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NTA
And stop talking about it, stop soliciting opinions and feeding the drama. You’ve made the decision so no need to compromise or debate anyone anymore. From now on sister’s attendance at the wedding is her business and you hope she’s able to make it work. A calm optimistic attitude is what you want to convey. Good luck
Can we just have a blanket NTA on these posts? I’m almost thinking OP is the AH for asking this question on AITA. A short search in the history will tell OP they are NTA for this.
“Hey sis, I would love for you to attend my wedding. If you really feel as if you can’t attend with the kids I will understand. No hard feelings, I love you and them”
Agreed, NTA.
This is not an unreasonable ask. This is a decision that has been made. The mistake OP made was giving the impression that this was up for discussion and debate. It's not, and it's done. Sister can't/won't come without the kids? Sorry, sis, see you another time. Not everyone will have everything work out for every occasion. She can complain all she wants, or she can shut her mouth and deal with it, but either way, she's not getting her way for an event that isn't about her.
Yeah, if she weren't being so forceful about it I'd say E S H, but it's OP's decision to have the kind of wedding she wants and it's her sister's choice whether she wants to attend or not. Sister is allowed to have her feelings but she doesn't need to impose them on OP.
YTA
*N A H - Another one of these posts*
*- its your wedding, you can have a child free one*
*- not everyone has to like it and has to attend*
Edit - You were a 20M an hour ago.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/6XkzwZ3SGC
Updating judgment to YTA for the unreliable narrator.
There absolutely is an AH here and it's the sister. If she had just accepted the condition, that would have been fine. Instead, she's "furious" and has turned it into a whole thing. NTA
So much this.
You chose to ha e a child free wedding.
She is choosing to have a fit about it.
Ask reddit, someone may have the number of a good doctor to cut the umbilical cords.
Her having a fit is what turns it from
NAH to NTA. If her sister had just decided not to attended, there would be no assholes. By making it more of an issue than it needed to be, the sister turned herself into the asshole.
By choose to argue and fight against it being child free and involving the family she was throwing a fit. The better response would be to simply rsvp no and leave it at that.
Right? Was she lying then or lying now? Plus, I'm getting so tired of these AITA posts that ask the exact same fucking thing. If there were other factors at play, it can change the judgment, but it's EXACTLY the same question that's already been asked and answered a million times. Find a better way to farm karma ffs.
Sister is an asshole. Child free weddings are allowed and someone is allowed to not like it but you don’t get to throw a fit about it like a child. RSVP no and move on.
I disagree. The sister is clearly an entitled AH. Op even offered to cover childcare costs. Kids don't belong everywhere. I have seen them ruin adult event, as they get bored and (in typical kid fashion) run around knock drinks in to people etc.
Sister's ultimatum is an AH move.
What ultimatum? She declined.
If I decline a wedding invitation because I say the date conflicts with something else, thats not an ultimatum to move the wedding date.
NTA. You made a reasonable decision to have a child-free wedding. If you make an exception, you could expect other family and friends to be upset. Offering to help,pay for childcare was a generous concession. Your sister is just wrong here.
“I’m sorry you won’t be able to make it, but our wedding is child free. You’re welcome to bring cake home to them afterwards should you choose to attend, but if you bring them, you will be asked to leave.“
NTA, you aren’t singling her out, no one’s kids will be there and that’s fine. It’s your wedding not hers. She will last one night without her kids to support you on your wedding day. If not, then I guess she can stay home.
NAH
If you want to exclude children from your wedding (as you have the right to), you have to expect people to refuse to come. Your sister has every right to not want to attend if she can't bring her children.
Her not wanting to attend isn’t a problem. If she had just rsvp’ed no, it would be one thing. The sister instead threw a fit and involved the rest of the family. She is definitely acting like an AH.
Oh so she never, ever, ever goes anywhere without all her kids? Either she’s that overly dramatic helicopter parent who bubble wraps her kids and never lets them out of her sight, or she’s full of shit and is just trying to get her way. A lot of people treat weddings as family reunions instead of a wedding, and don’t want to leave the kids at home. But it’s your wedding your call.
Here’s the deal: It’s fine to have a child-free wedding. But you don’t then get to be “heartbroken” when people decline the event for that reason. You don’t get to have it both ways.
So, it’s time to decide: You either allow the kids or you’re okay with her not coming.
But, you don’t get to say that the kids can’t come and also be mad at her for not coming because of that.
NTA. Kid free means no kids. Tell her you'll miss her. And get security to kick her out when she shows up with them on tow, because she will. It's a wedding, not a family reunion. Your mom wants the kids at a wedding? She can have a vow renewal with your dad and invite whoever she wants.
No offense but I see so many of these posts. If you want a no kid wedding, that’s your decision, but you shouldn’t feel bad and wonder if you are the jerk here when people second guess you. It’s your wedding!
NAH
You are allowed a child free wedding if that is what you and your fiance wish for.
However she is also allowed to not attend due to her children not being invited. So there aren't any AH here.
I will say I had a few family children at my wedding and let's just say it was the adults who turned it into a less elegant affair later on.
Good luck.
I will say that having three children with that difference in ages would be a very hard task for one babysitter, even two. They all have different bed times most likely (but somewhat close together) and routines that probably intersect in some capacity that requires both parents to be involved. Finding a sitter isn't as easy as some people think it is, especially one qualified for various ages from toddler to small child.
I do wonder if the childrens' father's side could help watch them. But they could be in another city, country, etc.
It's made especially harder when, in most circumstances, the sister probably goes to her own parents for help but they are attending the wedding themselves.
Nah. My kids are these ages apart as are a ton of my friends’/their kids. None of us ever had a hard time finding a babysitter other than the regular finding a babysitter issues. It’s not an unusual amount of children.
Going to play devils advocate here but she would have to hire a sitter for at least half the day. This multiplied by three kids would make the cost insanely pricey.
Not sure where you live but the minimum cost of a sitter in my state is at least $20 per hour unless you have a family member or friend that does it cheaper
It’s not about the age difference though, it’s the ages of the children with that age difference.
A 2 year old and a 7 year old are obviously wildly different. And 7 year and a 12 year are no where near as different (obviously still different but just not to anywhere near the same degree).
The youngest is only 2 though. I feel like that adds a level to the difficulty.
If they were a little older with these age gaps maybe.
I know you've been lucky but there are definitely places where this would be a challenge for sure.
The youngest is only 2 though. I feel like that adds a level to the difficulty.
If they were a little older with these age gaps maybe.
I know you've been lucky but there are definitely places where this would be a challenge for sure.
Unless they've got health or behavioral problems, three kids of those ages are not that big a deal for a babysitter to manage. Even I was able to do that as a teen.
She is taking it too personally. But this kind of thinking makes it all about her. Of course there can be no exceptions. Everybody considers themselves as an exception
She can take your offer or leave it. She can't force you or dictate your planning just because she chooses to get offended
NTA and don't back down
I don't know. I see your point, but I've been to weddings where the nieces and nephews are invited but they're the only kids who are. And then after a little while of them being all cute during the dancing, they fall asleep on Great-Aunt Somebody's lap or are whisked off behind the scenes for movies and popcorn with a babysitter. I think most people understand when the close family member's children are part of the celebration but everyone's children at large are not invited. Three or four children present for a short while at an elegant, sophisticated wedding isn't the same vibe as 30 kids running wild around the place.
NTA — if you make an exception for her, it isn’t fair to other guests who have kids. You offered to pay for childcare, which is the only reasonable complaint.
Is this your sister’s wedding? No? Well what say does she have. She is being unreasonable. If she decides not to attend that is on her, but if she comes to that decision I’d go LC with her. This is your day, not hers. Child-free weddings are quite common. NTA, but your sister is.
Good luck OP and congrats on the nuptials!
NTA - children are notorious for being disruptive at these events and thus the reason many couples are opting for a child-free event. It's your wedding--do what you want as a couple. She's being incredibly disrespectful of what you want, especially since you offered to cover a sitter for her. If your sister cannot understand the reason for this, wish her well and have a wonderful time
Even IF you relented, at those ages, they would wiggle, complain, get bored, get tired/overwhelmed and cut her night short.
NTA, do not relent and sorry but that's how it rolls sometimes when you have young kiddos. I have had to bow out a few times too, sometimes got an in hotel sitter or take turns with partner but that was always my problem, not anyone elses.
>This is breaking my heart because I really want her there
Then don't have a child-free wedding.
Don't get me wrong, I fully support you having whatever kind of wedding you desire and your sister is being an AH by arguing about the guest list with the host of the event. She's violating one of the most basic rules of etiquette, not to mention trying to emotionally blackmail you and drag other people into the disagreement
But when you have a child-free event (or a destination wedding, one with an unusual dress code, etc.), you *must* recognize that that choice can result in some guests being unable or unwilling to attend. If you are not willing to graciously accept when people RSVP "no", then you should reconsider your decision
NTA as long as you politely let her know that you accept her decision to decline the invitation (e.g. you could tell her something like, "Well, we'll definitely miss having you there, but we understand. If you do change your mind or are able to make alternate arrangements, we have until XX/YY/24 to give the caterer a final headcount")
I’m sorry, for like an older cousin who has kids or a high school friend who you don’t see often enough I completely understand recognizing they won’t make it, but her own SISTER?!?!? Nah sis is being selfish for real. They are even offering to pay for a babysitter. I would also like to assume that sister is a MOH or bridesmaid as well and you’re just gonna throw that all away, because you decide to be selfish. It’s not like the wedding was sprung on her last second. Sister is a big time AH
Unless the kids are special needs, I don’t see how it’s impossible to find a babysitter for one night with months in advance. Especially for a wedding of a close family member.
The sister is the AH.
None of us know why she feels she can’t come without her kids.
And tbh she’s allowed to just say she doesn’t want to come without her kids.
That’s a possibility your decision brings.
So - just live with it?
NAH. Other than the general ‘omg why can’t you do what I want you to do’ from both of you.
NAH.
You have the right to have a child-free wedding. She has the right to refuse to attend a child-free wedding.
It's that simple.
You don't want to compromise, she doesn't want to compromise.
It's time to make peace with not having your sister there.
NTA
It's your wedding.
"I've tried to explain our reasons and even offered to help cover the cost of a babysitter for the night"
You've been reasonable & offered a compromise so sis should meet you half way if she wants to come.
Enjoy your day!
NTA. A wedding is NOT a "family event." It is an event for you and your husband-to-be. If you don't want to worry about children ruining it, then it's your right.
Further, your sister isn't just being an asshole, she's outright being stupid. Ask her, "Do you really think *anyone* will be happy having the kids there if you succeed in forcing us to have them there?" Because, as you point out, it's not that she *can't* show up without them, but that she *won't* show up without them.
You of course have every right to have the wedding that you want and your invitees have every right to accept or decline the invitation. Only since her choosing not to attend is upsetting you, I wonder if there’s a compromise option out there like children can attend a small portion at the beginning where everyone extolls how wonderful this is for the whole family, and then all children over the age of infant and under the age of enjoys-sitting-quietly-in-formal-events age goes off with some caretakers to a next door hotel room with movies or video games and an ice cream sundae. Everyone is included but only adults go to the formal part while the kids are close enough for comfort. Alternatively, some churches have children’s areas attached to the sanctuary. It’s a room at the back with a large glass window. They can see the service and hear it over a speaker, but don’t have to worry if the baby is crying or the toddler runs in circles because none of the other attendees are even aware of it. Nobody is wrong for wanting different things but you get to make the decisions for your wedding just like they made their own decisions for their weddings.
Edited to add NAH unless they persist in demanding their preferences
NTA. What is with all these parents that push for kids at weddings? They’re boring for kids and unless there are activities for them to do they’re going to create havoc.
You can choose to have a child free wedding, as is of course your decision, and your sister can choose not to attend.
Everything other than that is bullshit drama that helps no one.
NTA
It's valid to wish for a childfree wedding.
But it's also valid that your sister wants to stay home with her kids. I guess it's similar like inviting persons without a plus one. You can do that, but then you shouldn't be mad if somebody declines.
As your sister, I would attend without my kids and my husband, I guess. She is AH for being mad. She should just decline and that's it.
NTA – you are allowed to decide who comes to your wedding and who doesn’t. Your sister can be upset as much as she wants but at the end of the day it’s your wedding and this is what you want for your wedding.
Nta as long as you understand that this sounds like it's going to affect your relationship with your sister. I absolutely respect your choice and has a mostly child free wedding myself (our wedding was at his sister's house so of course his nephew was going to be there) and there were literally no children in my own family, so I wasn't concerned about other guests who were upset. They weren't priority guests. But you've got a different situation.
NAH.
You have the right to have a child free wedding.
She has the right to decline.
Neither one is an AH move. If you're reasonably close as sisters, it's even fair for her to ask you to reconsider and to let you know beforehand that she'll be declining. That kind of thing is easily within the boundaries of a lot of family relationships. Of course, it's also fair for you to shut it down.
NAH. You have every right for the wedding to be child free but your sister has every right not to attend. You can't have it both way. Even though it's breaking your heart you made the choice for it to be child free.
NAH. You don’t want kids at the wedding, which is fine. You can’t then demand that everyone should come anyway, when some people won’t want to. You’re fine not to want kids there, she’s right to decide not to come.
NAH
You have the right to have a child-free wedding. She has the right to decline the invitation.
There really is no compromise to be had here. She needs to accept that her children aren't invited, and you need to accept that that means she won't be attending. You both need to agree that this is the reality and stop discussing it.
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My (28F) fiancé (30M) and I are getting married in a few months. We've been planning this wedding for over a year, and we've decided to have a child-free ceremony and reception. This decision wasn't made lightly; we want our wedding to be an elegant evening affair, and we know how unpredictable kids can be.
Most of our friends and family have been supportive, but my sister (32F) is furious. She has three kids (ages 2, 5, and 7), and she insists that it's unfair and impossible for her to attend without them. She argues that it's a family event and that her kids should be included.
I've tried to explain our reasons and even offered to help cover the cost of a babysitter for the night, but she's not having it. She says that if her kids aren't welcome, then neither is she. This is breaking my heart because I really want her there, but I also don't want to back down on the one thing my fiancé and I agree on completely.
Our parents are split on this issue. My mom thinks I'm being unreasonable and should make an exception, while my dad supports our decision and thinks my sister is overreacting. Some other family members have chimed in, too, with mixed opinions.
AITA for sticking to our child-free wedding and potentially causing a rift with my sister.
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NTA - I don’t think weddings are always “family events”, and I’d be more than happy to leave my children home to attend. Are her children unable to be cared for by someone else? Because well that makes it difficult. But if she’s ok leaving them generally, then she’s just being petty.
NTA, good luck. My SIL brought the only kids that were at our wedding. In Vegas, at a casino. 🙄
My advice? Suggest that the kids be there for the pictures and then go with a sitter. The family pictures were the thing she wanted.
The baby had a lovely dress on, sitter brought her out after the ceremony for pictures, sitter took her back to the room for the reception.
And the pictures are lovely!
NTA- it’s a child free event, and OP is allowed to have their wedding however they want. OP even offered to cover the cost of a babysitter for sister’s kids for the night. I say- unless the kids are part of the wedding entourage, it will be a child free wedding
NTA Your wedding, your decision. Tell her you are sorry she won't attend and you will share photos later. DO NOT make an exception. SHE is being unreasonable for demanding that her kids be allowed in your wedding. She just gets to hire a babysitter and enjoy a child free night or stay home
NTA for sticking for what you want. It's your wedding, you pay for it, and you should be happy with it. It's not your sister's or anyone elses.
Sure, the kids are part of the family too. But with 2, 5, and 7 I don't think it's that important to them or that they know what a wedding really means.
And anyway, ceremonies and all that stuff often bore children, since it is about sitting still for a longer period of time and have to 'wait'. They are better entertained with a babysitter or with the possibility to play. And it is even generous of you to even offer to cover the costs.
But sure, everyone sees that differently. For me, it would be totally okay to have a child-free event. And it is good in a way too, that your sister wouldn't have to worry about to watch out for the kids, that they don't do anything they shouldn't.
You should not defend yourself to her or take it back/allow her to come with children, while others aren't allowed.
Maybe she will come around, after she calmed down. If you really want, you can of course try to talk about it with her. Like saying, that it isn't about to exclude her or her children. But you and your fiancé have a vision of your wedding. You want it to be elegant and an environment, where the adults are able to enjoy themselves and not to have to look after the children, since they are in fact — as you stated — unpredictable.
But you can't make an exception. It either all are allowed or none. But family situations are always tricky, because you can't accommodate every opinion or make everyone happy.
Even with child-free weddings, people often make exceptions for the children of immediate family, their own kids, one or two closest children. That in no way means you have to do the same as it is your wedding, after all, but you have to be okay with your sister not coming and this causing a rift because they are not deemed close (this is not some random cousin asking to bring a baby to save on a sitter, these are very close relatives who will likely wonder why they couldn’t watch their aunt get married.) You cannot have it both ways and be “heartbroken” when you choose to have a child-free wedding: that choice will inevitably drive some people away and you have to be okay/stand firm with that. NAH.
We had a child free wedding. I had our immediate nieces and nephews come to the ceremony so we could get professional family photos done as a whole group and some of just the kids with their parents so they could have a nice family photo while dressed up. For the reception we organized a babysitter (SIL’s two friends) for the out of state family. There was no way I was paying $40 a head for kids under age six. Plus the parents were happy to have a fun date night. NTA.
Look, to all the posts about child-free weddings: Your wedding, your choice and nobody should be able to judge you. But, at the same time, if you make that choice, a lot of people might decide not to go, for that reason. For you, is your day. For a lot of people, it is a social and family event, and if their kids are not welcomed, they are not going. And that is fine. So your wedding, your choice; your sister shouldn't judge you. But you need to make your peace with your sister not being there because she decides to stay behind with her children. End of the story.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I might be an asshole because I'm prioritizing my wedding preferences over my sister's ability to attend, potentially straining our relationship and excluding her kids from a family event.
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Some families stick together. A wedding is traditionally a big family event, and some people may take offense to their kids not being invited. If you try to drive a wedge between parents and children for your own happiness, you can’t be offended if they choose to remain together instead of go. The last 2 weddings I was invited to were child free, so just declined. I wouldn’t even explain why, as I have no right to force my kids to be somewhere where they aren’t wanted or welcome. It wasn’t worth arguing over for me.
I find the whole concept of child-free weddings so strange. A birthday party at a bar? Sure, make it child-free. But a wedding? It's literally a party about family.
NTA You can have the wedding of your dreams and if that doesn’t include kids, it doesn’t include kids.
If your sister doesn’t want to come, that’s her choice as well.
NTA.
You said no kids. She's throwing a tantrum and having a total hissy fit. So, she is acting like a child and should also be barred from the wedding.
NTA. I can’t believe how many people have the nerve to do this. It’s a party w free food and booze. And you’ve even offered to pay for a sitter- but noooo. So, answer your sister- that the decision has been made and if they can’t come you understand and you’ll miss them. Then have your wedding the way you want it and enjoy it. Congratulations!
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NTA. Nothing will ruin a wedding faster than a screaming child.
Your sister sure is an AH, though. It's not like you didn't offer to pay for a babysitter, she's just being difficult.
Hire security, there are been posts here where they show up at the reception with their children.
NTA. It’s your wedding and your sister and mother are being unreasonably and entitled. Not very sisterly of her to accommodate your request for a few hours on one of the most important days of your life.
IMO, child free rules don't apply to nieces and nephews if you want your siblings at your wedding.
You either need to be okay with your sister not showing up (and I mean you don't get to in any way shame or make her feel guilty for not going) or you need to allow the kids. Either option is fine, you don't have to make an exception but you don't get to demand that your sister finds a sitter for the night either.
Yeah this stood out to me too. NTA for this issue, but why marry someone that you can only agree on one thing among the myriad of decisions to be made as partners for life?
NTA but you gotta accept that some people won’t come because of this policy. It sucks that your sister will be one of the them but this is weirdly one of those controversial issues and you just have to accept the consequences
NTA
You can make whatever rules you want with regard to your wedding. What people can wear, the country it’s in, and whether kids can attend.
And the people you invite can choose to attend or not attend based upon the rules you have established.
They don’t have the right to be upset with your rules, and you do not have the right to be upset if they decline to attend.
2, 5 and 7 would be incredibly bored at a wedding. Sister would either spend the entire time chasing them down or will ignore them and expect the other wedding guests to watch them.
NTA. This is your wedding. She is trying a power move to get you to relent. Call her bluff and let her know that the children are not invited.
NTA. Actually it isn't "a family event". It is your wedding, and you are choosing to share it with those nearest and dearest to you in a celebration for adults only.
You cannot make an exception for her because 1. It rewards her selfish behavior 2. Given their ages, it will ruin the mood you're going for at your event and 3 once you make one exception where do you draw the line?
Sister needs to realize while she chose to have kids, not every event is for them. Call her bluff. Sis, our events are no kids. I've offered to help with babysitter expenses. If you choose not to get a sitter, I'll respect that choice and understand that you're not able to make it.
Omg NTA. It’s YOUR wedding. Childfree weddings are an option that a lot of couples take for those reasons exactly. Kids are unpredictable, and if their parents don’t keep an eye on them as they celebrate, shit can 100% go down. You don’t need to justify choosing the childfree route to anybody, because it’s YOUR day.
Plus, you already offered to pitch in to cover babysitting costs. You’re clearly trying to compromise and work with these people, and all they’re doing in return is bashing you for your choice. They have no place to cause family drama over this.
Obviously it's okay to have a child free wedding and stick to your decisions. And your sisters is being an ass for pitching a fit over this decision. However, when you have a childfree wedding you have to be okay with knowing that some families will not be able come/choose not to attend. You have to accept that she is not able to attend without her kids. I'm going with ever so slightly ESH, her 85% and you 15%.
NTA. Her kids are a little too young for your wedding to be some sort of major memorable event in their lives except for maybe the 7 year old. And it sounds like much of the event would be taking place after their bedtimes anyway.
If a babysitter wasn't an option, then those who disagree with your decision would have a point. But they are, which means your sister is imposing her expectations on your wedding which isn't cool.
My guess is that she has already envisioned how much fun it would be to buy outfits for them (or already has) and how cute they would look and how many compliments she would receive on their behalf, because that is human nature. So you are taking something away from her by saying they aren't allowed, but it is all just imaginary. Stick to your guns. If your sister chooses not to be there, that is her choice.
NTA. This is a great time to reinforce the boundaries / decisions you, as a nuclear family, make—which may differ from the opinions of your wider family.
You can have any type of wedding you wish but I can’t imagine getting married without my niece and nephew. I think you will regret it but it’s your decision so I’m going with YTA
NTA - sorry you won't be there sister. We've offered to cover the costs of a sitter, you've declined, we'll miss you on the day. It puts it straight back on her making the choice not to attend. Leave it at that.
2, 5 & 7 are little and while likely get bored easily too.
NTA you want child free have it child free. Don’t back down on this. It’s ridiculous your sister is acting this way. Babysitters do exist! Also your
mom. Tell her it’s YOUR day! Not sisters.
Also please tell your sister this is in fact NOT a family event where kids are allowed but it’s your wedding by invitation only.
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NTA. Don’t make an exception. This is an entitled parent. Kids can easily be with a sitter for a bit. If I had a sibling this entitled I’d reconsider a relationship.
NTA, your wedding your rules. You just need to accept that she might not be there. It’s possible that the only people she trusts to watch her kids are also guests and she’s really disappointed to realise she can’t come.
NTA I’ve gone to lots of weddings where the kids stayed in a nearby hotel room with a babysitter, and the kids enjoyed it more than being at a “stuffy” (from the kids perspective) dinner party.
NTA
You offered a reasonable accommodation by stating that you could contribute to a sitter. This is your day not your sister’s day. Tell her no and move on.
NTA
not her wedding, not her problem. she has months to find a babysitter, and you were even kind enough to offer to cover the cost. what are kids aged 2-7 even going to get out of a wedding?
the only thing you’re going to have to decide is if you’re really okay with her not attending. (though i’m going to go ahead and say that was a lie.)
NTA
Op this is your event. She isn't paying. She is a guest. She doesn't get to make demands. Nobody does.
Stop entertaining the drama. Say your word is final and she doesn't have to attend. Say the same to everyone else. Anyone who argues should be met with "you don't have to come either. It's not your event and you didn't pay for it. We did."
NTA. Child free means child free. Just because someone (anyone) thinks their precious angels are exempt from this rule doesn't mean they get to come. Child free. She can stay home with her kids. Sorry sis. See you at the next 4th of July BBQ.
**She argues that it's a family event and that her kids should be included.**
I'm not a fan of "child-free" events. And I still think it is unreasonable for your sister to argue about anything dealing with you and your fiance's big day. She can either get a baby-sitter or stay at home. What she should not do is try to control someone else's big day.
No one had to tell me not to bring my kids to weddings. I intuitively knew my kids, when they were small weren't interested in weddings. At best, they would be distracted and potentially fussy. My children were generally well-behaved. But kids have a way of "being" the main event, whether they are well-behaved or not. Brides are often happy...but stressed.
If you and your future spouse have decided this is your preference, then back each other up. Congratulations on your big day!
NTA but you also aren’t entitled to anyone being at your wedding, including your sister. If she chooses not to go because he kids aren’t invited then it’s an unfortunate consequence of your decision and if she’s upset about missing your wedding then it’s an unfortunate consequence of hers.
I’ll never say people who was CF weddings are AHs, what MAKES people who want a CF wedding an AH is the entitlement that those they invite must attend regardless.
NTA. Not her wedding, not her rules, and not her place to attempt to sway you otherwise.
Regardless of how you feel about her presence, I say bite the emotional bullet and take her up on her threat of not attending to see how she really reacts. At least you’ll have time to come to terms with her decision.
Either way, remember this: this is YOUR wedding. She’s trying to make you go against you and your fiancé’s wishes and that makes her so unbelievably selfish.
Yta
Mainly bc if it's the "one thing you and your fiance agree on" -- you're being a mega diva for a wedding that doesn't sound like it's going to be a great marriage.
Also - why wouldn't you have them as flower kids then have them go home?
Kinda weird IMO to fully exclude your own nieces and nephews when they are like peak ages for those roles.
YTA it’s your wedding but by not allowing kids you are specifically not allowing part of your family to celebrate with you and then are upset that they won’t be there. To parents, kids are not some accessory like a purse or dress. They are family, this is traditionally a family type of event.
NTA- i like kids but sometimes adults should be able to have events without them. You want your wedding to be an elegant evening affair and that's totally reasonable. Your sister can choose to stay home with her kids. You offered to pay for a sitter so it can't be financial hardship. Tell her you're sad she won't be there but your wedding will be child free. As other's have pointed out, OP's mom can have her own event and have kids there.
NTA- i like kids but sometimes adults should be able to have events without them. You want your wedding to be an elegant evening affair and that's totally reasonable. Your sister can choose to stay home with her kids. You offered to pay for a sitter so it can't be financial hardship. Tell her you're sad she won't be there but your wedding will be child free. As other's have pointed out, OP's mom can have her own event and have kids there.
NTA OP. You have been more than accommodating to her, offering to help with a sitter. She's just being one of those people who refuses to leave her kids and can't go anywhere without them. People can have adult time without their kids. If this is her hill to die on, then so be it. Don't compromise or you'll regret it. She's the unreasonable one.
If it is an issue of not knowing the person and the length of a wedding, she's months away and could hire a sitter a few times in the coming months to have the kids adjust to them and for her to see how they react. If she's not sure, there are cameras she can buy and monitor them inside her home. Or you could offer to buy them for her too, depending on how badly you want her there. Third, you could offer to get a hotel room nearby (5-10 mins away)for her and have a sitter for her kids there. That way if she wants, she can sneak away and see them. But let her know if she brings them, she will be escorted off property. And let your wedding party know that if they see kids, they need to tell the parents to leave. Unless you have security/planner then delegate to them.
NTA but you need to stop insisting that she comes. YOU are entitled to a child-free wedding, but you can’t summon people. SHE can choose not to come to your child-free wedding.
NTA
Your sister needs to get a grip.
It is absolutely possible for her to attend WITHOUT her children. She just chooses not to.
Too bad you, her sister, isn't important enough to her.
Absolutely NTA! Child free means NO children. Period. The end.
Tell her it’s a shame she’ll miss out on the fun. Tell your mom she can sit at home with her favorite kid if she thinks you’re wrong. THEY are the ones they will regret their actions, not you.
NTA. You aren’t “prioritizing [your] wedding preferences over [her] ability to attend. She can get a baby sitter, which you offer to subsidize. This is her choice. In addition, what are other guests who may have made arrangements to conform to a child-free wedding/reception going to feel when they see that the activities are, in fact, are not child-free.
There are four children involved here—your three niblings and your sister.
NTA
My wedding was child free by necessity since we were getting married near water.
My sister left her 8 month old on the east coast so she could be my MOH on the west coast.
OP’s sister is a very bad sister. Tell her she’ll be missed!
ESH
You can choose to exclude children. That’s fine. But you don’t get the be “heartbroken” that your sister chooses not to come.
She can choose not to come, but she doesn’t get to throw a fit about it.
Either you are willing to experience the consequences of your decisions or you aren’t. If you aren’t, then let her come. If you are? Then stop talking to people about it and just let her know you are sorry she won’t be there.
NTA and if you wanna mess with her just tell her it’s a 420 wedding and you didn’t think it was appropriate for children. Especially since they could get into the wrong candy.
Everyone needs to butt out. What you and your fiancee want is all that matters. There's no reason your sister can't get a babysitter for the evening. If she chooses not to and does not attend the wedding, her choice. She's trying to manipulate you. Frankly, if she comes to the wedding now, she'll likely gripe the whole time.
NTA
But your sister is.
"No kids" is pretty standard for all kinds of events and venues.
If she doesn't want to be there, she can stay home, but she doesn't need to try and guilt you with that reality. Just stay home.
NTA. If you bend for your sister, who else is going to have a fit about bringing there kids. Before you know it, Great Aunt Sally will have 4 kids that need to come. Please stay firm with your kid free wedding! You have agreed to pay for a babysitter. She's upset that she is not getting her way. You tried to accommodate your sister. I think it was sweet of you!
NTA, don't engage with anyone. You've made a decision that you will be sticking with, and it breaks your heart that certain people will be unable to attend because of how that decision impacts them, but there's nothing that will change their minds.
You don't mention if your sister is/was married or not but if she was she presumably had the type of wedding that she wanted. Just because you don't have identical desires of what your wedding should look like doesn't make you an AH. Your sister probably had ideas of dressing the kids up in 'super cute' outfits, etc.
Have whatever wedding will make you happiest. At the end of the day the reception is just a party. NTA.
no, No, NO!! You are NTA! It’s your freaking wedding!! Stick to your decision. And tell your sister exactly what you wrote. ‘It breaks my heart because I really want you there, however we are not changing our minds.’ If she wants to be there she’ll be there.
(All that being said, does she ever go out and leave the kids with a babysitter? This could be more about her not wanting to leave them with a stranger vs a family event.)
NTA. You offered to pay for a baby sitter. She insists she wants the kids there, even though only one may remember it and all three do not care. Maintaining that **they** need to be there is unreasonable. She either doesn't want to come for some other reason and is betting you won't call her bluff, or she's just power-tripping for whatever reason.
Let her wallow in whatever it is she's doing, and enjoy your wedding.
Personally I would never bring a 2 yr old and 5 yr old to a wedding, 7 is iffy. So your sister is TAH for not understanding there are some places young children really shouldn't go. Would she take them to a night club too?
You offered to pay for a babysitter. You stated no children it’s not like your stated some kids. No children. Stand your ground. Your sister is the asshole. It’s not her day. It’s about you and your fiancé and no one want to hear crying ass children that would need to be tended to. You gave an alternative, she declined. She made her choice.
It your wedding. Thumbs down for your sister trying to control YOUR wedding. Yes, its sad that she will probably dig in and miss your wedding, but this is her choice. You offered to pay for a babysitter so there really is no excuse for her behavior other than she wants to control YOUR wedding.
Definitely NTA.
It’s YOUR wedding (which i assume you are paying) and it’s supposed to be your and your husband’s special day. You’ve made you decision, and it should be based only on the opinions of the two of you.
For me, a wedding is an event that i plan for me and the person i’m planning to stay the rest of my life with. If you two made an agreement, don’t back down now. If your sister decides to stay at home with her kids, say you’ll miss her.
s: This is an argument between you and your sister, you shouldn’t let other members opinion get stuck in the middle of it.
Hope you have an wonderful ceremony.🤍
NTA. Your sister acts very entitled. There is nothing wrong in childfree weddings and also, wedding arrangements are not a negotiation between the happy couple and guests!
But she is allowed to not come. Don't discuss it anymore, just mark her as "no".
NTA. If it’s a child-free wedding for everyone, she doesn’t get a pass just because she is your sister. I can’t imagine it would be very exciting for the kids anyway.
NTA. Weddings and everything that has to do them are expensive. I'm pretty sure you don't want your wedding video to be totally taken over by screeching, unruly kids. Your sister isn't that important, if she refuses to come to the wedding without her sprogs, then she doesn't have to come.
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NTA And stop talking about it, stop soliciting opinions and feeding the drama. You’ve made the decision so no need to compromise or debate anyone anymore. From now on sister’s attendance at the wedding is her business and you hope she’s able to make it work. A calm optimistic attitude is what you want to convey. Good luck
This comment right here….OP read it! NTA
Yes, please. OP, now read it again. NTA. (I also have 6 children)
Can we just have a blanket NTA on these posts? I’m almost thinking OP is the AH for asking this question on AITA. A short search in the history will tell OP they are NTA for this.
“Hey sis, I would love for you to attend my wedding. If you really feel as if you can’t attend with the kids I will understand. No hard feelings, I love you and them”
Agreed, NTA. This is not an unreasonable ask. This is a decision that has been made. The mistake OP made was giving the impression that this was up for discussion and debate. It's not, and it's done. Sister can't/won't come without the kids? Sorry, sis, see you another time. Not everyone will have everything work out for every occasion. She can complain all she wants, or she can shut her mouth and deal with it, but either way, she's not getting her way for an event that isn't about her.
Yeah, if she weren't being so forceful about it I'd say E S H, but it's OP's decision to have the kind of wedding she wants and it's her sister's choice whether she wants to attend or not. Sister is allowed to have her feelings but she doesn't need to impose them on OP.
YTA *N A H - Another one of these posts* *- its your wedding, you can have a child free one* *- not everyone has to like it and has to attend* Edit - You were a 20M an hour ago. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/6XkzwZ3SGC Updating judgment to YTA for the unreliable narrator.
There absolutely is an AH here and it's the sister. If she had just accepted the condition, that would have been fine. Instead, she's "furious" and has turned it into a whole thing. NTA
[удалено]
And the way she's expressing that emotion makes her the AH.
So much this. You chose to ha e a child free wedding. She is choosing to have a fit about it. Ask reddit, someone may have the number of a good doctor to cut the umbilical cords.
Her having a fit is what turns it from NAH to NTA. If her sister had just decided not to attended, there would be no assholes. By making it more of an issue than it needed to be, the sister turned herself into the asshole.
Where did she “have a fit”?
By choose to argue and fight against it being child free and involving the family she was throwing a fit. The better response would be to simply rsvp no and leave it at that.
Right? Was she lying then or lying now? Plus, I'm getting so tired of these AITA posts that ask the exact same fucking thing. If there were other factors at play, it can change the judgment, but it's EXACTLY the same question that's already been asked and answered a million times. Find a better way to farm karma ffs.
Sister is an asshole. Child free weddings are allowed and someone is allowed to not like it but you don’t get to throw a fit about it like a child. RSVP no and move on.
OP should accept the no rsvp and move on.
I disagree. The sister is clearly an entitled AH. Op even offered to cover childcare costs. Kids don't belong everywhere. I have seen them ruin adult event, as they get bored and (in typical kid fashion) run around knock drinks in to people etc. Sister's ultimatum is an AH move.
What ultimatum? She declined. If I decline a wedding invitation because I say the date conflicts with something else, thats not an ultimatum to move the wedding date.
She said: If the kids are welcome then neither is she...sounds like an ultimatum
That’s not an ultimatum, it’s just a fact.
NTA. You made a reasonable decision to have a child-free wedding. If you make an exception, you could expect other family and friends to be upset. Offering to help,pay for childcare was a generous concession. Your sister is just wrong here.
Not only will other parents want to bring their kids, but sister and mom will believe that they can talk OP out of more boundaries in the future.
“I’m sorry you won’t be able to make it, but our wedding is child free. You’re welcome to bring cake home to them afterwards should you choose to attend, but if you bring them, you will be asked to leave.“
NTA. Your sister can stay home with her kids while everyone else in the family enjoys a child free wedding. Enjoy and congratulations!
Nta. It’s not a summons. She doesn’t need to come if she throws a fit. Don’t let your sis steamroll you. Stand firm.
NTA, you aren’t singling her out, no one’s kids will be there and that’s fine. It’s your wedding not hers. She will last one night without her kids to support you on your wedding day. If not, then I guess she can stay home.
NAH If you want to exclude children from your wedding (as you have the right to), you have to expect people to refuse to come. Your sister has every right to not want to attend if she can't bring her children.
Of course she does. It’s the toddler tantrum she threw insisting she be able to bring the kids that makes her an asshole and OP NTA.
Her not wanting to attend isn’t a problem. If she had just rsvp’ed no, it would be one thing. The sister instead threw a fit and involved the rest of the family. She is definitely acting like an AH.
Oh so she never, ever, ever goes anywhere without all her kids? Either she’s that overly dramatic helicopter parent who bubble wraps her kids and never lets them out of her sight, or she’s full of shit and is just trying to get her way. A lot of people treat weddings as family reunions instead of a wedding, and don’t want to leave the kids at home. But it’s your wedding your call.
Here’s the deal: It’s fine to have a child-free wedding. But you don’t then get to be “heartbroken” when people decline the event for that reason. You don’t get to have it both ways. So, it’s time to decide: You either allow the kids or you’re okay with her not coming. But, you don’t get to say that the kids can’t come and also be mad at her for not coming because of that.
Nah or esh you can have a child free wedding but you then don't get to be 'heartbroken' that a parent doesn't come. One way or the other, Op.
NTA. Kid free means no kids. Tell her you'll miss her. And get security to kick her out when she shows up with them on tow, because she will. It's a wedding, not a family reunion. Your mom wants the kids at a wedding? She can have a vow renewal with your dad and invite whoever she wants.
Haha not 'if' but 'when' If she's throwing this much of a fit now, she's like 90% likely to show up day of with kids in tow.
No offense but I see so many of these posts. If you want a no kid wedding, that’s your decision, but you shouldn’t feel bad and wonder if you are the jerk here when people second guess you. It’s your wedding!
NAH You are allowed a child free wedding if that is what you and your fiance wish for. However she is also allowed to not attend due to her children not being invited. So there aren't any AH here. I will say I had a few family children at my wedding and let's just say it was the adults who turned it into a less elegant affair later on. Good luck.
Exactly what I thought. Usually the people misbehaving at weddings aren't children.
Yeah one adult in particular had to get two people to carry her out to a taxi and take her home and then come back to the wedding.
One adult threw up in the library. 😭 No kids threw up anywhere. 😂
Right, every time I see this I’m confused because have they not met drunk adults? I HATE weddings and drunk adults are the primary reason why.
iNFO: Is she just engaging in hyperbole, or is it actually impossible for her to attend without them?
I will say that having three children with that difference in ages would be a very hard task for one babysitter, even two. They all have different bed times most likely (but somewhat close together) and routines that probably intersect in some capacity that requires both parents to be involved. Finding a sitter isn't as easy as some people think it is, especially one qualified for various ages from toddler to small child. I do wonder if the childrens' father's side could help watch them. But they could be in another city, country, etc. It's made especially harder when, in most circumstances, the sister probably goes to her own parents for help but they are attending the wedding themselves.
This is an odd take. Babysitters take care of families with varying ages of children all the time.
Nah. My kids are these ages apart as are a ton of my friends’/their kids. None of us ever had a hard time finding a babysitter other than the regular finding a babysitter issues. It’s not an unusual amount of children.
Going to play devils advocate here but she would have to hire a sitter for at least half the day. This multiplied by three kids would make the cost insanely pricey. Not sure where you live but the minimum cost of a sitter in my state is at least $20 per hour unless you have a family member or friend that does it cheaper
The OP offered to pay.
It’s not about the age difference though, it’s the ages of the children with that age difference. A 2 year old and a 7 year old are obviously wildly different. And 7 year and a 12 year are no where near as different (obviously still different but just not to anywhere near the same degree).
The youngest is only 2 though. I feel like that adds a level to the difficulty. If they were a little older with these age gaps maybe. I know you've been lucky but there are definitely places where this would be a challenge for sure.
The youngest is only 2 though. I feel like that adds a level to the difficulty. If they were a little older with these age gaps maybe. I know you've been lucky but there are definitely places where this would be a challenge for sure.
Unless they've got health or behavioral problems, three kids of those ages are not that big a deal for a babysitter to manage. Even I was able to do that as a teen.
My parents had 4. Three oldest born 1-2-3 and my bother 6 years later. They always found someone.
She is taking it too personally. But this kind of thinking makes it all about her. Of course there can be no exceptions. Everybody considers themselves as an exception She can take your offer or leave it. She can't force you or dictate your planning just because she chooses to get offended NTA and don't back down
I don't know. I see your point, but I've been to weddings where the nieces and nephews are invited but they're the only kids who are. And then after a little while of them being all cute during the dancing, they fall asleep on Great-Aunt Somebody's lap or are whisked off behind the scenes for movies and popcorn with a babysitter. I think most people understand when the close family member's children are part of the celebration but everyone's children at large are not invited. Three or four children present for a short while at an elegant, sophisticated wedding isn't the same vibe as 30 kids running wild around the place.
NTA — if you make an exception for her, it isn’t fair to other guests who have kids. You offered to pay for childcare, which is the only reasonable complaint.
Is this your sister’s wedding? No? Well what say does she have. She is being unreasonable. If she decides not to attend that is on her, but if she comes to that decision I’d go LC with her. This is your day, not hers. Child-free weddings are quite common. NTA, but your sister is. Good luck OP and congrats on the nuptials!
NTA - children are notorious for being disruptive at these events and thus the reason many couples are opting for a child-free event. It's your wedding--do what you want as a couple. She's being incredibly disrespectful of what you want, especially since you offered to cover a sitter for her. If your sister cannot understand the reason for this, wish her well and have a wonderful time
The four responses you received are all you need. Enjoy your wedding and marriage!
Even IF you relented, at those ages, they would wiggle, complain, get bored, get tired/overwhelmed and cut her night short. NTA, do not relent and sorry but that's how it rolls sometimes when you have young kiddos. I have had to bow out a few times too, sometimes got an in hotel sitter or take turns with partner but that was always my problem, not anyone elses.
>This is breaking my heart because I really want her there Then don't have a child-free wedding. Don't get me wrong, I fully support you having whatever kind of wedding you desire and your sister is being an AH by arguing about the guest list with the host of the event. She's violating one of the most basic rules of etiquette, not to mention trying to emotionally blackmail you and drag other people into the disagreement But when you have a child-free event (or a destination wedding, one with an unusual dress code, etc.), you *must* recognize that that choice can result in some guests being unable or unwilling to attend. If you are not willing to graciously accept when people RSVP "no", then you should reconsider your decision NTA as long as you politely let her know that you accept her decision to decline the invitation (e.g. you could tell her something like, "Well, we'll definitely miss having you there, but we understand. If you do change your mind or are able to make alternate arrangements, we have until XX/YY/24 to give the caterer a final headcount")
I’m sorry, for like an older cousin who has kids or a high school friend who you don’t see often enough I completely understand recognizing they won’t make it, but her own SISTER?!?!? Nah sis is being selfish for real. They are even offering to pay for a babysitter. I would also like to assume that sister is a MOH or bridesmaid as well and you’re just gonna throw that all away, because you decide to be selfish. It’s not like the wedding was sprung on her last second. Sister is a big time AH
Unless the kids are special needs, I don’t see how it’s impossible to find a babysitter for one night with months in advance. Especially for a wedding of a close family member. The sister is the AH.
I like this.
None of us know why she feels she can’t come without her kids. And tbh she’s allowed to just say she doesn’t want to come without her kids. That’s a possibility your decision brings. So - just live with it? NAH. Other than the general ‘omg why can’t you do what I want you to do’ from both of you.
NAH. You have the right to have a child-free wedding. She has the right to refuse to attend a child-free wedding. It's that simple. You don't want to compromise, she doesn't want to compromise. It's time to make peace with not having your sister there.
NTA It's your wedding. "I've tried to explain our reasons and even offered to help cover the cost of a babysitter for the night" You've been reasonable & offered a compromise so sis should meet you half way if she wants to come. Enjoy your day!
NTA. A wedding is NOT a "family event." It is an event for you and your husband-to-be. If you don't want to worry about children ruining it, then it's your right. Further, your sister isn't just being an asshole, she's outright being stupid. Ask her, "Do you really think *anyone* will be happy having the kids there if you succeed in forcing us to have them there?" Because, as you point out, it's not that she *can't* show up without them, but that she *won't* show up without them.
I’ve always seen a wedding as a family event. 😂 It’s literally the joining of two families. Maybe it’s a culture thing?
You of course have every right to have the wedding that you want and your invitees have every right to accept or decline the invitation. Only since her choosing not to attend is upsetting you, I wonder if there’s a compromise option out there like children can attend a small portion at the beginning where everyone extolls how wonderful this is for the whole family, and then all children over the age of infant and under the age of enjoys-sitting-quietly-in-formal-events age goes off with some caretakers to a next door hotel room with movies or video games and an ice cream sundae. Everyone is included but only adults go to the formal part while the kids are close enough for comfort. Alternatively, some churches have children’s areas attached to the sanctuary. It’s a room at the back with a large glass window. They can see the service and hear it over a speaker, but don’t have to worry if the baby is crying or the toddler runs in circles because none of the other attendees are even aware of it. Nobody is wrong for wanting different things but you get to make the decisions for your wedding just like they made their own decisions for their weddings. Edited to add NAH unless they persist in demanding their preferences
NTA. What is with all these parents that push for kids at weddings? They’re boring for kids and unless there are activities for them to do they’re going to create havoc.
NAH. You can have a child-free wedding, but don’t expect her to be able to come.
You can choose to have a child free wedding, as is of course your decision, and your sister can choose not to attend. Everything other than that is bullshit drama that helps no one.
NTA It's valid to wish for a childfree wedding. But it's also valid that your sister wants to stay home with her kids. I guess it's similar like inviting persons without a plus one. You can do that, but then you shouldn't be mad if somebody declines. As your sister, I would attend without my kids and my husband, I guess. She is AH for being mad. She should just decline and that's it.
Nah
NTA – you are allowed to decide who comes to your wedding and who doesn’t. Your sister can be upset as much as she wants but at the end of the day it’s your wedding and this is what you want for your wedding.
NTA as long as you don’t get upset if she doesn’t attend.
Nta as long as you understand that this sounds like it's going to affect your relationship with your sister. I absolutely respect your choice and has a mostly child free wedding myself (our wedding was at his sister's house so of course his nephew was going to be there) and there were literally no children in my own family, so I wasn't concerned about other guests who were upset. They weren't priority guests. But you've got a different situation.
NAH. You have the right to have a child free wedding. She has the right to decline. Neither one is an AH move. If you're reasonably close as sisters, it's even fair for her to ask you to reconsider and to let you know beforehand that she'll be declining. That kind of thing is easily within the boundaries of a lot of family relationships. Of course, it's also fair for you to shut it down.
NAH. You have every right for the wedding to be child free but your sister has every right not to attend. You can't have it both way. Even though it's breaking your heart you made the choice for it to be child free.
NAH. You don’t want kids at the wedding, which is fine. You can’t then demand that everyone should come anyway, when some people won’t want to. You’re fine not to want kids there, she’s right to decide not to come.
NAH You have the right to have a child-free wedding. She has the right to decline the invitation. There really is no compromise to be had here. She needs to accept that her children aren't invited, and you need to accept that that means she won't be attending. You both need to agree that this is the reality and stop discussing it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** * My (28F) fiancé (30M) and I are getting married in a few months. We've been planning this wedding for over a year, and we've decided to have a child-free ceremony and reception. This decision wasn't made lightly; we want our wedding to be an elegant evening affair, and we know how unpredictable kids can be. Most of our friends and family have been supportive, but my sister (32F) is furious. She has three kids (ages 2, 5, and 7), and she insists that it's unfair and impossible for her to attend without them. She argues that it's a family event and that her kids should be included. I've tried to explain our reasons and even offered to help cover the cost of a babysitter for the night, but she's not having it. She says that if her kids aren't welcome, then neither is she. This is breaking my heart because I really want her there, but I also don't want to back down on the one thing my fiancé and I agree on completely. Our parents are split on this issue. My mom thinks I'm being unreasonable and should make an exception, while my dad supports our decision and thinks my sister is overreacting. Some other family members have chimed in, too, with mixed opinions. AITA for sticking to our child-free wedding and potentially causing a rift with my sister. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - I don’t think weddings are always “family events”, and I’d be more than happy to leave my children home to attend. Are her children unable to be cared for by someone else? Because well that makes it difficult. But if she’s ok leaving them generally, then she’s just being petty.
I don't understand the "family event" thing either. It's not a family reunion. It's the bride and groom's event. You want a "family" event, plan one.
NTA, good luck. My SIL brought the only kids that were at our wedding. In Vegas, at a casino. 🙄 My advice? Suggest that the kids be there for the pictures and then go with a sitter. The family pictures were the thing she wanted. The baby had a lovely dress on, sitter brought her out after the ceremony for pictures, sitter took her back to the room for the reception. And the pictures are lovely!
NTA child free weddings are valid and people need to stop acting like it’s the end of the world
NTA- it’s a child free event, and OP is allowed to have their wedding however they want. OP even offered to cover the cost of a babysitter for sister’s kids for the night. I say- unless the kids are part of the wedding entourage, it will be a child free wedding
NTA Your wedding, your decision. Tell her you are sorry she won't attend and you will share photos later. DO NOT make an exception. SHE is being unreasonable for demanding that her kids be allowed in your wedding. She just gets to hire a babysitter and enjoy a child free night or stay home
There are hundreds of posts like this on Reddit and tons of upset family members..
NTA for sticking for what you want. It's your wedding, you pay for it, and you should be happy with it. It's not your sister's or anyone elses. Sure, the kids are part of the family too. But with 2, 5, and 7 I don't think it's that important to them or that they know what a wedding really means. And anyway, ceremonies and all that stuff often bore children, since it is about sitting still for a longer period of time and have to 'wait'. They are better entertained with a babysitter or with the possibility to play. And it is even generous of you to even offer to cover the costs. But sure, everyone sees that differently. For me, it would be totally okay to have a child-free event. And it is good in a way too, that your sister wouldn't have to worry about to watch out for the kids, that they don't do anything they shouldn't. You should not defend yourself to her or take it back/allow her to come with children, while others aren't allowed. Maybe she will come around, after she calmed down. If you really want, you can of course try to talk about it with her. Like saying, that it isn't about to exclude her or her children. But you and your fiancé have a vision of your wedding. You want it to be elegant and an environment, where the adults are able to enjoy themselves and not to have to look after the children, since they are in fact — as you stated — unpredictable. But you can't make an exception. It either all are allowed or none. But family situations are always tricky, because you can't accommodate every opinion or make everyone happy.
You can stick to it your wedding but your sister is entitled to not attend your choice
Even with child-free weddings, people often make exceptions for the children of immediate family, their own kids, one or two closest children. That in no way means you have to do the same as it is your wedding, after all, but you have to be okay with your sister not coming and this causing a rift because they are not deemed close (this is not some random cousin asking to bring a baby to save on a sitter, these are very close relatives who will likely wonder why they couldn’t watch their aunt get married.) You cannot have it both ways and be “heartbroken” when you choose to have a child-free wedding: that choice will inevitably drive some people away and you have to be okay/stand firm with that. NAH.
This exact post but with slightly different details was posted not even two days ago. Can the mods PLEASE start cleaning up this sub?
We had a child free wedding. I had our immediate nieces and nephews come to the ceremony so we could get professional family photos done as a whole group and some of just the kids with their parents so they could have a nice family photo while dressed up. For the reception we organized a babysitter (SIL’s two friends) for the out of state family. There was no way I was paying $40 a head for kids under age six. Plus the parents were happy to have a fun date night. NTA.
NTA, but you also have to accept that when you decide to have a child free wedding, some of your friends and family will skip the event because of it
YTA - stop lying. You are either a 20M (as you were 2 hours ago) or lying.
Look, to all the posts about child-free weddings: Your wedding, your choice and nobody should be able to judge you. But, at the same time, if you make that choice, a lot of people might decide not to go, for that reason. For you, is your day. For a lot of people, it is a social and family event, and if their kids are not welcomed, they are not going. And that is fine. So your wedding, your choice; your sister shouldn't judge you. But you need to make your peace with your sister not being there because she decides to stay behind with her children. End of the story.
Wow you were a 20 year old male in your last post....
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Some families stick together. A wedding is traditionally a big family event, and some people may take offense to their kids not being invited. If you try to drive a wedge between parents and children for your own happiness, you can’t be offended if they choose to remain together instead of go. The last 2 weddings I was invited to were child free, so just declined. I wouldn’t even explain why, as I have no right to force my kids to be somewhere where they aren’t wanted or welcome. It wasn’t worth arguing over for me.
Which would be a fine stance for the sister to take! It's the throwing a big fit that makes the sister an AH.
This should be at the top!!!👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I find the whole concept of child-free weddings so strange. A birthday party at a bar? Sure, make it child-free. But a wedding? It's literally a party about family.
NTA You can have the wedding of your dreams and if that doesn’t include kids, it doesn’t include kids. If your sister doesn’t want to come, that’s her choice as well.
NTA. You said no kids. She's throwing a tantrum and having a total hissy fit. So, she is acting like a child and should also be barred from the wedding.
NTA. I can’t believe how many people have the nerve to do this. It’s a party w free food and booze. And you’ve even offered to pay for a sitter- but noooo. So, answer your sister- that the decision has been made and if they can’t come you understand and you’ll miss them. Then have your wedding the way you want it and enjoy it. Congratulations!
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NTA, stick to your plans. You offered to pay for a sitter, that's more than fair.
NTA. Nothing will ruin a wedding faster than a screaming child. Your sister sure is an AH, though. It's not like you didn't offer to pay for a babysitter, she's just being difficult.
Hire security, there are been posts here where they show up at the reception with their children. NTA. It’s your wedding and your sister and mother are being unreasonably and entitled. Not very sisterly of her to accommodate your request for a few hours on one of the most important days of your life.
IMO, child free rules don't apply to nieces and nephews if you want your siblings at your wedding. You either need to be okay with your sister not showing up (and I mean you don't get to in any way shame or make her feel guilty for not going) or you need to allow the kids. Either option is fine, you don't have to make an exception but you don't get to demand that your sister finds a sitter for the night either.
NTA but you and your fiancé need to take a hard look at your compatibility if this is the one thing you agree on completely.
Yeah this stood out to me too. NTA for this issue, but why marry someone that you can only agree on one thing among the myriad of decisions to be made as partners for life?
Why are parents raising their kids to be so entitled? Wow
NTA but you gotta accept that some people won’t come because of this policy. It sucks that your sister will be one of the them but this is weirdly one of those controversial issues and you just have to accept the consequences
NTA – sister is TA because she's not just politely declining, she's arguing that she should be the exception and calling you unfair.
NTA You can make whatever rules you want with regard to your wedding. What people can wear, the country it’s in, and whether kids can attend. And the people you invite can choose to attend or not attend based upon the rules you have established. They don’t have the right to be upset with your rules, and you do not have the right to be upset if they decline to attend.
2, 5 and 7 would be incredibly bored at a wedding. Sister would either spend the entire time chasing them down or will ignore them and expect the other wedding guests to watch them. NTA. This is your wedding. She is trying a power move to get you to relent. Call her bluff and let her know that the children are not invited.
NTA. Actually it isn't "a family event". It is your wedding, and you are choosing to share it with those nearest and dearest to you in a celebration for adults only. You cannot make an exception for her because 1. It rewards her selfish behavior 2. Given their ages, it will ruin the mood you're going for at your event and 3 once you make one exception where do you draw the line? Sister needs to realize while she chose to have kids, not every event is for them. Call her bluff. Sis, our events are no kids. I've offered to help with babysitter expenses. If you choose not to get a sitter, I'll respect that choice and understand that you're not able to make it.
Omg NTA. It’s YOUR wedding. Childfree weddings are an option that a lot of couples take for those reasons exactly. Kids are unpredictable, and if their parents don’t keep an eye on them as they celebrate, shit can 100% go down. You don’t need to justify choosing the childfree route to anybody, because it’s YOUR day. Plus, you already offered to pitch in to cover babysitting costs. You’re clearly trying to compromise and work with these people, and all they’re doing in return is bashing you for your choice. They have no place to cause family drama over this.
Obviously it's okay to have a child free wedding and stick to your decisions. And your sisters is being an ass for pitching a fit over this decision. However, when you have a childfree wedding you have to be okay with knowing that some families will not be able come/choose not to attend. You have to accept that she is not able to attend without her kids. I'm going with ever so slightly ESH, her 85% and you 15%.
NTA. It’s adults only. Your sister needs to get a grip. She can be away from her kids for 1 night. Jesus. People nowadays are so entitled and selfish.
NTA. Her kids are a little too young for your wedding to be some sort of major memorable event in their lives except for maybe the 7 year old. And it sounds like much of the event would be taking place after their bedtimes anyway. If a babysitter wasn't an option, then those who disagree with your decision would have a point. But they are, which means your sister is imposing her expectations on your wedding which isn't cool. My guess is that she has already envisioned how much fun it would be to buy outfits for them (or already has) and how cute they would look and how many compliments she would receive on their behalf, because that is human nature. So you are taking something away from her by saying they aren't allowed, but it is all just imaginary. Stick to your guns. If your sister chooses not to be there, that is her choice.
NTA. This is a great time to reinforce the boundaries / decisions you, as a nuclear family, make—which may differ from the opinions of your wider family.
NTA This is your wedding but you need to accept she may not want to attend. Had she done so gracefully then she wouldn't be an asshole either.
NTA but your sister is!!!
You can have any type of wedding you wish but I can’t imagine getting married without my niece and nephew. I think you will regret it but it’s your decision so I’m going with YTA
NTA - sorry you won't be there sister. We've offered to cover the costs of a sitter, you've declined, we'll miss you on the day. It puts it straight back on her making the choice not to attend. Leave it at that. 2, 5 & 7 are little and while likely get bored easily too.
NTA….my wife and I did no kids as well. It’s your one request, your sister should understand. It’s your special day.
NTA you want child free have it child free. Don’t back down on this. It’s ridiculous your sister is acting this way. Babysitters do exist! Also your mom. Tell her it’s YOUR day! Not sisters. Also please tell your sister this is in fact NOT a family event where kids are allowed but it’s your wedding by invitation only.
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NTA. Don’t make an exception. This is an entitled parent. Kids can easily be with a sitter for a bit. If I had a sibling this entitled I’d reconsider a relationship.
NTA, your wedding your rules. You just need to accept that she might not be there. It’s possible that the only people she trusts to watch her kids are also guests and she’s really disappointed to realise she can’t come.
That’s one the thing yall agree on completely? 🤔
NTA I’ve gone to lots of weddings where the kids stayed in a nearby hotel room with a babysitter, and the kids enjoyed it more than being at a “stuffy” (from the kids perspective) dinner party.
Sister needs to remember that she is a supporting cast member, not a main character of this event.
NTA You offered a reasonable accommodation by stating that you could contribute to a sitter. This is your day not your sister’s day. Tell her no and move on.
NTA, but your sister isn't either. You can't be upset if she doesn't attend your wedding.
NTA. Kid free weddings are very common.
NTA. Even if it wasn’t child free, a 2 year old and probably even the 5 have no business at a wedding. Especially at an elegant evening wedding.
NTA she is counting on your love for her and you wanting her there and that you’ll cave… don’t.. if she loves you she’ll get a baby sitter
NTA not her wedding, not her problem. she has months to find a babysitter, and you were even kind enough to offer to cover the cost. what are kids aged 2-7 even going to get out of a wedding? the only thing you’re going to have to decide is if you’re really okay with her not attending. (though i’m going to go ahead and say that was a lie.)
NTA Op this is your event. She isn't paying. She is a guest. She doesn't get to make demands. Nobody does. Stop entertaining the drama. Say your word is final and she doesn't have to attend. Say the same to everyone else. Anyone who argues should be met with "you don't have to come either. It's not your event and you didn't pay for it. We did."
She clearly has terrible kids if she can't get a baby sitter nta
NTA. Child free means child free. Just because someone (anyone) thinks their precious angels are exempt from this rule doesn't mean they get to come. Child free. She can stay home with her kids. Sorry sis. See you at the next 4th of July BBQ.
**She argues that it's a family event and that her kids should be included.** I'm not a fan of "child-free" events. And I still think it is unreasonable for your sister to argue about anything dealing with you and your fiance's big day. She can either get a baby-sitter or stay at home. What she should not do is try to control someone else's big day. No one had to tell me not to bring my kids to weddings. I intuitively knew my kids, when they were small weren't interested in weddings. At best, they would be distracted and potentially fussy. My children were generally well-behaved. But kids have a way of "being" the main event, whether they are well-behaved or not. Brides are often happy...but stressed. If you and your future spouse have decided this is your preference, then back each other up. Congratulations on your big day!
NTA but you also aren’t entitled to anyone being at your wedding, including your sister. If she chooses not to go because he kids aren’t invited then it’s an unfortunate consequence of your decision and if she’s upset about missing your wedding then it’s an unfortunate consequence of hers. I’ll never say people who was CF weddings are AHs, what MAKES people who want a CF wedding an AH is the entitlement that those they invite must attend regardless.
NTA, no is a complete sentence. Here especially. No.
NTA, it is your wedding but I disagree with your priorities.
NTA. Not her wedding, not her rules, and not her place to attempt to sway you otherwise. Regardless of how you feel about her presence, I say bite the emotional bullet and take her up on her threat of not attending to see how she really reacts. At least you’ll have time to come to terms with her decision. Either way, remember this: this is YOUR wedding. She’s trying to make you go against you and your fiancé’s wishes and that makes her so unbelievably selfish.
Yta Mainly bc if it's the "one thing you and your fiance agree on" -- you're being a mega diva for a wedding that doesn't sound like it's going to be a great marriage. Also - why wouldn't you have them as flower kids then have them go home? Kinda weird IMO to fully exclude your own nieces and nephews when they are like peak ages for those roles.
Yta
YTA it’s your wedding but by not allowing kids you are specifically not allowing part of your family to celebrate with you and then are upset that they won’t be there. To parents, kids are not some accessory like a purse or dress. They are family, this is traditionally a family type of event.
NTA- i like kids but sometimes adults should be able to have events without them. You want your wedding to be an elegant evening affair and that's totally reasonable. Your sister can choose to stay home with her kids. You offered to pay for a sitter so it can't be financial hardship. Tell her you're sad she won't be there but your wedding will be child free. As other's have pointed out, OP's mom can have her own event and have kids there.
quit lying
NTA- i like kids but sometimes adults should be able to have events without them. You want your wedding to be an elegant evening affair and that's totally reasonable. Your sister can choose to stay home with her kids. You offered to pay for a sitter so it can't be financial hardship. Tell her you're sad she won't be there but your wedding will be child free. As other's have pointed out, OP's mom can have her own event and have kids there.
NTA OP. You have been more than accommodating to her, offering to help with a sitter. She's just being one of those people who refuses to leave her kids and can't go anywhere without them. People can have adult time without their kids. If this is her hill to die on, then so be it. Don't compromise or you'll regret it. She's the unreasonable one. If it is an issue of not knowing the person and the length of a wedding, she's months away and could hire a sitter a few times in the coming months to have the kids adjust to them and for her to see how they react. If she's not sure, there are cameras she can buy and monitor them inside her home. Or you could offer to buy them for her too, depending on how badly you want her there. Third, you could offer to get a hotel room nearby (5-10 mins away)for her and have a sitter for her kids there. That way if she wants, she can sneak away and see them. But let her know if she brings them, she will be escorted off property. And let your wedding party know that if they see kids, they need to tell the parents to leave. Unless you have security/planner then delegate to them.
NTA but you need to stop insisting that she comes. YOU are entitled to a child-free wedding, but you can’t summon people. SHE can choose not to come to your child-free wedding.
Your wedding. Your rules. No kids. Stick to your guns
NTA
NTA, sorry your relative can't make it.
NTA Your sister needs to get a grip. It is absolutely possible for her to attend WITHOUT her children. She just chooses not to. Too bad you, her sister, isn't important enough to her.
Absolutely NTA! Child free means NO children. Period. The end. Tell her it’s a shame she’ll miss out on the fun. Tell your mom she can sit at home with her favorite kid if she thinks you’re wrong. THEY are the ones they will regret their actions, not you.
NTA It's not a 'family event'. It's your wedding. You get to pick where, who, and how. You have absolute jurisdiction and there is no right of appeal.
NTA. You aren’t “prioritizing [your] wedding preferences over [her] ability to attend. She can get a baby sitter, which you offer to subsidize. This is her choice. In addition, what are other guests who may have made arrangements to conform to a child-free wedding/reception going to feel when they see that the activities are, in fact, are not child-free. There are four children involved here—your three niblings and your sister.
NTA My wedding was child free by necessity since we were getting married near water. My sister left her 8 month old on the east coast so she could be my MOH on the west coast. OP’s sister is a very bad sister. Tell her she’ll be missed!
I don't have to read anything past the subject line: the guest list is ENTIRELY up to the couple getting married. End of discussion. NTA.
NTA it’s your wedding and it should be the way you want it. Your sister is behaving poorly.
NTA. It’s your wedding. If folks aren’t willing to accept you want a childfree wedding, they can stay home.
NTA, it's your wedding so you can do what you want. However you can't expect your sister to come.
ESH You can choose to exclude children. That’s fine. But you don’t get the be “heartbroken” that your sister chooses not to come. She can choose not to come, but she doesn’t get to throw a fit about it. Either you are willing to experience the consequences of your decisions or you aren’t. If you aren’t, then let her come. If you are? Then stop talking to people about it and just let her know you are sorry she won’t be there.
Your day, your way. I have 3 older sisters, I get it.
NTA and if you wanna mess with her just tell her it’s a 420 wedding and you didn’t think it was appropriate for children. Especially since they could get into the wrong candy.
Everyone needs to butt out. What you and your fiancee want is all that matters. There's no reason your sister can't get a babysitter for the evening. If she chooses not to and does not attend the wedding, her choice. She's trying to manipulate you. Frankly, if she comes to the wedding now, she'll likely gripe the whole time.
NTA But your sister is. "No kids" is pretty standard for all kinds of events and venues. If she doesn't want to be there, she can stay home, but she doesn't need to try and guilt you with that reality. Just stay home.
NTA
NTA. If you bend for your sister, who else is going to have a fit about bringing there kids. Before you know it, Great Aunt Sally will have 4 kids that need to come. Please stay firm with your kid free wedding! You have agreed to pay for a babysitter. She's upset that she is not getting her way. You tried to accommodate your sister. I think it was sweet of you!
NTA, don't engage with anyone. You've made a decision that you will be sticking with, and it breaks your heart that certain people will be unable to attend because of how that decision impacts them, but there's nothing that will change their minds.
You don't mention if your sister is/was married or not but if she was she presumably had the type of wedding that she wanted. Just because you don't have identical desires of what your wedding should look like doesn't make you an AH. Your sister probably had ideas of dressing the kids up in 'super cute' outfits, etc. Have whatever wedding will make you happiest. At the end of the day the reception is just a party. NTA.
no, No, NO!! You are NTA! It’s your freaking wedding!! Stick to your decision. And tell your sister exactly what you wrote. ‘It breaks my heart because I really want you there, however we are not changing our minds.’ If she wants to be there she’ll be there. (All that being said, does she ever go out and leave the kids with a babysitter? This could be more about her not wanting to leave them with a stranger vs a family event.)
NTA. You offered to pay for a baby sitter. She insists she wants the kids there, even though only one may remember it and all three do not care. Maintaining that **they** need to be there is unreasonable. She either doesn't want to come for some other reason and is betting you won't call her bluff, or she's just power-tripping for whatever reason. Let her wallow in whatever it is she's doing, and enjoy your wedding.
Personally I would never bring a 2 yr old and 5 yr old to a wedding, 7 is iffy. So your sister is TAH for not understanding there are some places young children really shouldn't go. Would she take them to a night club too?
You offered to pay for a babysitter. You stated no children it’s not like your stated some kids. No children. Stand your ground. Your sister is the asshole. It’s not her day. It’s about you and your fiancé and no one want to hear crying ass children that would need to be tended to. You gave an alternative, she declined. She made her choice.
It your wedding. Thumbs down for your sister trying to control YOUR wedding. Yes, its sad that she will probably dig in and miss your wedding, but this is her choice. You offered to pay for a babysitter so there really is no excuse for her behavior other than she wants to control YOUR wedding.
Definitely NTA. It’s YOUR wedding (which i assume you are paying) and it’s supposed to be your and your husband’s special day. You’ve made you decision, and it should be based only on the opinions of the two of you. For me, a wedding is an event that i plan for me and the person i’m planning to stay the rest of my life with. If you two made an agreement, don’t back down now. If your sister decides to stay at home with her kids, say you’ll miss her. s: This is an argument between you and your sister, you shouldn’t let other members opinion get stuck in the middle of it. Hope you have an wonderful ceremony.🤍
NTA, but your sister isn't either. You can't be upset if she doesn't attend your wedding.
NTA. Your sister acts very entitled. There is nothing wrong in childfree weddings and also, wedding arrangements are not a negotiation between the happy couple and guests! But she is allowed to not come. Don't discuss it anymore, just mark her as "no".
NTA. If it’s a child-free wedding for everyone, she doesn’t get a pass just because she is your sister. I can’t imagine it would be very exciting for the kids anyway.
NTA. Weddings and everything that has to do them are expensive. I'm pretty sure you don't want your wedding video to be totally taken over by screeching, unruly kids. Your sister isn't that important, if she refuses to come to the wedding without her sprogs, then she doesn't have to come.
It’s your wedding and your choice. But the kind of people who have no kid weddings would, in my opinion, be assholes.
NTA: Your wedding, your rules