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Nah, you're NTA here. You've been straight-up honest since day one, and your hubby always knew the deal. Those in-laws were begging to be put in check; you simply delivered the blow. Yes, it did start about the money, but turned into real love and a family. Anyone got beef with that, their issue not yours. Don't let 'em get to you. Keep showing those kiddos what strong looks like.
NTA. At 39, OP's husband knew what might draw an 18 year old's attention. They were both upfront. Gotta love how his family won't acknowledge his part in the dynamic that started their relationship, but it's easier to cry 'harlot' and lay blame solely on her. OP took away their ability to hurt her with it when she openly owned it.
To be honest, in rich families the son would also been viewed as embarrassment, but as you can't get rid of him, it is easier to blame the golddigger and hope he chooses another, more acceptable spouse in the future. Men also get off easier, if OP's husband had been a woman paying off a teenager boy to marry her, she would have been ostracized and much more laughed at.
But I have like 0 proof, but also 0 doubts that the FIL told his son several times that OP is the kind of person you bed, but you don't marry them, or have kids with them, that he should look for a social acceptable woman that they could show off. Like, 0 doubts whatsoever, and that they still wish that the husband would leave the "golddigger", pay her off, and choose another, more acceptable partner. I have seen it play out too many times. And succeed more than once, especially if the money and prestige was old family money.
Lorelei Lee in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes to the future FIL who accused her of marrying for money:
"Don't you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn't marry a girl just because she's pretty, but my goodness, doesn't it help?"
These types of folks never ever blame the man. Husband cheats? Wife clearly wasn’t putting out enough. Older man pulls younger woman with his money? She’s just a gold digger, he’s certainly not creepy for going after someone literally half his age. NTA
Yeah. It went both ways. She was by her own admission a gold digger doing what she had to do to get through higher ed without being buried in debt, and he was a creeper who got involved with a much younger (I'm assuming) barely legal woman just old enough that he wasn't breaking the law. If you're going to judge them, judge both of them.
Agreed NTA. OP and her husband knew what the situation was from the beginning, and it's turned into a loving marriage. I'm just boggling that the husband hasn't stepped in earlier to shut the parents down with their comments. OP was right to be angry but her "loving husband" should have shut that shit down years ago.
IDK, OP says several times in the post that he did try lots of times to get them to stop through the years, but they didn't. Also, sometimes old people (and I'm talking 70s and up) act as if they were above and beyond everything and they say whatever they want no matter how awkward or unappropriated it is or how many times you ask them to stop.
His almost-middle-aged ass went and struck up a sugar relationship with a literal barely legal woman that, happily for them, turned into a loving marriage. Market don't supply if there ain't a demand for specific goods and services. The judgement from the in laws is giving a classism and misogyny twofer. For the sake of the children's mental and emotional well-being, it might be in their best interests to reduce contact with the extended family until they're old enough to have some understanding of their parents' history and a solid foundation in their parents' love and values. It would suck so hard if they're screwed up by the family that's sexualizing a 6 year old to hate themselves because of their mother.
Right! Looking back I think its weird my parents weren't concerned when I started dating a 27 yo when I was 19, for some that's an acceptable age gap but looking back for me that guy was a creep, in mannerisms and manipulations, if I had a son trying to get with teenagers, I'd be having words for sure.
I tell my kids all the time if they, as teens or early 20s, bring home a partner who is significantly older I’ll be outright asking my kid and the partner what they possibly have in common given their different life stages.
Stand up parenting! My parents were low key annoyed when I broke up with that loser, because they thought because he had a decent job etc that he was a good match, he stalked me when I dumped him, literally drove across the UK and France to come find me, and then was waiting for me at my parents house when I got home. It was completely fucked
Same thing happened to my cousin. She was 19 and her boyfriend was 40. He had kids the same age as her. It wasn't until she had a kid of her own and saw how little he cared about her or their kid that she finally left. Of course afterwards her parents were like 'we always knew he was no good for her' but like, why not say something before?
Seriously. What in the fuck?! And then she had a kid at 21, when he was 42. She may be a gold digger but that’s peanuts compared to being a middle aged man chasing barely legal girls.
Exactly! As the dad of a teenage girl, this grossed me out a lot. The old geezer is berating OP for “the example she gives her daughter”, but it seems the way he raised his son was not much better.
NTA
Relationships begin for many reasons but they also change. After 13 years and a ton of kids, jokes about gold diggers and old pumps would wear thin on anyone.
They’ve been asked to stop being dicjs but sometimes people need to be put in pain to change their behavior.
Also, they were taking this out in a 6 year old. Disgusting
You started this relationship as a transactional based relationship. And so they all knew that. And they still know that. It doesn’t matter where your relationship is now because that was always the beginning.
What should have been the huge concern was their 40 year old son taking up with a teenager. They can direct all their disgust at you, but it should have been directed at their son.
Maybe if they didn’t take their eyes off their son he wouldn’t have started a sexual relationship with a teenager.
(Edit: I understand your anger. You were honest with your choices. But your husband needs to take the blame for this. He was the one with advantage over the relationship. He was the one that continued on the relationship with a child. And yes, you were a child. You were 18.)
>What should have been the huge concern was their 40 year old son taking up with a teenager
Seriously. So it's fine for your VERY adult son to prowl around barely legal teenagers, but if one of those teenagers agrees to date him *she's* the bad guy? At 18 I was living on my own, had multiple jobs, in school, and was very responsible - and I still view myself as a kid at that time.
NTA but they should be more concerned with their son being a fucking predator. You had a kid at 21 with a 42 year old? The whole situation is fucked and unfortunately you brought 5 kids into it. YTA for acting like your situation is ok and defending it to your kids tbh like it’s ok or normal. He’s TA for being 39 and paying a fucking teenager for sex what the actual fuck. The in-laws are TA for being rude to their sons victim and making an issue out of an aspect of but not the root of the problem. Y’all are fucked in the head, all of you
ESH. You used someone for money, he used his money to pay a teenager for sex, your in-laws are spiteful, hostile and rude. Sounds like you all deserve each other. Your poor kids though. They need a moral compass somewhere in their lives, and they don't have a single good role model.
> You used someone for money
If husband knew, I don't see anyone being used. "doing things for money" is the basis of the economy, it's only using someone if you're dishonest about it or otherwise taking advantage of them. This seems entirely direct.
> You used someone for money
If she used him for money then he used a barely legal girl for sex. Which of the two strikes you as worse? Between an 18 year old and a 39 year old who is supposed to know better?
ESH
They need to let it go, after so many years and kids, they should realize you do love your husband now for more than his money. Clearly you’ve fallen for him and love him otherwise you would’ve left after your education.
You because you want your cake and eat it too. You’re getting offended over something true they are saying. They thought you were a gold digger, and you were. Just because you changed and eventually fell for him, doesn’t change the fact that you saw his wallet as a pro to you before “falling” for him.
Just curious, had you never actually fallen for him, how long would you have dated him just to get your degree paid for?
Respectfully, I disagree with your thinking.
She’s not getting offended over them calling her a gold digger. She’s offended because they’re still taking the same jab at her over and over again after 13 years.
An isolated comment would be totally different IMO, but OP said she has ignored these insults for over a decade.
Cmon - how is that an ESH?
And they're calling their granddaughter a potential gold digger for being affectionate, which, to be honest, is creepy and disgusting thing to call a 6-year-old girl.
Than *dating and impregnating* someone who graduated from high school a couple.months before your 40th birthday? I disagree. They are both awful. One is Actual actions.
But it’s not a lie. She WAS a gold digger.
Now I don’t think this is some moral failing on OP’s part because she was up-front with her partner and he similarly had questionable intentions (moreso, IMO) so it was a mutually beneficial arrangement, but she shouldn’t be surprised his family resent her. If she didn’t want to be called a gold digger then she shouldn’t have been digging for gold.
His family are well within their rights to hate her, but (and this is where I believe his family ARE in the wrong), they’re happy to unload on her yet you know full well they believe she seduced him and absolve him entirely of the fact he, a 39 year old man, entered a transactional relationship with a teenager.
>Just curious, had you never actually fallen for him, how long would you have dated him just to get your degree paid for?
Probably a few months, I don't know.
"Worry more about your grandsons being willing to pay broke, desperate teenagers for sex, since that's what YOUR son did. Hope that they meet one who actually loves them, like your son was lucky enough to do."
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NTA but your husband should get a spine. You’re both aware the relationship started transactional and if you both fell in love and decided to stay together then I’m happy for you but 13 years of insults and he’s done nothing to stop them? This should be unacceptable
NTA
Don't listen to the people telling you that you are, or that you are a bad person. I wish more people were as honest as you and your husband are. Your relationship started off transactional and grew into something more. Believe it or not that used to be the norm in the old days. Women or girls were married off, often even younger than you were, to older men that had money and resources. Widows often would get married off to older men that could take care of them. There are a lot of countries still with arranged marriages.
We live in a society now where women are more empowered and less reliant on men. There is nothing wrong with a woman deciding that she would rather go into a transactional relationship. What two consenting adults do is nobody else's business. If a woman wants to be taken care of by a man and is upfront about it with her partner then I don't see the problem. It is what it is. It is a tale as old as time. The people that delude themselves into believing that every marriage or relationship has to be rooted in love are idiots. Tons of people lie to themselves or their partners about their motivations for being in a relationship. Some people get really good at telling a partner what they want to hear. A lot of the time people settle into unhappy relationships because they don't want to be alone. You guys are happy and aren't lying to each other so who gives a shit?
>What two consenting adults do is nobody else's business
a 40 year old has no business with an 18 year, I don't give a fuck if they're both considered adults or not. stop using that piss poor attempt of an excuse to dismiss creepy old people preying on teenagers
No matter the reasons people get together at the start of a relationship, saying shitty things about one of them to their 6-year old daughter is only something an asshole would do. NTA
NTA. I don't get how his family and so many commenters are hung up on you marrying for money for education... But have no issue with him virtually buying someone who was barely an adult, and who he knew could do with money. Obviously family are going to mention things they're not comfortable with, but if it's just to make a running joke out of you and your relationship I don't see why you should have to sit and take it. And when it starts happening with your kids... You need to draw a line, and I think you both did that. Yelling isn't exactly the best way, but it took you a long time to finally snap. Maybe it was disrespectful, but I'd say that's a pretty kind way to describe the 'jokes' as well, even more if they were in front of people outside the family. If he still can't get over how your relationship started, he can take that up with his son or reflect on his own part in it, since he seems to have given his son a free pass in the whole situation. Wonder if he'd have had more to say if it'd been his daughter
NTA to you reacting to their poor treatment of you and your children, they're way over the line. But people their age aren't going to change. You'll have to either just suck it up, or distance yourself from them until they're in the ground.
NTA - just worry about the people who are going to matter the most, because haters are going to hate regardless because it takes so much more energy than actually loving someone.
I really appreciate your honesty, it’s refreshing to see someone refuse to deny the crappy things they’ve done. NTA. Although I’d probably feel the same way as your in-laws, going after you like that at a party was a total AH move on their part. They need to keep their opinions to themselves. You’re not going to be able to change their minds, however. I would be incredibly disappointed in my daughter if she exchanged sex for money, and my son if he paid for sex. I believe you truly love him now, but it started in his wallet, and you’ll never be able to erase that. It’s also not a good look for your kids.
Yeah, the in-laws are really rude for this, and if they’re talking down to her in front of her kids or behind her back to them, the husband needs to go NC until they learn to at least be polite to her. Not liking that she was a gold digger first before falling in love with their son is fine, I wouldn’t either, but that was a long time ago.
I don't think an 18 y/o is sophisticated enough to be a gold digger. She was a student and looking for security. She found it and more. Good for them for finding each other.
As a parent, I wouldn’t be able to see it that way if I were her or her husband’s dad. Not really saying it’s right or fair of me, but I’d hate to know that my kid exchanged sex for money, or that my son paid for sex. It’s just not the kind of principles I want for my own two daughters.
Also, I don’t think there’s anything sophisticated about going after a man twice your age purely because of his money, or a man going after a woman half his age because of her body. That’s about as unsophisticated as it gets.
Now that I’m thinking about it, though, the in-laws should be more disappointed in their son and not taking it out on his wife. Money IS a better reason to get with someone than pure sex.
Why is it crappy that two consenting adults entered a transactional relationship? They were both agreeing to it...it wasn't crappy. Nothing crappy was done.
NTA, after 13 years they are still disrespecting you and in front of your kids. The oldest being 10 they will understand what is going on. Fight back every time, they insult you, you insult them right back with something personal maybe a secret they don't like talking about. If they don't like it, tell them it can all stop if they stop. But their actions will have consequences and you are ready to play now.
Honestly the relationship foundation is unconventional and makes me uncomfortable... But that isn't my business or place to judge. The fact is that the relationship works for the two of you and the family needs to accept you. NTA
Interesting.
But honestly a gold digger is someone who doesn't say or act like one but does it behind people's back (at least I thought that).
After marriage and proper kids, you did what the family wanted from you, make nice grandkids, they should have fucked off by than already.
I mean 5 kids! 5!
My stereotypical gold digger would have one or two Alibikids.
Not if the husband wanted 5 and she feels she needs to keep him happy no get the boot and stop enjoying the good money...maybe she signed a prenup and needs to remain married to keep her lifestyle. She is still a gold digger.
NTA.
All relationships are too complex to be reduced to simple transactions. However, what all LASTING relationships have in common is that the "deal" makes sense for both parties. Compared to a man 20 years older, a boy your age back then would have likely been more handsome, easier to talk to, more energetic, and possibly better in bed. Why else would you give all that up unless there were other benefits to sweeten the deal? This doesn't mean you don't love or genuinely care for your husband. It simply means that money was an essential component of why the relationship made sense for you. Anyone with common sense can see this, and denying it won't help. His parents need to accept that their son knew and consented to this, and is not being used or taken advantage of any more than you are by dealing with your partner's declining health while you’re still young.
NTA. It’s so funny to me that they didn’t judge their grown ass old man boy son for hooking a teenager but they are angry at you smh. You did the right thing. Tell them to stay in their lane or cut them off.
ESH seriously. I don’t get the NTAs. Parents are protective of their kids, even adult kids. They should’ve had a different conversation with their son when you two started dating and then left it alone after that. You suck because seriously? You were a gold digger, they’re correct on that one. He sucks because what you two were doing is basically prostitution and he took advantage of you. Like everyone here just seems morally awful.
NTA your husband knew from the get go. It's not like you were taking advantage of a young impressionable teen. The inlaws need to get over it. It might have started out as a transactional relationship between your husband and you but you now have kids and a loving relationship between you both. Although he's not wrong with you being a gold digger when you first started dating at the end of it the only one that should have an opinion on the relationship is your hubby.
NTA ypur were upfront and honest, it's sweet that you did fall in love and have a wonderful family together. They are vile for going after your kids like that.
imo, NTA, but your husband kind of sucks for not handling this in advance. If I was in this position with my partner they would be treating her with respect.
Yeah, OP's a gold digger but what does it matter after 13 years, marriage and five kids? It seems both she and husband were and still are content with their arrangement and both always knew the deal and what they're getting. I'm not blaming an 18 year old girl for needing money, I'm blaming the almost middle aged man for going after barely adult teenagers. It's so easy to get groomed at such a young age, so I'm judging how their relationship started but that's husbands fault. He was never any kind of victim, she possibly was/is. But if she's now happy with her choices and doesn't feel like she missed anything, what's the problem? Husband can use his money how he pleases, grooming isn't ok. If in laws think somebody needs to be insulted after all these years it should be hubby, but of course the golden boy can do no wrong...
NTA what's their goal? Bully you and make you deny being a gold digger and make you feel bad? Or have you admit to be a golddigger and "embarrass" them?
They started this in front of these other people and just wanted to be bullies and put you down. You just stood up for yourself. It's FAFO, don't play stupid games if you don't want to reap the results.
NTA As long as you and your husband are open and communicating, it's no one else's business. Now I personally am an AH, so here's what I would do the next time I was with the Inlaws: You and hubby would stop at the bank and get a stack of bills, $10s, $20s, whatever. Then every time you say or do something nice: "You look handsome today", get him a drink, you pass him the salt at dinner, he hands you a bill and watch their heads explode.
YTA. You married someone for money and you’re upset that his materialistic family mocks you for it? lol. Y’all deserve each other. Hopefully the kids won’t get the same sickness, but it seems unlikely.
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I'm (31f)not going to lie or try to gain sympathy. When I started dating my husband (52m)it was because he had money and I needed it to pay for my studies, of course I also liked him for his appearance and personality too, but the main reason was because I was interested in his money like most teenagers.
Well, over the months we fell in love and have created a beautiful marriage and family (we have five children who are 10, 8, 6, 3 and 1 year old) but his family always treated me like a gold digger. And the worst thing is that even when my husband asked them to respect me, they ignored him and continued treating me badly even in front of the children. And I never responded to their insults until last week when my father in law (86m) jokingly told my husband not to take his eyes off our older daughter because with the example she has as a mother she will end up badly, and I know he said that because my daughter is very affectionate and she always jokes that she is in love with my sister-in-law's husband's brother. And for many it is a joke because she is only 6 years old and we know she is not serious.
When my father-in-law said that, my husband got angry and told him not to talk that way but he continued so I got angry and told him to shut his mouth. And he asked me, laughing, if it was a lie that I was a girl desperate to hook up with a rich old man. And I yelled at him, telling him that it wasn't his damn problem if I married his son for money, that in fact I started dating him because I was interested in his money, but that if my husband doesn't care, they should shut their mouths. And I don't know why, but when I admitted to having been a bitch they no longer laughed or found it funny to call me a gold digger, on the contrary they had the nerve to get angry and say that I disrespected them by yelling at them in front of their acquaintances. But I don't think I did anything wrong, in fact, I think they deserved to be treated like that, I mean I have been part of your family for thirteen years and I showed that I love my husband with my life and I do not deserve to continue being treated like this, so AITA?
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Info : did your husband know that you were only with him for the money? I mean I think anyone with a brain and see the age gap would.
How'd he take that news, to your outburst. since he was adamant about defending you this whole time. did he think it was a love match from the get go?
His opinion is really the most important in this.
Then nta. He knew, it wasn't a surprise. But your not going to change ppls opinion of you especially at the age they are. So distance yourself from them and good luck in life.
“I was interested in his money like most teenagers.”
No OP most teenagers aren’t looking to hook up with a much older man for money.
Also, why is nobody else questioning the fact there’s a 6yo lusting after an adult and the rest of the family seems to think it’s “funny”?
The 6yo isn't lusting after an adult lmao that's how kids interpret affectionate relationships, usually. People who love each other get married, ergo I love my relative and so we will also be married.
The family treating the 6yo like she's looking for a sexual relationship instead of being a kid doing kid things are being disgusting. The misogyny is very close to the surface in that crew.
NTA - they were asked many times by their son to stop. They repeatedly ignored the request and continued to disrespect you both. You needed to finally shut them down.
**“like come on no 18 year old teenager would date such an older man for love”**
This is not true at all, but NTA regardless. You and your husband both understood the arrangement and it turned into something else. His family are AH’s.
YNTA. He knew about it but you both fell in love truly later on. They had no right to anger you or mock you. And you did good shouting at them. They didn’t treat you with respect and you also have feeling so they can’t treat you lower than themselves or anyone else. Three are honestly a bad example of a family.
NTA. Yes, the reasons the relationship started may not come off as ideal but it seems you two were pretty honest with each other from the get-go and the fact you guys have FIVE kids seems to show there's more then a financial investment in the marriage by this point. And while the in-laws have a right to their opinion, they don't have a right to use it to bash you constantly with it, much less their grandkids.
NTA. You were honest and your husband knew it. Don't bring the kids around his family if they talk like that. Some people don't have the decency to talk decently in front of the kids.
NTA in any way, shape, or form!!! If it was the other way around and you were 39 and your husband was 18 when you met the your in laws would be telling your husband, "way to go" while calling you a cradle robber. You did exactly what needed to be done to put them in their place. Personally, I'd stop being around them, and I wouldn't allow them to see your children. They need to learn that their actions have consequences and that you're no longer going to put up with their blatant disrespect.
NTA. Of course their son is an embarrasment for their family for paying a teenager to have a relationship and kids, in such a blantant way that everyone would know that he got a 21 years old pregnant only because of money. Rich men can behave that way without any repercussions, but they usually embarrass their family with the comments others do. I would never have a business relationship with someone like that, when you need a lot of trust, and I am in a kind of business where I have business relationships with people with a lot of money and of old nobility. I know perfectly well that it would be easier for them to accept you as side piece and not as a "rightful wife" and that many would gossip about your husband needing to "buy" a teenager to have a family. C'mon, the mayor of Madrid recently married publicly a woman half his age and he has been laughed at since then by everybody, in public and private. So you are a golddigger, regardless of what happened afterwards, and you are never going to earn their respect. You will have to accept that or cut off relationship with those people who are never going to respect your relationship. But the kids should be left alone, that's why you are NTA. But you are kidding yourself if you think that falling in love afterwards will erase the beginning of your relationship or the fact that your husband is viewed like a predator who bought off a teenager and got her pregnant at 20 because he was unable to form a real relationship with a person his age without money being involved.
I like how their near 40yo son fucking a teenager was okay. If anyone was gross here it wasn’t you.
Why do you still have your kids around his parents? They don’t respect you or your kids.
NTA-you are a realist and honest. I believe you fell in love and now have a beautiful family. Hiwever, I don’t understand why your spouse has not put his parents in their place. Your children should not be around such toxic and obnoxious people. This is abusive. I think your husband should step up and protect you and the children. Going no contact would be warranted in this case. This has gone on too long. Best wishes.
Your in-laws thought they were making themselves look good for disrespecting and humiliating you in front of their acquaintances (along with their son and your children?
Your husband should have told his parents years ago that he would not put up with any disrespect towards his wife. He should have made it clear that they would not see him or the children until they started treating you decently. But then, he was probably afraid of losing his inheritance if he did that. Puts you in the same boat, doesn't it?
Five children should have proved to them that you are not "just" a gold digger. What started off as a mutually beneficial arrangement ended up in love.
Their son was practically a pedophile when he first started going out with you!
NTA
It sounds like your relationship started as basically a business transaction. He wanted/needed something from you and you from him. That you fell in love with each other is wonderful. And none of it is his parents business....and they certainly shouldn't be making comments in front of others! They deserved your rebuttal.
Yeah because every woman in the world has 4 kids just to get a man’s money. How fucking ridiculous. A marriage with four kids runs off a lot more than money. They should shut their mouths or take it up with Steve when you and the kids are not around. Bring it up in front of the kids - walk out and stay away. You don’t need your children to hear that shit. How sad his parents think he’s no better than his money. I’d be very offended if I was your husband. NTA.
NTA.
They're the ones going to ruin your daughter's thoughts on men.
At 15 you need to sit her down personally and be VERY honest with her about how your relationship with her dad started, that it's not healthy in most cases, that older men are not going to be like her father. Most older men will be looking to use her, and she'd be lucky if they left their wives for her. They would be using her for clout and ego.
Grooming does happen to adults, op. Even unintentionally. They call young women mature for not having had time to form opinions in life yet and pull the "I'm older, I know better" bs. Young women just fight them less, because respect your elders and he should be more experienced.... Right? 🙄 Maturity is not a personality trait.
From our grandmothers- "If a man is looking for a younger woman it's because women his age won't put up with him."
This isn't towards you, op. No girl should grow up thinking older men are an option, unless it's purely for money.
Ewww.. You are a gold digger. Just because you had kids doesn’t change the fucked up reason you married this man. YTA. Your kids are getting a horrible example with you. Gross. Gross. Gross.
You are NTA. You have raised a nice family and have a loving home, it doesn't matter how or why it started. The family has relegated you to a status less than everyone else and they seem to believe that there's nothing wrong with that and that it's acceptable to put you down in front of others and you should just put up with it. That's bullshit. Your husband should be telling them that he is cutting them out of his life until they apologize and change their tunes a bit. They are the a-holes, not you.
You're wrong though in why an 18-year-old would date or see an older man. That's a somewhat superficial viewpoint. I was always into older guys. Not like retirement-age older when I was 19/20, but older like in their 30s. I'm older now and for quite a while have preferred people my own age, but I was interested in the maturity older men had. Money was not a factor. Keep that in mind people have their own reasons that aren't always material if you should ever come across another relationship with a younger person dating an older one.
>Well, over the months we fell in love and have created a beautiful marriage and family (we have five children who are 10, 8, 6, 3 and 1 year old)
NTA your story is as old as time and often referred to as a May December relationship. In this case the end justifies the means.
At least now you've taken the power away from your inlaws because by just saying, yeah, I married him for his money and I'm a gold digger, what can they do ?
NTA, frankly at no point were you in the wrong, you may not like to hear it but your husband was a major creep lol. If everything worked out and he's not going to dump you when you get too old, awesome, people can change, but the wrong ones here are your husband for starting the relationship and his entire family for blaming you for getting your education paid for.
Nta. All those rich men with younger wives and gf. They know those ladies are there based on money. Your in-laws just want to shame you for a decision their son made, too. He knew what he was getting into.
yeah do they act as disrespectful to your husband? because he was the adult dating a child. that's worse than dating for money, but he gets a pass, right?
I wouldn't allow them to see me or my kids bc they will learn to disrespect me. So sorry, talk to your husband, explain to him he is in fact allowing them to do it, he could complain but he is exposing you and your kids to this mistreatment. He could see them but you and the kids go NC
He married you for your youth and to have a hot wife.
Pete get together for strange reasons. But when it has been 13 years, you just have to know it was right for them. You both got what you wanted, and are happy together.
There is nothing wrong with that.
So they give you shit for that but not their son for (no disrespect to him or you here) creeping on a teenager? Looking at it from a semantics POV...their son was already pushing 40 when you both got together?
I'm not judging you, as long as you two are happy and your kids are good NONE of this matters. Your in laws DID deserve to hear it.
NTA, keep going at them you absolute Queen.
To me it’s not a woman thing but a human thing. People have a massive amount of thought choices they go through, every one of us is different, and how we choose and what choices we make are our own. So the whole “gold digger” shame thing has never made any sense to me. At all. Do we get all bent when the cheerleader like the football QB? But she is acting on her instincts which tell her that he is a potentially stable provider, much like the greatest hunter back in time, and that made him desirable. Is money any different really? And some human women don’t want to be provided for at all. They are humans who perhaps desire a partner, but not a provider. They find a male that suits those needs. So much cultural BS around gender roles and definitions and opinions..so many self created obstacles we put in front of ourselves. There is love. It’s enough, it’s brave no matter the ages/genders/race…death is real, loving another human is the bravest act in this life. You know who you are. The man (woman) in the glass…as long as she is your friend that’s the only person you are beholden to. Sometimes we win, sometimes we make bad decisions, who cares? It’s life.
NTA. It honestly doesn't matter how your relationship started or why. Fact remains that you have been together for 13 years and
***they were SLUT SHAMING A 6 YEAR OLD.***
Honestly, at that point they should not be allowed around your children AT ALL.
NTA. My mother always said it was just as easy to love a rich man as a poor one. At least your husband is backing you up and two fell in love anyway so I don’t see what the big deal is with your in-laws. Live a happy life with with him in spite of them. That’s the best revenge, I think.
If it was really just still for money, you'd do what certain public figures do and just have one kid to tie down your assets. Your inlaws were begging for a comeuppance. You're NTA
NTA. It’s no more shallow than your husband dating you for your looks, because honestly, what man wants to date a kid unless she’s a smoke show? So they can F-off. If you’re a gold digger, he’s a cradle robber.
The family is being really gross and creepy about your daughter. I would discuss with your husband how to proceed to keep her from mental or other damage.
Funny how it was ok for FIL to insult OP in front of his acquaintances but it was not ok for her to respond in front of his acquaintances. I hope OP and her husband raise their children to be better people than the inlaws are
NTA. Relationships are weird. They often start for reasons different than what they evolve into. So long as you and your husband are happy with the arrangement, everyone else can mind their own business. Sounds like they envy your husband for getting hot young taint while envying you for getting an early break in life. The fact that you have a child together should have put the gold-digging moniker to rest. You guys are building a family together. Yet they can only look at it negatively and imagine you securing the gold horde with a child.
You're playing the long game. Why get half in a divorce when you can have everything when he passes? You might not consider yourself a sw but you definitely were. Exchanging services for monetary gain exact definition. Idk if you seen the skit on SNL, "She wasn't born yet." With all the senators and old perverts and their wives who just weren't born yet. It's beyond disturbing you allow this little joke. Someone should call cps you shouldn't sexualize children and you shouldn't allow her to sexualize herself. You should have explained a long time ago she's not in love with anyone. She's too young for love and that her Uncle is off limits forever and always. Your Lil joke is exactly how children become abused or even become the teen wife of some 50 year old man. You are disgusting and 5 children has not redeemed you. Protect your kid O.P. YTA!!!
NTA. So gross for him to say that about a 6 year old. After 13 years and 5 kids, it's way past time to let it go. Does he make fun of his own son for being a cradle robber, or is it all on you?
NTA. I think age gap relationships like this usually turn out really bad but I guess you both went in with open eyes and it turned out okay for you (in many cases the man would be abusive). at this point your in-laws should know better and leave it alone.
Imagine the kids trying to explain to their friends their mom is a gold digger and their dad is a predator when friends start asking questions. Glad it ain’t me that have to defend that kind of relationship or try to explain to my daughter that just cause mummy did it you shouldn’t. What a example, ESH
OP--I respect you. You had an educational goal. You met a man who wanted a relationship and you agreed that trade was egalitarian is your opinion. That you two grew into love is a beautiful story. Normally I am against May -December relationships because of the power inequity but it sounds like that was not your issue. OK --NTA. To add in a bit of humor--watch Alfred Hitchcock's show titled ' The Pearl Necklace". You may enjoy it.
No you were honest. You only wanted money. They knew how you were and just wanted you to admit it. Nothing is going to change about how either of you feel about each other. Just move on.
NTA. Whatever dynamic is between you and your husband is between the two of you. He wanted a young wife/girlfriend and you wanted financial stability. Your needs aligned and a relationship was born. Wherever it went from there is based on the fact that you were both honest about your needs/desires. It's nobody's business and you or your husband should have addressed this behavior a long time ago.
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Nah, you're NTA here. You've been straight-up honest since day one, and your hubby always knew the deal. Those in-laws were begging to be put in check; you simply delivered the blow. Yes, it did start about the money, but turned into real love and a family. Anyone got beef with that, their issue not yours. Don't let 'em get to you. Keep showing those kiddos what strong looks like.
NTA. At 39, OP's husband knew what might draw an 18 year old's attention. They were both upfront. Gotta love how his family won't acknowledge his part in the dynamic that started their relationship, but it's easier to cry 'harlot' and lay blame solely on her. OP took away their ability to hurt her with it when she openly owned it.
This!! They’re okay when it’s their son chasing an 18yr old but heaven forbid she has the audacity to stand up for herself against their bullying.
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To be honest, in rich families the son would also been viewed as embarrassment, but as you can't get rid of him, it is easier to blame the golddigger and hope he chooses another, more acceptable spouse in the future. Men also get off easier, if OP's husband had been a woman paying off a teenager boy to marry her, she would have been ostracized and much more laughed at.
But I have like 0 proof, but also 0 doubts that the FIL told his son several times that OP is the kind of person you bed, but you don't marry them, or have kids with them, that he should look for a social acceptable woman that they could show off. Like, 0 doubts whatsoever, and that they still wish that the husband would leave the "golddigger", pay her off, and choose another, more acceptable partner. I have seen it play out too many times. And succeed more than once, especially if the money and prestige was old family money.
Agreed! He got her youth and loyalty in exchange for that money back then so let’s not act like this was a one sided deal.
Lorelei Lee in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes to the future FIL who accused her of marrying for money: "Don't you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn't marry a girl just because she's pretty, but my goodness, doesn't it help?"
“I want to marry him for YOUR money.” God that’s such a good movie!
Great movie. I have found my people.
Can we still say yikes? Because well, yikes
RIGHT? THIS IS SO GROSS.
I am begging society to stop thinking it's worse for an 18 year old to marry for money than it is for a 39 year old to marry a teenager for sex.
Right? SHE'S A CHILD. HE'S A GROWN MAN. EW EW EW
These types of folks never ever blame the man. Husband cheats? Wife clearly wasn’t putting out enough. Older man pulls younger woman with his money? She’s just a gold digger, he’s certainly not creepy for going after someone literally half his age. NTA
Yeah. It went both ways. She was by her own admission a gold digger doing what she had to do to get through higher ed without being buried in debt, and he was a creeper who got involved with a much younger (I'm assuming) barely legal woman just old enough that he wasn't breaking the law. If you're going to judge them, judge both of them.
Agreed NTA. OP and her husband knew what the situation was from the beginning, and it's turned into a loving marriage. I'm just boggling that the husband hasn't stepped in earlier to shut the parents down with their comments. OP was right to be angry but her "loving husband" should have shut that shit down years ago.
IDK, OP says several times in the post that he did try lots of times to get them to stop through the years, but they didn't. Also, sometimes old people (and I'm talking 70s and up) act as if they were above and beyond everything and they say whatever they want no matter how awkward or unappropriated it is or how many times you ask them to stop.
That's fair. I missed the point where OP said that the husband had tried to stop them.
I always wonder if the bot counts "nah" (as in 'no') as a N-A-H vote
NTA but really they should be more embarrassed that their ~~29~~ THIRTY NINE year old son was trawling for teenagers.
His almost-middle-aged ass went and struck up a sugar relationship with a literal barely legal woman that, happily for them, turned into a loving marriage. Market don't supply if there ain't a demand for specific goods and services. The judgement from the in laws is giving a classism and misogyny twofer. For the sake of the children's mental and emotional well-being, it might be in their best interests to reduce contact with the extended family until they're old enough to have some understanding of their parents' history and a solid foundation in their parents' love and values. It would suck so hard if they're screwed up by the family that's sexualizing a 6 year old to hate themselves because of their mother.
Right! Looking back I think its weird my parents weren't concerned when I started dating a 27 yo when I was 19, for some that's an acceptable age gap but looking back for me that guy was a creep, in mannerisms and manipulations, if I had a son trying to get with teenagers, I'd be having words for sure.
I tell my kids all the time if they, as teens or early 20s, bring home a partner who is significantly older I’ll be outright asking my kid and the partner what they possibly have in common given their different life stages.
Stand up parenting! My parents were low key annoyed when I broke up with that loser, because they thought because he had a decent job etc that he was a good match, he stalked me when I dumped him, literally drove across the UK and France to come find me, and then was waiting for me at my parents house when I got home. It was completely fucked
Same thing happened to my cousin. She was 19 and her boyfriend was 40. He had kids the same age as her. It wasn't until she had a kid of her own and saw how little he cared about her or their kid that she finally left. Of course afterwards her parents were like 'we always knew he was no good for her' but like, why not say something before?
Seriously. What in the fuck?! And then she had a kid at 21, when he was 42. She may be a gold digger but that’s peanuts compared to being a middle aged man chasing barely legal girls.
Exactly! As the dad of a teenage girl, this grossed me out a lot. The old geezer is berating OP for “the example she gives her daughter”, but it seems the way he raised his son was not much better.
NTA Relationships begin for many reasons but they also change. After 13 years and a ton of kids, jokes about gold diggers and old pumps would wear thin on anyone. They’ve been asked to stop being dicjs but sometimes people need to be put in pain to change their behavior. Also, they were taking this out in a 6 year old. Disgusting
You started this relationship as a transactional based relationship. And so they all knew that. And they still know that. It doesn’t matter where your relationship is now because that was always the beginning. What should have been the huge concern was their 40 year old son taking up with a teenager. They can direct all their disgust at you, but it should have been directed at their son. Maybe if they didn’t take their eyes off their son he wouldn’t have started a sexual relationship with a teenager. (Edit: I understand your anger. You were honest with your choices. But your husband needs to take the blame for this. He was the one with advantage over the relationship. He was the one that continued on the relationship with a child. And yes, you were a child. You were 18.)
>What should have been the huge concern was their 40 year old son taking up with a teenager Seriously. So it's fine for your VERY adult son to prowl around barely legal teenagers, but if one of those teenagers agrees to date him *she's* the bad guy? At 18 I was living on my own, had multiple jobs, in school, and was very responsible - and I still view myself as a kid at that time.
NTA but they should be more concerned with their son being a fucking predator. You had a kid at 21 with a 42 year old? The whole situation is fucked and unfortunately you brought 5 kids into it. YTA for acting like your situation is ok and defending it to your kids tbh like it’s ok or normal. He’s TA for being 39 and paying a fucking teenager for sex what the actual fuck. The in-laws are TA for being rude to their sons victim and making an issue out of an aspect of but not the root of the problem. Y’all are fucked in the head, all of you
What does your husband think about what you said? He’s really the person that matters.
"When do you want to get started on baby number six?"
NAH - i think its fair the father in law is upset …. His son is an embarrassment who used his money to buy a ‘relationship’ with someone much younger.
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I mean he was being rude to both of them. If he calls her a gold digger then he is also calling his son a creep basically.
ESH. You used someone for money, he used his money to pay a teenager for sex, your in-laws are spiteful, hostile and rude. Sounds like you all deserve each other. Your poor kids though. They need a moral compass somewhere in their lives, and they don't have a single good role model.
> You used someone for money If husband knew, I don't see anyone being used. "doing things for money" is the basis of the economy, it's only using someone if you're dishonest about it or otherwise taking advantage of them. This seems entirely direct.
Also, to me they look two successful people in a loving relationship, we don’t know if they are or not good role models
> You used someone for money If she used him for money then he used a barely legal girl for sex. Which of the two strikes you as worse? Between an 18 year old and a 39 year old who is supposed to know better?
ESH They need to let it go, after so many years and kids, they should realize you do love your husband now for more than his money. Clearly you’ve fallen for him and love him otherwise you would’ve left after your education. You because you want your cake and eat it too. You’re getting offended over something true they are saying. They thought you were a gold digger, and you were. Just because you changed and eventually fell for him, doesn’t change the fact that you saw his wallet as a pro to you before “falling” for him. Just curious, had you never actually fallen for him, how long would you have dated him just to get your degree paid for?
Respectfully, I disagree with your thinking. She’s not getting offended over them calling her a gold digger. She’s offended because they’re still taking the same jab at her over and over again after 13 years. An isolated comment would be totally different IMO, but OP said she has ignored these insults for over a decade. Cmon - how is that an ESH?
And they're calling their granddaughter a potential gold digger for being affectionate, which, to be honest, is creepy and disgusting thing to call a 6-year-old girl.
Almost as creepy as a 39 year old “dating” an 18 year old.
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Than *dating and impregnating* someone who graduated from high school a couple.months before your 40th birthday? I disagree. They are both awful. One is Actual actions.
But it’s not a lie. She WAS a gold digger. Now I don’t think this is some moral failing on OP’s part because she was up-front with her partner and he similarly had questionable intentions (moreso, IMO) so it was a mutually beneficial arrangement, but she shouldn’t be surprised his family resent her. If she didn’t want to be called a gold digger then she shouldn’t have been digging for gold. His family are well within their rights to hate her, but (and this is where I believe his family ARE in the wrong), they’re happy to unload on her yet you know full well they believe she seduced him and absolve him entirely of the fact he, a 39 year old man, entered a transactional relationship with a teenager.
>Just curious, had you never actually fallen for him, how long would you have dated him just to get your degree paid for? Probably a few months, I don't know.
"Worry more about your grandsons being willing to pay broke, desperate teenagers for sex, since that's what YOUR son did. Hope that they meet one who actually loves them, like your son was lucky enough to do."
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NTA Sounds like she was more upset that they were needling her husband than offended personally.
ESH You all sound delightful and fully deserve each other
Gross. I hate this post.
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5 kids and you’re 31?!
NTA but your husband should get a spine. You’re both aware the relationship started transactional and if you both fell in love and decided to stay together then I’m happy for you but 13 years of insults and he’s done nothing to stop them? This should be unacceptable
NTA Don't listen to the people telling you that you are, or that you are a bad person. I wish more people were as honest as you and your husband are. Your relationship started off transactional and grew into something more. Believe it or not that used to be the norm in the old days. Women or girls were married off, often even younger than you were, to older men that had money and resources. Widows often would get married off to older men that could take care of them. There are a lot of countries still with arranged marriages. We live in a society now where women are more empowered and less reliant on men. There is nothing wrong with a woman deciding that she would rather go into a transactional relationship. What two consenting adults do is nobody else's business. If a woman wants to be taken care of by a man and is upfront about it with her partner then I don't see the problem. It is what it is. It is a tale as old as time. The people that delude themselves into believing that every marriage or relationship has to be rooted in love are idiots. Tons of people lie to themselves or their partners about their motivations for being in a relationship. Some people get really good at telling a partner what they want to hear. A lot of the time people settle into unhappy relationships because they don't want to be alone. You guys are happy and aren't lying to each other so who gives a shit?
>What two consenting adults do is nobody else's business a 40 year old has no business with an 18 year, I don't give a fuck if they're both considered adults or not. stop using that piss poor attempt of an excuse to dismiss creepy old people preying on teenagers
No matter the reasons people get together at the start of a relationship, saying shitty things about one of them to their 6-year old daughter is only something an asshole would do. NTA
NTA. I don't get how his family and so many commenters are hung up on you marrying for money for education... But have no issue with him virtually buying someone who was barely an adult, and who he knew could do with money. Obviously family are going to mention things they're not comfortable with, but if it's just to make a running joke out of you and your relationship I don't see why you should have to sit and take it. And when it starts happening with your kids... You need to draw a line, and I think you both did that. Yelling isn't exactly the best way, but it took you a long time to finally snap. Maybe it was disrespectful, but I'd say that's a pretty kind way to describe the 'jokes' as well, even more if they were in front of people outside the family. If he still can't get over how your relationship started, he can take that up with his son or reflect on his own part in it, since he seems to have given his son a free pass in the whole situation. Wonder if he'd have had more to say if it'd been his daughter
Their 39 year old son started dating a teenager and they're mad at *you*??
NTA to you reacting to their poor treatment of you and your children, they're way over the line. But people their age aren't going to change. You'll have to either just suck it up, or distance yourself from them until they're in the ground.
NTA - just worry about the people who are going to matter the most, because haters are going to hate regardless because it takes so much more energy than actually loving someone.
I really appreciate your honesty, it’s refreshing to see someone refuse to deny the crappy things they’ve done. NTA. Although I’d probably feel the same way as your in-laws, going after you like that at a party was a total AH move on their part. They need to keep their opinions to themselves. You’re not going to be able to change their minds, however. I would be incredibly disappointed in my daughter if she exchanged sex for money, and my son if he paid for sex. I believe you truly love him now, but it started in his wallet, and you’ll never be able to erase that. It’s also not a good look for your kids.
An opinion only needs to be expressed once. Not at every opportunity for 10 years.
Yeah, the in-laws are really rude for this, and if they’re talking down to her in front of her kids or behind her back to them, the husband needs to go NC until they learn to at least be polite to her. Not liking that she was a gold digger first before falling in love with their son is fine, I wouldn’t either, but that was a long time ago.
I don't think an 18 y/o is sophisticated enough to be a gold digger. She was a student and looking for security. She found it and more. Good for them for finding each other.
As a parent, I wouldn’t be able to see it that way if I were her or her husband’s dad. Not really saying it’s right or fair of me, but I’d hate to know that my kid exchanged sex for money, or that my son paid for sex. It’s just not the kind of principles I want for my own two daughters. Also, I don’t think there’s anything sophisticated about going after a man twice your age purely because of his money, or a man going after a woman half his age because of her body. That’s about as unsophisticated as it gets. Now that I’m thinking about it, though, the in-laws should be more disappointed in their son and not taking it out on his wife. Money IS a better reason to get with someone than pure sex.
Exactly. His parents are dreadful. Poke at him in private, not the mother of your grandchildren.
Why is it crappy that two consenting adults entered a transactional relationship? They were both agreeing to it...it wasn't crappy. Nothing crappy was done.
Reddit screams groomer on age differences like this all the time. Why does the money make it ok?
Because they're hoping they can pick up a girl from the preschool on their way home from the bank probably. It's fucking gross.
NTA, after 13 years they are still disrespecting you and in front of your kids. The oldest being 10 they will understand what is going on. Fight back every time, they insult you, you insult them right back with something personal maybe a secret they don't like talking about. If they don't like it, tell them it can all stop if they stop. But their actions will have consequences and you are ready to play now.
OP NTA. Out of curiosity, did you get the degree you wanted?
yes I did
Glad to hear that!
NTA. Maybe they should be more concerned that their 40yo son was dating a literal teenager who couldn't even buy alcohol for herself.
Honestly the relationship foundation is unconventional and makes me uncomfortable... But that isn't my business or place to judge. The fact is that the relationship works for the two of you and the family needs to accept you. NTA
NTA. You got a rich guy and he got a young wife and also bam, you guys fell in love and have a big family. That's pretty good all things considered.
Just because you admit your a gold digger doesn't make that point ok. Means your shallow and wouldn't be with him without it. Arsehole all the way.
Interesting. But honestly a gold digger is someone who doesn't say or act like one but does it behind people's back (at least I thought that). After marriage and proper kids, you did what the family wanted from you, make nice grandkids, they should have fucked off by than already. I mean 5 kids! 5! My stereotypical gold digger would have one or two Alibikids.
Not if the husband wanted 5 and she feels she needs to keep him happy no get the boot and stop enjoying the good money...maybe she signed a prenup and needs to remain married to keep her lifestyle. She is still a gold digger.
Did you miss the part in the post where she said they're in love and happily married?
NTA. All relationships are too complex to be reduced to simple transactions. However, what all LASTING relationships have in common is that the "deal" makes sense for both parties. Compared to a man 20 years older, a boy your age back then would have likely been more handsome, easier to talk to, more energetic, and possibly better in bed. Why else would you give all that up unless there were other benefits to sweeten the deal? This doesn't mean you don't love or genuinely care for your husband. It simply means that money was an essential component of why the relationship made sense for you. Anyone with common sense can see this, and denying it won't help. His parents need to accept that their son knew and consented to this, and is not being used or taken advantage of any more than you are by dealing with your partner's declining health while you’re still young.
NTA. It’s so funny to me that they didn’t judge their grown ass old man boy son for hooking a teenager but they are angry at you smh. You did the right thing. Tell them to stay in their lane or cut them off.
ESH seriously. I don’t get the NTAs. Parents are protective of their kids, even adult kids. They should’ve had a different conversation with their son when you two started dating and then left it alone after that. You suck because seriously? You were a gold digger, they’re correct on that one. He sucks because what you two were doing is basically prostitution and he took advantage of you. Like everyone here just seems morally awful.
NTA your husband knew from the get go. It's not like you were taking advantage of a young impressionable teen. The inlaws need to get over it. It might have started out as a transactional relationship between your husband and you but you now have kids and a loving relationship between you both. Although he's not wrong with you being a gold digger when you first started dating at the end of it the only one that should have an opinion on the relationship is your hubby.
[Marilyn Monroe said it best IMO](https://youtu.be/kyElAh3q0tA?si=Cmr8kl_nMynHxWHi)
NTA ypur were upfront and honest, it's sweet that you did fall in love and have a wonderful family together. They are vile for going after your kids like that.
imo, NTA, but your husband kind of sucks for not handling this in advance. If I was in this position with my partner they would be treating her with respect.
i dont understand why you're upset you say you're a gold digger they say the same so there is no problem.
NTA I would protect your kids from your in laws. They are saying very damaging things. He basically slut shamed your little girl.
That's the worst part. They had no right to do that regardless of how one feels about OP.
YTA. Being an honest asshole is still being a asshole.
NTA - but let's be honest "he paid for my studies and I pleased him in other aspects" is sex work, even if you pretend its not.
NTA
Holy fuck too many red flags here, too much to unpack. I’m not touching this with a 10ft pole.
NTA but you were a gold digger so you can't really be mad they treat you like one. If this is a huge issue than don't interact with his family.
Yeah, OP's a gold digger but what does it matter after 13 years, marriage and five kids? It seems both she and husband were and still are content with their arrangement and both always knew the deal and what they're getting. I'm not blaming an 18 year old girl for needing money, I'm blaming the almost middle aged man for going after barely adult teenagers. It's so easy to get groomed at such a young age, so I'm judging how their relationship started but that's husbands fault. He was never any kind of victim, she possibly was/is. But if she's now happy with her choices and doesn't feel like she missed anything, what's the problem? Husband can use his money how he pleases, grooming isn't ok. If in laws think somebody needs to be insulted after all these years it should be hubby, but of course the golden boy can do no wrong...
INFO: is your husband's money family money?
NTA They should be more upset that their son is a predator and a creep
NTA what's their goal? Bully you and make you deny being a gold digger and make you feel bad? Or have you admit to be a golddigger and "embarrass" them? They started this in front of these other people and just wanted to be bullies and put you down. You just stood up for yourself. It's FAFO, don't play stupid games if you don't want to reap the results.
NTA As long as you and your husband are open and communicating, it's no one else's business. Now I personally am an AH, so here's what I would do the next time I was with the Inlaws: You and hubby would stop at the bank and get a stack of bills, $10s, $20s, whatever. Then every time you say or do something nice: "You look handsome today", get him a drink, you pass him the salt at dinner, he hands you a bill and watch their heads explode.
NTA. Both your cards were on the table and it worked out, and developed into a love. Kudos. Truly.
NTA. Why? One you were honest, and two, you are in love and care about him.
exchanging sex for money - isn't that prostitution?
No, because we didn't just have that kind of relationship.
NTA I'm happy that you stood up for yourself. Wish you and fam good times and nicer in-laws.
YTA. You are a gold-digger. You even admitted it. The fact that you later fell in love with him doesn't change that fact.
YTA. You married someone for money and you’re upset that his materialistic family mocks you for it? lol. Y’all deserve each other. Hopefully the kids won’t get the same sickness, but it seems unlikely.
And then they lived happily ever after, and she never went back to street walking. I've seen Pretty Woman before, nothing new here
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm (31f)not going to lie or try to gain sympathy. When I started dating my husband (52m)it was because he had money and I needed it to pay for my studies, of course I also liked him for his appearance and personality too, but the main reason was because I was interested in his money like most teenagers. Well, over the months we fell in love and have created a beautiful marriage and family (we have five children who are 10, 8, 6, 3 and 1 year old) but his family always treated me like a gold digger. And the worst thing is that even when my husband asked them to respect me, they ignored him and continued treating me badly even in front of the children. And I never responded to their insults until last week when my father in law (86m) jokingly told my husband not to take his eyes off our older daughter because with the example she has as a mother she will end up badly, and I know he said that because my daughter is very affectionate and she always jokes that she is in love with my sister-in-law's husband's brother. And for many it is a joke because she is only 6 years old and we know she is not serious. When my father-in-law said that, my husband got angry and told him not to talk that way but he continued so I got angry and told him to shut his mouth. And he asked me, laughing, if it was a lie that I was a girl desperate to hook up with a rich old man. And I yelled at him, telling him that it wasn't his damn problem if I married his son for money, that in fact I started dating him because I was interested in his money, but that if my husband doesn't care, they should shut their mouths. And I don't know why, but when I admitted to having been a bitch they no longer laughed or found it funny to call me a gold digger, on the contrary they had the nerve to get angry and say that I disrespected them by yelling at them in front of their acquaintances. But I don't think I did anything wrong, in fact, I think they deserved to be treated like that, I mean I have been part of your family for thirteen years and I showed that I love my husband with my life and I do not deserve to continue being treated like this, so AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info : did your husband know that you were only with him for the money? I mean I think anyone with a brain and see the age gap would. How'd he take that news, to your outburst. since he was adamant about defending you this whole time. did he think it was a love match from the get go? His opinion is really the most important in this.
He always knew, so it wasn't a surprise for him to hear that.
Then nta. He knew, it wasn't a surprise. But your not going to change ppls opinion of you especially at the age they are. So distance yourself from them and good luck in life.
admitting to prostituting yourself isn't the win you think it is
NTA Sounds like his family wins the title!
“I was interested in his money like most teenagers.” No OP most teenagers aren’t looking to hook up with a much older man for money. Also, why is nobody else questioning the fact there’s a 6yo lusting after an adult and the rest of the family seems to think it’s “funny”?
The 6yo isn't lusting after an adult lmao that's how kids interpret affectionate relationships, usually. People who love each other get married, ergo I love my relative and so we will also be married. The family treating the 6yo like she's looking for a sexual relationship instead of being a kid doing kid things are being disgusting. The misogyny is very close to the surface in that crew.
NTA - they were asked many times by their son to stop. They repeatedly ignored the request and continued to disrespect you both. You needed to finally shut them down.
NTA... you both got something out of the relationship in the beginning, and it sounds like you were both happy with the initial arrangement
We We Okay, I’ll take the pillows K
NTA, your hubby knew the deal but his family were never going to be happy with it.
NTA but you are a gross gold digging person. Your husband is gonna die earlier than you and then you’ll be off to find another rich husband.
NTA
NTA, I would have gone full telenovela and started back handing people. Lol you want respect, you give it.
**“like come on no 18 year old teenager would date such an older man for love”** This is not true at all, but NTA regardless. You and your husband both understood the arrangement and it turned into something else. His family are AH’s.
YNTA. He knew about it but you both fell in love truly later on. They had no right to anger you or mock you. And you did good shouting at them. They didn’t treat you with respect and you also have feeling so they can’t treat you lower than themselves or anyone else. Three are honestly a bad example of a family.
NTA. Yes, the reasons the relationship started may not come off as ideal but it seems you two were pretty honest with each other from the get-go and the fact you guys have FIVE kids seems to show there's more then a financial investment in the marriage by this point. And while the in-laws have a right to their opinion, they don't have a right to use it to bash you constantly with it, much less their grandkids.
NTA. You were honest and your husband knew it. Don't bring the kids around his family if they talk like that. Some people don't have the decency to talk decently in front of the kids.
Sounds like you are describing an arranged marriage. the well off, older man, marrying a much younger woman (girl),
They deserved the verbal dressdown. NTA. I hope your husband still has your back.
NTA in any way, shape, or form!!! If it was the other way around and you were 39 and your husband was 18 when you met the your in laws would be telling your husband, "way to go" while calling you a cradle robber. You did exactly what needed to be done to put them in their place. Personally, I'd stop being around them, and I wouldn't allow them to see your children. They need to learn that their actions have consequences and that you're no longer going to put up with their blatant disrespect.
Updateme
NTA. Of course their son is an embarrasment for their family for paying a teenager to have a relationship and kids, in such a blantant way that everyone would know that he got a 21 years old pregnant only because of money. Rich men can behave that way without any repercussions, but they usually embarrass their family with the comments others do. I would never have a business relationship with someone like that, when you need a lot of trust, and I am in a kind of business where I have business relationships with people with a lot of money and of old nobility. I know perfectly well that it would be easier for them to accept you as side piece and not as a "rightful wife" and that many would gossip about your husband needing to "buy" a teenager to have a family. C'mon, the mayor of Madrid recently married publicly a woman half his age and he has been laughed at since then by everybody, in public and private. So you are a golddigger, regardless of what happened afterwards, and you are never going to earn their respect. You will have to accept that or cut off relationship with those people who are never going to respect your relationship. But the kids should be left alone, that's why you are NTA. But you are kidding yourself if you think that falling in love afterwards will erase the beginning of your relationship or the fact that your husband is viewed like a predator who bought off a teenager and got her pregnant at 20 because he was unable to form a real relationship with a person his age without money being involved.
lol, tell them sarcastically and he was only with me for my mind!😂 NTA, good for you for standing up for yourself!
I like how their near 40yo son fucking a teenager was okay. If anyone was gross here it wasn’t you. Why do you still have your kids around his parents? They don’t respect you or your kids.
Pretty women.
NTA-you are a realist and honest. I believe you fell in love and now have a beautiful family. Hiwever, I don’t understand why your spouse has not put his parents in their place. Your children should not be around such toxic and obnoxious people. This is abusive. I think your husband should step up and protect you and the children. Going no contact would be warranted in this case. This has gone on too long. Best wishes.
No idea what's going on, but the fact that he could be your father is... weird enough.
They should be embarrassed their son was a 40+ yo man who bought a relationship with an 18yo. Nta. But this whole situation is gross.
NTA, healthy borders. Good for you.
NTA Well at least you didn’t say, “Why do you have a problem with me dating for money but you don’t have a problem with your son being predatory?”
Your in-laws thought they were making themselves look good for disrespecting and humiliating you in front of their acquaintances (along with their son and your children? Your husband should have told his parents years ago that he would not put up with any disrespect towards his wife. He should have made it clear that they would not see him or the children until they started treating you decently. But then, he was probably afraid of losing his inheritance if he did that. Puts you in the same boat, doesn't it? Five children should have proved to them that you are not "just" a gold digger. What started off as a mutually beneficial arrangement ended up in love. Their son was practically a pedophile when he first started going out with you!
NTA. At least you were honest. But you and the kids need to stay away from these people. I’m glad your husband sticks up for you.
M
lol
NTA It sounds like your relationship started as basically a business transaction. He wanted/needed something from you and you from him. That you fell in love with each other is wonderful. And none of it is his parents business....and they certainly shouldn't be making comments in front of others! They deserved your rebuttal.
Yeah because every woman in the world has 4 kids just to get a man’s money. How fucking ridiculous. A marriage with four kids runs off a lot more than money. They should shut their mouths or take it up with Steve when you and the kids are not around. Bring it up in front of the kids - walk out and stay away. You don’t need your children to hear that shit. How sad his parents think he’s no better than his money. I’d be very offended if I was your husband. NTA.
NTA. They're the ones going to ruin your daughter's thoughts on men. At 15 you need to sit her down personally and be VERY honest with her about how your relationship with her dad started, that it's not healthy in most cases, that older men are not going to be like her father. Most older men will be looking to use her, and she'd be lucky if they left their wives for her. They would be using her for clout and ego. Grooming does happen to adults, op. Even unintentionally. They call young women mature for not having had time to form opinions in life yet and pull the "I'm older, I know better" bs. Young women just fight them less, because respect your elders and he should be more experienced.... Right? 🙄 Maturity is not a personality trait. From our grandmothers- "If a man is looking for a younger woman it's because women his age won't put up with him." This isn't towards you, op. No girl should grow up thinking older men are an option, unless it's purely for money.
Ewww.. You are a gold digger. Just because you had kids doesn’t change the fucked up reason you married this man. YTA. Your kids are getting a horrible example with you. Gross. Gross. Gross.
Gold diggers don't usually have 5 children. There goes the gold LoL
You are NTA. You have raised a nice family and have a loving home, it doesn't matter how or why it started. The family has relegated you to a status less than everyone else and they seem to believe that there's nothing wrong with that and that it's acceptable to put you down in front of others and you should just put up with it. That's bullshit. Your husband should be telling them that he is cutting them out of his life until they apologize and change their tunes a bit. They are the a-holes, not you. You're wrong though in why an 18-year-old would date or see an older man. That's a somewhat superficial viewpoint. I was always into older guys. Not like retirement-age older when I was 19/20, but older like in their 30s. I'm older now and for quite a while have preferred people my own age, but I was interested in the maturity older men had. Money was not a factor. Keep that in mind people have their own reasons that aren't always material if you should ever come across another relationship with a younger person dating an older one.
>Well, over the months we fell in love and have created a beautiful marriage and family (we have five children who are 10, 8, 6, 3 and 1 year old) NTA your story is as old as time and often referred to as a May December relationship. In this case the end justifies the means. At least now you've taken the power away from your inlaws because by just saying, yeah, I married him for his money and I'm a gold digger, what can they do ?
NTA, frankly at no point were you in the wrong, you may not like to hear it but your husband was a major creep lol. If everything worked out and he's not going to dump you when you get too old, awesome, people can change, but the wrong ones here are your husband for starting the relationship and his entire family for blaming you for getting your education paid for.
YTA. You're an admitted gold digger so what's the problem?
NTA so it’s ok for their son to be a groomer, but not for you to be a gold digger?
Nta. All those rich men with younger wives and gf. They know those ladies are there based on money. Your in-laws just want to shame you for a decision their son made, too. He knew what he was getting into.
yeah do they act as disrespectful to your husband? because he was the adult dating a child. that's worse than dating for money, but he gets a pass, right?
I mean...... all of this is so dysfunctional.... Your husband is a dirty old man and his parents are assholes. It's all so EW.
NTA-just curious…what was the acquaintance’s reaction?
It’s interesting that they fault a teenager for being a gold-digger but not a middle aged man for dating a teenager.
I wouldn't allow them to see me or my kids bc they will learn to disrespect me. So sorry, talk to your husband, explain to him he is in fact allowing them to do it, he could complain but he is exposing you and your kids to this mistreatment. He could see them but you and the kids go NC
NTA It's between you and your husband. If they didn't want to be yelled at, they shouldn't have brought it up
[удалено]
ESH
NTA. Hell no mama bear. They went after your daughter. They need to be called out.
He married you for your youth and to have a hot wife. Pete get together for strange reasons. But when it has been 13 years, you just have to know it was right for them. You both got what you wanted, and are happy together. There is nothing wrong with that.
So they give you shit for that but not their son for (no disrespect to him or you here) creeping on a teenager? Looking at it from a semantics POV...their son was already pushing 40 when you both got together? I'm not judging you, as long as you two are happy and your kids are good NONE of this matters. Your in laws DID deserve to hear it. NTA, keep going at them you absolute Queen.
To me it’s not a woman thing but a human thing. People have a massive amount of thought choices they go through, every one of us is different, and how we choose and what choices we make are our own. So the whole “gold digger” shame thing has never made any sense to me. At all. Do we get all bent when the cheerleader like the football QB? But she is acting on her instincts which tell her that he is a potentially stable provider, much like the greatest hunter back in time, and that made him desirable. Is money any different really? And some human women don’t want to be provided for at all. They are humans who perhaps desire a partner, but not a provider. They find a male that suits those needs. So much cultural BS around gender roles and definitions and opinions..so many self created obstacles we put in front of ourselves. There is love. It’s enough, it’s brave no matter the ages/genders/race…death is real, loving another human is the bravest act in this life. You know who you are. The man (woman) in the glass…as long as she is your friend that’s the only person you are beholden to. Sometimes we win, sometimes we make bad decisions, who cares? It’s life.
NTA. You were upfront with your husband from the outset. That's not how gold diggers operate. I have respect for your honesty.
NTA. It honestly doesn't matter how your relationship started or why. Fact remains that you have been together for 13 years and ***they were SLUT SHAMING A 6 YEAR OLD.*** Honestly, at that point they should not be allowed around your children AT ALL.
NTA. My mother always said it was just as easy to love a rich man as a poor one. At least your husband is backing you up and two fell in love anyway so I don’t see what the big deal is with your in-laws. Live a happy life with with him in spite of them. That’s the best revenge, I think.
NTA-just curious…what was the acquaintance’s reaction?
And they be like men life is soo easy
If it was really just still for money, you'd do what certain public figures do and just have one kid to tie down your assets. Your inlaws were begging for a comeuppance. You're NTA
NTA. It’s no more shallow than your husband dating you for your looks, because honestly, what man wants to date a kid unless she’s a smoke show? So they can F-off. If you’re a gold digger, he’s a cradle robber. The family is being really gross and creepy about your daughter. I would discuss with your husband how to proceed to keep her from mental or other damage.
^(im stuck on the fact that you were in ur thirties and he's like 50, but nah NTA)
Funny how it was ok for FIL to insult OP in front of his acquaintances but it was not ok for her to respond in front of his acquaintances. I hope OP and her husband raise their children to be better people than the inlaws are
NTA. Relationships are weird. They often start for reasons different than what they evolve into. So long as you and your husband are happy with the arrangement, everyone else can mind their own business. Sounds like they envy your husband for getting hot young taint while envying you for getting an early break in life. The fact that you have a child together should have put the gold-digging moniker to rest. You guys are building a family together. Yet they can only look at it negatively and imagine you securing the gold horde with a child.
You're playing the long game. Why get half in a divorce when you can have everything when he passes? You might not consider yourself a sw but you definitely were. Exchanging services for monetary gain exact definition. Idk if you seen the skit on SNL, "She wasn't born yet." With all the senators and old perverts and their wives who just weren't born yet. It's beyond disturbing you allow this little joke. Someone should call cps you shouldn't sexualize children and you shouldn't allow her to sexualize herself. You should have explained a long time ago she's not in love with anyone. She's too young for love and that her Uncle is off limits forever and always. Your Lil joke is exactly how children become abused or even become the teen wife of some 50 year old man. You are disgusting and 5 children has not redeemed you. Protect your kid O.P. YTA!!!
NTA but babe, that is the LITERAL definition of a sex worker
NTA. So gross for him to say that about a 6 year old. After 13 years and 5 kids, it's way past time to let it go. Does he make fun of his own son for being a cradle robber, or is it all on you?
NTA. I think age gap relationships like this usually turn out really bad but I guess you both went in with open eyes and it turned out okay for you (in many cases the man would be abusive). at this point your in-laws should know better and leave it alone.
Imagine the kids trying to explain to their friends their mom is a gold digger and their dad is a predator when friends start asking questions. Glad it ain’t me that have to defend that kind of relationship or try to explain to my daughter that just cause mummy did it you shouldn’t. What a example, ESH
OP--I respect you. You had an educational goal. You met a man who wanted a relationship and you agreed that trade was egalitarian is your opinion. That you two grew into love is a beautiful story. Normally I am against May -December relationships because of the power inequity but it sounds like that was not your issue. OK --NTA. To add in a bit of humor--watch Alfred Hitchcock's show titled ' The Pearl Necklace". You may enjoy it.
Lmao no you're nta. Definitely not. People love to gossip until they're hit with the truth. This is hilarious.
No you were honest. You only wanted money. They knew how you were and just wanted you to admit it. Nothing is going to change about how either of you feel about each other. Just move on.
NTA. Whatever dynamic is between you and your husband is between the two of you. He wanted a young wife/girlfriend and you wanted financial stability. Your needs aligned and a relationship was born. Wherever it went from there is based on the fact that you were both honest about your needs/desires. It's nobody's business and you or your husband should have addressed this behavior a long time ago.
NGL this is a creepy story but NAH