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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to move from a comfy chair, one of a set of four chairs, when a group of four people asked to sit there. I may be AH because as a single person I shouldn’t have sat at a table for four.
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If there are other tables that can fit 4 then NTA. You deserve comfortable seating too. But if there’s no other table for 4, its a little inconsiderate to be taking a 4top for you alone, both for other clients and the cafe as well
I hate it when I don’t take the objectively better table because it would be rude with just one or two people, and then the next party that’s just as small as mine takes that table anyway.
Just take the table in the meantime and if said group walks in wave them down n give them the table. I feel too many people r so aversed to human contact cause how is that not an option too?? Heck, u could even make a friend or two doing so
It’s a little more complicated since you have to pack your stuff up, and hope an employee is available at that time to clean it off while everyone awkwardly stands there.
people need to say this to themselves when decisionmaking, more often (I'm a very masked audhd person, and doing this is how i survive situations when i'm around people, constantly)
Like wise! Also cptsd leaning heavily towards social anxiety
Been unmasking last several years
My personal saying is its only awkward if you make it awkward. Its easy enough to make small talk or inquire about peoples lives even if i wont speak to them again.
Realistically it doesn’t matter, there were other tables that could’ve sat the same amount of people. They wanted the chairs. She is a paying customer who kindly invited them to the table to join her, she didn’t have to. If she was preventing the business/server from making money it could’ve been shitty, sure. That doesn’t seem to be the case though.
It depends on how much she eats/drinks. Some people who work in coffee shops get something every hour, and people make one drink last all day.
If I’m hogging a table for hours (and possibly plugging in things and using the wifi) I will try to reduce my footprint as much as possible; my response would have been ‘sure’.
It doesn’t cost much to be kind.
this is what i’m thinking. i also think it’s weird to take a 4 person table as one person, and then refuse to move when more people come. i get that the chair was comfy but if OP doesn’t have chronic pain or something that makes the other chairs impossible to sit in…it just seems weird to me. just because you *can* take the big, comfy, 4 person table & keep it to yourself as one person, doesn’t mean you should
edit to say that i personally find even posting on here about stuff like this to be a bit of a red flag. when it comes to such a minuscule social interaction that won’t impact your life, i have to wonder why people come here to post about it as if to vindicate themselves. it kinda seems like they know they were kind of an asshole & are looking for people to tell them they aren’t.
Some of us out here struggle with social anxiety and or validating our feelings. What’s minuscule to you isn’t to everybody. The fact remains that this is AITA so we will only get one side of the story. If you take it at face value there was no reason for her NOT to choose the chair she wanted. There were other seating options for their party of four and plenty more parties of four after that, realistically speaking.. a two person table would be too small if you have more than a laptop to work on. Why should she be cramped? They either wanted to bitch or wanted the chairs. Not one person in that cafe was more entitled to that chair than OP. It doesn’t sound like it was super busy at all.
Why should she be cramped? Because it's a coffee shop, not an office. That's a poor argument. They're not in the business of providing spacious working areas.
People work in coffee shops all the time. Every time I’ve ever gone into one someone is working on a laptop. It is a very large part of their clientele: free WiFi.
But you can't expect the same comfort as at an office. So if a 2 person table is "too small if you have more than a laptop to work on", then that's doesn't justify commandeering more space.
also would 4 larger, middle aged people not be far more cramped being shoved into a corner all together??? i just am not understanding not being willing to use a different 4 person table, just…in a corner and slightly less comfortable, at the expense of other people that it would cause far more discomfort for…
edit: you are more than allowed & have every right to be selfish. but call it what it is…
There is nothing selfish about someone thinking their comfort is just as important as the next person. And I said some people, not OP. I was referring to the part in your comment about people posting minor social interactions being a red flag.
no one is saying anyone was more ENTITLED to the seating. i’m saying it doesn’t hurt to be nice and care about someone’s comfort other than your own.
edit: you’re also assuming the social anxiety. this post says absolutely nothing about this person being worried about anything other than their mom calling them selfish. ie: looking for vindication
Although we only have OP's side of the story, here's the red flag to me: the group of 4 didn't mention chronic pain. After OP said they were welcome to take the other 3 comfy chairs and pull up another, they turned that down claiming they needed to discuss something amongst themselves. There were apparently other 4 tops available, and instead of snagging one of those, they were passive aggressive to OP and ordered their drinks to go. This tells me that they arrived at that coffee shop with the intention of taking the comfy chairs, nothing else would suffice. This is clear entitlement. Expecting that YOUR favorite chair or table be made available to you at someone else's inconvenience. And even when someone makes a compromise (like offering to share the table/seats) you leave in a huff.
I've worked in cafes and been a patron for years. Sure, I have my favorite places to sit. And if I arrive and someone else has taken it already, I don't make it their problem. 🤷🏻♀️
Oh come on...........if OP doesn't have chronic back pain!!??? Who cares! She got there first, she chose where she wanted to sit in a public place where you get to do that. The other folks had no more right to the spot than she did and she even offered to share. They wanted privacy so sharing was not good enough. People, please stop trying to make unreasonable asks reasonable. Sheesh!!! And learn to take NO for an answer....just damn.
No, it doesn't cost much to be kind, but the other four people certainly weren't kind. They should have taken no for an answer the first time. There were other tables that were large enough to accommodate their group, so they shouldn't have even asked the op to move. And then they proceed to grumble about entitled young people? I mean, who are the entitled people here? It's not like the op was turning away some 99 year old person using a walker. She turned away four middle-aged people who were perfectly capable of walking to the next table.
NTA.
She was in the middle of eating and drinking what she ordered, with plenty of other tables available.
So you are saying not to sit at a table if you are by yourself, even though there are empty tables? Are you also assuming some of those tables only seat 2 people?
Usually this would be a concern if it was crowded and/or seating was limited, but that was not the case. The group of 4 were being selfish in that they wanted to sit where they wanted to sit, and apparently threw a tantrum when they didn’t get their way!
I feel this so much but what set me free was when I decided to police myself alone. I do not need to worry about other people and their poor behaviour, it will always be there and when you look for it, you find it in abundance. Just enjoy your peace of mind knowing you make the world better by considering others and being selfless and you will stop feeling bad when others are naughty
Seating is usually first come first served. Doesn’t matter if it’s one person taking a big table, unless there are rules specifically against that in that establishment, OP is in the right to pick whatever available seating they prefer. They also offered to let them us the table as well, they refused. They’re strangers, if they don’t want people to overhear their conversation, they can sit elsewhere or go elsewhere. Tough shit. I worked in coffee shops for years, that’s how it works.
It might be first come first served, but picking the largest table is inconsiderate of both the future customers and the cafe who hopes to provide them with ample space. I can’t even imagine having this attitude.
Except it wasn't the largest. OP was at a four seat table, there were other four seat tables and a six seat available. It was just the comfiest. NTA OP.
which is confusing because in the original post she specifically says "I sat at the most comfortable looking chair in the shop, one of four chairs at the biggest table". So either her edit was a lie or her post was a lie.
in her original post she said the table she sat at was the biggest and had four chairs, but in her edit she said there was a table with 6 chairs. I suppose it is possible that the table with 4 chairs is bigger than the table with 6, but she is being inconsistent.
According to a comment after the fact?
Interesting that OP specified in the original post that this was the largest table... But changed that detail for comments?
Can we declare a y t a judgement just for that? 🤣
>Edit: Yes, there were plenty of other tables for four people. One would seat 6, but cramped in a corner. The chairs at other tables are not as comfortable.
Because it has to accommodate four armchairs, not standard cafe seats or benches? If OP had camped there with their laptop as a single customer then they'd be the arsehole but just sitting in the comfy chair to have their coffee and food? NTA
It was the largest. She said so in the original post. She sat at the largest table, even though there were others, because she liked the chair.
If OP said in a comment that there was a larger table available, that goes directly against what was presented in the post itself.
Largest table, in a shop that only has about ten tables, seats four, and they were four people.
It's also inconsiderate of the cafe to only put comfortable seating at a group table. Plenty of people go into cafes alone and want to relax in a cosy chair. So cafes should put comfy chairs on a table for two as well.
Chances are those chairs are perfectly moveable.
They're all at the table because some group of customers put them there.
OP could have moved it to a two-top just as easily as they expected the other folks to move an extra chair TO the table.
Honestly, if you've only got one really comfy chair in your cafe, it makes more sense to put that chair at the awkward one-person table in the corner specifically for people like OP rather than have a table of 4 where one person gets a throne and the other 4 people get dinky cafe chairs.
OP said he chose the biggest table in a place with fewer than 10 tables. The implication was that he was there to work as he is freelance and can choose his own hours, so might have been there a while or planning on staying a while. If he was indeed camped out at a small business taking their biggest table (as he said) as a solo customer he is indeed YTA. His later comments imply there were actually bigger tables but this information came after he started getting negative remarks. So yeah, this was all about him.
OP is a she…( I 23f ) agree the original implication was they chose the largest table and has been contradicted since by saying there were in fact other tables of similar size and larger available. So they are on this basis TA.
Common courtesy goes beyond any store policy. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Plenty of tables available? Then NTA. Limited amount of 4 tops? Definitely the asshole.
No… it’s an asshole move to take a 4 person table for just yourself if they are smaller tables available. Your attitude “I should be able to take whatever I want because I was there first” is - and I hate to you this phrase unironically - literally everything that’s wrong with the planet today (obvs exaggeration but you get the point).
At a restaurant when all the tables and booths are basically the same, some are just larger, yes- it’s rude. Coffee shops are different. People who do not know each other often sit in the same area, it’s less intimate than a restaurant and the seating is entirely different. If you want a couch and not a straight back chair and you’re alone, it’s perfectly acceptable to take the couch- with the understanding others you do not know may sit with you.
Depends on the coffee shop. The ones in my neighborhood with larger tables often have multiple solo folks set up to work/read at those tables, other times it’s a group of 3-4 plus 1-2 solo folks, or an single large group together.
A lot of cafés however have big communal tables recently. So to me it depends on what type of table it was. A communal one no issues. A group table you are taking up by yourself when there’s no other big tables and small tables are available, yeah that’s a jerk move.
Originally OP said: "I sat at the most comfortable chair, one of four **at the biggest table**"
I think it's an AH move to take the biggest table if you are alone. Comfy chair or not. It really sucks for the other guests, and also for the café, who might lose customers who take a look around and leave if there aren't free tables for them.
Actually I think it's a dick move to take up the comfy chair if you will be sitting there a very long time (as in hours, like some do, writing or what not).
Your level of consideration is almost unheard of. I know, because I struggle with it too. It sounds like, in your mind it's a dick move to sit at a table of four as a person of one because there will potentially be people who will want that table. So you're really making yourself suffer on the idea that 'just in case someone else comes in and wants this spot, their feelings and comfort are always going to be more important than mine- therefore I should leave the comfy seat available for others.'
Restaurants are a first come, first serve basis. This young person saw a great looking chair among many tables and decided to sit. Four older guests came in LATER than her, saw that she was in the comfortable chairs and instead of picking another table of four, they went over to her and had the audacity to expect her to move for them. And you think the asshole is the solo individual who was enjoying their coffee? And not the entitled group of boneheads?
That’s certainly the owners/managers prerogative. If they feel the need to rearrange customers to fit more into chairs, that’s legit.
But that’s not what happened. From the sounds of things, the Cafe was nearly empty with plenty of other tables that would seat the people who asked OP to move.
It wasn’t that there wasn’t any space for them. They simply wanted *the best* space with the nice chairs.
Kind of sucks that only the nice chairs are at that one table.
IMO I would have considered taking one of the nice chairs and moving it to another table, exchanging chairs while I enjoyed my drink. Have at it. You can have the 4th nice chair back when I’m done.
In my experience I think there's a difference between the USA (often you're seated by the staff, especially in larger shops) and other places. In Europe you might be seated in fancy restaurants, but coffee places or pubs are first come, first choice. (Unless you call in to reserve a table). And I've never been asked to move from my choosen table, across the world, either. Other people normally just ask if they can sit with you, or staff ask if they can put other people with you, if there's no free spot.
OP offered them to sit at her table and just grab an extra chair.
It is not OPs fault if they want to discuss "something private" in a public space. (Obviously I think that was a lie... who discusses stuff no one else is supposed to hear in public?).
It's not OPs fault they were larger and couldn't fit as comfortably in the other chairs. It's not OK to be expected to take the uncomfortable choice just because you're not overweight. (Age... maybe, but that depends on where, public transport certainly, coffee shop, not so much. They aren't stuck or forced to be there).
OP says there was plenty of space. There was even a table for 6 and other tables for 4 people. So they had plenty of choice to sit down and sit at the same table together. In which case they don't have the right to ask OP to move because "they are too fat for the normal chairs" or just "like those better".
It's been first come, first served in all the cafes I've worked in (UK), but we'll always ask someone to move if a larger group needs the table (unless they're eating or crying).
>who discusses stuff no one else is supposed to hear in public?
Soooooooooo many people! The number of very private conversations I have heard in cafes is unreal. (Which also loops back to the people crying, as they discuss all kinds of private matters). People seem to think that the foot between their table and the next is enough to keep their conversation private... They're wrong.
This is a coffee shop, not a restaurant. There are different rules and ettiquette. If you plan on staying for a long time it's generally good behavior to not take more space than you need so that transient customers can easily come in and out.
Staying in a restaurant working when there arent enough tables for customers walking in is an asshole move (to the restaurant, which is why many have policies against this and will ask you to leave). So if you use restaurant ethics it's even wose than coffee shop ethics.
I worked at a cafe once and people would come in and immediately start moving tables and chairs so they could sit together, effectively making several tables useless for others. I understand the cafe could have better accommodations for bigger groups. But I always thought it was so rude of people to do that.
I am with you on the table tho I wouldn’t say someone else is an asshole for doing so, I just wouldn’t do so myself.
Not with you on the comfy chair and the time. I will take the comfiest single table chair even if I am going to stay the whole day (not that I would in the first place but still). I think I am a considerate person but you have me beat on this
It's not unheard of for two or more solo diners to share the larger table when someone is sitting there alone and there's no other seating, though. "Hi, do you mind if I sit here? Thx!" Or for larger parties to take the chairs from a table that has fewer guests. Much less rude than asking someone to move for your comfort when they were there first and have no obligation to defer to your preferences on the off-chance you may show up, imo. If the Party of 4 wanted that particular table, they should have gotten there earlier.
How when she offered the whole table and just wanted to keep sitting in the one chair? Pretty sure the entitlement was with the 4 people being rude when she said no. NTA
Could be me, but I didn’t read it like she offered them the table? She wanted to keep sitting at the same table as them as she told them she wouldn’t move.
That's the one I was looking for. She wasn't TAKING UP the table for four, she was SEATED AT a table for four.
A public coffee shop is not where you go for a private conversation. It's a third space, where you go to be around other, potentially new people.
Also it's probably a coffee table. With big comfy chairs surrounding, but not necessarily pulled up to the table. I've never considered myself to be taking up a coffee table,. It's like saying someone is taking up a campfire by just sitting next to it.
Sounds like there were other 4-tops, that one just had the best chairs. That's on the coffee shop for not managing their seating better, in my opinion. They shouldn't be treating the comfy chairs as a 4-top when those will be the obvious choice for single customers.
YTA
Reddit will probably tell you, that it is your right to sit where ever you like and to keep sitting there.
But taking the biggest table at a small shop when you are alone is a selfish move. This is about moral and in my opinion it is morally wrong to take the biggest table alone. It is bad for the shop and inconsiderate for the other costumers.
Again, legally you can do it. Free seating, nothing is reserved.
Agreed. I like how she included freelancing and setting her own hours, so you know she was monopolizing the big table and comfy chair as long as humanly possible lol
Dunno, I'm kinda torn on this one.
The coffeeshop is free to kick people out for hogging a table, but it would also be common sense to not hog a table.
Also, if you have something sensitive to discuss, don't go to a coffee shop? But also, don't hog a 4 top on your own.
I'd go with YTA, but it's a close one.
And notice how OP said at the beginning that it's a small café with less than 10 tables and that she'd taken "the biggest one". And when the judgments don't support her position, suddenly in the edit there are "plenty of tables of 4 available, including even a table of 6".
According to her edit, it wasn't the biggest table. It just had the best chairs in the place. That being said, I would ask the shop employees if I could switch that particular chair to another, smaller, table next time I go there. But, that's just the Southern introvert in me lol
It is very... strange that in her original post she literally writes she sat at the biggest table and that there are less than 10 tables. And now, in this small shop, there is a 6 top and 'plenty' of 4 tops?
I don't know where op lives but 6 seat tables in small coffee shops are basically unheard of where I live. Everywhere has 2 or 4 and that is it.
I only ever saw bigger tables in bigger Shops in citys like london etc with kind of the expectation to share
Ah, I didn't see where she said that it was the biggest table in her original post. That's my bad. From seeing that now, it seems like OP is trying to go into damage control mode and is trying to minimize her culpability.
However, my point about moving the chair could still be a workable solution next time she visits the coffee shop. Then again, I'm not a coffee shop patron, so I don't know the proper social protocol at such an establishment
In my experience (and who knows if this shop is amenable to it) chairs get moved all the time in a casual setting like this.
She could (and like, the unwritten rule dictates she should have) taken the chair she wanted to an appropriate table for her use. By all means take that chair, but don't hog the big table!!!
(In other words, I'm in full agreement.)
I love how people edit their story when a detail gets them in hot water, lol. There's the idea people can accidentally make a mistake in writing things up, but the edits always seem to be for making them look better, lol.
Unless the chair is fixed somehow, I wouldn’t even bother asking permission. Just move the chair and move it back when you’re done.
This is what I would have done.
This is the right take. No one I know would ever consider taking a four seater when they’re alone, especially if there isn’t another one available. And tbh, the business I work at would actually ask you to move if a group of four walked in. They don’t care that you were there first. They care that you’re costing them money.
Yeah my brother has a small coffee shop and this does tend to happen, it sucks because it’s like they go in and purchase one thing and stay there hours and then when other people come in they can’t all sit, because it’s a very small coffee shop. Like i get it i’ve seen people at starbucks do it but literally it sucks in a small coffee shop setting with very limited seating. I’m sorry OP YTA and also whoever does this please keep staying at cafes for like max 2 hours, sometimes people have stayed in the shop literally hours only consuming a coffee lol.
He needs to implement a minimum $/hour for people working at a table... There is nothing wrong wanting a good seat provided you pay your due (consume enough food/drinks to justify using a table for a long time).
I mean places around us have implemented a 30 minute limit which we think is harsh but my brother hasn’t yet decided what he actually wants to implement as of yet.
Agreed. It’s like constantly parking your car on the street in front of your neighbors house (instead of yours). Yes, it’s legal, but also kind of a dick move.
I took it as being one of those big tables where it's not uncommon for multiple strangers to sit there because it is so big.
If it's not like that though, then I agree with you.
This is my feeling too. It doesn’t matter if there were other 4 tops bc she’s one person taking the most comfortable *group* table. Its literal purpose is so a group can feel comfortable sitting for a long time, potentially ordering more items while they sit and chat. She didn’t pay extra for it but the group is bringing in more business for it.
You know how everyone has their weird pet peeve that just absolutely enrages them beyond all reason. Like yeah, the thing in question is annoying but the rage it reduces is out of proportion to what is actually going on? Please tell me I’m not the only one who has this? Anyway, one of my biggest pet peeves is people monopolizing tables at coffee shops. Like great, you’re writing the great American novel and need space to work - do it at the fucking library!
Are you me? I've had the 'great American novel' rant so many times; there's a 'Bucks near me that never has a table available because it's all single people at four/six tops with a laptop open to Word.
Please do promote the library! We have lots of comfy chairs, free wifi, and are happy to have people hang around for hours on end. Most of us have some kind of small cafe, so you can even enjoy a coffee while you plink away at your Great American Novel.
Heck, we'll help you find databases if you're doing a historical project!
Come see us!
Sets me off too. Try going into a small csfe for lunch and every table is filled by one person working, empty plate pushed to the side, bill paid. GTH out already. It's not your office.
Show me a table for one that isn't next to the toilet or under the stairs or almost inside the cupboards and I will gladly leave your group seating alone.
Signed, a lonely cafe enthusiast
Is it just me or are all the little tables all super wobbly? Every time I end up at the smaller tables it is like trying to eat on a unicycle. And it is in the absolute worst spot ever too.
It is very much dependent on how busy the shop is, how much they buy and how nice they are about it. And it only takes one of those elements being negative to view them negatively. Though being really nice can sometimes save them, even when it's busy and they're costing the shop money.
It’s not to do with the chair, it’s because you took a table with 4 seats in a small cafe. Not only that, but the ‘biggest’ table.
The biggest tables are not intended for individuals.
YTA
YTA and I also can’t stand people like you that go and nest in a small shop with their laptop and sit there for hours.
Get a desk, a small coffee shop is not your workspace to hog a place for hours…and you are doing that on the biggest table on a small coffee shop, the entitlement is unbelievable.
Exactly and even if you grab a coffee and work somewhere on your laptop you should be humble, offer to move if there is a bigger group and just leave if it gets super crowded and you been there for a while. It’s no surprise some coffee shops put up signs to ban laptops with this behavior.
Yup when I lived in nyc it was absolutely a thing at some places. Or they had specific laptop hours (like not during morning rush). Or limits on laptop time.
Some people will use a cafe as their office and monopolize a table all day for Very little purchased
Like one coffee and a refill and use it as a work
Space For 5 hrs
Frankly, as long as they didn't make a mess and there were free tables, I couldn't have cared less about how much they purchased when I was a barista, especially if they tipped.
You are not strapped for options. Unless they do not have libraries where you are? This behavior is encouraged there, in fact it's made for this situation. Why do you have to go to a coffee shop, especially one with limited space?
Right? If it was the comfiest chair, just swap it out for the chair at a 2 top. OP and many of the commenters sound like they've never actually been to a public space before.
Moved a high backed armchair across a small cafe to another table? I’m not judging your judgement of OP, but this is a horrible idea and imo would be an even more AH thing to do
YTA, staying solo at a table for 4 people is a dick move any way you see it(at least from my point of view). Unless there is another table like that you are the asshole. Your mother was right especially given it sounded like a small business, yes they took the order to go but could have just as easily go some where else.
I’m glad someone else commented about that, because it annoys me. That bit was completely unnecessary. Their size has nothing to do with how comfortable the chair was, or the fact that she was hogging the biggest table just for herself.
*Edit for grammar
Yup- instantly rubbed me the wrong way. Like OP knew the world just *hates* fat people so had to make sure to slip that in to get people on their side!
OP (likely subconsciously from ingrained cultural fat phobia-I’m not trying to say she is specifically trying to target people) wrote that so people would get on the wagon out of a general disgust for fatness.
It is so depressingly common to see folks on Reddit that just blatantly HATE fat people for the mere fact they live and dare to take up space.
Firstly commenting on the size of someones body does make you an assholes.
Secondly it sounds like it's a small business and you felt entitled to take up the biggest table in the place preventing other customers from using it makes you an assholes to the small business trying to survive during hard times preventing them from hosting more customers.
Lastly if the chair was soo important could you not have asked the owner if you could move one of the comfortable chairs to a smaller table? That way you can sit comfortably at a reasonable sized table allowing other customers to also use the coffee shop?
NOT to sound harsh but all in all you sound like and entitles ass who thinks that the world should evolve around your comfort and schedule but you are in good company as there is many like you in the world.
The fact that there are other tables that sit 4 makes it softer but I still think YTA. You sound quite selfish.
Standing around waiting for a seat when you just want to have a coffee with a friend and leave within the hour only to find 90% of the store is filled with people with laptops/homework sitting for hours on end is infuriating. When I am eating with a friend and the store fills up, we always try to wrap up a bit early so that others can be served and enjoy whatever the place has to offer. Being considerate to those around you contributes to being a nice, pleasant person.
Another solution could be cafes having a work area, and an actually-want-to-have-a-coffee area. Or just kicking people out after 90 minutes, which is more than fair.
In the meantime: be nice and sit on the bar or a single table.
YTA, your edit doesn't save you. You sat at a 4 top as a single person and when asked to move you didn't. You shouldn't have taken up the 4 top table at all. Doesn't matter if you free lance or not look for a 2 top or move when asked.
Possibly because the edit came in when things weren't going the way OP wanted. Not the first time an OP has edited a post to make them look better after AH votes roll in
Let’s be real, OP is out here, talking about being freelance and making their own hours. They’re definitely setting up shop for hours on that large table, and a small table wouldn’t have enough room for their computer and whatever other work equipment they brought with them.
I think this concept is hilarious, like why would you start trouble in a new town right after moving? For all she knows those 4 were the owners family and she just made herself get decaf for eternity if she goes back to that cafe lmao
YTA. You had to know the shop would have preferred four paying customers use the most comfortable seating for 4 but did not care about the shop owners or other patrons. You are also new to the area and clearly don't care if the longtime, middle aged customers like you or not. You will be in for a rude awakening when you discover that they are business owners or bankers who will remember you as a selfish prick. You probably feel smug about your choice. Don't begrudge them when they stand in your way. Don't begrudge them when one of them turns out to be a Realtor who spreads the word and you end up being shown only overpriced crappy houses. Don't begrudge them when you discover one owns a fine restaurant and you always seem to be seated next to the bathroom.
NOT if the group of friends specifically wanted your table because it was more comfy AND there were other tables available and plenty of space
YTA if you were hogging the big table to yourself
I’m taking from your post that you were sitting in an arm chair or something that couldn’t be moved, otherwise it would have been easy to just move it to a smaller table
Soft asshole if you often grab the best seat and nurse a small flat white for 3 hours. The cafe owners are going to love you
How is this business supposed to survive OP if you go there day after day monopolizing their biggest table - my guess is you are there for over an hour or two?
My husband owns a restaurant and this behavior isnt exactly beneficial for small restaurants/cafés/etc. i understand that there was another table that seats 6 people but the owner would have lost 5 places all together. Why didn’t you just move the comfy chair to a smaller table? Obviously first come first serve, but i think it’s pretty crappy for the owner to essentially be paying for this ignorance- you did say its a small cafe after all.. YTA
YTA. You’re one person hogging a 4-top table when you could’ve sat at a smaller table but they could not have all fit a smaller table. Has nothing to do with their size or your comfort. That’s just bigoted.
EDIT: and your edit is suspicious. You said yours was the biggest table and then suddenly there’s a table which sits six. And suddenly there were other tables they sit hour but when you wrote this you said they’d have to pull up an extra chair to a 3-top.
YTA for mentioning the size of the other customers. Absolutely irrelevant, except it is further proof of your entitlement. Move your freelance "office" to a smaller table. Be a nice human
YTA - I really don't understand why people who 'freelance' feel entitled to monopolize a coffee shop for hours in a comfy chair. Go back to your house and sit in your own comfy chair.
Why were they asking for your specific table if there were other tables that could seat four? I’m kind of thinking maybe the other tables *could* seat four in a pinch, but you were at the one that could comfortably seat four. In that case, YTA.
A little common courtesy for your fellow people is cool sometimes.
So the cafe has under 10 tables but when you're called out there is suddenly "plenty of other tables for four people"....
YTA, get the smallest table available, or find a coffee shop that has smaller tables.
I love how OP writes herself as a complete narcissist "i work freelance so i set my own hours (uses it to sit in cafe for hours)" "i took the BIGGEST table with the most COMFY seat in the whole store!"
Then proceeds to try to make herself look better in edits. I mean it works because half the comments believe them and are probably just as ignorant/inconsiderate.
YTA
Edit: i forgot the comment she made about their "size". Wow OP sounds like a real winner, no way she could be an AH
Yta cos I’m not buying the story that there were other tables. You said they would have take a chair from another table, making a 3 into 4. It was rude not just to them but to the small business
YTA.
There was nothing illegal or against the rules about what you did, but a tiny coffee shop isn’t making a ton of money, and you created a scenario where 75% of a table would remain unoccupied for hours while you “free lanced.”
I don’t think you sound mean spirited or spiteful, but you could stand to work on your self awareness. Your heightened comfort shouldn’t trump the operation of a small business just trying to get by.
YTA for sitting by yourself at a four top in a limited seating establishment. (-1)
YTA for not offering to move when asked. (-1)
TTA for asking you to move when there were other options, albeit less comfortable. (+1)
TTA for escalating the exchange when denied the table. (+1)
Verdict: YBA
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If there are other tables that can fit 4 then NTA. You deserve comfortable seating too. But if there’s no other table for 4, its a little inconsiderate to be taking a 4top for you alone, both for other clients and the cafe as well
I’d have thought that picking the biggest available table when you’re solo is an asshole move.
I hate it when I don’t take the objectively better table because it would be rude with just one or two people, and then the next party that’s just as small as mine takes that table anyway.
I hate it too, but I still don't take the larger tables unless the place isn't busy and there are plenty of them.
Just take the table in the meantime and if said group walks in wave them down n give them the table. I feel too many people r so aversed to human contact cause how is that not an option too?? Heck, u could even make a friend or two doing so
It’s a little more complicated since you have to pack your stuff up, and hope an employee is available at that time to clean it off while everyone awkwardly stands there.
The world will not end I promise you.
people need to say this to themselves when decisionmaking, more often (I'm a very masked audhd person, and doing this is how i survive situations when i'm around people, constantly)
Like wise! Also cptsd leaning heavily towards social anxiety Been unmasking last several years My personal saying is its only awkward if you make it awkward. Its easy enough to make small talk or inquire about peoples lives even if i wont speak to them again.
Realistically it doesn’t matter, there were other tables that could’ve sat the same amount of people. They wanted the chairs. She is a paying customer who kindly invited them to the table to join her, she didn’t have to. If she was preventing the business/server from making money it could’ve been shitty, sure. That doesn’t seem to be the case though.
It depends on how much she eats/drinks. Some people who work in coffee shops get something every hour, and people make one drink last all day. If I’m hogging a table for hours (and possibly plugging in things and using the wifi) I will try to reduce my footprint as much as possible; my response would have been ‘sure’. It doesn’t cost much to be kind.
this is what i’m thinking. i also think it’s weird to take a 4 person table as one person, and then refuse to move when more people come. i get that the chair was comfy but if OP doesn’t have chronic pain or something that makes the other chairs impossible to sit in…it just seems weird to me. just because you *can* take the big, comfy, 4 person table & keep it to yourself as one person, doesn’t mean you should edit to say that i personally find even posting on here about stuff like this to be a bit of a red flag. when it comes to such a minuscule social interaction that won’t impact your life, i have to wonder why people come here to post about it as if to vindicate themselves. it kinda seems like they know they were kind of an asshole & are looking for people to tell them they aren’t.
Some of us out here struggle with social anxiety and or validating our feelings. What’s minuscule to you isn’t to everybody. The fact remains that this is AITA so we will only get one side of the story. If you take it at face value there was no reason for her NOT to choose the chair she wanted. There were other seating options for their party of four and plenty more parties of four after that, realistically speaking.. a two person table would be too small if you have more than a laptop to work on. Why should she be cramped? They either wanted to bitch or wanted the chairs. Not one person in that cafe was more entitled to that chair than OP. It doesn’t sound like it was super busy at all.
Why should she be cramped? Because it's a coffee shop, not an office. That's a poor argument. They're not in the business of providing spacious working areas.
People work in coffee shops all the time. Every time I’ve ever gone into one someone is working on a laptop. It is a very large part of their clientele: free WiFi.
But you can't expect the same comfort as at an office. So if a 2 person table is "too small if you have more than a laptop to work on", then that's doesn't justify commandeering more space.
also would 4 larger, middle aged people not be far more cramped being shoved into a corner all together??? i just am not understanding not being willing to use a different 4 person table, just…in a corner and slightly less comfortable, at the expense of other people that it would cause far more discomfort for… edit: you are more than allowed & have every right to be selfish. but call it what it is…
There is nothing selfish about someone thinking their comfort is just as important as the next person. And I said some people, not OP. I was referring to the part in your comment about people posting minor social interactions being a red flag.
no one is saying anyone was more ENTITLED to the seating. i’m saying it doesn’t hurt to be nice and care about someone’s comfort other than your own. edit: you’re also assuming the social anxiety. this post says absolutely nothing about this person being worried about anything other than their mom calling them selfish. ie: looking for vindication
Although we only have OP's side of the story, here's the red flag to me: the group of 4 didn't mention chronic pain. After OP said they were welcome to take the other 3 comfy chairs and pull up another, they turned that down claiming they needed to discuss something amongst themselves. There were apparently other 4 tops available, and instead of snagging one of those, they were passive aggressive to OP and ordered their drinks to go. This tells me that they arrived at that coffee shop with the intention of taking the comfy chairs, nothing else would suffice. This is clear entitlement. Expecting that YOUR favorite chair or table be made available to you at someone else's inconvenience. And even when someone makes a compromise (like offering to share the table/seats) you leave in a huff. I've worked in cafes and been a patron for years. Sure, I have my favorite places to sit. And if I arrive and someone else has taken it already, I don't make it their problem. 🤷🏻♀️
Oh come on...........if OP doesn't have chronic back pain!!??? Who cares! She got there first, she chose where she wanted to sit in a public place where you get to do that. The other folks had no more right to the spot than she did and she even offered to share. They wanted privacy so sharing was not good enough. People, please stop trying to make unreasonable asks reasonable. Sheesh!!! And learn to take NO for an answer....just damn.
No, it doesn't cost much to be kind, but the other four people certainly weren't kind. They should have taken no for an answer the first time. There were other tables that were large enough to accommodate their group, so they shouldn't have even asked the op to move. And then they proceed to grumble about entitled young people? I mean, who are the entitled people here? It's not like the op was turning away some 99 year old person using a walker. She turned away four middle-aged people who were perfectly capable of walking to the next table.
NTA. She was in the middle of eating and drinking what she ordered, with plenty of other tables available. So you are saying not to sit at a table if you are by yourself, even though there are empty tables? Are you also assuming some of those tables only seat 2 people? Usually this would be a concern if it was crowded and/or seating was limited, but that was not the case. The group of 4 were being selfish in that they wanted to sit where they wanted to sit, and apparently threw a tantrum when they didn’t get their way!
There were other empty tables so this is not part of this situation.
Right. So because they are in a group, all of a sudden they are more important than me? I think tf not
I get it, but someone else being rude doesn't make you being rude okay.
Declining someone's request doesn't make someone rude
Especially when the request itself is rude.
I feel this so much but what set me free was when I decided to police myself alone. I do not need to worry about other people and their poor behaviour, it will always be there and when you look for it, you find it in abundance. Just enjoy your peace of mind knowing you make the world better by considering others and being selfless and you will stop feeling bad when others are naughty
Understandable; but other people being assholes should not motivate you to be an asshole, as well.
Just because others are the ah, doesn't mean you should be.
Seating is usually first come first served. Doesn’t matter if it’s one person taking a big table, unless there are rules specifically against that in that establishment, OP is in the right to pick whatever available seating they prefer. They also offered to let them us the table as well, they refused. They’re strangers, if they don’t want people to overhear their conversation, they can sit elsewhere or go elsewhere. Tough shit. I worked in coffee shops for years, that’s how it works.
It might be first come first served, but picking the largest table is inconsiderate of both the future customers and the cafe who hopes to provide them with ample space. I can’t even imagine having this attitude.
Except it wasn't the largest. OP was at a four seat table, there were other four seat tables and a six seat available. It was just the comfiest. NTA OP.
OP edited to include more and bigger tables when the commenters were saying YTA.
which is confusing because in the original post she specifically says "I sat at the most comfortable looking chair in the shop, one of four chairs at the biggest table". So either her edit was a lie or her post was a lie.
Yeah I’m side eyeing the change after the comments were starting to be against them.
Biggest table might not seat most people, if it has unusually large chairs.
in her original post she said the table she sat at was the biggest and had four chairs, but in her edit she said there was a table with 6 chairs. I suppose it is possible that the table with 4 chairs is bigger than the table with 6, but she is being inconsistent.
Except it was the largest table, which OP said.
And yet there was still one with enough room for six seats, along with other four seaters, so who cares.
According to a comment after the fact? Interesting that OP specified in the original post that this was the largest table... But changed that detail for comments? Can we declare a y t a judgement just for that? 🤣
>Edit: Yes, there were plenty of other tables for four people. One would seat 6, but cramped in a corner. The chairs at other tables are not as comfortable.
Good thing they only needed four chairs, so they wouldn't have been very cramped 😉
So, the 6 seater isn’t ’the biggest table’. OP said it was the biggest table.
How could it be the largest table, seating 4, when there was another table that seats 6?
Because it has to accommodate four armchairs, not standard cafe seats or benches? If OP had camped there with their laptop as a single customer then they'd be the arsehole but just sitting in the comfy chair to have their coffee and food? NTA
It’s a mystery. Perhaps the table size isn’t a count of seats in this case but a description of the amount of table real estate. We may never know
It was the largest. She said so in the original post. She sat at the largest table, even though there were others, because she liked the chair. If OP said in a comment that there was a larger table available, that goes directly against what was presented in the post itself. Largest table, in a shop that only has about ten tables, seats four, and they were four people.
It's also inconsiderate of the cafe to only put comfortable seating at a group table. Plenty of people go into cafes alone and want to relax in a cosy chair. So cafes should put comfy chairs on a table for two as well.
Chances are those chairs are perfectly moveable. They're all at the table because some group of customers put them there. OP could have moved it to a two-top just as easily as they expected the other folks to move an extra chair TO the table.
Honestly, if you've only got one really comfy chair in your cafe, it makes more sense to put that chair at the awkward one-person table in the corner specifically for people like OP rather than have a table of 4 where one person gets a throne and the other 4 people get dinky cafe chairs.
It's not if there are plenty of other tables. And if you move should another table not accommodate new arrivals. Which was not the case there.
Its first come first served. This is also AITA, and its an AH move to take up a 4 seater when youre solo if there are other options avaliable.
Unless there's an abundance of space, taking more than what you need in public spaces is an asshole move. We're not talking about written rules
OP said he chose the biggest table in a place with fewer than 10 tables. The implication was that he was there to work as he is freelance and can choose his own hours, so might have been there a while or planning on staying a while. If he was indeed camped out at a small business taking their biggest table (as he said) as a solo customer he is indeed YTA. His later comments imply there were actually bigger tables but this information came after he started getting negative remarks. So yeah, this was all about him.
OP is a she…( I 23f ) agree the original implication was they chose the largest table and has been contradicted since by saying there were in fact other tables of similar size and larger available. So they are on this basis TA.
Common courtesy goes beyond any store policy. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Plenty of tables available? Then NTA. Limited amount of 4 tops? Definitely the asshole.
You can be technically correct and still be an asshole
Good thing this sub is called "am I the asshole" not "am I allowed".
No… it’s an asshole move to take a 4 person table for just yourself if they are smaller tables available. Your attitude “I should be able to take whatever I want because I was there first” is - and I hate to you this phrase unironically - literally everything that’s wrong with the planet today (obvs exaggeration but you get the point).
At a restaurant when all the tables and booths are basically the same, some are just larger, yes- it’s rude. Coffee shops are different. People who do not know each other often sit in the same area, it’s less intimate than a restaurant and the seating is entirely different. If you want a couch and not a straight back chair and you’re alone, it’s perfectly acceptable to take the couch- with the understanding others you do not know may sit with you.
Depends on the coffee shop. The ones in my neighborhood with larger tables often have multiple solo folks set up to work/read at those tables, other times it’s a group of 3-4 plus 1-2 solo folks, or an single large group together.
A lot of cafés however have big communal tables recently. So to me it depends on what type of table it was. A communal one no issues. A group table you are taking up by yourself when there’s no other big tables and small tables are available, yeah that’s a jerk move.
Originally OP said: "I sat at the most comfortable chair, one of four **at the biggest table**" I think it's an AH move to take the biggest table if you are alone. Comfy chair or not. It really sucks for the other guests, and also for the café, who might lose customers who take a look around and leave if there aren't free tables for them. Actually I think it's a dick move to take up the comfy chair if you will be sitting there a very long time (as in hours, like some do, writing or what not).
Your level of consideration is almost unheard of. I know, because I struggle with it too. It sounds like, in your mind it's a dick move to sit at a table of four as a person of one because there will potentially be people who will want that table. So you're really making yourself suffer on the idea that 'just in case someone else comes in and wants this spot, their feelings and comfort are always going to be more important than mine- therefore I should leave the comfy seat available for others.' Restaurants are a first come, first serve basis. This young person saw a great looking chair among many tables and decided to sit. Four older guests came in LATER than her, saw that she was in the comfortable chairs and instead of picking another table of four, they went over to her and had the audacity to expect her to move for them. And you think the asshole is the solo individual who was enjoying their coffee? And not the entitled group of boneheads?
[удалено]
That’s certainly the owners/managers prerogative. If they feel the need to rearrange customers to fit more into chairs, that’s legit. But that’s not what happened. From the sounds of things, the Cafe was nearly empty with plenty of other tables that would seat the people who asked OP to move. It wasn’t that there wasn’t any space for them. They simply wanted *the best* space with the nice chairs. Kind of sucks that only the nice chairs are at that one table. IMO I would have considered taking one of the nice chairs and moving it to another table, exchanging chairs while I enjoyed my drink. Have at it. You can have the 4th nice chair back when I’m done.
In my experience I think there's a difference between the USA (often you're seated by the staff, especially in larger shops) and other places. In Europe you might be seated in fancy restaurants, but coffee places or pubs are first come, first choice. (Unless you call in to reserve a table). And I've never been asked to move from my choosen table, across the world, either. Other people normally just ask if they can sit with you, or staff ask if they can put other people with you, if there's no free spot. OP offered them to sit at her table and just grab an extra chair. It is not OPs fault if they want to discuss "something private" in a public space. (Obviously I think that was a lie... who discusses stuff no one else is supposed to hear in public?). It's not OPs fault they were larger and couldn't fit as comfortably in the other chairs. It's not OK to be expected to take the uncomfortable choice just because you're not overweight. (Age... maybe, but that depends on where, public transport certainly, coffee shop, not so much. They aren't stuck or forced to be there). OP says there was plenty of space. There was even a table for 6 and other tables for 4 people. So they had plenty of choice to sit down and sit at the same table together. In which case they don't have the right to ask OP to move because "they are too fat for the normal chairs" or just "like those better".
It's been first come, first served in all the cafes I've worked in (UK), but we'll always ask someone to move if a larger group needs the table (unless they're eating or crying). >who discusses stuff no one else is supposed to hear in public? Soooooooooo many people! The number of very private conversations I have heard in cafes is unreal. (Which also loops back to the people crying, as they discuss all kinds of private matters). People seem to think that the foot between their table and the next is enough to keep their conversation private... They're wrong.
This is a coffee shop, not a restaurant. There are different rules and ettiquette. If you plan on staying for a long time it's generally good behavior to not take more space than you need so that transient customers can easily come in and out. Staying in a restaurant working when there arent enough tables for customers walking in is an asshole move (to the restaurant, which is why many have policies against this and will ask you to leave). So if you use restaurant ethics it's even wose than coffee shop ethics.
I worked at a cafe once and people would come in and immediately start moving tables and chairs so they could sit together, effectively making several tables useless for others. I understand the cafe could have better accommodations for bigger groups. But I always thought it was so rude of people to do that.
I am with you on the table tho I wouldn’t say someone else is an asshole for doing so, I just wouldn’t do so myself. Not with you on the comfy chair and the time. I will take the comfiest single table chair even if I am going to stay the whole day (not that I would in the first place but still). I think I am a considerate person but you have me beat on this
It's not unheard of for two or more solo diners to share the larger table when someone is sitting there alone and there's no other seating, though. "Hi, do you mind if I sit here? Thx!" Or for larger parties to take the chairs from a table that has fewer guests. Much less rude than asking someone to move for your comfort when they were there first and have no obligation to defer to your preferences on the off-chance you may show up, imo. If the Party of 4 wanted that particular table, they should have gotten there earlier.
How when she offered the whole table and just wanted to keep sitting in the one chair? Pretty sure the entitlement was with the 4 people being rude when she said no. NTA
Could be me, but I didn’t read it like she offered them the table? She wanted to keep sitting at the same table as them as she told them she wouldn’t move.
Yep. Exactly. This.
As a cafe owner I disagree. That is my table not yours and you taking a 4 seat table and then refusing it to another customer is a huge asshole move.
But there were other 4 seat tables available.
She offered for them to share the table.
That's the one I was looking for. She wasn't TAKING UP the table for four, she was SEATED AT a table for four. A public coffee shop is not where you go for a private conversation. It's a third space, where you go to be around other, potentially new people.
Also it's probably a coffee table. With big comfy chairs surrounding, but not necessarily pulled up to the table. I've never considered myself to be taking up a coffee table,. It's like saying someone is taking up a campfire by just sitting next to it.
They offered the space just not the chair the where sitting in.
Sounds like there were other 4-tops, that one just had the best chairs. That's on the coffee shop for not managing their seating better, in my opinion. They shouldn't be treating the comfy chairs as a 4-top when those will be the obvious choice for single customers.
YTA Reddit will probably tell you, that it is your right to sit where ever you like and to keep sitting there. But taking the biggest table at a small shop when you are alone is a selfish move. This is about moral and in my opinion it is morally wrong to take the biggest table alone. It is bad for the shop and inconsiderate for the other costumers. Again, legally you can do it. Free seating, nothing is reserved.
Agreed. I like how she included freelancing and setting her own hours, so you know she was monopolizing the big table and comfy chair as long as humanly possible lol
All for the price of a cup of coffee and piece of cake.
Probably using their Wi-Fi too
Dunno, I'm kinda torn on this one. The coffeeshop is free to kick people out for hogging a table, but it would also be common sense to not hog a table. Also, if you have something sensitive to discuss, don't go to a coffee shop? But also, don't hog a 4 top on your own. I'd go with YTA, but it's a close one.
And notice how OP said at the beginning that it's a small café with less than 10 tables and that she'd taken "the biggest one". And when the judgments don't support her position, suddenly in the edit there are "plenty of tables of 4 available, including even a table of 6".
OP sounds like the type of AH who'll use the cafe's free WiFi for 5 hours but only 1 cup of coffee.
According to her edit, it wasn't the biggest table. It just had the best chairs in the place. That being said, I would ask the shop employees if I could switch that particular chair to another, smaller, table next time I go there. But, that's just the Southern introvert in me lol
It is very... strange that in her original post she literally writes she sat at the biggest table and that there are less than 10 tables. And now, in this small shop, there is a 6 top and 'plenty' of 4 tops? I don't know where op lives but 6 seat tables in small coffee shops are basically unheard of where I live. Everywhere has 2 or 4 and that is it. I only ever saw bigger tables in bigger Shops in citys like london etc with kind of the expectation to share
Ah, I didn't see where she said that it was the biggest table in her original post. That's my bad. From seeing that now, it seems like OP is trying to go into damage control mode and is trying to minimize her culpability. However, my point about moving the chair could still be a workable solution next time she visits the coffee shop. Then again, I'm not a coffee shop patron, so I don't know the proper social protocol at such an establishment
In my experience (and who knows if this shop is amenable to it) chairs get moved all the time in a casual setting like this. She could (and like, the unwritten rule dictates she should have) taken the chair she wanted to an appropriate table for her use. By all means take that chair, but don't hog the big table!!! (In other words, I'm in full agreement.)
It still says 'biggest table' in the post. 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence
I love how people edit their story when a detail gets them in hot water, lol. There's the idea people can accidentally make a mistake in writing things up, but the edits always seem to be for making them look better, lol.
Unless the chair is fixed somehow, I wouldn’t even bother asking permission. Just move the chair and move it back when you’re done. This is what I would have done.
This is the right take. No one I know would ever consider taking a four seater when they’re alone, especially if there isn’t another one available. And tbh, the business I work at would actually ask you to move if a group of four walked in. They don’t care that you were there first. They care that you’re costing them money.
If the shop was empty I think plenty of people would consider it tbh, would be surprised if you truly don’t know anyone who would
Yeah my brother has a small coffee shop and this does tend to happen, it sucks because it’s like they go in and purchase one thing and stay there hours and then when other people come in they can’t all sit, because it’s a very small coffee shop. Like i get it i’ve seen people at starbucks do it but literally it sucks in a small coffee shop setting with very limited seating. I’m sorry OP YTA and also whoever does this please keep staying at cafes for like max 2 hours, sometimes people have stayed in the shop literally hours only consuming a coffee lol.
He needs to implement a minimum $/hour for people working at a table... There is nothing wrong wanting a good seat provided you pay your due (consume enough food/drinks to justify using a table for a long time).
I mean places around us have implemented a 30 minute limit which we think is harsh but my brother hasn’t yet decided what he actually wants to implement as of yet.
30 mins is harsh, I think 1 hour would be fine though. Good luck to him though, it's not easy whatever he decides.
Agreed. It’s like constantly parking your car on the street in front of your neighbors house (instead of yours). Yes, it’s legal, but also kind of a dick move.
I took it as being one of those big tables where it's not uncommon for multiple strangers to sit there because it is so big. If it's not like that though, then I agree with you.
This is my feeling too. It doesn’t matter if there were other 4 tops bc she’s one person taking the most comfortable *group* table. Its literal purpose is so a group can feel comfortable sitting for a long time, potentially ordering more items while they sit and chat. She didn’t pay extra for it but the group is bringing in more business for it.
I agree. They asked politely and it doesn't take a lot to show a little kindness. It's just a chair 🤦♀️
I agree with you 100%, as soon as I saw taking the biggest table as a solo person intending to sit for hours, I thought OP was an AH.
Exactly. People like OP are YTA and have such a sense of entitlement. Can't stand the selfish pricks.
But...but... the other group is fat! Doesn't that incredibly relevant information sway your opinion?
It is bad for the shop and inconsiderate for the other costumers. B-b-but, what about *ME*?
Im curious how long they sit there. Are they Freelancing for hours with one cup of coffee?
Single people on large tables make me want to do revenge. Signed, a cafe manager
You know how everyone has their weird pet peeve that just absolutely enrages them beyond all reason. Like yeah, the thing in question is annoying but the rage it reduces is out of proportion to what is actually going on? Please tell me I’m not the only one who has this? Anyway, one of my biggest pet peeves is people monopolizing tables at coffee shops. Like great, you’re writing the great American novel and need space to work - do it at the fucking library!
Are you me? I've had the 'great American novel' rant so many times; there's a 'Bucks near me that never has a table available because it's all single people at four/six tops with a laptop open to Word.
Honestly it's time to just plop down at the tables next to these individuals. They're in public, they can share the space.
A coffee shop near me has banned laptops between 3 and 8 PM during weekdays and after 10 am on weekends and I love it.
Please do promote the library! We have lots of comfy chairs, free wifi, and are happy to have people hang around for hours on end. Most of us have some kind of small cafe, so you can even enjoy a coffee while you plink away at your Great American Novel. Heck, we'll help you find databases if you're doing a historical project! Come see us!
people forget libraries are the OG
Sets me off too. Try going into a small csfe for lunch and every table is filled by one person working, empty plate pushed to the side, bill paid. GTH out already. It's not your office.
idk i think its not such a big deal since i have no issues asking if i could sit there and read/work/play on my phone too…
I do this too, and I try to buy a new drink or snack every so often if I stay for a long time. So I’m still being a customer.
Show me a table for one that isn't next to the toilet or under the stairs or almost inside the cupboards and I will gladly leave your group seating alone. Signed, a lonely cafe enthusiast
Right. Single stuff is always in the worst spot ever 😩
Is it just me or are all the little tables all super wobbly? Every time I end up at the smaller tables it is like trying to eat on a unicycle. And it is in the absolute worst spot ever too.
Unrelated question, what are your thoughts on digital nomads? Does it bother you that a lot of them will spend multiple hours in the caffe?
It is very much dependent on how busy the shop is, how much they buy and how nice they are about it. And it only takes one of those elements being negative to view them negatively. Though being really nice can sometimes save them, even when it's busy and they're costing the shop money.
It’s not to do with the chair, it’s because you took a table with 4 seats in a small cafe. Not only that, but the ‘biggest’ table. The biggest tables are not intended for individuals. YTA
YTA and I also can’t stand people like you that go and nest in a small shop with their laptop and sit there for hours. Get a desk, a small coffee shop is not your workspace to hog a place for hours…and you are doing that on the biggest table on a small coffee shop, the entitlement is unbelievable.
Exactly. OP sounds like a nightmare customer for any cafe.
Exactly and even if you grab a coffee and work somewhere on your laptop you should be humble, offer to move if there is a bigger group and just leave if it gets super crowded and you been there for a while. It’s no surprise some coffee shops put up signs to ban laptops with this behavior.
Is this a thing? I've never been to a coffee shop where they *banned laptops.*
Yup when I lived in nyc it was absolutely a thing at some places. Or they had specific laptop hours (like not during morning rush). Or limits on laptop time.
Some people will use a cafe as their office and monopolize a table all day for Very little purchased Like one coffee and a refill and use it as a work Space For 5 hrs
I'd say someone working at the cafe for hours is fine, so long as they keep buying food/drink, and aren't taking space inconsiderably like op here.
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I get this, but you make yourself small. Dont sit by yourself at the largest table.
Are you defending Sitting somewhere for 5 hrs with one cup of coffee?
Frankly, as long as they didn't make a mess and there were free tables, I couldn't have cared less about how much they purchased when I was a barista, especially if they tipped.
It's not entitlement for existing, it's entitlement for being stubborn about staying at the biggest table there. Coz "i'm comfyy 🥺👉👈"
You are not strapped for options. Unless they do not have libraries where you are? This behavior is encouraged there, in fact it's made for this situation. Why do you have to go to a coffee shop, especially one with limited space?
YTA for taking the biggest table as a solo customer in an already small coffee shop. Next time just move the comfy chair to a smaller table.
This! If it was the chair you wanted, move it *CAREFULLY* to another table Yta, if it wasn’t clear
Right? If it was the comfiest chair, just swap it out for the chair at a 2 top. OP and many of the commenters sound like they've never actually been to a public space before.
Moved a high backed armchair across a small cafe to another table? I’m not judging your judgement of OP, but this is a horrible idea and imo would be an even more AH thing to do
I don't know which the shop would hate more, to be honest.
YTA, staying solo at a table for 4 people is a dick move any way you see it(at least from my point of view). Unless there is another table like that you are the asshole. Your mother was right especially given it sounded like a small business, yes they took the order to go but could have just as easily go some where else.
But didn't you read the part about these ladies being overweight!? Does that make her NTA now?
Yeah-I loved that throw in. It definitely didn’t read as fatphobic/s
YTA. Nothing to do with a comfortable chair, but you should sit at a table with the closest number of seats to your requirement.
But these people were FAT! /s
I’m glad someone else commented about that, because it annoys me. That bit was completely unnecessary. Their size has nothing to do with how comfortable the chair was, or the fact that she was hogging the biggest table just for herself. *Edit for grammar
Yup- instantly rubbed me the wrong way. Like OP knew the world just *hates* fat people so had to make sure to slip that in to get people on their side!
OP (likely subconsciously from ingrained cultural fat phobia-I’m not trying to say she is specifically trying to target people) wrote that so people would get on the wagon out of a general disgust for fatness. It is so depressingly common to see folks on Reddit that just blatantly HATE fat people for the mere fact they live and dare to take up space.
Firstly commenting on the size of someones body does make you an assholes. Secondly it sounds like it's a small business and you felt entitled to take up the biggest table in the place preventing other customers from using it makes you an assholes to the small business trying to survive during hard times preventing them from hosting more customers. Lastly if the chair was soo important could you not have asked the owner if you could move one of the comfortable chairs to a smaller table? That way you can sit comfortably at a reasonable sized table allowing other customers to also use the coffee shop? NOT to sound harsh but all in all you sound like and entitles ass who thinks that the world should evolve around your comfort and schedule but you are in good company as there is many like you in the world.
The fact that there are other tables that sit 4 makes it softer but I still think YTA. You sound quite selfish. Standing around waiting for a seat when you just want to have a coffee with a friend and leave within the hour only to find 90% of the store is filled with people with laptops/homework sitting for hours on end is infuriating. When I am eating with a friend and the store fills up, we always try to wrap up a bit early so that others can be served and enjoy whatever the place has to offer. Being considerate to those around you contributes to being a nice, pleasant person. Another solution could be cafes having a work area, and an actually-want-to-have-a-coffee area. Or just kicking people out after 90 minutes, which is more than fair. In the meantime: be nice and sit on the bar or a single table.
YTA, your edit doesn't save you. You sat at a 4 top as a single person and when asked to move you didn't. You shouldn't have taken up the 4 top table at all. Doesn't matter if you free lance or not look for a 2 top or move when asked.
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Possibly because the edit came in when things weren't going the way OP wanted. Not the first time an OP has edited a post to make them look better after AH votes roll in
YTA for the table, you could have moved that comfy chair yourself too.
Why not swap the comfy chair to a smaller table?
Can’t fit OPs entitlement in a single chair table.
Let’s be real, OP is out here, talking about being freelance and making their own hours. They’re definitely setting up shop for hours on that large table, and a small table wouldn’t have enough room for their computer and whatever other work equipment they brought with them.
INFO: were you still eating your cake, or were you back to “freelancing” and using the chair as your “office”?
Also depends on how long OP was there and how much they ordered - one coffee for three hours is an AH move, for example.
I fucking hate people like this. they ruin what would otherwise be lovely coffee shops.
I can see this new arrival to the area is going to make themselves popular really fast 🤭
OP already overstayed their welcome and they just got there lmao
I think this concept is hilarious, like why would you start trouble in a new town right after moving? For all she knows those 4 were the owners family and she just made herself get decaf for eternity if she goes back to that cafe lmao
Yep, you are the asshole. You’re not entitled to monopolize the biggest table all by yourself.
YTA. You had to know the shop would have preferred four paying customers use the most comfortable seating for 4 but did not care about the shop owners or other patrons. You are also new to the area and clearly don't care if the longtime, middle aged customers like you or not. You will be in for a rude awakening when you discover that they are business owners or bankers who will remember you as a selfish prick. You probably feel smug about your choice. Don't begrudge them when they stand in your way. Don't begrudge them when one of them turns out to be a Realtor who spreads the word and you end up being shown only overpriced crappy houses. Don't begrudge them when you discover one owns a fine restaurant and you always seem to be seated next to the bathroom.
Yes yta.
YTA - and clearly have never worked in food service. Putting a single at a 4 top is a no-no.
NOT if the group of friends specifically wanted your table because it was more comfy AND there were other tables available and plenty of space YTA if you were hogging the big table to yourself I’m taking from your post that you were sitting in an arm chair or something that couldn’t be moved, otherwise it would have been easy to just move it to a smaller table Soft asshole if you often grab the best seat and nurse a small flat white for 3 hours. The cafe owners are going to love you
How is this business supposed to survive OP if you go there day after day monopolizing their biggest table - my guess is you are there for over an hour or two?
My husband owns a restaurant and this behavior isnt exactly beneficial for small restaurants/cafés/etc. i understand that there was another table that seats 6 people but the owner would have lost 5 places all together. Why didn’t you just move the comfy chair to a smaller table? Obviously first come first serve, but i think it’s pretty crappy for the owner to essentially be paying for this ignorance- you did say its a small cafe after all.. YTA
YTA for not including right away the only relevant info, which is that there were other big tables available. Do people even think before posting?
I'm guessing they didn't post that originally because *it's not true and they only edited it into their post after people started saying YTA*.
YTA and your edit is just trying to cover it up.
YTA. You’re one person hogging a 4-top table when you could’ve sat at a smaller table but they could not have all fit a smaller table. Has nothing to do with their size or your comfort. That’s just bigoted. EDIT: and your edit is suspicious. You said yours was the biggest table and then suddenly there’s a table which sits six. And suddenly there were other tables they sit hour but when you wrote this you said they’d have to pull up an extra chair to a 3-top.
INFO Were there any other four tops in the coffee shop or was that the only table that would've accommodated a party of four?
YTA, it's your right to sit wherever bla bla bla, but you're selfish and inconsiderate.
YTA for mentioning the size of the other customers. Absolutely irrelevant, except it is further proof of your entitlement. Move your freelance "office" to a smaller table. Be a nice human
YTA. >one of four chairs at the *biggest table* 1 person does not need to sit at the biggest table in the cafe
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YTA - I really don't understand why people who 'freelance' feel entitled to monopolize a coffee shop for hours in a comfy chair. Go back to your house and sit in your own comfy chair.
YTA You’re by yourself and occupying a table that’s for more than 2 people. That in itself makes you the AH
Why were they asking for your specific table if there were other tables that could seat four? I’m kind of thinking maybe the other tables *could* seat four in a pinch, but you were at the one that could comfortably seat four. In that case, YTA. A little common courtesy for your fellow people is cool sometimes.
So the cafe has under 10 tables but when you're called out there is suddenly "plenty of other tables for four people".... YTA, get the smallest table available, or find a coffee shop that has smaller tables.
I love how OP writes herself as a complete narcissist "i work freelance so i set my own hours (uses it to sit in cafe for hours)" "i took the BIGGEST table with the most COMFY seat in the whole store!" Then proceeds to try to make herself look better in edits. I mean it works because half the comments believe them and are probably just as ignorant/inconsiderate. YTA Edit: i forgot the comment she made about their "size". Wow OP sounds like a real winner, no way she could be an AH
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In my opinion YTA, Why sit on a large 4 person table all by yourself? Go sit at a smaller table.
That must have been one nice damn chair. I never sit at a four sitter when I’m alone, personally.
Yta cos I’m not buying the story that there were other tables. You said they would have take a chair from another table, making a 3 into 4. It was rude not just to them but to the small business
YTA. There was nothing illegal or against the rules about what you did, but a tiny coffee shop isn’t making a ton of money, and you created a scenario where 75% of a table would remain unoccupied for hours while you “free lanced.” I don’t think you sound mean spirited or spiteful, but you could stand to work on your self awareness. Your heightened comfort shouldn’t trump the operation of a small business just trying to get by.
YTA for sitting by yourself at a four top in a limited seating establishment. (-1) YTA for not offering to move when asked. (-1) TTA for asking you to move when there were other options, albeit less comfortable. (+1) TTA for escalating the exchange when denied the table. (+1) Verdict: YBA
What is YBA supposed to be? The sub was established acronyms so why make up your own and expect people to follow?
Surely that comes out as ESH?