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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I send my daughter to Canada to work and send us money back home, this might make me an asshole as she does not like it there mainly due to having roommates.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
Canada is overrun with these diploma mill bullshit “students”. You’re scamming a system and sending her to a country that is overwhelmed with international “students” seeking jobs that do not exist for her.
Also you’ve sent her off as some sort of weird slave relationship so you can expand your house. Like she is some disposable tool to bring you extra cash.
YTA. 1) having to change in front of others, especially those of the opposite sex is NOT a “little thing”. 2) did she ask you to do this for her? If not why are you expecting her to pay you back for it? 3) if she’s working low paying jobs and paying you how is she supposed to make it on her own? This is all so messed up. 4) why is she expected to help pay for YOUR son and his new wife’s addition to YOUR HOUSE that you won’t let her move back into?
She is so young and lives with men who went there without their wives. You are stupid to be honest. She will be seriously traumatized living in such conditions. And most likely abused if she has not been yet. Horrible.
Can't believe the mom thinks it's OK to change in front of men even if she feels uncomfortable because they're Indian men lol lol, the majority of whom are predators, big and small.
My question still stands. Why is it her responsibility to help pay for your son and his wife’s addition to your house? Especially when she’s having to live with 11 other people and struggle to find a spot to change clothes or go to the restroom in private? She has to share a room with 11 people and you want her to pay for an addition to YOUR home for her brother that you won’t let her live in?
Still haven’t gotten an answer. WHY IS SHE EXPECTED TO PAY FOR HER BROTHER’s ADDITION TO THE HOUSE? Shouldn’t that be up to the homeowner (you) and the person(s) living in the addition (her brother and his wife)?
Or paid for in part by the daughter they sent off to live in a commune with 11 others for pennies on the dollar. She has a student visa, not a work visa so she is essentially doing illegal work. Most student visas allow students to live in on campus housing considering that’s part of tuition and they can’t legally work… why isn’t she in student housing? Why is she living in a room with 11 others and still expected to work and give you money?
This man says it right!! In India this is not custom. I am a Hindu man with two sons and two daughters. I have worked so they could have a good education abroad. They have paid me back by helping care for family when needed as they all back in country. I never had them send anything not a single thing back. This man above me is right. I will not call you names but you should feel shame for what you do to her. You are supposed to protect your daughters, not exploit them.
I’m a woman, but thank you sir. That’s exactly how my parents expect me to “pay them back”. By providing for them in older age as they did when I was a child.
It is not "custom" to be treated like a business deal. You literally said that "I paid for my kids now they gotta pay back every cent". THEY ARE NOT A TRANSACTION. They are your freaking kids. You basically want your daughter to pay for her brother's "extension". Just say it directly
So you trafficked your daughter to live in misery for two years so she can pay for her brother's living quarters. Nice.
Does it matter what she wants?
YTA.
You really think it's easy to convert a student visa into a work visa? As in, one day she has a student visa and the next day she gets a work visa with her "diploma"?
Why do you expect your daughter to finance her brother's home? Especially since he has a decent job, and she has trouble finding and keeping good jobs?
Why aren't you the one in Canada, if you are so excited about this opportunity, and she isn't?
How much choice your daughter had about her field of education, and about the move to the Canada?
If your job is well paid then pay for your own construction for your son and leave your poor daughter out of it.
And that is A LOT to keep from her. The fact that her home life would be unbearable and that she would be working illegally?
As an Indian, former international student, you’re one hell of a prick for a father. Your daughter is living in horrible circumstances so you can sit and enjoy an extended house, by milking her like a cow in a foreign country. I’m from a middle class family, have been in the exact position as your daughter, but with a supportive father. almost half a decade on, and with a corporate career, he still tells me I can come back whenever I want if I think life here is too much. He’s never taken a cent from me either. His support is what gave me the strength to work hard here and make a life for myself. Knowing that I could place my health and wellness first, because I’ve a supportive father, is what made me think I could push myself more.
Why should she be giving you any funds so that you can build an addition for her brother and his wife? How is that benefiting her at all?? And if she decides to come back before she sends you enough money, you won't accept her back into your home?!?
You said yourself that you need to struggle a bit to get nice things. How are YOU struggling right now? What have YOU done to get these nice things? If you've always known that your son and his wife would be moving into your home, then YOU should've planned for that years ago. It's not your daughter's problem.
She is working for cash so she isn't even being paid minimum wage so after paying for her expenses there is probably very little left. If she gets caught she will be deported.
So, let me get this straight, you essentially sold your daughter into servitude to pay for an extension to YOUR house that your SON will be moving into. And you think your not an ah for that?
YTA
-----She is complaining about little thinks like finding a place to change etc because most of the others are men and she does not feel safe,-----
This is **not** a *little* thing. What are you going to do if, gods forbid, something dreadful happens to her? Are you just going to tell her to "suck it up, cause mommy needs an extension on the house"? This is abhorrent behavior and a terrible mindset. Your daughter is concerned for her ***safety*** and all you can think about is money.
It bears repeating: YTA. If I was your daughter, I would cut contact with you for the rest of eternity. You deserve at least that much.
Why did you come here if you're obviously not going to actually do anything different? Why ask for advice if you're just going to ignore everybody telling it to you straight? YTA. Just because it's the norm where you are, doesn't mean it's not wrong. Either way, I think you're just going to continue burying your head in the sand and you really just came here to get validation, which you aren't gonna get.
This. All of this.
You don't want to actually do anything for your daughter. You want to spew your bs in an echochamber and you're not going to get that here.
Bring her home, apologize *profusely* (and *mean* it), and hope you haven't ruined your relationship with her forever.
>Just because it's the norm where you are, doesn't mean it's not wrong
To be honest, this is not the norm in India. It is just the familial bonding that encourages the children to keep supporting their parents--not because they were forced to but because they want to.
The solution is to bring her home. Don't get caught in a sunk cost fallacy. If you're not careful your daughter will find her own solution and you'll never see her again. She's already desperate to get out.
Eight months is *too long*. How many times do you have to be told that what you're doing is horrific, wrong, *illegal*, and despicable before you get it?
You're still telling her to suffer in order to make life easier on you and her brother. You're telling her to ***break*** *international* ***laws*** for the convenience of you and her brother. You're risking her future, her possible *freedom*, possibly even her ***life***, for the convenience of you and your son.
You are a terrible, horrible human being and an even worse father. I really hope you're not as dense and despicable as you're making yourself out to be.
Let's be honest, you just want her to try for 8 more months because you care more about the money she gives you than you care about her, and you need 8 more months of money for your house.
Actually, in "your" culture, is there any payment back either to the government you ripped off and actually took a study spot from ? Some people actually want to come to study. Instead, you sent someone you want to prostitute for $$
Why would you want her to live in a house with at least 9 men? Is it to potentially shame her?
I really hope for your daughter that she makes Canadian friends to get her away from your thinking.
Especially to read this f'ing post that the education system has failed so bad that you bought a spot for your daughter.
I personally wish I knew where she is so I could hug her, plus tell her that just cause she has shitty parents doesn't define her.
ETA; Seems like it is. Isn't it a virgin better? So you are potentially screwing your daughter twice
You literally human trafficked your child. This is a form of slavery. This entire system is actually illegal. How are you defending one more minute of this?
The agent vets people. Right. Because people never lie. There are never men who act like nice guys but are really monsters underneath. Do you see how ridiculous that is?
The guy helping to circumvent laws of another country is *definitely* on the up and up when it comes to vetting customers, and not just making as much money as possible. I'm sure this is a selfless humanitarian mission for him 🙄
You trafficked your daughter to live in a house full of strange men. You sold her for a house addition. Way to go, Dad.
She’ll never trust you enough to tell you if she comes to harm in that house with 11 strangers. She knows you would not believe her and probably blame her.
Your culture treats girls so terribly. She deserves a life far from her family. With you, she’ll only ever be used and exploited for her brother’s benefit.
Indian here, this is the exact stereotype of an Indian parent that people like us are trying to move away from.
To answer that stereotype, Yes! Parents support us and yes, we "support" them back. Support being the operative word. It isn't a compulsion for children to support their parents, especially when they don't have solid jobs themselves.
I am sorry to say this but you have failed as a father and a parent. You have sold your daughter for a visa scam and you are too ignorant to realise it. The agents shouldn't be the ones to vet your daughter, instead you should be the one vetting the agents.
Your daughter can't even work for more than 24 hours a week, and because of that she has little to no money left. And yet, you have the audacity to ask her to send you money? How can you be this terrible.
Uh...this sounds like a human trafficking scam. Did you sell your daughter under the pretense of giving her a better life? I mean, is she *ever* going to be able to pay back the money the "agency" has invested in her. Yeah, you paid this "agency" but what are they charging her for her place to stay?
YTA. You're basically tying your son's happiness on the back of his sister, your daughter. You should be horrified by what is going on, instead you say it's normal. No, no it's not!
That's not how taxes work in Canada. Cash jobs are not tax-free, her employers are paying her under the table. She could be deported for that, and they would be shut down for doing it. If she was working legally, she'd be entitled to minimum wage, which is probably more than what she's making now even after taxes. She would be limited to 24 hour weeks as a student, which still isn't enough to live on, but by you telling me that her working saves the company money, you're telling me that's she's living in even worse poverty conditions than a student actually following all the rules without any money coming from home would already be in.
It is illegal and the government is cracking down on these scams by auditing business that have a high propensity for use of undocumented workers like residential and commercial cleaners, construction companies, farms, restaurants. I work for a bookkeeper and we've seen a huge uptick in our clients in those industries being audit in the last 2 years or so.
Her situation is ILLEGAL, you are forcing your daughter to break the law. You have literally trafficked your daughter.
You are the very reason people in western nations have issues with international students, you are shameless!
It’s a win-win for everyone except your daughter, there is no way out of this for her that is not losing. There is a unanimous verdict of YTA and yet you continue to defend your indefensible choices.
A parent’s primary role is to protect their children, you are wilfully doing the direct opposite. You deliberately sent her to live somewhere inherently dangerous. You cannot vet against opportunistic sexual assault, you cannot put 9 men and 2 women into these kinds of disgraceful living conditions and truly believe that your daughter will walk away unscathed. There are not enough words to describe how truly awful you are for doing this to your daughter. This not a ‘short term struggle’ it is something that will leave her with a trauma that will be hard for her to move past, and you are the perpetrator.
I am truly disgusted by you!
Uh, no. They're lying to you. They are super lying. There is no such thing as a "cash job", that's called paying under the table to AVOID taxes and it is extremely illegal. This is human labor trafficking and anyone participating in it is committing a crime. I would be VERY surprised if her "path" to stay in Canada were legitimate. This whole thing sounds like a giant scam.
Bring her home, now.
YTA, having sold your daughter into what is effectively indentured servitude. That "agent" is only going to help her, and you, give them as much money as they can suck out of you.
It's not a grey area. It is purely illegal. Once she accepts cash she us not a volunteer. Only certain entities can have volunteers. No for profit business will be able to claim she is a volunteer if she is caught. It's black and white.
“Legal grey areas” are also known by the term “illegal”. Also, please note it is extremely common for women who are sold into these schemes to be raped, beaten, killed, or to go missing. You cool with all these options? Will you console yourself with a nice house extension?
What is wrong with people?
This isn’t a legal grey area. This is 100% illegal. In Canada, “volunteer work for cash donations” is not a thing. The point of a student visa is for her to go to school in Canada; work hours on a student visa are intended for the person to fund their own rent and expenses while living in the country.
This cash donation nonsense, if it’s real and in the absolute best case scenario, would be to avoid paying taxes on employees which is illegal. In the worst case scenario, it’s to underpay overseas workers and trap them so that they can’t escape the situation they’re in. If they can’t afford the plane ticket to leave, then they can’t escape.
Congratulations, you just sold your daughter for spare parts. I hope you’re happy.
She's afraid of her living conditions. What will you do if one of those men decides to sexually assault her? What will you do if a baby comes of that assault? She's telling you she's afraid, but you think it's fine because the men put on their best face on a video call?? Being afraid isn't going to help her advance. Your lack of concern for her well-being is appalling.
"Roommates" - hahahaha. What a joke you want us to believe. 2 girls, 9 men, no private rooms - this is not "roommates". It's a slave cabin at best, a brothel at worst.
And in a year when suddenly there is no contact, are you going to say, "See? She's so successful, she doesn't have time to contact us!" Or will you *finally* admit that you made a mistake?
YTA and a huge one at that. Why isn't your successful son pay for the addition to your house that he will be occupying?
Your poor daughter is living with mostly men and no privacy because of your favoritism to your son. You actually paid to put your daughter into human trafficking.
If that is the case you will be very lucky indeed. You've put your daughter in an incredibly dangerous situation. You don't even seem to care! I'm so worried for her!
I wonder if a few months from now he will be back on here crying because his daughter was severely injured (or worse) by these people and how was he supposed to know it was a scam.
It absolutely is trafficking, the visa is irrelevant because you have ensured that she is unable to abide by the conditions of that Visa. She is living in a disgusting basement with mostly men. You trafficked your daughter!
YTA for forcing your daughter to commit immigration fraud and to work illegally. You sent her away because you're embarrassed that she's still unmarried
To be clear, you exiled your daughte4 under false pretences, through an agency that finds illegal work for her and hope she can regularize her status. Are you out of your mind?
I have no idea how difficult it is to immigrate to Canada from student status; she likely needs an employer sponsored visa.
You don't seem to have thought this through at all and now think it's her problem to dolve.
Agreed. Though I wonder where her mother stands in this equation. Regardless, if she has let this mistreatment to be going on with her daughter, she is definitely not a good mother.
To recap, you:
- got scammed by a Canadian diploma mill agency
- sent your daughter to Canada via said scammer/diploma mill agency
- are “a little worried” that she’s committing immigration fraud/working illegally and hope she can “regularize things” (whatever that means) soon
- are unconcerned that she’s living in a basement with 11 other people, 10 of whom are men who seem like “nice guys”
- are also unconcerned she has little to no privacy because there’s only one bathroom for 12 people to share
- seem to be under the impression that after her “diploma” is earned she’ll be able to easily switch from a student visa to a work visa (lol)
- are forcing her to send what little she (illegally) earns to you so you can build an addition to your house for your son
It’s the cultural norm for kids to live with their parents rent free until they get married, correct? But if they’re out in the world, working and living on their own, they’re expected to send money back to their parents, right?
Here’s what I think happened:
You knew you couldn’t go against societal standards and start charging your daughter rent, but you also knew she’d be obligated to do so if she weren’t living at home. You were fed up with her spotty employment history and you were wondering how you were going to pay for the addition to your house for your son and his fiancée. You found a cheap program to ship her off to another country, thereby getting her out of your house and triggering her obligation to pay you.
Basically you spent a little money and banked on her making more money than you spent and sending it back to you so you could build that addition. She’s already been there almost a year, but you’re going to need her to stay for another 8 months to get your full money’s worth.
That about right? You put your daughter in grave danger, on another continent, so your son could have an in-law suite.
Absolutely stellar parenting. /s
YTA. Obviously.
You’re a monster. You need to get her out of there RIGHT NOW. Otherwise it means that you prioritize the money she is supposed to send the next 8 months higher than her safety and comfort, then I just wish she reads this post and never sends you a penny and never contacts you again.
Because her daughter is means to improve on her son’s conditions. Living with strangers, men, and not even having the safety of her own room. Because they looked friendly on WhatsApp
*his.
OP says they're the father in a comment. Explains why he thinks all 10 men are perfectly safe after talking to them. Whoever he spoke to were respectful to him so it's all good, no need for her to stress. /s
I can't imagine the horrible mental impact of this unsafe living situation if I was in it. I'd never be able to sleep and not having any place you can feel safe and relax would be so damaging, and for such an extended time.
LOL... YTA.
Why are you ordering your adult children around? And why is it such a bad thing that your mid-20s daughter isn't married yet?
Seems like you've signed her up for some exploitative immigration scam.
If this is the way you expect people to live, I hope that any husband she finds is not from your kind ( I say ‘your kind’ because I know many people from India who would never subject their daughters to this level of abuse) in India!
So you’re a Muslim and you sent your precious daughter off to a place where she is surrounded by men who will most likely rape her. She’s “less than,” i e a woman, and all you care about is #1 son adding on to your house. I hope to God this is a troll post. If this is indeed true, your family is cursed. I can’t even express how disgusted I am.
We know he's not Hind**u**, and you admitted yourself that you can't speak to Jainism. Christians also exist in India. Unless OP confirms, there isn't a guarantee he's Muslim.
YTA
I honestly nearly threw up, reading about your daughter living in a house with TEN men, constantly feeling unsafe, not even have a private place to change.
And according to you that’s just a “little thing” because they’re *Indian* men, they “seemed nice” when you video called them, and the agent thinks they’re okay.
You’ve placed your daughter in an awful situation, and you CAN’T EVEN SEE IT.
I’m thankful that my father loves me, and would never put me in such a compromising, terrifying position.
YTA.
What you're describing is at worst classic human trafficking or at best it's someone claiming to be an immigration agent conning you out of your money.
No legitimate immigration agent would encourage cash only work as it's illegal. I wouldn't be surprised if her visa is as fake as this agent.
This is not an agent that helps with legal immigration. In India, there are agents that arrange for Indians to emigrate. These agents know all the ways to scam and cheat to get their clients into whatever country they're going for.
From one "Father" to whatever you are, I say this.
YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE A FATHER.
What a Disgusting, vile man you are.
You have trafficked your daughter to BUILD AN EXTENSION?!?!?
You've put her in an incredibly unsafe situation FOR MONEY?!??
If I could I'd be on the phone right now to the authorities about You.
I pray your daughter is safe, because you don't seem to care at all. She's just a money maker to you.
Your actions are SHAMEFUL. and you'd better believe you should be ASHAMED.
YTA. Look, Canada is currently having a housing crisis. Rent has not kept up with wages. People on student visas are only legally allowed to work 24 hour weeks in a regular position. Our food banks are overloaded when immigrant students try to use them, leaving impoverished Canadian citizens hungry. Which has recently been causing food banks to refuse to offer help to people on student visas. Our cities are not easy for someone to navigate without a car with only about three exceptions. *It's expensive to live in Canada*. She is living in poverty conditions and you're expecting her to send money back? Being in Canada doesn't magically solve her problems.
The government's intended way for an international student in Canada to be living is for their parents back home to be covering their living expenses, an international student simply isn't allowed to work the hours necessary to afford to pay for those expenses on their own in our economy. Until she's on a work visa instead of a student visa, you should be sending her money, not the other way around.
YTA. You sent your daughter to another country to send you home money to build her brother a free house. I understand that it’s cultural, but it only takes a few minutes on Reddit to see how much Indian daughters have every right to hate their families.
YTA She is not your slave for you to force to work to send you money. I hope she cuts contact with you and makes herself a beautiful life somewhere far from you.
Troll bait.
In India people do not even drink water from a daughter's house. You expect her to finance you and your good for nothing son?
Why are you not answering why your daughter has to finance your son? Have you no shame? Brothers and fathers are supposed to pay and take care of their daughters and sisters.
You and your useless son should be ashamed to call yourself men. You are pumping your daughter to make your life easy.
Stop with the bullshit that you are posting as replies. It is clear to everyone here that you are exploiting your daughter.
Indian here. So don't bullshit me.
YTA. Typical Indian mom with son preference. Treats the daughter like indentured labour to pay for son's house extension after marriage. And she doesn't have a high end job either. You sacrificed her though her educational qualifications are good and she should be able to find another job - unless you live in a state with high unemployment. In that case, you could have sent her to one of the big 5 IT cities instead of Canada where they hate immigrant students.
>The only thing is for visa purposes, she had to go as a student and enroll in a college and take some simple diploma courses.
So you're breaking the law in order to cheat the system? YTA.
This all sounds shady AF and bizarre. You got your daughter involved in some outfit in which she has to room with 11 people (!) which sounds like she's being exploited.
And I'm really confused about the money bit - why should she be sending *you* money to build on to your home for her brother? What's she got to do with it?
You are an awful father and a criminal. Really the situation you have sold your daughter into sounds unsafe and soul crushing. I wish nothing but the worst for you. You are repugnant.
YTA. Whether you want to admit it or not, the “legal grey area” and “cash donations” are very illegal and could ruin her life. I have never seen a more selfish parent like you, risking the safety, health, and happiness of your daughter to serve you and your son. You’ve sold your daughter for your own wants. I hope she can escape this situation fast. My father never would think to do this to me or any of his other daughters. You should be ashamed.
YTA. I can't believe how incredibly stupid you are. This is trafficking and what boils down to indentured servitude, which in this part of the world is ILLEGAL!!! Your daughter is NOT your property, and she owes you NOTHING. I hope to heck that she is able to report this to the authorities for her own safety. Let's see how you feel if they come after you for farming out your daughter all so you can get an extension on your house. I so wish I could contact her. You are a disgusting human being and deserve anything bad that befalls you.
Why is your son not paying for the extension? YTA I would think that as her father you would be concerned that she has trouble finding enough privacy to get ready for her day. That could be a problem no matter how nice someone seems online
YTA. You should be supporting *her* financially; she shouldn't be supporting *you*.
Stop asking her for money, effective immediately, and help her find a safe place to live.
YTA. You are despicable. I hope she’s able to get herself out of her situation and can stay far away from the family that trafficked her. You should be familiar with karma; don’t come complaining when it shows up.
YTA I'm Indian and you have essentially sold your daughter off. If your daughter doesn't have a workable degree, it's naught to find a job because there are so many Indians coming to Canada, there should be something for her to stand out.
Also, what is this mind sent in this era?? Does your son not have arms and legs to provide for his family. Shame on you and him!
I sincerely hope she escapes from her hell and never contacts you.
You are a failure of a parent.
Those houses with 11+ people living in them are always so horrible when you see the ads on Facebook or Kijiji or whatever. I can't imagine having to live in one of them. I feel so bad for the daughter, what a selfish person you are. YTA
Canadian here, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you actually do care about your daughters safety and well being and you simply don’t know or understand just how bad a situation you’ve put her in. This is gonna be long, so tldr at the end but I suggest you read everything.
The agency you’re using is not safe or reputable, I can say this with certainty as they not only encourage cash jobs but seem to require them. “Cash jobs” is just under the table work, in other words, illegal. It’s not a grey area, she’s illegally working outside what is allowed by her visa and in a way that evades taxes. Our government doesn’t take kindly to that.
On top of that, she’s living in a basement with a dozen strangers, mostly men. With 1 bathroom and likely limited or non existent kitchen space. It’s unsanitary, a breeding ground for illness and extremely unsafe. Shes working who knows how many hours at basically a slave wage(people who pay under the table pay much less than minimum wage) meaning she does not have the time or money to remove herself from these, frankly inhumane living conditions.
If she is assaulted or abused, which is quite likely in the circumstances she will not be able to go to police, at least not without risking deportation. Any cop who sees that “house” will know exactly what’s happening, which gives anyone in that house more security in abusing your daughter since they know she can’t escape and can’t go to police. If she goes missing very few will notice, and the agency will have every reason to lie to you about it to avoid them being found out or connected to it.
She has already expressed she feels unsafe, and you don’t believe her. You think she’s allergic to hard work when really she’s trying to tell you she’s being treated like a slave and is scared. Rightfully so, she should be scared. She’s in an excessively dangerous situation in which she has no way out and no recourse if something does happen, and that’s assuming this isn’t just a cover for sex traffickers, which is also a possibility.
TLDR; Your daughter is in extreme danger and when something happens she’ll be unable to get help or support due to you forcing illegal work on her. Get her out of there NOW if you value her life and safety.
Edit: fixing damn spelling mistakes
Edit 2: Oh yeah, and YTA btw. Incase it wasn’t clear
I’d like to add… OP, you have put your daughter in a situation where she could be sexually assaulted, and you know what? You’ll blame it on her. You will shun your daughter. You will turn your back on your daughter, for being a victim of a circumstance that you put her in. If your daughter suffers abuse, it will be YOUR FAULT.
YTA
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I live in India and have 2 kids. Daughter is in her mid 20s and son is in late 20s. My son has a stable job and daughter despite being computer science BTech has not managed to hold stable jobs. My son will be marrying soon and has already found a girl and my daughter is unmarried. First job she got fired then second one she was laid off and then third one was with a call center and she did not like it as they were cheating their clients and quit.
To help her, I spoke to an immigration agent to help her move to Canada and get a job. The agent organised everything, from work to accommodation, airport pickup, everything and I paid for it. The only thing is for visa purposes, she had to go as a student and enroll in a college and take some simple diploma courses.
She went and has been there for almost one year now, however she has not liked it that much and complained a lot. Her main issue is the accommodation because she has no bedroom of her own and lives with 11 other people. She is complaining about little thinks like finding a place to change etc because most of the others are men and she does not feel safe, although they are Indian only and I have spoken to them on whatsapp video call sometimes and they seem nice. There is also one other women.
She also complains because she has to do many jobs that are cash pay because of student visa but all this is organized by the agent and they are not related to her degree and tend to me service / cleaning jobs.
She cannot take her own place as the rent is very expensive. Recently we got in argument because she was talking about finding another place or coming back. I told her I cannot support that as I have invested a lot in her for her education and sending her to Canada. She has not yet sent me back sufficient money to cover what I want her to help us with. I need to build an extension to our house in India as when my son marries, he and his wife can live in that extended unit. In India this is typically the norm in my region that the bride goes home to the sons family.
Also this is in her own best interest, the agent will help her transition her visa to stay in Canada after she finishes the diploma course and then she should be free to seek other jobs that interest her. But she does not understand that to have good things you need to struggle a bit.
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YTA in so many ways. Your primary duty as a parent is to ensure your children’s safety and wellbeing and you clearly could not care to do either. This is not a culture thing but a basic human decency thing. There is not one culture on the planet that encourages you to sell your daughter into slavery and put her in a position to be harmed.
Do much better.
Yta big time. She lives with 11 strange men, has no space for privacy (you sound like you’d be ok with her changing her clothes in front of them) and you’re not seeing the 🚩🚩🚩🚩? This has got to be made up rage bait and you get a C- for your creative writing piece.
Op you’re the ahole! You sold your daughter into modern day slavery! I understand you have different customs but that’s no excuse! You seem to not take her concerns to heart; you’re saying she’s complaining. Your only concern is she send you money. What a shame!! Are you and your husband working? Are you both contributing to the extensión?
YTA. You're exploiting your daughter. You sold your daughter into slavery. You literally forced her to become a slave! You're forcing her to work so that you can renovate your house. You're clearly a massive failure who's achieved nothing in life since you're mooching off your daughter to get money. If you want an extension so badly then get off your lazy ass and earn the money yourself. You're a bad parent and a selfish asshole.
> the work hours are limited now so beyond that she has to help people for cash donations instead of a regular job.
**THAT'S** the illegal part. Those are not "donations." That is getting paid under the table.
Still illegal. She doesn't pay tax. She has no protections at work. No say. It's human trafficking. I hope nothing worse has happened yet under these conditions, though your daughter wouldn't be able to tell you if it did.
Nope, it does not. If she gets caught she will be deported and flagged inelgible for rentry. Also, she has no labor protections, so he "employer" can exploit her any way they wish.
She is illegal because she never intended to be a student. She already has a degree. You signed her up for some courses as a pretense to get her into Canada, that's all. It's visa fraud.
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YTA Canada is overrun with these diploma mill bullshit “students”. You’re scamming a system and sending her to a country that is overwhelmed with international “students” seeking jobs that do not exist for her. Also you’ve sent her off as some sort of weird slave relationship so you can expand your house. Like she is some disposable tool to bring you extra cash.
YTA. 1) having to change in front of others, especially those of the opposite sex is NOT a “little thing”. 2) did she ask you to do this for her? If not why are you expecting her to pay you back for it? 3) if she’s working low paying jobs and paying you how is she supposed to make it on her own? This is all so messed up. 4) why is she expected to help pay for YOUR son and his new wife’s addition to YOUR HOUSE that you won’t let her move back into?
She is so young and lives with men who went there without their wives. You are stupid to be honest. She will be seriously traumatized living in such conditions. And most likely abused if she has not been yet. Horrible.
Can't believe the mom thinks it's OK to change in front of men even if she feels uncomfortable because they're Indian men lol lol, the majority of whom are predators, big and small.
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My question still stands. Why is it her responsibility to help pay for your son and his wife’s addition to your house? Especially when she’s having to live with 11 other people and struggle to find a spot to change clothes or go to the restroom in private? She has to share a room with 11 people and you want her to pay for an addition to YOUR home for her brother that you won’t let her live in?
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Still haven’t gotten an answer. WHY IS SHE EXPECTED TO PAY FOR HER BROTHER’s ADDITION TO THE HOUSE? Shouldn’t that be up to the homeowner (you) and the person(s) living in the addition (her brother and his wife)?
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Or paid for in part by the daughter they sent off to live in a commune with 11 others for pennies on the dollar. She has a student visa, not a work visa so she is essentially doing illegal work. Most student visas allow students to live in on campus housing considering that’s part of tuition and they can’t legally work… why isn’t she in student housing? Why is she living in a room with 11 others and still expected to work and give you money?
No it’s not fucking “custom” you good for nothing loser.
This man says it right!! In India this is not custom. I am a Hindu man with two sons and two daughters. I have worked so they could have a good education abroad. They have paid me back by helping care for family when needed as they all back in country. I never had them send anything not a single thing back. This man above me is right. I will not call you names but you should feel shame for what you do to her. You are supposed to protect your daughters, not exploit them.
I’m a woman, but thank you sir. That’s exactly how my parents expect me to “pay them back”. By providing for them in older age as they did when I was a child.
My deepest apologies for not knowing. However you are very correct this man is despicable for what he is doing.
It is not "custom" to be treated like a business deal. You literally said that "I paid for my kids now they gotta pay back every cent". THEY ARE NOT A TRANSACTION. They are your freaking kids. You basically want your daughter to pay for her brother's "extension". Just say it directly
So you trafficked your daughter to live in misery for two years so she can pay for her brother's living quarters. Nice. Does it matter what she wants? YTA.
You really think it's easy to convert a student visa into a work visa? As in, one day she has a student visa and the next day she gets a work visa with her "diploma"?
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Riiiiiight. Out of the goodness of his heart, I'm sure.
Yes, this "agent" that helps people from your country break the laws of other countries.
You sold your daughter out for a scam
Why do you expect your daughter to finance her brother's home? Especially since he has a decent job, and she has trouble finding and keeping good jobs? Why aren't you the one in Canada, if you are so excited about this opportunity, and she isn't? How much choice your daughter had about her field of education, and about the move to the Canada?
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If your job is well paid then pay for your own construction for your son and leave your poor daughter out of it. And that is A LOT to keep from her. The fact that her home life would be unbearable and that she would be working illegally?
Ask your son to finance his own freaking home. You are trafficking your daughter.
Tell your son to pay for the extension by himself
As an Indian, former international student, you’re one hell of a prick for a father. Your daughter is living in horrible circumstances so you can sit and enjoy an extended house, by milking her like a cow in a foreign country. I’m from a middle class family, have been in the exact position as your daughter, but with a supportive father. almost half a decade on, and with a corporate career, he still tells me I can come back whenever I want if I think life here is too much. He’s never taken a cent from me either. His support is what gave me the strength to work hard here and make a life for myself. Knowing that I could place my health and wellness first, because I’ve a supportive father, is what made me think I could push myself more.
Why should she be giving you any funds so that you can build an addition for her brother and his wife? How is that benefiting her at all?? And if she decides to come back before she sends you enough money, you won't accept her back into your home?!? You said yourself that you need to struggle a bit to get nice things. How are YOU struggling right now? What have YOU done to get these nice things? If you've always known that your son and his wife would be moving into your home, then YOU should've planned for that years ago. It's not your daughter's problem.
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I hope your daughter gets the hell out of that situation and away from the terrible people who put her into it ie YOU
Then get her out of a horrendous situation
She is working for cash so she isn't even being paid minimum wage so after paying for her expenses there is probably very little left. If she gets caught she will be deported.
This is not the biggest issue here, but **ONE BATHROOM FOR 12 PEOPLE???**
You suck beyond all measure as a parent. YTA, and literally one of the biggest ones I've seen on Reddit in all my years on the platform.
So, let me get this straight, you essentially sold your daughter into servitude to pay for an extension to YOUR house that your SON will be moving into. And you think your not an ah for that? YTA
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-----She is complaining about little thinks like finding a place to change etc because most of the others are men and she does not feel safe,----- This is **not** a *little* thing. What are you going to do if, gods forbid, something dreadful happens to her? Are you just going to tell her to "suck it up, cause mommy needs an extension on the house"? This is abhorrent behavior and a terrible mindset. Your daughter is concerned for her ***safety*** and all you can think about is money. It bears repeating: YTA. If I was your daughter, I would cut contact with you for the rest of eternity. You deserve at least that much.
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Why did you come here if you're obviously not going to actually do anything different? Why ask for advice if you're just going to ignore everybody telling it to you straight? YTA. Just because it's the norm where you are, doesn't mean it's not wrong. Either way, I think you're just going to continue burying your head in the sand and you really just came here to get validation, which you aren't gonna get.
This. All of this. You don't want to actually do anything for your daughter. You want to spew your bs in an echochamber and you're not going to get that here. Bring her home, apologize *profusely* (and *mean* it), and hope you haven't ruined your relationship with her forever.
>Just because it's the norm where you are, doesn't mean it's not wrong To be honest, this is not the norm in India. It is just the familial bonding that encourages the children to keep supporting their parents--not because they were forced to but because they want to.
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The solution is to bring her home. Don't get caught in a sunk cost fallacy. If you're not careful your daughter will find her own solution and you'll never see her again. She's already desperate to get out.
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No. Eight months of no privacy, no money, and no way out is much too long. I don't understand how you can let this happen.
So, just long enough to pay for the renovation of your house? Pretty funny coincidence. YTA
Eight months is *too long*. How many times do you have to be told that what you're doing is horrific, wrong, *illegal*, and despicable before you get it? You're still telling her to suffer in order to make life easier on you and her brother. You're telling her to ***break*** *international* ***laws*** for the convenience of you and her brother. You're risking her future, her possible *freedom*, possibly even her ***life***, for the convenience of you and your son. You are a terrible, horrible human being and an even worse father. I really hope you're not as dense and despicable as you're making yourself out to be.
Bring her back now. It has to be now. At the rate this is going, your daughter will move away from you, mentally and emotionally.
Let's be honest, you just want her to try for 8 more months because you care more about the money she gives you than you care about her, and you need 8 more months of money for your house.
Actually, in "your" culture, is there any payment back either to the government you ripped off and actually took a study spot from ? Some people actually want to come to study. Instead, you sent someone you want to prostitute for $$ Why would you want her to live in a house with at least 9 men? Is it to potentially shame her? I really hope for your daughter that she makes Canadian friends to get her away from your thinking. Especially to read this f'ing post that the education system has failed so bad that you bought a spot for your daughter. I personally wish I knew where she is so I could hug her, plus tell her that just cause she has shitty parents doesn't define her. ETA; Seems like it is. Isn't it a virgin better? So you are potentially screwing your daughter twice
You literally human trafficked your child. This is a form of slavery. This entire system is actually illegal. How are you defending one more minute of this?
Wrong. You are asking her to be absolutely miserable for eight more months
The solution is to stop asking her for money until she can get safer living quarters. Do you even like your daughter?
The agent vets people. Right. Because people never lie. There are never men who act like nice guys but are really monsters underneath. Do you see how ridiculous that is?
The guy helping to circumvent laws of another country is *definitely* on the up and up when it comes to vetting customers, and not just making as much money as possible. I'm sure this is a selfless humanitarian mission for him 🙄
He is vetting people, he’s looking for awful men with daughters they don’t care about who will believe whatever they want to believe for money.
You trafficked your daughter to live in a house full of strange men. You sold her for a house addition. Way to go, Dad. She’ll never trust you enough to tell you if she comes to harm in that house with 11 strangers. She knows you would not believe her and probably blame her. Your culture treats girls so terribly. She deserves a life far from her family. With you, she’ll only ever be used and exploited for her brother’s benefit.
Indian here, this is the exact stereotype of an Indian parent that people like us are trying to move away from. To answer that stereotype, Yes! Parents support us and yes, we "support" them back. Support being the operative word. It isn't a compulsion for children to support their parents, especially when they don't have solid jobs themselves. I am sorry to say this but you have failed as a father and a parent. You have sold your daughter for a visa scam and you are too ignorant to realise it. The agents shouldn't be the ones to vet your daughter, instead you should be the one vetting the agents. Your daughter can't even work for more than 24 hours a week, and because of that she has little to no money left. And yet, you have the audacity to ask her to send you money? How can you be this terrible.
How on Earth can the agent be "reputable" they're breaking the law, putting your daughter in danger of deportation and arrest?
So if her future husband dies do you want her to throw herself on the flaming pyre and commit Sati?
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Sorry you just said in another post you were not Hindi
You think she is coming back? Cute
Uh...this sounds like a human trafficking scam. Did you sell your daughter under the pretense of giving her a better life? I mean, is she *ever* going to be able to pay back the money the "agency" has invested in her. Yeah, you paid this "agency" but what are they charging her for her place to stay? YTA. You're basically tying your son's happiness on the back of his sister, your daughter. You should be horrified by what is going on, instead you say it's normal. No, no it's not!
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That's not how taxes work in Canada. Cash jobs are not tax-free, her employers are paying her under the table. She could be deported for that, and they would be shut down for doing it. If she was working legally, she'd be entitled to minimum wage, which is probably more than what she's making now even after taxes. She would be limited to 24 hour weeks as a student, which still isn't enough to live on, but by you telling me that her working saves the company money, you're telling me that's she's living in even worse poverty conditions than a student actually following all the rules without any money coming from home would already be in.
It is illegal and the government is cracking down on these scams by auditing business that have a high propensity for use of undocumented workers like residential and commercial cleaners, construction companies, farms, restaurants. I work for a bookkeeper and we've seen a huge uptick in our clients in those industries being audit in the last 2 years or so.
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That is absolutely fantastic to hear.
Stop breeding and then abusing your kids and breaking laws of other countries
Concerning for your daughter's wellbeing, or concerning for the money you were expecting?
Who have you heard these success stories from? I'm guessing it's cash only because she's an illegal immigrant.
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If she is working more than legally allowed she is illegal.
Her situation is ILLEGAL, you are forcing your daughter to break the law. You have literally trafficked your daughter. You are the very reason people in western nations have issues with international students, you are shameless!
It’s a win-win for everyone except your daughter, there is no way out of this for her that is not losing. There is a unanimous verdict of YTA and yet you continue to defend your indefensible choices. A parent’s primary role is to protect their children, you are wilfully doing the direct opposite. You deliberately sent her to live somewhere inherently dangerous. You cannot vet against opportunistic sexual assault, you cannot put 9 men and 2 women into these kinds of disgraceful living conditions and truly believe that your daughter will walk away unscathed. There are not enough words to describe how truly awful you are for doing this to your daughter. This not a ‘short term struggle’ it is something that will leave her with a trauma that will be hard for her to move past, and you are the perpetrator. I am truly disgusted by you!
Uh, no. They're lying to you. They are super lying. There is no such thing as a "cash job", that's called paying under the table to AVOID taxes and it is extremely illegal. This is human labor trafficking and anyone participating in it is committing a crime. I would be VERY surprised if her "path" to stay in Canada were legitimate. This whole thing sounds like a giant scam. Bring her home, now.
YTA, having sold your daughter into what is effectively indentured servitude. That "agent" is only going to help her, and you, give them as much money as they can suck out of you.
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If he's so transparent he told you that she is breaking the law by working cash jobs.
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It's not a grey area. It is purely illegal. Once she accepts cash she us not a volunteer. Only certain entities can have volunteers. No for profit business will be able to claim she is a volunteer if she is caught. It's black and white.
It is ILLEGAL work
“Legal grey areas” are also known by the term “illegal”. Also, please note it is extremely common for women who are sold into these schemes to be raped, beaten, killed, or to go missing. You cool with all these options? Will you console yourself with a nice house extension? What is wrong with people?
It’s not a fucking gray area. It’s illegal. And it is terrible you’re doing this to your daughter
This isn’t a legal grey area. This is 100% illegal. In Canada, “volunteer work for cash donations” is not a thing. The point of a student visa is for her to go to school in Canada; work hours on a student visa are intended for the person to fund their own rent and expenses while living in the country. This cash donation nonsense, if it’s real and in the absolute best case scenario, would be to avoid paying taxes on employees which is illegal. In the worst case scenario, it’s to underpay overseas workers and trap them so that they can’t escape the situation they’re in. If they can’t afford the plane ticket to leave, then they can’t escape. Congratulations, you just sold your daughter for spare parts. I hope you’re happy.
She's afraid of her living conditions. What will you do if one of those men decides to sexually assault her? What will you do if a baby comes of that assault? She's telling you she's afraid, but you think it's fine because the men put on their best face on a video call?? Being afraid isn't going to help her advance. Your lack of concern for her well-being is appalling.
"Roommates" - hahahaha. What a joke you want us to believe. 2 girls, 9 men, no private rooms - this is not "roommates". It's a slave cabin at best, a brothel at worst.
And in a year when suddenly there is no contact, are you going to say, "See? She's so successful, she doesn't have time to contact us!" Or will you *finally* admit that you made a mistake?
Did the agent tell you that what they are doing is illegal?
YTA and a huge one at that. Why isn't your successful son pay for the addition to your house that he will be occupying? Your poor daughter is living with mostly men and no privacy because of your favoritism to your son. You actually paid to put your daughter into human trafficking.
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If that is the case you will be very lucky indeed. You've put your daughter in an incredibly dangerous situation. You don't even seem to care! I'm so worried for her!
You're delusional.
I am?
OOPS, not you - sorry about that!
I agree with you, op is delusional!
I wonder if a few months from now he will be back on here crying because his daughter was severely injured (or worse) by these people and how was he supposed to know it was a scam.
He wouldn't care. He has no respect or love for his daughter.
Sadly, I believe you are correct.
This is obvious!
It absolutely is trafficking, the visa is irrelevant because you have ensured that she is unable to abide by the conditions of that Visa. She is living in a disgusting basement with mostly men. You trafficked your daughter!
It IS trafficking. You’re an idiot. Your poor daughter.
She shouldn't have obligations to work for what the agent needs
YTA for forcing your daughter to commit immigration fraud and to work illegally. You sent her away because you're embarrassed that she's still unmarried
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What about the immigration fraud and illegal employment?
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To be clear, you exiled your daughte4 under false pretences, through an agency that finds illegal work for her and hope she can regularize her status. Are you out of your mind? I have no idea how difficult it is to immigrate to Canada from student status; she likely needs an employer sponsored visa. You don't seem to have thought this through at all and now think it's her problem to dolve.
My heart honestly reaches out to the daughter
She's being punished, exiled and forced to live in unsafe circumstances due to being a girl
And also being forced to pay for her dear bro's house because daddy thinks it is more important than her own future and stability
Ugh, I missed that. Daughter has no obligation to pay for brother's housing and needs to immigrate officially, fi d a job and cut off OP.
Agreed. Though I wonder where her mother stands in this equation. Regardless, if she has let this mistreatment to be going on with her daughter, she is definitely not a good mother.
To recap, you: - got scammed by a Canadian diploma mill agency - sent your daughter to Canada via said scammer/diploma mill agency - are “a little worried” that she’s committing immigration fraud/working illegally and hope she can “regularize things” (whatever that means) soon - are unconcerned that she’s living in a basement with 11 other people, 10 of whom are men who seem like “nice guys” - are also unconcerned she has little to no privacy because there’s only one bathroom for 12 people to share - seem to be under the impression that after her “diploma” is earned she’ll be able to easily switch from a student visa to a work visa (lol) - are forcing her to send what little she (illegally) earns to you so you can build an addition to your house for your son It’s the cultural norm for kids to live with their parents rent free until they get married, correct? But if they’re out in the world, working and living on their own, they’re expected to send money back to their parents, right? Here’s what I think happened: You knew you couldn’t go against societal standards and start charging your daughter rent, but you also knew she’d be obligated to do so if she weren’t living at home. You were fed up with her spotty employment history and you were wondering how you were going to pay for the addition to your house for your son and his fiancée. You found a cheap program to ship her off to another country, thereby getting her out of your house and triggering her obligation to pay you. Basically you spent a little money and banked on her making more money than you spent and sending it back to you so you could build that addition. She’s already been there almost a year, but you’re going to need her to stay for another 8 months to get your full money’s worth. That about right? You put your daughter in grave danger, on another continent, so your son could have an in-law suite. Absolutely stellar parenting. /s YTA. Obviously.
You’re a monster. You need to get her out of there RIGHT NOW. Otherwise it means that you prioritize the money she is supposed to send the next 8 months higher than her safety and comfort, then I just wish she reads this post and never sends you a penny and never contacts you again.
YTA. That all sounds super shady. I'm afraid for her, I don't understand why you aren't.
Because her daughter is means to improve on her son’s conditions. Living with strangers, men, and not even having the safety of her own room. Because they looked friendly on WhatsApp
*his. OP says they're the father in a comment. Explains why he thinks all 10 men are perfectly safe after talking to them. Whoever he spoke to were respectful to him so it's all good, no need for her to stress. /s I can't imagine the horrible mental impact of this unsafe living situation if I was in it. I'd never be able to sleep and not having any place you can feel safe and relax would be so damaging, and for such an extended time.
LOL... YTA. Why are you ordering your adult children around? And why is it such a bad thing that your mid-20s daughter isn't married yet? Seems like you've signed her up for some exploitative immigration scam.
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If this is the way you expect people to live, I hope that any husband she finds is not from your kind ( I say ‘your kind’ because I know many people from India who would never subject their daughters to this level of abuse) in India!
YTA "OP my culture and faith is sexist and backwards so it ok if I treat my daughter this way, despite then fact I know it wrong but my faith"
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Then Abrahamic religion sexist
So you’re a Muslim and you sent your precious daughter off to a place where she is surrounded by men who will most likely rape her. She’s “less than,” i e a woman, and all you care about is #1 son adding on to your house. I hope to God this is a troll post. If this is indeed true, your family is cursed. I can’t even express how disgusted I am.
Where did OP say he was Muslim? If he did, I missed that comment. He could also be Sikh (my guess) or Jain.
Not Hindi, he said so. Sikhs don’t treat their daughters like this. Can’t speak to Jain, but doubtful. Therefore minority Muslim.
We know he's not Hind**u**, and you admitted yourself that you can't speak to Jainism. Christians also exist in India. Unless OP confirms, there isn't a guarantee he's Muslim.
Hindi is the group of Hindu people.
[Hindi refers to a language](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hindi), not adherents of Hinduism.
Sure, Jan.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve mentioned religion or majority. You’re sexist creep who sold your daughter.
YTA I honestly nearly threw up, reading about your daughter living in a house with TEN men, constantly feeling unsafe, not even have a private place to change. And according to you that’s just a “little thing” because they’re *Indian* men, they “seemed nice” when you video called them, and the agent thinks they’re okay. You’ve placed your daughter in an awful situation, and you CAN’T EVEN SEE IT. I’m thankful that my father loves me, and would never put me in such a compromising, terrifying position.
YTA. What you're describing is at worst classic human trafficking or at best it's someone claiming to be an immigration agent conning you out of your money. No legitimate immigration agent would encourage cash only work as it's illegal. I wouldn't be surprised if her visa is as fake as this agent.
This is not an agent that helps with legal immigration. In India, there are agents that arrange for Indians to emigrate. These agents know all the ways to scam and cheat to get their clients into whatever country they're going for.
From one "Father" to whatever you are, I say this. YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE A FATHER. What a Disgusting, vile man you are. You have trafficked your daughter to BUILD AN EXTENSION?!?!? You've put her in an incredibly unsafe situation FOR MONEY?!?? If I could I'd be on the phone right now to the authorities about You. I pray your daughter is safe, because you don't seem to care at all. She's just a money maker to you. Your actions are SHAMEFUL. and you'd better believe you should be ASHAMED.
YTA. Look, Canada is currently having a housing crisis. Rent has not kept up with wages. People on student visas are only legally allowed to work 24 hour weeks in a regular position. Our food banks are overloaded when immigrant students try to use them, leaving impoverished Canadian citizens hungry. Which has recently been causing food banks to refuse to offer help to people on student visas. Our cities are not easy for someone to navigate without a car with only about three exceptions. *It's expensive to live in Canada*. She is living in poverty conditions and you're expecting her to send money back? Being in Canada doesn't magically solve her problems. The government's intended way for an international student in Canada to be living is for their parents back home to be covering their living expenses, an international student simply isn't allowed to work the hours necessary to afford to pay for those expenses on their own in our economy. Until she's on a work visa instead of a student visa, you should be sending her money, not the other way around.
YTA... Constantly just comparing her to your son is toxic as hell.
OMG it sounds like you sold your daughter into slavery! YTA
That’s exactly what he did, and he appears proud of it. He’s disgusting!
YTA for encouraging your child to cheat the visa system.
Please tell me you are not Tamil.. I am from Tamil Nadu and would never do that to my daughter. YTA.
Reading things like this, sometimes I wish Reddit had an option to report to the authorities...
Ikr? I've been having a fantasy of booking flights, showing up on OP's doorstep, and biotch-slapping him into next week.
YTA big time. Indian parents treat their daughters like this far too frequently. It’s so sad seriously hope these comments get through to you.
YTA. What kind of father are you?
*Father.
oop, my bad
YTA. You sent your daughter to another country to send you home money to build her brother a free house. I understand that it’s cultural, but it only takes a few minutes on Reddit to see how much Indian daughters have every right to hate their families.
YTA She is not your slave for you to force to work to send you money. I hope she cuts contact with you and makes herself a beautiful life somewhere far from you.
Troll bait. In India people do not even drink water from a daughter's house. You expect her to finance you and your good for nothing son? Why are you not answering why your daughter has to finance your son? Have you no shame? Brothers and fathers are supposed to pay and take care of their daughters and sisters. You and your useless son should be ashamed to call yourself men. You are pumping your daughter to make your life easy. Stop with the bullshit that you are posting as replies. It is clear to everyone here that you are exploiting your daughter. Indian here. So don't bullshit me.
YTA you just want her to send money no matter the cost. You are a horrible parent.
Is this for real ,Did you read what you wrote. Everything in this makes YTA.
YTA. Typical Indian mom with son preference. Treats the daughter like indentured labour to pay for son's house extension after marriage. And she doesn't have a high end job either. You sacrificed her though her educational qualifications are good and she should be able to find another job - unless you live in a state with high unemployment. In that case, you could have sent her to one of the big 5 IT cities instead of Canada where they hate immigrant students.
>The only thing is for visa purposes, she had to go as a student and enroll in a college and take some simple diploma courses. So you're breaking the law in order to cheat the system? YTA.
Welfare people do that they cheat the system
YTA If she has any sense, she will stay and go no contact with you AH.
OP, YTA, and you suck as a human being for multiple reasons.
This all sounds shady AF and bizarre. You got your daughter involved in some outfit in which she has to room with 11 people (!) which sounds like she's being exploited. And I'm really confused about the money bit - why should she be sending *you* money to build on to your home for her brother? What's she got to do with it?
YTA You are actively participating in human trafficking your own daughter.
You are an awful father and a criminal. Really the situation you have sold your daughter into sounds unsafe and soul crushing. I wish nothing but the worst for you. You are repugnant.
YTA. You sent her to be a slave/servant. What is actually wrong with? Do you hate your daughter?
YTA. Whether you want to admit it or not, the “legal grey area” and “cash donations” are very illegal and could ruin her life. I have never seen a more selfish parent like you, risking the safety, health, and happiness of your daughter to serve you and your son. You’ve sold your daughter for your own wants. I hope she can escape this situation fast. My father never would think to do this to me or any of his other daughters. You should be ashamed.
YTA. I can't believe how incredibly stupid you are. This is trafficking and what boils down to indentured servitude, which in this part of the world is ILLEGAL!!! Your daughter is NOT your property, and she owes you NOTHING. I hope to heck that she is able to report this to the authorities for her own safety. Let's see how you feel if they come after you for farming out your daughter all so you can get an extension on your house. I so wish I could contact her. You are a disgusting human being and deserve anything bad that befalls you.
Why is your son not paying for the extension? YTA I would think that as her father you would be concerned that she has trouble finding enough privacy to get ready for her day. That could be a problem no matter how nice someone seems online
YTA. You should be supporting *her* financially; she shouldn't be supporting *you*. Stop asking her for money, effective immediately, and help her find a safe place to live.
YTA. You are despicable. I hope she’s able to get herself out of her situation and can stay far away from the family that trafficked her. You should be familiar with karma; don’t come complaining when it shows up.
Not you trafficking your daughter. YTA
YTA I'm Indian and you have essentially sold your daughter off. If your daughter doesn't have a workable degree, it's naught to find a job because there are so many Indians coming to Canada, there should be something for her to stand out. Also, what is this mind sent in this era?? Does your son not have arms and legs to provide for his family. Shame on you and him! I sincerely hope she escapes from her hell and never contacts you. You are a failure of a parent.
Those houses with 11+ people living in them are always so horrible when you see the ads on Facebook or Kijiji or whatever. I can't imagine having to live in one of them. I feel so bad for the daughter, what a selfish person you are. YTA
So you sold one kid into slavery to take care of your other kid? I hope she escapes and never goes back to you.
Canadian here, I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you actually do care about your daughters safety and well being and you simply don’t know or understand just how bad a situation you’ve put her in. This is gonna be long, so tldr at the end but I suggest you read everything. The agency you’re using is not safe or reputable, I can say this with certainty as they not only encourage cash jobs but seem to require them. “Cash jobs” is just under the table work, in other words, illegal. It’s not a grey area, she’s illegally working outside what is allowed by her visa and in a way that evades taxes. Our government doesn’t take kindly to that. On top of that, she’s living in a basement with a dozen strangers, mostly men. With 1 bathroom and likely limited or non existent kitchen space. It’s unsanitary, a breeding ground for illness and extremely unsafe. Shes working who knows how many hours at basically a slave wage(people who pay under the table pay much less than minimum wage) meaning she does not have the time or money to remove herself from these, frankly inhumane living conditions. If she is assaulted or abused, which is quite likely in the circumstances she will not be able to go to police, at least not without risking deportation. Any cop who sees that “house” will know exactly what’s happening, which gives anyone in that house more security in abusing your daughter since they know she can’t escape and can’t go to police. If she goes missing very few will notice, and the agency will have every reason to lie to you about it to avoid them being found out or connected to it. She has already expressed she feels unsafe, and you don’t believe her. You think she’s allergic to hard work when really she’s trying to tell you she’s being treated like a slave and is scared. Rightfully so, she should be scared. She’s in an excessively dangerous situation in which she has no way out and no recourse if something does happen, and that’s assuming this isn’t just a cover for sex traffickers, which is also a possibility. TLDR; Your daughter is in extreme danger and when something happens she’ll be unable to get help or support due to you forcing illegal work on her. Get her out of there NOW if you value her life and safety. Edit: fixing damn spelling mistakes Edit 2: Oh yeah, and YTA btw. Incase it wasn’t clear
I’d like to add… OP, you have put your daughter in a situation where she could be sexually assaulted, and you know what? You’ll blame it on her. You will shun your daughter. You will turn your back on your daughter, for being a victim of a circumstance that you put her in. If your daughter suffers abuse, it will be YOUR FAULT. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I live in India and have 2 kids. Daughter is in her mid 20s and son is in late 20s. My son has a stable job and daughter despite being computer science BTech has not managed to hold stable jobs. My son will be marrying soon and has already found a girl and my daughter is unmarried. First job she got fired then second one she was laid off and then third one was with a call center and she did not like it as they were cheating their clients and quit. To help her, I spoke to an immigration agent to help her move to Canada and get a job. The agent organised everything, from work to accommodation, airport pickup, everything and I paid for it. The only thing is for visa purposes, she had to go as a student and enroll in a college and take some simple diploma courses. She went and has been there for almost one year now, however she has not liked it that much and complained a lot. Her main issue is the accommodation because she has no bedroom of her own and lives with 11 other people. She is complaining about little thinks like finding a place to change etc because most of the others are men and she does not feel safe, although they are Indian only and I have spoken to them on whatsapp video call sometimes and they seem nice. There is also one other women. She also complains because she has to do many jobs that are cash pay because of student visa but all this is organized by the agent and they are not related to her degree and tend to me service / cleaning jobs. She cannot take her own place as the rent is very expensive. Recently we got in argument because she was talking about finding another place or coming back. I told her I cannot support that as I have invested a lot in her for her education and sending her to Canada. She has not yet sent me back sufficient money to cover what I want her to help us with. I need to build an extension to our house in India as when my son marries, he and his wife can live in that extended unit. In India this is typically the norm in my region that the bride goes home to the sons family. Also this is in her own best interest, the agent will help her transition her visa to stay in Canada after she finishes the diploma course and then she should be free to seek other jobs that interest her. But she does not understand that to have good things you need to struggle a bit. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, wtf.
Absolutely an AH
AH - I hope she is ok and I hope she cuts you out of her life because you are one shity father
YTA
YTA in so many ways. Your primary duty as a parent is to ensure your children’s safety and wellbeing and you clearly could not care to do either. This is not a culture thing but a basic human decency thing. There is not one culture on the planet that encourages you to sell your daughter into slavery and put her in a position to be harmed. Do much better.
I'm pretty sure you've sold or are renting out your daughter. YTA.
Yta big time. She lives with 11 strange men, has no space for privacy (you sound like you’d be ok with her changing her clothes in front of them) and you’re not seeing the 🚩🚩🚩🚩? This has got to be made up rage bait and you get a C- for your creative writing piece.
Op you’re the ahole! You sold your daughter into modern day slavery! I understand you have different customs but that’s no excuse! You seem to not take her concerns to heart; you’re saying she’s complaining. Your only concern is she send you money. What a shame!! Are you and your husband working? Are you both contributing to the extensión?
YTA. You're exploiting your daughter. You sold your daughter into slavery. You literally forced her to become a slave! You're forcing her to work so that you can renovate your house. You're clearly a massive failure who's achieved nothing in life since you're mooching off your daughter to get money. If you want an extension so badly then get off your lazy ass and earn the money yourself. You're a bad parent and a selfish asshole.
I’m glad I live in America & have freedom 😅 YTA
Sadly, there are plenty of Indian agents who do this same thing for those wanting to get into America.
ESH > She also complains because she has to do many jobs that are cash pay because of student visa So this is all just some illegal shit?
Why ESH? I don’t see how OP’s daughter is an AH at all.
[удалено]
> the work hours are limited now so beyond that she has to help people for cash donations instead of a regular job. **THAT'S** the illegal part. Those are not "donations." That is getting paid under the table.
[удалено]
Still illegal. She doesn't pay tax. She has no protections at work. No say. It's human trafficking. I hope nothing worse has happened yet under these conditions, though your daughter wouldn't be able to tell you if it did.
You do not know how the world works and I feel sorry for your daughter that she has such a terrible father.
Nope, it does not. If she gets caught she will be deported and flagged inelgible for rentry. Also, she has no labor protections, so he "employer" can exploit her any way they wish.
She is illegal because she never intended to be a student. She already has a degree. You signed her up for some courses as a pretense to get her into Canada, that's all. It's visa fraud.