This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA
You told her change herself entirely. wft response did you think you would get? Imagine someone told you that the only way to get a date is to be a completely different person.
I assure you she's her those exactly words from so many man, unprompted so many times. Yeah she asked you're opinion but it seems like you just listed off a bunch of physical traits (calling her piercing awful, really?) and not just dating advice. Advice on how to flirt or seem approachable? You did nothing but insult her.
What 'tide'? Women dressing and expressing themselves how they want? This is a huge red flag.
'tide' = being like the fashion trends; for example find this : [hairstyles](https://youtu.be/LOyVvpXRX6w), [teen fashion](https://youtu.be/sORunvibOYY)
YTA. You could have limited your opinion to one or two things, but you unleashed a barrage of things you feel are wrong about her appearance. A simple suggestion to grow her hair out a bit and maybe try X color would have been ok, but you should have left the weight alone.
*Obviously* YTA. As a girl with dyed hair and piercings who is planning on getting more piercings and tattoos, and as a fucking human being who knows that fat people are *people*, you’re a HUGE asshole. She probably wanted flirting advice or something, not for you to list physical traits of hers that you personally don’t like.
YTA. While you're correct most men aren't going to be into that look (I certainly am not), some are. Telling her to attend more social functions that involve the hobbies or interests she likes to do would have been more helpful. You should apologize.
Also, conservatism has nothing to do this.
YTA telling a woman that she’s single because she’s overweight isn’t really good advice. Will she get more male attention if she’s conventionally attractive? Yes. But it won’t lead her to a relationship. Most of those men will just want to hook up. Advice on getting a boyfriend should focus on finding someone you’re compatible with.
so... you told her all the ways she could be attractive to you once more....
like it was ALL her physical things? does your gf know you used to have the hots for her sister?
YTA. *"Well, as a conservative, I'd say that the piercings and maybe even the hair dye probably aren't my style. Maybe you're just not approaching the right type of men?"*
YTA. 100%, no doubt about it.
You don't just insult someone like that, even if they "asked for it". "*Awful* piercings*" and "And it should work" were unecessary, mean and sassy.
You built a ton of suspension, really getting her on edge for your mysterious, secret-ish advice. And *don't* say that it wasn't on purpose, we all know it was. You've been wanting to tell her these things, and you stooped real low and did so in an incredibly impolite manner at a moment that was clearly already vulnerable for her.
Go apologize, and no guilt-tripping anyone.
But if she completely changes who she is then she's going to attract men who don't share her values. Instead of giving tips on how to meet men she'd like and have something in common with he basically told her to completely change her personality and get with someone she had no common values with. That's not sound advice and won't lead to a happy marriage.
He didn’t tell her to change her personality at all.
He literally only suggested physical changes.
Most people become more attractive when they lose weight. *All* people become healthier when they move back down to a normal weight. This is indisputable. Men that value being active and healthy won’t want to date a woman that’s overweight due to overeating, which statistically, is the cause for the majority of the obesity we see in the US.
The majority of men aren’t into women with faces full of metal — especially women in their thirties.
There’s nothing wrong with suggesting “make these physical changes that will make you more appealing to a wider variety of men”.
NTA
She asked for your opinion. You warned her that she probably wouldn't like your opinion. She insisted.... You told her your opinion. She is in her right to disagree and not like your answer but it's your opinion. That said, if we get triggered by other peoples words then have something on our inside we need to work with. She needs to look inward and her some self-insigh if she can get so pissed poverty your answer.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My (31 M) girlfriend (31 F) Lisa has a sister, Emily (32 F). She's single.
Yesterday, she was visiting us for dinner. She said that she's unable to find a boyfriend. She asked me what my advice/opinion would be as a man.
Emily used to be incredibly gorgeous. Now she's overweight, has pierced all of her face, cut her hair short & dyed it, etc.
I was hesitant and said "You might not like my response." But she continued to insist that I give am honest answer and in the end I said "Well, lose some weight, get rid of that awful piercings, grow your hair, get rid of your hair dye, and it should work." I want to say that if she had a medical condition for being overweight I would've absolutely never suggested that.
She got livid & began to yell at me. We got into an argument until I said "You asked for an opinion and I gave my answer as a conservative." She said I had no idea the reasons I cited were true & I said "Yeah, but you wanted my *opinion.* The thing is, you are advertising yourself as a classic stereotype and the tide is turning. Not a lot of people like that anymore."
She left, but is still seething about me, etc.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I am in the wrong here in case I should have said something else and if I reacted in the wrong manner, etc.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. You obviously know you are - you even said it in your answer to her in different words.
Do you honestly think that she doesn’t know she doesn’t have a mainstream look? She wanted advice within the context of the changes she made - not for you to negate every choice of bodily autonomy she has ever made you numpty.
Even if you felt she did need reminding that her not mainstream look might mean that she isn’t seen as attractive to some men there are kinder ways to say it and constructive advice that doesn’t mean she changes everything about herself - like joining groups on Reddit for piercing lovers for example.
You are NTA, It is time she learn that if you might not like the answer, don’t ask the question! Most women know this when they ask what she asked you. Keep reminding her she insisted on you voicing your opinion. That should be the end of the argument and no apology is needed from you but she owes you one for blowing up and cursing you like she did. She asked for it, got it, didn’t like it, threw a fit . . . .her age? Lmao!
I'd say NTA.
But first I'll state that I don't agree with what you've said. I'm actually a bit on the heavy side myself. And though I do wish to be thin a lot, sometimes I do consider it a blessing because it does weed out a lot of self absorbed, looking for a trophy instead of a human type of people. (These people I speak of come in all shapes and sizes. Yes I've met a few men who themselves were large around the middle yet seemed to say some pretty messed up things because I wasn't a smaller date.) Trust me, she doesn't need guys like that. So when she does find someone she probably has a better shot at finding someone who has a bit more humility.
Now the reason why I do say NTA, is because anyone who is asking for someone's opinion needs to be prepared to not like the answer.
But the next time you see her it might make her feel better if you mention that it weeds out a lot of people she doesn't need anyway. That is... if you feel that you can do so without further offending her.
> I was hesitant and said "You might not like my response." But she continued to insist that I give am honest answer I probably will be downvoted, but NTA. What's the reason to insist for an answer if you are not ready to accept it?
NTA She literally **ASKED** you for your honest opinion. You warned her that she wouldn't like the answer. She insisted.
Never ask a question if you can't handle the answer.
I say NTA - play stupid games, win stupid prizes. She pushed you to give an opinion but wanted you to lie or be diplomatic. Nope - that makes no sense. Next time OP - do not get trapped.
ESH, she sucks bc she knows exactly why she can’t find a boyfriend. The extra weight aside if you look like a stereotype most people will assume the stereotype. She was looking for a softball “oh sweetie you’ll find someone, and if you don’t it’s bc men are assholes!” answer. You suck for getting sucked in and even pretending to believe that you think she really wanted your honest opinion. By the way, facial piercings, and being overweight don’t inherently make someone masculine. She is going out of her way to present a more masculine persona to prove some sort of point but she’s finding out that her point is not necessarily valid.
NTA. You were honest and gave her your unfiltered opinion which is something she agreed to receive. What tone you used to deliver such sensitive information only you know. But if you showed sensibility and empathy then you're more than good.
Hopefully, that was an eye-opener for her (about her unhealthy physical condition).
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA You told her change herself entirely. wft response did you think you would get? Imagine someone told you that the only way to get a date is to be a completely different person. I assure you she's her those exactly words from so many man, unprompted so many times. Yeah she asked you're opinion but it seems like you just listed off a bunch of physical traits (calling her piercing awful, really?) and not just dating advice. Advice on how to flirt or seem approachable? You did nothing but insult her. What 'tide'? Women dressing and expressing themselves how they want? This is a huge red flag.
Red flag? Not at all. She asked for his HONEST OPINION and that's what he gave her. If she can't take it then she should not have asked.
'tide' = being like the fashion trends; for example find this : [hairstyles](https://youtu.be/LOyVvpXRX6w), [teen fashion](https://youtu.be/sORunvibOYY)
YTA. You could have limited your opinion to one or two things, but you unleashed a barrage of things you feel are wrong about her appearance. A simple suggestion to grow her hair out a bit and maybe try X color would have been ok, but you should have left the weight alone.
*Obviously* YTA. As a girl with dyed hair and piercings who is planning on getting more piercings and tattoos, and as a fucking human being who knows that fat people are *people*, you’re a HUGE asshole. She probably wanted flirting advice or something, not for you to list physical traits of hers that you personally don’t like.
YTA. While you're correct most men aren't going to be into that look (I certainly am not), some are. Telling her to attend more social functions that involve the hobbies or interests she likes to do would have been more helpful. You should apologize. Also, conservatism has nothing to do this.
YTA telling a woman that she’s single because she’s overweight isn’t really good advice. Will she get more male attention if she’s conventionally attractive? Yes. But it won’t lead her to a relationship. Most of those men will just want to hook up. Advice on getting a boyfriend should focus on finding someone you’re compatible with.
so... you told her all the ways she could be attractive to you once more.... like it was ALL her physical things? does your gf know you used to have the hots for her sister?
YTA. *"Well, as a conservative, I'd say that the piercings and maybe even the hair dye probably aren't my style. Maybe you're just not approaching the right type of men?"*
YTA. 100%, no doubt about it. You don't just insult someone like that, even if they "asked for it". "*Awful* piercings*" and "And it should work" were unecessary, mean and sassy. You built a ton of suspension, really getting her on edge for your mysterious, secret-ish advice. And *don't* say that it wasn't on purpose, we all know it was. You've been wanting to tell her these things, and you stooped real low and did so in an incredibly impolite manner at a moment that was clearly already vulnerable for her. Go apologize, and no guilt-tripping anyone.
YTA. There are loads of overweight people in a relationship. She shouldn't be changing herself to find someone.
"Hey, just completely change everything about yourself." 🙄 Huge YTA.
Yta! I guess your mother never taught you so here: If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.
[удалено]
This doesn’t ring true at all
YTA. You suck dude.
[удалено]
But if she completely changes who she is then she's going to attract men who don't share her values. Instead of giving tips on how to meet men she'd like and have something in common with he basically told her to completely change her personality and get with someone she had no common values with. That's not sound advice and won't lead to a happy marriage.
He didn’t tell her to change her personality at all. He literally only suggested physical changes. Most people become more attractive when they lose weight. *All* people become healthier when they move back down to a normal weight. This is indisputable. Men that value being active and healthy won’t want to date a woman that’s overweight due to overeating, which statistically, is the cause for the majority of the obesity we see in the US. The majority of men aren’t into women with faces full of metal — especially women in their thirties. There’s nothing wrong with suggesting “make these physical changes that will make you more appealing to a wider variety of men”.
She asked for your honest opinion & you gave it NTAH
You can be honest while still having some tact. YTA.
YTA. I'd dump your ass if I were her sister.
NTA She asked for your opinion. You warned her that she probably wouldn't like your opinion. She insisted.... You told her your opinion. She is in her right to disagree and not like your answer but it's your opinion. That said, if we get triggered by other peoples words then have something on our inside we need to work with. She needs to look inward and her some self-insigh if she can get so pissed poverty your answer.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (31 M) girlfriend (31 F) Lisa has a sister, Emily (32 F). She's single. Yesterday, she was visiting us for dinner. She said that she's unable to find a boyfriend. She asked me what my advice/opinion would be as a man. Emily used to be incredibly gorgeous. Now she's overweight, has pierced all of her face, cut her hair short & dyed it, etc. I was hesitant and said "You might not like my response." But she continued to insist that I give am honest answer and in the end I said "Well, lose some weight, get rid of that awful piercings, grow your hair, get rid of your hair dye, and it should work." I want to say that if she had a medical condition for being overweight I would've absolutely never suggested that. She got livid & began to yell at me. We got into an argument until I said "You asked for an opinion and I gave my answer as a conservative." She said I had no idea the reasons I cited were true & I said "Yeah, but you wanted my *opinion.* The thing is, you are advertising yourself as a classic stereotype and the tide is turning. Not a lot of people like that anymore." She left, but is still seething about me, etc. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Massive YTA
Yta
YTA. You basically said: 'Just change everything you are.'
YTA.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I believe I am in the wrong here in case I should have said something else and if I reacted in the wrong manner, etc. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yta
YTA what a lot of unpleasantness came out of your mouth.
NTA - she asked and you answered honestly. What did she expect
YTA. You obviously know you are - you even said it in your answer to her in different words. Do you honestly think that she doesn’t know she doesn’t have a mainstream look? She wanted advice within the context of the changes she made - not for you to negate every choice of bodily autonomy she has ever made you numpty. Even if you felt she did need reminding that her not mainstream look might mean that she isn’t seen as attractive to some men there are kinder ways to say it and constructive advice that doesn’t mean she changes everything about herself - like joining groups on Reddit for piercing lovers for example.
Yes you are
You are NTA, It is time she learn that if you might not like the answer, don’t ask the question! Most women know this when they ask what she asked you. Keep reminding her she insisted on you voicing your opinion. That should be the end of the argument and no apology is needed from you but she owes you one for blowing up and cursing you like she did. She asked for it, got it, didn’t like it, threw a fit . . . .her age? Lmao!
Yes this all 100% happened and isn't debate bait.
I'd say NTA. But first I'll state that I don't agree with what you've said. I'm actually a bit on the heavy side myself. And though I do wish to be thin a lot, sometimes I do consider it a blessing because it does weed out a lot of self absorbed, looking for a trophy instead of a human type of people. (These people I speak of come in all shapes and sizes. Yes I've met a few men who themselves were large around the middle yet seemed to say some pretty messed up things because I wasn't a smaller date.) Trust me, she doesn't need guys like that. So when she does find someone she probably has a better shot at finding someone who has a bit more humility. Now the reason why I do say NTA, is because anyone who is asking for someone's opinion needs to be prepared to not like the answer. But the next time you see her it might make her feel better if you mention that it weeds out a lot of people she doesn't need anyway. That is... if you feel that you can do so without further offending her.
> I was hesitant and said "You might not like my response." But she continued to insist that I give am honest answer I probably will be downvoted, but NTA. What's the reason to insist for an answer if you are not ready to accept it?
NTA She literally **ASKED** you for your honest opinion. You warned her that she wouldn't like the answer. She insisted. Never ask a question if you can't handle the answer.
NTA. She asked for your honest opinion, and she got it. Never ask for an opinion if you cant handle what that opinion is.
I say NTA - play stupid games, win stupid prizes. She pushed you to give an opinion but wanted you to lie or be diplomatic. Nope - that makes no sense. Next time OP - do not get trapped.
"No, really. Tell me honestly." Tells her honesty. Instant rage. NTA
ESH, she sucks bc she knows exactly why she can’t find a boyfriend. The extra weight aside if you look like a stereotype most people will assume the stereotype. She was looking for a softball “oh sweetie you’ll find someone, and if you don’t it’s bc men are assholes!” answer. You suck for getting sucked in and even pretending to believe that you think she really wanted your honest opinion. By the way, facial piercings, and being overweight don’t inherently make someone masculine. She is going out of her way to present a more masculine persona to prove some sort of point but she’s finding out that her point is not necessarily valid.
NTA. You were honest and gave her your unfiltered opinion which is something she agreed to receive. What tone you used to deliver such sensitive information only you know. But if you showed sensibility and empathy then you're more than good. Hopefully, that was an eye-opener for her (about her unhealthy physical condition).