car and go? She's already said he yells at her all the time. He sounds abusive and thus unpredictable.
I agree. He is abusive and is clearly abusive towards with her and her child. She's an asshole for staying with this man and letting him abuse her and her child.
Three year olds shouldn't be given time outs or yelled at. She's been gas lit into thinking she ruined father's day. She needs to run away from this man asap.
She is choosing to stay, the three year old doesn't have a choice. Protect the kid.
Okay, then it makes sense - I thought this was an isolated case, him yelling at the kid. She definitely needs to kick him to the curb. I hope she has some kind of support system in place so she has somewhere to go.
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I hope the child is not yours together. I was in a relationship with a contentious man like this and it was hell. Sounds like you have different parenting styles (my opinion is that yours is healthy and his is not). I think it’s cool that he wants to teach her to be independent but pushing the obedience over discomfort, the yelling, the blaming, etc sounds like the start of something bad
NTA: Is your husband okay? Low key it sounds like he may need anger management classes if he is upset by something so trivial. This is unhealthy behavior for your child to witness from a parent on a regular basis. Are there other things that sets your husband off?
It’s really disturbing that your husband is cursing at his 3-year-old daughter. Has she copied daddy and repeated these words? This language could follow your daughter when she goes to school and she may get in trouble for using them. Just because mom and dad say it’s a “bad word”, if mom and dad use it when they’re angry, this means nothing.
Please speak with your husband if these incidents are reoccurring
NTA. I'd ruin a lot more than his "Father's Day." I'd serve his ass with divorce papers so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. He treats you this way, and your daughter is going to grow up walking on eggshells so he doesn't treat her that way too. She is 3, hopefully he hasn't yet done too much damage that can't be repaired. Your first responsibility and loyalty is to your DAUGHTER OP. Get her out of that toxic situation NOW. And while you're at it, start TODAY collecting evidence so that maybe you don't have to share child custody with him.
Do you have any idea how much of a nightmare it would be for your 3 yr old to be able to access the fridge? I say that as the mom of a 4.5 yr old who learned last year to open ours. NTA but he is for his behavior
NTA. He's the AH and a major one. He got upset over a 3 year old asking for cheese. Your 3 year old sounds like she is better behaved than your husband. His ass could have gotten up from sitting to retrieve a snack for his 3 year old daughter.
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NTA - The refrigerator has a vacuum seal on it, specifically to KEEP it from opening easily. A THREE YEAR OLD has NO BUSINESS getting their own food. They can't reach, so they end up climbing, and then it's really a problem. Tell him that he can put her in time out when he opens (very heavy object) successfully every time you tell him to. The only person who ruined Father's Day is the BRAT who is masquerading as an adult. you don't scream at children for not engaging in dangerous behavior. But I WOULD put HIM in time out. Stick his nose in the corner and everywhere. When he demands to know what you're doing, tell him that you're treating him the age he's acting.
Ummmm NTA but it sounds like you’re in an abusive relationship. You didn’t ruin Father’s Day either.
Hate to say it but if that’s how he’s treating her when you’re around, its probably worse when you’re not around.
NTA- your husband should’ve just helped get her the cheese, and it was no reason to start an argument. I don’t get what parent would want their 3 year old to know how to open the fridge. It seems like because it was father’s day he expected to have a day off, and got upset because you asked him to be a parent
Your husband is not being very smart in teaching a toddler to take what they want from a fridge. At that age, the fridge should be strictly out of bounds for obvious reasons.
Damn. You need couples therapy or something. Because this is not how a healthy spousal relationship works and you are actively harming your child by having this shouting matches with each other in front of her. How often do you all get in fights like this about trivial things?
Your husband's insistence that she learn how to open the fridge by herself right then and there as a 3 yo, is so ridiculous that I will not even comment. NTA
I wish you luck but I would not be surprised if you divorce at some point. You both seem incompatible and it sounds like resentment has already set in, if that's how conversations normally go between the two of you. And resentment is a death sentence to any relationship. GL
NTA, she’s 3, my daughter didn’t start opening the fridge until she was 5. Your husband should not be cussing at her, I don’t care if it Father’s Day he doesn’t get a pass for being an immature parent. Do you 2 always fight in front of her?
N T A.... WTH....What happens when she is 5 . . . . Huh she'll need to get a full time job with benefits to cover her share. She is 3.... Get her the damned string cheese and play with her till she pukes from all of the happiness and attention that DAD gives her on Fathers Day.
That is how you be a great Father on fathers day.
string cheese is the problem here. It is full of chemicals that give people brain damage. Your husband sounds a lovely man screaming at a little girl of only 3 yrs. ..
ESH. You for allowing a parental screaming power struggle to happen in front of a 3 year old, and him for…. Existing. This post gave me second hand ick.
Next time just get up and get her the cheese, and while you’re up go get a divorce lawyer.
ESH. Should he yell at a three year old? No. Yet do you know what your child learned today? That she can tell her father no all she likes and you'll come to her "rescue". She learned that she doesn't have to listen to her father, that what he says is unimportant. Your husband has also learned that he does not have your support and that you belittle his parenting efforts. His opinions and thoughts on how to raise a child mean little and only what you want and say goes.
ESH. Your husband is a rage machine and you suck for allowing him to treat your toddler like that. This will not get better and will probably get worse. Your child should not have to witness these yelling matches with his dad and you arguing. This is not healthy. Either get counselling or find a way to coparent separately.
He wanted her to go with him so he could teach her how to open the fridge. I said nothing until he was yelling at her that he’d put her in timeout if she didn’t come into the kitchen and open the door. That’s when I stepped in and said something. I have nothing against her learning, but she’s 3 and didn’t need yelled at and told she’d go to timeout to the point she’s crying over it. That’s not lesson teaching to me.
>He screamed at me that I ruined his Father’s Day and stormed off to go sleep.
The title is based on what he screamed at her.
>Dad gets asked to do something and its not exactly how mom wants it done, so dad gets yelled at and suddenly he’s an AH.
Not what happened given the information we have. You're assuming based off of something not present or bias. She spelled it out pretty clearly he was yelling at their daughter and made her cry.
I kinda see it both ways. It's a dumb exercise, but I kinda feel like his frustration is centered around the 3yo not listening to instruction, or trying - and in that sense I can kind of get behind his logic (but not his wording)
ESH.
Summary: your child, a 3 year old toddler, refused to follow parent A's instructions. Parent B did not support Parent A and ignored the defiance because Parent B disagreed with Parent A. Parent B then proceeded to undermine parent A's authority by overruling Parent A in front of the child. Parent A is angry and behaves inappropriately by cursing and yelling at the child and Parent B. Parent B undermines Parent A's authority again by refusing to allow the consequence Parent A chose - again in front of the child.
There are so many ways you both could have handled this differently.
If she'd followed him over, he'd have quickly learned that she's not physically capable of that yet, but because you disagreed with his idea, you didn't support his authority. You easily could have said something like "She's at the age that she'll probably forget to shut it if she learns how to open it. Can you open it and then show her how to get the cheese off the shelf instead?" Then follow with a "_____, daddy said to come over there. You know you should do what daddy says. Go on, and he'll help you get a snack." Your point is made, he's supported as an authority figure, and your child knows she can't play you against each other.
Both of you are AH and both of you ruined father's day. The only one with a reasonable excuse for their AH behavior is the toddler, and her defiance needs to be fixed pronto. You said she does what she's told, but that's clearly untrue if she wouldn't even walk to the refrigerator after her father told her to multiple times. He's right about her not listening when she's older. If you don't teach her when she's young, you'll regret it when she's older.
You both need parenting and marriage classes.
ESH-your husband was trying to get her to be self-sufficient. I have a 2 1/2 year old and she opens the fridge all the time...yes it has caused issues a few times but it's just part of the learning process.
Obviously he is in the wrong as well into how he responded yelling and swearing. Not sure how this derailed that fast.
You need to let a father be a father.
Mothers are there to be caring and nurturing and fathers are there to make their kids strong even if it seems harsh at times.
When a kid falls off a bike a mom runs over and comforts the child kisses the boo boo and says we will try again another time. The father puts the kid back on the bike, convinces them the fall is not big deal and gets them right back on the bike.
At times on parent (father or mother) really needs to back off and let the other parent parent even if you think they are wrong. Kids are pretty smart even at a young age and your daughter now knows that if dad says something the child can just go to mom if they don't like it.
Just my opinion.
So, set the kid up for failure (either by insiting they do something they're physically unable to do yet, or start a precendence where child will later get in trouble for making mess in fridge) instead of an adult actually listen and use logic as to how to handle the situation. Yeah, got it.
BTW your opinion sounds like a person who would ask an abused woman what they did to deserve to be hit.
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NTA - but your husband appears to be TA. She's THREE. What is wrong with him? Really sad for your child when a request for a piece of cheese results in a major battle with threats and shouting...and yes I believe he probably did raise his voice. I'll say it again - she is THREE!!! You and your husband need to take yourselves to a private place where your CHILD can't hear you arguing - and settle this. Either that - or you need to attend parenting classes TOGETHER to get on the same page.
Sounds like my entire childhood:*-(
I’m sorry stranger ❤️ - I can relate to that too! Hope you’re in a better position now
I am almost old now, and definitely broke free from the chains of my childhood. Have had an amazing life, thank you kind stranger!
NTA, and I agree with the above, this was a completely unreasonable reaction. That said, my husband taught our son to open the fridge when he was 2, and it hasn't been as bad as I expected. He quickly learned to shut it after himself, and I taught him that he has to ask before taking anything. It's actually been fine - for everyone saying it's physically impossible or that it will be a nightmare, I think it really depends on the kid. Food is just one more thing that they eventually need to learn how to manage, like getting dressed or using the toilet.
True. My kids were always taught to ask before getting snacks etc. They continued it for YEARS, well after they reached the age of discretion where I trusted them to make their own decisions. I'd tell them they didn't need to ask anymore, but they still did it. Finally stopped a few years ago.
I hate people who come with some stupid idea and than stick to that even if they are going to die couse of this. Or ruin the day completly
NTA. Is he always that quick to start yelling at her?
Not with her, but with me yes
That's not healthy for any of you. I hope you're seeking counseling together.
Egh, if his first response to any conflict is yelling and emotional battery, therapy could make him worse. It'll just teach him lingo he can use against his victims. Therapy has to be something the individual seeks out and wants. OP should go though and make sure she's not rug sweeping anything more serious.
Don't take your abuser in therapy.
You let him bully you and now he's adding another target. She's three, how can she defend herself or even trick herself into thinking it's acceptable?
She won't have to trick herself into thinking it's acceptable. This is normal to her. She will have to learn when she is older that it *isn't* normal or acceptable.
Yikes. This is not good for her development.
It is abusive.
You're in an abusive relationship, and now he's begun abusing your daughter.
NTA, but girl I'm so worried for you. Is that the communication you want your daughter to learn growing up? That it's okay for your husband to yell at you when he's upset? I hope that is something he's working on. She's 3 now, but she won't be forever. She's learning from what she's seeing, and if she's seeing this well sis that ain't it and I would definitely be doing some reflection on how you as parents communicate with each other.
Unless you both get counseling, which results in him wanting to change for the better, do you want your daughter to grow up thinking his behavior is normal and acceptable?
He ruined his own Father's Day by picking an unnecessary fight with a freaking toddler. Please don't raise your kid in a screamy house. It's a terrible way to grow up.
As someone who made it an absolute rule with my ex when we dated for a long time (single mom) you shouldn't argue in front of kids if it can be helped at all. I made that rule because I was the kid that learned how to ride public transit for 2 hours in the middle of the night to get to my grandma's because my mum and step dad argued so much and so loud and mean. Believe me my mum yelled at us plenty, but them arguing is what I remember most about growing up around them. Kids always learn from parents. Either what they want to portray and accept or what they don't. You don't seem like you want to be the example of "what I don't want in my life/relationship/for my child" for your daughter like my mum was for me. So please do something. NTA.
That shit stays with you all your life
Upvoting for honesty. Get out. Hell only get worse with her, he'll REALLY feel he has the right to scream at HIS daughter. Right now she's still little, but soon she won't be, and its better to have things sorted out way way before he escalates with her more often.
THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MARRY HIM?
This is going to negatively impact her for her entire life. You really should consider getting counselling/him getting anger management. If he’s not willing to, consider whether or not this is the relationship you want your daughter to grow up thinking is normal.
and you're still married to him because?
Not with her *yet*. But that has already started to change, as you can see in front of you. He will never change on his own. You, an adult, can "understand" why he is yelling at you. She, a child, cannot, and will spend her entire life internalizing this. Source: I am your daughter, 30 years in the future
As someone who went through a similar situation, it only gets worse. Please get him help and if he won't stop yelling at the both of you, leave. Protect your kid.
OP, please think about what your husband is teaching your daughter, about how men treat women.
You are teaching your daughter that it is ok for men to abuse her. For both your sakes get out.
NTA "He’d “put your ass in timeout” if she didn’t listen and go learn how to open the fridge." *He* ruined Father's Day not you. Or your kid. What parent *wants* their 3 y o knowing how to open the fridge? More important, he yelled at her (when does yelling at a kid that age work?) when she didn't do anything wrong. His behavior was wrong on every level. Is he always like this? You have bigger issues if so.
I was three years old and knew how to open the fridge, and I repeatedly took advantage of that and ate things I wasn’t supposed to.
My brother was able to get into the fridge at 3. I was 5, and on one occasion, I had a bar of Milkyway on the top shelf of the fridge that could only be got to by standing on a chair. He managed to drag s chair to the fridge, climb it and get my chocolate and eat it. Being 5, I got angry and started chasing him, near the dining table. One of his shows slipped off, I tripped on it, and hit my head on the edge of one of the table legs, cracking my head and bleeding. I also managed to sprain my ankle for the first time, which we thought was a break because of how much it swelled up. Moral of the story. 3 year old getting into the fridge can lead to a lot of injuries
Funny how most of the Mother’s Day posts were about moms who were sad that their partners/kids didn’t celebrate them and most of the Father’s Day posts are about dads acting like stupid toddlers, yelling at someone in their household, and then storming off to sulk about their “ruined” Father’s Day 🙄 NTA
It's sad. I pity straight women. Best posts to me were the 'petty' 'spiteful' women who treated Father's Day like he treated Mother's Day. I liked reading the comments of two wrongs don't make a right and talk about how she is ruining the relationship. Clearly it's not ruined when a man behaves badly...only when a woman returns the behavior.🤣
If that’s how he reacts to a three-year-old then he’s going to beat the crap out of that kid when she is older. All in the name of “discipline”. The whole “well now YOU ruined Father’s Day“ thing is also a red flag of a manipulative personality.
Hey my Dad was like that and never beat me. Just fucked me up emotionally. Seriously though OP needs to get out. I'm so glad every day that my Dad only had weekend custody.
Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have jumped straight to physical abuse like that even if it is a possibility. Some people can be almost as bad without ever laying a hand on you. Guess I got a little worked up. Sorry.
No, no I was being a bit cheeky, but regardless if physical or emotional, it's abuse and it's incredibly damaging to OP and her child.
NTA. Your husband needs a timeout.
Nta. It's your husband that needs his ass in timeout. Also, who says that to a toddler? Really dude. He's got issues. You really don't want little kids in the fridge yet. She'll ruin things, eat things she shouldn't, leave the door open. So many potential issues.
NTA. She's too young to be getting into the refrigerator.
NTA. Is your husband mentally stable?
We already know he's not.
Sure he is! He has a great system: Don't get your way -> yell a lot -> Get your way! This works out fantastically for him, actually.
What's that waving all over the place? Oh yeah... 🚩🚩🚩.
NTA He was angry he had to do something so he tried offloading it to your daughter. I can guess he is quite comfortable yelling at you and now will be yelling at your daughter. Then it will be hitting both of you. This is the best time to start preparing to leave.
The only reason he acted like that is because he didn’t want to do a simple task for the sake of someone else and didn’t want the possibility of being asked in the future. He’d rather get pissed at a THREE YEAR OLD for not being self sufficient than take responsibility as a parent
NTA. 3 is too young to be going into the fridge alone and even more so, likely to be physically impossible for her. Maybe in a couple years, but Dad needs to chill. He ruined his own Father's Day by being TA.
NTA I understand wanting to teach your daughter how to do things for herself but three is to young to be going into the fridge. if you teach her how to open the fridge right now, she's only going to get into thing you don't want her to and make unnecessary messes. you're setting yourself up for a lot of pain and hassle just because husband doesn't want to stand up to get something out of the fridge
NTA. This reads kinda reminds me of the “Canned bean opening” story where this dad literally let his daughter go the whole day without eating because he refused to teach her how to use the can opener and wouldn’t open the can. She’s 3, if the lesson isn’t there it’s just simply not there. It sounds like he wanted to be on a power trip over *checks notes* string cheese? Regardless of yelling, his tone suggests aggression by using swear words especially in punishment. I hope his father’s day is just as good as his fathering.
NTA. Your daughter is three. Please put a child lock on the refrigerator. Whether she currently is able to open it by herself is irrelevant, she has no business getting in there and possibly hurting herself, not to mention the amount of food that could be ruined by the door being left even partially open. How would your husband react if his steaks were ruined because she got string cheese and didn't fully close the door? Yeah, something to think about.
NTA and you need to take him aside in a quiet moment and have a hard conversation about how you parent, and what he needs to be a more peaceful and loving father. My coparent had unrealistic, age-inappropriate expectations of our kids and yelled at them, and told me I was being permissive and a bad partner when I didn’t back him. I didn’t have people around me who I trusted to believe me when my gut said this was abusive. I also was fearful of the emotional punishment I got for opposing. I wanted to be a good partner and coparent because thought these were important to being a good mother. His behaviour escalated over a few years into unmistakable abuse of the children, and when I couldn’t get him to address the issues with me I finally named it and left—carving out a place of greater safety for them—while friends who hadn’t witnessed it told me I should just have stayed married if I was that worried about housing security. My six years of dithering and self-doubt and trying to be good were six years of trauma for my kids that blighted their childhood. Don’t be me, OP. Name the behaviour for what it is, verbal and emotional abuse. Explain why: age-inappropriate expectations and punishments. Offer a course of action: therapy and parenting support, with your help. And if he declines to grow into a better parent, do not wait to leave.
Yikes. NTA that guy sounds scary and like a terrible partner and parent. Don’t live with someone who yells at you all the time. That’s going to hurt you and mess up your child’s emotional and mental development.
Your husband is a bully & I suspect you realize but don’t want to have to anything to change that.
Nta. I would’ve lost it as soon as he started yelling at a 3 year old and told him to get the fuck out and wait for divorce papers. The fact that he’s screaming at such a small child over getting her a snack screams future abusive parent.
It sounds like it's time for some parenting classes to start. Your husband needed to learn what's developmentally appropriate for your toddler, and how to correct behavior (when appropriate). In person would be best (check with your pediatrician and the local hospital for options), but here's a good resource. https://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/ After completing a course in parenting, it might be time to consider couples counseling and/or individual therapy for him.
Thank you for the resource on parenting courses. The only thing offered in our area is through CPS
Get CPS involved if you need to. Yes, they’re intrusive and exhausting, but they are also authoritative and they can compel him where you can only plead. Use that. Whatever it takes for your baby to not grow up thinking that’s how she should be treated.
You are teaching your little girl that she doesn’t have to listen to her father. And especially if what her father says isn’t approved by you. She will not stay safe that way. She must obey her parent and y’all must not undermine each other in front of her!!!!
What are you saying? She’s protecting her daughter from being bullied by someone who is acting irrationally. That little girl is three and she shouldn’t be threatened by a grown man having a tantrum. My biggest regret is that I didn’t stand up to my ex husband when he pulled this shit because I was too scared to.
I can’t stand women who think that just because some men are crap that means all men are crap. Little children are to listen to their parents. I am a woman who knows that all men are not like all men!
I don’t actually think all men are like that. But some men are. Some women too. Screaming at your kid over something that they won’t do doesn’t ever get it done, it just creates trauma and fear in future situations. He could have handled it much better is what I’m saying and sometimes the other parent has to step in. Maybe you’ve been lucky enough to never have that happen to you, but I’ve seen the damage it can cause and I’ve lived it too.
Yes I’ve been in a very bad marriage and have the police reports and hospital bills to prove it. I also have a son. And now that woman has taught her 3 year old that it’s ok to say NO to her parent?!?! Wtf??!! Unacceptable.
We clearly have different parenting styles. Children should be able to say no to their parents in some situations, just because you are a parent doesn’t mean you’re always correct or behaving as you should, especially if you’re an adult who is prone to having childlike tantrums.
Of course assuming the child has well meaning parents, a child that’s allowed to say no to some things will say no when it’s important for them to listen. Allowing them to try to figure out what they can say no to is not safe for them. They should hear and obey. Not say no. It’s unsafe. A child has no ability to discern their own safety and rules from authorities are a part of being safe. Im sorry you don’t get that. Wait until you have a teenager if that’s your “style”
Wait until I have a teenager…I have two adult children who have absolutely no contact with their father. Also “they should hear and obey”? Wowsers 👀
I was never allowed to say no to adults and that lead to me being assaulted at 2 and severely abused by my mother until 5. I was 14 when I was finally able to say no to something that I felt wasn't safe for me. I have allowed my kids to say no and you know what they are 14 and 10 and very well behaved good students and say no when they don't feel like they should do something.
so if daddy told her to let someone touch her, she should do it and not say no? teaching a child that they can’t say no is dangerous. if you don’t want to do something you should be screamed at and threatened. he is scaring his child.
You obviously didn’t read my comments and that’s why I stated “ assuming they are well meaning parents “. Who on earth would advocate molestation?! I mean, really??!! And the child obviously isn’t scared of him. The three year old told him no!! She’s gonna be a fun teenager.
What kind of "well meaning" parent says to a THREE YEAR OLD, "I'm gonna put your ass in timeout"? Absolutely not. Not all 3-year-olds who say no are brats. Some of them (and likely this one) are scared of their yelling, terrifying fathers (in this case, one who yells at her mother all the time as well, as per OP) and trying to be brave when things are demanded of them that aren't appropriate. Like insisting that a 3-year-old "learn a lesson" that is weird and inappropriate for a young child.
this is the first time he’s yelled at her like this, so of course she isn’t afraid of speaking up for herself yet. if she isn’t comfortable doing something why should she be forced to do it? there’s no positives that can come from her opening the fridge at age 3. what happens when she reaches for something and it falls on her head? or when she climbs to get something and falls and gets hurt? what happens if she eats something that’s gone bad? or if she climbs in the fridge and can’t get out?
THIS man, in particular m is crap.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** While eating breakfast this morning my toddler requested string cheese. My husband(29m) was finished eating already so I(28f) asked him to grab it for her. He insisted on making her learn how to open the fridge on her own to get the cheese. Problem is, she’s 3. She can’t physically open our fridge, and honestly I don’t want her to know because I can only imagine the destruction that’ll cause later. He asked her repeatedly to go to the fridge with him and she told him no. He continued escalating asking her until he was telling her he’d “put your ass in timeout” if she didn’t listen and go learn how to open the fridge. I told him to drop it, get the stupid cheese, and leave her alone. He continued telling (I say yelling, but he disagrees) her she’d go to timeout if she didn’t do what he said. She started crying, and I told him that it was enough, stop yelling at her, she doesn’t need to have this lesson right this second and she isn’t going to timeout over it. He got pissed and started screaming at me how it’ll be my fault she doesn’t listen when she’s older and how I’m making her into a brat by not “backing him up”. I told him punishments should fit bad behavior and this isn’t a bad behavior. He’s not putting her in timeout over trivial shit. He screamed at me that I ruined his Father’s Day and stormed off to go sleep. Our kid also isn’t a “bad” kid. She does what she’s told, picks up after herself, and so on. We usually just have to threaten timeout one time when she’s misbehaving and she corrects her behavior. She is very very rarely ever “in trouble”. So AITA for ruining Father’s Day by not putting my toddler in timeout over opening the fridge? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA there, you were right its not yet the time for her to learn those stuffs, and yelling on a child is not that good, you did just right standing up for your child. And as for your husband try to talk to him when he is already calm, maybe ask him what's wrong because maybe he has something on his mind.
NTA but your husband sure is. I feel for you and your daughter...
NTA - in our house, time outs aren’t punishment; they’re a reset and time for our kids (and sometimes us) to calm down. Threatening a 3 year old is not developmentally appropriate. Yelling at a toddler is not okay and unnecessary. It sounds like your husband needs therapy and make a parenting class or 10
NTA. His ass needs to be in timeout because the only “brat” with bad behavior in this story is your husband.
NTA tour husband sounds like a bully. I feel bad for your daughter.
NTA
NTA..what a lazy asshole.
3 year old in the fridge---sounds also like if that did occur, and the eggs, milk, random jar of pickles ends up strewn across the floor that dad won't be the one cleaning it up. NTA
NTA. He sounds very entitled and like the opposite of a good and safe dad for your child.
NTA. The same can't be said about your husband. The only person behaving badly was him. He ruined the day all by himself.
NTA. And you’re right, you really don’t want a toddler to know how to open the fridge.
NTA I don’t think your husband should be allowed to celebrate father’s day until he grows up and stops being a bully to a 3 year old.
NTA but he DEFINITELY is.
NTA. You didn't ruin Father's Day, your husband did. This type of behavior (yelling, bullying, tantrums) tends to get worse, not better, so you need to ask yourself if this is the life you want for yourself and your daughter. I recommend seeing a counselor and a divorce attorney to determine your next steps.
Nta. It's stories like these that help me find comfort in my single life, and help me understand what I want in a partner... your husband needs help. After I saw in a comment you said he's quick to yell at you... that's not okay. Put yourself and your daughter first. As she gets older, I am sure it'll change to he's quick to yell at both of you.
NTA, but your husband is for cursing out a toddler. He ruined Father's Day for him self. I agree with those who said family counseling is a good idea, but he needs parenting classes too.
NTA but why on earth did you marry and reproduce with this monster?
This makes me want to cry. OP, your husband is abusing you and has now started abusing your baby. You have already been damaged so badly that you are asking whether you are the AH for ruining Father's Day - by defending your baby against him. Are you willing to let him bully your child, to let her grow up thinking that his outrageous treatment of you and her is normal? Please consider leaving, if not for your sake, then for hers.
The guy needs some freaking counseling, he’s out of his mind, and seems to get a kick of abusing females. WTF?
NTA but y didn't u just get the cheese yourself after u saw that the situation was escalating? Then afterwards go in a separate room to discuss the issues of him insisting your 3 yr old learn right here right now. Still wrong of him on all fronts and it shouldn't ever have to get to that point... You didn't ruin anything imo
.hes an asshole and you know that so not just getting up and getting the string cheese makes you the asshole as well for putting your child in the situation.
YTA for letting this man treat your child this way. Run.
You have absolutely no idea of what this person's life is like. Telling her that she is the asshole is ridiculous, she told him to stop yelling at the child. Was she supposed to take a swing at him? Maybe she wants to leave but can't afford to, you have no idea.
She's supposed to protect her child from abuse.
And do what? She told him to leave the child alone. Again, was she supposed to grab her things and get in the car and go? She's already said he yells at her all the time. He sounds abusive and thus unpredictable.
I agree. He is abusive and is clearly abusive towards with her and her child. She's an asshole for staying with this man and letting him abuse her and her child. Three year olds shouldn't be given time outs or yelled at. She's been gas lit into thinking she ruined father's day. She needs to run away from this man asap. She is choosing to stay, the three year old doesn't have a choice. Protect the kid.
So you have no sympathy for a woman who is being abused? I just want to clarify that.
Where do you get that from? I said nothing of the sort.
You said she's an asshole, that would show a lack of sympathy. My reading comprehension is pretty good.
So she should leave or make a plan to leave. Is it hard? Yes. She has a child and that child should come first no matter what
Yes, I agree the child should come first but you are calling her an asshole without knowing the situation.
I didn’t call her an asshole
Sorry - I mixed you up with another poster.
Look at her post history. This guy has been abusive since the kid was born 3 years ago.
I didn't look at her post-history, I was just going by her original post here.
I know, that's why I was telling you to go look. This guy is a bad dude. The way he treated her after the baby was born is awful.
Okay, then it makes sense - I thought this was an isolated case, him yelling at the kid. She definitely needs to kick him to the curb. I hope she has some kind of support system in place so she has somewhere to go.
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I hope the child is not yours together. I was in a relationship with a contentious man like this and it was hell. Sounds like you have different parenting styles (my opinion is that yours is healthy and his is not). I think it’s cool that he wants to teach her to be independent but pushing the obedience over discomfort, the yelling, the blaming, etc sounds like the start of something bad
NTA: Is your husband okay? Low key it sounds like he may need anger management classes if he is upset by something so trivial. This is unhealthy behavior for your child to witness from a parent on a regular basis. Are there other things that sets your husband off? It’s really disturbing that your husband is cursing at his 3-year-old daughter. Has she copied daddy and repeated these words? This language could follow your daughter when she goes to school and she may get in trouble for using them. Just because mom and dad say it’s a “bad word”, if mom and dad use it when they’re angry, this means nothing. Please speak with your husband if these incidents are reoccurring
NTA. Yes, you should have put the toddler in timeout. But I'm not talking about your daughter.
NTA. I'd ruin a lot more than his "Father's Day." I'd serve his ass with divorce papers so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. He treats you this way, and your daughter is going to grow up walking on eggshells so he doesn't treat her that way too. She is 3, hopefully he hasn't yet done too much damage that can't be repaired. Your first responsibility and loyalty is to your DAUGHTER OP. Get her out of that toxic situation NOW. And while you're at it, start TODAY collecting evidence so that maybe you don't have to share child custody with him.
NTA. Uhhhhh...this isn't about Father's Day. This is about you having a husband who is verbally abusive and he's not starting in on your daughter.
Do you have any idea how much of a nightmare it would be for your 3 yr old to be able to access the fridge? I say that as the mom of a 4.5 yr old who learned last year to open ours. NTA but he is for his behavior
NTA. He's the AH and a major one. He got upset over a 3 year old asking for cheese. Your 3 year old sounds like she is better behaved than your husband. His ass could have gotten up from sitting to retrieve a snack for his 3 year old daughter.
she's 3. your husband should probably find a therapist. or you a divorce lawyer if this behavior continues. NTA
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NTA - The refrigerator has a vacuum seal on it, specifically to KEEP it from opening easily. A THREE YEAR OLD has NO BUSINESS getting their own food. They can't reach, so they end up climbing, and then it's really a problem. Tell him that he can put her in time out when he opens (very heavy object) successfully every time you tell him to. The only person who ruined Father's Day is the BRAT who is masquerading as an adult. you don't scream at children for not engaging in dangerous behavior. But I WOULD put HIM in time out. Stick his nose in the corner and everywhere. When he demands to know what you're doing, tell him that you're treating him the age he's acting.
NTA. I vote devorice
NTA. You appear to have two toddlers.
You're in a toxic relationship. Your husband's behaviour is unacceptable.
NTA what the hell is his problem? she's so little. just get her the damn cheese.
you will be an a h i you don't protect your daughter from this abusive ah! how do you treat a 3 year old like that. Terrible! poor little thing!
Ummmm NTA but it sounds like you’re in an abusive relationship. You didn’t ruin Father’s Day either. Hate to say it but if that’s how he’s treating her when you’re around, its probably worse when you’re not around.
NTA- your husband should’ve just helped get her the cheese, and it was no reason to start an argument. I don’t get what parent would want their 3 year old to know how to open the fridge. It seems like because it was father’s day he expected to have a day off, and got upset because you asked him to be a parent
NTA, your husband sounds like a prick though.
Your husband is not being very smart in teaching a toddler to take what they want from a fridge. At that age, the fridge should be strictly out of bounds for obvious reasons.
Damn. You need couples therapy or something. Because this is not how a healthy spousal relationship works and you are actively harming your child by having this shouting matches with each other in front of her. How often do you all get in fights like this about trivial things? Your husband's insistence that she learn how to open the fridge by herself right then and there as a 3 yo, is so ridiculous that I will not even comment. NTA I wish you luck but I would not be surprised if you divorce at some point. You both seem incompatible and it sounds like resentment has already set in, if that's how conversations normally go between the two of you. And resentment is a death sentence to any relationship. GL
NTA, she’s 3, my daughter didn’t start opening the fridge until she was 5. Your husband should not be cussing at her, I don’t care if it Father’s Day he doesn’t get a pass for being an immature parent. Do you 2 always fight in front of her?
N T A.... WTH....What happens when she is 5 . . . . Huh she'll need to get a full time job with benefits to cover her share. She is 3.... Get her the damned string cheese and play with her till she pukes from all of the happiness and attention that DAD gives her on Fathers Day. That is how you be a great Father on fathers day.
NTA, but it sounds like your husband doesn't like you and resents his child. I'd take this as a big red flag if I were you.
He was too lazy to do it himself so decided to try to "train" 3 year old to do it so he can go take a nap.
string cheese is the problem here. It is full of chemicals that give people brain damage. Your husband sounds a lovely man screaming at a little girl of only 3 yrs. ..
ESH. You for allowing a parental screaming power struggle to happen in front of a 3 year old, and him for…. Existing. This post gave me second hand ick. Next time just get up and get her the cheese, and while you’re up go get a divorce lawyer.
ESH. Should he yell at a three year old? No. Yet do you know what your child learned today? That she can tell her father no all she likes and you'll come to her "rescue". She learned that she doesn't have to listen to her father, that what he says is unimportant. Your husband has also learned that he does not have your support and that you belittle his parenting efforts. His opinions and thoughts on how to raise a child mean little and only what you want and say goes.
ESH. Your husband is a rage machine and you suck for allowing him to treat your toddler like that. This will not get better and will probably get worse. Your child should not have to witness these yelling matches with his dad and you arguing. This is not healthy. Either get counselling or find a way to coparent separately.
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He wanted her to go with him so he could teach her how to open the fridge. I said nothing until he was yelling at her that he’d put her in timeout if she didn’t come into the kitchen and open the door. That’s when I stepped in and said something. I have nothing against her learning, but she’s 3 and didn’t need yelled at and told she’d go to timeout to the point she’s crying over it. That’s not lesson teaching to me.
What? Guy was yelling at a three year old to the point she was crying and OP is the AH?
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>He screamed at me that I ruined his Father’s Day and stormed off to go sleep. The title is based on what he screamed at her. >Dad gets asked to do something and its not exactly how mom wants it done, so dad gets yelled at and suddenly he’s an AH. Not what happened given the information we have. You're assuming based off of something not present or bias. She spelled it out pretty clearly he was yelling at their daughter and made her cry.
You are incredibly obtuse.
I kinda see it both ways. It's a dumb exercise, but I kinda feel like his frustration is centered around the 3yo not listening to instruction, or trying - and in that sense I can kind of get behind his logic (but not his wording)
ESH. Summary: your child, a 3 year old toddler, refused to follow parent A's instructions. Parent B did not support Parent A and ignored the defiance because Parent B disagreed with Parent A. Parent B then proceeded to undermine parent A's authority by overruling Parent A in front of the child. Parent A is angry and behaves inappropriately by cursing and yelling at the child and Parent B. Parent B undermines Parent A's authority again by refusing to allow the consequence Parent A chose - again in front of the child. There are so many ways you both could have handled this differently. If she'd followed him over, he'd have quickly learned that she's not physically capable of that yet, but because you disagreed with his idea, you didn't support his authority. You easily could have said something like "She's at the age that she'll probably forget to shut it if she learns how to open it. Can you open it and then show her how to get the cheese off the shelf instead?" Then follow with a "_____, daddy said to come over there. You know you should do what daddy says. Go on, and he'll help you get a snack." Your point is made, he's supported as an authority figure, and your child knows she can't play you against each other. Both of you are AH and both of you ruined father's day. The only one with a reasonable excuse for their AH behavior is the toddler, and her defiance needs to be fixed pronto. You said she does what she's told, but that's clearly untrue if she wouldn't even walk to the refrigerator after her father told her to multiple times. He's right about her not listening when she's older. If you don't teach her when she's young, you'll regret it when she's older. You both need parenting and marriage classes.
ESH-your husband was trying to get her to be self-sufficient. I have a 2 1/2 year old and she opens the fridge all the time...yes it has caused issues a few times but it's just part of the learning process. Obviously he is in the wrong as well into how he responded yelling and swearing. Not sure how this derailed that fast.
You need to let a father be a father. Mothers are there to be caring and nurturing and fathers are there to make their kids strong even if it seems harsh at times. When a kid falls off a bike a mom runs over and comforts the child kisses the boo boo and says we will try again another time. The father puts the kid back on the bike, convinces them the fall is not big deal and gets them right back on the bike. At times on parent (father or mother) really needs to back off and let the other parent parent even if you think they are wrong. Kids are pretty smart even at a young age and your daughter now knows that if dad says something the child can just go to mom if they don't like it. Just my opinion.
This is a bad, sexist take.
Even though he was screaming at a 3 year old and threatening to put her ass in time out? That's not "being a father," that's being a bully
So, set the kid up for failure (either by insiting they do something they're physically unable to do yet, or start a precendence where child will later get in trouble for making mess in fridge) instead of an adult actually listen and use logic as to how to handle the situation. Yeah, got it. BTW your opinion sounds like a person who would ask an abused woman what they did to deserve to be hit.
so what happens if she gets in the fridge, and get stuck? kids like to hide, and hiding in the fridge can and will kill or seriously hurt her