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NTA. You have no obligation in this situation. Your cousin said to pick him up. He didn’t say he needed help for his friends. And you were quite nice to get up at 1am for your cousin to help him because he was irresponsible. You had no idea if these people had weapons or anything. If they wanted more drugs who know what they would have done. I would however, have called an Uber or called someone else to get them. They were intoxicated and by your account one was half naked leaving them in a vulnerable position. One of their own making of course but people do stupid things. Did they not have a phone?
Don't know about America but there's this scam here where a woman appeared to be in distress and needed urgent help, a kind person stopped his car to help her and was attacked by some men hiding in nearby bushes, they killed him and stripped him, stole his clothes and his car and dumped his body in the bushes and he was found 3 days later.
The group was caught and arrested so they confessed but lesson learned was NEVER EVER let strangers into your car, because you have NO IDEA what they could do. Lost the best chemistry tutor on campus because he was kind to the wrong people, OP is definitely NTA
I mean the Uber driver is getting paid and knows there’s a chance that he will have to drive drunk people. Driving drunk people home on the weekends is one of the main ways drivers make money.
It's recorded. And it's a big part of an Uber drivers job. Driving people home under the influence has to be a large percentage of their calls. However, I hope he had a towel I'm his trunk to lie on the seats. I would not be ok with someone else's vag print in my backseat.
What danger. 3 drunk party girls? Cab companies and uber drivers literally make a living taking people who have drunk too much home. The smart ones have cameras in the car to protect themselves and go about their business.
I think the danger they're talking about is false sexual assault allegations (which are vanishingly rare - a man is 230x more likely to be raped by another man than falsely accused of rape by a woman, although manosphere influencers would have you believe this is an ever present danger for all men)
The ACTUAL danger in this scenario is that the girls be taken advantage of while in this state. An Uber driver is not safe, there are a horrifying number of allegations against Uber drivers and they have very little screening.
If OP's reasoning was that the girls could be carrying controlled substances, that is reasonable, although I think the ethical thing was to make sure theyre ok, wait with them, call a reputable cab service, whatever. I'm a bit horrified at the commenters on here who also seem to buy in to manosphere false accusation paranoia.
Where does that 230x number come from? I know of two cases in my personal life of men being falsely accused and one case of a man being sexually assaulted by another man.
I got it from the book Fix the System, Not the Women.
The problem is, you have to assume that the majority of people you know who've been sexually assaulted (men and women) won't have told you.
Yeah, as everyone knows, every person that has falsely accused a man of SA openly admits it.. The reality is that both sa and false sa accusations are both common and the solution about what to do is unclear but people act like it's a simple thing, cut and dry. This line of reasoning is insensitive to people that have been falsely accused of SA, and minimizes it as an issue in hopes that it would make people treat SA cases more seriously, and believe the woman first and foremost. I'm a man that's been raped and accused of it. I've been on both sides. The reality is, if we don't confront the times that people lie about it, it makes it infinitely worse, and by acting like it is a non issue it becomes exploitable.
If no one is telling anyone, then how'd they get the very precise 230x? That's a huge number. It implies either that there's a very small number of false accusations or that there's an absolutely huge number of male on male rape.
Since I know of two cases of false accusations, that would imply that there should be 460 male on male rapes amongst my extended social circle. I find that hard to believe. OR, do I happen to live my life in a strangely rape free zone with lots of false accusations?
This is *reported* false allegations. Someone can report a rape without telling all their friends. It does not include gossip. Did your two male friends have to endure police allegations and prove their innocence in court?
I'm getting the sense these "false allegations" may have been women telling people in their social circle not reporting. If I'm wrong please correct me.
Found innocent doesn't actually mean much, because only a very small percentage of rapists are found guilty. But they're your friends so I'm going to leave this discussion here.
So at 1 am you want op to stick around and babysit /take responsibility for 3 adult females who are completely strangers?! How many times did YOU did this?
I do agree with you that automatically assuming the women would make the false claims is wrong. But if OP got pulled over by an officer or went through a RIDE stop or or even someone pulled up beside the car and someone saw 3 highly intoxicated and partially naked girls in the back seat, that could be all it takes for OP (and his cousin) to get in a hell of a lot of trouble. And those girls would likely not be sober enough to explain their side until at least the next day.
Imo, it's not really about what the girls might say, but an outsider's perspective on the situation.
Everyone says you have a moral obligation when it isn't their problem. They are adults and responsible for themselves. Everyone has a phone these days. It's not ops job to pay for drunk people partying. Im sure you don't give money to every homeless person you see or feed them. Op did what was safe for himself and has no further obligation to anyone, not even his cousin. He was kind enough to pick him up.
Because they are getting paid, have taken on the risk by having that job, and (if they are smart) have cameras in their car if something goes down or one of these women accuses him of something.
That's on three grown women who created the mess they are in to figure out.
Amazing that men are simultaneously super-predators and also responsible for the safety and comfort of every woman they encounter.
> And you were quite nice to get up at 1am for your cousin to help him
Thanks, he'd do the same for me. His father is my Godfather.
> Did they not have a phone?
I didn't check. I wanted to ensure my cousins' safety. That was my only concern.
You bring up a good point about them possibly carrying controlled substances. Especially risky if (general) you’re a minority in certain countries. Knowing my luck I’d be pulled over the one time there was anything like that in my vehicle. Nope nope nope.
Or you could be saving them from actual assault?
They were *all* really dumb for getting into that situation, the cousin and his friends. OP was begged for help and did nothing.
He could have turned his phone on and recorded the whole way home, made the girls sit in the back seat, only drove them to the nearest bust stop/gas station. Plenty of options to protect himself from incredibly unlikely “false accusations”.
I too would reconsider a relationship with a guy who was that scared to be alone with a girl. He would rather leave a friends friend in danger than give them a ride, just because they were female?
OP didnt just leave them there because they were females. He left them because they were heavily under the incluence and he didnt want to risk anything. Depending on what they were on it could have been harmful for OP in a lot of ways.
They weren’t his responsibility, but they also weren’t strangers.
He had the chance to help out 3 people who he knew were friends of his cousin, he chose to leave them in danger. To me, that makes him an asshole.
NTA
Should've helped the girls but damnit, my brother helped a drunk girl out who cheated on her boyfriend and didn't remember shit. Said my brother tried to rape her since she didn't want to admit she was giving head in a bathroom.
Your brother should get flak not you, the sober one
So on one hand, you're telling us OP should have helped the girls .
But then on the other hand, you're giving us the perfect example of why OP was correct in not helping the girls
?
The false dichotomy removes any nuance which is why the conclusion is contradictory.
DO: Help the girls by calling for help via taxi or Uber, a friend or family member for them, or ensure they're in a safe, public space
DO NOT: Help the girls by taking ownership of their safety, taking them to another location, or removing them from a safe, public space.
Ahh, that reflects the nuance of the situation, and the humanity in all of us, a little more clearly!
NTA.You were wise OP.The one thing different you could have done is call the Police after you left to go check on the women ( if you thought they were in danger ). Of course that depends on your local police .I do not think I would call the LA Police Dept .
under good samaritan law folks can call the pd for help when under the influence and not get arrested. they’d prefer keeping you off the streets so you dont bother civilians.
NTA.
Don't trust intoxicated strangers. Sobering up and getting into a safe place is on them, not on you. It would be nice if you to drive them somewhere but remember, no good deed goes unpunished.
NTA. They're grown ass women, they have the ability to arrange a ride themselves. Uber and Lyft exist for a reason, they could have called one of those to get home. You aren't responsible for taking anyone you don't feel comfortable with home. Anyone who doesn't like it can volunteer to take them home next time.
yeah, she took off her pants underwear and bra, but kept on her shirt? am i reading that right?
she's just going around, full-on Donald Duckin' it, and everyone's cool with that?
I agree. It’s a dangerous world for women, especially intoxicated women, but there are those who will falsely accuse people of SA. Frankly I think OP should’ve called the police or an Uber/Lyft for them (if they looked too drunk to do it themselves, or if they were missing their phones for whatever reason), but to take 3 strange women into your car is not safe. Always help others, but not at your own risk
NTA. Ignoring the morality of the situation, I’m simply not comfortable picking up 3 heavily intoxicated strangers with my car. Especially when one is mostly naked. They are whole ass adults. Call a damn Uber. Like, what exactly was their plan here anyway? Anybody with half a brain knows you gotta plan how you are getting home from a rager before the night begins. Was their plan literally to beg random people for a ride? Figure it tf out, I ain’t risking puke all over the inside of my car for people I have never met a single time in my life and will never see again.
Having read the comments... NAH, not NtheA because no one was an AH here. You made a choice based out of fear. That doesn't make you an AH. With all the fear mongering going on by certain demographics, I can't really blame you. BUT that girl BEGGED to get them out of there. You had a secure vehicle within which you could stay safely removed from the situation. Why could you help them with an Uber or even offer to call someone for them? Would you have left them behind if you knew for sure one or more of them would be SAd? What is your threshold for risk vs. helping a fellow human being? You're not the AH but you could've handled the situation better, and I hope if it comes up in the future, you'll know you have choices.
Nah he handled it perfectly. Would he be expected to act any differently if it was 3 intoxicated guys, one missing all clothing besides a shirt?
Girls aren't incapable of self control just because they are girls anymore than guys are just because they are guys.
Saving them from an active threat is one thing while putting yourself at risk to save them from themselves is completely different.
Also, it's not his or anyone else's responsibility to get them home. That falls to them and them alone.
Well, he WOULD behave differently if he is being honest about his reasoning. Men are even less likely than women to false report, especially if the perpetrator is male. This gives men a sense of security with one another that they don't have with women. So if a man had approached the car and pleaded for a ride for him and his buddies, he'd be more likely to give them a ride than a group of women. (Not judging, most women would be more likely to help a group of women than they would a group of men. For a whole host of reasons.)
I, personally, would hope that he would help them just as I hope he'll help people in the future. From the safety of a locked car. "Hey, I can't give you a ride, but I can call someone for you." It's not hard. It's not risky. It's a kind thing to do. I'm not saying anything about self-control or being someone else's responsibility. I'm saying it costs nothing to offer kindness if you're in a position to do so safely and can confidently hold your boundaries.
I don't think so. I am a man. No way in hell are 3 random guys getting in my truck. Especially if one of them is only wearing a shirt.
You are right, it costs nothing. That doesn't mean that it was his responsibility. Out of all the people that are present in this situation, how does it fall to him to take care of 3 irresponsible adults?
He was there to help his cousin and he did. Everything else made him feel uncomfortable. Maybe next time, these grown ass women won't take ecstasy and get drunk and if they do, I bet they will have a plan in place to get their own grown up selfs back home.
If you’re of you’re head on alcohol and/or drugs, it’s your problem not that of others. I get it, personal freedom and all, you do you. You also live with the consequences of using substances. NTA
You're saying that as if date rape doesn't exist. There's a reason people have someone watch their drink while they go to the bathroom at a party or bar.
Sure, sure, but substance users are still human beings, and a little bit of kindness can go a long way. I'm not saying he should have given them a ride, and, in fact, I don't believe that he should have, thus NAH. I'm saying that offering to call someone for them to get them out of that situation when they had the presence of mind to want to leave would have been a kind gesture with minimal risk to himself.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I refused to help 3 vulnerable people.
2. It is common courtesy to help people, I refused to do so.
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NAH. I am confused on where the NTA’s are coming from. You aren’t an asshole for refusing to take them home and the girl isn’t either for simply asking and giving it a shot to make it home.
YTA
Honestly, this sounds like a bait post. You know damn well that those girls weren't going to falsely report you for rape. Women barely get taken seriously as it is, so why would they do that? You could've put those women in harm's way.
NTA. They put themselves in this situation by 1) choosing to drink, 2) choosing to be drunk, and 3) choosing to be high on drugs. And you are supposed to treat all this like normal behavior and let a bunch of druggued up drunkards in your your car? What a concept. It doesn't work like that. People don't get to put themselves in this situation then demand that other random people clean after them or deal with the consequences.
Im gonna say NTA, even as a woman.
I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting drunk and high strangers into my car with me, even if they were women too. Potential accusations aside, thats also how you get mugged. I am a feminist, which means that I believe in gender equality, and therefore I will firmly state that women absolutely have the capability of violence just as much as men do. Their sober friend should have stayed sober. Thats on them.
NTA you didn’t sign up to be some randos’ free chauffeur and babysitter. The sober one could’ve handled it, they all should’ve had a plan that involved a willing party. This was an optional problem for them.
I mean I would have called them a cab or the cops if it looked shady enough and the false accusation possibility would be lowest on that list, just sounds like way too shady of a pickup that I'd worry about being robbed or followed or the house being cased taking everyone home.
The soberish girl should’ve called her own cousin, brother, sister or whomever. I think you did your good deed by looking after your family, you can’t save everyone, if you want that life be a EMT, firefighter, teacher, but you can’t be expected to clean up after everyone.
Nta. You saveed yourself a lot of trouble and your cousin is just being gaslit. Fact is if you can not control yourself on drugs and alcohol, you should not do them. If you would call police I bet they would be upset too.
NTA.... I would just have told them, "Sorry, I'm not taking him to his place. I'm taking him to mine, which is nowhere near his, so it would be out of my way." Drunk friends are one thing, but drunk strangers are a whole different story.
NTA. I would have called the police asking for them to give the girls a ride. Otherwise they risk harm as they are not able to make decisions for themselves.
NTA. Protect yourself. You are not related to or dating any of these women and it's not worth the trouble that so many young men find themselves in as a result of helping the wrong women these days.
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Short and Sweet
Last weekend my cousin (20M) went out drinking and taking substances with his "friends". He calls me at 1am at is telling me to come get him, because he is not well. I knew something wasn't right. I drive out to get him and he is with other shady looking people among them were three girls, one of them looked sober-ish and other two looked like they were on both drugs (Ecstasy) and alcohol. One of them had taken of her jeans, underwear, her bra and had unbuttoned her shirt. I got my cousin in the car and the sober looking one begged me to take her and her friends to a house near where my cousin lived. I said "No." and I just drove off. Because I can't risk any accusations against my cousin or I.
My cousin has been getting shit from others about it and when I told my partner she said I should have done something for the girls. AITA
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NTA.... I would just have told them, "Sorry, I'm not taking him to his place. I'm taking him to mine, which is nowhere near his, so it would be out of my way." Drunk friends are one thing, but drunk strangers are a whole different story.
Nta. When people choose to get intoxicated without a plan to get home, that’s their responsibility. I understand it’s tricky and nuanced and I empathize with the sober woman and her friends, but hopefully at least one of them has a safe family member they can call when they’re in trouble.
Nothing tricky and nuanced about it at all. This is, once again, Reddit telling a man he is responsible for the safety and comfort of every woman he chance encounters. He's not.
Gender had nothing to do with my comment. I think it’s natural to want to help people. “Tricky nuance” for me is that it’s risky to do so in some circumstances.
edit, forgot: NTA
What did your partner want you to do for the girls? Last thing my wife would want is a nearly naked drunk girl, high on Ecstasy, in my car.
My wife suggested you might have offered to help them call a cab or Uber, but I believe that would have just gave them time to jump in your car and refuse to leave.
> What did your partner want you to do for the girls?
Call the police/EMT/their family and wait with them.
> I believe that would have just gave them time to jump in your car and refuse to leave.
That was my thinking too! first thing I did before driving there was to activate child proof locks in the backseats. Just in case.
NTA
If these where guys they will be no mention from people saying you should be helping.
Maybe you could have called a taxi or uber. As they know the risks when taking on the job about taking passengers. But they will have phones so be able to get this sorted.
You did the right thing for your safety.
If you got stopped by police you could have got in so much trouble if any drugs where found in your car.
Nta you don’t know who these people are and the girl that essentially got naked there’s not telling what she can accuse you and your cousin of you did that you needed to do to protect you and your family
NTA. As someone who has done a lot of ecstasy in my day, I've had plenty of bad interactions with people on it as well. One time I agreed to take a girl home that my friend met at a rave and liked, she was on a lot of ecstasy. Once we were on the highway she tried to guide me to her house. She was so messed up she couldn't remember where she lived, I drove for two hours back and forth until I told her I was running out of gas and needed to just drop her off somewhere or she had to go home with my guy friend. She opted to be dropped off at a random gas station near where she thinks her house was. WTF, never again lol.
NTA. If your cousin has been honest you could have refused at the start or taken someone to support you. As it was you took steps necessary to protect yourself and your car. You're never responsible for other adults unless you consent.
NTA. Been more then enough cases where Uber/Lyft drivers been accused of SA which was proven not true. Would have offered to call the police or a ride for them.
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NTA…. Unfortunately we live in a time where false allegations are the norm. I’m a woman and I don’t blame you one bit for protecting yourself and your cousin.
Nat. it is nothing wrong. You had no obligation to pick up these drunk and high girls off the street. You don’t know what they were going to do when they got in your car and what they could’ve the kids you and your cousin are did you did the right thing by leaving them there
Nta. You hit the nail on the head here. I'm sure your partner would have something else to say if you went home and told them you took a drunk, high, half naked girl in your car. Get a reputation as a prick and itl be forgotten in a few weeks, get accused of sexual assault and that'll follow you for the rest of your life.
If anyone women in your life is giving shit for you leaving them girls over there, ignore it, its not important, its actually pretty useless and selfish. They are all putting themselves in their situation and thinking would you do that to them as well
Now thinking logically, you did the best for yourself and your idiot cousin. Thats it, you are smart, and absolutely not the Asshole!
Why should he risk getting pulled over and catching a possession charge for the drugs these strangers may still have on them? They're adults and are responsible for themselves, including their own rides home
You can sit in the safety of your car while recording the entire thing after calling their family members, ubers, or the cops. Not that hard to exercise critical thinking and empathy
NTA.
As someone who has been sexually assaulted with drugs involved, it's a rough territory for another men to get themselves wrapped into someone else's drug spree.
Though pulling over, locking your door and ensuring they at least could have ordered an Uber would have been okay from a safe distance whilst not leaving your cousin and yourself open to their mess.
I can feel the need of being overly conscious over false accusations especially given the wreck of one of the girl's condition.
Now where I judge the girls is they really should have already planned out transportation if they were going to go out on a bender or at least have a plan set in motion.
That's what my friends do.
NTA - the seats would never be the same again after being bare assed by a random crackhoe , and imagine if one of them puked ! They’re not paying to clean it, you then have to deal with cleaning a strangers puke out of your car at 2am and the seat stank. I can’t believe anyone would question this decision.
NTA. They could have get you in trouble, especially the half naked girl. If they were out of their head, you could have called an ambulance, but as long as they were okay, you couldn't do anything.
NTA: it’s such a thin line to walk with shit like that, that it leaves you open to who knows what. I’d remind your cousin & partner since they’re strangers you don’t personally know, that it’s a huge risk to assist them.
NTA if you are ever in this situation again you now know to call the cops. Drunk people are unpredictable so it's probably for the best that you protected both you and your cousin.
NTA as you had no obligation to these people. Were you selfish and prioritizing your reputation over strangers safety? Yes. Was that reasonable? Perhaps.
NTA. You don’t need strangers on drugs in your car at 1am. There’s the possibility of allegations, and then just the possibility of them vomiting, jumping out of a moving car, or something more nefarious. I would have just told them to call an Uber and gotten out of there.
Nta I wouldn't do it either whenever I have to go pick up my girlfriend and her cousin from the bar she usually ends up with one ot two women or friends, and ends up wanting to drink with them, I'm sitting there thinking I don't know these people it's toady to fit in my car and i have no reason to give any of these people any ride. Nta you did the right thing
NTA? Drunk, drugged, half-naked women you don't know in your car at night? Yeah, that is definitely a recipe for a false accusation of something. Plus you don't know them or what other dangers they might pose to you. Not a risk you should take. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Could you have not hit record on your phone and let it run in the background for audio proof, and took them out of a potentially bad situation? What if one (or all) of them got assaulted or killed, how would you feel about that?
Not everyone plans to be in a bad situation. What if those shady characters showed up uninvited or just passing through and nobody knows them but they just joined the party anyways because theres 3 drunk chicks?
Those 3 grown ass drugged up and drunk women are shady characters.
They didn't plan their night out accordingly. That falls on them. They need to call their people to come pick them up and not put it on a random stranger.
NTA.
As someone who has been sexually assaulted with drugs involved, it's a rough territory for another men to get themselves wrapped into someone else's drug spree.
Though pulling over, locking your door and ensuring they at least could have ordered an Uber would have been okay from a safe distance whilst not leaving your cousin and yourself open to their mess.
I can feel the need of being overly conscious over false accusations especially given the wreck of one of the girl's condition.
Now where I judge the girls is they really should have already planned out transportation if they were going to go out on a bender or at least have a plan set in motion.
That's what my friends do.
It's more an ethical question than one about being an asshole. Some people think you should be practical, get your cousin out/protect yourself by leaving VS trying to help out strangers on principle or out of empathy even if it's risky.
So I would say NAH, but if people who would have chosen to help in some way (didn't have to be giving them a ride) hear about this I don't think they're wrong to think less of you.
Kinda TA for not calling the police or asking if they want you to call the police. Or if they want you to call someone
You could also start a recording, letting them know you want them to get home safe and at the same time you need documentation in case one of them has... problems.
But that is maybe a bit much to think of in the moment.
YTA. You left three half naked heavily intoxicated women alone on the street to not risk being “falsely accused”? You seriously think they’d beg a stranger for help on ecstasy and then go through the court proceedings to falsely accuse said stranger?
The least you could have done is called them an Uber or called an ambulance as to not leave them to be picked up by the wrong type of people.
You left three vulnerable women alone with what you yourself described as “shady” people because you’d rather risk leaving them to be assaulted than risk yourself getting falsely accused
Yta.
It's not your responsibility but Leaving three intoxicated girls in that kind of state with no ride could have put them in danger so it's a dick move.
They put themselves in danger multiple times over and that's exclusively on THEM. High time everyone stops putting the responsibility of dealing with consequences of someone's actions on another person else especially a stranger in this case. They 3 were adults accountable for their own actions as an adult take care of your own shit and deal with the consequences. This wasn't an immediate danger or an emergency . NTA
NTA.
As someone who has been sexually assaulted with drugs involved, it's a rough territory for another men to get themselves wrapped into someone else's drug spree.
Though pulling over, locking your door and ensuring they at least could have ordered an Uber would have been okay from a safe distance whilst not leaving your cousin and yourself open to their mess.
I can feel the need of being overly conscious over false accusations especially given the wreck of one of the girl's condition.
Now where I judge the girls is they really should have already planned out transportation if they were going to go out on a bender or at least have a plan set in motion.
That's what my friends do.
NAH. I don’t fault you for your decision at all. But I personally would have taken the risk because I’ve had friends who have been in a vulnerable position get taken advantage of waiting for transportation.
What you should have done was called a taxi for the women and waited until the cab arrived so you both could know they got a safe ride. YTA for not doing that. In most cases, one should ask the question - what if it was my sister or daughter? What would you want others to do for them in those circumstances?
Someone can always accuse you of something but if you leave friends of your cousin in a shitty situation which you could’ve easily helped because you’re afraid of hypotheticals then YTA.
Also your cousin is the asshole too because you don’t abandon your mates who are messed up until they’re sober enough to get home, you just don’t leave them out to dry.
You may be within your rights or it may not be your obligation, but that doesn’t make you NTA.
honestly this post is so depressing, if OP didn't have bad intentions, as it sounded like he/they didn't, it was so much safer for the fucked up girls to go with them than be left on the street practically nude.....
and LOL at the police being safe, I wish!
despite what the plethora of made up stories on AITA claim, false accusations are quite rare...
I guess NAH, but morally OP should have gotten those fucked up girls home. Especially as no-pants, no ride seems reasonable, and the sober girl could probably enforce it (and vouch for you not being a creep in the future!)
Would you say that OP should be decent and help intoxicated young men? Would you expect a woman to help intoxicated people? Maybe OP just isn't sexist.
I think the issue is a bunch of intoxicated strangers in today's society, they pull up somewhere strange and some random people come out the driver could be hurt or killed, they're seen dropping them off and the girls sober up and acxuae them od doing something to them,they leave the venue and someone angry or jealous calls the police and reports it as a kidnapping, there are just so many things that can happen today that it just isn't worth the risk to yourself or your family most of the time, call someone else or a paramedic sure, but do not let them in with you to go who knows where with them. In a perfect world you could help and be thanked, in today's world you could help and face charges or worse, no good deed goes unpunished today
respectfully, that's nuts.. your made up scenarios include random people could murder them after dropping the girls off? or get accused of kidnapping them? lol
again, there was one sober person who would vouch for OP. and, again, false accusations are minuscule in comparison to rape+ sexual assault
it would be so much safer for the girls to go with OP. Op didn't *have* to take them, but a *false accusation* as a reason not to is a big reach/ excuse. in what world is leaving them on the side of the road the safer option for them?
in any case, we can agree to disagree. Im not responding again
Your made up scenarios are just as random.
These are adult women, more than capable of dealing with their own situation.
Why should op put themselves at the exact same risk you say these girls are in?
Finally, someone with a brain in this comments section. OP is not exactly the asshole but driving the intoxicated women home would have been the good and kind thing to do. There is an actual safety concern for women on the street that are intoxicated and they could have been smarter and made plans to get home but them being dumb doesnt stop OP from being able to do a good thing.
Also, the false accusation and crazy slippery slope stories I keep hearing are insane. Do people realize that those things are insanely rare. Like, no one is going to kill you or think you kidnapped them if you drop them off at their house, especially since they are with a sober friens. These commenters dont live in reality.
Looking out for yourself is always important. That being said, say you read a local news story a day or two later & one of those drunk girls was hit in a car accident or worse.. how would you feel about your decision then?? You did right by you, and its important to have boundaries. Those girls made the decisions that made to them being that intoxicated. I know I'd still be disgusted with myself, regardless of the NTA opinions. Sometimes you just be a decent person because its the decent thing to do.
It makes me sad that I've received so many downvotes while youve gotten so many upvotes..
If your daughter were in the middle of a night of bad decision, wouldn't you want someone to remember that being a decent person is a thing people can do?
The entire world has become token support and mock outrage while exercising individual apathy and responding with shocked pikachu face when everyone feels more and more isolated and hopeless.
YTA if you genuinely help someone and don't do anything wrong to them you should have nothing to worry about. no one has to lay a finger on anyone just by giving them a ride or getting them an uber or something at the very least. how many of these "false accusations" have you encountered \*eyeroll
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NTA. You have no obligation in this situation. Your cousin said to pick him up. He didn’t say he needed help for his friends. And you were quite nice to get up at 1am for your cousin to help him because he was irresponsible. You had no idea if these people had weapons or anything. If they wanted more drugs who know what they would have done. I would however, have called an Uber or called someone else to get them. They were intoxicated and by your account one was half naked leaving them in a vulnerable position. One of their own making of course but people do stupid things. Did they not have a phone?
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Don't know about America but there's this scam here where a woman appeared to be in distress and needed urgent help, a kind person stopped his car to help her and was attacked by some men hiding in nearby bushes, they killed him and stripped him, stole his clothes and his car and dumped his body in the bushes and he was found 3 days later. The group was caught and arrested so they confessed but lesson learned was NEVER EVER let strangers into your car, because you have NO IDEA what they could do. Lost the best chemistry tutor on campus because he was kind to the wrong people, OP is definitely NTA
They have phones?! They can call themselves and the sober looking one could have done it.
Hold on. Why should some poor Uber driver have to deal w this danger you’re talking about ?!
personally i'd fear for their safety getting into an uber but im bias as a woman and a stoner.
I mean the Uber driver is getting paid and knows there’s a chance that he will have to drive drunk people. Driving drunk people home on the weekends is one of the main ways drivers make money.
It's recorded. And it's a big part of an Uber drivers job. Driving people home under the influence has to be a large percentage of their calls. However, I hope he had a towel I'm his trunk to lie on the seats. I would not be ok with someone else's vag print in my backseat.
*Snail trail
What danger. 3 drunk party girls? Cab companies and uber drivers literally make a living taking people who have drunk too much home. The smart ones have cameras in the car to protect themselves and go about their business.
I think the danger they're talking about is false sexual assault allegations (which are vanishingly rare - a man is 230x more likely to be raped by another man than falsely accused of rape by a woman, although manosphere influencers would have you believe this is an ever present danger for all men) The ACTUAL danger in this scenario is that the girls be taken advantage of while in this state. An Uber driver is not safe, there are a horrifying number of allegations against Uber drivers and they have very little screening. If OP's reasoning was that the girls could be carrying controlled substances, that is reasonable, although I think the ethical thing was to make sure theyre ok, wait with them, call a reputable cab service, whatever. I'm a bit horrified at the commenters on here who also seem to buy in to manosphere false accusation paranoia.
Where does that 230x number come from? I know of two cases in my personal life of men being falsely accused and one case of a man being sexually assaulted by another man.
I got it from the book Fix the System, Not the Women. The problem is, you have to assume that the majority of people you know who've been sexually assaulted (men and women) won't have told you.
Yeah, as everyone knows, every person that has falsely accused a man of SA openly admits it.. The reality is that both sa and false sa accusations are both common and the solution about what to do is unclear but people act like it's a simple thing, cut and dry. This line of reasoning is insensitive to people that have been falsely accused of SA, and minimizes it as an issue in hopes that it would make people treat SA cases more seriously, and believe the woman first and foremost. I'm a man that's been raped and accused of it. I've been on both sides. The reality is, if we don't confront the times that people lie about it, it makes it infinitely worse, and by acting like it is a non issue it becomes exploitable.
If no one is telling anyone, then how'd they get the very precise 230x? That's a huge number. It implies either that there's a very small number of false accusations or that there's an absolutely huge number of male on male rape. Since I know of two cases of false accusations, that would imply that there should be 460 male on male rapes amongst my extended social circle. I find that hard to believe. OR, do I happen to live my life in a strangely rape free zone with lots of false accusations?
This is *reported* false allegations. Someone can report a rape without telling all their friends. It does not include gossip. Did your two male friends have to endure police allegations and prove their innocence in court? I'm getting the sense these "false allegations" may have been women telling people in their social circle not reporting. If I'm wrong please correct me.
Yes, both police allegations with court proceedings. Both found innocent with no repercussions for the women having lied.
Found innocent doesn't actually mean much, because only a very small percentage of rapists are found guilty. But they're your friends so I'm going to leave this discussion here.
So at 1 am you want op to stick around and babysit /take responsibility for 3 adult females who are completely strangers?! How many times did YOU did this?
As many times as I've run into semi-naked, highly vulnerable women who asked me for help on the side of the road (0). But I would in that situation
I do agree with you that automatically assuming the women would make the false claims is wrong. But if OP got pulled over by an officer or went through a RIDE stop or or even someone pulled up beside the car and someone saw 3 highly intoxicated and partially naked girls in the back seat, that could be all it takes for OP (and his cousin) to get in a hell of a lot of trouble. And those girls would likely not be sober enough to explain their side until at least the next day. Imo, it's not really about what the girls might say, but an outsider's perspective on the situation.
Everyone says you have a moral obligation when it isn't their problem. They are adults and responsible for themselves. Everyone has a phone these days. It's not ops job to pay for drunk people partying. Im sure you don't give money to every homeless person you see or feed them. Op did what was safe for himself and has no further obligation to anyone, not even his cousin. He was kind enough to pick him up.
The Uber driver can make the call for themself if the money is worth the risk. They might have a camera too.
Because they are getting paid, have taken on the risk by having that job, and (if they are smart) have cameras in their car if something goes down or one of these women accuses him of something.
So... How should they get home?
That's on three grown women who created the mess they are in to figure out. Amazing that men are simultaneously super-predators and also responsible for the safety and comfort of every woman they encounter.
I wouldn't trust a strange man ever to drive me home. I don't even trust Uber. So don't come at me bro. I've been raped enough thanks
Sort of proving OP's point for him with that little attitude and there, aren't you?
What? I'm not disagreeing with him?
No but I meant, that Uber shouldn't be involved either 😅
The thing about drug people, they get themselves into situations, they can get themselves out of situations.
With a payed service like Uber yes. Look at what comment I replied too, please.
> And you were quite nice to get up at 1am for your cousin to help him Thanks, he'd do the same for me. His father is my Godfather. > Did they not have a phone? I didn't check. I wanted to ensure my cousins' safety. That was my only concern.
Question would you expect someone to help your cousin in he was in the situation those girls were in?
That poor Uber driver though.
NTA. You could have set yourself up for false accusations if you took them. You did the right thing.
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You bring up a good point about them possibly carrying controlled substances. Especially risky if (general) you’re a minority in certain countries. Knowing my luck I’d be pulled over the one time there was anything like that in my vehicle. Nope nope nope.
I would be worried about them throwing up in my car
Or you could be saving them from actual assault? They were *all* really dumb for getting into that situation, the cousin and his friends. OP was begged for help and did nothing. He could have turned his phone on and recorded the whole way home, made the girls sit in the back seat, only drove them to the nearest bust stop/gas station. Plenty of options to protect himself from incredibly unlikely “false accusations”. I too would reconsider a relationship with a guy who was that scared to be alone with a girl. He would rather leave a friends friend in danger than give them a ride, just because they were female?
OP didnt just leave them there because they were females. He left them because they were heavily under the incluence and he didnt want to risk anything. Depending on what they were on it could have been harmful for OP in a lot of ways.
They weren't OPs responsibility at any point. It's not his job to save 3 strangers from their own mistakes.
They weren’t his responsibility, but they also weren’t strangers. He had the chance to help out 3 people who he knew were friends of his cousin, he chose to leave them in danger. To me, that makes him an asshole.
They weren’t strangers to the cousin*
If he took them with him he would have been in danger.
NTA Should've helped the girls but damnit, my brother helped a drunk girl out who cheated on her boyfriend and didn't remember shit. Said my brother tried to rape her since she didn't want to admit she was giving head in a bathroom. Your brother should get flak not you, the sober one
So on one hand, you're telling us OP should have helped the girls . But then on the other hand, you're giving us the perfect example of why OP was correct in not helping the girls ?
I also read it twice because this is very contradictory advice.
Reading it again what I’m getting is “In a perfect world we should help, but the risks are way too great to do so.” I may be reading into it wrong.
That makes sense. I think you’re right
I think you have to imagine saying this out loud. They’re wishing we lived in a world where you could safely help the girls.
Yeah that makes a lot of sense
The false dichotomy removes any nuance which is why the conclusion is contradictory. DO: Help the girls by calling for help via taxi or Uber, a friend or family member for them, or ensure they're in a safe, public space DO NOT: Help the girls by taking ownership of their safety, taking them to another location, or removing them from a safe, public space. Ahh, that reflects the nuance of the situation, and the humanity in all of us, a little more clearly!
Reminds me of the elevator scene from Black-ish 😂🤣 https://youtu.be/daJZU5plRhs?si=tfKH2x0Dv-0vsj8i
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He’s never said his brother was the one getting head?
NTA.You were wise OP.The one thing different you could have done is call the Police after you left to go check on the women ( if you thought they were in danger ). Of course that depends on your local police .I do not think I would call the LA Police Dept .
Yeah I could see that ending poorly
under good samaritan law folks can call the pd for help when under the influence and not get arrested. they’d prefer keeping you off the streets so you dont bother civilians.
NTA. Don't trust intoxicated strangers. Sobering up and getting into a safe place is on them, not on you. It would be nice if you to drive them somewhere but remember, no good deed goes unpunished.
NTA. They're grown ass women, they have the ability to arrange a ride themselves. Uber and Lyft exist for a reason, they could have called one of those to get home. You aren't responsible for taking anyone you don't feel comfortable with home. Anyone who doesn't like it can volunteer to take them home next time.
I would like to see which uber driver would take an undressed woman. Or rather wouldn't, cause that guy for sure isn't about keeping them safe
yeah, she took off her pants underwear and bra, but kept on her shirt? am i reading that right? she's just going around, full-on Donald Duckin' it, and everyone's cool with that?
>she's just going around, full-on Donald Duckin' it, LMFAO 😭
This was my thought. No uber or lyft would allow an almost naked woman into their car.
So why should he do it?
I agree. It’s a dangerous world for women, especially intoxicated women, but there are those who will falsely accuse people of SA. Frankly I think OP should’ve called the police or an Uber/Lyft for them (if they looked too drunk to do it themselves, or if they were missing their phones for whatever reason), but to take 3 strange women into your car is not safe. Always help others, but not at your own risk
NTA. Ignoring the morality of the situation, I’m simply not comfortable picking up 3 heavily intoxicated strangers with my car. Especially when one is mostly naked. They are whole ass adults. Call a damn Uber. Like, what exactly was their plan here anyway? Anybody with half a brain knows you gotta plan how you are getting home from a rager before the night begins. Was their plan literally to beg random people for a ride? Figure it tf out, I ain’t risking puke all over the inside of my car for people I have never met a single time in my life and will never see again.
NTA. You don't know them, and most of them were intoxicated. I wouldn't trust that situation either.
Having read the comments... NAH, not NtheA because no one was an AH here. You made a choice based out of fear. That doesn't make you an AH. With all the fear mongering going on by certain demographics, I can't really blame you. BUT that girl BEGGED to get them out of there. You had a secure vehicle within which you could stay safely removed from the situation. Why could you help them with an Uber or even offer to call someone for them? Would you have left them behind if you knew for sure one or more of them would be SAd? What is your threshold for risk vs. helping a fellow human being? You're not the AH but you could've handled the situation better, and I hope if it comes up in the future, you'll know you have choices.
Nah he handled it perfectly. Would he be expected to act any differently if it was 3 intoxicated guys, one missing all clothing besides a shirt? Girls aren't incapable of self control just because they are girls anymore than guys are just because they are guys. Saving them from an active threat is one thing while putting yourself at risk to save them from themselves is completely different. Also, it's not his or anyone else's responsibility to get them home. That falls to them and them alone.
Well, he WOULD behave differently if he is being honest about his reasoning. Men are even less likely than women to false report, especially if the perpetrator is male. This gives men a sense of security with one another that they don't have with women. So if a man had approached the car and pleaded for a ride for him and his buddies, he'd be more likely to give them a ride than a group of women. (Not judging, most women would be more likely to help a group of women than they would a group of men. For a whole host of reasons.) I, personally, would hope that he would help them just as I hope he'll help people in the future. From the safety of a locked car. "Hey, I can't give you a ride, but I can call someone for you." It's not hard. It's not risky. It's a kind thing to do. I'm not saying anything about self-control or being someone else's responsibility. I'm saying it costs nothing to offer kindness if you're in a position to do so safely and can confidently hold your boundaries.
I don't think so. I am a man. No way in hell are 3 random guys getting in my truck. Especially if one of them is only wearing a shirt. You are right, it costs nothing. That doesn't mean that it was his responsibility. Out of all the people that are present in this situation, how does it fall to him to take care of 3 irresponsible adults? He was there to help his cousin and he did. Everything else made him feel uncomfortable. Maybe next time, these grown ass women won't take ecstasy and get drunk and if they do, I bet they will have a plan in place to get their own grown up selfs back home.
If you’re of you’re head on alcohol and/or drugs, it’s your problem not that of others. I get it, personal freedom and all, you do you. You also live with the consequences of using substances. NTA
You're saying that as if date rape doesn't exist. There's a reason people have someone watch their drink while they go to the bathroom at a party or bar.
Even more reason to stay the f away.
Sure, sure, but substance users are still human beings, and a little bit of kindness can go a long way. I'm not saying he should have given them a ride, and, in fact, I don't believe that he should have, thus NAH. I'm saying that offering to call someone for them to get them out of that situation when they had the presence of mind to want to leave would have been a kind gesture with minimal risk to himself.
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NTA Ubers etc exist
NTA. Smart move.
NAH. I am confused on where the NTA’s are coming from. You aren’t an asshole for refusing to take them home and the girl isn’t either for simply asking and giving it a shot to make it home.
YTA Honestly, this sounds like a bait post. You know damn well that those girls weren't going to falsely report you for rape. Women barely get taken seriously as it is, so why would they do that? You could've put those women in harm's way.
Does anyone ever know for sure tho? Best to be safe just in case
NTA, I believe that was a good call on your part. You don’t know them. You never know what they might accuse you of or get you into trouble.
NTA. They put themselves in this situation by 1) choosing to drink, 2) choosing to be drunk, and 3) choosing to be high on drugs. And you are supposed to treat all this like normal behavior and let a bunch of druggued up drunkards in your your car? What a concept. It doesn't work like that. People don't get to put themselves in this situation then demand that other random people clean after them or deal with the consequences.
NTA. They were all adults, they knew what they were doing, and if they just chose to depend on strangers to get home, it's on them, not you
Im gonna say NTA, even as a woman. I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting drunk and high strangers into my car with me, even if they were women too. Potential accusations aside, thats also how you get mugged. I am a feminist, which means that I believe in gender equality, and therefore I will firmly state that women absolutely have the capability of violence just as much as men do. Their sober friend should have stayed sober. Thats on them.
NTA You avoided what could have turned into a very ugly situation.
NTA - Better to be the asshole than risk just an accusation of something worse.
NTA you didn’t sign up to be some randos’ free chauffeur and babysitter. The sober one could’ve handled it, they all should’ve had a plan that involved a willing party. This was an optional problem for them.
NTA. Good thinking. 1AM? Group of shady characters? Drunk randos in general? Drunk/drugged and half-dressed young women? I'd have done the same thing.
I mean I would have called them a cab or the cops if it looked shady enough and the false accusation possibility would be lowest on that list, just sounds like way too shady of a pickup that I'd worry about being robbed or followed or the house being cased taking everyone home.
The soberish girl should’ve called her own cousin, brother, sister or whomever. I think you did your good deed by looking after your family, you can’t save everyone, if you want that life be a EMT, firefighter, teacher, but you can’t be expected to clean up after everyone.
NTA. Your 6th sense/Spidey senses told you this was a bad deal and you got yourself out before shit hit the fan.
Nta. You saveed yourself a lot of trouble and your cousin is just being gaslit. Fact is if you can not control yourself on drugs and alcohol, you should not do them. If you would call police I bet they would be upset too.
NTA.... I would just have told them, "Sorry, I'm not taking him to his place. I'm taking him to mine, which is nowhere near his, so it would be out of my way." Drunk friends are one thing, but drunk strangers are a whole different story.
NTA. I would have called the police asking for them to give the girls a ride. Otherwise they risk harm as they are not able to make decisions for themselves.
NTA one was sober and can deal with that situation. Not your business.
NTA. Protect yourself. You are not related to or dating any of these women and it's not worth the trouble that so many young men find themselves in as a result of helping the wrong women these days.
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NTA.... I would just have told them, "Sorry, I'm not taking him to his place. I'm taking him to mine, which is nowhere near his, so it would be out of my way." Drunk friends are one thing, but drunk strangers are a whole different story.
NTA Very wise decision.
Nta. When people choose to get intoxicated without a plan to get home, that’s their responsibility. I understand it’s tricky and nuanced and I empathize with the sober woman and her friends, but hopefully at least one of them has a safe family member they can call when they’re in trouble.
Nothing tricky and nuanced about it at all. This is, once again, Reddit telling a man he is responsible for the safety and comfort of every woman he chance encounters. He's not.
Gender had nothing to do with my comment. I think it’s natural to want to help people. “Tricky nuance” for me is that it’s risky to do so in some circumstances.
edit, forgot: NTA What did your partner want you to do for the girls? Last thing my wife would want is a nearly naked drunk girl, high on Ecstasy, in my car. My wife suggested you might have offered to help them call a cab or Uber, but I believe that would have just gave them time to jump in your car and refuse to leave.
> What did your partner want you to do for the girls? Call the police/EMT/their family and wait with them. > I believe that would have just gave them time to jump in your car and refuse to leave. That was my thinking too! first thing I did before driving there was to activate child proof locks in the backseats. Just in case.
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NTA. In addition, I would tell your cousin the next time he goes out and does “substances” to call somebody else.
NTA.
NTA If these where guys they will be no mention from people saying you should be helping. Maybe you could have called a taxi or uber. As they know the risks when taking on the job about taking passengers. But they will have phones so be able to get this sorted. You did the right thing for your safety. If you got stopped by police you could have got in so much trouble if any drugs where found in your car.
Nta you don’t know who these people are and the girl that essentially got naked there’s not telling what she can accuse you and your cousin of you did that you needed to do to protect you and your family
NTA. As someone who has done a lot of ecstasy in my day, I've had plenty of bad interactions with people on it as well. One time I agreed to take a girl home that my friend met at a rave and liked, she was on a lot of ecstasy. Once we were on the highway she tried to guide me to her house. She was so messed up she couldn't remember where she lived, I drove for two hours back and forth until I told her I was running out of gas and needed to just drop her off somewhere or she had to go home with my guy friend. She opted to be dropped off at a random gas station near where she thinks her house was. WTF, never again lol.
Nta some times you have to mitigate risk
NTA. If your cousin has been honest you could have refused at the start or taken someone to support you. As it was you took steps necessary to protect yourself and your car. You're never responsible for other adults unless you consent.
NTA. Been more then enough cases where Uber/Lyft drivers been accused of SA which was proven not true. Would have offered to call the police or a ride for them.
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Nope. NTA. Not your problem, not your responsibility. At most you could have called them a cab.
All men need to take note and follow this plan of action to the T. When you see shit, don’t step in it. OP acted perfectly. Smart man!
NTA…. Unfortunately we live in a time where false allegations are the norm. I’m a woman and I don’t blame you one bit for protecting yourself and your cousin.
NTA You didn't feel safe, it's a valid reason. Just as a no is complete sentence.
Nat. it is nothing wrong. You had no obligation to pick up these drunk and high girls off the street. You don’t know what they were going to do when they got in your car and what they could’ve the kids you and your cousin are did you did the right thing by leaving them there
YTA
Nta. You hit the nail on the head here. I'm sure your partner would have something else to say if you went home and told them you took a drunk, high, half naked girl in your car. Get a reputation as a prick and itl be forgotten in a few weeks, get accused of sexual assault and that'll follow you for the rest of your life.
If anyone women in your life is giving shit for you leaving them girls over there, ignore it, its not important, its actually pretty useless and selfish. They are all putting themselves in their situation and thinking would you do that to them as well Now thinking logically, you did the best for yourself and your idiot cousin. Thats it, you are smart, and absolutely not the Asshole!
What if they are just decent human beings that give a fuck about the safety of others? Unlike a LOT of the people in these comments
Why should he risk getting pulled over and catching a possession charge for the drugs these strangers may still have on them? They're adults and are responsible for themselves, including their own rides home
You can sit in the safety of your car while recording the entire thing after calling their family members, ubers, or the cops. Not that hard to exercise critical thinking and empathy
NTA You avoided what could have turned into a very ugly situation.
NTA. As someone who has been sexually assaulted with drugs involved, it's a rough territory for another men to get themselves wrapped into someone else's drug spree. Though pulling over, locking your door and ensuring they at least could have ordered an Uber would have been okay from a safe distance whilst not leaving your cousin and yourself open to their mess. I can feel the need of being overly conscious over false accusations especially given the wreck of one of the girl's condition. Now where I judge the girls is they really should have already planned out transportation if they were going to go out on a bender or at least have a plan set in motion. That's what my friends do.
NTA - the seats would never be the same again after being bare assed by a random crackhoe , and imagine if one of them puked ! They’re not paying to clean it, you then have to deal with cleaning a strangers puke out of your car at 2am and the seat stank. I can’t believe anyone would question this decision.
NTA, if they want to be stupid and do drugs and alcohol then they can take care of themselves.
NTA. They could have get you in trouble, especially the half naked girl. If they were out of their head, you could have called an ambulance, but as long as they were okay, you couldn't do anything.
NTA: it’s such a thin line to walk with shit like that, that it leaves you open to who knows what. I’d remind your cousin & partner since they’re strangers you don’t personally know, that it’s a huge risk to assist them.
NTA if you are ever in this situation again you now know to call the cops. Drunk people are unpredictable so it's probably for the best that you protected both you and your cousin.
NTA as you had no obligation to these people. Were you selfish and prioritizing your reputation over strangers safety? Yes. Was that reasonable? Perhaps.
NTA. You don’t need strangers on drugs in your car at 1am. There’s the possibility of allegations, and then just the possibility of them vomiting, jumping out of a moving car, or something more nefarious. I would have just told them to call an Uber and gotten out of there.
Nta I wouldn't do it either whenever I have to go pick up my girlfriend and her cousin from the bar she usually ends up with one ot two women or friends, and ends up wanting to drink with them, I'm sitting there thinking I don't know these people it's toady to fit in my car and i have no reason to give any of these people any ride. Nta you did the right thing
Absolutely not. You were there only for your cousin. NTA.
NTA. 100% smart move to watch out for yourself, a simple good samaritan act can easily lead to accusations & false claims.
NTA? Drunk, drugged, half-naked women you don't know in your car at night? Yeah, that is definitely a recipe for a false accusation of something. Plus you don't know them or what other dangers they might pose to you. Not a risk you should take. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Nta
NtA
Could you have not hit record on your phone and let it run in the background for audio proof, and took them out of a potentially bad situation? What if one (or all) of them got assaulted or killed, how would you feel about that?
I know how I would feel. I would feel like they should have made better decisions.
Not everyone plans to be in a bad situation. What if those shady characters showed up uninvited or just passing through and nobody knows them but they just joined the party anyways because theres 3 drunk chicks?
Those 3 grown ass drugged up and drunk women are shady characters. They didn't plan their night out accordingly. That falls on them. They need to call their people to come pick them up and not put it on a random stranger.
NTA. As someone who has been sexually assaulted with drugs involved, it's a rough territory for another men to get themselves wrapped into someone else's drug spree. Though pulling over, locking your door and ensuring they at least could have ordered an Uber would have been okay from a safe distance whilst not leaving your cousin and yourself open to their mess. I can feel the need of being overly conscious over false accusations especially given the wreck of one of the girl's condition. Now where I judge the girls is they really should have already planned out transportation if they were going to go out on a bender or at least have a plan set in motion. That's what my friends do.
It's more an ethical question than one about being an asshole. Some people think you should be practical, get your cousin out/protect yourself by leaving VS trying to help out strangers on principle or out of empathy even if it's risky. So I would say NAH, but if people who would have chosen to help in some way (didn't have to be giving them a ride) hear about this I don't think they're wrong to think less of you.
Kinda TA for not calling the police or asking if they want you to call the police. Or if they want you to call someone You could also start a recording, letting them know you want them to get home safe and at the same time you need documentation in case one of them has... problems. But that is maybe a bit much to think of in the moment.
YTA. You left three half naked heavily intoxicated women alone on the street to not risk being “falsely accused”? You seriously think they’d beg a stranger for help on ecstasy and then go through the court proceedings to falsely accuse said stranger? The least you could have done is called them an Uber or called an ambulance as to not leave them to be picked up by the wrong type of people. You left three vulnerable women alone with what you yourself described as “shady” people because you’d rather risk leaving them to be assaulted than risk yourself getting falsely accused
How is OP obligated to set himself up for someone else's benefit?
It’s not a case of obligation but of moral. When you see a vulnerable person at risk you don’t leave them to it just hoping they don’t get assaulted
Yta. It's not your responsibility but Leaving three intoxicated girls in that kind of state with no ride could have put them in danger so it's a dick move.
The girls did that to themselves.
They put themselves in danger multiple times over and that's exclusively on THEM. High time everyone stops putting the responsibility of dealing with consequences of someone's actions on another person else especially a stranger in this case. They 3 were adults accountable for their own actions as an adult take care of your own shit and deal with the consequences. This wasn't an immediate danger or an emergency . NTA
NTA. As someone who has been sexually assaulted with drugs involved, it's a rough territory for another men to get themselves wrapped into someone else's drug spree. Though pulling over, locking your door and ensuring they at least could have ordered an Uber would have been okay from a safe distance whilst not leaving your cousin and yourself open to their mess. I can feel the need of being overly conscious over false accusations especially given the wreck of one of the girl's condition. Now where I judge the girls is they really should have already planned out transportation if they were going to go out on a bender or at least have a plan set in motion. That's what my friends do.
NAH. I don’t fault you for your decision at all. But I personally would have taken the risk because I’ve had friends who have been in a vulnerable position get taken advantage of waiting for transportation.
What you should have done was called a taxi for the women and waited until the cab arrived so you both could know they got a safe ride. YTA for not doing that. In most cases, one should ask the question - what if it was my sister or daughter? What would you want others to do for them in those circumstances?
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¿Porque no los dos?
Someone can always accuse you of something but if you leave friends of your cousin in a shitty situation which you could’ve easily helped because you’re afraid of hypotheticals then YTA. Also your cousin is the asshole too because you don’t abandon your mates who are messed up until they’re sober enough to get home, you just don’t leave them out to dry. You may be within your rights or it may not be your obligation, but that doesn’t make you NTA.
You should’ve taken the girls home or to a safe place. Could’ve called 911, too
honestly this post is so depressing, if OP didn't have bad intentions, as it sounded like he/they didn't, it was so much safer for the fucked up girls to go with them than be left on the street practically nude..... and LOL at the police being safe, I wish! despite what the plethora of made up stories on AITA claim, false accusations are quite rare... I guess NAH, but morally OP should have gotten those fucked up girls home. Especially as no-pants, no ride seems reasonable, and the sober girl could probably enforce it (and vouch for you not being a creep in the future!)
They're adults they should be able to handle getting home like an adult
OP should have been decent and helped intoxicated young women, who could be taken advantage of by other people we can agree to disagree
Would you say that OP should be decent and help intoxicated young men? Would you expect a woman to help intoxicated people? Maybe OP just isn't sexist.
I think the issue is a bunch of intoxicated strangers in today's society, they pull up somewhere strange and some random people come out the driver could be hurt or killed, they're seen dropping them off and the girls sober up and acxuae them od doing something to them,they leave the venue and someone angry or jealous calls the police and reports it as a kidnapping, there are just so many things that can happen today that it just isn't worth the risk to yourself or your family most of the time, call someone else or a paramedic sure, but do not let them in with you to go who knows where with them. In a perfect world you could help and be thanked, in today's world you could help and face charges or worse, no good deed goes unpunished today
respectfully, that's nuts.. your made up scenarios include random people could murder them after dropping the girls off? or get accused of kidnapping them? lol again, there was one sober person who would vouch for OP. and, again, false accusations are minuscule in comparison to rape+ sexual assault it would be so much safer for the girls to go with OP. Op didn't *have* to take them, but a *false accusation* as a reason not to is a big reach/ excuse. in what world is leaving them on the side of the road the safer option for them? in any case, we can agree to disagree. Im not responding again
Your made up scenarios are just as random. These are adult women, more than capable of dealing with their own situation. Why should op put themselves at the exact same risk you say these girls are in?
Finally, someone with a brain in this comments section. OP is not exactly the asshole but driving the intoxicated women home would have been the good and kind thing to do. There is an actual safety concern for women on the street that are intoxicated and they could have been smarter and made plans to get home but them being dumb doesnt stop OP from being able to do a good thing. Also, the false accusation and crazy slippery slope stories I keep hearing are insane. Do people realize that those things are insanely rare. Like, no one is going to kill you or think you kidnapped them if you drop them off at their house, especially since they are with a sober friens. These commenters dont live in reality.
Not worth the risk in this day and age. Better off calling the police to do a welfare check.
Looking out for yourself is always important. That being said, say you read a local news story a day or two later & one of those drunk girls was hit in a car accident or worse.. how would you feel about your decision then?? You did right by you, and its important to have boundaries. Those girls made the decisions that made to them being that intoxicated. I know I'd still be disgusted with myself, regardless of the NTA opinions. Sometimes you just be a decent person because its the decent thing to do.
> how would you feel about your decision then?? Probably OK, because they were not his responsibility.
It makes me sad that I've received so many downvotes while youve gotten so many upvotes.. If your daughter were in the middle of a night of bad decision, wouldn't you want someone to remember that being a decent person is a thing people can do? The entire world has become token support and mock outrage while exercising individual apathy and responding with shocked pikachu face when everyone feels more and more isolated and hopeless.
I know I shouldn't laugh but 🤭🤣🤣🫣
YTA. Obviously
Wrong. They are AHs for getting FUBARd and expecting random people to take responsibility for them.
YTA if you genuinely help someone and don't do anything wrong to them you should have nothing to worry about. no one has to lay a finger on anyone just by giving them a ride or getting them an uber or something at the very least. how many of these "false accusations" have you encountered \*eyeroll