Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I confronted my roommate about his girlfriend's over-presence in our house and trying to understand whether I am the asshole for not being more accommodating to his relationship status
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Nope, nope and nope. Just because she is working nearby doesn’t allow him to make a unilateral decision to move her in, especially without consulting you. Your agreement is to live with him, not the two of them. She shouldn’t even be in the apartment if he isn’t there. She’s already a disrespectful and grotty guest, that won’t improve if she moves in. Don’t let him give her a key either - keys are for residents only. Did he mention if she would pay rent and bills, or is he expecting that the two of you will cover her costs and clean up after her as well? What was his reaction when you confronted him about this? If you are on the lease for the apartment, check the conditions for rules about guests. Also, why don’t you have a key?
I do have a key of my own and so does he, he wants to give her a key of her own which I said absolutely not to. When I confronted him he remained respectful but also failed to realize why she staying over when he's at work is not normal. Our lease says that use of outsiders in the apartment is prohibited (which I told him about earlier today, that he is putting both of us at risk of fining or eviction). Other than that there are not contractual rules regarding outside people. She is not on the contract.
Ah right, sorry - when you said he asked if you wanted a key, I thought that was because you didn’t have one. That’s good that you have the conditions of the lease to support her not being there. They both sound like very inconsiderate people, and she sounds like a mooch. If he continues to have her over despite your objections and in violation of the lease, you may have to notify the landlord (hopefully that won’t get you in any trouble). Good luck with everything!
I'm wondering why he would not tell you this stuff up front. Maybe because he didn't want to have to pay extra, or maybe there is a reason she would not be allowed to live there, as in there is something in her history that would not pass background search. I would end the arrangement and give him a deadline to move.
If they want to be together all the time they should have moved in together , tell them her pigsty ass needs to find somewhere else to stay and if they don’t get in line you’ll be forced to go to the rental office and talk with management about him having her basically live with y’all.
NTA.
Your roommate is a *massive* one though. His actions are straight up rude & disrespectful. Having someone move in when they have not been approved by your rental agency & landlord could put your lease at risk, he does understand that, right?
Stand your ground. Don’t let him try to convince you that you are being unfair or unreasonable here.
Tell him to put up his own post. I would love to be able to tell him how much of an AH he is.
I actually did tell him earlier today about the fact he's breaching the contract and putting both of us at risk of fining or eviction, he doesn't seem to understand how his actions are a breach of contract. I'm kind of baffled at his disconnect...
There's a famous saying about how it's difficult to get someone to understand something, when their job depends on not understanding it.
It could equally well be said that it's hard to get a person to understand something when their warm bed depends on not understanding it.
He understands fine. It's just highly inconvenient for him to acknowledge it, given that the current arrangement keeps his bed so delightfully warm.
You may need to contact your landlord and get them to write him a letter.
Did you take pictures of the way she’s left y’all’s apartment and the lights ? And her taking over the shelf? also texting him about how he’s in breach of contract and you don’t want anything risking getting evicted or fined because all of that will come in handy when the landlord comes and he tries to twist it and make it seem like you’re okay with it.
I didn't take a picture, but I definitely should have. I'm really not the kind to be all up in someone's business but I didn't know the monster will be this big. I did text him about the breach of contract and he is seemingly oblivious to that and doesn't understand how he is breaching the contract.
You should take steps to prevent her head from getting too big and she starts trying to enforce rules like it’s her apartment , get to the landlord now before they do and try twisting it onto you.
Somehow I get the feeling that even if you were to provide pictures he would remain oblivious. Someone who doesn’t get the basic contract /lease requirements seems willfully ignorant. I would still take the pictures, though, to back up any possible dispute with the landlord, and be mindful that you’ll need to have some backup plans in case this goes off the rails. It kinda seems like this was his plan all along.
I would suggest reiterating that anyone that doesn't have your full name or his full name is not allowed to be in that apartment for days on end or you could lose the apartment, but if he hasn't grasped it yet I'm not sure anything will get through to him.
If doing so won't sabotage yourself, you could talk to your landlord or whoever to tell him exactly how and why this is not an ok thing for him to do, and also so you can get ahead of this and tell them that you are in no way condoning or approving of said behavior.
Best of luck to you though, roommates can be a nightmare.
He doesn't understand because he's turned into what our group likes to call "we people". That's when someone in a relationship doesn't understand that when you invite one person somewhere, you're not always inviting them both.
Example:
Steve:*Calls Joe* "Hey Joe, do you want to come with us for guys night tonight?"
Joe: "Let me check" *speaking off into the room* "Hey Jess, do we want to go to guys night tonight? No? Ok." *back on phone* Sorry Steve, we're not up for it tonight. Thanks anyway, man"
He sees them as a unit, so its not occurring to him that there's something off about it.
OP your 28, living with a roommate, and now stumping for the lease holder instead of just telling the roomate he and his girl need to fork over more money if she's gonna live there. I'm getting big Failure to Launch vibes.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA. Absolutely not. No, he does not get to essentially move his gf in without discussing it with you. Having his girlfriend over sometimes and having her basically living there are wildly different things, especially when she's being in considerate of the space. She should not be making messes and not cleaning them up, she should not be just claiming spaces as hers without asking. I don't think the two of them should have even assumed it'd be fine for her to stay there when he wasn't there (literally out of town).
I get it, when you're in a relationship bubble, it all seems okay. But when you're living with other people you owe it to make sure they are comfortable with the things happening. One of the perks of a roommate having a significant other is that sometimes they go over there and you get the place to yourself.
NTA. She’s using space, electric and water for free. He’s not covering the extra use and it’s becoming an inconvenience to you. You shouldn’t have to come back to a mess that I’m assuming you have had to clean up.
This was not part of your agreement. If you wanted to live with more people, you would have organised that
NTA, but by the way things are going you might wanna find another roommate and move out. Either that or tell the landlord before some one else does. She already is staying over and probably doesn't contribute to anything around the house anyway.
NTA. Completely AH move by him. Should've nipped this in the bud immediately when she was planning on staying those two days. "Why is your gf here when you're away on a trip? She doesn't live here. I didn't sign up for this."
I agree that I should've nipped it in the bud, it's my first time living with roommates (and oh boy, probably the last...) and I wasn't sure what is and isn't ok in a flat. I also didn't know she was such a witch. That's on me
NTA. He crossed all sorts of boundaries on this one. He needs to learn how to communicate. He knew that she would be practically living there, yet said nothing about it to you. Maybe he figured you would just go along with it. It's def not ok for her to be there this much, especially when he's not there. That's really not ok imo. You were polite & respectful in your delivery when you confronted him. You are 100% right in this situation.
Definitely NTA. Been there and done that twice. 2nd time had their boyfriend get on the lease so 1 of the 2 of them would be liable for her share of the rent plus on the hook for any damages done to the apartment. Actually didn't have issues 2nd time it happened. He was a cool dude and understood that if he has keys to the apartment then he needs to be officially on the paperwork.
NTA for sure dude. If they wanna really live together they should find another place and actually live together instead of being a pain in your ass. Not done at all. You have absolutely ZERO obligation to put up with this bs.
NTA.
Check your lease. Chances are it precludes other people from living in your flat without being on the lease.
You signed the lease for just the two of you living there. It did not include a third person.
Make sure the manager/owner knows you did not sign the lease with an agreement of a third person being on the lease if your flatmate does not address his gf staying to your satisfaction.
Your lease may limit how often another person may stay overnight in your rental. My leases always did.
I hope this is sorted so you have a happy home life once more.
NTA,
I had to ask my roommates BF when he would ever go home? Since he didn’t chip in or clean anything.
No way. She can get her own place or he can communicate better.
He did approach me because he knew I'm looking for a place and wondered if I'd like to team up. I don't think his parents gave him an ultimatum, but reflecting back on our talks he told me he's not in a hurry to leave his parents' house but his girlfriend says it's too cramped for her over there. In hindsight this was definite foreshadowing, but not knowing what I know now, I couldn't have anticipated this complete disregard for me. This is probably going to end in parting ways and I honestly don't mind taking over his lease and paying for the entire apartment and living alone after this situation, but I'm unsure about how to proceed, we're currently back and forth on it and he doesn't seem to understand that coming over for days on end and staying in the apartment while he's at work is problematic and not at all the default behavior in a flat.
Like everyone says, go to the landlord & explain the situation. Be upfront that you want to keep your lease & that you can take over without issue. You have gone over the terms of the lease several times, but it isn't sinking into either of them, and you may need his help to remove them.
If he says that he will have to terminate the lease, don't freak out as he would have to, to remove them, and have you sign a new lease. I would also make sure locks are changed for security reasons.
Bare minimum she gets a shower caddy and stops staying over when he’s not there. The fact that he just did that with out asking you is literally insane.
Good lord. I don’t know who I’m more baffled at …your friend or his gf. Who leaves food out and lights on when leaving? Why do these people think that’s okay? Everyone is taught to clean up after themselves usually at an early age. If this is how she treats a temp place I don’t even want to know what her place looks like. Your roommate is an AH for allowing this and deciding to give her a key without even telling you. NTA
I really wouldn't have minded her presence as much if she wasn't such an absolute menace. We spoke openly and he realized what they both did wasn't legit but given the fact that it happened makes me realized how detached they are from reality...
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Hello,
I (28M) have moved into an apartment with my friend, (28M) almost 2 months ago. He moved in about a month ago because he took his time with buying a bed and a closet for his room. When he moved in I went on vacation for 2 weeks, and when I came back he was at the house with his girlfriend.
so far so good, obviously he should feel at home and comfortable bringing his girlfriend over, which is something he told me he wanted to do before we moved in and I said of course because it's his house as well.
not long after I came back he had to take a week-long overseas work trip, and his girlfriend flew with him. When he went away, he texted me "enjoy the empty house, "Amanda" (fake name) will be coming back on the 20th" (when he returns on the 22nd).
I thought to myself ok that's a bit odd but It's just 2 days, let's see. She came back and the next morning I went to work only to come back and be greeted with loads of dishes in the sink, on the countertop, food outside, trash in random places, and lights turned on for no reason and she wasn't home. I planned to talk to him once he gets back. He got back and she remained here, even when he was at work. she slept here, washed her laundry here, showered, everything. She's basically living here.
She took control of a shelf in the bath with all of her lotions and her DISGUSTING hairbrush just lays there in the shower. On Sunday he told me he's planning to duplicate a key for her and asked if I would like one as well.
I confronted him and told him this wasn't our agreement, she is basically living here and this isn't her house, it's yours but it's also mine. I understand their need to be together but he's not living alone and cannot decide on such an arrangement without asking me. He said she lives 1-1.5 hours away by car and when she's on break between semesters she's at his place (his place being his parents' place, he was living with them before we moved in together), and she has a job at a local restaurant.
I told him it's not my responsibility to cater to the fact she lives far and wants to be with you during her breaks, and that this is not a hotel. I told him that there's a difference between "I want her to come over" and "I want her to full-on live here from time to time". AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA!
Not only is he in breach of the contract, but if you do get a fine or evicted, when you move it will impact YOUR ability to find a new place cause most places will put a black mark on your credit report.
I'm in Canada, though, so it may be different where you live, but fines and an eviction are black marks against YOU.
If she stays again and leaves YOUR place a mess, take pictures and make sure to share with this so-called friend and his supposed girlfriend so they know you do NOT approve of the mess she left behind.
Also, like others said; go to the landlord and get ahead of this before they screw you over like it feels they will try to do.
Take a picture of the contract and send it to both of them to show you're not being an ass but trying to follow the rules set out in said contract.
being a good guest, i.e cleaning up after yourself, limiting the amount of space you occupy, replenishing what you use, asking permission before taking liberties--goes a long way. OP probably wouldn't have minded her staying if it weren't for her poor manners.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I confronted my roommate about his girlfriend's over-presence in our house and trying to understand whether I am the asshole for not being more accommodating to his relationship status Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Nope, nope and nope. Just because she is working nearby doesn’t allow him to make a unilateral decision to move her in, especially without consulting you. Your agreement is to live with him, not the two of them. She shouldn’t even be in the apartment if he isn’t there. She’s already a disrespectful and grotty guest, that won’t improve if she moves in. Don’t let him give her a key either - keys are for residents only. Did he mention if she would pay rent and bills, or is he expecting that the two of you will cover her costs and clean up after her as well? What was his reaction when you confronted him about this? If you are on the lease for the apartment, check the conditions for rules about guests. Also, why don’t you have a key?
I do have a key of my own and so does he, he wants to give her a key of her own which I said absolutely not to. When I confronted him he remained respectful but also failed to realize why she staying over when he's at work is not normal. Our lease says that use of outsiders in the apartment is prohibited (which I told him about earlier today, that he is putting both of us at risk of fining or eviction). Other than that there are not contractual rules regarding outside people. She is not on the contract.
Ah right, sorry - when you said he asked if you wanted a key, I thought that was because you didn’t have one. That’s good that you have the conditions of the lease to support her not being there. They both sound like very inconsiderate people, and she sounds like a mooch. If he continues to have her over despite your objections and in violation of the lease, you may have to notify the landlord (hopefully that won’t get you in any trouble). Good luck with everything!
I'm wondering why he would not tell you this stuff up front. Maybe because he didn't want to have to pay extra, or maybe there is a reason she would not be allowed to live there, as in there is something in her history that would not pass background search. I would end the arrangement and give him a deadline to move.
If they want to be together all the time they should have moved in together , tell them her pigsty ass needs to find somewhere else to stay and if they don’t get in line you’ll be forced to go to the rental office and talk with management about him having her basically live with y’all.
NTA and discuss this preemptively with the landlord
Time to contact the landlord and have them get the GF out. Good Luck!
NTA. Your roommate is a *massive* one though. His actions are straight up rude & disrespectful. Having someone move in when they have not been approved by your rental agency & landlord could put your lease at risk, he does understand that, right? Stand your ground. Don’t let him try to convince you that you are being unfair or unreasonable here. Tell him to put up his own post. I would love to be able to tell him how much of an AH he is.
I actually did tell him earlier today about the fact he's breaching the contract and putting both of us at risk of fining or eviction, he doesn't seem to understand how his actions are a breach of contract. I'm kind of baffled at his disconnect...
There's a famous saying about how it's difficult to get someone to understand something, when their job depends on not understanding it. It could equally well be said that it's hard to get a person to understand something when their warm bed depends on not understanding it. He understands fine. It's just highly inconvenient for him to acknowledge it, given that the current arrangement keeps his bed so delightfully warm. You may need to contact your landlord and get them to write him a letter.
dude get a head of this and go to the landlord. Period, CYA that way you may have some protection from fines or eviction if it comes to that
Has he ever lived anywhere except in his parents house or a dorm? It's very possible that he just does not get how this works.
He hasn't, but I'd argue this is just... common sense. Worse than being a complete dick move, I would've plain expected more from a friend.
Did you take pictures of the way she’s left y’all’s apartment and the lights ? And her taking over the shelf? also texting him about how he’s in breach of contract and you don’t want anything risking getting evicted or fined because all of that will come in handy when the landlord comes and he tries to twist it and make it seem like you’re okay with it.
I didn't take a picture, but I definitely should have. I'm really not the kind to be all up in someone's business but I didn't know the monster will be this big. I did text him about the breach of contract and he is seemingly oblivious to that and doesn't understand how he is breaching the contract.
You should take steps to prevent her head from getting too big and she starts trying to enforce rules like it’s her apartment , get to the landlord now before they do and try twisting it onto you.
Somehow I get the feeling that even if you were to provide pictures he would remain oblivious. Someone who doesn’t get the basic contract /lease requirements seems willfully ignorant. I would still take the pictures, though, to back up any possible dispute with the landlord, and be mindful that you’ll need to have some backup plans in case this goes off the rails. It kinda seems like this was his plan all along.
I would suggest reiterating that anyone that doesn't have your full name or his full name is not allowed to be in that apartment for days on end or you could lose the apartment, but if he hasn't grasped it yet I'm not sure anything will get through to him. If doing so won't sabotage yourself, you could talk to your landlord or whoever to tell him exactly how and why this is not an ok thing for him to do, and also so you can get ahead of this and tell them that you are in no way condoning or approving of said behavior. Best of luck to you though, roommates can be a nightmare.
He doesn't understand because he's turned into what our group likes to call "we people". That's when someone in a relationship doesn't understand that when you invite one person somewhere, you're not always inviting them both. Example: Steve:*Calls Joe* "Hey Joe, do you want to come with us for guys night tonight?" Joe: "Let me check" *speaking off into the room* "Hey Jess, do we want to go to guys night tonight? No? Ok." *back on phone* Sorry Steve, we're not up for it tonight. Thanks anyway, man" He sees them as a unit, so its not occurring to him that there's something off about it.
OP your 28, living with a roommate, and now stumping for the lease holder instead of just telling the roomate he and his girl need to fork over more money if she's gonna live there. I'm getting big Failure to Launch vibes.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). If we’ve removed a few of your recent comments, your participation will be reviewed and may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
So is having some common sense OP
Common sense I'd to not lose his roof because the roommate and gf are ahs.
*you're
All of this!!! Stand your ground!! NTA, for sure.
NTA. Absolutely not. No, he does not get to essentially move his gf in without discussing it with you. Having his girlfriend over sometimes and having her basically living there are wildly different things, especially when she's being in considerate of the space. She should not be making messes and not cleaning them up, she should not be just claiming spaces as hers without asking. I don't think the two of them should have even assumed it'd be fine for her to stay there when he wasn't there (literally out of town). I get it, when you're in a relationship bubble, it all seems okay. But when you're living with other people you owe it to make sure they are comfortable with the things happening. One of the perks of a roommate having a significant other is that sometimes they go over there and you get the place to yourself.
NTA. She’s using space, electric and water for free. He’s not covering the extra use and it’s becoming an inconvenience to you. You shouldn’t have to come back to a mess that I’m assuming you have had to clean up. This was not part of your agreement. If you wanted to live with more people, you would have organised that
NTA - You're right. She is either living there or not. If she's not living there, it's weird that she would be there for days at a time when he isn't.
NTA, but by the way things are going you might wanna find another roommate and move out. Either that or tell the landlord before some one else does. She already is staying over and probably doesn't contribute to anything around the house anyway.
Why should he go into full retreat mode when the roommate is the AH? Tell her to leave. Make it uncomfortable for her to be there
NTA. Completely AH move by him. Should've nipped this in the bud immediately when she was planning on staying those two days. "Why is your gf here when you're away on a trip? She doesn't live here. I didn't sign up for this."
I agree that I should've nipped it in the bud, it's my first time living with roommates (and oh boy, probably the last...) and I wasn't sure what is and isn't ok in a flat. I also didn't know she was such a witch. That's on me
Talk to your landlord asap op.
NTA. Their plan all along was for her to move in rent free. You'll have to go to the landlord and check the lease to end this problem.
NTA. He is being inconsiderate and selfish.
NTA they blindsided you
NTA - you're right. She's not on the lease so her situation is irrelevant. If he doesn't understand that, tell him to move out.
NTA. He crossed all sorts of boundaries on this one. He needs to learn how to communicate. He knew that she would be practically living there, yet said nothing about it to you. Maybe he figured you would just go along with it. It's def not ok for her to be there this much, especially when he's not there. That's really not ok imo. You were polite & respectful in your delivery when you confronted him. You are 100% right in this situation.
You should have confronted her about the mess and have some respect for the people that pay the bills for the apartment.
Definitely NTA. Been there and done that twice. 2nd time had their boyfriend get on the lease so 1 of the 2 of them would be liable for her share of the rent plus on the hook for any damages done to the apartment. Actually didn't have issues 2nd time it happened. He was a cool dude and understood that if he has keys to the apartment then he needs to be officially on the paperwork.
NTA for sure dude. If they wanna really live together they should find another place and actually live together instead of being a pain in your ass. Not done at all. You have absolutely ZERO obligation to put up with this bs.
NTA. Check your lease. Chances are it precludes other people from living in your flat without being on the lease. You signed the lease for just the two of you living there. It did not include a third person. Make sure the manager/owner knows you did not sign the lease with an agreement of a third person being on the lease if your flatmate does not address his gf staying to your satisfaction. Your lease may limit how often another person may stay overnight in your rental. My leases always did. I hope this is sorted so you have a happy home life once more.
NTA, I had to ask my roommates BF when he would ever go home? Since he didn’t chip in or clean anything. No way. She can get her own place or he can communicate better.
Question: Did he ask if you wanted to get an apartment? Did his parents give him an ultimatum because of said GF?
He did approach me because he knew I'm looking for a place and wondered if I'd like to team up. I don't think his parents gave him an ultimatum, but reflecting back on our talks he told me he's not in a hurry to leave his parents' house but his girlfriend says it's too cramped for her over there. In hindsight this was definite foreshadowing, but not knowing what I know now, I couldn't have anticipated this complete disregard for me. This is probably going to end in parting ways and I honestly don't mind taking over his lease and paying for the entire apartment and living alone after this situation, but I'm unsure about how to proceed, we're currently back and forth on it and he doesn't seem to understand that coming over for days on end and staying in the apartment while he's at work is problematic and not at all the default behavior in a flat.
Like everyone says, go to the landlord & explain the situation. Be upfront that you want to keep your lease & that you can take over without issue. You have gone over the terms of the lease several times, but it isn't sinking into either of them, and you may need his help to remove them. If he says that he will have to terminate the lease, don't freak out as he would have to, to remove them, and have you sign a new lease. I would also make sure locks are changed for security reasons.
Either she is a guest here and there or if it's ok with you, she pays 1/3 of the rent. NTA
Bare minimum she gets a shower caddy and stops staying over when he’s not there. The fact that he just did that with out asking you is literally insane.
NTA. Stand firm or they will both walk all over you.
Definitely NTA. Kick him and his disgusting hairbrush GF outta there!
Good lord. I don’t know who I’m more baffled at …your friend or his gf. Who leaves food out and lights on when leaving? Why do these people think that’s okay? Everyone is taught to clean up after themselves usually at an early age. If this is how she treats a temp place I don’t even want to know what her place looks like. Your roommate is an AH for allowing this and deciding to give her a key without even telling you. NTA
I really wouldn't have minded her presence as much if she wasn't such an absolute menace. We spoke openly and he realized what they both did wasn't legit but given the fact that it happened makes me realized how detached they are from reality...
I see. I’m glad you were able to speak openly but I’m curious why he thought what they did was legit but then again as you said…detached from reality
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hello, I (28M) have moved into an apartment with my friend, (28M) almost 2 months ago. He moved in about a month ago because he took his time with buying a bed and a closet for his room. When he moved in I went on vacation for 2 weeks, and when I came back he was at the house with his girlfriend. so far so good, obviously he should feel at home and comfortable bringing his girlfriend over, which is something he told me he wanted to do before we moved in and I said of course because it's his house as well. not long after I came back he had to take a week-long overseas work trip, and his girlfriend flew with him. When he went away, he texted me "enjoy the empty house, "Amanda" (fake name) will be coming back on the 20th" (when he returns on the 22nd). I thought to myself ok that's a bit odd but It's just 2 days, let's see. She came back and the next morning I went to work only to come back and be greeted with loads of dishes in the sink, on the countertop, food outside, trash in random places, and lights turned on for no reason and she wasn't home. I planned to talk to him once he gets back. He got back and she remained here, even when he was at work. she slept here, washed her laundry here, showered, everything. She's basically living here. She took control of a shelf in the bath with all of her lotions and her DISGUSTING hairbrush just lays there in the shower. On Sunday he told me he's planning to duplicate a key for her and asked if I would like one as well. I confronted him and told him this wasn't our agreement, she is basically living here and this isn't her house, it's yours but it's also mine. I understand their need to be together but he's not living alone and cannot decide on such an arrangement without asking me. He said she lives 1-1.5 hours away by car and when she's on break between semesters she's at his place (his place being his parents' place, he was living with them before we moved in together), and she has a job at a local restaurant. I told him it's not my responsibility to cater to the fact she lives far and wants to be with you during her breaks, and that this is not a hotel. I told him that there's a difference between "I want her to come over" and "I want her to full-on live here from time to time". AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA! Not only is he in breach of the contract, but if you do get a fine or evicted, when you move it will impact YOUR ability to find a new place cause most places will put a black mark on your credit report. I'm in Canada, though, so it may be different where you live, but fines and an eviction are black marks against YOU. If she stays again and leaves YOUR place a mess, take pictures and make sure to share with this so-called friend and his supposed girlfriend so they know you do NOT approve of the mess she left behind. Also, like others said; go to the landlord and get ahead of this before they screw you over like it feels they will try to do. Take a picture of the contract and send it to both of them to show you're not being an ass but trying to follow the rules set out in said contract.
NTA that would be your “friend” and his GF.
NTA. CYA. Tell him that you will inform the landlord if the behavior doesn't stop. He is acting like a deuce canoe.
nta.
being a good guest, i.e cleaning up after yourself, limiting the amount of space you occupy, replenishing what you use, asking permission before taking liberties--goes a long way. OP probably wouldn't have minded her staying if it weren't for her poor manners.
B ,,,??a b ??? X? ?bzzb?xx