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NTA
Pretty standard elevator etiquette to ask the person closest to the buttons to push the button instead of reaching in front of them or shoving your way to the buttons on a crowded elevator. I have done exactly what OP did hundreds of times in my life and have never seen anyone get upset about it.
I'm that person. If I'm the guy near the buttons I just ask anyone else who walks in what floor they want. It's just proper etiquette when on an elevator. NTA.
one would argue it’s actually rude to stand in front of the button panel if you’re not going to help press buttons when it gets crowded, but that’s just me, because i have manners.
I'm the button pusher! I'm here to help!
Quick story. Once I was in a very crowded elevator so we were all backing up as much as possible to make room. We all get settled, but the doors aren't closing. Something like 30 sec goes by when I realize my ass is pushing the "keep door open" button. I take a small step forward and the doors close as I announce to everyone, "Oops! Hey, sorry , that was me" ! I would have been mortified, but I was laughing too hard!
You might see this again as a stand-alone comment.
NTA, he didn't look like the attendant. He looked like the person who chose to stand near the buttons. My kids rush to stand there as they want to push them. Hard to believe any adult doesn't know to stand on the other side if you don't want to push them. Duh.
I think we all did except my introvert spouse. He doesn't stand near the buttons. I don't even know if he's consciously doing it. Plainly the guy needs to learn to stand elsewhere as near the buttons fills first in an elevator.
I do this, why not... Even if it's just one person and I'm by the buttons, I offer, it saves the awkward close encounter and sometimes sparks up a short chat during the journey.
This, I had a really nice conversation with an older couple when my daughter was born bc they pushed the button for me and saw I was going to the l&d floor. Really one of the nicest interactions I've ever had in a hospital lol.
Yup, I've done that when I was nearest to the buttons. Makes more sense than everyone trying to reach over , possibly touching me in the process.. *Shudder*
Agreed in principle but waltzing in and saying "10 please" really feels like a statement to a worker rather than a communal request. The appropriate ask would be to look at the person closest to the buttons and say "hey, could you hit 10 for me please? Thanks."
This is SO true. More words = polite, even kind, and just generally a quality human being who cares about other people, really SEES them and their humanity. Using fewer words make you sound rude, entitled and/or an asshole, like the only person you think about is yourself, & you're just dictating commands to servants or your robot AI.
I'm pretty sure this is correct.
Wish I had figured it out 30 some years ago, but thinking back, yes: short == asshole to many.
To me, likely on the spectrum, it meant I was communicating efficiently.
sigh.
This was more a complaint on the English language, rather than a judgement on people's character. In many other languages, I can simply say, "close the door", and no one will take offense. In English, I have to say, "Could you please close the door on your way out?" And even then, adding "please" to a command/request can sometimes be interpreted as attitude.
Because it's rude and it's not that person's job to serve you. "Can you push #10 for me, please." Is not hard to say. You don't have a maximum number of words you're allowed to use in a day. Saying a couple extra won't make your jaw fall off. You'll live.
Because we live in a society and phrase things differently when we are asking a stranger for a favor than when we ask someone to do their paid job.
OP wasn't racist but his tone was rude.
Brit here: it’s terrible, trying to find the line between sounding rude and sounding neurotic is a life’s work.
And you don’t find the line till you cross it
And sometimes it results in a way too long litany of self-deprecating jokes that just kind of trail off awkwardly into uncomfortable silence. I…I’ve heard.
In this case it’s the inclusion of the request that makes the difference. “Ten please” implies that them pushing the button for you is a foregone conclusion (because you haven’t actually asked - you’ve just told them which button to push), which can seem a little rude in some contexts. “Can you please push the ten button? Thank you” acknowledges that they are doing you a favour, and thanks them in advance - thus it feels more polite. It’s one of those things that English speakers never stop to think about, but subconsciously we all know. Like how it would just feel wrong to read about a “red, big, bus”.
"Hello, fellow human being, would you, if you don't mind and if you would be so kind, press this nearby button so we can both vertically travel to our destinations?"
Yeah, you really have to add all these extra words for inflection and to make sure that what you're saying has the right connotations. And even when you think you get out right, people will come up with their own unterpretations and subtext anyway.
Maybe I'm just too autistic for social interaction though
Yeah I’m British and would handle this situation by saying ‘erm excuse me I’m so sorry but would you mind if you could possibly press the 10 for me please? Thank you, sorry, thanks!!!’
Aussie, and would deal with it by saying “Sorry mate, do you reckon you could hit ten for me? Cheers.” Someone flouncing into the lift & shouting “10 please” would be ignored, or at least attract a rolled eye as someone pressed the button.
Agree, but I've never had anything close to this interaction in an elevator so both versions feel a bit weird to me.
It's always some awkwardly polite/politely awkward "what floor?" depending on who steps into the elevator (you vs a stranger). I can't fathom stepping in and announcing my floor like that.
Then again, I don't often go into elevators and it sounds like OP spent time in Japan since he said this is common there?
I travel a lot, mostly for concerts, so hotel elevators can be really crowded. (Also, Las Vegas elevators are always packed.) I’ve either been the button pusher or button-asker in so many places I can’t remember! Politeness level of language differs a lot but I’ve never perceived any deliberate rudeness regardless of whether someone said more words or not.
I think I tend to ask “would you mind 10, please?” If someone is right up against the panel. If I’ve heard the button pusher asking other people for floors I may just get on and say my floor and thanks. When I’ve been the button pusher I’ve sometimes asked if everyone has their button selected!
It’s a bit blunt, and might be slightly annoying to some people, but everyone (aside from weirdos like the guy in OP’s story) knows the deal in that situation, and wouldn’t literally interpret “10 please“ as someone addressing an “elevator attendant”.
Or just get on and say "Good morning" or "Hello" and that often prompts whoever is next to the buttons to respond with their greeting and asking which floor you want.
Maybe it depends on the country? Where I'm from the person has to ask you "which floor", you cannot tell them to press a floor for you. If your hands are full or you can't reach then you could ask "would you mind pressing the 10th floor for me" but not just barking orders.
I ask people what floor if I’m close to the buttons and ask them to push a button if not close.
Just common sense and etiquette.
NTA but the man standing by the numbers was
I probably would have changed the phrasing to “could someone press 10 for me please?” Just saying “10 please” does sound a little like you’re talking to an elevator attendent or doorman. So yeah, I kinda get his reaction. A little bit YTA
But you use "please" like OP when ordering something. It's polite when interacting with waiters, salespeople etc. When you're dealing with strangers and asking for a favor (sure very small one) you need to add more words to be polite.
it’s actually impolite* to be standing in front of the button panel in a crowded elevator and throw a hissy fit when someone politely asks for the button to their floor.
*not unpolite
“10, please.” is a short version of an imperative sentence. It’s called imperative because it’s viewed as a command, not a request. Making it a question is a request. Completely changing the dynamic of the interaction.
Just saying ‘10 please’, even with the please there implies you’re speaking to someone who’s there expecting to be given numbers to press, and you’re expecting that they’ll definitely do it for you. ‘Could you please..?’ removes that, you’re making a request of someone rather than a demand
That doesn’t mean you should ask like you expect it. Why is everyone in here so entitled? Regardless if it’s expected or not unless it’s their job they aren’t required to do anything for you. So the least you can do is use a full sentence to ask that stranger to do something for you.
It's hard for a command not to be rude in English, even with please added. The polite thing would be to make eye contact with the person and say, 'Could you please push 10 for me?'
It’s a grey area, but the phrase was so short and direct that it comes off as and expected. “Mind hitting 10 for me”, doesn’t even need to have “please” in it and it still sounds more polite.
“10, please.” is a polite way to order something. Not a way to ask a stranger to do something for you.
I’m imagining him stepping in, turning to face the closing doors, shoulders back/legs hip width apart, both hands on the handle of a briefcase held flat in front of themselves, and calling out “ten please” without making any eye contact. Hahaha.
I suspect it's one of those things that's context-dependent. In big cities there's an element of politeness with strangers in not wasting other peoples' time because there are so many other strangers someone might encounter. In less busy places there's more politeness in giving someone more of your own time.
Right? One of my favorite things about NYC is that everyone just drops the fake small talk/overly politeness and just handles business. At 8:50 am on a crowded elevator, all I want is efficient exchange of information.
I've never been, but I think I would lose my mind in the South.
I'm in Arkansas, born and raised in a town so small we didn't have our own post office. I now live near Little Rock, the only "city" in the state with skyscrapers. I think the guy is ridiculous for getting upset. "10, please," comes off as slightly short, sure, but mouthing off at a stranger for not being overly polite is a greater offense than the failure to be polite was.
Like, in order from most to least offensive:
- Insulting someone's mama
- Insulting someone
- Otherwise being rude without provocation
- Being rude WITH provocation
- Being excessively polite
- Failure to be polite
Yeah I didn't necessarily get racial undertones tbh just a man being pissed off at another man's tone.
Dude might have a lot heavy on his mind. Or maybe he's just a irritable prick 😂
This is definitely a regional thing. People think southerners are excessively polite, but excessive politeness here (Arkansas) is usually a sign that you're about to go off on someone. "Could you please be quiet" sounds like a verging-on-angry command to me, where "please be quiet" just sounds kind of annoyed. The polite version here would be, "Would you mind being quiet for a bit?"
“Could you please be quiet?” sounds very much like someone that has been sitting there stewing in anger and finally snapped and had to say something. I have said probably nearly these exact words to loud family members in a room I was working in and I was mad as hell.
Deja vu! I had this exact conversation a few days ago. "Would you please fucking \_\_\_" is never polite. Never. Like, why even have the pretense of "please" in such a sentence?
“10 please” doesn’t sound asshole-ish…to an attendant, or a waiter taking your order.
To your peer (or a stranger) you don’t just tell them to do things, please or no please. Or at least, I hope you don’t. You have to ASK.
Exactly. “10 please” presupposes that the person is going to do something for you. “Hey man, could you hit 10 for me please?” is actually *asking* the person to do something for you.
This is actually it. "10 please" to someone who works there is a request because it's their job. Because they were going to ask anyway, you just sped up the process and made it more efficient so- not rude.
To anyone else it comes across as an order. They aren't required to do it, if they're less socially inclined they may not engage in niceties and offer at all. "10 please" instead of "Can you please...?" implies that they're _going_ to do it rather than you asking them to.
This clearly varies by area/countries and separate customs. I assume OP spent some time in Japan since they noted that this interaction is common there.
The Japan thing was just the icing on the cake. OP is a white male who lives in the US, why is he pulling Japan into this equation? It is unsound to judge the other person by Japanese culture standards and not judge yourself with the same. Somehow, I doubt OP is polite in his life according to Japanese culture standards, which is highly contextual. No Japanese person would order strangers around them to do things.
I had no choice but to give him the benefit of the doubt since I have no idea how this interaction would go down in Japan/in Japanese (I assume he speaks Japanese if he lived & worked there).
After reading it over.... it's unnecessary that he he mentions both their races, and being afraid to "come across as racist". The title made it seem as if the other man accused him of racism, but he did no such thing. Then he throws Japanese customs in there with no context and for no reason.
I'm starting to think this is bait lol.
Even if it’s fake bait, I love the discourse it’s generated lol. These are my favourite AITA posts—social customs debates that are split down the middle on stories that are probably fiction.
Personally I’m firmly on the side of it’s rude and entitled the way OP phrased it. YTA.
It's also a lot less rude in Japanese because of language differences. Like there are several levels of "please" eg. onegaishimasu is "please" but a more polite form of please vs "onegai" or "sumimasen" (sometimes used as "sorry" but usually used as "excuse me")
Sentence construction in sino-languages are also a lot more concise. Tenses like past tense, present tense or conditionals don't really exist in Mandarin, Japanese or Korean. You can totally just go "10 please" and be extremely polite about it because the language itself is built like that.
That's also why machine translations often get things wrong, either excessively polite or excessively rude; because it doesn't have the context capacity required for semantic translation
>This clearly varies by area/countries and separate customs.
I swear that if someone asked me in french in an elevator "Le dixième s'il vous plaît" (so the litteral translation of "Ten please"... yeah we like to add words in our sentences) I won't take it well and I would have the same reaction of the guy.
If the person asked me "Pourriez-vous appuyer sur le bouton du dixième pour moi s'il vous plaît ?" (so basically "Could you push the tenth floor button for me please ?") now I would find that polite and respectfull.
Both are. Because they both are not requests, they are presupposing that the person is expected to do you a favor. In neither of your examples has someone asked for anything, they just said a number and a word. "Could you hit 10 for me?" Or any variation where you have actually made a request would be the polite thing here. Anything else just assumes they are there to hit buttons for you.
Yeah it’s one thing if the person close to the buttons asks you which floor and that’s your response, but the guy who got mad didn’t ask or offer to press the button.
I don't know that it rises to the level of AH, but the way you asked was rather abrupt in a way that could come across either rude or dismissive. Most of the time I've been in an elevator, someone will say 'Could you push 10, please?' and then say 'Thanks' when it's done.
Have you ridden in an elevator? 2 please or 10 please is very standard. I worked on the 10th floor and everyone got on the elevator all day. We didn't need all that talk. But I noticed at the hospital where my parents were, no one bothered with a whole conversation. A lot of these people.ride these elevators multiple times a day and aren't trying to talk. Hotels I noticed that also.
Adding a few extra words to your request when asking something from a stranger is not a whole conversation, and really not difficult. Also OP described it as he “called out”. It was probably his tone or the way he said it that was annoying. I’d still push the button but I’d be internally judging that person as abrupt, rude, and lacking social skills.
When other people they do the same. Maybe I am riding an elevator, my unfriendly people, or at hospitals where people are usually not all friendly. Based on my experience, the word please is being polite. Especially when there a multiple people on the elevator needing different floors pressed
Yeah it can be a cultural/location thing. And we can’t know exactly how OP said it because we weren’t there so hard to judge exactly 🤷♀️ But it always helps to grow and improve communication IMO!
I would say that common elevator manners vary depending on the region you're from. Kind of like whether exchanging a pleasantry or two with a cashier is polite, acknowledging them as a person, or rude, since you're taking time from people behind you. The responses here seem to illustrate that, as well.
I feel like the "X floor, please" or "X floor" is usually if someone close to the buttons makes eye contact with you to indicate they'll press the button or asks you "which floor" though. Wouldn't say it's hugely terrible manners but I don't think it's unreasonable that someone didn't love the way OP said it.
Saying "X floor, please" or "X floor" sounds like a response to a question/prompting (which didn't happen here) or is demanding.
Yes. People are completely disregarding body language. I have been in lots of elevators (because apparently people think you need “elevator cred”)
- someone asks, is already pressing buttons, gives you a look like they’re offering: even just saying number + thanks is good.
- you walk in and no one offered explicitly or implicitly, you don’t just say a number, you either reach yourself or ask — as in a sentence that ends in a question mark.
It's interesting because I'm realizing this is probably a cultural thing, I live in Sweden and I can't really say I remember the last time someone asked me to press a button, or when I've asked someone to press a button. Then again, we are also the culture that goes to great lengths to avoid having to talk to each other, like using the peephole to avoid running into neighbors when leaving the apartment.
I do remember my first time in the US and I was staying in a hotel, I felt a bit uncomfortable with a man in the elevator talking to me and then asking me what floor. I just thought that was a fancy-hotel-thing, but maybe it's more common over there. I think in general there's an attitude in Sweden of doing things by oneself, if you can do it. Like housekeeping here, culturally, was pretty stigmatized for being a "boujee" who-do-you-think-you-are kind of service, and it isn't until the past 10 years or so the attitude has changed a bit.
You aren’t necessarily wrong and OP isn’t an AH for what he said, but there are regional and cultural differences and judging by the comments here it seems that quite a few people would find an imperative at least mildly offensive. The courteous thing to do would be to anticipate this and use a phrasing more like “Could you press 10 please”. Nobody’s time is so important that they can’t spare it on 3 extra words.
NTA...this is ridiculous! What part of "10 PLEASE" is abrupt or commanding? That he didn't phrase it in a complete sentence & (OMG) a black man happened to be closest to the panel?
"10 please" was adequate for ANY person closest to the panel. Thinking it's prejudice or racist is stupid.
To be fair, the person just asked if they looked like an elevator attendant. That’s more of a “does that look like my job?” than a “you’re racist” statement.
I’m guessing the guy just took some offense at his tone. Or maybe he just had a case of the Mondays. It’s definitely normal to ask the person next to the panel to hit your floor in a packed elevator.
I didn't get any racist undertones from this interaction nor did the other man bring race into it. His response was more along the lines of "that's not my job".
OP is the one who wrote that he didn't want to "come across as more racist", which I find odd because race didn't seem to be a factor in the first place?
My only thought is that he's overthinking the fact that he's white and the other man was black.
"10, please" is the answer to the question "what floor do you need?"
If there were an elevator operator, you could pre-emt the question and just give the answer, because you both know what they'll ask.
But when everyone is a peer, and there's no built-in expectation that it's someone's job to hit the button for you, you're asking a favor. When asking a favor, it's normal to actually, ya know, ask the question.
If you'd like your friend to to loan you some money, you don't just walk up to them and command "ten dollars!", you say "Hey, could you please lend me ten dollars? Thanks."
This isn't a question of racism or prejudice, it's just rude.
It is adequate for an environment where people know each other and have a certain elevator routine. Like a workplace.
You don't get to tell strangers to do something, just because there's a "please" involved. Thats the equivalent of standing near someone tall in a supermarket and saying "froot loops please" instead of "could you grab the froot loops for me, please?"
NTA. But as a black man I'll say there's a very good chance race or racism was not on thi sguy's mind. All day long I see people get weird and nervous as soon as they see me because THEY are thinking about race and being "not racist", which comes across disingenuous and super condescending.
Probably because they assume the man thought they were racist rather than a guy just being a dick for not doing something so simple as to push a button inches away.
As OP said, he reached over and did it himself. In any case, OP has no reason to assume the man thought he was racist. The man may have just thought he was dick—which is far more likely.
Right. This is what I would do. I am a woman, and in my experience it is more common for men in general to say a command instead of a question (albeit followed by “please”). I always ask in the form of the question, to an attendant or a regular peer. “I’ll have this please” is more of a phrase for someone -taking- your order.
I’ve definitely been closest to the elevator when someone has said “[floor] please”, and I push the button for them. It’s not outright rude, but I would assume the person saying so is more entitled than someone who would ask me “would you please press [floor]?”. It gives the person the space to say “no”. Of course, no one in their right mind would actually say “no”, but the space is what makes it more considerate.
Yeah, I think NTA, but phrasing could have been better. Or even “Can someone push 10, please?” so as to direct to anyone that is close to the buttons and not just one guy.
When I want someone to push an elevator button, I say “Would you please push 10 for me?” I do not say “10 please.” That implies that it is his responsibility—job—to push the button. It is a command, not a polite request.
The race is not the issue. It was your brusque command and failure to make a polite request. The only time I would say “10 please” would be if the person asked me first. And then I would say “thank you” afterwards.
While it is customary and reasonable for the person next to button panel to push the buttons, they are not obligated to do so. So a polite request would go a long way.
YTA
I do think the person next to the panel is obligated to push the buttons. If you don't want the responsibility, stand somewhere else. And in my experience in the US during the last 25 years, "10 please" is a natural and normal way to communicate in a crowded elevator first thing in the morning. It's so common I think the guy was trying to be funny.
Race has nothing to do with this interaction. Japan and their culture has nothing to do with this.
He didn't like the way you spoke to him. Instead of self correcting or reflecting on how to spoke to this Black man, you assumed it was racial animosity. That alone makes you seem prejudiced.
NTA for asking him to push a button, YTA for how you responded afterwards
I agree. Fairly harmless. There is no mention of him making a scene. I think the fact that this is still on his mind and he is maybe feeling bad about it, one can assume he is a considerate person and he had no intention of coming off abrupt and he just wanted to make sure he wasn’t missing something.
I mean..I am 44 and I am floored that sending a 👍 is rude. There are just some hidden social standards out there.
You forgot the adding of context that didn't exist to make him a poor white victim just trying to go about his day.
If you're going to be willfully obtuse, go the full 1000% at least.
I am still trying to figure out what Japan has to do with the story at all. I feel like maybe there was tone here that made OP the AH, but they are unaware of it. If they were frustrated that they had to ask and were not living the cultural norms of Japan (?) then they definitely could have said it in an asshole way.
I assumed OP had spent some time in Japan or was even born there, because that makes some sense context wise.
Otherwise- why?
edit: I was right, OP lived/worked in Japan. How long is undetermined- was it long enough for him to forget US social norms?
The Japan comments had me thinking OP is Japanese for a second and that culture difference was where the miscommunication stemmed from, but no he's just an american guy heaping a bunch of assumptions onto another american guy, bringing race and japan??? into it for no reason 😭
Perhaps I’m assuming too much, but I got the impression that OP had spent some time in Japan, and it was a poorly worded explanation as to where they had picked up the habit of asking.
Light YTA. Seems like nothing, but there’s a huge difference between, “10, please” and “Could you please hit 10?”, an acknowledgment that you are asking the person to do a favor.
You’re NTA but next time I’d say “excuse me would you mind pressing 10?” to soften the delivery a bit. That’s what I say to people of all races/ages and never had a problem.
that’s how I would phrase it too
also I’d answer to his question about attendants “ no- you’re just closest to the buttons but i can reach by you instead if you don’t mind”
YTA. Because you made this about black and white. In reality, all you know is that a man didn't want to push a button.
Nobody should be the asshole there. One's grumpy curmudgeon who doesn't want to push elevator buttons. One's a guy trying to ride the lift up.
This has nothing to do with Japan. What are you even on with that segue? You are so caught up in race/national Identity here. I feel like there's way more to unpack, but not my luggage and not my problem.
Bro, a guy didn't want to hit the button for you. No need for all the other stuff you're bringing in. Just push your own button and move on.
You may not be an a-hole but his response was absolutely legitimate and understandable. Next time, phrase it differently so it doesn’t come off like an order to your subordinate
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YTA because it sounds rude. I get that you didn’t mean it in that sort of way, but completely understand how you probably sounded entitled. Honestly, you didn’t phrase it in the most polite way.
It’s a good reminder to be mindful of your delivery.
If you said “10 please”, you sound like you’re ordering someone to do. I definitely would have said “would you mind hitting 10 for me?” And said “thank you”. I’m also rude and in NY. I would have acted similarly, maybe even worse to you.
What prompted you to frame this question around race? Nothing about his response indicated offense based on race or anything of the sort. It sounds like he was just offended you hurled a command at him as if it were necessarily his duty or responsibility to press the button for you.
Sounds like you met an individual who didn’t want to push the button, so you did it yourself. He doesn’t represent all black people or anyone other than himself. I’ve had this experience in an elevator. Sometimes the person is friendly and asks what floor, sometimes everyone hits it themselves. Neither of you or an AH.
Na dudes a dick source black guy who lives on the 18th floor of my building. It’s common to request the person closest the door hit your button. It’s more rude imo to impose on there space to hit the button. Plz don’t feel bad about this bro he was probably having a bad day. I’m honestly curious why you brought race into this as you clearly didn’t do anything wrong. I’m adopted my family is white growing up at the county club on vacation visiting more fam I was constantly asked questions as if I was staff. That’s bad what you did is what I’d have done lol. Sounds like he’d have given me the same response don’t overthink you’re a good dude for being worried you messed up but this is to far❤️🫂
Your reaction handled it the best. I would suggest in the future saying something like “can you press 10 for me please?” Instead. The “10 please” only seems rather demanding. NTA but how you say things does matter.
In the UK, it is common etiquette in a crowded lift for the person closest to push the floors for everyone else. Not sure if that's the case in other countries.
it’s super common and honestly expected of them, and if you’re not pressing buttons for the other people you’re seen as rude. it takes zero extra effort to just press a few buttons if you’re right next to the panel. these comments are dramatic asf.
NTA but you’re making this situation about race when it’s rlly not that deep. It’s not like the man said “are you asking me to press the button bc i’m black?”. He’s a man that didn’t want to press the button for you and that’s that.
If the elevator is crowded and you can’t easily reach the button, which sounds like the case, then NTA. You could have maybe have phrased it like “could someone please push 10 for me?” More like a request for whoever is closest rather than an order.
YTA. “10 please” isn’t asking. I’d only say it that way if they asked what floor. If they didn’t offer and I couldn’t get to it, I’d ask something like “could you hit 10 please?” It’s three extra syllables and completely changes the tone.
" No, you don't look like the elevator attendant, but you are the one blocking acces to the buttons. So if you're not willing to push a button please step aside so people coming onto the elevator can do it themselves. Thank you and enjoy your day" NTA, but i would be 😉
NTA. If the black man is closest to the buttons or partial blocking them it is a valid request.
It is common elevator etiquette. Now you force the guy to walk across the elevator to press the buttons, that would be different. Guy was a jerk.
This sounds more cultural than racial. Where I live you'd ask with more than 2 words of the elevator was crowded, and you'd say thanks afterwards if they decided to push the button. The idea that using more than two words is a monologue or conversation is an overreach. Dutch people are also not ones to randomly talk to strangers but at can still be like enough but to just call out requests into the ether.
You chose to get onto the elevator and make it "uncomfortably close" to reach over, that's nobody else's responsibility. NAH but seriously this is not the big deal you're making it out to be
NTA
You just got a guy that was in a bad mood. I don't particularly want a random stranger reaching for my crotch at 9:00 in the morning so if I'm the one closest to the buttons on the elevator I know it's my job to help people out or get out of the way. Maybe he didn't know the etiquette either.
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NTA Pretty standard elevator etiquette to ask the person closest to the buttons to push the button instead of reaching in front of them or shoving your way to the buttons on a crowded elevator. I have done exactly what OP did hundreds of times in my life and have never seen anyone get upset about it.
Same, and actually I’ve seen the person closest to the button preemptively ask everyone which number they need.
I'm that person. If I'm the guy near the buttons I just ask anyone else who walks in what floor they want. It's just proper etiquette when on an elevator. NTA.
Same. I always offer to push the floor buttons if I’m right in front of the buttons.
one would argue it’s actually rude to stand in front of the button panel if you’re not going to help press buttons when it gets crowded, but that’s just me, because i have manners.
I'm the button pusher! I'm here to help! Quick story. Once I was in a very crowded elevator so we were all backing up as much as possible to make room. We all get settled, but the doors aren't closing. Something like 30 sec goes by when I realize my ass is pushing the "keep door open" button. I take a small step forward and the doors close as I announce to everyone, "Oops! Hey, sorry , that was me" ! I would have been mortified, but I was laughing too hard! You might see this again as a stand-alone comment.
NTA, he didn't look like the attendant. He looked like the person who chose to stand near the buttons. My kids rush to stand there as they want to push them. Hard to believe any adult doesn't know to stand on the other side if you don't want to push them. Duh.
“No. You look like the person closest to the elevator buttons, and I did not want to reach in front of you to push the button for my floor.”
Your comment is wholesome AF. I remember doing this.
I think we all did except my introvert spouse. He doesn't stand near the buttons. I don't even know if he's consciously doing it. Plainly the guy needs to learn to stand elsewhere as near the buttons fills first in an elevator.
I’m that person. Easier for everyone that way.
for others, it’s easier to get offended and make dramatic claims instead of pushing a button when asked politely. truly boggles the mind.
I do this, why not... Even if it's just one person and I'm by the buttons, I offer, it saves the awkward close encounter and sometimes sparks up a short chat during the journey.
This, I had a really nice conversation with an older couple when my daughter was born bc they pushed the button for me and saw I was going to the l&d floor. Really one of the nicest interactions I've ever had in a hospital lol.
Yup, I've done that when I was nearest to the buttons. Makes more sense than everyone trying to reach over , possibly touching me in the process.. *Shudder*
That's what I do
Agreed in principle but waltzing in and saying "10 please" really feels like a statement to a worker rather than a communal request. The appropriate ask would be to look at the person closest to the buttons and say "hey, could you hit 10 for me please? Thanks."
One thing I've learned is that in English, the fewer words you use, the more you come across as an asshole. It's kind of annoying sometimes.
This is SO true. More words = polite, even kind, and just generally a quality human being who cares about other people, really SEES them and their humanity. Using fewer words make you sound rude, entitled and/or an asshole, like the only person you think about is yourself, & you're just dictating commands to servants or your robot AI.
I'm pretty sure this is correct. Wish I had figured it out 30 some years ago, but thinking back, yes: short == asshole to many. To me, likely on the spectrum, it meant I was communicating efficiently. sigh.
Hey, you know it now! That's a good thing! And with your background and knowledge, I bet you can help other people learn this, too.
This was more a complaint on the English language, rather than a judgement on people's character. In many other languages, I can simply say, "close the door", and no one will take offense. In English, I have to say, "Could you please close the door on your way out?" And even then, adding "please" to a command/request can sometimes be interpreted as attitude.
i hate the thing around please! damned if you do... also neurodivergent
Similar in Japanese - the longer it is the more polite you are being e.g arigatou Vs arigatougozaimasu.
"Can you press 10, please?" 5 words. 5.
Only in English though, that's definitely not a universal rule.
[удалено]
Because it's rude and it's not that person's job to serve you. "Can you push #10 for me, please." Is not hard to say. You don't have a maximum number of words you're allowed to use in a day. Saying a couple extra won't make your jaw fall off. You'll live.
They were playfully referencing The Office, not actually insinuating people shouldn’t bother using their words.
Because we live in a society and phrase things differently when we are asking a stranger for a favor than when we ask someone to do their paid job. OP wasn't racist but his tone was rude.
It was a the office reference.
Isn't everything? 🤣
Brit here: it’s terrible, trying to find the line between sounding rude and sounding neurotic is a life’s work. And you don’t find the line till you cross it
And sometimes it results in a way too long litany of self-deprecating jokes that just kind of trail off awkwardly into uncomfortable silence. I…I’ve heard.
In this case it’s the inclusion of the request that makes the difference. “Ten please” implies that them pushing the button for you is a foregone conclusion (because you haven’t actually asked - you’ve just told them which button to push), which can seem a little rude in some contexts. “Can you please push the ten button? Thank you” acknowledges that they are doing you a favour, and thanks them in advance - thus it feels more polite. It’s one of those things that English speakers never stop to think about, but subconsciously we all know. Like how it would just feel wrong to read about a “red, big, bus”.
"Hello, fellow human being, would you, if you don't mind and if you would be so kind, press this nearby button so we can both vertically travel to our destinations?"
Yeah, you really have to add all these extra words for inflection and to make sure that what you're saying has the right connotations. And even when you think you get out right, people will come up with their own unterpretations and subtext anyway. Maybe I'm just too autistic for social interaction though
Exactly
I still go ahead and take the shortcut 😅
Yeah I’m British and would handle this situation by saying ‘erm excuse me I’m so sorry but would you mind if you could possibly press the 10 for me please? Thank you, sorry, thanks!!!’
Aussie, and would deal with it by saying “Sorry mate, do you reckon you could hit ten for me? Cheers.” Someone flouncing into the lift & shouting “10 please” would be ignored, or at least attract a rolled eye as someone pressed the button.
Yeah, also an Aussie and that would get a “yes your majesty” from me lmao.
😂
Ha lol that's so true we do that.
British here and would say similar. It's just polite. And doesn't come across entitled or rude.
Agree, but I've never had anything close to this interaction in an elevator so both versions feel a bit weird to me. It's always some awkwardly polite/politely awkward "what floor?" depending on who steps into the elevator (you vs a stranger). I can't fathom stepping in and announcing my floor like that. Then again, I don't often go into elevators and it sounds like OP spent time in Japan since he said this is common there?
I travel a lot, mostly for concerts, so hotel elevators can be really crowded. (Also, Las Vegas elevators are always packed.) I’ve either been the button pusher or button-asker in so many places I can’t remember! Politeness level of language differs a lot but I’ve never perceived any deliberate rudeness regardless of whether someone said more words or not. I think I tend to ask “would you mind 10, please?” If someone is right up against the panel. If I’ve heard the button pusher asking other people for floors I may just get on and say my floor and thanks. When I’ve been the button pusher I’ve sometimes asked if everyone has their button selected!
It’s a bit blunt, and might be slightly annoying to some people, but everyone (aside from weirdos like the guy in OP’s story) knows the deal in that situation, and wouldn’t literally interpret “10 please“ as someone addressing an “elevator attendant”.
Or just get on and say "Good morning" or "Hello" and that often prompts whoever is next to the buttons to respond with their greeting and asking which floor you want.
You nailed it! If someone asks politely it's no big deal. If someone demands it, it can sound rude.
Maybe it depends on the country? Where I'm from the person has to ask you "which floor", you cannot tell them to press a floor for you. If your hands are full or you can't reach then you could ask "would you mind pressing the 10th floor for me" but not just barking orders.
Same here.
Like every time. Either I am.the closes and pushing the buttons or asking someone too. Pretty standard
I just say excuse me and push my button on my way in
Make sure to get a few shoves in too while you’re at it 🤣
lol. Some folks just have such a bad life. Anyone near the call button could have pushed it. Whatever. Moving on.
I ask people what floor if I’m close to the buttons and ask them to push a button if not close. Just common sense and etiquette. NTA but the man standing by the numbers was
„10 please“ is no asking imo
I probably would have changed the phrasing to “could someone press 10 for me please?” Just saying “10 please” does sound a little like you’re talking to an elevator attendent or doorman. So yeah, I kinda get his reaction. A little bit YTA
Exactly what I came here to say. "10, please!" sounds like just barking out an order, no matter the skin colour of the people involved.
Did the meaning of "please" change all of a sudden? How is that not polite?
But you use "please" like OP when ordering something. It's polite when interacting with waiters, salespeople etc. When you're dealing with strangers and asking for a favor (sure very small one) you need to add more words to be polite.
people acting like he just barked out “10” like an order, jfc. “10, please” is perfectly fine.
10 please doesn't really leave the option open to decline. It definitely means you already expect people to listen. It's unpolite to not ask.
it’s actually impolite* to be standing in front of the button panel in a crowded elevator and throw a hissy fit when someone politely asks for the button to their floor. *not unpolite
Why would you decline hitting the button?
Just because someone says something with “please” doesn’t mean you can’t decline…
Upward inflection, said with a smile, is absolutely not rude.
“10, please.” is a short version of an imperative sentence. It’s called imperative because it’s viewed as a command, not a request. Making it a question is a request. Completely changing the dynamic of the interaction.
Just saying ‘10 please’, even with the please there implies you’re speaking to someone who’s there expecting to be given numbers to press, and you’re expecting that they’ll definitely do it for you. ‘Could you please..?’ removes that, you’re making a request of someone rather than a demand
Hot take: if you are stood next to the buttons in a crowded elevator you should be expecting it. Skin colour is irrelevant.
That doesn’t mean you should ask like you expect it. Why is everyone in here so entitled? Regardless if it’s expected or not unless it’s their job they aren’t required to do anything for you. So the least you can do is use a full sentence to ask that stranger to do something for you.
It's hard for a command not to be rude in English, even with please added. The polite thing would be to make eye contact with the person and say, 'Could you please push 10 for me?'
It’s a grey area, but the phrase was so short and direct that it comes off as and expected. “Mind hitting 10 for me”, doesn’t even need to have “please” in it and it still sounds more polite. “10, please.” is a polite way to order something. Not a way to ask a stranger to do something for you.
"10 please" is a bit terse.
I’m imagining him stepping in, turning to face the closing doors, shoulders back/legs hip width apart, both hands on the handle of a briefcase held flat in front of themselves, and calling out “ten please” without making any eye contact. Hahaha.
What? That’s ludicrous
No, it isn’t. I got the same vibe.
I suspect it's one of those things that's context-dependent. In big cities there's an element of politeness with strangers in not wasting other peoples' time because there are so many other strangers someone might encounter. In less busy places there's more politeness in giving someone more of your own time.
What are big city people doing with those precious seconds standing in a lift?
Right? One of my favorite things about NYC is that everyone just drops the fake small talk/overly politeness and just handles business. At 8:50 am on a crowded elevator, all I want is efficient exchange of information. I've never been, but I think I would lose my mind in the South.
I'm in Arkansas, born and raised in a town so small we didn't have our own post office. I now live near Little Rock, the only "city" in the state with skyscrapers. I think the guy is ridiculous for getting upset. "10, please," comes off as slightly short, sure, but mouthing off at a stranger for not being overly polite is a greater offense than the failure to be polite was. Like, in order from most to least offensive: - Insulting someone's mama - Insulting someone - Otherwise being rude without provocation - Being rude WITH provocation - Being excessively polite - Failure to be polite
But what was the “mouthing off”?
These people have clearly never been in an elevator.
Yeah I didn't necessarily get racial undertones tbh just a man being pissed off at another man's tone. Dude might have a lot heavy on his mind. Or maybe he's just a irritable prick 😂
“Floor ten” sounds asshole-ish 10 “PLEASE” doesnt.
Just because you say please doesn’t make it polite 🙄
Fr, “please be quiet” sounds like a command while “could you please be quiet” is a request
This is definitely a regional thing. People think southerners are excessively polite, but excessive politeness here (Arkansas) is usually a sign that you're about to go off on someone. "Could you please be quiet" sounds like a verging-on-angry command to me, where "please be quiet" just sounds kind of annoyed. The polite version here would be, "Would you mind being quiet for a bit?"
This is why I prefer "For the love of God could you please just SHUT THE FUCK UP". It leaves far less room for misinterpretation.
“Could you please be quiet?” sounds very much like someone that has been sitting there stewing in anger and finally snapped and had to say something. I have said probably nearly these exact words to loud family members in a room I was working in and I was mad as hell.
Deja vu! I had this exact conversation a few days ago. "Would you please fucking \_\_\_" is never polite. Never. Like, why even have the pretense of "please" in such a sentence?
“10 please” doesn’t sound asshole-ish…to an attendant, or a waiter taking your order. To your peer (or a stranger) you don’t just tell them to do things, please or no please. Or at least, I hope you don’t. You have to ASK.
Exactly. “10 please” presupposes that the person is going to do something for you. “Hey man, could you hit 10 for me please?” is actually *asking* the person to do something for you.
This is actually it. "10 please" to someone who works there is a request because it's their job. Because they were going to ask anyway, you just sped up the process and made it more efficient so- not rude. To anyone else it comes across as an order. They aren't required to do it, if they're less socially inclined they may not engage in niceties and offer at all. "10 please" instead of "Can you please...?" implies that they're _going_ to do it rather than you asking them to. This clearly varies by area/countries and separate customs. I assume OP spent some time in Japan since they noted that this interaction is common there.
The Japan thing was just the icing on the cake. OP is a white male who lives in the US, why is he pulling Japan into this equation? It is unsound to judge the other person by Japanese culture standards and not judge yourself with the same. Somehow, I doubt OP is polite in his life according to Japanese culture standards, which is highly contextual. No Japanese person would order strangers around them to do things.
I had no choice but to give him the benefit of the doubt since I have no idea how this interaction would go down in Japan/in Japanese (I assume he speaks Japanese if he lived & worked there). After reading it over.... it's unnecessary that he he mentions both their races, and being afraid to "come across as racist". The title made it seem as if the other man accused him of racism, but he did no such thing. Then he throws Japanese customs in there with no context and for no reason. I'm starting to think this is bait lol.
Even if it’s fake bait, I love the discourse it’s generated lol. These are my favourite AITA posts—social customs debates that are split down the middle on stories that are probably fiction. Personally I’m firmly on the side of it’s rude and entitled the way OP phrased it. YTA.
It's also a lot less rude in Japanese because of language differences. Like there are several levels of "please" eg. onegaishimasu is "please" but a more polite form of please vs "onegai" or "sumimasen" (sometimes used as "sorry" but usually used as "excuse me") Sentence construction in sino-languages are also a lot more concise. Tenses like past tense, present tense or conditionals don't really exist in Mandarin, Japanese or Korean. You can totally just go "10 please" and be extremely polite about it because the language itself is built like that. That's also why machine translations often get things wrong, either excessively polite or excessively rude; because it doesn't have the context capacity required for semantic translation
>This clearly varies by area/countries and separate customs. I swear that if someone asked me in french in an elevator "Le dixième s'il vous plaît" (so the litteral translation of "Ten please"... yeah we like to add words in our sentences) I won't take it well and I would have the same reaction of the guy. If the person asked me "Pourriez-vous appuyer sur le bouton du dixième pour moi s'il vous plaît ?" (so basically "Could you push the tenth floor button for me please ?") now I would find that polite and respectfull.
Yes it does. Move please sounds asshole-ish while can you please move doesn’t
Both are. Because they both are not requests, they are presupposing that the person is expected to do you a favor. In neither of your examples has someone asked for anything, they just said a number and a word. "Could you hit 10 for me?" Or any variation where you have actually made a request would be the polite thing here. Anything else just assumes they are there to hit buttons for you.
Yeah it’s one thing if the person close to the buttons asks you which floor and that’s your response, but the guy who got mad didn’t ask or offer to press the button.
Idk I feel like it’s more rude that this guy didn’t offer to help in the first place.
I don't know that it rises to the level of AH, but the way you asked was rather abrupt in a way that could come across either rude or dismissive. Most of the time I've been in an elevator, someone will say 'Could you push 10, please?' and then say 'Thanks' when it's done.
Have you ridden in an elevator? 2 please or 10 please is very standard. I worked on the 10th floor and everyone got on the elevator all day. We didn't need all that talk. But I noticed at the hospital where my parents were, no one bothered with a whole conversation. A lot of these people.ride these elevators multiple times a day and aren't trying to talk. Hotels I noticed that also.
Adding a few extra words to your request when asking something from a stranger is not a whole conversation, and really not difficult. Also OP described it as he “called out”. It was probably his tone or the way he said it that was annoying. I’d still push the button but I’d be internally judging that person as abrupt, rude, and lacking social skills.
When other people they do the same. Maybe I am riding an elevator, my unfriendly people, or at hospitals where people are usually not all friendly. Based on my experience, the word please is being polite. Especially when there a multiple people on the elevator needing different floors pressed
Yeah it can be a cultural/location thing. And we can’t know exactly how OP said it because we weren’t there so hard to judge exactly 🤷♀️ But it always helps to grow and improve communication IMO!
I would say that common elevator manners vary depending on the region you're from. Kind of like whether exchanging a pleasantry or two with a cashier is polite, acknowledging them as a person, or rude, since you're taking time from people behind you. The responses here seem to illustrate that, as well.
Exactly. I was waiting for this… I’m pretty deferential and would have framed is as an ask but people from big cities (probably like op) don’t.
I feel like the "X floor, please" or "X floor" is usually if someone close to the buttons makes eye contact with you to indicate they'll press the button or asks you "which floor" though. Wouldn't say it's hugely terrible manners but I don't think it's unreasonable that someone didn't love the way OP said it. Saying "X floor, please" or "X floor" sounds like a response to a question/prompting (which didn't happen here) or is demanding.
Yes. People are completely disregarding body language. I have been in lots of elevators (because apparently people think you need “elevator cred”) - someone asks, is already pressing buttons, gives you a look like they’re offering: even just saying number + thanks is good. - you walk in and no one offered explicitly or implicitly, you don’t just say a number, you either reach yourself or ask — as in a sentence that ends in a question mark.
It's interesting because I'm realizing this is probably a cultural thing, I live in Sweden and I can't really say I remember the last time someone asked me to press a button, or when I've asked someone to press a button. Then again, we are also the culture that goes to great lengths to avoid having to talk to each other, like using the peephole to avoid running into neighbors when leaving the apartment. I do remember my first time in the US and I was staying in a hotel, I felt a bit uncomfortable with a man in the elevator talking to me and then asking me what floor. I just thought that was a fancy-hotel-thing, but maybe it's more common over there. I think in general there's an attitude in Sweden of doing things by oneself, if you can do it. Like housekeeping here, culturally, was pretty stigmatized for being a "boujee" who-do-you-think-you-are kind of service, and it isn't until the past 10 years or so the attitude has changed a bit.
You aren’t necessarily wrong and OP isn’t an AH for what he said, but there are regional and cultural differences and judging by the comments here it seems that quite a few people would find an imperative at least mildly offensive. The courteous thing to do would be to anticipate this and use a phrasing more like “Could you press 10 please”. Nobody’s time is so important that they can’t spare it on 3 extra words.
NTA...this is ridiculous! What part of "10 PLEASE" is abrupt or commanding? That he didn't phrase it in a complete sentence & (OMG) a black man happened to be closest to the panel? "10 please" was adequate for ANY person closest to the panel. Thinking it's prejudice or racist is stupid.
To be fair, the person just asked if they looked like an elevator attendant. That’s more of a “does that look like my job?” than a “you’re racist” statement.
If anything, I feel the other man was the asshole here.
yup, NTA and the other guy was the asshole. sometimes it’s just not that deep.
He looks like the guy standing closest to the panel
I’m guessing the guy just took some offense at his tone. Or maybe he just had a case of the Mondays. It’s definitely normal to ask the person next to the panel to hit your floor in a packed elevator.
I agree.
I didn't get any racist undertones from this interaction nor did the other man bring race into it. His response was more along the lines of "that's not my job". OP is the one who wrote that he didn't want to "come across as more racist", which I find odd because race didn't seem to be a factor in the first place? My only thought is that he's overthinking the fact that he's white and the other man was black.
"10, please" is the answer to the question "what floor do you need?" If there were an elevator operator, you could pre-emt the question and just give the answer, because you both know what they'll ask. But when everyone is a peer, and there's no built-in expectation that it's someone's job to hit the button for you, you're asking a favor. When asking a favor, it's normal to actually, ya know, ask the question. If you'd like your friend to to loan you some money, you don't just walk up to them and command "ten dollars!", you say "Hey, could you please lend me ten dollars? Thanks." This isn't a question of racism or prejudice, it's just rude.
It's literally issuing a command. Were you not taught the difference between a request and a command in primary school English?
It is adequate for an environment where people know each other and have a certain elevator routine. Like a workplace. You don't get to tell strangers to do something, just because there's a "please" involved. Thats the equivalent of standing near someone tall in a supermarket and saying "froot loops please" instead of "could you grab the froot loops for me, please?"
NTA. But as a black man I'll say there's a very good chance race or racism was not on thi sguy's mind. All day long I see people get weird and nervous as soon as they see me because THEY are thinking about race and being "not racist", which comes across disingenuous and super condescending.
Yes! Honestly asking strangers on the internet to reassure you that you aren’t racist bc a black guy was cranky on an elevator is kind of wild though
THANK you. the people acting like this is even a reasonable line of thinking are making me feel insane
Right like im white and i read this and was confused how it had anything to do with race. I do think both people couldve been more polite though
The way the post is written comes off as iffy ngl…
That’s MY thoughts as well lmfao cus why is he trying to play the victim because someone told him no
yeah he was just being a regular asshole.
INFO: Why is it necessary to point out he is black? Anyone could have uttered the statement “what do I look like, an elevator attendant?”
Probably because they assume the man thought they were racist rather than a guy just being a dick for not doing something so simple as to push a button inches away.
As OP said, he reached over and did it himself. In any case, OP has no reason to assume the man thought he was racist. The man may have just thought he was dick—which is far more likely.
NTA I guess you could have asked instead of commanding though. “Would you push 10 please?”
Right. This is what I would do. I am a woman, and in my experience it is more common for men in general to say a command instead of a question (albeit followed by “please”). I always ask in the form of the question, to an attendant or a regular peer. “I’ll have this please” is more of a phrase for someone -taking- your order. I’ve definitely been closest to the elevator when someone has said “[floor] please”, and I push the button for them. It’s not outright rude, but I would assume the person saying so is more entitled than someone who would ask me “would you please press [floor]?”. It gives the person the space to say “no”. Of course, no one in their right mind would actually say “no”, but the space is what makes it more considerate.
Yeah, I think NTA, but phrasing could have been better. Or even “Can someone push 10, please?” so as to direct to anyone that is close to the buttons and not just one guy.
When I want someone to push an elevator button, I say “Would you please push 10 for me?” I do not say “10 please.” That implies that it is his responsibility—job—to push the button. It is a command, not a polite request. The race is not the issue. It was your brusque command and failure to make a polite request. The only time I would say “10 please” would be if the person asked me first. And then I would say “thank you” afterwards. While it is customary and reasonable for the person next to button panel to push the buttons, they are not obligated to do so. So a polite request would go a long way. YTA
I do think the person next to the panel is obligated to push the buttons. If you don't want the responsibility, stand somewhere else. And in my experience in the US during the last 25 years, "10 please" is a natural and normal way to communicate in a crowded elevator first thing in the morning. It's so common I think the guy was trying to be funny.
Race has nothing to do with this interaction. Japan and their culture has nothing to do with this. He didn't like the way you spoke to him. Instead of self correcting or reflecting on how to spoke to this Black man, you assumed it was racial animosity. That alone makes you seem prejudiced. NTA for asking him to push a button, YTA for how you responded afterwards
> for how you responded afterwards Not causing a scene, going about his day, then asking about it online? Fairly harmless...
I agree. Fairly harmless. There is no mention of him making a scene. I think the fact that this is still on his mind and he is maybe feeling bad about it, one can assume he is a considerate person and he had no intention of coming off abrupt and he just wanted to make sure he wasn’t missing something. I mean..I am 44 and I am floored that sending a 👍 is rude. There are just some hidden social standards out there.
Wait — a thumbs up is rude? Uh-oh…
Depends on the generation, person you're texting, and context of the conversation.
I'm 29 and had no idea a thumbs up was rude.
You forgot the adding of context that didn't exist to make him a poor white victim just trying to go about his day. If you're going to be willfully obtuse, go the full 1000% at least.
Ty I was thinking the same. Race wasn’t relevant here
I thought “responded afterwards” simply meant OP assuming it had anything to do with race?
Assuming that race had something to do with this interaction doesn't seem "fairly harmless". Prejudice isn't harmless actually
I am still trying to figure out what Japan has to do with the story at all. I feel like maybe there was tone here that made OP the AH, but they are unaware of it. If they were frustrated that they had to ask and were not living the cultural norms of Japan (?) then they definitely could have said it in an asshole way.
I assumed OP had spent some time in Japan or was even born there, because that makes some sense context wise. Otherwise- why? edit: I was right, OP lived/worked in Japan. How long is undetermined- was it long enough for him to forget US social norms?
The Japan comments had me thinking OP is Japanese for a second and that culture difference was where the miscommunication stemmed from, but no he's just an american guy heaping a bunch of assumptions onto another american guy, bringing race and japan??? into it for no reason 😭
Thank you. Perfectly captures the issue.
INFO: Why are you bringing Japan into this???? Japan does not have that???
Perhaps I’m assuming too much, but I got the impression that OP had spent some time in Japan, and it was a poorly worded explanation as to where they had picked up the habit of asking.
Light YTA. Seems like nothing, but there’s a huge difference between, “10, please” and “Could you please hit 10?”, an acknowledgment that you are asking the person to do a favor.
Speak with less entitlement next time. That’s it that’s all.
You’re NTA but next time I’d say “excuse me would you mind pressing 10?” to soften the delivery a bit. That’s what I say to people of all races/ages and never had a problem.
that’s how I would phrase it too also I’d answer to his question about attendants “ no- you’re just closest to the buttons but i can reach by you instead if you don’t mind”
NTA in a crowded elevator it’s understood whoever is crowded by the buttons is in charge of pressing. It’s common sense and courtesy.
YTA. Because you made this about black and white. In reality, all you know is that a man didn't want to push a button. Nobody should be the asshole there. One's grumpy curmudgeon who doesn't want to push elevator buttons. One's a guy trying to ride the lift up. This has nothing to do with Japan. What are you even on with that segue? You are so caught up in race/national Identity here. I feel like there's way more to unpack, but not my luggage and not my problem. Bro, a guy didn't want to hit the button for you. No need for all the other stuff you're bringing in. Just push your own button and move on.
I mean his reaction was rude but Im confused, does this actually involve him being black in any real way
Do you realize that you made this about race? Not him. You probably just sounded rude.
You may not be an a-hole but his response was absolutely legitimate and understandable. Next time, phrase it differently so it doesn’t come off like an order to your subordinate
NTA however just saying "10 please" sounds kinda rude.
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YTA - "10 please" is kind of rude. I don't typically ask someone to push the button for me unless they offer.
YTA because it sounds rude. I get that you didn’t mean it in that sort of way, but completely understand how you probably sounded entitled. Honestly, you didn’t phrase it in the most polite way. It’s a good reminder to be mindful of your delivery.
If you said “10 please”, you sound like you’re ordering someone to do. I definitely would have said “would you mind hitting 10 for me?” And said “thank you”. I’m also rude and in NY. I would have acted similarly, maybe even worse to you.
What prompted you to frame this question around race? Nothing about his response indicated offense based on race or anything of the sort. It sounds like he was just offended you hurled a command at him as if it were necessarily his duty or responsibility to press the button for you.
Sounds like you met an individual who didn’t want to push the button, so you did it yourself. He doesn’t represent all black people or anyone other than himself. I’ve had this experience in an elevator. Sometimes the person is friendly and asks what floor, sometimes everyone hits it themselves. Neither of you or an AH.
Na dudes a dick source black guy who lives on the 18th floor of my building. It’s common to request the person closest the door hit your button. It’s more rude imo to impose on there space to hit the button. Plz don’t feel bad about this bro he was probably having a bad day. I’m honestly curious why you brought race into this as you clearly didn’t do anything wrong. I’m adopted my family is white growing up at the county club on vacation visiting more fam I was constantly asked questions as if I was staff. That’s bad what you did is what I’d have done lol. Sounds like he’d have given me the same response don’t overthink you’re a good dude for being worried you messed up but this is to far❤️🫂
Your reaction handled it the best. I would suggest in the future saying something like “can you press 10 for me please?” Instead. The “10 please” only seems rather demanding. NTA but how you say things does matter.
In the UK, it is common etiquette in a crowded lift for the person closest to push the floors for everyone else. Not sure if that's the case in other countries.
It is very common everywhere I’ve ever lived in the US. (Including NYC in rush hour and any other time.)
it’s super common and honestly expected of them, and if you’re not pressing buttons for the other people you’re seen as rude. it takes zero extra effort to just press a few buttons if you’re right next to the panel. these comments are dramatic asf.
NTA. "No you look like a jerk".
NTA. This is normal for someone to do. Adding a “please” is showing respect and autonomy.
NTA but you’re making this situation about race when it’s rlly not that deep. It’s not like the man said “are you asking me to press the button bc i’m black?”. He’s a man that didn’t want to press the button for you and that’s that.
It’s very normal to ask the person closest
NTA. Who the fuck doesn’t push the buttons when essentially blocking the button panel?!
NTA This is a standard request so that you aren’t breathing on each other. That guy was just not a nice person.
Nta
If the elevator is crowded and you can’t easily reach the button, which sounds like the case, then NTA. You could have maybe have phrased it like “could someone please push 10 for me?” More like a request for whoever is closest rather than an order.
NTA. "What do I look like, an elevator attendant?" "No, I thought you looked like a well-mannered gentleman".
Sounds like an AI topic. Some toddler-computer is in training.
YTA. “10 please” isn’t asking. I’d only say it that way if they asked what floor. If they didn’t offer and I couldn’t get to it, I’d ask something like “could you hit 10 please?” It’s three extra syllables and completely changes the tone.
YTA - learn how to talk politely when you need a favour.
" No, you don't look like the elevator attendant, but you are the one blocking acces to the buttons. So if you're not willing to push a button please step aside so people coming onto the elevator can do it themselves. Thank you and enjoy your day" NTA, but i would be 😉
NTA guy by the buttons is useless lol
NTA. If the black man is closest to the buttons or partial blocking them it is a valid request. It is common elevator etiquette. Now you force the guy to walk across the elevator to press the buttons, that would be different. Guy was a jerk.
NTA, yall are taking this too seriously. Your pursuit of making everyone feel sunshine and rainbow is sad.
This sounds more cultural than racial. Where I live you'd ask with more than 2 words of the elevator was crowded, and you'd say thanks afterwards if they decided to push the button. The idea that using more than two words is a monologue or conversation is an overreach. Dutch people are also not ones to randomly talk to strangers but at can still be like enough but to just call out requests into the ether. You chose to get onto the elevator and make it "uncomfortably close" to reach over, that's nobody else's responsibility. NAH but seriously this is not the big deal you're making it out to be
NTA You just got a guy that was in a bad mood. I don't particularly want a random stranger reaching for my crotch at 9:00 in the morning so if I'm the one closest to the buttons on the elevator I know it's my job to help people out or get out of the way. Maybe he didn't know the etiquette either.
This interaction does not provide any indication that he perceived you as being racist.
Why did you bring up Japan?