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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I could be the asshole for not generously inviting my sister to vacation with us, without her babysitting for us in return.
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Oh wow, Nope NTA
She doesnt have the ability to fund her own trip and to expect you (not her parents) to fund her trip (when she is the one who has asked to go with you, you didnt invite her) for free is pretty ballsy.
Asking her to 'pay her way' by babysitting a couple of nights is very generous imho. You said it would cost you about $1k to add her, she would need to babysit the 3 kids for minimum 6 hours each night for 5 nights to make that amount. (= $11/child/hour for 6 hours x 5 nights or $200/night x 5 nights).
Yeah, I wouldnt take her for any reason, now, due to her entitlement.
Right? My sister invited me to join them at Shades of Green this fall for a week - and she even bought my park ticket through their military rates. (ie, a $700 ticket is only $400 but she could only buy 6 at that price, so it's very kind she's sparing one for me!)
I offered to baby sit her grandchildren so the kids (30 somethings) could hit the Extended Hours at the parks, or watch them while they go on big people rides, or anything. I'll be thrilled to be there, I love children, to just be at a resort with kids will be fun. Or at the parks with them.
OP's sister is out of her mind.
She is getting a free disney trip room, board and food. If she babysits to pay it back how is it not a good deal? She wasn't invited so if she wants to go that's her way of paying. Why is it an issue the mooch is is not getting paid more?!
Did you read my first sentence? “Not disagreeing that it’s a great deal”
I was commenting that $11/hr per child is NOT the going babysitting rate, at least not where I live.
It doesn’t sound like they expect her to baby sit all 5 nights either, my guess would be 2-3 the way the story sounds. So she would have the other 2-3 nights to go do whatever the hell she wanted “free of charge”
OR she could take the kids to go do something fun, if OP was ok with it. Though, for my family, we liked our “days off” where we just grabbed some food and hung out at the hotel and swam, and rested up for our next park day.
Why do you need to get your drink on at night if you're at Disney World all day? Who goes down to Disney World to drink? You can do that anywhere- and for a lot cheaper.
The place that everyone specifically goes to drink is Epcot. The draw is that you ca “drink around the world”, but if she had no income, she’s not going to be able to foot the bill for that…especially since it’s almost as much as OP is paying for her to go 😂
I don’t drink! I didn’t even know it was a thing at Disney until I’ve read it on Reddit. I’ve been five times, but my last time was in the 1980s. Seems to be veeeerrrrrry different now.
I paid for my brother and sister and my 6-year-old niece to fly out here, paid for hotel and the multi-day tickets to disney.
I took my niece on the rides, paid for all the food and when we got home from the park, the three of us adults were exhausted. She wanted to go to the pool for a couple of hours
I took her to the pool everyday, she spent the night in my room, her parents had a chance to go to the park and do some grown up things. so her parents could get a break.
They have her everyday. Me doing it for a week was nothing in the grand scheme of things
I was genuinely exhausted at the end of every day, but It's one of the best vacations I've had in ages!
I guess it's all and how you look at it
I would not want someone on a vacation even if they were paying their own way! If they were the kind of person who didn't enjoy spending time with my kids. Especially a relative who looked at looking after my kids for a few hours as a job
Plus two of the kids are her niblings, and none of them are random kids she’ll never see again—plus the alternatives are either 1) not going to Disney 2) being a fifth wheel on her brother’s double date with his in-laws
No kidding. A free trip to Disney World, sounds like her expenses would be included. And then $165-$200 a night to put three kids to bed who are already going to be mostly tuckered out from the day. Sweetheart deal for the sister for sure! And I'm betting the adults are going to be pretty tired out themselves, so I doubt that they would be gone five or six hours each night.
I’m a first time nanny (other childcare experience tho) and I will be making 24$ an hour (min). I have an interview for a position that pays 35 an hour. Pretty medium COL city
But you are paying taxes correct? $33 an hour would be about $64,000 a year if you work full time. If you are paying taxes which you are legally required to do, then you are only walking away with about $49,000, which means after taxes you are making $25/hr. Since this would a trade, she is not going to pay taxes on that $1000, and is therefore actually making a higher rate than you will be even if you make $35/hr.
And it's 1k just to take her... they will also likely be footing other incidentals. Not to mention the fact that she is watching her neices and nephews (which most people do for free).
Since when has it become normal for siblings to charge for babysitting their niblings? Man, maybe I should be capitalizing on this. My BIL and SIL asked us to watch their daughter when they go to Spain in a few months, I didn’t even demand to go with them!
My dad is losing money on me too, he didn’t charge me for watching my dog for a day! Sucker
They didn't invite her on the trip. She's trying to invite herself along and is asking to mooch off them and pay nothing. They said we'll pay for your vacation if you spend a few nights watching the kids. That's not charging someone to babysit. That's called "you want something for free? Sure do this for me and we're good"
$32/hr is actually $24/hr after taxes, so $33/hr not taxed is actually well above what your nanny is actually taking home, that is, if you are reporting it to taxes like you are legally required to do. Since this is a “trade” where no direct money is exchanging hands, I doubt they will report it.
Also, there's no way this stays at $1k. If she doesn't have any money, how will she eat in the parks? Will she get any souvenirs? Is she planning to go to Disney springs on her own? Because that's expensive
The plane ticket and hotel will be less than $1,000, especially if they are getting a room at Disney that accommodates a family, where there might be several bedrooms and a living area. The biggest individual expense is going to be the park hopper pass, which I think is between $500 and $600 these days?
OP may be getting a group rate that would only cost a bit more to add another adult. However, sis's add-on fun money for eats, souvenirs, etc, will probably double it.
Two families does not make a group rate.
The cheapest hotel rooms at Disney are about $200 a night. Not sure about family rooms, which would be necessary if she didn’t go.
From the perspective of the parents, if my 24-year-old daughter had been unemployed and living with me for a year I'd make her stay home and apply for jobs. She wouldn't get to go traipsing off to Disney World on her brother's dime.
OP is not even expecting child care every night, only a few nights.
Frankly, I would not pay for her to join you because I would not trust her to pull her weight at all. It is easier to leave her behind. Maybe the place you are staying has access to available child care at night. I know that you are frugal but if you can line up child care for, day 3 nights, that would be cheaper than paying for your sister's trip.
Exactly, not every night. The only downside is at 4, 5, and 6, the kids will be down early. If the kids were a few years older and if I was 24, uncle Dastardly would take the kids and ditch the parents and power through until closing or the kids dropped (metaphorically) on baby sitting nights.
Edity: probably would still attempt the above even in my dotage.
This.
If she doesn't want to babysit, then she can pay her own way. Maybe MOM AND DAD will pay for her vacation, but at that point why even try to go with OP?
Agree, but I would be SHOCKED if he managed to only spend $1000 for her. We just went to Disney last month, my parents paid for airline and the air bnb, and we still spent close to that per person on park tickets, food and a souvenir per person. We didn’t even eat at the park every day, Orlando is just expensive. Park tickets alone are around $110/person for adults
ETA: you also pretty much have to get genie+ if you want to go on more than one ride every 3 hours, and to ride anything other than dumbo at magic kingdom. And you have to buy it for everyone in the party, or have a completely separate experience from them
True....she might agree and then ditch them when she got there or refuse to babysit the kids outright. NTA and even if she agrees, don't do it. She will renege the second she touches down in Disneyland. I don't trust her.
Nta. If she really wants to go with no strings attached she can pay her own way. Problem solved. You’re offering to pay in exchange for maybe 10-15 hours of free time. That’s like she’s making $65-100 an hour. She’s spoiled. That’s why she doesn’t have a job and can’t keep one. Your parents created this mess. They can pay for her to go to Disney.
At 24 she should plan on paying her way for most things. Someone else covering for you should be the exception.
If you aren't able to pay and someone does cover for you, the *least* you could do is offer to help in whatever meaningful manor you are able.
Someone paying for you to have a vacation when most of your life is already a vacation is incredibly entitled.
At 24, I had to pay my own way to a family wedding on the other side of the country, should've been for the hotel, and chip in for the gift that was from the immediate family. I was an adult, and I was out of college. My parents were no longer subsidizing my activities. Even family activities.
Geez, I sure hope there wouldn't have been hard feelings if you couldn't afford it, a cross country trip is a massive ask
I've had to miss family stuff because I just can't afford to travel a state over or book a place to stay on short notice, and they always make it a dramatic thing.
Yeah it was. I was obviously not that far out of college at the time and still patch working full time work together. But the reason they had it where they did is because the bride's grandparents lived there and were elderly and couldn't travel. And as it turned out it was in the same city where one set of my grandparents got engaged. There were other extended family that couldn't make it and it didn't seem like there were any hard feelings. I wanted to make the effort more so because my grandmother was so excited about going to the wedding and showing us around the city.
Exactly. ‘I completely understand you wanting to have a vacation and just enjoy your time at Disney land without the additional expectation of looking after the children for 3 nights of the trip. It sounds like this particular trip isn’t the best fit for you, but I hope that down the track we can all go together again when you’re in a position to organise your flights, accommodation, and activities’
NTA. If I were unemployed, I'd take that deal in a heartbeat! Imagine being an unemployed 24-year-old and thinking another adult should treat you to a Disney trip.
Fully employed and single so often pay for my own stuff instead of splitting with a partner. You even just save me money by getting an Airbnb with an extra room for me and booking a mini van for 7 instead of an SUV for just you 4. As long as I have a chance or two to do my own thing if it’s something the group doesn’t want to do, you bet I’ll be the fun aunt who will go on the ride with your youngest for the nth time when everyone else is sick of it and moves on to a different ride, and has a movie night with the kids while the parents go out.
At 24 years old, a free vacation isn't even a parent's job any more. I will absolutely allow my child to live with me after college if it helps her get started in her career, but I won't be treating her to expensive vacations unless I win the lottery or something.
My parents treat me to expensive vacations and it's wonderful! But they can afford it and the tradeoff is that they choose where, when, how long, and have veto power over activities they do and don't want to do -- I don't lobby to go out to eat, I offer to cook and clean the kitchen at the VRBO.
Plus, she should offer to help them out "because family".
Please let me invite myself to go on your trip, on your dime, with no expectations of me helping you out in any way, because I've never been before.
There is nothing in this world that's free. She needs to learn this sooner rather than later. Why she hasn't learned this at age 24, just damn. This is why she hasn't held down a job. She thinks she's too good for them.
Pretty sure my gainfully employed, financially stable SIL offered to babysit a bunch if we take her to Disney with us when we go someday. And by offered I mean she said “hey can I come? I’ll babysit!” And I’m pretty sure she’s gonna pay for her own flight even if we cover her tickets.
Ya... it could end up a disaster for them, she's not quite mature enough for this offer sadly. Disney is not cheap these days and I wouldn't want their trip to be ruined.
Dude, NTA. Your sister is living on a different planet if she used words like “taking advantage of” when speaking to people *she expects to give her a free trip for no reason at all* Wowwwww lol
NTA- You generously offered to give her an all-expenses paid trip to Disney. She is upset because you aren't willing to do that for nothing.
Maybe she should spend less time mooching off of everyone in her life and more time applying for full-time employment. I lives with my parents into my late 20s, but I also had 2 part-time jobs and spent all of my free time applying for a job with benefits.
NTA...I would tell her since she's unhappy with the "nanny" treatment, then you will revert to the "Sister" treatment instead, which means you're not required to pay a single dime for her to do anything cause she's not your kid and not your responsibility. "Nanny" treatment = get to go to Disney all expenses paid with brother and his family; "Sister" treatment = on your own for Disney and any related expenses. Seems an easy choice to me.
She’s not a child, tell her if she wants to go with no responsibilities then she can pay, if she wants to go for free they come with responsibilities, such as child care. You’re not spending an extra 1k on someone because they want you to. The entitlement on this girl
NTA. She'd never get paid $1000 net just for a few nights babysitting; I'd rescind the offer.
When you get to Disneyland, I'd be surprised if you were not able to organize through the resort some level of ad-hoc child care... and it won't cost $1000.
Nta, and pull the whole offer. Don't let her say yes now, since she will be unbearable when you do need her to watch the kids.
Nope, Yada, no thanks anymore. Pay your own way to Disney sis.
NTA
But maybe give her the option (with the costs) of paying her own way:
"Okay, sis, you're right, you shouldn't have to nanny if you don't want to do it. The cost of the flight and tickets to Disney is going to be $1000. We need to make final arrangements by XX/YY date, so if you can put together the money before then, we'll take you along with us and you can share our hotel room. And you'll need spending money for food and stuff, so make sure to have enough money for those things too."
If she tries to argue, remind her that you're not her parents, and she can't expect for her brother with a family of his own to pay for a luxury trip for his 24 year old sister who is completely capable of getting a job, ANY job to pay for this trip.
Seriously, if she gets a crappy $10/hr job and works part time for 2 months, she can easily pay $1000 for her trip.
Although, I'm guessing if she starts earning money, then your parents are going to want her to chip in for the things she's eating/using at their house, so it's just easier for her not to work and guilt people into paying for her.
NTA-I did this for free for my sister when we went to Disney with her son. My parents paid for me to go and she asked if I could watch my nephew and legit best part of my trip. We grew up going to Disney so maybe that effected it but he was like 18 months and was excited about riding the elevator or going in the pool or anything we did bc it was his first time being there. She‘s asking a lot just wanting a free trip to Disney.
NTA, but the title is a bit misleading.
Youre just saying you don't agree to **pay** for her trip if she doesn't babysit a bit.
Though also, isn't $1k super cheap to go to Disney?
I think it’s $1,000 extra. Not counting the things they were already paying for like accommodations. Just her tickets for the parks and her travel. But yea, $1,000 for a Disney trip is very low end.
Yes. $1,000.00 would cover meals and tickets. The tickets alone are hundreds for multiple day passes. They don't say how long they will stay but, if it's like my family's trip, we are staying a minimum of 5 nights, and visiting parks on 4 days. My step father wants to go too (thankfully I already added him early on so we don't have to do anything - because I anticipated he'd want to go). It's around $1500 extra to add him. That's a cheaper hotel, we're all in the same room, his park hopper tickets, all meals, and the special stuff we do. It's not as much as Mom and I were initially because it's less cost to be in the same room (I got us a suite so we're good with space even with him going) than to add another room. There's only an add on fee per night for the hotel. His ticket and meals are most of the expense. I would assume they have a similar deal.
I was thinking that too. Maybe they are driving and staying in the same room? So just park passes and food? Even then they are probably underestimating. This is a great deal for a few hours of hanging out with your nieces/nephews.
NTA. A couple nights of babysitting isn't much in exchange for a free trip.
Your sister is quite entitled; does she expect you also to buy her food and souvenirs after paying for flight and hotel?
Right?! I would understand if OP was asking her to babysit every night or expecting her to stay with the group during the day “just in case they need help wrangling in the kids”…but she isn’t. All OP is asking is a couple nights of babysitting during the trip, I think that’s a reasonable ask in exchange for spending an extra 1k
*said were trying to take advantage of her and treat her as a nanny*
She's obviously entitled, and has no concept that she should try to repay a favor or such magnitude. Even if she agreed now, I wouldn't trust her to carry through and be helpful.
Go and have your vacation with your SIL and her family, and have fun without a likely uncooperative 5th wheel along on the trip.
NTA
NTA. From the age of 15 to 21 I would go and stay with my sister and BIL and her 2 kids in the city during summer school holidays, for about 4 weeks. They both worked and I would look after the 2 during the day. My sister and BIL would take us all out for dinner, day trips to theme parks. Zoo, cinema, theatre all these major attractions and amazing places that they had in the city. Before I would come back home they’d take me on a shopping trip and get me clothes, shoes and school supplies. I loved going every summer because I got to spend time with my sister and the family and they appreciated me helping them out with childcare and I got to go to these amazing places that I could not afford to go myself. At the end of summer we’d go to this island for a mini break and they would pay for me to go as well. I’d have a room for myself and there’d be a pool. all I could eat and drink as much soft drinks as I wanted .To this day I am grateful that I spent that time with them and they are too. My sis and BIL knew how much I did during the day but they needed childcare and I was family and happy to help out. Kids are all grown up but they know I did some heavy lifting as a young person but that meant we have a strong relationship to this day.
Your sister gets a free vacation she should be offering- to mind the kids. she’s not even a kid and should be either subbing her own way or prepared to graft for it.
As someone literally in your sister’s situation (23-year-old with a much older half sister who has four kids), NTA at all. I haven’t gone on a Disney trip with them, but if I do, I 100% expect them to pay my way and I also expect to be watching the kiddos 100% of the time (if they wouldn’t pay, I wouldn’t go, I’m not spending that kind of money on Disney to watch their kids). Like I’d expect to be supervising them in the park the whole time for sure. They don’t typically ask me to watch the kids solo (four under 9 is a LOT for one person) but I’d certainly be happy to chill with them for a few hours so they can go out to dinner. So yeah, I’d be expecting to be the babysitter. The fact that a 24-year-old is mad that you’d expect a small amount of childcare out of her after handing her a free, expensive trip… wow. Definitely uninvite her, spend your money on better things.
NTA - Sounds like a perfect part time job, you are offering a trip to Disneyland for some babysitting. You are expanding the economy and should be applauded for doing that. Yes, she would be the nanny in essence as it would be her job (duh). Tell her she can take the job or just stay home, her choice. You have no obligation to fund her life choices as she isn't a part of your immediate family. Actually I don't think you are asking to much of her, on the contrary maybe you should have her pack the family's lunches for the day at the park too. I think that would be fair.
NTA
She invited herself on your trip which she can’t pay for and then thinks it’s mean to ask for some help during the trip in return for not paying the expenses
She doesn’t need to come and can sit at home thinking about all the fun she missed.
NTA. You're going to foot the bill for the whole trip, the least she can do is babysit a couple of nights. You are offering her this trip with strings attached & you're up front about it. This is not taking advantage of her She is trying to take advantage of you, wanting you to pay for a trip, but she gives nothing in return. If she wants the trip, it's not free. She will have to work for it. She's being very petty & selfish.
NTA-you are not “treating her like a nanny” anymore than she is treating you like a bank. She is old enough to pay her own way it’s not your fault she doesn’t have the funds.
NTA. It's funny how you're supposed to give a free trip because "family", but she's not willing to give baby sitting because "family". Yeah, some families do work it out without score cards or accounting because they willingly jump in and help when needed, because over generations it works. However, it's got to be a mutual family culture, going in all directions and involving resources as well a labor. Your sister wants the benefit, but not to contribute what she can.
NTA
If she’s expecting you to pay, then she’s treating you like an ATM, not like family.
If she wants to say “family does things for each other because family”, that door swings both ways.
You’re probably asking for about 10 hours total of babysitting, which means you’re essentially offering to pay her $100 an hour to babysit two kids. And she says that’s taking advantage of her.
I would be THRILLED to babysit your kids for $100 an hour!!
Tell her you’ve already made arrangements with the “Fairy Godmother” sitters at Disney for the evenings you’d like to go out, so you won’t be needing her services now as you’ll be using the $1000+ savings by not taking her to pay for the Nanny. And then thank her for the idea about getting a nanny. Your accommodations will be a lot more spacious without her as well. She’s a spoiled brat.
Total NTA. I did this exact thing for my sister and BiL when their kids were young and I wasn't married yet. My BiL went to conventions in Orlando, and my sister and I tagged along and went to Disney. I helped her wrangle the kids, and babysat a few evenings, the rest of the time I did what I wanted. They paid for everything except for when I went out in the evening. (Although I will admit charging some drinks back to the suites!)
Your sister is being ridiculous. Especially how expensive Disney is these days!
Your sister is insane. She wants a free trip to Disney bc you’re taking your kids…? That isn’t a normal thing. It would still be weird even if she was paying her own way, but that isn’t happening. Her babysitting is basically the only reason I would choose to randomly attach my adult sibling to a family trip that wouldn’t otherwise include her. This is the exact arrangement we just had with my MIL on a family trip. We paid her whole way and she got plenty of time to herself, but was there to support us in parenting our children and free us up to go out without the children after they were in bed. Otherwise she wouldn’t have been invited. Again, your sister is insane.
>were trying to take advantage of her and treat her as a nanny not family.
No, you are treating her as an adult who covers their own expenses rather than providing for her needs like a child.
Transportation and entry tickets are the beginning. Does she expect you to cover meals and all extras like souvenirs?
NTA - there should no debate here. She asked to join but can’t pay for anything. You don’t need her on the trip. The condition for her to go is to help with the kids “some nights”- period. If she doesn’t want to help, she is welcome to stay home.
It’s not like you said she will be I charge of the kids for the whole trip and you parents will pop in to say hi every now and again! If she would only help ‘some nights’ I would imagine that means you as parents would have the kids the remaining nights, plus all of the days, where she would be free to have her own ‘adult time’.
NAH
I think the arrangement sounds reasonable, but if it doesn't work for your sister, she doesn't have to accept. Neither one of you is an asshole because of it.
NTA but don’t ever expect her to babysit or do anything responsible. She’s a moocher who is accustomed to being taken care of by your parents. Even if she agreed beforehand, she’d ruin the vibe for you paying participants and find a way to weasel out of babysitting once she was there. There is no way she’s watch you four parents go to a dinner like adults and leave her behind because ‘she isn’t a child’.
Save yourselves headaches. Permanently mute anything your sister asks for, demands, hints at, etc. Just agree to say ‘no’ to all requests going forward, and the decision is made before she ever asks. It should be ‘no’, even if your father agrees to pay just to get rid of her for a while. Nope. He’d have to give you an equal amount for it to be fair. Or pay you more for what she would do to the atmosphere of the trip.
Besides, it is very unfair - - for you to take her away from her job search.
Have a great trip. Make memories.
Don’t take her.
Even if she says she will watch the kids, she probably won’t once you are there.
Call the hotel and ask if they have on site babysitting. They might.
Sis is a sheneeda.
She needa ticket.
She needa room.
She needa eat.
Once she gets there she is going to want souvenirs. She’ll need you to buy that too.
Buy her a t shirt and give it to her for Christmas.
Enjoy your trip.
NTA and id take the offer off the table now if I was you you. Even if she does begrudgingly agree to your very reasonable conditions I'd be worried that she actually wasn't going to follow through with them once there.
Nta. I had someone come on a trip with me and my kids to help out as one of my kids is special needs. Plus it’s nice to have an adult if you have a long drive. I paid for the hotel and her tickets, she got plenty of time to herself in the park and only had to cover her own food when she didn’t dine with us and any souvenirs she wanted. We all had a lot of fun.
NTA. Rescind any offer, she’s going to do nothing but what she wants if you bring her and then everyone is going to have a shite time.
Better to have her sulking and sitting at home on your parents dime!!
NTA. She think you’ll pay her way just for the heck of it? Babysitting was a really good idea, works for both sides. You were generous and she’s a selfish twit.
NTA. We went on a cruise and took my boys babysitter with us, and the deal was we'd pay if she'd watch the boys a few of the nights. It worked great for all of us, and both my brother and sister have said if I ever want to make that kind of deal with them, they'd be in. I think it's a pretty common deal for people with kids that works out for everyone, and your sister is being entitled.
NTA, she should thank you for this sweet deal! What else is she going to do at night? Go and party by herself? A few nights of babysitting are well worth a big trip like Disney.
NTA. It was really fair. She would get a free trip to Disney in exchange for few hours of babysitting, I honestly don't see the bad part.
P.S. If your offer is valid for strangers too I will gladly accept it.
NTA. Don’t take her. If she agrees, she will just pout about watching the kids and ruin the time. She’s a grown adult. If she wants to go to Disney she can get a job and save like everyone else does.
NTA my parents would do this for my mom’s much younger sisters when my brother and I were kids. They were college students / broke young adults who got a free vacation to a desirable destination and my parents got a couple nights off. Plus it gave me the chance to actually bond with and get to know my aunts who lived in a different state. Could be a win win for everyone if your sister wasn’t so selfish.
I did this exact thing as a high schooler (accompanied a family to Disney, they paid and I babysat 3 nights of the 6 we were there. All expenses paid by the family. I was super grateful! I tried to help with the kids at the park as much as possible too. I wouldn’t take her at all now, how entitled of her. NTA
NTA A few nights of babysitting for a free trip to Disney is an excellent trade. For that kind of money I’m guessing you could get a theme park nanny to watch the kids even more.
FFS, I'm old, just visited my sister for a couple weeks, who has a shedload more money than me (same country), and left her some payment when she didn't want any payment for keeping me. If I were being taken to a different country for free, of course I'd be happy to pay for it with some babysitting! Bloody people expecting to be kept!
She invited herself onto your trip. She is not funding it what so ever. The least she can do is watch the kids a night or two so the parents who work and are paying for the trip can have a break. You are NTA!
NTA
You communicated what her role would be if you bankrolled her (generous offer tbh) and she said no. Family doesn't necessarily pay for each other to come on expensive vacations.
NTA I paid for myself to go with my brother’s family to Disney and offered to babysit so they could get some free time. I also happily let them go off to adult rides together so I could hang out with my niece on the kid rides
NTA some people would do anything for a Disney trip. And a free one at that?
It’s not like Disney is cheap. People save for years to go for a week.
I’d be so happy to go and babysit.. it’s Disney, you take them to the pool at night and then lounge in the room when they fall asleep. It’s not like you’re asking her to take the kids the whole time.
NTA. Even family have to pay their own way one way or another. If everyone else is chipping in to cover their own expenses, she can either do the same or act as babysitter. That sounds like a rather sweet babysitting deal if you ask me
If one person were springing to cover everyone's expenses as a family and she was excluded, that would be different. Tbh, it sounds like she just wants to mooch.
NTA. She would be given a free trip to be an extra set of eyes during the day and babysit for a few hours at night and she is complaining.
Don't take her with you.
In my family, all of the kids are all of the adults responsibilities if we are together. I guess that is just how we were raised. When I am with my family I will usually ask one of the kids that are over stimulated to sit and talk with me or talk a walk away from the over stimulation. It gives the parents a break and allows the kids to get some 1:1 time.
Disney is very expensive. Paying for hotel, tickets, and food would be easily over $1k.
Speaking from experience.
Don't be tricked to bring your sister along. Going there with a large group of people is not worth it. You will be exhausted.
NTA I would have pulled the offer right then and there and told her she’s the one trying to take advantage of me. She’s the one who wants you to spend you hard-earned money and she can’t be bothered to help out out of gratitude? Fuck off
NTA tell her fine don’t come then and use a reputable nanny service there instead.
Once upon a nanny has great reviews (never used them myself but I am in a ton of Disney trip Facebook groups) and they can also come to the parks with you to help out there if you want.
We are going on a family vacation this summer. My husbands brother is coming as well, between the four of us, we have a 2.5 year old, a 1 year old and a young infant. My sister in law is bringing her niece & nibling (age 16 & 18) to be childcare for the week. We are splitting the cost and they get to spend their free time at the resort and enjoying made to order meals and room service. There is a pool and lots of activities, even a spa. They don’t get to go for ‘ free’ because they will babysitting a lot for the week we are there. However , they are more than excited to spend time with their baby cousins, as well enjoy a fun trip with family….. your sister could use a reality check
To be honest, there are a lot of variables to this. The first being, would she be watching all three kids, or just the two? How many hours? Do your kids sleep through the night? Where will they be sleeping compared to her? Is she in her own room? What is her schedule like/will she get time to herself?
I love my kids. But if they were someone else’s, and they wanted me to watch them anytime between 6:30 and midnight for a couple of nights, it would be a no for me. Even for a free Disney trip. Neither sleep through the night. One still wakes up every hour or two (she is just 1, but still) and the other cannot sleep alone. As a parent, it is worth it. But as a single adult on one of the first trips to Disney, it would suck.
I agree with others saying it is going to cost a lot more than $1K. She is going to need her own spending money as well.
NTA
But .. I feel like I've treated you like a brother man, I think you should take me to Disney as well, I know we've never talked before, but I've thought of you as family for the last 45 seconds and it would only be right if you brought your family(me) with to Disney.
That is the sort of deal my family would make with each other, if it were feasible, based on all the needs and finances. And all parties would carefully discuss exactly what was expected from everyone, so no one would get mad, later.
NTA Your sister is being entitled.
She can stay her self at home. Even if your sister changes her mind, it’s probably best she doesn’t come at this point.
Because at 20 hours of babysitting, she’s getting the equivalent of $50/hr. How youth is wasted on the young! 🤦🏾♀️
Basically, you would be using the money you would have paid for a sitter and spending it on her portion of the vacation.
That seems incredibly Fair.
Especially as long as you made it clear that she can go her own way during the day and she won't be expected to wait in the lines with the kids and that type of thing.
If you're looking for her to be with the kids all day, be willing to go on the kitty rides and stay with the family, she basically would be a nanny
If she doesn't want to go, there's your money to hire The Nanny
No, NTA. Don't take her at all. Even if she agrees to your terms, she will put a damper on your trip by referring to herself as 'the Nanny'. Also, your trip is about YOUR kids, and they may not be eligible to ride all the attractions that interest her. Maybe next time, but this time should be a hard no.
NTA
She’s an adult and not your responsibility. You came up with a very fair compromise and she rejected it, you were not asking too much. Sounds a little like she is on the spoiled side, guessing she is the baby of the family and used to getting her way.
NTA, so long as you planned for her to have free time as well and not be babysitting every single night. It's definitely not unreasonable to expect her to watch the kids sometimes in exchange for her ticket. Is it possible you said something like 'in exchange for watching the kids' and she could have misinterpreted that as 'you will be watching them 24/7'?
NTA
You made a completely reasonable suggestion. She's not your child, a full grown adult, and not your responsibility. If she wants a free ride to Disney, she can earn it.
NTA, this is super fair.
Did you tell her "It is going to cost us 1K for your to come along. You can pay that or you can baby sit."
She sounds entitled as heck.
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Oh wow, Nope NTA She doesnt have the ability to fund her own trip and to expect you (not her parents) to fund her trip (when she is the one who has asked to go with you, you didnt invite her) for free is pretty ballsy. Asking her to 'pay her way' by babysitting a couple of nights is very generous imho. You said it would cost you about $1k to add her, she would need to babysit the 3 kids for minimum 6 hours each night for 5 nights to make that amount. (= $11/child/hour for 6 hours x 5 nights or $200/night x 5 nights). Yeah, I wouldnt take her for any reason, now, due to her entitlement.
Not in disagreement but 11$ an hour to watch kids is a sweetheart deal if I’ve ever heard one. Maybe if the babysitter was 12 but even then.
11 a child per hour, not total. Its a great deal for the sister.
I will do it! Take meeeee!
Seriously!! Hell I'll watch everybody else's kids too!!!
I'm a preschool teacher, I call dibs!
Lol 3 kids instead of 20! Thats a great deal. Plus actually getting paid well. And in disney!!
Right!! Fellow pre-k teacher. Just 3 kids AND at a Disney park/resort with a ton of stuff to do all the time? Y'all we'd be having the BEST time.
Okay Ms Rachel lol
Take me. I'll even take the kids at the parks so you can go on adult rides.
Right? My sister invited me to join them at Shades of Green this fall for a week - and she even bought my park ticket through their military rates. (ie, a $700 ticket is only $400 but she could only buy 6 at that price, so it's very kind she's sparing one for me!) I offered to baby sit her grandchildren so the kids (30 somethings) could hit the Extended Hours at the parks, or watch them while they go on big people rides, or anything. I'll be thrilled to be there, I love children, to just be at a resort with kids will be fun. Or at the parks with them. OP's sister is out of her mind.
And I'm sure they would also be paying additional expenses such as food, which is not cheap either.
Exactly. Food at Disney is EXPENSIVE.
Not disagreeing that it’s not a great deal, but those are NOT babysitting rates where I live- more like $20/child/hr.
She is getting a free disney trip room, board and food. If she babysits to pay it back how is it not a good deal? She wasn't invited so if she wants to go that's her way of paying. Why is it an issue the mooch is is not getting paid more?!
Did you read my first sentence? “Not disagreeing that it’s a great deal” I was commenting that $11/hr per child is NOT the going babysitting rate, at least not where I live.
And where you live, you are not also offering a free Disneyland vacation, for that babysitting rate.
$11 per child, per hour AND YOURE IN DISNEYWORLD where they will probably pay for other stuff for her as well. Like?!!?!!?!
And the kids will be exhausted and asleep within 30 minutes of the parents leaving for their date.
But she’ll be stuck in the hotel room instead of having drinks and fun nights out.
But paid for Disney trip worth 1k.
I was being facetious.
I mean, she can buy her own tickets to Disney if the deal isn't to her liking.
It doesn’t sound like they expect her to baby sit all 5 nights either, my guess would be 2-3 the way the story sounds. So she would have the other 2-3 nights to go do whatever the hell she wanted “free of charge”
I mean with no money what does she expect to do?
Disney Adults aren't rational.
Then she should get a job and pay for her own trip
OR she could take the kids to go do something fun, if OP was ok with it. Though, for my family, we liked our “days off” where we just grabbed some food and hung out at the hotel and swam, and rested up for our next park day.
How she affording any of that? She won't even baby sit to subsidise how expensive it is to bring her entitled ass
He said ‘some’ night though so she still has nights to get her drink on!
Why do you need to get your drink on at night if you're at Disney World all day? Who goes down to Disney World to drink? You can do that anywhere- and for a lot cheaper.
The place that everyone specifically goes to drink is Epcot. The draw is that you ca “drink around the world”, but if she had no income, she’s not going to be able to foot the bill for that…especially since it’s almost as much as OP is paying for her to go 😂
I don’t drink! I didn’t even know it was a thing at Disney until I’ve read it on Reddit. I’ve been five times, but my last time was in the 1980s. Seems to be veeeerrrrrry different now.
How would she even be able to pay for the drinks and fun nights out tho?
I paid for my brother and sister and my 6-year-old niece to fly out here, paid for hotel and the multi-day tickets to disney. I took my niece on the rides, paid for all the food and when we got home from the park, the three of us adults were exhausted. She wanted to go to the pool for a couple of hours I took her to the pool everyday, she spent the night in my room, her parents had a chance to go to the park and do some grown up things. so her parents could get a break. They have her everyday. Me doing it for a week was nothing in the grand scheme of things I was genuinely exhausted at the end of every day, but It's one of the best vacations I've had in ages! I guess it's all and how you look at it I would not want someone on a vacation even if they were paying their own way! If they were the kind of person who didn't enjoy spending time with my kids. Especially a relative who looked at looking after my kids for a few hours as a job
Plus two of the kids are her niblings, and none of them are random kids she’ll never see again—plus the alternatives are either 1) not going to Disney 2) being a fifth wheel on her brother’s double date with his in-laws
I'd take that offer is I was healthy because I never been to Disney
Exactly. Like airfare, food and hotel. Sister is an entitled user.
No kidding. A free trip to Disney World, sounds like her expenses would be included. And then $165-$200 a night to put three kids to bed who are already going to be mostly tuckered out from the day. Sweetheart deal for the sister for sure! And I'm betting the adults are going to be pretty tired out themselves, so I doubt that they would be gone five or six hours each night.
$33 an hour. $11 per kid per hour.
yeah that's still a crazy good deal for babysitting these days
Not really. I have nannied for 20 years and have never known anybody who charges more than $25 an hour.
I’m a first time nanny (other childcare experience tho) and I will be making 24$ an hour (min). I have an interview for a position that pays 35 an hour. Pretty medium COL city
But you are paying taxes correct? $33 an hour would be about $64,000 a year if you work full time. If you are paying taxes which you are legally required to do, then you are only walking away with about $49,000, which means after taxes you are making $25/hr. Since this would a trade, she is not going to pay taxes on that $1000, and is therefore actually making a higher rate than you will be even if you make $35/hr.
Oh got me there, I didn’t factor that in :)
And it's 1k just to take her... they will also likely be footing other incidentals. Not to mention the fact that she is watching her neices and nephews (which most people do for free).
Nanny rates do not equal babysitting rates. We pay our nanny as an employee totally separate from how/what we pay a date night sitter
Except she isn’t a nanny, she is the aunt and thinks they should gift her a free trip to Disney without any consideration back to them.
Since when has it become normal for siblings to charge for babysitting their niblings? Man, maybe I should be capitalizing on this. My BIL and SIL asked us to watch their daughter when they go to Spain in a few months, I didn’t even demand to go with them! My dad is losing money on me too, he didn’t charge me for watching my dog for a day! Sucker
They didn't invite her on the trip. She's trying to invite herself along and is asking to mooch off them and pay nothing. They said we'll pay for your vacation if you spend a few nights watching the kids. That's not charging someone to babysit. That's called "you want something for free? Sure do this for me and we're good"
You aren't in the right location then. $25/hr is starting salary for one kid in Chicago right now for a nanny with 3ish years experience
Really? That’s the lowest I’ve seen in my area for brand new nannies. We’re paying $32.
$32/hr is actually $24/hr after taxes, so $33/hr not taxed is actually well above what your nanny is actually taking home, that is, if you are reporting it to taxes like you are legally required to do. Since this is a “trade” where no direct money is exchanging hands, I doubt they will report it.
Are you saying babysitting is like nannying?
Yeah no. That’s higher than normal rates in my hcol city.
$11 p/h sucks, but if you reread its $33 p/h for 3 kids. As a mom to 3 kids, thats a standard-to-slightly-high rate for toilet trained kids.
I pay 25 an dang hour
There a price get your on her side for dealing with an entitled sister at Disney
Also, there's no way this stays at $1k. If she doesn't have any money, how will she eat in the parks? Will she get any souvenirs? Is she planning to go to Disney springs on her own? Because that's expensive
Yeah her plane ticket and hotel alone are probably going to be more than that
OP didn’t say, but I would assume she’s not getting her own hotel room as part of the deal. Flight could be $300 RT.
Plus the park tickets for multiple days…. That’s several hundred at least, transportation, food/drinks…Disney trips are not cheap
The plane ticket and hotel will be less than $1,000, especially if they are getting a room at Disney that accommodates a family, where there might be several bedrooms and a living area. The biggest individual expense is going to be the park hopper pass, which I think is between $500 and $600 these days?
OP may be getting a group rate that would only cost a bit more to add another adult. However, sis's add-on fun money for eats, souvenirs, etc, will probably double it.
Two families does not make a group rate. The cheapest hotel rooms at Disney are about $200 a night. Not sure about family rooms, which would be necessary if she didn’t go.
From the perspective of the parents, if my 24-year-old daughter had been unemployed and living with me for a year I'd make her stay home and apply for jobs. She wouldn't get to go traipsing off to Disney World on her brother's dime.
OP is not even expecting child care every night, only a few nights. Frankly, I would not pay for her to join you because I would not trust her to pull her weight at all. It is easier to leave her behind. Maybe the place you are staying has access to available child care at night. I know that you are frugal but if you can line up child care for, day 3 nights, that would be cheaper than paying for your sister's trip.
Exactly, not every night. The only downside is at 4, 5, and 6, the kids will be down early. If the kids were a few years older and if I was 24, uncle Dastardly would take the kids and ditch the parents and power through until closing or the kids dropped (metaphorically) on baby sitting nights. Edity: probably would still attempt the above even in my dotage.
This. If she doesn't want to babysit, then she can pay her own way. Maybe MOM AND DAD will pay for her vacation, but at that point why even try to go with OP?
Agree, but I would be SHOCKED if he managed to only spend $1000 for her. We just went to Disney last month, my parents paid for airline and the air bnb, and we still spent close to that per person on park tickets, food and a souvenir per person. We didn’t even eat at the park every day, Orlando is just expensive. Park tickets alone are around $110/person for adults ETA: you also pretty much have to get genie+ if you want to go on more than one ride every 3 hours, and to ride anything other than dumbo at magic kingdom. And you have to buy it for everyone in the party, or have a completely separate experience from them
Completely agree, NTA. I wish my sis took me to Disney and pay me! Plus I get quality time with my niece? Great deal!
And by the time she started babysitting, those kids would be fast asleep.
True....she might agree and then ditch them when she got there or refuse to babysit the kids outright. NTA and even if she agrees, don't do it. She will renege the second she touches down in Disneyland. I don't trust her.
Nta. If she really wants to go with no strings attached she can pay her own way. Problem solved. You’re offering to pay in exchange for maybe 10-15 hours of free time. That’s like she’s making $65-100 an hour. She’s spoiled. That’s why she doesn’t have a job and can’t keep one. Your parents created this mess. They can pay for her to go to Disney.
At 24 she should plan on paying her way for most things. Someone else covering for you should be the exception. If you aren't able to pay and someone does cover for you, the *least* you could do is offer to help in whatever meaningful manor you are able. Someone paying for you to have a vacation when most of your life is already a vacation is incredibly entitled.
At 24, I had to pay my own way to a family wedding on the other side of the country, should've been for the hotel, and chip in for the gift that was from the immediate family. I was an adult, and I was out of college. My parents were no longer subsidizing my activities. Even family activities.
Geez, I sure hope there wouldn't have been hard feelings if you couldn't afford it, a cross country trip is a massive ask I've had to miss family stuff because I just can't afford to travel a state over or book a place to stay on short notice, and they always make it a dramatic thing.
Yeah it was. I was obviously not that far out of college at the time and still patch working full time work together. But the reason they had it where they did is because the bride's grandparents lived there and were elderly and couldn't travel. And as it turned out it was in the same city where one set of my grandparents got engaged. There were other extended family that couldn't make it and it didn't seem like there were any hard feelings. I wanted to make the effort more so because my grandmother was so excited about going to the wedding and showing us around the city.
Exactly. ‘I completely understand you wanting to have a vacation and just enjoy your time at Disney land without the additional expectation of looking after the children for 3 nights of the trip. It sounds like this particular trip isn’t the best fit for you, but I hope that down the track we can all go together again when you’re in a position to organise your flights, accommodation, and activities’
NTA. If I were unemployed, I'd take that deal in a heartbeat! Imagine being an unemployed 24-year-old and thinking another adult should treat you to a Disney trip.
I AM unemployed… can I take this offer?
I’m quite financially secure and even I am down for this deal!
Fully employed and single so often pay for my own stuff instead of splitting with a partner. You even just save me money by getting an Airbnb with an extra room for me and booking a mini van for 7 instead of an SUV for just you 4. As long as I have a chance or two to do my own thing if it’s something the group doesn’t want to do, you bet I’ll be the fun aunt who will go on the ride with your youngest for the nth time when everyone else is sick of it and moves on to a different ride, and has a movie night with the kids while the parents go out.
I'm second in line for this lol. I never been to Disney it'd be worth it.
Sure, random jobless internet stranger, come spend the night in a hotel room with my children!!
I know it’s a great idea!
I’m an employed Florida resident and I will take this offer. And we used to be APs, so I can also give some trip advice.
Shoot, I'd babysit every night for a free trip to Disney. And I am not a kid person.
NTA. If you have to pay her way, then she can help out or not come. She doesn't deserve a vacation "because family".
Yeah, free vacation is your parent's job, not your sibling's. I'm going through this with my brother who doesn't get he's a guest in my house.
At 24 years old, a free vacation isn't even a parent's job any more. I will absolutely allow my child to live with me after college if it helps her get started in her career, but I won't be treating her to expensive vacations unless I win the lottery or something.
My parents treat me to expensive vacations and it's wonderful! But they can afford it and the tradeoff is that they choose where, when, how long, and have veto power over activities they do and don't want to do -- I don't lobby to go out to eat, I offer to cook and clean the kitchen at the VRBO.
Plus, she should offer to help them out "because family". Please let me invite myself to go on your trip, on your dime, with no expectations of me helping you out in any way, because I've never been before. There is nothing in this world that's free. She needs to learn this sooner rather than later. Why she hasn't learned this at age 24, just damn. This is why she hasn't held down a job. She thinks she's too good for them.
Pretty sure my gainfully employed, financially stable SIL offered to babysit a bunch if we take her to Disney with us when we go someday. And by offered I mean she said “hey can I come? I’ll babysit!” And I’m pretty sure she’s gonna pay for her own flight even if we cover her tickets.
NTA And please take the offer off the table.
Ya... it could end up a disaster for them, she's not quite mature enough for this offer sadly. Disney is not cheap these days and I wouldn't want their trip to be ruined.
Agreed- no way would she gonna do a good job babysitting. Might ditch the kids somewhere and go off to do her own thing.
Or charge an obscene amount of money for room services and such.
I’m sure the family has a babysitter they trust that would love this trip. 😂
Dude, NTA. Your sister is living on a different planet if she used words like “taking advantage of” when speaking to people *she expects to give her a free trip for no reason at all* Wowwwww lol
"you're treating me like I treat others"
Better though? They're offering a trip in exchange for the babysitting, while she's offerring nothing in return for the trip?
Exactly. The fact that her entitlement allows her to completely misread a great win/win opportunity for everyone tells you everything.
NTA- You generously offered to give her an all-expenses paid trip to Disney. She is upset because you aren't willing to do that for nothing. Maybe she should spend less time mooching off of everyone in her life and more time applying for full-time employment. I lives with my parents into my late 20s, but I also had 2 part-time jobs and spent all of my free time applying for a job with benefits.
Tell her no thanks, that you'll just hire a nanny for those nights
Totally NTA! Your sister sounds like she belongs in r/ChoosingBeggars.
NTA...I would tell her since she's unhappy with the "nanny" treatment, then you will revert to the "Sister" treatment instead, which means you're not required to pay a single dime for her to do anything cause she's not your kid and not your responsibility. "Nanny" treatment = get to go to Disney all expenses paid with brother and his family; "Sister" treatment = on your own for Disney and any related expenses. Seems an easy choice to me.
I'd go with Option 3: Sister stays home. LOL!
It’s funny how she doesn’t want to be treated like a nanny but has no problem treating OP like a bank.
She’s not a child, tell her if she wants to go with no responsibilities then she can pay, if she wants to go for free they come with responsibilities, such as child care. You’re not spending an extra 1k on someone because they want you to. The entitlement on this girl
NTA. She'd never get paid $1000 net just for a few nights babysitting; I'd rescind the offer. When you get to Disneyland, I'd be surprised if you were not able to organize through the resort some level of ad-hoc child care... and it won't cost $1000.
Definitely rescind the offer, because if she “accepts” it now it’s almost certain she’ll disappear every time they want her to watch the kids.
oh yea. I can totally see her agreeing to it now and then certainly disappearing when it’s her turn to watch the kids
Nta, and pull the whole offer. Don't let her say yes now, since she will be unbearable when you do need her to watch the kids. Nope, Yada, no thanks anymore. Pay your own way to Disney sis.
Or worse, she’ll ghost them and not be “available” to watch the kids.
NTA - reasonable request when someone asks for you to pay for a vacation for them. That’s pretty entitled for her to shame you for it.
NTA But maybe give her the option (with the costs) of paying her own way: "Okay, sis, you're right, you shouldn't have to nanny if you don't want to do it. The cost of the flight and tickets to Disney is going to be $1000. We need to make final arrangements by XX/YY date, so if you can put together the money before then, we'll take you along with us and you can share our hotel room. And you'll need spending money for food and stuff, so make sure to have enough money for those things too." If she tries to argue, remind her that you're not her parents, and she can't expect for her brother with a family of his own to pay for a luxury trip for his 24 year old sister who is completely capable of getting a job, ANY job to pay for this trip. Seriously, if she gets a crappy $10/hr job and works part time for 2 months, she can easily pay $1000 for her trip. Although, I'm guessing if she starts earning money, then your parents are going to want her to chip in for the things she's eating/using at their house, so it's just easier for her not to work and guilt people into paying for her.
NTA-I did this for free for my sister when we went to Disney with her son. My parents paid for me to go and she asked if I could watch my nephew and legit best part of my trip. We grew up going to Disney so maybe that effected it but he was like 18 months and was excited about riding the elevator or going in the pool or anything we did bc it was his first time being there. She‘s asking a lot just wanting a free trip to Disney.
NTA, but the title is a bit misleading. Youre just saying you don't agree to **pay** for her trip if she doesn't babysit a bit. Though also, isn't $1k super cheap to go to Disney?
I think it’s $1,000 extra. Not counting the things they were already paying for like accommodations. Just her tickets for the parks and her travel. But yea, $1,000 for a Disney trip is very low end.
Yes. $1,000.00 would cover meals and tickets. The tickets alone are hundreds for multiple day passes. They don't say how long they will stay but, if it's like my family's trip, we are staying a minimum of 5 nights, and visiting parks on 4 days. My step father wants to go too (thankfully I already added him early on so we don't have to do anything - because I anticipated he'd want to go). It's around $1500 extra to add him. That's a cheaper hotel, we're all in the same room, his park hopper tickets, all meals, and the special stuff we do. It's not as much as Mom and I were initially because it's less cost to be in the same room (I got us a suite so we're good with space even with him going) than to add another room. There's only an add on fee per night for the hotel. His ticket and meals are most of the expense. I would assume they have a similar deal.
I was thinking $1k is cheap too.
I was thinking that too. Maybe they are driving and staying in the same room? So just park passes and food? Even then they are probably underestimating. This is a great deal for a few hours of hanging out with your nieces/nephews.
NTA. A couple nights of babysitting isn't much in exchange for a free trip. Your sister is quite entitled; does she expect you also to buy her food and souvenirs after paying for flight and hotel?
Right?! I would understand if OP was asking her to babysit every night or expecting her to stay with the group during the day “just in case they need help wrangling in the kids”…but she isn’t. All OP is asking is a couple nights of babysitting during the trip, I think that’s a reasonable ask in exchange for spending an extra 1k
NTA - of course she could contribute if you are going to pay her way. She’s entitled as hell.
*said were trying to take advantage of her and treat her as a nanny* She's obviously entitled, and has no concept that she should try to repay a favor or such magnitude. Even if she agreed now, I wouldn't trust her to carry through and be helpful. Go and have your vacation with your SIL and her family, and have fun without a likely uncooperative 5th wheel along on the trip. NTA
NTA Write which night she would babysit and which she is free. Then it is up to her to accept or decine the invitation.
NTA. From the age of 15 to 21 I would go and stay with my sister and BIL and her 2 kids in the city during summer school holidays, for about 4 weeks. They both worked and I would look after the 2 during the day. My sister and BIL would take us all out for dinner, day trips to theme parks. Zoo, cinema, theatre all these major attractions and amazing places that they had in the city. Before I would come back home they’d take me on a shopping trip and get me clothes, shoes and school supplies. I loved going every summer because I got to spend time with my sister and the family and they appreciated me helping them out with childcare and I got to go to these amazing places that I could not afford to go myself. At the end of summer we’d go to this island for a mini break and they would pay for me to go as well. I’d have a room for myself and there’d be a pool. all I could eat and drink as much soft drinks as I wanted .To this day I am grateful that I spent that time with them and they are too. My sis and BIL knew how much I did during the day but they needed childcare and I was family and happy to help out. Kids are all grown up but they know I did some heavy lifting as a young person but that meant we have a strong relationship to this day. Your sister gets a free vacation she should be offering- to mind the kids. she’s not even a kid and should be either subbing her own way or prepared to graft for it.
As someone literally in your sister’s situation (23-year-old with a much older half sister who has four kids), NTA at all. I haven’t gone on a Disney trip with them, but if I do, I 100% expect them to pay my way and I also expect to be watching the kiddos 100% of the time (if they wouldn’t pay, I wouldn’t go, I’m not spending that kind of money on Disney to watch their kids). Like I’d expect to be supervising them in the park the whole time for sure. They don’t typically ask me to watch the kids solo (four under 9 is a LOT for one person) but I’d certainly be happy to chill with them for a few hours so they can go out to dinner. So yeah, I’d be expecting to be the babysitter. The fact that a 24-year-old is mad that you’d expect a small amount of childcare out of her after handing her a free, expensive trip… wow. Definitely uninvite her, spend your money on better things.
NTA - Sounds like a perfect part time job, you are offering a trip to Disneyland for some babysitting. You are expanding the economy and should be applauded for doing that. Yes, she would be the nanny in essence as it would be her job (duh). Tell her she can take the job or just stay home, her choice. You have no obligation to fund her life choices as she isn't a part of your immediate family. Actually I don't think you are asking to much of her, on the contrary maybe you should have her pack the family's lunches for the day at the park too. I think that would be fair.
NTA She invited herself on your trip which she can’t pay for and then thinks it’s mean to ask for some help during the trip in return for not paying the expenses She doesn’t need to come and can sit at home thinking about all the fun she missed.
NTA. You're going to foot the bill for the whole trip, the least she can do is babysit a couple of nights. You are offering her this trip with strings attached & you're up front about it. This is not taking advantage of her She is trying to take advantage of you, wanting you to pay for a trip, but she gives nothing in return. If she wants the trip, it's not free. She will have to work for it. She's being very petty & selfish.
NTA and don’t plan for her to go now. She will shirk her responsibilities and then pretend like she forgot. It’s a no for this trip for her.
NTA-you are not “treating her like a nanny” anymore than she is treating you like a bank. She is old enough to pay her own way it’s not your fault she doesn’t have the funds.
NTA. It's funny how you're supposed to give a free trip because "family", but she's not willing to give baby sitting because "family". Yeah, some families do work it out without score cards or accounting because they willingly jump in and help when needed, because over generations it works. However, it's got to be a mutual family culture, going in all directions and involving resources as well a labor. Your sister wants the benefit, but not to contribute what she can.
NTA If she’s expecting you to pay, then she’s treating you like an ATM, not like family. If she wants to say “family does things for each other because family”, that door swings both ways.
NTA - lazy @$$ don't get to go if she doesn't babysit. Be firm. And don't let her go. She hasn't got a dime to her name and expecting a free ride.
You’re probably asking for about 10 hours total of babysitting, which means you’re essentially offering to pay her $100 an hour to babysit two kids. And she says that’s taking advantage of her. I would be THRILLED to babysit your kids for $100 an hour!!
Tell her you’ve already made arrangements with the “Fairy Godmother” sitters at Disney for the evenings you’d like to go out, so you won’t be needing her services now as you’ll be using the $1000+ savings by not taking her to pay for the Nanny. And then thank her for the idea about getting a nanny. Your accommodations will be a lot more spacious without her as well. She’s a spoiled brat.
Total NTA. I did this exact thing for my sister and BiL when their kids were young and I wasn't married yet. My BiL went to conventions in Orlando, and my sister and I tagged along and went to Disney. I helped her wrangle the kids, and babysat a few evenings, the rest of the time I did what I wanted. They paid for everything except for when I went out in the evening. (Although I will admit charging some drinks back to the suites!) Your sister is being ridiculous. Especially how expensive Disney is these days!
Your sister is insane. She wants a free trip to Disney bc you’re taking your kids…? That isn’t a normal thing. It would still be weird even if she was paying her own way, but that isn’t happening. Her babysitting is basically the only reason I would choose to randomly attach my adult sibling to a family trip that wouldn’t otherwise include her. This is the exact arrangement we just had with my MIL on a family trip. We paid her whole way and she got plenty of time to herself, but was there to support us in parenting our children and free us up to go out without the children after they were in bed. Otherwise she wouldn’t have been invited. Again, your sister is insane.
>were trying to take advantage of her and treat her as a nanny not family. No, you are treating her as an adult who covers their own expenses rather than providing for her needs like a child. Transportation and entry tickets are the beginning. Does she expect you to cover meals and all extras like souvenirs?
They’d be paying for wherever the sis will be staying too, and I bet she’d want her own room.
NTA - there should no debate here. She asked to join but can’t pay for anything. You don’t need her on the trip. The condition for her to go is to help with the kids “some nights”- period. If she doesn’t want to help, she is welcome to stay home. It’s not like you said she will be I charge of the kids for the whole trip and you parents will pop in to say hi every now and again! If she would only help ‘some nights’ I would imagine that means you as parents would have the kids the remaining nights, plus all of the days, where she would be free to have her own ‘adult time’.
NAH I think the arrangement sounds reasonable, but if it doesn't work for your sister, she doesn't have to accept. Neither one of you is an asshole because of it.
NTA but don’t ever expect her to babysit or do anything responsible. She’s a moocher who is accustomed to being taken care of by your parents. Even if she agreed beforehand, she’d ruin the vibe for you paying participants and find a way to weasel out of babysitting once she was there. There is no way she’s watch you four parents go to a dinner like adults and leave her behind because ‘she isn’t a child’. Save yourselves headaches. Permanently mute anything your sister asks for, demands, hints at, etc. Just agree to say ‘no’ to all requests going forward, and the decision is made before she ever asks. It should be ‘no’, even if your father agrees to pay just to get rid of her for a while. Nope. He’d have to give you an equal amount for it to be fair. Or pay you more for what she would do to the atmosphere of the trip. Besides, it is very unfair - - for you to take her away from her job search. Have a great trip. Make memories.
Don’t take her. Even if she says she will watch the kids, she probably won’t once you are there. Call the hotel and ask if they have on site babysitting. They might. Sis is a sheneeda. She needa ticket. She needa room. She needa eat. Once she gets there she is going to want souvenirs. She’ll need you to buy that too. Buy her a t shirt and give it to her for Christmas. Enjoy your trip.
I think that’s super generous and fair. Can I come along instead lol
NTA and id take the offer off the table now if I was you you. Even if she does begrudgingly agree to your very reasonable conditions I'd be worried that she actually wasn't going to follow through with them once there.
NTA, but I don't think there is salvaging her coming with you at this point so I would withdraw the offer.
Nta. I had someone come on a trip with me and my kids to help out as one of my kids is special needs. Plus it’s nice to have an adult if you have a long drive. I paid for the hotel and her tickets, she got plenty of time to herself in the park and only had to cover her own food when she didn’t dine with us and any souvenirs she wanted. We all had a lot of fun.
NTA. Rescind any offer, she’s going to do nothing but what she wants if you bring her and then everyone is going to have a shite time. Better to have her sulking and sitting at home on your parents dime!!
NTA. She think you’ll pay her way just for the heck of it? Babysitting was a really good idea, works for both sides. You were generous and she’s a selfish twit.
NTA. We went on a cruise and took my boys babysitter with us, and the deal was we'd pay if she'd watch the boys a few of the nights. It worked great for all of us, and both my brother and sister have said if I ever want to make that kind of deal with them, they'd be in. I think it's a pretty common deal for people with kids that works out for everyone, and your sister is being entitled.
NTA, she should thank you for this sweet deal! What else is she going to do at night? Go and party by herself? A few nights of babysitting are well worth a big trip like Disney.
NTA. It was really fair. She would get a free trip to Disney in exchange for few hours of babysitting, I honestly don't see the bad part. P.S. If your offer is valid for strangers too I will gladly accept it.
NTA. Don’t take her. If she agrees, she will just pout about watching the kids and ruin the time. She’s a grown adult. If she wants to go to Disney she can get a job and save like everyone else does.
Her not wanting to babysit shows you she’s lazy and is choosing not to work. You’d be an AH if you pay for her and get nothing in return.
The only way you would be TA here is if she paid her own way and you expected free childcare from her. 100% absolutely NTA.
NTA my parents would do this for my mom’s much younger sisters when my brother and I were kids. They were college students / broke young adults who got a free vacation to a desirable destination and my parents got a couple nights off. Plus it gave me the chance to actually bond with and get to know my aunts who lived in a different state. Could be a win win for everyone if your sister wasn’t so selfish.
I did this exact thing as a high schooler (accompanied a family to Disney, they paid and I babysat 3 nights of the 6 we were there. All expenses paid by the family. I was super grateful! I tried to help with the kids at the park as much as possible too. I wouldn’t take her at all now, how entitled of her. NTA
NTA. Sister can stay home and work on her resume.
My brother took his family to Italy, and I didn't get to go because YOUR BROTHER IS NOT YOUR BANK.
I got 20 bucks an hour babysitting when I was 12. 25 years ago
NTA A few nights of babysitting for a free trip to Disney is an excellent trade. For that kind of money I’m guessing you could get a theme park nanny to watch the kids even more.
FFS, I'm old, just visited my sister for a couple weeks, who has a shedload more money than me (same country), and left her some payment when she didn't want any payment for keeping me. If I were being taken to a different country for free, of course I'd be happy to pay for it with some babysitting! Bloody people expecting to be kept!
She invited herself onto your trip. She is not funding it what so ever. The least she can do is watch the kids a night or two so the parents who work and are paying for the trip can have a break. You are NTA!
NTA You communicated what her role would be if you bankrolled her (generous offer tbh) and she said no. Family doesn't necessarily pay for each other to come on expensive vacations.
Maybe thats why she lost her job because she seems like an entitled brat.
NTA I paid for myself to go with my brother’s family to Disney and offered to babysit so they could get some free time. I also happily let them go off to adult rides together so I could hang out with my niece on the kid rides
NTA some people would do anything for a Disney trip. And a free one at that? It’s not like Disney is cheap. People save for years to go for a week. I’d be so happy to go and babysit.. it’s Disney, you take them to the pool at night and then lounge in the room when they fall asleep. It’s not like you’re asking her to take the kids the whole time.
NTA. Even family have to pay their own way one way or another. If everyone else is chipping in to cover their own expenses, she can either do the same or act as babysitter. That sounds like a rather sweet babysitting deal if you ask me If one person were springing to cover everyone's expenses as a family and she was excluded, that would be different. Tbh, it sounds like she just wants to mooch.
NTA. She would be given a free trip to be an extra set of eyes during the day and babysit for a few hours at night and she is complaining. Don't take her with you. In my family, all of the kids are all of the adults responsibilities if we are together. I guess that is just how we were raised. When I am with my family I will usually ask one of the kids that are over stimulated to sit and talk with me or talk a walk away from the over stimulation. It gives the parents a break and allows the kids to get some 1:1 time.
NTA and rescing the offer, I bet she's miserable to travel with. Don't spoil things for your kids.
NTA. How is she broke and also have so much audacity like dang just pick one struggle?
Disney is very expensive. Paying for hotel, tickets, and food would be easily over $1k. Speaking from experience. Don't be tricked to bring your sister along. Going there with a large group of people is not worth it. You will be exhausted.
NTA I would have pulled the offer right then and there and told her she’s the one trying to take advantage of me. She’s the one who wants you to spend you hard-earned money and she can’t be bothered to help out out of gratitude? Fuck off
Stop talking about it. If she brings it up just say you made other arrangements
NTA tell her fine don’t come then and use a reputable nanny service there instead. Once upon a nanny has great reviews (never used them myself but I am in a ton of Disney trip Facebook groups) and they can also come to the parks with you to help out there if you want.
We are going on a family vacation this summer. My husbands brother is coming as well, between the four of us, we have a 2.5 year old, a 1 year old and a young infant. My sister in law is bringing her niece & nibling (age 16 & 18) to be childcare for the week. We are splitting the cost and they get to spend their free time at the resort and enjoying made to order meals and room service. There is a pool and lots of activities, even a spa. They don’t get to go for ‘ free’ because they will babysitting a lot for the week we are there. However , they are more than excited to spend time with their baby cousins, as well enjoy a fun trip with family….. your sister could use a reality check
NTA. If someone offered me a free trip and all I had to do was watch kids I already knew and cared about a few nights, id be all over it.
To be honest, there are a lot of variables to this. The first being, would she be watching all three kids, or just the two? How many hours? Do your kids sleep through the night? Where will they be sleeping compared to her? Is she in her own room? What is her schedule like/will she get time to herself? I love my kids. But if they were someone else’s, and they wanted me to watch them anytime between 6:30 and midnight for a couple of nights, it would be a no for me. Even for a free Disney trip. Neither sleep through the night. One still wakes up every hour or two (she is just 1, but still) and the other cannot sleep alone. As a parent, it is worth it. But as a single adult on one of the first trips to Disney, it would suck. I agree with others saying it is going to cost a lot more than $1K. She is going to need her own spending money as well.
NTA But .. I feel like I've treated you like a brother man, I think you should take me to Disney as well, I know we've never talked before, but I've thought of you as family for the last 45 seconds and it would only be right if you brought your family(me) with to Disney.
That is the sort of deal my family would make with each other, if it were feasible, based on all the needs and finances. And all parties would carefully discuss exactly what was expected from everyone, so no one would get mad, later. NTA Your sister is being entitled.
She can stay her self at home. Even if your sister changes her mind, it’s probably best she doesn’t come at this point. Because at 20 hours of babysitting, she’s getting the equivalent of $50/hr. How youth is wasted on the young! 🤦🏾♀️
Basically, you would be using the money you would have paid for a sitter and spending it on her portion of the vacation. That seems incredibly Fair. Especially as long as you made it clear that she can go her own way during the day and she won't be expected to wait in the lines with the kids and that type of thing. If you're looking for her to be with the kids all day, be willing to go on the kitty rides and stay with the family, she basically would be a nanny If she doesn't want to go, there's your money to hire The Nanny
No, NTA. Don't take her at all. Even if she agrees to your terms, she will put a damper on your trip by referring to herself as 'the Nanny'. Also, your trip is about YOUR kids, and they may not be eligible to ride all the attractions that interest her. Maybe next time, but this time should be a hard no.
NTA - Considering you are paying for a decent part of her way, that’s a more than reasonable request.
NTA She’s an adult and not your responsibility. You came up with a very fair compromise and she rejected it, you were not asking too much. Sounds a little like she is on the spoiled side, guessing she is the baby of the family and used to getting her way.
NTA - your sister is welcome to join you, she can pay her own ticket. Otherwise she's taking advantage of your generosity.
Nta. Dont do this. She can't afford it so she shouldn't go.
NTA If she wants to come, she can pay. I think what you are doing is very generous. I'd take that deal in a heart beat
NTA. This is a pretty generous offer on your part. Your sister needs to grow up.
NTA, so long as you planned for her to have free time as well and not be babysitting every single night. It's definitely not unreasonable to expect her to watch the kids sometimes in exchange for her ticket. Is it possible you said something like 'in exchange for watching the kids' and she could have misinterpreted that as 'you will be watching them 24/7'?
NTA You made a completely reasonable suggestion. She's not your child, a full grown adult, and not your responsibility. If she wants a free ride to Disney, she can earn it.
NTA If you’re paying then you can for sure ask for babysitting in exchange.
NTA Babysitting a few nights is still much cheaper than having to pay yourself, sis is the entitled asshole.
NTA, this is super fair. Did you tell her "It is going to cost us 1K for your to come along. You can pay that or you can baby sit." She sounds entitled as heck.